Cheeseburger Gothic

Attack of the NeoFascist Buttmonkeys

Posted December 12, 2013 into Blunty by John Birmingham

Gangfucking the ABC.

At Blunty.

47 Responses to ‘Attack of the NeoFascist Buttmonkeys’

Anthony mutters...

Posted December 12, 2013

I once sat opposite Cory Bernardi at a dinner (not politically related) where he was speaking. He started out seeming articulate and with a modicum of charm. Half an hour in it was apparent to all and sundry that he was a total nutjob. What was interesting was that the guy who invited him (a serious right winger himself) felt the need to apologise afterwards because he didn't know what a total loser he'd invited.

He's certainly got it in for the ABC and is Murdoch's number one fanboi. He spent time telling people how the only decent newspapers in the country were the News Limited ones because the dreadful lefties of Fairfax and the ABC refused to give a voice to the better journalists in the country - specifically Piers Ackerman and Andrew Bolt!

The only politician I've dealt with who is worse is the current Queensland Police Minister - who is a simpering idiot completely under the thumb of his department. I've dealt wth a lot of pollies over the years from both sides and, whether you agree with their views or not, they all possess a modicum of intelligence. But these two... Mind you I've not yet met your Attorney general, Vlad the conveyencer - those that have all tell me that he makes Bernardi seem like Nelson Mandela and JFK rolled into one.

John Birmingham reckons...

Posted December 12, 2013

Ha. Vlad the Conveyencer. So stealing that.

Monster Yuppy mumbles...

Posted December 12, 2013

"Vlad the Conveyencer".

Also stealing it.

damian asserts...

Posted December 12, 2013

That is definitly stealable!

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NBlob mutters...

Posted December 12, 2013

Anyone seen H since o

Holden announced its strategic counter-advance?

I fear he may be in Victorian era Mourning. Switching from white flannel to black bombazine & crepe as & when.

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Murphy mutters...

Posted December 12, 2013

Nothing about the demsie of Holden in Australia?

Hmm.

Respects,

Murph

On the Outer Marches

John Birmingham has opinions thus...

Posted December 12, 2013

I've got one written for Tuesday, but it might go up at the SMH today

Bunyip would have you know...

Posted December 12, 2013

Holden's demise is akin to hearing that Uncle Fred has passed away; sort of expected.

Wanting to destroy the ABC is more like advocating for child marriage laws, on the grounds of increasing the birth rate and productivity.

JG swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 12, 2013

It's a real tragedy about Holden. It's part of Australian culture, a national icon, as is the ABC. All the best television is on ABC and SBS.

Sheesh. What is happening to Australia? I hope we have a few Australian companies and institutions left in ten years time.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan reckons...

Posted December 12, 2013

Look to America for the answer to your question, Joanna.

Andrew reckons...

Posted December 13, 2013

What happen. We let the lefties take power for 6 years. Same as the lefties have taken power in the rest of the world, how is that working out?

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insomniac mumbles...

Posted December 12, 2013

the rage the coalition experienced over gonski will be nothing compared to the potential rage over touching the abc

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Shifty Tourist puts forth...

Posted December 12, 2013

This whole ABC is biased thing really ticks me off. I tend to think that its because most of the d-bags trashing the ABC are perched malevonently on the very tip of the right-wing, so in order to find the middle they have to look a long way in a lefterly direction.

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spoke noise swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 12, 2013

Also Toned Abs wants the ABC gone as they actually ask questions and do journalism. Can't be doing that...

Guru Bob has opinions thus...

Posted December 15, 2013

Bah humbug. I used to want to throw bricks at the television every time Leigh Sales interviewed anyone from either side back in the Gillard days, she gave the Tories so many free passes and just trotted out their slogans word for word whenever she interviewed anyone from the ALP, I was sure she was aiming for a gig in a Ministerial office in the Abbott government. Then when they leaked ABC salary info it was clear even Abbott couldn't afford her services...

how can these tools claim that the ABC is biased when they have so obviously benefitted from their coverage?

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Brian ducks in to say...

Posted December 12, 2013

The Holden thing will be a goody. I did think the announcement would be tied to the the new CEO. Interesting that few linked the closure of a European GM plant due in 2016 as well. I twigged Holden was gone days ago on that announcement.

The Holden CEO Aust was interwiewd on ABC Melbourne this morning . . .bluntly, the high Aussie dollar due to the mining boom is the direct cause of the death of manufacturing in Australia. He also thinks we haven't seen the worst of it yet.

In context. The US has about the same number of car factories as in 1950, it's just that half of the these factories are foreign owned using half the workers the old ones did.

As to the ABC . . . .thats a trip wire for me. For those interested look at the articles on the website and the respondents . . . .pretty lively stuff, all in all. Even informative.

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Blake would have you know...

Posted December 12, 2013

The problem with the rightys claiming 'its all so biased...my tax dollars shouldn't pay for this bias waaa waaaa waaaa' is that we get tied up defending the lack of bias and miss the real issue. Its a stupid arguement, jb touched on it it in the article...there will always be the perception of bias from anyone who doesn't like the content.

News stories on boat people and immigrants that don't sensationalise the issue are inherently left leaning we'll never avoid that perception.

But thats not the issue - there's hundreds of hours of childrens programming and drama that will never have bias but thats not it either.

The issue is that in a country which sways barely more than 20% each way, we are entitled to provide services to the 30-70% left leaners.

The right can keep their top tier tax breaks, their free markets, they can even sell the odd asset if they write good service contracts for the new owner.

The rest of us need a tv service that doesn't pummel my 19month old with ads for the latest collectable toy game system, that asks the hard questions without worrying if that will offend the advertisers, that is immune to market bullying and buyouts.

If the right want to winge, theres plently of Jerry Springer on murdochs foxtel to yell at - just block the abc and be happy that there is just another lefty service you can't use like all those pesky disabled payouts, child care subsidiesand public shool funding... Wait I think toned abs is working on 'equality' in that sector too

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FormerlyKnownAsSimon ducks in to say...

