Cheeseburger Gothic

Dropbears and sticky pants, a G20 threat assessment

Posted March 20, 2014 into Blunty by John Birmingham

Minutes of a Double Secret Meeting

Premiers Department.

Re. G20 or Possibly G19 Security Arrangements

Attending: Premier, Police Commissioner, Police Minister

The meeting was called to order by the Premier who wanted to know why the internet was still running around freely in his state given all the threats he’d been getting from the internet.

The Minister assured the Premier that his men assured him they were all over the internet and the Commissioner knew they weren’t lying because every time he looked out his office the others were all gathered around the big computer out there pointing at something on the internet.

At Blunty.

5 Responses to ‘Dropbears and sticky pants, a G20 threat assessment’

Lulu ducks in to say...

Posted March 20, 2014

Maybe we could include a warning for Putin that there are Ukrainian dropbears; gay Ukrainian dropbears.

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dweeze mutters...

Posted March 20, 2014

Whether or not it was intended, you oopsied a few pars from the end. In the current glorious weather, my wethered South American camels dont know whether they are wooly or wearing the wheat bags.

WE, THE pedants ARe worried...

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Quokka swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 20, 2014

I can't be arsed logging in to comment - since I know if I do I'll end up with spam, spam and more spam - but I feel duty bound to remind our illustrious guests that when you shave a drop-bear, you get a bogan.

tqft has opinions thus...

Posted March 20, 2014

I got a few good laughs with that a while back (it may have been you I stole it from) - Aussie backpackers are shaven dropbears tattooed with a southern cross and sent overseas until they are civilised.

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JG ducks in to say...

Posted March 21, 2014

You forgot the giant gekkos and the Brisbane River monster that lives under Brisbane's bridges. And the giant squids that creep ashore. You never know what's below that calm, brown river.

By the by, I heard that Brisbane's new underground transit station will be called BAT. I heard it from a distance on the news and thought at first that theQueensland Premier called it the Back Tunnel, which I instantly translated in my mind to be the Back Passage aka the Bum Route. Sad story.

Luckily the BAT Tunnel won't be built before the G20 Summit this year. The delegates would be swallowed whole, never to appear again; eaten by that bad, dark place at the bottom of Brisbane.

JG, still training hard for my first full marathon on the Gold Coast in 2014 (in advance for when public transport becomes too expensive).

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Will you miss us when we're gone?

Posted March 18, 2014 into Blunty by John Birmingham

From Blunty.

Move along, nothing to see here.

Stepping away from the all of the issues captured by a thousand different placards on Saturday and Sunday, the systemic failure to recognise the significance of the story speaks to a deeper fear I have about the news media, which is not that we might die out as Google gorges itself on the last scraps of our advertising based business model… but that it won’t matter.

That you won’t care, and that there will be no reason to care.

Because we failed you, long before we failed to do our jobs. There's a case to be made that new media, in the form of professional blogs and even some of the better amateur sites, have already embarrassed us in a dozen different specialist areas that used to compromise the various desks of the old metro dailies; sport, fashion (the 'ladies pages'), entertainment, science and tech, international politics, maybe even national politics. But the meat and potatoes of local coverage? No, that still belonged to us. Or I thought it did. Increasingly, however, I wonder whether the question, "Will you miss us when we're gone", is one which answers itself.


22 Responses to ‘Will you miss us when we're gone?’

beeso puts forth...

Posted March 18, 2014

Even the ABC, which has always done a pretty good job of "state the facts" bog arse reporting seems to have caught the disease of having to tell a narritive with every story.

I know that Fairfax and the Oz still think they rule our hearts and minds, but i wonder if they dissapeared for a month would anyone really, really care? Other than the people making money producing them?

On the other side of the coin, Nate Silver launched his site today and the opening statement is a shot across the bows of the Jones/Bolt/Ellis methodology. If only, please god, Oz could produce a Grantland or FiveThirtyEight.

Lulu puts forth...

Posted March 18, 2014

I would care (about Fairfax, at least).

insomniac would have you know...

Posted March 18, 2014

Speaking of bog arse reporting on the ABC, on two occasions, once when he died and for his funeral, the jockey, Roy Henry Higgens, who was nicknamed The Professor, had the origins of his nickname described once as "the unlikely nickname of", and again because of "his studious approach to racing", when the real origin is as plain as anything to someone with the remotest interest in film and literature. Are the reporters just dumb or is it related to young people living their lives with their heads shoved up their iPhone's arse at all times?

