Cheeseburger Gothic

Super Hornet vs a Dragon

Posted May 30, 2014 into Book Extract by John Birmingham

I'm buried deep in the editing of Dave Hooper 2 (The Last Temptation of Dave) and the writing of Dave Hooper 3 (unamed, so far) at the moment.

I need a little pick-me-up to stay at it, so thought I'd release a teaser into the wild.

The scene below comes from book 2. Dave and his Scooby Gang are flying across the US to a showdown with... well... I can't tell you. Spoilers.

But all you need to know is that by book 2 there are dragons in the air, causing a shut down of all non military aviation.

(I dips me lid to Orin for the very appropriate image below).

Extract. The Last Temptation of Dave.

"What is it?" asked Boylan, finally becoming animated as he synced back to reality. "Is it dragons, Dave is that what it is? Because I'm not ready for dragons. I prepared myself for giant pig demons and carnivorous monster dogs. Not dragons. Not on a plane. I can't do dragons on a plane, Dave."

"I think it's dragons," Dave confirmed. "Look."

And soon almost everyone was pressed up against the windows on that side of the plane, either shielding their eyes from the sun and staring out of the window next to their seat, or moving seats to do so. Everyone except Emmeline, who remained asleep, and Compton who had followed the instructions to strap himself in and was now craning around, looking very unhappy with his travelling companions.

It took a few seconds to find the aircraft against the background of the mountain range.

"Over there, near those lakes," said Igor, and Dave had them. Two bright geometric shapes, metallic flashes picked out in the morning sun, moving impossibly fast and straight amidst the visual clutter and chaos of forest and rock.

The Super Hornet, an arrowhead of the Gods, left the Warthog behind. Dave tracked its flight path for a moment then extended ahead a few miles, squinting with the effort to pick out whatever they were chasing. It didn't take very long; a plume of bright orange fire lit up the tree line well ahead of the fighter.

dar Drakon.

From this distance the torrents of beast-fire looked a trifling thing, like a barbecue flaring up in someone's backyard. And yet he knew that the arc of super-heated bile could reach out the length of a city block and was hot enough to crack rocks and melt sand into glass. Trees would be exploding down there, their sap flash boiling to vapor, detonating like a string of bombs dropped on the side of the mountain.

The Boeing turned in its holding position and they lost sight of the creature. Everyone hurried to the other side of the plane.

"Oh come on now," shouted Compton, still firmly strapped in, but nobody was paying attention. Even Joy had found herself a spot to view the battle from down near her station at the rear of the plane. Dave ended up crouched next to Heath who didn't need any superpowers to find the creature again, or the two human aircraft screaming towards it.

"At 10 o'clock," he said, pointing into the middle distance, where Dave saw the flying tank they called the Warthog and, by extending its flight path, the Super Hornet. It seemed that the very moment he locked eyes on the jet fighter, twin puffs of smoke appeared under her wings, as two small points of light appeared to detach themselves and speed away.

“AMRAAMs?" said Dave.

He’d read that in a Tom Clancy book.

Heath didn't turn away from the window and neither did Dave, but he sensed the officer nodding. "Heat seekers," he said. "Air-to-air. Pilot must've got tone. We'll see soon enough."

It did not take long. To Dave's untutored eyes, as quick as the jet was traveling, the missiles seemed to move away at two or three times its speed. He followed the burn trail all the way down to the slowly circling figure of the dragon. It must've been miles away, but he was certain he could see the great leathery wings as they flapped slowly carrying the monster across the forest canopy. It was possible, he thought, that he could even make out the great tail, although he had no hope of picking out details like the giant spikes at the end, with which a dragon could impale up to two or three Hunn warriors with one vicious swipe. He wondered how much detail the others could make out, but none of them were complaining.

“Praise God and pass the ammunition,” said Zach, just before twin explosions bloomed silently around the Dragon. Dave flinched, expecting to hear its death shriek, but of course he never would. It was miles away and they were safely sheltered within the insulating steel and glass tube of the Boeing. When the fire died away there was nothing to see. It was gone, but the A-10 pressed on anyway, and after a moment Dave saw long, fluorescent strands of light reach out from the tip of the plane to rake at the mountainside where, he presumed, the Dragon had fallen. The pilot poured on the heat for at least ten seconds, and fired rockets that followed the line of tracer fire into the burning forest.

"Nothing left of that sucker but loose meat," said Igor, standing up and returning to his seat. And indeed there seemed to be little left to see. The two aircraft were returning, and Dave lost sight of them as the Boeing came around to resume its original heading.

73 Responses to ‘Super Hornet vs a Dragon’

Adam_Denny reckons...

Posted May 30, 2014
Really good (two thumbs up.) In the real world, a Warthog or Super Hornet would have anything biological for breakfast, but that's the thing about magic - you get to make it up as you go along.

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LennyMack mutters...

Posted May 30, 2014
Genuinely hilarious (Praise God and pass the ammunition) and that's definitely going on the buy list.

I am deep into my own editing and that gave me the pick up I needed too (thanks).

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Dino not to be confused with has opinions thus...

Posted May 30, 2014
Cool JB,
But no EMF/P from a Dragon?
Those fuckers could take out a city with a small fart.

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Dino not to be confused with mumbles...

Posted May 30, 2014
What I mean is there are biological systems reliant in EM for survival.
A large system would have a 'large EM' capability.

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MickH reckons...

Posted May 30, 2014
The real question JB is when do we get to read the books?

John Birmingham mumbles...

Posted May 30, 2014
March, April, May 2015.

MickH puts forth...

Posted May 30, 2014

insomniac mumbles...

Posted May 30, 2014
just paper or electrons as well?

John Birmingham swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 30, 2014
As well. With extra 'lectrons for some spin off ebook goodness

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mumbles...

Posted May 30, 2014
One a month for three months in a row? Cool! Has anyone ever done that before?

insomniac would have you know...

Posted May 30, 2014
Green Day did three albums in 4 months. Does that count?

insomniac mutters...

Posted June 2, 2014

w from brisbane would have you know...

Posted June 2, 2014
You could say that it is the serial monthly publication of a single large work, in which case, it is closer to how things used to be done.
Actually, I think the whole thing is just a stunt to show up George R R Martin. Poor George, why does everyone pick on him?

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mutters...

Posted June 3, 2014
Because he is fat. Fat people get picked on incessantly.

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tqft swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 30, 2014
Am ready to spend on these. Waiting.

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Dave W mutters...

Posted May 30, 2014
I don't can't tell the splodey things apart, either. Looking forward to this too.

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MickH puts forth...

Posted May 30, 2014
I wonder what Dragon steak tastes like?

yankeedog is gonna tell you...

Posted May 30, 2014
Chicken, of course.

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Chaz mumbles...

Posted May 30, 2014

Mick: smokin!!

JB: there was a front cover of Dragon Magazine form the late 80's (I think ) showing the inside of a Hornet cockpit as the pilot was about to engage a dragon

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Dave W mumbles...

Posted May 30, 2014


There's a sub-culture that I never knew existed.


Blarkon is gonna tell you...

Posted May 30, 2014
I linked to the original Dragon mag pic as well as this when discussing it with JB. It was from Dragon #143 (Mar 1989)

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Legless asserts...

Posted May 30, 2014
Point of order.

Now we've always been told dragons are reptiles. And reptiles are cold blooded. So how the hell is the sidewinders locking on to it? Admittedly - they could be locking on to the flames generated - but those flames would be in front of the dragon. The greatest heat source would be where the dragon isn't.

Think about this for a minute JB. It could make for an interesting plot twist.

You have a fucking *HUGE* flying dragon. And a multi-million dollar high-tech jet loaded with sidewinders. The pilot can see the dragon but the plane can't! It's sidewinders are blind. Radar guided munitions are useless against it as a dragon would have fuck-all of a radar signature. So you're left with mark-1 eyeball and cannons.

I think it would be kind of cool to have the jets all but defenseless against dragons as the weaponry can't see the bloody thing.

Mind you - the A-10 with it's 30mm cannon would turn it into dogmeat. You could also swap the sidewinders to be Mavericks in optically-guided mode and they would hit the fucker. But sidewinders? No.


MickH mumbles...

Posted May 30, 2014
Not sure about the RADAR signature Legless. Something that big would have one.

Bondiboy66 asserts...

Posted May 30, 2014
Fa18s have a 20mm Vulcan on board too. Just sayin!

Legless mutters...

Posted May 30, 2014
Yeah - I was wrong about that. Be interesting to to see how a radar guided missile would cope with a dragon though. It might have a hissy fit of the target is too big. Or it might just bore in to the center of the signature

But sidewinders are heat guided so they may still be borked...

Legless is gonna tell you...

Posted May 30, 2014
Just thought that a Hellfire laser-guided missile might be a good bet as well. Illuminate the sucker and let rip. Who couldn't love a missile called "Hellfire"?

Murphy is gonna tell you...

Posted May 30, 2014
Cold blooded or not, they breathe fire.

I'm not a big fantasy guy myself but most of the expository material on internal organs for dragons and the like usually have some sort of mechanism for sparking the flame plus organs which are responsible for generating the fuel. Further, with lighter than air gases, those could be used not only for the fire but also to assist with flight.

Thus, cold blooded or not, I suspect the dragon has a significant heat signature.

Other dragons are often purported to be covered in metallic scales, perhaps as a way to protect against other dragons.

Finally, Early Warning Radar during the Cold War used to detect flights of birds, prompting a freakout at NORAD more than once. If it can detect flights of birds, then I suspect it can detect a dragon the size of a 747.

On the Outer Marches

Darth Greybeard swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 31, 2014
Historically not all reptiles have been poikilothermic. Comparisons of the distribution of blood vessels in the bones of dinosaurs and living animals show that the dinos more closely resembled the homeothermic mammals. Predator:prey ratios support this as does the modern view that birds are indeed the descendants of dinos, if not simply actual living therapods. Birds must be warm-blooded or homeothermic in order to generate sufficient energy to fly.

It could thus be argued that dragons are more likely to be at least partly feathered - wings, body and tail - and partly scaled - head and neck. This would give them better aerodynamic properties, help retain body heat and frankly look absolutely spectacular. I don't believe anyone has ever used feathered dragons in fiction?

Now since the largest known flying creature (off the top of my head at 2 in the morning) was Quetzalcoatlus (sp?) which was about the size of a small Cessna, a dragon would need some pretty fierce metabolism to generate enough energy. Their internal temperature might thus be very much higher than a mammal's and easily provide a target for infrared heat seekers. The feathers on the other hand,might not show up too well on radar but i guess birds do. And it's goodnight from me.

NBlob swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 31, 2014
Ahh, the benefits of a misspent Holocene.

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Anthony is gonna tell you...

Posted May 30, 2014

Given that there has to be some kind of reaction - probably a catalytic one involving stomach gases - in the mouth of the dragon in order to produce flame and the flame is that intense I would expect there to be a lot of residual heat in the head region for some time after it's flamed.

That would probably give enough heat for a lock-on. It would also depend on the sensitivity of the seeking mechanism. Reptilian in the draconic sense doesn't necessarily mean cold blooded. Traditionally they like cold remote mountain tops and the like. That implies some kind of internal heating mechanism.

Legles is gonna tell you...

Posted May 30, 2014
Fair points Anthony.

But I still think it would be kind of cool to have the first encounter of a Hornet and a dragon where the jet is loaded for bear and suddenly has an "Oh shit!!" moment when the pilot realises that he can't lock on to something the size of a football field...

