Cheeseburger Gothic

Maybe Tone should have knighted Taylor Swift instead

Posted 10 hours ago into Politics by John Birmingham

Then again I wouldn't have scored a lazy quid for knocking out this column about Sir Phil the Greek.

To those who would decry this honour I say God's smothering bollocks upon you! Certainly, the PM could have embiggened any old convict. As Lord Nelson (H.G, not the other one) remarked on Australia Day morning, Sir Molly Meldrum, Sir Geoffrey Edelsten and Dame Dannii Minogue select themselves. But these would have been the obvious choices. The safe and predictable and boring options.

At smh.com

14 Responses to ‘Maybe Tone should have knighted Taylor Swift instead’

MickH mumbles...

Posted 10 hours ago
I am so embarrassed to be an Australian today.
As many of you know, I have had 'issues' with Tone all the way back to the days when he headed up the liberals dirty tricks department and got Pauline put in jail. I'm not a big fan of Pauline either but the act was reprehensible and Tone has gone on in the same manner.
To return us to the whole knighthood thing and then turn around and knight the Queens 93 old hubby is such an act of suckerry, it defies belief.

How can the leader of an independent 1st world nation do such a thing? Its wrong on so many levels that the words treachery and treason came to mine. Seriously.

The sooner we get this TOTAL idiot out of power the better.

Again to the overseas burgers I apologize for this on behalf of all the normal patriotic Aussies out there and hope to return our country to normality as soon as possible .

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MickH reckons...

Posted 9 hours ago
God I'm angry!!!

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w from brisbane mumbles...

Posted 9 hours ago
Mick, I am more gobsmacked than angry. Tony now has absolutely zero defence to anybody accusing him of being an antediluvian nutbag. But I did like Shorten's comment. I think it is a wonderfully understated observation when having to comment on someone who is obviously totally deranged . I must remember it. Shorten: '"I just think people think it's an unusual priority."

MickH reckons...

Posted 8 hours ago
LOL yeah, understated is the word. Bat shit crazy is what I'm thinking

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insomniac has opinions thus...

Posted 8 hours ago
Some of us are lucky not be Australian today, and can poke fun at others with their Dear Leader's latest brain fart.

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balri mumbles...

Posted 8 hours ago
I am completely dumbfounded

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pedrogb swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted 7 hours ago
Very odd decision indeed.Nice use of "embiggened" though.Still waiting for use of "cromulate"Pedro

damian puts forth...

Posted 4 hours ago
That's a perfectly cromulant word.

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NBlob ducks in to say...

Posted 4 hours ago
Classic red herring. Once again we are discussing triviality, when there are so many far far far more important issues at play.

damian is gonna tell you...

Posted 4 hours ago
Yeah this. Maybe some other things too.

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w from brisbane ducks in to say...

Posted 4 hours ago
Oh, sweet giddy Jesus. I am still chuckling about Tony wielding the might sword to honour the fabulous Phil. This is, I think, the funniest moment in the history of the Australian body politic. Apparently, Tony didn't consult. Ha ha ha ha. I can just imagine the often blamed Peta Credlin today saying to her detractors, 'You see! Can you see you stupid c*nts! This is the absolute fkn dickwit that I have to herd every day.'

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pi puts forth...

Posted 4 hours ago
How bizarre.

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SZF mumbles...

Posted 3 hours ago
In amongst all the obsequious lunacy of this, isn't Crazy Phil already a Knight of the Garter - the highest order of knighthood in the British Empire?
It's a bit like offering Stephen Hawking an honorary diploma in physics from Advanced Hair Studios...

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Nice review in the SMH

Posted Saturday into Books by John Birmingham

By Cameron Woodhead, no less. Who normally likes his books impenetrably thinky.

11 Responses to ‘Nice review in the SMH’

pete reckons...

Posted Saturday
Woodhead. Forgive me, a random thought.

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damian mutters...

Posted Saturday
Nice one. If you'd held a gun on me last month and forced me to write a review, this is pretty close to what I might have written.

NBlob asserts...

Posted Saturday
"Not original enough?"JB look away & waterproof your pockets.I've read maybe 150 history books. Never found one vaguely like Leviathon. Not in theme, structure nor narrative. I almost gave it up around P30 as it was So out of the ordinary.
I've read N articles on foreign policy, never one with the tanto-like cut through of Appeasing Djakarta.
HDWAFIHH describes grunge & slacker culture >10 years before Mud Honey. I still don't know of another text that acknowledges the important role of brown couches on late 20th century western civilisation.TBF, not so much.
WoC is for me a story about societal change while greed & self interest are the Fuel of any era, leavened with xtra choice 'Splodey. I've read the 1st battle a dozen or more times.
And who bought The Rhino to a world so desperately in need of one?
Pfft. Original?

damian swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted Sunday
Meh, I skipped that first sentence -- was halfway through a bottle of wine on top of 6 bright belgians and some cider when reading this last night. Agree with Bob's remarks per originality, pushing the boundaries of form (or genre) and all that.
Guess I was distracted by the Vogon reference: many of the younger crowd now are familiar with HHGTTG (rather than merely Harry Potter) so they come across as knowledgeable.

