Cheeseburger Gothic

Burger Lite

Posted January 31 by John Birmingham

Been a while since we've done one of these check-ins. I've been following Murph's swimming routine, and Jennicki's general awesomeness over on the Book of Face, and every now and then I run into a lean and hungry looking MonsterYuppy on the streets of New Farm. So some of you are fighting the good fight.

Myself, I'm about four kgs overweight and looking to cut that down this year. I had a very heavy publishing schedule last year, getting the ebook business up and running, which meant that I didn't get myself up and running, or lifting weights or doing much of anything that I should have been.

The saving grace? I wasn't drinking last year either, and now that I'm back on the booze, I'm keeping it moderate. I did wonder if that'd be impossible but it turns out that not drinking for a year teaches you how to keep a rein on your thirst.

I've also been grading for my brown belt which has recently meant a lot of ground work and hours and hours of throws. I wish I could wear a fitness tracker onto the mat, but that's verboten so I just have to guestimate the calorie burn. Heaps seems about right. We hit it so hard last Saturday that I couldn't really sleep that night. My body was shaking and aching too much. I felt every one of my 103 years.

Good times.

Now the kids are back at school I'll revert to my usual routine of going to the gym at lunchtime 2-3 days a week in addition to the jujitsu training. Hopefully, with some chicken salads that'll get me back to my fighting weight by winter.

And you?

66 Responses to ‘Burger Lite’

Aaron puts forth...

Posted February 2
Two kids under 2.5 years full time work and study means very unfit but always kept a good diet and little booze thank Lordy. Would like to embrace swimming for my aging body so if murph would like to share his tips I am all ears.

Murphy_of_Missouri would have you know...

Posted February 3
What would you like to know?

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Miss Maudy puts forth...

Posted February 2
I have been indulging in mindful consumption and yeah, lost about 6kg without depriving myself of cake and pizza. I've also cut back on the wine, but that was an accident. I nearly need new pants. Or a belt.

John Birmingham has opinions thus...

Posted February 2
Six kilos??? Respect!

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insomniac is gonna tell you...

Posted February 2
Still creeping up slowly. Probably about 20 too many. I really need to kick myself in the pants. I will have corporate games later this year so there is some sort of goal. I'm trying no alcohol this year but I don't/didn't drink that much to start with so I haven't noticed yet.

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balri ducks in to say...

Posted February 2
I went back to full time work last May after 7 years of being a stay at home dad. The exercise disappeared and beers became a nightly thing.

After reading your article, I decided to get off the booze for at least six months. I haven't had a drink since NYE and have lost a couple of kilos.

I've also made a commitment to do some form of measurable exercise every day for at least 30 minutes. Usually that's walking but sometimes swimming, running, cycling or kayaking. I missed a day last week when I was sick but apart from that it's going well.

Now I just have to improve my eating which still includes too much crap. I am trying to cut down on my portion sizes though.

John Birmingham asserts...

Posted February 2
Yeah, the booze is a fucking killer for empty calories. Delicious empty calories.

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FormerlyKnownAsSimon would have you know...

Posted February 2
I looked at the scales recently and despaired. Clothes starting to get a bit tight so decided to up the exercise a bit. Which means definitely walking the dogs every day and including something that i never did before: running. Only small sections but there are some hills involved. Watching food a little bit as well. But for a few years now i seem to have a pattern of holding weight through the year - hit the festive months and it jumps up a step. Hold for a year and repeat.

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dweeze reckons...

Posted February 2
When I was training hard for my brown belt in Yoshinkhan Aikido, I took a year and a half off the grog. I was a hopeless lush before that break but have been able to moderate my drinking quite easily for the 20 years since. Unfortunately, I trashed my knee so badly doing said training that I haven't been back on the mat since. Ooops...
And I'm only 101 old fella.

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jason reckons...

Posted February 2
Started running after an Achilles injury, Achilles was no problem but I have pulled both calf muscles. My wife tells me it is an old man's injury. I am still eating as much but feeling more guilty. I assume guilt will help with the calories.

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WarDog mutters...

Posted February 2
Swimming for 20 mins every day but still 6-8 kilos over. Have new impetus now that I'm due to become a parent in the next few weeks.

But sill can't shift it.

FormerlyKnownAsSimon would have you know...

Posted February 2
My partners doc was saying that swimming is okay as long as you watch what you eat afterwards - as you are immersed in water your body temp is lowered and you get hungrier (as opposed to other out of water exercise). Makes sense but haven't put it to the test.

John Birmingham has opinions thus...

Posted February 3
Whoa, Wardog! Another kid? You're a machine.

Gilligan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted February 6
In 2011, our impending first munchkin got me on the C25K running app when I realised I was approaching dirigible dimensions with 0 cardio endurance and a family history of Type 2 diabetes and heart problems.

Fast forward and I'm down from about 108kgs to around 86 (86.3 as of this morning) and I can comfortably (for a given value of "comfortable") run 10kms.

Turns out I like running. Who knew?

I keep having moments where I wonder what 20 year old me would think if I told him I'd get to the stage where I consider 5km a quick run. :)

John Birmingham ducks in to say...

Posted February 6
They're some pretty impressive numbers, G.

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MickH mutters...

Posted February 2
I had a severe reaction to some antibiotics last year which resulted in me losing nearly 4kgs in a very short period of time. I used that as a catalyst to doing that diet I have always been promising myself. Combine eating a lot smaller meals with moving house of Xmas equals another 2kgs lost.

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Brother PorkChop mutters...

Posted February 2
I'm fat, bloated and lazy, and I eat too much. Hot chips are my enemy and since I've discovered the secret to thrice cooked chips, I'm somewhat addicted and heading to the fryer far too often.
Had a salad for lunch. Probably 10 KG overweight and the worst part is that I don't carry it well as much as I might kid myself.
Aside from that I am so much better than last year, its not funny.

NBlob asserts...

Posted February 2
Testify comrade PorkChop testify!

Brother PorkChop reckons...

Posted February 3
Testify to the quality of the chippies? Soft and fluffy on the inside, glassy crunchy outside. A little Trinidadian fire salt sprinkled on my bucket full and I am as happy as Donald sitting on a gaudy, ugly, gilt chair.
Testify that this year is already better than last? Easy, the black dog has been banished and I'm no longer having those fucked up cowardly thoughts that men get when well, you know.
Testify to my fatness? Yep, its there for the world to see and I need help. Maybe someone could eat half my chippies?

FormerlyKnownAsSimon would have you know...

Posted February 3
I would put my hand up for that job but i know if someone tried to take half of mine they would lose said hand : )

damian is gonna tell you...

Posted February 3
There are two fish and chip shops across the road from the caravan park at Dickie Beach, but it's only one of them that I still think does the best chips in SEQ. Name of the place escapes me just now. In terms of chips I could only identify as a seeker. Like sex, when they are good they are great and when they are bad they are better than nothing.

NBlob mumbles...

Posted February 4
Dickie Beach eh?

damian is gonna tell you...

Posted February 4
The one closer to the beach. Total mind-blank on the name

NBlob reckons...

Posted February 4
@BPC All of the above.
Except the Black Dog. Huzzah & huzzah again you've collared that mangy mongrel.
I'm still there.
I had a 'scene' @ work 10/16 that I know has altered the opinions of admired colleagues. >6ft, > 110kg, broad shoulders, beard & bad manners and a face full of tears is not something people respond well to.

jason would have you know...

Posted February 4
I have always been of the belief that people understand our problems (we all have some of them) but they judge us on how we handle our problems. The simple fact you are working on it or through it should garner you a monstrous amount of respect from your colleagues and the other people around you. The problem we might face is people not knowing how to show that support.

w from brisbane mutters...