Darth Greybeard reckons...

Posted May 30, 2014
Superheated farts. Next question?

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Brother PorkChop has opinions thus...

Posted May 30, 2014
Hooray!! Some splodey stuff for a bit of change from bashing Abbot and his evil pig demon minions. Although I am sure BWS will be able to poetically reflect his hatred of the Rabbit and Rabble. I thought the A10s were retired but I defer to the googling fingers of you all.

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Darth Greybeard mutters...

Posted May 30, 2014
PS. Please take my money now.

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yankeedog puts forth...

Posted May 30, 2014
I'll be saving the nickels and dimes. Looks great!

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Bondiboy66 asserts...

Posted May 30, 2014
No matter, F18s have a 20mm Vulcan on board for just such an emergency

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Chaz has opinions thus...

Posted May 30, 2014

In FP there was an article about taking out Godzilla with a MOAB.

Dragons to manoeuvrable for that but mavericks or SLAM's would give them a worry and of course a GAU-8 would ruin their day IMHO

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Legless mumbles...

Posted May 30, 2014
I'm spending waaay too much time on this but it looks like I'm wrong about the sidewinders as well. This topic has been discussed in depth before by other authors:

So because the dragon has to flap like crazy just to keep itself airborne it's going to be generating huge amounts of heat so it will have a significant heat signature.

Now I'm off to do some real work and stop thinking about how to take out mythical flying beasts with modern weaponry.

John Birmingham is gonna tell you...

Posted May 30, 2014

Legless is gonna tell you...

Posted May 30, 2014
Yeah. I'm well aware of the irony. I waste productive work time to discuss how to take down a dragon and you're paid to think of ways to take down a dragon.


Want to swap jobs?

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Adam_Denny mutters...

Posted May 30, 2014
If you were playing it straight, it would be interesting how the gatling guns on the Super Hornets, and especially the Thunderbolt, would impact on a creature large enough, that comparatively they could be considered anti-personnel weapons. High velocity, they would cause massive shock trauma to the dragon. Only then, what if especially the 30mm depleted uranium shells fragmented, and lodged in the dragon's wounds. Even if it survived, wounds that were irradiated like that wouldn't heal.

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JG reckons...

Posted May 30, 2014
Cool. Good to see that Boylan's in there. Guess you'd be pleased about that, professor/PNB?

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan puts forth...

Posted May 30, 2014
That depends on whether John makes me tall and gives me hair.

John Birmingham reckons...

Posted May 30, 2014
Mmm. Not so much. But you're prominent occipital crest gets a cameo.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan reckons...

Posted May 30, 2014
Then I am quite pleased. My occipital crest has always been a "babe magnet" and, in the days when I was "on the market" - so to speak - the pickup line "hey, beautiful, wanna feel my head?" was wildly successful some of the time.

NBlob ducks in to say...

Posted May 31, 2014
Where "Some" = more than or equal to 0

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan asserts...

Posted May 31, 2014
It worked once or twice, but only with women into that Neanderthal role playing fetish that was fashionable back in the mid 1980's. Boy, am I glad that didn't catch on.

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Therbs is gonna tell you...

Posted May 30, 2014
Once they've done capping the dragon, let the F18 and A10 loose on herds of hobbits. Cap the fkn lot of the fkn smug little pyney fuckers.

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Anthony swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 30, 2014

You'd appreciate Mary Gentle's novel "Grunts!". Orcs who acquire a cache of 1960's Marine Corps weaponry along with a geas which slowly turns them into a Marine style force (but still Orcs) and a couple of particularly repellent little hobbits and forces of good who make the current government look nice.. Lots of violence and mayhem and dead hobbits and elves all over the place; also very funny.

Classic line "Pass me another elf, Sergeant. This one's split".

Therbs is gonna tell you...

Posted May 30, 2014
Now that is something I'd love. Hobbits getting their come uppance.

Sudragon asserts...

Posted May 30, 2014
We're all a bit worried about Pink Squad

Surtac asserts...

Posted June 2, 2014

Thanks for that Anthony. I just grabbed an e-copy from the Big River - less than USD5. :)

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she_jedi ducks in to say...

Posted May 30, 2014
That was great. All I can say is shut up and take my money

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Halwes is gonna tell you...

Posted May 30, 2014

Can you have a look at what got Warren Ryan and David Morrow suspended from the ABC please? I can't believe this country anymore. Morrow got suspended last year for making an innocuous joke, that we make among ourselves, black and white together, here all the time, which related to how hard it is to spot a blackfella when the lights go out unless they smile. Now, fair enough, I can understand how people that haven't lived among blackfellas may think that a blackfella would find this offensive. Not the ones I know. In fact they've got some pretty good jokes about whitefellas themselves.

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Blarkon mumbles...

Posted May 30, 2014
Best way to fight Dragons would be Macross Valkyries (Robotech Veratech Fighters).

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Justin asserts...

Posted May 30, 2014
sign me up!!!! but I hope it has dragons beating up on the airplanes as well.....

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virag0 swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 30, 2014
Who gets to clean up the carcass? I mean 800 tonnes
of dragon meat is going to go off pretty quickly.
That job doesn't make it in the book, I'd bet ;)

John Birmingham reckons...

Posted May 31, 2014
It will now.

Anthony puts forth...

Posted May 31, 2014

Giant ants to help with the clean up?

I really really want to read this series. How about a case of Red Bull and a bucket load of amphetamines? We could all contribute to a 12 month home delivery coffee service?

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Chicom Mick asserts...

Posted May 30, 2014

Thanks for the read. Solid extract. My favourite bit - "He'd read that in a Tom Clancy book". Classic reference.

I really must get me a copy….. after I get Protocol, of course.
I'll let you get back to it.


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HAVOCK21 mutters...

Posted May 30, 2014

NOTHIngs as satisfying as filleting a dragon with an oversized Gerber!

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Dan would have you know...

Posted May 30, 2014

I have only one thing to say..

write faster!

Can I get you a coffee? Will that help?

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andrewmagoo19 swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 31, 2014

Legless - valid point re the Sidewinder needing a heat source to home in on, but later marques can also follow a laser dot generated by a targeting pod, or a point designated by the pilot in his helmet display.

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Dirk mumbles...

Posted May 31, 2014

“Praise God and pass the ammunition,”
I think the term is Praise the Lord, ... and pass the ammunition.

Second why not go for the use of 70mm/2.75" Hydra or 5" Zuni rockets? Specs are on wiki, and there are multiple types of warhead to choose from. You would have 7 hydra's or 4 Zuni's per loadpoint, instead of 1 AAM.

Murphy asserts...

Posted June 3, 2014
John McCain could probably answer the zuni question but since he isn't here, I will.

The Navy pretty much stopped using zuni rockets on their aircraft, USMC helicopters not withstanding, after some nasty carrier deck fires in Vietnam. I believe an incident on the Forrestal, where a radio frequency triggered an accidental zuni launch, was enough to have them pulled.

I don't see using a helicopter to go up against a dragon at jetliner altitude. As for the A-10s, they'd probably stick to the gatling.

On the Outer Marches

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w from brisbane mumbles...

Posted June 1, 2014
I thought your use of both spellings, travelling/traveling, was very deft and subtle. You know a society is under stress when even spelling convention consistency is beginning to fracture.

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Surtac is gonna tell you...

Posted June 2, 2014

A nice tidbit of story there John. Thanks muchly.

I'm waiting patiently for these with shekels at the ready.

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Darth Greybeard swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 2, 2014
Dave cracked open a bleary eye and winced at the ripe smell of armpits. If he didn't shower soon he'd be killing Orcs or Demons or whatever the hell the things were just by getting upwind of them. He was just deciding that he hated helicopters, military bureaucrats and several other things, in no particular order, when right on cue came a
standard issue rapping. "Annoying fucking door-rapping, civilians for the shitting of", he thought. "Piss off!"

"Sorry Mr Hooper" said a smug voice, "you're wanted right now in the Colonel's office."

"Fuck the Colonel, I'm having a shower."

"I'm a sergeant Mr Hooper, that would be against regulations. And he said right now."

"So shoot me" Dave mumbled, opening the door and slouching off to the ablutions area for a fifteen minute scalding shower. When he emerged the sergeant hadn't drawn his pistol but his grin implied Hooper's troubles weren't over. "This way Sir", making it sound as if it was spelled c-u-r. Past the office door marked Colonel Weeks was a subdued looking colonel, a three star general and two civilians who looked as if their sympathies should be with the Demons.

"Sit down Mr Hooper. We're here to help you with the dragon problem" said the younger and slightly less oily civilian.

"Great. Would you like a Barrett or an axe?"

"Mr Hooper", said the older one "You know since they started the night raids on our airfields we've lost our advantage in the air. They took heavy losses but they're hard to kill and with their natural night vision being better than our best NVGs, we're barely able to hold our key positions." Young oily chipped in with "And that means the dragons are back to attacking in daylight and almost impossible to bring down!"

Hooper scrubbed at his eyes with palms of his hands and wished he'd brought the axe. "Thank you Captain Obvious, and how is that supposed to help?"

The civilians looked at each other almost with embarrassment. "It turns out that there are, um, unconventional forces available who are willing to help us with the dragons. At least in an advisory capacity. They've had past experience with them and like them even less than they like us. Two, ah, experts have been flown from England to liase with us. On dragon killing."

Dave was at least mildly curious, if nothing else because the three-star looked as if he didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "Fine, wheel them in and let's hear it."

The older one nodded. "Show them in Dr Smith". Smith returned with what Dave took to be two children in tow, before he saw their faces. And their feet. Their unnaturally large and hairy feet.

He leaned back and groaned "Oh you are shitting me. You cannot seriously mean we've got fucking Hobbits now?"

A slight pressure over his groin made him look back down. The smaller of the two was standing two metres closer than he had been a second before and holding a viciously barbed black knife lightly against Dave's balls. The knife looked sword sized on the little bastard and like some fantasy piece of shit from a newsagent, but it also looked very, very sharp. "My name" he said in a kind of comedy-Irish accent "is Therbadoc, son of Egfroth. But you can call me Therbs."

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Therbs ducks in to say...

Posted June 2, 2014

Fancy that, being taken down as a fkn hobbit by GB. The impertinence and sheer audacity!. Funny as fuck but.

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andyf swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted November 21, 2014

there may be a problem. how far would cannon ammo actually make it into flesh before running out of steam/ exploding ?

the 30mm ap- I can see that going a couple of metres in, leaving a decent sized hole. the 20mm flavour, maybe not very far at all. the stuff that explodes will surely be triggered by the scales, it would sting, but not do much, be like being paintballed - at 6000 rounds per min, <owww!>

I would think the best toys would be rockets / radar missiles,

John Birmingham is gonna tell you...

Posted November 21, 2014
These are the sort of discussions I'm very much looking forward to having after Xmas.

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Respond to 'Super Hornet vs a Dragon'

Anzac's Long Shadow - James Brown

Posted March 21, 2014 into Book Extract by John Birmingham

ANZAC Spirit: Now available in fridge magnets.