NBlob swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted Yesterday

I often suspect this blog would blow over .05 on a Friday or Saturday night.

How do the USAnians do it, walk the line, touch your nose, recite the alphabet backwards?

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Murphy mutters...

Posted Sunday
Love the Vogon reference.

Now we just need a certain as yet unnamed Hunn to recite poetry while engaged in battle with The Dave.
Respects,
Murph
On the Outer Marches

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Halwes reckons...

Posted Sunday
Just got back from Sydney and my copy from Pulp Fiction was here waiting. I've devoured a couple of chapters and am loving it. Saw the book with a prominent display in Dymocks George St and at Mascot Airport prominently on the top shelf. Hope you are moving a few. Sydney is fucked. I visited quite a few old friends and all of them had some kind of ice horror story that had affected their kids or their kids friends. Man that stuff is bad. One beautiful little girl that I last saw 20 years ago when she was 8 was completely fucked on it and will never work again. All she wants to do is score and it's pretty cheap too which I suppose is the main attraction. You can't find pot easily but everyone wants to sell you fucken ice. I think we are in trouble and that's from an old anti prohibitionist like myself. What did we expect though.? We became so good at prohibiting the recreational drugs that our highly intelligent and resourcesful kids just went at made their own.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan has opinions thus...

Posted Yesterday
I presume that "ice" is meth.

How horrible, mate. I am so very sorry to hear that it is doing to you what it did and is doing to us.

Halwes swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted Yesterday
Yes I think it's the same poison. One mate spoke for two hours about what it had done to his beautiful family and it was a true horror story. He'd worked so hard to get those kids housed and educated and thought he was on the home straight to get them into work, relationships etc when his family was completely torn apart. I think I'll stay in the bush.

NBlob has opinions thus...

Posted Yesterday

What people seem to fail to grasp is; Ice / Meth was crafted, designed, engineered. As much as a BMW or a novel. It wasn't just laying around. Some Fcker actually invented it. Then the recipe spread through the western world.

But if you think meth is bad (destroying people, families, communities) you aint seen nothing yet.

The profound revolutions in neuroscience & the global dissemination of that information, the amazing developments in synthetic chemistry, + Non-state unregulated actors with nefarious porpoises and access to the knowledge and capacity are combining into a perfect storm of drugs of abuse.

Word I hear is that India, Bangkok & southern China are experiencing ODs, narcotic induced psychoses, and related behaviours like they've never seen before. Some of the Rape Culture in India can be attributed to this.

I know no better way to enslave someone than to get them addicted to a drug of abuse. Intelect, upbringing, moral rectitude nothing makes one immune from addiction. Information can help break down taboos & encourage users to seek help, but no-one ever gave up anything because of a brochure explaining the potential harm.

Now it would seem some Non State actors are deliberately setting out to develop the Next Big Thing.

Dangerous days ahead.

Halwes, until reading & listening about the above, I was as anti-prohibition as yourself. Now I'm just scared.

I strongly doubt poor old Guv-O-Saurus can respond in anything even approximating an effective way.

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Halwes would have you know...

Posted Yesterday
I'm glad I'm not bringing up teenagers anymore. I've seen seasoned pot smokers on the floor crying for their mother after smoking that Kronic shit so I'm sure your comments about synthetics are very well informed. This, as you point out, is pretty scary. I do think though that, if we didn't have such a harsh prohibition on pot, then people may still be just smoking that instead of the synthetic crap. I know there are people that say pot causes mental illness but it doesn't seem to do the damage that the synthetics do. The only problem I ever had with pot when I was a fun loving teenager was cops.

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Seasons of #TheDave

Posted Friday into Writing by John Birmingham

I just tapped in the final change to the US copyedit of Ascendance. (Dave 3) That still doesn't free me from the first series. There are page proofs to check for both Oz and the US, and the UK series to sign off yet – although the Brits are just buying their copy from Pan Mac in Sydney, so hopefully there's nothing for me to do but drag a large tea chest piled high with gold sovereigns to the bank.

The substantial work is done though. Checking the page proofs just means reading the thing one last time, which is no great imposition. I was still laughing at the jokes as I went through the copyedit. Always a happy sign.

