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Newman's punt

Posted October 15, 2013 into Blunty by John Birmingham

The whole War on Bikies thing is starting to shit me. I suspect there's a lot of theatre of the absurd going on here. Especially when considered in the context of what the Qld government is doing with casino licenses.

Hence, Blunty.

44 Responses to ‘Newman's punt’

Squig Jones mumbles...

Posted October 15, 2013

Dear “Baby Joh”

Yes you can drag us, all of us in QLD back in time to the eighties but eventually the 21st century will come knocking on your door. Please by all means follow the instructions of your dark lord and master and destroy the social fabric in another three communities. I have worked in a casino as an electrician and I have watched the destruction occur. Every two weeks the old age pensioners would flood in and “hit the pokies”. That *cough BULLSHIT! Entertainment precinct or whatever weasel word name you want to use was finally making enough money to pay my wages. Through the transparent ceiling of the gaming floor I watched the wait staff walking around with trays of free nibblies and big jugs of free iced cordial. The staff behind the food counter were secretly instructed to not charge anything for the cheapest items available. Everything possible was done to keep them at the machines. OK fair enough that's just business, But then while watching from above feeling exactly like a vulture I saw a pattern. Every so often the machine attendants would have difficulty removing someone from in front of a machine and they would call security and a completely broken person, head down, shoulders slumped, probably crying would be helped out of the gaming floor through a side door so that they never went passed the front desk. Security would put them in a completely free taxi and send them home. It was the only job in the whole hotel that every single security guard hated doing. Once I realised that the wages that I was having a lot of fun spending on anything else except gambling was almost 100 percent gained by being a parasite on society I had to leave that evil place. I wasn't a machine attendant or a manager I didnt even work on the gaming floor. All I did was keep the lights on and the air condition on. I made a contribution though and once I realised that 99 percent of my wages was misery money I had to leave. No choice.

John Birmingham reckons...

Posted October 15, 2013

Thanks for this comment. It was sobering.

Squig Jones reckons...

Posted October 15, 2013

The funniest part of all is that OMCG's would have been a total wet dream for security because most were exmilitary and when it is a case of honest clean battle where the enemy identifies himself by wearing a uniform weeeelllllll who knows what might happen. Jeeeeeezzzzzzz the poor buggers in Afghanistan don't get that privilage. I tell ya John its a sad state of affairs when fighting guys on bikes at home is a cleaner fight than going to war for freedom is. No fucking fun in the army anymore.

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Halwes asserts...

Posted October 15, 2013

Gees John Can you please ensure your home security and life insurance are paid up.? I'd rather shit the bikies off than go up against the nasty, organised criminals in the casino industry and the guvmint. The WOB is another example of the police state that Australia is rapidly becoming. Try living in a remote community in the NT and tell me I'm wrong although, bless their substance abusing little hearts, the blackfellas have figured out how to circumvent the system admirably and it's only stupid whitefellas that ever get busted for anything. We've got cops at airports, roadblocks, laws that allow them to smash your door down if they smell a scoob or even imagine that they do. This is all in response to some rabid murdoch press that the great unwashed devour as truth.

The problem with poker machines is that they are a tax on dumb people that don't understand the odds. These are the people that can least afford to lose. A poker machine will take 12 cents in the dollar off you no matter what. It is a mathematical impossibility that you can play poker machines long term and win. It is a computer designed to take your money off you and the govmint runs on the revenue. Why support a manufacturing industry when you can pay for your pollie perks much more easily by ripping off poor people. What's the bet Clive gets a casino licence?

John Birmingham mutters...

Posted October 15, 2013

The thing I've never understood about the appeal of casino gambling, or any gambling, is that the odds have tobe stacked in favor of the house. Otherwise there would be no gambling. Why would you play a game when the odds are rigged to ensure you always, eventually, lose.

Lulu would have you know...

Posted October 15, 2013

"when the odds are rigged to ensure you always, eventually, lose."

When I was doing statistics in first year, roulette was used an example and it was shown how/why in the long run, the house will always win. I think everyone believes they're the special little snowflake which will win.

Darth Greybeard swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 15, 2013

I used to teach that very thing and you're right. They can do the maths and get the right answer but the brain shuts down when the big win calls. I showed my son the only legal way to guarantee winning at roulette. He doesn't gamble but he tried it twice at a casino with friends. Both times they quietly 'suggested' he leave the table. Only losers are welcome.

John Birmingham would have you know...

Posted October 15, 2013

Hmm? We must have a chat.

Dino not to be confused with would have you know...

Posted October 15, 2013

Appeal Of Casinos?

My girlfriend won a trip to Cairns back in 2003 or 4.

Real fancy hotel.Best I have ever been to. Beautiful.

We got dressed up to go to Cairns Casino. We were both first timers.

Casino Virgins.

Suit and tie for me a she looked hot as hell.

I was 'James Bond' way before Casino Royale came out again.

I figured I would show the Lady a good time and blow 50, no I'm gonna blow a whole 100 dollars and live the high life. Bond, James Bond.

We entered the Casino and my world quantum shifted.

What a Fucking Dive!

We looked at each other and gave my 'tonne' away to the sorry fucks who worked there.

I cleaned the soles of my shoes after leaving.

w from brisbane would have you know...

Posted October 15, 2013

To the question, Why would you do it?
Why would you overeat?
Why would you ever have more than 2 or 3 standard measures of alcohol in a day?
The pokies I know a fair bit about due to having friends you have a problem. But to see them sit in front and put the first 20 bucks in. The physical relaxation that immediately occurs.
The "Ahhhh' moment of peace and the world slipping away. You can see why they like it. The visual display, the interaction, the pleasurable pattern recognition even if it is not a winner: it is immersive, encouraging, collaborative.
All that psychologist designed computer voodoo.