The breathless Irish voice on the end of the phone had been singing for four minutes straight on the majestic scale of the Anzac centenary. ‘It will be the biggest thing you’ve ever seen,’ she said. ‘It’s going to start with a gorgeous re­creation of the Gallipoli convoy departure in Albany, Western Australia, on 1 November 1914, to bookend the whole centenary of celebrations. ‘Everybody’s involved,’ she gushed from her call centre: ‘Legacy, the City of Albany, the West Australian Government, the RSL, the Australian Light Horse Association – it’s going to be magnificent. You don’t want to miss out.’ Untroubled by the silence from my end of the phone, she homed in with her sales pitch: ‘So we’re producing the commemorative publication for the whole centenary, Gallipoli 100, distributed to 84,000 people and with introductory letters from the likes of the prime minister. Would you like to book a message of support and show the defence forces what you do?’ She outlined the options: the best spots upfront had already been taken by the National Australia Bank and a ‘gorgeous’ advertisement from the Australian Submarine Corporation, but $14,950 would buy me a full page. For a 50 per cent premium she could reserve a special spot right after the ode of remembrance.

I hesitated, and asked her to email me through a pamphlet. She duly did so. A thoroughly unsentimental advertising rate card was placed alongside a sweet photo of a World War II veteran being helped along to an Anzac march. ‘Gallipoli 100 aims both to commemorate the sacrifice of Australians who fought at Gallipoli, and by extension in other wars, and to educate the reader about what actually happened during the Gallipoli campaign,’ it read. ‘Many other scholarly and popular books are likely to appear for the Gallipoli centenary. This unique publication will stand out as the most comprehensive, accessible and attractive of them all.’ With the promise of fifty ‘lavishly photographed’ and ‘thought­provoking and satisfying articles’ written by world experts, it was hard to say no. I told my new friend Nicky I needed time to think about it. She promised to follow up with me in a few days, adding, without the slightest trace of irony, ‘Lest you forget.’
A century after the war to end all wars, Anzac is being bottled, stamped and sold. Nicky is not the only one spruiking the Anzac spirit. The Anzac industry has gone into hyperdrive. The year 2015 will be a bumper one for battlefield tour operators as thousands of Australians wing their way to Gallipoli for what is being marketed as a once­-in­-a-­lifetime opportunity. One company, with a flash of brilliance and a tenuous link, is arranging a surf boat race across the Dardanelles. Another is organising marathon swimmers to make their way from Europe to Asia Minor. Off the shores of Suvla Bay and Anzac Cove, cruise ships will anchor so that thousands might nestle alongside the Anzac legacy. By morn on 25 April, pilgrims will embark in small boats as Anzacs once did, to join the throngs on the sand. By night they’ll rock away to Daryl Braithwaite and Kate Ceberano. Bert Newton will narrate the war.

It’s an all­-Australiana jamboree. Just issuing tickets for the Gallipoli event will cost more than half a million dollars, and an events management company in Melbourne is pocketing a cool $27 million for a multi­year contract to keep everything well organised on the day. What started as a simple ceremony is now an enormous commercial enterprise. Cartoonist Michael Leunig has captured it best: ‘they’ve put a big thumping hoon outboard motor on the back of a tragedy’.
Anzac Day is also a time to honour and remember. That might best be done with a purchase from Australia Post’s limited edition ‘Sands of Gallipoli’ range of keyrings and medallions, which promises to ‘keep the spirit alive’ while earning millions for its savvy creator. In the view of the historian Ken Inglis, these little vials of sand are ‘relics from the holy land’. For just five instalments of $39.99 plus $19.99 in postage and handling, the Bradford Exchange offers the chance to ‘honour a loved one who served our country courageously’ by purchasing a ‘Lest We Forget Remembrance Watch’ with ‘iconic rising sun and slouch hat reproduced in shimmering golden­tone’. The Australian War Memorial, too, is devising an official ‘Anzac Centenary Merchandising Plan’ to capitalise on ‘the spirit’.

Selling Anzac is not a new phenomenon: one of Australia’s official World War I historians wrote of the scandal when a real estate venture was advertised as ‘Anzac on Sea’. Had the sacred word not been protected, he wrote, ‘the name was likely to become vulgarised’ and ‘Anzac companies would soon have sprung up like mushrooms’. For that reason, since the early 1920s the federal government has legislated to protect the word Anzac from commercial misuse. But just as restrictions on Anzac Day sporting events and trading hours have wearied over the years, so too have restrictions on the commercialisation of the spirit.

Preparation for the four years of the Anzac centenary is, in every sense, monumental. Governments, rarely able to lift their gaze beyond daily, even hourly, media cycles, have meticulously prepared for this anniversary for nearly half a decade. A federal Minister for the Anzac Centenary has been appointed under successive governments. In a small country already home to thousands of war memorials, debt­struck governments are quarantining funds for more commemoration. The numbers are staggering. Australia will outspend the United Kingdom on the commemoration of the Great War by more than 200 per cent. All told, the centenary will cost Australian state and federal taxpayers nearly $325 million. With an additional $300 million expected in private donations, commemorating the Anzac centenary might cost as much as two­thirds of a billion dollars.

While there is bipartisan consensus that the actual defence force is underfunded by 25 per cent, Australians are racing to outdo one another with bigger, better, grander and more intricate forms of remembrance. In Canberra a $27­million renovation of the Australian War Memorial’s First World War galleries will give the gore of interminable trench warfare new zest. In Albany, Western Australia, a $9­million Anzac Interpretive Centre will rise on the shores of the Indian Ocean alongside a further $8 million of Anzac infrastructure providing a peace park, an Avenue of Honour, an improved lookout and a refurbished war memorial. In Europe, years of diplomatic effort with the governments of France and Belgium will underpin a $10­million Australian Remembrance Trail to link the Western Front’s most significant Australian battlefields and another interpretive centre. In Sydney, the state government is considering funding a multimillion­dollar ‘NSW Commemorative/Educational Centre of Excellence’. In Victoria, $45 million will go towards new World War I ‘Galleries of Remembrance’ at Melbourne’s already magnificent Shrine of Remembrance. The Queensland government has pledged more than $60 million towards the centenary, including a major capital project to upgrade Brisbane’s Anzac Square.

A cacophony of ceremonies will be needed to maintain the spirit for the full four years. The federal government is providing $125,000 to every electorate for community activities focused on World War I. The NSW and Tasmanian state governments will provide similar grants as well as funding the refurbishment of local war memorials. In anticipation, bronzing and stone masonry companies are advertising to veterans groups, helpfully advising them on how to best capitalise. The official start of the centenary will be a $3­million re­staging of the departure of the first Anzac troop convoys from Albany to Egypt. Current soldiers from the Australian Army and Royal Australian Navy will be ordered to reprise the roles of their doomed forebears setting sail for defeat and bloodshed at the hands of the Ottoman Empire. This festival will be broadcast live nationally.

Government’s role in all this will be hyperactive, leaping over veterans groups to become the ‘choreographer of commemoration and guardian of public memory’. The NSW Anzac Commission has recommended that the government ‘negotiate with media agencies for a palette of stories in daily newspapers, television, web, social networks and mixed media to provide a historical narrative throughout the Centenary period’. The NSW Ambulance Service has offered to sport commemorative banners on the side of all ambulances for the duration of the centenary. The NSW Roads and Maritime Service wants an Anzac logo to be placed on all departmental documentation. Sporting authorities have suggested convening international commemorative test matches. In New South Wales and Victoria, governments are leading the wholesale renaming of roads, avenues, rest areas and bridges in accordance with Anzac themes.

It is entirely fitting and proper to commemorate World War I and Australia’s military campaigns. Yet all of this ingenuity and industry is for an anniversary which is ultimately arbitrary. The only reason the centenary of Anzac is considered a special, once-­in­-a­-lifetime experience is because we have imbued it with that meaning. To be sure, we often mark centuries as significant. But the struggle and sacrifice of our forebears at Gallipoli will not be any greater in 2015 than it is in 2014, or was in 1915. The centenary marks an epoch that we have chosen for ourselves. And we have chosen not to commemorate it with a respectful silence and quiet reflection. At the War Memorial in Sydney’s Hyde Park, inscribed words decree: ‘Let silent contemplation be your offering.’ Instead, Australians are embarking on a discordant, lengthy and exorbitant four­-year festival for the dead.

12 Responses to ‘Anzac's Long Shadow - James Brown’

Rob swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 21, 2014

'four­-year festival for the dead.' would make a great band name.

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Dick swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 21, 2014

James Brown could be the lead singer.

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Barnesm would have you know...

Posted March 21, 2014

That looks like being a useful anodyne to the wave coming in 2015. "Australia will outspend the United Kingdom on the commemoration of the Great War by more than 200 per cent" yeah right there - thats we we should say collectively "this needs a bit of a rethink".

I dread to think what it will mean for anyone who speaks with a dissenting voice regarding this festival of the dead. Better start practicing "but I totally support the soliders ...."

Lulu swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 21, 2014

Also probably better for me not to mention my two greatgrandfathers who fought in WW1. On the losing side.

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S.M. Stirling swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 21, 2014

Frankly, this article strikes me as pickle-up-the-ass, I-am-so-much-more-enlightened-than-you-vulgar-bogans priggishness.

First, Australians are not as a group noted for prim restraint; they tend to go large, which is part of their national identity.

Second, all national symbols (if looked at from the outside) are arbitrary. They exist because people feel they do; that, and that alone, imbues them with meaning.

A celebration like this is a festival of belonging, a pledge of collective membership.

Lulu mutters...

Posted March 21, 2014

One man's 'festival of belonging' is another (wo)man's festival of exclusion. The questions are 'belonging to what?' and 'membership of what'? As an immigrant (of 50% non-Anglo heritage) and a woman, I don't feel that 'Anzac' has much to do with me at all.

Dino not to be confused with asserts...

Posted March 21, 2014


30 seconds...

Dino not to be confused with is gonna tell you...

Posted March 21, 2014

SM Stirling,

I have read a little of James Brown and heard him speak a couple of times on the radio.

I admire him greatly, as much as Robin admired King Richard.

His topics are varied and well thought out.

I agree with him that there are Veterans here and now that deserve more than the tiny percentage of energy given to a 'long weekend'.

I cannot remember the exact figures. I am sure you could find them and find out who he is if you care to look him up.

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Rob is gonna tell you...

Posted March 21, 2014

suddenly has flashbacks of aussies doing that tedious 'oi oi oi' thing at the vatican square on TV. Then has flash backs of skin heads shouting 'oi oi oi' to Blitz's someones gonna die.

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Blarkon would have you know...

Posted March 21, 2014

Is Barnsey playing the cove?

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Guru Bob would have you know...

Posted March 26, 2014

If you are in sunny Melbourne tomorrow he is speaking at the Wheeler Centre...

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Varangian78 ducks in to say...

Posted March 31, 2014

I thought it was a great article. SM Stirling, I don't think Brown was commenting on Australians in general, but about the industry itself trying to make a buck from a day of the year that many Australians (and New Zealanders) hold sacred or at the very least, have some respect for.

LuLu, I'm a first generation Australian myself, and I have a great respect for ANZAC Day. With all due respect, I think it's possible the exclusion you feel about ANZAC Day is perhaps self appointed. If you turned up at one of the ANZAC Day ceremonies, you may well be pleasantly surprised.

Having served in the Australian Army for 8 years (and deploying to 3 conflicts) I can safely say that the Army is very much a cross section of society itself. It is multi-cultural, and members who weren't even born in Australia proudly serve beneath the Australian flag as fellow brothers and sisters.

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Respond to 'Anzac's Long Shadow - James Brown'

'The Spy' by Mr James Phelan

Posted December 7, 2013 into Book Extract by John Birmingham

The latest wet work from the machine that calls itself Phelan. With a cover quote from Mr Lee Child. I am envy.