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beeso swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 18, 2014

Really? Fairfax may not have the insidious hand of the sith lord trying to influence Oz politics, bt the quality of their content ranges from Meh on a good day to mind numbingly stupid the rest of the time. Their masthead is a joke.

Lulu mumbles...

Posted March 18, 2014

The website and the dead-tree versions can be very different, and the website has an inclination towards clickbait which would shame a downmarket tabloid. It's a matter of resources. Someone has to put money into reporting, coverage etc, and that affects the international arena as well. For example, I don't want to just read opinion pieces on why Russia is being a baddie/goodie in Ukraine. I want reportage on what's happening, context, historical perspective etc. That needs resourcing, whether Fairfax is putting reporters on the ground, or buying articles/material from other news organisations who have reporters there.

Luke Sleeman asserts...

Posted March 19, 2014

" For example, I don't want to just read opinion pieces on why Russia is being a baddie/goodie in Ukraine. I want reportage on what's happening, context, historical perspective etc."

Owww, you should read the Interpreter, blog of the Lowy institute for international policy

http://www.lowyinterpreter.org/

Lots of good stuff in there!

John Birmingham is gonna tell you...

Posted March 19, 2014

Yeah, I link to them occasionally

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Carmen would have you know...

Posted March 18, 2014

Not one bit.

I long ago stopped taking notice of what msm says.

Even ABC is now a total joke in the news and current affairs sort of programes. I no longer bother with them. They have become a mouthpiece for the LIEBERALS. They stymie anyone not sympathetic to them.

Have not bought a newspaper for at least 30 years. Full of rubbish and adds.

Social media and personal observation are my sources now.

Although the net is slow as a wet week most times. Malcolm Turnbull you will stand to be condemned and ridiculed long into the future.

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w from brisbane reckons...

Posted March 18, 2014

One thing I have noticed is that the MSM is always wrong. I spent decades in the federal public service. Every time I read MSM coverage on the hows and whys of policy and legislation that I knew well, the MSM was wrong. It was a lot wrong.

I would consider myself a bit of a leftie. The main people I would discuss public affairs with would be other lefties. On the policies and policy histories I knew a lot about, I have never come across people more wrong than my fellow lefties. Their cherished and unshakeable convictions about government policy history, successes and failures, what works and doesn't, was mostly absolute rubbish.
I don't doubt the right is much the same.

I have a friend who is very senior in State government. Yep, I can assure you that the common and MSM understandings of what is really going on are dazzling incorrect.

This makes me think that I am probably wildly incorrect about virtually everything too, except a few narrow items that I am only a little incorrect about.

So, I think it is important to remember that, whatever you are reading, it's wrong.

Conspiracy Cat would have you know...

Posted March 18, 2014

And often, deliberately wrong - especially when there is an agenda to push.

Bill puts forth...

Posted March 19, 2014

Sorry about the previous post - I'll try again.

What you describe is the Gell-Mann Amnesia effect: http://pic.twitter.com/BkJNOCoHIJ

John Birmingham reckons...

Posted March 19, 2014

Sorted

w from brisbane mumbles...

Posted March 19, 2014

Bill, The Gell-Mann amnesia effect, that's excellent.

Of course, we have relied on the MSM to have the time, skills and professionalism to be less wrong than the ignorant opinionated blowhard sitting next to you on the bus. Which is who you are listening to in 99% of blog/twitter comment. That is probably still the case, though the gap seems to be deliberately narrowing. Still, I don't like to imagine a cultural life without the ABC (particularly Radio National), the BBC and their ilk.

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Therbs ducks in to say...

Posted March 18, 2014

I'd miss Blunty. Maybe a couple of other things but no, I don't miss it. The ABC website is useful for major headlines but most of them you get from a quick look at Twitter.

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Surtac mumbles...

Posted March 18, 2014

No I won't miss the MSM. I already ignore it. We're down to one newspaper here at Chateau Dysfunction, and that one is for the chop when the current sub expires. Also, I don't watch tv and refuse to listen to commercial radio.

I get my news from my twitter feed and my Old Reader blogroll feeds, both of which host a range of of ideological positions so that I'm not just self-reinforcing my own preferences by ignoring other opinions. It's not reducing my overall levels of cynicism though.

Btw, you do realise that 'cynic' is just a shorthand way of saying 'experienced ICT professional' don't you?