And you do win, How many times have I heard.
"I won $750 on Tuesday. I couldn't lose."
"I took $600 out of that machine last night".
Of course, it only indicates the scale of their losses in a rigged bet. But they forget the losses.
'Could I borrow 50 bucks until next payday?"

damian is gonna tell you...

Posted October 15, 2013

Sounds like the basis of a sequel to Tassie Babes...

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w from brisbane has opinions thus...

Posted October 15, 2013

I've had contact with senior National law enforcement officials over the years and when the organised crime topic is discussed, I have never heard bikies mentioned.

Needless to say, unlike bike groups, the most effective major organised crime groups do not go around helpfully wearing an "I'm a crook" jacket.

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Therbs swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 15, 2013

Associated with the casinos are the loan sharks, drug dealers and their enforcers. Nah, nothing wrong with either. Just hide them all behind some potted palms, dark suits and a buffet.

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Lulu puts forth...

Posted October 15, 2013

I misread that as "War on Bikes", and I thought JB was going for some clickbait by mentioning cyclists. Because that seems to work for The Age online - cyclists or real estate.

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Darth Greybeard would have you know...

Posted October 15, 2013

I think mine was canned by the lawyers. And I tried to be so careful. Basically though, who owns the Casinos? Where is all this cash going? Locally or OS? And do the companies who run the casinos provide perfectly legal donations to the LNP?

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Therbs is gonna tell you...

Posted October 15, 2013

GB - think Packer winning the licence for the second casino at Darling Harbour. Now he's gonna be consulted by Newman. Nothing wrong with that if you're the 'Son Of Goanna'. Not only do you get a licence to print money but you get asked by a cletus Premier how it should be done and most likely cop some consultancy fees on top of another licence or two. Corruption on a grand scale?

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Blarkon swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 15, 2013

Can't have Bris-Vegas without lots of Casinos.

Trowzers asserts...

Posted October 15, 2013

Newman doesn't seem to realise that 'Bris-vegas' is a parody name.

Apparently we're 'bleak' without more casinos!

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Dino not to be confused with is gonna tell you...

Posted October 15, 2013

JB,

Does the QLD Government stil play the overnight money market with the Public Purse?

They used to years ago. I knew someone.

Highly Illegal.

How much money did they lose?

Rob would have you know...

Posted October 16, 2013

They did in Tassie. they were funding major infrastructure projects with the profits, the councils were doing a similar thing. Then the GFC (get fucked capitalism) hit and suddenly they couldn't build the new Hobart hospital. Then the Councils sued the advisors who helped them lose ratepayers money.

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

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Dino not to be confused with mutters...

Posted October 15, 2013

I am commenting here cause the SHM/BT site has gone apeshit and want me to part with a whole dollar for a one month subscription.

I spend more on toilet paper and frankly my opinion isn't worth a whole dollar.

You've got it all wrong JB.

The QLD'rs have done a deal with the Bikies cause the Bikies can't launder their money.

So each little chapter will have their turf and Casino.

"Gotta keep the separated"

Not only that, the cash money from drugs and whores and hits can now be taxed.

Win WIn.

John Birmingham mumbles...

Posted October 16, 2013

Dino, if you go in thru BT you won't get that message.

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OutOfCheese would have you know...

Posted October 15, 2013

VLAD. The legislation spells VLAD. VLAD. For f-ks sake. Can someone let these infantile muppets know that they are supposed to at least act like they're pretending to be adults while governing, rather that playing idiotic acronym games?

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Spanner asserts...

Posted October 15, 2013

My irony-meter went off the scale when I noticed the advert by el-goog at the top of the Blunty

"ADS BY GOOGLE

THE GAME IS ON

www.tabtouch.com.au

We're Upping the Game! Back your team with TABtouch"



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NBlob has opinions thus...

Posted October 15, 2013

To sell anything one convince the buyer of a value proposition. "This X will do Y for you, which is totes worth the low low price." So as a salesman one frames the sell in the most favourable light.

The LNP couldn't reasonably make an argument that they'd provide more schools or services, so they pitched their sale mostly around intangibles, immeasurables & externalities.

In time for the coming elections the ALP will have to put a value proposition that will convince Joe Sixpack & Wendy Home-Maker to shift their votes back.

I'm not hopefull. I believe that under every coalition government the % of employees who are shifted across to contractor status, part time or casual basis increases. When people live without security, they tend to vote for less generous conditions for those who most need the support.

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Legless swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 15, 2013

Everyone's talking about the casinos and gambling but is anyone giving a thought for the bikies? More specifically, the new laws that allow them to "get tough" on bikies?

No bail. For any offence. Drop a piece of litter in the street
and you're banged up, without bail until court. Contest the charge? Then it's back to nick with you until the case is heard.

Police have extra power to stop any group of bikers (including law-abiding recreational riders) at any time, for no reason.

Star-chambers for bikies. Don't answer a question then it's off to the nick with you. And no. You can't have bail.

A special prison just for bikies. Confined to your cell, 23 hours a day. No gym. No TV. No privileges.

I can see that the prison is an excellent idea. Lets put all the bikies from all the different gangs - most of who hate - each other in the same prison, at the same time. I mean - what could *possibly* go wrong.

I'm no defender of criminal bikies - you catch them doing something wrong - haul them before the courts, convict them and send them to prison. It's called the law. But this bunch of new and shiny laws that specifically target bikies makes me want to vomit.

