Cheeseburger Gothic

My new job

Posted April 8, 2014 into Blunty by John Birmingham

If it's good enough to Campbell Newman...

At Blunty.

84 Responses to ‘My new job’

beeso would have you know...

Posted April 8, 2014

is itjust me or was that column a bit .......short.

dweeze mumbles...

Posted April 8, 2014

The Fairfax businessmen obviously didn't cough up enough $$$ when JB shook themdown.

NBlob is gonna tell you...

Posted April 8, 2014

@ Beeso.

Yeah I felt a missing paragragh or two. Like a massive disturbance in the force, like a million voices crying out who were then cut off short. But, you know, without the force, nor the voices.

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mumbles...

Posted April 8, 2014

Keep your old job, JB. But I continue to recommend that you diversify.

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Rob swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted April 8, 2014

your new job sounds like a wonderful plan. I would also be liking to get some of the filthy lucre available to men over 40 who wear suits.

Although I seem to still have hair.That might mean I can't hang with Campbell.

NBlob has opinions thus...

Posted April 8, 2014

JB doesn't have That problem.

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Bunyip has opinions thus...

Posted April 8, 2014

I can see an opportunity for code monkeys, with an app where you can record which suits have been shaken down, things to not mention during the wallet lifting etc.

Just trying to help.

Brother PorkChop reckons...

Posted April 8, 2014

Perhaps take it a step further and have the app recognise, query and check off against THE LIST all smart phones in close proximity so that you can actively target the lifting of aforementioned wallets.

Lulu asserts...

Posted April 8, 2014

Or just hack into their accounts, using bank details they've probably entered on the smartphones - don't even need to touch their wallets directly.

Dino not to be confused with swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted April 8, 2014

Just do an Auction.

Dino not to be confused with reckons...

Posted April 8, 2014

Having sooooo many showers lately.

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JG would have you know...

Posted April 8, 2014

Good luck shaking the lucky money tree, John. You might wrangle a few extra thou' of moolah if you courtesy or give a doggy-like display of affection at your next show up. Don't forget to wash your hands before shaking the paws of your followers.

I'm glad you are devoting your time to a worthy cause in your new job. Your very presence - let alone your wise words of harsh correction, frivolity, wisdom, experience, and wit - deserve at least $10,000 per pop up for such a fine specimen as yourself.

No need for cap in hand, sir. Take what is dutifully owed you. Accept the dosh, and more.

Our most high Mr Rabbit of Oz must make you a Knight of the Royal Carrot. May the Primya of Queensland, Mr Know-it-all Yes Newman, shine his bright domed head your way.

Respectfully anon, head bowed in humility, etc, etc, etc...

Joanna G aka JG aka yakka yakka.

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Halwes puts forth...

Posted April 8, 2014

You're thinking too small. No one can get rich just poking around the edges. No. You have to become a vital cog in a very corrupt machine to do that. Think Joh and paper bags full of money. You don't think that a measly $5k got you anything in those days do you? Join the machine where hookers, liquor licenses, roads getting built in front of your pub and dams being constructed up the road from your recently aquired farm are part of the job description. You'd get elected no worries. Just tell queenslanders that you are Joh's illegitimate love child and they'll gladly suckle you on their corrupt bosums.

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Dino not to be confused with mutters...

Posted April 8, 2014

Gurdels Theorem?

U know maths is incomplte and stuff.

Or for da learned prime drivatives and stuff.

But the way I see it is shallow verse deep.

Extension of some earlier work.

Yeah an da office and da computer '97 level 43(?)

Dino not to be confused with mutters...

Posted April 8, 2014

Just lokked up Copper Poisening.

Cause, you know, injections and shit.

palm Island QLD. Algacide?

NFW!

No effen wonder.

Fucks yo brain mate.

Dino not to be confused with is gonna tell you...

Posted April 8, 2014

Anyhoo who authrised the copper release inta da envirament of Palm Island?

