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Raven On Game of Thrones Recap S6E9: Battle of the Bastards

Posted June 21, 2016 into Raven On by girlclumsy

My loving Throners,

I am come amongst you, as you see, at this time, not for my recreation and disport, but being resolved, in the midst and heat of the season, to watch and gasp amongst you all; to lay down for my Red God, and for my seven kingdoms, and my Throners, my honour and my bad puns, even in the dust.

I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman (I really need to get back to the gym), but I have the heart and stomach of a recappespondent, and a recappespondent of Game of Thrones too, and think foul scorn that any prince of Westeros should dare invade the borders of my column; to which rather than dishonour, I myself will take up arms; and with those arms, type.

Of course I’m sure if the great Elizabeth I had been fighting Jon Snow circa 1588 she probably would’ve back-ended her speech to the troops at Tilbury with a jaunty “But Jon Snow can invade my borders anytime, hur hur,” before waggling her eyebrows and making the sexy finger in hole gesture. There’d be no more Virgin Queen after that, I can tell you.

Anyway, beloved Throners, I bastardise the words of Queen Bess for three reasons: one, I feel rather like a warrior leading the charge into this recap; two, because WHO RUN THE WORLD? GIRLS!; and three, because there were no great speeches to the troops in the Battle of the Bastards. There was only a state of not fighting and a state of fighting. And in that, we saw the real truth of war - no heroics, no subtleties, just blood, sweat, adrenaline, death, and occasionally a bloody miracle.

Now normally one of these recaps would start with a whole load of hooting along with phrases like “NO!”, “NOT THE FACE!”, “YES!”, “GOT ‘IM!” “SANSA IS MY QUEEEEEEN” and “LET ME LICK YOU BETTER JON SNOW”.

But I am legit physically and emotionally exhausted after this episode. It hit me like a wrecking ball, Miley-style.

I even stripped down to my undies and workboots too.

I don’t even know if I can come up with a coherent theme, beyond “GARRRARGHHHARGH GHGHHHHAAAARRRGHH THIS SHOW”.

But perhaps, given the full moon and the Winter Solstice upon us here in the southern hemisphere, it might be time to hand over to the twin faces of war: majesty... and lunacy.

Season 6, Episode 9: The Battle of the Bastards

We only had two locations in this episode, so let’s start over in Meereen and summarise Daenarys’ latest QUEEN SLAY manoeuvre, for it ‘twas magnificent.

Meereen, as we recall, had been under attack by the Masters, freshly returned to betray their deal with Tyrion and reclaim their profitable slave-selling ways.

Tyrion, bless him, intersperses the thudding and smashing noises of enemy projectiles hitting the Great Pyramid by insisting Meereen is on the up and up. Of course, not everybody supports his plan for jobs and growth, but then, you’re never going to please all the voters all the time.

Dany’s combat strategy is straight out of The Children’s Big Book of Brutal Dictators 101: kill them all, raze their cities. It’s Tyrion who reminds her that just because the Mad King was her father, doesn’t mean she has to be his daughter. That particular truth bomb lands just as another flaming missile crashes through the nearest window.

Tyrion suggests an alternative approach, which sees the Meereen Team talking surrender treaties with the Masters somewhere just outside the city.

Tsk-tsk, the Masters say. You could have left when we first offered peace, lady. Now as punishment we’re going to kill your dragons, sell your Unsullied Army and make you take part in The Briefcase on Channel Nine.

“We’re here to discuss YOUR surrender, not mine,” Dany throws back, far too languidly for someone not in total control of the situation. It’s at these moments that Dany most reminds me of a crocodile, and not just because her flawless skin would make an amazing handbag. It’s the uneasy air she creates as she lies in wait, letting her idiot opponents mansplain themselves right up to the water’s edge, before being chomped on like Linda Kowalski in that g-banger.

The keen-eyed among you would have spotted the initial appearance of Drogon as a blurry collection of CGI pixels behind one of the Masters. It was an ironic sight gag worthy of The Simpsons.

Drogon heralds his arrival with an almighty screech, and soon Dany is up and onto his back, flying high across the bay towards the attacking fleet. Along the way she collects Viserion and Rhaegon, who’ve busted their way out of their dungeon prison (one hopes they left papier-mache dragon effigies behind, Escape from Alcatraz-style). Together, the soaring reptilian trio turn their attention to the ship leading the attack - and on Dany’s call of “Dracarys!” let fly with the biggest flaming upchuck since I overdid it on the Hot and Spicy wicked wings last Christmas.

Meanwhile around at the city gates, a bunch of Sons of the Harpy are getting their stab on when all of a sudden they hear a great rumbling approach. It’s not a dragon, rather, it’s every fricking Dothraki warrior currently living headed straight for them. Plus Maario, whose use of an arakh to decapitate a bad guy not only engendered whoops and cheers, but made me feel a little bit disturbingly sexy.

It really is amazing how violence done to your favourites is gut-wrenching and traumatising, but violence done to your enemies can have you punching the sky and laughing like a ticklish hyena on nitrous.

That’s a recurring feature of this episode, and it crops up again when Tyrion, Grey Worm and Missandei insist that one Master will have to be killed for breaking the agreement they had. In a wholly expected move, two of the cowardly Masters push their third compadre to the front, saying he’s low-born and doesn’t speak for them. He also wears a lot of eye make-up, so that could also have been a factor.

Eyeliner Master begs for mercy, but no sooner has he fallen to his knees then Grey Worm whips out his dagger (euphemism not applicable in this situation) and slices the throats of the other two Masters.

Tyrion's just sitting this bloodspray out.

It’s left to Tyrion to pass on the key learning from today’s events to the trembling Eyeliner Master. Should any of the other Masters have fanciful ideas of trying again to reintroduce slavery, “tell them what happened when Daenarys Stormborn and her dragons came to Meereen”. To quote those 90s philosophers, Wayne and Garth, if she were President she’d be Babe-raham Lincoln.

And then the Greyjoys show up.

I loved the sudden appearance of Theon and Yara in the Throne Room, with Theon being dressed down by Tyrion for telling dwarf jokes back when they last met at Winterfell.

Theon’s keen to move on from both his youthful and serious adult indiscretions, but Tyrion wants a bit of a gloat. It’s Dany, resplendent in a moss-green toga that would add “Queen of O-Week” to her many titles, who gets negotiations back on track.

The Greyjoys have offered 100 ships from the Iron Fleet, which coupled with the remaining ships from the now-defunct Masters is almost enough to get her entire army over to Westeros.

The biggest threat to this plan is Euron Greyjoy, their mad and murderous uncle who intends to offer Daenarys big wooden ships and, well, big wood.

The recent revelation of Yara’s Sapphic tendencies paid off big time when Daenarys joked that her offer would not come with marriage demands. “I never demand, but I’m up for anything really,” Yara sasses back with extra sassy sass. It really was wonderful to see both Dany and Yara enjoy some cheeky banter about having mad Dads, usurper troubles, and misogyny dramas.

Somebody tell Eddie McGuire this is how you do banter.

Dany resolves that everyone there has a duty to leave the world in a better state than they found it - unlike their respective fathers. So Yara may claim the Salt Throne once Dany is restored to the Iron one, but on the condition that they respect her rules. No more raiding and reaving for the Ironborn, it’s time to settle down and grow up. “But that’s our way of life!” protests Yara. But she can see the writing is on the wall, and it’s kudos for both women that they can see the potential for a better future. As we’ve said in the past, the Ironborn need to diversify their economy. “Coastal raping” should not be a line item in a country’s budget.

And so on a firm handshake we leave Meereen with the exciting promise that the Mother of Dragons might soon launch her ships and head towards Westeros. It’s only been eleventy million years, but we’re getting there, guys!

All right.

It’s time to head to Winterfell, and to the inevitable showdown between Jon Snow, Ramsay Bolton and their respective armies.

The two sides have an initial meet and greet on the prospective battle site outside the castle. It’s the first time we’ve seen Ramsay in a fair few episodes, and he hasn’t improved. Captain Smuggy McEvilSmugface demands the immediate return of his bride Sansa, and for Jon Snow et al to bend the knee and swear allegiance to him as Warden of the North. I’d try to describe my face as I listened to Lord Slimebucket ooze words, but Lyanna Mormont pretty much summed it up.

"I'm ten and can tell this guy is full of crap."

The Starks, of course, are having none of it. Jon even offers to take Ramsay on mano a mano, an offer Bolton is super quick to turn down on account of knowing Jon would KICK his measly backside. Of course, Ramsay wouldn’t be Ramsay without a creepy trick up his sleeve, and it’s at this point he throws down the head of Shaggy Dog as proof he has their brother Rickon.

It's Sansa, wonderful, badass Sansa, who shuts him down.

“You’re going to die tomorrow, Lord Bolton. Sleep well.” And then she rides off and doesn’t look back, because she is a Queen.

Ramsay laughs and describes her as a cool chick, then tells everyone he looks forward to feeding them to his dogs. Now just keep this bit in mind, as there’s a slight continuity snafu here that I’ll bring up later.

That night, we see Jon, Sansa, Tormund and Davos doing some mind mapping vis-a-vis their battle plans. Tormund is hilariously unaware of the rules and manoeuvres of open warfare, and Davos reinforces the need to make Ramsay charge first.

But after they leave, Sansa lets rip, telling Jon he’s completely overlooked her insights, having actually been subjected to Ramsay's "personality" for more than five minutes. He lays traps, he plays with people, and he will make you make a mistake.

The pair have a right proper argument, and it’s a joy to watch. Here are two siblings, who’ve both gone through so much, trying to solve the same problem but coming at it from different angles. Jon is trying to retain the honour of the Stark house by wanting to save Rickon and use strategy to boost their meagre numbers. Where Sansa is a revelation is when she urges him to cut Rickon, her own brother, loose. He’s the legitimate heir, more valuable that she or Jon. Ramsay won’t allow him to live. It’s the kind of cold insight that only someone who had been at the Bolton bastard’s mercy could know.

Not being battle-hardened, Sansa can’t offer much in the way of advice on what he should do. But she’s clear on one thing - “Don’t do what he expects you to do”. Ramsay plays with people, he knows how to hurt them, how to make them make mistakes. Jon would be wise to heed this advice.

When Sansa makes for the exit, she tells Jon if Ramsay wins she will top herself rather than go back into his custody. Jon promises he won’t let Ramsay hurt her again, but Sansa is resolute. “No one can protect anyone,” she says, almost mournfully. Remember that prissy little girl who believed in knights and honour and being an adored lady? Nope, I don't either.

Jon’s inherited Ned Stark’s honourable streak, and while I adore it like I adore my foster kittens when they’re asleep and not destroying stuff in my house, it’s something that we will see come back to bite him squarely on the backside come battle time (Oh! If only I could bite Jon Snow … you get the drift).

Meanwhile, Davos and Tormund are taking a turn about the campsite. The bushy-bearded wildling has the confidence of someone who doesn’t know what a “pincer movement” is, and the two trade stories about their former kings, Stannis Baratheon and Mance Raydar. Neither turned out to be the Prince they were promised to be - although the Onion Knight does have to explain that Stannis’ demons weren’t actually real demons.

"Are you SURE they weren't real demons?"

Tormund invites Davos in for a sour goat’s milk libation, but Davos turns him down. I’m not surprised - I had sour mare’s milk in Mongolia once, and seriously, I can still taste it. That stuff burns. Davos instead opts for his pre-battle routine of pacing around the campsite so nobody sees him, well, requiring a change into brown trousers. Tormund farewells him with a cheery “Happy shitting!” and Davos heads off.

Then, in an amazing coincidence, he finds the pyre upon which Shireen Baratheon was sacrificed. He finds her little stag doll, and instantly knows something was very wrong about the manner in which she died. Of course this spells doom for his recently patched up relationship with Melisandre.

Meanwhile Jon has gone to see Kate Bush, who doesn’t even attempt an inspiring version of Don’t Give Up, but just looks bored and majorly bummed out.

Jon wants her to stay out of things if he happens to get deaded again, but the Red Woman is #sorrynotsorry about it.

"Look, if the Red God says you have more lives than Super Mario, then I'm sorry but it will never be game over for you."

Melisandre can’t answer Jon’s question about why she was able to bring him back from the dead, only that he may just be needed for this particular battle and then bang, dead again. “What kind of god would do that?” he asks, and Kate Bush answers with possibly the smartest four-word lyric she’s written since Running Up That Hill: “The one we’ve got.”

Yep, it’s a nice reflection on a lot of religions and some of their more… interesting… beliefs.

The morning of the battle dawns, and Jon Snow does a very dishy impersonation of Henry V while inspecting the troops on horseback. But anybody expecting a bit of “Once more into the breach” talk is to be disappointed; Jon, as we know, has always been a man of meaningful, not flowery, words. And given the size of the army they’re up against, it probably is best to stick to the adage that if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.

At this point, Ramsay Bolton initiates his most fiendish plan ever.

We see him on horseback walking through his troops, while dragging something on a rope. We know, we just KNOW, that it’s poor Rickon Stark. Once again, he’s a character who’s shot up in height, but he retains enough babyish innocence to remind us he is yet another innocent victim of the Bastard of Winterfell.

The show messes with us here; first by having Ramsay brandish a knife high in the air, and Rickon bow his head waiting for a killing blow, then by having Ramsay cut Rickon’s bonds and send him off running towards Jon.

If you were anything like me, you felt icy fingers slide their way down your throat and snake around your heart. Rickon was doomed, but I didn’t want to accept it. Jon’s solo ride out to save Rickon was too noble to fail, surely?

The pacing here was incredible as we watched Ramsay fire arrows in a seemingly indifferent manner towards the vanishing Rickon, and as Jon galloped his steed towards his brother, hand out and down ready to lift him up onto his back. It would have been a golden moment, a superhero rescue.

But this is Game of Thrones. Superhero rescues are the exception, not the rule.

Jon and Rickon got close, so close, then Ramsay finally aimed to hit his target, and the arrow speared the youngest Stark through the back. It may as well have hit Jon in the heart too, as he goes numb for a moment - the first time he’s seen his littlest brother in years and he’s in his death throes.

"Bro?"

Sansa warned Jon about this, but even if he did listen it’s a forgotten memory in this heated moment.

Looking on, Tormund urges him to remember the plan, with the simple utterance “Don’t.”

But it’s too late. Jon has fallen into Ramsay’s trap, and he charges forward. Davos sends the rest of the cavalry after him, but Jon has a bit headstart. Eventually his horse takes too many arrows and collapses underneath him.

Jon, survivor of Hardhome, draws his sword and faces these enemies, such different enemies, but sharing the same intent to kill him.

A beautiful slow motion shot captures Ramsay’s cavalry bearing down on Jon, sword drawn, one man ready to take on an army.

Thankfully the rest of his mounted forces catch up and the two sides begin a brutal, visceral clash that is possibly one of the most extraordinary fight sequences ever committed to film.

The camera places us primarily with Jon in the middle of the quagmire, illustrating how a medieval battle quickly divulged from being two one-dimensional sides clashing to a three dimensional mess of men, horseflesh, blood, mud, and flashing steel. There is no sense to be made of the slaughter, no battle rules, only the biological fight response in full flight.

Ramsay continues to run his military operation so sadistically that the Marquis de Sade would turn in his grave to hear his name so besmirched.

While Ser Davos holds off his archers because there’s a risk they might hit their own men, Ramsay has no such compunction. He has his archers fire on the battlefield, happy enough to kill his own men as long as Stark forces and free folk are copping it too.

Before long the whole landscape of the battlefield has altered, with previously flat ground replaced with piles of bodies, flesh mountains that take your breath away - figuratively and literally. For a while Jon is trampled into one of the death mounds, his senses and movements constricted and his body fighting for air. Despite all the blood sprays, the removal of limbs and the horror unleashed on the horses, this remains one of the most horrifying experiences of the battle, because it leaves Jon so utterly helpless.

Meanwhile Ramsay sends in his foot soldiers to surround the remaining Stark forces in a manoeuvre best described as a giant spiky donut. Every few moments the Flayed Men shields squeeze inwards, followed by a thrust of their pikes.

Tormund, insane with awe-inspiring rage, hurls himself at some of shields, encouraged by the leadership of Stampy the Giant, who just starts sweeping some of them aside.

Unfortunately the spiky donut continues to choke the Stark forces, their clever plan to draw the Boltons to them now a bitter regret. In a bright moment, Tormund bites the neck right out of Smalljon Umber, and Jon manages to push himself upwards, inhale, and keep battling...

...and then the Knights of the Vale show up.

We knew they were going to, of course, as Sansa had sent the letter to Littlefinger two episodes ago. They cut it damn fine, but I can’t tell you how happy I was to cheer “Finally! The Knights of the Vale have FINALLY done something decent in this series!”

In a magnificent aerial shot, we saw the mounted Arryn knights both break the Flayed Man spiky donut, and surround it from the outside. It was like the most violent depiction of a sperm impregnating an egg you’ll ever see.

Just bloody amazing. Well done team.

Best of all, it wiped the smug grin off Ramsay’s face for the first time ever:

"I'm boned."

Knowing his time was up, Ramsay fled back to Winterfell. But Jon, Tormund, and Stampy the Giant were hot on his tail. Thanks to Stampy’s efforts they crashed through the castle gates and took the fight right up to Ramsay. Wildlings flooded in, killing Bolton forces, although poor Stampy finally gave out from one too many arrows.

Ramsay and Jon finally faced off in one on one combat, and sure, you could be forgiven for wondering why one of the other Wildlings didn’t just fire an arrow or throw a knife at Ramsay. But then we wouldn’t have an awesome sequence in which my bruised, bloodied and beloved Jon Snow walked determinedly towards Ramsay, shielding himself from arrows, then took the bastard down and BEAT THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF HIM.

He stopped, eventually.

In 1815 the great Duke of Wellington said “My my! At Waterloo Napoleon did surrender.” That of course hasn’t been historically corroborated, but he did say “The next worst thing to a battle lost, is a battle won.”

Never has that been more clear than here, with so much bloodshed, so much death. Rickon’s small body is brought in, and Jon sends him to be buried in the crypt next to Ned. We also Ser Davos throw dark looks at Melisandre, while cradling Shireen’s stag.

But there is triumph too - in seeing the Flayed Man sigil ripped from Winterfell’s walls, and the Direwolf of Stark returned to its rightful place.

Finally, Ramsay Bolton.

Sansa demands to see him, and is shown to the cell where the hateful monster is being kept tied to a chair. “Is this where I live now?” he asks, altogether too cheerily.

But Queen Sansa, my amazing hero, absolutely slays when she tells him his words, his house, his name will all disappear. And then we hear the growling.

Ramsay doesn’t believe his loyal hounds would attack him. But as Sansa points out, they’re now starving.

Now if you were playing along earlier I mentioned a small continuity error. Here’s where it comes into play. Sansa tells Ramsay “You haven’t fed them in seven days, you said it yourself.” But she’d actually ridden away from the parley before Ramsay SAID that. So how did she know? Did John or Davos or Tormund mention it? I would have thought they’d be too tired or caught up to do so. But I guess someone had to place Ramsay in the cell, maybe they discussed it then.

One of the doggies starts to lick Ramsay’s face, and then bang, they all attack. Ramsay trained his dogs to do this, he set them on Lady Walda and her newborn baby, and it is only right that he go out like this. It is horrific, utterly deserved and immensely satisfying.

For her part, Sansa walks away from the cells, never looking back. In fact, she leaves with a tiny twist of a smile, a Mona Lisa moment, but one in which we know exactly the reason for the grin.

SLAY.

Jon Snow may be a hero. But Sansa is a Queen.

Also, I've learned a valuable lesson - never let the foster kittens go hungry.


Yay! Best Moments

There are SO many this episode that it’s hard to nail down. But I reckon just Sansa’s face. Whether it was resolution in the face of Ramsay’s threats and Rickon’s potential death, despair at not being listened to by Jon, fear that her brother’s army would be overrun, and intense pleasure at seeing the Bolton forces and Ramsay himself brought down, it was the most captivating thing of the whole shebang.

Zing! Best Lines

Jon: We’re digging trenches all along our flanks. They won’t be able to hit us the way Stannis hit you, in a double envelopment.
Tormund: …
Jon: A pincer movement.
Tormund: ...
Jon: He won’t be able to hit us from the sides.
Tormund: Good.

Ew, gross

Pick a moment from that battle, people. Pick any moment.

Boo, sucks

While Rickon’s loss was shocking, Stampy the Giant’s was actually heart-breaking. Who among us didn’t love that big guy? Short on words, tough on idiots. His actions during the spiky donut sequence saved so many of the remaining soldiers, and he single-handedly broke the Winterfell gates to let Jon and the wildlings in. He took so many arrows and kept fighting, and the look he gave Jon just as Ramsay shot the coup de grace with a King Harold special made tears come to my eyes. Vale Stampy. We hardly knew ye, but boy did we love the way ye beat tens tons of shit out of everyone.

Also, there have been a few commenters already asking "Where was Ghost?" I think we can all agree the answer is "in his CGI kennel". With SO much to plot, plan and execute with that battle sequence, throwing in a fake wolf would have been too much. Yes, it was sad to not have him bite some faces off, but at least he's alive.

Next week!

I cannot believe there is one episode left of this season. What on earth am I going to do without you, beloved Throners? Why yes, I probably will sit at home rocking back and forth singing “All by Myself”. But until then, there are a few things we need some resolution on next week:

Will Dany head to Westeros? Will Varys have teed up some friendly faces?

Where is Bran? Will he be reunited with Jon and Sansa at Winterfell? Will we see the end of the Tower of Joy flashback?

Will Davos take revenge on Melisandre for sacrificing Shireen?

Will Arya return, perhaps meeting Nymeria along the way?

Will Cersei face her trial, or will Jaime return in time to rescue her? Will the High Sparrow get his comeuppance?

Will the Hound axe a lot of dudes? Where will he and the Brotherhood end up?

Will Sam and Gilly make it to Old Town?

And perhaps most importantly….Brienne and Tormund. Will they or won’t they?

Thank you all SO much for bearing with me during this incredibly long recap.

I've been running a Patreon campaign this season, and it's been doing amazingly well. Thank you to everyone who's signed up. Check it out via www.patreon.com/girlclumsy if you want to get involved for the final week.

Otherwise I look forward to your comments here or over on my Facebook page: www.facebook.com/nataliesthrone.

Valar Morghulis!

92 Responses to ‘Raven On Game of Thrones Recap S6E9: Battle of the Bastards’

Rhino reckons...

Posted June 21, 2016
Awesome. Just freaking awesome.

Nice job.

girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted June 21, 2016
Thanks Rhino. Imagine what I could do with a full day and a good night's sleep behind me. :P

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Andrea has opinions thus...

Posted June 21, 2016
Holy heckmonkeys. Watching this reminded me why I'm a pacifist...

Sousy Wench asserts...

Posted June 21, 2016
I am also generally a pacifist - real world violence and blood sports turn my stomach. I say "generally" because tonight I was shouting bloodthirsty advice at Jon whenever he was anywhere near Ramsey. I'm reliably informed by my mum, that said advice included "Just kill him", "Fuck honour, just shoot him in the head" and during their final punchy scene "Stop playing with him, kill him and cut off his head to be sure". I'm pretty sure I now need to surrender my pacifist card.

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted June 21, 2016
Yep. We get violent when we get passionate ladies. It's acceptable. Ramsay Bolton is, after all, the patriarchy. WE MUST KILL THE BEAST.

Respond to this thread

PM is gonna tell you...

Posted June 21, 2016
I'm a bit concerned about that little smile on Sansa's face as she left Ramsey 'feeding the dogs'. Is she starting to enjoy the exercise of rough justice just a tad too much? Might she be moving too far towards the dark side?

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted June 21, 2016
Pfft! Sansa is a QUEEN.

If you'd just seen your rapist and tormenter get their just desserts, you'd feel entitled to a wee smile yourself. :)

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xServer is gonna tell you...

Posted June 21, 2016
That battle...that was hard to watch. Intense and brutal and everything I have to assume actual battle is really like. Also, and I should probably feel badly for saying this, but it makes me happy we're not using horses in battle any longer. They really did die by the fistfuls, didn't they?

I am glad that Sansa got the last word with Ramsay. His house, his name, his words, his sigil - all are going to be lost and forgotten. He was so desperate to be recognized as a Bolton and now the Boltons are dead. Also, this makes me think all the fan-theories about her being pregnant have to be false. If she was having a baby then the death of House Bolton would be the last thing on her mind (unless she's headed for a nice cup of moon-tea after their chat).

I also have to admit that I am so damn disappointed in the Umbers. I really thought that handing Rickon and Asha over to Ramsay was a feint. But no. Shaggy-Dog is dead, Asha is dead, Rickon is dead and the Umbers are traitorous c-u-next-tuesdays. I hope they get what's coming to them.

I think next week is the episode Cersei unleashes fiery armageddon on King's Landing. Tyrion just confirmed that there are stores of wildfire hidden under all of the big, important buildings including the Sept of Balon. I think she's ready to burn it all down rather than see The Sparrow get anything over on her again. And she'll probably kill Tommen accidentally in the process, fulfilling that prophecy from long ago.

Also, do you think Walder Frey gets it next episode? I almost hope not...I want that to be the beginning of Season 7. My greatest hope is Lady Stoneheart shows up for his feast right after his "The Lannisters and the Freys send their regards" and boom, go to black. That's a way to end a season! But I'll probably be OK with someone feeding him his own tongue.

This show brings out the best in me... ;-)

Timmo ducks in to say...

Posted June 21, 2016
It is perhaps fateful that House Bolton are no more largely thanks to Ramsay's own hand.

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted June 21, 2016
Excellent point about horses in battle. No doubt countless millions and millions gave their lives over the millenia.

nerbit would have you know...

Posted June 21, 2016
Sadly GRRM has confirmed that Lady Stoneheart won't make it into the shows....although he has lied before!

Bart reckons...

Posted June 23, 2016
The wildfire was used to defend Kings landing against the fleet a few seasons ago.

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Jane asserts...

Posted June 21, 2016
Ahhhhhhh -pass the fags Nat!

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Loz mumbles...

Posted June 21, 2016
Best. Episode. Ever. I have no words, so thank goodness you do.

Thank you so much for these witty recaps, they're such a pleasure to read and really add to the enjoyment of the show, being able to re-live it all again and pick up on things I missed. Keep up the amazing work. x

girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted June 21, 2016
Naww, thanks Loz! Believe me, I struggled for a lot of words after this one. I was REKT.

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Fiona mutters...

Posted June 21, 2016
Get thee into Outlander post GoT Nat, you won't regret it!

Awesome recap btw, always love your work.

Muddy mumbles...

Posted June 21, 2016
I have been going to suggest that Natalie recaps Outlander but I fear the sight of Jamie in a kilt and bare chested may push her over the edge.

girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 21, 2016
It's my plan - I haven't watched any Outlander so it'll be interesting to come in cold to a recap (you may recall I began recapping GoT in season 2, so had a rough idea of characters, stories etc).

I keep hearing about the dishy men, so I'll get myself some smelling salts at the ready.

she_jedi is gonna tell you...

Posted June 21, 2016
Your friend Tobias Menzies is in Outlander, and he's absolutely brilliant in it, such a talented man :)

girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted June 21, 2016
Indeed! My friend! A guy I met once ten years ago! We're totes besties.

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Bendric Dondarrion has opinions thus...

Posted June 21, 2016
Can someone explain, apart from laudable dramatic purposes, why Sansa wouldn't tell Jon about her Littlefinger arrangement? One can imagine Jon at Winterfell, in Adam Sandler voice: "From a military strategy perspective that would have been useful information BEFORE THE BATTLE!"

xServer is gonna tell you...

Posted June 21, 2016
How was she supposed to know that LittleFinger would even show up? Ravens can't find people on the move, they fly to buildings, not mobile camps. Jon had already said that he wasn't waiting any longer, she tried to get him to hold off but he refused. Was she supposed to dangle the possibility of creepy Petyr backing them up? Not really. If Jon was set to do battle then he had to plan with the assets they actually had. And if he'd listened to Sansa and not fallen for Ramsay's trap, they would have been in a much better position. But nope - just like Ned, he can only do the thing that's noble and not the thing that's smart.

vitas swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 21, 2016
Did she ever get confirmation that they were coming? Littlefinger could easily have been doing a Stanleys and sit on the sidelines

Ms. Naughty reckons...

