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A Special Offer from Nigeria

Posted 21 hours ago into Blunty by John Birmingham

From: Jbimba Jbirming'm Lagos-Nigeria Tel: 234-80-34069502

VITAL CORRESPONDENCE FOR MR DYSON HEYDON

Dear Sir

This letter is not intended to cause any of the embarrassment but just to contact your esteemed self – following upon my recent knowledge of your high repute and trustworthiness.

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I am Jbimba Jbirming'm, the son of the late Nigerian Head of State who sadly died of fatal reasons on the 8th of June 2015. You are being the fine fellow about whom so much is being said on the Internet and satellite news channels which we get here in Lagos when the weather is fine. I am pleased sir, to make the acquaintance of another as well known, esteemed and I must presume as wealthy as myself.

If you are conversant with world news, you will understand better that I got your contacts through my personal research and diligence on the internet where so many people speak so highly and so much of you as a man with excellent contacts.

More at Blunty, upon receipt of your credit card details...

12 Responses to ‘A Special Offer from Nigeria’

Dave W reckons...

Posted 21 hours ago
I received one of these as well, but then I forgot about it, and I didn't think it was important enough to worry about it, and then when I was reminded, I didn't think that I should worry about the attachments. Finally, when I was reminded about the attachments I cancelled the order, but was insulted that anyone would think that I had done that because of any risk of my decision-making being questioned. How dare they?

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insomniac has opinions thus...

Posted 19 hours ago
I am very much interesting in you offer, but I has been dialling the telephony conveyance number provided by you, and there is no answer. Please be telling me how I may be contacting your good self for me to taking advantage of you wonderful offer.

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Therbs mumbles...

Posted 19 hours ago

I am truly excited by this wonderful opportunity from such a fine individual as yourself. I believe my church can be of assistance in this matter. My church however restricts its financial transactions to those who belong to the church.

If you are interested in becoming a member of our church please provide a photograph of yourself holding a sign with the message,

" TO NY ABBOTIS AWAN K BAD GER"

Also please provide a carving of a black necked spitting cobra which will become a symbol of your branch of our church.

Yours in anticipation

Rev Therbs,

Doshmaster

Church of The Holy Pocket



Lulu mumbles...

Posted 14 hours ago
Rev Therbs, I have a picture with a poster saying "PY NEIS A CO CKS NAP". Does that meet your requirements?


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GhostSwirv mumbles...

Posted 18 hours ago
Dear Jbimba Jbirming'm,Sir, it has been brought to our attention, (via rigorous, enthusiastic forensic investigation of the Opposition, sic; Fairfax) that you have been in direct digital contact with 'our man', the Honourable Dyson Heydon.

After consultations with our respected Donor Contact list and esteemed Legal Advisors we want you to cease and desist any further procurement of the services of 'our man', as he cannot be bought, coerced, compelled, dictated to, cajoled, inveigled and/or enticed into any activity not deemed to have passed muster under the relevant bylaws of the Fundraising Executive, which is totally not an arm of the LNP.

If you persist in attempting to gain a profit, advantage, upper-hand, eminence, superiority and/or leverage without our express permission and having registered a booking on the social events calendar we will be forced to take action in the court of public opinion - NewsCorp publications.

By the way what kind of a name is Jbimba, sounds like a made-up nom de plume, designed to obscure identify, not to provide clarity and circulation of the air.

Further contact on this matter should be directed to the Editor of The Australian - who would be able to offer impartial advice on this issue as you are clearly unaware of the intricacies of democracy and Ozcracy in particular.

President of the Fundraising Executive Sub-CommitteeNot of the LNPBut of Concerned Legal Citizens






dweeze would have you know...

Posted 17 hours ago
Mr/Mrs/Mx Esteemed President,
I should be liking to join your Not of the LNPButt Party. Pleas to be advising of wear I can deposit my winnings form defamation case with NewsCrap.
Dweeze NotOnBongo (JustYet).

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GhostSwirv mutters...

Posted 16 hours ago

Dear Dweeze,

One just doesn't ask to join the Not of the LNP Party, (insert Butt code-word here), one has to be invited after careful perusal of the facts of your financial and societal bona fides.

To expedite the process can you advise as to when you last made a North Shore deposit, no need to mention if any conversations took place with any Federal member.