What did dey want?

The Land? cause dey knew what would happen. maybe dey needed to toughen up the Police force a little. Send them to Palm Island the most dangerous place on Earth(for a while).

How is it now? Did the use chelates to remedy the problem?

You know Mossad hacked my computer this morning/last night.

Don't know why?

Joke-

"What's worse a Greek Jew or an Egyptian Jew?"

Doesn't mattr JOh runs queensland dats all you need to know mt dutchy.

Dino not to be confused with ducks in to say...

Posted April 8, 2014

Dame?

Yep preety sure a dame.

Onya Joh for PM!

Dino not to be confused with asserts...

Posted April 8, 2014

Nah just a 'Lady'.

No Dame for da missus.

Like 'Lady of the Night'

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Dino not to be confused with puts forth...

Posted April 8, 2014

Captain,

The smartcells are a defensive sheild technology developed in the nineties.

Polarisation can be adjusted.

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Dino not to be confused with swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted April 8, 2014

Well there you have it Gents. A scientific arguement that cannot be refuted-

http://www.sunshinecoastdaily.com.au/news/the-opinions-still-flo/2069190/

Shalom

Dino not to be confused with has opinions thus...

Posted April 8, 2014

Seeya Clive.

You're on your own as far as this Goyim is concerned.

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Dino not to be confused with reckons...

Posted April 8, 2014

OMG someone I know is 'late'.

Again.

When will they have the female condom ready?

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Dino not to be confused with mutters...

Posted April 8, 2014

Cause the last time I stuck my dick in a cunt this truck driver asked me to find his keys so we could both drive out in the truck.

JG mutters...

Posted April 8, 2014

Settle down, Dino. I find this offensive. Can only assume you're drunk too much beer.

JG

Dino not to be confused with ducks in to say...

Posted April 8, 2014

Fair enough JG,

I find it amazing that people are more offended with language than violence.

Which would you prefer?

Look up white phosphouros in Gaza.

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Dino not to be confused with mumbles...

Posted April 8, 2014

Cause the last time I stuck my dick in a cunt this truck driver asked me to find his keys so we could both drive out in the truck.

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Dino not to be confused with mumbles...

Posted April 8, 2014

Silence is Golden Clem.

"Oh my Darlin', Oh my Darlin', oh my daaaaaarlin Clemintine...."

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Dino not to be confused with asserts...

Posted April 8, 2014

Silence is Golden Clem.

"Oh my Darlin', Oh my Darlin', oh my daaaaaarlin Clemintine...."

Dino not to be confused with has opinions thus...

Posted April 8, 2014

Captain,

Systems are being restored.

Klingons are seeking engagement.

Permission to fire...

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Dino not to be confused with mutters...

Posted April 8, 2014

Captain,

Have you read 'Henry Ford and the Jews'?

There is a problem with verification of the authenticity of Clem.

She cares about American Values at teenage level more than Palestine.

Torpedoes away..

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Dino not to be confused with reckons...

Posted April 8, 2014

Captain she rights under a siudenim.

Her name is FALSE Captain.

When will she write about Palestine.

The truck driver has found his keys and will be exiting the vaginal chasm shortly.

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Dino not to be confused with would have you know...

Posted April 8, 2014

You know what I hate Captain?

Jews pretending to be German or from Quebec.

Quit my job this week cause of the chutzpah.

Lying Fucks.

When will the Embassies open?

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Dino not to be confused with puts forth...

Posted April 8, 2014

Captain,

Remember Julia Gillards response to Josh Frydenbergs questions?

'Stupid and wrong' Captain.

Where is Josh from?

JG go to Brookings with a paypacket and STFU.

You are brain dead and don't know it.

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pi has opinions thus...

Posted April 8, 2014

Someone needs to take a bex and have a wee lie down.

Dino not to be confused with has opinions thus...

Posted April 8, 2014

So I get the Job right?