Once the police have these powers they'll never give them up. And once they have these powers they'll be extended to other groups that prove to be a nuisance. It might be G8 protestors, it might be farmers protesting about fracking, it might be the homeless and eventually, it might be you.

I hate to be so cliched but if ever a verse was apt then it's now....

First they came …


Cheers

John Birmingham reckons...

Posted October 15, 2013

I got ten bucks of Abe's says the law gets struck down at the first constitutional challenge.

SZF puts forth...

Posted October 16, 2013

Exactly JB - the anti-bikie non-association laws are simply to show us what big swinging dicks our politicians have re: crime.

As one copper mate said to me recently, "Talk about bullshit. It's MUCH easier to get them for real stuff, like manslaughter, assault or possession with intent".

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Nine Fingered Freak would have you know...

Posted October 15, 2013

I read the “intent” of the laws in Bunties hosting paper and what made me pause is, if its good for the bikies, why not everyone else? You know, I have no sympathy for bikies now that the authorities are coming down hard for breaches in the current weapons (particularly in connection to the recent shootings) and drug laws (and anything else they can drag up). But the suite of laws they have cooked up leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Shall we extend and apply these laws to Unions because someone got roughed up at a building site? What about to a right wing party because a few ministers got busted attending a wedding on the public purse?

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Quokka mumbles...

Posted October 16, 2013

A while ago I saw a study that showed that in homes where gambling is a problem, there's also likely to be a problem with domestic violence. The people running the study didn't expect this and they wanted DV support adds to be featured alongside the support services for problematic gambling.

I think the thing that pisses me off about the LNP gubbermint the most is the utter disregard that they have for research. They will implement draconian measures that are known to be expensive and useless and they'll cast out any constructive steps that research has indicated can improve a problem, just because being punitive and heavy handed feels good and they really don't give a shit if it actually makes matters worse. Scapegoating rather than problem solving is something that makes sense in their mean-spirited little hearts and the obvious aside to that is that when they're scapegoating one group, it takes the attention off all the sneaky shit they're doing out of the spotlight. The media get completely suckered by it, so I was really glad to see your article, JB, while the fools at ABC radio 612 were jibber-jabbering on talk-back radio about Bikies.

As you guys know, my spouse builds hospitals for a living. He said that the figures show we are only on track to supply 1/3 (if that) of the hospital beds that will be required in SEQ by 2020. Never mind the services that are needed to attend that, that's just stacking space.

Why that isn't headline news and a bunch of thugs in leather jackets are, I honestly have No Freaking Idea. The gold coast is already a tricky demographic with the number of people struggling to make ends meet. Add casinos to that, you'll get an increase in domestic violence, and the results of that usually end up with more kids who are considered 'at risk' and who will engage in the kinds of behaviours that results with them landing in jail for drug use/petty crimes. Jails are expensive to run, so unless Candoo is going to fund the jails with money from the casinos...argh. I need to stop there or my head will explode.

damian mumbles...

Posted October 16, 2013

See this post is why I want to be able to direct-link to comments here. Nicely said Q, all of it.

The scary thing is I sort of know the answer to the last bit: QLD has had some semi-experimental US-style privatised prisons. Sure it's an accounting fiction that they could make the state money rather than cost it, but you can bet it will be a very popular fiction in coming years. Then we'll get the invetiable nexus of corruption between sentencing judges and prison operators.

Incidentally, I tried to make this comment (the first paragraph anyway) a number of times during the day today, but for whatever reason this site here, burger not blunty, hasn't played nice with Chrome on Android or IOS7, for me at least.

NBlob swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 17, 2013

+1 Aunty Q.

This is where "Bread & Circuses" & the Theatre of Government gets really nasty.

More black-suited SpecOps Cops less social interventions. More truncheon, less compassion.

Marginalise, ostracise, criminalise.

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Futrend.tv%2Fv%2F9-out-of-10-americans-are-completely-wrong-about-this-mind-blowing-fact%2F&h=IAQF4PFWk&enc=AZN4crzaHusFnpeen3ZzeIBzdHyDNwLkN564Hjsbm9O4Kim38o1cetrpP5NwDYknAA0QZnmtwLDKuRTtfFRjRmF_wQsLDMwiZ01NbQ8BMEOg6CnDatiLNEc-6wmCImEkOleWrAB0-fgJhdH9Gaa3X5pY&s=1

Then you just need a nice gerrymander to bed it all down.

Also the gulf in Lived Experience between LNP silver-spooners like Blieje and the Depression Bay or Inala welfare dependants yawns wiedr than the grand canyon. Those born to even modest priveledge can't imagine the grinding horror of entrenched multigenerational poverty.

Dino not to be confused with mumbles...

Posted October 17, 2013

Private Prisons in US?

What happens if you don't find enough criminals?

Penalty clauses.

Check out the population jump 2003/4!

http://www.globalresearch.ca/the-prison-industrial-complex-locked-up-in-america/5353924

What happened in 2003/4?

I have tried to research the US Government Sites but the "shutdown" includes the Justice system websites.

damian mumbles...

Posted October 17, 2013

"Those born to even modest priveledge can't imagine the grinding horror of entrenched multigenerational poverty."

Well said, too.

damian puts forth...

Posted October 17, 2013

Wow, Dino, those figures are extraordinary. And yeah, what happened in 2003/4?

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Rob has opinions thus...