Defamation cases are our pate de foie gras - we don't mind where the money stream is forthcoming, just as long as its not on our books.

The President



dweeze swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted 15 hours ago
Viva El Presidente,

Please be forgiving me for not to understand your member ship process. Butt-kiss is not my firstest language.
I have been spent trillions in Monopoly, taken dumps in Roseville, and once spat at a Federale. Do this count?
I know a something about brown envelopes and bulges, if that be helping.

Yore Humboldt savant...
D.

insomniac reckons...

Posted 15 hours ago
Dear Mr Signor Dweeze,
Do not be putting your trusts in the man claiming to be the President of the Not of the LNP Butt Party. He is an imposter trying pull a SCAMP on you. He is merely the third cousin of the man whom picks up our droppings as we strut around the party room. I am not claiming to be the true el Presidente, but I do know him very well through my connections. I can of course verify this information for a small fee, which you can pay into our account at the Royal Bank of Columbia.
Your firend
Meister insomniac.

GhostSwirv would have you know...

Posted 14 hours ago
Nein, nein, nein, 9 !!!!

Do not beliebe him mein GruppenFuhrer Dweeze ... I am ze reeellll Prezident!

All payments must to Argentina, not to those coffee fiends in Columbina!

dweeze is gonna tell you...

Posted 14 hours ago
Sirs,

You scamper's now have me more confused than a LGBTQIABCXYZ.

I have made consult with the oracle and under advice to send all assets to Mnsr. Jbirming'm immediate for safekeeping.

I have no trust in Colombos anyway. He looks shifty and ruffled.

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Halwes mumbles...

Posted 8 hours ago
More jihadist propaganda. You are really cruelling your chances at a lucrative Chritopher Pyne biography gig.I can imagine that you'd have to immerse yourself entirely in the subject to get the job done right though.

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Two questions about the Dad's Army reboot

Posted Monday into Movies by John Birmingham

1. Why was I not told earlier?

2. Why is Britain still facing defeat in 1944?

10 Responses to ‘Two questions about the Dad's Army reboot’

trib puts forth...

Posted Monday
I'm not certain this was needed, but I'm happy it exists.
I'm also not certain Toby Jones can do pompous and self-inflated quite as well as Arthur Lowe did to carry off Captain Mainwaring.
The other casting decisions intrigue me.

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insomniac would have you know...

Posted Monday
Fucking earworm

Spanner asserts...

Posted Monday
Damn you Insomniac! Damn you to heck! I didn't watch the video and now thanks to you I've got that theme song stuck in my brain.

insomniac mumbles...

Posted Monday
Hey I watched it with the volume off and still it got in.

All together now ... "Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler? ... "

Spanner would have you know...

Posted Monday
Bastard

dweeze swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted Monday
When I was a wee one, I used to think that this went:
"Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Whitlam?"

I hope that the sleepless one has this one on high rotation earworm whilst the rest of us are snuggled up, dreaming of funny old duddies in khaki.

dweeze is gonna tell you...

Posted Monday
When I was a wee one, I used to think that this went:
"Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Whitlam?"

I hope that the sleepless one has this one on high rotation earworm whilst the rest of us are snuggled up, dreaming of funny old duddies in khaki.

GhostSwirv reckons...

Posted Yesterday

You sound like you're channelling One-Term Tony here Dweeze ... what wivv all the double-speak?

Canoli lead to someone's Downfall.

http://captiongenerator.com/56757/Border-Force-Operation-Racist-Derpitute-Downfall

dweeze is gonna tell you...

Posted 17 hours ago
Sorry, me browser had an e-fart.

Now I feel all unclean being compared with Tonya, and not in a mud bath @ Confest kinda way either.

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Sparty swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted 12 hours ago
You of all people should know that the Germans tried to invade in '44 (in an alternate time line ) but were repelled by Dads Army, Prince Harry and Viv Richards name sake?

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Buckminster Fuller Chill Out Zone

Posted Sunday by John Birmingham

Another cool and intruiging science comic from Stuart McMillen (Andy's brother). This one follows Bucky Fuller as he discovers a form of passive air conditioning, which could be cheaply employed to cool buildings in places like Oz (and Kansas, where this story takes place). But of course it would mean lower power bills and less pollution. So we won't.