Tellin' the truth at fairfucks?

Dino not to be confused with puts forth...

Posted April 8, 2014

Always Independent.

Like a whore bent over.

Dino not to be confused with has opinions thus...

Posted April 8, 2014

OMG Daily Life is open to comment!

Like any fucker would try.

FK off Clem.

FK off to ISrael.

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sibeen ducks in to say...

Posted April 9, 2014

Jaysus, JB, I'm not one who would normally call for moderation. I really do believe that all voices should be heard without fear or favour; but once, just this once, please, for the love of gawd, bring out your smiting hammer and use the fucking thing.

Barnesm is gonna tell you...

Posted April 9, 2014

Indeed. Its not an issue of censorship or unfair discrimination. When a spambot generates annoying posts, or comments its blocked. When a human beings posts are even less informantive or relevant then blocking these posts would seem justified.

Its sort of an alternative universe Turing test. When you can not tell the diffence between a spambot and a human being when they are only communicating through text on a screen.

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Halwes puts forth...

Posted April 9, 2014

I don't think that it needs moderating at all. If you read it without judgement there are some real pearls in there. The point about language being more offensive to some than violence is well made. While everyone in this country is focused on a few idiots punching on at the cross we continue to be involved in military adventures where children are killed on a daily basis. Weird priorities if you ask me.

BigWillieStyle swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted April 9, 2014

"If you read it without judgement there are some real pearls in there."

Yeah, the bit about Jews pretending to be from Quebec, and all that d*ck/c*nt talk was brilliant.

Halwes asserts...

Posted April 9, 2014

I think that you are judging it by your own standards but I'm saying that your standards, or mine for that matter, may not be the same as someone elses standards. This doesn't make someone elses standards, or yours or mine, irrelevant it just means that they are different. I think that is what CBG is about. People don't always agree and vehemently argue their point sometimes, but to call for censorship on the basis of language or discussion points seems over the top. If we challenge things that we find offensive with logic instead of calling for censorship then we are able to anticipate and deal with the future so much better. Censorship of ideas simply pushes them underground into secret societies. Except child exploitation etc. That needs to be exposed and severley punished. Most other ideas, no matter how offensive, can be challenged effectively with logic and reason. As fo Dino maybe being pissed then most of the true artists, musicians and thinkers have been affected at some time by substances.

Barnesm reckons...

Posted April 9, 2014

"there are some real pearls in there" yeah but the signal to noise ratio is significantly low, approaching zero.

Lulu puts forth...

Posted April 9, 2014

"If we challenge things that we find offensive with logic instead of calling for censorship"

In this case, I think using logic would be like nailing jelly to a tree. And about as effective.

Barnesm mumbles...

Posted April 9, 2014

What if you freeze the jelly around the nail, using a liquid nitrogen spray, would that work?

Halwes reckons...

Posted April 9, 2014

"Like nailing jelly to a tree" Gold !

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Bunyip asserts...

Posted April 9, 2014

I normally don't have standards, so I've been forced to borrow some from the minions. And I must say, the code bunnies have to do a bit of work on the Dinobot. Sometimes output quality and quantity parameters are of use.

Not that I actually have any myself. And no, I'm not letting any of you lot near my code.

John Birmingham puts forth...

Posted April 9, 2014

I normally swing the ban hammer only on posts which are personally and unacceptably abusive. I judge the limits of acceptability.

I have no fucking idea what Dino's on about a lot of the time. But it requires no great effort on my part not to read his comments.

I think I understand that he has some issue with Clem Bastow and that his truck driver comment is a form of performance art designed to find the edges of that issue. I think.

Bunyip is gonna tell you...

Posted April 9, 2014

Fair 'nuff.

Dino not to be confused with puts forth...

Posted April 9, 2014

That makes 2 uf us JB.

No problem with Clem Bastow.

Don't know her.

Too many selfies on her blog IMHO though.

Performance art?

No.

