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Sit Down and hang on: analysing the Game of Thrones S7 trailer

Posted April 3 into Raven On by girlclumsy

Hello, Burgers and Throners! It's Natalie here, your Game of Thrones recappespondent and friendly neighbourhood Jon Snow obsessive.

After HBO dropped a teaser trailer for Season 7 of The World's Greatest and Best Ever Show late last week, I wrote up a piece about it to see if I could flex these old creaky recap muscles ahead of the July premiere. I posted it on my Facebook page, but JB very kindly gave me the go-ahead to post it up here. Enjoy!

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That breath! That visible, icy breath! What can it mean? Is Cersei in league with the White Walkers now? Is it a metaphor for her new “ice queen” reign over Westeros, or was the heating just broken in the Iron Throne room?

And Jon Snow! Sticking with that ponytail but still BROODY AF. Boy I’m glad he’s still around now that winter finally has arrived. He’s so steamy, like the series’ own personal hot water bottle. I’d like to place him carefully on my belly to ease cramps.

And a question – where the hell was Daenarys?

Yes, with 100 days to go until the Game of Thrones Season 7 premiere, it was only right and natural for HBO to unleash a fan frenzy via a spankingly good promotional trailer.

After all, if this was a normal year, we’d be gearing up for the actual season, which has traditionally begun in early April. So they’ve got to give the thirsting GoT fandom a few drops out of mercy, if nothing else.

Titled “The Long Walk”, it’s the first “new” content since last year, and features three of our favourites striding slowly but determinedly towards…. well, chairs, essentially.
It’s also set to a rather menacing yet oddly comforting version of Sit Down by Manchester rock legends James.

In researching the song I discovered that there was an original longer version that was cut down for a radio-friendly release back in 1989. From that, GoT producers have cherry-picked these highly appropriate lyrics:

Those who feel the breath of sadness
Sit down next to me
Those who find they're touched by madness
Sit down next to me

In love, in fear, in hate, in tears
In love, in fear, in hate, in tears
In love, in fear, in hate, in tears
In love, in fear, in hate

Oh sit down Oh sit down Oh sit down
Sit down next to me
Sit down, down, down, down, down
In sympathy

As those words ring out, we see Cersei stalking the halls of the Red Keep, Jon pacing through the recaptured Winterfell, and Dany….. where the hell WAS Dany?



The array of tree trunks positioned behind her throne reminded me a touch of the Eyrie, but having last been seen at the head of an armada, we can’t imagine her turning up anywhere inland. The best I can guess is Dragonstone, her birthplace. We never really saw Stannis Baratheon in a large throne room on the island – he was mostly in his map room, often shagging Kate Bush on the strategy table. So it’s possible there could be a grand hall for her to set up her alternative court while she makes her final attack plans for the mainland. Dany is definitely somewhere colder – for the first time ever we see here rugged up in dark colours as opposed to her usual bright, light, skin-revealing garb. But I’m still not entirely happy with this answer.

I feel there’s also some symbolism in the fact that both Cersei and Dany actually SIT in their thrones; Jon merely stares at the high table at Winterfell, the place where his *cough* father *cough* Ned sat.

Cersei and Dany believe with every ounce of their being in their innate right to be Queen. Their intentions may differ, but their desire to rule is the whole purpose of their existence. Jon Snow was feted as the new King in the North at the end of last season – but nobody would wear a crown more reluctantly (perhaps Viserys back in S1E6).

The weight of leadership sits heavily and uneasily with him. Unlike the others he’s seen the face of the real enemy, the White Walkers, and knows no crown, no throne, no sense of power or entitlement will save anyone from that. He’s had power thrust upon him, as much as I would thrust upon him etc etc you get the drift.

As the song kicks up a gear, and the women take their seats, there are close-ups of their eyes closing as a wind blows out all the candles in the Red Keep. Cersei then breathes out a visible burst of cold air, and the camera pulls back to show us the eye of a White Walker (the Night’s King by the look of it).



t’s not too hard to decode the cold change/winds of change/cold shoulder subtext.

But it’s interesting that the final moment was given to Cersei, an ice queen who’s always made Grace Kelly look warm by comparison. Cersei has never had any interest in the White Walkers – her motivations have always been about preserving her family’s dynasty and elevating herself above the weak men that surround her. The White Walkers were fairytales, mystical creatures far from the realpolitik of the capital.

Could there be some deeper allusion to a potential link between Cersei’s New World Order and the White Walkers? Or is Cersei asserting her own power, and defying you to consider her LESS of a risk than a bunch of undead blue-eyed forever monsters? In the usual Game of Thrones binary, Daenarys has represented fire, and Jon Snow ice. Is Cersei now greater than the sum of both of them?

Is the clue in those last words “Sit down in sympathy” - that all three are facing a crucible and only together, in sympatico, can they defeat the bigger threat?

Or is in face Cersei just cold and doing that thing where you breathe out hot air and pretend to be smoking?

Questions, questions.

One final point.

In my research of Sit Down, I watched the video clip for the 1989 release. Given that it does contain the phrase “sit down” repeatedly, it’s not that surprising to see a bunch of chairs in the video clip. But one in particularly caught my eye. Tell me, Beloved Throners, does this not look familiar to you?!?!

Coincidence? Almost certainly. But still, it makes you think.

Valar Morghulis!

4 Responses to ‘Sit Down and hang on: analysing the Game of Thrones S7 trailer’

Bondiboy66 asserts...

Posted April 4
Fine words, now the waiting umm....continues

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Barnesm ducks in to say...

Posted April 4
Much appreciation having you back recapping.


I will just sit here and wait for your next recap shall I?

Respond to this comment

Surtac has opinions thus...

Posted April 5
Ok. So I've got nearly 100 days to catch up with all my dvd sets (I'm at least 3 series behind)?

I better get started tonight then.

Respond to this comment

Maddoug is gonna tell you...

Posted April 5
The real problem is the unstoppable bad-ass warrior that the Night King just acquired, should be able to give Zombie Clegane a run for his money.......





ZOMBIE HODOR!!!!!!!!

(Stalking through the snow with a wooden door stapled to his back by the embedded cutlery of a thick covering of wights like so many fleas on a junkyard dog...)

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Game of Thrones Raven On Recap S6E10: The Winds of Winter

Posted June 28 into Raven On by girlclumsy

YOU. GUYS.

HOW. IS. THIS. SHOW. SO. FREAKING. GOOD.

EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. IT. HITS. NEW. LEVELS. OF. EPIC.

SERIOUSLY. I. WANT. TO. MARRY. THIS. SHOW. AND. ALSO. JON. SNOW.

OK, I feel like I’m going to bust my Capslock key if I keep this up.

Beloved Throners.

Talking about ending the season with a bang.

Leaving aside big battle sequences and their inevitable loss of non-named-ergo-not-quite-as-important-life, I think we just witnessed the greatest body count in the history of Game of Thrones.

We saw the internet’s favourite fan theory confirmed. We saw Jon Snow hailed a King. We saw the Great Targaryen Fleet set sail for conquest, dragons flying overhead. And we saw the triumph of the greatest supervillain we always knew was coming - DARTH CERSEI.

Before we get into the grit of this episode (and by gum there was so much grit it was basically the Gobe Desert), I’d like to take a moment to address all of those hand-wringing commentators who over the years have Mrs Lovejoyed it constantly about “the role of women in Game of Thrones”.

Yeah, for sure, women were treated badly. Yeah, for sure, they were seen as easily disposable pieces of meat. Yeah, for sure, they were marginalised and dehumanised by a patriarchal system of entitlement and abuse.

But you know what else they did?

THEY STOOD. THE F***. UP.

And to be frank, the impending slaying of the patriarchy is all the sweeter because of all the shit the Women of Westeros and beyond have had to put up with over the past six seasons.

The only exclusively men’s only club that remains seems to be Old Town, the home of the Maesters, and you just give Gilly five minutes with those bozos and that will soon be sorted.

Of course, there were casualties along the way. We lost Queen Margaery, one of nature’s foremost schemers and plotters; and we saw Melisandre banished just when we expect she’ll probably come in handy.

But that was nothing compared to the sight of DARTH CERSEI on the Iron Throne, Daenarys Ice Cold standing firm on both hearts and prows, and Lady Mormont lay the smack down on a bunch of old white men who utterly deserved it.

The cynic might read my interpretation of this finale as a feminist fantasy or wish fulfilment on my part? My response is oh HELLS yes. We are post-Brexit now, people. You know it, I know it: FALLOPIAN = UTOPIAN.

Season 6, Episode 10 “The Winds of Winter”

Things are looking a little...combustible in King’s Landing. Slow Lorus and Cersei Lannister are due to face trial in the Sept of Baelor, and things could get… explosive.

The whole montage of characters getting ready for the trial was so beautifully done - especially the music, which was of a type we’d never really experienced before in Game of Thrones. The sombre classical score gave the sequence both an operatic sense of scale and Hitchcockian hint of doom.

The music paused for Slow Lorus to confess his sins in front of the High Sparrow and a bunch of other barefooted old religious hacks in sacks. Poor Slow Lorus - from the shiny Knight of Flowers to begging for forgiveness on the floor like the UK in about a year’s time. When he gives up his claim to Highgarden and renounces the Tyrell name, Mace looks like he’s been, well, maced. Sure, he’s been a buffoon the whole time we’ve known him, but even a buffoon has feelings and a dynasty to protect.

Margaery is more pragmatic. When the Faith Militant start carving the sign of the Seven into Slow Lorus’ forehead, she holds back their angry father, telling him the faith is the way. She’s still playing her game - let them think you’re in their power, it’s more important to just survive.

It’s this same instinct that then warns Margaery that something has gone very wrong. The Queen Mother has not turned up, has not even left the Red Keep, in fact. As that haunting music lures us to the edge of our seats, we see Cersei finish dressing, but rather than make for the exit, languidly pour herself a glass of red wine and head to her window, while Zombie Mountain prevents King Tommen from leaving.

The High Sparrow sends Lancel Lannister to find Cersei, but he is soon distracted by a cheeky imp running away from the Sept and into a nearby door. Lancel follows, heading deeper underground, under the Sept itself. The imp has a torch, but Lancel has none - as usual, he just blindly follows.

Meanwhile Grand Maester Pycelle, running a tad late himself due to a morning quickie with a woman he fully intends to stiff out of (at least) payment, is taken by a small child, whom we assume he assumes is in his employ, to Qyburn’s Bond villain-esque lair.

Qyburn, the dechained former Maester, rather relishes his final words to Pycelle, the toff who had looked down on him since he arrived in King’s Landing. “Sorry to off you like this, old bean, but the future is now and what not,” is the essence of what he said, his apology not really ringing true.

Then a bunch of sweet young kiddies pull flick knives and give Pycelle the old Fleabottom Flensing. It turns out you really can make kids do stuff for candy. I’ll remember that, and really hope the police didn’t just read that sentence.

Kids these days, eh?

Lancel is not long for this world either, as the Artful Stabger shivs him in the side just as he realises there’s a big cache of Wildfire sitting right underneath the Sept. Did anybody else notice the fierce organ playing the Game of Thrones theme as a leitmotif as Lancel drags himself away from the fallen torch (which seemed to be to be the clear and present danger) to something green at the other end of the passage.

Kate Middleton meanwhile is pleading with the High Sparrow to stop the trial and GTFO. If Cersei ain’t there, it’s because Cersei don’t want to be there. Which means they’re all in mortal danger.

Of course, being the stubborn old zealot he is, Big Bird refuses to consider that his big trial day might be spoiled by someone he thinks he’s already beaten down with prison and public humiliation. In this sense, Cersei is Robert the Bruce, learning patience from the spider’s web in that Irish cave, while the High Sparrow is King Edward II pre-Bannockburn (I just feel the Scottish historical references are appropriate this week).

I mean, if the High Sparrow just STOPPED for ONE SECOND he would at least hear the Music of Foreboding. Foreboding!

Kate Middleton drops any pretence at respecting the faith, grabs Slow Lorus and makes for the exit. A panic ensues as onlookers try to escape, but are of course held back by idiotic boorish Faith Militant who really make me angry at religion in general. We see Margaery and the High Sparrow exchange looks, and slowly, as if borne by moon gravity, the penny finally fricking drops for Big Bird.

Because’s Lancel’s interpretive take on RuPaul’s Drag Race falls short of the finish line, and he cannot do anything to stop the stub of a candle reaching a puddle of Wildfire on the floor.

Chick chick BOOM.

"I am so jealous of people who are alive right now."

The cellars fill with licks of green hell, and then the High Sparrow vanishes in a geyser of light and heat. The whole Sept goes up in a millisecond, the windows blown out, the bell sent crashing into a street below.

And safe on the other side of the city is Cersei, watching her efforts with the grin of someone who is really having a good day at the office.

"Today I achieved my goals."

It’s not enough for the Queen Mother to have inflicted pain on a citywide scale; she has to have an intimate moment of it as well. And for that, she uses the Septa, the same one who tortured her and walked her naked through the streets, now shackled in her chambers.

“Confess”, she urges, pouring her wine into the Septa’s face. She wants her to own up to being a harsh disciplinarian not because she was pure and motivated by religion, but because she was a sadist. Cersei can say this because she knows the feeling intensely. Whether it’s boozing up, knocking off Robert Baratheon, or just having sex with a blood relative - Cersei does it all because it feels good.

Another thing she finds good - delayed punishment. When the Septa says she’s ready to meet her gods, Cersei ushers in the Zombie Mountain. “This is your God now,” she says, practically sashaying out of the room to leave the Septa to an awful fate. “Shame… shame.”

It’s a moment of victory for Cersei, complete and unrelenting victory. Finally, finally! One of her plans has actually paid off. Everything has totally worked.

Except of course it hasn’t. Because Cersei’s plans always backfire somehow.

In this case, it’s possibly the most horrifying thing in an episode of horror. Tommen, informed of the loss of his Queen, the High Sparrow and a bunch of others, is left alone in his room. The direction here was flawless, leaving the camera locked off on a shot of the Great Sept burning, while Tommen takes his crown off and walks off screen. What feels like months pass, before he quickly walks back into the shot, steps up onto the window ledge and lets himself fall outwards.

The suicide of a king, a CHILD, is not something we’ve ever seen before, and it was completely unexpected. Given the prophecy that’s haunted Cersei about her children, Tommen was always high on our list of “Who’s Going to Die Next”, but who could have seen it would be by his own hand? And yet, now that it’s happened, it makes sense. He was already guilty about betraying his mother by banning trial by combat. Margaery had been released but their marriage wasn’t the same. Already his young shoulders had been forced to bear so much more than they ever should have. Cersei spent so much time trying to save Tommen from other people, she never even considered that the biggest risk to his safety was her.

When we next see Cersei, she is standing over Tommen’s body, insisting Qyburn show her his face. She is grief-stricken, but not demonstrably so as she was with Joffrey and Myrcella. She doesn’t even give his body the respect of the others; with the Sept gone, there is to be no lying in state, no funeral. Just burn his body and bury the ashes where the Sept was, so he can be with his family. She has work to do.

It’s taken them all season, but Sam and Gilly finally reached Oldtown - just in time to see hundreds of white ravens being released from the tower. Officially, that means winter has arrived. Winter, and Sam Tarly.

We’ve never seen Sam as chipper as he was bouncing into reception and handing over his credentials to the chap on duty. He proceeded to play a passive-aggressive power game, making Sam lean all the way over the desk to place the letter in his hand. Sam insists he’s there for legit reasons, but according to the Maester’s book of records, it is “irregular”. There’s been a lot of developments since the records were updated, Sam insists, and eventually passive-aggressive dude relents. Sam will be allowed to use the library, hurrah! But Gilly and baby Sam have to wait outside. It’s funny that Sam, so intent that they stay together, can only manage a weak grin of apology before racing off to see the big book place.

The big book place turns out to be colossally big, which of course it had to be because they weren’t going to string out this half-season plotline into a whole season then not shove us face first into Hogwarts.

"Yep, I'm calling it. This is better than when I lost my virginity."

Of course, this will be a cue for hundreds of book lovers to post screenshots of the Maester’s Library on their Facebook walls with statuses like “My dream home!” and “I’d get through this in two weeks!” We get it, you read books, and you have a home library. You know what else you have, I’ll wager? Dust. Bloody dust. I feel sorry for whoever has to clean that flipping Maester’s library.

Meanwhile at The Twins, celebrations are underway to mark the return of Riverrun to the Freys. Edmure Tully is back in a cell, the Blackfish killed by foot soldiers, so all is right with the world, according to Walder Frey. But Jaime is not impressed with the Lord of the Twins’ bullshit. He asks some pertinent questions about Frey’s own battle record, but he’s fobbed off with platitudes about victory and defeating enemies and how he and Jaime are both “Kingslayers”.

“Fear is a marvellous thing,” Frey states, aptly summarising his whole petty little personality. He’s driven only by jealously and small man syndrome, a desire for people to think him lofty. And Jaime, bless him, calls him out on it.

“They don’t fear the Freys, they fear the Lannisters,” he says. “We gave you the Riverlands to hold the Riverlands. If we have to ride north and take them back for you every time you lose them… why do we need you?” Without a microphone handy, Jaime instead drops his napkin and storms off.

Much later, Lord Walder sits alone in his Great Hall, the site of the Red Wedding and so much effusion of blood. A serving girl brings him a hot pie, and puts up with his creepy old man groping.

But things get interesting when Walder Frey calls for his eldest sons. “They’re already here, my Lord”, the serving girl says. “What are they doing, trimming their c*** hairs?” Frey replies, proving once again dung is more charming than he is. “They’re already here my lord,” the girl repeats.

Oooooh boy. This is when we knew things were about to get good.

For the serving girl encourages Lord Walder to examine his hot pie more closely, and he finds a finger. “They weren’t easy to carve up,” the girl explains as the creepy old man retches.

I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who roared when the serving girl removed her face and revealed ARYA FRICKING STARK. Back in Winterfell, no doubt having read Titus Andronicus on the way over, and ready to cook up some sweet, sweet revenge. She sliced open Frey’s throat in an echo of the way her own mother had been murdered in the same place. Arya’s face as Frey’s life ebbed away was just glorious. A little intense and scary, sure, but glorious.

"You know, I really did a good job with the gravy on that hot pie too."

I had so wanted a loving reunion between Arya, Sansa and Jon this episode, but if that couldn’t happen, I will take this long-awaited for piece of frontier justice any day of the week.

Speaking of all things Jon Snow, let’s head to Winterfell, where our beloved is reminiscing to Kate Bush about the pros and cons about being a bastard (con - no head table; pro - still got a feed). But this reverie is interrupted by Ser Davos Seaworth, who finally decides to have it out with Melisandre over Shireen’s death.

The Onion Knight’s grief and anger are absolutely heartbreaking in this scene. Shireen was the one bright light in his former life, which had been shaded by crazy people. She had taught him to read, for crying out loud. She was special, and after his own son had died at the Blackwater, gave Ser Davos something normal to hang onto, and something to fight for. Now he wants answers; and he wants Jon Snow to know who Melisandre really is.

For her part, Melisandre breaks hearts in a different way. We have the knowledge now that she is very old, and has probably committed more than her fair share of abominable crimes. But after Stannis’ loss, she suffered a crisis of faith, a crisis only vaguely ameliorated by that whole bringing Jon back to life business. So she feels the sacrificing of Shireen more keenly now than she did when she encouraged Stannis to burn her. Of course, she still tries to justify it, because the Red God moves in mysterious ways, but it’s a credit to her that her heart doesn’t seem to be in it.

Davos calls on Jon to let him execute Melisandre as a murderer, but Jon insteads opts to banish her. Seaworth backs that up by saying if she ever ventures north again he will kill her himself. Melisandre says nothing, simply accepts her fate and goes. But what will happen now if something happens to our beloved Jon? I was quite into the idea of Melisandre being his Medic On Standby. And with Melisandre heading south, surely she has to meet up with her old friend Thoros of Myr and the Brotherhood Without Banners?

Jon and Sansa had a beautiful scene on the battlements of Winterfell, in which Jon gives credit to Sansa for winning the battle, and Sansa apologises for not telling Jon about Littlefinger and the Knights of the Vale. He replies that they need to trust each other, as they have enough enemies outside the family to deal with. He asks her if she can trust Baelish; Sansa replies quite brilliantly that only a fool would trust him.

Later, we see her put this philosophy into practice when Baelish confronts her in the godswood. Now I was all ready to open Littlefinger back with open arms after last week’s hero effort, but when he confesses to Sansa that his real goal is to sit on the Iron Throne with her by his side I remembered why I HATE him so much. SO. CREEPY. Dude, we get you had the hots for her mother, but seriously, this is gross.

Thankfully Sansa has the right response.

"NOPE."

But Littlefinger won’t let it go - people will hear about this victory soon, and know he’s declared for House Stark. He asks her to consider who the people of the North should rally around - a trueborn Stark daughter or a bastard. Godsdamnit, Littlefinger, would you STOP planting dirty rotten seeds in Sansa’s head?

Meanwhile north of the Wall, Benjen Stark has taken Bran and Meera as far as he can. It turns out that because he’s technically not totally alive, he cannot breach the magic cast inside the Wall to keep out White Walkers. That explains why he never came back - although you’d think he could leave a message or something.

Given that Bran can’t walk, it seems like the plan is for Meera to drag him the rest of the way, or wait and hope a Night’s Watch patrol comes by at some point. In the meantime, Bran decides to use the weirwood to finish off that flashback he started way back before Hodor died (oh God, I just reminded myself of Hodor, sob).

BANG! All of a sudden we’re back at the Tower of Joy with young Ned Stark racing up to find his sister Lyanna dying in a bed of blood. She’s scared, but glad to see him, because she needs him to do something for her.

It’s revealed that yes, in fact, Lyanna had given birth to the son of Rhaegar Targaryen, and if Ned didn’t protect him, Robert Baratheon would have him killed. Young Ned is then presented with the baby, whose eyes open to reveal black Stark pupils.

"You think I'm broody NOW?"

And with that, half of the internet let off a cheer, and the other half snorted and said “Tell me something I DON’T know.” The mathematical formula R + L = J had finally been proven right, QED.

The show rewarded our success with a jump cut from the baby’s face to Jon’s face in the present, facing down a room full of northern lords, each with their own idea of what should happen now Ramsay Bolton has successfully been turned into Schmackos.

Jon insists they need to stay together to prepare for the invasion of the White Walkers, but he’s not having much cut through. And that’s because he’s not a kick arse pre-teen with more wisdom on her shoulders than an Oxford-educated owl.

Lyanna Mormont gets up and tears strips off Lord Manderly, Lord Glover and Lord Kerwin for not turning up to the Battle for Winterfell. “But House Mormont remembers! The North remembers! We know no king but the King in the North whose name is Stark,” she fires at the crowd.

“I don’t care if he’s a bastard, Ned Stark’s blood runs through his veins. He’s my king, from this day until his last day!”

That, my friends, is a lecture. You just got SERVED.

The traitorous lords front up and grovel and swear their swords to their new King in the North. Jon, rising from his seat, looks freaked out by this development, but exchanges a quick smile of disbelief with Sansa, who seems much more relaxed about it. After all, she’d already told him on the battlements that Jon was a Stark to her. Perhaps now he’d finally believe it.

I can see the glance Sansa and Baelish exchange being interpreted by some as raising the possibility Littlefinger might try to poison Sansa against Jon. He’s taking your seat, you should be the Queen in the North, etc etc. All of that is true - Sansa, as we know, is already a Queen - but I think it’s more like Sansa realising Jon is now an obstacle to Baelish’s Iron Throne goal. Given that Jon is not only a Stark, but a Targaryen, that gives him a claim to the South as well (if and when that information comes out, of course). Baelish has declared for House Stark - but how long can that now last?

Let’s flick back to King’s Landing for the massive climactic scene of awesome. It started with Jaime and Bronn returning with the Lannister forces to see the Sept of Baelor still burning. Frantically concerned for his sister, Jaime spurs them forward.

He needn’t have worried. OK, while he’s been gone, his youngest son has died, but Cersei has implemented Backup Plan B: DARTH CERSEI.

Black dominates this sequence, both in tone and physical colour. The Great Hall is darker than we’ve ever seen it, the windows blocked out. And it seems Cersei’s days of wearing Lannister red and gold or the more usual pastels of the court are behind her. That battle dress seems glued on now.

Having said that, I would also like to put in an order for a bespoke copy of Cersei’s incredible armoured black gown. I NEED that outfit to wear on a daily basis, especially when walking the foster kittens on leashes. Sure, my experiments with the harness have yet to yield results, but one day soon you will witness me walking my cats along the street, literally dressed to kill a la Cersei, and you will fall to your knees in respect, my Throners. For we know there is nothing more fearsome than a cat walker in armoured jacquard.