Posted June 21, 2016
I too was wondering why Sansa wouldn't at least mention it. I think it would have made Jon delay at least a little. In another comment thread, someone suggested it was strategy on Sansa's part: if Ramsey knew they had a bigger army, he would have simply withdrawn to Winterfell and ensured a siege. This way, they drew him out and ensured a victory. But it's one hell of a risky strategy. I've also seen suggestions that Sansa may be in for conflict with Jon in the future, since she will probably take on Littlefinger as an advisor and rule Winterfell... the smile at the end suggests she is on her way to becoming a no-nonsense kind of queen.

Bendric would have you know...

Posted June 21, 2016
Adam Sandler voice: She did not even mention the POSSIBILITY of support coming. You know, maybe WAIT A WHILE!

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted June 21, 2016
Excellent discussion point.

I feel that Sansa knew Baelish would come with the pride of Arryn. After all, he did offer in the first place.

I think the avoidance of a siege idea is a great one.

I also wouldn't be surprised if Sansa held back because it was an ace up her sleeve, but if it didn't pan out she would never have had to mention it.

And I think even if she takes Baelish on as an adviser, she will still be wary of him. You can't forget that level of being-left-in-the-shit-by-someone.

Springfield Fats reckons...

Posted June 22, 2016
Cause she's a Stark and wherever they go, death and ruin follow? I think it was meant to be a another step in the 'Sansa gaining her independence' arc, just one that showed her to be a moron rather than anything else. Not as stupid as Jon mind you, but stupid nonetheless.

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HAVOCK21 asserts...

Posted June 21, 2016
steel, blood , organs, battle and fkn sexy as wenches...any wonder my Monday nights are fkn GOT GOT GOT!. It was wicked and yes, NOTHING BEATS Knights/ Heavy CAv or the likes. I really got into some of the fight scenes, especially when it was a horse screaming past to slam some poor bastard that was about to cap snow...>FKN THUMP!

girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 21, 2016
Havock! My God man! It's been ages! So good to see you still the King among men of the Capslock Key. A great inspiration to me in my recaps, you know.

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vitas mutters...

Posted June 21, 2016
Holy shitballs

Looking to the future, it looks like it will all be about the women. Daenarys and Yara, Sansa rising in the north, Arya about to fly in under everybodys radar, the winner or Celebrity Deathmatch XVII - Cersei vs Margery. I think Varys is paying a visit to the Sand Snakes in Dorne (remember them?). For this reason I fear for Jamie next week. Walter Frey, the double crossing bastard, can do anything. Jon will do domething stupid next seres and sacrifice himself for the greater good, or something silly.

But only one more episode before 10 months of staring into the darkness

flöki snöw puts forth...

Posted June 21, 2016
There's good reason to fear a Frey soiree , when the music stops something unpleasant happens, lets hope Brons on his game.

girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 21, 2016

What did I say? WHO RUN THE WORLD? GIRLS!

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Lizzie swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 21, 2016
Fantastic episode - fabulous recap. And to think in earlier seasons I thought Sansa was a whinging and whining waste of a character! Re the last episode - I fear the whispered exchange that Qyburn had with Cersei that his "little birds" had finally given him information (or words to that effect) may not bode well for Varys.

girlclumsy asserts...

Posted June 21, 2016
Yep, Sansa's journey has been magnificent. I'm so glad I've been on Team Sansa since the beginning - well, since Joffrey started torturing her and she wised up. :)

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Zosha asserts...

Posted June 21, 2016
Arya, what about Arya, she has to return to Winterfell in a music swelling, tug at our heartstrings, to embrace Jon and Sansa,in a fade to black, end of season moment.

Brilliant recap as always.... One of the best episodes on the small screen ever.

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted June 21, 2016
Such a great episode - and yes, forgive me, I initially left out Arya, but in my defence it was 3am.

I've included her again. She must return, and there must be much clinging and crying and triumphant whooping.

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Ms. Naughty would have you know...

Posted June 21, 2016
Such a tense episode, I was a nervous wreck by the end of it and in dire need of your recap as group therapy. I'm sure I wasn't the only one yelling at Rickon to "ZIG ZAG YOU FOOL!" And for once I wasn't surprised by his death. He had no real character of his own which is a shame. Like you, I was sadder for Stampy the Giant. And also rather frustrated that they didn't make better use of him in the battle. I feel as though he could have broken through the shield wall, or at least stomped down the spears a bit. Entertainment Weekly has a great article with the director of this episode, discussing how he planned the battle sequence. Interestingly, the bit where Jon is suffocating only happened because it rained for 3 days and they were out of time and money. I think it was the most impressive thing they shot, so useful to have a different perspective.
Anyway, am feeling sad that next week is the last one for the year. Your recaps are such a highlight.

Ms. Naughty is gonna tell you...

Posted June 21, 2016
Forgot to add: I had a very tense few moments when I thought we might lose Tormund and thus our opportunity to make endless shippy memes about Tormienne. Thank god for his bitey, stabby Wildling ways which ensures he lives to raise his eyebrows another day.

Verimaz swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 21, 2016
I was shouting for Rickon to do a crazy Ivan!
Loved the suffocating scenes, so effective.
By the end I did think that Jon is really going to need some help in the hot springs in the gods wood to clean up....

Back in Mereen I broke into a bit of "sisters are doing it for themselves..."

Timmo mumbles...

Posted June 21, 2016
Absolutely not on your own there Ms Naughty!
It was very much a horror movie moment - "Jesus, don't DO that!"

girlclumsy reckons...

Posted June 21, 2016
Yes, the internet seems to be very sad about Rickon never having learned to zig zag. I suspect he's got something similar to Zoolander.

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wendyemily would have you know...

Posted June 21, 2016
Wow! I barely have words after that ep. I loved the beginning of the ep with Dany & her magnificent Dragons showing just what an unstoppable force a tough, kick ass Queen can be especially when she has Dragons to back her up. And I also loved how Tyrion seems to be set to become her voice of reason when the blood of the Mad King comes seething up. He is nothing but logical and sensible and she needs someone like that beside her. And now she has another new alliance it's time to set sail and take back what is hers.

As to that battle, I was sitting at the edge of my seat and praying that our beloved Jon would not die yet again and that this time Bolton would get all that is coming to him. It was a chilling reminder of how nasty that world can be as we saw the bodies pile up and I could barely watch. Though I knew they would have to win in the end.

The end of poor Stampy the Giant was sad, though I was kinda hoping that he would do to Ramsey what he did earlier in the battle to some soldier. Pull him apart and toss his battered corpse into the wind. Still it was a chillingly apt end for Sansa to get her revenge and throw the bastard to the dogs! Literally. And perhaps Sansa enjoyed it all a bit too much, but who could blame her?

Sansa, Queen of the North. Dany, Queen of the South. Ice and Fire indeed.

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted June 21, 2016
OH MY GOD - I completely forgot to mention the bit where Stampy the giant totally ripped that guy in half. You see, this is what happens when there is SO MUCH in an episode!

And yes - Sansa and Dany, Yara and Brienne and Arya - 'tis the season of the estrogen ascendencies. Booyah!

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Veralc asserts...

Posted June 21, 2016
The final scene I got a strong sense that Sansa was talking about herself. They used to be loyal, but now they are starving... The dogs, like Sansa, will do what they have to do to survive. She's been abused, but she still got bite.

girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 21, 2016
Poetic observation, and I dig it. :)

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Procrastinati ducks in to say...

Posted June 21, 2016
Ahhhhh, MoK. Each week you set the recap bar higher and each week you saunter in, leap and clear. A gold medal at Rio beckons.

Procrastinati ducks in to say...

Posted June 21, 2016
I enjoy the fan theories, the speculation, the vast array of complexity that arises from such contemplations. All come from the POV of the GoT consumer. Post midnight, unable to sleep in anticipation of a MoK recap, I attempted to warg into a GoT producer. Bear with me.

Procrastinati mutters...

Posted June 21, 2016
A TV production company is as much about making money as it is making art (if not more so). The GoT production team have assets, be they physical or CGI related. The current storyline has a finite life, however many seasons that may be. What happens with the assets? I speculate... Is it possible that Bran's storyline and time shifting is as much a production plan as it is a plot shifter? Via this we've already been introduced to a sans Bean Ned Stark. A young Hodor. A Mad King. Are we looking at a post GoT prequel?

girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted June 21, 2016
Thank you for your kind words, Stormy. Honestly, every week I sit down and think "I do not know HOW I am going to do this one." And somehow it comes. Any side-effect of quality though is pure coincidence.

I love your conspiracy theory though - hasn't there already been some talk of a Robert's Rebellion prequel show?

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Muddy asserts...

Posted June 21, 2016
Sansa needs a lover who won't drive her crazy. Podrick Payne perhaps.
That scene, Jon Snow standing sword in hand, Ramsey's cavalry thundering towards him like an equine tsunami was the greatest scene in the history of television. Then, just when Jon is about to get crushed, THUMP, the horses collide and a billion breaths around the world exhale.

girlclumsy asserts...

Posted June 21, 2016
OMG Muddy, Sansa and Pod. It makes PERFECT SENSE.

But then, she is still a teenager. I'm happy for her to just have a rest, and wait a bit, and fully heal. But damn, Pod. That is a GREAT idea.

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coz is gonna tell you...

Posted June 21, 2016
wow that was an intense episode.

I loved Dany looking back at Tyrion for approval when she made the deal with Yara - "Look, I'm doing it, I'm doing politics - am I doing this right?".

Was that the first political deal she's made without direct guidance from advisors? Apart for all the 'I'm freeing your slaves, taking your land and killing you all' deals she's big on.

girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted June 21, 2016
Another great moment that I missed in the recap Coz - it was lovely to see Dany and Tyrion working together. Long may it continue!

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Gingernuts puts forth...

Posted June 21, 2016
Did anyone else notice the hint hidden in the exchange between Sansa and Ramsay, when he told her that she was basically stuck with him for good, because "there's part of me inside you" (or something like that)? Could Sansa be pregnant? Eew...

flöki snöw is gonna tell you...

Posted June 21, 2016
A bolton bun in the oven?

Lady EFL mutters...

Posted June 21, 2016
That would just be the final lemon juice in the paper cut wouldn't it?! One certainly hopes she is not in a family way. It could also mean that because of what he did to her, she will never forget him and thus he will always be a part of her. At least that's what I'm hoping .... fingers crossed because the Boltons and their nasty genetic insanely savage cruelty need to be deleted from the Westeros gene pool for good. Along with the Umbers and Karstarks for being traitorous dogs!

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted June 21, 2016
My response to the "Could Sansa be pregnant?" question as usual is to stick both fingers in my ears and scream NOT LISTENING NOT LISTENING NOT LISTENING.

It's the mature approach.

she_jedi mutters...

Posted June 21, 2016
I told a male coworker that if I was Sansa and I was pregnant with BOO HISS Bolton's baby, I'd strangle that kid before it could draw breath. This led to a very long, very awkward pause in our discussion. I think I frightened him :)

Turlogh Dubh O'Brien is gonna tell you...

Posted June 22, 2016
I think - more like I'm hoping - Ramsay means that in order to defeat him, she had to become like him a little, develop a bit of a sadistic streak, so in a way he survives as long as a sweet girl like Sansa has to do stuff like have his dogs eat him. But it is not entirely out of the question that she's pregs.

I would like Sansa to end up with Pod. I am a huge fan of Brienne and Pod. What is Littlefinger's price though? Marriage to Sansa?

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Lady EFL ducks in to say...

Posted June 21, 2016
Wow ..... just wow! There are no words really (and you used what little there were for another awesome recap Nat. Captain Smuggy McEvilSmugface and Lord Slimebucket - I'm still laughing! But who shall we hate with the fire of a thousand supernovas now? I suppose there's still the Freys). Loved the poetic justice of BOO HISS Ramsay being eaten by his own dogs. Serves you right Ramsay - if you live by the dog, you die by the dog. Sansa's face said it all. In fact all the women in the episode had amazing facial expression moments - Dany, Yara, Missandei, Sansa and the gloriously sassy Lyanna Mormont. And I must say I loved seeing a bit of the old Theon back - not the smarmy little git but a bit of confidence and eye contact back in his demeanour. One thing I do want to know is: where are all the portals in Westeros? You know, the ones people seems to be slipping through to be somewhere the plot needs them to be but defying all known laws of time and physics - I'm looking at you Greyjoys and Littlefinger!

girlclumsy reckons...

Posted June 21, 2016
OMG, I cannot believe I didn't mention BOO HISS in front of Ramsay Bolton at all this recap! What is happening to me?

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Ms Naughty has opinions thus...

Posted June 21, 2016
Am in awe: just discovered that shot where Jon Snow faced down the cavalry was real, not CGI. Phew!
Also, they spent 10 hours just shooting the bit where Jon beats the crap out of Ramsey. 10. Long. Hours. Bravo. Apparently Kit accidentally punched him for real a few times.
Official BTS video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1k0YsrTBEYM

girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted June 21, 2016
I saw that! It is INCREDIBLE that the cavalry charge was real, but SO good.

And wow, 10 hours punching someone. And you get paid?

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Dave swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 21, 2016
What an episode, I have never been so still during a sequence before. The battle scenes were spectacular. Jon being suffocated, wow realistic.

This was what we had all been waiting for, there were screams of delight at the dogs eating the dog. Pure joy in this household.

Will Arya meet Sansa?
Will Jon ever listen?
Will Ser Davros finally find out?
Will the Dothraki finally enter the sea?
Will the White walkers appear?

Will Dany turn sexually?

Only one more episode, how will they fit it in?

girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 21, 2016
Hur, hur. "Fit it in". Hur hur. Snort.

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Mother of nothing reckons...

Posted June 21, 2016
I recently purchased an Apple Watch. No bear with me, this is relevant! I've been tracking my sleep for the last few weeks. I've noticed a pattern of insomnia on Monday nights, and last night was really bad, in the best possible way. Who can sleep after watching that? Clearly you didn't MOK. Great recap ????????????

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted June 21, 2016
I need an Apple Watch to keep track of my sleeping patterns!

I really don't, I just am a slave to the shiny, much like my host here, Mr Birmingham.

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Lorn would have you know...

Posted June 21, 2016
Knocked it out of the park again MoK ...great recap of a great episode!
Talk about edge of your seat stuff, wow just wow GoT. I have a rewatch booked in for tonight, and on the back of this recap I can't wait!

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted June 21, 2016
Totally an episode that needs rewatching.

Join us on the FB page too at 9pm or so if you're done - Stu and I are going to have a live chat about the episode.

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Mick is gonna tell you...

Posted June 21, 2016
What an episode!!!
Probably the single best episiode of any show I have ever watched.
Is it just me, or is evil-Sansa looking really hot right now.

All I need is for Cersai to get herpes in next weeks episode, and I can die satisfied.


PS- Great Recap, LOVE YOUR WORK.



girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 21, 2016
Sansa has ALWAYS been hot. But watch your grubby hands, she's still underage! :)

Thank you for your kind words though.

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thecarrotjoke is gonna tell you...

Posted June 21, 2016
Do you think the extras on set have a guess at how many bodies there are on the battlefield? Like guessing how many jelly beans in the jar?

girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted June 21, 2016
Wow, I should totally have done this as a comp in my recap. Not that I know what the answer is, beyond "Holy shit that's a lot of bodies."

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Timmo mutters...

Posted June 21, 2016
Yay! Loved the ep, and your recap, GC!
They seemed at pains early on in the piece to set a couple of themes for the episode:
- "Who'll fight for a master who won't fight for them?" Jon said it, Tyrion said it. Seemingly a counterpoint to Daenerys' defense of the slaves against the masters
- "You're ultimately on your own/You've got the circumstances you've got" from Jon in relation to the army they've got, and Red Woman in relation to the Red God. Ultimately a bit contradicted by the incredibly timely rescue by the Vale forces, though.

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Sambit ducks in to say...

Posted June 21, 2016
Hi Natalie, there's a request. We've not seen a single limerick of yours this season. So pleaseeee do one limerick for the last episode of this season. Remember you once asked to remind you to write the entire GoT story in limericks! (S05E02 Recap)

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girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted June 21, 2016
OMG, I totally forgot about my limericks. How about I try to think of one before the live Facebook chat Stu and I are doing around 9pm over on the Facebook page?

www.facebook.com/nataliesthrone

And I still have that bloody Dothraki beat poem to finish...

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M'lady swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 21, 2016
Is anyone else a tad worried about how much emphasis Sansa put on the fact that Ramsay's name and house will disappear? It would be just like Game of Thrones to turn around and tell us she is in fact pregnant with his child. Seven hells.

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Ken Father of Dire Wolves mumbles...

Posted June 21, 2016
What's this talk of feeble woman. There were certainly no feeble women in last nights episode, only avenging goddesses.

Fantastic recap, as always. With the inserting of the humour with the blood and the gore and the screaming and the bone crunching.

My long held desire of seeing a dragon scale overcast has finally been realised with the Queen of innumerable names leading her flock into flaming mayhem. I'm sure there's a burgeoning market in Pirate Bay for adult nappies. Oh and a hint of Blonde on Brunette action on a bed of the bodies of their enemies.

Heartbroken to see Stampy fall, but what a death. Commander Worf would make him an honorary Klingon just so they could enjoy Bloodwine in Sto-Vo-Kor together. The blood, the carnage, severed limbs and the clash of steel and flesh on mounting bodies.
Culminating in learning Ramsay Boltons new name of Pulpy McPulpFace as Jon Snow delivered our love and wishes to him in a most satisfactory manner. But really the day was Sansa's looking her tormentor in the face and creating a new pet food empire of Bolton flavoured dog treats, with extra crunch. Is it wrong to take so much pleasure in the horrific and painful rendering of your enemies? Do I need to increase my meds? Nah he deserved it.

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stara would have you know...

Posted June 21, 2016
What a great recap.. "the most violent depiction of a sperm impregnating an egg you’ll ever see" LOL!

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Moko ducks in to say...

Posted June 21, 2016
I enjoy your recaps as much as the show. Great work once again.

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Louise mutters...

Posted June 21, 2016
Hubby can only say oh my god.

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Heidi reckons...

Posted June 21, 2016
Nat - I've enjoyed each and every one of your recaps. This episode was awesome. After next week's recap, I will so miss them!!!

And now only one to go..... :-(

girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted June 22, 2016
Naww, thanks Heidi, I'll miss you too!

Seriously, I love GoT time like nothing on earth.

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Sparty puts forth...

Posted June 21, 2016
Wun Wun was a hero and they should retire his shirt and number (he was named after NY QB Phil Simms I think).

not trying to hijack thread but its connected - George R R Martin is doing overseas shipping for signed books from his website- including Thrones but also the SM Stirling signed book of change universe set short stories (with a story by Birmo in!)
http://www.jeancocteaubooks.com/bookstore/the-change/

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she_jedi asserts...

Posted June 21, 2016
There was a moment in the battle when it looked like Tormund would valiantly and stupidly get himself killed, but his wildling buddies pulled him back and saved him, and I screamed at the TV "TORMUND YOU MUST LIVE! YOU MUST LIVE FOR BRIENNE AND HAVE GIANT RED HEADED WARRIOR BABIES TOGETHER!" And it's moments like this I am really really grateful I live alone :)

girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted June 22, 2016
Apart from the kittehs, of course. ;)

she_jedi ducks in to say...

Posted June 23, 2016
Oh of course! Thankfully they've gotten used to my random outbursts at GoT and no longer bother to wake up and stare at me strangely :)

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HoundDog Day would have you know...

Posted June 22, 2016
C'mon Kate Bush, wait 24 hours,
then bring Boo Hiss back to life,
incanting Hounds of Love to make it happen!
'I found a fox
Caught by dogs
He let me take him in my hands.'
Then Sansa can dispose of him again.
And again!

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Brett Coster (not Waldau, though) puts forth...

Posted June 22, 2016
Long-time lurker, love your recaps, sad that next week will be the finale. What an episode, from Meereen to Winterfell, watched it twice so far and will do again. Loved Dracarys in the distance as Dany reminded the masters that it was THEIR surrender they were discussing, and Tyrion's dwarfsplaining to the surviving master that he lived by the grace of the queen and should make sure that everyone hears about it. (The "or else" was implied...) And JonSnow fallng into BOO=HISS's plan. The battle was traumatic, as it should have been. As someone above said, would like to have seen Bolton soldiers beginning to desert as the Knights of the Vale appeared and the result became plain to all. Still, lots to see next week and then the interminable months's long wait for the Blu-ray.

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Rhino puts forth...

Posted June 24, 2016
OK, so the leader of the burgeoning, nurturing, new world order matriarchy's first political instinct is to raze her enemies cities and salt the earth and yet she later says that they have an obligation to leave the world better than they found it.

Sounds like the matriarchy can speak out two sides of their mouths the same as the patriarchy.

HAVOCK21 mutters...

Posted June 24, 2016
yeah I reckjon the wench is gunna FKN CAP ALL MEN! Actually now that I think about this some more, that trio is seriously fkn jumpable! IMHO

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BigRed asserts...

Posted June 24, 2016
I'm hoping that in the next episode that an express carrier raven arrives in Mereen with a package for Theon eye-for-an-eye, penis-for-a-penis style. To top it off maybe he could have it reinstated by Salma Hayek, her arrival on the screen drew lifeblood into many a viewers appendage so why not into "Little Theon" (which may need a renaming into "Little BOO HISS Theon" if the magic takes hold). If not her then Qyburn clearly knows a thing or two about reanimating dead things. Unless of course one of the hounds developed a taste for sausage and meatballs...

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Respond to 'Raven On Game of Thrones Recap S6E9: Battle of the Bastards'

Raven On Game of Thrones Recap S6E8: No One

Posted June 14, 2016 into Raven On by girlclumsy

A girl is dead. Long live Arya Stark!

Despite a serious flesh wound, blood loss, exhaustion and severe bruising from a fruit-related fall, it is with great delight that we welcome back Arya Stark, Daughter of Winterfell, Wielder of Needle, Kicker of Arse and The Waif’s Lament.

It was a theme we would see repeated throughout this episode - that in Game of Thrones (and maybe for us too) it is nigh impossible to overcome your nature.

Again, this was a more measured episode, with only a few high stakes moments. But still, it had lots to recommend it. Romance. Tension. Romantic tension. Brutal murder. Returns of the sad and surprising varieties. The Hound’s wang. Of course it didn’t have Jon Snow, and seriously, people I’m getting a bit frustrated by this severe lack of My Beloved and His Abs.

But let’s save that particular argument for another day. It's time to flex my recappespondent muscles (which believe me, are the only ones I have in any kind of condition).

Season 6, Episode 8: No One

They say if you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life. By that standard, the Hound is one happy freelance lumberjack. Chancing upon some of the Brotherhood Without Banners camping in the woods, he takes his axe to them so enthusiastically you’d think they were birthday pinatas. He decapitated one of the younger fighters in one blow, slammed his axe into the heart of another, sliced the throat of the third, then appeared to carve the genitals away from the bald, finger-sniffing one’s body like your Dad carves the parson’s nose from the Christmas turkey.

"There goes the other white meat."

The burnt-faced one eventually finds the Brothers He’s Looking For - already strung up and about to meet the Red God in person.

I was supremely grateful to see Beric Dondarrion and Thoros of Myr again after all this time, and I was relieved to have it confirmed that the Brothers who raided the Happy Hillsong Church last episode were in fact a traitorous bunch of greedy bastards. They were not true servants of the Lord of Light; therefore, they were about to be hanged for their crimes.

Sandor Clegane negotiated the killing right to two out of the three of them - but in possibly the most disappointing news he’d had since finding out Ian McShane would only be in one episode with him, Beric and Thoros prevented him from taking to them with Ol’ Faithful. Instead, he was allowed to push the stool out from under them. Pfffft. That’s not justice to a Clegane. That’s basically a mercy killing. On the plus side, it did keep the whole affair bloodless, which meant the Hound could source a nice new pair of boots from the not-yet-dead dangling body. Never let it be said he isn’t resourceful.

Later around the campfire, with some disappointingly non-chicken meat (we remember how the Hound loves his f***ing chicken), Beric and Thoros entreat the Hound to join the Brotherhood, and fight for whatever it is they’re all fighting for. None of them know exactly, they just seem content enough to bumble around the countryside until their purpose becomes clear.

The Hound is initially wary, which is not surprising for a man whose last attempt at friendship ended up looking like Jonestown, and takes a restorative micturation by the nearby lake. Now I thought the camera would cut away at the moment he, well, unleashed The Hound Junior, but they did not. If you missed it, I’ve prepared this helpful and tasteful guide.

Of course it’s not particularly attractive wang, especially since the show seems to delight in showing us a close-up of his stream arcing forcefully into the lake. But apparently unsolicited todger tableaus show up all the time these days, so we should just be happy it wasn’t a close-up followed by a request for nudes.

Despite their previous run-in, the Hound seems ready to be brought around by Beric, Thoros and Co. His nature is to be a big killing machine; at least by joining them he'd be doing at least some of it for the right reason. And that's got to count for something.

Meanwhile the Hound probably doesn’t know that his reanimated corpse of a brother is still kicking on in King’s Landing, protecting Cersei Lannister and picking off Faith Militant like my foster kittens pick off deli meat left unsupervised on the kitchen bench (or indeed, anywhere).

It’s another tribute to the emotionally manipulative power of this show that I have always loathed the Mountain, and yet enjoyed the sight of him totally ripping a dude’s face off a little too much.

"These car steering wheel locks don't feel that cool anymore."

The conflict arose from Cersei refusing to leave the Red Keep to go and see the High Sparrow. Cousin Lancel insists, telling Cersei to have the Mountain step aside, or there will be violence. A quiet pause, and then Cersei says what she was always going to say: “I choose violence.”

Qyburn looked incredibly impressed with his creation as he and Cersei watched the Zombie Mountain dispense with a Faith Militant in gruesome fashion. Cersei threw shade - “Tell the High Septon he’s always welcome to visit me - before turning on her heels and flouncing back inside.

Things take a turn for the worse for Cersei though when she finds out at the last minute that there is to be a Royal Announcement.

It turns out throwing shade runs in Lannister genetics as her Uncle Kevan responds to her inquiry about why she wasn’t told about it earlier with “There’s going to be a Royal Announcement. In the throne room. At this very moment.” He even makes her go to the back of the room rather than take her place near Tommen.

Poor Tommen, having to tip a bucket over his own mother as she looks on impassively. King Squeaky tells the crowd that not only will Cersei and Slow Lorus face trial very soon, but trial by combat will be banned. “The tradition is a brutish one,” he says, adding that they’ll stand trial in front of seven septons, just like the good old days.

As the strains of the Rains of Castamere play, Cersei’s face, usually one of the harder ones to read, quite obviously screams “I’m boned.” The Zombie Mountain was her trump card. She’s got nothing left to play…except that Qyburn has some sort of creepy plan. He dangles the information that a “rumour” he’d been investigating is more, much more, than just a rumour. Then the camera cuts away just before both of them break out into a Dr Evil style evil laugh. Good old Cersei. Mistake after mistake, bad move after bad move, but she just keeps trucking.

Two episodes away from Meereen has given the city time to start repairing, with trade picking up and the convincing lectures of the Red Priests giving a sense of purpose to Daenarys’ conquest.

It’s wonderful to see Tyrion and Varys together again, albeit briefly. The Spider is off on another secret mission, this time back to Westeros to do some sneaky recon about the prospect of a resurgent Targaryen dynasty. He must really rack up the Frequent Spy-er points.

With Varys gone, Tyrion loses the one person who truly understands him, and it shows in his hysterical attempts to start an open-mic comedy night with Grey Worm and Missandei.

Tyrion is not capable of being grim and serious and sober - at least, not all of the time. His wit is his sword; he must keep it sharpened lest it lose its edge. And so, he proceeds to get his two main advisers muntered for the first time purely so they’ll laugh at his jokes (apropos of nothing, why not try reading Raven On after a few refreshing ales?)

The Lannister’s best effort is a “walked into a bar” gag totally ripped out of The Great Book of Scottish Racisms, but at least it’s better than Missandei’s translators joke, which Grey Worm confidently proclaims as the worst joke he’s ever heard. Yeah, but has he seen *insert stand-up comedian of choice* here?