Posted February 4
On the other hand, I think the well-known advice, "Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind", is pretty wise advice.

insomniac puts forth...

Posted February 4
Been there done that NBlob except no beard and I was so nuts by then I was down to 92kg after losing one a week for a couple of months.
Fuck'em I say. I'm friends with those that cared and not with those that didn't. Keep talking and if you're medicating do that too. You'll get there. I have mostly. I'm in a state I call "happy enough".

damian has opinions thus...

Posted February 4
">6ft, > 110kg, broad shoulders, beard & bad manners and a face full of tears"

By the grace of dog I'm still a little under 110kg, otherwise this is pretty much me too. But it's a struggle. If you dress like a dandy, hunch your shoulders for the men and for the women throw them back but bend your hips and knees to be a little smaller, you can infiltrate the right sorts of ideas just by not being a threat. Then you also have size as a tool in reserve. I suggest only to use it when sarcasm fails, but that might seem flippant.

NBlob reckons...

Posted February 5
Jason, W, Sleepy & Mr D. Kind words appreciated.
For a man "of the mind" there is little worse than knowing one is being irrational.
But it can be a gateway to compassion for those I have disrespected in the past for their irrationality.

Brother PorkChop mutters...

Posted February 6
NBlob, I don't know you, wouldn't know if we'd run into or past each other, but I'm with you.
I still get these episodes just thankfully not constant. Friday I attended a funeral for a 21 year old. Incredibly sad of course but what a lass!! Gave me a bit more strength amidst the tears to keep going and to keep getting my shit together, for myself nevermind my kids.
Keep going mate!! Life is for me, all the good bits and fuck the bad bits.

jason mutters...

Posted February 6
Pretty impressed by the support being shown here. I'm in Melbourne Australia. If anyone ever feels the need for coffee and a chat I am happy to buy the coffee.

Gilligan puts forth...

Posted February 6
Ditto for Canberra.

I know a great restaurant that has pizza and board games. :)

Don't have the Black Dog myself (that I'm aware of, and I suspect I would be), but I know lots of folks that do and just acknowledging it makes you all mighty. Keep on keeping on, and remember how awesome you all are. :)

insomniac asserts...

Posted February 6
Jason, that moment has to be one where you could never be more alone, even if, as in my case, I had people who cared around.

NBlob would have you know...

Posted February 6
I Caution. Triggers & soppy shit.
.

appreciate, really really appreciate the supportive words, but, when I'm in _that_ place I'd rather sledge-hammer a star picket up my own arse than talk to people. My dogs are good. Best is dark and alone.
I've never considered harming myself, but anything that takes the black dog away would be given due consideration. For me the anger at my inability to pull my shit together fuels it. I know I'm being irrational. I know it's a luxury of a first-world softc0ck. But I just can't throw it.
Stranger still is the SSRI's my Dr prescribed. When dosed up they do fill in the worst depths, but TANSTAAFL, Squid pro quo it clips the tops. Those things that would give one pleasure are profoundly staggeringly Meh. A great meal, a tasty tasty beverage, special grown ups time all meh. I don't like it, so I _With Dr's Advice_ started an exit strategy. Month by month 1 less pill per week. When I got to 3 days between pills I crashed harder than Jimmy Dean. I've never experienced anything like that. Far far far worse than ever I was before medications. So now I'm trapped. I don't like being medicated, but life is unlivable off them. Which, naturally enough gets me down.

I don't want sympathy.
I want you to know how it is for me, so if you know someone else you may have a fraction of an idea of what is going on I their head.

w from brisbane asserts...

Posted February 6
Are you sleeping OK, NBlob? A psychiatrist I know says he finds poor sleep a regular feature in depression/anxiety sufferers.

NBlob would have you know...

Posted February 6
Never have.
Insomnia eats more hairy balls than Corey Bernardi.

jason mutters...

Posted February 7
Thanks NBlob. Gives me a better insight into what it must be like. Friend of mine is going through this at the moment.

He can't talk about it at all. Just gets very angry very quickly. I know some of the reasons but not all of them.

I know I cant fix it but the desire to help him through in some way is very strong. Understanding how he feels is the first step I reckon.

Gilligan mumbles...

Posted February 7
The desire to help is strong, innit? Most of my mates who run out of spoons follow the blanket-burrito-on-the-couch model, so I mainly try to just touch base and let them know I'm there when/if they want/need me.

w from brisbane mutters...

Posted February 7
Re: poor sleep. With anxiety and depression sufferers, for the well-regarded psychiatrist I know, finding the right pill to give the patient a good night's sleep is pretty much priority one in his treatment.

insomniac mumbles...

Posted February 9
I sleeps ok

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JG puts forth...

Posted February 2
Congrats on your year without alcohol and grading for your brown belt, JB. I gave up running after over three and a half years of it almost
four weeks ago. In the running years I ran two full marathons, five half marathons, and other races. Anyway, at age 53, I'm over it as haven't enjoyed running for the past 18 months. I do, however,
practise yoga, strength and core work five or six days a week, and also walk heaps. I'd like to take up swimming again,
probably when I move back to the Gold Coast
in April. Maybe also take up dancing and tai chi or
similiar. I also changed to a vegan diet a couple of weeks ago,
which is going fine. I'd planned and researched this way of eating for weeks before deciding to give this a go. Also into spiritual fitness now with meditation. All good. This is a terrific year for new beginnings.

Joanna

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Lulu reckons...

Posted February 2
I need to lose .... well, let's just say probably the equivalent of a small child or so.

I've been wearing a pedometer for the past couple of months, which confirms that I do a fair bit of walking (6000 - 10,000 steps most days), but this is not enough. I need to get back to the gym, to get fit enough to start seeing a personal trainer again.

Giving up booze isn't an option because I already don't drink anyway. I should probably cut down on the cheese though; and the chocolate. Also the peanut butter (allegedly healthy).

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Rob asserts...

Posted February 2
still hadn't lost the weight from the first kid, when wife had the second one.

Wait no, I was awesome when I had kids, long hair, tanned, slim. 20 years on ... not so much.

so yeah , still over weight, but I have an exhibition in 3 weeks so I might walk down to the opening to work off the wine.

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DaveC asserts...

Posted February 2
This time last year, I was recovering from open heart surgery. It was for an aortic valve issue I'd been born with rather than a heart attack. I'd known since my mid twenties that I'd need an operation when i was 'older.' I inhaled, ingested, imbibed, and deep-fried an awful lot of unhealthy shit for near-on ten years after that. Then kids. BMI calculator said borderline obese. Stupid BMI. Ate carrots and raw broccoli for lunch. Cardiologist described me as getting 'older.' Pooped kale and raw broccoli. Ran. Stupid running. Got exercycle and wrote... and blew shit up on xbox. Awesome exercycle. Started taking the family on bush walks. Survived heart op. BMI calculator's consistently told me I'm a smidgen overweight for the last five years. Totes ok with that. Congrats to Wardog!

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NBlob swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted February 2
I may have to amend my handle.
I took on the L in Blob to indicate my girth was approaching GreyBeard dimensions. Things have not improved. As mentioned up thread a nightly tipple becomes habit forming. Then compulsory.
I'm beginning to think I need a second L.

On the upside I'm pretty much off the stinkerettes. Pretty simple really, if you don't own 'em you don't smoke 'em.

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Murphy_of_Missouri has opinions thus...

Posted February 3
I'm afraid that the stress of the last six weeks has packed the usual winter gain back onto the carcass.