Except perhaps, Cersei, followed by the Zombie Mountain and the rest of the Kingsguard, walking to be crowned as Queen, the First of Her Name (aka DARTH CERSEI).

Qyburn crowns her, and we see on his lapel his reward: he is the new Hand. Get ready for killer kids in the streets and Frankensteins under the sheets, people.

Despite all this, it was AMAZING seeing Cersei crowned Queen. Sure, she’s a villain, always has been, always will be. But she always was a warrior forced into a domestic life - the true heir of Tywin Lannister. She’s been wife of a loser king, mother of a psycho nut job king, and mother to a king-who-might-have-been. Finally it’s her turn to do what she’s always wanted to do, what always felt right, felt good - rule the Seven Kingdoms herself.

The only slight flaw in her plan (and being Cersei, we know there is ALWAYS a flaw) is Jaime, who has returned just in time to see his sister/lover park her arse on the world’s sharpest chair. Cersei’s look was clear: this is how it is now. Jaime’s was more RLY? Once again, that classical music, with Rains of Castamere stitched into it, gave us more of an understanding than words ever could.

"Is that... is that The Imperial March?"

And so we come to Meereen, for the final section of our recap. It starts there with a break-up - Dany bidding farewell to Maario, her devoted rent-a-hunk of many seasons now. He is to remain behind in Meereen to keep the peace until new leaders can be elected. But he wants to travel with Dany, and he doesn’t care if he’s just seen as a bit of rumpy-pumpy. However Dany needs to do things like arrange marriage alliances and so forth, and it’s just going to be tough with a bit of fluff hanging around. See, I’d be OK with that, but this is obviously where Dany and I differ philosophically.

Maario reckons Tyrion put her up to this, but he does what she asks and pledges himself and the Second Sons in service to her. Tyrion at least knows something of the matter, as he’s the first person Dany goes to after breaking off the relationship. But she’s not sad about it, and that’s where she adds “Ice Cold” to her list of monikers. Dany knows Maario loves her, and he did make her happy. But he’s not what she wants. And what she wants is now closer than ever before - Westeros.

Tyrion decides to undo a few pieces of the psychological armour he’s had in place his whole life and get real with Dany. He confesses that he had always been a cynic, sceptical of belief, having seen what it does to people. But now he finds himself believing in Daenarys, how embarrassment.

He says he would fight for her, but Dany says his counsel is what she needs. She then pulls out a pin from her robe and names Tyrion the Hand of the Queen. The imp bows, deeply honoured. It’s a redemptive moment for him. There’s also parallel with Cersei and Qyburn here - and the lesson that good leaders have good people behind them.

Eventually, we reach the sequence the series has been building to since the end of season one - Dany and her ships at full sail, finally heading towards Westeros. The picture is perfect - we see Theon and Yara leading the Greyjoy fleet, the Dothraki and their horses dealing well with the poison water, and Grey Worm keeping an eye on the Unsullied.

Finally, as the dragons sail in and around the ships, we see Dany, at the head of the force, surrounded by Tyrion, Varys and Missandei.

The winds of winter are taking her home.

"I'm glad Missandei likes the hair clips I got her."

Yay!

Everything about Olenna’s visit to Dorne was INCREDIBLE. Sure, there’s the old problem of disappearing time what with her getting south very quickly after the death of her family in King’s Landing, but it was worth it for her sass at the young Sand Snakes. “Let the grown women talk!” Then Varys showed up with his jaunty offer of "fire and blood". Oh bring on the Tyrell/Dorne alliance. Smothered in cheese.

Zing! Best Lines

Bronn snarking at Jaime about how all the ladies love him at the Twins was solid gold - particularly since we now know the first chick checking out Jaime was Arya in disguise as the serving girl. He’s changed a bit since she first saw him at Winterfell in season one, so for her it’s more recon than romance. But that doesn’t stop Bronn from needling Jaime, so he does his friend a favour and calls over two other ladies and bigs up Bronn’s hero status.

Bronn: What if I’m not in the mood?
Jaime: …
Bronn: (looks at ladies) F*** it.

Eww, gross

Tommen’s death was the one that made my gut leap into my throat, but a special gross mention to the Zombie being left alone to torture the Septa. Not a pleasant way to go at all.

Boo, sucks

So many people died this episode but the really boo, sucks one for me was Margaery Tyrell. I really like Margaery and I wish she had escaped the explosion at the Sept of Baelor. It would have been great to see her and Olenna team up once more as their awesome Grandma/Granddaughter combo. Slow Lorus and Mace I could deal with - and of course was delighted by the demise of the High Sparrow - but vale Kate Middleton. You were the David Cameron of this episode - you thought your plan would work, but you were routed by idiots.

Things That Surprised Me

We didn’t see the White Walkers at all. At all!

No Hound, which meant no Hound axing people. But could this mean Clegane Bowl in season seven?

No Brienne, which meant no Tormienne! We will have to wait another year before the chance to see sparks fly between those two again (even if they’re sparks from clashing swords, that’s cool too, maybe it’s just foreplay?)

How in the sam hell did Varys get from Dorne all the way back to Meereen to be on the ship with Daenarys at the end? Sure, it looked cool, but it was the most jarring time shift in a show famous for playing fast and loose with time.

What, Jon Snow couldn’t have gotten a just a little bit nude to send us off with a nice memory?

I have now been recapping this show for five years (since Season 2). I cannot quite believe I’ve stuck to it for so long - I’m generally the lazy type who gives up hobbies after a few weeks/days/seconds. But apart from an obsession-bordering-on-concerning with the show, I keep coming back because of YOU, my beloved Throners. You give me the dragon-level strength I need to write these ridiculously long and juvenile articles, and keep me inspired and firing with your comments and theories.

A special thanks to those of you who supported the Patreon campaign too this year, giving me the incredible privilege of being a paid writer. That stuff is IMPORTANT, never lose sight of that. You done good, kittens.

I hope you will join me again next year, and I remain, from this day until my last day, your humble recappespondent.

69 Responses to ‘Game of Thrones Raven On Recap S6E10: The Winds of Winter’

xServer swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 28
Great recap, Nat! Love the show, love the recap, love my fellow Throners. One question for you all: Do you think Arya killed 3 Freys...or did she kill most of them? That banquet hall was dead empty. And she apparently had no fear of being interrupted. I have a feeling our fiercest little wolf spent the night killing sleeping Freys and it fills me with so much joy. (Is that wrong? Should I be worried?) Also: I would have enjoyed seeing more of the Frey-slaughter. I also loved how Arya's actions went back to the story of the Rat Cook that Bran told in Season 3. The gods hate a guest-killer and so does Arya Stark.

she_jedi is gonna tell you...

Posted June 28
I'm totally with you, I suspect she spent the night eliminating the Frey patriarchy, and left the old pervert until last just to savour her revenge. One thing the mummers in Essos gave her was a new list of people to get stabby on. Go Arya!

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Sambit puts forth...

Posted June 28
Thanks again for an awesome recap for an awesome episode! Until next year, Alvida.

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CageySea reckons...

Posted June 28
Fabulous recap as always! One typo: there is a reference to Arya being "Back in Winterfell" which should read "Back in Westeros".

Kelley is gonna tell you...

Posted June 28
Yeah, picked that up too. Riverrun not in Winterfell. But how exciting to have her back getting revenge - with all the new skills she's learned.

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Cath swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 28
I was very happy that this episode ran a little longer - so satisfying in how much it covered.
I didn't mind the time it took to get Oleanna to Dorne and Varys back to Meereen. I felt this episode covered a longer period of time.
Okay Nat, what are we all watching and you recapping next? Happy to subscribe.

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Bloody Hell Arya is gonna tell you...

Posted June 28
LOVED.YOUR.RECAPS,NAT! Without them, winter will truly be here (frowny, cold emoji). See you next year for DARTH CERSEI vs DRAGON DANY vs TARGY STARK!

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angelaa would have you know...

Posted June 28
Thanks Nat, Mother of Kittens, for your fantastic recaps of our beloved show!! The very best on the net! xxx

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Holly would have you know...

Posted June 28
Another cracker recap Mother of Kittens. Thankyou so much for all the effort and passion you out into these - the perfect companion read for an obsessed throner.

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Shame Shame Shame puts forth...

Posted June 28
Cerwyn not Kerwin - otherwise see u next season Mother of Kittens ;)

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Lizzie would have you know...

Posted June 28
Thank you for such wonderful recaps - I looked forward to them as much as the actual episodes.

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Barnesm has opinions thus...

Posted June 28
I suspect we may not have seen the last of Septa Shame, Dr Qyburn has done his experiment on a male specimen surely he needs to see how his reanimations work on a women. Bride of Frankenstein anyone? Impressive work on the recaps, I hope we don't have to wait a year until we enjoy you recapping styling's again. You have mooted recapping Outlander. Obviously the current TV series, not the 1981 scifi movie starring Sean Connery, which I assume you have never seen. I'll just add it to the list shall I?

Ken Father of Dire Wolves would have you know...

Posted June 28
Given Darth Cersie's commitment that the Septa would not be meeting her gods today, I fully expect her to still be experiencing a long and painful death next season.

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Véronique of House Stark is gonna tell you...

Posted June 28
Thank you, glorious Mother of Kittens, for another season of the best recaps this side of Assai in the Shadows! This episode was so satisfying that I'm not instantly upset at how long it's going to be until we see more. That will start soon, no doubt. GRRM or his publisher could help by putting out book 6, which would sell like hot pies with the finest gravy, but noooooo, no books yet.

One of the few names left on Arya's list is the Hound. And they're not far away from each other, at least in GoT distances. But ending House Frey was a worthy use of her new ninja skills. Farewell, Filch!

I think my biggest question, after the Lady Lianna's masterful smack-down of three, count 'em, three lords, is what will they all do whenever Bran is able to tell people that indeed Stark blood runs in Jon's veins, but not Ned's, rather (the late) Lianna's and Raegar's. Will Jon and Daenerys do some better consanguinity? Or will his next death be his last, since Kate Bush is now gone?

As well, I'm curious about what happens if/when dragon fire meets White Walkers. I'm hoping it's mass melting/conflagration.

Happy kitten walking!

Plush Ruckus would have you know...

Posted June 28
Arya took The Hound off her list. It was revealed in a faceless man sequence with The Waif.

Plush Ruckus mutters...

Posted June 28
Arya took The Hound off her list. It was revealed in a faceless man sequence with The Waif.

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Birdman would have you know...

Posted June 28
re: How did Varys get back with Daenerys so quickly... Check out this map:

http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/gameofthrones/images/7/7e/The_known_world_HBO.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20130507121142

So, let's say he went to Dorne, had his chat with them and then met the fleet as it either sailed past South of Dorne or (more likely) travelled to the east through the Stepstones.

On a related note, check out the map of Westeros again - Daenerys now has allies that control the entire South West of Westeros - The Iron Islands, Highgarden, and Dorne. John has the entirety of the North. The newly crowned Queen of the Andals though? Well, all she has is the bit in the middle - Kings Landing through to Casterly Rock, and she's seriously lacking in allies all of a sudden. She might be happy with herself right now, but Cersei is seriously screwed.

And my final theory... we all know that the Targaryen's didn't mind keeping it "in the family" so to speak. So, how about a marriage between John Snow and (newly single) Daenerys? That'd not only unite the whole of Westeros, but it'd also... put a smile on my face so to speak.

Birdman is gonna tell you...

Posted June 28
I actually just learnt that the ancestral home of the Targaryen's is Dragonstone (duh) which was (until recently) held by Stannis. So, perhaps Dany wil head up there and use that as her launching pad into Westeros? Nice and close to King's Landing after all.

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Zosha is gonna tell you...

Posted June 28
"Ramsey Bolton successfully turned into Schmackos" hilarious!

Loved the recaps Nat, will miss them as much as the actual show over the next 10 months.

Look forward to 2017!

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Matthew Schiavello is gonna tell you...

Posted June 28
Your recaps are great and I proudly pay for them! I cannot wait till GOT Season 7 and for more of your recaps. Did anyone else notice that the 'light' fixture/reflector in the Maester’s Library looked very familiar? And is the phrase Valar Morghulis ("all men must die") a hint to the ending of the show? Will the seven Kingdoms become a testosterone free, safe haven for women? As you so rightly pointed out- "FALLOPIAN = UTOPIAN".

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Lorn has opinions thus...

Posted June 28
The next best thing to watching the show itself? ...why these recaps of course! You cannot do one without the other and you've slayed it again MoK, fab recap of an awesome finale. Thanks for another rousing recappespondent season, I'll be there for season 7 (or another show you choose to recap?) ...bring it on!

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Justin has opinions thus...

Posted June 28
Brilliant, absolutely Brilliant!!!
Thank you Nat for the recaps, makes it all so much better. and they are NEVER too long and rambley.
I thought Sansa's "Winter is here" joke would have got in on the best lines, was quite amusing.
For me the best line of the season was;
A wise man once said the true history of the world is the history of great conversations in elegant rooms. - Tyrion Lannister
until next year, Vallar Morghulis

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wendyemily puts forth...

Posted June 28
I salute you Mother of Kittens for an excellent recap and for all the hours of hard work you've put in this season! I look forward to these recaps almost as much as the actual ep!

I'd have to agree that this was a freaking awesome way to end a freaking awesome season. How good is this show? It blows my tiny little mind sometimes. A good friend of mine has just decided it was time for her to watch GoT as I keep raving about it and I think she is frankly sick of me. So she is up to season 3 and is now a fellow addict. I wonder if we need to form a support group? Having to wait till next year for another hit is going to be so painful! Guess it's time I bought the DVDs. Still I have Outlander till it finishes it's season as well!

As to everything that happened, it was pretty much what fans had wanted in most ways. Jon Snow is King of the North and should be King of All. Dany with Tryrion & Dragons by her side is heading home to kick some Lannister arse! Arya starts on her revenge. The religious nutters got what was coming to them, though I was shocked to see Margery die. That was a bit rough GoT writers! And I was not expecting Tommen to "step outside". Still we expect brutal endings for some characters in GoT. That is one of the reasons we love it.

Again, thanks, Nat for your recaps. Until next year!

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Ms. Naughty swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 28
Thanks for an excellent season of recaps. I've enjoyed all of them and have been keen to read your take - and your jokes - after each episode. This one was truly epic and I was legitimately relieved at the end that I didn't feel heartbroken or stressed or shocked for once. Sad to see Margaery go but I think all the other (named) deaths were pretty satisfying. And I'll admit that Tommen's leap out the window had me giggling, mainly because it was just so similar to Reynholm's end in the IT Crowd and that joke still makes me laugh: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxVivkXUfdU Someone on Twitter said they'd be totally up for a spinoff just featuring Lady Olenna and Lady Mormont throwing sass and I think I'd agree.

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Dux Ripae swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 28
time shifting issues are minor imo compared to Arya's survival of the Waifs assassination attempt a few episodes back. How can some kiddie with an apparent sweet tooth manage to get the job done on Lancel with one consummate thrust whereas a practiced killer like the Waif failed! Maybe i'm underestimating the tyke because the old maester dude needed full pin cushion treatment to get the same result.

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Lori asserts...

Posted June 28
Any chance that John Targaryen was bought back by the Lord of Light because of his dragon blood? And not because of Kate Bush at all? Will miss you, Mother of Kittens and your genius recaps. Almost as much as I will miss the Game.

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Nyonyua reckons...

Posted June 28
Re: Varys, the fleet contained ships from the masters, Tyrells and Dorne (you could see all the different sails) so he obviously took the Dorne ships back to meet the rest of the fleet (a bit fast and loose with the timing so we didn't see the boring bits).
Great recaps thank you!!

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Stormy puts forth...

Posted June 28
To echo the NMFC song, I shall "join in the chorus" of praise to the MoK, though I must correct the self deprecating description of her recaps as "juvenile". They contain wit, have consistently followed themes throughout the seasons and not only make cultural references, they make relevant cultural references. Did I say they are funny? They are funny.

So, thank you Nat. Thanks to all the commentators, who supplement your skills and talents. And thanks to JB for having the foresight to host you. Not entirely selfless I'm sure, as he now has an extended audience.

I will now endure 10 months of my new favourite form of torture, wine-boarding. I'll pass on the postprandial visit from The Mountain.

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Dogrooterfirstofthatname has opinions thus...

Posted June 28
Who would like to see Dany and Yara find happiness together? After all FALLOPIAN may well = UTOPIAN, but surely can also = TROLLOPIAN.

Barnesm has opinions thus...

Posted June 28
+1

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Blue would have you know...

Posted June 28
Shamelessly stolen from another site, but I have to share:
Tommen's leap has added new meaning to the name "King's Landing". (Boom!)

I enjoyed the episode, but I don't think it really had the impact of the red wedding, Joffrey's death, Jon's death, or even Ned's beheading. Maybe that's because we all knew the explosion was coming, and although Tommen's death was a surprise he really hasn't been a major player (neither a hero not a villain - just a weak puppet).

What was with Lancel chasing the kid? Wasn't that a bit pointless? He's been told to go collect Cersei, and instead he goes chasing after some street urchin? If the show really wanted some excuse to show the viewers the barrels of wildfire, why not have Pycelle get suspicious of Qyburn's scheming and go down for a look. Then he could get killed down there instead of stupidly being summoned to Qyburn's dungeon.

Is Jon henceforth to be known as Jon Stark? Is the Snow moniker history?

No more mention of the Hound. I wonder why they bothered to bring him back in this season when they weren't going to do anything with him in this season. Obviously he will reappear next season, but they could have explained his reappearance then when it was more contextual.

And no white walkers in this episode either. Considering they were the opening scene of S01E01, they have been doing an awful lot of not much for many years. Children have grown into adults; dragons have been born and matured; yet the white walkers are still just bumbling around with barely a mention each year.

It was great to see Cersei coming back into power. Her character had dwindled from its once great villain status, and as we saw with Tommen having a bit-part killed off is not all that exciting. We needed Cersei to become powerful again before she gets killed off. Loved seeing her taking her place on the iron throne!

Sadly, I will never now see my most hoped for scenario - a lesbian scene between Daenerys and Margery. *sigh* Oh well, at least I still have my imagination. And photoshop.

Ken Father of Dire Wolves has opinions thus...

Posted June 28
Bwahahahaha Kings Landing, love it. As for Jon Snow/Stark/Targaryen I think Snow is still suitable as he IS now the King of the North, in Winter. Much symbology going on I believe. Or not, I tend to overthink.

Blue mumbles...

Posted June 28
Except... "Bear Island knows no king but the King in the North, whose name is Stark". Not Snow. Not Targaryen. Not even Stargaryen.

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Barnesm swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 28
Wouldn't that be Jon Targaryen?

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Ken Father of Dire Wolves would have you know...

Posted June 28
All hail the Mother of Kittens, Queen of the North, Queensland is north of me. I find myself awaiting recaps with as much anticipation as the show itself. Please maintain your dangerous obsession. I had twigged what was afoot as soon as I saw Cersei transform into a Sith Lord. There's been too much talk of Wild fire scattered beneath Kings Landing to miss that. Well that and all the foreboding. Great to see such a profligate presentation of awards. I haven't sent so many since Abbott's Australia Day. Walder Frey's all consuming passion for his dynasty finally repaid with him consuming his dynasty. Note: Life aim #1 never piss off Arya Stark.

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Beth McKinlay has opinions thus...

Posted June 28
Embarrassed to admit it has taken me until the season finale to work out how to get a comment on here. But I have been faithfully reading your recaps and loving them as always. Great ep, but it left me baffled about the Westerosian rules of inheritance. Just because Cersei is/was the Queen Mother does not make her in line to the Iron Throne. So I'm assuming she's sitting on it by reason of blowing everyone else up, rather than because of rightful bloodlines, and everyone left alive is jyst accepting that for now? As far as I can work out, my beloved and sorely missed Gendry is the only Baratheon left and therefore the rightful heir. Natalie, great work as always, your dedication to the Throner cause is indeed Danaerys-like, both obsessive and glorious. Until next year.

Barnesm swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 28
I can see how that conversation went .........Minor noble in crowd "Long live queen Cersei" .......(other person next to said noble) "but she isn't in the line of inheritance, surely the next in line is...." "She just burned with Wildfire people who gave her a hard time" (delivers icy stare) ......" Long live Queen Cersei".

BigRed (but not as red as Tormund) mumbles...

Posted June 28
Yes I think most would have got the hint not to question Cersei's position after frankenmountain was persuasive with the joker in the alley earlier in the season... Long live Queen Cersei (until frankenmountain meets his brother's axe)

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Ken Father of Dire Wolves ducks in to say...

Posted June 28
Mother of Dragons aiming to be Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, currently single and looking to build dynasty through marriage alliance. King of the North, currently single, needs to keep dynasty going. Both with loyal armies and claims don't conflict. Both Targaryen by blood. Oh the possibilities. Continuing the traditional family sex in Kings Landing, but removed enough to not be icky. A vast army with Dragons and Dire Wolves to combat the frozen horror from beyond the wall. Oh please.

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Ken Father of Dire Wolves has opinions thus...

Posted June 28
Surely Lady Mormont is a future Queen. I mean she makes Boudica of the Celts look tame.

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Barnesm is gonna tell you...

Posted June 28
With so many enemies now either set to claim the Iron throne (Daenerys), Varys pro Daenerys, the Tyrells headed by the terrifyingly capable Lady Olenna who poisoned a child king who was a threat to her grand-daughter, imagine what she has planned for who burned her. The Martells who I am not sure if they had had their fill of Lannister slaying. All gunning for the Iron Throne/ or the house who currently sit on the throne.

I can see how Cerise may just end up wanting to burn them all.

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Sousy Wench mumbles...

Posted June 28
So many feelings. Margaery, damnit! Tommen, sort of sad for the poor doomed kid, but as he pulled a Denholm Renholm #itcrowd, the seriousness of the moment eluded me. Arya, yay - but how do the logistics of that epic presentation work, butchery and pie making is time consuming and when did she learn to cook? Tower of Joy, they strung it out so long, was pretty anti climactic, really wish they'd finished the vision much earlier, not like there is anyone for Bran to tell. House Mormont, queen of the north - fuck yeah! Saddest moment of the Ep, which reduced me to tears, that beautiful library full of incarcerated books - the locks, the chains the maesters are monsters.

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Bondiboy66 ducks in to say...

Posted June 28
Bah! So many months to wait for MOAR! And I do so want MOAR.

Especially Arya the Assassin knocking off more baddies in brutal yet inventive ways.

While I'm wishing....the next book or two would be nice also. Preferably this century.

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Di mumbles...

Posted June 28
All Hail Queen Lyanna Mormont. You know it has to happen.

(and Nat. Thanks so much Nat)

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flöki snöw has opinions thus...

Posted June 28
Thank you for another stellar recap season MoK, and now to business, Arya truly is a faceless killer now, she might look into her preys eyes and tell them she is Arya Stark but then she can meld into the crowd and become no one again and if she doesn't leave a calling card that makes for some Darth Cersei paranoia as one by one she bumps them off. And Edmure the "son in law" old mate Walder still called him, he must be the only possible heir for the Twins alive, the Tullys get the last laugh. Then there's Euron sure he's mad as a cut sandsnake what happens when his fleet meets Dany's so much to ponder so much to look forward to.... thank you Nat, Queen in the North Queen in the North Queen in the North Queen in the North Queen in the North Queen in the North........

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dakingindanorf mumbles...

Posted June 28
Hi Natalie have loved your recaps the last couple of years at SMH and now over here at Cheeseburger gothic, just wondering if that patreon pledge thing is still working i just and signed up but it says it only charges when you post new content so not sure it will allow me to pay for this years recaps.

Jay

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Raven has opinions thus...

Posted June 28
Thanks for all the recaps this season, Nat! Tuesdays are always a little better thanks to them, very happy to sling some $$.

Couple of points I slightly disagree with (shock! horror!):

1) Can we say for absolute certain R+L=J is confirmed? I mean, it's strongly implied, but we never actually heard the Targaryen name mentioned right? Only that "Robert would kill him". Am I being too nit-picky? I guess they can't exactly come out and say it explicitly and still maintain that Hollywood integrity.

2) I don't agree with Robert being a "loser king"; clearly in his last few years he was a stubborn, drunken womanizer but I think his Kingsmanship for want of a better word was pretty good, amirite? Considered one of the strongest fighters to ever live, brilliant tactician, etc. but he was just fed up with the realm and what it had become, allowing him to let himself go.

Sousy Wench ducks in to say...

Posted June 28
Totes agree on point one, I think they are just trying to stretch it out. A pity as it looses some impact. Re: Robert, it seems to be pretty universal that he was not a good King - even he acknowledges it, that's why he delegates everything. He spends his whole 17 year rein drinking and whoring, it's not just a few years. (Hence his many, many bastards and why he never notices that Cercei never put out after she killed his only true born son.)

Sousy Wench reckons...