Saw Whitney Houston sing on the tele in late '72(?).

Banach and Superstition and SSB.

Dealing with multivariate stuff.

And Israel sucks shit.

Don't start me on History of Nippon.

They made an error.

They hate being told that.

JG asserts...

Posted April 9, 2014

'JG go to Brookings with a paypacket and STFU.

You are brain dead and don't know it.'

Then I take it you do not take this comment to be 'personally and unacceptably abusive' towards me, JB.

Go figure. It's your blog.

JG

Dino not to be confused with reckons...

Posted April 9, 2014

Any fuckwit, lying fuckwit, can commence legal action forthwith.

But they won't.

Dino not to be confused with ducks in to say...

Posted April 9, 2014

Captain,

There is a cockroach.

It is eating shit and wanting attention.

JG has opinions thus...

Posted April 9, 2014

Now if that is not personally abusive, I don't know what isn't, JB.

Either way, you are right, John. It is easy enough to ignore such pathetic comments and not read attention-seeking trivia from spambots such as Dino.

Dino not to be confused with mumbles...

Posted April 9, 2014

OMG raise my pay to 400 000 daollars ayera!

Sucking Brookings dicks is expensive.

I knoew I am stupisd!

But what about equality?

Dino not to be confused with asserts...

Posted April 9, 2014

Thighs and no brains.

Ass that has it's own Gravitational feild.

Makes up for the lakc of cerebral content.

Seen better pigs.

Smart ones I would talk to bfore this shirt.

Dino not to be confused with puts forth...

Posted April 9, 2014

Captain,

The insecticde please...

Dino not to be confused with mutters...

Posted April 9, 2014

JG,

If you are not Julia Gillard than don't worry.

None of my comments are directed at you.

Dino not to be confused with reckons...

Posted April 9, 2014

JG,

If you are not Julia Gillard than don't worry.

None of my comments are directed at you.

Dino not to be confused with swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted April 9, 2014

But if you are please return the telegraph pole that is up your ass.

And I expect payment for your pleasure.

Never since the Whore of Babylon has there been a transparent blight on Humanity.

Say hello to your Dad.

He is sooooo proud of you my little lesbian cocksucker liar.

Everyone loves you.

Dino not to be confused with has opinions thus...

Posted April 9, 2014

Wanna up the ante?

Halwes has opinions thus...

Posted April 9, 2014

Hi Red, Why do you even care enough to be offended about this? I'm truly interested. It's only words on a screen written by a half intelligent, angry person ( who makes some good points about Israeli atrocities in Palestine) who you'll never meet or interact with on any level apart from this. My workplace is far more offensive than this on a daily basis. I'm truly offended by institutionalised violence like state sanctioned war, terrorism and police brutality but words can't hurt me at all. I'm old now but some of the verbal crap and put downs I copped off elders when I was a kid hurt me a lot at the time. Today I thank them for it. I can cop anything off anybody and not care at all. I hope you aren't taking it too seriously. The world is full of people like this and the best way to handle it is to laugh it off and forget about it. Censorship, like prohibition, is dangerous. Best Wishes

Dino not to be confused with would have you know...

Posted April 9, 2014

Nah didn't think so.

OMG there is a rock I can put up my ass!

Watch me bleed.

Please everyone watch me bleed!

Sisters help me.......

JG swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted April 9, 2014

I take this as your attempt at an apology, Dino. I accept your apology.

I am a JG redhead - as is Julia Gillard - but I am not the former prime minister, much as I admire her.

My sense of humour is intact. No harm done. You guys are a rough lot.

JG: Joanna, not Julia.

Dino not to be confused with would have you know...

Posted April 9, 2014

Thanks Captain,

I will use my shoe from now on.

Halwes ducks in to say...

Posted April 9, 2014

You prick Dino! How dare you criticise Julia? She will go down in history as the best PM this country has ever had.

JG mumbles...