What I normally do in the pool is about 500 yards, or meters for the rest of you if that is the kind of pool you have. I'll start with a 100 yard warm up, then switch over to sprints. I'm not very good with sprints and I am trying to lose weight so here is what I am doing for that:


-Four sets of 25 fast/25 easy.
-Two sets of 50 fast/50 easy.
-100 yard cool down.


I'd be more aggressive or diligent with swimming a more involved program but the swimming is mainly needed for my lifeguarding efforts. I'm rarely asked or required to swim further since I a not a beach guard.


Otherwise I lift, at the campus gym, at the community center, or increasingly with weights I pick up for a home gym I am setting up.


The next goal on the list, long delayed, is to purchase a bicycle for rides to and from my summer aquatics facility. That is an eight mile round trip and if I do that every day, plus the running around I will do as a lifeguard, that should strip the fat right off.

Bondiboy66 is gonna tell you...

Posted February 6
Naaah no sprints for me, except at Sunday races (50m and 40m - sprinting so my 11yr old son doesn't beat me). I just do a steady 1000m no stopping - the idea (besides knocking off some flab) is to be able to swim out to rescue someone at the beach when doing volunteer lifesaving at Bondi. Do that 2 or 3 times a week, although I've had a break over the school holidays, Mix that up with at least one day in the surf either surfing or body surfing or just swimming about after the nippers kids.

Also get out and cycle about 30-40km at least once a week with the little bloke, either training or following the kids at the cycle club around the circuit.

Eat pretty sensibly, drink too much beer (average one or two most days, maybe 3 or 4 weekends.). Should cut that down. Gave up the durries 2 years back and instantly put on a few kilos that seems reluctant to move. Turning 50 probably didn't help. Still, I'm about 75kg and 180cm so thats still ok, just want to reduce it about 3 kg.

Murphy_of_Missouri mutters...

Posted February 6
A thousand in the surf or a thousand in the pool? Either way, I got a lot of respect for that.


I rarely have a need to swim much further than fifty meters and it generally has to be at speed. The sprints help with that. Different working conditions.


My diet, of late, is total shit though. I need to work on it. :)

Bondiboy66 reckons...

Posted February 7
Nah in the pool. Used to do more open water swimming but its a bit hard first thing in the morning these days. I just go swimming when the little bloke does his squad training. Still get in the ocean some afternoons and most weekends.

Speed is kind of handy for me - but as most rescues are further away that what you might encounter in a pool, along with waves etc, I go for the endurance side of things so I can a) get to the person b) so something to help and c)not require saving myself in the process! Also helps when surfing anyway as per point c).

insomniac is gonna tell you...

Posted February 9
A thousand in the pool isn't too difficult. A slow and steady rhythm is necessary. I haven't been swimming for a while but it usually took me about 250 to settle down into that rhythm. I was so slow I'd cover 500 in 15 minutes, so I was usually swimming for 45 minutes sometimes 60

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Gutz puts forth...

Posted February 3
Hospital + Diabetic diet = 105kg > 90.9kg. "You have esophageal varices and you may explode" Cue better living through fucktons of medication.

Cue a 70% reduction in the bad life (aim for 100% blah blah) even my GP is happy (70% happy) with that.

So now hover round the 90's

Gutz or less Gutz?

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damian is gonna tell you...

Posted February 3
I still occasionally cycle to work, since there are off-road tracks most of the way and dedicated lanes for most of the rest. Job changes have held this sort of unreasonable behaviour down lately though. We're moving office again in the next few weeks too so I'm avoiding getting into that now, but I'm hopeful of finding motivation in cooler months. Of course the actual work pressure and long days makes it hard anyway, but we'll work on that. My next steps are actually simply using a weight set consistently with lunges and squats a few times a week. If I could get my knees and ankles to cooperate, I'd run to work (still a 30-ish km round trip). Course I'm still over the tun, so the knees might have a point. Back in December I re-sprained the ankle I trashed when the Boylans were here the time before last, and it's still kinda recovering.

My 30-ish officemate is currently doing something called F45, which means she's mostly hobbling around on muscles that are more microtear than fibre.

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DarrenBloomfield reckons...

Posted February 3
Yep. Sadly, it's impossible to outtrain a bad diet.

I'm easing in to the no booze thing. And very low carbs. Carbs easier for me than booze - because preferences.

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Blake would have you know...

Posted February 4
I can report that brewing your own is not conducive to reducing alcohol intake. I have a lot more self control when shopping then when its sitting there waiting to be drunk. Availability did not help in the first portion of 2016 but i seem to be getting the hang of leaving it in the shed through the week. (Possibly the last batch or so wasn't great)

Keeping a steady exercise routine around the dad business has been a challenge - kindy starts sufficiently late that i'm in at work late at the start of the week and making it up by working late at the end.
The trick might be some alarm clock discipline and kid friendly home exercise on the nights the mrs works.



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Ceramic mutters...

Posted February 6
Ughh I've put on quite a bit of weight lately.
Before that I had a personal trainer for a while, was off the booze for a month, and cut down to about 8 cigarettes a day.
Now i'm smoking more again I've got stuff all energy. A lack of oxygen getting to my muscles. I walk about 6,000 steps a day, which is the one good thing.

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Gilligan ducks in to say...

Posted February 6
I wanted to run 1000km in 2016 (more than some, less than others). I managed it, but because of my inherent "Bro, do you even math?"-ness, I ended up covering 22.5mk over the 30th (15.5km) and 31st (7km) of December, but by gum I done did it.

In 2017 I'm Chasing the 1000 again, but this time it's all going in a shiny Googledocs spreadsheet so I don't get the numbers wrong. I'm keeping track of run dates, distances, average pace, calories burned, where I ran and, for shiggles, how many bikes pass me vs. how many ding their bells and how many rounds of "Hey, cow!" I get in as I loop around the Dairyflat Road end of Lake Burley Griffin (and how many points I get).

Thus far in 2017 I'm on 17 runs, 127kms covered, and 12122 calories burned (because chips, guys. *chips*!).

Weightier than I'd like, but my average paces are down, so I guess it's swings and roundabouts. And chips.

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Bangar asserts...

Posted February 6
I ended up at 90Kgs down from a 100Kgs, but not done in a good way ;) They put me on a new med that sent the blood sugars out of control. How high? the meter didn't read it just went HI. With my blood sugars so high I had no appetiete and was barely eating. Part of that weight loss was also muscle mass.

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HAVOCK21 would have you know...

Posted February 6
Well I am not sure, it might be the FKN GOD thing , it could be dumb luck or hell, it really might be just being pure FKN HAVOCK.

Then again, Dropping from 97 to the now very stable 82kgs could be the following.

1 Dont eat as much for breakfast,
2 dont eat as much for lunch
3 Eat better for eat better for breakfast and lunch.
4 Eat normal for tea and yeah....snack in between.
5 Don't have three stubbies of beer per night.
6 Dont have 3-5-to a fucking bazillion stubbies on the weekend.
7 Restrict week drinking to no consecutive nights and limit that to two beers.
8 Do mild and infrequent exercise.
9 Take up Deer Hunting
10 Take up shooting all sorts of stuff
11 Get walks in at work....... with random frequency and length.


Yeah....reckon it might have something to do with dropping off metric truck load of fkn beer. either ways, pretty happy to be at 82 and if that roams to 85 thats all good.

Bondiboy66 is gonna tell you...

Posted February 7
I'm cool with few beers i.e. 2-3 at a time....but jeez I do like a post work beer and don't like the 'days off' concept! Sigh...must work on that.