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Halwes swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 18, 2014

I read the SMH, Helen Razer's Bad Hostess ( because I like my world view to be challenged ) and CG but these usually reinforce what I already know or believe anyway. This is useful for me in the adverserial society that we now live in. Two party preferred is usually about 50 - 50 so half of us don't agree with what the other half are saying. If either side gives any ground in the argument then two party preferred swings to 51 - 49 and someone loses. As for the ABC ( which I love), they are shit scared of the Libs so they suck up to them big time. They have no reason to be scared of Labor and crucify them at every opportunity.

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Conspiracy Cat ducks in to say...

Posted March 18, 2014

I'd miss MSM. How would we know what to be outraged about at the water cooler otherwise?

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Stephen has opinions thus...

Posted March 18, 2014

Putting on my grumpy old man hat - "and the spelling and grammar were better in my day as well".

"compromise the various desks" - lovely freudian slip there :)

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S.M. Stirling mumbles...

Posted March 19, 2014

Generally speaking, elections in a democracy indicate the balance of opinions in the population quite closely.

This is often hard to admit, because most people hang out with those who agree with them and hence tend to overestimate their numbers. The Internet has exaggerated this tendency, but it's always been there.

There's an old joke here in the US about a lady from the Upper West Side in New York who exclaimed that she couldn't believe Reagan got elected honestly -- nobody -she- knew had voted for him.

Getting out in the street with some friends and waving signs doesn't increase your numbers or significance either; it just sooths instinctual needs for Mass Tribal Dancing.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 19, 2014

I understand and accept the view that much of the political process boils down to an expression of the instinctive need for mass tribal dancing. I just wish the accompanying music was better.

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Blarkon ducks in to say...

Posted March 19, 2014

When we stopped paying for professional journalists, we stopped getting professional journalism.

Lulu swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 19, 2014

True, that.

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Your last beer on earth

Posted March 13, 2014 into Blunty by John Birmingham

41 Responses to ‘Your last beer on earth’

pi mumbles...

Posted March 13, 2014

Gotta be said... I do love a Grolsch

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan is gonna tell you...

Posted March 13, 2014

It isn't so bad with a squeeze of fresh lime.

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DNABeast has opinions thus...

Posted March 13, 2014

I have a medical reaction to XXXX Gold. Like my body is rejecting it.

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Murphy mutters...

Posted March 13, 2014

Bulleitt 10 year Bourbon.

If you are going to check out, go uptown for it.

Respects,

Murph

On the Outer Marches

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insomniac puts forth...

Posted March 13, 2014

I recently bought a bottle of wine up in the Hunter after going to see Bruce, called Vin de Vie by Audrey Wilkinson. It's delicious but the name brings up a Catch-22 situation.

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Rhino mumbles...

Posted March 13, 2014

Bombay Sapphire martini. Dry. Twist.

damian is gonna tell you...

Posted March 13, 2014

I say Mr Rhino I find your argument persuasive and would like to subscribe to your pamphlet.

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JBtoo swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 13, 2014

Something Belgian - maybe a Hoegarden in summer, a Duvel in winter.

Last beer on Mars could be a different matter entirely.

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w from brisbane reckons...

Posted March 13, 2014

XXXX Gold is for people who really like beer. People for whom 12 stubbies a day is really just a starting point. Cost and survivability become very important. In this situation, XXXX Gold is an excellent drop.

For people who don't really like beer, that is people who might just have a few beers a few times a week, then you can have your Ye Olde Belgian Atomic Wedgie Ale. It doesn't really matter what you drink.

Rob would have you know...

Posted March 14, 2014

I always associate certain drinks with good times , so everytime I drink a xxxx I think of going to a nice cheap aussie pub on the gold coast and buying a nice meal and drinking xxxx in the heat with my kids. So when I'm back in Tas in the thick of winter and the food is expensive and the people are mean. XXXX is for me.

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Mayhem's Mum puts forth...

Posted March 13, 2014

One is fond of a shandy now and again. My Lord and Master Greybeard (Keeper of the torch, Tamer of Rats, Grand High Priest of Fine Beverages) thoughtfully leaves me the occasional six pack of XXXX Gold in his wheelie bin whenever his worshippers bring it to his home as a tribute.

It is not so common an occurence of late. One has difficulty extricating oneself from the cardboard tea chest one currently calls home to examine the wheelie bin contents. My Lord and Master is not only discerning with beverages, he also purchases only the best quality packing tape.

Darth Greybeard would have you know...

Posted March 14, 2014

Fear not my grey and grisly guest, soon you'll be unpacked into a new and commodious dungeon in beautiful suburban Ringworm. To celebrate we'll give you the edible beeswax candles and a six-pack of VB. Won't that be nice? Mayhem sent you a cake but all the grass died within a 2m radius of the box and the postie is still in the ICU so we gave it to the local Kindy instead.

w from brisbane has opinions thus...

