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GTA 5 Travelogue

Posted August 15, 2013 into Games by John Birmingham

A hard working editor attempts to think of a new angle to cover GTA.

Decides to go with sexnviolencegangshocker!!!!

IN the mainstream media Grand Theft Auto is famed for maxing out the derp and douchery, which says very little about Rockstar's premium sandlot, but more than enough about the MSM. One of the things rotuinely missed in the hysteria re-runs over hot coffee and game violence is the niche GTA has carved out for itself as the gold standard for interactive satire.

I'm going to write a long essay about it when the game is released, but you can already see how important ironic distance is to the darkly comic tone of this series by paying a little visit to the travelogue site that went live this morning.

Los Santos and Blaine County: where western civilisation literally ends.

2 Responses to ‘GTA 5 Travelogue’

TC mutters...

Posted August 15, 2013

Ha ha ha ha! Lifeinvader!

I would love to work on shit like GTA. So puerile, so much fun.

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HAVOCK21 puts forth...

Posted August 15, 2013

Mate, ya need to get your arse in front of the screen and play Battlefield 4 trailer!.....ITS.....GUNNA BE FKN EPIC!

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Tom Clancy's "The Division". Both awesome and useful

Posted July 11, 2013 into Games by John Birmingham

I dips mene lid to a couple of tweetenvolk for the heads up on this promo vid for Clancy's latest game offering, The Division. It's a lovely looking vid to be sure, as was the game play we looked at a few weeks ago. But for me, it's also hugely relevent to the Dave Hooper project because it plots out some of the exact points of civilizational failure I've been working with.

Clancy uses a virus. I use monsters. Otherwise, we're singing from the same sheet.

Tom Clancy's The Division from Patrick Clair on Vimeo.

32 Responses to ‘Tom Clancy's "The Division". Both awesome and useful’

Murphy has opinions thus...

Posted July 11, 2013

Hmm.

Up north of Kansas City is the bulk of my extended family on my father's side. Everything could sink into the toilet but I suspect they'd probably ride it out. They are armed, have means of transport and are capable of providing enough food for themselves. Their biggest problem, I suppose, would be in dealing with whatever the roads cough up. That said, small towns, quarrelsome as they might be, are not quite as dysfunctional as King would have us believe. I suspect they'd handle the problem the way they've always handled such problems.

Band together, help each other out and if their is an external threat, kill it if it can't be dickered with.

I'm certainly just as cynical as the next guy, especially given a fair bit of history that I have studied. OTOH, for every place like NOLA that went down the toilet during something like Katrina, there are other places which hold it all together.

And then there will be some places, like maybe the Ozarks, which probably wouldn't really notice anything had happened.

Respects,

Murph

On the Outer Marches

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Barnesm asserts...

Posted July 11, 2013

My screenplay is using Monster Viruses to bring about TEOWAWKI

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HAVOCK21 mumbles...

Posted July 11, 2013

thats one pretty fkn slick fkn Vid If i do say so myself. YEAH BABY!....COME GET SOME!!!!

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Therbs reckons...

Posted July 11, 2013

You only have to see the panic in the eyes of freight companies when the F3 and the old Pacific Highway are cut by bushfires to realise how fragile is the supply chain.

Monsters? Pandemic killer virus? Game over for most of us.

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HAVOCK21 is gonna tell you...

Posted July 11, 2013

Therbs, the level of violence would jump rather quickly, whilst we here have a certain % of weaponry , the levels of availability in the US would suggest that they would find themselves effectively in an all out , all round full time shooting match.

The 360 degree hostile’s scenario would be a mite fkn scary and a real large mthr fkr of a problem to deal with.

Looking at Murph’s scenario some ( not picking on ya murph ) but any dissent within an enclave in the US, say an area locked down like KC, that dissent, if they are armed and they are more likely to be so in the US based on gun numbers per head of population, then the governing body of sorts, can rapidly find itself, fighting inside and out. Thats a very real possibility where the MILITIA or ARMY is not the only significantly armed group within a significant group, as the others, tend to lack control and order.

Barnesm would have you know...

Posted July 11, 2013

I thought the violence was due to games like GTA.

Murphy has opinions thus...

Posted July 11, 2013

Kansas City, for all of her flaws (and they are legion) isn't NOLA. There have been a fair number of disasters and generally the city responds to them well enough, if slowly at times. As for meltdowns, the last one would be the race riots of the sixties and they were generally localized to certain parts of the city. Once the Governor sent the National Guard in with orders to shoot to kill anyone who fired upon them, the trouble magically vanished.