Posted April 9, 2014

You're right, Halwes.

I've always been over sensitive and take life far too seriously for my own good.

Timely advice, kind sir.

Life's too short to hold grudges and/or care too much about what others think and say. I'd love to have been born with a thick skin - or to learn to not give a schmick.

All's good that ends well. I should laugh more. :) ;) :'D oh dear. That's not right. I worry and worry.

hahaha... there. That's a start.

Dino not to be confused with is gonna tell you...

Posted April 9, 2014

I wasn't criticising her.

She be dead if I did.

Dino not to be confused with puts forth...

Posted April 9, 2014

pERSONALLY aBUSIVE?

hOW jb?

lOOK ABOVE.

jULIA IS EATING SHIT AND SAYING IT TATSES NICE.

yEAH i BELIEVE HER.

tHANKFULLY SHE IS EDUMACATED.

i WOULD FOLLOW HER INTO HELL AND THEN PUSH HER IN.

tOO LATE BEEN DONE ALREADY.

Dino not to be confused with reckons...

Posted April 9, 2014

Captain,

Will take out the minions.

2 weeks max.

Watch em run...

Dino not to be confused with has opinions thus...

Posted April 9, 2014

Minions dealt with Captain.

Engaging warp drive.

OMG

Warp Drive.

Where is my walking stick?

Dino not to be confused with mumbles...

Posted April 9, 2014

Labor Party?

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA

Prostitutes known globally.

Wan't the pictures JB?

Dino not to be confused with asserts...

Posted April 9, 2014

Poor JG,

She will summon the 'courage' to 'do the right thing' eventually.

In the mean time I have dysentry and the pigs that used to eat my expulsions are overwhelmed.

Seeking a Labor Leader...

Dino not to be confused with would have you know...

Posted April 9, 2014

Cancelling Kevin Barret Lvl 43 'Shmuck' tomorrow.

Mission Accoplished.

Dino not to be confused with ducks in to say...

Posted April 9, 2014

Shut down the system again I did.

he he he

Dino not to be confused with mutters...

Posted April 9, 2014

Shut down the system again I did.

he he he

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Mayhem's Mum ducks in to say...

Posted April 9, 2014

One is of the opinion that society in general has no standards at all. If it did, Paris Hilton wouldn't be able to demand $250K for showing up at a party and Ronald Reagan wouldn't be paid $350K for giving a fifteen minute speech. Mr Campbell Newman could learn a great deal from our American Brethren and Sistren.

Barnesm would have you know...

Posted April 9, 2014

But to see a debate between Paris Hilton and Ronald Reagan moderated by Sephen Cobert now you are talking.

insomniac would have you know...

Posted April 9, 2014

Even though Ronnie is dead, I think Paris would still have some difficulty

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Respond to 'My new job'

The Premier's pay rise

Posted April 1, 2014 into Blunty by John Birmingham

How do you trouser a seventy grand pay rise? With a big smile if you're Campbell Newman.

At Blunty.

8 Responses to ‘The Premier's pay rise’

Quokka asserts...

Posted April 1, 2014

Heh heh heh.

Nice one JB.

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insomniac reckons...

Posted April 1, 2014

And the monster on the left is ... ?

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MarkatVAVS reckons...

Posted April 1, 2014

Definately a bit more than the 3 percent we had to fight for last year.

(mental image, The Premier and a long walk on a short pier)

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Barnesm asserts...

Posted April 1, 2014

I am sorry but the use of a still from the universally derided 1993 live action Super Mario Bros film invalidates any arguement you make.

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Conspiracy Cat ducks in to say...

Posted April 1, 2014

Don't fret. I hear tell the payrise will be funded with paper bags full of unmarked bills. Some delivered by large and sweaty, leather-clad and tattooed gentlemen on two-wheeled vehicles. Others delivered by large and sweaty, besuited gentlemen awaiting corporate heart attacks. There might have even been enough schmooze money left in those paper bags to fund an extra hospital bed or two, but I think Newman got wind of Naoum's drone idea, and wants a fleet with his own face on the side, to fetch his lunch on the days he shows up at work.

