Cheeseburger Gothic

A Royal Proclamation for the Embiggening of Sir Andrew Bolt and Sir George Brandis

Posted March 26, 2014 into Politics by John Birmingham

Let the word go forth from this time and this place that it pleases us to embiggen our lowly antipodean subjects, Bolt and Brandis for their stirring defence of the rights of a fellow to call a nigger a nigger, a slope a slope, or a Mohammedan a queue-jumping terrorist.

Woe unto the realm it was whilst any man might fear for his life and liberty at the hands of straighteners and punishers for stating the simple truth of Chinky Joe’s predilection for sneaking slices of missing puppy into the No. 37 beef noodle. What darkness gathered at the borders of the land when darkies gathered there, arrogant in their assurance that none dared speak of them save to commend their interesting cuisine - which as we know, is full of puppies anyway.

We commend our loyal servants Bolt and Brandis for alerting the realm to the threat of darkies who are not quite dark enough taking all the good jobs and drawing down the public treasury for their own debauchment. We of the royal family, and beyond us, all of the peerage and landed gentry are much chuffed at the exposure of these wastrels and leaches upon the common tit, fearing as we do, some benighted future in which an undeserving parasite class might live large at the public’s expense simply by right of birth.

We commend the righteous Bolt for his most courageous attacks on the wretched and the powerless and for his licking of those jackboots which do get a little smudged by the necessity of keeping them upon the throats of the wretched and the powerless, who are forever coughing up blood and phlegm on the steel capped toes, the bastards. But no mind, for Courageous Bolt is there to speak truth to powerlessness. He is our sword and shield, our champion of the overdog.

We commend now too the excellent Brandis who with pen as mighty as Excalibur has struck from Bolt those chains of inconvenient Law which so oppressed him. Rejoice, our subjects, for our minister has gifted you a land in which Sir Andrew Bolt may traduce and defame the uppity nigger at his will and convenience, but said black skinned and black hearted savage had best watch his mouth, lest Sir Andrew sue him into silence.

Arise Sir Andrew and Sir George. Go forth and do your worst.

Hat tip to @DeptofAustralia

65 Responses to ‘A Royal Proclamation for the Embiggening of Sir Andrew Bolt and Sir George Brandis’

Lulu reckons...

Posted March 26, 2014

Bit of a dilemma: I'd like to say what I think of Bolt & Brandis, but I don't want the Cheeseburger to be sued as a result.

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BigWillieStyle mumbles...

Posted March 26, 2014

Not so fast, JB. I think you'll find Alan Jones has got first dibs on receiving the first knighthood. For services to lying, toadying, bile-spewing, whipping up mindless hysteria, cottaging, bullying and being a nasty tnuc in general. Toned Abs promised him he could have it - he crossed his heart and everything.

And Toned double-promised John Howard he could have the next one. For services to lying, rampant profligacy, divisiveness, white picket fences, and combovers.

Lulu is gonna tell you...

Posted March 26, 2014

That's offensive - to tnucs.

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dweeze would have you know...

Posted March 26, 2014

Holy Crap Batman - are we regressing to the Dark Ages or what? Woe be the enlightened who should dare to challenge ye olde order. Embiggened indeed...sheesh. I put out a call to tool up the mighty Havock with the bangiest munitions and splodey bits and send him hurtling towards Canberra. With luck, Bolt, Cory and all the other retrogrades will be visiting for a feast on the bones of civilization.

Ben Pobjie expressed equal eloquence here: http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-03-26/pobjie-knights-of-the-abbottlands-sally-forth/53 45594

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NBlob mutters...

Posted March 26, 2014

Huzzah!

"We commend the righteous Bolt for his most courageous attacks on the wretched and the powerless and for his licking of those jackboots which do get a little smudged by the necessity of keeping them upon the throats of the wretched and the powerless, who are forever coughing up blood and phlegm on the steel capped toes, the bastards."

Not your most elegant sentance JB, but a vivid image..

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Guru Bob asserts...

Posted March 26, 2014

I am also waiting for Dame Downer to be proclaimed...

BigWillieStyle would have you know...

Posted March 26, 2014

As is he.

Respond to this thread

wolfcat puts forth...

Posted March 26, 2014

I look foward to the reintroduction of child workers as well, nothing like children doing all that dirty work in the coal mines.

I also await the removal of the pesky metric system as we revert to the past.

BigWillieStyle ducks in to say...

Posted March 26, 2014

And on the Strayan criggit team's next Ashes tour, the team will be ordered to travel to the Mother Country by steam-powered ocean liner. En route, all players will be required to stroll around the upper deck in a flannel suit, wearing a trilby (or a fedora - we have Freedom Of Hats in this country), smoking on a pipe, and playing quoits with the other passengers. I believe Movietone News will make a short film about the team's adventure, which interested members of the public will be able to view at their local movie theatre. Except women. By law, they will be sitting at home darning their husband's socks.

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Spanner ducks in to say...

Posted March 26, 2014

I propose a Royal Tourney at which the bravest and most pure knights of the realm can show their skills. The winner shall be granted the fair hand of King Toned Abbs eldest daughter in holy matrimony.

To the jousting lists men!

Sir Spanner VC KCMG VIP

Tightener of the Royal Nuts

Maddoug mutters...

Posted March 26, 2014

"The winner shall be granted the fair hand of King Toned Abbs eldest daughter in holy matrimony."

The rest of the lovely Miss Abbott goes to the runner up.

Except for the bit that went to the 3rd placer.

(Goodies reference)

Respond to this thread

tqft would have you know...

Posted March 26, 2014

I need legal advice on what I can legally call Abbot, Brandis and assorted "friends" when the amendments are passed.

Let me get this straight: defamation law has truth as a defence? And under the amendments I will be able to vilify their gender, race, appearance, intellectual capacities and abilities without fear of mega lawsuit. Loss of employment prospects is another matter.

Respond to this comment

TheWah swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 26, 2014

As long as I get to be Baron Wah, Lord of Mars I'll support any backwards looking, medieval, degenerate, monarchist madness.

NBlob reckons...

Posted March 26, 2014

I would have thought you'd prefer to be Obe Wah

TheWah would have you know...

Posted March 26, 2014

Oooo.... I like you!

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan has opinions thus...

Posted March 26, 2014

He will only break your heart, TW.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan would have you know...

Posted March 26, 2014

He will only break your heart, TW.

NBlob asserts...

Posted March 26, 2014

That's allright PNB. Like most cephlapods The Wah has multiple & distributed hearts & brains. Even if I break one or 2, he'll be fine.

Blarkon asserts...

Posted March 26, 2014

Obi Wah and Dejah Clumsy

Bunyip mumbles...

Posted March 26, 2014

I agree with this sentiment (The Wah's one on cultural regression, not the nomenclature nerdism derail).

Vote 1: Feudalism.

It's the (not very big and intimidating number)th Century, heavens to jingos. Where's my darkie powered palanquin?

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spankee has opinions thus...

Posted March 26, 2014

When you play the "Game of Tones" you win or you die. There is no middle ground, it's over there, way over to the right and about 60 years behind us.

Lulu reckons...

Posted March 26, 2014

Game of Tones: winter is coming.

Respond to this thread

FormerlyKnownAsSimon would have you know...

Posted March 26, 2014

Hang on i smell a rat - i think this k-nit thing is all a plot by SM Stirling and JB to bring about that little "All Hail King Birmo" business.

Anthony mumbles...

Posted March 26, 2014

You're spot on there. Although when he does become King Birmo, presumably all those here will be Dukes and Earls or maybe even Baronets

I like the idea of being a Bart. In Mr Stirlings Emberverse I could change my name, turn pirate and be Black Bart, Bart.

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Quokka is gonna tell you...

Posted March 26, 2014

He'll bring back hanging and transportation next.

Oh wait. Manus Island.

At least he can check those two off of his list.

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan would have you know...

Posted March 26, 2014

Can anyone provide me with a link that will explain WTF is going on?

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan has opinions thus...

Posted March 26, 2014

Can anyone provide me with a link that will explain WTF is going on?

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Quokka mutters...

Posted March 26, 2014

PNB - in the same week that the Mad Monk has decided to repeal laws re: racial vilification (one of his buddies got burned by them a year or so ago, so they have declared it to be an insult on free speech & must be repealed because 'we have the right to be bigots') he has decided that we need to play King Arthur's Court & a special few (the poor wounded bigots who fell foul of the racial discrimination act, I'm thinking) can be declared Knights And Ladies. Or maybe it was dames.

I take no offence at being referred to as a Dame, but that's because my idea of a Dame is Mae West & Bette Davis, and of course, Lois Lane. (not the one in the stupid sucky movie, of course)

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan would have you know...

Posted March 26, 2014

“As far as republics are concerned, most countries have an honours system and many of them have an order of knighthood,” Turnbull wrote on his blog.