Posted June 28
I'm rewatching, just got to Ep 3, where its also mentioned that Roberts excesses have bankrupted the Treasury and the crown is in massive debt.

Raven mutters...

Posted June 28
Hah! Perhaps I give the man too much credit. I am probably too caught up by the legend of the man in his prime. Clearly *ahem* mistakes have been made by him.

Sousy Wench puts forth...

Posted June 29
Looking back, with the old nostalgia he does seem decent I suppose. Compared to the Mad King - burn them all, Joffrey - torturer and killer of small animals and hookers, Tommen - too sweet to function, allowing the rise of the Faith Militant and now Good Queen Darth Cersei... Of course Robert seems like the bestest guy ever. :-)

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BigRed (but not as red as Tormund) has opinions thus...

Posted June 28
Loved it all! Great to see the Sparrow met a fiery end, wiped that smug look off his face for about 2 seconds... A pity that poor twisted mouth queen had to be collateral damage, not that her mother-in-law ever took a shine to her.
Next series should be wonderful, will Jon take the throne as it's rightful heir? Which dragon will he ride? Will he marry his aunty Daenerys??
But I'm curious to see how they time compress Apprentice Maester Tarly's training into a couple of episodes so that he can actually have an influence on events. And can someone please explain why the Nights Watch aren't obtaining as much dragonglass as they can carry, I mean, surely now that winter is here there should be some stocktake sales going on somewhere!

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Dany's Brown Eyebrows puts forth...

Posted June 28
Soylent Frey is people! Uuuugghghghh!

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Kylie mutters...

Posted June 28
I haven't commented all season but I have been reading your recaps for the last couple of years and just wanted to say thank you for writing them and let you know how much I have enjoyed them (almost as much as the show, I look forward to Tuesday once the kids are at preschool so Mummy can drink her coffee and read about her shows in silence!).

I found this last episode as satisfying as the one before. I loved the feeling of closure we got with a lot of it. It feels like now the real story can begin and I can't wait to see what happens next!

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Stephen has opinions thus...

Posted June 28
Nat, I've had your recaps as essential reading ever since Season 2. They are several cuts above anything else. Thanks so much for another terrific season. See you next time.

Oh, and props for the Robert The Bruce reference. Obscure. Apropos. Nice.

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Arnold Layne mumbles...

Posted June 28
I can't help wondering if Cersei actually anticipated that Tommen would throw himself out the window. It would have been a bad look and an obvious regicide had he gone to the Sept, but keeping him there and letting him do it himself absolves her of blame. I know that sounds like a really callous theory but it hit me while watching it and I couldn't shake it. Perhaps the ambiguity of it all is what they were after, and the score certainly helped that. Damn cellos.

Although the episode played fast and loose with time, I felt the clue was in Sam's arrival at Oldtown and the size of Gilly's son. He was huge and clearly a lot older. From that I figured that we were meant to assume that time has passed. I think more broadly that we have never been meant to assume that events are happening at the same time. Some clearly do, but others don't necessarily have to.

she_jedi ducks in to say...

Posted June 28
I don't think she planned for him to suicide, but having had it fall out that way I don't think she was too bothered. Between the prophecy that all her children would die, and him burning her on the "oh yeah, we've totally outlawed trial by combat" thingy, I think she'd decided Tommen was dead to her well before he went out the window. He could either live and be her puppet, or join Big Bird and Margarey in the "nobody messes with Cersei and lives to gloat about it" column. Either way it was going to be a win for Darth Cersei

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South-east of the Wall would have you know...

Posted June 29
The last two episodes have been awesome... but like all TV shows, it has to end sometime. Looks like they have set up the next season to be the the final one? Having dealt with so many characters via the old "blow them up" plot device, i get the feeling next season will be a bit predictable.

Arnold Layne ducks in to say...

Posted June 29
On the face of it yes, but they still have the white walkers to deal with. I wonder if next season will be sorting out Westeros but that there might be one more that is focused on the threat from the north, It has been building for so long that it would be cheap if it is dealt with in one episode.

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TerryO mutters...

Posted June 29
Wow MoK, congratulations on another season of excellent recaps!

Terrific finale. I'm very sorry to see Margaery go "I don't want to be A queen. I want to be THE queen."

Lady Mormont... like a boss!

Was too little made of Benjen saying he couldn't get past the wall because of magic built into it that stops undead? How will White Walkers pass?

AGirlHasNoName ducks in to say...

Posted June 30
How did White Walkers get into Ol' 3-Eyes' treehouse? It looks like wherever Bran goes, the Night King can now follow- and Bran is about to go past the wall...

TerryO mumbles...

Posted June 30
At least the roothouse was north of the wall!

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Brent mumbles...

Posted June 30
Lovely writing Natalie.

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Still not watched reckons...

Posted June 30
But I don't care! I will watch, and enjoy it all the more.
Lenny Ann low is doing the recaps at fairfaxmedia, not a patch on yours kitten mother.
Very sad now. Now more recaps til next year.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, though, from the very bottom of my credit card.
Xxxxx

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Still not watched mutters...

Posted June 30
But I don't care! I will watch, and enjoy it all the more.
Lenny Ann low is doing the recaps at fairfaxmedia, not a patch on yours kitten mother.
Very sad now. Now more recaps til next year.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, though, from the very bottom of my credit card.
Xxxxx

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TerryO swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 30
Farewell Kevan, the Aussie Westerossie!

TheWah has opinions thus...

Posted July 3
Im Kevan from Casterly Rock and I'm here to melt

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Lady EFL is gonna tell you...

Posted June 30
Too. Much. Going. On. What an episode! A season finale that was immensely satisfying and didn't leave me shouting and throwing things at the TV because of annoying cliffhangers. It was only a tiny moment but how awesome was it seeing the Stark wolfhead returned to Winterfell in the opening credits? Oh, and Lyanna Mormont totally shaming the other Northern Lords (owned by a 10 year old - gentlemen, you are undeserving and should all just turn in your Lord cards right now). Thanks for another wonderful recap in a season of terrific recaps MoK. Until next year (*sigh* so long to wait)

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Barks mutters...

Posted July 11
Cracking stuff, Nat. I do enjoy your recaps and podcasts.

I was sad to see Margaery and Loras go, I felt they had more to offer. I hope they're not dead, but it would be a bit improbable for them to survive.

I would just point out that Varys' line, "Fire and blood", is the Targaryen motto.

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Respond to 'Game of Thrones Raven On Recap S6E10: The Winds of Winter'

Raven On Game of Thrones Recap S6E9: Battle of the Bastards

Posted June 21 into Raven On by girlclumsy

My loving Throners,

I am come amongst you, as you see, at this time, not for my recreation and disport, but being resolved, in the midst and heat of the season, to watch and gasp amongst you all; to lay down for my Red God, and for my seven kingdoms, and my Throners, my honour and my bad puns, even in the dust.

I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman (I really need to get back to the gym), but I have the heart and stomach of a recappespondent, and a recappespondent of Game of Thrones too, and think foul scorn that any prince of Westeros should dare invade the borders of my column; to which rather than dishonour, I myself will take up arms; and with those arms, type.

Of course I’m sure if the great Elizabeth I had been fighting Jon Snow circa 1588 she probably would’ve back-ended her speech to the troops at Tilbury with a jaunty “But Jon Snow can invade my borders anytime, hur hur,” before waggling her eyebrows and making the sexy finger in hole gesture. There’d be no more Virgin Queen after that, I can tell you.

Anyway, beloved Throners, I bastardise the words of Queen Bess for three reasons: one, I feel rather like a warrior leading the charge into this recap; two, because WHO RUN THE WORLD? GIRLS!; and three, because there were no great speeches to the troops in the Battle of the Bastards. There was only a state of not fighting and a state of fighting. And in that, we saw the real truth of war - no heroics, no subtleties, just blood, sweat, adrenaline, death, and occasionally a bloody miracle.

Now normally one of these recaps would start with a whole load of hooting along with phrases like “NO!”, “NOT THE FACE!”, “YES!”, “GOT ‘IM!” “SANSA IS MY QUEEEEEEN” and “LET ME LICK YOU BETTER JON SNOW”.

But I am legit physically and emotionally exhausted after this episode. It hit me like a wrecking ball, Miley-style.

I even stripped down to my undies and workboots too.

I don’t even know if I can come up with a coherent theme, beyond “GARRRARGHHHARGH GHGHHHHAAAARRRGHH THIS SHOW”.

But perhaps, given the full moon and the Winter Solstice upon us here in the southern hemisphere, it might be time to hand over to the twin faces of war: majesty... and lunacy.

Season 6, Episode 9: The Battle of the Bastards

We only had two locations in this episode, so let’s start over in Meereen and summarise Daenarys’ latest QUEEN SLAY manoeuvre, for it ‘twas magnificent.

Meereen, as we recall, had been under attack by the Masters, freshly returned to betray their deal with Tyrion and reclaim their profitable slave-selling ways.

Tyrion, bless him, intersperses the thudding and smashing noises of enemy projectiles hitting the Great Pyramid by insisting Meereen is on the up and up. Of course, not everybody supports his plan for jobs and growth, but then, you’re never going to please all the voters all the time.

Dany’s combat strategy is straight out of The Children’s Big Book of Brutal Dictators 101: kill them all, raze their cities. It’s Tyrion who reminds her that just because the Mad King was her father, doesn’t mean she has to be his daughter. That particular truth bomb lands just as another flaming missile crashes through the nearest window.

Tyrion suggests an alternative approach, which sees the Meereen Team talking surrender treaties with the Masters somewhere just outside the city.

Tsk-tsk, the Masters say. You could have left when we first offered peace, lady. Now as punishment we’re going to kill your dragons, sell your Unsullied Army and make you take part in The Briefcase on Channel Nine.

“We’re here to discuss YOUR surrender, not mine,” Dany throws back, far too languidly for someone not in total control of the situation. It’s at these moments that Dany most reminds me of a crocodile, and not just because her flawless skin would make an amazing handbag. It’s the uneasy air she creates as she lies in wait, letting her idiot opponents mansplain themselves right up to the water’s edge, before being chomped on like Linda Kowalski in that g-banger.

The keen-eyed among you would have spotted the initial appearance of Drogon as a blurry collection of CGI pixels behind one of the Masters. It was an ironic sight gag worthy of The Simpsons.

Drogon heralds his arrival with an almighty screech, and soon Dany is up and onto his back, flying high across the bay towards the attacking fleet. Along the way she collects Viserion and Rhaegon, who’ve busted their way out of their dungeon prison (one hopes they left papier-mache dragon effigies behind, Escape from Alcatraz-style). Together, the soaring reptilian trio turn their attention to the ship leading the attack - and on Dany’s call of “Dracarys!” let fly with the biggest flaming upchuck since I overdid it on the Hot and Spicy wicked wings last Christmas.

Meanwhile around at the city gates, a bunch of Sons of the Harpy are getting their stab on when all of a sudden they hear a great rumbling approach. It’s not a dragon, rather, it’s every fricking Dothraki warrior currently living headed straight for them. Plus Maario, whose use of an arakh to decapitate a bad guy not only engendered whoops and cheers, but made me feel a little bit disturbingly sexy.

It really is amazing how violence done to your favourites is gut-wrenching and traumatising, but violence done to your enemies can have you punching the sky and laughing like a ticklish hyena on nitrous.

That’s a recurring feature of this episode, and it crops up again when Tyrion, Grey Worm and Missandei insist that one Master will have to be killed for breaking the agreement they had. In a wholly expected move, two of the cowardly Masters push their third compadre to the front, saying he’s low-born and doesn’t speak for them. He also wears a lot of eye make-up, so that could also have been a factor.

Eyeliner Master begs for mercy, but no sooner has he fallen to his knees then Grey Worm whips out his dagger (euphemism not applicable in this situation) and slices the throats of the other two Masters.

Tyrion's just sitting this bloodspray out.

It’s left to Tyrion to pass on the key learning from today’s events to the trembling Eyeliner Master. Should any of the other Masters have fanciful ideas of trying again to reintroduce slavery, “tell them what happened when Daenarys Stormborn and her dragons came to Meereen”. To quote those 90s philosophers, Wayne and Garth, if she were President she’d be Babe-raham Lincoln.

And then the Greyjoys show up.

I loved the sudden appearance of Theon and Yara in the Throne Room, with Theon being dressed down by Tyrion for telling dwarf jokes back when they last met at Winterfell.

Theon’s keen to move on from both his youthful and serious adult indiscretions, but Tyrion wants a bit of a gloat. It’s Dany, resplendent in a moss-green toga that would add “Queen of O-Week” to her many titles, who gets negotiations back on track.

The Greyjoys have offered 100 ships from the Iron Fleet, which coupled with the remaining ships from the now-defunct Masters is almost enough to get her entire army over to Westeros.

The biggest threat to this plan is Euron Greyjoy, their mad and murderous uncle who intends to offer Daenarys big wooden ships and, well, big wood.

The recent revelation of Yara’s Sapphic tendencies paid off big time when Daenarys joked that her offer would not come with marriage demands. “I never demand, but I’m up for anything really,” Yara sasses back with extra sassy sass. It really was wonderful to see both Dany and Yara enjoy some cheeky banter about having mad Dads, usurper troubles, and misogyny dramas.

Somebody tell Eddie McGuire this is how you do banter.

Dany resolves that everyone there has a duty to leave the world in a better state than they found it - unlike their respective fathers. So Yara may claim the Salt Throne once Dany is restored to the Iron one, but on the condition that they respect her rules. No more raiding and reaving for the Ironborn, it’s time to settle down and grow up. “But that’s our way of life!” protests Yara. But she can see the writing is on the wall, and it’s kudos for both women that they can see the potential for a better future. As we’ve said in the past, the Ironborn need to diversify their economy. “Coastal raping” should not be a line item in a country’s budget.

And so on a firm handshake we leave Meereen with the exciting promise that the Mother of Dragons might soon launch her ships and head towards Westeros. It’s only been eleventy million years, but we’re getting there, guys!

All right.

It’s time to head to Winterfell, and to the inevitable showdown between Jon Snow, Ramsay Bolton and their respective armies.

The two sides have an initial meet and greet on the prospective battle site outside the castle. It’s the first time we’ve seen Ramsay in a fair few episodes, and he hasn’t improved. Captain Smuggy McEvilSmugface demands the immediate return of his bride Sansa, and for Jon Snow et al to bend the knee and swear allegiance to him as Warden of the North. I’d try to describe my face as I listened to Lord Slimebucket ooze words, but Lyanna Mormont pretty much summed it up.

"I'm ten and can tell this guy is full of crap."

The Starks, of course, are having none of it. Jon even offers to take Ramsay on mano a mano, an offer Bolton is super quick to turn down on account of knowing Jon would KICK his measly backside. Of course, Ramsay wouldn’t be Ramsay without a creepy trick up his sleeve, and it’s at this point he throws down the head of Shaggy Dog as proof he has their brother Rickon.

It's Sansa, wonderful, badass Sansa, who shuts him down.

“You’re going to die tomorrow, Lord Bolton. Sleep well.” And then she rides off and doesn’t look back, because she is a Queen.

Ramsay laughs and describes her as a cool chick, then tells everyone he looks forward to feeding them to his dogs. Now just keep this bit in mind, as there’s a slight continuity snafu here that I’ll bring up later.

That night, we see Jon, Sansa, Tormund and Davos doing some mind mapping vis-a-vis their battle plans. Tormund is hilariously unaware of the rules and manoeuvres of open warfare, and Davos reinforces the need to make Ramsay charge first.

But after they leave, Sansa lets rip, telling Jon he’s completely overlooked her insights, having actually been subjected to Ramsay's "personality" for more than five minutes. He lays traps, he plays with people, and he will make you make a mistake.

The pair have a right proper argument, and it’s a joy to watch. Here are two siblings, who’ve both gone through so much, trying to solve the same problem but coming at it from different angles. Jon is trying to retain the honour of the Stark house by wanting to save Rickon and use strategy to boost their meagre numbers. Where Sansa is a revelation is when she urges him to cut Rickon, her own brother, loose. He’s the legitimate heir, more valuable that she or Jon. Ramsay won’t allow him to live. It’s the kind of cold insight that only someone who had been at the Bolton bastard’s mercy could know.

Not being battle-hardened, Sansa can’t offer much in the way of advice on what he should do. But she’s clear on one thing - “Don’t do what he expects you to do”. Ramsay plays with people, he knows how to hurt them, how to make them make mistakes. Jon would be wise to heed this advice.

When Sansa makes for the exit, she tells Jon if Ramsay wins she will top herself rather than go back into his custody. Jon promises he won’t let Ramsay hurt her again, but Sansa is resolute. “No one can protect anyone,” she says, almost mournfully. Remember that prissy little girl who believed in knights and honour and being an adored lady? Nope, I don't either.

Jon’s inherited Ned Stark’s honourable streak, and while I adore it like I adore my foster kittens when they’re asleep and not destroying stuff in my house, it’s something that we will see come back to bite him squarely on the backside come battle time (Oh! If only I could bite Jon Snow … you get the drift).

Meanwhile, Davos and Tormund are taking a turn about the campsite. The bushy-bearded wildling has the confidence of someone who doesn’t know what a “pincer movement” is, and the two trade stories about their former kings, Stannis Baratheon and Mance Raydar. Neither turned out to be the Prince they were promised to be - although the Onion Knight does have to explain that Stannis’ demons weren’t actually real demons.

"Are you SURE they weren't real demons?"

Tormund invites Davos in for a sour goat’s milk libation, but Davos turns him down. I’m not surprised - I had sour mare’s milk in Mongolia once, and seriously, I can still taste it. That stuff burns. Davos instead opts for his pre-battle routine of pacing around the campsite so nobody sees him, well, requiring a change into brown trousers. Tormund farewells him with a cheery “Happy shitting!” and Davos heads off.

Then, in an amazing coincidence, he finds the pyre upon which Shireen Baratheon was sacrificed. He finds her little stag doll, and instantly knows something was very wrong about the manner in which she died. Of course this spells doom for his recently patched up relationship with Melisandre.

Meanwhile Jon has gone to see Kate Bush, who doesn’t even attempt an inspiring version of Don’t Give Up, but just looks bored and majorly bummed out.

Jon wants her to stay out of things if he happens to get deaded again, but the Red Woman is #sorrynotsorry about it.

"Look, if the Red God says you have more lives than Super Mario, then I'm sorry but it will never be game over for you."

Melisandre can’t answer Jon’s question about why she was able to bring him back from the dead, only that he may just be needed for this particular battle and then bang, dead again. “What kind of god would do that?” he asks, and Kate Bush answers with possibly the smartest four-word lyric she’s written since Running Up That Hill: “The one we’ve got.”

Yep, it’s a nice reflection on a lot of religions and some of their more… interesting… beliefs.

The morning of the battle dawns, and Jon Snow does a very dishy impersonation of Henry V while inspecting the troops on horseback. But anybody expecting a bit of “Once more into the breach” talk is to be disappointed; Jon, as we know, has always been a man of meaningful, not flowery, words. And given the size of the army they’re up against, it probably is best to stick to the adage that if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.

At this point, Ramsay Bolton initiates his most fiendish plan ever.

We see him on horseback walking through his troops, while dragging something on a rope. We know, we just KNOW, that it’s poor Rickon Stark. Once again, he’s a character who’s shot up in height, but he retains enough babyish innocence to remind us he is yet another innocent victim of the Bastard of Winterfell.

The show messes with us here; first by having Ramsay brandish a knife high in the air, and Rickon bow his head waiting for a killing blow, then by having Ramsay cut Rickon’s bonds and send him off running towards Jon.

If you were anything like me, you felt icy fingers slide their way down your throat and snake around your heart. Rickon was doomed, but I didn’t want to accept it. Jon’s solo ride out to save Rickon was too noble to fail, surely?

The pacing here was incredible as we watched Ramsay fire arrows in a seemingly indifferent manner towards the vanishing Rickon, and as Jon galloped his steed towards his brother, hand out and down ready to lift him up onto his back. It would have been a golden moment, a superhero rescue.

But this is Game of Thrones. Superhero rescues are the exception, not the rule.

Jon and Rickon got close, so close, then Ramsay finally aimed to hit his target, and the arrow speared the youngest Stark through the back. It may as well have hit Jon in the heart too, as he goes numb for a moment - the first time he’s seen his littlest brother in years and he’s in his death throes.

"Bro?"

Sansa warned Jon about this, but even if he did listen it’s a forgotten memory in this heated moment.

Looking on, Tormund urges him to remember the plan, with the simple utterance “Don’t.”

But it’s too late. Jon has fallen into Ramsay’s trap, and he charges forward. Davos sends the rest of the cavalry after him, but Jon has a bit headstart. Eventually his horse takes too many arrows and collapses underneath him.

Jon, survivor of Hardhome, draws his sword and faces these enemies, such different enemies, but sharing the same intent to kill him.

A beautiful slow motion shot captures Ramsay’s cavalry bearing down on Jon, sword drawn, one man ready to take on an army.

Thankfully the rest of his mounted forces catch up and the two sides begin a brutal, visceral clash that is possibly one of the most extraordinary fight sequences ever committed to film.

The camera places us primarily with Jon in the middle of the quagmire, illustrating how a medieval battle quickly divulged from being two one-dimensional sides clashing to a three dimensional mess of men, horseflesh, blood, mud, and flashing steel. There is no sense to be made of the slaughter, no battle rules, only the biological fight response in full flight.

Ramsay continues to run his military operation so sadistically that the Marquis de Sade would turn in his grave to hear his name so besmirched.

While Ser Davos holds off his archers because there’s a risk they might hit their own men, Ramsay has no such compunction. He has his archers fire on the battlefield, happy enough to kill his own men as long as Stark forces and free folk are copping it too.

Before long the whole landscape of the battlefield has altered, with previously flat ground replaced with piles of bodies, flesh mountains that take your breath away - figuratively and literally. For a while Jon is trampled into one of the death mounds, his senses and movements constricted and his body fighting for air. Despite all the blood sprays, the removal of limbs and the horror unleashed on the horses, this remains one of the most horrifying experiences of the battle, because it leaves Jon so utterly helpless.

Meanwhile Ramsay sends in his foot soldiers to surround the remaining Stark forces in a manoeuvre best described as a giant spiky donut. Every few moments the Flayed Men shields squeeze inwards, followed by a thrust of their pikes.

Tormund, insane with awe-inspiring rage, hurls himself at some of shields, encouraged by the leadership of Stampy the Giant, who just starts sweeping some of them aside.

Unfortunately the spiky donut continues to choke the Stark forces, their clever plan to draw the Boltons to them now a bitter regret. In a bright moment, Tormund bites the neck right out of Smalljon Umber, and Jon manages to push himself upwards, inhale, and keep battling...

...and then the Knights of the Vale show up.

We knew they were going to, of course, as Sansa had sent the letter to Littlefinger two episodes ago. They cut it damn fine, but I can’t tell you how happy I was to cheer “Finally! The Knights of the Vale have FINALLY done something decent in this series!”

In a magnificent aerial shot, we saw the mounted Arryn knights both break the Flayed Man spiky donut, and surround it from the outside. It was like the most violent depiction of a sperm impregnating an egg you’ll ever see.

Just bloody amazing. Well done team.

Best of all, it wiped the smug grin off Ramsay’s face for the first time ever:

"I'm boned."

Knowing his time was up, Ramsay fled back to Winterfell. But Jon, Tormund, and Stampy the Giant were hot on his tail. Thanks to Stampy’s efforts they crashed through the castle gates and took the fight right up to Ramsay. Wildlings flooded in, killing Bolton forces, although poor Stampy finally gave out from one too many arrows.

Ramsay and Jon finally faced off in one on one combat, and sure, you could be forgiven for wondering why one of the other Wildlings didn’t just fire an arrow or throw a knife at Ramsay. But then we wouldn’t have an awesome sequence in which my bruised, bloodied and beloved Jon Snow walked determinedly towards Ramsay, shielding himself from arrows, then took the bastard down and BEAT THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF HIM.

He stopped, eventually.

In 1815 the great Duke of Wellington said “My my! At Waterloo Napoleon did surrender.” That of course hasn’t been historically corroborated, but he did say “The next worst thing to a battle lost, is a battle won.”

Never has that been more clear than here, with so much bloodshed, so much death. Rickon’s small body is brought in, and Jon sends him to be buried in the crypt next to Ned. We also Ser Davos throw dark looks at Melisandre, while cradling Shireen’s stag.

But there is triumph too - in seeing the Flayed Man sigil ripped from Winterfell’s walls, and the Direwolf of Stark returned to its rightful place.

Finally, Ramsay Bolton.

Sansa demands to see him, and is shown to the cell where the hateful monster is being kept tied to a chair. “Is this where I live now?” he asks, altogether too cheerily.

But Queen Sansa, my amazing hero, absolutely slays when she tells him his words, his house, his name will all disappear. And then we hear the growling.