Posted December 12, 2013

Just a simple note to say - that was a good one today. Thanks for writing it.

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HAVOCK21 has opinions thus...

Posted December 12, 2013

UM does anybody really CARE about the ABC...or for that fkn matter..actualy fkn watch it??????

Brother PorkChop swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 12, 2013

Yes, they show Dr Who. And on ABC 2 and 3, lots of kids programming just to keep the little one occupied when not drawing on everything.

John Birmingham swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 12, 2013

Across the course of a week it's watched, listened to or accessed online by more than 90% of the population. Indivdiual shows might not rate as highly as The Bachelor, but the requirement that the ABC serve everyone means they end up serving... well... everyone.

Brian has opinions thus...

Posted December 12, 2013

Well . . .dont you watch it to see JB on the Bookclub?

Or for new cupcake recipes? The doings of the CWA on Landline?

damian asserts...

Posted December 12, 2013

The ABC is something that grown ups watch (and listen to or read) Havsy. It's okay if you don't understand, you don't have to.

Darth Greybeard reckons...

Posted December 14, 2013

When I watch live TV it's 80% ABC, 20% SBS or, you know, some kind of made up statistic roughly like that. On the rare occasions someone must watch commercial TV either the ads drive me out or the crappy standards of the "serious" shows. It's not perfect but it's a hell of a lot better than anything else we have.

Guru Bob mutters...

Posted December 15, 2013

Also my other pet bugbear is that ABC regional radio is the lifeblood, backbone and brain matter of all those towns and cities outside the Sydney, Melbourne, Canberra triangle... That never seems to click with the mouth breathing critics!

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Moi from NQ is gonna tell you...

Posted December 12, 2013

Murdoch is a fool. Shareholders need to punish this man, but cannot because News Corp doesnt appear to be a normal public company. Name any other company that supports the CEO when he destroys the brand value?

JB as you know printed media is dead, journalism is dead. All we have left is news reporting and the most cost effective and reliable media for the punters for that is the internet.

So we are left with Murdoch who thinks people will pay for his "news", and the ABC who offers it for free. We know who will win that battle. Personally I use reddit for my news these days over the ABC, as the "crowd" approach highlights anything contentious and all the "press release" crap is so downvoted it doesnt appear on my feed. Its like having monkeys trawling through the media weeding out the news stories that might be of interest. The ABC being impartial; doesn't highlight that the latest government statement is meaningless drivel as effectively as reddit, they instead publish it without interference.

Now if Murdoch stopped publishing absoulte crap as news, he might have stood a chance against the ABC. If there was journalism in that feed we may have paid. The old fool doesn't understand the market.

The shrinking market that will remain ("the intellectuals") have a few choices left. We can pay for News ltd

I basically don't watch TV anymore. But when I do, I always check to see ABC comedy as they have produced gold over a long period of time.

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Surtac mutters...

Posted December 12, 2013

Good column today John. Fully agree about the perception of bias.

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Quokka swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 12, 2013

I am one of these old fuddy duddies that listens to the ABC radio during the day. In the house, in the car, and via podcast. I also watch ABC TV & any station on TV that is not the ABC is required to be on mute, or on inaudible volume in some other room than that which I am in. Otherwise I shriek and threaten violence.

I have spent a lot of time at the horsepiddle in the last 6 months visiting a friend & every time I'm in there I'm tempted to take a bushmaster to the widescreen TV.

Today when I was waiting for my friend to arrive back in the ward from a speech herapy session, I was subjected to 20 minutes of pole dancing on Ellen.

If we had a gubbermint with ethical standards and some sort of brain, they'd allow us Aunty Fans to tar and feather the mainstream media like we've always wanted to and count on it, cops & robbers melodrama and that shit in summer bay would be the first to be dipped in bitumen & rolled in goose feathers & then hunted out of town.

NBlob puts forth...

Posted December 12, 2013

+1

@ a minimum 4 hrs/ day ABC radio (90% RN, thurs AM Dr Karl on JJJ, spots of ABC Local when RN is doing Lamo poetry)

Plus many many hours of podcasty goodness. Main reason I'm so behind it Soartacast is that I still have hundreds of Convesations with R. Fidler to get through.

ABC TV most nights for an hour or more.

Ash has opinions thus...

Posted December 13, 2013

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I too pretty much only watch or listen to the ABC. Occasional Sky News channel as well. I'm an LNP voter currently, I did though vote for Hawke and Keating. I read The Oz, SMH and numerous other blogs of both sides. It's punishing at times listening to the ABC bias, given they ostensibly should be non-partisan. The opinionated love ins that pass as guest debates/discussions are monoculture stuff. All agreeing with each other about a pet ABC progressive topic or the latest issue, why bother? It is very hard not to come to the conclusion that the ABC has a leftist culture and bias. Having programs like Insiders, Q&A consistently with a majority of left leaning guests coupled with leftist presemters is a giveaway. The ironically named one hour a week RN program Counterpoint has the only conservative host I can find within the ABC. Amanda Vanstone could hardly be thought of as being ready for a 2GB gig, so just perhaps the ABC could seek out a few other centre right presenters if they are at all serious about addressing things.........just a thought.

I fear because the bias has become so blatant in recent years, whereby criticism of the ALP comes only from a further left (read Green) perspective, that the LNP party room will become so strident that the funding cuts will be dramatic. The ABC won't make cuts to cheap to produce shows like current affairs TV and Radio shows, it'll come out of drama.

The Spiegelman announcement of a BBC journo audit of "perceived" bias sounds dubious. She's been at the ABC a year already and presumably has attempted to implement some action on the subject. Spiegelman also revealed that in June the board sent out a reminder of sort to staff about bias. All I can say is I haven't notice any change. The obvious easiest starting point would have been to mix up the weighting of guests obvious political leanings. But no the ABC producers are so hell bent on driving home the progressive message, conservative bashing and ridicule, they can't bring themselves to suffer more conservatives. The dynamics of the shows is just how they like it.