Also, I didn’t think Missandei’s joke was that bad. This is just another example of the “women can’t be funny” myth. Seriously, Grey Worm, you’re not doing yourself any favours slamming on your lady’s humour. Girls like it when you laugh at their jokes, and in return, you boys like it when we have nice cars and money and buy you things. That’s how relationships work, bro. Don’t rag on your sugar mommy.

Dat boi.

There’s a gorgeous moment when Missandei giggles and Grey Worm looks at her with this gorgeous sweet smile - but then the whole thing blows up like a teenager’s party shared on Facebook when the Masters sail back into town intent on reclaiming their lost property.

Tyrion thought he had changed their minds, but it turns out indentured servitude is an idea with deep, deep roots in Slaver’s Bay. I mean for starters, what would they rename the Bay? Think of all those maps that would have to be changed… I mean, the admin is just not worth it. There was no way Tyrion’s seven-year deal to abolish slavery would hold.

With the Masters petrol bombing the city from their fleet, Tyrion is freaking out like aforementioned Facebook-party teenager realising his parents are going to find out about the destruction from the TV news. “Go to the beach!” he yells at Grey Worm, who’s like “Calm the f*** down, dude, we’re just going to stay right here in the pyramid where we’re safe”, and Tyrion’s like “Omg did you flush the shit down the toilet?” and Grey Worm’s like “Nah, man, I smoked it, I’m good,” and Missandei’s like “You guys, look at this Snapchat I just did of the bomb hitting us, I added the dog face filter, it is SO funny.”

Then something lands on the balcony outside, and everyone falls back in a defensive position. A soldier goes out to investigate, disappears, and then BOOM Daenarys stormborns in. Mommy’s home - and don’t the kids look wide-eyed and overawed.

"All right, what the hell have you lot been doing while I was away?"

At the end of the day, Dany is the Mother of Dragons, Mhysa, Saviour of the Day. It’s her job to show up and be there when she needs to be there. She’ll know what to do. Hopefully that will entail setting the dragons on the Masters’ boats.

The reunion of Brienne and Jaime was as deliciously tense and buzzing with sexual frisson as I’d hoped and occasionally fantasised about while showering.

From the moment Brienne sees Jaime, resplendent in red armour atop his white steed, we knew this was going to be epic. “Looks like a siege, my lady,” observes Pod, promptly Brienne to drolly reply that he has a “keen military mind”.

Brienne demands to see Jaime, and is escorted to his tent. Pod, bless his loyal cotton socks, is jumped from behind by Bronn, who proceeds to swear at him in that way only really people who are really happy to see you can. At least, I assume he must be happy. My parents swear at me like that pretty much every time I eventually make it around to their place for dinner, because I’m a great daughter who always answers their calls, is incredibly on top of her life, and they think it’s cute the foster kittens are slowly destroying all of my furniture/clothing/carpets. So it must be good.

Bronn, being the impolite and unashamed sellsword that he is asks Bronn if he thinks Brienne and Jaime are doing it warrior-style in the tent. Pod, being the amazing wonderful young man he is, is respectful and confused. Bronn then delightfully lets us know that not only would he have his way with Brienne, he’s certain Jaime wants to, and is pretty certain she wants to have her way with Jaime. Also - has Pod shown her his wares yet? Why do I get the feeling Bronn would totally be an unsolicited todger tableau sender?

To pass the time as Jaime and Brienne do or do not do it in the tent, Bronn offers to teach Pod “real” fighting. This was very telling as far as nature is concerned. Pod wants to be a honest knight like Brienne: tough, fair and plays by the rules. Bronn wouldn’t know a rule if it smacked him in the gob, which is coincidentally exactly what he does to Pod. “They’re all going to want to hit you, everybody wants to hit the squire!” He’s a lovable rogue, and he’s got a point: he survived. He hadn’t expected Pod to.

Oh Brienne and Jaime. So much said, but so much more unsaid. What is the connection between them? A simple bond of friendship, forged by a terrible shared experience? A platonic love? Or something more?

Whatever it is, Brienne’s presence seems to humanise Jaime, and make him a better person. He is kinder, softer, more rounded. She doesn’t call him Kingslayer anymore, that hated nickname that reduces him to a mere traitor (tellingly, the Blackfish still uses it throughout the episode as a way of keeping Jaime that cardboard cut out hate figure). Brienne seems to understand more of his complex inner-workings, and seems to have an understanding that none of the rest of us do.

The scene also had wonderful romantic hallmarks about it - a change of costume and time period and they could be a pair of vexed lovers in a George Eliot or Elizabeth Gaskell novel. Sigh. When Jaime insisted Brienne keep Oathkeeper, I may have inhaled deeply, or squealed, or both, I was that delighted. Also because that sucker is Valyrian steel and heading back north Brienne is going to need that shiz.

Then, as Brienne told Jaime that if she had to take a side in the fight, it would be for the Tullys, against him, I almost heard the Snow Patrol music of a thousand incoming YouTube mash-ups swell in the background. I must Google “how to put the heart-eyed emoji on a picture”.

I failed with the emoji, but still, look how sweet this is! So sweet!

Brienne makes it in to see the Blackfish, who steadfastly refuses to give up Riverrun, even to help his grand-niece retake Winterfell. His heart is softened somewhat by Sansa’s letter (“She’s just like her mother”) but he is a man resolved. He plans on dying in his ancestral home, family or no family. Poor Brienne has to inform Sansa by raven that she’s, gulp, failed, and her heart is clearly broken. This is a woman who lives by honour, and she feels dishonoured. We’re all “Hey Brienne, you’re awesome, you did an amazing job, you can’t help it if the old guy has a death wish” but she doesn’t see that. Bless.

Jaime’s tete-a-tete with Edmure Tully is far more dangerous than his charming chat with the Lady of Tarth. Tully is a mostly broken man - and an absent father to boot. Apparently he knocked up his bride on the very night of the Red Wedding. So wow, they must have been going for it when Robb, Catelyn and co were being slaughtered in the next room. What a cheery thought. No wonder he doesn’t really care about his personal hygiene anymore.

But Edmure isn’t totally defeated. In a surprisingly long scene, he lands a few verbal punches on Jaime, asking how he convinces himself he’s a decent person so he can sleep at night. Jaime has the good graces to look a bit introspective and sad at these accusations. But then the old lion comes out, and all of a sudden we are firmly reminded that Jaime is Tywin Lannister’s son.

He compares Catelyn Stark’s fierce love for her children to Cersei’s, and proceeds to tell Edmure that he must take Riverrun for his beloved sister’s sake, calling back that old phrase he last uttered in the very first episode of Game of Thrones: “The things we do for love.”

“I’ll send for your baby boy, and I’ll launch him into Riverrun with a catapult because you don’t matter to me… your son doesn’t matter to me, the people in the castle don’t matter to me, only Cersei. And if I have to slaughter every Tully who ever lived to get back to her, that’s what I’ll do.”

It’s quiet and deadly and leaves you wondering once again what IS the deal with Brienne? Is he just humouring her? Does he feel some affection? Or is his relationship with Cersei - and the violence it engenders - such an inbuilt part of him that he can never escape it, no matter what other options might present themselves? Is this one of the hardest truths to come at in Game of Thrones - “Is Jaime Lannister evil - or he is just really good at playing it?”

Faced with such opposition, Edmure cannot hold out. The Blackfish called him a coward and he was right; Edmure doesn't have Cat's stomach, or even Lysa's craziness, to hang on. He is set free, and demands entry to Riverrun, which is granted despite the Blackfish’s strong Admiral Ackbar-style protests. The rightful heir of the fortress then demands its defenders lay down their arms, and the Lannister/Frey coalition march in.

I’m quite glad I didn’t see the death of the Blackfish. I don’t think I could have handled it. He was such a firm, clever, sassy old bugger. The last we saw of him was sending Brienne and Pod off to safety in a rowboat out a back entrance - then diving headfirst back into the fray (or technically, into the Freys).He ran from the Red Wedding - which in some way he sees as a coward’s move, although we see it as eminently sensible. But he will be coward no longer. I’m glad the last memory I have of him will be one of steely gruffness.

"Don't worry, I plan on taking half the Freys with me when I go."

Jaime is told about the Blackfish on the battlements at dawn, where he can just make out Brienne in the rowboat. He raises his golden hand in salute, and Brienne waves back. Is it farewell? Will they meet again? By not drawing attention to them, Jaime kept his promise to Brienne to give her safe passage north. So he can’t be all bad…. Can he?

Finally to Braavos, where everyone’s conspiracy theories about Arya face-swapping with the Waif, or with Jaqen H’ghar, or whomever - all turn out to be bunkum. Arya was Arya, she got stabbed, and she asked for help from the only sympathetic person she knew - Lady Crane, aka Miss Fisher, one of the Mummers.

Lady Crane stitched her up, gave her milk of the poppy to sleep, and let her rest. We could see Arya gaining her strength back as Lady Crane asked her to join the Mummers and tour with them to Pentos. Arya, ever honourable, said it wouldn’t be safe to the group with the Waif still chasing her down. It would be weird too, given that she’d be replacing the girl who played Sansa in the show. Fancy that - real Arya playing fake Sansa in a play.

Sadly Arya’s R&R is disturbed by the Waif, whose nature is finally revealed for what it truly is - that of a T-800 series Terminator. Bitch was relentless tracking down our Stark girl through the streets of Braavos, and Arya did well to keep ahead for as long as she did.

Eventually though, the Waif traps Arya in her hidey hole, the one she fled to after her exit from the House of Black and White. And though the Waif looked as cocky as Donald Trump does every minute of every day, we knew Arya had Needle hidden there.

I thought she was going to pull Needle out and stab the Waif, and so I got mighty worried when the Waif started mocking Arya, telling her the sword wouldn’t help. Perhaps not, but Arya did have an advantage - mad blind fighting skills. That’s right, what the Waif helped her learn would now be her own undoing. Arya took a brief moment to collect herself before slashing out with her Needle, cutting the candlewick and plunging the room into darkness.

Next, we see Jaqen H’ghar following a trail of blood through the Hall of Faces. There is a new face on a column. It is The Waif, her eyes missing, blood pouring from the back of the skin. It was a rough job by Arya clearly, but she doesn’t care. She isn’t no one, she’s never been no one. It’s taken her a journey across the sea, blindess, months of hard training and being pursued by a merciless killing machine to realise she cannot conceal who she is.

Arya is BACK bitches. And she's coming Westeros' way.

*Drops mic*

Yay! Best Moments

“A girl is Arya Stark of Winterfell, and I am going home.” Just 100% gorgeous in every way.

Zing! Best Lines

Tyrion had some corkers of course, but I couldn’t go past the terrific exchange between the Hound and the fellow he de-testicularised.

“Where’s the other one? The one with the yellow cloak?”
“F*** you!”
“Those are your last words, f*** you? Come on, you can do better.”
“C***!”
“You’re shit at dying, you know that?”


Ewww, gross

Lady Crane’s death was genuinely sad, because she was a genuinely nice human being. Not flawless - see her admission of poor decision-making in romantic relationships - but well-intentioned, caring and kind. It was also an incredibly gruesome way to go - impaled on a chair, her head twisted and lolling backwards. I suspect I will have nightmares about poor Miss Fisher.

Boo, sucks

There are only two episodes left in the season, and next week is Episode Nine. You know what that means - Shit. Goes. Down. I suspect we’re finally about to see the Battle for Winterfell, so let’s cross all extremities and hope we see BOO HISS Ramsay Bolton’s head on a spike very soon.

Thank you so much for joining me again this week. I can't wait to read your comments and thoughts, either here on the 'Burger, or via my Facebook page:www.facebook.com/nataliesthrone

Please note: Stu and I are doing a LIVE Raven On podcast this Tuesday 14 June at 8pm AEST. Simply log onto Facebook and follow the live feed from that time. We’ll be in costume, and feel free to ask questions, mock us, whatever!

Another reminder that I'm running a Patreon campaign this season. If you like the recaps and wish to become a patron, you can sign up and pledge the suggested $1 per recap. Here's the link: www.patreon.com/girlclumsy.

Valar Morghulis!

42 Responses to ‘Raven On Game of Thrones Recap S6E8: No One’

xServer swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 14, 2016
Jaime is a Lannister - and he is as grey as they come. Ironic that he spent so much time in a white cloak.

I really think that he cares for Brienne but his first love is and will always be Cersei. He will do what he can to protect Brienne as long as it doesn't directly go against Cersei but if push ever comes to shove, Brienne will go down by Jaime's hand at Cersei's demand. Never think that he's a good guy. Good guys don't really exist in GoT. It's all shades of grey, just like real people.

I hope Danny gets her kids to light up those ships the Masters brought into the harbor. It really is silly to set yourself up in little wooden structures around dragons.

And I hope that Winterfell lands back in the Stark's hands by the end of the next episode. If they fail, my heart will break.

MyCall asserts...

Posted June 14, 2016
I think Bran's flashbacks to the slaying of the mad king show that Jaime does have a moral compass different to the Lannister name.
His most dis-honourable action to stab the king in the back was actually morally sound because the King had gone mad and wanted to burn everybody, men, women and children.
Other than the twincestory, it is very hard to fault him. He keeps his word even to his enemies, he saved his brother, he is proud of Brienn who should also be his enemy, and I'm sure that there are countless other examples.

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Abbey asserts...

Posted June 14, 2016
I can't believe that the Hound is actually one of the more loveable characters now! He has the best lines, totally agree on his zero ngers this week.
And wow, more wang. I mean I'm all for equal opportunity but couldn't it have been Tyrion's, or even Varys' gash? (Can't believe I just wrote that haha)

girlclumsy asserts...

Posted June 14, 2016
The mental imagery!

Ms Naughty swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 14, 2016
Thank you for your thoughtful and comprehensive guide to Hound Wang. I still have to say, we're nowhere near equal nudity yet because it wasn't Sexy Wang. I live in hope for Sexy Wang.

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Martine k Atherton ducks in to say...

Posted June 14, 2016
Do you think Jamie is going to follow Brienne North?

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted June 14, 2016
Nah - if he's so desperate to get back to Cersei as he says, he'll be off to King's Landing. She is about to get punished at trial, too, don't forget!

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Barnesm is gonna tell you...

Posted June 14, 2016
On Jamie and Brienne I have read somewhere the basis for their friendship is that he sees in Brienne the honourable knight he wishes he had been and for her she sees that Jamie considers her a knight where as others see her as an oddity.

girlclumsy asserts...

Posted June 14, 2016
That's a great assessment.

Véronique of House Stark reckons...

Posted June 14, 2016
Spot on assessment, methinks!

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Sparty2 swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 14, 2016
To be picky I thought waif was more T-1000 :-)
So Jamie said cersei would was the type of woman who would burn a city to ashes and Cersei is asking about rumours . I say there be wild fire in them hills....

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted June 14, 2016
I was wondering about that too...

And to confess - I actually have never seen either the first two Terminator movies, so I just googled "What model is the Terminator?" and that's what came up.

I know, the shame, the shame. If it helps, I saw the one with Christian Bale in it. ;)

Onceler mumbles...

Posted June 14, 2016
Great analogy work for someone who's never seen T2! I thought that pursuit style looked familiar, but it didn't click until you called it out in the recap.

girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted June 14, 2016
To be honest, I'm more familiar with Terminator style running from numerous parodies of it over the years, as opposed to the real thing! Think of Homer Simpson chasing down Flanders. :)

George would have you know...

Posted June 15, 2016
I thought of maybe Jason Bourne in period costume during the Waif's pursuit of Arya?

Gilligan mutters...

Posted June 20, 2016
Couldn't find the .GIF, but...

http://twitter.com/stevepep/status/742238753645699077/photo/1

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Katy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 14, 2016
Personally, i am starting to worry about how enthusiastic i was about the Hound getting his axe out and killing those men. And, i too, was cheering for the Mountain when he rearranged that member of the Faith Militant. But, truly it was Arya Stark who made that episode for me, hoping she gets to use these skills on Ramsay Bolton.

Fabulous recap - as always.

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wendyemily is gonna tell you...

Posted June 14, 2016
Damn! I was almost right about Arya. Miss Fisher did save her but she paid for it with her life and Arya will not be joining the Mummers! But oh, so close! I loved the last line of the show with Arya finally owning her real identity and heading off to find her siblings. We hope!

As for Jamie & Brienne, yes it was a lovely moment, kinda spoilt by Jamie morphing into a Lannister and becoming the baddie we either love or hate depending on the day! I have to wonder what will become of him, will he see the error of his way in standing with Cersei through thick & thin or will Brienne's influence eventually come through and will he become an honourable man and stand for what's right? Interesting times in Westeros!

And who didn't love and guess that Dany would land with her trusted Dragon at exactly the right moment. I would have to think that somehow she will end up with that very convenient fleet of ships under her control and sail back with her armies to retake what is hers. With Tyrion at her side. Can't wait.

Ken Father of Dire Wolves asserts...

Posted June 14, 2016
I do hope the masters ships survive, with Drogon flapping around in the view out the balcony I fear he may get peckish. Let's hope he likes his slavers rare rather than well done.

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Leftarc is gonna tell you...

Posted June 14, 2016
Fully agree with the assessment of the Waif, she was a Terminator. Right down to the running style doggedness.

Lady EFL mutters...

Posted June 14, 2016
Was anyone else just a tad disappointed that we didn't get to see that fight? I was really looking forward to seeing that smug smile fall off the Waif's face as Arya skewered her with Needle and she realised that she was beaten.

Tank mumbles...

Posted June 14, 2016
No, it had to be in total darkness – great tactic, Arya. So it would be a bit difficult to see the fight, unless they shot it with an infra-red camera.

flöki snöw has opinions thus...

Posted June 14, 2016
They could have given us the clash of steel in the dark, a squeal, a groan and a gasping last breath, something like Syrio Forel's last stand.

girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted June 14, 2016
Nah, I was happy not to see it. We'd seen Arya and the Waif fight before. The candle extinguished was a great visual cue, and then we next saw Arya with Jaqen at the point of her sword. Beautifully done.

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PM swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 14, 2016
Dany shouldn't set her kittens (sorry, dragons) to boat burning - she needs the transport option they offer. Could the dragons maybe catch (and swallow) the firebombs instead?

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PM mutters...

Posted June 14, 2016
Dany shouldn't set her kittens (sorry, dragons) to boat burning - she needs the transport option they offer. Could the dragons maybe catch (and swallow) the firebombs instead?

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Mother of nothing mumbles...

Posted June 14, 2016
Great recap, really enjoyed this one.
1: I think that conversation between the Hiund and the guy who suddenly had no genitals was one of the funniest things I've seen on TV for a very long time.
2: I have become team Cersei. That's concerning, but I find the sparrow's lot the most heinous of all (well except Ramsay of course).

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girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted June 14, 2016
Yeah, all of a sudden the Clegane Brothers are the New Hotness. Bizarre.

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Dave ducks in to say...

Posted June 14, 2016
Great recap, can't believe only 2 weeks to go. Highlight for me was the way the Hound disposed of the enemies like he was putting out the trash. He is the highlight for me while the Mountain ripping the face was a close second. I've found this series has really amped the humour up and you find yourself laughing way to often.
The loving wave from the Kingslayer to his love Brienne was so touching the girls in my household all swooned. I think they desperately would like to look after the kingslayer.
Tyrion was a classic and his face when Grey worm told him what to do was priceless.

Arya was a let down as I made the mistake of reading fan fiction blogs and I had convinced myself it wasn't her stabbed. When it was her I felt like I had wasted my time. The chase scene was straight out of terminator 2, even the running action mirrored Robert Patrick as the T-1000. I love the way in all these scenes the bad guy or girl waits to attack giving our hero time to think of something. Considering she was stabbed in the stomach so many times she drew less blood than Mr Orange in Reservoir Dogs and healed pretty quickly she showed true Stark grit and remembered her roots.

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The Hound's rubber wang would have you know...

Posted June 14, 2016
Great job in your usual way Natalie. You even managed to artfully paper over the nonsense conclusion to Arya's Essos misadventures. Benioss and Weiss are beginning to struggle without George's immaculate plotting.

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George mutters...

Posted June 14, 2016
Not the hounds "wang". More like his "peckernese"

Kimmy would have you know...

Posted June 14, 2016
Labradong?
Kelpenis?
Dalmashlong?

The Hound's rubber wang reckons...

Posted June 14, 2016
I remind myself of hotdogs.

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Lostbear72 ducks in to say...

Posted June 14, 2016
Great recap. Honestly thought you would have slipped in a Travolta/Cage reference for the aftermath to the Arya vs Robowaif stoush. The thing I was left wondering as the ships sailed into the harbour was whether Dany had learned how to tell the dragons that their dinner (the friendly ship-giving masters) was to be eaten uncooked. No point them going full bbq mode and sinking all those ships.

Ken Father of Dire Wolves has opinions thus...

Posted June 14, 2016
I'm sure sashimi slavers would be a nice treat rather than their normal Korean BBQ. Speaking of which, what/who have Rhaegal and Viserion been eating after not eating the help that Tyrion supplied

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rory reckons...

Posted June 15, 2016
Notice the parallels emerging? Red wedding? Caitlyn Stark loves her children, so does Cersei?
Nice to see that the TV series converges back to the books a little. Mereen under siege, Jaimie rattling about Riverrun with Brienne and Dufus Tully. Dog with the Brotherhood. Can we hope for the murderess to make an appearance, albeit two seasons later?

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PM puts forth...

Posted June 15, 2016
Is there any chance of the audio from the live podcast being posted on Soundcloud for those of us who couldn't get it through Facebook?

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Barnesm would have you know...

Posted June 15, 2016
No one saw the Blackfish's body, I am still hoping.

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Springfield Fats is gonna tell you...

Posted June 15, 2016
The Arya plot made little to no sense in the end, especially her magically healing wounds that would have killed just about everyone who didn't have access to a surgeon and acute medical care for weeks after. I probably could have forgiven it if I thought her Bravos arc was sound, but really she learnt everything she needed to know in 3 episodes and the rest was just her getting wailed on by the waif. And Jaqen's pronouncement at the end was just stupid given he sanctioned the hit on the basis that she clearly wasn't no one and wasn't going to be. Still, at least the people of Bravos are free of the Stark plague and can look forward to a brighter future.

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Chicken mutters...

Posted June 16, 2016
"Later around the campfire, with some disappointingly non-chicken meat (we remember how the Hound loves his f***ing chicken).."
I have a cousin, who, when offered a chicken pie, responded with "I HATE f***en chicken." Needless to say, this line of yours brought back the memories.

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Rablet ducks in to say...

Posted June 17, 2016
Just as a left field suggestion, what if the Waif actually killed Arya, and has really been spending the last few months "training" Arya for the purposes of downloading her personality, so she can take Arya's place in Westeros.

Then Jaqen's conversation makes sense: the Waif, who was still in training, has become a faceless man. She has fully taken over Arya's face and personality, and is heading "home"...for whatever purposes the Faceless men might have...

Rablet ducks in to say...

Posted June 17, 2016
In addition, perhaps the *faceless* men have to cut off their own faces in order to be able to wear others...so the Waif's face without eyes could have been newly skinned - by the Waif herself...

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Game of Thrones Raven On Recap S6E7: The Broken Man

Posted June 7, 2016 into Raven On by girlclumsy

Beloved Throners! I’m so happy, I don’t even know where to begin.

What a spankingly delicious episode of Game of Thrones. I just adored every minute of it. Even now my cheeks are flushed with pleasure, my teeth are sparkling like they’ve just been through a minty fresh car wash, and I just want to run into the wild, spin in circles and sing like Maria Von Trapp on nitrous oxide.

This may have been somewhat inspired by the hillside setting for the Hillsong Church, headed by none other than Ian ‘Al Swearengen’ McShane himself, finally turning up as a reformed fighter turned pastor in a rare pre-credit sequence.

Not since The Pillars of the Earth have I been so chuffed to see Ian McShane hanging around a cathedral construction site.

It was too bad it all ended so soon, as I was looking forward to having those baby blue peepers around for a while. But then, he had a role to play, and that role was to let a certain doggy off the leash.

Damn all of you who said The Hound wasn’t dead. He was left for dead. He looked pretty dead. I was CERTAIN he was going to be dead. But then I also thought Ned Stark was going to find a way off that chopping block right up to the point where his head was snicked off so we all know how much my opinion’s worth.

We’ll get back to our remix of the Baha Men’s 2000 classic shortly, because it was just one glorious strawberry on the cream pie that was this episode.

Kate Middleton and roses! Olenna slagging off Cersei! Jon and Sansa’s Magical Mystery Tour! Captain Darling! Yara the Power Lesbian! The Kingslayer V The Blackfish! Bronn! F***ing Bronn, people!

Yes, it was an episode in which all of our broken and beleagured heroes slowly started putting themselves back together - or open themselves up to a bit more damage.

S6E7: The Broken Man

Let’s deal first with that reveal of The Hound of the Axe-O-Skills. The pre-credit sequence showed hearty country folk doing the Westeros equivalent of an Amish barn-raising: building a new sept. It was like the start of a Disney movie, with apple-cheeked kiddies playing with daisies, and women probably named Daisy chopping up apples.

As groups of men strode past hoisting wood on their shoulders, we noticed one man powering along solo, a mighty log on his back, not even vaguely troubled by its weight.

Eventually he drops it, looks up, and turns, to show first the burnt side of his head, then his face.

Woof!

It turns out The Hound, as opposed to dying where Brienne left him after their fierce battle at the end of season four, was picked up by Ian McShane, who thought he was dead until he coughed.

Somehow Sandor Clegane survived, which Ian McShane has interpreted to mean the gods still have plans for him.

He’s a refreshing sort of preacher, this one, as unlike the High Sparrow he doesn’t pretend to know all the answers. He even suggests the Seven - whose pointed star he wears around his neck - may not be the “right” god/s. Such blasphemy does not offend Clegane, someone who spits on the concept of religion. However Ian McShane is not demanding penitence, or naked shame walks, or converting others. He just wants to spread the good in the world. And for someone with so much hate in them (he even credits it for keeping him alive), that’s a bit of an eye-opener.

"Don't you see? It's all tits and dragons."

Sadly all this positivity (and did you notice the musical score under that pre-credit sequence was the Game of Thrones theme in a major key? So. Freaky.) could not last. Not even for more than one episode, dagnabbit.

For the Brotherhood Without Banners came a-calling, and despite the Hound’s warnings, Ian McShane did not take any precautions to protect his flock, even offering to break bread with them.

You have to wonder what would have happened had Clegane been there when the raiding party arrived, as opposed to being off chopping firewood like a man possessed. He probably could have taken out a fair few of them, but eventually he would be cut down. Instead, he has to look upon the corpses of the men, women and children - simple, unarmed folk - and know their deaths must be paid for. As he stood staring into the bulging eyes of the dead septon, his purpose in life all of a sudden became clear - justice. Or if not justice, revenge.

In the Game of Thrones world, being broken ain't necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes that break gives you the ability to do things others can't, or won't.

With no Brienne in sight, Tormund has finally started speaking with comprehensible words again, as opposed to casting goo-goo eyes in the direction of the warrior from Tarth and seductively gumming a meat tray.

He’s totes backing Jon Snow in as the Lord of the Man Bun appeals to the Wildlings to join their fight against the BOO HISS BOLTONS. The Wildlings are worried they’ll be wiped out, meaning no more Free Folk. Well, says Tormund, Jon Snow died for us, so he’s basically Jesus, and if we don’t reciprocate, maybe we should be the last Free Folk. Oh, (ginger) snap.

"This is all a metophor for Brexit, isn't it?"

Stampy signals his approval with a grunt and a walk-off, and the other red-headed Wildling shakes Jon’s hand. It’s a deal, and with that Jon, Sansa and Ser Davos are off on a whistlestop tour to recruit more warriors to their cause.

Roll up, roll up!

Their first stop was Bear Island, where the revelation of Lady Mormont as a teeny wee girlie was quite possibly the best visual gag ever seen in Game of Thrones.

Jon, Sansa and Davos all looked suitably embarrassed to be seeking an audience with a One Directioner, but Lady Mormont quickly put their prejudices to rest by going 100 per cent Hermione Granger on their collective ass.