Whoever this Turnbull is, he is clearly an idiot, spouting Turnbullshit from and for the fucking 1%.

It is beyond me why the victims of the economic and social inequities of the English class system are tolerating this elitist, classist nonsense.

BigWillieStyle swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 26, 2014

"It is beyond me why the victims of the economic and social inequities of the English class system are tolerating this elitist, classist nonsense."

Beyond me too, Paul, but I'm pretty sure the carbon tax has got something to do with it. That, or unions. Maybe boats.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan reckons...

Posted March 26, 2014

Fuck all of that. I refuse to believe that you lot are as shallow, short sighted and as easily distracted as we seppos.

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan is gonna tell you...

Posted March 26, 2014

“As far as republics are concerned, most countries have an honours system and many of them have an order of knighthood,” Turnbull wrote on his blog.

Whoever this Turnbull is, he is clearly an idiot, spouting Turnbullshit from and for the fucking 1%.

It is beyond me why the victims of the economic and social inequities of the English class system are tolerating this elitist, classist nonsense.

Spanner mutters...

Posted March 26, 2014

You Sir have insulted the honor of Sir Malcom, Inventor of the internet and Staunch-ish republican. For this the brave knights of Vaucluse challenge you to a duel. We demand satisfaction. I shall meet you on the tourney field at dawn.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan asserts...

Posted March 26, 2014

Oh yeah? I will be there before dawn, pick a spot, and do what lumpenproletariat Americans armed to the teeth do best.

NBlob puts forth...

Posted March 26, 2014

Pfft. We can see through your bravado. Your neck aint ever been tinged pink, let alone red, white & blue.

Your girlish hands, desk belly and prominant occipital crest aint no match for Sir Malcolm and his comic sidekick Eleventy Hockey.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan would have you know...

Posted March 26, 2014

Damn you, Sir, for revealing my seppo white trash charade.

Truth be told, I would probably hire someone to do my killing for me.

NBlob has opinions thus...

Posted March 26, 2014

Apart from gardening, canning fruit, making preserves & crochet is there anything you actually do for yourself? You get some poor-arsed undocumented migrant to wash your dog, grow your coca, mow your lawn, pat your cat, raise your children and many hundreds of other basic obligations of living. I'd suspect if Juan offered a bowel moving service...

Bangar reckons...

Posted March 26, 2014

Prof, you called?

Respond to this thread

Bedes asserts...

Posted March 26, 2014

Thought you were going to be all sweary here today?

In the abscence of, permit me to be more delicate.

What dainty and pitiful colonial garbage this all is.

Astounding, pretentious and nationally derelict.

Sentimental and divisive, coated with political insincerity, and, played by one mob of elites against the other on the strength of the opposition leader's mother-in-law is placed at the front of the queue for Row 1 on the A380 to Buck House.

To close, you are all cunts who should go and fuck your grandmothers.

In. The. Mouth.

Lots. And then some.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan is gonna tell you...

Posted March 26, 2014

I wish I had your gift for words, Bedes.

Dino not to be confused with swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 26, 2014

Captain do you hear that Music?

Yes it makes me want to dance too.

No I believe it is the nineties hit by Michael Jackson-

"It doesn't matter if you're Black or White it only matters if you're Indonesian"

Groovy moves Captain...

damian swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 26, 2014

Golly Bedes. You sure have a way with words.

bedes puts forth...

Posted March 27, 2014

'Cockwombles' is my word d'jour.

Cockwombles.

Lulu has opinions thus...

Posted March 27, 2014

"Backpfeifengesicht" is mine. It's a German word meaning "a face that cries out for a fist in it", and the English language unfortunately doesn't have the equivalent.

insomniac has opinions thus...

Posted March 27, 2014

How about 'Pyne', or 'Brandis', or 'Hunt', or 'Abbott'? As I see it, there are plenty of English equivs

Bunyip mutters...

Posted March 27, 2014

They're all synonyms for wankbadger.

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Infinite8horizon reckons...

Posted March 26, 2014

Midst the wassail and good cheer on expense accounts (from the hereditary rulers) and the muted acclamations (from the rest in the street), let's not forget that important peer:

Sir Not Appearing In This Distraction.

He's round the back of the cardboard cutout of a castle, continuing his nefarious works. Stuff like nobbling NDIS, neutering NBN, gutting Gonski, fornicating FOFA, rubbishing the Reef, applying whiteout to 18C, murder on Manus, slush for Sinodinos, and the list grows and extends. That's where the real knight work is happening.

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Quokka swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 26, 2014

And lets not forget bolstering Canned Oohs efforts to stick a super quarry in the middle of the wildlife corridor at Tallebudgera. And another at Eumundi, and then of course there's the one at Redlands. Because you can never be too rich, too bigoted, or have enough gravel.

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BigWillieStyle would have you know...

Posted March 26, 2014

I look forward to the pending investiture of Lord Shane Warne.

dweeze would have you know...

Posted March 26, 2014

Aint gunna happen. This came right out of the horses arse, errr mouth:

Meanwhile, Mr Abbott has ruled out suggestions Shane Warne could be knighted."I don't think we'll be seeing a Sir Shane anytime soon," Mr Abbott told Channel Seven.

Shame really. I'd be on the knees for Sir Boony, Lord Hoges or Dame Razer of the Wit.

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Therbs swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 26, 2014

Fuck 'em all. I'm with Boylzee (as Paul prefers to be known). Run 'em through, lop off their heads and display their fucked up noggins on poles outside Parly House.

Hey Bedes - not fucking sweary enough for my liking.

bedes swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 27, 2014

Seriously, if QB accepts this idiotic gestrue she can just go suck butter from my arse

Therbs is gonna tell you...

Posted March 27, 2014

Hey Professor Boylzee, you still have any of that revolution stuff lying around from when you booted out the Poms? We could do with some.

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ShaneAlpha puts forth...

Posted March 26, 2014

I, for one, look foward with eagerness to the coming Knighthood of Sir Andrew of Bolt.

Because then I can challenge the fucker to a duel.

Which will end something like this.

http://www.thearma.org/Youth/RapierQandA/capoferro1.jpg

I'm now in a happy place.

Sadly, I can't do the same to the Lady Gina.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan reckons...

Posted March 26, 2014

Why not? Why can't you do the same thing to Lady Gina?

damian mumbles...

Posted March 26, 2014

Ooh, capo ferro

ShaneAlpha has opinions thus...

Posted March 27, 2014

Lady Gina

a) because she's scary. and you know, the dueling nude thing.

b) I can't deny the pleasure of the lady swordpersons to stab her in the face.

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Quokka mutters...

Posted March 26, 2014

I haz commented. Likely it is in the spam trap, for fear of a law suit.

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damian swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 26, 2014

There's only one real sentence to summarise this, though it's in the imperative: Fuck the fuckin' fuckers till they're fuckin' fucked.

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Rob reckons...

Posted March 26, 2014

that's a perfectly cromulent word you're using there,

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Rhino mutters...

Posted March 28, 2014

Wow ... lookit all the Strayins gettin their noses outta joint just cause the guys in power want to have a super swanky club without them. It ain't easy bein preeminent ya' know. There's oodles to do and not enough syncophants to do it all. It is EXHAUSTING. And now you commoners want to bash them cause they want their due?!?!

Y'all need to be toein' the line if you know what's good for y'all. There's plenty of islands out there to ship you off to. Y'all have a precedent for that sort of thing. I'd keep an eye out on orders for large shipping vessels - might give you time to hie to the Outback or other "everything will kill you" desolation that seems to be 95% of your island.

This whining (there is no g in that word) makes me sick. Stuff a sock in your common gobs or your betters will take a stick to you.

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Respond to 'A Royal Proclamation for the Embiggening of Sir Andrew Bolt and Sir George Brandis'

Denying Chinese Sea Power

Posted February 18, 2014 into Politics by John Birmingham

Hugh White's column is more interesting than mine today, at least to me. He has some thoughts on why the relative decline of US sea power doesn't mean a corresponding rise in Chinese capability. It was inspired by the unannounced passage of three PLAN vessels past Christmas Island last week.

Sending a few ships on a short peacetime passage with some minor exercises along the way is one thing. Projecting power by sea against a capable adversary is quite another. Military power projection involves moving a lot of big, heavy stuff, which takes a lot of big ships. Those ships are inherently vulnerable to modern weapons systems, because they are easy to find with radar and other sensors, and easy to hit with missiles and torpedoes.

Defending them against these threats is essential to successful power projection, but it is extremely difficult and expensive. This means there is a big difference between projecting power by sea and stopping an adversary from doing so. This difference is key to understanding what is changing in the naval balance of power in Asia today, and what is not.

