Cheeseburger Gothic

I am tempted to spin up a whole book, just out of this one image

Posted November 23, 2015 into Writing by John Birmingham

Although, MickH arguably beat me to it.

28 Responses to ‘I am tempted to spin up a whole book, just out of this one image’

Therbs is gonna tell you...

Posted November 23, 2015
A magical time travelling sailing ship? is that an East Indiaman or a frigate flying the Tricolore?

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coriolisdave is gonna tell you...

Posted November 23, 2015
in the world of the time-travelling pirate zombie, wind power is king.

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WA n'ker mutters...

Posted November 23, 2015
Hopefully its the HMAS Repulse in the background about to lay a few incendaries into that French ship trying to help the rebels from the thirteen colonies. There by ensuring victory in the Americas for the Empire!

WA n'ker asserts...

Posted November 23, 2015
HMS Repulse, that is.

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she_jedi has opinions thus...

Posted November 23, 2015
Yes! A time travelling frigate. With zombies. You know you want to.

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan ducks in to say...

Posted November 23, 2015
I think Taylor Anderson beat you to it with his Destroyer Men series.

Surtac has opinions thus...

Posted November 23, 2015
And with added dinosaurs iirc ...

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Barnesm reckons...

Posted November 23, 2015

a sort of more extreme axis of time. If you consider time as an X axis and instead of moving a later 21C event moving along it in a reverse direction to the battle of Midway a more contemporary vessel is sent back to the age of sail.


I imagine a much sort narrative. Less opportunity for the early time line to leap frog, though you could introduce concepts such as hygiene, antibiotics, information theory, etc..

Therbs puts forth...

Posted November 23, 2015
And a lot of moral and political arguments. Prolly end up worse than the QandA twitter feed.

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GhostSwirv asserts...

Posted November 23, 2015

Although some literary and cinematic geniuses have already released the WOTIF two types of warships from differing time periods engaged in battle scenario I have also been developing a little taster of mein own.

I imagine the Endeavour, en route to the Great South Land, caught in a matrix triggered by the transit of Venus, transported to a strange unknown sea, where she encounters a 1916 U-Boat.

A bit Sky Pirates I know - but it sounded so much better in my head.

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SZF mumbles...

Posted November 23, 2015
If M. Tricolour throws down, it might be a short book... :)

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w from brisbane has opinions thus...

Posted November 23, 2015
The sailing ship is a replica of The Hermione, the French Frigate that became famous when it transported General Lafayette to the United States in 1780 in support of those ingrate pommy bashing rebels and their American Revolutionary War. Earlier this year it sailed to Boston to recreate that voyage. The modern French anti-submarine frigate Latouche-Treville came out to welcome L'Hermione on its return to Brest.

GhostSwirv puts forth...

Posted November 23, 2015

Damn you facts person ... damn you all to Hell!

w from brisbane asserts...

Posted November 23, 2015
Umm, errr, that is just one theory, of course. Anyway, time portal fans might also enjoy this photo of that mystery vessel.

GhostSwirv ducks in to say...

Posted November 23, 2015
Ooooohhhh ahhhhhhh - a squadron of bright young Breitlings.

Did I mention that my U-Boat has a catapult launch capability for a Fokker bi-plane, no ... well it does now.

NBlob is gonna tell you...

Posted November 23, 2015
No catapult required, for a Zeppelin.

GhostSwirv swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted November 23, 2015
A Zeppelin ... okay that's pretty cool ... but if we're going to up the ante then the Endeavour gets a Cloaking Device.

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bawpcwpn mutters...

Posted November 23, 2015
Reminds of Empire Earth battles where I would've advanced civilisations ahead of the enemy, and attacked their medieval warships with modern frigates and aircraft carriers. Good times.

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MickH reckons...

Posted November 24, 2015
You still got that manuscript John?

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MickH asserts...

Posted November 24, 2015
I don't know how many of your current readers would remember "Queen of the seven seas"

Therbs ducks in to say...

Posted November 25, 2015
Was that in the old fanfic site? It had the Trident landing back in the 19th Century amidst war with the French?

MickH swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted November 26, 2015
That's the one. I actually wrote a novel about it.

