Cheeseburger Gothic

The upside of Sputnik hysteria

Posted March 27 by John Birmingham

From today's ASB:

It was Stephen King who told me that for every era there was a movie, specifically a horror movie. And no, he didn’t tell me personally. But he did write it in Danse Macabre, the extended teaser trailer for his later how-to book On Writing. King had a theory that the defining fears of an era work themselves out in its pulp fiction.

It seemed profound when I read it (but I was fourteen and at that age the lyrics to Dr Hook’s “You Make My Pants Want To Get Up And Dance” could seem profound). The King cited convincing support for his theory from 1950s cinema, a golden era for terrible alien invasion flicks. Deranged howlers like Plan 9 From Outer Space and serious genre efforts like the The Day The Earth Stood Still—come on, it won a Golden Globe, people—all landed on fertile ground prepared by ‘Sputnik hysteria’.

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BALLS.100 The BALLS Podcast 100th Episode Unspectacular

Posted March 27 into Sport by beeso

We crack open the secret to success in today's NBA - PB&J sandwiches and sliding into the DMs. Also this week: pay drivers and pink cars in F1, Snapper Rocks surf stories, going downhill in NZ's stinkiest town, Arsenal keeping the airborne banner industry aflight, Maxi gets a ton, Taumalolo gets ten, union might be cooked and the Supercars are unexpectedly woke. Get us on itunes HERE or listen on the web HERE.

1 Responses to ‘BALLS.100 The BALLS Podcast 100th Episode Unspectacular’

NBlob has opinions thus...

Posted March 27
Sorry Beeso & Doctor Yob, if you'll excuse a momentary threadjack.

Big Pharma, legacy media, banks, telcos, Oil&Gas, corporations period are like species in a Darwinian context. They adapt to best exploit their niche Or they fail. Some are dramatically swallowed whole by predatory finance, others quietly file for bankruptcy protection. The forces that define their niche include competitors, market preferences, costs of production, costs of capital & regulation. Of these, only the last is malleable. The shaping of that regulatory context - tax, employment, environment, product-safety is what politics is.
People who "opt out" or "are not interested in politics" or claim "both parties are the same, so it doesn't matter" seem at best ignorant, possibly apathetic or appallingly complicit.


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Cock punching the Bolter

Posted March 24 by John Birmingham

I spent all day on this topic. It was a lot harder than I expected.

If only Andrew Bolt was free to speak his mind, none of those people would have died in London yesterday. If only the Bolter could just be free to tell us exactly what he thought of the mud races and their heathen ways, we would no longer have to live in fear of being violently disassembled by bearded nutters in chocolate shops or on the public thoroughfares.

He would give them a jolly good talking to and they would fold up like a cheap umbrella in a high wind.

Well rejoice, my friends, because that happy day is nigh.


Six years (and a never-ending News Corp campaign in the service of of bad faith and bullshit later) and the PM is released for a few minutes from the windowless cellar where he now lives with George Christensen whispering to him in the dark, “It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.”

2 Responses to ‘Cock punching the Bolter’

insomniac ducks in to say...

Posted March 24
Why don't Labor etc band together and add harass to the existing list rather than swap them out, so the bill has to go to the lower house, and then watch the lnp shit themselves.

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Bondiboy66 ducks in to say...

Posted March 27
Apropos of little - I am rereading the AoT books and chuckled at SAS troopers Bolt and Akerman having at Jerry in the UK....and failing to survive the encounter.

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BALLS After Dark.85 Genre be good

Posted March 22 into Music by beeso

In which Beeso and the Doc discuss why they even have a music podcast, is [genre] dead, the beauty of being Beeso, doing all of the things, making movies, incidental things are incidental, Mashed Banana off your 'nana, action aplenty at the Mr Whippy Grand Prix, double (J) edged swords, unexpected comebacks, no more pop culture for you, contractually obliged mentions of our new podcast feeds, how Discover Weekly's magic algorithm works, music-based social siloing, Jake Hole and the children are our future. This week we reviewed new albums from All Them Witches and Crystal Fairy, with Beeso nominating Decoder Ring's '02 debut as his classic. Next week: Tosca, The Shins and Turbonegro's own After After Dark from 2012. This, next and last week's albums are all on the BALLS After Dark Spotify playlist. Check out our favourite tracks of the year so far on the After Dark Mixtape for 2017. Please subscribe and review us on the pod platform of your choice as we got kicked off iTunes for swearing too much and had to start again. You can listen here as well.

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I am that fool for love

Posted March 21 by John Birmingham

From Blunty:

I've never jumped into a crocodile-infested river to impress a girl called Sophie, but I did once drunkenly fall on and eat a huntsman spider to impress a girl whose name I've long since forgotten. I think she's a doctor now.

But unlike the rest of you judgmental wallopers, I do not judge half-eaten north Queensland idiot, Lee De Paauw.

9 Responses to ‘I am that fool for love’

HAVOCK21 mumbles...

Posted March 21
I see that Blunty has gotten its collective together are FKN MADE GETTING COMMENTS UP WORSE THAN IT BLOODY WELL EVER FKN WAS> SLOW FKRS!...CRACK THE WHIP JB!!!