The latest spying publication and showing of the Brisbane home of Newman's highly respected ex military officer, appointed to implement bikie control, have been monumental examples of leftist bias and a case of shooting themselves in the foot. In their predictable desire to swing hands with the leftist Guardian newspaper and partake in some West bashing, the ABC has given the hater's within the coalition huge ammunition. Turnbull has been forced to face the bias reality and concede the bias needs addressing. Otherwise he'll be defending when the ABC budget is savagely axed. Unfortunately it's obvious the knee jerk response of announcing the BBC journo bias audit will only be a white washing sham, it will without doubt say nothing much is wrong. Just a modicum of balance is all that is required. The ABC cannot even bring itself to employ one centre right presenter of any east coast mainstrean TV or radio program. Really it is a sick joke and if the Bernadi's in the LNP force the budget axe to fall heavily the ABC staff, board and supporters like Mr Birmingham will only have themselves to blame.

<!--EndFragment-->

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Chaz is gonna tell you...

Posted December 12, 2013

What i love is the rabid right saying 'ABC is full of commies" & Diedre and Dave Spart saying "why is OUR ABC allowing Tories on 'insiders' or 'Q&A'?"

the ABC like Aunty is one of the most neutral media outlets in the world, and one of the best. And I'd like to keep it that way.

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damian ducks in to say...

Posted December 12, 2013

The perception of bias in relatively neutral media is itself a kind of cognitive bias. There's even a name for it... Hostile Media effect.

Basically the correct editorial policy is "offend everyone". And that policy will look like it is biased against your own pettifogging views in direct proportion to their extreme ness. Because truth IS biased against extremes in either direction.

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tqft would have you know...

Posted December 12, 2013

I wonder if Murdoch has realised who his most formidable enemy will be if they try and sell off the ABC. Tone perhaps knows, but Rupe doesn't really care about him except as means nto an end.

Go on Tone make it an election issue I dare you. I would only need one thing from the ABC to win. Big Ted. Vote for me or Big Ted gets sold to the highest bidder. I think I could stand against Tone is his own electorate and win if I had Big Ted to carry around.

Also my point at Blunty - who would buy the ABC? Think Bezos would like to add a multimedia & news stable to his empire? Not sure he votes or would be amenable to the LNP (he might be). Because if we exclude foreigners from bidding it comes down to very few people/companies who would have the cash to buy it. Essentially a gift.

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Robert has opinions thus...

Posted December 13, 2013

neo-fascist buttmonkeys?

It is very balatant that the ABC, like Fairfax and yourself, are pushing to make the Coalition appear unelectable. You don't percieve it as bias because you agree with it.

A fascist is someone who believes in a totalitarian government, like socialism, with enequality accepted as natural where socialism insists on equality.

Now the ABC gives its 'stars' four to five times the pay of the average Australian because of their market value, but they are not payed by advertising revenue. There is no need to do it. It is very unnecessary inequality. It is fascist.

John Birmingham would have you know...

Posted December 13, 2013

Hahahahaha. So many haha.

Brian asserts...

Posted December 14, 2013

Wish someone would spill Bolts salary details . . . Oh wait . . .that might involve really expensive court cases. . . .and being sued, and questions in Parliament and false pious outrage.

Dear me . . .the Emperor has no clothes.

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NBlob mumbles...

Posted December 13, 2013

Buttmonkeys on the starboard quarter.

300 meters. Closing.

Standby for close quarters engagement. Specialist Nix & team to your stations.

Unsafe claymores

Hold till you see the speckle-flecks, & darting eyes.

hold

hold

damian is gonna tell you...

Posted December 13, 2013

Ayep, days shoe rizz.

What do buttmonkeys eat? We could give them treats and train them to do acrobatics and stuff...

Dino not to be confused with has opinions thus...

Posted December 13, 2013

Give them a 10 o'clock slot on channel 10 Sundays?

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Carmen Lawrence mumbles...

Posted December 14, 2013

You are apiece of shit please go live in Cuba.

Brian is gonna tell you...

Posted December 14, 2013

China . . .thats the place to live. Surrounded by real old fashioned conservatives. You know . . .the place where all our cars will be made. Where our two speed economy comes from. The place that seems to be mostly missing from MSM. The place that buttfucked Rupert those many years ago.

Really . . .if its one thing I can't stand and that's faux conservatives.

And yes . . .I have and will be visiting again.

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Reticle has opinions thus...

Posted December 14, 2013

There is no need for the ABC anymore.

Before commecial media had achieved widespread societal and market penetration there was a need. That need no longer exists. Nothing the ABC and SBS produces is not available through other means.

Sell them - save over a $1 Billion a year in expenditure and unlock the asset value.

Just as with the Climate Commission - if people value it then they will pay for it.

Brian would have you know...

Posted December 14, 2013

Ohhhh, please.

This is my conservative agenda. Scrap paid maternity leave . . .good for business. If you don't like that, then put in a means test. I think the well off won't feel the pain . . .theyre supposedly grown ups.

Follow the young Libs in NSW who want to legalize and tax soft drugs. Worth billions they say, we can then downsize our prisons, and repurpose our police forces to go after the really bad shit. Marijuana has only been illegal for 50 years or so . . . We can then have a shot at getting our budget in shape.

Grattan institute recommendations. A well respected right wing think tank. Raise the retirement age. Tax the family home . . . .now that's what a REAL conservative government would do.

Private schools . . .cut the funding. If people value it, they will pay for it.

( walks away . . Mumbling. .'fkn pretend conservatives give me the shits. . . .no ticker, no plan, can't make the hard decisions')

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PeterF57 has opinions thus...

Posted December 14, 2013

You're an unmitigated pig and a fucking coward Birmingham. And your little bumbuddies who actually believe this shit you write are fucking retarded.

You liken conservatives to gang rapists, and your little conga line (I'll thank another retarded animal and fuckstick extraordinaire, Latham, for this comment) of suckholes just parrot your shit.