Ramsay doesn’t believe his loyal hounds would attack him. But as Sansa points out, they’re now starving.

Now if you were playing along earlier I mentioned a small continuity error. Here’s where it comes into play. Sansa tells Ramsay “You haven’t fed them in seven days, you said it yourself.” But she’d actually ridden away from the parley before Ramsay SAID that. So how did she know? Did John or Davos or Tormund mention it? I would have thought they’d be too tired or caught up to do so. But I guess someone had to place Ramsay in the cell, maybe they discussed it then.

One of the doggies starts to lick Ramsay’s face, and then bang, they all attack. Ramsay trained his dogs to do this, he set them on Lady Walda and her newborn baby, and it is only right that he go out like this. It is horrific, utterly deserved and immensely satisfying.

For her part, Sansa walks away from the cells, never looking back. In fact, she leaves with a tiny twist of a smile, a Mona Lisa moment, but one in which we know exactly the reason for the grin.

SLAY.

Jon Snow may be a hero. But Sansa is a Queen.

Also, I've learned a valuable lesson - never let the foster kittens go hungry.


Yay! Best Moments

There are SO many this episode that it’s hard to nail down. But I reckon just Sansa’s face. Whether it was resolution in the face of Ramsay’s threats and Rickon’s potential death, despair at not being listened to by Jon, fear that her brother’s army would be overrun, and intense pleasure at seeing the Bolton forces and Ramsay himself brought down, it was the most captivating thing of the whole shebang.

Zing! Best Lines

Jon: We’re digging trenches all along our flanks. They won’t be able to hit us the way Stannis hit you, in a double envelopment.
Tormund: …
Jon: A pincer movement.
Tormund: ...
Jon: He won’t be able to hit us from the sides.
Tormund: Good.

Ew, gross

Pick a moment from that battle, people. Pick any moment.

Boo, sucks

While Rickon’s loss was shocking, Stampy the Giant’s was actually heart-breaking. Who among us didn’t love that big guy? Short on words, tough on idiots. His actions during the spiky donut sequence saved so many of the remaining soldiers, and he single-handedly broke the Winterfell gates to let Jon and the wildlings in. He took so many arrows and kept fighting, and the look he gave Jon just as Ramsay shot the coup de grace with a King Harold special made tears come to my eyes. Vale Stampy. We hardly knew ye, but boy did we love the way ye beat tens tons of shit out of everyone.

Also, there have been a few commenters already asking "Where was Ghost?" I think we can all agree the answer is "in his CGI kennel". With SO much to plot, plan and execute with that battle sequence, throwing in a fake wolf would have been too much. Yes, it was sad to not have him bite some faces off, but at least he's alive.

Next week!

I cannot believe there is one episode left of this season. What on earth am I going to do without you, beloved Throners? Why yes, I probably will sit at home rocking back and forth singing “All by Myself”. But until then, there are a few things we need some resolution on next week:

Will Dany head to Westeros? Will Varys have teed up some friendly faces?

Where is Bran? Will he be reunited with Jon and Sansa at Winterfell? Will we see the end of the Tower of Joy flashback?

Will Davos take revenge on Melisandre for sacrificing Shireen?

Will Arya return, perhaps meeting Nymeria along the way?

Will Cersei face her trial, or will Jaime return in time to rescue her? Will the High Sparrow get his comeuppance?

Will the Hound axe a lot of dudes? Where will he and the Brotherhood end up?

Will Sam and Gilly make it to Old Town?

And perhaps most importantly….Brienne and Tormund. Will they or won’t they?

Thank you all SO much for bearing with me during this incredibly long recap.

I've been running a Patreon campaign this season, and it's been doing amazingly well. Thank you to everyone who's signed up. Check it out via www.patreon.com/girlclumsy if you want to get involved for the final week.

Otherwise I look forward to your comments here or over on my Facebook page: www.facebook.com/nataliesthrone.

Valar Morghulis!

92 Responses to ‘Raven On Game of Thrones Recap S6E9: Battle of the Bastards’

Rhino mutters...

Posted June 21
Awesome. Just freaking awesome.

Nice job.

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted June 21
Thanks Rhino. Imagine what I could do with a full day and a good night's sleep behind me. :P

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Andrea swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 21
Holy heckmonkeys. Watching this reminded me why I'm a pacifist...

Sousy Wench would have you know...

Posted June 21
I am also generally a pacifist - real world violence and blood sports turn my stomach. I say "generally" because tonight I was shouting bloodthirsty advice at Jon whenever he was anywhere near Ramsey. I'm reliably informed by my mum, that said advice included "Just kill him", "Fuck honour, just shoot him in the head" and during their final punchy scene "Stop playing with him, kill him and cut off his head to be sure". I'm pretty sure I now need to surrender my pacifist card.

girlclumsy reckons...

Posted June 21
Yep. We get violent when we get passionate ladies. It's acceptable. Ramsay Bolton is, after all, the patriarchy. WE MUST KILL THE BEAST.

Respond to this thread

PM mumbles...

Posted June 21
I'm a bit concerned about that little smile on Sansa's face as she left Ramsey 'feeding the dogs'. Is she starting to enjoy the exercise of rough justice just a tad too much? Might she be moving too far towards the dark side?

girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted June 21
Pfft! Sansa is a QUEEN.

If you'd just seen your rapist and tormenter get their just desserts, you'd feel entitled to a wee smile yourself. :)

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xServer mumbles...

Posted June 21
That battle...that was hard to watch. Intense and brutal and everything I have to assume actual battle is really like. Also, and I should probably feel badly for saying this, but it makes me happy we're not using horses in battle any longer. They really did die by the fistfuls, didn't they?

I am glad that Sansa got the last word with Ramsay. His house, his name, his words, his sigil - all are going to be lost and forgotten. He was so desperate to be recognized as a Bolton and now the Boltons are dead. Also, this makes me think all the fan-theories about her being pregnant have to be false. If she was having a baby then the death of House Bolton would be the last thing on her mind (unless she's headed for a nice cup of moon-tea after their chat).

I also have to admit that I am so damn disappointed in the Umbers. I really thought that handing Rickon and Asha over to Ramsay was a feint. But no. Shaggy-Dog is dead, Asha is dead, Rickon is dead and the Umbers are traitorous c-u-next-tuesdays. I hope they get what's coming to them.

I think next week is the episode Cersei unleashes fiery armageddon on King's Landing. Tyrion just confirmed that there are stores of wildfire hidden under all of the big, important buildings including the Sept of Balon. I think she's ready to burn it all down rather than see The Sparrow get anything over on her again. And she'll probably kill Tommen accidentally in the process, fulfilling that prophecy from long ago.

Also, do you think Walder Frey gets it next episode? I almost hope not...I want that to be the beginning of Season 7. My greatest hope is Lady Stoneheart shows up for his feast right after his "The Lannisters and the Freys send their regards" and boom, go to black. That's a way to end a season! But I'll probably be OK with someone feeding him his own tongue.

This show brings out the best in me... ;-)

Timmo puts forth...

Posted June 21
It is perhaps fateful that House Bolton are no more largely thanks to Ramsay's own hand.

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted June 21
Excellent point about horses in battle. No doubt countless millions and millions gave their lives over the millenia.

nerbit puts forth...

Posted June 21
Sadly GRRM has confirmed that Lady Stoneheart won't make it into the shows....although he has lied before!

Bart ducks in to say...

Posted June 23
The wildfire was used to defend Kings landing against the fleet a few seasons ago.

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Jane is gonna tell you...

Posted June 21
Ahhhhhhh -pass the fags Nat!

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Loz swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 21
Best. Episode. Ever. I have no words, so thank goodness you do.

Thank you so much for these witty recaps, they're such a pleasure to read and really add to the enjoyment of the show, being able to re-live it all again and pick up on things I missed. Keep up the amazing work. x

girlclumsy reckons...

Posted June 21
Naww, thanks Loz! Believe me, I struggled for a lot of words after this one. I was REKT.

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Fiona reckons...

Posted June 21
Get thee into Outlander post GoT Nat, you won't regret it!

Awesome recap btw, always love your work.

Muddy reckons...

Posted June 21
I have been going to suggest that Natalie recaps Outlander but I fear the sight of Jamie in a kilt and bare chested may push her over the edge.

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted June 21
It's my plan - I haven't watched any Outlander so it'll be interesting to come in cold to a recap (you may recall I began recapping GoT in season 2, so had a rough idea of characters, stories etc).

I keep hearing about the dishy men, so I'll get myself some smelling salts at the ready.

she_jedi ducks in to say...

Posted June 21
Your friend Tobias Menzies is in Outlander, and he's absolutely brilliant in it, such a talented man :)

girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted June 21
Indeed! My friend! A guy I met once ten years ago! We're totes besties.

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Bendric Dondarrion reckons...

Posted June 21
Can someone explain, apart from laudable dramatic purposes, why Sansa wouldn't tell Jon about her Littlefinger arrangement? One can imagine Jon at Winterfell, in Adam Sandler voice: "From a military strategy perspective that would have been useful information BEFORE THE BATTLE!"

xServer asserts...

Posted June 21
How was she supposed to know that LittleFinger would even show up? Ravens can't find people on the move, they fly to buildings, not mobile camps. Jon had already said that he wasn't waiting any longer, she tried to get him to hold off but he refused. Was she supposed to dangle the possibility of creepy Petyr backing them up? Not really. If Jon was set to do battle then he had to plan with the assets they actually had. And if he'd listened to Sansa and not fallen for Ramsay's trap, they would have been in a much better position. But nope - just like Ned, he can only do the thing that's noble and not the thing that's smart.

vitas mumbles...

Posted June 21
Did she ever get confirmation that they were coming? Littlefinger could easily have been doing a Stanleys and sit on the sidelines

Ms. Naughty mumbles...

Posted June 21
I too was wondering why Sansa wouldn't at least mention it. I think it would have made Jon delay at least a little. In another comment thread, someone suggested it was strategy on Sansa's part: if Ramsey knew they had a bigger army, he would have simply withdrawn to Winterfell and ensured a siege. This way, they drew him out and ensured a victory. But it's one hell of a risky strategy. I've also seen suggestions that Sansa may be in for conflict with Jon in the future, since she will probably take on Littlefinger as an advisor and rule Winterfell... the smile at the end suggests she is on her way to becoming a no-nonsense kind of queen.

Bendric mutters...

Posted June 21
Adam Sandler voice: She did not even mention the POSSIBILITY of support coming. You know, maybe WAIT A WHILE!

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted June 21
Excellent discussion point.

I feel that Sansa knew Baelish would come with the pride of Arryn. After all, he did offer in the first place.

I think the avoidance of a siege idea is a great one.

I also wouldn't be surprised if Sansa held back because it was an ace up her sleeve, but if it didn't pan out she would never have had to mention it.

And I think even if she takes Baelish on as an adviser, she will still be wary of him. You can't forget that level of being-left-in-the-shit-by-someone.

Springfield Fats would have you know...

Posted June 22
Cause she's a Stark and wherever they go, death and ruin follow? I think it was meant to be a another step in the 'Sansa gaining her independence' arc, just one that showed her to be a moron rather than anything else. Not as stupid as Jon mind you, but stupid nonetheless.

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HAVOCK21 is gonna tell you...

Posted June 21
steel, blood , organs, battle and fkn sexy as wenches...any wonder my Monday nights are fkn GOT GOT GOT!. It was wicked and yes, NOTHING BEATS Knights/ Heavy CAv or the likes. I really got into some of the fight scenes, especially when it was a horse screaming past to slam some poor bastard that was about to cap snow...>FKN THUMP!

girlclumsy asserts...

Posted June 21
Havock! My God man! It's been ages! So good to see you still the King among men of the Capslock Key. A great inspiration to me in my recaps, you know.

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vitas puts forth...

Posted June 21
Holy shitballs

Looking to the future, it looks like it will all be about the women. Daenarys and Yara, Sansa rising in the north, Arya about to fly in under everybodys radar, the winner or Celebrity Deathmatch XVII - Cersei vs Margery. I think Varys is paying a visit to the Sand Snakes in Dorne (remember them?). For this reason I fear for Jamie next week. Walter Frey, the double crossing bastard, can do anything. Jon will do domething stupid next seres and sacrifice himself for the greater good, or something silly.

But only one more episode before 10 months of staring into the darkness

flöki snöw reckons...

Posted June 21
There's good reason to fear a Frey soiree , when the music stops something unpleasant happens, lets hope Brons on his game.

girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted June 21

What did I say? WHO RUN THE WORLD? GIRLS!

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Lizzie is gonna tell you...

Posted June 21
Fantastic episode - fabulous recap. And to think in earlier seasons I thought Sansa was a whinging and whining waste of a character! Re the last episode - I fear the whispered exchange that Qyburn had with Cersei that his "little birds" had finally given him information (or words to that effect) may not bode well for Varys.

girlclumsy reckons...

Posted June 21
Yep, Sansa's journey has been magnificent. I'm so glad I've been on Team Sansa since the beginning - well, since Joffrey started torturing her and she wised up. :)

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Zosha mumbles...

Posted June 21
Arya, what about Arya, she has to return to Winterfell in a music swelling, tug at our heartstrings, to embrace Jon and Sansa,in a fade to black, end of season moment.

Brilliant recap as always.... One of the best episodes on the small screen ever.

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted June 21
Such a great episode - and yes, forgive me, I initially left out Arya, but in my defence it was 3am.

I've included her again. She must return, and there must be much clinging and crying and triumphant whooping.

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Ms. Naughty mumbles...

Posted June 21
Such a tense episode, I was a nervous wreck by the end of it and in dire need of your recap as group therapy. I'm sure I wasn't the only one yelling at Rickon to "ZIG ZAG YOU FOOL!" And for once I wasn't surprised by his death. He had no real character of his own which is a shame. Like you, I was sadder for Stampy the Giant. And also rather frustrated that they didn't make better use of him in the battle. I feel as though he could have broken through the shield wall, or at least stomped down the spears a bit. Entertainment Weekly has a great article with the director of this episode, discussing how he planned the battle sequence. Interestingly, the bit where Jon is suffocating only happened because it rained for 3 days and they were out of time and money. I think it was the most impressive thing they shot, so useful to have a different perspective.
Anyway, am feeling sad that next week is the last one for the year. Your recaps are such a highlight.

Ms. Naughty swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 21
Forgot to add: I had a very tense few moments when I thought we might lose Tormund and thus our opportunity to make endless shippy memes about Tormienne. Thank god for his bitey, stabby Wildling ways which ensures he lives to raise his eyebrows another day.

Verimaz has opinions thus...

Posted June 21
I was shouting for Rickon to do a crazy Ivan!
Loved the suffocating scenes, so effective.
By the end I did think that Jon is really going to need some help in the hot springs in the gods wood to clean up....

Back in Mereen I broke into a bit of "sisters are doing it for themselves..."

Timmo ducks in to say...

Posted June 21
Absolutely not on your own there Ms Naughty!
It was very much a horror movie moment - "Jesus, don't DO that!"

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted June 21
Yes, the internet seems to be very sad about Rickon never having learned to zig zag. I suspect he's got something similar to Zoolander.

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wendyemily asserts...

Posted June 21
Wow! I barely have words after that ep. I loved the beginning of the ep with Dany & her magnificent Dragons showing just what an unstoppable force a tough, kick ass Queen can be especially when she has Dragons to back her up. And I also loved how Tyrion seems to be set to become her voice of reason when the blood of the Mad King comes seething up. He is nothing but logical and sensible and she needs someone like that beside her. And now she has another new alliance it's time to set sail and take back what is hers.

As to that battle, I was sitting at the edge of my seat and praying that our beloved Jon would not die yet again and that this time Bolton would get all that is coming to him. It was a chilling reminder of how nasty that world can be as we saw the bodies pile up and I could barely watch. Though I knew they would have to win in the end.

The end of poor Stampy the Giant was sad, though I was kinda hoping that he would do to Ramsey what he did earlier in the battle to some soldier. Pull him apart and toss his battered corpse into the wind. Still it was a chillingly apt end for Sansa to get her revenge and throw the bastard to the dogs! Literally. And perhaps Sansa enjoyed it all a bit too much, but who could blame her?

Sansa, Queen of the North. Dany, Queen of the South. Ice and Fire indeed.

girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted June 21
OH MY GOD - I completely forgot to mention the bit where Stampy the giant totally ripped that guy in half. You see, this is what happens when there is SO MUCH in an episode!

And yes - Sansa and Dany, Yara and Brienne and Arya - 'tis the season of the estrogen ascendencies. Booyah!

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Veralc has opinions thus...

Posted June 21
The final scene I got a strong sense that Sansa was talking about herself. They used to be loyal, but now they are starving... The dogs, like Sansa, will do what they have to do to survive. She's been abused, but she still got bite.

girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted June 21
Poetic observation, and I dig it. :)

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Stormy puts forth...

Posted June 21
Ahhhhh, MoK. Each week you set the recap bar higher and each week you saunter in, leap and clear. A gold medal at Rio beckons.

Stormy has opinions thus...

Posted June 21
I enjoy the fan theories, the speculation, the vast array of complexity that arises from such contemplations. All come from the POV of the GoT consumer. Post midnight, unable to sleep in anticipation of a MoK recap, I attempted to warg into a GoT producer. Bear with me.

Stormy asserts...

Posted June 21
A TV production company is as much about making money as it is making art (if not more so). The GoT production team have assets, be they physical or CGI related. The current storyline has a finite life, however many seasons that may be. What happens with the assets? I speculate... Is it possible that Bran's storyline and time shifting is as much a production plan as it is a plot shifter? Via this we've already been introduced to a sans Bean Ned Stark. A young Hodor. A Mad King. Are we looking at a post GoT prequel?

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted June 21
Thank you for your kind words, Stormy. Honestly, every week I sit down and think "I do not know HOW I am going to do this one." And somehow it comes. Any side-effect of quality though is pure coincidence.

I love your conspiracy theory though - hasn't there already been some talk of a Robert's Rebellion prequel show?

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Muddy is gonna tell you...

Posted June 21
Sansa needs a lover who won't drive her crazy. Podrick Payne perhaps.
That scene, Jon Snow standing sword in hand, Ramsey's cavalry thundering towards him like an equine tsunami was the greatest scene in the history of television. Then, just when Jon is about to get crushed, THUMP, the horses collide and a billion breaths around the world exhale.

girlclumsy reckons...

Posted June 21
OMG Muddy, Sansa and Pod. It makes PERFECT SENSE.

But then, she is still a teenager. I'm happy for her to just have a rest, and wait a bit, and fully heal. But damn, Pod. That is a GREAT idea.

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coz mutters...

Posted June 21
wow that was an intense episode.

I loved Dany looking back at Tyrion for approval when she made the deal with Yara - "Look, I'm doing it, I'm doing politics - am I doing this right?".

Was that the first political deal she's made without direct guidance from advisors? Apart for all the 'I'm freeing your slaves, taking your land and killing you all' deals she's big on.

girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted June 21
Another great moment that I missed in the recap Coz - it was lovely to see Dany and Tyrion working together. Long may it continue!

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Gingernuts mumbles...

Posted June 21
Did anyone else notice the hint hidden in the exchange between Sansa and Ramsay, when he told her that she was basically stuck with him for good, because "there's part of me inside you" (or something like that)? Could Sansa be pregnant? Eew...

flöki snöw would have you know...

Posted June 21
A bolton bun in the oven?

Lady EFL swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 21
That would just be the final lemon juice in the paper cut wouldn't it?! One certainly hopes she is not in a family way. It could also mean that because of what he did to her, she will never forget him and thus he will always be a part of her. At least that's what I'm hoping .... fingers crossed because the Boltons and their nasty genetic insanely savage cruelty need to be deleted from the Westeros gene pool for good. Along with the Umbers and Karstarks for being traitorous dogs!

girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted June 21
My response to the "Could Sansa be pregnant?" question as usual is to stick both fingers in my ears and scream NOT LISTENING NOT LISTENING NOT LISTENING.

It's the mature approach.

she_jedi mutters...

Posted June 21
I told a male coworker that if I was Sansa and I was pregnant with BOO HISS Bolton's baby, I'd strangle that kid before it could draw breath. This led to a very long, very awkward pause in our discussion. I think I frightened him :)

Turlogh Dubh O'Brien ducks in to say...

Posted June 22
I think - more like I'm hoping - Ramsay means that in order to defeat him, she had to become like him a little, develop a bit of a sadistic streak, so in a way he survives as long as a sweet girl like Sansa has to do stuff like have his dogs eat him. But it is not entirely out of the question that she's pregs.

I would like Sansa to end up with Pod. I am a huge fan of Brienne and Pod. What is Littlefinger's price though? Marriage to Sansa?

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Lady EFL would have you know...

Posted June 21
Wow ..... just wow! There are no words really (and you used what little there were for another awesome recap Nat. Captain Smuggy McEvilSmugface and Lord Slimebucket - I'm still laughing! But who shall we hate with the fire of a thousand supernovas now? I suppose there's still the Freys). Loved the poetic justice of BOO HISS Ramsay being eaten by his own dogs. Serves you right Ramsay - if you live by the dog, you die by the dog. Sansa's face said it all. In fact all the women in the episode had amazing facial expression moments - Dany, Yara, Missandei, Sansa and the gloriously sassy Lyanna Mormont. And I must say I loved seeing a bit of the old Theon back - not the smarmy little git but a bit of confidence and eye contact back in his demeanour. One thing I do want to know is: where are all the portals in Westeros? You know, the ones people seems to be slipping through to be somewhere the plot needs them to be but defying all known laws of time and physics - I'm looking at you Greyjoys and Littlefinger!

girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted June 21
OMG, I cannot believe I didn't mention BOO HISS in front of Ramsay Bolton at all this recap! What is happening to me?

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Ms Naughty is gonna tell you...

Posted June 21
Am in awe: just discovered that shot where Jon Snow faced down the cavalry was real, not CGI. Phew!
Also, they spent 10 hours just shooting the bit where Jon beats the crap out of Ramsey. 10. Long. Hours. Bravo. Apparently Kit accidentally punched him for real a few times.
Official BTS video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1k0YsrTBEYM

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted June 21
I saw that! It is INCREDIBLE that the cavalry charge was real, but SO good.

And wow, 10 hours punching someone. And you get paid?

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Dave puts forth...

Posted June 21
What an episode, I have never been so still during a sequence before. The battle scenes were spectacular. Jon being suffocated, wow realistic.

This was what we had all been waiting for, there were screams of delight at the dogs eating the dog. Pure joy in this household.

Will Arya meet Sansa?
Will Jon ever listen?
Will Ser Davros finally find out?
Will the Dothraki finally enter the sea?
Will the White walkers appear?

Will Dany turn sexually?

Only one more episode, how will they fit it in?

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted June 21
Hur, hur. "Fit it in". Hur hur. Snort.

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Mother of nothing would have you know...

Posted June 21
I recently purchased an Apple Watch. No bear with me, this is relevant! I've been tracking my sleep for the last few weeks. I've noticed a pattern of insomnia on Monday nights, and last night was really bad, in the best possible way. Who can sleep after watching that? Clearly you didn't MOK. Great recap ????????????

girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted June 21
I need an Apple Watch to keep track of my sleeping patterns!

I really don't, I just am a slave to the shiny, much like my host here, Mr Birmingham.

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Lorn reckons...

Posted June 21
Knocked it out of the park again MoK ...great recap of a great episode!
Talk about edge of your seat stuff, wow just wow GoT. I have a rewatch booked in for tonight, and on the back of this recap I can't wait!

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted June 21
Totally an episode that needs rewatching.

Join us on the FB page too at 9pm or so if you're done - Stu and I are going to have a live chat about the episode.

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Mick is gonna tell you...

Posted June 21
What an episode!!!
Probably the single best episiode of any show I have ever watched.
Is it just me, or is evil-Sansa looking really hot right now.

All I need is for Cersai to get herpes in next weeks episode, and I can die satisfied.


PS- Great Recap, LOVE YOUR WORK.



girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted June 21
Sansa has ALWAYS been hot. But watch your grubby hands, she's still underage! :)

Thank you for your kind words though.

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thecarrotjoke asserts...

Posted June 21
Do you think the extras on set have a guess at how many bodies there are on the battlefield? Like guessing how many jelly beans in the jar?

girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted June 21
Wow, I should totally have done this as a comp in my recap. Not that I know what the answer is, beyond "Holy shit that's a lot of bodies."

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Timmo would have you know...

Posted June 21
Yay! Loved the ep, and your recap, GC!
They seemed at pains early on in the piece to set a couple of themes for the episode:
- "Who'll fight for a master who won't fight for them?" Jon said it, Tyrion said it. Seemingly a counterpoint to Daenerys' defense of the slaves against the masters
- "You're ultimately on your own/You've got the circumstances you've got" from Jon in relation to the army they've got, and Red Woman in relation to the Red God. Ultimately a bit contradicted by the incredibly timely rescue by the Vale forces, though.