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DarrenBloomfield puts forth...

Posted March 21
HAVOCK my man, I simply *MUST* follow you on Twitter!

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HAVOCK21 has opinions thus...

Posted March 21
Your comment on: Teen who braved the crocs for his crush almost made me choke up my spider

HAVOCK21 Today, 02:24PM
He should be taken out back ans shot. why?

Well for one, I don't want to be paying to fix up his mangled drug addled body which happens to be missing oh so many brain cells

2- I'm sure that the genetic tree could really do without this, lest we have a repeat!

3- If I was her I would be worried as to the mentall agility or severe lack of.

Your comment on: Teen who braved the crocs for his crush almost made me choke up my spider

HAVOCK21 Today, 02:04PM
An aberration in the Darwinian process. What a shame!

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jl mutters...

Posted March 22
I dunno, I'll admit to some stupidity as a teen for the purposes of impressing the opposite sex.

There used to be an abandoned coal mine in the forest behind my house, it was an open pit that filled with water. It had cliffs on one side, they were anywhere from 30-50 feet high. We swam in it a lot. Well, on a dare in the presence of local girls I dove head first into the pit from a cliff.

I lived.

Years later, they drained the pit before "reclaiming" it. I saw the the bottom was filled with junk equipment and old cars. Would have sucked to have hit one of those with my head.

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Bondiboy66 has opinions thus...

Posted March 23
Chicks dig scars. Even crocodile induced ones.

Nocturnalist swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 23
Maybe not this one. There's a followup story quoting her as saying "Being attacked by animals doesn't really do it for me."

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WA n'ker is gonna tell you...

Posted March 23
Hey Birmo, just saw your Blunty piece published as a letter to the editor of the Busselton Mail. I didn't know you were a fan our little west Australian town. Perhaps you call in here to revictual your hovercraft on the way to your secret Indian Ocean lair.

John Birmingham has opinions thus...

Posted March 23
This is a very strange moment in my career.

NBlob is gonna tell you...

Posted March 23
Karma bitch.
How many trademark Birmo unexpected plot twists have you imposed on us?

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Lets eat grandma

Posted March 20 into Writing by John Birmingham

Commas FTW! And Oxford commas for the bonus point:

“Who gives a fuck about the Oxford Comma?” Vampire Weekend asked on their eponymous first album. The hard-working truck drivers of the Oakhurst Dairy company in the great state of Maine, that’s who. A dispute with their bosses over whether they should be paid overtime came down to the lack of an Oxford comma in the state’s law regulating who gets paid a little bit more for working extra hours.

What is the Oxford comma?

It’s the one that parks itself before ‘and’ in a series of three or more things. If, for instance, you are planning a private party in the Moscow Hilton and you sent a note to the concierge asking him to “invite the hookers, Trump and Putin,” he can rightly blame you when the only guests who show up are a couple of transsexual despot-cosplayers.

You should have invited “the hookers, Trump, and Putin”.

That one little comma makes all the diff...

From today's kinder, gentler ASB.

8 Responses to ‘Lets eat grandma’

Surtac reckons...

Posted March 20
Nice work on making the Oxford comma funny - at least a little bit.

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Dick asserts...

Posted March 20
Would you believe, I actually read that story. Slow day at work.

Eats, roots, and leaves v eats roots and leaves

Which one's a herbivore

Timmo mutters...

Posted March 23
Like JB's title example, this example illustrates the need for commas but not the Oxford comma specifically, as the three items are not technically in a list. The issue is a comma changing context of "roots" from the subject of a verb to a verb in itself
e.g. A wombat eats roots and leaves.
A wombat eats, roots and leaves.

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jason has opinions thus...

Posted March 20
This article is so close to my heart. I wrote a series of short stories about Grammar Man, a super-hero who saves the world with correct use of spelling, punctuation and grammar. The irony being that it came back from editing with more red ink than black.

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insomniac swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 20
I don't know how many Oxford commas I've had to ask patent attorneys to insert into claims over the (long ago) years, but if I had a dollar for every one ...

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HAVOCK21 is gonna tell you...

Posted March 20
Yeah! as you would all be well to well fkn aware, I'm all fkn over Poxford fkn Comma's and FKN GRAMMA! let alone punctuation, spelling and all the other fkn gear. You know. Diction, Period, Colin, coalin, semi coalin and colon-oscopathy too!, whats that other fkn thing. SALUTAION! FKN YEAH BABY! Ill set that shit straight rather fast I might add. Oh you do compound sentences, Yes, yes I do, right after I do compound fractures you mthr fkr!

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Vovchara swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 21
The best explanation I've ever read.

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DarrenBloomfield is gonna tell you...

Posted March 21
I reckon "Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation" by Lynne Truss, is a cracking contribution to the field. I liked the wry dedication: "to the memory of the striking Bolshevik printers of St. Petersburg who, in 1905, demanded to be paid the same rate for punctuation marks as for letters, and thereby directly precipitated the first Russian Revolution"

Then there's this - which I already spammed JB with on The Twitter

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