Cynic? Me? What on earth gives you that idea?

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JG would have you know...

Posted April 1, 2014

Spitting image, right down to the beady eyes and piranha teeth.

Newman's job cuts from when he was made Premier to now (and presumably continuing ad nauseum) will fund the hefty pay rises.

Forget about health care, education, child care, the socioeconomically disadvantaged blah de blah. Lining the weekend spending kitty for politicians is Queensland's top priority.

Because Campbell's worth it.

spewfffttt.

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JBtoo mutters...

Posted April 1, 2014

I was hopng this was the April fools' post

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damian would have you know...

Posted April 1, 2014

I'm acting up again, this time for several months. It's busy enough that I maxed out flex within a few days of starting. So I'm now routinely pulling several hours unpaid overtime a week and for some reason this seems perfectly normal. Oh, there's a pay rise to go with that, which I guess works out about enough to cover a few extra cups of coffee a week (much needed) and while I'm not sure exactly how well I like manglement space yet, it seems to like me well enough (if a little over-vigorously at times).

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Arise, Baron Mugabe

Posted March 27, 2014 into Blunty by John Birmingham

Sir Anthony Abbott promised us a Golden Age of Satire, my friends. And he has delivered. Forsoothe he didst provide two blogs for the price of one, and one of them early:

Sir Joh Bjelke-Petersen, the disgraced and deceased premier of Queensland would have heartily, if incoherently endorsed Tony Abbott’s disinterring of the imperial honours system. His corrupt, convicted former police chief ex-Sir Terry Lewis will be giddy with excitement, never having felt quite right about having his first knighthood stripped away with his belt and shoelaces at the prison gates.

Perhaps Sir Terry could arise again. After all, it must be dreadfully embarrassing to be lumped in with the Annulled Honorary Knights Grand Cross of the Order of the Bath Sir Nicolae Ceau?escu, Lord Robert Mugabe and Baron Benito Mussolini

At Blunty.

If you're wondering why I went back for a second bite of this sweet, sweet cherry, it's because Fairfax asked me to. A day early.

3 Responses to ‘Arise, Baron Mugabe’

pi reckons...

Posted March 27, 2014

I think there's only one word that can convey the sentiment that comes bubbling up with all of this... stuff.

derp.

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Dino not to be confused with has opinions thus...

Posted March 27, 2014

c2-. e3

Knight takes Bishop.

You are sooooo busted JB!

http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/laughter-canned-speaker-bronwyn-bishop-rules-new-tactic-of-infectious-laughter-out-of-order-20140327-35jv0.html

'Multi-Universally Warned'

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JG ducks in to say...

Posted March 27, 2014

Mr Abbott's ears are getting bigger, pointier, and pinker over time. I fear he is turning into either Pinnochio inverted or the Easter Bunny. Bummer.

Lady Joanna waves, white lace gloves untainted by rabbit kisses.

Arise, yon dastardly surly JB.

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Respond to 'Arise, Baron Mugabe'

Dropbears and sticky pants, a G20 threat assessment

Posted March 20, 2014 into Blunty by John Birmingham

Minutes of a Double Secret Meeting

Premiers Department.

Re. G20 or Possibly G19 Security Arrangements

Attending: Premier, Police Commissioner, Police Minister

The meeting was called to order by the Premier who wanted to know why the internet was still running around freely in his state given all the threats he’d been getting from the internet.

The Minister assured the Premier that his men assured him they were all over the internet and the Commissioner knew they weren’t lying because every time he looked out his office the others were all gathered around the big computer out there pointing at something on the internet.

At Blunty.

5 Responses to ‘Dropbears and sticky pants, a G20 threat assessment’

Lulu swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 20, 2014

Maybe we could include a warning for Putin that there are Ukrainian dropbears; gay Ukrainian dropbears.