The big change is that over the past 15 years China has quickly built modern forces and systems that can find and sink other countries' ships - both in the waters around China and, increasingly, far from its shores. This vastly increased capacity for what navies call ''sea denial'' has fundamentally changed the strategic balance in Asia.

By building forces that can sink US ships, the Chinese have sharply cut America's ability to project power by sea against them. That ability has always been the foundation of America's strategic dominance in Asia - and of Britain's before it. So the old era of the West's maritime primacy in Asia is finally over.

But that does not mean a new era of Chinese maritime primacy is about to begin. The technical and operational factors that allow China to achieve sea denial over the US also allow the US to achieve sea denial over China. And not just the US. Smaller countries such as Japan and India will also be able to prevent China projecting substantial military power by sea.

Even Australia, if we made the right investments, could exploit the advantages of geography and technology to give us the capacity for sea denial against China in the waters to our north.

32 Responses to ‘Denying Chinese Sea Power’

Halwes ducks in to say...

Posted February 18, 2014

There is no chance known that the world's stupidest country is going to do anything at all about China except crawl up it's arse and feast on the stench. "If we made the right investments" made me laugh a lot until I realised the writer was being serious.

John Birmingham mutters...

Posted February 18, 2014

Hugh wants to build 18 submarines.

HAVOCK21 is gonna tell you...

Posted February 18, 2014

muppet should be also buying fkn NUKES AS WELL and CRUISE FKN MISSUILES AND B1 BOMBERS TOO!

HAVOCK21 has opinions thus...

Posted February 18, 2014

muppet should be also buying fkn NUKES AS WELL and CRUISE FKN MISSUILES AND B1 BOMBERS TOO!

Hooper asserts...

Posted February 18, 2014

We're planning on building 12 to replace the Collins class. We've just got to solve a couple of small issues. Getting enough people to crew them. Building them without the typical clusterfuck that happens when we try to "Australianise" military hardware (look at the original Collins class, or almost any other recent Australian military acquisition program excluding the C17s). Does Fleet Base West have the facilities to support 12 (let alone 18) subs, and is that the appropriate site for relatively short legged diesel boats? And finally, money, with the ADF budget being squeezed the last however many years…

I like the idea of 18 subs, strategically at least. But practically…I have my doubts.

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Brian mutters...

Posted February 18, 2014

China built its first 'quiet' submarine about 30 years ago. The point being to go under the US Navy ring about Taiwan. The US called it one thing, the Chinese called it a blockade.

No wonder they want a blue water navy. It's a matter of point of view. Carriers are next. . .the shipyard capability exists.

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Maddoug has opinions thus...

Posted February 18, 2014

Yes, a decent submarine fleet is an excellent idea. Only problem, where do we find the crews for 18 of them, (or 12) when we can't even keep six operational?

HAVOCK21 mumbles...

Posted February 18, 2014

BUILD NUKES, and get a better degree and masters and scholloing fkn set up up and fkn running. Dickwads in recruitment dont know shit and most of the OLD FKN MEN in the Service are from LAST FKN CENTUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrRY!. !!

Halwes reckons...

Posted February 18, 2014

How long until the Havocks of this world have their way and we nuclearise the north.? I suppose it already is by virtue of the unencumbered movement of US nuclear weapons through our ports and waterways. 30 years ago I would have thought that nuclear weapons would be outlawed by now. What a dumb fuck.

HAVOCK21 has opinions thus...

Posted February 18, 2014

yep, fkn dumb as! just worry If I get put into orbit is all!

Respond to this thread

Blarkon mumbles...

Posted February 18, 2014

Sea Drones.

The future of warfare is robot spam.

HAVOCK21 puts forth...

Posted February 18, 2014

lizardo fkn days are numbered!!!!!

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S.M. Stirling ducks in to say...

Posted February 18, 2014

Geopolitically, China is a short-to-medium term problem.

The really important statistics about China are that the number of Chinese turning 6 and starting school each year has declined by 25% in the past fifteen years, the number turning 18 annually started declining a decade ago, the total workforce started declining two years ago, and on current trends the total population will start declining in 2020, six years from now (both the latter two much earlier than previously expected).

Oh, and the male-to-female ratio for the younger generations is 115/100, which makes all the other problems worse.

But the number of Chinese over retirement age is skyrocketing, and will pass 400 million in the next couple of decades. China no longer has a population pyramid; it has a diamond, rapidly turning into an -inverted- pyramid.

In Shanghai, which is the face of China's future, 8% of the population is under 14, and 23% is over 60. The TFR is 0.6 -- the lowest for any large population in history, about a child and a half below replacement level. Local population (minus migrants) started declining in 1993. In fact, TFR's are under 1 in most large Chinese cities, and more than half the Chinese population is now urbanized (considerably more if you count the unregistered migrants whose situation in China makes family formation even more difficult than for most people).

China has lost the race to get rich before it gets old because the fall in fertility was so horrendously swift; only 20 years from a TFR of around 6 to below 2. That gave them a massive demographic divdend for a while, but the bill is now coming due.

Meanwhile its per-capita GDP is lower than that of Iran or Botswana. The total is large because there are so many people, but the dependency ratio is rising inexorably.

Partly that was due to the one-child policy, but repealing it simply won't change anything. Urban Chinese don't -want- to have more than about one child on average, or less -- look at Hong Kong or Taiwan or Singapore, which were never under the policy. Experience all over the world shows that it's not very difficult for governments to drive fertility down, but almost impossible to push it up much.

It's really an extraordinary phenomenon, sort of an auto-genocide. Meanwhile, a 4-2-1 country (four grandparents, two parents, one child, often an unmarriagable bachelor) is not going to be a military giant or an aggressive imperial power. In fact, the whole of the "Confucian Zone" in East Asia is in pretty much this situation, or rapidly getting there.

India, now, India may be a problem in the middle of the century.

HAVOCK21 puts forth...

Posted February 18, 2014

INDIA might be a BIG FKN PROBLEM!..they are fkn retards, have a good size pop and will have a large Navy and fkn almots ZERO barriers to us. I say, FORTIFY CHRISSSY ISLAND...LOTAS NAVY AND AIRCRFAT. Maybe some ICBMS as wel. Nuke INDIA and CHINA!..well,

w from brisbane would have you know...

Posted February 18, 2014

Though my Indian pals despair of India becoming any sort of an superpower. No central planning, a mozaic of fiefdoms and sub-fiefdoms, corruption, chaos and far too many people far too absorbed with the pleasures of argument.

Halwes is gonna tell you...

Posted February 18, 2014

I travelled a lot in India and my impressions were that they couldn't organise a fuck in a brothel. The joint is a corrupt cesspit.

pitpat puts forth...

Posted February 18, 2014

Right there in the four comments above is why I come back to CBG constantly,in their own way they have each ecploded my head. Thanks for the forum and collective of commenters. By the wy SM what does TFR stand for?

HAVOCK21 mutters...

Posted February 18, 2014

PIT...i'll take a stab. TOTAL FKN RETARDS!= PRC

Lobes mumbles...

Posted February 18, 2014

TFR is Total Fertility Rate. This is the number of children each woman is having.

For a population to remain stable it needs to be a bit under 2.5 kids per family. 0.6 is crazy low esp when you consider there is a gender imbalance towards males.

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HAVOCK21 puts forth...

Posted February 18, 2014

China. FKN PUSSIES REALLY. Their blue water navy is shit! full fkn stop. But lets just assume for a mo its got SOME FKN LEGS!

I could sit on me boat, smkin dope with a bunch of fkn JAVELINS and wait till the dumb fkrs sail into the LOMBOK or fkn SUNDA straits and ZAP. Now think about troops in the hills and beaches with the same gear, fkn let alone SHIPS, planes and SSMS/ Fkn china..its a PANZIE EXERCISE...p R O PO GANDA SHIT!.

MINES, subs and all sorts will sort out CHINA.

BUT INDIA..now there is a WHOLE FKN NOTHER PROBLEM POTENTIALLY!

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HAVOCK21 reckons...

Posted February 18, 2014

Shortish version. Any Muppet can sail some ships about, hell, any Muppet can sail a carrier about. But its a totally different ball game to manoeuvre and fight cohesively a fleet in littoral / island chain waters, or defend a fleet with aircraft. Both take a lot of time and training to achieve. I’m not saying they cannot do it, but its vastly different to operating in open waters.

Congested island and waters, again, makes for the the advantage to the defender, bring issues to bear on how you deliver your fire power. Its a stunt, we all know that, but its also training, its learning and those three ships will pass back a lot of data.

I’ve been a proponent for a long time of us having a sosus type net, especially at the exit to both those straits

Halwes mutters...

Posted February 19, 2014

Pull yourself together Havock. That was almost coherent.

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w from brisbane has opinions thus...