Posted October 16, 2013

I think what they (governments) should be targeting is organised crime in general. Governments do this any way. What with proceeds of crimes law, unexplained wealth laws which take into account cash industries like drug dealing, tattoo shops, tax evasion, insider trading. The problem with proposed 'bikie laws' is that they look retrospective and biased ( so its not one law for all) . If the governments were clever and not knee jerk reacting, media whores then we might get some really good laws that allows the majority of people in Australia (both rich and poor) to just get on with their lives without feeling that some people can get away with anything because of their status (criminal or otherwise). However backroom deals with billionaire casino operators to make more shit house casinos doesn't exactly engender confidence that governments can actually pull this off.

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Surtac swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 17, 2013

The twitterverse was going a bit feral about this legislation yesterday arvo.

Apparently the draft law refers to not just bikies, but to any congregation of 3 or more people that the police don't like the look of. Can anyone else remember what Geheimstatspolizei means?

I'll see if I can find a link to the legislation screen grab I saw yesterday.

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Brother PorkChop mumbles...

Posted October 17, 2013

So is it tables, pokies or gambling in general that everyone considers destructive for our society? What about wagering on say the nags or the dishlickers, say through a Paddy Power Australian subsidiary. Does anyone consider Lotto or Scratchies gambling?

w from brisbane is gonna tell you...

Posted October 17, 2013

Yep, they are all gambling.
Pokies are probably the worst because they are engineered so precisely to destroy the vulnerable.

I heard a bloke who had a TAB franchise (off-course betting shop) talking on the radio recently. He had to get out of the business after 18 months. He couldn't morally stand it. Watching people come in and lose their whole pay over a couple of hours. Then watching them walk out ashen-faced. He couldn't imagine what they and their families were going to live on for the next 2 weeks.
As the franchisee, he knew he was morally complicit in destroying families. Probably doing more damage to children than child porn.
Of course, the government is up to its eyeballs in these rackets, so it is OK.

'

Brother PorkChop has opinions thus...

Posted October 17, 2013

OK, I tend to agree. What is the solution to this and where does taking some responsibility for your own actions come into it? I am not saying that it is solely the individuals responsibilty but surely in this as in just general crime, the individual has to take some responsibilty. Why do the punters not take advantage of the self limit or self exclusion option? Clearly I do not understand this particular addiction, if it is an addiction, say similar to heroin. I gamble occasionally and I have a mildly addictive personality as evidenced by computer gaming and the definite thrill I get sitting at a casino table or trackside betting. BUT I have never handed over more than I can "afford".

It is an interesting topic, especially for me in my line of work.

w from brisbane swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 17, 2013

I don't mind the occasional bet myself and have had some great days at the races. Happily, the pokies have no allure to me and I find casinos to be sad places.

The whole personal responsibility thing versus regulation is a hard one. A lot of us do have a problem with gambling and the impact is catastrophic. The big destroyers are pokies and off-track betting shops. While people should be able to gamble, we should err on the side of not making it too easy. It wasn't that long ago you had to go to a race track to back a horse.
I think pokies are just evil and should be banned. Or in a slightly more realistic option, should be restricted to casinos and not be in everybody's local watering hole.
Unfortunately, the government (which is you and me) has been maximising betting turnover by increasing ease of access. Like going to your dieting fat friend's house and sniggering while you leave a big bag of sugar donuts on the table. A friend wouldn't do that and neither should the government (which is us).

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Anthony swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 18, 2013

Many years ago in his pre political career days a prominent Queenland politician (now deceased) used to run an SP bookmaking bsiness. (This was well before Joh)He'd rotate between a group of mates places so as to have a different phone every week to make him hard to track. He could have paid protection to the Commissioner but resented it.

One of the mates was my uncle and we'd see him quite often there. I remember him pointing out that gambling was a mugs game and that the house always won. I also remember him refusing to take bets from peole who he knew couldn't afford it. I remember him telling someone that "You've lost enough this week, your kids need to eat mate". That's what I would define as resonsible gambling.

On the subject of "bikies" - here's some interesting quotes against the bikie laws...

From Hansard:

http://www.parliament.qld.gov.au/documents/hansard/2009/2009_11_25_WEEKLY.pdf

"The fact that there have been so many arrests indicates that existing laws are sufficient without the need to enact laws aimed directly at bikie gangs. We do not need to enact laws aimed directly at bikie gangs or other groups, but we do need to give more resources, more funding and more support to our police officers." (Page 3621)

"While I agree that people need to be protected from organised crime, there must also be the protection of personal liberties such as the freedom of association. The Premier and the Minister for Police, Corrective Services and Emergency Services have stated that people who do the right thing have nothing to fear. I will repeat that: people who do the right thing have nothing to fear. I say to the people of Queensland that, with this government, they do have something to fear. This bill encroaches on their personal freedoms and liberties. A government that tries to remove these freedoms and liberties is a government that is to be feared." (Page 3621)

"This bill is an attack on the right of freedom of association. While it is currently intended for motorcycle gangs, once again this bill does not mention the term ‘bikie’ or ‘motorcycle gangs’, and this piece of legislation could be used against any group that may fall into disfavour regardless of the purpose of their gathering." (Page 3621)

<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]-->
<!--[endif]-->All spoken by the current Queensland Attorney General 4 years ago when Labor tried to introduce it's own (Much less nasty) laws...

Hypocrisy is rampant.

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Dave the Brave ducks in to say...

Posted October 18, 2013

On a lighter note I'd like to see Hi Vis vests comulsory for all motorcyclists. Can you imagine the impact on the OMG and their colours? Oh how we'd laugh.

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NBlob swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 18, 2013

I think a detail often missed is:

It's not like Crystal Meth or Pokies just dropped from a tree fully formed. The have been crafted over years of experimentation, by people who most-assuredly know thier sh!t, to be as Addictive as possible.