Unbefuckinglievable!!!! Grow the fuck up, please. Learn to admit you are wrong, and not just have that part deleted, either on your say so, which I doubt, more likely Fairfax actually realised that what you spewed forth was not just wrong, it was vile. Kudos to them at least, but their retraction in deleting the gang rapists bit was just self preservation.

Again, you are a fucking pig and a fucking coward.

Dino not to be confused with reckons...

Posted December 14, 2013

Captain I am detecting a weak signal from the F57 Quadrant.

The Computer says it is hostile but of an underdeveloped syntax and chance of Advanced Intelligence is less than 65%.

Brian is gonna tell you...

Posted December 14, 2013

Dino, I reluctantly have to agree with your assessment. I really tried to find some merit in this gentlemans post, even going sofar as to parse it grammatically. I think this is what the Right Honorable Tony Abbott, meant when he said 'a government of adults', and this gentleman demonstrates what he was measuring himself against.

It has given me pause to reflect on party advisors of either ilk, and their monumental stuff ups and idiotic tweets. Julia's advisor. Tony's advisor stupidly tweeting thoughtless comparisons between porn stars and foreign ministers, Julia's advisor tweeting an indigenous rally where to find Mr Abbott one day. Hmm . . .there does seem to be some commonality in language and inanity between those tweets and this post.

Either that, or his mum didn't give enough hugs when he was little.

John Birmingham mutters...

Posted December 14, 2013

Fairfax asked me to take it down. I did. But only to keep them happy. I'll happily stand by it as an appropriate metaphor.

On the subject of cowardice, I don't suppose we'll be getting your real name any time soon, will we, tough guy?

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Respond to 'Attack of the NeoFascist Buttmonkeys'

Aquarobics

Posted December 10, 2013 into Blunty by John Birmingham

Never thought I'd write a blog about that.

But I did.

16 Responses to ‘Aquarobics’

JBtoo would have you know...

Posted December 10, 2013

Yoga?

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FormerlyKnownAsSimon puts forth...

Posted December 10, 2013

you could tour the world doing zombie marches? They shuffle right? Unless you go in for those superfast Gen Y aerobic zombies - then maybe that isn't a good idea.

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Brother PorkChop mumbles...

Posted December 10, 2013

Very sorry to hear about the back. My Father used to fix his back when pinched by strapping his ankles to an old door and tipping it upside down. I know that there are the turn table things these days and some folk swear by them. Martinis, same diff.

On the exercise front aside from a dodgy ankle from last weeks 5 a side old fellas soccer, I am down just over 7KG now!! Ready to pork up over Christmas.

Bangar would have you know...

Posted December 10, 2013

Brother PorkChop, the inversion tables work and work well except for the heart attacks that is. The internal organs cause pressure on the heart that can induce a heart attack, so beware.

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Rob puts forth...

Posted December 10, 2013

I always found aqua aerobics incredibly lame. I tired it a few times but I just couldn't figure out how to get your heart rate up. So it just seemed silly. Mind you at the moment the most I do is play games on my Pc and walk up stairs to my studio to sit more. So maybe any lame exercise would be better than nothing.

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AllyOops asserts...

Posted December 10, 2013

I reckon you go and walk in the pool, waist deep water and you walk a couple of Kms...I hope you have had your office seen to...

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BabesMcPhee reckons...

Posted December 11, 2013

Sorry to hear about your back!!! :/ (My laparotomy left me out of condition for 2 months, rendering me TOTALLY out of shape just seven weeks before my wedding...I did what I could to get it back in that time, and basically (almost) did, but MAN!) Anyway--I am finished recovering, finished wedding, and in a few weeks will be holidaying and will likely finally have time to write that guest blog post, if you will still have me...wanted you to know I hadn't forgotten!!! =)

Oh, and how about just walking on a treadmill at the gym??

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Quokka asserts...

Posted December 11, 2013

My suggestion is one you never like.

Let your fingers do the walking, and make an appointment with my osteopath. Thanks to the missing chunk of ankle, my back goes out at least once a year & as he's so booked up I spend a week praying for the sweet release of death until he fixes me.

On the migraine front, too, my dentist fitted me with a dentabyte a few weeks ago, to stop my nocturnal gnashing of the teeth, and it's worked wonders to relax my jaw & neck muscles. Big improvement in terms of reduction of headaches & hopefully it'll stop me from cracking any more molars. Not fun.

insomniac is gonna tell you...

Posted December 11, 2013

I second the appointment with the osteopath. I was having regular headaches that went away after just 4 treatments. Some are physical, some are gentle. I had unspecified neck/shoulder/back trauma laid upon more unspecified neck/shoulder/back trauma. Even though the treatment was quite gentle, releasing muscles, that sort of thing; the next day my neck felt very sore, but after that it was so much better. Even though it seems a bit of hocus pocus, I say stick with it.

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Conspiracy Cat mutters...

Posted December 11, 2013

Here's my secret. The lazy person's workout, courtesy of American health research:

Imagine Increased Muscle Strength!-Experiment

In a fascinating experiment, researchers at the Cleveland Clinic Foundation discovered that a muscle can be strengthened just by thinking about exercising it.

For 12 weeks (five minutes a day, five days per week) a team of 30 healthy young adults imagined either using the muscle of their little finger or of their elbow flexor. Dr. Vinoth Ranganathan and his team asked the participants to think as strongly as they could about moving the muscle being tested, to make the imaginary movement as real as they could.

Compared to a control group – that did no imaginary exercises and showed no strength gains – the little-finger group increased their pinky muscle strength by 35%. The other group increased elbow strength by 13.4%.

What's more, brain scans taken after the study showed greater and more focused activity in the prefrontal cortex than before. The researchers said strength gains were due to improvements in the brain's ability to signal muscle.3

Pay attention to your breathing. Is it slow and deep, or quick and shallow? Is your belly expanding and contracting, or is your chest doing all the work?

