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A Special Offer from Nigeria

Posted September 1, 2015 into Blunty by John Birmingham

From: Jbimba Jbirming'm Lagos-Nigeria Tel: 234-80-34069502

VITAL CORRESPONDENCE FOR MR DYSON HEYDON

Dear Sir

This letter is not intended to cause any of the embarrassment but just to contact your esteemed self – following upon my recent knowledge of your high repute and trustworthiness.

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I am Jbimba Jbirming'm, the son of the late Nigerian Head of State who sadly died of fatal reasons on the 8th of June 2015. You are being the fine fellow about whom so much is being said on the Internet and satellite news channels which we get here in Lagos when the weather is fine. I am pleased sir, to make the acquaintance of another as well known, esteemed and I must presume as wealthy as myself.

If you are conversant with world news, you will understand better that I got your contacts through my personal research and diligence on the internet where so many people speak so highly and so much of you as a man with excellent contacts.

More at Blunty, upon receipt of your credit card details...

15 Responses to ‘A Special Offer from Nigeria’

Dave W mutters...

Posted September 1, 2015
I received one of these as well, but then I forgot about it, and I didn't think it was important enough to worry about it, and then when I was reminded, I didn't think that I should worry about the attachments. Finally, when I was reminded about the attachments I cancelled the order, but was insulted that anyone would think that I had done that because of any risk of my decision-making being questioned. How dare they?

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insomniac asserts...

Posted September 1, 2015
I am very much interesting in you offer, but I has been dialling the telephony conveyance number provided by you, and there is no answer. Please be telling me how I may be contacting your good self for me to taking advantage of you wonderful offer.

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Therbs is gonna tell you...

Posted September 1, 2015

I am truly excited by this wonderful opportunity from such a fine individual as yourself. I believe my church can be of assistance in this matter. My church however restricts its financial transactions to those who belong to the church.

If you are interested in becoming a member of our church please provide a photograph of yourself holding a sign with the message,

" TO NY ABBOTIS AWAN K BAD GER"

Also please provide a carving of a black necked spitting cobra which will become a symbol of your branch of our church.

Yours in anticipation

Rev Therbs,

Doshmaster

Church of The Holy Pocket



Lulu is gonna tell you...

Posted September 1, 2015
Rev Therbs, I have a picture with a poster saying "PY NEIS A CO CKS NAP". Does that meet your requirements?


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GhostSwirv reckons...

Posted September 1, 2015
Dear Jbimba Jbirming'm,Sir, it has been brought to our attention, (via rigorous, enthusiastic forensic investigation of the Opposition, sic; Fairfax) that you have been in direct digital contact with 'our man', the Honourable Dyson Heydon.

After consultations with our respected Donor Contact list and esteemed Legal Advisors we want you to cease and desist any further procurement of the services of 'our man', as he cannot be bought, coerced, compelled, dictated to, cajoled, inveigled and/or enticed into any activity not deemed to have passed muster under the relevant bylaws of the Fundraising Executive, which is totally not an arm of the LNP.

If you persist in attempting to gain a profit, advantage, upper-hand, eminence, superiority and/or leverage without our express permission and having registered a booking on the social events calendar we will be forced to take action in the court of public opinion - NewsCorp publications.

By the way what kind of a name is Jbimba, sounds like a made-up nom de plume, designed to obscure identify, not to provide clarity and circulation of the air.

Further contact on this matter should be directed to the Editor of The Australian - who would be able to offer impartial advice on this issue as you are clearly unaware of the intricacies of democracy and Ozcracy in particular.

President of the Fundraising Executive Sub-CommitteeNot of the LNPBut of Concerned Legal Citizens






dweeze puts forth...

Posted September 1, 2015
Mr/Mrs/Mx Esteemed President,
I should be liking to join your Not of the LNPButt Party. Pleas to be advising of wear I can deposit my winnings form defamation case with NewsCrap.
Dweeze NotOnBongo (JustYet).

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GhostSwirv reckons...

Posted September 1, 2015

Dear Dweeze,

One just doesn't ask to join the Not of the LNP Party, (insert Butt code-word here), one has to be invited after careful perusal of the facts of your financial and societal bona fides.