This is not conspiracy theory, it is economics 101. The Client of the pokie machine manufacturer is is the venue manager whose #1 proirity is revenue, not the punter. The longer the mug punter sits at the machine, mesmerised by flashy flashy lights (and specific frequencies) lulled by jangly jingles (crafted again to be as enticing as possible) fooled by $1 Minimum Bets and tricked by side-boob flashes on the graphix the better.

If they go home to a dark house & hungry family with a maxi-pack of shame, what the hell, at least the money is now in the Venue's metaphorical trouser pocket As Per Plan.

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Respond to 'Newman's punt'

And all shall kneel before the Mighty Volvo

Posted October 10, 2013 into Blunty by John Birmingham

"Die screaming, worthless Holden nerds. Kneel before your betters, lowly Ford losers."

The Mountain shall be ours. For we are Volvo and we are Legion.

At Blunty.

26 Responses to ‘And all shall kneel before the Mighty Volvo’

Rob mumbles...

Posted October 10, 2013

Down in Tasmania.

Where the indolent roam and 50% of the population can't figure out what indolent means, let alone use it in a sentence or for that matter be able to construct a sentence.

The Volvo has been replaced by the Subraru auslander or outback. The WRX is only used by show off boys or people pretending to be rich. The subaru is the new volvo. The new volvo is far too flashy for your Katmandu vest wearing green voter. Instead the denizens of the public service drive something blue and kinda sporty with great utiily.

Not me.

I drive a Jeep. A big black fuck off Jeep.

Rob mutters...

Posted October 10, 2013

and looking at all the typos in that last para. I should really wear my correct glasses when trying to be clever.

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pitpat ducks in to say...

Posted October 10, 2013

My dad used to drive a Volvo.

Brother PorkChop mumbles...

Posted October 10, 2013

Mine had 2. The second one did over 195KMH although he wasn't driving at that particular time. The first one was a nasty shitbox.

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insomniac ducks in to say...

Posted October 10, 2013

I once owned a Volvo. I had to sit idling until things had warmed up enough to allow the gearbox to work. I have never owned a Ford or Holden.

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Bunyip asserts...

Posted October 10, 2013

I used to drive a Volvo. I also used to wear a wig and fake moustache. Just saying...

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FormerlyKnownAsSimon asserts...

Posted October 10, 2013

Bathurst could use some responsibly infuriating Volvo drivers at the moment. Full of wankers thinking they are the incarnation of Brocky and insult the locals with "fuck off you country driver" with a horn blare or two. Although truth be told the way the locals have come out of the wood work to sell anything under the sun to the punters is rather embarrassing. The major inconvenience of the races is that i can't get a park out the front of where i want to go! I may even have to walk one block!

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w from brisbane asserts...

Posted October 10, 2013

When I was in Sydney earlier this year, I had a trip in a Volvo.
It was very roomy, but I thought the ride could have been smoother.
Though the trip did involve a lot of stop/start.

But, all in all, it was a nice journey. Thank you, Sydney Buses.

Lulu mutters...

Posted October 10, 2013

"Thank you, Sydney Buses"

There's a phrase which isn't heard often.

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HAVOCK21 has opinions thus...

Posted October 10, 2013

I hear ya get Stockings, moccie's and a nappy with them when ya buy one....NEVER driven one. Been in one!

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Quokka puts forth...

Posted October 10, 2013

My (ex) BIL lived on acreage in the hills near Mullum and drove 1. a boxy volvo 2. a tractor.

One day he decided to drive the tractor without the benefits of shoes, despite the warning on the dash 'Always wear shoes when operating the tractor.'

He tried to hit the brakes as he was rolling backwards down the hill (towards the volvo) but OW! OW! OW! it turns out those warning signs about the need for footwear in tractors are there for a reason.

The tractor smacked into the volvo and dealt it a blow that would have finished a lesser vehicle, and, my sister not being someone to waste her hard-earned money on panel beaters, refused to get it fixed, so from that point onwards the volvo shuffled through life with a vicious looking tractor bite carved out of it's arse.

John Birmingham puts forth...

Posted October 10, 2013

And the tractor did not survive.

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Brother PorkChop reckons...

Posted October 10, 2013

There was a novel that had Volvo bashing in it. One of the van Lustbader books?

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Therbs asserts...

Posted October 10, 2013

I saw a Volvo once. *shudders*

Bunyip mutters...

Posted October 10, 2013

Quaff brown lemonade until pain desists.

Therbs would have you know...

Posted October 10, 2013

Did that last night, then pain this morning.

Bunyip is gonna tell you...

Posted October 10, 2013

Let me guess; you stopped taking the medication? There's your problem.

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Gutz has opinions thus...

Posted October 10, 2013

Ahhh the good ole Swedish Tracktor Ovlov...i cannot talk however, my grand father of Finnish descent thought the Lada was the best thing since rollmops.... But he did suffer a brain injury in WW2, so we did cut him quite a bit of slack.

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Dino not to be confused with has opinions thus...

Posted October 10, 2013

Vulvas?

I love Vulvas!

Oh lucky is the man inside a Vulva driving it home.

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ShaneAlpha reckons...

Posted October 10, 2013

I had no idea that they made flat cap helmets.

And I assume that the mighty Volvo sensably driven around Mt Panorama will have the obligatory Bowls Hats on the back shelf, tastefully seperated by a nodding dog.

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MickH puts forth...

Posted October 10, 2013

Q: What's the difference between a Volvo and the principal's office?

A: It's less embarrassing if your friends see you leaving the principal's office.