Posted March 14, 2014

How apposite. The home of the Pride of Ringwood. The famous (infamous) hops that give Australian beer their taste. Used it just about all our quaffing beers, except XXXX. XXXX preferring Golden Cluster hops.

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Bangar ducks in to say...

Posted March 13, 2014

Last beer would have to be a Cooper's of the Vintage variety.

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dweeze reckons...

Posted March 13, 2014

Seeing as how the slitheries are only out in summer, mine would be a lightly chilled Duvel or maybe a long neck of Weihanstephaner Hefeweissbier. Failing that, one of my local mates (Strathbogie Brewing) has started producing a rather quaffable wheat beer.

If I somehow got bit in winter, the finest last drop would have to be long neck of La Maudite - I've not drunk better.

You know, all this talk of snakeypoos will proably bring one in to my face today. Ony 14 sightings near the house this summer and it has been some weeks since I heard the hiss.

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Brother PorkChop mumbles...

Posted March 13, 2014

Beery Stuff - Kilkenny

Wine - 04 Picardy Pinot

Spirit - Angostura 1824 Rum

or an icy Loch Castle licor manzana verde

or Agavero El Original Licor de Tequila

or preferably one of each please, just before I go.

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Barnesm mutters...

Posted March 13, 2014

Daryl would say peach schnapps should neither be your first or your last alcoholic drink.

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Jerie has opinions thus...

Posted March 13, 2014

Just a plain, simple Heineken...

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w from brisbane swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 13, 2014

Two people I know had last beer incidences.
One of my mates, in hospital dying of emphysema. A very entertaining man and an inveterate barfly. He was brought in to hospital and was on his last few days. Another friend was visiting him and it became obvious that Graham didn't realise that he was soon to die. My friend went out to the nurse's station and asked what is going on, Graham doesn't realise he's not coming out of here alive. A nurse said, Right!, went to Graham and laid out the reality very bluntly.
Graham said, "Well. I guess I had better have a beer then." I think my friend got him a VB. Graham had lived in Queensland for 35 years but always considered himself a Victorian. He died within the week.

Another bloke, my father-in-law, was dying of Leukemia. He expressed a wish to his wife that he wanted a beer and he thought he wanted a stout. Neither he and his wife were big beer drinkers but his wife came to me for assistance. I bought them a tallie of Guinness. His wife and he shared the Guinness by his bed. She said it was great. He was dead within 3 days.

In both cases, I don't think it was the beer that killed them.

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damian ducks in to say...

Posted March 13, 2014

Testing... grrr... spit

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damian would have you know...

Posted March 13, 2014

What I had tried to say, which wasn't nohting, I wouldn't try to post nothing, was that I would like to refer to this without comment. Not that I can't comment about it, but if I did it wouldn't make it any better.

NBlob mutters...

Posted March 14, 2014

Testify Comrade D

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sibeen mumbles...

Posted March 13, 2014

Let's face facts, If you're about to fly off the perch in the next 30 minutes or so then the best beer is the bloody nearest. Now, saying that, i wouldn't have a xxxx in my fridge for love or money, so I'd be reaching for what is guaranteed to be in there, a lovely Abbotsford Invalid Stout.

Of course my wine fridge is also next to the beer fridge, and at the bottom of that I have a few bottles of Wild Duck Creek '96 Duck Muck. Just the thing when you know you've only got 30 minutes or so to go.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan asserts...

Posted March 14, 2014

"Let's face facts, If you're about to fly off the perch in the next 30 minutes or so then the best beer is the bloody nearest."

Cannot, cannot, cannot argue with that.

Bangar mutters...

Posted March 15, 2014

So what you're saying is keep good beer on hand at all times!

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Babes reckons...

Posted March 14, 2014

I'd go with La Chouffe, I think.

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Trashman reckons...

Posted March 14, 2014

For those of us who don't drink and live in Gods Own Country (Scotland, if you had to ask!) - a cold Irn Bru right out of the fridge.

w from brisbane has opinions thus...

Posted March 14, 2014

Dear Trashman

Can you describe the flavour of Irn-Blu?

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan reckons...

Posted March 14, 2014

Reminiscent of oat cakes, with haggis notes and a black fruit finish.

w from brisbane ducks in to say...

Posted March 14, 2014

Someone said it tastes like sweet jam, with some seaweed.

Lulu has opinions thus...