Extracted from http://www.fi.edu/learn/brain/exercise.html#science

I've read other research on the same topic, which showed similar results (around 13% increased bicep strength, and around 13% weight loss, all by imagining exercise for about three months), but I can't be fagged searching through my bookmarks for the links.

This actually works. I've used it myself to drop 24 kilos in 18 months.

You're welcome.

Quokka ducks in to say...

Posted December 12, 2013

Jeebus Catty, if that actually worked then every man on the planet would have a dick the size of an elephant's trunk.

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JG ducks in to say...

Posted December 11, 2013

Hi all.

Good luck with your recovery, JB. Pinched nerve this time around? Ouch. Water running is good. I tried it a few times with a water belt when I had a line fracture of my lateral femoral condyle earlier this year.

I'm recovering after surgery. I read your book, 'Off My Tits', while in hosptial. It seemed appropriate, given I was having my tits off, or my second boob at least. Got my first mastectomy in 2000: that one for cancer. Great book, 'Off My Tits', and I'll continue reading it over Christmas.

I get back to running from 21 Dec following my second mastectomy (not for cancer… purely for aesthetics and balance) on 28 Nov at RBWH. Decided to go flat chested. Not going to bother with wearing bras and prostheses anymore. It's fabulous and I like the flat look. Recovery is going well. Feeling great. Walking heaps and flexibility is good.

Not bothering too much with my Fitbit One these days, but I still wear the gadget,if only as a pedometer and timepiece. It got me started on the whole exercise thing this year and I owe it to you for making me aware of it, thanks to one of your blogs.

I'm down to 55kg now (my left breast weighed 594 grams... it's been sliced up and stored for research) and I'm on course to run my first marathon next year: the Gold Coast Marathon on 6 July 2014. I'll have time to train up for it, following this surgery. Fingers crossed. You never know with injuries.

Injury is part of an active lifestyle, but it is so, so worth it. I feel terrific, being fit and slim again. It's also allowed me to go off all medication. Never been better.

Joanna :)

JG ducks in to say...

Posted December 11, 2013

Your book, 'Off One's Tits', I mean. :P

insomniac mutters...

Posted December 11, 2013

as the Queen would say

Dino not to be confused with puts forth...

Posted December 11, 2013

You're a brave lady JG.

But JB's article and your comment is making me feel old, fat and lazy.

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David S. mumbles...

Posted December 11, 2013

I misread it as aquarobotics and thought, "Why? That sounds so cool!"

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Respond to 'Aquarobics'

Shame, unutterable shame

Posted December 5, 2013 into Blunty by John Birmingham

Unutterable because Alexander Downer and George Brandis have no understanding of the word. Downer, who used ASIS against the infant democracy of East Timor in a grotesque and unnecessary abuse of state power. Brandis who how's deploys the power of the state to cover it up.

Sometimes the Golden Age of Satire is merely dark and ugly and deeply depressing.

At Blunty.

25 Responses to ‘Shame, unutterable shame’

Lulu asserts...

Posted December 5, 2013

Sneaky & shameless.

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Halwes asserts...

Posted December 5, 2013

I look forward to sharing a cell in maximum security soon JB. These people are dangerous zealots and don't take kindly to us taking offence at their complete lack of integrity or morals. We are the dumbest country in the world. We've just been made redundant at Gove because the multinationals and the govt thought that it would be fun to rip the guts out of the most cohesive, educated, racially harmonious community in Australia and sell the dirt cheaply to China instead of refining it in Australia. This has led to the loss of most of the training opportunities in East Arnhem land and will devastate the Yolngu people who live here. How do you tell when a mining company is lying? Their lips are moving. We intend to go down fighting.

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Barnesm asserts...

Posted December 5, 2013

Why only three comments so far? Surely those that have been defending the Prime Minister and this government would be leaping to defend the actions of the Australian attorney-general, George Brandis.

FormerlyKnownAsSimon mumbles...

Posted December 5, 2013

3 comments is very telling. Besides, JB didn't use his parody voice for something that i don't think could be treated with parody. His parody voice seems to bring out the derp (i love that term) in a lot of people. It's like when kids know that dad is serious this time.

John Birmingham mutters...

Posted December 5, 2013

You're right about the voice. I kept it 'cold' on purpose. But that doesn't fire up the ol' rage tweet engine.

Axle60610 would have you know...

Posted December 6, 2013

simply thank you Birmo

where has the courage to comment like this gone in our media..Downer is only one of the crooks that inhabited Howard's government.. just like Joh B in QLD and the ALP in Sydney they become rotten with greed. Unfortunately we will not hear much more about this because silence and no comment is the tool best used by the guilty.

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Halwes puts forth...

Posted December 5, 2013

We are the stupid ones though. We get the politicians we, clive, rupert and gina elect. They have a low opinion of us because a large percentage of Australians are very stupid and rupert know that we can be easily manipulated. What kind of Australia are we leaving our kids? What wont we do for money? We should be very ashamed of ourselves but we've also got to fight tooth and nail against them. Maybe we are going to have another recession that will radicalise the youth of the day so that they can be some opposition to the forces of corporate and other rich pig evil raging against them. We are kidding ourselves if we believe that their aren't already political activist prisoners in gaol on some trumped up charges. It may be many more than we think. If it wasn't for the hero whistleblowers, who never seem to be able to live happiliy ever after, we would know nothing. I wonder if some outlaw biker gang will let me be a member now ? I'm not doing any of that unlaundered jacket stuff though. I hope our cellmates don't snore.

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Therbs has opinions thus...

Posted December 5, 2013

Morrison, Pyne, Brandis, Bishop; a fine fucking mob of scum suckers. We'd be better off if we'd voted in an entire cabinet of kangaroo poo eaters..The agent is going to be jailed for his belief in doing the right thing.

I know a bloke who was working close protection of Xanana Gusmao for a few weeks when he landed back in East Timor. Gusmao was already looking at areas of revenue including those oil and gas fields. Thought he'd get a fair deal from Australia. Pffft. As if our white privileged pollies would treat brown people fairly. Never. happen.