Now, though, I turn to what I'm thinking of as season two of the Dave. More conventionally it's just a second trilogy, to be written in exactly the same way as the first. All at once. And there are some ebooks to be filed too, none from Dave's point of view. It's all about the Scoobies and a character you haven't met yet.

The reason I'm thinking of this as 'season two' is wrapped up in the unusual way the first trilogy was written and – just as importantly – why I did it like that. Book writing long ago eclipsed my income from media work and I want to double down on that. But it just wont happen if I'm grinding out a long trilogy over five or six years. Readers are remarkably indulgent but they deserve better than that. Creditors are less indulgent and demand heaps better than that.

It's a small PoV change in some ways, and one that had to wait until I found a character like Dave; one I was happy to stay with for a long time. Previously I tended to approach a new series like: "Well here's a trilogy and if it works out I'll try another one or some ebooks and that'll keep me busy for a while."

But in fact that form of writing kept me too busy for too long on one project after another. It also made for some difficult scheduling when alternatives presented themselves. So with Hooper, I'm coming at it differently.

I'm looking at each year as a season. Like a TV season. There are three feature length 'movies', and a handful of smaller associated projects. They get all my resourcing and attention for the year and when the season is done I go into hiatus until the following year.

How many seasons of The Dave are there? I have three planned already. But we'll have to wait for the ratings to see whether it goes into syndication.

Below, you find the draft UK artwork for #2.

32 Responses to ‘Seasons of #TheDave’

Wolfcat ducks in to say...

Posted Friday
That does not look like a man that wakes up with a killer hangover.

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w from brisbane mutters...

Posted Friday
Is it time to change the name of this blog to The Dave?:)

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Lulu reckons...

Posted Friday
that looks like Jason Statham won the casting decision contest

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GhostSwirv puts forth...

Posted Friday

TheDave in a tux, those Brits are sure quirky - and a bright red dress for Emmeline is too much, even for an Aspey!
Dave does look like a cross between Jason Statham and that other Jason, Jason Flemyng from Primeval.
As for your fiscally brilliant idea JB - I say do it, there's plenty to write about in Dave's Universe and there's the UnderRealms to explore as well.
GhostSwirv over and out to crack the spine of my Dave adventure.

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NBlob would have you know...

Posted Friday
Niiiice.
When one builds a block wall, one starts with foundations, then adds a block at a time until one decides the wall is tall enough.
When one creates a reality. It must be damned hard not to follow rabbits down tunnels. It would require Superior Fu to know which avenues are likely to produce goodies, perhaps never to be published scaffolding type goodies, but value none the less and which are just time-sucking Rhino-less wastelands.

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan is gonna tell you...

Posted Friday
Whatever it takes to stay sane and not burn out is a good thing.

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JG is gonna tell you...

Posted Friday
Great. I like the idea of seasons. Dave's a wonderful character. The whole cast are fabulous.
Dave and Emmeline look cleancut on this British Dave 2 cover. Not how I viewed/read them. Bit of a clean James Bond look going on in this cover. I guess the Australians and Americans like it rougher; more raw. Wild generalisation. Just guessing. I love the Australian cover of Dave 1 (Emergence).
Guess I'd better start reading your award-winning Leviathan while I'm waiting for Dave 2 (Resistance) to come out. I currently own 14 of your books, JB. Fourteen! Just one and a half (Leviathan and the rest of Off Ones Tits) to read. Oh, and and I also need to read your story in Men, Love, Sex (book 15). Most, you've signed for me. Must check those that haven't been.
Proud to say that I have never owned as many books by one author before, as an adult anyway. I owned series as a youngster/pre teen 35-40 years ago (eg Alfred Hitchcock and The Three Detectives; the Narnia series, and the Nancy Drew series).
I hope I long remain a reader of your stirling books, John. you truly are a genius. It's amazing how you produce such a plethora of remarkable writing. And then there's all your column writing, essays, appearances, mentoring of baby writers, etc. One of a kind. Genius.
Hope you get an Australian of the Year honour one day, JB. You're a national treasure.
OK, that's enough drool. Don't get a big head. Have a good weekend.
Joanna

Abe Frellman ducks in to say...

Posted Friday
You had me at liking it rougher.

Abe Frellman has opinions thus...

Posted 16 hours ago
...but Prince Philip as a Knight of the Order of Australia is soooo much more appropriate a choice than JB or some other *colonial*, surely?

w from brisbane mutters...

Posted 13 hours ago
I found this out from twitter and it is starting to make sense now. Apparently, Tony's original plan was to make the Queen a dame but Peta told him to stop being stupid.

JG is gonna tell you...