Washington DC

Dan Bellamy looked at the highlighted screen of his unlisted cell phone and considered bumping the call. He’d had confirmation of the job just fifteen minutes ago, and now his field operative was calling him again. He had been expecting a call, but not this call. It was too soon.

A complication, at their end. Calling him from the field.

He leaned back in his chair and rested his feet upon his desk. Looking out his window, he could see straight to the Capitol Building. It was after midnight. He had come by the office to handle some paperwork; at least that’s what he told his wife. In reality he was here to make sure the operation was successful. Bellamy had a lot riding on it. Too much.

Across the room – a modest wood-panelled space that was swept for surveillance bugs every week – his daughter slept on the couch. Still in her soccer uniform; she had won tonight. A good omen. His baby girl.


Bellamy answered the phone. ‘This call came sooner than expected.

You can’t be outside Rome yet.’

‘I’m still here. There’s been a complication.’

‘What is it?’ He thought the worst: carloads of Italian cops have his operative’s team surrounded. If that were the case, it would be gut-wrenching stuff until his lawyers did what they did and he did what he did to bury it all.

‘There’s someone on scene,’ the voice said.

Bellamy relaxed a little. ‘Someone?’

‘A man.’

Bellamy paused, said, ‘A man. On scene?’


‘Define “on scene”.’

‘Inside the target’s apartment.’

Bellamy winced. ‘I don’t want to know such details.’

‘It’s a complication.’

‘And you’re still there?’


Bellamy thought it through, then said, ‘Forget it. Get out of there.’

‘No. Not like this. I don’t like it.’

Bellamy processed the implications: the op had started barely half an hour ago, they had been in and out within fifteen minutes, and yet his team was still there, watching the scene of their crime. Why?

‘Who is it?’

‘I don’t know,’ the voice replied. ‘A guy. Could be a cop, but I doubt it.’

‘But you’re spooked by him. Enough to break protocols and contact me.’

‘I thought I’d check in first.’


‘Before I proceed.’

Ah, right . . . it’s about money. Trust, too, but money. To those guys in the field, this was another job.

Bellamy didn’t have time for complications. He checked his watch.

Eighty-one hours until deadline.


Inside the apartment in Rome it looked like a bomb had gone off. Jed Walker entered warily, unarmed, using the heel of his boot to push the door closed behind him, leaving it unlocked as he had found it. The place was empty, but the trail was warm.

He scanned the rooms in ten seconds and learned all he needed to. It was late nineteenth century, well made and maintained. A corner site on the second floor, with two windows looking south, three to the east. Opposite, two doors ran off to a kitchen and a bedroom with en suite. Everything was tastefully appointed, the furnishings sparse and modern: hardwood parquetry floors, herringbone pattern; an expensive TV and stereo the centrepiece of the living area; a set of custom-made golf clubs by the door. All of it fitted the profile of a successful banking executive – the cover job of the CIA operative who had lived there.

It had all been tossed. Recently.

Walker looked around each corner of the apartment and concluded that whoever had tossed the place was looking for something specific. They’d done a messy job of it, like cops do in the movies when they search a perp’s apartment: lamps and vases broken, the sofas slashed and overturned, the carpets lifted, the bed flipped on its side, the kitchen cabinets emptied. The refrigerator had been pulled out and its panels separated; the oven and washing machine and dishwasher too. Piles of screws were everywhere: they had used cordless drivers to pull things apart quietly rather than pinch bars to wreck it loudly. The desk was upside down. A mess of cables remained, but at least two hard drives and a laptop were gone. Whatever was in the desk’s drawers was also missing. No useful physical evidence remained.

This had been a search for something small, or a clean-up of anything incriminating that might lead back to the guy’s employers. Could have been by the CIA or another crew. Either way, no friends of mine.

Walker knew that this had been conducted by pros.

And he knew that the occupant had been killed here, within the past hour.

‘It’s your op,’ Bellamy said quietly to his man on the phone while his daughter slept across the room. ‘It must be clean, that was my main requirement. Clean and final . . . but that’s not why you called me now.’

There was a pause, and then the man said, ‘I thought maybe you sent another crew.’

‘Now, why would I bother doing that?’

‘I don’t know.’

Bellamy was silent.

‘Okay. Well, this guy,’ his contact said, ‘he’s not local. He looks ex-military. Big guy. Late thirties. Caucasian. Can handle himself.’

The wheels in Bellamy’s mind turned on that one. He trusted his operator on this mission, and trusted that like could spot like. So, who is this ex-military guy in the apartment? A competitor? The target’s protection, arriving too late? Could be anyone. Could mean anything.

Could mean that they were too late . . . either way, this is getting messy.

Bellamy said, ‘Can you pick him up? Take him in? Question him?’

‘When he gets out,’ the voice said. ‘Though it will attract attention.’

‘What if he makes a call from inside the apartment?’

‘We’re scanning for that.’

‘What do you want to do?’

‘Go back inside. Deal with him in the apartment.’

‘Do it,’ Bellamy said. ‘Question him first, see who he is and what he knows, then clean it up. Go in there and clean it up and be sure of it. Don’t leave a trace. Burn it all.’

‘Copy that.’

The voice was waiting.

Bellamy said, ‘Something else?’

‘My fee? This matter of another target . . .’

‘Consider it doubled.’

Bellamy ended the call. He stared at his cluttered desk. This op was not meant to be messy. Getting rid of a guy in the middle of Rome?

Getting rid of two? All in a day.

He looked across at his sleeping child. Some books and a field of McDonald’s debris were spread on the table in front of her. It’s all getting harder, busier, less certain. It’ll pay off, soon . . .

He looked through his open doorway, to the large open-plan office empty of staff for the day; an office and business he had created from nothing more than a limited skill set and a lot of networking and risk-taking. Now INTFOR was on the verge of becoming the largest and most powerful private intelligence outfit on the planet. He swivelled around in his chair and focused on his collection of framed photographs: him with presidents and prime ministers and VIPs from around the world. Powerful men and a couple of powerful women. All of them more reliant on him with each passing day. He looked out the window to his left.

The sun was gone, now the streetlamps and uprights bathed the monumental town.

The end of another day.

A new dawn was just around the corner. Three more dawns before everything changed.


The blood the killers had left behind told Walker most of what he needed to know. The mattress in the bedroom held a bloodstain – large, the size of a frying pan, and still red. After about two hours’ exposure to oxygen, blood that has thinned and splattered and atomised onto absorbent material like a mattress oxidizes and turns brown.

They never got that right in the movies.

So, Felix was killed where he lay. Which meant that his killers entered quietly enough not to wake him. Which meant that this was an assassination: either to get what Walker had come here for, or to tidy up a loose end. Maybe both.

Two kill shots, through the chest, the heart probably. Not the head – less messy that way. Plus, like Walker they knew to protect the head; like Walker they knew what type of information was in it.

So, this was not a straightforward case of professional killers. This was the work of men in the know of current CIA tradecraft. Maybe they had asked Felix a question or two before they fired, but probably not – this was a quick job, and what they needed most was not known to their target. Yet it was on his person.

They, like Walker, had come for what was sewn into the base of Felix’s skull: a tiny chip containing information. Felix was a head-case courier, used by the CIA to transport intelligence from one wireless hot spot to another. Someone knew what was on that chip – if not the killers then whoever had hired them.

On the floor, blood had pooled where they had tossed the body from the bed. Once blood leaves the body, it begins to clot quickly, within five to ten minutes. After that the blood begins to separate as the clot retracts into a dark knot and squeezes out a halo of yellow serum. This process takes another hour or more, when the blood then dries to a rusty brown stain.

The blood here had clotted but not separated – this hit took place more than ten minutes but less than an hour earlier. The bed sheets were missing, so the killers had wrapped the body in them and then placed it in a wheeled duffel bag. Judging by the track marks of blood on the floor, it was a 120-litre bag, which meant they had folded and stuffed the body in tightly. They weren’t squeamish, these men, and they were strong. There were at least two, probably three, so someone stood sentry in the apartment while two dealt with the body. Or perhaps he had tossed the place while the others packed the body. The packers must have noticed the tracks the wheels had started to make, from where they had run through the blood pool, and wiped the castors clean with the quilt. The tracks then disappeared.

They had been careful and relatively quiet but they hadn’t taken the time to clean up. So, it was a quick job. A three-man crew, on the clock. Walker inspected the mattress. Two gunshot holes punctured the centre of the bloody mess. The underside was shredded. The floor below looked like it had been sandblasted, the surface pockmarked with dime-sized punctures, grouped more tightly in the centre, spreading out to a dozen chips in a diameter roughly the size of a dinner plate. Soft fragmentary rounds had been used, semiwadcutters with heavy grain, the slugs further slowed by a suppressor, fired up close, the soft lead tearing apart as it hit bone and bedsprings. So, the bigger and slower .45 calibre rather than a 9-millimetre.

Serious men doing a serious job of it.


Outside the apartment the three professionals in the back of the van readied and checked their weapons. Each had a Beretta .45 calibre, the PX4 Storm, locally sourced and made, custom silenced, untraceable, ten-round capacity apiece. Their leader was Brendan Crowley, a contractor who did most of his work for the CIA, from extraordinary rendition around the Mediterranean to making people disappear completely. He spoke half a dozen languages and could pass as a local in Italy, France, Croatia, Greece and Spain. As an intelligence operator he was a specialist in wet work; the messy end of the intelligence world. He and his team were known as ‘outcome specialists’. Those back in DC didn’t want to know specifics about the jobs these men took care of – just outcomes. Positive outcomes were their preference.

Crowley had planned that his team would stay on the scene for twenty minutes after their exfil from the apartment, mainly to be sure that their near-silent work had gone unnoticed, and partly to complete their cover. The van was marked as city-gas department, which in this middle-class but crumbling neighbourhood would not draw second glances. Outside the van they had erected a taped-off cordon around the street’s main supply and left the hatch open. It had now been twenty-five minutes since they had left the apartment, and they had sat in the air-conditioned van, silent, watching, waiting. In the back were two large duffel bags of rubbish to drop, weighted down, in the

Adriatic later that day. One bag contained the body of CIA courier Felix Lassiter, the other a collection of his papers and computer equipment.

The spoils of a job done.

The disposal, however, would have to wait.

Crowley and his team had another job to do.

Time to go back in.

Walker knew better than to search the apartment hoping for a clue missed by those who had worked here this morning; this was the well-executed job of a well-trained team. Maybe not the best operators, but they weren’t far from it. They were expensive, and not many entities had access to such men.

This fitted what he knew about the man who owned this apartment.

Not so much a target as a person of interest and an unwitting courier – a perfect cut-out agent. For the CIA, and for someone else. It was the someone else that was of interest to Walker.

And clearly Felix Lassiter had garnered the interest of other parties.

Time to leave.

6 Responses to ‘'The Spy' by Mr James Phelan’

Barnesm mumbles...

Posted December 7, 2013

Another throughly enjoyable piece of work from the redoubtable Mr Phelan, though when I saw this book I thought it was a biography about a spy with the same name as the author.

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Therbs puts forth...

Posted December 8, 2013

Just in time for some lazy summer reading.

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Chaz reckons...

Posted December 9, 2013

Great Book, everyone should buy at least two copies....

still not a fan of the cover

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Guru Bob is gonna tell you...

Posted December 15, 2013

Looks like it could use some customer reviews over at Amazon as well? Mr Phelan dropped into the last Burger gathering in Melbourne and it was great to see him...