John Birmingham swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted November 26, 2015
I don't have a copy, Mick. That was four computers ago. You still got one? I'd like to see it again. Reasons.

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damian ducks in to say...

Posted November 24, 2015
That's an image that makes me think of playing Civ again

DrewfromOz would have you know...

Posted November 25, 2015
Yeah, nothing like a tank taking on spearmen. :D
Gee I miss the sarcastic advisors on Civ II.....I used to deliberately set them off just to watch them argue.

Mikael Roos puts forth...

Posted December 2, 2015
Nothing like playing vanilla Civ 1 and losing a bomber to a fortified phalanx on a mountaintop.

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JG mutters...

Posted November 26, 2015
Nothing of substance to add, but just touching base. First impressions? Narnia - ie Prince Caspian and the Dawn Treader. Aslan was my hero. What a lion. I sort of had an Aslan (and Astro Boy) crush for a while during my childhood.
The war ship in the pic cuts through the Narnia impression. Writing of a time warp and clashes between two worlds and times would fit in terrifically with Dave's world or techno vs sci-fi and magic/fantasy writing. Sea monsters (black eels), treacherous humanoids and mermoids. Yes.






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Soul Full of Guns returns from edit

Posted November 20, 2015 into Writing by John Birmingham

Got the manuscript back from Deonie, my grown up editor, last night. It's looking pretty schmick, thanks in part to all the fine efforts of the Beta readers. I'll take another run through, addressing all of the notes and queries, and then send it out to proof reading and art.

Once the final proof is done and the cover art selected I'll repeat the process with A Protocol for Monsters. The edit for that will probably be done in a fortnight.

The text and image files then go to a bureau which formats them for electronic release. I could probably publish in January, but before I do that I want to take the mailing list from its current status – 'under construction' – to full public release. Dan has also been coding a storefront for me so that my favourite readers can demonstrate their love in the only way that matters; with an extra 7% royalty for JB on retail purchases via affilaite link.

After years of not much happening, you're going to see a lot of ebook activity from me next year. Partly because I've decided to give up on getting my various trade publishers to play nice together. Partly because I'm going to use the ebooks to build my own marketing channels. Publishers increasingly expect us to do more of this work as their own marketing budgets contract and focus on a handful of tentpole releases. There's no point bitching about it. The smart player adjusts his game.

So 2016 you'll get a couple of Hooper ebooks, a completed Stalin's Hammer series and a couple of surprises.

None of this is free, of course. Editors, artists, code monkeys, they all gotta pay the rent. A professionaly produced ebook of about 30K words like Soul or Protocol costs about $1500-$2000 to release, but it would be even more without the assistance of everyone who helped out with the early read and comments. A cleaner read drastically reduces editorial costs. So I am very greatful for that help and thinking of ways to reward my special favourites.

10 Responses to ‘Soul Full of Guns returns from edit’

Barnesm has opinions thus...

Posted November 20, 2015

Does that mean you also have a not so grown up editor?

And for those special favourites you mention what possible reward could be greater than knowing they helped you get the money for a new Hovercraft?

John Birmingham is gonna tell you...

Posted November 20, 2015
You make a good point.

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Axle reckons...

Posted November 20, 2015
Well done JB the right business strategy for changing times. I for one will be purchasing.

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Axle mumbles...

Posted November 20, 2015
I was not mumbling

Nocturnalist swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted November 20, 2015
Well, that didn't work.

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mutters...

Posted November 21, 2015
I'm not sure if I am on the mailing list. If not, how do I get there?

NBlob is gonna tell you...

Posted November 21, 2015
JB has outsourced this to Reader's Digest. Just send them a note asking to be put on the mailing list. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan reckons...

Posted November 22, 2015
Readers Digest published two "Adventures in Real Life" stories written by my father. At the time they paid fairly well.

Therbs swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted November 23, 2015
They rejected my "Life's Like That" offerings. I thought the one about the crazy youth hostel manager and his zany axe work in the Rhineland Palatinate was quite amusing.

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damian mumbles...

Posted November 21, 2015
Apologies and I will read/review the draft when I can. Appreciate that it's probably way too late: busywork/life getting on top of me again and all that.