To expedite the process can you advise as to when you last made a North Shore deposit, no need to mention if any conversations took place with any Federal member.

Defamation cases are our pate de foie gras - we don't mind where the money stream is forthcoming, just as long as its not on our books.

The President



dweeze has opinions thus...

Posted September 1, 2015
Viva El Presidente,

Please be forgiving me for not to understand your member ship process. Butt-kiss is not my firstest language.
I have been spent trillions in Monopoly, taken dumps in Roseville, and once spat at a Federale. Do this count?
I know a something about brown envelopes and bulges, if that be helping.

Yore Humboldt savant...
D.

insomniac swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted September 1, 2015
Dear Mr Signor Dweeze,
Do not be putting your trusts in the man claiming to be the President of the Not of the LNP Butt Party. He is an imposter trying pull a SCAMP on you. He is merely the third cousin of the man whom picks up our droppings as we strut around the party room. I am not claiming to be the true el Presidente, but I do know him very well through my connections. I can of course verify this information for a small fee, which you can pay into our account at the Royal Bank of Columbia.
Your firend
Meister insomniac.

GhostSwirv puts forth...

Posted September 1, 2015
Nein, nein, nein, 9 !!!!

Do not beliebe him mein GruppenFuhrer Dweeze ... I am ze reeellll Prezident!

All payments must to Argentina, not to those coffee fiends in Columbina!

dweeze ducks in to say...

Posted September 1, 2015
Sirs,

You scamper's now have me more confused than a LGBTQIABCXYZ.

I have made consult with the oracle and under advice to send all assets to Mnsr. Jbirming'm immediate for safekeeping.

I have no trust in Colombos anyway. He looks shifty and ruffled.

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Halwes puts forth...

Posted September 1, 2015
More jihadist propaganda. You are really cruelling your chances at a lucrative Chritopher Pyne biography gig.I can imagine that you'd have to immerse yourself entirely in the subject to get the job done right though.

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ChrisB puts forth...

Posted September 2, 2015
Y'all are too late, I already gave him all my information. My money is well on the way. See'ya suckers! I'm buying a Caddy for every day of the week!

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Brother PorkChop is gonna tell you...

Posted September 3, 2015
Helloooo Brother JBimba
Where's my fucking cut of all this you mangy son of a syphilitic camel shagging goat loving cheese boy?
Yours in Brotherly Love as usual
JBongoWTF!! JBongo. Mums gonna shit bricks Bru. Hows about some fush n chups tomozza night?

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WarDog is gonna tell you...

Posted September 11, 2015

It's a shame he died from fatal reasons.

There's a cure for that now.

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Thinky blog

Posted August 18, 2015 into Blunty by John Birmingham

Perhaps it's not Tony Abbott. Maybe it wasn't Julia Gillard, or Kevin Rudd. It might not even have been Mark Latham. (Spoiler, it was totally Mark Latham).

But Latham aside, the pity and madness of modern politics might not be the singular fault of a bizarre onion-eating Paleo-reactionary like Abbott, or a narcissistic personality disorder in search of ego validation… paging, well, pretty much all of them.

The pity and madness of modern politics might just be how we do politics now. It was not always thus.


At the Instrument.

8 Responses to ‘Thinky blog’

insomniac mutters...

Posted August 18, 2015
If we can't get rid of parties, can we at least get rid of political staffers taking over from the incumbents. Anyone who hasn't had a real job for x number of years should be disqualified from standing. We might just get some sensible people in parliament rather than a bunch of toadies. How refreshing is it to see people like Muir and Lambie, and to some extent Turnbull; people who have some idea of the real world? If you can get a bunch of people into parliament, who sit somewhere between Muir and Turnbull, the country would be humming along nicely.
must... rest... brain... now...

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pitpat ducks in to say...

Posted August 18, 2015

Now the we are all webbed up in our own weave.

Participatory ( shudder) democracy anyone?

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pi asserts...

Posted August 18, 2015
How about the NCP? The Non-Crazy party? Or how about the EBP? The Evidence-Based Party? A platform of supporting bills that are backed up by evidence. Now there's an idea. This, of course, is never going to happen.