“My mother wasn’t a great beauty, or any other kind of beauty,” she snaps, rejecting Sansa’s proffered compliment that she would grow up a looker. “She was a great warrior though. She died fighting for your brother Robb.”

Aaaaaaawwwwwwkward.

Jon doesn’t fair much better when he tries bigging up her uncle, the late Jeor, Commander of the Night’s Watch.

“I think we’ve had enough small talk. Why are you here?”

My beloveds, I just fell in love - in a totally age-appropriate way, may I add - with Hermione Granger. Such sass. Such authority! I am more than *ahem* times her age and can only dream of such badassery. She makes Hillary Clinton look like Sleeping f***ing Beauty. Say No to the Bernie Bros: Lady Mormont for President!

Accio Shut the The Hell Up

Hermione Granger was in no mood to truck with idiots wanting her to sacrifice the good people of Bear Island to some foolish squabble between noble houses. It took Davos Seaworth, once again showing why he’s King of the Kids, to bring her around.

The Onion Knight cited his own recent conversion to the way of the warrior, and summed up by saying that Jeor Mormont and Jon Snow knew the truth: that the only war that mattered was between the living and dead. “And make no mistake, my lady, the dead are coming.” OoooOOOOoooh, drop mic, DJ OK.

Once Davos convinced Lady Mormont that recapturing Winterfell was the only way to ensure a united North, which was the only way to stand a chance against the White Walkers, Jon asked how many fighting men they could expect from the noble Bear Island.

There was a pause as the punchline came looming up towards us like a drunken grizzly, the word PUNCHLINE shorn into its shaggy coat, and a half-eaten Salmon Rushdie pun dangling from its mouth. But that didn’t stop the confident reply of “62” producing such gut laughter in me, I’ll be drinking Yakult for days to replenish.

Still, they fared better with 62 Fighting Bears (good name for a gay club, by the way) than they did on their next stop: Deepwood Motte, the home of the Glovers.

My foster kittens were rather startled when about two seconds after Lord Glover appeared onscreen I started yelling “Darling! Captain Darling! Look, it’s Captain Darling!” like a mad woman. Yes, it appears Tim McInnerny, aka Lord Percy from Blackadder II and Captain Darling from Blackadder Goes Forth is the latest familiar face from the British acting fraternity to strap on a leather jerkin and step into Game of Thrones.

If I can just have an aside - I know Fawlty Towers is technically flawless and I know Yes Minister is the sharpest satire ever, but Blackadder still has my heart as the best British sitcom of all time. Sure, it has an unfairly maligned first season, and sure, it ticks all my particular history buttons. But with characters like Queenie and the baby-eating Bishop of Bath and Wells, and Prince George and his Enormous Trousers, and General Sir Anthony Cecil Hogmanay Melchett KCB and Lord Flashheart and lines like “I have a cunning plan” and “Great Boo’s Up” and “I trust you didn’t forget to remove the crumpet” - come on, people. It’s gold.

Anyway back to Lord Glover. He’s a bit of a sourpuss grumpy face, which is probably attributable to the fact that his house sigil is a fist emoji. It’s possible he’s going for the Hunter S. Thompson gonzo journalism feel, but it looks more like they’re saying “Cross us, and we’ll fist you!” which is too sexually adventurous to be completely intimidating.

I mean really, a glove? For Glover? Given the Direwolf of Stark and the Flayed Man of Bolton, it really is an unimaginative effort.

Even a fistbump would at have a bit more street cred.

Sansa tries to pull the old “You pledged your honour to the Starks, bitch, now whaddup?” to get him to come onboard their Anti-Bolton Crusading Coalition (ABCC) but Glover isn’t having it. He’s seen his stronghold captured by salty Ironborn, his family tortured and his brother slain on the altar of Robb Stark, and he’s had enough. All in all, Glover’s refusal basically boils down to the phrase “I’m getting too old for this shit,” which is pleasantly ironic indeed.

Back at camp, Sansa is so unimpressed with the motley crew they’ve assembled you’d think she’d be happier with the actual Mötley Crüe. At least Tommy Lee could have made some interesting home videos.

She wants to keep pressing the flesh with one-time Stark bannermen, but Jon is adamant that they attack Winterfell before they lose momentum. Of course, he then has to stop their conversation to go help Davos break up a fight between some random soldier jocks, because the testosterone is running rampant in the cold weather. Yes, don’t stop that momentum whatever you do, Jon.

"Gotta go, sis. Some gym dudebros are fighting over the squat machine again."

The Magical Mystery Tour concludes with Sansa penning a message to someone, with the camera helpfully obscuring the “To” part of the note. But all we have to do is listen to that musical underscore - yep, it’s the Petyr Baelish theme. Earlier, Sansa had responded to Lady Mormont’s rebuke that she was a Lannister or a Bolton by saying she did what she had to do to survive. Now, despite her best intentions, she’s having to do it again. Careful Sansa. You have been healing and fighting so well. I would hate to see Littlefinger slip between your cracks. Oh wow, I meant that line to sound ominous and foreboding, but I’ve just creeped myself out.

There was a touching scene in wherever the hell it was the Greyjoys were this week (Lys? Volantis?). Many touchings, in fact, as it was revealed that Yara is a Power Lesbian, aka Dyke From Pyke. I felt somewhat conflicted as I cheered on her heavy petting of a prostitute. I mean, I love that she’s a take-charge babe, but she could have been a tad more respectful. Lead by example Yara. But then I suppose Theon was always quite the aggressor with the ladies, so maybe it’s just genetic.

Not that Theon’s feeling the party vibe much, which prompts Yara to send her bit of rumpy-pumpy away for a moment so she can have a Moment with her baby bro. Yara wants to get away from their marauding Uncle Euron as fast as possible, strike a deal with Daenarys first, then scurry back to retake the Iron Islands. She needs the real Theon, not the broken Reek, to be by her side to make sure justice is served. When Theon flinches, she changes the name of the game. Revenge, not justice.

Spurred on by Yara’s drinking game, Theon skulls his ale until finally he meets her gaze steadily for the first time since they reunited. There’s an amazing transformation in Theon’s face, and Yara seals this renewed connection with a sisterly kiss on the forehead. Then she cheerily announces she’s off to “f**k the tits off that one”. Stay classy, Ironborn.

"Barkeep, make mine a Screaming Orgasm."

In King’s Landing, the High Sparrow is getting rather personal with Kate Middleton, who apparently isn’t doing enough by learning the Book of the Mother off by heart - she should be actively trying to become a mother herself. Yes, the High Sparrow chastises her for her chasteness, which she explains by saying her conversion has knocked her for sex. I mean, six.

In praising her, Big Bird warns that her grandmother Olenna, the Queen of Thorns, ought to follow her lead to live a more noble life, as she’s an out and out sinner. Margaery seeks to bestow some of this wisdom to her Gran at a subsequent meeting, which Margaery’s unsmiling jailer Septa monitors like a teacher at a school dance full of 14-year-olds.

Finally, in pleading with Olenna to go home to Highgarden, Margaery finally confirms what we’ve all suspected/known as plain as day - that she’s in the middle of the most intense method acting preparation since Daniel Day Lewis in Lincoln. Wore those stove pipe hats everywhere, he did. Even got himself shot at the theatre for realism. Also because he was seeing a production of Cats at the time and BOOM take that Cats you jumped-up excuse for a show.

Anyway, it was a joy to see that little spark in Margaery’s eyes as she buried a scrap of paper into Olenna’s lap. Outside the room, the Queen of Thorns unwrapped it to reveal a rose, growing strong, as always. Margaery is the reed, ever bending, never broken. Like grandmother, like granddaughter.

As Olenna makes plans to get away before the “shoeless zealot” can throw her in Black Cell, Cersei makes another attempt to butter her up, apologising for unleashing the Faith Militant on them all, and pleading that they work together.

"Oh hell no."

Olenna’s speech in reply is a searing, savage takedown of Cersei that would have left a weaker person on the floor in a gibbering mess. I know I was, and it wasn’t even aimed at me. It’s something of a tribute to Cersei’s ego that she can hear slings like “I wonder if you’re the worst person I’ve ever met… the truly vile do stand out through the years” and “You’ve lost Cersei… it’s the only joy I can find in all this misery” and not collapse in a heap. Still, Olenna seems intent on leaving Cersei to fight it out alone. Except Cersei, as we know, has The Mountain. Now there’s a Humpty Dumpty success story.

All hail the return of Bronn! Everybody’s favourite everything is back, as quippy as ever, as just as comfortable in his bromance with Jaime as he was with Tyrion way back when. Geez, imagine if those three ever team up again. I don’t think the fan fiction writers could handle it. And by fan fiction writers, I mean me. Yes, that’s right, my soaring self-published opus Sexy Game of Thrones Characters Have Sexy Times While You Watch will be out soon for 89 cents a download.

As a newly minted knight, it’s Bronn’s duty to accompany Jaime and 8000 Lannister men to the Riverlands to retake Riverrun from Brynden Tully. The former sellsword is not super impressed by this turn of events, particularly since Jaime tries to wheel out the old “A Lannister always pays his debts” excuse for why he can’t yet have his fancy house and posh bride.

"Don't f***ing say it."

On arrival, they discover the Freys carrying out the most disappointing siege since Steven Seagal circa 1995 (On a train? Why, Steven, why?)

Not even the threat of killing Edmure Tully moves the Blackfish. He doesn’t really care about Edmure anyway, and besides, the Freys are all bluff.

Jaime, however, is more serious. He takes charge of the blockade and organises a parly with the Blackfish, which occurs in splendid fashion on the very drawbridge protecting the castle.

Brynden is ferociously calm, a study in carefully calculated risks and the wariness engendered by a lifetime of fighting entitled morons. “We’ve got supplies to last two years… do you?” he growls at Jaime, who can’t understand why his opponent agreed to a discussion when he had no intention of surrendering. “Sieges are dull,” is the Blackfish’s droll reply. “I wanted to get the measure of you… and I’m disappointed.” It must be all very frustrating for Jaime, whose name and reputation used to mean a damn thing around here. Now he’s just a toy soldier, performing dumbshow.

Unless he decides to get the trebuchets out next week. Then it could get interesting.

I remain conflicted about how the Riverrun stand-off should end. I’m certainly pro-Blackfish and would hate to see the Freys back in charge, but it would also be nice to see Jaime have some kind of win here. Or at the very least, for him not to be punished too much for not taking the fortress back.

Over in Braavos, a happy Arya Stark, freshly reunited with both name and Needle, is looking for a way to get back home.

She happens upon a Westerosi sailor and throws him a few heavy bags of coins to ship out at dawn and have a cabin at the ready for her. Everything is coming up Stark House.

Meanwhile, all we’re doing is searching the faces in the crowd and wondering which one will be the Waif, game face on, ready to stabby stabby. It turns out to be the fragile old lady, because of course it is. Arya cops a nasty few stabs to the abdomen, before thankfully fighting back and hurling herself off the bridge. Seeing enough blood in the water to lure Jaws out of retirement, the Waif is happy with a job done. But Arya emerges, gasping, conveniently near some steps onto the bank.

Dripping with blood and shivering with cold, she walks through the streets, past market stall holders and shoppers, with everyone staring but nobody helping. What is to become of her? Her stab wounds looked pretty serious - we know she is tougher than a rhinoceros hide attempting to sing “Roar” by Katy Perry at karaoke, but still, she’s not immortal. OR IS SHE? No really, that’s not a joke, I’m genuinely interested in whether her induction into the Faceless Men gave her any sort of Wolverine-style healing factor.

Yay! Best Moments

Clearly Hermione Granger crushing all before her was platinum slay.

Zing! Best Lines

Jaime: Get word to the Blackfish. I want a parly.
Bronn: A parly or a fight?
Jaime: He’s an old man.
Bronn: You’ve got one hand. My money’s on the old boy.

Eww, gross

Everything about the Freys is just skin-crawlingly gross. It’s like the whole family’s money goes on supporting Walder Frey’s disgusting tribe of offspring that they all wear hand-me-down clothes and roll in mud for a bath. When Jaime turned up at their siege HQ - aka a bog field on the banks of the Trident - I couldn’t have cheered more when he slapped the Freys in charge down, both figuratively and literally. Get some deodorant and braces, you skeevy bastards.

Boo, sucks

No Tyrion two weeks running? Surely there is some sort of law against an absence of Tyrion for that long? Also no Daenarys and dragons, no Sam and Gilly, no Bran and Benjen? Also - does anyone remember Dorne? There was a power shift there early on this season, but we’ve not heard much of it since. Oh well. Onwards, to next week!

Thank you so much for joining me again this week. I can't wait to read your comments and thoughts, either here on the 'Burger, or via my Facebook page: www.facebook.com/nataliesthrone

The Patreon campaign that I've been running this season has just been the most amazing thing to see. If you like the recaps and wish to become a patron, you can sign up and pledge the suggested $1 per recap. Here's the link: www.patreon.com/girlclumsy. We're getting dangerously close to doing a live recap in full GoT costume; and I've also put up a ridiculous stretch goal that you can check out.

Valar Morghulis!

65 Responses to ‘Game of Thrones Raven On Recap S6E7: The Broken Man’

Sambit has opinions thus...

Posted June 7, 2016
I think I saw Gendry in about two shots when we see Arya walking back after being stabbed. The boy in the background, does it seem like it's Gendry? What do you think? http://imgur.com/a/sF7lo

BillBixby219 reckons...

Posted June 7, 2016
as much as i want to see him again, i don't believe this is Robert's bastard

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted June 7, 2016
I will have to forensically analyse the footage tonight!

Respond to this thread

Mrs Darling ducks in to say...

Posted June 7, 2016
Yay! I'm so glad I'm not the only one delighted to see Tim McInnerny. And thank you for writing exactly how I feel about the majesty of Blackadder, and the many delicious quotes that followed the rest of the recap thereafter. It made my night.

To finally see Ian McShane and then have him die in the same episode. What a waste of Ian McShane! More Captain Darling, more Ian McShane and Lyanna Mormont as a main character please!

With the reintroduction of the Brotherhood without Banners, I'm wondering if this is a sly way to introduce Lady Stoneheart (or Gendry again finally). I know they mentioned her story wasn't going to be in it, but they also mentioned that Jon Snow was dead.

xServer mutters...

Posted June 7, 2016
Well, technically Jon Snow was dead so it wasn't really a lie (although I think that they also said that he wasn't coming back so that WAS a lie).

I also hope this means we get Lady Stoneheart. It was such a big thing, I can't believe they would cut it out completely.

Ken Father of Dire Wolves is gonna tell you...

Posted June 7, 2016
Black Adder rules. That is all.

girlclumsy asserts...

Posted June 7, 2016
Truth.

Respond to this thread

Andrea is gonna tell you...

Posted June 7, 2016
I screamed "It's Percy!", myself.

All we need now is Tony Robinson somewhere.

Hahahahahaha swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 7, 2016
Yes!

SweatyJester is gonna tell you...

Posted June 7, 2016
As a Frey!

"I have a cunning plan..."

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted June 7, 2016
My response was probably more accurately a garbled mix of Percy-Darling-Percy-Percy-look-at-you-Darling. :)

flöki snöw has opinions thus...

Posted June 7, 2016
We need General Melchett to turn up at the siege, bahhh....

Ken Father of Dire Wolves asserts...

Posted June 7, 2016
I'll be on the lookout for Tony Robinson, probably in a mud filled market place collecting rat shit and spit to roast up for his cappuccino stall.

Respond to this thread

xServer reckons...

Posted June 7, 2016
First, I can't believe Arya wasn't on-guard enough to catch the old lady saying "a girl..." at her. I knew immediately that it was the damn Waif. But no, she just lets herself get stabbed over and over. Arg!

If she dies I will burn this mothah DOWN!

Ah-hem, I mean, I will be very disappointed.

I was hoping for more than a one-episode appearance by Ian McShane but what we got was wonderful so I guess I'll take it. Whatever it takes to get the Hound back in play...

I have no mixed feeling about Jaimie's endeavor: I hope he fails. Badly. I loathe the Freys and with Brienne on her way to Riverrun you know it's going to come to Brienne v Jaimie and if he cuts down Brienne then I AM GOING TO BURN THIS MOTHAH DOWN!!

Erm, excuse me, I mean: I will be very, very disappointed.

Holding out hope that Lady Stoneheart is in the offing. Holding out more hope that Tormienne is something that happens in the wake of the defeat of the Boo-Hiss Boltons.

What a great season. I can't believe how fast it's going!

Barnesm mumbles...

Posted June 7, 2016
I wonder if they have swapped the character of Lady Stoneheart to Arya after her near fatal wounding and falling into the water.

xServer is gonna tell you...

Posted June 7, 2016
I think we're getting the true Lady Stoneheart. I know, the showrunners (and GRR Martin) have said no but I don't believe them. All signs are pointing towards her appearance. Even the Brotherhood are showing up again, and with a new, take-no-prisoners approach to things.

girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted June 7, 2016
I know the basic theory of Lady Stoneheart, but I haven't got to that point in the books yet, so it's all very mysterious. :)

Respond to this thread

Trevor Pyle swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 7, 2016
That. Was not. Arya.









It was Jaquen.

1: Hair parted in the center
2: Bags full of money being tossed around.
3:"Arya's" confident air when dealing with the captain
4: walking around, confidently, when she knew she was on the run
5: Arya is left handed. "Arya" wasn't
6: NO NEEDLE

Jaquen is testing the waif. The waif failed.
A man still owes Arya Stark a life.

This was not Arya, but Arya will avenge that death.

xServer mumbles...

Posted June 7, 2016
...I didn't get that AT ALL....what a fascinating hypothesis. Can Arya's face be used by someone else? She hasn't died or had it removed (don't they have to physically remove it to add it to the vault?)

I'm not sure I buy this theory but it will be very interesting to watch next week to find out!

Trevor Pyle ducks in to say...

Posted June 7, 2016
Arya saw her own face on the corpse right before she was blinded. So I'm assuming that Jaquen has some sort of super powers.

xServer has opinions thus...

Posted June 7, 2016
Hmm, yes, I had forgotten that. And Jaquen was the Waif and then himself in that scene too. So...wow. It's possible. And if there is no true Jaquen then he cannot really die. Because he is no one. (I think the Waif can die, though, as she seems to hold too tightly to her disapproval to ever release her self in a true way). Like I said, I will be interested to see next week's episode!

girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted June 7, 2016
OK, freaky, what a theory!

So Jaqen went out disguised as Arya - but why book passage home? Just to convince the Waif, whom he knew was following him, that it was Arya and she should go stabby-stabby?

There seem to be a few people now suggesting that Arya wasn't Arya. And maybe Arya was wearing the Waif's face. TOO MANY FACES.

she_jedi puts forth...

Posted June 7, 2016
OMFG. I spent that whole scene watching Arya strolling around Braavos like a suicidal idiot wondering where the hell Needle was. NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE. If this comes to pass mind = totally blown.

MB's 2 cents would have you know...

Posted June 7, 2016
It was Arya in control the whole time, doing an Elvis and faking her own death to get the faceless men to step off her blue suede shoes. She knew they would be coming no matter where she went.

girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted June 7, 2016
So she was both herself AND the old woman? I'm confused.

Ken Father of Dire Wolves is gonna tell you...

Posted June 7, 2016
Ooooh, amazing and tantalising theory. Jaqen did say Arya has many talents.

MB's 2 cents mutters...

Posted June 7, 2016
No I reckon there's no secret faces (except the waif's which we saw), and no Jaqen involved. Just Arya channelling Mission Impossible with a stock standert fake death bridge fall. She knew she was going to get hit, and she worked to control the circumstances of when and where it happened.
For bonus points I'm going with she used fake blood from the Mummers, and she never intended to get on that ship.

Respond to this thread

Barnesm would have you know...

Posted June 7, 2016
Another wonderful recap, the only drawback is that it's so satisfying and full it leaves little for us readers to respond with other than to ask for permission to shout BRAVO in an annoyingly loud volume.

BRAVO.

Ever since you discovered that in episode one Petyr Baelish's theme played while they looked over the body of Jon Arryn you have been keeping an ear on it.

girlclumsy reckons...

Posted June 7, 2016
I have to credit that Game of Thrones trivia night for really alerting me to Baelish's theme. I knew some of the grander themes, well, but I'd never paid attention to Baelish's before.

And it's not that I was listening out for it - it's more that as I was recapping I thought "I wonder if...." and double checked and yep, it was there. I guess it's just raised my Littlefinger awareness. :)

Respond to this thread

Véronique of House Stark swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 7, 2016
Dear Mother of Kittens, I am in awe! Your recapping prowess just continues to grow. I had no idea Petyr Baelish had a theme! I will clearly have to listen more carefully. That and the major key GoT theme. I am a musician and I'm not paying close enough attention!

So much goodness, so much scariness. Who couldn't love the young Lady Lyanna Mormont? Disabused Sansa of her sexism, she did. According to IMDB, that was the actress's first screen role. Great start! Also, Hermione Granger. Brilliant! Love how the silver-tongued Ser Davos saved the day again, even though it netted them only 62 bear warriors.

So lovely to see Bronn again. And hear him, of course, since he always gets the best lines, such as that now that he is a knight and not a sellsword he no longer gets paid. Ye gods, I hate Freys. They're so stupid that they would probably be easy to get rid of if there weren't so many of them. But now that the Late Walder Frey has reappeared, perhaps it's time to refer to him as Filch? In keeping with the Harry Potter theme?

Okay, it was kind of good to see the Hound again too. Very Rasputin-like of him to survive the ass-whuppin' that Brienne gave him. The body count continues to rise, but some people are hard to kill. Like Arya, hopefully. But please, please, for the love of kittens and dragons, please do NOT have Lady Stoneheart return. Bad enough that the Brotherhood Without Banners is back. They're not supposed to be bad guys!

So many Arya theories, so few episodes left. I did wonder about the absence of Needle though. Hidden again? Or is something askew on treadle? In that world, I never believe anything!

Soooooo glad that Kate Middleton is not, in fact, a Moonie. But Big Bird telling her that she should lie back and think of Highgarden -- bleah! If he's so astute, he should know that the king is in fact a cute but horribly inbred Lannister bastard with no claim to the throne, so that line should not continue.

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted June 7, 2016
"Lie back and think of Highgarden" - OK, totes gold, I wish I had thought of that one!

And yes, the music is something I've become a bit more attuned to this season. Turns out it gives out loads of clues!

Lady EFL has opinions thus...

Posted June 7, 2016
Am I wrong or hasn't Bronn been a knight since season 2? Isn't he 'Sir Bronn of the Blackwater' for everything he did during Stannis' attack on Kingslanding?

girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 7, 2016
Yeah, but I think he's still waiting on the perks. :)

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PM has opinions thus...

Posted June 7, 2016
Am I alone in thinking that Cersei is placing far too much confidence in her plan to have the zombified Mountain win the trial by combat? She gets a little shit-eating grin on her face every time the plan is mentioned and the Gods (or actually the show's writers/producers) rarely allow that level of hubris to go unpunished. I think Big Bird has a rude shock awaiting for her.

BornBad mutters...

Posted June 7, 2016
An intriguing theory I have heard is that in a trial by combat, the High Sparrow could call King Tommen to be his champion. Where would that leave Cersei then, with Zombie Mountain vs dear son Tommen? Get Zombie to lose, thus proving her guilty, or have Zombie win, and have her last remaining child killed to prove her innocence! That could see Cersei stumble into a spiral of insanity very quickly.

Joffrey's Heimlich Manouevre mutters...

Posted June 7, 2016
Oooh, I like that one. To see that I'd even sacrifice CleganeBowl (Big Bird uses the Hound as his champion in trial by combat, against Cersei's Zombie Mountain).
And I was really looking forward to CleganeBowl.

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flöki snöw mumbles...

Posted June 7, 2016
A marvelous recap MoK. All well and good Jaime giving the Freys a bollocking, last time he led an army he got beaten, captured and lost a hand, i don't think he'll fair much better against the Blackfish to be honest. And the hound, oww, owwww, owwwww.

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girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted June 7, 2016
Oh yeah, as Stu always points out in the podcasts, Cersei cannot help but make terrible mistake after terrible mistake.

With the Hound now returned, could he in fact be ready to take on his zombified older bro?

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wendyemily reckons...

Posted June 7, 2016
Is it just me or can anyone else not wait to see Big Bird get skewered? I really, really hate religious fanatics even in my fantasy TV shows. As much as I loath Cersei and the Lannisters in general (not Tyrion, of course, never the Imp) I am so sick of the Nut Jobs running the asylum.
I want someone to kick their collective asses. Seeing Kate Middleton finally show she is still the same under the docile façade has made me think that she may indeed have a "cunning plan". We can hope. Or will we have to wait for the Mother of Dragons and her Dothraki followers to kick some Big Bird ass? Time will tell.

Interesting to see how many more warriors Jon and Sansa can get on their side before they attack Winterfell but not happy that she is sending for Littlefinger. Guess Sansa sees no alternative than to deal with the Devil.

An interesting ep and I am left wondering about Arya's fate but she will survive. They wouldn't bring her all this way in her journey just to kill her off now. Would they? Actually, I think that Miss Fisher, who she saved from poisoning will find her and nurse her back to health. And she will take her into the Acting Troupe which will then find it's way back to Westeros. A perfect way for Arya to get home and a good way to be hidden in plain sight! So how's that for a theory?

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted June 7, 2016
That is a GREAT theory, and I for one would love to see more of the Mummers!

wendyemily asserts...

Posted June 7, 2016
Yes. Those Mummers are great. I do love me some Amateur Theatre. Remember those days well. The after parties at least!

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Sousy Wench has opinions thus...

Posted June 7, 2016
As much as I have longed for CleganeBowl TM for longer than I'd like to admit, someone here brought up the idea of Tommen as the other champion last week and I just can't get the idea out of my head. I know it's unlikely (though the more I think about the easier it is to see it working), but the idea of Cersei getting hers in such a way... Her moment of long planned for triumph becoming
certain Hobsonian defeat, is intoxicating. Maybe, they should just film booth? Make it a choose your own adventure trial... Hmmm.

Kate mumbles...

Posted June 7, 2016
Ah, yes. That could well be a plot twist. After all, Tommen is still alive and the witch told Cersei that all three of her children would wear crowns of gold and then die. So Tommen is the remaining living child, wears a crown of gold and ... I guess, the clock is ticking...

girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted June 7, 2016
No! Not poor Tommen. He's such a nice boy. Such a squeaky voice.

flöki snöw would have you know...

Posted June 7, 2016
“Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall.” Valar Morghulis Tommen

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Springfield Fats ducks in to say...

Posted June 7, 2016
Good to see House Glover realising that Stark = death and disaster, most sensible decision I've seen a leader on that show make in a long time.

I guess we find out next week how Arya's plot armor saves her from what would be a slow and agonising death for a good proportion of the world today, let along someone in medieval times. I'm assuming the acting troupe comes back into it somehow to help her seeing as she has no other allies there.

Unless they go for the stupidest plot twist of all time and have it be Jaqen instead...

I loved the scenes with the hound, they could have had the villages wearing red shirts, but interested to where he goes from here. I could handle seeing him put on a tactical turtleneck, shout RAAAAMPAGE!!! and get some murder on.

And I think the Queen of Thorns should have a scene where she tears strips off someone every week in a spin off.

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted June 7, 2016
I would watch that TV show. Lady Olenna Hates...

Also the Glover decision may have been sensible, but it wasn't very romantic. Also, the Starks seem to have been good for it for hundreds of years. They're just having a few bad years, as Yara would say. :)

Springfield Fats reckons...

Posted June 7, 2016
True, but they might be in the process of changing their banner from 'raised fist' to 'raised fist with middle finger resplendent'...

girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted June 7, 2016
Well at least that would be more intimidating!

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Sunny asserts...

Posted June 7, 2016
I KNEW it was Percy, I KNEW it!!!
I was yelling to DH "It's Percy, is that Percy, it's Percy right???" to his blank face. So I'm so glad you've confirmed it.

Percy.
The only thing better than this would be Rowan himself coming in to fill some awesome role.

SZF ducks in to say...

Posted June 8, 2016
I got so caught up yelling, "Swedgen! Hang-dai!" when I saw Ian McShane that I missed recognizing Percy/Darling when he appeared.