Posted February 18, 2014

I looked up Hugh White's view about submarines. In his SMH article, Feb 7 2012, he said:

"Submarines are likely to be the most cost-effective way to raise the risks for any aggressor trying to project power against Australia by sea. The submarines we choose will go a long way to determine whether we can mount an independent defence of Australia in the decades to come.........Today we have six submarines, and the government plans to replace them with 12 new ones. That's far too few for Australia to have an independent capacity to defend the continent. We would need an absolute minimum of 18-24 boats. On present plans, we would not have even 12 boats in service until after 2040. That's far too late. So to keep open Australia's options to be an independent middle power in the Asian century, the government needs to launch a submarine program to deliver twice as many boats twice as fast as now envisaged.

To achieve this, the boats themselves need to be as simple and cheap as possible, consistent with being able to perform their core role of sinking ships against very capable adversaries. That means they should probably be diesel rather than nuclear, smaller rather than larger, and developed from an existing design, not a blank slate. And if we are to build a fleet of 18-24, then it makes sense to do it here in Australia."

http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-opinion/submarine-shopping-should-start-with-a-few-key-questions-20120206-1r1p6.html

On a related note, a friend of mine spent 20 years in the military. She said the strangest people were the submariners after they had come in from a long stint at sea. Firstly, you can smell them from a distance. The stench of diesel oozes from every pore. Then there is their strange, feral eyes. They then go off and engage in a variety of lively and, some would say, depraved socialising. You can talk to them after 4 to 5 days.
Tough gig.



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Aaron puts forth...

Posted February 18, 2014

Havok please start your own internet shock jock radio show. We won't need subs after that.

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tqft mutters...

Posted February 18, 2014

When I see military stuff these days I always wonder which war the planners are trying to fight - the last one or the next one they think is coming.

All this blue water navy is nice work for shipyards but I might have to agree with the lizard king. Robot spam. Lots of ships is a nice for humitarian relief, a world with seas rising at an alarming rate or escorting "your" resources from Australia North. But warfare? Slow easy to spot targets.

HAVOCK21 asserts...

Posted February 19, 2014

yet to see fkn SPAM BOTS kill the bloke who just happend to point a gun at ya. Anybody can do retro!

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Barnesm asserts...

Posted February 19, 2014

The evolution of naval power seems to mimic that observed in natural systems with predator/prey developments. As the aggressor/predator invests resources into capturing prey, faster movement, better senses, sharper claws and teeth, the defensive/prey invest resources into thinker skin, better camouflage or indeed developing offensive tools themselves. In nature this has led to the evolution of size as a defence such as seen with the sauropod dinosaurs, to oversized teeth the sabre tooth cat.

However these evolutionary contests usually reach an equilibrium, how else would species ever survive unless some condition changes so dramatically to give one group an undeniable edge – the dinosaurs or leads to over specialisation that give extinction ie The sabre tooth Cat.

Currently in naval power that change would be the development of effective location, targeting and destructive power via drones, missiles or aircraft which can destroy any sea based approach. This will not be the case forever but for the moment until a fundamental change – such as the ability to take down/isolate or neutralise that network which would operate the drones, missiles or aircraft then this be a cheaper investment than developing large flotilla’s, at least in the sense of preventing an attack against territory.

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Therbs has opinions thus...

Posted February 19, 2014

Set up backpacker hostels and pubs across the north and on Christmas Island. Once they're full of drunk Brits, Irish and Euros no self respecting navy would want to come close.

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Chaz puts forth...

Posted February 19, 2014

It's a great idea to have 12 - 18 SSK's but the ability to crew them & maintain them as a viable force is another matter.

Your're always going to have a third being maintained in dry dock at any one time plus another third on patrol pus the balance moving to patrol status so lets say 12 boats ready to use at any one time.

each active boat will need blue and gold crews to maintian active stauts all year round and so with assumed crew size of around 40 (based on 212 or S-90 figures) so that's 960 trained officers and ratings plus on shore support.

thats alot of servicepeople that at the moment we just don't have nor can reasonably expect to have in the foreseeable future.

Such an expansion would also mean basically creating at least one major sub base on the east coast and maybe another sortie base between Broome and cape york. Again thats alot of cost both in manpower and logistics.

Sea drones sound great on paper but taking into consideration the material science aspect both in hull degredation and power not terribly praticalable. I do like the idea of sea control ships which would act as a launch pad for msaller UCAV's & ISR UAV's plus surface and subsurface drones.

Tqft, just about the ability to spot surface vessels the oceans are a big place and our ability to spot & id surface vessels is surprisingly limited. hence the reason why that North Korean arms smuggling vessel was not tracked for those three days it switched off its transponder and the carribean is awash with ISR capability (alot of it made in the US).

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Naut swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted February 19, 2014

All sounds too complicated.

Just drain the ocean, that'll screw any Navy.

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NBlob mumbles...

Posted February 20, 2014
  1. Sociology: The current management of the PRC are hard realists. They will throw any baby to the wolves if it perpetuates their control. I believe the "Tiger by the tail" metaphor is most apt. They know they walk a very fine line between managing the self-interests of the higher party members & family VS the masses. Both need to be on side to maintain control. For many decades they kept ostentatious displays of wealth behind compound doors, so that the masses wouldn't rise up at the inequity. Now the Bling is on the streets and while many millions, perhaps even most of the population is streets ahead of where their parents were (vehicle ownership, colour TVs, Litteracy, infant mortality, nutrition ect) they still cast lean and hungry eyes at the Princelings and ask the question "why do you have so much when we have so little by comparison." One of the biggest problems Those in control will have is to manage is the Visible yawning bulf between the haves & have nots. It is very hard to convince someone they live in a workers paradise when they are dragging a rickshaw loaded with cowsh!t when a Daimler screams past.
  2. Practicality. China won't start a war. They know they can't win. For lots & lots of reasons. Most obvious being they have <1 month of strategic fuel reserves and a profoundly urbanised population. After a week or so of war & maritime blockade of tenuous fuel supply lines there would be no food on the shelves of markets. After 2 weeks very little electricity. After 3 weeks there would be no centralised state control. After 4 civil war will tear the country apart. There is a Sung Tsu quote about the best war being one fought inside the home of your enemy.
  3. Never Underestimate the enemy. Just because the current management are by any & all standards a bunch of villainous bastards, Does Not Mean That They are Stupid. (Unlike our government) The current system is like a Darwinian gladiators ring which selsects for the leanest, fastest, best connected, smartest & least encumbered by Ethics. (OK, a little like our democratic system, you don't get pre-selected for a seat for being a Nice Guy.)
  4. +1 for Ol' Scaly. Consumable Drones will absolutely overcome any fleet. Aircraft carriers are on thier way to be as obsolete as knights on horseback.
  5. There is an economic theory that says; China led the world while the output of each person was roughly the same. Larger Population = Greater GNP. Then the industrial revolution allowed 1 Englishman produce 5X 1 Chinese. As China has industrialised over the ast 20 years or so the Productivity gap between a westerner and a Chinese person has narrowed to the point where a westener may produce 1.5 X 1 Chinese person, but as there are a "Cubic crapload" of Chinese the productivity balance is swinging back in thier favour.

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Guru Bob has opinions thus...

Posted February 20, 2014

I saw that the hull of the RAN's second carrier was carted into town a couple of weeks ago on the back of a big ship and i think it is now parked next to the first one at Williamstown. They may call them 'helicopter carriers' but that swept up ramp at the front end looks just like a harrier ramp to me...

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Dr Matthew Rimmer and The Trans Pacific Partnership

Posted February 4, 2014 into Politics by John Birmingham

I've been meaning to blog about this for a while now, but it's not really Blunty material, and the issues are dense and complicated. A lot of the criticism of the TPP is shrouded in anti-American stupidity, but some of the fiercest critics come from the US where the TPP is seen as a way of entrenching big business interests over those of Main St.

For me, the problem is solved by Dr Matthew Rimmer, who has kindly allowed me to reblog this piece from The Conversation.

A mercurial treaty: the Trans-Pacific Partnership and the United States

By Matthew Rimmer, Australian National University

According to the United States Trade Representative (USTR), Ron Kirk, the Trans-Pacific Partnership is “an ambitious, next-generation, Asia-Pacific trade agreement that reflects U.S. priorities and values”.

The negotiating partners for the treaty include a selection of countries from the Pacific Rim: Australia, New Zealand, Brunei Darussalam, Malaysia, Singapore, Vietnam, Chile and Peru. There has been much discussion about whether Canada, Mexico, and Japan will join the agreement. And USTR Ron Kirk has observed that the treaty has open architecture to accommodate new members.

Although the draft text remains largely secret, the outline indicates that the agreement is wide-ranging, covering some 20 areas, including competition, customs, e-commerce, intellectual property, investment, industrial relations, and trade.