And I sometimes wonder if this type of scenario isn't predicated on the collapse of civil authority in New Orleans during Katrina. One assumes that every person in the country will turn into a raving lunatic with no respect for authority at all. What I've found over the years is that most folks will generally respect authority (to a point) so long as it still seems to have some grip on things. In NOLA, clearly they didn't have a grip. Elsewhere in the Gulf Coast region there was civil authority enough to maintain order. If not, scenes such as were witnessed in NOLA would have repeated themselves up and down the Gulf Coast region.

As for all of the guns out there (a lot of hay is made about that) I wonder how many people actually have more than a thousand rounds per each weapon? I wager most folks are cheap bastards who, at best, have maybe fifty to a hundred rounds, which in a firefight really isn't enough to get wet let alone convince a better armed and equipped opponent to think twice. If there were to be a mass civil conflagration, massive orgy of gun violence, I wouldn't be surprised if it petered out within a week as ammo sources began to run dry.

The smart ones would be the people who hunker down, shoot any trespassers and wait it out.

Respects,

Murph

On the Outer Marches

HAVOCK21 reckons...

Posted July 11, 2013

Do the numbers MURPH!, you have the guns and you do not needs boat loads of fkn ammo to have a blood bath, smaller twons will probably be fine, the sense of community and ability to control it being good. As for LARGER CITIES with a GLOBAL issue and not a fkn NIG STORM, well people WILL think very fkn differntly and anybody who thinks a GLOBAL fkn PANDEMIC or issue like Z would not have the fkn retards, nutters and guns come out has theior head firmly in the fkn clouds!. It will be, for most cases all for themselves in the larger areas. Dont tell me NEW YORKL has a fkn wicked sence of cummunity! that would result in them banding together and singing KOOM FKN BUYAH!

The smart one will HUNKER DOWN and shoot any passers by! and wait it out!....yeah, sept of I have a bigger fkn gun explosives from a fkn collapsed Military or as much fkn time. Tell me, from a purely fkn defensive perspective just how many fkrs could actually fkn HUNKER DOWN ( and thats a real fkn American fkn phrase that one ) cos theior AINT NO FKN CAV coming or air strikes from the endn of a a fkn sat phone!

WAIT IT OUT!...what...months, yeah like fkn not, most would not be able to last a fkn week!

Murphy reckons...

Posted July 12, 2013

One, I find it a bit difficult to believe that soldiers are going to walk away from a chowline. We had this argument before with the Without Warning trilogy. No one is going to walk away from an organization which is sitting on years worth of MREs.

Two, why would some asshole in a tank care about my house? Assuming they don't run out of gas or throw a track between here and Fort Riley? I'm guessing they won't be organized or patient enough to load the tank onto a transporter, nor have the fuel to run it.

Three, a more heavily armed group is going to go after a high value target that is lightly defended. Again, wading through suburban neighborhoods is time consuming (how often do they do that in The Walking Dead, for instance?) and liable to get them into a lot of shit.

Respects,

Murph

On the Outer Marches

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Dino not to be confused with is gonna tell you...

Posted July 11, 2013

Isn't the DHS in the USA stockpiling ammo?

It even caused a shortage here a while back.

The fact that the rounds are 'dum dums' not cheaper 'points' makes you wonder?

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan would have you know...

Posted July 11, 2013

"Isn't the DHS in the USA stockpiling ammo?"

Who the hell knows. All I know is that I sure am.

And proper surgical masks and disposable vinyl gloves.

And can openers. Sure, everyone is stockpiling canned food. But I'm betting I can do very well indeed bartering can openers with those maroons who forgot to include them in their cache.

Dino not to be confused with is gonna tell you...

Posted July 11, 2013

Me, I am investing in watering cans.

All different colours with a nice spout and shower head that wears out so as you have to come back and buy another 'soft showering head' ($2.50 a piece) lest you heirloom seeds get washed away by a torrent of water.

And dirt.

Dirt is the next big thing.

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NBlob is gonna tell you...