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Naut has opinions thus...

Posted January 16, 2014

This series is going to take off big time. Be an early adopter so you can tell your friends how clever you are.

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Respond to ''The Spy' by Mr James Phelan'

Running With the Blood God

Posted November 4, 2013 into Book Extract by John Birmingham


Blood and Ecstasy

The gutters flow crimson in downtown Zanjan from tens of thousands of sheep being slaughtered on the street and given away with rice to the several hundred thousand people cramming in for the marches. The dish, chelo gosht, is warming in this north-western city spread below snow-streaked ranges; the night breeze is frigid but so terribly sweet after Tehran. We arrived last night and today is Tasua, the eve of Ashura. I stand on the edge of a bloody jube and wave a small black flag that a friend of Mehrak has given me as vast lines of men stomp past smacking their chests and singing. Ahmad, a tall, leonine young computer salesman who seems to know just about everyone – soldiers, cops, marchers, butchers, knife sellers – thought it might help me join in the Shiite carnival of grief, but now he wants to give frowning lessons. ‘More sad,’ he says, pulling a misery face and punching me in the arm. ‘Feel the pain.’

I laugh and he hits me again.

‘Show more pain. Or is it not hard enough?’ He cocks his fist, his black eyes boring into mine, and then bursts out laughing, setting me off too.

‘No,’ says Mehrak, grabbing hold of me, his face tight. ‘Don’t laugh. It is very dangerous. People here are extremely serious about Islam. They have extremely strong belief. You are the kafir here, and the only kafir. What do you think will happen if you insult them? Don’t make any attention. Don’t laugh.’

Cheeks burning, I pull my thermal cap lower and turn back to the parade, trying to ignore Ahmad’s grins and pokes to the ribs. The marchers come in huge groups, each trailing a man standing on a pick-up truck covered in funeral wreaths and laden with a generator and loudspeakers, who blasts out rolling, bludgeoning chants about Karbala – or, as it sounds in the guttural roar, KAR-BA-LAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Each side of the march, the narrow streets are solid with spectators singing along and smacking their chests or waving flags. Family groups and others lean out of upper-floor windows lining central Zanjan. My hotel room overlooks one of the main routes and squares, and when I finally shut my window at one am last night the shuffling, stomping, shouting processions were still powering on, or overpowering on, as it felt after a day of hammering, concussive chants about death and glory in Kar-ba-la.
Mehrak has spooked me about being the only kafir in Zanjan. This is no cross-pollinating Latin carnaval bursting with eccentricity, irreverence, flamboyance, horn sections, sex and flesh of every colour. This is a male and singular drumbeat of Shiite grief. I keep my eyes down when police and soldiers are near but it is deeply unnerving knowing that the Basijis are just men in the crowd. Must stay very low-key.

‘Come,’ says Ahmad, taking my elbow and dragging me through layers of bystanders until we burst through into the marching zone. A panicked-looking Mehrak is right behind. Ahmad taps the back of a marcher who lifts his hand off the man behind, opening a spot for us. I’m shaking my head but Ahmad just drags me in and gets stuck into the chant. Ahmad lands his left hand on my shoulder and I plant mine on Mehrak’s, so come what may we’re in the line now, right feet forward for the stomp followed by a shuffle with the left. Flag up with the beat, and another short thrust and then thump, hand on the chest. We’re mirrored by a second line of marchers, while men patrol the centre yelling and shaking their arms at us to go harder and harder. Also free-ranging in the middle are young men wielding huge flags, red for blood, white for sacrifice, black for mourning, and Islamic green, the traditional colour of Mohammad’s family.

Ahmad says he has something he wants to show me tonight so we peel out of the parade, but the streets are so crowded that it is difficult to move. ‘Off the road,’ he says, leading us into an alley winding through an old walled section of the city and into the internal courtyard of a mosque. Men stand around chatting and Ahmad talks to a few while Mehrak shelters me. ‘It’s okay,’ Ahmad says, drifting back over. ‘Look,’ he says, pointing at a taped-up poster of the Supreme Leader in which Khamenei’s eyes have been painted red and his mouth torn out.

‘Wow, they’ll be in trouble, won’t they, if someone sees that?’

‘Bale,’ says Ahmad. ‘Let’s go.’ We climb another small set of deeply-worn stone steps into a lane that twists onto a street marginally less jammed than the last one. We stick close to the shop fronts – diners, knife sellers, clothes and grocers – and make some progress, gradually overtaking a march in which many of the chest-beaters wear headbands. Ahmad puts out his arm, stopping Mehrak and me, and stares at the group. ‘They are a Basij mosque,’ he says, talking about the plain clothes militia that the government dispatches to beat the hell out of protesters and dissenters.
‘What – those guys are Basijis?’ I ask.

‘Bale. Very bad, very dangerous.’ He clucks his tongue in disapproval.
If I see them perhaps they’ll see me, but flanked by Ahmad and Mehrak I creep forward.

The regime goons have the pugnacity of a volatile sporting team – the casually-worn aggression generally so absent from Iran. Milling thicker on the road than most other marching groups, they crane their necks, peering all about to claim their share of the pious limelight. They jostle and herd each other, hands everywhere as their throng engulfs the street. There are a few stereotypical martyr beards but many are too young to shave. I wonder who among them swung clubs at yesterday’s protest here and helped fill Zanjan’s jails.

‘Do you have any friends who are Basijis?’ I ask Ahmad.
‘No. You cannot.’

Mehrak is not sure if we are going the right way, and I ask where we’re headed.

Ahmad smiles, and claps his hand on my arm. ‘We go to a mosque where you can see something special.’

Teenage boys, men and music spill all around the mosque as we make a midnight approach. Half a block away Ahmad stops us to say that kafirs are forbidden to enter and there will be trouble if I am noticed. ‘Don’t speak. Don’t show your eyes.’

We join a flow of men heading towards the throbs and faint wails, and climb the steps to a kind of foyer, but I don’t see too much because it’s barely lit and I’m looking at the ground to hide my infidel eyes. Staff hand out cloth pouches for shoes to be bagged and dropped into barrels. One of the mosque crew is right next to me and I swivel away but Ahmad moves between us, taking two pouches and then gesturing for me to head in.

Mehrak shields me as we zip through the door and around a heavy curtain, emerging into a circular, domed furnace of heat and sound. I gaze dumbstruck: hundreds of men and boys stripped to the waist are leaping into the air and banging into each other as a trio of musicians thrash out an overwhelming cacophony of twisting, intertwined rhythms. A vocalist almost eats his microphone as he hunkers down in a rapid, heavily distorted chant of ‘Hussein-Hussein-Hussein-Hussein-Hussein-Hussein-Hussein-Hussein’ while another unleashes an incendiary account of the torments of Karbala: a performance beyond the most narco-assisted extremes of any psycho-rocker I’ve seen. And all the while their percussionist pounds out convulsive funk rhythms with brutish speed. Above the band hangs an enormous silk banner painted with a desert scene where lightning bolts pierce a burnt-orange sun dripping with blood as a riderless horse wanders the sands near chador-clad women lost in grief.

I’m about to lose my fucking mind, and the shirtless men hurl themselves higher and higher, smashing their chests as they fly, whipped up and up by a man in the centre swinging an immense black flag of death in wild arcs. The air is so thick and hot it burns my teeth and chokes me in its stench of superheated, supersaturated male flesh. It is all I can do to stand in this vortex of the blood god.

Two soldiers carrying AK-47s and binoculars enter the gloomy lobby of the high-rise Sepid Hotel, where I am the only guest. They talk to the woman at reception and then walk upstairs. I’m feeling so profoundly unwell, so fatigued, so weak-lunged and so nauseous, that it might have been a relief had they detained me, thereby excusing me from this morning’s garden party. But here’s Mehrak, right on time in his father’s car.

‘My mother was worried you would not have breakfast,’ says Mehrak, passing over a spoon and a bowl of porridge and shreds of lamb. Ahmad also scores a bowl of halim when we pick him up on the drive through the gritty but spacious Zanjani suburbs. Huge Farsi script has been fashioned in white on a hill overlooking the city, and Mehrak says it means Mahdi. Mehrak say this is also the meaning of Valiasr, the street bisecting Tehran. Many names; many faces. Mehrak takes the Tabriz road, and we drive north-west through a rocky, scrubby countryside. It is a bleak morning.

‘Where’s the garden?’ I ask, head pounding, chest wheezing. Last night’s plunges from frigid night to steaming mosque and back again did me in.

‘Garden?’ says Mehrak. ‘Oh, in Amin Abad.’ He points in the direction we’re travelling.

We pass an upside-down car, its occupants sitting in the dirt tending to their bruises. Every few kilometres police stand watching the traffic. ‘Think there’ll be any problem with the cops?’ I ask.

Mehrak shrugs, but Ahmad says no. ‘My friends do this every year,’ he tells me.

‘What do they think about the ayatollahs saying it is haram?’

‘They do not agree. Many people do not agree with the ayatollahs, many times even ayatollahs do not agree with other.’

‘What do you think?’

‘People can do it if they want,’ Ahmad says. ‘It is between them and Allah. They do it for a good reason: because they love Imam Hussein. As for me, I prefer what you saw in the mosque.’

‘You do that?’


‘Aren’t dancing and displays of the flesh forbidden in Iran?’

‘You can do anything for Imam Hussein.’ Ahmad grins and stretches back in his seat.

Twenty kilometres from Zanjan we reach a dirt-poor settlement of mud-brick houses. It is Amin Abad and my spirits sink to see police at the turn-off. They have stopped a car heading in and are questioning the driver. But they ignore a pick-up that barrels by them, and then another car, and we take the plunge, driving past and up a road narrowing into a rugged alley of dirt and mud. Mehrak has to go slowly and really work the wheel, taking care to steer well clear of women in full chadors leading children through the labyrinth of alleys lined with high walls. There are men on foot, too; men with moustaches and pockmarked faces, men with caps and grey beards, and young sharpies stepping gingerly in leather slip-ons and white socks. My jaw is tight with apprehension about the relentless, concentrated, grinding exposure of being a kafir voyeur hanging around in a tiny garden of devout Shiites on their holiest day.

The track is getting thick with traffic and the walls are now lined with parked cars.

‘They aren’t all going to the ceremony, are they? How many people usually?’

‘About a thousand.’ Ahmad tells Mehrak to park as soon as he sees a space.

Out in the teeth-chattering air we join a stream of people walking towards the fringe of this hard-scrabble village. A pair of policemen stand straight ahead eyeballing us all and Mehrak steps around to block their view of me but there’s not so much need anymore; I’m an old hand at shuffling with my head down and gloves buried in pockets – the trudge is automatic. If more Iranians wore sunglasses then I’d have mine on but very few seem to wear them, so downcast it is. The cops don’t look twice. A kid soon does, however, and the tubby little boy walks almost backwards so he can keep checking out the alien blues.

Stalls give away hot, sweet milk which I want to drink more and more of but we trek on through mud and litter to a football pitch built on a slope. The police are hovering so we walk to the summit of the pitch and watch its perimeter fill with a circle of about a thousand people. I try texting Arman to ask if he made it to Tabriz, but the SMS won’t send. I try texting Mehrak, who’s a foot away, but again there’s no service.

‘Look at his head,’ Mehrak says, nodding towards a man in front of us whose crown has a hairless patch exposing a pink and scarred scalp. ‘He has done it many times.’