Shame! [ring]

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Bondiboy66 is gonna tell you...

Posted June 7, 2016
Blimey - Al Swearengen comes in for one episode and gets knocked off before he has a chance to call someone a cocksucker! Poor form GoT!

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted June 7, 2016

And he didn't get to feed ANYONE to the pigs...

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girlclumsy reckons...

Posted June 7, 2016
I wonder if he could, or if he would be too recognisable! We know of course he can play villainy well, but could it work....?

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Ken Father of Dire Wolves puts forth...

Posted June 7, 2016
Wonderous words yet again oh Mother of Kittens. There is much to ponder for another week. A definite highlight was the astute beyond her years Lady Mormont. I thought she was kicking the medieval Hit Girl vibe with her Sass and confidence. As for Petyr Balisch slipping between Sansa's cracks I think that's always been one of Littlefingers objectives. I just hope the Stark wolf bears it's fangs. And finally good old Stampy, a giant in stature if not in word usage, but his few words are reliable and true.

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Moko ducks in to say...

Posted June 7, 2016
Jaime should have shoved a 8" metal tooth pick up through Blackfishies jaw bone and gone digging while he had the chance. Was expecting. Hysterical as always Nat. Love your work.

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coz mutters...

Posted June 7, 2016
I had to look up where the Brotherhood Without Banners came from (thank goodness for Raven On..) and don't you think slaying a bunch of peasants for a few spuds seems a bit of a departure from their raison d'etat? All we know was there was a horse around... and it'd be typical GoT "made u think" for it to be someone completely different.

Buggered if I know who else though of course.

Sousy Wench ducks in to say...

Posted June 7, 2016

I'm pretty sure it's one of those "utopian in theory" vs "nasty in reality" issues with the BWB, a band of merry men they are not. That said, there is another outlaw group in the books (confusingly named Brave Companions aka
Bloody Mummers - there are also way more actual mummers in the books, hence the confusion) who are a whole other level of nasty, I think they may have combined the two on GoT. Their are only so many roving bands of arseholes the human mind can take.

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Barren Spinster mutters...

Posted June 7, 2016
There are only three episodes left and they haven't finished the Tower of Joy story. If they don't finish that story and I don't get to see who Ned finds in that tower I am considering declaring war on David, Dan and George auuggh auuggh. I need to know. I need to know in 2016. I'm sure we all agreed that the 21st century was the century of instant gratification? As Blackboard would tell Squiggle: Hurry Up

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Sir Deanos mutters...

Posted June 7, 2016
All those crew ... all those actors ... WHY DON'T THEY JUST SHOOT 20 DAMN EPISODES AT ONCE ! ?

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@johnnykaras would have you know...

Posted June 7, 2016
Great post girlclumsy.

By the way, I have a theory regarding the Arya Stark storyline.

I believe that Jaqen H'ghar may owe Arya one more life. At Harrenhal, he killed The Tickler and Ser Amory Lorch for her. She then named Jaqen to blackmail him so he would facilitate her escape from Harrenhal. After he agreed, It must be assumed that she un-named him meaning that he still owes her one more life.

I don't know how this will play out in the show (if it is used as a plot point at all), but in my mind Arya still has a wildcard to play.

Cheers J

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted June 9, 2016
This is QUITE clever.

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Barren Spinster puts forth...

Posted June 8, 2016
The waif was told not to let Arya suffer, the waif hasn't done what she was told.....

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Sambit would have you know...

Posted June 9, 2016
The contents of the letter that Sansa wrote to Littlefinger, check it here!! http://wikiofthrones.com/1706/someone-figured-out-sansa-starks-letter-latest-episode/

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Swaggering Bravo would have you know...

Posted June 10, 2016
Yara the amateur psychologist: "If you are broken then go kill yourself". Cheers.

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Respond to 'Game of Thrones Raven On Recap S6E7: The Broken Man'

Game of Thrones Raven On Recap S6E6: Blood of My Blood

Posted May 31, 2016 into Raven On by girlclumsy

Sam Tarly is dead. Long live Sam Tarly: SEX GOD.

Yes, with Jon Snow absent from our screens this week (and what the hell was that about), the significant dribble from my rampaging libido had to be directed elsewhere. And where better than at Sam Tarly, Defender of Everything Good, Noble and Just and Stick-It-Upperer to Shit Dads Everywhere.

Sure, he has no visible six-pack, delectable curly hair or brooding gaze that just says “Be mine, Natalie”. But he does have decency, loyalty, kindness, a sweet smile and a family straight out of a fricking Jane Austen novel, and that brings us to the crux of this week’s episode.

What is more important - the family you are born into, or the one you choose? Is blood the thickest of bonds, or can it be more powerful to form and inspire your own original clan?

Season 6, Episode 6: Blood of My Blood

Harsher critics might use the adjective “slow”, but we can probably all agree this episode was certainly the most “measured” of the year so far.

However I quite enjoyed having some breathing space after the pace and thrill of the first half of the season. The luxury of time to sink into long, languid scenes was comforting, and it’s always nice not to finish an episode in a maelstrom of tears (Oh, Hodor).

Besides, the first few moments of Majestic Meera Reed dragging Bran’s sled through the snow his sled as best she could allowed the greenseer a beguiling cauldron of flashbacks the likes of which we haven’t seen since Harry Potter planted face first into the Pensieve.

There was Bran’s own fall from the tower at Winterfell, his mother’s death, his father’s death, his brother Robb’s death, the White Walkers, wildfire in King’s Landing, his father at the Tower of Joy and even shots of the Mad King Aerys II himself. “Burn them all,” we hear the old man demanding, before Jaime Lannister can be seen approaching the throne to create the nickname that would follow him forever.

Another teeny tidbit I managed to freeze frame was the shot of two hands, one bloody, one definitely female. Could this be an indication of what happened in the Tower of Joy - aka, that Ned Stark found his sister giving birth in a “bed of blood”, where she subsequently died? Am I now ready to join a Game of Thrones online forum and argue with people about fan theory minutiae?

The point is, Bran is too busy tripping to realise the danger he and Meera are in: namely, wights.

Her energy expended, all Meera can do is huddle close to Bran and whisper “I’m sorry”. It was as touching a sisterly moment as you’ll ever see anywhere, and if anything ever happens to Meera Reed, I’ll upend something. Of course I said that about Hodor and I’m now writing this recap on an op-shop typewriter with missing keys, so it’s getting to be a very e pensive threat.

Here is where we have to stop and pay tribute to a certain Russian scribe named Anton Chekhov, who ensured that a gun placed deliberately on show in the first season would now, five seasons later, finally be fired.

Yes, it was the long-awaited return of Benjen Stark, First Ranger of the Night’s Watch and Current World Title Holder for Most Alive Stark Sibling of That Generation.

Masked and on horseback, Uncle Benjen appeared just in time to Flame On and put a half dozen or so wights to the torch with a fiery mace. He threw Bran and Meera on his steed, and all of a sudden, they were safe.

Of course he only showed his face later, in relative safety. It had to be that way, of course, you couldn’t just burn a reveal like that in a frenzied fight scene. But boy, has that face changed. Pock-marked and sunken in parts, it has felt the touch of Winter.

"I swear it has not felt the touch of herpes."

Benjen explains that he was stabbed by a White Walker and left to die while out ranging, but was saved by the Children of the Forest. It turns out their neat trick of slicing your heart in two with obsidian to turn you into a White Walker works just as well as a cure-all for zombie-ism. I feel like this is an Important Piece of Information that we should probably remember, and makes me doubly cranky that Meera didn’t take one of those damned spears with her when she left the Meth Den.

Benjen also seems to have been on good terms with the Three-Eyed Raven, as he’s more up to speed with what having those powers mean than Bran is. “I can’t control it,” Bran mourns. “You’ll must learn to control it… before the Nights’ King comes,” Benjen replies, just as mournfully. Bran has finally been reunited with a family member, but will Uncle Benjen live long enough to help Bran see his destiny through? Or is he destined to be another sacrifice to ensure Bran’s safety, like Osha and Jojen and (gulp) Hodor? And what is it about Bran’s powers that makes him so vital to need such blood spilled for him?

Lord Randyll Tarly threatened to spill his own son’s blood simply because he didn’t like him. Samwell was not brave enough, not active enough, hell, just not man enough to inherit the fine estate of Horn Hill. And so he was sent to The Wall, in the hope it might make a man of him - or at the very least, get him out of the way so his younger brother Dickon could inherit the title.

Sam’s sad tale of paternal betrayal resonated so deeply when we first learned of it. If there is one thing that’s supposed to be true in this world - in any world - it’s that parents will always protect their children. And so it’s natural that he be incredibly nervous returning to the lush green estate of Horn Hill, a place he never imagined returning to alone, least of all with a girlfriend and baby.

Gilly, for her part, is happy to go along with the story that baby Sam is big Sam’s, in order for his father to take them in. Lord Randyll doesn’t like Wildlings, which is about as surprising as discovering Donald Trump doesn’t like *insert whatever* here.

On arrival, we realise what a high faluting, fancy-pants existence Sam lived before his exile to the Night’s Watch. Horn Hill is a genuine pleasure palace, with stately architecture, manicured lawns, huge expanses of balcony and ornate four poster beds.

With Sam Tarly’s mother and sister being amazingly sweet, kind and generous, welcoming both Gilly and the baby with open arms, it made me wonder - how exactly did a place as NICE as this survive in Westeros?

Randyll Tarly’s legendary toughness is probably most of the answer. He is an abhorrent man, merciless to Sam at the world’s most awkward family dinner. Yet with his relative tenderness towards his wife and daughter, it’s perhaps somewhat understandable (if not excusable) why he was so dismissive and mean to Sam.

It’s fear.

How could a boy like Sam, intelligent and thoughtful, sure, but not physically intimidating or skilled in combat, look after his house and his legacy? How could he preserve it? By contrast, the younger son Dickon is not very bright. but he can probably lift heavy things, and he can certainly bring down a deer at 70 paces.

Nevertheless, Randyll is a bigot, and that should be inexcusable. But as Gilly points out a bit later, it’s maddening that bad things happen to good people in this world, and the bad people can just get away with it. Even when their family disapproves, as Sam’s mother and sister so clearly did in this dinnertime scene.

Lord Tarly pegs Gilly as a wildling, which is anathema to him. Gilly launches a spirited defence of Sam as the killer of Thenns and White Walkers. Sam’s posture just sinks further and further down, browbeaten out of eating by his father’s repeated jibes about his weight and appetite, and how he’ll never carry the family Valyrian steel sword, Heartsbane.

Finally it’s Sam’s mother who loses it, rounding on Lord Tarly and telling him he’s a disgrace. Nice work, sister. Lord Tarly says while Sam is away learning to be a maester, Gilly can stay on in the kitchens, as a favour to his wife, and baby Sam will be educated. This is the only deal he will make - and it requires Sam to leave Horn Hill at first light, never to return.

Later, Sam bids Gilly a sweet farewell, saying she’ll be safe there, and he had to do it, and other platitudes. He leaves, but no sooner had he gone and Gilly start tucking in baby Sam, he was back.

“We belong together, all of us,” he says, more forcefully than he’s quite possibly ever spoken before. Despite Gilly’s confusion, he insists on them leaving straight away, and that’s for one very good reason - he’s going to steal his Dad’s sword.

“Actually, it’s my family’s sword,” he points out. But what if Lord Tarly comes for it, asks Gilly. “He can bloody well try.”

Oh YES, Sam Tarly, you gorgeous man you.

Do you even lift, bro?

Sam has chosen to distance himself from a family that is half amazing and half unbearable. In those situations I guess not even the light can outshine the darkness. What he does have is his own family, a new family, with no shared genes, history or culture. He has bonded himself to Gilly, and she to him, in the knowledge that they know everything that counts about the other. It may be harder trying to navigate Old Town with a girlfriend and baby, but damnit, they should be together, and together they shall be. And given Sam knows what's coming (his brother even questioned the existence of White Walkers), it makes far more sense for Heartsbane to be with him, not sitting uselessly above a fireplace.

In King’s Landing, Kate Middleton appears to have finally drunk the High Sparrow’s Kool Aid. Granted permission to see his wife for the first time since her imprisonment, Tommen finds not the gracious free spirit he married, but a demure penitent. Margaery has thought long and hard about her sins, and is perfectly happy to atone for them in whatever way necessary.

And that turns out to be a corker.

Ahead of Margaery’s scheduled Walk of Atonement, Jaime Lannister’s grand plan to fix the Sparrow infestation rolls into action. Kate Middleton’s father, Mace Tyrell, awkwardly leads his armed forces up to the Sept of Baelor, delivering a truly cringe-worthy speech about restoring sanity and blah blah blah. Jaime’s face as he indulges Mace’s numptiness is delightful.

Even Lady Olenna is in on the action, carried to the front steps by sedan chair. Never one to miss a good fistfight, the Queen of Thorns. She probably brought a cheese platter along with her to munch on during the punch on.

Unfortunately, it’s to no avail.

Jaime tells the High Sparrow that every one of his followers will die unless they back the f*** down and let Margaery and Slow Lorus go. The Big Bird isn’t stressed. His followers would all happily die for the cause - even Lancel Lannister, on guard with what looks like a car steering wheel lock.

"Oh shoot, was I supposed to leave this ON the car?
I hope nobody steals my Cortina."

There’s a weak tension in the air, mostly because Mace Tyrell is impossible to take seriously in his ridiculously over-plumed helm. It’s broken when the High Sparrow plays his trump card: Margaery doesn’t have to do a nudie run through Fleabottom because she has already atoned for her sins by bringing her husband, King Tommen, into the fold.

The doors of the Sept open, and out strides Tommen, his Kingsguard now sporting the seven-pointed star on their armour (talk about a speedy makeover). Jaime is stunned, Olenna is pissed, and poor Mace doesn’t know what the hell is happening (“He’s beaten us, idiot” is the essence of Olenna’s explanation).

Never more has Tommen resembled the Squeaky-Voiced Teenager from The Simpsons than when delivering his address about the twin pillars of the Faith and the Crown. If it wasn’t for the fact that Margaery was standing right there, I could imagine him saying “If I had a girlfriend, she’d kill me.”

"Do you like her appearance, Your Grace?
We've been colouring her hair so it looks like yours."

Of course the obvious question is whether their conversion is truly sincere. One can believe Tommen falling in line to please Margaery, whom he genuinely seems to adore. But Margaery had been so adamant about resisting just a couple of episodes back. Is this self-preservation, or perhaps preservation of the family she loves so dearly - Slow Lorus still in a cell and her grandmother right there in front of her?

As a side note, the music that swells as the crowd hails their king and queen is the Baratheon theme, not the Lannister theme. The indication is that Tommen is breaking away from the power of his mother and uncle/father to establish his own genuine powerbase. Certainly that seems to be the case when he subsequently strips Jaime of his role in charge of the Kingsguard and packs him off to Riverrun to help take back the castle.

Jaime of course would prefer to give Bronn a fat sack of cash and go Sparrow-hunting inside the Sept. But Cersei of course won’t have that. Jaime is better off at the head of an army, the kind of thing their old man liked him doing, showing what Lannisters do to their enemies, rather than lollygagging around the Red Keep. Besides, nothing is worth the risk of losing Jaime again, which is very possible should he go up against the Faith Militant.

It’s been a long time since we’ve seen Jaime and Cersei get, um, in the family way, but they do so here with gusto. More gusto than we really need to see, to be honest. Come on guys, you’re brother and sister. I know you think it’s romantic, this twincestuous “together always” stuff, but your interpretation of the phrase “close family” is really a bit too much. I suppose then blood is not the only bodily fluid that binds them.

Ewww, I just grossed myself out.

Speaking of gross, we finally see the return of BOOOOOO Walder Frey. It was his offspring that lost said Riverrun castle to Brynden the Blackfish, who was finally confirmed as not only getting away at the Red Wedding, but avoiding a Frey hunting party afterwards. Hooray! Petyr Baelish was telling Sansa the truth about that last week. Of course, with Walder seeking reinforcements from King’s Landing to retake Riverrun, and Brienne on her way there to let the Blackfish know about Sansa, Jon & Co, we could be about to see Brienne and Jaime meet once more. Could this be - gasp - a LOVE TRIANGLE? Jaime, Brienne, Tormund. Oh, the fan fiction. It writes itself.

Back to Walder Frey. His two disappointing sons try to get out of taking the blame for losing Riverrun, but Frey is having none of it. He may be old, skeevy, terrifying to his latest young victim/wife and in all likelihood suffering from piles, but he is still the Lord of the Riverlands, damnit, and you darn kids are going to clean up your mess like I told you.

But because he’s a good Dad, he’s going to help them out. He gives them a bargaining chip, in the dishevelled form of Edmure Tully, seen here for the first time since the Red Wedding. Hooray! He lived too. Sure, he’s a bit of a pratt, but he’s still hopefully more Catelyn and Blackfish Tully in nature, as opposed to Crazy Crazy Lysa. Can’t wait to see how he tries to rebuild family ties.

Over in Braavos, Arya Stark - aka “No One” - is back for more at the Travelling Mummers’ Murder and Boobies Show. Once again, there was more terrific onstage work from the likes of Richard E. Grant, giving Tywin Lannister the respectul death scene he deserved - with extra farting for the benefit of the cheap seats.

And gosh I loved his post-show rant about how “That audience was shit!”. Oh, beloved Throners, how often I have been in the same position, stomping down to the dressing room bitching about weirdly unresponsive crowds. This whole behind-the-scenes with jobbing actors storyline is just ticking all of my giggleboxes.

Lady Crane - aka Miss Fisher from Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries - is still the best talent in the troupe, as Arya explains to the woman herself in a tender scene a few moments after Arya poisons Lady Crane’s wine. But she does think her speech as Cersei after King Joffrey’s death could do with some edits. She wouldn’t be sad about it, Arya says. She’d be angry.

Lady Crane is quite bemused by this guttersnipe girl who keeps sneaking into their show for free (mind you, she could hardly pay. It would undermine her identity as “No One”). She sees something of herself in Arya, and starts sizing her up as a potential player. Arya, freaking out that she’s gotten too close to her intended victim, runs off, leaving Lady Crane to bring up the idea of script edits with Richard E. Grant. He, of course, is not amused.

"You have no right to an opinion."
-spoken by every director in the theatre, ever.

Eventually, as Lady Crane starts to sip her wine, Arya returns to push it out of her hands, shattering it on the floor. “Be careful of her,” she warns Lady Crane, pointing out the imitation Sansa. “She wants you dead.”

Arya went all the way to Braavos to try to find a new family by burying everything left of her own. But the values instilled in her by her family - honesty, integrity, protecting the weak, are too strong even for the rigorous training of the Faceless Men.

She returns to the rocks outside the House of Black and White to find Needle, her family, the extension of her sword arm, still there where she left it. Alone now, she seeks refuge in some sort of basement room, quietly blowing out the candle and going to sleep clutching her sword.

“A shame,” is Jaqen H’ghar’s response when the Waif tells him smugly of Arya’s failure. “The girl has many gifts.” But he gives the Waif the go ahead to dispose of Arya, as long as she doesn’t let her suffer. Arya knows she’s on a list now, and as someone dedicated to making lists of people who should be dead, knows they won’t be kidding about.

Finally to Daenarys Stormborn, resplendent on a white horse at the head of her newest, mightiest army yet. Maario tells her she’ll need at least 1000 ships to carry everyone across to Westeros to retake the Iron Throne, and that nobody has that number of ships (no mention here of the Greyjoys’ access to nautical transport).

“No one… yet,” says Dany, as always a few steps ahead of everybody else. There’s a sudden breeze and low whispering around the valley through which they’re riding, and Dany instructs everyone to stay behind while she rides towards the sound.

Eventually the rumble is revealed as Drogon, massive, mighty, and somehow carrying Daenarys on her back. Despite a lack of Marshall speakers, Dany is still able to be heard over the raw breathing and snorting of the dragon, the beating of its wings and the wind, and she delivers a sermon from the mount so powerful it would have Moses asking for oratory tips.

She will not appoint three bloodriders as every Khal has done before her. Oh no, she chooses every last one of them, personalising her fight as their own. As she asks them to suffer for her, to ride across the black poisoned water and to fight the Iron Men (sadly not Iron Man - dragon V robot, now that would be awesome), she treats them not only as her army, but her family. These people have no Targaryen links at all, and yet they are more her relatives than the Mad King or even Viserys ever was. Viserys was obsessed with house purity, with his “Blood of the Dragon”. Dany couldn’t care less. Why have blood, when you can have undying loyalty?

Yay! Best Moments

Sam Tarly gets it hands down. Heartsbane? More like HEARTSBAE.

Zing! Best Lines

With no sign of Tyrion this episode, it’s a bit harder to pick out a zinger. I’d pip for Jaime’s petulant description of his new mission: “I’m being sent to deal with the Blackfish. Apparently Walder Frey can’t handle it on his own because he’s 400 years old.”

Eww, gross

Did Benjen really skin a rabbit then squeeze the gizzards out of its butt into a cup, then feed Bran said cup? It sure looked that way. I get that a rolling Stark gathers no moss and they need to eat, but still. Also, Benjen looked like Elzar the Neptunian chef from Futurama, knocking it up a notch with his spice weasel. Bam!

Boo, sucks

I just don’t get how you can have Game of Thrones with no Jon Snow. I mean, did you ever see Murder, She Wrote without Jessica Fletcher? Sure, they’re slightly different genres, but they measure up in terms of body count.

The lack of action around The Wall also meant no Tormund lust for Brienne, which will disappoint so many fans for whom this taste of relationship destiny is like sweet nectar of the sugar gods.

Thank you so much for joining me again this week. I can't wait to read your comments and thoughts, either here on the 'Burger, or via my Facebook page: www.facebook.com/nataliesthrone

Another reminder that I'm running a Patreon campaign this season. If you like the recaps and wish to become a patron, you can sign up and pledge the suggested $1 per recap. Here's the link: www.patreon.com/girlclumsy.

Valar Morghulis!

38 Responses to ‘Game of Thrones Raven On Recap S6E6: Blood of My Blood’

Rebec would have you know...

Posted May 31, 2016
I think Benjen cut the rabbit's head off and squeezed the blood out it's neck arteries. I think that's kind of standard practice for people who hunt their own food and use the whole animal.

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Véronique Stark puts forth...

Posted May 31, 2016
Woo hoo for Uncle Benjen! Gather all remaining living (more or less) Starks! Except Catelyn (don't read the books), and she's a Tully anyway.

I completely agree that Sam is awesome, even if he doesn't make my loins quiver. But I hope he learns how to use that sword. Dad's goon squad is going to be right behind him. I think Gilly is awesome too. She's not getting enough credit!

Having seen my prediction about Arya borne out (that was an easy one, I know), my new prediction is that Queen Margaery is playing a long game. If we get a scene between her and Lady Olenna, that's what we'll learn. They need to rescue Slow Loras before the sparrow skewering can begin. Poor Tommen. He's been kind of appealing, but he sure didn't get the brains in the family.

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Creativejim swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 31, 2016
Ok now that BOOHISS Walder Frey has rejoined the *ahem* fray should we start a book on who will give him his well-deserved errr desserts?

Jon Snow? Blackfish? Sansa? Or following on a grand OPT tradition maybe one of his sons?

"Girl clumsy sends her regards"-style...

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vitas puts forth...

Posted May 31, 2016
Tommen is what happens when you make Butters from South Park king

I think we shouldn't just pass over the fact that Sam took a Valyrian steel sword, considering we know who they can kill.

And now all our main characters have their enemies set for the next four episodes

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Andrea asserts...

Posted May 31, 2016
Perhaps Jaime had a crewcut back then as well, but grew it out all floppy once his sister became queen?

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Seakla mutters...

Posted May 31, 2016
A niggling point of detail: Lady Crane was drinking rum, not wine.

From the previous episode:

"A girl will poison the rum. Lady Crane is the only one who drinks it."

Véronique Stark mumbles...

Posted May 31, 2016
Curious that her beverage is rum. I wonder where they grow sugar cane in Essos!

vitas swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 31, 2016
Essos has Bundy

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Barnesm has opinions thus...

Posted May 31, 2016
Now hold on Sam Tarley: SEX GOD how soon they forget -
Podrick Payne who we haven't seen for a couple of episodes.

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Barnesm ducks in to say...

Posted May 31, 2016
The scene with Cersi and Jamie serving to remind everyone its okay to love your siblings just done looove your siblings.

Mehhh would have you know...

Posted June 2, 2016
Actually I think this was a severe misstep. Jamie has developed there is no chance him and his sister would ever have been together again. I love the tv adaptation but this is a fail.

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Brother PorkChop mutters...

Posted May 31, 2016
Lady Crane is a rum pig, not a wine drinker. Fine lady that and bet she loves a game of footy or whatever the Westeros equivalent is, perhaps NedHead rugby.

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SZF mutters...

Posted May 31, 2016
The detail-nerd in me thought it looked like Benjen was smiting away with a kusarigama (weighted chain attached to a sickle). Which, holy shit, makes him a genuine ninja!

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Sunny would have you know...

Posted May 31, 2016
I have the morose feeling that this is Jaqen's exit from the program (or close to).
[sniff]
I do like Jaqen.

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Ken Father of Dire Wolves asserts...

Posted May 31, 2016
A respite from the action and horror of last week. A chance to recover and mourne. So it's pretty clear this is the eye of the cyclone and shits going to get real very soon. It's early June 1944. Valerian steel is returning to or being claimed by those who know how to use it. The Starks are gathering. Queen Margaery is executing a cunning plan, she is Lady Olenna's daughter after all and she has just outplayed the player. And at the end Daenerys invokes more loyalty and blood passion than Mel Gibson as William Wallace, with added Drogon. I can't wait for the dragon skin overcast as Rhaegal and Viserion rejoin their mother and brother. Oh yes I see much blood, limb severing and barbecue coming soon, and the building momentum of a glacial wall of horror moving down from the north.

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Ms. Naughty ducks in to say...

Posted May 31, 2016
Did anyone else get choked up when the recap sequence faded to black and we heard "Hodor..." Damn you, stupid recap sequence.
Thank you for reminding me that Bronn exists. Where is he this season? I miss him.
And does anyone else think that Drogon is damned unreliable and only ever turns up when the plot deems it necessary? It's worse than the eagles in Lord of the Rings (who could have saved us all a lot of effort by simply flying Frodo to Mount Doom at the beginning). But I will say I'm looking forward to Tyrion flying one of the dragons - I'm totally on board with the idea that he's a closet Targaryen
Also 100 million points for your typewriter joke.

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Sousy Wench mumbles...

Posted May 31, 2016
I think Edmure Tully is a bit closer to Lysa than Catelyn or Blackfish, because, typecasting... That said, I don't think he's going to live very long, because, that face.

Also, count me excessively surprised that Littlefinger was telling the truth about the Blackfish, I thought for sure it was an elaborate setup.

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flöki snöw would have you know...

Posted May 31, 2016
Dickon Tarly of Horn Hill, eh eh eh.

Mother of nothing swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 31, 2016
Exactly: *snerk*

Hold da Door puts forth...

Posted May 31, 2016
Randy, Dickon Tarly of Horn Hill forsoothe!

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RET reckons...

Posted May 31, 2016
Speaking of Chekhov...

Perhaps it's been nose-on-face obvious to everyone else, but I had a revelation near the end of this episode. Khal Drogo told Dany tenderly that her unborn child would be "the stallion that mounts the world". Watching her deliver that coach's half-time motivational astride her dragon, I suddenly realised: the stallion is Drogon.

girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted May 31, 2016
HO. LEE. SHEET.

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Stormy6 would have you know...

Posted May 31, 2016
I may have missed something earlier but when Arya first met her many faced mentor H'ghar, he was locked in a cage with a few other bods.
Given his unusual talents, which include conveniently disposing of people on request, why did it need Arya's intervention to set him free?

Sam Tardy ducks in to say...

Posted May 31, 2016
exactly! this seems to be a glaring oversight I reckon! was thinking this today

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Rum Rum Rum asserts...

Posted May 31, 2016
When Arya blew out the candle, I thought she was planning to fight in the dark (she knows how) not go to sleep.
With Benjen and Blackfish back, I am hoping to see Gendry row past soon.