So what about another method. Advertising for elections, times, places, locations, mediums, is paid for by government based upon your support in the populace. Do a cracker in an election, you get more advo bucks (or more importantly, more prime-time exposure) the next time around. Then chuck in a truth in journalism requirement, and you'll clear out some of the worst of the bile-filled wankers on both sides. More let's face it, on the rupert side, but that might just be me.

Our politics reflects our media habits. It is fractured, because our media is fractured. More languages, more cultures, more people switching off of news and main-stream information and entertainment every day. Our people don't have the same identifiable groups and organisations that forced politicians to take note when they are ass-hats anymore. More often than not, the largest groups remaining are groups of ass-hats who've never found anything more entertaining to do.

It would seem Aldous Huxley was right.

WarDog puts forth...

Posted August 19, 2015

+1 for the EBP

This is really how politics is meant to work.

Pollies are then responsible for explaining and selling the best EB policy to the people.

But I suspect it is a bridge too far.

Bring on the AIs. Handball it all to them. We can't do it any worse.

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NBlob asserts...

Posted August 19, 2015
Thinky blog good. Must not sink with only 3 comments. Reminds me of a BarnesM rant about the future of public libraries blog.

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S.M. Stirling is gonna tell you...

Posted August 20, 2015
The founders of the US also disliked political parties, but got them anyway.
Parties exist to articulate bodies of opinion and interest; they're alliances to get a platform enacted.
Nobody can get -everything- they want. A party enables you to get the maximum possible number of things on your bucket list.
If coalitions had to be renegotiated for every vote, not only would politics lurch about, but the corruption level would skyrocket -- as it does in proportional-representation systems, where something like that happens all the time.
Of all the systems, the least-bad is a parliamentary system with constituencies and Australian-rules preferred voting. Compulsory attendance is also a good idea.
Horrible as it may be to contemplate, the current Australian system is probably the best possible.

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Murphy_of_Missouri would have you know...

Posted August 20, 2015
Optimates and Populares.

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Classvtony is gonna tell you...

Posted September 18, 2015
I live in the US and occasionally follow Australian politics. It's nice to know Australia has its share of Trumpty Dumpties.

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#ReclaimAustria

Posted July 28, 2015 into Blunty by John Birmingham

I was searching for a Blunty topic, not having much luck with the news cycle, and thinking it was going to be a toss up between Quade Cooper's tweet (and the need to for everyone to be given one Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card on the Internet). Or Jimmy Barnes vs Reclaim Australia.

Neither really appealed, but then with one typo, I had my column.

"Do they not love Austria? Do they not want real Austrians to reclaim their birthright of legacy, while rocking out to Working Class Man, or wiping away a poignant tear about the horses on the beach song. That was a John Farnham one, right? The horses on the beach song? The beach which is now so crowded with the luxury boats of millions of brown boat people that there's not even enough room now for dinkum Austrian heritage horses to gambol about and recreate the charge of the Light Brigade at Beersheba."

At Blunty.

4 Responses to ‘#ReclaimAustria’

FormerlyKnownAsSimon mutters...

Posted July 28, 2015
What no trolls this time? Or are the troll cannons working to order?

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insomniac has opinions thus...

Posted July 28, 2015
Just as an aside, Quade Cooper was born in the town in New Zealand that I grew up in. Our times there did not overlap but I don't want anyone thinking poorly of me as a result of that loose association.

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GhostSwirv is gonna tell you...

Posted July 28, 2015
Mein Gott - Now I get it, the Arnie real estate ads were a prelude to invasion.

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Shifty Tourist would have you know...

Posted July 29, 2015

I'm not necessarily a fan of Cooper, he's part of the kick-away hard won possession, school of Rugby, which is deeply frustrating. But to be honest, If I were a professional sportsman, having to listen to the constant chattering from the peanut gallery for the entirety of your career about whether I should be selected for the team, my performance, that I'm past my peak, not as good as XXXX for the position, I think you should get a free-kick back against the peanuts now and then.

It must be terrible thing about those kind of jobs, unlike the rest of us, the entire public gets to comment on your work performance. Not saying there are not some massive benefits to compensate for this.... but they should be able to tell people to pull their heads in occasionally.