A dozen or so men make their way into the centre of the pitch carrying a black banner and loudspeakers set on poles. The two policemen soon join them and word spreads that they have said ghammeh zani is prohibited and anyone practising it will be arrested.

‘That’s it?’

‘It will happen,’ says Ahmad.

Within minutes the scarred man and a bunch of his companions walk from the pitch and disappear down the side of a ravine. Shortly afterwards we hear the sound of chants and cries of ‘Ya Hussein!’ The police don’t move.

‘They’re not going to arrest them?’ I ask.

‘Two police and a thousand believers? The police don’t want to get killed,’ says Mehrak. ‘They will stay away.’

People start peeling off to the ravine. From the top we look down on about twenty men locked in a marching formation, the same as last night – left hands on each other’s backs or shoulders, right feet forward for the stomp – but now the steel of twin-edged swords shines from the right hands of several.

We skid down the dirt slope to join a swelling audience of men gathering at the bottom; women in chadors form a jagged black line across the top of the ravine. Some husbands stay with them up on the lip of the dirt wall, others squat a few yards down the face, holding the hands of the more adventurous of the numerous little kids.

Another circle of swordsmen has formed, the colliding chants of the two groups messy and loud. The participants are aged from their late teens to their sixties, most being in their twenties. Some of the older men have the worn faces and clothes of poverty while plenty of the younger ones are flash in designer jackets and jeans. Only three or four have the cultivated anti-vanity of the cookie-cutter fanatic: surplus jackets and choppy beards under dumb, hateful eyes. Watchers press in holding up cell phones and camcorders.

Blood trickles brightly down the face of the scarred man we saw earlier, but I never saw him cut himself. He is talking to someone holding a squirt bottle – of antiseptic presumably – and a bag of dressings. Now another man detaches from the circle, stepping into its centre and raising a sword in both hands. The mustachioed gentleman in his late forties rocks on his feet with the surges of the chant, tilts the sword down and whips it back. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang; he slams the top of his head again and again until an aide stops him with a hand to the shoulder. The hacked man drops to a squat, blood running onto his black shirt. He shows no pain and doesn’t seem to be breathing hard; he just stares into the forest of men’s legs until someone brings a bottle and squirts his wounds. The medic dresses the deepest cuts and winds a bandage from under the man’s chin up around his head. By the time he finishes another bleeder is waiting. The medic moves straight on. No gloves.

‘Infections not a concern?’ I ask Mehrak.

He shakes his head. ‘They believe Imam Hussein will heal them, and maybe a glass of whisky tonight.’

For more than ninety minutes the swords swing nonstop. The ravine is strewn with bloody bandages, and I’m so ill that I squat among them, unable to stand for long and too queasy to move up the slope. Men mill about with bloody and bandaged heads, smoking and watching ever more join their ranks. Ahmad has been bandaging and his hands are stained with blood and antiseptic. I stand again as he brings over his friend Roozbeh, who has organised much of this. Roozbeh, who runs a construction company, is a foppish fellow with a dreamy air. He is unusually colourful in a pink sweater. ‘You are welcome here,’ he says, taking my hand, even as his eyes track an ankh-shaped blood pattern on the back of a shroud-wearer walking by.

‘Thank you. Have you ever done this?’ I ask, knocking on the top of my head.

‘Yes,’ he says, his eyes now on mine. ‘Every year for five years.’

‘What does it feel like?’

Roozbeh takes a deep breath. ‘I cannot speak of it. All I know is that I miss Imam Hussein.’

Almost two hours now and I’m shaking and trying to think about being far away but the chants and Ya Husseins and blood and the impossibility of getting warm keep me entirely in the present. Loudspeakers have even made it to this spiritual abattoir, with the rants and chants jarringly loud. Mehrak has seen enough too, but Ahmad is still on bandage duty and until he is finished we are staying in this bitter, barren ravine.

‘Old man,’ says Mehrak. I think he’s talking about me but then he nods towards the far edge of proceedings, where a dense mob of shroud-wearers is hard at it.

Struggling to my feet, I see a man who must be in his seventies winding himself up for a cut. He’s a firebrand, too, putting the young motor-mouths to shame with the vehemence of his calls. His last cry is to the holy handless Abolfazl before letting rip with the steel of God. Clonk. Mehrak and I look at each other. It’s the day’s crispest sound of sword on skull. Clonk. He does it again and I have to squat. Clonk. Clonk. Clonk. Clonk.

Finally, it’s time to leave – but first we eat. The queue on the edge of the village for chelo gosht is long and slow and I need to lie down but my friends are hungry. The cooks have run out of meat, but a beautiful, purplish-dark, long-coated sheep is led past to have its throat slit.

‘Salam.’ It’s Roozbeh, his head wrapped, blood on his face and clothes, his expression soft and dreamy. ‘Khoda hafez,’ he says, wandering into the village. ‘Khoda hafez,’ says Ahmad, and turns back to Mehrak and me. ‘For Roozbeh, he cannot cut himself with other people around. He helps everyone, all day, and when there is nobody left he takes the sword for Imam Hussein.’


The cell phone wakes me up with a message. It’s night and I’ve been asleep since stumbling back in from Amin Abad. The text service must be working again. It’s Mehrak: Look at TV. I heave myself up, switch the TV on to the news channel. Tehran torn by riots. Police cars on fire. Banks burning. Government buildings attacked. Dead people.

2 Responses to ‘Running With the Blood God’

Therbs would have you know...

Posted November 4, 2013

That mob are loco bananas. They should realise that beer is a better option to smacking oneself in the head with a sword. They remind me of those idiots who get themselves put up onto crosses at Easter. Fkn nutters.

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mutters...

Posted November 4, 2013

A story as in a short narrative here, or something more formal?

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2nd Monster Book. Teaser

Posted October 30, 2013 into Book Extract by John Birmingham

The follow up to A Protocol for Monsters picks up a few days after its prequel. Although I'm trying to write them in such a fashion that you could read the titles out of sequence without losing too much.

That's a challenge for ya, right there.

As in Protocol it's a single PoV novel, with the story told from the hero's perspective. I am indulging in a couple of points of view in the prologue however. Partly to give myself some relief, partly to help confused readers who come to the series out of order.

So Book II is as yet untitled, and there's a cameo to be had for anyone who can come up with something as pleasing to my ear as A Protocol for Monsters. But the prologue takes place on the same day the day the monsters emerge in Protocol. In the scene below, however, nobody except Dave, our hard partying, deadbeat dad and Deepwater Horizon safety boss has figured out the monster thing.

It's raw copy. Even Murph hasn't had a chance to tell me all the ways I've got it wrong yet. There are two more sections to the prologue. At least one involving monsters. If you behave yourself, I might let you see them. Maybe.

A frame from The Demons of Buttecracke County, a not entirely unrelated story.

On a mild evening of the second day of Autumn in the year of our Lord, 2009, Supervisory Agent Robert ‘E-for-Easy’ Lee Suffolk II, went out to catch him a Goddamned Russki. A spy, but not just any old spy. Special Agent IN Charge Easy-Lee Suffolk’s Russki was an honest-to-Goddamn master spy of the female variety.

Because this damned Russki, a colonel of the GRU no less, was not your run of the mill agent, but a field controller of deep cover agents, a femme-most-fatale, Robert E-for-Easy Lee Suffolk, Supervisory agent of the FBI’s Counter Intelligence Division in the New York Field Office insisted on belt and braces and extra safety pins all around to ensure it was not he who ended up pants down and red-faced at the end of the night.

This lady was, in his professional opinion, less Anna Chapman and more Nikita.

Right on the knocker at nineteen hundred and thirty hours, fifteen fleet vehicles rolled out of the underground car park at 26 Federal Plaza, bearing thirty-three special agents, including twelve heavy hitters from Manhattan’s FBI SWAT team.

The convoy moved east on Chambers for five blocks, escorted by two police cruisers. By prior arrangement with Metro Transport their progress through the thick, early evening traffic was hastened by staging a pulse of green lights between Federal Plaza and the target address on W27th street. The two cruisers did not power up their flashers. The long train of heavy black vehicles did draw the attention of some New Yorkers as it passed, some of whom used their phones to take photographs of the convoy, doubtless posting them immediately to Facebook or Twitter, and causing Special Agent in Charge Easy Lee Suffolk to wonder for the umpteenth time how anybody in his line of work was expected to get anything done in secret these days.

The soft warmth of the summer just gone still lingered in the evening air, and in the lead vehicle, a black Chevy Tahoe, SAC Suffolk sweated inside his dark blue suit jacket and heavy ballistic vest. He rode up front on the passenger side – the shotgun seat as he liked to call it – with the climate control pushed all the way down to Arctic, but his vest was leaden with trauma plates and his bespoke three-button blue suit was a heavy wool blend that he had had tailored at a very reasonable price in Hong Kong. It looked very smart, but did not breathe well. The ballistic vest he wore over it did not breathe at all. Every Special Agent rolling in convoy on the small art gallery in Chelsea were similarly attired and weighed down by armor. Boss’s orders.

The nick-name Easy Lee? That was strictly ironic.

The twelve tactical operators riding in two anonymous commercial vans just behind Suffolk’s Chevy were kitted out in armour, helmets, combat goggles and tactical black. They too looked the part but Easy Lee still worried about their combat load out and readiness. They were not HRT, which he had requested. Twice. The New York office, like all regional offices, maintained a tac-squad of part-time volunteers. Naturally, they received extra training and specialised equipment. The very name of the squad – Special Weapons and Tactics – would otherwise be a misnomer. But Agent Suffolk worried that his twelve operators were not quite special enough.

After all, this was one of the GRU’s top field operatives they were rolling on this evening. This lady had game.

Easy Lee Suffolk had thus seen fit to remonstrate with Assistant Special Agent in Charge Malcolm Preston, the part-time commander of New York’s part time SWAT team, that he was mistaken if he thought this would be some sort of cake run just because the target was a woman and her intention tonight was not to openly subvert the United States of America, but rather to launch an art exhibition. The art, after all, was part of her cover.

And anyway, were you to ask the opinion of Special Agent in Charge Easy Lee Suffolk, when he was off the clock and entitled to a private opinion, he would definitely tell you that as threats to the long term survival of these United States went, artists and communists were not a thousand miles removed from each other, or Ay-rabs or gay marrieds or that damned Rachel Maddow woman.

“Karen Warat – nee, Varatschevsky – is a full tweety bird colonel of the goddamned GRU of the Generalnovo Shtaba of the Armed Goddamned Forces of the Russian Federation,” he had lectured Agent Preston. “And if you assume her to be anything less than a deadly threat you will make an ass of ‘U’ and ‘Me’.”

Agent Preston had reminded Suffolk that he was, in fact an Assistant Special Agent in Charge, and that neither he nor his men made any such assumptions.

Still, as the police cruiser ahead of him swung onto Chambers for the quick run up West Street, Easy Lee could only wish that his request for a full HRT squad had been approved. Or even his request for a couple of back up NYPD SWAT teams in Bearcat armoured vehicles. Or a helicopter. Just one lousy helicopter would have been a consolation to his anxious mood.

The two NYPD liaison officers would make sure the local precinct uniforms took care of business out on West 27th, closing off the block to traffic, clearing any civilians who wandered into the tactical area like dopey cud-chewing moo cows and, of course, screening anyone swept up at the art gallery but…

Easy Lee Suffolk remained less than easy.

34 Responses to ‘2nd Monster Book. Teaser’

Darth Greybeard mumbles...

