Oh Christmas ham, how did it come to this?
Why does it always come to this between us?
How well I recall our early days together. The promise they held. The excitement at just being around you. I said my love for you would never die, Christmas ham, and I spoke the truth as I then felt it. I could speak no other.
And Christmas ham, we were so good together, weren't we? Even now, when everything has gone so wrong between us, I can still recognise that there was a time, there was a place, they mattered and meant that there was love in the world. My love for you, Christmas ham.
Oh yes, I know others said it would not last. Some were even cruel enough to say I was not man enough for you and that you, Christmas ham were … well, let's get it out there. Too big.