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Harden the fuck up, Brisbane

Posted July 14, 2015 into Blunty by John Birmingham

16 Responses to ‘Harden the fuck up, Brisbane’

w from brisbane asserts...

Posted July 14, 2015
I'm still waiting to be sucked down the polar vortex. The weather here has been nice. The coldest it's been so far is 10°C overnight. Beautiful, clear, intensely blue skies during the day. If you avoid a wind funnel area, in the sun there have been plently of people wandering around in short sleeve shirts.

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Murphy_of_Missouri mumbles...

Posted July 14, 2015
When you get two feet of snow, call and talk to me about cold.

Living on the train tracks of the Siberian Express in North America,Murph
The Resentful

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan puts forth...

Posted July 14, 2015
They honestly have no idea of how good they have it, Murph. Believe me, I know. All I heard was complaints about the air not being quite clean enough, the river not being quite beautiful enough and the lifestyle not manifesting just the right balance between sloth and relaxation.

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Havoc ducks in to say...

Posted July 14, 2015
Jesus effing wept, pussies the fkn lot I say. Mate up here where I am at the moment in Cudgewa ( that’s about 10 minutes from |Corryong ) where they have the MAN FROM SNOWY RIVER GIG and thaey be hard as fkn nails, we go into COOL ROOMS of 1 degree to GET FKN WARM!
YOUR lot of BGB ( that’s BIG GIRLS BLOUSES) up there get a shift south of 10 degrees and they be screaming their collective….boobies off!
NOW..when I WNET TO SCHOOL in the WIMMERA…on me bike, I tells ya.MADE THIS SHITE LOOK REAL FKN TRIVIAL I SAY..NO MITTNED, GLOVES BEANINES AND ALL THAT OTHER GEAR. JUST FKN MAN TOUGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

insomniac has opinions thus...

Posted July 14, 2015
I concur. It's still t-shirt weather here on the NSW south coast.

dweeze mutters...

Posted July 14, 2015
Me bro-in-law reports that Dunedin standard year round uniform is shorts and a beanie. Them Southern Kiwis must be 'ard. Just hit 2.5 degrees C here in the Strathbogie Ranges - bloody heat wave is on again.

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HAVOCK21 puts forth...

Posted July 14, 2015
YEP, sure enough the arsehats at death start stupid rejected the comment, left this just now, its prolly gunna get fkn canned by thye shit heads as well.

NOW I had better change my ways, or the very fluffy nice and PC person who holds sway over the SPAM Button and whom does not want me to offend or post here will most certainly drop the ban hammer on this comment. Actually the last three have been sent to the bin would you believe. Its gotta be a girl in a pink dress and with pigtails I reckon. Actually that might offend so I take it back...kinda, its most likely a bloke/girl cross dressing perhaps not might only eat m,eat and may then only uses air type person I guess.

Either way. You Queenslanders are pussies *( that might also offend) , the Queenslanders word that is, oops did it again. HARDEN UP

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Halwes mutters...

Posted July 14, 2015
Freezing our arses off here too. Down to 23 degrees with a wind chill of about minus 20 I reckon. Overnight an unheard of 14 degrees

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Dave W mumbles...

Posted July 14, 2015
What, Brisbane is cold? Ahhhh, these must be people who've never visited Canberra.

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Rob mutters...

Posted July 14, 2015
STFU Queensland.Sincerely Tasmania.
PS the pussy vortex went around our island.PPS ha haha

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damian mumbles...

Posted July 14, 2015
It's terrible, I tell you, I actually saw someone wearing a jumper.

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AuntyLou asserts...

Posted July 14, 2015
Well I wish to register a complaint! I have an unreasonable number of both scarves and winter coats for a born and bred Queenslander... And I have been gyped(is that correct?) again!! On the Gold Coast & assured of a very frightening "polar blast from the coldest place on earth" & ended up in short sleeves at Surfers. We even went to Europe in February just to get me some proper winter weather & my long johns came back unworn! I can't catch a break. If any of you Burgers need a cold spell broken... let me know. Sure I can bring the heat ( ooh err!that sounds a bit rude..shut up old woman & put that wine glass down!) Anyway, back to being slightly over warm...

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JG is gonna tell you...