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Bunyip puts forth...

Posted December 5, 2013

Gobsmacked. Thanks for putting this out there. Was blithely unaware that this had gone on.

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yankeedog asserts...

Posted December 5, 2013

I give kudos to my friend and colleague, Mr. Birmingham, for bringing this up! Because as an American, during the Iraq War, I sat and read comments from a lot of you about how bad and evil my country was for doing dirty things to influence and interfere in the affairs of other nations.

Looks like we dumb Seppos aren't the only ones that do this. You all can put your casting stones back in the holsters now, for it appears that Australia is, indeed, not without sin.

I do give big props to those of you who have expressed outrage that your government engaged in these practices. Makes it much easier to swallow when you criticize us.

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HAVOCK21 is gonna tell you...

Posted December 6, 2013

JESUS!..diplomacy is one country fucking another country politely!

Lets not forget ( the TIMOREEEEESE SHOULDNT) that they'ed be speaking fkn Indonesian if it were not for us! thats not to say what we did in the negotiations is right mind you, just that sometimes some people have very very short fkn memories when it serves them.

just a case of what you do not know will not hurt you...wrong, it has, its just that you were not aware of it, this is the tip of the fkn ICEBERG people and lets not think its purely indicative of a liberal gummit....its not!

John Birmingham swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 6, 2013

So you're cool with ASIS being taken off al Qaeda's case to work for Woodside Petroleum against the existential threat of East Timor?

Brian swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 6, 2013

Notice the only nearby island nation not bleating is New Zealand? Well, yes to be correct. . .they do bleat, but where was our intelligence assets when the Kiwis were beating our sports teams. Now THAT is an existential threat in most Australians eyes.

Seriously though . . .arent our assets better tasked then picking on small brown people?

insomniac asserts...

Posted December 6, 2013

Come on. The Wallabies couldn't beat the All Blacks even after a three year degree in all aspects of NZ rugby, including game plans and strategies for the next World Cup.

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Lulu mutters...

Posted December 6, 2013

Completely OT:

http://mg.co.za/article/2013-12-05-nelson-mandela-dies

Completely expected, but still. Shit.

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BigWillieStyle would have you know...

Posted December 6, 2013

I posted on Blunty yesterday, stating it'd be interesting to see how the Death Star will report this. Didn;t have to wait long, the odious Piers Akerman is all over it today;

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/opinion/labor-left-right-out-of-matters-of-security/story-fni0cwl5-1226776362627

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AllyOops mumbles...

Posted December 6, 2013

I read this nearly 24 hours ago, I can't shake the feeling of despondency that has washed over me.

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Darth Greybeard has opinions thus...

Posted December 6, 2013

Wondered why there were only 35 comments but then didn't make one myself. Nothing to say really, just sickening. Bloody Downer and his nice little earner from Woodside. TANJ

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Chaz mutters...

Posted December 9, 2013

Morally it sucks but please name me one country with an effective foreign intel service that wouldnt do the same...

Bueller? anyone?

Dino not to be confused with ducks in to say...

Posted December 9, 2013

Name me one Country where people don't disapear?

Did I spell that right Chaz?

Are you still alive?

Dino not to be confused with reckons...

Posted December 9, 2013

Bueller?

Goldstien?

Dino not to be confused with mumbles...

Posted December 9, 2013

As Chaz fades away pumicing 'his' heels we must remember that the intelligence services are not relegated to holding mobile phones.

Those who know...

Dino not to be confused with would have you know...

Posted December 9, 2013

One last remark.

Chaz loves the Stazi.

Chaz loves PolPot cause he killed his parents and siblings.

Polpot is good.

Name me one intelligence...

Chaz is gonna tell you...

Posted December 10, 2013

Dino, sounds like your meds need changing again...

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Dino not to be confused with has opinions thus...

Posted December 10, 2013

Fair call Chaz,

I the sober light of day it appears the 'writer' worked himself into a frenzy.

"Shame, unutterable shame"

;-)

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Respond to 'Shame, unutterable shame'

Stupid electorate, stupid journalists, mistaking stupid lies for stupid broken promises

Posted December 3, 2013 into Blunty by John Birmingham

3 Responses to ‘Stupid electorate, stupid journalists, mistaking stupid lies for stupid broken promises’

Brian mutters...

Posted December 3, 2013

Err . . .well, I did post a few.

I put it down to how much this government annoys me. The 'Cone of Silence' gambit really pisses me off.

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Lulu asserts...

Posted December 3, 2013

http://www.theage.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/gonskis-gone-school-funding-review-struck-from-record-20131202-2yljm.html

Interesting. I think they're working on the approach of "Lie? What lie? It's not a lie if the alleged thing you allegedly lied about has allegedly disappeared."

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peteb is gonna tell you...

Posted December 3, 2013

Pyne, the Honourable, known in eureka nsw as SF, the mango.

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The blog wot Twitter wrote

Posted November 28, 2013 into Blunty by John Birmingham

I sat down yesterday arvo to compose today's Blunty and pondered the meagre pickin's of the days news. There really wasn't much worth riffing on, not if you were looking for some decent traffic. Best option seemed to be the meeting of state Treasurers (all LNP now?) looking to impose GST on internet purchases from overseas.

Mockable, but not as mockable as Tony Abbott on a good day. And yesterday was a good day because the first inkling of the Indonesians response to his double secret sorry letter was leaking into the public realm.

I decided to try and draft up my version of that letter but quickly found that, unlike Scott Morrison, Tony Abbott doesn't have a distinct persona on which to hang a piss take. It's odd, given how long he's been in public life, but there you go. Morrison? Easy, a rampaging, child eating zombie. Julie Bishop? Easier still, one of Lovecraft's Nameless Ones commissioned to high office.

But Abbott proved elusive until I threw the problem out to Twitter and realised the problem wasn't his persona but the voice in which it's expressed. Abbott has a very distinctive way of talking. A lot of ums and ahs and repetitions. It's not the sort of thing that would come through in a formal letter, but if he dictated that letter...