Brendan asserts...

Posted June 1, 2016
Arya has known J longer than that I reckon. I bet he was her dancing instructor way back in season 1

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Stormy6 mumbles...

Posted May 31, 2016
I may have missed something earlier but when Arya first met her many faced mentor H'ghar, he was locked in a cage with a few other bods.
Given his unusual talents, which include conveniently disposing of people on request, why did it need Arya's intervention to set him free?

she_jedi reckons...

Posted May 31, 2016
Yeah it makes you wonder how long a game Jaqen has been playing to recruit Arya to the Many Faced God's service. Which also makes me wonder whether the inevitable showdown between the Waif and Arya will be Arya's final Test(tm) before becoming a proper faceless man.

flöki snöw mutters...

Posted June 1, 2016
Arya may have a card up her sleeve to avoid the faceless death squad, she stills owes the red god a name, seeing as when she unnamed Jaqen in return for helping her escape harrenhal. by my reckoning that leaves a third name to be offed.... Woe unto the waif?

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ReadYouIWill asserts...

Posted May 31, 2016
Zinger: Cersei: "I have the Mountain."
That is all.

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kate ducks in to say...

Posted May 31, 2016
I must admit to being a bit puzzled by Margery's sudden and complete conversion. Really hope it is part of a plan of hers... one thing that makes me doubt is that if it was, then wouldn't her grandmother know. i.e. signal to her somehow.

The other thing that jarred a little was the complete acceptance of the Fleabottom mob of the arrival of the Rose troops, the cancellation of the Walk and the King's speech. All happened quickly, Jamie and the Rose royals had trouble keeping up with the changes but the mad mob just figuratively shrugged their shoulders and went "ok, alrighty then, nothing to see then, move on"

Ps Natalie, I am traveling through regional NSW, and in Guyra, there is Mother of Ducks lagoon. :)

Ashley Moore asserts...

Posted May 31, 2016
I surprised that Nat interpreted Margery's conversion the same way you did.
When I watched that scene I read it as another one of her little pleasant seeming manipulative speeches, specifically for the people listening from the other side of the prison door. I never imagined it was sincere at all.

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Bluey mumbles...

Posted May 31, 2016
Sorry to be that guy but they did have murder she wrote without jessica and it sucked. Proves your point though i guess. Love the recaps. Typewriter joke was gold.

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kate would have you know...

Posted May 31, 2016
Not zingers in the way that Varys and Tyrion can deliver them... but I did like Gilly's "that's not any better being a nervous mute" and sam's line after being threatened with death from his father " a person doesn't feel very welcome at that point" ... It was a really nice little piece of dialogue between those two in the carriage ride...

ReadYouIWill mumbles...

Posted June 6, 2016
Yes, that was the funniest and sweetest scene!

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Lady EFL is gonna tell you...

Posted May 31, 2016
Did Jamie and Cersei get their sibling snog on? Oh man - HBO Asia are such enormous prudes! They cut out pieces of the show that I never realize are missing until I watch it from another source and then think to myself "I don't remember that bit!" Sam - awesome! Benjen - YAY! Walder Frey - BOO HISS! Margaery - totally playing everyone. Tommen - clueless and whipped. Sam's mum and sis - aaawwww! Sam's dad - total d**k. Gilly - brass balls! Arya - ditch the faceless men, go back to Westeros and finish your list with all your new killin' skills (*cough Walder Frey *cough).

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breaker of chain smoking puts forth...

Posted May 31, 2016
Couldn't the High Sparrow done a load of washing before going out in front of all those people? His filthy sack/dress looks terrible!

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Mick J would have you know...

Posted June 1, 2016
I felt cheated this week. I was SO HOPING to see Kate Middleton's birthday suit.

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Respond to 'Game of Thrones Raven On Recap S6E6: Blood of My Blood'

Game of Thrones Raven On Recap S6E5: The Door

Posted May 24, 2016 into Raven On by girlclumsy

Hello. I am writing this recap from a foetal position on the floor.

The tiles are cold. I would like a pillow to put under my head, but there is no point. I would take little comfort from its softness. What is the point of softness anyway, in such a cruel world? It is but a brief distraction from the unrelenting pain, horror and loss that torments us daily. It is like kindness, empathy and warmth - merely an illusion.

I have cried, wailed, and beaten my breast (which made me cry again, because oww). I have no emotion left. I am an empty tank, a discarded shell, a half-chewed cheesy crust of what was once a living, breathing, feeling person. Also, I am covered in cat hair.

Oh, Hodor.

They killed him. They took him away for a season, they brought him back, and now they’ve killed him.

I feel sick just thinking about it. That may be the episode, or it may be the fried chicken regret I piggishly scarfed down for dinner. Either way, the end result is the same: several hours of rocking back and forth, retching, and muttering “Why? Why?! WHY?!?!”

Of course, it was bittersweet, it was brilliant, it was heroic, it was everything you would want Hodor to have in a valiant final stand. It gave us everything we wanted to know, and imbued those simple words “Hold the door” with a meaning that will echo through Throner fandom forever more. But still, it took Hodor from us, something we had never, never wanted to see.

I need something to bring me back. Something to pinch some rouge back into my cheeks, something to light a candle in me, that by the Gods’ grace, I trust shall never be put out. Or at least not put out until I’ve finished this recap and can retreat to my darkened bedroom to soak my doona with tears.

WHOOP THERE IT IS.

OK, fine. The sight of Tormund ogling Brienne once more (Horseback Edition) is enough of a drink to give this weak and feeble recappespondent some vulvic fortitude.

Of course, I’m not the only one girding my loins for a pounding, as this episode was all about icy cold reality. The Indian summer of last week gave way to the brutal truth of sacrifice, subjection, struggle, spookiness... and amateur dramatics.

So for Gods’ sake, let us sit upon the ground, and tell sad stories of the death of kings. And more importantly, the death of giants.

Season 6, Episode 5: “The Door”

Let us start with something sweet, something pure, something radiant and lovely.

Daenarys Targaryen, the Unburnt and Unburnter, realising that no matter how much she tried to hate him, she just couldn’t rid herself of Ser Jorah Mormont.

She’d banished him twice, he returned twice and he saved her life (a few more times than twice, truth be told). But her initial attempts at a hardass attitude crumbled into the dust of Vaes Dothrak when Ser Jorah revealed his stony forearm.

In an instant, the Mother of Dragons, the Breaker of Chains, the badass avenging warrior goddess who strolled naked from the flames vanished. In her stead was the cowed younger sister and the teenaged virgin bride that Dany was when she first met Ser Jorah. Since her wedding day, he had been the one constant in her life. Even when she sent him away, she had never considered the prospect of him actually dying.

"Why can't I quit you?"

Jorah’s simple confession of love touched me in so many special places. “Tyrion was right. I love you… I’ll always love you. Goodbye Khaleesi.” Ugh, that was so perfect, it belongs in a BBC Jane Austen adaptation. If I was Daenarys, I would have commanded him to go jump in a lake immediately. She’s more practical than me though, and insists he ride off, find the cure for greyscale, and come back to her in time for her big assault on Westeros. You’d think maybe she could have helped in some way, given her power and all, but whatevs. Run free, Jorah!

Of course, we happen to know a cure for greyscale exists, because Shireen Baratheon survived the disease, albeit with some disfigurement. Jorah will need to seek careful treatment, and who better than the Maesters in Old Town to dish out the remedy? This means - oh yes - we could potentially see Ser Jorah Mormont meet Sam Tarly.

It would be a wonderful connection. Sam could break the news of his father Jeor’s death beyond the wall, and Jon Snow’s possession of his family sword Longclaw. And remember Jeor’s dying words to Sam? That he find his son and forgive him of his crimes. The two get to talking, Sam hooks Jorah up with Jon, Sansa and co, Jorah would be more than willing to make up for his past indiscretions by helping out the Starks, conveniently hooking them up with the incoming Targaryen army… oooooh, I sense a mutually satisfying swipe right on the way, people.

Meanwhile in Meereen, Tyrion & co are evaluating the city’s uneasy peace in the wake of their deal with the slave masters. Varys is quite happy with progress, but Tyrion knows deeper change is required to truly calm the masses.

Enter Salma Hayek, another smoking hot priestess and ambassador for the Lord of Light, aka Red God, aka R’hllor. She wears similar clothes to Kate Bush, and indeed, sports the same necklace. Can we then assume under her luscious black locks and Instagram-worthy eyebrows there lurks a more realistic and gravity-affected version?

Brows on fleek, girl.

Kinvara, for that is apparently her name, agrees to Tyrion’s request to send her priests out to preach Daenarys’ glory. Hearts and minds, people, hearts and minds. Salma Hayek is happy to do this, for Dany is the One Who Was Promised, which is an interesting turn of phrase given Kate Bush’s conviction that Jon Snow is in fact the Prince That Was Promised.

Such a label raises the ire of Varys, who’s not particularly gung-ho for religion and heroes heralded in legend. He raises the slightly inconvenient legacy of Stannis Baratheon, who was the Red God’s Number One Guy… right up until the point he wasn’t.

“I suppose it’s hard for a fanatic to admit a mistake,” he purrs at her. “Isn’t that the whole point of being a fanatic? You’re always right.” Man, I really hope Americans thinking of voting Trump saw that bit.

Tyrion tries gallantly to smooth things over, but Salma Hayek is not fazed. Rather, she pulls the pin on a couple of truth bombs and explodes them right in Varys’ increasingly freaked out visage. “Knowledge has made you powerful, but there’s still so much you don’t know.”

It turns out Salma Hayek knows a little too much about Varys’ eunuching, including the fact that a mysterious voice cried out to him just at the moment his rough-chopped meat and two veg were thrown unseasoned onto an Essos barbeque by a Masterchef contestant disqualifed for sauce-ery.

"Dafuq?"

Speaking of junk, huzzah, we finally saw some! Over in Braavos, we were treated to the sight of a young actor’s warty wang. OK, so it wasn’t the best reward for all our careful attention, but still at least they’ve thrown us a few scraps (just not in the Varys way, please).

The young actor in question was playing King Joffrey in A Most Scandalous Tale of The Kings of Westeros (With Nudity and Lust). Can we all please stand and applaud for RICHARD E. GRANT in the role of Fake King Robert? Richard E. Grant, people! Not only Withnail in the classic drunken tale Withnail & I, not only The Great Intelligence from Doctor Who, but most importantly of all, the manager of the Spice Girls in Spice World: The Movie! I am sure you all agree in the fundamental brilliance of that movie. Roger Moore stroking a rabbit! Meatloaf as the bus driver! Posh Spice doing the obstacle course in a camouflage mini-dress and heels!

Not for the first time, I’m getting sidetracked by the Spice Girls (hello, 1997). Both the wang and the subplot about the local theatre company were longer than I expected them to be, but I still adored it. Mostly because I have been in local theatre productions of a strikingly similar nature. I had my cleavage groped in a Terry Pratchett adaptation (admittedly they were roped in under a metal breastplate at the time); and I’ve worn my fair share of novelty wigs. Ahh, the theatre. You guys really need to get out and take more of it in. It’s brilliant. Particularly the rhyming couplets, of which there were many splendid examples here.

"I need something that rhymes with 'art'. Think, people, think!"

Arya is watching because her orders from the Faceless Men are that she is to kill Miss Fisher from Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries, who’s left 1920s detective work to pursue a career imitating Cersei Lannister for the cheap seats. It’s all funny enough watching her hated enemy Joffrey cry into his mother’s arms, but seeing their interpretation of her father Ned as a buffoonish caricature must’ve hurt. And I can’t even remember if Arya knew about Sansa’s marriage to Tyrion - if not, that must have been something of a gut punch.

Arya sees Miss Fisher backstage, and seems to doubt why she should kill an ostensibly nice woman. Certainly it can’t be because of her acting skills; she’s the best one there and that poor Sansa impersonator knows it. But Jaqen H’ghar insists - if she wants to serve the Many Faced God, then she musn’t ask questions. Break free, Arya, go on! Break free and return as Arya Stark, fiercer than ever!

A significant portion of this episode was turned over to the Greyjoy storyline, which I actually found myself rather enjoying. Who would have thought that a bit of extra time in their crazy salty world might actually pay off with some genuinely interesting plot momentum?

It’s “Pick the New King” Day on Pyke, a game Yara is hoping to upset by becoming the first Queen in the history of the Ironborn. After initial scepticism, Theon’s soulful support helps turn the tide of opinion in Yara’s favour, and her name is hailed by all.

And then Uncle Euron turns up.

This batshit-crazy but admittedly forthright and gutsy fellow runs in opposition to his niece, on a platform of “I’m going to marry Daenarys Targaryen and with her army and our ships we’ll take the Seven Kingdoms”. Sensible Policies for a Better Westeros.

He doesn’t try to deny Yara’s accusation that he murdered her father Balon; indeed if anything it ticks another box for the grizzled MRAs of the Iron Islands. Euron paid the Iron Price, you see. Being sensible and having achievable goals is no match to having paid the Iron Price for the kingdom. So at the end of the day it’s Yara and Sustainable Change zero, and the Euron Insanity Ticket a chorus of ayes.

Euron’s watery coronation, in which he was plunged into the sea until he blacked out and began to drown (“What is dead may never die” makes a lot more sense now), was almost comedic, especially that long pause while he lay seemingly done for on the shore. Sadly he spluttered himself back to life, thus proving his worthiness for the bony/sticky crown they thrust on him.

"Barry, you're going to have to give him mouth-to-mouth. No, it is NOT gay."

Meanwhile Yara and Theon had done the sensible thing and high-tailed it out of Pyke on the best ships of the fleet. No big deal for Euron, he simply commanded all his men to cut down every tree and build him 1000 ships. Sure, bro. I mean, the Iron Islands have never struck me as a particularly fertile, foresty place, but I’m sure you know best.

Let’s head to Castle Black, where Sansa, Jon and the gang are in tactical mode with the big Game of Thrones board game out on the table ahead of a battle for Winterfell.

Ser Davos is worried about their numbers, and whether the great houses of the North will follow them. Sansa is confident; after all, she’s a Stark, and even though Jon isn’t, he’s as much a Stark as Ramsay is a Bolton (a comparison which didn’t seem to impress Jon, and fair enough really).

Also, Sansa’s holding onto a key piece of information, one she received from Petyr Baelish in Molestown (more on that scene below). Her uncle, Brynden Tully, has retaken Riverrun, which means there is a big potential army there ready to support her. The Onion Knight is thrilled by that prospect, and they all break for lunch and a final change of clothes before heading due south.

Sansa orders Brienne to Riverrun and recruit the Blackfish’s help, which she is reluctant to do. She doesn’t trust Davos and Melisandre, and it is a bit of a reality check moment for us. Oh yeah, they really did change allegiances quickly. She’s got a point. But we know Davos is awesome, and Melisandre just seems happy to fall into line. But then there’s “that wildling with the beard…” Oh yes, she’s been noticing him noticing her, big time. Tormienne is still on, people.

Of course, Brienne does point out that Sansa didn't exactly tell the truth when it came to where she got the Tully information from. Does she really trust Jon? I think it's more that Sansa doesn't want Baelish's help, but we'll see in coming weeks.

Finally, in an act of sisterly love that may just be a first for Sansa, she presents Jon Snow with a new riding habit, one with the direwolf of Winterfell stitched into the straps, to match her own. Jon’s completely genuine “Thank you Sansa” may have left me swooning a bit. And the sight of him mounting a horse… let’s just say I was giving him a look rather similar to the one Tormund threw Brienne’s way.

"Have you noticed my wildling staring at your bodyguard?"

Now. Let’s head beyond The Wall.

First, there was a short scene earlier in the episode that just happened to drop the pretty massive bombshell that it was actually the Children of the Forest who created the White Walkers in the first place! Stupid barky bastards, what were they thinking? Oh boo hoo, invading colonialists are wiping us out and taking our land, we’d better try to resist…. Oh. Oh wait. Ummm. Awkward.

Bran is getting more and more impatient with his astral travels up in the Magical Meth Den. He wants to see more of the past, but the Three-Eyed Raven is really killing his buzz. So he does what any foolish teenage boy does and measures his own dose. Pffft. This was never going to end well, and of course it does not, as Bran wargs out into a field of zombie wights, overseen by the Nights’ King and a few other badass White Walker top brass.

Overly curious for a guy with legs that only move when he’s tripping balls, he of course gets man-handled by a White Walker, who leaves his physical mark on Bran’s forearm. “He knows where you are,” the Raven intones sadly. It’s all over bar the shouting now. And boy, isn’t there shouting.

After being ordered to pack up and get Bran the hell out, Meera valiantly discusses her immediate plans (breakfast, a gal after my own heart), but gets suspicious when Bran’s breathing becomes rather chilly. Racing to the front of the Meth Den, she’s confronted with the sight of the same warg army Bran saw in his dream. They’ve all just rocked on down to destroy everything.

"Damn it feels good to be a gangster."

Bran is still in the dream world, of course, seeing his father Ned as a boy, being packed off tho the Eyrie. I think the final words we hear Ned Stark’s father tell him as he departs for the Eerie “If you must fight, win,” are important. A mantra for future Bran, perhaps? I also think the Raven’s message that it is time for Bran to “become me” is interesting. Does this mean the Three-Eyed Raven IS Bran? That Bran exists in some sort of time loop, forever looking out for his young self to tutor in how to save the Seven Kingdoms? Is this like a Battlestar Galactica thing? All this has happened before, all this will happen again?

Back in the cave, all hell has broken loose. The Children of the Forest managed to stave off the wights with a circle of fire, but the White Walkers just breeze through that like it ain’t no thing. Meera manages to successfully dispatch of them with an obsidian spear, but is too busy trying to wake Bran and get Hodor moving to grab it.

The Nights’ King stabs the Three-Eyed Raven through the heart, and in the dreamscape he atomises into black nothingness and disappears.

Eventually Bran, in his dream state, gets the message that he must enlist Hodor’s help. Hodor is overtaken, and manages to start dragging Bran’s sled towards another exit.

Poor Summer, Bran’s faithful direwolf, is the next casualty, torn to shreds while defending his master. Oh, you silly puppy dog! Don’t you know you should have followed your master! Go with your master! Bad dog. Oh, I can’t say that. Brave dog. Good dog.

As a terrifying pack of swarming wights, who’ve gotten in through the top of the cave, race their way on all sides of the tunnel towards them, one of the remaining Children of the Forest ushers Meera, Hodor and Bran ahead, and lets herself be taken. She primes one of her energy balls and releases it just as she is subsumed, knocking out a good few dozen in the process.

But it’s not enough, and the wights just keep on coming.

At this point, the dreamscape and the real world merge into a truly epic tragedy. Bran, still controlling Hodor by Warg powers, sees the young Hodor in his vision. Hodor and Meera manage to get the door to the outside open and bundle Bran’s sled through it.

Older Hodor then hears Meera shouting “Hold the door!” and through Bran, younger Hodor hears it too. He starts to fit, yelling “Hold the door… hold the door… hold the door…. Hold door… hol door…. Ho dooor…. Hodor.”

It was the most heartbreaking realisation I think I’ve ever had in the six series of watching this show. Finally, Hodor’s simpleness and limited speech are explained, and it is as satisfying as it is devastating.

As the wights pushed against the door, tearing at Hodor’s face and flesh, and as the big giant pushed back with all his strength, I wept. My tears both mourned and celebrated him, this faithful friend, who never questioned, never argued, and was always there.

Hodor.

Hodor’s death - and life - are possibly the most meaningful of the series so far. Some may say his very existence was some sort of cosmic joke, a cruel twist of fate. But if this world is an ouroborus, Hodor just closed the loop. He didn’t die; he just fulfilled his destiny. And how many Game of Thrones characters can say that?

Yay! Best Moments

Sansa’s interrogation of Petyr Baelish was spell-binding, fearsome, righteous, regal and intoxicating in its satisfaction for viewers. For those who stopped watching the show after last season’s controversial rape sequence, I urge you to seek out this particular scene. It’s an irony that without that horrific scene, this one would not have been as powerful. That’s art for you, I guess.

Sansa’s takedown of Baelish’s pathetic excuses and apologies was masterful. “What do you think he did to me?” she asks, again and again. For the first time ever, the usually unflappable Littlefinger is completely and utterly flapped. But Sansa - beautiful, strong, unyielding - Sansa doesn’t relent.

“I can still feel it… I can still feel what he did in my body standing here right now.” I have never been the victim of sexual assault and don’t presume to speak for those who have, but that sentiment certainly hit me in the gut like a lightning bolt of truth.

With Brienne at her side, it was another hells yeah moment, and may just be the best scene of the season so far.

Zing! Best Lines

Brienne’s description of Jon Snow is perfect in every way: “He seems trustworthy. A bit brooding, perhaps. I suppose that’s understandable, considering.” YES BRIENNE, IT IS. IT IS UNDERSTANDABLE.

Eww, gross

Euron on being told his niece and nephew had scarpered: “Let’s go and murder them.” Way too much kinky pleasure in the way he phrased it.

Boo, sucks

Clearly Hodor’s death is the boo, sucks to end all boo, sucks, but special mention to Bran for being an upstart jerk and summoning White Walker doom on them all BEFORE WE GOT TO SEE WHAT WAS IN THE GOD DAMN TOWER OF JOY.

Thank you so much for joining me again this week - and for grieving with me. I can't wait to read your comments and thoughts, either here on the 'Burger, or via my Facebook page: www.facebook.com/nataliesthrone

Another reminder that I'm running a Patreon campaign this season. If you like the recaps and wish to become a patron, you can sign up and pledge the suggested $1 per recap. Here's the link: www.patreon.com/girlclumsy.

Valar Morghulis... and Hodor.

Valar Morghulis! And of course.... Hodor.

99 Responses to ‘Game of Thrones Raven On Recap S6E5: The Door’

Chacharas is gonna tell you...

Posted May 24, 2016
Just discovered your recaps, and must say they are of the finest
quality.
Extra points for "So for Gods’ sake, let us sit upon the ground, and tell sad stories of the death of kings."

girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 24, 2016
I feel like throwing in the odd Shakespeare allows me to get away with most of the rubbish I write. ;)

Respond to this thread

Sousy Wench mumbles...

Posted May 24, 2016
Not going to discuss Hodor, it's too much, I just, no.

In my internet quest for some kind of meaning or mere distraction, I stumbled upon some complainy folk, specifically whiney in regards to Selma Hayak. (I did not engage, I'm mostly a lurker when not here.) See in the books she was priest with a penis and now she's not. The outrage. Also discussed was that she was probably a hag underneath that bodacious vampire stripper facade... But, I can't help but think that if a person in GRRiMm world were trans, born in the wrong gendered body, a magic full body makeover necklace might be an asset. In conclusion, after subjecting myself to forum horrors in order to distract myself from actual horrors (the Walking Dead Westeros, sobbing and cat scratches on my face), I suggest an entirely unprovable theory that Kinvara is trans (and possibly a sorcerer, just how are those magic necklaces made anyway? Fire and a young mans symbol of power.... Though that takes it back to a dark place - maybe scratch that part - I'm too tired to be a decent judge of how offensive that bit is right now).

So, I've shared, I'm off to attempt to conquer my insomnia for the evening.

Stellar recapesponance as always. *salutes and trudges off in the general direction of bed*

Sousy Wench puts forth...

Posted May 24, 2016
Yeah, I've decided that's offensive, I just clocked an entirely fictional stranger - if Selma decides to come out about her past as a man or a child mangling sorcerer - that's got to be her own choice. My bad.

Sam mutters...

Posted May 24, 2016
Can't be the same person. Varys had the sourcerer delivered in a crate in an earlier season when he was telling Tyrion about how he was cut

Sousy Wench has opinions thus...

Posted May 24, 2016
Yes, thank you. You have freed me from my dark imaginings.

Respond to this thread

David Ball swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 24, 2016
Natalie, I had a startling thought while watching last night. If Jon Snow is really Neds sisters son, does it open up a Jon/Sansa union. He does like a redhead.
Classic romance. She treats him like dirt, realizes his qualities and bam. All she needs is to see him without a shirt. Over.
Vale Hodor, but will he turn into an ice zombie now. And if he does, who will stop him?

Sousy Wench ducks in to say...

Posted May 24, 2016
Re: Hodor. Tormand and Brienne Giantsbane?

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted May 24, 2016

Jon Snow and Sansa?!?!? NOOOOOOOO.

Even if they're not siblings, they're still first cousins. GROSSSSSS.

Let them have their sibling fondness and don't read anything more into it. I COMMAND IT.

I sincerely hope Hodor was ripped apart enough to not be able to come back as a wight.

sadim mutters...

Posted May 24, 2016
First cousins = gross?

For this lot, that's quite a distant relationship, when you consider the Targaryans, and the Lannisters, and Craster and his Daughter-wives ...

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted May 24, 2016
STILL GROSS.

J + S = PURE SIBLING LOVE, THAT IS ALL.

seekanny the obvious states..... is gonna tell you...

Posted May 24, 2016
and what about the six-fingered psychopath offspring?? re the Twincesters? = boo hiss Joffrey?

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Barnesm ducks in to say...

Posted May 24, 2016
"chopped meat and two veg were thrown unseasoned onto an Essos barbeque by a Masterchef contestant disqualifed for sauce-ery". Ladies and Gentlemen we have a weiner!

but the highlight for me Bryden The Blackfish Tully is back after being last heard escaping with his armed men from the Red Wedding. YAY.

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted May 24, 2016
Heh. Weiner. Snigger.

sadim puts forth...

Posted May 24, 2016
Ah, we only have Littlefinger's word that the Blackfish is back in the game ...

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted May 24, 2016
OMG YOU'RE RIGHT. BASTARD COULD BE PLAYING US.

Respond to this thread

Stephen reckons...

Posted May 24, 2016
Ah yes, Kinvara's instagram-worthy....um, eyebrows. Yes, eyebrows...I'm sure that was it.

Ken Father of Dire Wolves mumbles...

Posted May 24, 2016
Yes, I'm sure it was the eyebrows, totally mesmerising they were. I'm certainly not thinking of her running with those eyebrows.

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted May 24, 2016
Salma Hayek had it ALL going on.

Respond to this thread

PK puts forth...

Posted May 24, 2016
Yeah we knew something really bad was coming after the Sansa/Jon joyous reunion. You can picture GRRM chuckling to himself as he set us up for that one.

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted May 24, 2016
But was it Georgie Porgie? Or was it Benioff and Weiss? WHO IS RESPONSIBLE?!?!

Lady EFL swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 24, 2016
I read somewhere that B and W said in 'Inside Game of Thrones' that it was GRRM (the world's most prolific serial killer) who is to blame

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted May 24, 2016
Makes sense.

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Rhino reckons...

Posted May 24, 2016
If Bran has the mark of the Night King on his forearm, what is to stop them from tracking them across the ice? Not as if that girl has the same upper body strength as Hodor ... how fast is she going to be able to drag him anyway?

girlclumsy asserts...

Posted May 24, 2016
These are all excellent points. Let's hope they're just a bit distracted.

kate would have you know...

Posted May 24, 2016
Ah yes, Meera may not have the same strength as Hodor (bless him, I cry buckets) but it is amazing what adrenalin does to a person and boy, would she have adrenalin shooting through her veins.... plus she would be sliding the sled mostly on ice which would make it easier than through dirt and rocks...

ps it is a tv show that has dragons, white walkers, wights, children of the forest and a 1,000 year old 3 eyed raven... a person has to suspend disbelief and some credibility in reality when watching it...

Steve would have you know...

Posted May 26, 2016
I have it on good authority (imdb.com) that Uncle Benjen arrives to help Meera and Bran.

Respond to this thread

Rob the Merciless is gonna tell you...

Posted May 24, 2016
And it was brilliant.

All the flim flammery and slackness of recent seasons cut away, twas a return to the essence of Thrones.

And it was magnificent.

In truth Hodor was never a great character, just a lumbering simpleton. But his death, his destiny fulfilled, tied it all together so superbly with more pathos than Shakespeare (and Ned MacBeth).

Now have Tormund become a Walker or Zombie and fight Brienne to the death.

You know you want it.

Ken Father of Dire Wolves puts forth...

Posted May 24, 2016
Like a Klingonesque mating scene, to the death.

girlclumsy reckons...