Q: Why do they put sidewalks beside most streets and highways?

A: So Volvo owners have a safe place to walk home.

Q: What's the difference between a Volvo and a Porcupine?

A: When it comes to a Volvo, the prick is on the inside.

Q: Why do they fit ABS braking systems to the latest Volvos?

A: So the driver can stop quicker to pick up the fallen off parts.

Q: How do you make a Volvo go faster downhill?

A: Turn off the engine.

Q: What is the difference between a Volvo and a shopping trolley?

A: A shopping trolley is much easier to push.

Q: Why are the latest Volvos so aerodynamically designed?

A: It improves the Chevy towe truck's fuel consumption.

Q: What is the aim of a Volvo project car?

A: An attempt to keep their car running.

Q: What is the difference between a Volvo and a tampon?

A: A tampon comes with it's own tow rope.

Q: Why are Volvo dealers giving away a dog with each Volvo sold?

A: So the owner has a companion to walk home with.

Q: How do you double the value of a Volvo Icon?

A: Full the tank with petrol.

Q: What did the Toyota say to the Volvo?

A: Would you like a tow home?

Q: What do you call a Volvo at the top of a Hill?

A: A Miracle.

Q: What do you call two Volvos at the top of a hill?

A: A mirage.

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damian swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 10, 2013

The weird thing about the 200 series Volvos was the placement of the coil, a really stupidly long way from the (in those days still mechanical) distributor. In practice this meant that if your 245DL suffered chronic electrical corrosion due to the weird tinkerings* of a mad hungarian previous owner/bequeather/FIL, you could guarantee that the RACQ, RACV and NRMA van would not carry a long enough replacement coil lead.

Oh and 245DLs had tail-gunner seats, usually stowed under the floor in the cargo area. Removing these yielded a brilliant extra compartment, which we used for roof racks and the very large number of tools required to keep the thing running. If I said that you haven't lived till you've changed the water pump on a 70s Volvo, I'd most likely be lying.

Yeah I reckon Toyotas are pretty good for Australian cars. Holden seems to be nothing but lightly modified Opels these days, which I'm sure are fine for Europe; and Ford is... well the less said about Ford the better. Did someone really say Jeep? Sorry, laughing too hard to respond meaningfully.

*He had/has some bizarre theories about advancing the timing, which he has implemented on all his cars that I have been aware of. He insists it boosts performance while improving fuel economy, but what it actually does is make the car stall while idling, even when the idle is set high.

Rob would have you know...

Posted October 11, 2013

my jeep is fabulous. what with its v6 mercedes engine and all round blackness.

damian mumbles...

Posted October 12, 2013

But... it's still a Jeep, and therefore hilarious. Sorry dude, just the way it is. A Jeep... snicker.

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Coriolisdave mutters...

Posted October 12, 2013

Rob, you may find this illuminating

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Rob puts forth...

Posted October 13, 2013

it looks good in my car hole

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Weddings, Parties, Anything Deductible

Posted October 8, 2013 into Blunty by John Birmingham

5 Responses to ‘Weddings, Parties, Anything Deductible’

Lulu asserts...

Posted October 8, 2013

Weddings, parties - and in the case of Toned Abs himself, apparently an iron man event.

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Blarkon mutters...

Posted October 8, 2013

I'm sure Havs will be along in a moment to tell us how this is all good.

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HAVOCK21 mumbles...

Posted October 8, 2013

Oi11..lizardooo.....BIT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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HAVOCK21 has opinions thus...

Posted October 8, 2013
Diod I mention I got a call from teh IT help fkn desk today. A job I had logged, waqnting a new e.mail address for Facilities, they wanted to know if I still needed it, the JOB was logged at the beginning of fkn APRIL!..yeah........fk great servioce!...fkn muppets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, next thing they will be telling up we need to gets ready for the Y3K bug!

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Dino not to be confused with is gonna tell you...

Posted October 10, 2013

JB,

Didn't comment on Blunty cause the ATO don't know where I live and "apparently" I owe them money.

I know this site is secure.

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Respond to 'Weddings, Parties, Anything Deductible'

War planning and climate change

Posted October 1, 2013 into Blunty by John Birmingham

One my favorite flavors of troll bait.

At Blunty.

30 Responses to ‘War planning and climate change’

BigWillieStyle ducks in to say...

Posted October 1, 2013

I'll be amazed if you get more than 10 comments on this one.

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Lobes mumbles...

Posted October 1, 2013

Brilliant article and the penultimate sentence touches upon what most of the "save the boats" crowd are missing. If and when climate change causes a mass refugee crisis (think 60 million bangladeshis looking for higher ground) its going to be essential to have a border management policy. I say manage and not control because realistically the Australian coastline is too big too control.

Murphy asserts...

Posted October 1, 2013

Indoctrinate and co-opt the ones you think are potentially reliable into helping you police your coastline.

That said, finding a way to accomodate and adapt to immigrant populations is probably going to be a more successful strategy than simply trying to fence yourselves in.

Respects,

Murph

On the Outer Marches

Blarkon swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 1, 2013

Yeah but Australia is going to be even more like Arrakis - so your climate change refugees are probably going to look for somewhere a little more hospitible, like Antarctica.

Murphy reckons...

Posted October 1, 2013

Desalinization plants.

Of course, you'd have to get past that pesky anti-nuke policy of yours.

Lulu puts forth...

Posted October 1, 2013

We have a desal plant here in Victoria. Of course, by the time it was completed, the drought had ended but we're ready for the next one.

Peter Bradley puts forth...