Posted 12 hours ago
http://m.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/prince-philip-awarded-knight-of-the-order-of-australia-by-prime-minister-tony-abbott-20150125-12xzk8.html
Say what?! I had to read the headline twice. I thought it must be a joke. Australian PM knights British royalty. Really? Very ironic. I have nothing against Prince Philip, but I'm astounded that Abbott doesn't get the joke. Having royal titles in Australia, for a start. Huh?<div style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal; -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;"> Enjoying

JG would have you know...

Posted 12 hours ago
^grrr. will never cut and paste again. Enjoying Leviathan. Australian history from the perspective of the minions, minorities, the downtrodden, etc. Only up to p.63 but it's a winner. If it's any consolation, I dub thee Sir John, Knight of Great Persuasion. Now go to yon round table and down thy ale. Arise, Sir John.

damian has opinions thus...

Posted 6 hours ago
Leviathan is one of my favorite Oz history books. I'd like to see something similar about Brisbane one of these days, though I accept that maybe I have to write it myself.

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Abe Frellman ducks in to say...

Posted Friday
Someone REALLY needed to explain to the artistes what a splitting maul looks like.

pi reckons...

Posted Saturday
? There are lots of different types, but the one drawn there is definitely one type.

http://images.knifecenter.com/thumb/1500x1500/knifecenter/condor/images/CN4030C45.jpg


damian mutters...

Posted Saturday
I've been moving stuff between sheds lately and came across my block splitter (this being, incidentally, the usual name in these parts [the same parts in which Birmo finds himself but that's by and by] for the object referred to as a "splitting maul") today. It's a bit worse for wear since the last thing I had used it for included demolishing masonry. Don't think it minded as such and it'll sharpen up nicely again on the grinder.
It's rather different and probably more generally useful than the fire axe shown in the picture of course...

damian asserts...

Posted Saturday
Incidentally when I found my block splitter, I did put it through the old German school guard positions, in particular I swung it through the transitions relevant to "vom Tag". Worked nicely, but I wouldn't like to have to defend myself with it against someone with a sword who knew what they were doing.

NBlob is gonna tell you...

Posted Saturday
It may have been Mr Bangar who said; a sword is a tool for someone who can devote years to it, IE nobility. It's about balance, form, strategy. For a working stiff who has to earn a livelihood one wants either a range advantage (bow, halberd, pike, javelin) or a mass advantage (axe, maul, hammer, cudgel, club.)

John Birmingham would have you know...

Posted Sunday
Damian, there's a whole discussion to be had about the fighting styles of the working stiff and the noble toff, but they're all based on spoilers for 2&3.

damian is gonna tell you...

Posted Sunday
Sounds nifty, look forward to unspoilerising those.
The German stuff isn't especially toffy though; "vom Tag" and the intuitive attack from it, "Zornhau" is your basic "hit the other fellow hard in the head" type stuff, pretty much what #tehDave takes wossname down with in the first act.

Darth Greybeard is gonna tell you...

Posted 15 hours ago
I too have a block splitter which, thanks to the neighbour with the "free firewood" sign, is about to get a workout in summer. For mere mortals it would definitely be on the heavy/slow side as a weapon. My short-shaft halberd is lighter and has what we experts call a jabby bit at the end (and crushy and hooky bits). But if you're on an oil rig I guess you work with what you have at hand. The head of the splitter isn't that different to the photo above though?
OT but awesome - Elon Musk is naming two drone ships Just Read the Instructions and Of Course I Still Love You. In honour of Iain Banks.

damian asserts...

Posted 13 hours ago
My block splitter looks like a sledgehammer with one side ground down to a wedge. No flary axey bits at all. I'd meant to enquire as to the efficacy of a short-staft halberd or billhook or other pointy slashy things...
The Musk thing is terrific.

damian would have you know...

Posted 11 hours ago
Incidentally I used it on masonry again, yesterday, getting an old steel fencepost and its concrete footing out from under the edge of some concrete-backed paving and a sewer pipe, for favorite without breaking open the sewer pipe. So the sharp edge is even worse for wear and also muddy (though I was successful in not breaking the sewer, guess I haz skillz an stuffs after all).

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Sparty is gonna tell you...

Posted Friday
I hate to say it, I'm not sold on the UK cover. It might sell to the late teen graphic novel crowd in forbidden planet but hard to imagine it being popular with a cover like that on a table display in waterstones. The oil rig type cover was much more "adult" (i'm just saying ;-)
I'd be interested to know what Birmo's UK publishers think the primary market is. I know some of that may depend on what is the "breakthrough" novel form the author in question in that particular market.
I'd be ever so slightly embarrassed buying that cover (not the conetnt though) in a way that I'm not , when picking up a Steve Stirling.
Sorry...

damian puts forth...

Posted 11 hours ago
... which is odd, because Stirling is a lot more embarrassing to admit reading :P

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Le Syp asserts...