Posted March 14, 2014

Deep-fried Mars Bar, with a salt-and-vinegar crisps finish.

NBlob mumbles...

Posted March 14, 2014

With due respect to one of the greatest nations of engineers & thinkers, Irn Bru tastes like arse. Clyde-side navvies arse.

And while I'm at it Chips (hot deep-fried potato to avoid the crips / chips argument) should not be cooked in bulk & sit in a warmer for an hour. Chips should make noise when you eat them. A fair fraction should shatter when you bite down. These saggy, flacid, pasty abominations, as I was served in Edinborough, Must Stop.

Trashman asserts...

Posted March 16, 2014

Philistines, the lot of you!

Chips that shatter are overdone by definition. They should also be covered in salt and chip chop sauce. (Brown sauce diluted with vinegar). If you're feeling sophisticated, covered in grated cheese as well. That's got to cover most of the food groups surely?

Irn Bru is hard to describe - sweet but has a bite in the aftertaste. I've heard it described as tasting like bubble gum but I don't agree. Best cold out the fridge. According to a recent interview even Scarlett Johansson likes it!

It outsells Coca Cola in Scotland and, I believe, Russia, strangely enough. It goes well with vodka (called a Girder), which might explain that.

Also, it's the only hangover cure I've heard of!

All in all (as you may have heard) we like to eat healthily in Scotland...

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Brother PorkChop would have you know...

Posted March 14, 2014

Or creaming soda.... but sweeter.

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Rob would have you know...

Posted March 14, 2014

I would have to go a xxxx or a VB. I was introduced to Aussie beers when living in New Zealand by an Aussie TV producer. I think it was the only reason he made commercials was for the slab of beer at 4 pm. Anywho moved to Australia and I just kinda stuck with those. So yeah I would ask for a VB over a boutique beer or one with a nice packet.

My name is Rob and I like Aussie mass produced beer.

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Darth Greybeard mumbles...

Posted March 14, 2014

I'd probably go for a Beamish Stout which, along with Murphy's, I prefer to Guinness. That's if it had to be a beer. Otherwise any good single malt would be the thing. There are so many and I love them polyamorously.

Also, on the only occasions I've been bitten by a venomous snake I was at work and there was NO BEER. After the bandaging I had to make do with a coffee and a panadol. Made up for it when I got home though.

sibeen swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 14, 2014

BEAMISH...OMG.

I tried one down in the south of Ireland one time. Thought I must, as I was in the country and all that. Once finished the barman looked at me and enquired whether I'd like another.

"Not in this lifetime" was my snooty reply. Gad, it was ghastly.

A murphy's on the other hand - that's mothers milk.

NBlob mumbles...

Posted March 15, 2014

Strong mental image of a viper hacking-up hair ball style, "I'll never get that taste out of my mouth."

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Bangar mutters...

Posted March 14, 2014

Have you tried Sheaf Stout?

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Anthony swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 14, 2014

I'd have one of the last half-dozen Nogne o 100% Peated I have in my fridge. Especially if I don't have time for a whisky as well. It has the taste of Ardberg whisky and one is usually enough. It's a rather interesting norwegian beer at 8%. And what other beer has "Almost Undrinkable" stamped across the label,

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damian swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 15, 2014

On relfection I think if you can only have one, you still want some fortification for the journey ahead, which means I'm going for Carlsberg Elephant or Weihenstephaner Vitus, though Beamish or Kilkenny by pint sounds reasonable as well (and the bonus of being a decent meal).

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Advice upon finding that your staunch opposition to strip clubs has led you to vote for more strip clubs

Posted March 11, 2014 into Blunty by John Birmingham

9 Responses to ‘Advice upon finding that your staunch opposition to strip clubs has led you to vote for more strip clubs’

S.M. Stirling ducks in to say...

Posted March 11, 2014

"Hypocrisy is the tribute vice pays to virtue."

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AKM. reckons...

Posted March 11, 2014

Just get a job at Woolies in Byron Bay. Babes....Babes, everywhere. Fresh off the beach and damn near nekkid. Not to mention all the hot young six-packed backpacker blokes who just make me feel old and weary beaing in the same building as them........

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Conspiracy Cat mumbles...

Posted March 12, 2014

I'm no good at pole dancing. Or irish dancing. Or german dancing.....

w from brisbane would have you know...

Posted March 12, 2014

Cicero (106BC-43BC : Roman lawyer, orator and politician) summed it up neatly.

Nemo enim fere saltat sobrius, nisi forte insanit.
No one dances sober, unless he is insane.

AuntyLou puts forth...