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Sambit swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 21
Hi Natalie, there's a request. We've not seen a single limerick of yours this season. So pleaseeee do one limerick for the last episode of this season. Remember you once asked to remind you to write the entire GoT story in limericks! (S05E02 Recap)

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girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted June 21
OMG, I totally forgot about my limericks. How about I try to think of one before the live Facebook chat Stu and I are doing around 9pm over on the Facebook page?

www.facebook.com/nataliesthrone

And I still have that bloody Dothraki beat poem to finish...

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M'lady reckons...

Posted June 21
Is anyone else a tad worried about how much emphasis Sansa put on the fact that Ramsay's name and house will disappear? It would be just like Game of Thrones to turn around and tell us she is in fact pregnant with his child. Seven hells.

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Ken Father of Dire Wolves has opinions thus...

Posted June 21
What's this talk of feeble woman. There were certainly no feeble women in last nights episode, only avenging goddesses.

Fantastic recap, as always. With the inserting of the humour with the blood and the gore and the screaming and the bone crunching.

My long held desire of seeing a dragon scale overcast has finally been realised with the Queen of innumerable names leading her flock into flaming mayhem. I'm sure there's a burgeoning market in Pirate Bay for adult nappies. Oh and a hint of Blonde on Brunette action on a bed of the bodies of their enemies.

Heartbroken to see Stampy fall, but what a death. Commander Worf would make him an honorary Klingon just so they could enjoy Bloodwine in Sto-Vo-Kor together. The blood, the carnage, severed limbs and the clash of steel and flesh on mounting bodies.
Culminating in learning Ramsay Boltons new name of Pulpy McPulpFace as Jon Snow delivered our love and wishes to him in a most satisfactory manner. But really the day was Sansa's looking her tormentor in the face and creating a new pet food empire of Bolton flavoured dog treats, with extra crunch. Is it wrong to take so much pleasure in the horrific and painful rendering of your enemies? Do I need to increase my meds? Nah he deserved it.

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stara swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 21
What a great recap.. "the most violent depiction of a sperm impregnating an egg you’ll ever see" LOL!

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Moko mutters...

Posted June 21
I enjoy your recaps as much as the show. Great work once again.

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Louise mumbles...

Posted June 21
Hubby can only say oh my god.

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Heidi reckons...

Posted June 21
Nat - I've enjoyed each and every one of your recaps. This episode was awesome. After next week's recap, I will so miss them!!!

And now only one to go..... :-(

girlclumsy reckons...

Posted June 22
Naww, thanks Heidi, I'll miss you too!

Seriously, I love GoT time like nothing on earth.

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Sparty swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 21
Wun Wun was a hero and they should retire his shirt and number (he was named after NY QB Phil Simms I think).

not trying to hijack thread but its connected - George R R Martin is doing overseas shipping for signed books from his website- including Thrones but also the SM Stirling signed book of change universe set short stories (with a story by Birmo in!)
http://www.jeancocteaubooks.com/bookstore/the-change/

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she_jedi puts forth...

Posted June 21
There was a moment in the battle when it looked like Tormund would valiantly and stupidly get himself killed, but his wildling buddies pulled him back and saved him, and I screamed at the TV "TORMUND YOU MUST LIVE! YOU MUST LIVE FOR BRIENNE AND HAVE GIANT RED HEADED WARRIOR BABIES TOGETHER!" And it's moments like this I am really really grateful I live alone :)

girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted June 22
Apart from the kittehs, of course. ;)

she_jedi asserts...

Posted June 23
Oh of course! Thankfully they've gotten used to my random outbursts at GoT and no longer bother to wake up and stare at me strangely :)

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HoundDog Day has opinions thus...

Posted June 22
C'mon Kate Bush, wait 24 hours,
then bring Boo Hiss back to life,
incanting Hounds of Love to make it happen!
'I found a fox
Caught by dogs
He let me take him in my hands.'
Then Sansa can dispose of him again.
And again!

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Brett Coster (not Waldau, though) swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 22
Long-time lurker, love your recaps, sad that next week will be the finale. What an episode, from Meereen to Winterfell, watched it twice so far and will do again. Loved Dracarys in the distance as Dany reminded the masters that it was THEIR surrender they were discussing, and Tyrion's dwarfsplaining to the surviving master that he lived by the grace of the queen and should make sure that everyone hears about it. (The "or else" was implied...) And JonSnow fallng into BOO=HISS's plan. The battle was traumatic, as it should have been. As someone above said, would like to have seen Bolton soldiers beginning to desert as the Knights of the Vale appeared and the result became plain to all. Still, lots to see next week and then the interminable months's long wait for the Blu-ray.

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Rhino would have you know...

Posted June 24
OK, so the leader of the burgeoning, nurturing, new world order matriarchy's first political instinct is to raze her enemies cities and salt the earth and yet she later says that they have an obligation to leave the world better than they found it.

Sounds like the matriarchy can speak out two sides of their mouths the same as the patriarchy.

HAVOCK21 ducks in to say...

Posted June 24
yeah I reckjon the wench is gunna FKN CAP ALL MEN! Actually now that I think about this some more, that trio is seriously fkn jumpable! IMHO

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BigRed would have you know...

Posted June 24
I'm hoping that in the next episode that an express carrier raven arrives in Mereen with a package for Theon eye-for-an-eye, penis-for-a-penis style. To top it off maybe he could have it reinstated by Salma Hayek, her arrival on the screen drew lifeblood into many a viewers appendage so why not into "Little Theon" (which may need a renaming into "Little BOO HISS Theon" if the magic takes hold). If not her then Qyburn clearly knows a thing or two about reanimating dead things. Unless of course one of the hounds developed a taste for sausage and meatballs...

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Respond to 'Raven On Game of Thrones Recap S6E9: Battle of the Bastards'

Raven On Game of Thrones Recap S6E8: No One

Posted June 14 into Raven On by girlclumsy

A girl is dead. Long live Arya Stark!

Despite a serious flesh wound, blood loss, exhaustion and severe bruising from a fruit-related fall, it is with great delight that we welcome back Arya Stark, Daughter of Winterfell, Wielder of Needle, Kicker of Arse and The Waif’s Lament.

It was a theme we would see repeated throughout this episode - that in Game of Thrones (and maybe for us too) it is nigh impossible to overcome your nature.

Again, this was a more measured episode, with only a few high stakes moments. But still, it had lots to recommend it. Romance. Tension. Romantic tension. Brutal murder. Returns of the sad and surprising varieties. The Hound’s wang. Of course it didn’t have Jon Snow, and seriously, people I’m getting a bit frustrated by this severe lack of My Beloved and His Abs.

But let’s save that particular argument for another day. It's time to flex my recappespondent muscles (which believe me, are the only ones I have in any kind of condition).

Season 6, Episode 8: No One

They say if you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life. By that standard, the Hound is one happy freelance lumberjack. Chancing upon some of the Brotherhood Without Banners camping in the woods, he takes his axe to them so enthusiastically you’d think they were birthday pinatas. He decapitated one of the younger fighters in one blow, slammed his axe into the heart of another, sliced the throat of the third, then appeared to carve the genitals away from the bald, finger-sniffing one’s body like your Dad carves the parson’s nose from the Christmas turkey.

"There goes the other white meat."

The burnt-faced one eventually finds the Brothers He’s Looking For - already strung up and about to meet the Red God in person.

I was supremely grateful to see Beric Dondarrion and Thoros of Myr again after all this time, and I was relieved to have it confirmed that the Brothers who raided the Happy Hillsong Church last episode were in fact a traitorous bunch of greedy bastards. They were not true servants of the Lord of Light; therefore, they were about to be hanged for their crimes.

Sandor Clegane negotiated the killing right to two out of the three of them - but in possibly the most disappointing news he’d had since finding out Ian McShane would only be in one episode with him, Beric and Thoros prevented him from taking to them with Ol’ Faithful. Instead, he was allowed to push the stool out from under them. Pfffft. That’s not justice to a Clegane. That’s basically a mercy killing. On the plus side, it did keep the whole affair bloodless, which meant the Hound could source a nice new pair of boots from the not-yet-dead dangling body. Never let it be said he isn’t resourceful.

Later around the campfire, with some disappointingly non-chicken meat (we remember how the Hound loves his f***ing chicken), Beric and Thoros entreat the Hound to join the Brotherhood, and fight for whatever it is they’re all fighting for. None of them know exactly, they just seem content enough to bumble around the countryside until their purpose becomes clear.

The Hound is initially wary, which is not surprising for a man whose last attempt at friendship ended up looking like Jonestown, and takes a restorative micturation by the nearby lake. Now I thought the camera would cut away at the moment he, well, unleashed The Hound Junior, but they did not. If you missed it, I’ve prepared this helpful and tasteful guide.

Of course it’s not particularly attractive wang, especially since the show seems to delight in showing us a close-up of his stream arcing forcefully into the lake. But apparently unsolicited todger tableaus show up all the time these days, so we should just be happy it wasn’t a close-up followed by a request for nudes.

Despite their previous run-in, the Hound seems ready to be brought around by Beric, Thoros and Co. His nature is to be a big killing machine; at least by joining them he'd be doing at least some of it for the right reason. And that's got to count for something.

Meanwhile the Hound probably doesn’t know that his reanimated corpse of a brother is still kicking on in King’s Landing, protecting Cersei Lannister and picking off Faith Militant like my foster kittens pick off deli meat left unsupervised on the kitchen bench (or indeed, anywhere).

It’s another tribute to the emotionally manipulative power of this show that I have always loathed the Mountain, and yet enjoyed the sight of him totally ripping a dude’s face off a little too much.

"These car steering wheel locks don't feel that cool anymore."

The conflict arose from Cersei refusing to leave the Red Keep to go and see the High Sparrow. Cousin Lancel insists, telling Cersei to have the Mountain step aside, or there will be violence. A quiet pause, and then Cersei says what she was always going to say: “I choose violence.”

Qyburn looked incredibly impressed with his creation as he and Cersei watched the Zombie Mountain dispense with a Faith Militant in gruesome fashion. Cersei threw shade - “Tell the High Septon he’s always welcome to visit me - before turning on her heels and flouncing back inside.

Things take a turn for the worse for Cersei though when she finds out at the last minute that there is to be a Royal Announcement.

It turns out throwing shade runs in Lannister genetics as her Uncle Kevan responds to her inquiry about why she wasn’t told about it earlier with “There’s going to be a Royal Announcement. In the throne room. At this very moment.” He even makes her go to the back of the room rather than take her place near Tommen.

Poor Tommen, having to tip a bucket over his own mother as she looks on impassively. King Squeaky tells the crowd that not only will Cersei and Slow Lorus face trial very soon, but trial by combat will be banned. “The tradition is a brutish one,” he says, adding that they’ll stand trial in front of seven septons, just like the good old days.

As the strains of the Rains of Castamere play, Cersei’s face, usually one of the harder ones to read, quite obviously screams “I’m boned.” The Zombie Mountain was her trump card. She’s got nothing left to play…except that Qyburn has some sort of creepy plan. He dangles the information that a “rumour” he’d been investigating is more, much more, than just a rumour. Then the camera cuts away just before both of them break out into a Dr Evil style evil laugh. Good old Cersei. Mistake after mistake, bad move after bad move, but she just keeps trucking.

Two episodes away from Meereen has given the city time to start repairing, with trade picking up and the convincing lectures of the Red Priests giving a sense of purpose to Daenarys’ conquest.

It’s wonderful to see Tyrion and Varys together again, albeit briefly. The Spider is off on another secret mission, this time back to Westeros to do some sneaky recon about the prospect of a resurgent Targaryen dynasty. He must really rack up the Frequent Spy-er points.

With Varys gone, Tyrion loses the one person who truly understands him, and it shows in his hysterical attempts to start an open-mic comedy night with Grey Worm and Missandei.

Tyrion is not capable of being grim and serious and sober - at least, not all of the time. His wit is his sword; he must keep it sharpened lest it lose its edge. And so, he proceeds to get his two main advisers muntered for the first time purely so they’ll laugh at his jokes (apropos of nothing, why not try reading Raven On after a few refreshing ales?)

The Lannister’s best effort is a “walked into a bar” gag totally ripped out of The Great Book of Scottish Racisms, but at least it’s better than Missandei’s translators joke, which Grey Worm confidently proclaims as the worst joke he’s ever heard. Yeah, but has he seen *insert stand-up comedian of choice* here?

Also, I didn’t think Missandei’s joke was that bad. This is just another example of the “women can’t be funny” myth. Seriously, Grey Worm, you’re not doing yourself any favours slamming on your lady’s humour. Girls like it when you laugh at their jokes, and in return, you boys like it when we have nice cars and money and buy you things. That’s how relationships work, bro. Don’t rag on your sugar mommy.

Dat boi.

There’s a gorgeous moment when Missandei giggles and Grey Worm looks at her with this gorgeous sweet smile - but then the whole thing blows up like a teenager’s party shared on Facebook when the Masters sail back into town intent on reclaiming their lost property.

Tyrion thought he had changed their minds, but it turns out indentured servitude is an idea with deep, deep roots in Slaver’s Bay. I mean for starters, what would they rename the Bay? Think of all those maps that would have to be changed… I mean, the admin is just not worth it. There was no way Tyrion’s seven-year deal to abolish slavery would hold.

With the Masters petrol bombing the city from their fleet, Tyrion is freaking out like aforementioned Facebook-party teenager realising his parents are going to find out about the destruction from the TV news. “Go to the beach!” he yells at Grey Worm, who’s like “Calm the f*** down, dude, we’re just going to stay right here in the pyramid where we’re safe”, and Tyrion’s like “Omg did you flush the shit down the toilet?” and Grey Worm’s like “Nah, man, I smoked it, I’m good,” and Missandei’s like “You guys, look at this Snapchat I just did of the bomb hitting us, I added the dog face filter, it is SO funny.”

Then something lands on the balcony outside, and everyone falls back in a defensive position. A soldier goes out to investigate, disappears, and then BOOM Daenarys stormborns in. Mommy’s home - and don’t the kids look wide-eyed and overawed.

"All right, what the hell have you lot been doing while I was away?"

At the end of the day, Dany is the Mother of Dragons, Mhysa, Saviour of the Day. It’s her job to show up and be there when she needs to be there. She’ll know what to do. Hopefully that will entail setting the dragons on the Masters’ boats.

The reunion of Brienne and Jaime was as deliciously tense and buzzing with sexual frisson as I’d hoped and occasionally fantasised about while showering.

From the moment Brienne sees Jaime, resplendent in red armour atop his white steed, we knew this was going to be epic. “Looks like a siege, my lady,” observes Pod, promptly Brienne to drolly reply that he has a “keen military mind”.

Brienne demands to see Jaime, and is escorted to his tent. Pod, bless his loyal cotton socks, is jumped from behind by Bronn, who proceeds to swear at him in that way only really people who are really happy to see you can. At least, I assume he must be happy. My parents swear at me like that pretty much every time I eventually make it around to their place for dinner, because I’m a great daughter who always answers their calls, is incredibly on top of her life, and they think it’s cute the foster kittens are slowly destroying all of my furniture/clothing/carpets. So it must be good.

Bronn, being the impolite and unashamed sellsword that he is asks Bronn if he thinks Brienne and Jaime are doing it warrior-style in the tent. Pod, being the amazing wonderful young man he is, is respectful and confused. Bronn then delightfully lets us know that not only would he have his way with Brienne, he’s certain Jaime wants to, and is pretty certain she wants to have her way with Jaime. Also - has Pod shown her his wares yet? Why do I get the feeling Bronn would totally be an unsolicited todger tableau sender?

To pass the time as Jaime and Brienne do or do not do it in the tent, Bronn offers to teach Pod “real” fighting. This was very telling as far as nature is concerned. Pod wants to be a honest knight like Brienne: tough, fair and plays by the rules. Bronn wouldn’t know a rule if it smacked him in the gob, which is coincidentally exactly what he does to Pod. “They’re all going to want to hit you, everybody wants to hit the squire!” He’s a lovable rogue, and he’s got a point: he survived. He hadn’t expected Pod to.

Oh Brienne and Jaime. So much said, but so much more unsaid. What is the connection between them? A simple bond of friendship, forged by a terrible shared experience? A platonic love? Or something more?

Whatever it is, Brienne’s presence seems to humanise Jaime, and make him a better person. He is kinder, softer, more rounded. She doesn’t call him Kingslayer anymore, that hated nickname that reduces him to a mere traitor (tellingly, the Blackfish still uses it throughout the episode as a way of keeping Jaime that cardboard cut out hate figure). Brienne seems to understand more of his complex inner-workings, and seems to have an understanding that none of the rest of us do.

The scene also had wonderful romantic hallmarks about it - a change of costume and time period and they could be a pair of vexed lovers in a George Eliot or Elizabeth Gaskell novel. Sigh. When Jaime insisted Brienne keep Oathkeeper, I may have inhaled deeply, or squealed, or both, I was that delighted. Also because that sucker is Valyrian steel and heading back north Brienne is going to need that shiz.

Then, as Brienne told Jaime that if she had to take a side in the fight, it would be for the Tullys, against him, I almost heard the Snow Patrol music of a thousand incoming YouTube mash-ups swell in the background. I must Google “how to put the heart-eyed emoji on a picture”.

I failed with the emoji, but still, look how sweet this is! So sweet!

Brienne makes it in to see the Blackfish, who steadfastly refuses to give up Riverrun, even to help his grand-niece retake Winterfell. His heart is softened somewhat by Sansa’s letter (“She’s just like her mother”) but he is a man resolved. He plans on dying in his ancestral home, family or no family. Poor Brienne has to inform Sansa by raven that she’s, gulp, failed, and her heart is clearly broken. This is a woman who lives by honour, and she feels dishonoured. We’re all “Hey Brienne, you’re awesome, you did an amazing job, you can’t help it if the old guy has a death wish” but she doesn’t see that. Bless.

Jaime’s tete-a-tete with Edmure Tully is far more dangerous than his charming chat with the Lady of Tarth. Tully is a mostly broken man - and an absent father to boot. Apparently he knocked up his bride on the very night of the Red Wedding. So wow, they must have been going for it when Robb, Catelyn and co were being slaughtered in the next room. What a cheery thought. No wonder he doesn’t really care about his personal hygiene anymore.

But Edmure isn’t totally defeated. In a surprisingly long scene, he lands a few verbal punches on Jaime, asking how he convinces himself he’s a decent person so he can sleep at night. Jaime has the good graces to look a bit introspective and sad at these accusations. But then the old lion comes out, and all of a sudden we are firmly reminded that Jaime is Tywin Lannister’s son.

He compares Catelyn Stark’s fierce love for her children to Cersei’s, and proceeds to tell Edmure that he must take Riverrun for his beloved sister’s sake, calling back that old phrase he last uttered in the very first episode of Game of Thrones: “The things we do for love.”

“I’ll send for your baby boy, and I’ll launch him into Riverrun with a catapult because you don’t matter to me… your son doesn’t matter to me, the people in the castle don’t matter to me, only Cersei. And if I have to slaughter every Tully who ever lived to get back to her, that’s what I’ll do.”

It’s quiet and deadly and leaves you wondering once again what IS the deal with Brienne? Is he just humouring her? Does he feel some affection? Or is his relationship with Cersei - and the violence it engenders - such an inbuilt part of him that he can never escape it, no matter what other options might present themselves? Is this one of the hardest truths to come at in Game of Thrones - “Is Jaime Lannister evil - or he is just really good at playing it?”

Faced with such opposition, Edmure cannot hold out. The Blackfish called him a coward and he was right; Edmure doesn't have Cat's stomach, or even Lysa's craziness, to hang on. He is set free, and demands entry to Riverrun, which is granted despite the Blackfish’s strong Admiral Ackbar-style protests. The rightful heir of the fortress then demands its defenders lay down their arms, and the Lannister/Frey coalition march in.

I’m quite glad I didn’t see the death of the Blackfish. I don’t think I could have handled it. He was such a firm, clever, sassy old bugger. The last we saw of him was sending Brienne and Pod off to safety in a rowboat out a back entrance - then diving headfirst back into the fray (or technically, into the Freys).He ran from the Red Wedding - which in some way he sees as a coward’s move, although we see it as eminently sensible. But he will be coward no longer. I’m glad the last memory I have of him will be one of steely gruffness.

"Don't worry, I plan on taking half the Freys with me when I go."

Jaime is told about the Blackfish on the battlements at dawn, where he can just make out Brienne in the rowboat. He raises his golden hand in salute, and Brienne waves back. Is it farewell? Will they meet again? By not drawing attention to them, Jaime kept his promise to Brienne to give her safe passage north. So he can’t be all bad…. Can he?

Finally to Braavos, where everyone’s conspiracy theories about Arya face-swapping with the Waif, or with Jaqen H’ghar, or whomever - all turn out to be bunkum. Arya was Arya, she got stabbed, and she asked for help from the only sympathetic person she knew - Lady Crane, aka Miss Fisher, one of the Mummers.

Lady Crane stitched her up, gave her milk of the poppy to sleep, and let her rest. We could see Arya gaining her strength back as Lady Crane asked her to join the Mummers and tour with them to Pentos. Arya, ever honourable, said it wouldn’t be safe to the group with the Waif still chasing her down. It would be weird too, given that she’d be replacing the girl who played Sansa in the show. Fancy that - real Arya playing fake Sansa in a play.

Sadly Arya’s R&R is disturbed by the Waif, whose nature is finally revealed for what it truly is - that of a T-800 series Terminator. Bitch was relentless tracking down our Stark girl through the streets of Braavos, and Arya did well to keep ahead for as long as she did.

Eventually though, the Waif traps Arya in her hidey hole, the one she fled to after her exit from the House of Black and White. And though the Waif looked as cocky as Donald Trump does every minute of every day, we knew Arya had Needle hidden there.

I thought she was going to pull Needle out and stab the Waif, and so I got mighty worried when the Waif started mocking Arya, telling her the sword wouldn’t help. Perhaps not, but Arya did have an advantage - mad blind fighting skills. That’s right, what the Waif helped her learn would now be her own undoing. Arya took a brief moment to collect herself before slashing out with her Needle, cutting the candlewick and plunging the room into darkness.

Next, we see Jaqen H’ghar following a trail of blood through the Hall of Faces. There is a new face on a column. It is The Waif, her eyes missing, blood pouring from the back of the skin. It was a rough job by Arya clearly, but she doesn’t care. She isn’t no one, she’s never been no one. It’s taken her a journey across the sea, blindess, months of hard training and being pursued by a merciless killing machine to realise she cannot conceal who she is.

Arya is BACK bitches. And she's coming Westeros' way.

*Drops mic*

Yay! Best Moments

“A girl is Arya Stark of Winterfell, and I am going home.” Just 100% gorgeous in every way.

Zing! Best Lines

Tyrion had some corkers of course, but I couldn’t go past the terrific exchange between the Hound and the fellow he de-testicularised.

“Where’s the other one? The one with the yellow cloak?”
“F*** you!”
“Those are your last words, f*** you? Come on, you can do better.”
“C***!”
“You’re shit at dying, you know that?”


Ewww, gross

Lady Crane’s death was genuinely sad, because she was a genuinely nice human being. Not flawless - see her admission of poor decision-making in romantic relationships - but well-intentioned, caring and kind. It was also an incredibly gruesome way to go - impaled on a chair, her head twisted and lolling backwards. I suspect I will have nightmares about poor Miss Fisher.

Boo, sucks

There are only two episodes left in the season, and next week is Episode Nine. You know what that means - Shit. Goes. Down. I suspect we’re finally about to see the Battle for Winterfell, so let’s cross all extremities and hope we see BOO HISS Ramsay Bolton’s head on a spike very soon.

Thank you so much for joining me again this week. I can't wait to read your comments and thoughts, either here on the 'Burger, or via my Facebook page:www.facebook.com/nataliesthrone

Please note: Stu and I are doing a LIVE Raven On podcast this Tuesday 14 June at 8pm AEST. Simply log onto Facebook and follow the live feed from that time. We’ll be in costume, and feel free to ask questions, mock us, whatever!

Another reminder that I'm running a Patreon campaign this season. If you like the recaps and wish to become a patron, you can sign up and pledge the suggested $1 per recap. Here's the link: www.patreon.com/girlclumsy.

Valar Morghulis!

42 Responses to ‘Raven On Game of Thrones Recap S6E8: No One’

xServer mumbles...

Posted June 14
Jaime is a Lannister - and he is as grey as they come. Ironic that he spent so much time in a white cloak.

I really think that he cares for Brienne but his first love is and will always be Cersei. He will do what he can to protect Brienne as long as it doesn't directly go against Cersei but if push ever comes to shove, Brienne will go down by Jaime's hand at Cersei's demand. Never think that he's a good guy. Good guys don't really exist in GoT. It's all shades of grey, just like real people.

