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Alien Side Boob archive now open to subscribers

Posted February 3 by John Birmingham

I didn't want to build a website. When I decided to test the waters with a subscriber-only column I wanted to keep it as simple as possible.

That idea crashed and burned on the laser turret defences of a couple of corporate firewalls and Gmail's aggresive spam filtering. Apparently too many clusterfuckturduckens in one email means I'm selling time shares in Nigeria.

So, I built an archive. Or rather, Dan did.

Any ASB subscribers can check out all the back issues at aliensideboob.com

Including today's transcript of how that phone call would have gone if Paul Keating had been PM.

17 Responses to ‘Alien Side Boob archive now open to subscribers’

Brother PorkChop is gonna tell you...

Posted February 3
Journal friend came up with this beauty Regardless of your politics, or your position on hair tablets/cream, or the condition of your prostate, I think we can all agree that President Trump has a reeeaaally, reeeeaaaaly long bit of hair at the front, that needs to be coiffed over and sprayed into submission, and a short back-and-sides. A kind of 'reverse mullet'. Or, TRullet, if u will. #trullety

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Brother PorkChop ducks in to say...

Posted February 3
Journo Friend. Not Journal friend. Bloody spellfixer

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Therbs would have you know...

Posted February 3
So its all well and good for arsewombles to spam me with "You have $4683 in your account" scam emails but not okay to receive some sweary copy to subscribers?
Once again its one rule for scam artists and another for those seeking enrichment of the intellect.

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Quokka puts forth...

Posted February 3
Gmail spam terminators may be brutal, but the ones at my uni email address have laser blaster eyes like Bronwyn Bishop. It's incredible what uni will block, all that's left after that purge is little smoking piles of dust whimpering sadly in the trash receptor.

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insomniac has opinions thus...

Posted February 3
You made ms insomniac lol with the PK phone call

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John Birmingham would have you know...

Posted February 3
I've been taken aback by the ferocity of the firewall defences. Hence the site and the FB group

insomniac would have you know...

Posted February 3
If you start out with "boob" it probably doesn't matter what you say next

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jl mutters...

Posted February 4
Luckily, haven't had a single issue with Boob emails. For those of you who haven't subscribed, what are you waiting on? It's well worth the little bit of scratch- my kids can go without lunch money for a while. Their sacrifice was for a worthy cause.

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NBlob mumbles...

Posted February 4
My plucky @hotmail equivilant of a Fairy Swordfish don't have laser defences, rather a moustache to twirl, a natty leather helmet and guts.

NBlob swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted February 5
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fairey_Swordfish

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damian ducks in to say...

Posted February 4
I really should subscribe one of these days, I'm sill puzzling out what it is you plan to do one you have my credit card details

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Lulu has opinions thus...

Posted February 6
The Keating response made me think of Malcolm Tucker from "The Thick Of It" (as played so wonderfully by Peter Capaldi; the reason I could never watch him as Dr Who, because I always expected him to be breaking out the swear stick).

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pitpat ducks in to say...

Posted February 6
Still chortling.

Could I suggest the use of 'shit for brains' and possibly 'rat fucker' if you choose to reimagine the life and times of PJK. I reckon Keating would have used the term 'rat fucker' way before Rudd if and when cabinet got rowdy or the reporters got uppity

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Legless ducks in to say...

Posted February 6
If you want a mailing list service that won't get blocked by Gmail or most firewalls, drop me a line and I'll build you one. Gratis.


I'm a very minor IT godlet who's been around the Net since before DNS was a thing. When you had to type the IP address directly and the web was web 1.0. I've been around.


I've even got a Twitter-bot lying around that I wrote in a fit of rage when my very expensive aircon refused to work at the start of a heatwave. The manufacturer told me they might be able to get an engineer out in about 10 days. So I wrote and unleashed my Twitter-bot.


It sent a message to Twitter using the manufacturer's name as the hashtag every 5 minutes. It used 20 different insults based around how crap their customer service was and then recycled them but added a random 6 digit string to the front of each message. After an hour, it doubled it's output from 30 messages an hour to 60. Next iteration would have been 120. But it didn't get that far. I got a call from the head of marketing asking me to turn off the bit and there'd be an engineer round at 7am the next day.


I did, there was. Aircon fixed.


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Legless ducks in to say...

Posted February 6
On firewall madness, I once had the unfortunate job of wrangling a massive mail server with hundreds of thousands of users. We had a terrible, Yank designed, mail gateway/firewall that kept me up late at night. It would block mail and give enigmatic, generic, messages as to why the mail was blocked. When it blocked an entire town council's messages I had to dive deep into the guts of the monster to find out why.

It didn't like Scunthorpe. An unassuming little town in England and who's mail system we were responsible for. All users could send mail internally, to each other, but any and all inbound and outbound mail was blocked.

Profanity.

That was the message in the logs.


Then it dawned on me.


There's a cunt in Scunthorpe.


So I added Scunthorpe to the whitelist and all worked again. But, as I was going through the database of disallowed words or phrases I found:

"Antique farm machinery" as banned.


That threw me. What could possibly be offensive about that?


Turns out it's an insult to black people on the USA.

Nocturnalist mumbles...

Posted February 7
I gather that the problem of false positives in filter software is actually known as "the Scunthorpe problem" for exactly that reason.

Finding this out was a cause for some hilarity in my family since my mother is from there.

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Lulu would have you know...

Posted February 7
OT (because Fairfax hasn't enabled comments on today's Blunty): I have to thank you for coining 'Hair Gropenfuhrer'. It's definitely my new favourite.

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