Cheeseburger Gothic

Kids today and their terrible musical choices. I tells ya

Posted April 18 into Music by John Birmingham

... Although it’s not so much the music as the box it comes out of. I just sat and suffered through some terrible song Thomas was playing on his iPhone speaker as he cleaned up the kitchen.

It might have been punishment for making him clean up the kitchen, but I think probably not. I’ve noticed both kids, and all their friends seem perfectly comfortable playing their music loud though phone speakers that really weren’t meant for broadcast.

They do this even when there’s a nasty cheap ass Echo a few feet away. It would sound a helluva lot better than that tinny phone, but they go the phone.

I didn’t think taking the time to plug into a stand alone speaker, or hook up to a bluetooth box was an old man thing, but apparently it is. Because of my little problem (I can’t stop buying headphones and speakers) we have an embarrassing number of options for play thru all over the house.

But no. Both kids prefer to just flick on the phone and jack up the volume.

Where have I gone wrong?

12 Responses to ‘Kids today and their terrible musical choices. I tells ya’

insomniac swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted April 18
Give up on your own children and wait for them to have children. I'm sure they will think you're cool.

Respond to this comment

Dirk would have you know...

Posted April 19
Well there are a few things at play here:

1. Automation: kids nowadays things happen automatically. It starts with feeding, going to and from school, cleaning of cloths etc.

It goes further with internet connectivity and play back. If it ain’t coming out of the box, it’s ment to not come out of the box. And if the wifi doesn’t kick in, well then their gemoungous 4g datapacket kicks in. Hell is to be payed only when when connectivity is somehow not possible. But that tends to happen with genetically implanted implements.

So you need giving them training and grooming. I recommend Pavlov on that subject and, needs be, jumper cables and a car battery.

2. Medical: the human brain is finished about the 21st year of life. Girls are quicker, boys slower. Girls generally speaking have less interest in music though. And boys learn that porn doesn’t need a soundtrack nor a plausible storyline.

3. When I was young, me only looking at a hifi system, was a precursor for grievous bodily harm administered by my old man. Ok I’m spicing that up a bit: he was a great guy, with a lousy taste in music. For your average CIA blacksite, I recommend the complete works of James Last. The war on terror can be over in 6-12 hours.

So to answer your question: where did you go wrong?, I have to respond with the words of the famous philosopher J. Rabbit: I’m not bad, I’m just drawn this way.

John Birmingham ducks in to say...

Posted April 19
Tell me more about these jumper cables and car battery. I am interested in these ideas about parenthood and would like to subscribe to your pamphlet.

Dirk puts forth...

Posted April 19
Well for one the use of jumper cables should be in every curriculum:

Dirk has opinions thus...

Posted April 19
This video also teaches the inherent dangers of prolonged inbreeding; making this a worthy educational tool.

Respond to this thread

jason ducks in to say...

Posted April 19
I am old, no doubt about it. Old enough to have a good knowledge of music. So now when my girls play a song to me that isn't quite right i delve into the back catalogue of CDs and play them the band who played that song or style first and who played it better. Sadly my girls now like Hall and Oates and I am mad for My Chemical Romance.

Respond to this comment

balri mumbles...

Posted April 19
My 14yo daughter does exactly the same thing. Despite the iPod dock on the stereo six feet away and the nearby Bluetooth Bose speaker

John Birmingham swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted April 19
These children will end us.

Respond to this thread

Nocturnalist mumbles...

Posted April 19
Kids aren't *supposed* to be comprehensible to their parents. If they are actually in step with you on everything, then's the time to worry that you're raising young fogeys.

Respond to this comment

Bondiboy66 would have you know...

Posted April 19
Luckily my youngest tends to use headphones, which has its own issues. His musical tastes vary wildly between death metal, 70s/80s classics, honest to god classics like David Bowie or Led Zep, trashy dance music and Russian Hard the headphones spare me the bits of that list that aren't to my taste. Problem is he is utterly deaf with headphones on and only responds to visual cues or occasional physical cues like a pillow to the head.