Posted October 1, 2013

We also have a desal plant in Adelaide so now all we need is a carbon neutral way of powering it!

damian swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 1, 2013

Desal plants can work just fine on solar, if they are needed. And more so on wind, as the energy in weather cranks up.

NBlob would have you know...

Posted October 2, 2013

My Dad had a cracker of an idea. Google map the Airport of your choice. Imagine all of that blacktop; runways, taxiways, verges, aprons, feeders etc laced with pipes carrying ethyl glycol, fed through a heat exchanger, boiling seawater. Hey presto almost free potable water.

Airports resurface regularly, the trick would be a modular unit one could drop in as scheduled maintenance.

damian asserts...

Posted October 3, 2013

The pipes don't have to be anything fancy, since the heat-absorbing part should be the low-pressure (expansion) side anyway. If they are going to get really hot then something that'll work with that is indicated...otherwise PVC drainpipe is fine. Mind you there are plastics these days that I'm sure could handle the temperatures you'd see under the tarmac.

Point is that there might be some sense in nuclear for some applications, but the ones that really do make sense are vanishingly few. Meantime we are simply astonishingly stupid about heat and the wide range of existing technologies that make good use of it, simply because they don't fit into the right people's business models.

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Halwes mumbles...

Posted October 1, 2013

Buy shares in guns, nuclear weapons, private detention companies and sunscreen. No reason why we should starve, burn and go broke at the same time.

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Murphy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 1, 2013

Every other day on various feeds I see report after report of military installations turning to solar and wind power while working on hybrid and electric engine designs for future support and combat vehicles.

Respects,

Murph

On the Outer Marches

ShaneAlpha asserts...

Posted October 1, 2013

Don't forget the ones that run on high temperature gas fuel cells.

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Conspiracy Cat is gonna tell you...

Posted October 1, 2013

Wow, JB. You've got yourself one hell of a troll-fest going on over there at Blunty, and it's not even lunch time. (They are trolls, right?) It was tempting to leave a comment about Creationism, and how that is the only model which has yet proved accurate, but all that virtual shouting was giving me a headache. I'm going to google search Nigella Lawson recipes instead.

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insomniac is gonna tell you...

Posted October 1, 2013

Speaking of upcoming wars, is it true that TA, in his conversations with President BamBam, said he thought Pebbles had let herself go somewhat, and that he always had a thing for Betty, a girl with real sex appeal?

NBlob has opinions thus...

Posted October 2, 2013

Noice

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Dino not to be confused with swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 1, 2013

Nice article JB.

Sweet F' All denier comments.

All dressed up...

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HAVOCK21 mumbles...

Posted October 1, 2013

What fkn warming!

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damian would have you know...

Posted October 1, 2013

The rapid disapperance of arctic ice is itself a developing naval situation. Shipping companies are already banking on the new routes.

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sibeen reckons...

Posted October 2, 2013

Fuck I despise blunty.

Make a comment, nada, zilch, nothing. A bloody black hole.

John Birmingham ducks in to say...

Posted October 2, 2013

Me too. My security certificate expired at least a month ago. I still haven't been able to shake free a new access code from IT. And without me tending the comments, they can go for hours without an update.

HAVOCK21 has opinions thus...

Posted October 2, 2013

tell ya what, hows about, you post up here th e/mail addy oif the editor and his IT mates, I think, that in reasonably short fkn order we might well get the message through to the fkn muppets!

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Peter Bradley would have you know...

Posted October 2, 2013

"Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome."
-- Samuel Johnson,

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tqft reckons...

Posted October 2, 2013
As I said over there the wars have started it is a question of how hot.

Be looking at Siberia as a possible sight of conflict again between the Chinese and Russians.
Also Antarctica at least parts maybe habitable within 100 years. Are we even thinking that far ahead? The time to think is now so we can preemptively act when it becomes an issue


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ShaneAlpha asserts...

Posted October 2, 2013

I am thinking of the walruses. I thinking of Havok let loose with an army of heavily armed walruses to command.

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Sinnysider ducks in to say...

Posted October 2, 2013

Looks like Greenland may soon live up to it's name again ; for those in the Northern hemisphere.,looking to move! It'll be much smaller ,of course, without the ice sheet!

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DiddyWrote mumbles...

Posted October 2, 2013

The US military consumes about 85 million barrels of oil a year making it the biggest single consumer in the world. Even without global warming, peak oil will make the worlds only superpower impotent unless it finds different way to fuel it's war machine.

According to the US Army Materiel Command a gallon of fuel delivered to the US military in action can cost up to $400. Think about that when you next fill up the tank (petrol not battle).

HAVOCK21 reckons...

Posted October 2, 2013

Diddy, yep, then think about the types of tanks the US operates, that is, the types of multifuel engines they have in the M1 series....yep. JET FKN TURBINE! and...well dont get me started, but we bought some........ UNFKN FORTUNATELY!

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Freebaggers

Posted September 26, 2013 into Blunty by John Birmingham

They're a curse.

At Blunty.

10 Responses to ‘Freebaggers’

nhamilton@iinet.net.au asserts...

Posted September 26, 2013

It has always been known as The Hairy Tongue in my world. A bit of fun with a borrowed camera at a wedding led to the bride asking what was in the photo that looked like a hairy tongue.

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Dino not to be confused with swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted September 26, 2013

Yeah, but JB, Summer is basically here and going commando is about as "Australian" as you can get.

AY Mate!

How's your eggs?.

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Mayhem's Mum puts forth...