Therbs asserts...

Posted February 8
Well, BB, I'd better not supply a list of happy hours around Bondi.
Really, I don't find it hard having "days off" (AFD's). Although for a while I did develop a habit of having a couple of happy hour quiets after work while devouring books on my kindle.

Bondiboy66 asserts...

Posted February 9
Yeah me too - albeit with actual paper books. The Nelson at Bondi Junction was favoured..$4.50 schooners after 4pm!

FormerlyKnownAsSimon swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted February 9
this is my favourite pasttime on friday arvo waiting for my bus home. Pub/beer (or two)/book. A little quiet time before getting back to the madhouse and the kids that day.

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Senator Texas mutters...

Posted February 9
Coming late to the party. Here's a diet that works and won't break your ass:

Like most diets, all the protein and veggies you want.

Good stuff: eat all the beans you want (black beans, pintos, kidneys, whatever), all the nuts you want, a nice piece of cheese every evening with or after dinner AND 2-3 glasses of red wine every night. Not white wine and not beer or spirits. Red wine. Don't know why this works, but it does. With the beans (or hummus), you don't feel like shit when your blood sugar drops from lack of carbs.

Do not eat: bread, crackers, potatoes, rice, pasta, sweets, etc, except:

Best of all: one day a week, eat whatever you want in whatever quantities you want.

I lost 27 pounds on this one. It works. It's called the 4 Hour Body. Look it up.

You'll lose 2-3 pounds a month after an initial loss of 2-3 pounds in 10 days or so. Going to the gym accelerates the process.

John Birmingham mumbles...

Posted February 9
This sounds great.

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Quokka has opinions thus...

Posted February 9
Middle age is a time when things like to slither out of the trapdoors of our psyches.
Sometimes it helps to feed the Dog.
i.e. Research that Mediterranean diet can have a significant effect improving isshews with depression.
http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-01-31/mediterranean-diet-can-help-in-fight-against-depression-study/8224522
There is a great book on CBT by Sarah Edelman, printed by ABC books, which is a really good tool for digging your way out of anxiety & depression. It's blurry good, I tell everyone to read it.
Hugs, Dog Walkers.

Murphy_of_Missouri ducks in to say...

Posted February 11
Depression had me in my teens.


My forties are where I kick that motherfucker's ass.

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Respond to 'Burger Lite'

Stalin's Hammer Complete. Audio and eBook

Posted January 25 into Books by John Birmingham

The audiobook of the Stalin's Hammer sequence is out! As a big consumer of audiobooks this makes me very happy, and not just for the royalties coming my way. I had a quick listen to the sample, and it seems pretty fucking schmick.

I've also released the complete series in one volume which I've made free for a couple of days so anyone who bought the individual titles can grab a copy without feeling they've been double-charged.

The ebook is everywhere.

The audiobook is exclusive to Audible.

I've also just pulled the lever for a print on demand copy, so that should be available in a couple of weeks. A Girl in Time has done better than I expected in print, especially given the price, so that's an experiment that seems to be working.

If you're not an Audible customer, you can sneakily get the book for free by trying the service via this link.

I'm mostly working on AlienSideBoob and The Cruel Stars at the moment, but a good result for the Stalin's Hammer collection will set up WW 3.1 nicley.

And you know what garauntees a good result?

Reviews.

You know what you must do.

24 Responses to ‘Stalin's Hammer Complete. Audio and eBook’

Brother PorkChop swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 25
OK, I think I've reviewed the shit out of it all now. And signed up for the booby project thingy.
But a question about the audiobook business. By the sound of it, you have no input into the voice of your books nor anything else? Just sign on the line and watch the bucks roll in?

John Birmingham puts forth...

Posted January 25
That's exactly how it works.

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jl reckons...

Posted January 25
Ha. I've been waiting for this moment.

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Surtac is gonna tell you...

Posted January 25
Yeth, marthter. We knowth what to do.

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SAS ducks in to say...

Posted January 26
5 star review left on UK site, as usual.

Will pick up the audio version next month, will this mean that the rest of AOT will be available on Audible UK soon?

John Birmingham puts forth...

Posted January 26
IN fact, yes! My agent has been pushing this forward since late last year. I don't know why the rights were never done in the UK/ANZ region, but it's being taken care of now.

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DaveC mutters...

Posted January 26
Doneburger

John Birmingham would have you know...

Posted January 26
Grazie

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Dirk mumbles...

Posted January 26
The total Hammer is as of yet not available here, but I gave the Girl a five star thumbs up here: https://www.bol.com/nl/p/a-girl-in-time/9200000072733978/

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FormerlyKnownAsSimon is gonna tell you...

Posted January 27
I did the audible thing. I hadn't got around to getting the hammer collection yet (yes yes i know, bad boy). So the audio book is perfect timing. Although i'm not sure how i'm going to go switching from 70 plus hours of listening to sword and sorcery with Steven Pacey pronouncing grimACED to a guns and fists with a US accent. Any tips out there on audiobook change over? Go cold turkey and jump straight in or ease into with something else?

insomniac is gonna tell you...

Posted January 27
I think if you're going from one poorly pronounced subject to an unknown reader and a different subject you should be ok. Your biggest problem would be a similar reading style and/or accent, but then my only experience is going from Crime and Punishment to Cryptonomicon via an hour of some piece of crap chosen by ms insomniac.

FormerlyKnownAsSimon reckons...

Posted January 27
I worked today like chump in an empty office. Subsequent bus trip requires reading Bill Gammage's The Greatest Estate on Earth or doing the audiobook. I may have to drown out fellow passengers with earphones :)

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Don Bagert reckons...

Posted January 29
It's Saturday and I'm surprised that I actually haven't been on Cheeseburger Gothic since Wednesday, thus missing the freebie days. Oh well...

Just curious JB: Did you change "Harry Windsor" to "Harry Wales" in Stalin's Hammer: Rome to line it up with the other parts (as well as events that occurred in OTL between Parts 1 and 2)?

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DarrenBloomfield is gonna tell you...

Posted January 30
reviewed.

I staretd listeing to the audiobook on Saturday on my run. Even better when read to you by someone else!

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NBlob is gonna tell you...

Posted January 30
I still can't leave reviews, because I haven't spent $X.
I call this out as rank discrimination against tightarses.

NBlob puts forth...

Posted January 30
I pimped the hell out of it & ASB on the Farcebook tho.

John Birmingham asserts...

Posted January 30
This is why you're my cheapest favourite.

Brother PorkChop mutters...

Posted January 31
NBlob's alive?

NBlob reckons...

Posted January 31
Barely comrade, barely.
The reign of Xmas Derp has been punishing.
Had a big boatyboat ride out of Gladstone over New Years. Bad new for scallop fans.

Brother PorkChop ducks in to say...

Posted February 1
I hear potato scallops are in trouble as well. White Spot?
Out of Gladstone where the harbour fish are somewhat extreme?

NBlob asserts...

Posted February 4
No white spot [to date] has only been detected in Logan River. If one doesn't look, one will never find.
Scallops are down to ~%6 biomass. The shell that is being caught shows sign of having been through sizing tumblers at least once. [Think a tube of security screen expanded aluminium mesh, used to sort size, like a sieve.

NBlob asserts...

Posted February 4
*no, white spot...*

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Legless mumbles...

Posted February 1
I'm fascinated by your attempts to grope your way forward in the new publishing paradigm. You're doing so much better t

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Blake ducks in to say...