Posted March 12, 2014

Ahh...W! Thanks for that. You have now given my hubby his motto and/or excuse!

Brother PorkChop would have you know...

Posted March 12, 2014

Mine is always, "I am dancing...on the inside!"

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w from brisbane is gonna tell you...

Posted March 12, 2014

In defence of the honorable member, Mr. Vaughan Johnson, he admitted he was not across all the detail and implications of the Liquor (Red Tape Reduction) and Other Legislation Amendment Bill.
What Mr. Johnson spoke about was the removal of the provision that alcohol can only be served by people formally trained in the provision of alcohol. Which in practice meant that publicans in remote Queensland could not travel more that 1 hour from their premises, and also, Mr. Johnson couldn't get a beer at his barber's. Pole sports never entered the honourable member's mind.

Looking at the Hansard for 20 November 2013, Mr Johnson addressed the Parliament thus:

Mr JOHNSON: ........I notice that hairdressers will now be able to serve a couple of glasses of wine or a couple of beers to their clients. That might encourage me to get a haircut more often. I will check out Gaby Janho’s at Longreach when I go home and see if he has a fridge in there with a few stubbies in it. If you see me with shorter hair in future you will know that Gaby has beer in the fridge.

I think this is very good legislation. Although I am a Catholic, I have not touched on those amendments in this bill that relate to the Catholic Church. I do not know a lot about that part of this legislation, but I will say that I did not see anything in there about liquor licensing in relation to the Catholic Church. I know the Catholics like a drink. Most of us come from Irish stock

An honourable member: And the Proddos

Mr JOHNSON: The Proddos too

An honourable member: But not the Lutherans.

Mr JOHNSON: The Lutherans too? I heard that. The point I make is that years ago my wife, my mother-in-law, my brother-in-law, and his wife went on a trip to Ireland. They had a bit of a look around and then come Sunday morning the women went to mass and the men went to the pub. I thought, Well, that’s the Catholic way. However, not all of us blokes go to the pub. Sometimes I go to church. I think that this legislation has put a bit of fun back into life. It has taken that red tape, that regulation, that restriction out of living.........I say to the Attorney-General that this legislation is going to bring a lot of joy to a lot of people.

Mr Johnson was certainly correct with his last sentence, though not entirely for the reasons he expected.

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Conspiracy Cat mumbles...

Posted March 12, 2014

Well that's it, then. Mr Johnson's objection is that the dancing ladies should be in church and not writhing around on fireman's equipment. Firemen.... shirtless, muscled, sweaty firemen....

Um, what were we talking about?

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The quiet weeping of POTUS

Posted March 6, 2014 into Blunty by John Birmingham

Minutes of an Intelligence Briefing

The Oval Office.

Subject: UKRAINE/RUSSIA

Present:

POTUS
General Biff McBrisket (Head of NSA)
Admiral ‘Big’ Dick ‘Nautical’ Miles. USN Ret’d. (Head of CIA)
Sir Talbot Duckenweave (Head of UK SIS)


At Blunty.

4 Responses to ‘The quiet weeping of POTUS’

Murphy mumbles...

Posted March 6, 2014

Thank God the Straylians still have a sense of humor.

Certainly a massive improvement over the full on fucking derpfest that has been Jonathan Ross at Loncon3 versus the PC Nazis of the World.

Respects,

Murph

On the Outer Marches

John Birmingham mumbles...

Posted March 6, 2014

Ha. I was gonna blog about that later.

Murphy would have you know...

Posted March 6, 2014

I'm looking forward to that one. This insanity has been going on for years.

Respects,

Murph

On the Outer Marches

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Brother PorkChop would have you know...

Posted March 6, 2014

pic.twitter.com/v9pkD2UDAA
Needed this one today JB. But it did start this morning with the knock knock joke which I had a giggle at as well.

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Sometimes satire isn't meant to be funny

Posted February 20, 2014 into Blunty by John Birmingham

Today is one of those days.

Dateline. Canberra.

Champagne corks popped and streamers flew here yesterday, as Government supporters celebrated the violent death of an Iranian man at the Arse End Island Prison Camp. Regime pimps and spokesholes partied into the night after word was received that hired goons had killed the man who once had a name and people who loved him, and who, in a delicious irony, had been fleeing another violent and oppressive regime and really was just hoping hoping to start a new life somewhere that sort of thing didn’t happen.

At Blunty.

21 Responses to ‘Sometimes satire isn't meant to be funny’

Jbtoo is gonna tell you...