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iPad Pro vs Macbook

Posted November 16, 2015 into Writing by John Birmingham

Orin texted me from the Apple Shoppe the other day, taunting me with pictures of his shiny new iPad Pro. I am envy. But I'm still not buying a first gen model. I might even be waiting until the iPad Pro Air 3 is released.

Not that I don't want one. I do. Desperately. But my big arse Retina iMac is always going to be my primary hauler for taking words to market, and for a second screen I can't get past the newish Macbook. Although I'm not buying into the first gen there either.

I can and do use my iPad for production, but always as a stop gap. Writing columns when I travel. Editing manuscripts in Word while stuck at school cricket for half a day. Maybe blocking out a chapter in a book. I use the onscreen keyboard for all of these, but when it comes time to do hours and hours of hard core writing, I still prefer a solid keyboard and trackpad.

I have four main sources of income. I write novels, ebooks, blogs/columns and features. For each of those a laptop remains a better option than a tablet, even with a bluetooth or connected keyboard. I doesn't mean I couldn't do all of those things exclusively in iOS. I totally could. It just wouldn't be ideal.

I've been pondering on this a lot the last few weeks, because I want to tweak my work flow next year and I'm thinking of breaking my day in half. Doing longform fiction at the iMac in the morning when I'm most productive, and shorter media work, or tending to the Burger, apres lunch.

For the latter, I wouldn't mind getting away from my standing desk for an hour or so. (I've also been considering how to multitask without multitasking, which is proven bullshit. I have a couple of trade published novels and half a dozen self published ebooks I want to get through in 2016 and juggling them all in the course of a day doesn't work. Instead I'm looking at splitting the week the same way I split the day. Primary project first, getting all my attention in the first part of the day, Monday through Wednesday. Secondary project – ebooks, basically – getting the back end of the week, Thursday and Friday. No weekend work. No night shift).

With blogging, column writing and occasional gym visits in the afternoons, it'd be nice to escape the Cave, even it was just to repair to the verandah where the bunnies might attend me with mint juleps and foot rubs while I tap the keys. That's why I'm thinking Macbook. All I'm doing away from the iMac is word processing and web searching, but the publishing software for both the Burger and Fairfax still works better with MacOS than iOS. And as for the hardware? Well I thought this great little piece from the Philippines really nailed it.

Luis Buenaventura jaunted off to his local fruit store to get the iPad Pro on the first day (and it's worth reading the article just for that). "Omigod! It's huge!"

But when he gets the big arse pad back to his hotel room, although it's a hella impressive piece of kit, "it's too big to carry around in anything but a laptop bag, and it's too heavy to whip out just to skim through Facebook while sipping on your morning pour-over."

I don't want to verbal Luis, because he (I'm pretty sure he's a he) really loved the Pro and spends most of the entry raving about it. But for me, for a second screen devoted solely to writing, it's just not there yet.

I'm sure Tim will be happy to take my money when the Macbook update drops next year.

27 Responses to ‘iPad Pro vs Macbook’

w from brisbane mumbles...

Posted November 16, 2015
For a full time writer, the ergonomic superiority of the iMac set up is pretty key. I reckon you can't take that neck and shoulders for granted.



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Murphy_of_Missouri swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted November 16, 2015
Meanwhile, I got a second hand Smith-Corona Electric Typewriter. During the warmer days I plan on hauling it out to the patio for a bit of writing. I'll be leaving the iPhone behind for that.

Sometimes old ways are the best ways.

Rob ducks in to say...

Posted November 16, 2015

I particularly like Faber Castell colouring pencils and shiny cartridge paper for drawing. There is something slimy about touching glass on my phone and tablet. The tactile press of a pen on paper, or the push into a keyboard is a bit like the difference between headphones and a well mixed PA at a gig. You can see and feel the music through you, not just in your ears.

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John Birmingham mumbles...

Posted November 16, 2015
I wouldn't say no, simply because the Fairfax blog publishing system is hostile to everything but Windoze. And if I had to run the 'doze I'd want to run it on the best gear I could. Be a bit of a stretch to drop two grand on a Surfacebook just to write Blunty once a week, though.

Rob is gonna tell you...

Posted November 16, 2015

maybe ask Fairfax to lease you one?

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Blarkon would have you know...