Posted February 4
Picked up the audiobook. My written word consumption has been terrible this year, but i'm burning through the audiobooks and podcasts like noones business. I've got a backlog of JB which goes back to the second Dave and includes the entire Stalins Hammer Series - and yet I've listened to the Nick Earls collection. (It was good, but generally not where my allegiances lie)

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Respond to 'Stalin's Hammer Complete. Audio and eBook'

The Interstellar Valley

Posted January 19 by John Birmingham

Jason Lambright has started a blog. Go bookmark it and read regularly.

Go on.

5 Responses to ‘The Interstellar Valley’

DarrenBloomfield mumbles...

Posted January 19
Done. I really enjoyed his two books. Can't wait for the conclusion.

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DaveC is gonna tell you...

Posted January 19
Done too. Cool az.

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Gutz would have you know...

Posted January 20
Schwing!

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jason has opinions thus...

Posted January 23
Highly recommend this blog. Particularly the detail on weaponry and military issues. JL. Has some great stuff to share.

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jl has opinions thus...

Posted January 24
Hey all, thanks for stopping by and checking it out! Thanks to JB as well for making the crew here at the 'burger aware of this.

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Respond to 'The Interstellar Valley'

I think we should all win a Hugo

Posted January 18 into Writing by John Birmingham

Is anyone eligible to nominate works, or to vote in the Hugo's? It occurs to me that not only should Cady and Smith try their luck (granted, they have zero chance), but the Hugos have categories for fan writing and everyone in Buttecracke is eligible! I don't see why that crazy Vos or Vox or whatever the fuck his name is should be the only one gaming this system.

I'm not a member of WorldCon or any of the baby cons that would afford nominating rights, but maybe somebody here is.

The relevent link is here.

24 Responses to ‘I think we should all win a Hugo’

Ceramic is gonna tell you...

Posted January 18
Ha, certainly not mine though.
I'd like for the stories to be updated with new edits first! I'm changed the ending a bit for example. Very glad the book is doing so well!

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Surtac mutters...

Posted January 18
Yeah. I have an attending membership for Worldcon in Helsinki this year.

But I won't be going. The original plan had me and Eldest Daughter going, but she has decided she wants to go back to Hong Kong instead at a similar time of year. So no Finland with a side trip to St Petersburg for me this year.

And no more US based Worldcons for me either while the Trumpenfuhrer is in charge. I'll have to wait and see whether Dublin or New Zealand get up in 2019 or 2020.

But happy to use my nomination powers for good as suggested. Hmmn. Haven't seen nominations actually open yet - it must be soon though.

John Birmingham reckons...

Posted January 18
ALL HAIL SURTAC.

Stephen mutters...

Posted January 18
Surtac,

nominating has opened - I got my email about it on the ninth of January. Check your mail and spam folders - it should be from hugos@worldcon.fi

There is no pin this year though, you get a unique URL to go to instead. If you can't find the email, send a message to hugohelp@worldcon.fi

Nocturnalist is gonna tell you...

Posted January 18
Surtac, if you're not going to use a full membership I might know some people who'd be interesting in buying it off you, or in doing a part buy/part trade for an associate membership. Let me know if you'd like me to ask around.

Surtac is gonna tell you...

Posted January 18
I want to keep at least a supporting membership so I can nominate and vote. My daughter's youth attending membership may be available - I don't think she wants to follow through with actual voting. I'll check with her and advise in here later.

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MickH ducks in to say...

Posted January 18
A Hugo for fan fiction?...wow
something to shoot for (Q7S) :D

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Nocturnalist swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 18
Pretty sure the Fan Writer category is not actually for fan fiction, but for the sort of thing that goes into the fanzine and newsletter community that that particular convention circuit grew out of - reviews, critical writing, news from the genre scene. Writing about the stories rather than the stories.

The parade, I rains on it.

Surtac puts forth...

Posted January 18
Yes. The Night Manager is correct. It's not for fan fiction, but for other fannish activities. It's also not a category I usually pay much attention to.

But there's nothing to stop me nominating Girl for best novel, right? I mean it was was one of my fave books of the year after all.

John Birmingham swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 19
I would not stop you.

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Abe Frellman is gonna tell you...

Posted January 18
Slightly off topic, but who's doing your PR these days, Nick Earls??

http://blog.booktopia.com.au/2017/01/16/vote-finals-favourite-australian-author-2017/?utm_medium=Email&utm_source=ExactTarget&utm_campaign=_20170118_VoteNowInPoll_amgroupa

John Birmingham has opinions thus...

Posted January 18
Meh, I just couldn't be fucked organising The 10000

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Kristophr swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 18
I wish you luck.

The "truefans" have made it clear that anyone who is politically incorrect in their eyes will be no-awarded.

They even no-awarded Butcher, the Dresden Files author, because people not in their little club like got him nominated.

Murphy_of_Missouri is gonna tell you...

Posted January 18
Lost cause trying to push that narrative. Just wait five seconds for someone to tie it all to Gamergate.

Kristophr mutters...

Posted January 19
The no-awards happened. Simple as that.

I wish you all luck. I would like to see this anthology hugo-ed. I rather liked it.

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jason is gonna tell you...

Posted January 19
At the risk of sounding like I am sucking up something savage...

I think the best thing about Butte Crack was the ability to fully engage people in a fantasy world and let them be a real part of it with the participation of the author. Is there a category which would recognise the new model for fan interaction, so the model rather than (or as well as) the book?

John Birmingham would have you know...

Posted January 23
I doubt it. Eric Flint is very encouraging of fan writers and baby authors in his 1630s world, but that's still a very controlled trade publishing project.

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Legless ducks in to say...

Posted January 19
I can't fucking believe it! You only went and included my monster trucks story.

I'm a cocking published author!

I'm so chuffed I could lay an egg!


Thank you. Thank you a million times

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Kristophr reckons...

Posted January 20
Go for it, John.

Real fans should be able to nominate good work without having a clique of holier-than-thou "trufen" no awarding them.

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ShaneAlpha would have you know...

Posted January 20
Is it wrong to dream of beating Adam Baldwin to death with my Hugo?
Yes.
But it's oh so enjoyable.

Murphy_of_Missouri puts forth...

Posted January 21
Have you actually seen what Adam Baldwin looks like? I suspect that contest would not go the way you might imagine.

Sudragon asserts...

Posted January 22
He robbed from the rich and he gave to the poor.
Stood up to the man and he gave him what for.

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Brother PorkChop reckons...

Posted January 23
I'm with Legless. Astonished and egg laying. But more than ever amazed by what authors create. Go on, someone nominate it for the award. A nomination would be amazing in itself.

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Respond to 'I think we should all win a Hugo'

Where should Smith and Cady go next?

Posted January 17 into A Girl In Time by John Birmingham

It occurs to me I haven't run a proper spoiler thread to discuss A Girl Time, so I might cheat and have this entry do double duty.

Having figured out the basic mechanisms of The Watch by the end of GIRL, they're now set up to adventure through the 29 alternate realties Titanic Smith created every time he jumped.

We know from the text that some are in the future, some in the wilderness and a surprising number are located in narratively convenient European settings.

He's been to London a couple of times. And Rome obviously. I can't help feeling they'll end up in ancient Greece and Nazi Germany.

But where else would a couple of good looking time travellers be likely to find themsevles in a long running franchise?

Assume it's a spoilerific free fire zone in the comments.

56 Responses to ‘Where should Smith and Cady go next?’

Matthew McNeill is gonna tell you...

Posted January 17
Altamont 1969. Counter culture, violence, confusion. The Stones
Hell's Angels.
Really enjoyed the first one. Cheers Matthew

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Surtac would have you know...