I hope Danny gets her kids to light up those ships the Masters brought into the harbor. It really is silly to set yourself up in little wooden structures around dragons.

And I hope that Winterfell lands back in the Stark's hands by the end of the next episode. If they fail, my heart will break.

MyCall swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 14
I think Bran's flashbacks to the slaying of the mad king show that Jaime does have a moral compass different to the Lannister name.
His most dis-honourable action to stab the king in the back was actually morally sound because the King had gone mad and wanted to burn everybody, men, women and children.
Other than the twincestory, it is very hard to fault him. He keeps his word even to his enemies, he saved his brother, he is proud of Brienn who should also be his enemy, and I'm sure that there are countless other examples.

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Abbey reckons...

Posted June 14
I can't believe that the Hound is actually one of the more loveable characters now! He has the best lines, totally agree on his zero ngers this week.
And wow, more wang. I mean I'm all for equal opportunity but couldn't it have been Tyrion's, or even Varys' gash? (Can't believe I just wrote that haha)

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted June 14
The mental imagery!

Ms Naughty has opinions thus...

Posted June 14
Thank you for your thoughtful and comprehensive guide to Hound Wang. I still have to say, we're nowhere near equal nudity yet because it wasn't Sexy Wang. I live in hope for Sexy Wang.

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Martine k Atherton would have you know...

Posted June 14
Do you think Jamie is going to follow Brienne North?

girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted June 14
Nah - if he's so desperate to get back to Cersei as he says, he'll be off to King's Landing. She is about to get punished at trial, too, don't forget!

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Barnesm ducks in to say...

Posted June 14
On Jamie and Brienne I have read somewhere the basis for their friendship is that he sees in Brienne the honourable knight he wishes he had been and for her she sees that Jamie considers her a knight where as others see her as an oddity.

girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted June 14
That's a great assessment.

Véronique of House Stark mumbles...

Posted June 14
Spot on assessment, methinks!

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Sparty2 would have you know...

Posted June 14
To be picky I thought waif was more T-1000 :-)
So Jamie said cersei would was the type of woman who would burn a city to ashes and Cersei is asking about rumours . I say there be wild fire in them hills....

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted June 14
I was wondering about that too...

And to confess - I actually have never seen either the first two Terminator movies, so I just googled "What model is the Terminator?" and that's what came up.

I know, the shame, the shame. If it helps, I saw the one with Christian Bale in it. ;)

Onceler asserts...

Posted June 14
Great analogy work for someone who's never seen T2! I thought that pursuit style looked familiar, but it didn't click until you called it out in the recap.

girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted June 14
To be honest, I'm more familiar with Terminator style running from numerous parodies of it over the years, as opposed to the real thing! Think of Homer Simpson chasing down Flanders. :)

George would have you know...

Posted June 15
I thought of maybe Jason Bourne in period costume during the Waif's pursuit of Arya?

Gilligan asserts...

Posted June 20
Couldn't find the .GIF, but...

http://twitter.com/stevepep/status/742238753645699077/photo/1

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Katy ducks in to say...

Posted June 14
Personally, i am starting to worry about how enthusiastic i was about the Hound getting his axe out and killing those men. And, i too, was cheering for the Mountain when he rearranged that member of the Faith Militant. But, truly it was Arya Stark who made that episode for me, hoping she gets to use these skills on Ramsay Bolton.

Fabulous recap - as always.

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wendyemily would have you know...

Posted June 14
Damn! I was almost right about Arya. Miss Fisher did save her but she paid for it with her life and Arya will not be joining the Mummers! But oh, so close! I loved the last line of the show with Arya finally owning her real identity and heading off to find her siblings. We hope!

As for Jamie & Brienne, yes it was a lovely moment, kinda spoilt by Jamie morphing into a Lannister and becoming the baddie we either love or hate depending on the day! I have to wonder what will become of him, will he see the error of his way in standing with Cersei through thick & thin or will Brienne's influence eventually come through and will he become an honourable man and stand for what's right? Interesting times in Westeros!

And who didn't love and guess that Dany would land with her trusted Dragon at exactly the right moment. I would have to think that somehow she will end up with that very convenient fleet of ships under her control and sail back with her armies to retake what is hers. With Tyrion at her side. Can't wait.

Ken Father of Dire Wolves ducks in to say...

Posted June 14
I do hope the masters ships survive, with Drogon flapping around in the view out the balcony I fear he may get peckish. Let's hope he likes his slavers rare rather than well done.

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Leftarc swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 14
Fully agree with the assessment of the Waif, she was a Terminator. Right down to the running style doggedness.

Lady EFL ducks in to say...

Posted June 14
Was anyone else just a tad disappointed that we didn't get to see that fight? I was really looking forward to seeing that smug smile fall off the Waif's face as Arya skewered her with Needle and she realised that she was beaten.

Tank is gonna tell you...

Posted June 14
No, it had to be in total darkness – great tactic, Arya. So it would be a bit difficult to see the fight, unless they shot it with an infra-red camera.

flöki snöw swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 14
They could have given us the clash of steel in the dark, a squeal, a groan and a gasping last breath, something like Syrio Forel's last stand.

girlclumsy reckons...

Posted June 14
Nah, I was happy not to see it. We'd seen Arya and the Waif fight before. The candle extinguished was a great visual cue, and then we next saw Arya with Jaqen at the point of her sword. Beautifully done.

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PM asserts...

Posted June 14
Dany shouldn't set her kittens (sorry, dragons) to boat burning - she needs the transport option they offer. Could the dragons maybe catch (and swallow) the firebombs instead?

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PM asserts...

Posted June 14
Dany shouldn't set her kittens (sorry, dragons) to boat burning - she needs the transport option they offer. Could the dragons maybe catch (and swallow) the firebombs instead?

Respond to this comment

Mother of nothing would have you know...

Posted June 14
Great recap, really enjoyed this one.
1: I think that conversation between the Hiund and the guy who suddenly had no genitals was one of the funniest things I've seen on TV for a very long time.
2: I have become team Cersei. That's concerning, but I find the sparrow's lot the most heinous of all (well except Ramsay of course).

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girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted June 14
Yeah, all of a sudden the Clegane Brothers are the New Hotness. Bizarre.

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Dave has opinions thus...

Posted June 14
Great recap, can't believe only 2 weeks to go. Highlight for me was the way the Hound disposed of the enemies like he was putting out the trash. He is the highlight for me while the Mountain ripping the face was a close second. I've found this series has really amped the humour up and you find yourself laughing way to often.
The loving wave from the Kingslayer to his love Brienne was so touching the girls in my household all swooned. I think they desperately would like to look after the kingslayer.
Tyrion was a classic and his face when Grey worm told him what to do was priceless.

Arya was a let down as I made the mistake of reading fan fiction blogs and I had convinced myself it wasn't her stabbed. When it was her I felt like I had wasted my time. The chase scene was straight out of terminator 2, even the running action mirrored Robert Patrick as the T-1000. I love the way in all these scenes the bad guy or girl waits to attack giving our hero time to think of something. Considering she was stabbed in the stomach so many times she drew less blood than Mr Orange in Reservoir Dogs and healed pretty quickly she showed true Stark grit and remembered her roots.

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The Hound's rubber wang mutters...

Posted June 14
Great job in your usual way Natalie. You even managed to artfully paper over the nonsense conclusion to Arya's Essos misadventures. Benioss and Weiss are beginning to struggle without George's immaculate plotting.

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George swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 14
Not the hounds "wang". More like his "peckernese"

Kimmy asserts...

Posted June 14
Labradong?
Kelpenis?
Dalmashlong?

The Hound's rubber wang mutters...

Posted June 14
I remind myself of hotdogs.

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Lostbear72 swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 14
Great recap. Honestly thought you would have slipped in a Travolta/Cage reference for the aftermath to the Arya vs Robowaif stoush. The thing I was left wondering as the ships sailed into the harbour was whether Dany had learned how to tell the dragons that their dinner (the friendly ship-giving masters) was to be eaten uncooked. No point them going full bbq mode and sinking all those ships.

Ken Father of Dire Wolves swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 14
I'm sure sashimi slavers would be a nice treat rather than their normal Korean BBQ. Speaking of which, what/who have Rhaegal and Viserion been eating after not eating the help that Tyrion supplied

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rory mumbles...

Posted June 15
Notice the parallels emerging? Red wedding? Caitlyn Stark loves her children, so does Cersei?
Nice to see that the TV series converges back to the books a little. Mereen under siege, Jaimie rattling about Riverrun with Brienne and Dufus Tully. Dog with the Brotherhood. Can we hope for the murderess to make an appearance, albeit two seasons later?

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PM would have you know...

Posted June 15
Is there any chance of the audio from the live podcast being posted on Soundcloud for those of us who couldn't get it through Facebook?

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Barnesm has opinions thus...

Posted June 15
No one saw the Blackfish's body, I am still hoping.

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Springfield Fats reckons...

Posted June 15
The Arya plot made little to no sense in the end, especially her magically healing wounds that would have killed just about everyone who didn't have access to a surgeon and acute medical care for weeks after. I probably could have forgiven it if I thought her Bravos arc was sound, but really she learnt everything she needed to know in 3 episodes and the rest was just her getting wailed on by the waif. And Jaqen's pronouncement at the end was just stupid given he sanctioned the hit on the basis that she clearly wasn't no one and wasn't going to be. Still, at least the people of Bravos are free of the Stark plague and can look forward to a brighter future.

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Chicken reckons...

Posted June 16
"Later around the campfire, with some disappointingly non-chicken meat (we remember how the Hound loves his f***ing chicken).."
I have a cousin, who, when offered a chicken pie, responded with "I HATE f***en chicken." Needless to say, this line of yours brought back the memories.

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Rablet asserts...

Posted June 17
Just as a left field suggestion, what if the Waif actually killed Arya, and has really been spending the last few months "training" Arya for the purposes of downloading her personality, so she can take Arya's place in Westeros.

Then Jaqen's conversation makes sense: the Waif, who was still in training, has become a faceless man. She has fully taken over Arya's face and personality, and is heading "home"...for whatever purposes the Faceless men might have...

Rablet would have you know...

Posted June 17
In addition, perhaps the *faceless* men have to cut off their own faces in order to be able to wear others...so the Waif's face without eyes could have been newly skinned - by the Waif herself...

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Respond to 'Raven On Game of Thrones Recap S6E8: No One'

Game of Thrones Raven On Recap S6E7: The Broken Man

Posted June 7 into Raven On by girlclumsy

Beloved Throners! I’m so happy, I don’t even know where to begin.

What a spankingly delicious episode of Game of Thrones. I just adored every minute of it. Even now my cheeks are flushed with pleasure, my teeth are sparkling like they’ve just been through a minty fresh car wash, and I just want to run into the wild, spin in circles and sing like Maria Von Trapp on nitrous oxide.

This may have been somewhat inspired by the hillside setting for the Hillsong Church, headed by none other than Ian ‘Al Swearengen’ McShane himself, finally turning up as a reformed fighter turned pastor in a rare pre-credit sequence.

Not since The Pillars of the Earth have I been so chuffed to see Ian McShane hanging around a cathedral construction site.

It was too bad it all ended so soon, as I was looking forward to having those baby blue peepers around for a while. But then, he had a role to play, and that role was to let a certain doggy off the leash.

Damn all of you who said The Hound wasn’t dead. He was left for dead. He looked pretty dead. I was CERTAIN he was going to be dead. But then I also thought Ned Stark was going to find a way off that chopping block right up to the point where his head was snicked off so we all know how much my opinion’s worth.

We’ll get back to our remix of the Baha Men’s 2000 classic shortly, because it was just one glorious strawberry on the cream pie that was this episode.

Kate Middleton and roses! Olenna slagging off Cersei! Jon and Sansa’s Magical Mystery Tour! Captain Darling! Yara the Power Lesbian! The Kingslayer V The Blackfish! Bronn! F***ing Bronn, people!

Yes, it was an episode in which all of our broken and beleagured heroes slowly started putting themselves back together - or open themselves up to a bit more damage.

S6E7: The Broken Man

Let’s deal first with that reveal of The Hound of the Axe-O-Skills. The pre-credit sequence showed hearty country folk doing the Westeros equivalent of an Amish barn-raising: building a new sept. It was like the start of a Disney movie, with apple-cheeked kiddies playing with daisies, and women probably named Daisy chopping up apples.

As groups of men strode past hoisting wood on their shoulders, we noticed one man powering along solo, a mighty log on his back, not even vaguely troubled by its weight.

Eventually he drops it, looks up, and turns, to show first the burnt side of his head, then his face.

Woof!

It turns out The Hound, as opposed to dying where Brienne left him after their fierce battle at the end of season four, was picked up by Ian McShane, who thought he was dead until he coughed.

Somehow Sandor Clegane survived, which Ian McShane has interpreted to mean the gods still have plans for him.

He’s a refreshing sort of preacher, this one, as unlike the High Sparrow he doesn’t pretend to know all the answers. He even suggests the Seven - whose pointed star he wears around his neck - may not be the “right” god/s. Such blasphemy does not offend Clegane, someone who spits on the concept of religion. However Ian McShane is not demanding penitence, or naked shame walks, or converting others. He just wants to spread the good in the world. And for someone with so much hate in them (he even credits it for keeping him alive), that’s a bit of an eye-opener.

"Don't you see? It's all tits and dragons."

Sadly all this positivity (and did you notice the musical score under that pre-credit sequence was the Game of Thrones theme in a major key? So. Freaky.) could not last. Not even for more than one episode, dagnabbit.

For the Brotherhood Without Banners came a-calling, and despite the Hound’s warnings, Ian McShane did not take any precautions to protect his flock, even offering to break bread with them.

You have to wonder what would have happened had Clegane been there when the raiding party arrived, as opposed to being off chopping firewood like a man possessed. He probably could have taken out a fair few of them, but eventually he would be cut down. Instead, he has to look upon the corpses of the men, women and children - simple, unarmed folk - and know their deaths must be paid for. As he stood staring into the bulging eyes of the dead septon, his purpose in life all of a sudden became clear - justice. Or if not justice, revenge.

In the Game of Thrones world, being broken ain't necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes that break gives you the ability to do things others can't, or won't.

With no Brienne in sight, Tormund has finally started speaking with comprehensible words again, as opposed to casting goo-goo eyes in the direction of the warrior from Tarth and seductively gumming a meat tray.

He’s totes backing Jon Snow in as the Lord of the Man Bun appeals to the Wildlings to join their fight against the BOO HISS BOLTONS. The Wildlings are worried they’ll be wiped out, meaning no more Free Folk. Well, says Tormund, Jon Snow died for us, so he’s basically Jesus, and if we don’t reciprocate, maybe we should be the last Free Folk. Oh, (ginger) snap.

"This is all a metophor for Brexit, isn't it?"

Stampy signals his approval with a grunt and a walk-off, and the other red-headed Wildling shakes Jon’s hand. It’s a deal, and with that Jon, Sansa and Ser Davos are off on a whistlestop tour to recruit more warriors to their cause.

Roll up, roll up!

Their first stop was Bear Island, where the revelation of Lady Mormont as a teeny wee girlie was quite possibly the best visual gag ever seen in Game of Thrones.

Jon, Sansa and Davos all looked suitably embarrassed to be seeking an audience with a One Directioner, but Lady Mormont quickly put their prejudices to rest by going 100 per cent Hermione Granger on their collective ass.

“My mother wasn’t a great beauty, or any other kind of beauty,” she snaps, rejecting Sansa’s proffered compliment that she would grow up a looker. “She was a great warrior though. She died fighting for your brother Robb.”

Aaaaaaawwwwwwkward.

Jon doesn’t fair much better when he tries bigging up her uncle, the late Jeor, Commander of the Night’s Watch.

“I think we’ve had enough small talk. Why are you here?”

My beloveds, I just fell in love - in a totally age-appropriate way, may I add - with Hermione Granger. Such sass. Such authority! I am more than *ahem* times her age and can only dream of such badassery. She makes Hillary Clinton look like Sleeping f***ing Beauty. Say No to the Bernie Bros: Lady Mormont for President!

Accio Shut the The Hell Up

Hermione Granger was in no mood to truck with idiots wanting her to sacrifice the good people of Bear Island to some foolish squabble between noble houses. It took Davos Seaworth, once again showing why he’s King of the Kids, to bring her around.

The Onion Knight cited his own recent conversion to the way of the warrior, and summed up by saying that Jeor Mormont and Jon Snow knew the truth: that the only war that mattered was between the living and dead. “And make no mistake, my lady, the dead are coming.” OoooOOOOoooh, drop mic, DJ OK.

Once Davos convinced Lady Mormont that recapturing Winterfell was the only way to ensure a united North, which was the only way to stand a chance against the White Walkers, Jon asked how many fighting men they could expect from the noble Bear Island.

There was a pause as the punchline came looming up towards us like a drunken grizzly, the word PUNCHLINE shorn into its shaggy coat, and a half-eaten Salmon Rushdie pun dangling from its mouth. But that didn’t stop the confident reply of “62” producing such gut laughter in me, I’ll be drinking Yakult for days to replenish.

Still, they fared better with 62 Fighting Bears (good name for a gay club, by the way) than they did on their next stop: Deepwood Motte, the home of the Glovers.

My foster kittens were rather startled when about two seconds after Lord Glover appeared onscreen I started yelling “Darling! Captain Darling! Look, it’s Captain Darling!” like a mad woman. Yes, it appears Tim McInnerny, aka Lord Percy from Blackadder II and Captain Darling from Blackadder Goes Forth is the latest familiar face from the British acting fraternity to strap on a leather jerkin and step into Game of Thrones.

If I can just have an aside - I know Fawlty Towers is technically flawless and I know Yes Minister is the sharpest satire ever, but Blackadder still has my heart as the best British sitcom of all time. Sure, it has an unfairly maligned first season, and sure, it ticks all my particular history buttons. But with characters like Queenie and the baby-eating Bishop of Bath and Wells, and Prince George and his Enormous Trousers, and General Sir Anthony Cecil Hogmanay Melchett KCB and Lord Flashheart and lines like “I have a cunning plan” and “Great Boo’s Up” and “I trust you didn’t forget to remove the crumpet” - come on, people. It’s gold.

Anyway back to Lord Glover. He’s a bit of a sourpuss grumpy face, which is probably attributable to the fact that his house sigil is a fist emoji. It’s possible he’s going for the Hunter S. Thompson gonzo journalism feel, but it looks more like they’re saying “Cross us, and we’ll fist you!” which is too sexually adventurous to be completely intimidating.

I mean really, a glove? For Glover? Given the Direwolf of Stark and the Flayed Man of Bolton, it really is an unimaginative effort.

Even a fistbump would at have a bit more street cred.

Sansa tries to pull the old “You pledged your honour to the Starks, bitch, now whaddup?” to get him to come onboard their Anti-Bolton Crusading Coalition (ABCC) but Glover isn’t having it. He’s seen his stronghold captured by salty Ironborn, his family tortured and his brother slain on the altar of Robb Stark, and he’s had enough. All in all, Glover’s refusal basically boils down to the phrase “I’m getting too old for this shit,” which is pleasantly ironic indeed.

Back at camp, Sansa is so unimpressed with the motley crew they’ve assembled you’d think she’d be happier with the actual Mötley Crüe. At least Tommy Lee could have made some interesting home videos.

She wants to keep pressing the flesh with one-time Stark bannermen, but Jon is adamant that they attack Winterfell before they lose momentum. Of course, he then has to stop their conversation to go help Davos break up a fight between some random soldier jocks, because the testosterone is running rampant in the cold weather. Yes, don’t stop that momentum whatever you do, Jon.

"Gotta go, sis. Some gym dudebros are fighting over the squat machine again."

The Magical Mystery Tour concludes with Sansa penning a message to someone, with the camera helpfully obscuring the “To” part of the note. But all we have to do is listen to that musical underscore - yep, it’s the Petyr Baelish theme. Earlier, Sansa had responded to Lady Mormont’s rebuke that she was a Lannister or a Bolton by saying she did what she had to do to survive. Now, despite her best intentions, she’s having to do it again. Careful Sansa. You have been healing and fighting so well. I would hate to see Littlefinger slip between your cracks. Oh wow, I meant that line to sound ominous and foreboding, but I’ve just creeped myself out.

There was a touching scene in wherever the hell it was the Greyjoys were this week (Lys? Volantis?). Many touchings, in fact, as it was revealed that Yara is a Power Lesbian, aka Dyke From Pyke. I felt somewhat conflicted as I cheered on her heavy petting of a prostitute. I mean, I love that she’s a take-charge babe, but she could have been a tad more respectful. Lead by example Yara. But then I suppose Theon was always quite the aggressor with the ladies, so maybe it’s just genetic.

Not that Theon’s feeling the party vibe much, which prompts Yara to send her bit of rumpy-pumpy away for a moment so she can have a Moment with her baby bro. Yara wants to get away from their marauding Uncle Euron as fast as possible, strike a deal with Daenarys first, then scurry back to retake the Iron Islands. She needs the real Theon, not the broken Reek, to be by her side to make sure justice is served. When Theon flinches, she changes the name of the game. Revenge, not justice.

Spurred on by Yara’s drinking game, Theon skulls his ale until finally he meets her gaze steadily for the first time since they reunited. There’s an amazing transformation in Theon’s face, and Yara seals this renewed connection with a sisterly kiss on the forehead. Then she cheerily announces she’s off to “f**k the tits off that one”. Stay classy, Ironborn.

"Barkeep, make mine a Screaming Orgasm."

In King’s Landing, the High Sparrow is getting rather personal with Kate Middleton, who apparently isn’t doing enough by learning the Book of the Mother off by heart - she should be actively trying to become a mother herself. Yes, the High Sparrow chastises her for her chasteness, which she explains by saying her conversion has knocked her for sex. I mean, six.

In praising her, Big Bird warns that her grandmother Olenna, the Queen of Thorns, ought to follow her lead to live a more noble life, as she’s an out and out sinner. Margaery seeks to bestow some of this wisdom to her Gran at a subsequent meeting, which Margaery’s unsmiling jailer Septa monitors like a teacher at a school dance full of 14-year-olds.

Finally, in pleading with Olenna to go home to Highgarden, Margaery finally confirms what we’ve all suspected/known as plain as day - that she’s in the middle of the most intense method acting preparation since Daniel Day Lewis in Lincoln. Wore those stove pipe hats everywhere, he did. Even got himself shot at the theatre for realism. Also because he was seeing a production of Cats at the time and BOOM take that Cats you jumped-up excuse for a show.

Anyway, it was a joy to see that little spark in Margaery’s eyes as she buried a scrap of paper into Olenna’s lap. Outside the room, the Queen of Thorns unwrapped it to reveal a rose, growing strong, as always. Margaery is the reed, ever bending, never broken. Like grandmother, like granddaughter.

As Olenna makes plans to get away before the “shoeless zealot” can throw her in Black Cell, Cersei makes another attempt to butter her up, apologising for unleashing the Faith Militant on them all, and pleading that they work together.

"Oh hell no."

Olenna’s speech in reply is a searing, savage takedown of Cersei that would have left a weaker person on the floor in a gibbering mess. I know I was, and it wasn’t even aimed at me. It’s something of a tribute to Cersei’s ego that she can hear slings like “I wonder if you’re the worst person I’ve ever met… the truly vile do stand out through the years” and “You’ve lost Cersei… it’s the only joy I can find in all this misery” and not collapse in a heap. Still, Olenna seems intent on leaving Cersei to fight it out alone. Except Cersei, as we know, has The Mountain. Now there’s a Humpty Dumpty success story.

All hail the return of Bronn! Everybody’s favourite everything is back, as quippy as ever, as just as comfortable in his bromance with Jaime as he was with Tyrion way back when. Geez, imagine if those three ever team up again. I don’t think the fan fiction writers could handle it. And by fan fiction writers, I mean me. Yes, that’s right, my soaring self-published opus Sexy Game of Thrones Characters Have Sexy Times While You Watch will be out soon for 89 cents a download.

As a newly minted knight, it’s Bronn’s duty to accompany Jaime and 8000 Lannister men to the Riverlands to retake Riverrun from Brynden Tully. The former sellsword is not super impressed by this turn of events, particularly since Jaime tries to wheel out the old “A Lannister always pays his debts” excuse for why he can’t yet have his fancy house and posh bride.

"Don't f***ing say it."

On arrival, they discover the Freys carrying out the most disappointing siege since Steven Seagal circa 1995 (On a train? Why, Steven, why?)

Not even the threat of killing Edmure Tully moves the Blackfish. He doesn’t really care about Edmure anyway, and besides, the Freys are all bluff.