Respond to this comment

Rob puts forth...

Posted April 19
My kids , rather weirdly , have been telling me to turn down my music for years. Minstry, too loud, Butthole Surfers, too weird, Sepultura, too metal. 'Can you not play Danzig's Twist of Cain again, for the 100th time on your crappy 200 dollar les Paul knockoff Dad ...'

I showed them though, I made them to go to the pub with me and then proceeded to buy them beers, and then I sang 'The ballad of Chasey Lain ' by the Bloodhound Gang, at Karaoke that night.

Kids these days, I tells ya.

Respond to this comment

Brother PorkChop has opinions thus...

Posted April 23
Mine use speakers and all 3 have asked for over ear headphones for birthdays etc. I guess this is because the boys listen to classic rock more than anything and genuinely appreciate music. We have rather awesome conversations about music.
The girl has no taste and listens to ever changing popular crap that 10 yo girls listen to and it hurts ALL our ears. The constant refrain is, "Moo, put you headphones on or turn that crap off!" It works.

Respond to this comment

Respond to 'Kids today and their terrible musical choices. I tells ya'

BALLS After Dark.88 It's not brain surgery

Posted April 21, 2017 into Music by beeso

In which Beeso and the Doc review classic Rocket Science, new Goldfrapp and Black Joe Lewis & the Honeybears, and get into how Oils ain't oils, politics isn't worth a half eaten bag of chips, vale John Clarke, things that are about 100 metres, Daggumentaries, farnarkling, Goldeneyeing, homeopathy, Beats Mode, spaced jams, the official rapper of white thinkpiece writers on twitter, comeback acts, colour and movement and stupidity. Next week: Spoon, Damien Cowell's Disco Machine and mid-'90s Dave Graney and the Coral Snakes. This, next and last week's albums are on our Spotify playlist (note to self: it's your last week to go back and listen to last week's albums) with our faves of 2017 repping on the After Dark Mixtape.

Be the first to respond to ‘BALLS After Dark.88 It's not brain surgery’

Respond to 'BALLS After Dark.88 It's not brain surgery'

BALLS After Dark.87 Everything new is old again

Posted April 12, 2017 into Music by beeso

The Battle Of The 'The' Bands (c. 2002), having a stadium rock attitude on a pub rock budget, writing for clubs, dissecting the Splendour lineup and designing festivals for washed-up Gen X parents. This week we review new albums by Satan Takes A Holiday and Pulled Apart By Horses and a 2001 classic by Groove Armada. Next week: Goldfrapp, Black Joe Lewis & the Honeybears and Contact High by Rocket Science (2001). This, last and next week's albums are all on our Spotify playlist.

You can subscribe on your podast player of choice or listen below

Be the first to respond to ‘BALLS After Dark.87 Everything new is old again’

Respond to 'BALLS After Dark.87 Everything new is old again'

BALLS After Dark.85 Genre be good

Posted March 22, 2017 into Music by beeso

In which Beeso and the Doc discuss why they even have a music podcast, is [genre] dead, the beauty of being Beeso, doing all of the things, making movies, incidental things are incidental, Mashed Banana off your 'nana, action aplenty at the Mr Whippy Grand Prix, double (J) edged swords, unexpected comebacks, no more pop culture for you, contractually obliged mentions of our new podcast feeds, how Discover Weekly's magic algorithm works, music-based social siloing, Jake Hole and the children are our future. This week we reviewed new albums from All Them Witches and Crystal Fairy, with Beeso nominating Decoder Ring's '02 debut as his classic. Next week: Tosca, The Shins and Turbonegro's own After After Dark from 2012. This, next and last week's albums are all on the BALLS After Dark Spotify playlist. Check out our favourite tracks of the year so far on the After Dark Mixtape for 2017. Please subscribe and review us on the pod platform of your choice as we got kicked off iTunes for swearing too much and had to start again. You can listen here as well.