Posted January 17
Interesting question. Somewhere medieval? Or back to Calvary Cross? Too brave?

Anyway aren't you supposed to be writing a space opera right now?

I don't care. Just sell me new words to read.

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Jo MacD mumbles...

Posted January 17
Early colonial Australia?
What a pain having to write a time travelling woman though. Constantly wearing the wrong clothes or speaking out of turn. I wonder if there could be a future time that's similarly restrictive for Smith? Seems impossible to even imagine.

Ceramic asserts...

Posted January 17
I think both Smith and Cady would be considered an anomoly in Mesopotamia.

Sumerians of Mesopotamia invented minutes and hours.
Maybe the watch makers could have started there, or a rogue agent could've settled there?

Quote
Sumerian Civilization: Inventing the Future
Before the Sumerians, a day began with the sunrise and ended with the sunset. People went to work from when the sun was positioned at a certain height in the morning sky and returned to their homes when it set. It was the Sumerians who divided the day from the night by time, by increments of sixty-second minutes and sixty-minute hours which made up twelve hours of night and the twelve hours of the day.

John Birmingham is gonna tell you...

Posted January 18
The first place Smith landed, which he did not recognise, was Australia, but before human settlement. Abut 50K years ago.

Ceramic asserts...

Posted January 18
I did wonder if it was Australia. Cool.

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FormerlyKnownAsSimon swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 17
Far future where their immune systems aren't up to scratch (although Smith is already at a disadvantage for future bugs). Or alternatively somewhere in europe during the plague.

Although it is a massive cliche they can always get caught in ancient mayan culture just when the spanish arrive or about to get sacrificed at an eclipse (even though those guys were meant to be good with calendars and probably had eclipses covered)

insomniac asserts...

Posted January 17
Didn't Mel Gibson cover the latter in Apocalypto?

John Birmingham ducks in to say...

Posted January 18
Hmm, I somehow have this feeling that the watch is a magic aspirin that cures all ills.

FormerlyKnownAsSimon swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 18
I was wondering about disease etc.

And yes Gibson did do this. As well as Mark Twain iirc, and TinTin and Enid Blyton. And a quick google search reveals that Columbus apparently pulled this in real life with a lunar eclipse! I guess the cliche has to start somewhere.

How about a stop over in the far future. Would love to see a bit of speculation. No morlocks though . . . or is there?
Or they drop in (or possibly out) and need to hang out with Dead Heads for 24hrs. Everyone loves a bit of counter culture reference and psychedelic drugs : )

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insomniac reckons...

Posted January 17
Smith might get a thrill being at the birth of Jebus.
Will he get to see Chester again? That would be nice.

Ceramic swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 17
Oh Jebus I hope he gets to see and pat Chester again.

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she_jedi is gonna tell you...

Posted January 17
France during the reign of terror. Ancient Egypt in the time of Akhenaten, or Tutankhamen. The Abrolhos Islands during the Batsvia shipwreck :D

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Vovchara mutters...

Posted January 17
Russia 1917, somewhere around Petrograd. :) Or couple years earlier, to help Stalin rob the Bank.

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Dirk would have you know...

Posted January 17
Europe around 1666 is nice period... Madeira in the 1860's meeting empress Elizabeth of Austria or Paris around 1900. Take your pick

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jl is gonna tell you...

Posted January 17
France, Hundred Years War. Berlin, April 1945. The Pan-American Federation, 2342. Wow, so many directions to go here. Or, speaking of the Hundred Year's War, you could get a double hit of plague and ruinous conflict- Calais, 1347. For something nice, agree with Dirk above, Paris 1900-10.

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Rhino would have you know...

Posted January 18
If they land anywhere in the US post 1860, Cady should set up trusts with future investments laid out in envelopes with dates. LOL.

Therbs has opinions thus...

Posted January 18
I was also thinking along the lines of 'Back To The Future" style sports betting cash grabs when they need funds. Mmmm. there'd have to be something stopping them from going crazy with that stuff. Maybe Titanic has a set against gambling and forbids it.

Murphy_of_Missouri swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 21
Get stock in Carnegie Steel and Standard Oil.

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Jeats ducks in to say...

Posted January 18
Maybe mention the Rum Corp in our very early colonial history. It would be a bit of a laugh and I doubt many people know about it.

Maybe they could run into Kolhammer and the like before the transition...

John Birmingham has opinions thus...

Posted January 18
This is the second Rum Corps vote. I might have a look at them stopping over in Sydney, however briefly.

jason is gonna tell you...

Posted January 18
If you need some good research check out Leviathan. Should save you a stack in research.

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jason asserts...

Posted January 18
I love a good cross over, World war 2 just after the transition.

John Birmingham mumbles...

Posted January 18
This.

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Dave W puts forth...

Posted January 18
18 April 1930. The day there was no news. Cady and Smith just wander around bored for 24 hours. ;-)

John Birmingham would have you know...

Posted January 18
This is also a good idea.

Vovchara mumbles...

Posted January 18
Can never happen, Cady will find troubles by her very own in the middle of the desert ????

MickH swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 19
yeah, sometimes they need a break or PTSD will set in

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WarDog reckons...

Posted January 18
Hanging Rock to pick up some extras.

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Abe Frellman mutters...

Posted January 18
Deadwood - feels like home to Smith, but something's not quite right. I, too, would put in a vote for Australia. Either Rum Corps Sydney or WW2 Brisbane, with the latter also providing crossover opportunities: HMAS Havoc gets a reprise.

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Lulu reckons...

Posted January 18
Vienna 1913: Hitler, Trotsky, Tito, Stalin in the same city. Also Freud, Klimt, etc etc.

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MickH is gonna tell you...

Posted January 18
Keen to answer this but I'm only half way through the book, so I didn't read all of the spoilers.
I have to say JB that I'm really enjoying this story. IMHO your best yet. Waaay better than Dave

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Therbs puts forth...

Posted January 18
In a visit to 15th Century Holy Roman Empire they see one of the new fandangled printing presses being demonstrated by Johannes Gutenberg. Next bounce is late 1990's and Cady notices one of the first e-readers in a store window.

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DaveC puts forth...

Posted January 18
The two of them arrive in a barren landscape with strange alge along the coastline. Then long, strange fish (tetrapods) crawl out of the water to eat bulbs of stringy kelp.
Famennian era in the Devonian period. 375 million years ago-ish. They'd feel a bit light headed from the oxygen levels, but would be fine for 24 hours - except for being weirded out. Admittedly nothing much would happen here. Character development oppertunity?

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MickH ducks in to say...

Posted January 19
If they are bouncing around inside the same realities, can they move up and down inside those same realities?
If this is the case they you can have fun with them changing the future in each and having to deal with the issues that come out of it. Like, say, coming into a later future after Cady saves the day in a primitive society, only to find she is now a Goddess!

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DarrenBloomfield has opinions thus...

Posted January 19
Hobart, NYE 1989. They can bail me up on Constitution Dock and tell me no matter what, don't hook up with the Rebecca chick, coz she's going to cause nothing but years of grief and bitterness.

Perhaps less selfishly, how about 1921 (not sure of date). I reckon Cady would love to nudge this momentous development in women's emancipation.

"Margaret Sanger and Katharine Dexter McCormick meet for lunch, New York One was an Irish-American anarchist rebel, the other a fabulously wealthy member of America’s industrial aristocracy. But they shared, by smuggling contraceptives and, much later, by funding research into the Pill, this strange alliance which did more for women than any conventional political movement. Sanger (above) wasn’t exactly an admirable woman – a bully, a eugenicist and at times a liar – but then big historical change-makers, I’ve noticed, are rarely nice"

link here. https://www.theguardian.com/culture/gallery/2012/sep/15/ten-history-moments-andrew-marr

John Birmingham mumbles...