Jaime, however, is more serious. He takes charge of the blockade and organises a parly with the Blackfish, which occurs in splendid fashion on the very drawbridge protecting the castle.

Brynden is ferociously calm, a study in carefully calculated risks and the wariness engendered by a lifetime of fighting entitled morons. “We’ve got supplies to last two years… do you?” he growls at Jaime, who can’t understand why his opponent agreed to a discussion when he had no intention of surrendering. “Sieges are dull,” is the Blackfish’s droll reply. “I wanted to get the measure of you… and I’m disappointed.” It must be all very frustrating for Jaime, whose name and reputation used to mean a damn thing around here. Now he’s just a toy soldier, performing dumbshow.

Unless he decides to get the trebuchets out next week. Then it could get interesting.

I remain conflicted about how the Riverrun stand-off should end. I’m certainly pro-Blackfish and would hate to see the Freys back in charge, but it would also be nice to see Jaime have some kind of win here. Or at the very least, for him not to be punished too much for not taking the fortress back.

Over in Braavos, a happy Arya Stark, freshly reunited with both name and Needle, is looking for a way to get back home.

She happens upon a Westerosi sailor and throws him a few heavy bags of coins to ship out at dawn and have a cabin at the ready for her. Everything is coming up Stark House.

Meanwhile, all we’re doing is searching the faces in the crowd and wondering which one will be the Waif, game face on, ready to stabby stabby. It turns out to be the fragile old lady, because of course it is. Arya cops a nasty few stabs to the abdomen, before thankfully fighting back and hurling herself off the bridge. Seeing enough blood in the water to lure Jaws out of retirement, the Waif is happy with a job done. But Arya emerges, gasping, conveniently near some steps onto the bank.

Dripping with blood and shivering with cold, she walks through the streets, past market stall holders and shoppers, with everyone staring but nobody helping. What is to become of her? Her stab wounds looked pretty serious - we know she is tougher than a rhinoceros hide attempting to sing “Roar” by Katy Perry at karaoke, but still, she’s not immortal. OR IS SHE? No really, that’s not a joke, I’m genuinely interested in whether her induction into the Faceless Men gave her any sort of Wolverine-style healing factor.

Yay! Best Moments

Clearly Hermione Granger crushing all before her was platinum slay.

Zing! Best Lines

Jaime: Get word to the Blackfish. I want a parly.
Bronn: A parly or a fight?
Jaime: He’s an old man.
Bronn: You’ve got one hand. My money’s on the old boy.

Eww, gross

Everything about the Freys is just skin-crawlingly gross. It’s like the whole family’s money goes on supporting Walder Frey’s disgusting tribe of offspring that they all wear hand-me-down clothes and roll in mud for a bath. When Jaime turned up at their siege HQ - aka a bog field on the banks of the Trident - I couldn’t have cheered more when he slapped the Freys in charge down, both figuratively and literally. Get some deodorant and braces, you skeevy bastards.

Boo, sucks

No Tyrion two weeks running? Surely there is some sort of law against an absence of Tyrion for that long? Also no Daenarys and dragons, no Sam and Gilly, no Bran and Benjen? Also - does anyone remember Dorne? There was a power shift there early on this season, but we’ve not heard much of it since. Oh well. Onwards, to next week!

Thank you so much for joining me again this week. I can't wait to read your comments and thoughts, either here on the 'Burger, or via my Facebook page: www.facebook.com/nataliesthrone

The Patreon campaign that I've been running this season has just been the most amazing thing to see. If you like the recaps and wish to become a patron, you can sign up and pledge the suggested $1 per recap. Here's the link: www.patreon.com/girlclumsy. We're getting dangerously close to doing a live recap in full GoT costume; and I've also put up a ridiculous stretch goal that you can check out.

Valar Morghulis!

65 Responses to ‘Game of Thrones Raven On Recap S6E7: The Broken Man’

Sambit has opinions thus...

Posted June 7
I think I saw Gendry in about two shots when we see Arya walking back after being stabbed. The boy in the background, does it seem like it's Gendry? What do you think? http://imgur.com/a/sF7lo

BillBixby219 mumbles...

Posted June 7
as much as i want to see him again, i don't believe this is Robert's bastard

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted June 7
I will have to forensically analyse the footage tonight!

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Mrs Darling ducks in to say...

Posted June 7
Yay! I'm so glad I'm not the only one delighted to see Tim McInnerny. And thank you for writing exactly how I feel about the majesty of Blackadder, and the many delicious quotes that followed the rest of the recap thereafter. It made my night.

To finally see Ian McShane and then have him die in the same episode. What a waste of Ian McShane! More Captain Darling, more Ian McShane and Lyanna Mormont as a main character please!

With the reintroduction of the Brotherhood without Banners, I'm wondering if this is a sly way to introduce Lady Stoneheart (or Gendry again finally). I know they mentioned her story wasn't going to be in it, but they also mentioned that Jon Snow was dead.

xServer mutters...

Posted June 7
Well, technically Jon Snow was dead so it wasn't really a lie (although I think that they also said that he wasn't coming back so that WAS a lie).

I also hope this means we get Lady Stoneheart. It was such a big thing, I can't believe they would cut it out completely.

Ken Father of Dire Wolves asserts...

Posted June 7
Black Adder rules. That is all.

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted June 7
Truth.

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Andrea swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 7
I screamed "It's Percy!", myself.

All we need now is Tony Robinson somewhere.

Hahahahahaha asserts...

Posted June 7
Yes!

SweatyJester swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 7
As a Frey!

"I have a cunning plan..."

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted June 7
My response was probably more accurately a garbled mix of Percy-Darling-Percy-Percy-look-at-you-Darling. :)

flöki snöw puts forth...

Posted June 7
We need General Melchett to turn up at the siege, bahhh....

Ken Father of Dire Wolves reckons...

Posted June 7
I'll be on the lookout for Tony Robinson, probably in a mud filled market place collecting rat shit and spit to roast up for his cappuccino stall.

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xServer would have you know...

Posted June 7
First, I can't believe Arya wasn't on-guard enough to catch the old lady saying "a girl..." at her. I knew immediately that it was the damn Waif. But no, she just lets herself get stabbed over and over. Arg!

If she dies I will burn this mothah DOWN!

Ah-hem, I mean, I will be very disappointed.

I was hoping for more than a one-episode appearance by Ian McShane but what we got was wonderful so I guess I'll take it. Whatever it takes to get the Hound back in play...

I have no mixed feeling about Jaimie's endeavor: I hope he fails. Badly. I loathe the Freys and with Brienne on her way to Riverrun you know it's going to come to Brienne v Jaimie and if he cuts down Brienne then I AM GOING TO BURN THIS MOTHAH DOWN!!

Erm, excuse me, I mean: I will be very, very disappointed.

Holding out hope that Lady Stoneheart is in the offing. Holding out more hope that Tormienne is something that happens in the wake of the defeat of the Boo-Hiss Boltons.

What a great season. I can't believe how fast it's going!

Barnesm mutters...

Posted June 7
I wonder if they have swapped the character of Lady Stoneheart to Arya after her near fatal wounding and falling into the water.

xServer would have you know...

Posted June 7
I think we're getting the true Lady Stoneheart. I know, the showrunners (and GRR Martin) have said no but I don't believe them. All signs are pointing towards her appearance. Even the Brotherhood are showing up again, and with a new, take-no-prisoners approach to things.

girlclumsy reckons...

Posted June 7
I know the basic theory of Lady Stoneheart, but I haven't got to that point in the books yet, so it's all very mysterious. :)

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Trevor Pyle puts forth...

Posted June 7
That. Was not. Arya.









It was Jaquen.

1: Hair parted in the center
2: Bags full of money being tossed around.
3:"Arya's" confident air when dealing with the captain
4: walking around, confidently, when she knew she was on the run
5: Arya is left handed. "Arya" wasn't
6: NO NEEDLE

Jaquen is testing the waif. The waif failed.
A man still owes Arya Stark a life.

This was not Arya, but Arya will avenge that death.

xServer puts forth...

Posted June 7
...I didn't get that AT ALL....what a fascinating hypothesis. Can Arya's face be used by someone else? She hasn't died or had it removed (don't they have to physically remove it to add it to the vault?)

I'm not sure I buy this theory but it will be very interesting to watch next week to find out!

Trevor Pyle swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 7
Arya saw her own face on the corpse right before she was blinded. So I'm assuming that Jaquen has some sort of super powers.

xServer mutters...

Posted June 7
Hmm, yes, I had forgotten that. And Jaquen was the Waif and then himself in that scene too. So...wow. It's possible. And if there is no true Jaquen then he cannot really die. Because he is no one. (I think the Waif can die, though, as she seems to hold too tightly to her disapproval to ever release her self in a true way). Like I said, I will be interested to see next week's episode!

girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted June 7
OK, freaky, what a theory!

So Jaqen went out disguised as Arya - but why book passage home? Just to convince the Waif, whom he knew was following him, that it was Arya and she should go stabby-stabby?

There seem to be a few people now suggesting that Arya wasn't Arya. And maybe Arya was wearing the Waif's face. TOO MANY FACES.

she_jedi swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 7
OMFG. I spent that whole scene watching Arya strolling around Braavos like a suicidal idiot wondering where the hell Needle was. NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE. If this comes to pass mind = totally blown.

MB's 2 cents is gonna tell you...

Posted June 7
It was Arya in control the whole time, doing an Elvis and faking her own death to get the faceless men to step off her blue suede shoes. She knew they would be coming no matter where she went.

girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 7
So she was both herself AND the old woman? I'm confused.

Ken Father of Dire Wolves would have you know...

Posted June 7
Ooooh, amazing and tantalising theory. Jaqen did say Arya has many talents.

MB's 2 cents mumbles...

Posted June 7
No I reckon there's no secret faces (except the waif's which we saw), and no Jaqen involved. Just Arya channelling Mission Impossible with a stock standert fake death bridge fall. She knew she was going to get hit, and she worked to control the circumstances of when and where it happened.
For bonus points I'm going with she used fake blood from the Mummers, and she never intended to get on that ship.

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Barnesm reckons...

Posted June 7
Another wonderful recap, the only drawback is that it's so satisfying and full it leaves little for us readers to respond with other than to ask for permission to shout BRAVO in an annoyingly loud volume.

BRAVO.

Ever since you discovered that in episode one Petyr Baelish's theme played while they looked over the body of Jon Arryn you have been keeping an ear on it.

girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted June 7
I have to credit that Game of Thrones trivia night for really alerting me to Baelish's theme. I knew some of the grander themes, well, but I'd never paid attention to Baelish's before.

And it's not that I was listening out for it - it's more that as I was recapping I thought "I wonder if...." and double checked and yep, it was there. I guess it's just raised my Littlefinger awareness. :)

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Véronique of House Stark is gonna tell you...

Posted June 7
Dear Mother of Kittens, I am in awe! Your recapping prowess just continues to grow. I had no idea Petyr Baelish had a theme! I will clearly have to listen more carefully. That and the major key GoT theme. I am a musician and I'm not paying close enough attention!

So much goodness, so much scariness. Who couldn't love the young Lady Lyanna Mormont? Disabused Sansa of her sexism, she did. According to IMDB, that was the actress's first screen role. Great start! Also, Hermione Granger. Brilliant! Love how the silver-tongued Ser Davos saved the day again, even though it netted them only 62 bear warriors.

So lovely to see Bronn again. And hear him, of course, since he always gets the best lines, such as that now that he is a knight and not a sellsword he no longer gets paid. Ye gods, I hate Freys. They're so stupid that they would probably be easy to get rid of if there weren't so many of them. But now that the Late Walder Frey has reappeared, perhaps it's time to refer to him as Filch? In keeping with the Harry Potter theme?

Okay, it was kind of good to see the Hound again too. Very Rasputin-like of him to survive the ass-whuppin' that Brienne gave him. The body count continues to rise, but some people are hard to kill. Like Arya, hopefully. But please, please, for the love of kittens and dragons, please do NOT have Lady Stoneheart return. Bad enough that the Brotherhood Without Banners is back. They're not supposed to be bad guys!

So many Arya theories, so few episodes left. I did wonder about the absence of Needle though. Hidden again? Or is something askew on treadle? In that world, I never believe anything!

Soooooo glad that Kate Middleton is not, in fact, a Moonie. But Big Bird telling her that she should lie back and think of Highgarden -- bleah! If he's so astute, he should know that the king is in fact a cute but horribly inbred Lannister bastard with no claim to the throne, so that line should not continue.

girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted June 7
"Lie back and think of Highgarden" - OK, totes gold, I wish I had thought of that one!

And yes, the music is something I've become a bit more attuned to this season. Turns out it gives out loads of clues!

Lady EFL ducks in to say...

Posted June 7
Am I wrong or hasn't Bronn been a knight since season 2? Isn't he 'Sir Bronn of the Blackwater' for everything he did during Stannis' attack on Kingslanding?

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted June 7
Yeah, but I think he's still waiting on the perks. :)

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PM asserts...

Posted June 7
Am I alone in thinking that Cersei is placing far too much confidence in her plan to have the zombified Mountain win the trial by combat? She gets a little shit-eating grin on her face every time the plan is mentioned and the Gods (or actually the show's writers/producers) rarely allow that level of hubris to go unpunished. I think Big Bird has a rude shock awaiting for her.

BornBad puts forth...

Posted June 7
An intriguing theory I have heard is that in a trial by combat, the High Sparrow could call King Tommen to be his champion. Where would that leave Cersei then, with Zombie Mountain vs dear son Tommen? Get Zombie to lose, thus proving her guilty, or have Zombie win, and have her last remaining child killed to prove her innocence! That could see Cersei stumble into a spiral of insanity very quickly.

Joffrey's Heimlich Manouevre puts forth...

Posted June 7
Oooh, I like that one. To see that I'd even sacrifice CleganeBowl (Big Bird uses the Hound as his champion in trial by combat, against Cersei's Zombie Mountain).
And I was really looking forward to CleganeBowl.

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flöki snöw mumbles...

Posted June 7
A marvelous recap MoK. All well and good Jaime giving the Freys a bollocking, last time he led an army he got beaten, captured and lost a hand, i don't think he'll fair much better against the Blackfish to be honest. And the hound, oww, owwww, owwwww.

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girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted June 7
Oh yeah, as Stu always points out in the podcasts, Cersei cannot help but make terrible mistake after terrible mistake.

With the Hound now returned, could he in fact be ready to take on his zombified older bro?

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wendyemily mumbles...

Posted June 7
Is it just me or can anyone else not wait to see Big Bird get skewered? I really, really hate religious fanatics even in my fantasy TV shows. As much as I loath Cersei and the Lannisters in general (not Tyrion, of course, never the Imp) I am so sick of the Nut Jobs running the asylum.
I want someone to kick their collective asses. Seeing Kate Middleton finally show she is still the same under the docile façade has made me think that she may indeed have a "cunning plan". We can hope. Or will we have to wait for the Mother of Dragons and her Dothraki followers to kick some Big Bird ass? Time will tell.

Interesting to see how many more warriors Jon and Sansa can get on their side before they attack Winterfell but not happy that she is sending for Littlefinger. Guess Sansa sees no alternative than to deal with the Devil.

An interesting ep and I am left wondering about Arya's fate but she will survive. They wouldn't bring her all this way in her journey just to kill her off now. Would they? Actually, I think that Miss Fisher, who she saved from poisoning will find her and nurse her back to health. And she will take her into the Acting Troupe which will then find it's way back to Westeros. A perfect way for Arya to get home and a good way to be hidden in plain sight! So how's that for a theory?

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted June 7
That is a GREAT theory, and I for one would love to see more of the Mummers!

wendyemily would have you know...

Posted June 7
Yes. Those Mummers are great. I do love me some Amateur Theatre. Remember those days well. The after parties at least!

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Sousy Wench has opinions thus...

Posted June 7
As much as I have longed for CleganeBowl TM for longer than I'd like to admit, someone here brought up the idea of Tommen as the other champion last week and I just can't get the idea out of my head. I know it's unlikely (though the more I think about the easier it is to see it working), but the idea of Cersei getting hers in such a way... Her moment of long planned for triumph becoming
certain Hobsonian defeat, is intoxicating. Maybe, they should just film booth? Make it a choose your own adventure trial... Hmmm.

Kate would have you know...

Posted June 7
Ah, yes. That could well be a plot twist. After all, Tommen is still alive and the witch told Cersei that all three of her children would wear crowns of gold and then die. So Tommen is the remaining living child, wears a crown of gold and ... I guess, the clock is ticking...

girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted June 7
No! Not poor Tommen. He's such a nice boy. Such a squeaky voice.

flöki snöw ducks in to say...

Posted June 7
“Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall.” Valar Morghulis Tommen

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Springfield Fats asserts...

Posted June 7
Good to see House Glover realising that Stark = death and disaster, most sensible decision I've seen a leader on that show make in a long time.

I guess we find out next week how Arya's plot armor saves her from what would be a slow and agonising death for a good proportion of the world today, let along someone in medieval times. I'm assuming the acting troupe comes back into it somehow to help her seeing as she has no other allies there.

Unless they go for the stupidest plot twist of all time and have it be Jaqen instead...

I loved the scenes with the hound, they could have had the villages wearing red shirts, but interested to where he goes from here. I could handle seeing him put on a tactical turtleneck, shout RAAAAMPAGE!!! and get some murder on.

And I think the Queen of Thorns should have a scene where she tears strips off someone every week in a spin off.

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted June 7
I would watch that TV show. Lady Olenna Hates...

Also the Glover decision may have been sensible, but it wasn't very romantic. Also, the Starks seem to have been good for it for hundreds of years. They're just having a few bad years, as Yara would say. :)

Springfield Fats ducks in to say...

Posted June 7
True, but they might be in the process of changing their banner from 'raised fist' to 'raised fist with middle finger resplendent'...

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted June 7
Well at least that would be more intimidating!

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Sunny would have you know...

Posted June 7
I KNEW it was Percy, I KNEW it!!!
I was yelling to DH "It's Percy, is that Percy, it's Percy right???" to his blank face. So I'm so glad you've confirmed it.

Percy.
The only thing better than this would be Rowan himself coming in to fill some awesome role.

SZF ducks in to say...

Posted June 8
I got so caught up yelling, "Swedgen! Hang-dai!" when I saw Ian McShane that I missed recognizing Percy/Darling when he appeared.

Shame! [ring]

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Bondiboy66 reckons...

Posted June 7
Blimey - Al Swearengen comes in for one episode and gets knocked off before he has a chance to call someone a cocksucker! Poor form GoT!

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted June 7

And he didn't get to feed ANYONE to the pigs...

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girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted June 7
I wonder if he could, or if he would be too recognisable! We know of course he can play villainy well, but could it work....?

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Ken Father of Dire Wolves mutters...

Posted June 7
Wonderous words yet again oh Mother of Kittens. There is much to ponder for another week. A definite highlight was the astute beyond her years Lady Mormont. I thought she was kicking the medieval Hit Girl vibe with her Sass and confidence. As for Petyr Balisch slipping between Sansa's cracks I think that's always been one of Littlefingers objectives. I just hope the Stark wolf bears it's fangs. And finally good old Stampy, a giant in stature if not in word usage, but his few words are reliable and true.

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Moko mutters...

Posted June 7
Jaime should have shoved a 8" metal tooth pick up through Blackfishies jaw bone and gone digging while he had the chance. Was expecting. Hysterical as always Nat. Love your work.

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coz is gonna tell you...

Posted June 7
I had to look up where the Brotherhood Without Banners came from (thank goodness for Raven On..) and don't you think slaying a bunch of peasants for a few spuds seems a bit of a departure from their raison d'etat? All we know was there was a horse around... and it'd be typical GoT "made u think" for it to be someone completely different.

Buggered if I know who else though of course.

Sousy Wench has opinions thus...

Posted June 7

I'm pretty sure it's one of those "utopian in theory" vs "nasty in reality" issues with the BWB, a band of merry men they are not. That said, there is another outlaw group in the books (confusingly named Brave Companions aka
Bloody Mummers - there are also way more actual mummers in the books, hence the confusion) who are a whole other level of nasty, I think they may have combined the two on GoT. Their are only so many roving bands of arseholes the human mind can take.

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Barren Spinster mutters...

Posted June 7
There are only three episodes left and they haven't finished the Tower of Joy story. If they don't finish that story and I don't get to see who Ned finds in that tower I am considering declaring war on David, Dan and George auuggh auuggh. I need to know. I need to know in 2016. I'm sure we all agreed that the 21st century was the century of instant gratification? As Blackboard would tell Squiggle: Hurry Up

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Sir Deanos puts forth...

Posted June 7
All those crew ... all those actors ... WHY DON'T THEY JUST SHOOT 20 DAMN EPISODES AT ONCE ! ?

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@johnnykaras mutters...

Posted June 7
Great post girlclumsy.

By the way, I have a theory regarding the Arya Stark storyline.

I believe that Jaqen H'ghar may owe Arya one more life. At Harrenhal, he killed The Tickler and Ser Amory Lorch for her. She then named Jaqen to blackmail him so he would facilitate her escape from Harrenhal. After he agreed, It must be assumed that she un-named him meaning that he still owes her one more life.

I don't know how this will play out in the show (if it is used as a plot point at all), but in my mind Arya still has a wildcard to play.

Cheers J

girlclumsy asserts...

Posted June 9
This is QUITE clever.

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Barren Spinster reckons...

Posted June 8
The waif was told not to let Arya suffer, the waif hasn't done what she was told.....

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Sambit mumbles...

Posted June 9
The contents of the letter that Sansa wrote to Littlefinger, check it here!! http://wikiofthrones.com/1706/someone-figured-out-sansa-starks-letter-latest-episode/

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Swaggering Bravo puts forth...

Posted June 10
Yara the amateur psychologist: "If you are broken then go kill yourself". Cheers.

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Respond to 'Game of Thrones Raven On Recap S6E7: The Broken Man'

Game of Thrones Raven On Recap S6E6: Blood of My Blood

Posted May 31 into Raven On by girlclumsy

Sam Tarly is dead. Long live Sam Tarly: SEX GOD.

Yes, with Jon Snow absent from our screens this week (and what the hell was that about), the significant dribble from my rampaging libido had to be directed elsewhere. And where better than at Sam Tarly, Defender of Everything Good, Noble and Just and Stick-It-Upperer to Shit Dads Everywhere.

Sure, he has no visible six-pack, delectable curly hair or brooding gaze that just says “Be mine, Natalie”. But he does have decency, loyalty, kindness, a sweet smile and a family straight out of a fricking Jane Austen novel, and that brings us to the crux of this week’s episode.

What is more important - the family you are born into, or the one you choose? Is blood the thickest of bonds, or can it be more powerful to form and inspire your own original clan?

Season 6, Episode 6: Blood of My Blood

Harsher critics might use the adjective “slow”, but we can probably all agree this episode was certainly the most “measured” of the year so far.

However I quite enjoyed having some breathing space after the pace and thrill of the first half of the season. The luxury of time to sink into long, languid scenes was comforting, and it’s always nice not to finish an episode in a maelstrom of tears (Oh, Hodor).

Besides, the first few moments of Majestic Meera Reed dragging Bran’s sled through the snow his sled as best she could allowed the greenseer a beguiling cauldron of flashbacks the likes of which we haven’t seen since Harry Potter planted face first into the Pensieve.

There was Bran’s own fall from the tower at Winterfell, his mother’s death, his father’s death, his brother Robb’s death, the White Walkers, wildfire in King’s Landing, his father at the Tower of Joy and even shots of the Mad King Aerys II himself. “Burn them all,” we hear the old man demanding, before Jaime Lannister can be seen approaching the throne to create the nickname that would follow him forever.

Another teeny tidbit I managed to freeze frame was the shot of two hands, one bloody, one definitely female. Could this be an indication of what happened in the Tower of Joy - aka, that Ned Stark found his sister giving birth in a “bed of blood”, where she subsequently died? Am I now ready to join a Game of Thrones online forum and argue with people about fan theory minutiae?

The point is, Bran is too busy tripping to realise the danger he and Meera are in: namely, wights.

Her energy expended, all Meera can do is huddle close to Bran and whisper “I’m sorry”. It was as touching a sisterly moment as you’ll ever see anywhere, and if anything ever happens to Meera Reed, I’ll upend something. Of course I said that about Hodor and I’m now writing this recap on an op-shop typewriter with missing keys, so it’s getting to be a very e pensive threat.

Here is where we have to stop and pay tribute to a certain Russian scribe named Anton Chekhov, who ensured that a gun placed deliberately on show in the first season would now, five seasons later, finally be fired.

Yes, it was the long-awaited return of Benjen Stark, First Ranger of the Night’s Watch and Current World Title Holder for Most Alive Stark Sibling of That Generation.