According to the USTR, the treaty is intended to be a “living agreement” that can be updated to “address trade issues that emerge in the future as well as new issues that arise with the expansion of the agreement to include new countries.” The danger is it could instead be a mercurial treaty, which could be rapidly revised and updated by the parties.

Even within the United States, there are tensions between the Obama administration and the Congress over the Trans-Pacific Partnership - particularly in respect of the impact of the treaty upon open government, intellectual property, the digital economy, and public health. There has been a furore this week about the leak of the investment chapter of the Trans-Pacific Partnership.

<h2>Undermining open government</h2>

There has been widespread concern about the lack of transparency, due process, public participation, and good governance surrounding the Trans-Pacific Partnership in the United States.

A Democrat senator, Ron Wyden, has introduced a bill calling for all members of Congress, together with staff who have proper security clearance, to be given access to “documents, including classified materials, relating to negotiations for a trade agreement to which the United States may be a party and policies advanced by the Trade Representative in such negotiations.”

<figure><figure> </figure></figure>

His aim: “Put simply, this legislation would ensure that the representatives elected by the American people are afforded the same level of influence over our nation’s policies as the paid representatives of PhRMA, Halliburton and the Motion Picture Association.”

Meanwhile, a group of law professors have issued a statement to note concern and disappointment over the secrecy surrounding the IP chapter of the agreement. They’ve asked for increased participation for the sake for legitimacy and fairness, “­if the goal is to create balanced law that stands the test of modern democratic theories and practices of public transparency, accountability and input.”

The USTR has dismissed such allegations regarding the lack of transparency and public participation. But civil society groups have pressed their point, interrupting the Dallas talks with political theatre. The Yes Men infiltrated the Dallas meeting, and awarded Ron Kirk with a “Corporate Power Tool” in a fake ceremony:

<figre></figre>

<figure> </figure>

<h2>Copyright law, the digital economy and cloud computing</h2>

There’s also concern that the intellectual property chapter of the Trans-Pacific Partnership represents a similar threat to civil liberties, innovation, and the digital economy as those posed by bills such as Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) and Protect Intellectual Property Act (PIPA).

Republican Californian representative, Darrell Issa, has established a website called Keep the Web Open. He has posted a leaked version of a 2011 Intellectual Property Chapter of the Trans-Pacific Partnership, and called for public comment and criticism of the proposed text.

<figure><figure> </figure></figure>

But for his part, USTR Ron Kirk has maintained the agreement “reflects the incentives and stable framework that can nurture a healthy digital environment in the Asia-Pacific region.” He has argued that the treaty provides safe harbours for cloud computing. However, his purported “safeguards” in respect of copyright law and the digital environment remain somewhat hazy and vague.

Congressmen Issa and Wyden have instead called for the creation of a substantive Citizens' Digital Bill of Rights. The draft calls for an open internet; a free flow of knowledge; and the protection of civil liberties, free speech and privacy.

<h2>Patent law and access to essential medicines</h2>

There have also been concerns that the Trans-Pacific Partnership unduly favours brand-name pharmaceutical drug companies. Senior Democrat Congressman Henry Waxman - a co-author of the Hatch-Waxman Act - has spoken out over the impact of the patent provisions in the treaty on public health.

<figure><figure> </figure></figure>

Waxman has observed that the United States Congress negotiated safeguards for public health in trade agreements with the Republican Bush Administration and complained that the Democrat Obama Administration hasn’t included such measures in the Trans-Pacific Partnership.

Waxman has noted that the agreement would mean poor countries would wait longer for access to generic drugs than patients in the United States and that it would allow large pharmaceutical companies to increase their profits in developing nations. He has suggested that the agreement needs to be rewritten to ensure “a reasonable mix of incentives for innovators that do not pose unnecessary barriers to poor patients seeking access to low cost generic medicines.”

But the USTR has taken a hard line on intellectual property and access to essential medicines. It is genuinely shocking that the Obama administration should adopt such a stance on global health. Perhaps the Democrats have forgotten the public backlash against presidential candidate Al Gore’s controversial stance on patent law and medicines in 1999.

<h2>Trade mark law and tobacco control</h2>

When, Australian Attorney-General Nicola Roxon visited Washington DC, extolling the virtues of the plain packaging of tobacco products, earlier this year, Waxman raised concerns about the impact of the Trans-Pacific Partnership on tobacco control measures.

Waxman stressed, “Australia, a Trans-Pacific Partnership partner, has similarly faced challenges in the World Trade Organization to its tobacco control initiative that will require more visible health warnings and so-called plain packaging on tobacco products.”

In light of recent trade challenges to U.S. and Australian tobacco control laws, Waxman emphasized, “In my view, it is essential to safeguard countries' sovereign authority to take the most appropriate and most feasible action to protect the health of their citizens.” He insisted that the Trans-Pacific Partnership must respect the principles and objectives of the World Health Organization Framework Convention on Tobacco Control.

Surprisingly, USTR Ron Kirk has equivocated on the issue of safeguards on tobacco control in the Trans-Pacific Partnership, as can be seen in this video:

<figure><figure> </figure></figure>

And there has been unease in Australia about whether the integrity of its plain packaging regime will be protected.

<h2>Investment</h2>

On the 13th June 2012, the investment chapter of the TPP was leaked to the US civil society group, Public Citizen. The investment chapter provides substantive legal protections for investors and investments of each partner in the other countries of the Trans-Pacific Partnership.

The treaty establishes an “investor-state” dispute resolution settlement under which companies could seek compensation where there are breaches of their rights under the Trans-Pacific Partnership. There are particular concerns about how such a regime would apply to public health, labour, and the environment. Australia has refused to submit to such a regime in the Trans-Pacific Partnership thus far.

Investment clauses are widely used in disputes between companies and governments with previous spats over energy and against the Australian government over tobacco control.

With the leak of the investment chapter, the Obama administration stands accused of breaking its 2008 campaign promises on trade policy.

The leaked investment chapter has created a wider international controversy. The chapter appears to confirm fears that the treaty enhances corporate rights at the expense of public goods and services - such as the intellectual commons; affordable access to medicines and public health; and the protection of the environment.

Dr Matthew Rimmer is an Australian Research Council Future Fellow, working on Intellectual Property and Climate Change. He is an associate professor at the ANU College of Law, an associate director of the Australian Centre for Intellectual Property in Agriculture (ACIPA), and a director of the Australian Digital Alliance. Dr Matthew Rimmer receives funding as an Australian Research Council Future Fellow working on "Intellectual Property and Climate Change: Inventing Clean Technologies" and a chief investigator in an Australian Research Council Discovery Project, “Promoting Plant Innovation in Australia”.

The Conversation

This article was originally published at The Conversation. Read the original article.

16 Responses to ‘Dr Matthew Rimmer and The Trans Pacific Partnership ’

Blarkon mutters...

Posted February 4, 2014

It's fascinating to me that in an age where a lot of dodgy legislation can get past - where rights are rolled back, where spying on everyday conversations becomes legitimized, where wars are started on flimsy pretexts, and carcinogens are spilled into drinking water that it was the legislation blocking people profiting from IP theft that got people riled up enough to spam congress with phone calls and email.

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Barnesm has opinions thus...

Posted February 4, 2014

Thats as good a brief round up of examples of what should concern any citizen of Australia about what is in this treaty. The desire to conceal the document should send alarm bells ringing through out any democrcy that relies on an informed, particpating electorate.

I realise it is not the sort of sexy news that gets splashed across front pages, or provides exciting visuals and so don't get as much coverage as it should. I struggle to read these pieces and then struggle more with what to do about it.

Its as if the government doesn't think the population can be trusted with this information. I sometime think Bertolt Brecht said it best

"Some party hack decreed that the people
had lost the government's confidence
and could only regain it with redoubled effort.
If that is the case, would it not be be simpler,
If the government simply dissolved the people
And elected another?"

FormerlyKnownAsSimon would have you know...

Posted February 5, 2014

Completely agree with your assessment Barnesm. It's one of those topics that seem a bit too big to affect you on an individual level and completely out of a comfort zone to do anything about. I also struggle with these type of things as well - that is what the boffins are probably counting on to get this through without much hassle.

Ashamed to say i haven't really thought about free trade agreements in the past and had to do some reading around benefits and detrimental effects and try to inform myself. I'm a bit skeptical that when $$ and big business is involved that they do this for the benefit of the overall good and have anything but their own interests at heart.

When you involve countries with such a wide variety of GDP and economic advancement it only leads you to assume companies in the more affluent countries will take advantage of cheap labour and then pour their product back into the other participating countries without any tariffs that previously applied. You can only assume that local industries will collapse trying to compete with this. Am i walking down the beaten path of an old prejudice here? Is it too simple? It's a bloody complicated subject.

And like you say - the biggest alarm bell is the secrecy around the deal. If it is being kept secret then that only means that one/some of the players in the game are going to get hurt once the ball is in play. Who is going to lose? We'll only find out once it is too late to complain about it.