Posted July 15, 2015
Haha. Another classic, JB. Love this piece. I agree: Brisbanites are soft re cold weather. I grew up in Canberra where the winter nights got down to minus 6 Celsius at times. Just a mild, slightly chilly but refreshing morning in Brisbane this morning at 4 degrees Celsius. Pfft. Joanna

Dave W ducks in to say...

Posted July 15, 2015
Hey JG, I'm on the push-bike to work in those -6c mornings here in Canberra. Cyclists scoff at the soft motorists who complain about how cold it is (once our fingers and toes have thawed out, that is).

damian would have you know...

Posted July 15, 2015
I used to ride my bike around Canberra a lot. Polar-fleece lined fingerless wool gloves, a cotton jumper with a shirt and tshirt under and a scarf, jeans, Rivers "aviator" boots... minus 6 wasn't a big deal like that (unless it was really windy). Of course now I live in Brisbane it's the same outfit with but with a woollen jumper and a jacket over to walk the dog in the just-above-zero pre-dawn. And a jacket for the dog too (of course). Soft? Meh, older and disinclined to care.

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Trashman would have you know...

Posted July 15, 2015

It's the height of summer here in sunny Scotland. Max Temp today is 15C (T-Shirt weather!). The best we've had locally this year is about 25C in between torrential rain - humidity off the chart.

We actually had night frosts fairly regularly up until late June.

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The Base

Posted March 3, 2015 into Blunty by John Birmingham

From Blunty this morning:

There are lots of things you shouldn't import from America. Gun culture, health insurance schemes and possibly hamburger buns made entirely out of deep fried chicken breasts. Although I'm willing to be talked around on that last one.

One of the dumbest and most dangerous things we could ever drag back across the Pacific, however, is the idea of "the base" in politics.

More here.

But more interesting is BrianC's awesome fanfic below.

27 Responses to ‘The Base’

w from brisbane has opinions thus...

Posted March 3, 2015
Good point about the difference due to compulsory voting. On a vaguely related point, the U.S. system where you can identify yourself as a Democrat or a Republican when you initially register to vote seems odd to me. Why is it so? What is the point? In Australia, the idea that elections are a secret ballot is core. Plenty might tell you how they voted, but it is generally considered an anti-democratic impertinence to ask someone.

insomniac mumbles...

Posted March 3, 2015
Can't you tell just from the newspapers people read?

MickH mumbles...

Posted March 3, 2015
That's because the US isn't a democracy anymore W, its a Oligarchy. It was never truly democratic to begin with.
http://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-echochambers-27074746

Sudragon mumbles...

Posted March 3, 2015
Is it possible to be democratic when your demos is 300 million people? How about 1.2 billion (India)? Was the system more or less democratic before radio? television? the internet?

Should we be an oligarchy with, perhaps, an Assassins Guild to keep them on their toes?

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Darth Greybeard reckons...

Posted March 3, 2015
Dead right Mick. It is indeed an oligarchy and it matters little which party ostensibly wins. The corporations rule either way. Can't see it improving short of a 2nd revolution.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mutters...

Posted March 4, 2015
A deep enough economic depression/recession will do it.

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MickH ducks in to say...

Posted March 3, 2015
Actually there is some argument that it is now a Plutocracy

damian asserts...

Posted March 3, 2015
"Plutocratic oligarchy" is not an oxymoron. Far from it.

MickH reckons...

Posted March 3, 2015
Well...Actually most Oligarchies are Plutocratic so...yeah

Shifty Tourist mumbles...

Posted March 4, 2015

WHAT!!!! When did Fracking Pluto invade!! Good work NASA, that was billions well spent.

Do you know who I blame? That's right, Thanks Obama!!

she_jedi ducks in to say...

Posted March 4, 2015
That'll teach them to demote it to a dwarf planet. You don't mess with Pluto and come away unscathed. God of the Underworld and all that.

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Rhino mumbles...

Posted March 4, 2015
Politics crack me up. I studied poli sci and wanted to be a lawyer ... once. Until I read Cohen V. California and had to a paper. Anyway...
What is so funny is how much alike the more extreme sides of each spectrum are. So positive that they have all of the answers. Calling each other names. Lefties calling the Right "maddies" in the comments on Birmo's article. Righties calling the Left pussies, cry-babies, whatever.
All while the political classes in both countries hold onto power.
Idiots. All of us.