Posted November 16, 2015
iPad Pro is unbeatable as a consumption device. Comics and PDFs are amazing. The iPad Pro has replaced my iPad.

Other than mind-mapping though, the content creation functionality isn't as good *for me* - so it's replaced my iPad, but not my laptop.

But if you are someone who uses a stylus or iPad pen (and I know you're all over notebooks) then it might end up being something that you can use in that capacity.

The iPad Pro is fucking gorgeous. Great for watching movies. Amazing for comics. Brilliant for PDFs (for which the normal iPad is just a bit too small for comfort).

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GhostSwirv is gonna tell you...

Posted November 16, 2015

JB if your writing day schedule in 2016 does work out to be longform income fiction in the mornings and short form for the love of burgerring in the afternoons - then the longform luncheon may have an effect on your creative genius.

Would be interesting to note which lunch guests most affected your musings and which libations were most conducive to high-quality cheese?

John Birmingham puts forth...

Posted November 16, 2015
I might blog more extensively about this when I've properly worked out my schedule and projects. But long lunches are a very occasional indulgence these days. Usually followed by long naps.

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coriolisdave mumbles...

Posted November 16, 2015
Speaking as a total keyboard snob, I've been using an ipad with this logitech keyboard, and I'm absolutely amazed at how good it is. Proper feel, easy to touch-type at speed, and no fucking about getting it to connect.
It's replaced my work laptop as default device (except when I have to mess with epic spreadsheets, or visio diagrams).

John Birmingham is gonna tell you...

Posted November 16, 2015
That looks pretty good. Also, everyone note, Coriolisdave knows how to use a hyperlink. Unlike some.

w from brisbane ducks in to say...

Posted November 16, 2015
The hyperlink function on the Burger used to just exit me from the site. Let me just try a little test.





w from brisbane puts forth...

Posted November 16, 2015
It worked!

Barnesm ducks in to say...

Posted November 16, 2015
are my hyperlinks not working? They work when I click on them. They also change colour after I click on them. Blue before I click on them, purple after I click.

coriolisdave mumbles...

Posted November 16, 2015
Didn't your mother ever tell you what would happen if you kept.. clicking on things?

insomniac mumbles...

Posted November 16, 2015
I think Barnesm has been hard done by in your praise for coriolisdave. I guess we all know who your current favourite is.

Barnesm ducks in to say...

Posted November 16, 2015
yeah 'Get a Room'

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Peita reckons...

Posted November 16, 2015
For me, it's the portability functions that are key, as well. I'm writing my first epic long form at the moment (aka my doctorate- some nonsense about no 'splosions...) and with only shared office space for the most part, I like to be able to move! Now don't get me wrong, the schmancy computer I have for data is tres-awesome; even if it is Windoze... The 32GB RAM makes up for it!; but if I need to just write, it's the MacBook Air for me. If the neck and shoulders are a problem, plug in a screen for that portion of the day, and then you're off again with the same little device, to sit in the breeze and procrastinate about methodology in a whole different environment! The iPad has never done it for me. The university hands them out like candy to undergrads and very few actually conquer the "replacement to laptop" idea. That said, my iPad mini is giving poor Kindle a run for its money...
My mega desktop for serious thinking data stuff is essentially, but I'd go crazy without my on the run portability of the MacBook. Both are essential. And depending how you run your accounts, possibility tax deductible... ????

John Birmingham swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted November 16, 2015
They would be for me. For you, I'm not sure.

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jennicki reckons...

Posted November 16, 2015
I am so jelly of your career. Even if it does involve Apple products.

John Birmingham mutters...

Posted November 16, 2015
This career could be yours if only you would spend ridiculous amounts of money on Apple technology.

jennicki reckons...

Posted November 16, 2015
I will likely have to sell my first-born child.
I'm already pissed that I had to drop a bunch of money on an Apple USB port for the iPad so I can save my Australia photos on flashdrive when we're over there. Why isn't the USB port standard in an iPad?!

John Birmingham is gonna tell you...

Posted November 17, 2015
You are history's greatest monster. I cannot even bear to imagine anything so inelegant.

jennicki mumbles...

Posted November 17, 2015
But the USB should be STANDARD! I could probably figure out how to use the USB on my Android! *cowers in fear"

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NBlob puts forth...