"Hey, what are you guys doing?"

"nothing"

"Really, it looks like something"

"Nah it's nothing. Don't worry about it. You want to come and play? . . . . . . . . ."

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damian ducks in to say...

Posted February 4, 2014

After several attempts to "post nothing", giving up for now.

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Lobes mumbles...

Posted February 5, 2014

I just came down to remark that their names are "Rimmer" and "Kirk" hehheh

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Rhino is gonna tell you...

Posted February 5, 2014

All your bases belong to us.

Dino not to be confused with reckons...

Posted February 5, 2014

Yeah but all your Bacon is belong to us...

mmmm

Rhino puts forth...

Posted February 6, 2014

Oh, spare me. You couldn't handle our bacon.I once watched one of you visiting faux-englishmen try to lift a slice of our bacon once and his vegemite spine gave way. Poor bastard died, not from his severed spine, but because he could not withstand the AWSMNSS of making contact with real Murican meat. At least he gained some insight as to what it would be like to be a real man before he expired.

He should have stuck with his Canadian cousin's attempt at bacon ... which is what we call ham. Possesses the essence of bacon but won't overwhelm your once-removed English sensibilities.A simpler meat for a simpler people.

NBlob mumbles...

Posted February 6, 2014

Mr. Rhino. Sir. Please don't gore me, but you obviously don't know your elbow from your hind quarters. I have conducted exhaustive sampling of all the smoked & cured porky products I could from All around the world. I have come to the conclusion that USAnians build the best rocket-ships, hottest centrefolds & biggest Action Heroes. However you can't make smallgoods to save yourselves. Your bacon is brittle, frail, feeble, flimsy, microtome-thin, excessively salty, the smoke flavour is from a can, not from smoke, the Pork is factory farmed and almost tasteless. In a truly free & open market your bacon afficionados would be filing for immigration the moment they got a look, let alone a taste, of any of our craftsmen made butchery products.

Your worship/ honour/ eminance I call Professor Boylan to the stand.

"State Your full name for the record please."

"Paul Danger Boylan."

"Your occupation please?"

"International Man of Mystery."

"Professor Boylan, I'd like to take you back to your most recent visit to Australia. Can you describe the bacon you were served there? The Hand-Cured by a traditional country family butcher, thick-sliced, BBQ'd over a real wood fire, bacon?

*Drools*

Say NO to the FTA and keep our Bacon ours!

damian mumbles...

Posted February 6, 2014

I always thought that the stuff the Americans call bacon was the bit that we cut off and throw to the crows - in other words, the rind. I did learn since that it actually comes from another part of the pig, though that does still sound like a cut of offal to me.

On a related note, there are still places near Brisbane where one can find bacon chops.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan is gonna tell you...

Posted February 6, 2014

In all honesty, Rhino, the bacon Bob refers to was fucking great. But it was cooked outside on a wood fired stove (by Bob himself) and I think that contributed to its excellence (the wood fired stove, not Bob's cooking efforts, which were prefunctory).

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted February 6, 2014

Bacon chops? Bacon chops to be had in Brisbane? And no one told me?

Lulu is gonna tell you...

Posted February 6, 2014

NBlob: "I have conducted exhaustive sampling of all the smoked & cured porky products I could from All around the world"

I'd like to put in a word for the pork product experts of Central Europe, particularly Germany & Poland. Example: Black Forest ham ... *** drool**

NBlob is gonna tell you...

Posted February 6, 2014

Yes Lulu, those continentals do some fine porky products. If given the choice, I'd take an Iberian Ham (Jamon ) over Black Forrest, I think it is about the brining.

Some of the Fat southern German sausages are worlds best. IMHO.

But for the perspective of a true expert I'd defer to our Abe. Someone shine the banger-symbol searchlight on the low scudding clouds.

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Jarrod has opinions thus...

Posted February 10, 2014

I find the concern about the investor-state dispute clause somewhat baffling. I would have thought that most people would support a mechanism that prevents the government from taking your stuff without paying proper compensation. After all that is all that investor-state dispute clauses do.

Example, Argentina, French company invests billion in the argentine oil industry, Argentine government nationalises it without compensation. Does anyone really think that is OK.

The whole plain tobaccos thing is a sideshow. The argument being run is that the tobacco companies invested lots of money in thier brands in Australia, and plain tobacco legislation destroyed those brands without compensation. I think it is probably likely to fail. After all legal restrictions are perfectly acceptable to limit the sale of dangerous products and this is probably going to fall into that category.

Personally I were going to invest in some of the countries covered by the TPP I would want to know that if the government decided to take my stuff I had some way of getting compensation other than the domestic courts of that country.

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Respond to 'Dr Matthew Rimmer and The Trans Pacific Partnership '

Yes, I wrote the foreword to Corey Bernardi's book. What of it?

Posted January 12, 2014 into Politics by John Birmingham

18 Responses to ‘Yes, I wrote the foreword to Corey Bernardi's book. What of it?’

Jack would have you know...

Posted January 12, 2014

Good one and yes he is a Dick Head.

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Harry reckons...

Posted January 12, 2014

I often wonder how many people actually ask themselves why they believe what they believe. You obviously have an opinion about Bernardi, but how did you come to that conclusion?

For a journalist, truth should be your exclusive aim in forming your beliefs. Are there not serious consequences when we develop false beliefs about reality? Blaise Pascal wrote the primary reason we struggle is the result of false beliefs.

Your article reminds me of the Bernie Madoff scandal where people placed excessive trust in what people tell us. Or as President Reagan said: Trust but verify. You provided neither

w from brisbane asserts...

Posted January 12, 2014

I don't even think John Birmingham actually wrote the foreward!

But, Bernardi does seem a hard fellow to take seriously all the time. When he chose a Senate Estimates hearing to argue his defence of lingerie football, I figured he was one of those religious chaps who seems curiously preoccupied with all matters sexual.

Bernie ducks in to say...

Posted January 12, 2014

Big problem with your little rant Harry, Birmo is NOT a journo, now go and write that 100 times on the blackboard.

Dino not to be confused with mumbles...

Posted January 12, 2014

Yes Harry,

If only we had more of this analysis-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lu5_5Od7WY

Some traditions are worth retaining.

Halwes reckons...

Posted January 12, 2014

Define reality

Dino not to be confused with reckons...

Posted January 12, 2014

Halwes,

I believe Richard Feynman defined mass as that which, when you stump your toe, causes a signal, hence existence.

I define reality as that which gives me the Shits.

So much reality...

Anthony has opinions thus...

Posted January 12, 2014

rHarry,

I have actually met the Senator, in fact I spent several hours sitting opposite him at a dinner one night. I think JB has atually gone quite easy on him.

He's actually quite personable has has a certain sleazy charm. His beliefs are also extraordinarily weird. "Smoking is actually, on balance, good for you" or similar was one line I remember.

I do know when I got back to the hotel I was staying at I felt so grubby after listening to him I was compelled to shower.

Brian asserts...

Posted January 12, 2014

From what I've seen of the senator . . .yes. . .the cognitive dissonance is surprising. It's the concluding statements that snap you out of the trance. It goes a,b and c and ends up in another alphabet.

Barnesm swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 13, 2014

Harry I think in this case you mean truthiness should be your exclusive aim in forming your beliefs.

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Brian ducks in to say...

Posted January 12, 2014


What of it ?
This is one of the most honest essays I've read in a while. It was a paid piece . . .and from that all the rest follows.
I have opined elsewhere that the senator has done a wonderful service for conservatives everywhere! He has, at once made the rest of us seem wonderful, reasonable and progressive paladins. Hell damnation . . .he's made Havock seem like a Chardonnay, cappuccino swilling, tree hugging love child of Bob Brown and . . .forgive me, my imagination failed.
I'm disappointed with the senator in that his Catholic education was incomplete. If only he had had a full Christian Brothers exposure . . .his statements may have been a bit better balanced.(sigh)

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damian mutters...

Posted January 12, 2014

There are times in life when I find I simply have no patience for the Bernadis of the world and when the only response I imagine vaguely fitting is really quite extreme violence. But I see these as darker times and such imagination a sign of weakness, while the position of strength is the one able to entertain the richness of life's tapestry, to make one's argument cheerfully and consistently and to take confidence (but never smugness) from the correctness of one's perspective at least relatives to the likes of these. It doesn't help that bloke has the face he does, of course.

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Dino not to be confused with swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 12, 2014

What of it?!

Oh my man "What of it"?

You souless piece of detritus a seagull wouldn't look twice at!

That's what!

Couldn't you do an article for Mamma Mia, or one of those free journalistc magazines?

Why JB Why?

OMFG.

There's no hope for you now MR Journalist!

"Love for Sale"

Dino not to be confused with reckons...