Posted September 26, 2013

I myself would not have noticed a rehearsal of The Full Monty by the local amateuer theatrical society if I had a plate of dukkah dusted eggs before me. Have you become so gastronomically jaded, Mr Birmingham, Sir, that a mere 'A Capella' display can put you off your holiday breakfast? A word to the wise, good Sir. Avert your eyes and clean your plate. Wasting food is inexcusable when there are people out there who cannot afford undergarments let alone dukkah dusted eggs.

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Rob mumbles...

Posted September 26, 2013

Balls! like what I saw tonight. (just pimping my new blog thingy)

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Jayanthi's Atomic Cat swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted September 27, 2013
My cabaret group is booked to do an NYE show at the local nudie retreat. Maybe you could come and compere. I'm told that graded exposure therapy is effective and since you've already done step one...

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AllyOops puts forth...

Posted September 27, 2013

?thanks for the links much appreciated. I do wonder if the fairfax overlords realise that I don't read smh rather I read Ross G, Julia B, yourself and others. Now you are all in a pool of commentary perhaps I am supposed to think of you all as fair fax comments. That's no way to treat the talent and can only weaken their shaky business model.

John Birmingham is gonna tell you...

Posted September 27, 2013

Maybe you should tell them.

AllyOops mumbles...

Posted September 27, 2013

Done!

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Miss Maudy mumbles...

Posted September 27, 2013

FLASHBACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As a child (maybe 11 or 12) at my grandparents place, sleeping on the couch in the lounge room. Grandfather did not see fit to wear undergarments of any description ever. In summer, he wore stubbies. From my supine position on the couch, the view was unforgettable.

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Ol' Jim mumbles...

Posted September 27, 2013

My brother has the nasty habit of free-balling in shorts and driving with one leg up on near the gear stick. Manys the time I've had to insist the kiwifruit get put away in the fruit bowl.

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Of time and music

Posted September 19, 2013 into Blunty by John Birmingham

I'm trying to avoid writing about politics for a little while, although Clive Palmer is sorely tempting me. Today's Blunty, about discovering an old album which had passed me by, is my attempt to stay away from all too easy to make jokes about Prime Minister Toned Abs.

10 Responses to ‘Of time and music’

Mayhem's Mum mutters...

Posted September 19, 2013

One is dismayed by the vast number of classic songs that are covered, sampled and outright stolen by the talentless naked whores who pass for musicians these days. One constantly finds oneself muttering 'I used to like that song' before furiously hurling one's crystal set into the corner of the Oubliette. Their insidious behaviour would be less annoying if one could convince the talentless naked whores to get off my lawn.

Correction. My Lord And Master Greybeard's (Keeper of the crystal, bringer of gruel, genetic mutater of rats) lawn. Perhaps one might convince said Lord and Master to transfer his genetic mutation experiments from the Raterati to the talented naked whores. His first experiment could be to train the whores to actually sing. The second, to put some pants on. The third? To get off my (his) lawn. Yes. Yes, this is a good plan. One shall start work on the bribe immediately. A rat skin fedora should do it.

w from brisbane would have you know...

Posted September 19, 2013

Though MM, the good thing about that is, I can say my rock/pop listening consists of 90% new music. Ain't I awesome?
Mind you, the fact that my new music mostly sounds like it could have come straight from the seventies, still leaves me an enormous and enjoyable range of new performers and songs.

beeso mumbles...

Posted September 19, 2013

Those classic songs? They just stole from someone else. http://everythingisaremix.info/watch-the-series/

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NBlob is gonna tell you...

Posted September 19, 2013

Is there a martial arts term for the moment of maximum fkedupness? At least a Sun Tzu reference? I guess deadline for X000 words has a certain motivational quality.

damian puts forth...

Posted September 19, 2013

The second law of thermodynamics as a koan perhaps?

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Rob has opinions thus...

Posted September 19, 2013

Musical kinda week.....

I had some amazon preorder shiny discs arrive this week on idie/hipster black vinyl no less. The new Nine Inch Nails album arrived but with a CD included ( i don't own a turntable) so its on my PS3 playing off the hard drive. I bought the vinyl because it was cheap to buy a bundle and reminds of the day I bought their first LP back in 1989 when I didnt have a CD player nor children but I did have black dreadlocks and a $37.50 weekly rental payment to find.

Clive Palmer's output reminds me of this book http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It_Can't_Happen_Here, scary when you compare his ramblings to Buzz Windrip.

Oh and I got some artwork published on Laibach's website 'their not nazis its all about the art man...' to paraphrase JB in that book he wrote.

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Barnesm mutters...

Posted September 19, 2013

I posted a while ago on Bluntie, and as at a few minutes ago on 3 comments - is there a problem over there?

John Birmingham puts forth...

Posted September 19, 2013

Yes. The problem is my security certificate has expired and the process of getting it renewed is Hell. So I can't get in to wrangle comments.

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Conspiracy Cat asserts...

Posted September 19, 2013

Avast, Cap'n Birmingham! Ye scurvey dog! Here it be 'International Talk Like A Pirate' day, and ye be yammerin' about landlubber stuff. Ye could have at least sung the lads a bawdy sea shanty. Arrgh, I ort tae keelhaul ye!

Lulu asserts...

Posted September 19, 2013

By complete coincidence, this morning I was reading Caitlin Moran's account of interviewing Keith Richards on a previous 'International Talk Like A Pirate' day.

excerpt:

"to be frank, everything Keith Richards says is in the cadence of Pirate. With his black eyes, bandanna and earring, even at 67, he has the air of a rakish gentleman forced to steal a frigate and abscond from polite society - due to some regrettable misunderstanding about a virgin daughter, a treasure map and a now-smouldering Admiralty building. "

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