Hence todays Blunty.

It's funny sometimes how an idea which won't work in one form, just clicks into place in an another.

12 Responses to ‘The blog wot Twitter wrote’

BigWillieStyle has opinions thus...

Posted November 28, 2013

"Tony Abbott doesn't have a distinct persona on which to hang a piss take. It's odd, given how long he's been in public life, but there you go."

I dunno. I read somewhere once that Toned Abs' gait is a cross between Donald Duck and Anthony Mundine. When you think about it, it's also an apt description for his Prime Ministerial style. A lot of bluster and swagger and tough talk, combined with lengthy periods of being dim while his brain cogs slowly tick over.

Guru Bob mumbles...

Posted December 15, 2013

Whenever I see him walking around I think of jumped up private school boys with silly looking candy coloured blazers. Maybe one day he will also find a suit that actually fits him properly?

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Quokka has opinions thus...

Posted November 28, 2013

Dear SBY

Shit Happens, mate.

Suck it up.

Love

Tony.

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FormerlyKnownAsSimon swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted November 28, 2013

Second comment over at the Blunty was hilarious. Oh so close to first, but no cigar. I made the mistake of looking at the bottom half of the internet on Blots page yesterday. I can never tell if they are serious or not and i had to have a lie down.

BigWillieStyle is gonna tell you...

Posted November 28, 2013

Oh, they're serious.

Jayanthi's Atomic Cat swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted November 30, 2013

That Blunty's pure gold, JB. Read it twice. LMAO (especially re Ms Bishop's freezing silence, as vast and cold as the space between the stars and pretty much everything else attached to her) and won't ever be able to look at those pollies on TV again without it coming to mind...yeah some of the Bluntites definitely need to lighten up! Didn't read all of them...but insomniac got in a good one.

PS been unable to post by mobile at all for a while now...get an error message saying "That didn't work. You can't post nothing." Anybody else?

Newy stats mutters...

Posted December 1, 2013

Nah

works for me

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Therbs reckons...

Posted November 28, 2013

Tabbs obviously needs a dialogue coach. I nominate Havock.

Jayanthi's Atomic Cat would have you know...

Posted November 30, 2013

Seconded.

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Surtac ducks in to say...

Posted November 28, 2013

Read the blunty via Twitter in a medical waiting room earlier this arvo. Lol'd so hard I started getting Strange Looks.

Very nice work, JB. I don't think I'll be able to get the image of Zombie Morrison out of my head. May I suggest Chris Pyne as your next target?

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Brother PorkChop has opinions thus...

Posted November 29, 2013

I am still choking and spitting coffee over the "lick the pencil, Jules" bit.

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w from brisbane reckons...

Posted November 29, 2013

The cheerily right wing magazine, The Spectator, has their latest lead article defending the ABC against the conspiracy theories of various fevered right wing Aussie commentators. It's worth a read.

As their own twitter comment said (‏@SpectatorOz), "Who would have thought the Speccie would come to the ABC's defence?"

http://www.spectator.co.uk/australia/australia-leading-article/9089581/leader-3/

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Empty threats

Posted November 26, 2013 into Blunty by John Birmingham

I wrote today's Blunty about Michael Clarke's graceless sledging of James Anderson before Warnie revealed Anderson's even more graeless sledging of George Bailey.

Hence the updated par at the end of the blog, but otherwise I didn't see a need to change anything.

At Blunty.

23 Responses to ‘Empty threats’

Therbs has opinions thus...

Posted November 26, 2013

Yeah, nah. The Strayan captain should be full of pub car park mongrel. Past captains knew it and Clarke has learnt it after getting pantsed by the Poms two series in a row. If someone dacks you, response is not gentleman like. We want our skipper to show some mongrel, and threatening to have someone's limb broken is a start for the ex Bingle Boy. He also showed what it is to put foot on throat and not letting it off by leaving his declaration late. I think he's starting to get it. If you want soft sportsmen who yield their ground and doff their caps, then follow the Wallaby scrum.

Seeing as how Dave Warner is our new hero here's some lyric from a song, "Convict Streak" by his name sake:

The Poms are weak as piss
The French are queer
The Germans are wankers,
but they make good beer
Don't criticise what you don't understand
If you think I'm talking shit
you don't belong in this land

I can see Davey standing on the table in the dressing room belting this out after an Ashes win.

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Lulu mutters...

Posted November 26, 2013

Sore losers, worse winners.

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Lobes swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted November 26, 2013

I think you may have misquoted Clarky, he said "Get ready for a broken fucken arm" not "get ready for f---in' broken arm"

FormerlyKnownAsSimon has opinions thus...

Posted November 26, 2013

No wonder Ms Bingle left him. He was using the wrong body part.

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w from brisbane is gonna tell you...

Posted November 26, 2013

2013 Test Results

England - 11 games, 5 wins, 5 draws, 1 loss.
Australia- 11 games, 2 wins, 2 draws, 7 losses.

If some Australian players are feeling a little cocky, I can't see why.

BigWillieStyle is gonna tell you...

Posted November 26, 2013

"If some Australian players are feeling a little cocky, I can't see why"

That would probably be because....oh, I dunno.....they just thrashed England in the first Ashes Test?

Lulu ducks in to say...

Posted November 26, 2013

BWS, it's England's first loss in 11 games. And only Australia's 2nd win in 11. So, celebration - yes; cockiness - potentially premature.

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Brother PorkChop has opinions thus...

Posted November 26, 2013

This sort of thing goes on every day of a test match but in this case, Pup got "caught" cos Nine left the mikes open. There is too much money involved now and it is no longer amateur hour at the cricket.

About time they stopped taking shit from all opposition and start getting back on top. They need to continue it now which is what I fear - one win does not make a summer so they had better back it up. Frankly, I am astounded that the Burgers have an opinion on sport and sporting stories. Wow. What does Havock think I wonder.....