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Rhino asserts...

Posted March 4, 2015
Darth Greybeard ... here is the issue with that revolution of which you speak - if indeed you are talking about Seppo Civil War Part Deux.
The people that are most accused of micro-aggression, if not outright racism? The people despised by the intelligentsia for their craven beliefs in Christianity? Yeah, they have 90% of the guns.
Oh, and those guys in the uniforms with all the really big guns? You think that they are going to fire on their families? Some will. Most won't. And, if my experience is any indication, a vast number of the ones that actually use the guns, not the support people, are generally in the same political sphere as those that fuel PETA members nightmares. NRA members. Hunters. Conservative.
Full disclosure, before the trolls get a whiff, I'm a staunch constitutional conservative and a social liberal ... I don't care who you marry, what substances you ingest, what you say, or what you do ... as long as it doesn't effect me or mine.

Darth Greybeard puts forth...

Posted March 4, 2015
What you say is true but as Paul more or less says (Boylan not the Apostle) the shit just has to get deep enough. As I recall Tsarist Russia was a deeply religious country with a powerful army. Didn't count when the gap became too wide, too obvious and people got sufficiently angry. Ditto France under Louis XVI. Lots of priests, lots of troops - so how did that turn out? And of course those violent rejections ended up with communism and the reign of terror. Not optimal solutions in either case.I didn't necessarily mean a violent revolution though. Look at Iceland. You "just" need a political party of the kind you don't seem to have in the US, any more than we do here, which is not at the command of the ultra-rich. Call them vested interests, the 1%, the Corporations or whatever you like. They run our countries and do so to benefit themselves. Like the Bourbons and Romanovs, they find religion a most useful tool for maintaining control. That isn't a crack at religion in general btw, simply their use of it. Poor public education, xenophobia, racism and anything that generates ignorance, fear and division are of course useful as well, as we are seeing here every day. I doubt I'll live long enough to see any change for the better and I certainly wouldn't wish a violent revolution on my kids and grandkids. Besides, warming will almost certainly wipe us out within a century anyway. Good thing too. Useless species.

damian asserts...

Posted March 4, 2015
++Greybeard

Rhino puts forth...

Posted March 5, 2015
Iceland? You mean the nation that has an entire population of 300,000? That is just 7.5% of the metro area where I currently live (Atlanta, Georgia)?
I agree with Professor X ... if enough happens it will be a spark. My

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan ducks in to say...

Posted March 5, 2015
A convergence of inevitable bad events (climate change/ocean acidification/viral pandemics/famine) [what William Gibson refers to as the "Jackpot" ] will cause social unrest. The only real question is whether this unrest will result in revolution(s) that replace status quo power structures or, instead, result in an endless series of localized peasant uprisings that always peter out. I hold with those who view the planet at a "post revolution" phase where lack of education/critical thinking skills now combine with surveillance and crowd control technologies sufficiently to prevent peasant revolts from being co-opted by organized revolutionaries.

The light shining from the Citadel of Human Reason is fading. Very soon only the Inferno will remain. As it was for the great weight of human history (interrupted only by a few decades) so shall it be again.

MickH mumbles...

Posted March 5, 2015
I agree Paul, I thing George Orwell's 1984 is coming except you have to add 100 to it

NBlob reckons...

Posted March 5, 2015
Really X ? Man that's a harsh cold view of the future. Caitlin's monologue in Paris still haunts me. But mostly as a counterpoint to my perception of a progress across the centuries, of reason & science trumping woo. In Greybeard's youth, offerings were burnt to appease a golden bull. In his salad days the Roman Empire bought water to its population with engineers building viaducts that still span the European countryside. After a brief hiccup, for which I'm confident he bears responsibility, we discovered a mould that could kill bacteria, silicon that could count, and orbitals platform that could distribute Pr0n to discerning deviants around the world. How can this be other than a progression to rocket pants & global respect?

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Bunyip would have you know...

Posted March 4, 2015
Oh, sleepless one, that's too good. Ta muchly.

Lulu asserts...