Posted November 16, 2015
I'm an inheritor; the laptop was SWMBO's Masters machine & did year 12 & half of a Bsc Nursing before got hold of it. The fondleslab I fun on is my Mums hand me down. I recently got my 2nd ever New Phone (i5) & I've been toting 'em for 20 years. Of course it would be different if it was a work horse, but for funnies I always seem to have other priorities.

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Therbs is gonna tell you...

Posted November 18, 2015

I don't have much need for a workhorse 'puter and I've found that my lappy rarely gets used these days with the iPad replacing most of its functionality. Next 'puter I got most likely would have been MacBook but iPad Pro may be looming on an outside run. But all that is pretty irrelevant to the original post so all I'll add is I hate fkn windows.

Note to JB - kill Gates in an AOT e-book. Please.

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Brother PorkChop would have you know...

Posted November 21, 2015
As someone who just got their first Mac book of sone kind, albeit a hand me down, I am struggling with the differences. But as a likely Mac related business owner to be, I'd best get over that soon

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Ebooks update. HOOPER and CAIRO

Posted November 2, 2015 into Writing by John Birmingham

Thanks to all who helped out with Beta reading for the HOOPER ebooks. I'll be giving them a once over today and then firing both manuscripts off to the pro-editor.

I will call for CAIRO Beta Readers in early December. I still have a couple of chapters to write, but also a non fiction manuscript to finish and submit by December 1.

Three deadlines today including a long feature for SBS and review of Peter Garrett's bio for The Age. (Spoiler, it's really good).

1 Responses to ‘Ebooks update. HOOPER and CAIRO’

Sparty would have you know...

Posted November 2, 2015
very much looking forward to Cairo- which should involve a Joe Stalin / Prince Harry drinking contest...with the Son et Lumiere Pyramid light show in the background, and then a rocket launching out of the secret commie base in the keystone of the great pyramid. Or something better....which leads me on to SPECTRE - it was OK,my criticisms were- why go to Austrian alps and not have Bond Ski? and Master Criminals really shouldn't wear three quarter length trousers with loafers and no socks. Oh and it rips off Austin Powers (and I know the irony in that statement).

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Ebooks update

Posted October 26, 2015 into Writing by John Birmingham

I've been very pleased and grateful with all the work done by the Beta Readers on Soul Full of Guns and A Protocol for Monsters. There's a couple of continuity issues I'll tidy up in my next draft and then we'll be off to the pro editor for the hard core revisions. All of the work to date, however, will make that process much quicker and cheaper. So again, many thanks to all who took part.

There'll soon be a new title to go out to Beta for anyone who'd interested. Stalin's Hammer: Cairo.

I've decided to abandon trade publishing this series, because reconciling the business plans of all the competting publishers who wanted a piece of it proved to be impossible. So, like the Hooper ebooks, I'll be putting this one out myself.

I'll also be releasing it for free. I think people have waited long enough that it's not fair to ask them to hand over any money for this installment. There will two more titles in this arc, and they'll be for purchase (unless you're one of the early sign-ups to the mailing list, in which case you'll get an alert that the books have been released and are free for the first 24 hours).

I have a few other changes to my publishing plans for 2016, which I'll talk about here in due course. But for now, we'll get on with these eBooks. If anyone from the Beta has suggestions for streamlining the collaborative system, please let me know. There were a few wrinkles with Google Docs, mostly dependent on whether you were using a gmail address, the platform on which you accessed the docs, and whether you were invited by individual email or group link.

I'm still shaking this system out, so I'll consider all options.

31 Responses to ‘Ebooks update’

insomniac is gonna tell you...

Posted October 26, 2015
I had no issues but I was using a non gmail address for the invite even though I logged into Google Docs with one to edit, which was either on an Android tablet or at work with Windows.

insomniac has opinions thus...

Posted October 26, 2015
ps. I too would like to remain "in", as long as it isn't next week.

Ian Goulbourne (chirurgean) asserts...

Posted October 28, 2015
I used the same system. Made comments using my google id. Would be nice to be invited to join the gang again


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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan has opinions thus...

Posted October 26, 2015
My work load has finally lifted. I would love to be part of Stalin's Hammer's beta review.