Posted July 11, 2013

I was listening to a piece a while back (possibly a TED talk?) that sugested that on the contrary, complexity brings resilliance. EG: If airfreight falls over, seafreight will step up. This chap sugested that there is almost certainly going to be an event; pandemic, the Suez get's blocked, perhaps even the House of Saud gets some Arab spring action, Whatev's, (no mention of monsters). This chap predicted a few hard months, depending on trigger event, millions to tens of millions dieing off. But all up a pretty rapid revovery. His expectation was if you can keep you & yours ok for 2 to 3 months, you'll be right. If it goes down in Northern Hemisphere winter his predictions were far worse, in the order of 100 millions dead due to loss of heating. Another good reason to live somewhere semi-tropical.

His post fall power redistribution ideas were tres freaky. Espescially in PRC & the former Soviet.

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Blarkon swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted July 11, 2013

There's some interesting psychology going on behind the attraction to these "global disaster" stories. I wonder if it's a longing for a "simpler time" rather than the ever changing technologically accelerating now. If the "world falls apart" - suddenly all those "old timey skills" become a lot more relevant.

The Black Death showed that you don't have to have a hyper-connected technological civilization to have a good amount of the population wiped out. You can get wiped out with your low tech rural civ as well.

pitpat has opinions thus...

Posted July 11, 2013

Agree , was at the Medieval fair on the week-end and it was pretty evident that a lot of the reenactment crew were looking for a simpler time beside the bellows or feasting. My boys loved the whole jousting and sword fighting thing.

I was thinking that it was pretty medieval and about the fact that there was no nice soft 5 ply to wipe my arse during the inevitable bout of dysentery.

Add toilet paper to the can openers as must have items to survive and possibly even prosper

Sudragon mutters...

Posted July 11, 2013

In the 'post-apocolypse' genre, the SCA and other assorted recreationist groups get a lot of milage. They're usually the good guys, but not always.

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Murphy ducks in to say...

Posted July 11, 2013

Condoms.

Might need those.

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Rhino mutters...

Posted July 11, 2013

Hmmmm ... after watching that maybe I do need that additional pallet of MREs for sub-bunker C-11.

And, yes, the DHS planned to purchase an additional 750 million rounds over the next 5 years ... but I think Congress has slowed that down until they account for why they need that amount (in addition to the 1.5 billion rounds they already have).

I'm with Murph in thinking that a lot of what the east and west coast urbaintes call "Fly Over Country" would hunker down for collective defense and survival purposes. Not all, of course, but there are many places that have a strong sense of community (for a lack of a better word). The northeast and areas around large urban centers would be death zones. No sense of community in the urban jungle and very limited resources. I can't even imagine what downtown Atlanta would be like if the infrastructure goes down. It would be a bloodbath. And, I'm not waiting around for whatever is in the sub, sub, sub basements of the CDC to get out.

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Murphy would have you know...

Posted July 11, 2013

Make your way to Missouri, Rhino. Maybe we can bunker down at the Weston Brewing Company.

http://www.westonirish.com/OMALLEYS.html

Pub in what amounts to a bunker near Fort Leavenworth? Well, hell to the fuck yeah!

Respects,

Murph

On the Outer Marches

Dino not to be confused with swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted July 11, 2013

What's the Music like?

w from brisbane asserts...

Posted July 11, 2013

Dino
As you can see on Murph's link, Bob Reeder seems to have the resident gig in the upper pub.
And here he is in the upper pub. I'm sure it sounds quite good over a few Guinnesses and not recorded thru a mobile phone.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RE0v7IxKZJw

Dino not to be confused with swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted July 11, 2013

"Tanks" W,

Sounds good.

Fk me I can't decide whether Bob or the 12 string sings better though!

On my bucket list.

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Moko swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted July 11, 2013

I'm blown AWAY by the detail the author of WWZ came up with. All completely viable, in my mind.

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CathieT would have you know...

Posted July 11, 2013

An excellent reminder of why one should do one's Black Friday shopping online.

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Trashman is gonna tell you...

Posted July 11, 2013

Why would water, oil & power go down in 3-4 days? I would have thought water & power at least would roll on for a while even with minimal staffing?

While scary it seems as if the timeline has been massively compressed to get to the point of total collapse in no time flat. Even 'The Stand' had it happening over several weeks in the summer.

If it gets that bad - martial law and total lock down.

Question for Murph - How does the Government get around Posse Commitatus in times of total breakdown? There's no such issue in the UK, would it be a major problem to get the Army (as opposed to National Guard) onto the streets?