Posted Friday
Hi JB. Completely off-topic, but after poking around reading your blog for a few years (and Blunty) I've just started reading your books & love them. Axis of Time trilogy rocks. Can't wait for the After America series, and am gonna hit up Emergence et al immediately after.
Anyway, just read a long article on AI which I reckon you'd dig (link below). It's rather dumbed-down, but heaps o' thinky in the background articles.
Can't wait to get my eyeballs around Dave Hooper - if he's as much fun as Flashman, I'll be in heaven.
Cheers, - LeSyp

http://waitbutwhy.com/2015/01/artificial-intelligence-revolution-1.html

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Defender90 is gonna tell you...

Posted Saturday
Yeah I'm not sold on the cover and I'm a Brit, somehow too generic, lazy. Somebody didn't put their best people on this, not by a long way. Frankly JB I'd be a little insulted/angry.

NBlob swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted Yesterday
Don't complain, 1st version had #TheDave wearing an Adidas shell suit, bling, trainers & a Burberry cap.

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Rhino puts forth...

Posted Saturday
The Rhino approves of this approach. It is a win-win for all. The Uber-Author gets paid, the Burgers get content. All is good.
I grok the creative process and understand that for some (most?) authors pumping out 1 book per year is giving it their all. But, I'm a voracious Rhino and when I can't get what I like/want, I get a little cranky.
Has Hollywood come sniffing around for any of your properties yet? Or, better yet, since you are on that side of the world, what about Bollywood? I speak for many when I say that the world would embrace a Bollywood spectacle of the Disappearance books.Rhino and Jules in the ruins of Manhattan, doing a song and dance. Real art.

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pete mutters...

Posted Saturday
at least he has a grip on the thing

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Murphy has opinions thus...

Posted Saturday
I like the idea of thinking of it as a season in a series.
As for the cover, they totally should have gone with the bicycles in that scene. Or maybe the Piggy Back Ride.

Respects,
Murph
On the Outer Marches

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balri reckons...

Posted Saturday
Yeah, don't like the cover. Trying too hard to look like James Bond.

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Without Warning is book of the week at Googleplay

Posted Thursday into Books by John Birmingham

Not to be outdone by iBooks, el Goog is giving away the end of the world for only $4.99

Megadeath and good times for less than the price of a cheeseburger.

Serving 'em up here.

3 Responses to ‘Without Warning is book of the week at Googleplay’

Rhino reckons...

Posted Thursday
Time to engage another generation of Rhino fans ... And some love for that gaggle of secondary, supporting characters as well.

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Murphy has opinions thus...

Posted Thursday
Totally!

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Bangar asserts...

Posted Thursday
How does that price affect the bottom line? Considering that printing the book is the cheaper part of it's price who is losing out?

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Rhino has his copy of The Dave

Posted Wednesday by John Birmingham

I'm not sure how it happened. I spent considerable time and money to ensure it never came to pass. But somehow the Rhino has procured a copy of Emergence. Tactical squads are en route from Random House New York but I fear they will arrive too late.

26 Responses to ‘Rhino has his copy of The Dave’

NBlob ducks in to say...

Posted Wednesday

At first I was concerned by the low Rhino ratio. Then it was explained to ne that the Australian Transport Safety Bureau will not allow Rhino in a Soft-Back format. One needs to publish in Well Hard-back to include Rhino action.

While complaints of over-regulation and Nanny-State echoes in the vacuous hallways of talkback radio, one only has to read about the near tragedy resulting from the Unconstrained Liberation of Rhino Elements to acknowledge that it is a reasonable precaution to take.

NBlob mumbles...

Posted Wednesday

BTW a waxed Rhino is a Rubicon that did not need crossing.

*shudders*

Rhino would have you know...

Posted Wednesday
Bob, you do realize that Birmo was foreshadowing throughout, don't you? The many descriptions of powerful biceps, the comparison of Hunn to rhino hide. Not very subtle.
He can't help himself. He knows what the public wants. More Rhino.

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Murphy mumbles...

Posted Wednesday
Mine arrives tomorrow.
Skilz.

Rhino puts forth...

Posted Wednesday
Yeah, but you've already seen ALL of them. Bastard.

Murphy asserts...

Posted Thursday
I have seen first and second draft versions featuring most but not all of the components. Frequently, I do not get the endings and sometimes there are a few surprises thrown in that I wasn't/am not aware of.

And there is something to be said for taking the finished product for a spin after the last few bits of polish have been put on it.
Respects,
Murph
On the Outer Marches

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Therbs reckons...

Posted Wednesday
Its all Rupert's fault. Ever since he decided that topless lasses would no longer appear on Page 3 of The Sun the world of literature has descended into anarchy.

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JG reckons...