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Surtac has opinions thus...

Posted October 26, 2015

Yeah. I'd be happy to help with this one.

I didn't put my hand up for the Dave ones as the timing wasn't going to work for me. This one however should be do-able.

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Murphy_of_Missouri has opinions thus...

Posted October 26, 2015
John, naturally I'd like to read Stalin's Hammer: Cairo. Count me in.

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she_jedi mutters...

Posted October 26, 2015
Count me in, that was fun

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Bondiboy66 puts forth...

Posted October 26, 2015
I'll put my hand up too. Just because.

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AuntyLou mumbles...

Posted October 26, 2015
I had so much fun...once the link worked. I would love to have another bash if you can stand the pain.

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IamBloomfield asserts...

Posted October 26, 2015
yeah, keep me on board too please. It's been great fun. I've been hanging out for Cairo, so glad its coming, although I'm sorry you couldn't resolve the publisher issue.

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Therbs has opinions thus...

Posted October 26, 2015
I'd be crap at beta reading. My notes would read something like "needs an explosion on page 23", "needs three explosions on page 40", "Page 50, he said 'boobs', *snigger*."

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KreepyKrawly ducks in to say...

Posted October 26, 2015

Sweet, count me in too. Love the work, wish I could write, so I'll do the next best thing and be a critic...


*Runs away* ß-Þ

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HAVOCK21 is gonna tell you...

Posted October 26, 2015
TOOOOOOOOOOOO!. FKN COUNT ME IN AGAIN!!!!!!!!

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NBlob mumbles...

Posted October 26, 2015
I faffed about for half an hour or so, trying to enter the inner sanctum of commentary. I had a couple of ideas & was interested in what others had to say. Without installing the ap I couldn't find a way in, so got side tracked by something colouful & moving. I have an artisanal hotmale address and an elderly iFondle slab. If that helps.

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Sparty puts forth...

Posted October 26, 2015
Up for beta reading Cairo.
Might be worth looking at running the drafts through Calibri or something similar as ebook formatting can go crazy particularly with some of the font / spacing / formatting of Daemon world terminology. Obviously the pro guys will do that with the Dave ones - but Cairo may need it as well.

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sibeen has opinions thus...

Posted October 26, 2015
OK, I was able to access the two tomes, but as a read only version.
I'd never had a gmail addy, so had to set one up before it would let me do anything, and then once in I couldn't figure out a way (perhaps there isn't one) of getting to the editable version.
It sucked.
Not the stories themselves, they were the grouse, although I felt bereft that I couldn't swing a bit of sibeen wordsmith gold into the final version :)

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John Birmingham swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 26, 2015
Next time, I'll pay more attention to who gets editing and why. I still can't figure that out, although I think it might be a mix of issues.

IamBloomfield is gonna tell you...

Posted October 27, 2015
I thought the etiquette required leaving comments only, rather than make edits. The collaborative drafting worked well for me, across desktop, and ipad. In my work we use a shared workspace to collaborate on draft budget papers, and your set up works better than that.

GhostSwirv puts forth...

Posted October 28, 2015

I gots the email saying I was in but nadda after that ... no invite to download an app or a doughnut ... much disappointment.

Would be up for the next round if I could gain super-secret access.

Brother PorkChop would have you know...

Posted November 1, 2015
It seemed I had both and started with edit but then moved to comments with the crowd. Both works depending on the specific piece being worked over. Love to do some more on Cairo.

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BigTimeTexasTeaserPony is gonna tell you...

Posted October 27, 2015
I consent to Beta read Stalin's Hammer.

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mumbles...

Posted October 27, 2015
Can someone explain the where, when and how of the process of accessing Cairo for the newcomers to this process?

John Birmingham ducks in to say...

Posted October 27, 2015
Firstly I have to put the file into Google docs, which I won't do a few weeks yet. Then you'll get an invite to the document and, hopefully, be able to edit and share notes.

sibeen puts forth...

Posted October 27, 2015
ROFL...it fucking ain't!!
:)

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan asserts...

Posted October 28, 2015
Thank you. I'm here all week.

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Dave C mumbles...

Posted October 27, 2015
Hey JB. Count me in. :)

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pedrogb is gonna tell you...