Posted March 5, 2015
Speaking of zombies, there was film on TV (SBS2) last night which had the don't-miss-this title of "Cockneys vs Zombies": about a crew of bank robbers who fight the zombie invasion from the East End of London. I really really wanted to watch it, but had to give up due to not understanding a word - because, you know, Cockneys.

Darth Greybeard swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 5, 2015
Ditto. The slowest ever chase scene.

NBlob ducks in to say...

Posted March 5, 2015
Double decker bus: worst zombie escape vehicle ever.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mumbles...

Posted March 6, 2015
Oh, I agree. It was hilarious.

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan puts forth...

Posted March 5, 2015
Grandfather: Oi! Zombies! Get the fuck out of my East End!


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Bad PM, worse party host

Posted November 18, 2014 into Blunty by John Birmingham

From Blunty today:

It could have been so different. Angela Merkel showed us how different when she lit out of her VIP Prison Camp on Friday for Caxton Street to knock the top off a couple of cold ones and photobomb an unknowable number of selfies. She didn't roll on the pub and club strip in a Tiger tank. She wasn't cordoned off from the punters. The German Chancellor was probably the only leader who'll leave the city with even the slightest sense that Brisbane is any different from any other collection of hotel rooms and underground car parks anywhere in the developed world.

How many of her fellow leaders could have joined her on the turps. To be sure, Obama couldn't. That's just not how the Americans work. It's the price of a gun culture. And given that Putin was just a little bit responsible for the death of dozens of locals and hundreds of other innocents a few months ago, he was probably better off staying in his hotel room channel surfing the cable porn.

8 Responses to ‘Bad PM, worse party host’

GhostSwirv asserts...

Posted November 18, 2014
Not being an officiano of BrisVegas, hailing as I do from sunny, wet, cloudy, steamy, hailing Melbourne, I wonder what Venues of Choice with their lethal array of Karaoke Death to Music Machines might the world's leaders have liked to visit and assault in the wee small hours on their visit to QLD.

Our Fearless Leader Tony ... "Carbon is Crap but Coal is Good" TwoTones could've drowned out his misundestimated sorrows with a mashup version of Sinatra's 'My Way' channeling the Sex Pistols and PSY - with David Cameron doing a tortured Air Saxophone in a darkened back corner beneath a battered Sting poster.

Angela Merkel, amidst the selfie's, would surely luvvv to belt out a sultry Prussian rendition of "Happy Birthday Mr President", while Barack listens in from the jacuzzi on Air Force One.

Putin meanwhile is 'Putin on the Fritz' - belting out show tunes from Cabaret as his security detail instructs the captive audience on how to show the appropriate appreciation via the barrel of an AK-47.

So if music can't bring the leaders of the Free and No So Free World together then I don't know what more we in Oz can do - except moan and complain about our lot in life - which seems to be what our leaders are best at.

John Birmingham swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted November 18, 2014
Ha. Gold

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Murphy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted November 18, 2014
So . . . when are you guys dumping him?

Respects,
Murph
On the Outer Marches

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FormerlyKnownAsSimon reckons...

Posted November 18, 2014
I try to stay away from the communtz but thought to myself i want to see how soon it will be before someone comments on the saudi reference. I was disappointed it didn't come in sooner.

John Birmingham has opinions thus...

Posted November 18, 2014
I loved the guy defending Putin.

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GhostSwirv mumbles...

Posted November 18, 2014
There's a gig on down here in Ol Vic in a few weeks time - once the auds gets it chance to sing - then the backroom promoters are sure to reassess TwoTone Tony's contract.

Sadly not too much talent lining up in the backing group to step up to the mic, most of us would rather the tour just folded and we got all of our money back.

Lulu puts forth...

Posted November 18, 2014
I was handed leaflets by The Greens at the station this morning. Last week it was the Socialist Party (not sure if they're standing candidates elsewhere or just in Richmond), who have my favourite slogan - "the best candidate money can't buy".

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Mark R Whittington puts forth...

Posted November 19, 2014
Actually some American presidents have been known to get out of the bubble from time to time. President Reagan, for example, popped in for a surprise visit at Pat Troy;s Ireland's Own Pub for lunch and a pint in 1988. That was seven years after a lunatic shot him outside a Washington speaking venue.

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