Posted Wednesday
A smashing illustration with a striking resemblance to Rhino. It perfectly encapsulates his spirit. Where on earth did you find this artwork? I'm sure Rhino will grow a third horn over this portrait. Well done, Mr Birmingham.

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Rhino reckons...

Posted Wednesday
I just finished. Just a moment ago. And all I have to say is, Fuuuuccccckkkk me but that was GLORIOUS!
It's like you've been downing literary steroids and chasing them with napalm. That kicked all kinds of ass.
Who do I have to fuck to get my hands on Resistance?

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Rhino is gonna tell you...

Posted Wednesday
Oh, and I need someone to send a cleaner over to the chateau ASAP. There's some bodies that need to be removed. Soft cocks in suits with briefcases. Saying something about cease and desist before getting a taste of my boom stick.
And, by boom stick, I mean the Mossberg JG ... Not the other.

Dave W reckons...

Posted Wednesday
Put the boom stick down, Mr Rhino, and nobody gets hurt.
Although I was _very_ worried when you asked for a cleaner... maybe the book was too good and tipped you over the edge. Hey, not judging, accidents happen and all humans are different.

Murphy mutters...

Posted Thursday
"Dinner for twelve," John Wick.

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Therbs would have you know...

Posted Thursday
Reckon Murph might just have his copy now.

Murphy mutters...

Posted Thursday
Got it, Therbs. Tip of the beanie to both you and to Rhino.
And now, we return you to "The Rhino Show."

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Rhino puts forth...

Posted Thursday
Who cares about Murph. I mean, I love the cranky bastard and all, but this is The Rhino's thread and I won't condone going off topic.
Now, let's get back to the masses clamoring for the return of their all time fave literary action hero. Me.

Murphy mumbles...

Posted Thursday
Oh, I have this very juicy thing about Rhino for the Third Book but while I have neutralized one of John's Kill Teams, I haven't found the Cyborgbunny yet.
So, I'll just have to let the suspense stand. :D
Respects,
Murph
On the Outer Marches

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted Thursday
I am my favorite inaction hero.

Bangar mutters...

Posted Thursday
You're my favourite inaction hero too PNB

NBlob swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted Thursday
I understand that inaction heros usually can't be arsed with cape & mask.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan is gonna tell you...

Posted Friday
I wear a cap and mask on occasion, but not for heroic purposes.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan ducks in to say...

Posted Friday
We digress into trivial and frivolous banter.

The Rhino and Emergence have met. What cool fan fic, its hour come round at last, slouches towards Atlanta to be born?

Rhino puts forth...

Posted Friday
Way to try and bring things back in line, Boylan.
But, you aren't fooling me.
I've got my eye on you.

NBlob asserts...

Posted Friday
Nothin' says nefarious porpoises like a cape & mask. Except maybe mask, sack stencil-printed "LOOT" and a prominent occipital crest.You'll note Mr Rhino sir has Never been described as wearing cape & mask.That is because he is a Rhino for good and proper porpoises..

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan would have you know...

Posted Friday
I learned recently that the ridge of bone on the top of my skull is referred to as a saggital crest. There is an "occipital bun" at the back of my head that was removed when I was very young so that modern humans would not ostracize me and would, instead, welcome me into their social circles.

The fools!

And the Rhino better not wear a cape and mask. If he did, we would clash sartorially, and I won't have that.

NBlob is gonna tell you...

Posted Saturday
I have a friend whose son's toes were slightly more webbed than optimum, soon after birth they were un-webbed.Troubled me. Having read Whyndam.

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My lawyers will be in contact

Posted January 19 by John Birmingham

The Smithsonian did not seek my permission for this blatant rip off.

48 Responses to ‘My lawyers will be in contact ’

JG ducks in to say...

Posted January 19
Shit! Seriously?! This sounds like it is a word-for-word extract from one of your books in the Dave series. Joanna

JG is gonna tell you...

Posted January 19
Very lame voiceover and music. A student's effort, I presume. Totally wrecks the excitement of your book, JB. Totally undermines your intentions and voice, JB. I mean, way to make a Birmo book sound like a pleb documentary. Arggh. besides being plagiaristic, this film sucks.

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w from brisbane is gonna tell you...

Posted January 19
So, the strategy is to fire the helicopter's whole payload of missiles in one go at close range, then rendering the helicopter essentially defenceless. The strategy is panic, in other words. Understandable, but this strategy does seem to ignore some key points when dealing with dragons.
You don't go close range to a dragon. Dragons often hunt in packs. Dragons are often protected by magical wards. Dragons are really smart.

Pete mutters...

Posted January 19
First rule of combat, "if in doubt, empty the magazine". BTW second rule is "when the pin is pulled, Mr Grenade is not our friend".

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Murphy_of_Missouri would have you know...