Murphy would have you know...

Posted July 12, 2013

I would think, if the situation were dire enough, the President would sign an executive order to get around it. Lincoln himself suspended Habeus Corpus after all.

Respects,

Murph

On the Outer Marches

Murphy mumbles...

Posted July 12, 2013

In doing further reading, it seems the issue is a bit more complex. My baseline, imperfect understanding is that it would take an Act of Congress or the situation would have to fall under the Insurrection Act. Since the act has recently been amended from the 1807 form and I've not had a chance to read it completely, I am going to hold off issuing an opinion for now.

If someone with more knowledge on this particular issue has an answer, I would like to read it.

Respects,

Murph

On the Outer Marches

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HAVOCK21 puts forth...

Posted July 11, 2013

Ahhhh yes, a hankering for simpler times, except when you run out of fkn SORBENT 4 ply with which to wipe your very runny shit from your arse!

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HAVOCK21 asserts...

Posted July 11, 2013

ya night be right Murph!, no harm intended!!!

H OUT!!! for bed!

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yankeedog has opinions thus...

Posted July 11, 2013

Hank Jr. said it best.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4s0nzsU1Wg

I live back in the woods, you see
A woman and the kids, and the dogs and me
I got a shotgun, rifle and a 4-wheel drive
And a country boy can survive
Country folks can survive

I can plow a field all day long
I can catch catfish from dusk till dawn
We make our own whiskey and our own smoke too
Ain’t too many things these ole boys can’t do
We grow good ole tomatoes and homemade wine
And a country boy can survive
Country folks can survive

Because you can’t starve us out
And you cant makes us run
Cuz we're them old boys raised on shotgun
And we say grace and we say Ma’am
And if you ain’t into that we don’t give a damn

We came from the West Virginia coalmines
And the Rocky Mountains and the and the western skies
And we can skin a buck; we can run a trout line
And a country boy can survive
Country folks can survive

I had a good friend in New York City
He never called me by my name, just hillbilly
My grandpa taught me how to live off the land
And his taught him to be a businessman
He used to send me pictures of the Broadway nights
And I’d send him some homemade wine

But he was killed by a man with a switchblade knife
For 43 dollars my friend lost his life
Id love to spit some beechnut in that dude's eyes
And shoot him with my old 45
Cause a country boy can survive
Country folks can survive

Cause you can’t starve us out and you can’t make us run
Cuz we're them old boys raised on shotgun
And we say grace and we say Ma’am
And if you ain’t into that we don’t give a damn

We’re from North California and south Alabam
And little towns all around this land
And we can skin a buck; we can run a trot-line
And a country boy can survive
Country folks can survive

Barnesm mutters...

Posted July 12, 2013

as characterised by Daryl in The Walking Dead.

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OMFG ROCKSTAR JUST TAKE MY MONEY NOW!!!!

Posted July 10, 2013 into Games by John Birmingham

The first real GTA gameplay vid is out and it looks double plus awesome. The cut scenes are impressively cinematic and lush, but we already knew that. What's striking about this latest teaser is how much of that fidelity they've transferred in-game. Rockstar, like Naughty Dog with Last of Us, has pushed out to the very limits of this console generation's capacity.

Impressive too is the way they've reimagined gameplay itself. Not just with the three protagonists, but with all the multilayered narrative and interactive possibilies involved in shifting points-of-view. The never-ending argument over whether games can ever challenge traditional art forms such as TV and cinema just got opened up on a new front. With these PoV shifts Grand Theft Auto is now borrowing the core elements of literature too, and embedding them within the player's control of the story teller.

I've only watched this once, and I have shit to be getting on with this morning, but I'm going to ponder on this some more through the day.

My thanks to Sean Creek (@screek7) for the link.

17 Responses to ‘OMFG ROCKSTAR JUST TAKE MY MONEY NOW!!!!’

w from brisbane reckons...

Posted July 10, 2013

They seem poor role models.

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Barnesm has opinions thus...

Posted July 10, 2013

Needs more zombies

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John Birmingham reckons...

Posted July 10, 2013

Get out of my sight now.

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Vir Montis mutters...

Posted July 10, 2013

I think I might have to steer clear of this game lest my partner leave me for not paying attention to her for a month or so

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TC is gonna tell you...

Posted July 10, 2013

Um. Well. Shit.