Masked and on horseback, Uncle Benjen appeared just in time to Flame On and put a half dozen or so wights to the torch with a fiery mace. He threw Bran and Meera on his steed, and all of a sudden, they were safe.

Of course he only showed his face later, in relative safety. It had to be that way, of course, you couldn’t just burn a reveal like that in a frenzied fight scene. But boy, has that face changed. Pock-marked and sunken in parts, it has felt the touch of Winter.

"I swear it has not felt the touch of herpes."

Benjen explains that he was stabbed by a White Walker and left to die while out ranging, but was saved by the Children of the Forest. It turns out their neat trick of slicing your heart in two with obsidian to turn you into a White Walker works just as well as a cure-all for zombie-ism. I feel like this is an Important Piece of Information that we should probably remember, and makes me doubly cranky that Meera didn’t take one of those damned spears with her when she left the Meth Den.

Benjen also seems to have been on good terms with the Three-Eyed Raven, as he’s more up to speed with what having those powers mean than Bran is. “I can’t control it,” Bran mourns. “You’ll must learn to control it… before the Nights’ King comes,” Benjen replies, just as mournfully. Bran has finally been reunited with a family member, but will Uncle Benjen live long enough to help Bran see his destiny through? Or is he destined to be another sacrifice to ensure Bran’s safety, like Osha and Jojen and (gulp) Hodor? And what is it about Bran’s powers that makes him so vital to need such blood spilled for him?

Lord Randyll Tarly threatened to spill his own son’s blood simply because he didn’t like him. Samwell was not brave enough, not active enough, hell, just not man enough to inherit the fine estate of Horn Hill. And so he was sent to The Wall, in the hope it might make a man of him - or at the very least, get him out of the way so his younger brother Dickon could inherit the title.

Sam’s sad tale of paternal betrayal resonated so deeply when we first learned of it. If there is one thing that’s supposed to be true in this world - in any world - it’s that parents will always protect their children. And so it’s natural that he be incredibly nervous returning to the lush green estate of Horn Hill, a place he never imagined returning to alone, least of all with a girlfriend and baby.

Gilly, for her part, is happy to go along with the story that baby Sam is big Sam’s, in order for his father to take them in. Lord Randyll doesn’t like Wildlings, which is about as surprising as discovering Donald Trump doesn’t like *insert whatever* here.

On arrival, we realise what a high faluting, fancy-pants existence Sam lived before his exile to the Night’s Watch. Horn Hill is a genuine pleasure palace, with stately architecture, manicured lawns, huge expanses of balcony and ornate four poster beds.

With Sam Tarly’s mother and sister being amazingly sweet, kind and generous, welcoming both Gilly and the baby with open arms, it made me wonder - how exactly did a place as NICE as this survive in Westeros?

Randyll Tarly’s legendary toughness is probably most of the answer. He is an abhorrent man, merciless to Sam at the world’s most awkward family dinner. Yet with his relative tenderness towards his wife and daughter, it’s perhaps somewhat understandable (if not excusable) why he was so dismissive and mean to Sam.

It’s fear.

How could a boy like Sam, intelligent and thoughtful, sure, but not physically intimidating or skilled in combat, look after his house and his legacy? How could he preserve it? By contrast, the younger son Dickon is not very bright. but he can probably lift heavy things, and he can certainly bring down a deer at 70 paces.

Nevertheless, Randyll is a bigot, and that should be inexcusable. But as Gilly points out a bit later, it’s maddening that bad things happen to good people in this world, and the bad people can just get away with it. Even when their family disapproves, as Sam’s mother and sister so clearly did in this dinnertime scene.

Lord Tarly pegs Gilly as a wildling, which is anathema to him. Gilly launches a spirited defence of Sam as the killer of Thenns and White Walkers. Sam’s posture just sinks further and further down, browbeaten out of eating by his father’s repeated jibes about his weight and appetite, and how he’ll never carry the family Valyrian steel sword, Heartsbane.

Finally it’s Sam’s mother who loses it, rounding on Lord Tarly and telling him he’s a disgrace. Nice work, sister. Lord Tarly says while Sam is away learning to be a maester, Gilly can stay on in the kitchens, as a favour to his wife, and baby Sam will be educated. This is the only deal he will make - and it requires Sam to leave Horn Hill at first light, never to return.

Later, Sam bids Gilly a sweet farewell, saying she’ll be safe there, and he had to do it, and other platitudes. He leaves, but no sooner had he gone and Gilly start tucking in baby Sam, he was back.

“We belong together, all of us,” he says, more forcefully than he’s quite possibly ever spoken before. Despite Gilly’s confusion, he insists on them leaving straight away, and that’s for one very good reason - he’s going to steal his Dad’s sword.

“Actually, it’s my family’s sword,” he points out. But what if Lord Tarly comes for it, asks Gilly. “He can bloody well try.”

Oh YES, Sam Tarly, you gorgeous man you.

Do you even lift, bro?

Sam has chosen to distance himself from a family that is half amazing and half unbearable. In those situations I guess not even the light can outshine the darkness. What he does have is his own family, a new family, with no shared genes, history or culture. He has bonded himself to Gilly, and she to him, in the knowledge that they know everything that counts about the other. It may be harder trying to navigate Old Town with a girlfriend and baby, but damnit, they should be together, and together they shall be. And given Sam knows what's coming (his brother even questioned the existence of White Walkers), it makes far more sense for Heartsbane to be with him, not sitting uselessly above a fireplace.

In King’s Landing, Kate Middleton appears to have finally drunk the High Sparrow’s Kool Aid. Granted permission to see his wife for the first time since her imprisonment, Tommen finds not the gracious free spirit he married, but a demure penitent. Margaery has thought long and hard about her sins, and is perfectly happy to atone for them in whatever way necessary.

And that turns out to be a corker.

Ahead of Margaery’s scheduled Walk of Atonement, Jaime Lannister’s grand plan to fix the Sparrow infestation rolls into action. Kate Middleton’s father, Mace Tyrell, awkwardly leads his armed forces up to the Sept of Baelor, delivering a truly cringe-worthy speech about restoring sanity and blah blah blah. Jaime’s face as he indulges Mace’s numptiness is delightful.

Even Lady Olenna is in on the action, carried to the front steps by sedan chair. Never one to miss a good fistfight, the Queen of Thorns. She probably brought a cheese platter along with her to munch on during the punch on.

Unfortunately, it’s to no avail.

Jaime tells the High Sparrow that every one of his followers will die unless they back the f*** down and let Margaery and Slow Lorus go. The Big Bird isn’t stressed. His followers would all happily die for the cause - even Lancel Lannister, on guard with what looks like a car steering wheel lock.

"Oh shoot, was I supposed to leave this ON the car?
I hope nobody steals my Cortina."

There’s a weak tension in the air, mostly because Mace Tyrell is impossible to take seriously in his ridiculously over-plumed helm. It’s broken when the High Sparrow plays his trump card: Margaery doesn’t have to do a nudie run through Fleabottom because she has already atoned for her sins by bringing her husband, King Tommen, into the fold.

The doors of the Sept open, and out strides Tommen, his Kingsguard now sporting the seven-pointed star on their armour (talk about a speedy makeover). Jaime is stunned, Olenna is pissed, and poor Mace doesn’t know what the hell is happening (“He’s beaten us, idiot” is the essence of Olenna’s explanation).

Never more has Tommen resembled the Squeaky-Voiced Teenager from The Simpsons than when delivering his address about the twin pillars of the Faith and the Crown. If it wasn’t for the fact that Margaery was standing right there, I could imagine him saying “If I had a girlfriend, she’d kill me.”

"Do you like her appearance, Your Grace?
We've been colouring her hair so it looks like yours."

Of course the obvious question is whether their conversion is truly sincere. One can believe Tommen falling in line to please Margaery, whom he genuinely seems to adore. But Margaery had been so adamant about resisting just a couple of episodes back. Is this self-preservation, or perhaps preservation of the family she loves so dearly - Slow Lorus still in a cell and her grandmother right there in front of her?

As a side note, the music that swells as the crowd hails their king and queen is the Baratheon theme, not the Lannister theme. The indication is that Tommen is breaking away from the power of his mother and uncle/father to establish his own genuine powerbase. Certainly that seems to be the case when he subsequently strips Jaime of his role in charge of the Kingsguard and packs him off to Riverrun to help take back the castle.

Jaime of course would prefer to give Bronn a fat sack of cash and go Sparrow-hunting inside the Sept. But Cersei of course won’t have that. Jaime is better off at the head of an army, the kind of thing their old man liked him doing, showing what Lannisters do to their enemies, rather than lollygagging around the Red Keep. Besides, nothing is worth the risk of losing Jaime again, which is very possible should he go up against the Faith Militant.

It’s been a long time since we’ve seen Jaime and Cersei get, um, in the family way, but they do so here with gusto. More gusto than we really need to see, to be honest. Come on guys, you’re brother and sister. I know you think it’s romantic, this twincestuous “together always” stuff, but your interpretation of the phrase “close family” is really a bit too much. I suppose then blood is not the only bodily fluid that binds them.

Ewww, I just grossed myself out.

Speaking of gross, we finally see the return of BOOOOOO Walder Frey. It was his offspring that lost said Riverrun castle to Brynden the Blackfish, who was finally confirmed as not only getting away at the Red Wedding, but avoiding a Frey hunting party afterwards. Hooray! Petyr Baelish was telling Sansa the truth about that last week. Of course, with Walder seeking reinforcements from King’s Landing to retake Riverrun, and Brienne on her way there to let the Blackfish know about Sansa, Jon & Co, we could be about to see Brienne and Jaime meet once more. Could this be - gasp - a LOVE TRIANGLE? Jaime, Brienne, Tormund. Oh, the fan fiction. It writes itself.

Back to Walder Frey. His two disappointing sons try to get out of taking the blame for losing Riverrun, but Frey is having none of it. He may be old, skeevy, terrifying to his latest young victim/wife and in all likelihood suffering from piles, but he is still the Lord of the Riverlands, damnit, and you darn kids are going to clean up your mess like I told you.

But because he’s a good Dad, he’s going to help them out. He gives them a bargaining chip, in the dishevelled form of Edmure Tully, seen here for the first time since the Red Wedding. Hooray! He lived too. Sure, he’s a bit of a pratt, but he’s still hopefully more Catelyn and Blackfish Tully in nature, as opposed to Crazy Crazy Lysa. Can’t wait to see how he tries to rebuild family ties.

Over in Braavos, Arya Stark - aka “No One” - is back for more at the Travelling Mummers’ Murder and Boobies Show. Once again, there was more terrific onstage work from the likes of Richard E. Grant, giving Tywin Lannister the respectul death scene he deserved - with extra farting for the benefit of the cheap seats.

And gosh I loved his post-show rant about how “That audience was shit!”. Oh, beloved Throners, how often I have been in the same position, stomping down to the dressing room bitching about weirdly unresponsive crowds. This whole behind-the-scenes with jobbing actors storyline is just ticking all of my giggleboxes.

Lady Crane - aka Miss Fisher from Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries - is still the best talent in the troupe, as Arya explains to the woman herself in a tender scene a few moments after Arya poisons Lady Crane’s wine. But she does think her speech as Cersei after King Joffrey’s death could do with some edits. She wouldn’t be sad about it, Arya says. She’d be angry.

Lady Crane is quite bemused by this guttersnipe girl who keeps sneaking into their show for free (mind you, she could hardly pay. It would undermine her identity as “No One”). She sees something of herself in Arya, and starts sizing her up as a potential player. Arya, freaking out that she’s gotten too close to her intended victim, runs off, leaving Lady Crane to bring up the idea of script edits with Richard E. Grant. He, of course, is not amused.

"You have no right to an opinion."
-spoken by every director in the theatre, ever.

Eventually, as Lady Crane starts to sip her wine, Arya returns to push it out of her hands, shattering it on the floor. “Be careful of her,” she warns Lady Crane, pointing out the imitation Sansa. “She wants you dead.”

Arya went all the way to Braavos to try to find a new family by burying everything left of her own. But the values instilled in her by her family - honesty, integrity, protecting the weak, are too strong even for the rigorous training of the Faceless Men.

She returns to the rocks outside the House of Black and White to find Needle, her family, the extension of her sword arm, still there where she left it. Alone now, she seeks refuge in some sort of basement room, quietly blowing out the candle and going to sleep clutching her sword.

“A shame,” is Jaqen H’ghar’s response when the Waif tells him smugly of Arya’s failure. “The girl has many gifts.” But he gives the Waif the go ahead to dispose of Arya, as long as she doesn’t let her suffer. Arya knows she’s on a list now, and as someone dedicated to making lists of people who should be dead, knows they won’t be kidding about.

Finally to Daenarys Stormborn, resplendent on a white horse at the head of her newest, mightiest army yet. Maario tells her she’ll need at least 1000 ships to carry everyone across to Westeros to retake the Iron Throne, and that nobody has that number of ships (no mention here of the Greyjoys’ access to nautical transport).

“No one… yet,” says Dany, as always a few steps ahead of everybody else. There’s a sudden breeze and low whispering around the valley through which they’re riding, and Dany instructs everyone to stay behind while she rides towards the sound.

Eventually the rumble is revealed as Drogon, massive, mighty, and somehow carrying Daenarys on her back. Despite a lack of Marshall speakers, Dany is still able to be heard over the raw breathing and snorting of the dragon, the beating of its wings and the wind, and she delivers a sermon from the mount so powerful it would have Moses asking for oratory tips.

She will not appoint three bloodriders as every Khal has done before her. Oh no, she chooses every last one of them, personalising her fight as their own. As she asks them to suffer for her, to ride across the black poisoned water and to fight the Iron Men (sadly not Iron Man - dragon V robot, now that would be awesome), she treats them not only as her army, but her family. These people have no Targaryen links at all, and yet they are more her relatives than the Mad King or even Viserys ever was. Viserys was obsessed with house purity, with his “Blood of the Dragon”. Dany couldn’t care less. Why have blood, when you can have undying loyalty?

Yay! Best Moments

Sam Tarly gets it hands down. Heartsbane? More like HEARTSBAE.

Zing! Best Lines

With no sign of Tyrion this episode, it’s a bit harder to pick out a zinger. I’d pip for Jaime’s petulant description of his new mission: “I’m being sent to deal with the Blackfish. Apparently Walder Frey can’t handle it on his own because he’s 400 years old.”

Eww, gross

Did Benjen really skin a rabbit then squeeze the gizzards out of its butt into a cup, then feed Bran said cup? It sure looked that way. I get that a rolling Stark gathers no moss and they need to eat, but still. Also, Benjen looked like Elzar the Neptunian chef from Futurama, knocking it up a notch with his spice weasel. Bam!

Boo, sucks

I just don’t get how you can have Game of Thrones with no Jon Snow. I mean, did you ever see Murder, She Wrote without Jessica Fletcher? Sure, they’re slightly different genres, but they measure up in terms of body count.

The lack of action around The Wall also meant no Tormund lust for Brienne, which will disappoint so many fans for whom this taste of relationship destiny is like sweet nectar of the sugar gods.

Thank you so much for joining me again this week. I can't wait to read your comments and thoughts, either here on the 'Burger, or via my Facebook page: www.facebook.com/nataliesthrone

Another reminder that I'm running a Patreon campaign this season. If you like the recaps and wish to become a patron, you can sign up and pledge the suggested $1 per recap. Here's the link: www.patreon.com/girlclumsy.

Valar Morghulis!

38 Responses to ‘Game of Thrones Raven On Recap S6E6: Blood of My Blood’

Rebec puts forth...

Posted May 31
I think Benjen cut the rabbit's head off and squeezed the blood out it's neck arteries. I think that's kind of standard practice for people who hunt their own food and use the whole animal.

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Véronique Stark ducks in to say...

Posted May 31
Woo hoo for Uncle Benjen! Gather all remaining living (more or less) Starks! Except Catelyn (don't read the books), and she's a Tully anyway.

I completely agree that Sam is awesome, even if he doesn't make my loins quiver. But I hope he learns how to use that sword. Dad's goon squad is going to be right behind him. I think Gilly is awesome too. She's not getting enough credit!

Having seen my prediction about Arya borne out (that was an easy one, I know), my new prediction is that Queen Margaery is playing a long game. If we get a scene between her and Lady Olenna, that's what we'll learn. They need to rescue Slow Loras before the sparrow skewering can begin. Poor Tommen. He's been kind of appealing, but he sure didn't get the brains in the family.

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Creativejim ducks in to say...

Posted May 31
Ok now that BOOHISS Walder Frey has rejoined the *ahem* fray should we start a book on who will give him his well-deserved errr desserts?

Jon Snow? Blackfish? Sansa? Or following on a grand OPT tradition maybe one of his sons?

"Girl clumsy sends her regards"-style...

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vitas has opinions thus...

Posted May 31
Tommen is what happens when you make Butters from South Park king

I think we shouldn't just pass over the fact that Sam took a Valyrian steel sword, considering we know who they can kill.

And now all our main characters have their enemies set for the next four episodes

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Andrea reckons...

Posted May 31
Perhaps Jaime had a crewcut back then as well, but grew it out all floppy once his sister became queen?

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Seakla asserts...

Posted May 31
A niggling point of detail: Lady Crane was drinking rum, not wine.

From the previous episode:

"A girl will poison the rum. Lady Crane is the only one who drinks it."

Véronique Stark is gonna tell you...

Posted May 31
Curious that her beverage is rum. I wonder where they grow sugar cane in Essos!

vitas has opinions thus...

Posted May 31
Essos has Bundy

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Barnesm reckons...

Posted May 31
Now hold on Sam Tarley: SEX GOD how soon they forget -
Podrick Payne who we haven't seen for a couple of episodes.

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Barnesm puts forth...

Posted May 31
The scene with Cersi and Jamie serving to remind everyone its okay to love your siblings just done looove your siblings.

Mehhh mutters...

Posted June 2
Actually I think this was a severe misstep. Jamie has developed there is no chance him and his sister would ever have been together again. I love the tv adaptation but this is a fail.

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Brother PorkChop asserts...

Posted May 31
Lady Crane is a rum pig, not a wine drinker. Fine lady that and bet she loves a game of footy or whatever the Westeros equivalent is, perhaps NedHead rugby.

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SZF would have you know...

Posted May 31
The detail-nerd in me thought it looked like Benjen was smiting away with a kusarigama (weighted chain attached to a sickle). Which, holy shit, makes him a genuine ninja!

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Sunny swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 31
I have the morose feeling that this is Jaqen's exit from the program (or close to).
[sniff]
I do like Jaqen.

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Ken Father of Dire Wolves is gonna tell you...

Posted May 31
A respite from the action and horror of last week. A chance to recover and mourne. So it's pretty clear this is the eye of the cyclone and shits going to get real very soon. It's early June 1944. Valerian steel is returning to or being claimed by those who know how to use it. The Starks are gathering. Queen Margaery is executing a cunning plan, she is Lady Olenna's daughter after all and she has just outplayed the player. And at the end Daenerys invokes more loyalty and blood passion than Mel Gibson as William Wallace, with added Drogon. I can't wait for the dragon skin overcast as Rhaegal and Viserion rejoin their mother and brother. Oh yes I see much blood, limb severing and barbecue coming soon, and the building momentum of a glacial wall of horror moving down from the north.

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Ms. Naughty is gonna tell you...

Posted May 31
Did anyone else get choked up when the recap sequence faded to black and we heard "Hodor..." Damn you, stupid recap sequence.
Thank you for reminding me that Bronn exists. Where is he this season? I miss him.
And does anyone else think that Drogon is damned unreliable and only ever turns up when the plot deems it necessary? It's worse than the eagles in Lord of the Rings (who could have saved us all a lot of effort by simply flying Frodo to Mount Doom at the beginning). But I will say I'm looking forward to Tyrion flying one of the dragons - I'm totally on board with the idea that he's a closet Targaryen
Also 100 million points for your typewriter joke.

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Sousy Wench would have you know...

Posted May 31
I think Edmure Tully is a bit closer to Lysa than Catelyn or Blackfish, because, typecasting... That said, I don't think he's going to live very long, because, that face.

Also, count me excessively surprised that Littlefinger was telling the truth about the Blackfish, I thought for sure it was an elaborate setup.

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flöki snöw is gonna tell you...

Posted May 31
Dickon Tarly of Horn Hill, eh eh eh.

Mother of nothing reckons...

Posted May 31
Exactly: *snerk*

Hold da Door mutters...

Posted May 31
Randy, Dickon Tarly of Horn Hill forsoothe!

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RET reckons...

Posted May 31
Speaking of Chekhov...

Perhaps it's been nose-on-face obvious to everyone else, but I had a revelation near the end of this episode. Khal Drogo told Dany tenderly that her unborn child would be "the stallion that mounts the world". Watching her deliver that coach's half-time motivational astride her dragon, I suddenly realised: the stallion is Drogon.

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted May 31
HO. LEE. SHEET.

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Stormy6 reckons...

Posted May 31
I may have missed something earlier but when Arya first met her many faced mentor H'ghar, he was locked in a cage with a few other bods.
Given his unusual talents, which include conveniently disposing of people on request, why did it need Arya's intervention to set him free?

Sam Tardy has opinions thus...

Posted May 31
exactly! this seems to be a glaring oversight I reckon! was thinking this today

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Rum Rum Rum has opinions thus...

Posted May 31
When Arya blew out the candle, I thought she was planning to fight in the dark (she knows how) not go to sleep.
With Benjen and Blackfish back, I am hoping to see Gendry row past soon.

Brendan puts forth...

Posted June 1
Arya has known J longer than that I reckon. I bet he was her dancing instructor way back in season 1

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Stormy6 puts forth...

Posted May 31
I may have missed something earlier but when Arya first met her many faced mentor H'ghar, he was locked in a cage with a few other bods.
Given his unusual talents, which include conveniently disposing of people on request, why did it need Arya's intervention to set him free?

she_jedi reckons...

Posted May 31
Yeah it makes you wonder how long a game Jaqen has been playing to recruit Arya to the Many Faced God's service. Which also makes me wonder whether the inevitable showdown between the Waif and Arya will be Arya's final Test(tm) before becoming a proper faceless man.

flöki snöw asserts...

Posted June 1
Arya may have a card up her sleeve to avoid the faceless death squad, she stills owes the red god a name, seeing as when she unnamed Jaqen in return for helping her escape harrenhal. by my reckoning that leaves a third name to be offed.... Woe unto the waif?

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ReadYouIWill is gonna tell you...

Posted May 31
Zinger: Cersei: "I have the Mountain."
That is all.

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kate puts forth...

Posted May 31
I must admit to being a bit puzzled by Margery's sudden and complete conversion. Really hope it is part of a plan of hers... one thing that makes me doubt is that if it was, then wouldn't her grandmother know. i.e. signal to her somehow.

The other thing that jarred a little was the complete acceptance of the Fleabottom mob of the arrival of the Rose troops, the cancellation of the Walk and the King's speech. All happened quickly, Jamie and the Rose royals had trouble keeping up with the changes but the mad mob just figuratively shrugged their shoulders and went "ok, alrighty then, nothing to see then, move on"

Ps Natalie, I am traveling through regional NSW, and in Guyra, there is Mother of Ducks lagoon. :)

Ashley Moore mutters...

Posted May 31
I surprised that Nat interpreted Margery's conversion the same way you did.
When I watched that scene I read it as another one of her little pleasant seeming manipulative speeches, specifically for the people listening from the other side of the prison door. I never imagined it was sincere at all.

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Bluey puts forth...

Posted May 31
Sorry to be that guy but they did have murder she wrote without jessica and it sucked. Proves your point though i guess. Love the recaps. Typewriter joke was gold.

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kate reckons...

Posted May 31
Not zingers in the way that Varys and Tyrion can deliver them... but I did like Gilly's "that's not any better being a nervous mute" and sam's line after being threatened with death from his father " a person doesn't feel very welcome at that point" ... It was a really nice little piece of dialogue between those two in the carriage ride...

ReadYouIWill puts forth...

Posted June 6
Yes, that was the funniest and sweetest scene!

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Lady EFL asserts...

Posted May 31
Did Jamie and Cersei get their sibling snog on? Oh man - HBO Asia are such enormous prudes! They cut out pieces of the show that I never realize are missing until I watch it from another source and then think to myself "I don't remember that bit!" Sam - awesome! Benjen - YAY! Walder Frey - BOO HISS! Margaery - totally playing everyone. Tommen - clueless and whipped. Sam's mum and sis - aaawwww! Sam's dad - total d**k. Gilly - brass balls! Arya - ditch the faceless men, go back to Westeros and finish your list with all your new killin' skills (*cough Walder Frey *cough).

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breaker of chain smoking swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 31
Couldn't the High Sparrow done a load of washing before going out in front of all those people? His filthy sack/dress looks terrible!

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Mick J has opinions thus...

Posted June 1
I felt cheated this week. I was SO HOPING to see Kate Middleton's birthday suit.

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