Besides a few defamation issues, I had a crisis of confidence with this one, thinking that nobody would give a shit. I've snipped the worst of the deffo, and tossed in some extra sweary:
There is no fucking way that Jeff Seeney could be the dumbest minister in the history of Queensland. The state, in its colonial form, achieved separation from New South Wales in 1859 and since then dozens, maybe hundreds, of barely functioning mouthbreathers have sat on the smooth padded leather of the Government benches, staring vacously but intently at tendrils of drool stretching slowly from their lower lips towards the green carpet of the lower House.
Jeff Seeney has never, ever done that.
And yet, he tempts me to believe he could one day, because even with Queensland's rich and varied history of life threatening derp in the annals of public administration, few statements reek of ill favoured ignorance the way that Seeney’s plea to “oil and gas companies to vigorously fight against environmentalists” does.
The Minister for State Development worries that every single development over which he has authority will be thwarted by ‘radical green’ protestors, even though they don’t have the authority under law to stop the developments – he does. They can protest of course, which might be an inconvenience, and might even delay this project or that if they use the legal system to demand review of environmental effects of, say, proposed LNG plants in Gladstone harbour. But they didn’t write the legislation, or pass the law, and if the law is seriously hindering economic developments that should go ahead then perhaps the state government should change it?
Seeney would prefer that mining companies devote a share of their resources not to mining things, but to politics. To “take up the fight against the radical greens campaign” by, er, taking up the fight against radical greens and their inconvenient campaigning.
Because apparently, as state development minister he has nothing to do with the process. Nor does the state environment minster. It’s those damn radical greens and all their powerful radicalism. Damn them.
Of course, none of this is ever defined. “All Queenslanders” according to Seeney, “want to defend the reef,” for instance. But unhelpfully he doesn’t explain how ‘defending the reef’, which is something all Queenslanders want, and suddenly morphing into a radical lentil terrorist, can be teased apart. Perhaps the change comes over us at the point where instead of just 'wanting' to defend the reef, somebody actually gets off their arse and does something. Something really fucking radical and green, like drawing up a petition. Maybe at that point, you become one of Seeney’s barking mad Trotskyists.
I don’t know why this particular incident of derpery should piss me off more than any other. But I think it’s because the very idea of a bunch of Birkenstock wearing, roughage muffin lovers bringing tens of billions of dollars of economic activity to a standstill by the sheer force of their mind bullets is so fucking daft that I feel myself personally insulted by Seeney for ever having brought it up.
Here’s the thing, Jeff. You’re not in Opposition any more. You’re the government. You don’t like how the environmental laws work, change them and then place yourself before the people to see whether they agree. If it’s the federal laws that are somehow jamming up every single fucking development that comes across your desk then just bide your time and I’m sure you’ll find that after September, Prime Minister Abbott will be more than amenable to changing the law to facilitate a bit of ecological rape and pillage.
But this idea that you need the miners to go to war with ‘the greens’? That’s so fucking dumb I can see you staring at the spittle between your feet as you prepare to stand up in Parliament to tell us all about it. The miners dont want it. Honestly. They have better things to do. Like digging shit up and selling it to China. Yes, the green movement will occasionally provide some resistance to that. Some friction in the prroess. But so will the weather, and currency fluctations, and competition from Brazil and the opaque policies of the Chinese politburo. The miners factor all that into their risk management. They don't need to factor in getting caught up in your bullshit fantasies.
Just do you job, you fucking goose and stop whining about wanting others to do it for you. I’m sure that if the mining industry has any problems they’ll tell us aaaaall about it. They’ve never been shy of special pleading in the past.