Better finish my masters. Might have to organise a couple of weeks off work and find a decent babysitter and a new hobby for my wife, while I'm at it.

You know what? I'm seeing something in GTAV that I haven't seen for a long time - it looks... fun. Games these days all seem like such a chore - I don't play much and when I do they're just hard work most of the time. This looks really enjoyable. I just hope it's not the nostaligia of GTA3 or Vice City giving me rose tinted glasses, and that it actually acheives the spirit of those two games (and San Adreas to some extent).

"We can do this the smart way, or we can do it the loud and dumb way." Awesome.

John Birmingham has opinions thus...

Posted July 10, 2013

Hadn't thought about that angle, but yes. So much of gaming is a dour, humourless grind that it's a surprise to find a game with an obvious sense of fun. Perhaps because satire has always been part of the franchise.

Shifty Tourist mutters...

Posted July 10, 2013

Ahhhh, but the preview doesn't reveal Rockstars great BIG feature they are introducing.... at the before every action sequence, before you are allowed to free roam you are required as a mini-game to complete invoices, and tally liquidated damages.... not to mention the "attend various friends weddings" mini-game.... rock star thinks these features are going to be the REAL hit.

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Blarkon mutters...

Posted July 10, 2013

Shouldn't you get around to finishing Mass Effect?

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Spanner mumbles...

Posted July 10, 2013

Rather than playing new games shouldn't you be:

A: Finishing off the adverntures of Prince Harry so I can read it; and

B: Working your way through the pile of shame that is your Blu -Ray and DVD collection that is unwatched?

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tqft asserts...

Posted July 10, 2013

You all are making the assumption (well except for the non-australians here) that the game will not be refused classification in Australia.

It hasn't been rated yet has it?

Anders swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted July 11, 2013

For good reason:

http://i.imgur.com/2BRd9zV.jpg

That is going to be refused classification for drug use. Yaaaaay.

Imports ahoy. Or buying a US Steam key.

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theangrywarden has opinions thus...

Posted July 10, 2013

I am going to explode: IT HAS THE TRUCK HEIST FROM "HEAT"!!!

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theangrywarden puts forth...

Posted July 10, 2013

I am going to explode: IT HAS THE TRUCK HEIST FROM "HEAT"!!!

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HAVOCK21 has opinions thus...

Posted July 10, 2013

FFFFFFFFFFTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!! Its fkn GTA and its for fkn pussies!!!

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Lucian_Ventris mumbles...

Posted July 11, 2013

Let us all hope that the classifaction board does not notice the pot dispensary. Oh dear god please let them not notice.

Anders has opinions thus...

Posted July 11, 2013

As I mentioned before:

http://i.imgur.com/2BRd9zV.jpg

Lucian_Ventris mumbles...

Posted July 11, 2013

Haha. Oh so sad, so true.

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Finally, something awesome from Tom Clancy

Posted June 13, 2013 into Games by John Birmingham

Or rather from a video game company he licensed an idea to. The Division, an RPG for the next gen consoles, got some luvin at E3 this week and pretty much blew eveyone away. You can see why from this vid. Beautiful graphics, of course, but the game play also looks like a hyper evolved form of co-op, ala Left4Dead.

I don't normally play a lot of co-op because it's a pain lining up enough mates at the right time, but this looks insanely great and could convince me otherwise.

11 Responses to ‘Finally, something awesome from Tom Clancy’

Barnesm asserts...

Posted June 13, 2013

This does look fine, and always happy to be the tank in a zombie co-op multiplayer.

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Murphy has opinions thus...

Posted June 13, 2013

Water Street.

Think we might have walked a block or two of that, JB.

Respects,

Murph

On the Outer Marches

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HAVOCK21 is gonna tell you...

Posted June 13, 2013

thats simply fkn wicked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan asserts...

Posted June 13, 2013

Tom Clancy owes me $35.00.

Long story,

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Bangar reckons...

Posted June 13, 2013

I'm sure we have time PNB.

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan puts forth...

Posted June 13, 2013

Don't think I'm not tempted.

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Moko would have you know...

Posted June 13, 2013

Gonna be on this like a ruptured spleen on a large intestine.

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MickH ducks in to say...

Posted June 13, 2013

Yep looks great!

but...

Is there a storyline or campain to follow? Or is it just wander about New York, the media nexus of disasters, and blow shit up?