Posted May 24, 2016
No, I want them to live happily ever after fighting bad guys and having big badass babies.

Respond to this thread

vitas puts forth...

Posted May 24, 2016
Some dong action for the ladies.

That Sansa scene though, holy shot, that has to be the most powerful in the whole show. As a dude I can't fathom what some women have gone through, but geez,,,

I hope Ayra stays a Stark. It seems she can't fully commit to Mr Miyagi's Jedi School. She just wants some Badlands action, but without the discipline.

vitas has opinions thus...

Posted May 24, 2016
Also saw this (in an inferior recap) elsewhere:


Novelist Michael Ventrella told a story on his personal blog in April 2014 about meeting George R. R. Martin at a convention in the fall of 2013 and sharing a not-very-funny joke about being an elevator operator as a fallback career. According to Ventrella, the conversation continued with this exchange:

Ventrella: I was thinking about your comment about wanting to be an elevator operator. It's clear to me now that "Hodor" is short for "Hold the door."

Martin: (laughing) You don't know how close to the truth you are

Mother of nothing ducks in to say...

Posted May 25, 2016
" A bit of dong action for the ladies" There is so much like of insight in that statement I'm really not quite sure where to start. One simply does not expect to see A dangly pair of testicles and foreskin in medical detail displayed for quite some time on one's TV screen. I was so stunned I had to rewind it and just make sure that I actually saw what I thought I saw, and not -for example- a dead chicken's neck. It's certainly wasn't a pleasant sight, and not one that I would suffer from not having seen again. Men's bits simply aren't attractive. No need to keep equity with women's bits thanks anyway GoT.

Mother of nothing. asserts...

Posted May 25, 2016
Bugger, reading below that will teach me for writing before I read the whole thread

vitas mutters...

Posted May 25, 2016
Yeh, tounge was planted firmly in cheek

Respond to this thread

Ms. Naughty is gonna tell you...

Posted May 24, 2016
Poor Hodor. The idea of his entire life being an eternal loop, that his destiny was always to die like that... And perhaps more horrifying, did he spend his entire life knowing about the moment of his death?

I must admit, I'm almost a bit disappointed that this is how Hodor's story turned out. I was hoping that Bran could restore his speech, that he would be able to tell us something about the past, that he would have one great secret to tell us all. Instead, we have simple bravery and a desire to help. Which should be enough, I know.

Also interesting: this theory from 3 years ago that was half right about "hold the door"
http://winryrockbells.tumblr.com/post/45875388824/i-have-a-theory-on-aegon-theres-a-boy-claimed

And that scene with Sansa and Littlefinger. Wow. So beautifully done.

One more thing: After all the clamouring for more full-frontal male nudity, they give us a closeup of a penis accompanied by talk of warts. How nice of them. I've seen people say this is the writers giving us "equal opportunity nudity." Bollocks. In contrast, the flashes of boobs this episode were still shot in an ogling way. Why can't we just have some decent, female-gaze-oriented male nudity? Jon Snow's bum glimpse was glorious but one crack does not a summer make.

kate asserts...

Posted May 24, 2016
Ms Naughty, the problem with male nudity is that it is hard (pun intended) to make it look attractive on film. Buttocks yes but the front, not so much. When flaccid, just look limp sausage and accompanied by swollen plum like objects... when erect, looks red and veiny. Michelangelo made it work but he used artistic licence and it was carved in marble so no popping blood vessels. I am all for equal opportunity but it is hard to get the right angles.

Ms. Naughty swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 24, 2016
I've spent the last five years filming male and female nudity and, rest assured, a penis can look perfectly lovely on film, flaccid or erect. The problem isn't how it looks, it's with people's attitudes to penises and male bodies. Society tells us that only women's bodies are worth looking at and I know it's just not true. Thus, my call for a bit more female-gaze-type ogling opportunities. The other problem is censorship which won't allow an erect penis to be shown because that makes it porn. And then there's the whole issue of getting your actor to HAVE an erect penis when shooting, which is tricky in any situation. But still, I'm totally up for seeing Daario starkers at any opportunity.

girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 24, 2016
Interesting thread. Ms Naughty, I feel you should send me some of your intelligent films featuring male nudity. I can examine them critically for you.

In terms of wangs on screen - my theory as a director for the stage has been the following:

Female genitals are seen as POWERFUL (giver of life etc) or TERRIFYING (mysterious, entrapment etc).

Male genitals are seen as STRONG (testosterone, power, dominance) or HILARIOUS (they look funny, it hurts when you whack them and that is sensational).

Somewhere in the difference between those two is why female nudity is more tolerated than male. Also because traditionally it's been blokes in charge, of course. :)

Second-rate thespian is gonna tell you...

Posted May 26, 2016
Well ladies, you wanted some male nudity. You got it, warts and all!

Kharl Drogo's other wife mutters...

Posted May 27, 2016
Didn't we see Hodor's wang in season2??

Joffrey's Heimlich Manouevre ducks in to say...

Posted May 30, 2016
Indeed we did, and very impressive it was too.

Respond to this thread

Ken Father of Dire Wolves puts forth...

Posted May 24, 2016
A magnificent and heart felt recap. The love, the duty, the selfish stupidity for which we all pay, Grand sacrifices amongst the indifferent brutality. You've encapsulated it all. How you managed to emerge from the pit of despairany caring being now finds themselves to present your observations is astound.


All my life I've generally been a very polite person, always saying please and thank you, giving up my seat for the ELDERLY, pregnant mothers and physically impaied. But now I must of needs appear rude and uncaring, no longer on leaving or entering will I be able to Hold The Door. Such an act would reduce me to an almost comatose tightly curled puddle of tears wracked by anguished sobs. Of course that presumes I'm able to emerge from my bed where I lie wracked by anguished sobs in a tightly curled puddle of tears clinging to my own dire wolf Freyja, descendent of my Skadi the goddess of winter. .............Oh Winter! you magnificent brave and selfless beast. You're watch has ended. May you retire to soft fluffy snowfields of snow bunnies, log fires, mulled wine and log fires.


girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted May 24, 2016
Yep. No more mercy shown to the elderly or pregnant mothers. My mental state can't handle it. ;)

Stephen reckons...

Posted May 24, 2016
You have to admire the self-restraint of writing that separates a set-up and pay-off with five-and-a-half seasons of intervening story. Even more admirable, that Hodor's mumbled 'hodors' were something of a running joke was a genius piece of misdirection that invested the final revelation with so much epic tragedy. GOT's best (and saddest) moment for me.

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Emma ducks in to say...

Posted May 24, 2016
Brilliant recap as always. That Sansa/Baelish scene - calling him out on selling her for some power grab left me in awe. Makes you wonder how many girls he's handed over to sadists over the years.

But how did Baelish get to Molestown so fast? It took Tyrion and Bronn almost a season to travel into the Vale. And two seasons or so for Arya, Brienne, Jaime, etc, to move around Westoros but now people pop up all over the place within a day or two. Have they found a teleporter in a cupboard somewhere?

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted May 24, 2016
Yep, more convenient pacing issues. But we just have to overlook them. :)

she_jedi puts forth...

Posted May 24, 2016
it could be implausibly argued that Baelish had the advantages of being on horseback, not needing to hide from a bunch of scary people wanting to kill him, and having the resources to travel overnight if he needed to, whereas everyone else was on foot, on the run, and foraging for food when they made their journeys. But yeah, pacing issues :)

Mike puts forth...

Posted May 24, 2016
To be fair, several of the last few episodes continued straight after each other, where as in Mereen this week they state "two weeks of peace"

girlclumsy asserts...

Posted May 24, 2016
Well spotted, Eagle Ears Mike!

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wendyemily ducks in to say...

Posted May 24, 2016
Tragedy, thy name is Game of Thrones! Poor Hodor, a simple but brave man, dying to save his master from his own stupidity. Bran should never have taken a bite of the Apple that caused the Zombie horde to find them. But of course, teenagers! What can you say? They always know best, until they don't. So very sad.

As for the rest of the ep, I loved Dany saying goodbye to Ser Jorah. It was a romantic moment and we know we will see him back, all cured and ready to stand by her side once again.

And what can I say about Sansa and her take down of the evil Petyr?
I must admit to being somewhat disappointed that she didn't let Brienne slice his sleazy, scheming head off! Now that would have been payback. I don't trust him and hope Sansa is very wary of anything he says. I am not happy about Brienne leaving her as I have a sick feeling in my stomach that she may not come back.
After all in the books.....

Still I do think this is the best season ever and it's all bringing it all together for an epic battle for Winterfell. The good guys had better win this time!

And as always, Nat, I would give you my dire wolf fur cape (if I had one) for your excellent recap.

girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted May 24, 2016
Nawww, thank you Emily. :)

kate is gonna tell you...

Posted May 24, 2016
Gosh, what a 180 for Sophie Turner, the actress who plays Sansa... in the first few seasons, she got hate mail from fans who didn't like her character as she was a rose coloured glasses spoilt girl who idolised Joffrey.

Now she is really showing her great acting skills and I am saw all the previous haters are well and truly on her side...

Respond to this thread

Halwes ducks in to say...

Posted May 24, 2016
Where's NBlob? Have the conservatives placed him in a secure facility for the duration of the election campaign ( read waterboarding and sensory deprivation) for his own good of course just in case he decides to get onto an old boat and fuck off somewhere.

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Blue mumbles...

Posted May 24, 2016
I'm disappointed with the Kings Moot. The introduction of Euron was weak. Very weak. In the books it was far more grand and spectacular, with a meatier back story, a whole posse of interesting henchmen, and a mighty horn said to control dragons (which is more convincing than just "I'll go marry the mother of dragons"). I was looking forward to this scene but the show let me down.

(Note re horns: the horn of Joramun is still to be found - I predict the white walkers have it and will use it to bring down the wall)

Also - wights climbing along the walls and ceiling as fast as others can run on the ground? WTF? They've previously been stopped by a simple wooden barricade, so where does this sudden gravity-defying agility come from? I hated it with the orcs/goblins in LOTR's Moria, and I hate it just as much in GoT. Rubbish like this ruins an episode for me.

Those gripes aside, Sansa's confrontation with Baelish was cool; just a shame she still succumbs immediately to his manipulation. And the Hodor incident was very cool.

Bran - he and Meera will obviously need some immediate help to survive. Even if they get a head start on the Others, Meera dragging the stretcher through the snow is not exactly a hard trail to follow (not to mention Bran's white walker brand). I'm guessing Coldhands or Benjen Stark will make an appearance to save the day.

Finally, I concur with the ladies - a warty wang is not much compensation for all the glorious boobs that us guys get to enjoy. And the theatre actress playing Sansa put on a very nice display that even warranted a brief replay in my household.

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girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted May 24, 2016
The screen cap function definitely got a workout on my computer. That may have been what caused it to freeze halfway through my recap, come to think of it.

I enjoyed the King's Moot probably because I *haven't* read the book. And the Meth Den Destructo-thon didn't bug me because I was so invested in Bran, Meera and Hodor getting the hell out of there.

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Springfield Fats mumbles...

Posted May 24, 2016
Nice recap. You touched on my clear take away from this episode, do not, under any circumstances, get involved with the Stark family. Their baffling and continuing stupidity has killed tens of thousands and curses all those around them from the highest born to the simplest.

I have renamed them the Ebola family and I'm cheering for anyone in Westros who is struggling to erase this curse upon the land.

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girlclumsy reckons...

Posted May 24, 2016
Boooooo. The Starks are awesome. The Ascendancy is ON! :P

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Lady EFL is gonna tell you...

Posted May 24, 2016
HODOR ..... NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

How many times can this show we love tear our hearts out and stomp them into the ground before we shatter into a thousand pieces like a white walker with a dragonglass blade through it's chest? At least his death had some meaning which cannot be said for so many other beloved characters we have lost over the years.

Am loving the new strong Sansa (suck it Baelish!) even if she did have to wade through a river of horror, torment and BOO HISS Ramsay nastiness to get this point.

Lady EFL puts forth...

Posted May 24, 2016
*sigh* its not it's. Grammar part of brain not functioning right now due to extreme distress and sobbing

girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted May 24, 2016
Believe me, I spend about six/seven hours writing the recap, then another hour fixing all of my mistakes. :)

Lady EFL mumbles...

Posted May 24, 2016
Your recaps are my therapy Nat. There really should be GOT trauma support groups set up everywhere ....

girlclumsy asserts...

Posted May 24, 2016
Hence this comment thread and my Facebook page! :)

Lady EFL has opinions thus...

Posted May 24, 2016
Indeed ;-)

Respond to this thread

Ned's dead baby, Ned's dead mutters...

Posted May 24, 2016
Did anyone else wonder if the reason Sansa can still feel what me old mate Ramsay did to her......... is because she's knocked up?

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted May 24, 2016
I CANNOT EVEN BEAR TO CONTEMPLATE THIS.

Springfield Fats mutters...

Posted May 24, 2016
I think that was heavily implied both by the way they said it and the very pregnant pause of the camera on her afterwards.

Lady EFL is gonna tell you...

Posted May 24, 2016
Oh dear God PLEASE NO! Give Sansa a break for heaven's sake!

Ned's dead baby, Ned's dead ducks in to say...

Posted May 24, 2016
Yeah, I'm imagining a future scene re-enacting alien but with a mini Ramsay

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted May 24, 2016
LA LA LA LA NOT LISTENING NOT LISTENING LA LA LA LA

Respond to this thread

she_jedi swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 24, 2016
A perfectly lovely man held the door for me as I came in to work today; I must have looked traumatised, because he looked rather startled as I thanked him. People say it's just a TV show, BUT IT HAS REAL WORLD FEELS GODDAMMIT!

girlclumsy asserts...

Posted May 24, 2016
HBO, Martin.... none of them consider the very real impacts big decisions like this have. It's like the butterfly flapping its wings...

Respond to this thread

Matt asserts...

Posted May 24, 2016
The White Walkers share an origin story with cane toads.

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted May 24, 2016
TRUTH.

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Véronique de la Neige swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 24, 2016
Another brilliant recap of a brilliant episode! Absolutely loved the Sansa and Littlefinger scene. #teamsansa! (BTW, my prediction is Jon and Daenerys, per R+L=J.) I'm a little disturbed about the spanning of vast distances myself. How far is it from Castle Black to Riverrun? A couple thousand leagues? I also predict that Arya will "fail" her ninja course, retrieve Needle, and get back to sticking real enemies with the pointy end. The Stark reunion has begun. Will it also include Nymeria? We're running out of wolves!

BTW, the "bony/sticky crown" is the Driftwood Crown. Not really much of a crown, but the Ironmen don't go in for frou frou. I did like the kingsmoot scene, but Euron is more annoying than most Ironmen.

My beloved and I went out to dinner and toasted Hodor. He will live forever in our hearts! Maybe in flashbacks too.

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girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 24, 2016
But if R+L = J, that makes Daenarys Jon's aunt. Like, GROSS. No way.

Jon shall have no other girlfriend but Ygritte. Or maybe me. Yes, definitely me.

Nice touch having a celebrating dinner for Hodor. I expect cocktails to be named after him.

Véronique de la Neige reckons...

Posted May 26, 2016
But Jon and Daenerys together would be so Targaryen!

Respond to this thread

mandos has opinions thus...

Posted May 24, 2016
As Euron orders the weaving of sails and the cutting of trees for a 1000 ships my thought is...does he know there is less than 2 seasons left in this story - who does he think he is!!

RET mumbles...

Posted May 24, 2016
Did anyone else think "Easter Island" at that point?

Beth McKinlay asserts...

Posted May 24, 2016
Yes!! That was exactly what sprang to my mind!!!

Respond to this thread

TL reckons...

Posted May 24, 2016
"Vulvic fortitude" is definitely the most apt phrase I've heard in a long time.
I doff my cap...

girlclumsy reckons...

Posted May 25, 2016

Thank you, TL! That one seems to have been bypassed. I made myself laugh with that one. :)

I May Be Some Time mumbles...

Posted May 26, 2016
"Vulvic fortitude" deserves to be raised into the general lexicon - included in the Macquarie Dictionary next year!

With your permission I intend to use it at every opportunity!

And combined with 'girding my loins' and 'pounding' ... anyhoo...

Don't know what the equivalent of "growing a pair" should be...

Respond to this thread

SZF mutters...

Posted May 24, 2016
I'm guessing Theon and Yara will head off to Mereen, conveniently replacing Daenerys' fleet that was crisped a couple of eps ago.

Unfortunately, if the Greyjoy siblings get into her good graces it'll probably mean no future scene where Euron tries to woo her with his, "Check out me cock, luv!", schtick. Daenarys just LOVES guys who take that approach (Master Kraznys, every Khal not named Drogo, etc)...

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted May 25, 2016
Oooh, the prospect of Yara and Dany hooking up has me GAGA....

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struds would have you know...

Posted May 24, 2016
Oh Hodor! So noble.

We didn't *actually* see him die, so I wonder if he will prevail in some form (hopefully not white!)

The whole paradox of his condition being a result (?) of Bran's warging has left me reeling in the most unflattering Inception-y way.

Tormund's lusty side eye to Brienne was a definite highlight.

Keep up the great work Nat!

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flöki snöw ducks in to say...

Posted May 24, 2016
Tormund ogling Brienne once more...........he's such a smouldering romantic, how long till he asks Bri if she wants to see his giants bane or does he romance her with his tale of fooking a bear,

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krangsquared has opinions thus...

Posted May 25, 2016
As I watched that Dany and Jora scene, I was wishing for an edit where as Jora says "I'll always love you." ... and then... that DRUM HIT... WHITNEY HOUSTON KICKS IN

(googles).. ah, turns out someone's already used it earlier! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmM4QRsT_YE#t=27s

But still, dear Interwebs, I want my S06E05 Dany/Jora scene WHITNEY HOUSTON EDIT. I want that Pleeaaaase!

girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted May 25, 2016
That clip is great!

But yes, hurry up internet, we must have more!

she_jedi puts forth...

Posted May 26, 2016
There's a fantastic mashup of Tormienne!

https://youtu.be/iAsg7jbNlMA

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GOT Addicted swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 25, 2016
Is it possible the Night's King, branded Bran, and purposefully let him escape, so that they would go to the other side of the wall, and thus render the magic that keeps them on winters side useless. No need for a horn, just use a silly little boy to bring the wall down. The tragedy of the stark family, is that the more they try to make things right, the more they hinder the light. Wouldn't it be ironic that Bran was the cause of the Mad King as well. Warging where he shouldn't be when he shouldn't be.

The most poignant scene for me was Jorah, being sent to cure his blight. The look on Jorah's face as his beloved Khaleesi, acknowledges her feelings and opens her heart towards him. He will find the cure! The love of a woman can drive a man mad, or inspire him to ever greater heights.

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Maddoug has opinions thus...

Posted May 25, 2016
Two words.....



Zombie Direwolf.

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted May 25, 2016
NOPE NOPE NOPE

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George puts forth...

Posted May 25, 2016
So the White Walkers are the "Cane Toads" of Westeros.
Does this mean Greyscale is the "Khaleesi Virus"?

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M'lady would have you know...

Posted May 25, 2016
as always. Tried reading others because I needed further post-episode therapy but they were all inferior. One thing I wasn't sure about is the Jeor / Jorah / Sam thingy you mentioned. Is that something that happened in the books only? Because in the show I thought Tyrion already told Jorah about his father's death? Am sure it can no doubt be worked into the story in any event but wasn't sure if id missed something somewhere along the way? Have I? HAVE I?!? Help!

she_jedi reckons...

Posted May 26, 2016
Nope you are totally right, Tyrion has already broken the news to Jorah. I suspect Nat was too traumatised to remember that clearly, but you are NOT going insane :)

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George would have you know...

Posted May 25, 2016
So that means the White walkers are the "Cane Toads" of Westeros, thanks to the Children of the Forest. I wonder if Greyscale is some sort of "Khaleesi Virus"

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Jim Kellam asserts...

Posted May 27, 2016
I like the way you slipped in "ourobouros" myself.

Watched this episode tonight in a pizza place in Buenos Aires (that's been around since 1932 - the pizza place not BA) on my iPad with headphones on while eating a half tuna, onion & olive and half chicken & artichoke pizza while pandemonium reigned around me. The place is more popular than a Baelish brothel before a beheading.

Ideally would have watched it on Easter Island a few days ago but the weather was shit there and apparently when the weather there is shit, so is the internet.

Internet Morghulis indeed.

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Respond to 'Game of Thrones Raven On Recap S6E5: The Door'

Game of Thrones Raven On Recap: S6E4 Book of the Stranger

Posted May 17, 2016 into Raven On by girlclumsy

BOW. DOWN. BITCHES.

Bow down to Daenarys Stormborn, the Unburnt, the Unburnable, the Asbestos Khaleesi, Retarder of Flames, Destroyer of Douchekhals and Extreme Renovator of Rustic Bungalows.

May your triumphant reign last a thousand years. Or at least another three or four series. The Mother of Kittens doesn’t want this to end.

Oh, my beloved Throners, how impossibly glorious was it to see the rightful Queen of Everything standing naked, pure as fire itself, in front of tens of thousands of massed humble Dothraki?

Given the dearth of miracles around Meereen since Drogon rode in like a Rescue Ranger circa ‘89 to drag Dany out of the fighting pits, I just figured the winged critter would come to her aid once again, a la Tailspin circa ‘90. I mean, they are friends through life through thick and thin.

But I was foolish to think the Disney cartoons of my youth held the answers to potential cliffhangers in Game of Thrones. Sure, Ducktales had nudity (Uncle Scrooge was rich enough to afford pants but crazy enough to not wear them) but I don’t recall Huey, Dewey and Louie burning down the giant money vault just to prove a point.

But before we can end with fire, we must begin with snow - and we have a family reunion to attend. It’s a fitting start because the whole show had a Peaches & Herb slow jam going on. Whether it was the Starks at The Wall, the Tyrells in the Black Cells, the Masters and their money, Dany and her mojo, the viewers and Littlefinger or Littlefinger and a basic sense of f***ing decency - we are reunited, and it feels so good.

Except for the part where BOO HISS Ramsay Bolton murdered Osha and by gum I am going to slit him so many new orifices he’ll be able to hire himself out as a colander.

Season 6, Episode 4: Book of the Stranger

Could the longed-for embrace between two long-separated Starks (bastardry aside) have been any sweeter?

Didn’t you just want to clasp that moment as tightly as Jon and Sansa clasped each other in the parade ground at Castle Black?

Oh, how glad we were to see two of our favourites together again, each made infinitely stronger by the sight of the other. Both broken by violence in their own ways, nevertheless, the Stark spark started a-sizzling as soon as they supped soup and threw some of that sweet sibling sentiment at each other. Mostly via lines like “I was awful to you,” and “Yes. Yes, you were. But I was an emo.”

Sansa’s self-awareness is one of the reasons I adore her and why I will never understand those who are not #teamsansa. Do you have, like, no soul? Do babies cry around you? Do kittens flinch from your touch? It’s also interesting to note that it’s Sansa, not Jon, who is the more resolute about achieving justice for their family. Mind you, she wasn’t stabbed six times then brought back to life, a fact which is somewhat glossed over in this episode. A surprise return trip from Deathsville is probably enough to make a life of dreary serfdom seem like paradise. It makes sense - he pledged his life to the watch, the watch took it, all’s fair in love and murder. Jon’s been so traumatised his whole hairdo has changed.

As an aside, I’m not entirely sold on Jon’s new slicked-back demi-bun look. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate it, but that’s because Jon Snow could sport a David Beckham mid 2000s era faux-hawk and still work it like a nine to five job. But please Jon Snowzel, Jon Snowzel, let down your hair! It really makes it easier for me to climb up your tower, if you get my drift.

So Jon is not fussed on hanging around Castle Black, but with Sansa back in the picture, finds his family ties are still tight. However, it takes the impending threat of Ramsay Bolton to force him into the fray.

Let’s cut away from The Wall for a moment to deal with the latest BOO HISS BOLTON transgression.

I don’t know why I thought Osha would make it out alive of that one. Perhaps because she’s always been so resourceful, so badass, so mad eyes crazy. More likely because she’d only just come back into the show and I would have liked at least a few more episodes featuring her.

I’m never comfortable when Ramsay is in a scene with any kind of weapon, particularly a knife. We all know how fond he is of slicing things; the way he took to that Granny Smith was almost haptic in the way it made the hairs on the back of your everything stand up.

And yet when the camera followed Osha’s eyes to the dagger lying prostrate on the table, I wanted to believe. I craved the idea of Ramsay being brought low by Bran and Rickon’s protector. It was misdirection, of course. Ramsay had no intention of letting Osha out of the room alive. He just had to lure her into a having sense of control. Once he was confident she knew nothing more, bang. “Theon told me about you,” he basically says, before shoving a second dagger into her throat.

Then, as Osha bled out on the floor, Ramsay nonchalantly wiped his weapon and resumed slicing his apple. How cold? ICE. COLD.

Back at Castle Black, Ser Davos has discovered Melisandre will follow Jon, follow Jon wherever he may go. It’s a fait accompli - he is the Prince That Was Promised. Of course, this leaves the awkward situation of having to explain that Stannis wasn’t the said PTWP, and prompts Davos’ better-late-than-never question “Um, what happened to Shireen?”

At this point Brienne strides up to lay the smack down - when even the Onion Knight tries to play down the black magic that killed Renly Baratheon as “in the past”, she states calmly and simply that she doesn’t forgive or forget. She also lets it be known quite clearly that she executed Stannis for his crimes, before turning on her heel and striding back off again.

Brienne is magnificent, and we’re not the only ones who’ve noticed. From the moment he sees her, Tormund Giantsbane is smitten, and I cannot believe I never even thought about the prospect of those two meeting. OF COURSE Tormund’s interest - and beard - would be piqued by this marvellous warrior woman. The Wildlings are remarkable progressive when it comes to gender roles - your ability to fight, forage and, well, the other f-word, are regarded highly no matter what bits you’re sporting.

So it was quite delicious to watch Brienne, suddenly all genteel at the dinner table, be taken aback at the sight of Tormund making very suggestive eyes at her, and gumming his mutton in a way that would make even Nigella blush. And to think my mother scolded me just for putting my elbows on the table.

"I taught Jon Snow everything he knows."

I was too old to truly get onboard the Harry Potter obsession that most 20-somethings have these days, but I believe the internet-appropriate term for wanting this romance to blossom is called “shipping”. We will check back in each week now to see how “Brimund”, aka “Tormienne” is getting along.

Of course Osha doesn’t rate a mention in his almost cartoonishly over-the-top letter Ramsay Bolton sends to the Lord Commander at Castle Black. But Rickon does. And it’s the revelation that her youngest brother is not only alive, but in mortal danger, that spurs Sansa’s pleas to Jon to ride south and fight for Winterfell.

After conferring with Tormund, who manages to peel his salivating gaze away from Brienne to calculate his wildling numbers at 2000, Jon agrees, with a heavy heart, that it is the only way.

But take heart, Winterfellians! Help is on the way, in the beguiling form of one Petyr Baelish.

Yes, after a slow start to Season 6, Littlefinger dons the gloves for a typically calculating and sleazy entrance.

“Defender of the Vale!” he cheers flamboyantly at Robin Arryn, the kid who hasn’t let a lack of breastmilk stop him from growing up to be a right tit.

Uncy Pete’s bought him a fancy bird, which basically means he’ll do whatever Uncy Pete says, no matter what his guardian Lord Royce has to say about it.

And that’s good, because it turns out Lord Blumpff (sorry, that’s just what every line he delivers sounds like in my head) dobbed Littlefinger in to Ramsay Bolton, leading to Sansa’s captivity at Winterfell. This doesn’t totally fly with me - because I HATE you Littlefinger - but you’ve got to admit his diplomatic skills remain as sharp as ever. One word to Robin and Lord Blumpff would be taking the high road through the Moon Door. And ain’t nobody want that.

Now, ladies, this one has been puzzling me for a while, but I finally pinged as to who Lord Royce actually was. You remember the 1995 Pride and Prejudice? Of course you do, this isn’t the dark ages, and you’re a woman of taste and refinement who enjoys watching Colin Firth dripping wet (and feel free just to put down the recap and have a little moment to yourselves). Remember Mr Hurst? Mr Bingley’s drunken brother-in-law who just sleeps, plays cards and says things like “Damn silly waste of an evening!” That is totally Lord Royce/Blumpff. And it makes sense, they’re basically the same character - full of bluster but ultimately cowardly.