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Therbs mumbles...

Posted November 26, 2013

Havock would think "Fuck 'em. FKn mUPPETS specialy FkN ANDERFKNSON. PUP SHOULDA BELTED THE FKR!!!".

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I too swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted November 26, 2013

Wow! You must have needed quite a stepladder to get up on that horse today Original

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HAVOCK21 mutters...

Posted November 26, 2013

You!...hang on, I'll start again. Based on the above and Therbs comment here I'm gunna take a leap of faith and suggest you thought that the Aussie Captain should conduct himself in a slightly better manner than what he has....correct. WELL FK ME!..ya better hand back the aussie fkn birth fkn certificate. Its fkn cricket and if ya cannot handle what takes place on the fkn pitch then FIND ANOTHER FKN GAME.....MAYBE FKN SOFTBALL TO PLAY!

Now as for CLARKY!...yeah baby, no holes barred fkn take no fkn PRISONERS I SAY and so will all other players of the great game. ON the pitch ITS FKN WAR!

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HAVOCK21 mumbles...

Posted November 26, 2013

Just im case the fkn spam trap eats it!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT!..its fkn BOGANISH!...OH FKN PLEASE!

What clarke did was fkn fine and I would and so would a fkn lot of others. CRICKET IS SLEDGING and make no fkn mistake...they all do it. whats cracked me off recently...was the yabbering by a team in their native language. I told the UMP, he could piss off untill they stopped talking in their language and used fkn english, I could swear. not that I swear much mind you.

But Anderson..got what he deserved and backing it up...FKN HELL YES..HES GOT JOHNSON YA FKN MUPPET!. If you want a softer more mild and genteeeeeeel fkn game I might well suggest to you that perhaps softball mifght be the go!...pleated skirt needed of course too!

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Therbs mutters...

Posted November 26, 2013

Yeah, fk 'em. They're only Poms.

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Kat puts forth...

Posted November 26, 2013

Hey JB,

this is totally off-topic, but since you've railed against snooping governments before I thought this would interest you and many burger, so I wanted to share.

A friend of ours has been developing an open router system to allow secure and high-speed encryption of your internet traffic. He is looking to crowdfund some of the final big ticket items - would be great if you guys could have a look at the campaign - supporting it would be fabulous, and if you could also share on social media that would be much appreciated.

http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/orp1-an-open-router-project

Thanks!

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w from brisbane has opinions thus...

Posted November 26, 2013

Playing a game of cricket can be like spending the day locked inside a Youtube comments thread.

You have to be a peculiar sort of person to enjoy that, or think it is manly.

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HAVOCK21 mumbles...

Posted November 26, 2013

hmm..NOPE..thats not it either. Sledging is not just implied threats, its jokes, soft sledging and anything that lets you get inside their heads, upset their focus or the likes and some of its not PC thats for fkn sure.

Tell you what would be good JB, dip into that fkn pool of contacts and find out what sort of sledging takes place between the women teams of Aus and poms.

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JBtoo ducks in to say...

Posted November 26, 2013

I'd like to clarify that I think sledging is generally pathetic and inane, with Clarke's contribution no exception. However this incident has been well overblown (not only by the usual meeja suspects), and Clarke being fined is ridiculous.
It is being used as an excuse by the Clarke-haters to take up their cudgels, which is seemingly far more important than celebrating a good win and at last seeing some cause for cricket optimism.

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w from brisbane swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted November 26, 2013

Possibly, the lowest moment in Australian sport was when members of the Australian team went 'Choo Choo' as New Zealander, Chris Cairns, came in to bat. Chris Cairn's sister had just been killed in a train accident.

I agree with JBtoo. This latest episode is relatively harmless. The good old media. They create a narrative about somebody and then everyone writes to the narrative. The articles almost type themselves. Clarke, a leader in crisis, being the current narrative.

I remember the media hounding a rugby league player about some absurd beat-up. The player didn't want to talk to the media, but his team captain, Brad Fittler said to him, "You've got to talk to them mate. You're the story this week."

BigWillieStyle has opinions thus...

Posted November 27, 2013

Never happened. The Australian players who were playing in that game - and Cairns himself - have emphatically denied that the "choo choo" sledging incident ever took place. Cairns said that had he heard the Australians doing such a thing, he would have run straight over and knocked them out with his bat.

The Australians wanted to sue the newspaper that ran with the story, and Cairns offered to testify on their behalf.

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HAVOCK21 is gonna tell you...

Posted November 26, 2013

pick up a bat, stand on the pitch, or go home saying I dont think you should bowl that fast lets change the rules it might hurt me...either way, I really dont give a dam!

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SZF would have you know...

Posted November 27, 2013

I must have some residual Neanderthal in me, since I do love hearing/engaging in a bit of banter on the field. The thing is, it needs to have that combination of bite and humour - hence the "classics" from Sir Viv, Merv, etc. Shite like Clarke's effort are boring and unimaginative.

One of my personal favourites was allegedly uttered by Mark Waugh during a domestic match. While spending a few seconds scratching out his guard someone from the slips called out, "Hurry up dickhead, it's not like it's a Test match". To which he casually looked over his shoulder and drawled, "Of course it's not. You're out here."

Probably the most memorable I ever heard playing baseball was directed at me by an ex-team mate. "Seriously mate, you're the Seven of Spades". As in, in the deck - but nobody wants you. Even our own bench laughed. Still makes me chuckle (and stings a tiny bit) 15 years later. If you're out there, well played and f*ck you, Hutcho! :)

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w from brisbane ducks in to say...

Posted November 27, 2013

Pointing out the batsman's batting deficiencies is entirely fair.
And actual banter is fun.
However, there are not too many Oscar Wildes in the slips cordon.

This is an example of the general standard from the last game I played.
Addressed to my batting partner..
"Hey, cockhead, cockhead. What's wrong with your girlfriend? Did she eat a pig? Ha, Ha, Ha "...and on and on and on.

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