Posted January 12, 2014

Well I went to a free journalistic magazine.

Do you know that Gaviscon have a 'DoubleStrength" Liquid now?

I don't know what Gaviscon is(It was in a girly magazine(not that sort you peverts)) but I am really glad I am a man and don't have to use the new double strength stuff!

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insomniac mumbles...

Posted January 13, 2014

I like it how they always use a pic of him with a crazed look in his eyes, frothing spittle at the mouth, munting away, but that's probably all they have to work with.

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Barnesm is gonna tell you...

Posted January 13, 2014

"They drove a dump truck full of money up to my house! I'm not made of stone" - Krusty the Clown

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Chaz has opinions thus...

Posted January 13, 2014

was very dissapointed SMH didn't allow any comments.

Sheenan came out swinging (no pun intended) for Bernardi, can't belive how many people belive the crap Bernardi comes out with (look at some of the comments).

This just goes to proves that education is wasted on some people

insomniac swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 13, 2014

Case in point as to education being wasted. CanDo thinks he can get up an hour later if daylight savings is introduced (5:45 AM instead of 4:45 AM), and he's for it. I don't know if that's better or worse than the DST opponent's ridiculous arguments.

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Respond to 'Yes, I wrote the foreword to Corey Bernardi's book. What of it?'

Wanking into the fax machine

Posted December 6, 2013 into Politics by John Birmingham

I have a confession to make. I used to read The Australian. A lot. But I don't do that anymore. I done been cured of my wicked ways. If I had to put a definitive terminator on the day I stopped reading The Oz, I guess I'd go for the moment they powered up the pay wall. Previous to that I'd drop in for research purposes, mostly for Blunty, a couple of times a week. But like an alcoholic, shuffling past the entrance to a bar, just to prove that he can, just to prove that he's a better man now, I sometimes… I sometimes… I... Oh God, Iread it because… because I wanted to.

The Managing Editor informs the newsroom

of the day's editorial line

Don't you judge me!

I only read it for the good articles, damn you, the ones by mega-George and Matt Price, may he rest in peace, and a couple of the cricket writers, and Amanda Meade's media column. But nothing else, that was it, honest. If I read a Greg Sheridan op-ed I only did so to critique it to within an inch of its life. Oh, and they had Doonesbury too. Matt died young, and mega-George left, Amanda left, so many of the best voices left that the screeching of the trolls seemed to be all that remained.

If I'm honest, I stopped reading for anything other than work purposes long before the pay wall. The vicious derp was too great. The inability of the paper's editors to separate reporting from opinion, indeed their daily efforts to frame their deranged opinions as though it was reporting, became too much. It's not just a question of bias. All media is biased. It was the way that the naturally conservative bias of The Australian sickened and twisted into a stunted, toxic homunculus of reportage and rage. It didnt matter in the end how much quality copy they might source from their overseas partners. The septic mess they served up domestically was just too rank and odourous to be borne.

That's why I enjoyed this blog by Ben Jenkins so much. It is every bit a vicious and unfair as any of the shrieking, crack-fueled machete attacks for which the paper has become known. Perhaps even more so. But it's also funnier, much funnier.

It's funnier because it's truthier.

I would run the whole thing here if I could, but that would be wrong. Hit up the link and read it in its full glory. But allow me to steal just a couple of my favorite pars. That's what we do now in journalism. We're all about the stealing:

Today, The Australian published the journalistic equivalent of a clenched fist being shaken at skateboard. You can read it here. It’s got no byline, which is fitting because you get the sense that this article was brought into being not by a single author but by several, who all stood in a circle and wanked into a fax machine. The editorial reads like something drunkenly written on a napkin up the back of the Walkleys while glaring across the room at Latika Bourke.

It’s petty, it’s indignant, it’s self-righteous and it’s angry. It’s also got a kind of haunting and beautiful fragility to it. Like an old man with his bathrobe tangled in a bush.

26 Responses to ‘Wanking into the fax machine’

HAVOCK21 asserts...

Posted December 6, 2013

I best go an read, seeing as that after looking at my e/mails of a morning, the NEXT thing I do is power up the OZTRALIN I pay for it and have a peekaboo through the rather gifted and balanced reporting!

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Barnesm asserts...

Posted December 6, 2013

I wish that when I used to read the Australia I got that much enjoyment out of it as I did from reading Ben Jenkins take on the paper.

"Go cry into your accolades and circulation figures, pinkos!" magic.

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BigWillieStyle ducks in to say...

Posted December 6, 2013

"['The Australian' is] our nation’s answer to a question I’m reasonably sure no one asked"

Got to that bit and guffawed with such intensity that yesterday's breakfast was regurgitated through my nose.

OK, OK, I get it - the Murdochracy is on an anti-ABC thing at the moment. What they consistently fail to mention is what they want the ABC to look like. ABC presenters are paid too much! OK, how much should they be paid? The ABC is biased! Got any stats to back that up? The ABC Charter should be changed! How should the new charter look?

They're just howling at the moon. Toned Abs knows the public won't stand for the ABC being privatised...he and his Murdoch overlords are just trying to bully Aunty into toeing their line. Won't work, and he knows it. He has to pass the day somehow, I guess.

Lulu asserts...

Posted December 6, 2013

BWS, I'm thinking it might be a case of that old "repeat a lie often enough & people will believe it" thing.

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Brian mutters...

Posted December 6, 2013

Interesting that this comes out as an anti ABC whispering campaign comes out.

Im still flossing my brain. I mean WTF, Auntie is unfairly denying Newscorp and Symes their fair share of on line audiences?

Im guessing that most of the right wing nuts were too stingy to follow the Deathstar behind its pay wall, and someone doesn't like them being exposed to the free to online pinkos.

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w from brisbane swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 6, 2013

To repeat JB's repetition
"It’s also got a kind of haunting and beautiful fragility to it. Like an old man with his bathrobe tangled in a bush."

"Like an old man..." That is the best simile I have read in quite some time.

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Jimbo mutters...

Posted December 6, 2013

I think I will be stealing "wanking into the fax machine"

Seems like a perfect description of IT consulting

Darth Greybeard reckons...

Posted December 6, 2013

Hey! I've done some IT consulting and not one fax machine was, erm, soiled. There was this Exchange server once though . . .

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w from brisbane swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 6, 2013

As JB said, there is nothing wrong with a newpaper having a bias. We would have had a lot less publishing without a viewpoint wanting to be expressed.
I too used to read The Australian quite avidly. Like many, gave up a few years ago. It's persona changed from thoughtful, mature and concerned to bad-tempered, neurotic and spiteful.

But still, when The Australian, and particularly Paul Kelly, self-bastes that it is the uniquely unbiased vioice in the body politic, I do like to recall John Hewson's anecdote.

"By way of background, I recall when I became leader of the opposition that I visited most of the major newspaper editors to introduce myself and to outline policy intentions.

I most vividly remember an early meeting with Paul Kelly, then editor of The Australian. Kelly stated quite emphatically that The Oz had a specific policy agenda, and if I said the right things, consistent with that agenda, I would "get a run". If I erred, I could expect to get a drubbing."

Dr Mark Hayes swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 6, 2013

The Blog Engine ripped out all my Hot Links in my Comment! Damn It! There were lots, and really useful ones too :(

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Dr Mark Hayes asserts...

Posted December 6, 2013

I closely read Andrew Bolt's piece in The Courier-Mail for Wednesday, December 4, 2013, and, for the life of me, I couldn't figure out what he was on about. Maybe, my far more scholarly friend, Ethical Martini, has better ideas. What I'd like to see is some seriously reliable, robust, peer-reviewed, reputable journal published research into ABC bias (though Mr Bolt selectively mentions some fairly recent work on journalist's political leanings from the University of the Sunshine Coast which, when you actually read the original study, doesn't show the ABC is a writhing nest of greenies and lefties. The article itself is here if you can access it.) I'm looking for Mr Bolt's strong teleology (what do they really want the ABC to do?) ~ Aside from disappear, or get Off Line, or be severely restricted to one radio outlet, one TV outlet, like TV NZ, or be wholly privatized (Point 50 on the IPA's Wish List) (see also the last major par in my Ethical Martini comment). Does Mr Bolt want what's called False Balance i.e., every time The Science Show runs an item about some aspect of evolutionary science or anthropogenic global warming, or vaccination, in the interests of balance, they must also run an item of the same length on the same show or the next show featuring an intelligent design proponent or anthropogenic global warming sceptic or a vaccination critic? Should the ABC be legally required to apply its rigorous election reporting rules, applied once an election has been formally called, to all areas of its output ~ So much of this or that genre of music, based on album or iTunes track or artist sales, on JJJ, ABC Jazz, or Classic FM; What to do if you can't find a strong intelligent design proponent to "balance" your World Today story on new human evolution DNA research, or the intelligent design proponent is just awful radio or TV 'talent' (Believe me, trying to meet the ABC's election reporting guidelines when a party's playing mind games by hiding, only allowing one main spokesperson on the media and their phone never works, or the spokesperson has a serious sneech problem, is a First Class Pain!). All I'm really doing is trying to 'force' Mr Bolt, et.al., out to the practical and logical conclusions or ends (telos) of their arguments about the ABC. But then again, because they're actually post-modernist neo-liberal conservatives, they're as slippery with their arguments as the raging leftie post-modernists they supposedly loathe and argue have taken over the ABC. (Re-reading The Times Will Suit Them to get quickly back up to speed on post-modernist neo-liberal conservatism; Boucher & Sharpe almost nailed them. Almost...)

w from brisbane is gonna tell you...