Posted October 27, 2015
Hi JBEnjoyed the last efforts, would be pleased to be part of it again.

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ubersejanus would have you know...

Posted October 27, 2015
Sounds too much like watching sausage get made for my taste

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Frivolous swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 28, 2015
I envy those who are able to Beta read books. I'm too busy to do so within a deadline.

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Aaron puts forth...

Posted October 28, 2015
Count me in. I spend an unhealthy amount if time thinking about the return if the AoT universe.

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Super Tuesday

Posted September 29, 2015 into Writing by John Birmingham

I appear to have written three columns in one day by accident.

Blunty:

The government is lying to you about the enormous sinkhole that swallowed a whole beach on the Sunshine Coast. We know this because they've been lying to us years about the Min Min Lights, the Mulgowie Yowie and all the cosy board board appointments they were going to appoint me to if I got rid of Mr Strong Choices for them.

10. Apple Maps error.

9. James Bond supervillain error, possibly related to earlier Apple Maps error, involving non-achievement of key performance indicators by suboptimal minions and goons hired to excavate Japanese volcano for secret rocket base.

The Age:

Oh noes! What will the poor refugees do now? No sooner did Facebook boss-hog Mark Zuckerberg? announce that he would move heaven and earth to make the social network available in the United Nations' crowded refugee camps than Facebook crashed, doubtless because of millions of refugees rushing online to "like" his status update.

That's so like those selfish refugees, ruining everything for the rest of us, and before the Book of Face had even deployed its promised thumbs-down button so we could put them in their place – their place being in crowded Syrian border camps without enough free Wi-Fi to fill up our timelines with photographs of all the flies swarming over their bowl of UN gruel. #soblessed

SBS:

Remember the Palm Pilot? Probably not if you’re under 30, but they were the iPhone of the 90s; the must-have shiny-precious that replaced the filofax (and you have to be over forty to remember them).

Palm was already struggling when Steve Jobs launched the iPhone, but Ed Colligan, the company’s CEO, wasn’t much fussed. “We’ve learned and struggled for a few years here figuring out how to make a decent phone,” he said. “PC guys are not going to just figure this out. They’re not going to just walk in.” But of course they did, and not just Apple. Most of the smart phones in the world now run Google’s operating system, Android.

The same ‘PC guys’ are currently hiring thousands of engineers from the automotive industry and in August Elon Musk’s latest electric car, the Tesla Model S, scored 103 out of a possible 100 (that’s not a typo) from Consumer Reports in the US.

5 Responses to ‘Super Tuesday’

insomniac puts forth...

Posted September 29, 2015
Regarding the sinkhole, there's a poor confused Chinese labourer trying hard to dig a hole that keeps magically filling in, no matter how much he dirt he shovels.

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FormerlyKnownAsSimon reckons...

Posted September 29, 2015
Great. So there are going to be only autonomous taxis in the future. So now i have to look forward to drunkenly hailing down a taxi but get cut off by a rude washing machine holding a grudge because of that guy on youboob who destroyed washing machine ancestors in a hail of electric fire and death. The future of a meat sack is not looking so bright.

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Lulu mutters...

Posted September 29, 2015
I love #8. Particularly because the lovely beach looks so much like a traditional Fleming-era supervillain's lair location (think Dr No, Jamaica, etc).

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Shifty Tourist asserts...

Posted September 30, 2015
I think we all know what the sinkhole really is, especially here, don't we?
Where the hell is Dave when we need him?
Stupid question.... in BrisZegas getting hammered.

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BigWillieStyle has opinions thus...

Posted September 30, 2015
Re: the sinkhole. Andrew Bolt wrote on his blog that it was caused by that horrible Rosie Batty, in concert with self-loathing lefty leftist leftites, on direct orders from back-stabber and pawn for the New Communist OneWorld Order, Malcolm Turnbull.

Miranda Devine, meanwhile, has proof that it was caused by feminazis from the sisterhood, and they did it just because they're so full of hate and they totally all want to force everyone to gay-marry and sip lattes in the inner city while weaving their baskets and pay carbon taxes so terrorists can come here in boats and rape all our women and take our jobs and join the CFMEU and not boo Adam Goodes even though eh fucking well deserves it.

That was the gist, anyway.

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