Posted January 19
Nice!

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Nocturnalist would have you know...

Posted January 19
There have been some really cool suggestions for particular moments or events for the two of them to get caught up in, but I can't help thinking that's a card that can be overplayed. If their travels turn into a Forrest Gump-style exercise in "you won't believe which historical even they're going to witness/be a catalyst in next!" it's going to get a bit twee.

Which isn't to say they can't go to cool, dramatic times in history, just that the episodes of "they go to $FAMOUSPOINTINHISTORY and meet $FAMOUSPERSON and accidentally give them the idea to do $THINGTHEYREFAMOUSFOR" need to be carefully rationed.

Like DaveC, I'd be interested in seeing them just end up in some very strange time period and just... soak in its strangeness for a bit. One of my favourite bits of Moorcock's End of Time trilogy, in amongst all the psychedelic zaniness, was Jherek and Amelia just taking a picnic hamper to primordial Earth, kicking back and trilobite-watching.

In terms of big dramatic incidents, I'll nominate the Halifax Explosion of 1917.

jason reckons...

Posted January 20
While I agree with the comments about this shouldn't turn into a history lesson, i do think that the major events in history generate an energy which draws time travellers to them, much like the brightest star in the sky draws your eye.

Dave W swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 20
But there's also a risk that it turns into Dr Who, always major events and always running.

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w from brisbane would have you know...

Posted January 19
I enjoy a sea tale. Cady and Smith find themselves on a boat: Carribean pirates, smugglers in Asia (pick your century), Ancient Egypt riverboaters, or maybe the Mississippi, or an Ancient Greek trireme.

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Turlogh Dubh O'Brien has opinions thus...

Posted January 20
In no particular (not even chronological) order:
1) The Balkan Wars of 1912
2) The Battle of Kursk, summer of 1943
3) The Santorini Eruption, c.1650 B.C.
4) The Salonika Front, 1917
5) Fall of Constantinople 1453
6) Cochinchina Campaign, 1858-1862
7) ice free Antarctica, c. 35,000,000 yrs ago
8) Byzantine-Norman wars 1040-1185
9) Tunguska, 1908
10) 5 billion yrs into the future, when the sun burns out

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Rob asserts...

Posted January 20
I think they should go to late 80s Brisbane and meet a guy who has way too many flatmates, smokes way too much weed, can't decide which degree to finish and wants to be a writer.

she_jedi puts forth...

Posted January 20
THIS! And Cady can tell him all about her years eating rice and sleeping on the floor to get her game off the ground, and how not to give up on his dream of owning a gold plated hovercraft :P

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Murphy_of_Missouri mumbles...

Posted January 21
I think they should visit Alexander Hamilton and have him give them a long lecture about what he really meant in the various Federalist Papers he wrote during the effort to ratify the Constitution. That way there will not be the same heartburn over Federalist No 68 that we saw recently.


They might also either aid or block the Aaron Burr conspiracy to set up his own country. Saving Hamilton from getting killed in a duel is optional.

MickH has opinions thus...

Posted January 22
And then maybe they shouldn't. That's far to american and most others would fall asleep from boredom after reading a couple of paragraphs. Particularly after it would make no sense when America voted in trump.
Maybe a lecture on how an oligarchy works would be more relevant?

Murphy_of_Missouri would have you know...

Posted January 23
I don't know. Everyone seemed pretty fascinated with Federalist No 68, enough so that they probably sent sales of The Federalist Papers through the roof. Seems to be the perfect thing.

MickH asserts...

Posted January 31
i have tried responding to this twice now. they just arn't sticking (or they're being deleted) see how this one goes

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PuffinMuffin ducks in to say...

Posted January 22
They land in our reality, find you and ask if you can send them somewhere else?

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Mac Twain has opinions thus...

Posted January 22
Putting in my Two Cents:
Has anybody heard of Jesus Christ? Have Cady and Smith show up in time to prevent the Crucifiction! Give us the "real" story of what happened. Save this man who is just trying to teach the populous about love, compassion, and faith in God. Start a new timeline where Jesus escapes Crusifiction and the story of a timeline without the influence of the most influential person the world has known. Smith gets shook in his belief in Jesus as Savior and Cady picks up a (little) bit of humility and belief in God from her interface with Jesus.

Or, opposite track. Jesus as a young jew is conscripted into the Roman Legionaires. He is trained in Rome and eventually becomes a Roman Senator. Here comes Cady and Smith to the rescue. Gets Jesus Romanis to get back to Judea to raise the dead, heal the cripple and discovers his true Heavenly Father and Cady and Smith tearfully watch the Crucifixion. Smith has saved the day for his Lord and Cady begrudgingly picks up some belief in Jesus. Oh, and they fight off Pontius Pilate troops single handedly

John Birmingham has opinions thus...

Posted January 23
This idea is well suited to the next reader fiction collection, I reckon. I'd get howled down if I attempted a JC story.

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Brother PorkChop is gonna tell you...

Posted January 23
Had my say over the other place but Shogunate Japan around 1605 and the Tunguska event

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DaveC mumbles...

Posted January 24
Battle of Omdurman, between the British and the Dervishes (Sudanese Mahdist Army) in 1898 outside Khartoum. One of the large major Cavalry charges in history. Might bring back Smith's Civil War PTSD. Perhaps a young Lieutenant, Winston Churchill, could yell at them from horseback. 'What the blazes are you playing at?' He'd take to Cady because his Mother was an American...

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ronS reckons...

Posted January 24
the penny dropped - just saw Kate and Leopold

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Erko King reckons...

Posted February 6
Sorry late reading book.
How about 1946 alternate reality and King George the VIII does not abdicate and becomes allied to Hitler?
EK

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Unpossible ducks in to say...

Posted February 10
The Hopi indigenous Americans of arizona, around the 1700s. You have got to, got to, see how things play out between them in a matriachal society because Smith is gonna have to do some learning if he is gonna have a chance with cady. Also, playing out a few chapters in post contact but pre 'wild' west is gonna do Smiths' head in, in a major way. Cady is gonna be sorely tempted to step off the train at this station.

Smith: Boy howdy, how do these them here squaw fellas put up with this ma-tri-a-chy?
Cady: Oh, hell, no.

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Respond to 'Where should Smith and Cady go next?'

So, I'm thinking of doing fan fiction collections for AoT and The Disappearance

Posted January 13 into Writing by John Birmingham

Could be a long lead time. Six months for submissions.

Anyone interested?

57 Responses to ‘So, I'm thinking of doing fan fiction collections for AoT and The Disappearance’

insomniac ducks in to say...

Posted January 13
Anyone interested? What sort of question is that? I think you'll be overwhelmed with submissions.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mumbles...

Posted January 13
Absolutely yes for both.

Dear god, the possibilities are just mind blowing.

There is a bar fight in Honolulu that I've been imagining for years. Years. It is what brought me into your orbit in the first place.

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jl ducks in to say...

Posted January 13
I think there will be a lot of interest in this. A lot.

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trib is gonna tell you...

Posted January 13
Up for it. Totes.

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan would have you know...

Posted January 13
There is already a significant amount of fan fic out there pertaining to the Disappearance universe. I wrote two. The one about the kid alone in Calgary is dear to me. Will we be allowed to submit these previous efforts?

Therbs is gonna tell you...

Posted January 13
Just don't tell anyone.

John Birmingham swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 13
Resubmission is fine.