Posted October 30, 2013

I have a suggestion for the cover design. As long as @NBlob will sign a release on this photo.

So far it seems to have more Reds under the bed than Monsters? Um, "No Rules of Engagement"?

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w from brisbane mutters...

Posted October 30, 2013

That is terrific fun. Thanks JB.

I realise this has not gone thru the editing process etc. and I know no one would pay 2 cents to read my action adventure, but if I didn't like you (in an internet acquaintance sense) I wouldn't give a rat's arse, so

" that he had had tailored ". 'Had had' is gramatically correct, but can be jolting. I think the contraction " that he'd had tailored " has better flow

"Bearcat armoured vehicle" I think the manufacturer prefers BearCat

damian mutters...

Posted October 31, 2013

He could smooth the "had had" jangle with a contraction, or it could usefully be written with slightly different emphasis, something but necessarily exactly like "was tailored, at a very reasonable price in Hong Kong, from a heavy wool blend".

But if I ever look like I might be starting down a copy-editor's path, please shoot me.

NBlob would have you know...

Posted October 31, 2013


I can't turn the editor in my head off either, except when reading My work.

damian ducks in to say...

Posted October 31, 2013

Last night I had a phone chat with an old school friend I haven't seen in 15 years. He tells me he'd been a copy editor for many years, including for Better Homes and Gardens, and that it is as soul destroying as you might imagine. He's been the corporate comms guy for a local council in Sydney for the last 4 years, something that he likes a lot better in that (if you look at it from the right angle, I guess) it has some redeeming social value.

Oh and that should be "something but NOT necessarily exactly like...". And under recursion, see recursion.

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Bunyip would have you know...

Posted October 30, 2013


BTW, Easy Lee makes me think of the M4A3E8 "Easy Eight" Sherman. Just saying...

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John Birmingham puts forth...

Posted October 30, 2013

Dubya, I actually had BearCat in the original. Damned autoerect. (See what I did there?)

The double 'had' however? I got no excuse.

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Murphy ducks in to say...

Posted October 31, 2013

At Oblivion's End.

Mainly because I think that would be a cool title.

Reads well so far. I haven't gone over it for deets yet.



On the Outer Marches

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damian mumbles...

Posted October 31, 2013

I'm still getting over this nasty cold, so I'm unable to vouch for the coherence of the comment I just sent to Blunty. But anyhoo.

damian mumbles...

Posted October 31, 2013

If I hadn't quite achieved incoherence previously, I'm sure the latest comment did :/

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Peter Bradley puts forth...

Posted October 31, 2013

Four and a bit pages and I am hooked already. Damn you Birmingham!!

"The Game Just Changed" or "First Encounters with the Enemy"

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insomniac mutters...

Posted October 31, 2013

in the absence of my go to gal for titles, ms insomniac, i'll just have to submit my own lamo version, "Bring Yesterday Back".

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Brother PorkChop mumbles...

Posted October 31, 2013

The monsters are coming, and I for one can't wait. For a simple reader, following the previous title appears a trifle fraught with danger. The danger would be heading down the Ludlum path of cheesy title progressions. What is the collective noun for MONSTERS? A Mash of Monsters? An Horror of Monsters? A Terror of Monsters? Do they come in Cataclysms or Hordes? Maybe a new collective noun for monsters in the title.

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 31, 2013

Loving it.

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Rob is gonna tell you...

Posted October 31, 2013

'Billy and the Monstersaurus' how does that grab you?

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Surtac mumbles...

Posted October 31, 2013

'A Discourse with Demons'?

'A Dialogue with Daemons'?

Summat like that perhaps ...

I can't help it - I like alliteration.

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Legless mutters...

Posted October 31, 2013

"A Covenant With Demons"

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w from brisbane would have you know...

Posted October 31, 2013

The Menace of Monsters

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NBlob reckons...

Posted October 31, 2013

Please release a bestiary.

Title: Devils take Gulfport

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Sparty2 reckons...

Posted October 31, 2013

its on an oil rig right?

there are Demons?

"Drilling with Demons" - only way to go

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Therbs mutters...

Posted November 1, 2013

The Diet Of Demons

Demon Apps

Monster Mission


Earthborn Eruption

Demon Tide

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John Birmingham ducks in to say...

Posted November 1, 2013

Jesus wept, there's a reason you people dont work in publishing.

w from brisbane ducks in to say...

Posted November 1, 2013

I was going to suggest,
"Dave the Monster Guerrilla".
Which is absolute genius! But I suspected you martini-soaked publishing wankers couldn't tell a good idea even if it was tattooed on your olive.

Rob has opinions thus...

Posted November 1, 2013

I work in the public service. I'vemade my bed and now I have to live in it. feck.

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Therbs has opinions thus...

Posted November 1, 2013

We may not be in the publishing caper but we do love extracting urine.

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Brother PorkChop is gonna tell you...

Posted November 1, 2013

My Little Book of Monsters?

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w from brisbane mumbles...

Posted November 1, 2013

There have been some great title suggestions.
Luckily, there are some smart people in publishing who understand titles.
If it was all people like JB, we would never have gotten the children's classic.

"Pooh Gets Stuck"

insomniac mutters...

Posted November 1, 2013

Sorry ... Cooking With Pooh

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Murphy asserts...

Posted November 2, 2013

In reading up on FBI HRT vehicle support, they generally use a Mowag variant called the Bison. An eight by eight probably isn't the best for Manhattan. But then I am not sure why they'd need the BearCats either (meaning I'd have turned down the request). This secret agent type would probably prefer to exfiltrate away from any problem as opposed to stay in one place and confront it. Which, near as I can tell, is usually what an armored vehicle is good for in a SWAT situation, drawing the attention of some idiot while they find a way to gas or otherwise subdue them.

Low profile then would be better.

I do not see anything that jumps out as wrong in this scene other than the wishful thinking for a BearCat and even that can be sorta handwaved away.

Chevy Suburbans are the best vehicle for the FBI SWAT guys who would most likely be equipped with MP-5s, olive drab uniforms and body armor. They are likely to have the more advanced kevlar helmets. If needs must I can get deets on that. And a lot of these guys seem to have a nomex glove fetish.

A sample of what I do, folks.



On the Outer Marches

damian is gonna tell you...

Posted November 2, 2013

They still make Suburbans? They stopped selling the Holden badged version in 2001 (though a quick look over shows many of the late 90s examples carrying Chevy badges anyway).

Or are fleet vehicles longer-lived over there? Here it is usual for organisations to replace them at 2-years, though I think there are tax and insurance reasons for that which on reflection could be Oz-specific.

damian would have you know...

Posted November 2, 2013

By way of answering myself, I see the Chevy site has the 2014 model up for $46.3k, which seems like good value to me.

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Dino not to be confused with ducks in to say...

Posted November 3, 2013


Do I detect a theme?

As for a title what about the "WestaBaptaChapta meets Earth's Enema"?

Too catchy?

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Dirk swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted November 6, 2013

Heya JB,

If this is the central arc of the story my two cents for a Title would be "Gospodina". That's Russian for female comrade.

Point of interest though. You would make use of an FBI SWAT team. Maybee Murph can add his input on this too, but would it not be a mission for the NYPD SWAT team, namely the ESU?

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Under a Graveyard Sky extract:

Posted September 8, 2013 into Book Extract by John Birmingham

Below is an extract from John Ringo's just released zombie/military thriller. I'm a huge fan of Ringo's Posleen invasion series and have been waiting on this bad boy for over a year now. With this an Steve Stirling's The Given Sacrifice out as well, it's looking like a good readin' month. For those coming here straight from Twitter, there is a introduction to the series by the Lord of Ringo himself in the post above.

Y'all can buy the Kindle version right here.


Snippet from Story One of Graveyard Sky (Light a Candle):

"Well," Kaplan said, catching the tossed rope. "I can see the family resemblance…"

Sophia had packed one 'good' outfit: a cream business suit and matching shoes. Which was what she was wearing. She was carrying a briefcase and had a backpack over her shoulder. And, because she wasn't stupid, she was wearing a nose/mouth respirator.

Faith on the other hand…

She had on body armor. And a full face mask respirator. And a tactical helmet. And a full coverage uniform. And tactical boots. And tactical gloves. And a radio. And a machete. And a kukri. And two or three more knives. And three, count 'em, three tasers, cause Uncle Tom hadn't mentioned (she couldn't carry) tasers…


"Do we have to go right back to the boat?" Sophia asked.

"It's getting dark," Steve said. "And there's a curfew."

"Which is hardly enforced," Tom said. "Even with the National Guard they're too busy rounding up infected."

"And it's getting dark," Steve noted.

"Up to the parents," Tom said, shrugging. "There are some clubs still open and I hear there's a more or less continuous concert going on in Washington Park. More of a rave, really."

"Concert?" Sophia said, her eyes lighting.

"In the dark," Steve said. "In zombie infested New York city."

"I've never been to a concert," Faith said, sadly. "I mean, that's one of those things you do when you're a teenager. The way things are going, I'll never get a chance. Or go to prom…" She sniffed.

"We are not going to a concert at night in a park in zombie infested New York!" Steve said. "And that's final!"


"This band sucks," Faith shouted…

(Yes, they went to the concert and, no, their father is never going to let it go.)

Longer snippet from the concert portion:

Sophia was reloading, visually tracking another inbound target, when her arm was grabbed from behind.

"What are you doing?" Christine asked. "You can't shoot those people!"

" 'Can't', 'may not' and 'shouldn’t' are three different things," Sophia said, seating the magazine and letting the slide go forward. "And what I'm doing is protecting you. Why the hell are you still here?" She looked over her shoulder and was amazed that the concert was still going on. Thinking about it, Voltaire hadn't even missed a beat.

"They come every night," Todd said. "It's their concert."

"What?" Sophia asked, her eyes wide. "Don't they…? Don't you get attacked?"

"They bite some people," Christine said. "Sometimes they eat. I've been waiting to get bitten. But they haven't taken me, yet."

"WHAT?" Sophia screamed. The infected was inside fifteen meters so she put two rounds in her chest and turned back, keeping her weapon pointed downrange and looking over her shoulder. "WHAT? Are you flipping nuts? You WANT to be a zombie?"

"There's nothing to be afraid of if you're a zombie," Christine said, starting to cry. "You just are. You just exist. It's like…"

"It's like zen, you know?" Todd said, swaying back and forth. "You just exist in the moment, man. There's no stress. No school, no work, just eat or be eaten. It's like Rousseau's noble savage, the beast inside every man."

"You are absolutely batshit freaking nuts," Sophia said, looking back to the target zone. Another inbound. "I am not going to be turned into a zombie. My sister got infected but she pulled through and we are not going to be zombies. We are not."

"You just don't get it," Todd said. "Myrmidon."

"Idiot," Sophia said, double tapping the next inbound. She looked around and had time so she quickly reloaded her magazines.

"And now you've brought the soldiers here," Christine said, disgustedly. "They're going to just blow us all away! Babykillers!"

"You want to be a zombie?" Sophia asked. She grabbed Todd by the arm and walked him over to the nearest fresh corpse. Then she pulled out a clasp knife. "Cut your arm. Wipe some of the blood on it. Instant zombie."

"I…" Todd said. "Let go of me…"

"You're not going to because you're afraid," Sophia said, holding the knife up to his eye-level. "You're afraid because you're not willing to fight back. You're the poet. What's the thing about the raging and darkness?"