Posted January 19
Well, duh, the Hellfires aren't the best tool.
But then that is why you'd load AIM-9X Heatseeking Sidewinders onto the Apache.
Sheesh. Fucking amateurs.
Respects,
Murph
On the Outer Marches

HAVOCK21 puts forth...

Posted January 19
yeah, in the last bit I thought they were going to say, shove a sidewinder up its date!

Again, PUSSY FKN AMATEURS!

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Peter Bradley would have you know...

Posted January 19

Thanks Murph,

So good to have a professional on board!

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insomniac ducks in to say...

Posted January 19
Doesn't your dragon win, at least in the tiny extract available, and therefore this is totally different?

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Bangar swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 19
Would heat seekers be sensitive enough for a dragon's body heat? Sure if it breathes fire I can see a missile locking onto that, but that's not a continuous target.

MickH ducks in to say...

Posted January 19
Agree Bangar
But heat seekers can be VERY sensitive

Murphy ducks in to say...

Posted January 19
Depends on the dragon's biology.
The one interesting thing I read on Dragons is that they had gas bladders that were filled with lighter than air gas. Why don't we just go with hydrogen for that.
When they want to project jets of flame, they squirt it out through their mouths where some of their teeth also serve as flints, which ignites hydrogen.

There are other problems with this piece in any case. Two inch thick armor? If the dragon is using a lighter than air gas to get off the ground then how big is this thing? How is it even moving at the eighty miles an hour posited by the video.
No, I think a practical drakon is probably more snake like, again with bladders of gas, perhaps a jellified medium as well for the flamer. It swims through the air as opposed to flapping along like some fat duck. It isn't armored, but it is probably very resilient to blunt force trauma due to lightweight, honeycomb style bones.
But I don't think it is going to stand up to 30 mike mike, or even 20 mike mike.
Respects,
Murph
On the Outer Marches

Lulu swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted Tuesday
Wouldn't hydrogen lead to cases of spontaneous dragon combustion?

John Birmingham ducks in to say...

Posted Tuesday
Because magical dragon magic

damian asserts...

Posted Tuesday
Pratchet's dragons are both "because magical dragon" but also are more hydrocarbon than hydrogen. Don't think the lighter-than-air path is fruitful, too much leathery hide. Think more of anatomical features for converting kerosene to thrust

Shifty Tourist reckons...

Posted Wednesday
I love this place, its one of the great places on the net where an actual, straight faced(ish) discussion can occur regarding the best way to take down a dragon with military technologyl Bless you all.

Drew-mo swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted Yesterday

A-10's. And maybe repurposed Spectre gunships with roof turrets. :D


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DarrenBloomfield reckons...

Posted January 19
spotters fee?

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Sudragon mutters...

Posted January 19
Is any reason given for why a guidance laser wouldn't work on dragon skin?

Dave W mumbles...

Posted Tuesday
I don't have a clue laser guidance wouldn't work on skin, probably something to do with the unobtanium that it's made from.
Anyway, I suggest that whatever weapon they use, to aim for the wings- they're likely to be thinner skin and/or membranous. Destroy the ability to fly and then the rest of the beast will be much easier to deal with. I'd suggest attack from above, too, rather than head-to-head.

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Anthony mumbles...

Posted January 19
Our copyright laws obviously need to be more draconian..

MickH mutters...

Posted January 19
LOL

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HAVOCK21 would have you know...

Posted January 19
Dont fk about ya fkn pussy, its from orbit or fkn not at all!

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HAVOCK21 mumbles...

Posted January 19
Now all I need to do is STOP FKN WORKING AND READ!!! THE FKN BOOK!. FK ME!

MickH swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 19
FKN Hell Havock!!Why haven't you FKN read it yet!??

HAVOCK21 mumbles...

Posted January 19
well!!!

letys JUST FKN NOT GO THERE SHALL WE!!

sibeen ducks in to say...

Posted January 19
Andrew, Andrew, Andrew, no wonder many on this forum consider you such a soft cock.

Not me, mind you, but others do. It is sad but true. I think Boylan started it.

HAVOCK21 asserts...

Posted Tuesday
MAN! you are soo like....lucy I am in my place of fkn severe fkn zen at the mo else I would cap your skanky fkn arse!

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SZF asserts...

Posted January 19
An old schoolmate now living in Beantown posted this on social media yesterday. Not to worry JB, I've educated him that REAL dragon vs military-industrial complex involves guys named Dave and his steely paramour, Lucille.
(He's added it to his "to read" list)

John Birmingham asserts...

Posted Tuesday
You are my new favorite

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Darth Greybeard would have you know...

Posted January 19
I'm looking forward to the new movie from Asylum, "Appearance" in which Dick Hopper saves the world using his magic crowbar Lucy.