Posted February 20, 2014

In the spirit of Jonathan Swift

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BigWillieStyle puts forth...

Posted February 20, 2014

John, I'll be astounded if today's Blunty gets more than a dozen comments.

* coughs *

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insomniac would have you know...

Posted February 20, 2014

the derp is already overwhelming

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HAVOCK21 is gonna tell you...

Posted February 20, 2014

Hmmm, cannot seem to login to Blunty today, some shit about security certificates and god knows what, so I’ll post here JB for a re-paste if you would be so kind Sir!

Concentration camp has been mentioned, or somebody here abouts requesting that we provide the definition of, I would wager so as to be able to lay that tag on MANNNNNNNUS. Well how about we send them to Paris ISLAND instead.

Actually, I’m still struggling with the view that we simply LET ANYBODY IN! it’s a case of the fkn dooo gooders saying we should be kind, let them in, let them roam etc etc etc and FKN ETC! And like always, they have no answer for HOW do we control it, keep tabs, vet them etc. Its simply toooo fkn easy to say what you are doing is wrong, its MUCH FKN HARDER TO SAY NO AND COME UP WITH SOMETHING WHICH A LOT WONT LIKE BUT AGAIN!!! ITS FJKN ERRING ON THE SIDE OF FKN CAUTION. BUT AGAIN HALF THE FKN AIR THOIEVING FKN RETARDS WOULD NOT KNOW THAT AND WOULD BE PSISSING THEMSELVES IN THE FKN CORNER WHEN IT TURNS TO CUSTARD!!!

Yes, having a holding facility is not ideal……..but what, you would rather piut tem all up in condos at BYRON BAY…or the GOLD COAST…..or MALOOOOLAFKN BAR!. OH NO……..see how ya like it when they are all fkn roaming about your tree higging dope smoking surfin fkn not working eating lentils neck of the fkn woooods!

FK! THIS MAKES ME ANGRY!

Here is a thought!, if the DETENTION CAMPS are NOT what you like, then…DON’T FKN COME HERE ILLEGALLY! And guess what!, you wont be locked up for ILLEGALLY TRYING TO ENTER THE COUNTRY!

Lulu asserts...

Posted February 20, 2014

"Its simply toooo fkn easy to say what you are doing is wrong, its MUCH FKN HARDER TO SAY NO AND COME UP WITH SOMETHING"

Yeah, kind of like the LNP's journey from Opposition to Govt.

HAVOCK21 would have you know...

Posted February 20, 2014

Both sides were tripping over themselves to show the Australian Public just how good and tough they would be, to be honest, I’m not really interested in the political side of this. Politicians will always favour what they perceive to be in their own best interests and I’m sure you will agree to some extent.

What is an issue is that people think, they may come here illegally. Yes, I know, some are genuine refugee’s, but like all vetting, you much hold the inbound goods or materials until you are sure its what you wish to let through. If something untoward gets through and then, you detect it was present, it’s so much harder to remove. Bigger issues around general customs requirements with massive economic impacts could surface.

I’m not one for keeping people in bad conditions, I’m also not one for people to be mistreated, but we cannot do anything. Borders must be patrolled, persons entering must do so by the right method and we have to have places to hold them whilst we sort out what’s going on.

And there ls one of the issues, whilst we sort out the sheep from the stray wolf in the mob things are turning to custard. That’s a product of the speed with which we are processing these people, its also a contributing factor to their state of mind, the manner in which they treat our staff and also how the behave.

No matter which gummit is in power, they need to resource and manage the department which is processing these people and be held to account for the length on time they are held. I’m not going to propose a limit on the time, that’s daft, but their needs to be some rather clear and transparent metrics on this and when they are being breached, we can scream blue murder. I’m not convinced that we have adequately resourced the departments in the correct area. That’s making gummit bigger and yes, I do cringe at the thought, but they simply need to be assessed faster and the result enforced.

Dave W asserts...

Posted February 20, 2014

FK me. Havock making sense.

Yes, resource it. Yes, there has to be some way of working out who is coming in and whether they are who they say they are. I'm deeply uncomfortable with the answer being detention centres, and would prefer some kind of minimum security holiday camp type arrangement.

I am deeply, deeply, profoundly outraged that the current policy is to utilise another jurisdiction and, apparently, no prospect of settlement in Australia. That is, if not stupidly illegal, just plain immoral.

beeso reckons...

Posted February 20, 2014

Have a look at the stats of how many aren't genuine refugees once they have been processed. Then read your statement again.