Not that i have anything against blowing shit up and shooting the shit outta dudes, but without some purpose, it gets tiresome real quick.

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w from brisbane is gonna tell you...

Posted June 13, 2013

It is fascinating.....

That plane that flies across is a drone.
It can do specific drone stuff. The drone player sees an aerial map of the city. The drone controller is an Ipad. The impression I get is that the drone is not available thru the console; and you won't be able to be on the street via the Ipad.

So, while you are down on the streets via your console, somebody else, who possibly enjoys a less intense experience, can provide ground support via a tablet. That is pretty cool.

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damian reckons...

Posted June 13, 2013
This does look rather nice, but I think I will wait for the PC version if it comes.

And hey oops. You'd think I'd keep my online personae straight. I'll never be able to defame my employer at this rate.

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andyf has opinions thus...

Posted June 15, 2013

looks like bf3,, some bad pop up going on though

what is it with console games and that 3rd person crap?

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The Last of Us. (I might have to get my PS3 out of the cupboard)

Posted May 31, 2013 into Games by John Birmingham

Buzzfeed tagged this as a zombie game you need to care about for nine very important reasons. But really, three will do. Graphics, gameplay and story.

Maybe four, if we throw in acting, which seems to be pretty good too. Naughty Dog are the developers of the Uncharted franchise, one of the few series to get better with each iteration and The Last of Us looks like another argument from the Doggies in favour of the emergence of game-based narrative as a valid artistic form. Like Uncharted, unfortunately, it's exclusive to Playstation.

The trailer, hosted at Sony's youtube page is gorgeous, but not available for embedding. Checking out if you have time, but it's not 'zactly safe for work.

This video preview by Eurogamer probably provides a more accurate sense of what diving into this world would be like, but it's not HD quality.

6 Responses to ‘The Last of Us. (I might have to get my PS3 out of the cupboard)’

Barnesm mumbles...

Posted May 31, 2013

Been looking forward to this one for a while though I was a bit alarmed at the cheering in the audience when a particular gruesume peice of violence was portrayed against just other human scavengers and not the infected.

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John Birmingham mutters...

Posted May 31, 2013

Yeah, it looks pretty fkn awsm, dunnit? Really tempts me to unpack that old console.

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insomniac reckons...

Posted May 31, 2013

some of us are only up to ps2

tqft mumbles...

Posted May 31, 2013

I have a Wii and am still playing Super mario Galaxy 2 - 101 of the first 120 stages completed.

another 120 after that

then the final 2

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Samwise puts forth...

Posted May 31, 2013

my pick for game of the year. naughty dog will produce another classic

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MickH has opinions thus...

Posted May 31, 2013

Im a HUGE fan of uncharted an is the only game I have for the PS3.

I have been waiting or this release for some time

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Pixel Dykes. I blame Helen Razer

Posted May 31, 2013 into Games by John Birmingham

Three days I've been looking for it now, and I'm going to keep looking for it until I'm successful. I will play Sims 3 in the nude if it's the last thing I do. And by nude, I'm talking about my Sims of course, although... no promises. I blame Helen Razor for this. She it was who alerted me to the fact there was a software patch I could download to remove the annoying pixelation that blurred the screen around my little animated avatars as soon as the action turned raunchy.

It does sort of raise a question though, don't you think? (No, not about me. Like most men I'm simply a lesbian trapped inside a man’s body. There’s just something totally kickin’ about building your own dyke and sending her out into the digital realm to see if she can score any, ahem, digital action.)

I made first pixel dyke many years ago on the last iteration of the Sims. In those days your Sim’s outside life was something of a mystery. They had jobs to which they would disappear for hours a day, but you only ever got to see them in the three-walled cartoon house which you built, kitted out and decorated on their behalf.

I didn’t intend my little Sim to become a rug munching sapphite, you understand. Like a letter to the editors of Penthouse, “I never thought it would happen to me, but…”

A flatmate moved in. An admittedly smokin’ hot young flatmate who just loved to spend her time lounging around in the hot tub, and working out on the home gym, and dancing in her undies around the kitchen.

And well, her bed was only a single. And my sexy little lady Sim had that big double. And they did so enjoy each other’s company, and it seemed, you know, natural.

Unfortunately, they’re a censorious lot, games developers, and inevitably no sooner have you convinced some piece of fluff to give it up for you than some gratuitous cut scene appears in which all of the action occurs off screen, or worse, behind an impenetrable wall of dancing pixels.