Therbs has opinions thus...

Posted January 13
I'm editing one of my old ones. Lots of red pen scribbles and marks. Very messy.

Therbs has opinions thus...

Posted January 13
Paul, that Calgary one is definitely worthy of publishing in an anthology.

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Therbs has opinions thus...

Posted January 13
Grand idea.

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Peter Bradley is gonna tell you...

Posted January 13
Yep, already sketching out ideas!
Yes PNB I am way behind some in that respect!

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan would have you know...

Posted January 13
I have a hunch you gonna catch up fast.

Word to the wise: stay away from graphic descriptions of gay sex. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with it, but I can tell you from experience that JB tends to edit the hell out of it. I'm not complaining. I admit being a bit upset that JB edited all of the gay sex out of my Butte Crack County anthology contribution, but I am man enough to admit it made it a better story.

Peter Bradley puts forth...

Posted January 17
What!!!!! I have just mapped out a magnificent scene of a cavort involving cat masks, peacock feathers and giant cream sponges.

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Aaron mumbles...

Posted January 13
Don't forget the zombie section

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Surtac ducks in to say...

Posted January 13
Yeah. I'm in.

I'd started an AoT thing some years back but never got around to finishing it.

Sounds like a perfect opportunity to drag it out again and have another go.

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Gilligan mumbles...

Posted January 13
And my axe!

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DaveC is gonna tell you...

Posted January 13
Yhup, and yhup.

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jason swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 13
Any brief for the stories?

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Vallon Davis puts forth...

Posted January 13
You've read my mind. I'm in, where do I send my submission once it's completed??

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Josh mumbles...

Posted January 14
I'd be interested maybe doing something about the Mediterranean theatre of operations in the AOT universe. I feel like that is quite a blank slate seeing as 3 AOT novels didn't really mention North Africa, Malta, Scilly, Italy etc. However, it could be quite difficult to come up with feasible military operations seeing as now the sides are aware of what happened originally & new tech isn't going to play a big part as it's too soon after the Transition to really get new toys to the front line.

An easier alternative would probably be to cover the battle of the English Channel from the view point of the pilots to fit in with the second AOT novel.

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Edward Osman asserts...

Posted January 14
Stille not able to get Angels of Vengeance in german, need someone for the translation?

P.s. I was asking this years ago.

Greetings

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NBlob reckons...

Posted January 14
Hmm.
Need to have a little think.

NBlob asserts...

Posted January 14
Btw,
Carriage
Returns
Now
Work.
Thanks
Dan

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Don Bagert reckons...

Posted January 14
Oh, yes! I've been begging for an AoT flashback/short story set near the end of Final Impact, which would have Roosevelt, Kolhammer and other higher-ups arguing about whether or not the U.S. should be unloading their nuclear arsenal after the Soviets emptied theirs by dropping their remaining three on Tokyo (which of course, they didn't), so I guess I just better write it myself LOL

I'd also like to write about impact the Transition had on sports in post-war North America.

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AuntyLou mutters...

Posted January 14
Ok...I hate you all...with your writing skills and clever ideas! I can't manage to successfully submit a postcard. JB if you want a rough edit process, I'm your girl. Ready and willing to serve.

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Turlogh Dubh O'Brien is gonna tell you...

Posted January 15
Yes. Yes. Yes. I will transfer my mental notes to paper/screen and wait for the day!

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Michael Papagermanos reckons...

Posted January 15
Absolutely.

When can I start?

John Birmingham mumbles...

Posted January 16
Why haven't you started yet?

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HAVOCK21 puts forth...

Posted January 15
FKN BANZAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



FK YES!

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Rhino is gonna tell you...

Posted January 16
So, what you are really saying is that I need to dust off my Rhino, Agent of Echelon work?

DarrenBloomfield ducks in to say...

Posted January 17
*like*

Peter Bradley reckons...

Posted January 17
Can I please request a scene that involves the petting of kitty cats?

Rhino asserts...

Posted January 18
Well, duh. Of course.

Rhino mutters...

Posted January 18
Also, it is meant to be tongue in cheek. Pink Pantherish in fact.

I hope that I can pull it off. LOL.

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MickH is gonna tell you...

Posted January 16
Im going to look through the archives and pull out some of the stories I wrote and had posted on the mini burger

I think I lost my "Skip" story though :(

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DarrenBloomfield puts forth...

Posted January 17
I so have a story in my head scaled up from some smart alec comment i posted here when they came out - about one thing that would take off downtime would be Twitter - and could you imagine what Stalin's Tweets would look like? Put the Donald to shame!

I'm willing to give it a (butte) crack!

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Dirk is gonna tell you...

Posted January 17
I'm pondering a small social economic piece on the situation in Europe. Maybe from the perspective of Willem Drees, for all intents and purposes the Dutch PM in the 1950's. With a few cameo's blended in maybe. I'll pump it over the wires when it's ready JB ...

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Rhino mumbles...

Posted January 18
Oh, shit, the heavy hitters are weighing in.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 18
I want to do a tender story of a young girl's coming of age - and then the wave hits! It will be hilarious in a raunchy, sophomoric sense.

Rhino mutters...

Posted January 18
She should see him driving up to get her so that they can elope ... and she sees him driving up and the wave hits ... and it stops before it gets her.

DarrenBloomfield is gonna tell you...

Posted January 18
man, that's all poignant and shit. I'd read it.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan ducks in to say...

Posted January 18
Let me think about it. I adore cosmic practical jokes.

Rhino puts forth...

Posted January 19
do eeeeet

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insomniac has opinions thus...

Posted January 18
Is it possible for the wave to just get part of you? Say you had your hand out and the wave came up and turned it to goop but the rest of you was unscathed.

Nocturnalist reckons...

Posted January 18
From memory that'd be a little tricky - it undulated in and out, and wasn't there a report of someone who got too close and it sort of arced out and caught them?

Then again, there are plenty of observations that the Wave was horribly hard to study and draw hard and fast conclusions about, so it might behave differently in different places or under different circumstances.

That or perhaps someone gets just close enough for it to whip out at them and clip their hand but they get away before it gets any further up their arm?

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Surtac reckons...

Posted January 18
I'm gonna go back and revisit the AoT thing I did for the original FanFic Festival all those years ago (if I can find the file - it's at least three PCs ago) and my second piece will be the one I have started but not finished. I can at least remember the basic story for that one.

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Rhino puts forth...

Posted January 19
My fanfic from back in the day would be too risque. It had gang dolphin rape.

Therbs is gonna tell you...

Posted January 19
I have one which I'm tidying up that includes your character as a key player. I'll forward it to you for clearance prior to submission.

Rhino reckons...

Posted January 20
I'm sure that it will be a dignified and significant role as befits my status.

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Legless mutters...

Posted January 19
I'm up for it.

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Oldy has opinions thus...

Posted January 20
Hell yes!

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MuddyRunner asserts...

Posted January 21
Just finished Butte Crack and was hugely impressed by the ingenuity and creativity of all the contributors. No details because SPOILERS. I wouldn't normally consider attempting to write fiction - tech docs are more my forte - but after BC I would definitely have a go trying out for AoT. In fact, I have the germ of an idea already - something set in Blighty - but no more on that in case someone steals my idea and does a much better job of it :-)

MuddyRunner mutters...

Posted January 21
Two ideas now. God I love the JBverse.

John Birmingham swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 23
Go for it.

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Brother PorkChop asserts...

Posted January 23
Yip, on it.

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Respond to 'So, I'm thinking of doing fan fiction collections for AoT and The Disappearance'