Lulu swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted February 20, 2014

I was just making a general point about how the LNP behaved in opposition, not just on this issue. Abbott spent a lot of time pointing out how Labor was doing things wrong, and it was easy because he didn't actually have to fix the problem himself at that time.

Dave W puts forth...

Posted February 20, 2014

Beeso, not sure what the intent of your statement is, or if it was directed to me, Havock or Lulu. However, regardless of whether 99.9% are genuine or the complete opposite, humans shouldn't treat humans this way. Hell, I don't go to zoos because I don't believe animals should be treated that way. And here we are in this situation. What a freaking mess.

John Birmingham would have you know...

Posted February 20, 2014

I think he was talking to H.

damian would have you know...

Posted February 20, 2014

The trouble is that the department in question has form for hiring the muntiest cat munters to do these jobs, and we see activities that only make sense when you consider people's desparate need to justify their budgets. This feeds into the same department's other history of exceeding its mandate and otherwise doing stupid evil in the world.

damian ducks in to say...

Posted February 20, 2014

Also, Havsy's presenting the false dichotomy, then pretending that all the quite reasonable discussion that's been around for fucking ever never existed. And for what it's worth, anyone who can use the term "do gooder" as a derogatory label deserves to be slapped hard.

Ben has opinions thus...

Posted February 21, 2014

I really wonder why the thought of putting refugee applicants in beachside condo's makes someone "FKN ANGRY!" It can't be the cost, because Byron Bay or Mooloolaba five star resorts would be far cheaper than Manus.

That aside, the original poster ought to do a little research, there's been plenty of discussion of alternative "processing" measures. The straightforward idea, and one which complies with the treaties Australia signed up to voluntarily, would be: short detention for security/customs checks, then community placement with a temp visa while you wait a few months for some public servants to push all the paper around. Regular check ins as if you were on parole. Hell, we could put them up somewhere quite decent and with good food for way less than the cost of Manus. We could also, many have suggested, require the fit adults to work, say by placing them somewhere rural that needs them. This would, of course, be for a limited time during and after a successful application/appeals process.

Does anything about that "solution" make anyone angry?

Wonky Donkey asserts...

Posted February 23, 2014

Yes, zero element of deterrent. All illegal activities must have some firm of deterrent, otherwise many borderline good will also turn bad, it's called gaming the system.

The process for Genuine migrants in all countries is time consuming. So the illegal route must present more speed humps to have an appropriate incentivisation system.

Open the borders, and watch politicians egged on by the electorate dismantle the social safety net...ala the good old USA which went from zero to hero in a little over 100 years. Okay borders weren't open, but near enough compared to today.

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Murphy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted February 20, 2014

We used to have journalism like that here Stateside once.

Not anymore.

Respects,

Murph

On the Outer Marches

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Lobes reckons...

Posted February 20, 2014

This is a very good analysis of whats driving the tensions in Manus at the moment

http://www.radioaustralia.net.au/pacific/radio/program/pacific-beat/pacific-correspondent-says-manus-staff-subject-to-racial-vilification/1267908

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Quokka puts forth...

Posted February 20, 2014

Pinch me, but What Lobes Said.

We were watching 7.30 Report the other night & they were reporting that the asylum seekers were freaking out because they didn't know anything about PNG culture & were afraid they were cannibals.

The locals are none too pleased at having their land appropriated by the White Masters (seriously, is it still 1790? or is that just how the LNP thinks. Never mind, don't answer that.) and they believe that if people are in jail it's because they've done something bad and they don't want criminals next door to their homes.

Added to which there's a serious lack of communication. People from war-torn countries do carry a certain amount of baggage (anxiety, suspicion, frayed nerves, and often PTSD) and it's just a recipe for disaster.

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Darth Greybeard would have you know...

Posted February 24, 2014

As you were people, all is about to be well. In an audacious and totally unexpected (because it's bat-shit crazy) diplomatic masterstroke, Julie Bishop is organising the removal of refugees to Cambodia. Yep. 20% living in poverty, 40% of children with malnutrition, run by a brutal ex-Khmer-Rouge strongman Cambodia. That one. Judging by the latest crackdowns, we won't be hearing from them again.

w from brisbane would have you know...

Posted February 24, 2014

I am reminded of Tom Lehrer, the great American master of the satirical song. He was the composer of songs like - Poisoning Pigeons in the Park, Vatican Rag, Wernher von Braun. Lehrer commented that the awarding of the Nobel Peace Prize to Henry Kissinger made political satire obsolete.

I think we are having one of those moments.

Dave W asserts...

Posted February 24, 2014

True dat, W.

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