It’s odd, that having allowed us the latitude of choosing a character’s sexuality, that the game industry then squibs it by reverting to a 1950s sensibility when it comes to actual on screen action. This is particularly so given the loving detail they lavish on in-game violence, with some RPGs and shooters investing thousands of hours of developer time to make certain that having targeted the head of some raging mutant with your overpowered supergun, you get to enjoy every second of slow motion carnage as blood, brain tissue and bone shards describe beautiful cinematic arcs all over your screen.

Now, I got no problem with game violence.

But if it’s fine for me to play a character like GTA 4's Nico Bellic as a violent, cold blooded psychopath who’ll think nothing of turning a grenade launcher on an old lady for a few giggles ­– and it is pretty funny– why is not okay for me to see what happens when Nico finally beds his whiny girlfriend Michelle? From the sounds of her off screen enthusiasm, our boy Nico knows his business. But unless his business involves caving in someone’s skull with a baseball bat, or crushing them under the wheels of a stolen car, we don’t see squat.

Something has gone seriously wrong with our censorship system when I can play a computer generated character who’ll murder you in cold blood and graphic detail, but who can’t even cop a lousy blowjob without the camera looking away or a pixel swarm suddenly swooping down.

Given the popularity of game based amateur sex vids on sites like YouTube (go on, do a quick search for lesbian sims, right now) there is a, uh, swelling interest, in game based erotica, but because of a handful of judgmental, censorious nimrods, and the jelly backed politicians who listen to them, I fear my digital dykes are going to be forever coy.

13 Responses to ‘Pixel Dykes. I blame Helen Razer’

TC would have you know...

Posted May 31, 2013

Yeah, it smacks of hypocrisy, doesn't it?

There are two parts to it, I think - firstly, the NRA has such a hold on the mighty USA (and the failure of the changes that Obama tried to introduce recently are good evidence of this) that guns are made to be ok everywhere. And if guns are ok, then it follows that the consequences of guns are ok. And so secondly, as the conservative majority of the USA seems to have a huge crossover with the NRA, then any non-firearm related "adult" entertianment must be a bad thing.

No drugs in games. No nudity in games. No sex in games. Certainly no sex between partners of the same gender (that bullshit about removing same sex relationships in Mass Effect was a reminder of all that is holy to our conservative overlords).

Cause... games are for kids, right? And kids shouldn't be allowed to see images of an adult nature. Except guns and violence, because guns are good. Everyone should have a gun, especially your nympho dyke sim.

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Ali has opinions thus...

Posted May 31, 2013

I don't give a rat's about the 'issue', you just make me laugh JB.

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Bondiboy66 ducks in to say...

Posted May 31, 2013

Curiously, in Skyrim you can get married to a partner of either gender. The sex bit isn't really available on screen though.

Barnesm asserts...

Posted May 31, 2013

and yet you can build a lightsabre in the game See here

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WarDog mumbles...

Posted May 31, 2013

I take it there's a prize for the first working link to nude sim hack.

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 31, 2013

This sort of thing has never, ever happened before. Ever. Sure, there are parallels (Sims is a big masked ball, innit?) But all parallels are shallow in comparison.

O wonder!
How many goodly pixel dykes are in Cyberspace!
How godlike we have become. O brave new world,
That has such creatures of the mind in it.

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Barnesm puts forth...

Posted May 31, 2013

"lesbians are porn efficient" -Jeff Murdock 'Coupling'

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mutters...

Posted May 31, 2013

When I seek porn efficiency is what I crave.

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Barnesm has opinions thus...

Posted May 31, 2013

"Also avoids dangerous eye slippage during a crucial moment" -Jeff Murdock 'Coupling'

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Darth Greybeard is gonna tell you...

Posted May 31, 2013

(go on, do a quick search for lesbian sims, right now)

No. Absolutely not. I will never do such a thing. Never. (whimpers as Evil Gollum slowly exerts control over Wussy Gollum)

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Wyn mumbles...

Posted May 31, 2013

You obviously haven't played Second Life.

Anything goes in SL

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Murphy puts forth...

Posted June 1, 2013

#firstworldprobs

Respects,

Murph

On the Outer Marches

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mumbles...

Posted June 1, 2013

"Anything goes in SL."

Anything. Finally, the hope I can find someone, even if virtual, that I can just talk to.

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