Blumpff, Blumpff, Blumpff

Littlefinger uses his somehow mystifying popularity with Robin (I suppose you can deal with a creepy uncle if he stays away most of the time and bribes you with cool shit) to get the Knights of the Vale to saddle up and head north for the Wall, where he’s convinced Sansa will have gone to rendezvous with Jon.

Which means we are likely to see an EPIC battle with scrappy wildlings and highly-toned knights teaming up to shove steel so far up Ramsay Bolton’s backside he be able to grate cheese with his nose. At least, if we don’t see that, I will be very angry. But at least Baelish has shown himself to have something of a moral cause here - helping Sansa. Although I'm sure it will turn out to have some creeptacular element because it's Baelish and he cannot help himself.

Another case of siblings reunited was Theon and Yara over in Pyke. Given how up and down the Iron Islands plots have been, I found this scene incredibly powerful and moving. There was Yara, assuming her late father’s position in front of the fire, not planning to show Theon any mercy. After all, she had risked so much by attempting to save him, the brother she didn’t know but her brother nonetheless. Theon, still finding his voice again after hideous sustained torture, doesn’t help by crying. For Yara, this is intolerable - the salt of the Ironborn must be retained within them, not left to leak from their eyes. But when Theon states his desire to help his sister take the throne, the pair seem to find a rough peace. As he learned with Sansa, Theon may find redemption by putting someone other than himself first. Will they triumph? And what of crazy uncle Euron Greyjoy? Will he be back to challenge?

Over in King’s Landing, Queen Margaery is brought before the High Sparrow for another tete-a-tete, this time with the longest discussion about shoes since SJP in SATC.

It turns out Big Bird was quite the cobbler in his day, pumping out swanky pumps for the high born. Margaery, well versed by now in the holy verses, asked him what caused his conversion. A feast, he answers, a right royal knees up with good food and hot chicks and a final course of unrelenting self-actualisation.

It’s a familiar story. From Jesus’ 40 days/40 nights in the desert, to Siddhartha leaving his comfortable life to search for enlightenment, hell, even George Orwell ditching his comfortable middle class existence to live as a tramp while writing Down and Out in Paris and London all revelatory journeys tend to follow the same rule - that one can only be humble when one has humbled oneself.

But the message doesn’t seem to work on Margaery as well as the High Sparrow might like. Finally allowed to see her brother, she is resolved to not let them win, to not let the Faith Militant cast them as villains.

But poor Slow Lorus. He really does look like an endangered creature. Always more into style than substance, the time inside has broken him. He cannot think of playing long games; he just wants the pain to stop. Margaery is left in a conundrum; save her brother but lose her pride, or let the Slow Lorus chips fall where they may?

Of course, that decision may not be hers to make, after the extraordinary meeting that made peace between the warring Lannisters and Olenna Tyrell. Small Council, Assemble!

Initially Ser Kevan and the Queen of Thorns tell Cersei and Jaime to rack off, but Cersei has New. Information. She’s discovered from Tommen that the High Sparrow intends Kate Middleton to take her own Walk of Shame, the longest one since her wedding in Westminster Abbey - BOOYAH take that Duchess of Cambridge, you overly hair-styled too-skinny royal. My life is fine, I don’t need yours at all. Shut up.

Point is, Olenna is not the kind of Grandma who is going to take that shit lightly. This is a woman who bumped off Joffrey because she didn’t want his greasy, psychotic mitts on her grand-daughter. She immediately agrees to the twincesters’ plan to bring her army into the city to take on the Faith Militant.

I’d like to think that my own Gran, the affectionately nicknamed Queen Pat, would go into bat for my honour and dignity in a similar way. But then this is the woman who “accidentally” ordered hotel room pornography when I took her to New York a couple of years ago. I don’t know if she can stand on points of dignity.

Ser Kevan Lannister is also recruited to Cersei’s cause by the prospect of maybe releasing his doo-lally son Lancel from the grip of the loony nutjobs. All he has to do is stand his own troops down. So the stage is set for some hardcore battling in the streets next week. Which Olenna is totes fine with. “People are going to die no matter what we do,” she says. “Better them than us.” Which I’m pretty sure has been the catch cry behind every war ever.

There are mixed reactions in Meereen to Tyrion’s plan to woo the slave masters. Missandei and Grey Worm are appalled by his proposal to allow Astapor, Yunkai and Volantis seven years to abolish slavery, in return for compensation and their pledge to end the Sons of the Harpy rebellion. The pair were slaves, and don’t think Tyrion truly understands who he’s dealing with.

But the Lannister lion spent a few days as a slave a while back, and is pretty confident he’s got this.

"At least, I hope I've got this."

More importantly, they’ve got to try something, as sitting back and letting Meereen implode and burn is fast becoming impractical.

There’s a sweet moment when Tyrion, confronted by angry freed slaves, has Missandei and Grey Worm back him up. They don’t trust the slavers, but they do seem to trust Tyrion - at least for the time being. The Imp’s plan better start paying off or he might find their loyalty severely tested.

Road buddies Jorah and Daario “Maario” Noharis have hit Vaes Dothrak, where a dozen or so Dothraki hoardes have gathered for a big meet-up. It’s like Comic Con for dudes who like wearing leather. So it’s like Comic Con.

Maario keeps giving Jorah crap about being an old man, even though the dude is clearly hardcore. One can only assume Maario is a little insecure, and is trying to niggle at Jorah to make himself feel better. DUDE. You’ve got buttocks that would carve marble and crush walnuts AT THE SAME TIME. Multi-purpose buttocks. You have no need to snark. Plus, you don’t have greyscale. Maario’s discovery of this seemed to give him some much-needed empathy for his fellow warrior.

It’s Jorah who has the background information about Dothraki culture that will actually help them get to Daenarys. They cannot take weapons into Vaes Dothrak, not even Maario’s customised dagger with the naked-lady handle. Not that he listens of course; when the pair are pinged by a couple of Dothraki in the village streets, Maario saves a weary Jorah from strangulation by stabbing his attacker through the heart from behind. And Jorah responds by pointing out any sign of weapon wounds would alert other Dothraki. Cue Maario using a large rock to smash seven types of shit out of the dead dude’s head. Thanks for no close-up on that one, HBO.

Meanwhile Dany has been waiting for her judgement day with the Dosh Khaleen. She’s even made a new friend, a sweet young Khaleesi who was beaten as a child bride by her Khal until he did her a big favour and died. The pair go to “make water” together (chicks man, always going to the bathroom in pairs), and are surprised by Maario and Jorah.

Of course, their plan had merely been to grab Dany and GTFO, but the Mother of Dragons knows that dog won’t hunt at this carnival. So she comes up with a plan, and recruits the young Khaleesi to be in on it.

And boy oh boy, it was a beauty. As plans go, the combined powers of Professor Moriarty, MacGuyver and Baldrick could not improve upon it.

Dany enters the temple to be judged by the assembled Great Khals on whether she is fit to join the Dosh Khaleen. Her calm and composure unsettle the Khals from the beginning; here is no weeping widow, but an upstart who actually has an opinion on what should happen to her.

Dany stuns the room by reminding them of what the great Khal Drogo promised her, then finding them poor imitations, only concerned with fighting and raping.

“You are small men. None of you are fit to lead the Dothraki. But I am. So I will.”

At this stage of viewing the excitement was beginning to build in me. Obviously we knew Dany would get herself free at some point, but we assumed Drogon would be involved, or at the very least, Jorah and Maario in some capacity. And while the latter two cut the throats of the women guarding the temple, the denouement was all Dany. What could she be up to?

Called out as the insignificant thugs they were, Khal Moro stood up in protest to tell Dany her future was merely a serious of violence sexual assaults then death. Like anybody discombobulated and unsettled in the fact of a supreme calmness, he resorted to name calling, dropping the c-bomb and asking if she really thought they would serve her.

“You are not going to serve. You’re going to die.”

And BAM! With that, Dany pushed over a flaming brazier, sending licks of flame towards the douchekhals. The wooden temple stood no chance either, quickly consumed as Dany pushed over another brazier, then another.

Vaes Dothrak was elimated as a Eurovision host nation after its arena was declared hazardous.

Her face remained serene throughout, focused but unhurried. Danaerys the Unburnt had no fear of fire, she could take her time meting out justice.

As the temple was consumed, the rest of the hordes came running. Eventually, from the door, emerged Daenarys, skyclad, beautiful, a motherf***ing BOSS.

It was an incredibly empowering moment and immediately made me want to go out and fight crime, until I remembered my She-Ra outfit is a bit too flimsy for effective roundhouse kicks to the face.

Of course, faced with such raw power, the Dothraki but could do nothing but fall to their knees. Jorah too, which was to be expected, but also Maario, who wore the same expression of wonder that Jorah had back when Dany birthed her dragons in the flame.

I just want to walk around like this every day. Every day.

And there it is. Dany, stuck for ages in a political quagmire in Meereen, is back to doing what she does best - inspiring the hell out of people. Sure, she has mystical fireproofing, but that would be nothing without her resolve, her determination, her self-assuredness and her attitude. She is the Mother of Dragons, and she has rediscovered her purpose. Westeros, look out.

Yay! Best Moment.

Daenerys, clearly, but also this:

Zing! Best Lines

Khal Moro, on his dead Dothraki brother: “ Aggo belonged to my Khalasar. He served me well. His head got smashed in by a rock. F*** Aggo.”

Eww, gross

Maario’s enthusiastic pummelling of a Doth-dude’s face in with a rock was...pulpy.

Boo, Sucks

Another clean sweep to BOO HISS Ramsay Bolton. I know, I know, he’s a “good” bad guy in that we “love” to hate him, but seriously, I want nothing but sunshine, fairies and fricking unicorns for Sansa and Jon from here on in. Bolton. Must. Go.

Thank you so much for joining me again this week. I can't wait to read your comments and thoughts, either here on the 'Burger, or via my Facebook page:www.facebook.com/nataliesthrone

Another reminder that I'm running a Patreon campaign this season. If you like the recaps and wish to become a patron, you can sign up and pledge the suggested $1 per recap. Here's the link: www.patreon.com/girlclumsy.

Valar Morghulis!

74 Responses to ‘Game of Thrones Raven On Recap: S6E4 Book of the Stranger’

xServer is gonna tell you...

Posted May 17, 2016
Such a good episode! I loved that Sansa didn't miss Jon at the Wall (was half expecting another 'ships in the night' sort of thing). I hated seeing Osha killed. I loved Danny getting hers. I said it when she was first brought there: she needed to just burn their shit down. And she did. It was glorious.

But my favorite was someone FINALLY noticing how kick-ass Brienne is. She and Tormund need to get it on, then kill a bunch of Boltons, then get it on some more. They'd both LOVE IT!

Thanks for the recap, Nat. Douchekal is fantastic and so very fitting. ;-)

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted May 17, 2016
Hashtag Douchekhal. #douchekhal

Yes, so much glory to Dany. Just ADORED the whole sequence. So well played - it seems obvious in hindsight now, but it held me absolutely brilliantly in tense anticipation.

And Brienne and Tormund, that was just icing on the cake... the very SEXY cake...

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xServer ducks in to say...

Posted May 17, 2016
Oh and one other thing: I believe that Baelish always planned on turning Sansa over to the Boltons, they were not captured they went there on purpose, so him throwing accusations at Lord Royce and nearly getting him killed is just another example of him playing his deep game and messing with good (although stuffy) people.

I really hope that he and Ramsay die together. And take Robin Arryn with them. What a waste of breath they all are!

Ame ducks in to say...

Posted May 17, 2016
That was the opinion on our couch too, that Dodgy Pete was just making that up so he could manipulate Royce.

girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted May 17, 2016
Yeah, it did have the whiff of Stink Littlefinger all over it. I guess Lord Royce looked shifty, so maybe he had something to hide anyway? I suppose at the very least he was trying to keep from being chucked out the Moon Door.

Lady EFL would have you know...

Posted May 17, 2016
Littlefinger is a great big lying liar. I went back and did some research in Season 5 and they were not intercepted by Bolton's men like he said. He totally handed Sansa to The Boltons and boo hiss Ramsay on a silver platter, even convincing her that it was a good idea! He's digging his claws further into Robin (who makes me want to simultaneously vomit and slap him senseless) for his own nefarious purposes and to suit his own endgame. We will have to wait and see ultimately what that is ....

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Rhino reckons...

Posted May 17, 2016
Great recap, again.

I'd like to see #DoucheKhals trend on Twitter.

I'm delighted that Emelia Clarke ignored her non-nudity clause for the sake of dramatic effect. I wept tears of joy.

I will say the same thing about Brienne as I did about the 6'4" Hungarian girl I met at that party so many years ago, "Boys, hand me my pitons, I'm going to climb Everest".

Respectfully,
Rhino
Patriarchy Spokesman.

girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted May 17, 2016
Thanks for checking in, Patriarchy. I hope you enjoyed seeing yourself BURNED LIKE WAY-OH by the Mother of Dragons. :)

Also, do we have a read on whether they were genuine boobs, or stunt boobs, or CGI boobs?

xServer would have you know...

Posted May 17, 2016
Those were true Khaleesi boobs. Amelia has talked about how proud she was to do the scene herself. She was definitely no one's toy there!

Procrastinati has opinions thus...

Posted May 17, 2016
Have conducted an areola scan from season one to last night and can confirm a complete lack of CGI.

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Rhino mutters...

Posted May 17, 2016
Also, the scene where Daario bends his knee to Dany ... sort of what I did the very first time that I saw my wife get really, really angry.

girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 17, 2016
Probably an appropriate measure. I'm sure she was angry for a reason.

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Bloody hell Arya reckons...

Posted May 17, 2016
We notice that No-one was not to be seen.
No Worms of Grey for the seat of Mereen.
Khal barons made toast in Doth Halloween.
Atoning Tyrells may yet have their Queen.

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted May 17, 2016
Is this a haiku? This is a haiku.

Bloody hell Arya reckons...

Posted May 20, 2016
Perhaps it fell out that way.
I was angling at haisparo ;-)

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Marcellus Of Dorne mumbles...

Posted May 17, 2016
Who didn't tear up in those first few minutes when someones eyes were layed upon another???

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted May 17, 2016
Inhuman monsters, that's who!

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PK is gonna tell you...

Posted May 17, 2016
Been waiting 53 episodes for that reunion.

KK swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 17, 2016
In all the years wanting a Stark reunion I never listed after that particular Stark reunion, which somehow made it even more satisfying. I screamed at the TV when the gates opened, had all th goosebumps and then topped it off by tearing up hard. WELLED RIGHT ON UP!

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted May 17, 2016
So much Welling I could have played Superman in Smallville.

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Eliza Bennett-Stark mumbles...

Posted May 17, 2016
Doh! Of course that's who Lord Royce was in a previous life. Good work mother of kittens.

girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted May 17, 2016
Loving the name, btw. :)

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Peter Snow ducks in to say...

Posted May 17, 2016
Nat, I have loved / laughed / cried at your prose for many a season. But today's zinger is the pinnacle. The asbestos Khaleesi. Pure, unadulterated genius. BRAVO.

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted May 17, 2016
Aww, aren't you sweet. :)

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Ms. Naughty is gonna tell you...

Posted May 17, 2016
You'll also remember Lord Royce as the bloke who calls Carrie a "damned fine filly" in Four Weddings and a Funeral. He also says this: "I was at school with his brother Bufty. Tremendous bloke. He was head of my house. Buggered me senseless, of course. Still, it taught me about life."
So, naturally every time we see Lord Royce we say "Buggered me senseless, of course."

girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted May 17, 2016
YES! I knew he had another semi-famous role. Good old British public school system, eh?

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Ms. Naughty ducks in to say...

Posted May 17, 2016
Also, I loved Dolorous Ed's expression after he notices Tormund and Brienne... it just topped off that moment perfectly.

And I really hope they kill Big Bird soon. That's twice we've had to sit through self righteous sermons from the old git. I desperately want the Ghost of Christopher Hitchens to appear and smite him with reason and logic so I don't have to sit through another earnest parable. At least Margaery is playing the long game with him.

DarrenBloomfield mumbles...

Posted May 17, 2016
That for me was the highlight of the episode. There's been one oddball moment like that in every episode this season thus far. Gold.

girlclumsy asserts...

Posted May 17, 2016
Yeah, poor Edd. He had great moments this episode and I basically ignored him.

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Matt W mutters...

Posted May 17, 2016
The reason for Jon Snows different hair style is Kate Bush cut a lot of it off to throw in the fire when she brought him back to life

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted May 17, 2016
That IS true.

But surely then it would be HARDER to tie back, not easier?

I'm confused by this satorial puzzle.

she_jedi ducks in to say...

Posted May 17, 2016
I think he's raiding the Watch's stash of hair gel to slick his hair back so it behaves itself :)

Matt W reckons...

Posted May 17, 2016
You'd have to go back to the scene when she is cutting his hair (I know you have probably watched it 1000 times!) and see where she cut...maybe she cut the sides so he now has a mullet!

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vitas swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 17, 2016
Hooray, (CGI) boobies

Erik is gonna tell you...

Posted May 17, 2016
They are real and they are spectacular.

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Beth McKinlay has opinions thus...

Posted May 17, 2016
All is forgiven. Loved that episode so much. And so many good lines in your recap I don't even know where to start. Nat, you're on fire!!

girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted May 17, 2016
Thanks Beth! I wish I was on fire like Dany, unlike being actually on fire, which is stupid and hurts.

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Swaggering Bravo puts forth...

Posted May 17, 2016
Fun to see Missandei don a warlike garb for audience with the slaver patriarchy; a Xena warrior princess top and some equal opportunity trousers.

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted May 17, 2016
YES! I absolutely coveted Missandei's outfit in this episode, but couldn't find a way to discuss it in the recap without going on a massive tangent.

It was phenomenal, she looked phenomenal, she is phemonenomenal. I can't spell.

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Ser Col of the Bluest Mountains swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 17, 2016
I think this was perhaps one of the juiciest episodes ever. I would regard myself as a book nerd. Was sometimes disappointed when the show diverted or completely ignored some plot lines. But I have to say, this series has been the best one so far, simply because I do not KNOW what is going to happen, although I can make some educated guesses. Jon Snow and Sansa will travel together with Brienne, Tormund, Melissandre and Davros. Brienne has set up the tension for that journey well. Dany now has an army of 100,000 Dothraki, and 10,000 Unsullied and Second Sons, and three fricken dragons (she has to go back to Mereen to free the other two now). Formidable. Jon coming from the North with what will be a bigger army when Baelish joins him and Dany coming from the East with her horde will strangle the living shit out of the Lannisters and Tyrells and anyone else. Can't wait...

girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted May 17, 2016
NOW YOU UNDERSTAND WHY WE HATED YOU, SER COL...

But it's OK, we're all friends now. :)

Ser Col of the Bluest Mountains ducks in to say...

Posted May 19, 2016
How very Lannister of you....

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Will swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 17, 2016
#RamsayIsTheNewJoffery

girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 17, 2016
#Totes

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she_jedi ducks in to say...

Posted May 17, 2016
I clapped and cheered when the gates opened and we saw Brienne and Sansa, and of course cried when the Starks hugged. But the look on Tormund's face when he first sees Brienne is simply priceless. I began 'shipping them instantly.


I think also Sansa's determination to go lay some whupass on the Boltons and take Winterfell back stems from the horror that Ramsey has Rickon, and she knows what he's likely to do to him. She doesn't want Ramsey cutting bits off her little brother and turning him into another Reek.


I also really expected Drogon to come smite the Dothraki and get his mum back, so it was super intensely satisfying to watch Dany do her own smiting. The looks on the Douchekhals' faces when she asked them if they'd wondered what she thought was also priceless.


I have to say I think this season is my favourite so far, I think because as Ser Col said, as a book reader I now have no idea what's coming, and it's not tied down to the strictest elements of the book plots anymore. So liberating!

And as always your recaps are just the best, so look forward to reading them :)

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted May 17, 2016
Thanks as always, She Jedi.

Also, what does one actually *do* when one is "shipping" something?

she_jedi has opinions thus...

Posted May 17, 2016
I believe, and I'm not an expert, that when one 'ships a couple of characters, one devoutly hopes that the shippees get sexy together, and look for evidence that this is on the cards, like reading far too much into Tormen's googly eyes over lamb chop in this episode. Tormen's definitely smitten, but time will tell if Brienne develops reciprocal smitteness.



Another element of 'shipping that I've come across is that if the authors/creators don't come to the party on the particular hookup you desire, then the only answer is to do it yourself via fan fiction. I've read some truly eye opening fan fic with Assassin's Creed characters that made me look at some of the games in a whole new way :P

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wendyemily asserts...

Posted May 17, 2016
My favourite ep this season. Hell, my fav so far, ever! From seeing Jon & Sansa together at last, to that final scene when Dany strode from the fire full of sass and in all her naked glory. She now has the Dothraki army to follow her anywhere, plus the Unsullied & her Dragons, well I would think she is pretty well unbeatable. The Starks in the North and Dany in the South will rule the world!!! Well, the GoT world at any rate!

As a reader of the books, I am glad that Martin has not finished the story. The series writers are doing a much better job and he should just give up now!

And, Nat your recaps are getting better and better. My hat off to you, Mother of Kittens!!

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted May 17, 2016
Aw, thank you so much! I agree, it was one of my favourite episodes of all time as well.

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Dean mumbles...

Posted May 17, 2016
Is it just me or is Robin Arryn not the spitting image of a younger Kylo Ren from the most recent Star Wars ?

Sousy Wench is gonna tell you...

Posted May 17, 2016
I admit I did not notice the resemblance, they do seem to have a lot in common though.

On a side note, I am supremely disappointed in the internets today after searching the interweb for a Robin Arryn/ Brave Sir Robin mash-up and finding none... An injustice to be sure.

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Dropbear asserts...

Posted May 17, 2016
I think the Dany scene was a bit overblown and we've seen it all before.

But hey, when life gives you lemons, it also drops YET ANOTHER army in your lap for doing nothing.

Sansa and John S was very nice.

I am still not entirely sure whose side Baelish and the Vale is going to be on. wait and see I guess

Lady EFL swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 17, 2016
As awesome and inspiring and flat-out bitchin' as our dear flame-retardant Khaleesi is, I'm getting to the point where I sometimes want to yell at the TV "Stop faffing about in the buff half a world away and GO. TO. WESTEROS. WHERE ALL THE OTHER STORYLINES ARE!" Just sometimes ....

Patrick swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 19, 2016
I think Baelish will be on the whichever side that looks like winning.

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Véronique would have you know...

Posted May 17, 2016
I am #teamsansa. I grew up in the North, and although I would much rather hit a resort in Dorne or the Summer Isles these days, I still have a soft spot for winter people. So House Stark FTW!

My spouse wears the sigil of House Targaryen. Seriously, she does. My wolf is an inner wolf.

Love your recap, as always!

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flöki snöw puts forth...

Posted May 17, 2016
My Osha, my Osha why you bastards did you have to do that to my wildling girl?.......Anyways why is Littlefinger is suddenly "trustworthy" i wouldn't trust him as far as Theon can now pee, on the day of battle i'd pop his todger between to floury baps and sit him beside a thenn just to ensure his loyalty is more than fleeting.
(apologies to lord melchett)

girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted May 17, 2016
BAPS.

How have I not used the word BAPS in a recap yet. A shocking oversight that must be corrected.

And don't worry, I don't necessarily TRUST Littlefinger, but at least by getting the forces of the Vale in action he seems to be driving towards something.

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Mother of nothing swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 17, 2016
Tormond and Brienne. OK: I'm getting old and I need to do my regular Tuesday night re-watch tonight. Did Tormond look all gooey when Brienne first rode through the gates? I don't recall. But the eye-laden interchange over what in the Night's Watch passes for dinner - that was, without doubt, the best thing I have seen in all six seasons. No really. Not only Tormond and Brienne's eye contact, but also Dolorous' reaction. Priceless. Best acting without words ever.

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted May 17, 2016
Dolorous was fantastic this episode, and I ignored him. What a COW.

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Ser Devon asserts...

Posted May 17, 2016
Outstanding recap Nat. What a great episode.. catching up with littlefinger, who i actually quite like, i mean he is a bit of a twat, but no BOO HISS BOLTON. The hug was the most touching scene since brienne pledged her service to Sansa. Mereen was slightly less annoying this episode, and if dani can get back there and sort it out next week i'll be back on board. Looking forward to some armies forming, and hopefully a bit of no name next week (Note: i dont watch the preview, i consider that a spoiler), and eagerly awaitng your next recap.

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Di is gonna tell you...

Posted May 17, 2016
Hey Brienne.... if it wasn't for the fact you looked incredibly confused, I'd be all "Keep your mitts off Mr Giantsbane, hussie".

Tormund is MIIIINE.

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girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 17, 2016
FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

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Ken Father of Dire Wolves swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 17, 2016
Daenerys emerging from the #douchekhal misogyny pit cloaked in purifying flame, does it get any better? Surely an image to stand with Ripley's "Get away from her you bitch", Buffy axe clearing a nest of daemons in the episode Anne or River Tam standing spattered with the blood of reavers and Alliance soldiers in a room of their corpses, axes in hand and backlit by light from outside a blasted wall. Oh I think I need some alone time.


Tyrion again showing he sports balls bigger than a Dothraki stallion, and Slow Lorus showing his have regenerated. All the retaliatory scheming in Kings Landing with Cersei showing nobody but her brother fucks with the Queen mother. The heat building in Castle Black. Oh there will be blood, buckets nay great rivers of blood. And so much more.

she_jedi ducks in to say...

Posted May 17, 2016
"#Douchekal misogyny pit" - simply inspired!

ReadYouIWill mumbles...

Posted May 17, 2016
Ahhh, Alien, Buffy and Firefly references all in the one comment. A fan after my own heart. I'd even go a little old school and reference Geena Davis in Long Kiss Goodnight... "Die screaming" anyone?

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Lorn ducks in to say...

Posted May 17, 2016
Easily my favourite amongst so many great lines
"It's like Comic Con for dudes who like wearing leather. So it’s like Comic Con."

Barnesm mutters...

Posted May 18, 2016
yeah that was GOLD.

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Procrastinati is gonna tell you...

Posted May 17, 2016
BOO HISS Ramsay is intriguing. Not just because of what he does. Every other role has a dichotomy of character. Ramsay simply portrays evil. Where does this go? He hasn't expressed any interest in ruling Westeros, or the world. What is his end game? Is sadism merely enough?

Procrastinati has opinions thus...

Posted May 17, 2016
btw - cheesburgergothic's comments don't allow paragraphs when posted, making everything seem like stream on consciousness claptrap. I've chosen to respond to myself as a form of grammar. Kill me if you must...

Procrastinati swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 17, 2016
MoK - consider your recap duly complimented. Exemplary, as always.

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Blue ducks in to say...

Posted May 18, 2016
As much as I love GoT, the past seasons have been outstanding in part due to their ability to surprise the viewer/reader. The unpredictability of the plot was a big drawcard. Does anyone else feel that it is now becoming a bit predictable?

We all knew Jon would be resurrected.
We all knew he would use a wildling army to retake Winterfell.
We all knew Danaerys would take charge of the Dothraki and use them to defeat her enemies in Mereen (ok, we thought Drogon would play a part, but the base premise is still holding true).
If R+L=J then none of us will be surprised.
If the church has found and saved a certain person who will be used as the church's "attack dog" against Gregor in Cersei's trial, it will be freaking awesome, but not surprising.

I'm still enjoying GoT, but I'm craving some unpredictable game-changing events like the earlier books/seasons had.

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Patrick mutters...

Posted May 19, 2016
Ahh Shippers .. takes me back to the the early days of Shippers on alt.tv.x-files. Natalie was probably just a wee recappespondent and doesn't remember the desperadoes projecting their relationship desires onto Mulder and Scully.

Ser Devon would have you know...

Posted May 19, 2016
My entry into shipping was Lost, and the amazing banners we, i mean they, used to update weekly for their signitures in the Lost Forums.

(jack+kate all the way)

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