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Sparty would have you know...

Posted January 19
Couldn't the Dragon just cough / regurgitate some of his dinner, light it on fire and use it like infrared chaff.
We should assume that Dragon scale functions like Stealth (all radar reflective angles and absorbent material).
Finished Matt Reillys Jurassic park meets Dragons in China novel - at the moment Dave is way out ahead -although still two to go..
I always imagined that Dragons produced methene and somehow flint like stones in their gullet ignited it (Copyright Sparty 2015).

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Sparty would have you know...

Posted January 19
Sudragon - the perspiration from the dragons (lets face it did we really think Dragons are cold blooded) surrounds it like a cloud, which may well cause laser designators problems.
Personally I'd treat it like a big B17 and just use unguided rocket salvos.
the real question is how do you harden an aircraft to survive a dragon flame blast.

Sudragon mumbles...

Posted January 19
Shuttle tiles? Silica blankets? Asbestos? (if you have dragon problems, asbestos related diseases can be moved down the list of worries)
Just how hot is dragon breath? Composition? Is it a jet of gas or more like a napalm projector?

Anthony asserts...

Posted Wednesday

I think of dragons more as a ground-attack sort of thing rather than air-to-air combat. In their natural environment it is unlikely that they would encounter other aerial threats (apart from other dragons).I doubt that their manoeuvrability would be all that good. Probably a high dive speed to hit their prey but a relatively slow climb rate.

I'd expect good eyesight - at least as good as the average raptor with excellent colour sensitivity to pick out their prey. i.e. ground based camouflage would need to be very sophisticated to conceal anything.


They'd be high energy consumers and need to eat a lot (a flying Dave?) Even with magical support this would hold true. This would probably go against them in any extended combat situation, especially if they needed to use their fire very often. I suspect when hunting the flames would be used to flush out prey rather than kill it. Again, how hot do hey need o be. They want to eat their prey and if they are consistent with other underworld creatures they probably prefer it somewhat underdone, just burned enough to incapacitate it rather than totally carbonised and all the delicious blood and juices boiled away.


To my mind the flame is probably less lethal than their claws, jaws and tail.

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Sparty mutters...

Posted January 19
I like your thinking -how about an A10 with Shuttle tiles and an engine modification to temporarily close the air intakes- and the 30mm Gatling gun with depleted uranium rounds kind of makes the missile issues redundant...

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Defender90 ducks in to say...

Posted January 19
Surely dragon fire wouldn't have much range, just don't get up close.

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan reckons...

Posted Tuesday
I would advise doing nothing. The true value of this clip isn't an intellectual property infringement interest. This is valuable as part of a sales pitch for a film or video game - a fast appetizer/introduction to the concept.

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TexasTeaserPony has opinions thus...

Posted Tuesday
Since Boylan doesn't want it, I can do it. Retainer is 10K US. I'll send a PM with the wiring instructions. Past performance is no promise of future outcomes.

NBlob mumbles...

Posted Tuesday
I would suggest Mr, Mz or Miss NSA would be intrigued by any transmission titled "Wiring Instructions."

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted Wednesday
Never fear: NSA is reading all of this.

And that is as it should be. The price of freedom is constant vigilance.

NBlob mutters...

Posted Wednesday

Is there discount Chinese-made in house brand freedom?

Can I get a bulk freedom discount?

Is there a 12 freedoms or less aisle?

Why do I keep getting spammed for discount Canadian freedoms?

Shifty Tourist reckons...

Posted Wednesday

Oops, I thought the price of freedom is constant vigilantism... thats embarrassing.

I don't suppose anybody is in the market for 10,000 Cowls shaped like echo-locating flying mammels by any chance?

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NBlob swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted Tuesday
Trying to remember my Heinlen, in Glory Road EC Gordon describes a mechanism for dragon fire, as I remember it (forgive me my books are deep packed) there was 2 chambers, a fermented *ane (methane, ethane, propane...) a gel-ifying agent / catalyst and a piezo ignition source.

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Therbs swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted Tuesday
Glory Road! By jingies that takes me back. Read it in my early teens. Might snaffle an e or i. or some other fucking vowel version of the bugger.

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Anthony asserts...

Posted Wednesday
From memory the dragons in Glory Road were a purely ground-dwelling species. I may be wrong there - it's probably 30 years or more since I read it.

NBlob reckons...

Posted Wednesday

You are absolutely correct, They were purely terrestrial.

I remember Nil instances of RAH writing that which couldn't reasonably be supported.

And giant flappy lizards, without a breastbone out the wazoo, and wingspan the size of Texas, would be, er problematic in the Harder / dryer end of the SF genre.

*Walks off muttering about damned magic*

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