Read the rest here. It really is kinda fascinating.

5 Responses to ‘Buckminster Fuller Chill Out Zone’

Barnesm mutters...

Posted Sunday
This would make a 'cool' fact for the Smart Enough to Know Better live science show on Tuesday night.

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insomniac asserts...

Posted Sunday
We already don't want air con when we build our new house, so all I have to do is convince ms insomniac to have a hole on the ceiling and a few other holes around the house?

dweeze asserts...

Posted Sunday
All you really need for ventilation in your house are strategic holes and correct siting for whatever elements you face. Most vernacular architecture has been doing this for millenia. Fans help but can also be avoided with good convection. Casa Dweeze is nearly complete and we've no need for AC, even though it gets up towards 40C regularly in summer (and down to -8C in winter!). Happy to expand on this offline if you'd like.

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damian asserts...

Posted Sunday
Great site. The Hubbert strip is pretty good too.

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robW ducks in to say...

Posted Monday
Commissioned by Marcus Agrippa when Augustus was emperor, completed during Hadrian's reign about 126 A.D., the Pantheon employed Buckminster Fuller's techniques about 1,770 years before Fuller was born.
The Romans engineered isosceles trapezoids made of poured concrete that were hoisted into place to form the dome. An isosceles triangle has one base pair, whereas an isosceles trapezoid has two base pairs. In the case of the Pantheon, and isosceles trapezoid is actually more efficient than an isosceles triangle, as in fact the trapezoid is a merging of three isosceles triangles. The Pantheon's occulus admits light and and also cools the structure. The Pantheon remains the world's largest unreinforced concrete dome. Proof positive that if concrete is done right, it will last for millenia.

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Star Trek: Renegades

Posted Friday into Movies by John Birmingham

Another full length feature comes off the seemingly endless production line of semi-pro fan-made Star Trek films. This one features actors in character from some of the original series – Chekov and Tuvok somehow existing in the same timeline – and lots of cheeky little references which seem at times to stray off canon and into other story worlds.

It's all good. Some of the costuming, make up and set design is very obviously fan-made. And some of the CGI is better than anything we saw in the TV series.

You'll need to block out the whole evening or a slab of the weekend to enjoy it in one sitting.

4 Responses to ‘Star Trek: Renegades’

Murphy_of_Missouri swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted Friday
The FX/CGI guy is Tobias Richter and he is also doing the work for Star Trek: Axanar.

Chekov's scenes are fairly good but I feel like this script needed one more pass before the editors before they tried to film it.

John Birmingham has opinions thus...

Posted Friday
Reckon I'd agree with that.

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Sparty mumbles...

Posted Friday
Its Chekov / Bester!

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Barnesm asserts...

Posted Saturday
Its certainly a great fan movie, but I am really looking forward to <font color="#333333">Star Trek: Axanar. I imagine Paramount are watching this fan efforts closely. Torn between wanting it to generate the interest that the last film almost killed, and their instincts which is to squash any competition with their business.</font><font color="#333333">The wrap has a piece on the risk the producers of these ran made films are running.</font>

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Ashley Madison was selling a fantasy of infidelity

Posted Thursday into Science and Tech by John Birmingham

I have to admit I've been agog at this whole story. I even flagged it a month ago in my Saturday coulmn, before it had really broken out into the mainstream. (My punishment, as always, was to be ignored).

This latest analysis is amongst the most intriguiging yet. 35M+ subscribers. Almost none of them women, and the few women they did have were apparently made up.

From Gizmodo:

...the world of Ashley Madison was a far more dystopian place than anyone had realized. This isn’t a debauched wonderland of men cheating on their wives. It isn’t even a sadscape of 31 million men competing to attract those 5.5 million women in the database. Instead, it’s like a science fictional future where every woman on Earth is dead, and some Dilbert-like engineer has replaced them with badly-designed robots.

Those millions of Ashley Madison men were paying to hook up with women who appeared to have created profiles and then simply disappeared. Were they cobbled together by bots and bored admins, or just user debris? Whatever the answer, the more I examined those 5.5 million female profiles, the more obvious it became that none of them had ever talked to men on the site, or even used the site at all after creating a profile. Actually, scratch that. As I’ll explain below, there’s a good chance that about 12,000 of the profiles out of millions belonged to actual, real women who were active users of Ashley Madison.