"You mean Dylon Thomas?" Todd said, disdainfully. " 'Rage, rage against the dying of the light'?"

"Do not go gentle into this good night," Sophia snarled, waving at the darkness all around. "Old age should burn and rave at close of day;/Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

"That is what you should be doing!" she finished. "Raging against the dying of the light. You're not even in old age!"

"You knew the poem," Todd said, wonderingly.

"I got an A plus in a really tough AP English class," Sophia said. "And AP Physics. And Calculus. And I know how to kill zombies. What the hell have you been doing with your life?"

"You want to tell us what's been going on here, miss?" the sergeant of the three man team asked. They weren't up and pointed but you could tell they were here for a fire-fight.

"We're having a poetry and philosophy discussion, Sergeant," Sophia said, holstering her pistol. "I'm glad you could join us…"

Snippet from the beginning of story two (I Will Not Bow):

"If not us, who?" Steve asked. "Tom, if he's out there still, is locked into a fortress and can't get out. Ditto any remaining government groups. There probably are government secure points that held out. But they're trapped by the zombies. We have mobility. And there are other boats, ships, survivors out there. We'll rescue them and organize."

"You think they'll go for it?" Stacey asked. "Tina's a lovely child but she's not going to be much help. They're all going to be traumatized, terrified…"

"Some will," Steve said. "Those that don't…" He shrugged. "Cross that bridge when we come to it. We'll cross every bridge when we come to it. We're going to win and I'm not going to let the bloody damned zombies stop us. I will not bow."


Longer snippet from the Second story:

"Have you ever wondered why my daughter is called Faith?" Steve said.

"I had assumed you were a fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer," Galloway said. "Or at least that was suggested by one of my advisors."

"Never saw it until after she was born," Steve said. "My masters was on logistics in a low support condition, specifically keeping the Gloster Gladiators flying on Malta during the Siege."

"I have a lot of history, but… Standby… Ah, my senior Air Force advisor just filled me in. Faith, Hope and Charity. I see."

"Three obsolete biplanes faced down the Luftwaffe for nearly two years and kept flying, sir," Steve said. "Their crews had to make parts from scrap metal. Parts would come in for Hurricanes. Hurricanes. They didn't see their first Hurricane until 1943. So they would rework Hurricane parts to work in Glosters. They would beg, borrow or steal. Rework, refit, literally use chewing gum. When they had chewing gum."

"That makes sense," Galloway said. "I guess you are well prepared for your current situation."

"Does your Air Force advisor know which aircraft had the most kills, sir? That never missed so much as one battle?"

"She admits that as a bomber pilot she'd sort of consider them the bad guys, so, no."

"Put it this way, sir," Steve said. "Whenever they went to battle, they always had Faith."

23 Responses to ‘Under a Graveyard Sky extract:’

Dilph mutters...

Posted September 8, 2013

Some fairly bad HTML issues here, bossman...

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan puts forth...

Posted September 8, 2013

Yeah, but once you get past the intro code, the shout out is fairly cool.

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ShaneAlpha has opinions thus...

Posted September 8, 2013

On the gripping hand, liked the extracts. Must. Spend. More. Money. On. Zombies.

Darth Greybeard would have you know...

Posted September 8, 2013

Stinkin' Motie!

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Anthony reckons...

Posted September 8, 2013

I bought the advanced readers ebook from Baen yesterday. For once I'm at the leading edge :)

Now all I have to do is get around to reading it...

And JB, be greatful Clive didn't take up your offer. You could have ended up a politician...

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MickH asserts...

Posted September 8, 2013

No political debate this year John?


Used to enjoy those in the past

John Birmingham swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted September 8, 2013

Later, Mick.

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Barnesm asserts...

Posted September 8, 2013

I too thought Mr Abbott wins the election an already the formating is Fracked. Thats a great extract and I have purchased the book on Kindle.

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan ducks in to say...

Posted September 8, 2013

We are drifting off topic, but that can only be deemed natural considering that your National Party has achieving power via a coalition that includes a big chunk of the Australian lunatic fringe, and the Derpocracy (I adore that term; thank you Bob) that results. It will be interesting to see if this has the same effect it had in the US.

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Barnesm mutters...

Posted September 8, 2013

You know if you paste the HTML salad above into a web browser it calls up a clip of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody being played backwards and it sounds like it is saying "Freddie is the Devil".

Darth Greybeard asserts...

Posted September 8, 2013

(thinks: What rubbish! But it is Barnesm so maybe I should try it. Hmm. Soul is devoured and browser reverts to Netscape Navigator. Damn you Barnes.)

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan asserts...

Posted September 8, 2013
Off topic (again) Barnes' comment reminds me of a news story I read back in the early 1970's about a group of fundamentalist Southern American Christians who bought and burned a big bunch of records with the Mr. Ed theme song on them ("a horse is a horse/of course, of course/ and no one can talk to a horse, of course..."). They claimed that, if you played the Mr. Ed theme song backwards a demonic voice could be heard chanting "Someone sang this song for Satan."

I laughed and laughed when I read that news story. What a bunch of maroons.

Now those people are in control of the US House of Representatives in the American Derpocracy.

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Murphy has opinions thus...

Posted September 8, 2013

Not only is the kudo from Ringo well deserved but I gotta say, if he didn't find any quibbles with the military bits of the Disappearance Trilogy then that is something to crow about.

I'm getting a copy next payday. Looking forward to having something on my stack that I actually WANT to read again.



On the Outer Marches

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w from brisbane ducks in to say...

Posted September 8, 2013

"And you must be Ringo.
Look darling, Johnny Ringo.
The deadliest pistoleer since Wild Bill, they say.
What do you think, darling? Should I hate him?"

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Quokka has opinions thus...

Posted September 8, 2013

Um, what happened to my burst of cackling at all that code?

That completely made my day, that the first thing I saw on the internet under the new world order was that littany of code transcription horror.

John Birmingham would have you know...

Posted September 8, 2013

I deleted it. And I cackled like a crazy cat lady while doing so.

NBlob ducks in to say...

Posted September 8, 2013

I thought you were a manic completeist? Or are you completist tendancies inconsistant? rending it pointless, yet poigniant.

Mmmm. Render.

Quokka mumbles...

Posted September 8, 2013

Well that explains the buckshot in my avatar.

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w from brisbane mutters...

Posted September 8, 2013

Ringo stands calmly looking on. The desert stretches out into the distance beyond him. If Ringo is taken aback by Curly's shotgun, he doesn't show it.

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w from brisbane puts forth...

Posted September 8, 2013

A favourite movie scene.
Latin translations are accurate in meaning, but not literal. I have nicked them off someone else.

Doc Holiday:
And you must be Ringo. Look, darling, Johnny Ringo.
The deadliest pistoleer since Wild Bill, they say.
What do you think, darling?
Should I hate him?

You don't even know him.

Doc Holiday:
Yes, but there's just something about him. Something around the eyes.
I don't know, reminds me of... me.
No. I'm sure of it, I hate him.

Wyatt Earp (to Ringo):
He's drunk.

Doc Holiday:
In vino veritas. (When drinking, I speak the truth.)

Johnny Ringo:
Age quod agis. (Do what you do best.]

Doc Holiday:
Credat Judaeus Apella. (I don't believe drinking is what I do best.)

Johnny Ringo (pats gun) :
Ecentus stultorum magister. (Fools have to learn by experience.)

Doc Holiday (Cheshire cat smile):
In pace requiescat. (It's your funeral)

Sherriff White (enters, appeasing):
Come on now, we don't want any trouble in here. Not in any language.

Doc Holiday:
Evidently, Mr. Ringo's an educated man. Now I really hate him.

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Anthony asserts...

Posted September 9, 2013

Not working today so I actually read it through. I think Mr Ringo may be mellowing a little with a bit less of his political views coming through. I enjoyed it - with the usual reservations which I won't mention yet because of spoiler.

Not a bad job of having an Australian central character - he's not quite got the language right but a far better effort than most.

The bastard has ended with a "To Be Continued". I hope it's continued soon.

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JOHN RINGO mumbles...

Posted September 10, 2013

I wrote all four books in the series in a year. Baen got out a crowbar and shoehorned them into a year or so of schedule. Next one is due in February so you won't have to wait long on the 'to be continued.' The first two books end 'To be continued' the third ends 'The Beginning.' The fourth I don't think I put a 'the end' or anything. It's simply... there. (Didn't really want to write the fourth book but the situation called for it.)

My great grandfather's first cousin was not educated in Latin. (Although my GGF was.) He was a mean drunk with a surly disposition. He gained fame from claiming to have killed two men. (Some question whether he did. Whether or not he did, they were 'bushwacked', IE 'snipered.' Shot in the back with a rifle from cover. Not face to face.)

He missed the OK Corral from, take your pick, being too hung over or too cowardly. I go with both. There's no indication that he ever faced a man in cold blood in his life. He was just a surly drunk and a bully who waved a gun around alot. He probably took his own life in a fit of depression which runs in the family. (God knows I've got it.)

My GGF was a marshal in Kansas when his cousin was in Texas. Family legend has it that they had an agreement: Johnny didn't go north, Ben didn't go south. That way they wouldn't have to try to kill each other which makes family dinners awkward. I've got better than even odds on my GGF.

He'd gone west to seek his fortune, ended up working as a clerk in a store in a cattle-town. (Where they brought the cattle herds to get loaded on the railroad.) Young men who hadn't seen civilization for months and who had to be armed for a variety of reasons on their jobs would come into town looking to get laid, get drunk and get into a fight in no particular order. He, being a young man as well, would go to the bars. He quickly got a reputation as a guy who could 'calm' things and when that didn't happen could 'end' things quickly and definitively. He was initially hired as a 'cooler' then was asked the take over as marshal. The previous marshal had quit cause the job was impossible. The one before that had been killed.

He sent down some of his maxims through the family. "Never start a fight. If you can, try to calm people and stop it that way. If you cannot avoid the fight, be the last man standing."

(I used to be able to do this, by the way. My 'friends' HAH! in the army would get a bar on the point of riot then throw me in to 'see what I was made of.' Five minutes later, everybody would be singing along to 'Carolina'. (Carolina, nananaa, hey, hey, hey, Gooood bye!) They truly hated me for that.)

My GGF had to return home to take over the affairs when his father had ill health. He later attended Princeton, became a lawyer then a magistrate and retired as a Circuit Court Judge. (Back when that meant riding a horse around the circuit.) His reputation was as a judge you wanted to be before if you were innocent and avoid if you were guilty. Fair but firm and absolutely unyielding to the guilty. He ordered more than one death sentence.

We have his pistol and regalia from his marshal days. They say that carving a notch on your pistol was a sign of a tinhorn. Whatever. You only carved a notch if it was a stand-up fight.

He had seven.

Which is one of the many many reasons I cordially hate any reference to that turd who got a reputation as an 'infamous outlaw.' I somewhat wish I'd been named Benjamin but it was taken by a cousin my generation. However, the name has probably helped sell some books.

And I am an educated man.

John Ringo

Anthony has opinions thus...

Posted September 11, 2013

Them's good news about the books...

Romantic ancestors are not always romantic. My wife has an ancestor who was sent out to NSW as a convict. He was convicted of "Robbery on the King's Highway" .The family had notions of a gallant Dick Turpin "stand and deliver" type. What they discovered was basically a thug who in company with a couple of accomplices would creep up behind people, hit them over the head and make off with whatever they had.

A common or garden mugger.

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