Be the first to respond to ‘BALLS After Dark.85 Genre be good’

Respond to 'BALLS After Dark.85 Genre be good'

Streaming music and rebirth of the album

Posted December 23, 2016 into Music by John Birmingham

From the New York Times...

John Seabrook’s book “The Song Machine: Inside the Hit Factory” delved into the 21st-century pop that resulted from concentrating on single tracks: We got songs that were fabricated as masterpieces of instant gratification, full of technological sizzle and concocted by a surprisingly small clique of professionals for a highly competitive A-list of pop stars, who added some small personal garnish to the committee efforts. The same people write for (and with) Taylor Swift, the Weeknd and Adele; they knew the secrets of radio play, which is still seen as the best guarantee of mass success despite the occasional online breakout.

Streaming, instead, encourages curiosity. With streaming rather than downloads, access replaces ownership and the commitment is of time, not money. That’s still significant, but it doesn’t feel so irrevocable. Where downloads and playlists favored the lone song, streaming gives the artist and the album a fighting chance again. Anyone interested in a particular artist, from die-hard fans to novelty seekers, can listen to a whole album repeatedly — not just song samples, not just YouTube choices — and let subtler material sink in. Musicians don’t need to think so exclusively about what sounds, beats and structures the radio gatekeepers will allow; they can get poetic, political, sonically weird or all of the above. While big and glossy still works, it’s just possible that odd and heartfelt will, too.

Couldn't agree more with the argument that 'streaming encourages curiosity.' After years, probably decades of stagnating taste, I've got dozens of new artists and groups in my playlists now. And sure, they tend to be alternative rock acts, or hip hop, which I've always listened to. But I would never have found them in the download era. Because after a while you just stop trying. But with streaming you don't have to try. The platform serves it all up for you, no matter which service you use.

One interesting factoid from the article. It takes 1500 plays of an album to match the income from one paid download. That looks bad, but then I was never going to download any of the albums I've been listening to since getting Apple Music, and Rdio before that. And with some albums I would come close to 1500 plays after a couple of years.

3 Responses to ‘Streaming music and rebirth of the album’

Dave W has opinions thus...

Posted December 23, 2016
I suppose I'm just getting into it, but streaming has gotten me back into a few old favorites, for exactly those reasons. Very happy to be rediscovering faith no more...

Respond to this comment

mick g is gonna tell you...

Posted December 23, 2016
Exactly. I'm listening to music on Spotify that I'd never buy, but if I and a few million others are doing the same worldwide then surely that benefits artists who would never be making money from my buying their music in traditional formats.
Im hoping it also leads to the downfall of miserable human beings like Chris Brown (the r&b douchebag,not the tv vet). Fingers crossed.

Respond to this comment

Helical ducks in to say...

Posted December 24, 2016
I don't like streaming for multiple reasons.
I spend a large portion of my time away from mobile reception (plus I have limited data) so I don't want to be tethered to a data connection. My music lives on my mp3 player's 120GB hard drive.
Streaming does not help newer bands or niche bands as they need such huge numbers to make any money. A local and successful progressive metal band, that tours internationally, showed their income off Spotify last year, a handful of change, enough to buy a cheeseburger.
Finally, I want to still be able to listen to my music when the zombie apocalypse comes. So while you lot are searching for an internet connection in between getting your brains eaten, I'll be out bush headbanging away.

Respond to this comment

Respond to 'Streaming music and rebirth of the album'

BALLS After Dark.65 ...Nice

Posted October 7, 2016 into Music by beeso

Separating music from its time and place (and why it's futile), share house stories, Melbourne hipsters, rubber masks, classic Black Keys and new Rival Sons and BadBadNotGood.

You can get all the tunes at the Spotify playlist and keep an eye on the favourite track for the year on The Mixtape. Get the episode here

Be the first to respond to ‘BALLS After Dark.65 ...Nice’

Respond to 'BALLS After Dark.65 ...Nice'