When you look at the evidence, it’s hard to deny that the overwhelming majority of men using Ashley Madison weren’t having affairs. They were paying for a fantasy.

20 Responses to ‘Ashley Madison was selling a fantasy of infidelity’

DarrenBloomfield would have you know...

Posted Thursday
My spouse laughed and laughed when she saw the data. After asking me if I was registered of course...
One of the great big data books of recent times was 'dataclysm' by one of the founders of OkCupid (?) he used a lot of that websites data in support of the arguments in the book. After reading Gizmodo, maybe his data are bunk??

Aw Heck puts forth...

Posted Thursday
Never been on Ashley Madison, but I was on OKC for a year and the guys there were the real deal. I'm marrying one of them in a month's time.

I could lecture for an hour on the different dating sites but it comes down to this: the more 'hook-up' the site is, the less legit the female profiles are.

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Blarkon mutters...

Posted Thursday
At some point some bright spark will set up some AIs to string people along on these sites.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted Thursday
I think it has happened and is happening.

Barnesm ducks in to say...

Posted Thursday
I'll start getting worried when the AIs start trying to hook up with other AIs on these sites.

Sudragon puts forth...

Posted Friday
Exactly. Skynet wouldn't have caused all that death and destruction if it was getting some love and attention...

NBlob is gonna tell you...

Posted Friday
Is the Turing test invalidated when one party has a hand down his pants?

damian ducks in to say...

Posted Friday
Sex-chatbots? It's hard to prove a negative, but I'd be stunned if they haven't been around for years. Decades. At least one of the first 10 people to "play with" ELIZA in the 60s will have tested some of the parameters. And then the extra data files would have made, swapped and more beer would be smuggled into the lab with all the LISP machines.

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Dave W puts forth...

Posted Thursday
Jeezus. Just plug a cable into the back of their heads and they could have a Matrix affair.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan puts forth...

Posted Saturday
Wouldn't that be wonderful?

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w from brisbane asserts...

Posted Thursday
Next you'll be saying that Ashley Madison isn't a real woman!

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Rob is gonna tell you...

Posted Thursday


why don't people go to bars and pubs to meet other people? Its not that difficult. Get drunk, get talking and don't be a dick.

What I hope is that the sites I use are secure, like amazon, eBay and Google. We know apple isn't, because of what fappened a few months back. .

Idin Doit is gonna tell you...

Posted Friday
It sounded so possible until your third point.

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Therbs reckons...

Posted Thursday
Pubs are always the answer.

Barnesm reckons...

Posted Thursday
or Lube.

damian would have you know...

Posted Thursday
And the Word is the Law. Therefore Grease is the Law.

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Timmo has opinions thus...

Posted Thursday
Wow...! I mean you kind of expect those kind of sites to be a sausage-fest, but those stats just tell an incredibly sad tale.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mutters...

Posted Saturday
Look at the bright side. None of those 31 million blokes are procreating.

NBlob ducks in to say...

Posted Saturday
what makes you think that AM was their only, er, output?

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BALLS AFTER DARK EP 16

Posted Thursday by John Birmingham

In which Beeso and the Doc discuss being sworn at by 50 year old drunks, ludicrous pastiche-loving monarchists with ADHD and whether today is a nice day to go to the pub.

Balls up!

5 Responses to ‘BALLS AFTER DARK EP 16’

Therbs mumbles...

Posted Thursday
Any day is a nice day to go to the pub.

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dweeze is gonna tell you...

Posted Thursday
Balls AD - "Crap but fun."

In which two 30 year old drunks crap on about 50 year old drunks.
In which neither mention that Muse is Wolfmother with synths.
In which Dr Yobbo rightly proclaims the greatness of the Cosmic Psychos.

In which I recognise more than a little of myself.
"You drove me up the wall. I aint no spider"

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beeso asserts...

Posted Thursday
I'm pretty sure I was sober for that week. Was there clinking?

dweeze is gonna tell you...

Posted Friday
I do recall some clinking but, as I was not exactly sober myself, I cannot confirm 100%. Either way, I suspect that there was some clinking going on at Doc's end.

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NBlob ducks in to say...

Posted Friday
Well played chaps. 3 chords & a fat bloke shouting= gilt gold with gold flakes.

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