Posted December 6, 2013

The problem with the public broadcaster is that it is chock full of people who believe in public broadcasting. For shame!
The sooner the public broadcaster is run and staffed by people who don't believe in public broadcasting, the better it will be for everyone!

Barnesm reckons...

Posted December 6, 2013

Nicely put, eloquent and makes a subtle point without vindictive bile and hyperbole. Can't be Andrew Bolt

damian has opinions thus...

Posted December 7, 2013

Logical consequence of the "

damian is gonna tell you...

Posted December 7, 2013

Logical consequence of the "everything is an opinion" brainfart. It is a remarkabe kind of relativism, so shamelessly self-serving and so apparently addicted to preventing knowledge.

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Barnesm asserts...

Posted December 6, 2013

The stuff about the ABC's "left wing bias" always makes me think about the Melbourne comedian Rod Quantock

"the ABC couldn't balance the right wing bias in this country's media if it were run by Marx and Lenin"

damian is gonna tell you...

Posted December 7, 2013

Yes, struck by the same thought often.

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Murphy has opinions thus...

Posted December 6, 2013

Ah, those strange Straylians.

Respects,

Murph

On the Outer Marches

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Frip swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 6, 2013

Is still get the Weekend Australian delivered. It's cheaper than cat litter and has the ability to soak up even the runniest shit.

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Rob mutters...

Posted December 6, 2013

I stopped reading the Oz and switched to the Brisbane times when they put up the paywall. I used to read the weekend one for the arts coverage. But I havent bought a paper for years (literally 4 years). But I havent paid for a subsciption for anything either online. But I do shop ebay. I reckon i should get a free sub to the washington post for that.

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Darth Greybeard ducks in to say...

Posted December 6, 2013

Talking to older relatives and acquaintances who get all their news - and most of their opinions - from the Oz & Courier Mail is disturbing. I suspect that like Fox News, those papers actually make you less informed that someone who reads no paper at all. Those people (all old) seem to live in a different world to the rest of us. They literally never hear of the scandals and blunders and genuinely believe that Tones is doing a fantastic job. Scary. I told one he should check his pension eligibilty because of the changes to exemption rules coming up in 2015 (without any mention of politics). He just glared at me. Won't happen apparently, Tones wouldn't do that! I give up.

Barnesm puts forth...

Posted December 6, 2013

"those papers actually make you less informed that someone who reads no paper at all" this may be a manifestation of the Dunning–Kruger effect.

damian is gonna tell you...

Posted December 7, 2013

I came across the Dunning–Kruger a while back; it explains so many things.

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BigWillieStyle mumbles...

Posted December 6, 2013

They still have fax machines?

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Lulu ducks in to say...

Posted December 6, 2013

From the blog, quoting The Australian: “Triple-J alumni have wrested cultural and editorial control”

I wonder if this is a dig at Steve Cannane? Maybe he was insufficiently obsequious to Judith Sloan or somebody on one of their appearances on The Drum.

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Apology and Appeasement

Posted November 25, 2013 into Politics by John Birmingham

Scored the cover of the Spectator this week. The fourth time I've written about the DSD/ASD spying imbroglio. It's gone on long enough to attract attention overseas, although I suspect China's unilateral declaration of a military air zone over the Senkaku/Diaoyu islands might steal some attention from the international crisis buffs this week.

Anyway, it kicks off thusly:

Who knew that when Tony Abbott promised to focus Australia’s attention away from Geneva and on to Jakarta he actually meant the satellite dishes and microwave antennae of the Australian Signals Directorate? Or that having praised the departing former PM Kevin Rudd for his apology to the Stolen Generation, that Abbott would so soon be digging his heels in, refusing to say sorry with a shell-backed obstinacy that would have done his mentor John Howard proud?

Whole bit is here.

16 Responses to ‘Apology and Appeasement’

JG mumbles...

Posted November 25, 2013

Congrats, JB. Great essay. Respect.

JG.

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Lobes reckons...

Posted November 25, 2013

I regularly read the UK Spectator and quite enjoy it. Taki, Charles Moore, Jeremy Clarke, Rod Liddle... all some of my favourite columnists. However the Australian Specatator totally confuses me. It really seems to be edited by total fuckwits with their heads completely up their arses.

Nevertheless I still occasionally read it and despite preparing my low expecatations theres always at least 20-30% arseholery within its pages. I can only assume the editor is either as big an ignorant fuckwit as he appears to be or hes merely a spineless motherfucker who just likes being assfucked by his agenda pushing overlords. A brand like the Spectator really can do better.

/rant

I did enjoy JBs short essay though. A pretty even tempered analysis of why spying occurs and what to do about it when the cats out of the bag.

Brother PorkChop puts forth...

Posted November 25, 2013

So Lobes, you don't like the local version? Is that what you're saying? Enjoyed the rant!!

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w from brisbane puts forth...

Posted November 25, 2013

The happiness of the recumbent cyclist is possibly due to their freedom from the very unpleasant genito-urinary symptoms that torment many upright cyclists.


w from brisbane swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted November 25, 2013

Oops. That was supposed to be on the Spartacast thread.

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Surtac mumbles...

Posted November 25, 2013

Nice piece, JB. Some sane analysis at last.

What's the betting on how long Toned Abs can hold out before 'assuming the position'?

HAVOCK21 mutters...

Posted November 25, 2013

aND THATS WHY THEY SHOULD BE TAPPED AND FKN CAPPED, FKN MONEY LAUNDERING CROOKEED AS FKN RETARDS. aBBOT SHOULD CALL THE FAT PROICK OUT FOR A PUNCH ON!...AOR A RUN ON..EITHER WAY, THE NARROW MINED TOOL WILL LOOSE!...

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Halwes ducks in to say...

Posted November 25, 2013

Good one John. Now you've got them all after you. Do you have no concept of " he who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day "?. To be honest you were probably on both countries' " enemy of the state" list anyway I suppose. Have you applied for a visa to enter Indonesia lately? Can I look after your car while you and Schappelle cosy up for a few years? The real crime, which both govts hope we never find out the truth about, is the genocide happening right now in West Papua.

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HAVOCK21 is gonna tell you...

Posted November 25, 2013

fk'erm fk'em and double fk'em the small half witted fkn retards!.

Take back the 500 million in fkn aid, stop training their retarded fkn mil and sink the fkn boats the moment they cross the line. Its quite simply one more reason why we need to replace the F111's with the..as the pentagon suggests, B1 BONE fkn bombers and when required, remind Jakarta, they are money taking corrupt as fkn arseholse who we can bomb back pased their current status of fkn stone age if and whne we well fkn please!

FKRS..I'd do'em over from orbit any fkn day of the week and twice on fkn sundays just to make fkn sure the tool headed flag fkn burning arsehats dont fkn do it again!

As for an apology..WELL THEY CAN SURLY POSITIVELYY FKN GET FKN FKD!!! IN MY BOOK!. I'd send him a letter written in animal fkn blood saying BITE ME!

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HAVOCK21 has opinions thus...

Posted November 25, 2013

OH...fkn interesting article as well! who was the coc- cwing retard at the helm at the time...botaa bot did the right thing..! fk'em, lettem eat fkn cake!

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Abe Frellman ducks in to say...

Posted November 27, 2013

The IDR is coming under pressure this week and the Indo government tried to raise funds in USDs on Tuesday, but only raised about a quarter of what they wanted. Something tells me the attitude adjustment might not be too far away, particularly as the RI government is notorious for disliking the IMF's 'strings'.

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted November 28, 2013

Apparently no one comments at the Spectator. Blunty has spoiled me.

Dino not to be confused with has opinions thus...

Posted November 28, 2013

Paul, dear Paul,

Blunty is an illusion.

Like Aspartame.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan ducks in to say...

Posted November 29, 2013

Damn you, Dino, for denying me a bright and comforting illusion.

damian asserts...

Posted November 29, 2013

All illusions pass.

Well, with enough castor oil.

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Steve reckons...

Posted November 28, 2013

Abbott should have told SBY to GFY.

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