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dweeze would have you know...

Posted March 20, 2014

Whether or not it was intended, you oopsied a few pars from the end. In the current glorious weather, my wethered South American camels dont know whether they are wooly or wearing the wheat bags.

WE, THE pedants ARe worried...

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Quokka is gonna tell you...

Posted March 20, 2014

I can't be arsed logging in to comment - since I know if I do I'll end up with spam, spam and more spam - but I feel duty bound to remind our illustrious guests that when you shave a drop-bear, you get a bogan.

tqft has opinions thus...

Posted March 20, 2014

I got a few good laughs with that a while back (it may have been you I stole it from) - Aussie backpackers are shaven dropbears tattooed with a southern cross and sent overseas until they are civilised.

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JG has opinions thus...

Posted March 21, 2014

You forgot the giant gekkos and the Brisbane River monster that lives under Brisbane's bridges. And the giant squids that creep ashore. You never know what's below that calm, brown river.

By the by, I heard that Brisbane's new underground transit station will be called BAT. I heard it from a distance on the news and thought at first that theQueensland Premier called it the Back Tunnel, which I instantly translated in my mind to be the Back Passage aka the Bum Route. Sad story.

Luckily the BAT Tunnel won't be built before the G20 Summit this year. The delegates would be swallowed whole, never to appear again; eaten by that bad, dark place at the bottom of Brisbane.

JG, still training hard for my first full marathon on the Gold Coast in 2014 (in advance for when public transport becomes too expensive).

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Will you miss us when we're gone?

Posted March 18, 2014 into Blunty by John Birmingham

From Blunty.

Move along, nothing to see here.

Stepping away from the all of the issues captured by a thousand different placards on Saturday and Sunday, the systemic failure to recognise the significance of the story speaks to a deeper fear I have about the news media, which is not that we might die out as Google gorges itself on the last scraps of our advertising based business model… but that it won’t matter.

That you won’t care, and that there will be no reason to care.

Because we failed you, long before we failed to do our jobs. There's a case to be made that new media, in the form of professional blogs and even some of the better amateur sites, have already embarrassed us in a dozen different specialist areas that used to compromise the various desks of the old metro dailies; sport, fashion (the 'ladies pages'), entertainment, science and tech, international politics, maybe even national politics. But the meat and potatoes of local coverage? No, that still belonged to us. Or I thought it did. Increasingly, however, I wonder whether the question, "Will you miss us when we're gone", is one which answers itself.


22 Responses to ‘Will you miss us when we're gone?’

beeso puts forth...

Posted March 18, 2014

Even the ABC, which has always done a pretty good job of "state the facts" bog arse reporting seems to have caught the disease of having to tell a narritive with every story.

I know that Fairfax and the Oz still think they rule our hearts and minds, but i wonder if they dissapeared for a month would anyone really, really care? Other than the people making money producing them?

On the other side of the coin, Nate Silver launched his site today and the opening statement is a shot across the bows of the Jones/Bolt/Ellis methodology. If only, please god, Oz could produce a Grantland or FiveThirtyEight.

Lulu is gonna tell you...

Posted March 18, 2014

I would care (about Fairfax, at least).

insomniac puts forth...

Posted March 18, 2014

Speaking of bog arse reporting on the ABC, on two occasions, once when he died and for his funeral, the jockey, Roy Henry Higgens, who was nicknamed The Professor, had the origins of his nickname described once as "the unlikely nickname of", and again because of "his studious approach to racing", when the real origin is as plain as anything to someone with the remotest interest in film and literature. Are the reporters just dumb or is it related to young people living their lives with their heads shoved up their iPhone's arse at all times?

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beeso would have you know...

Posted March 18, 2014

Really? Fairfax may not have the insidious hand of the sith lord trying to influence Oz politics, bt the quality of their content ranges from Meh on a good day to mind numbingly stupid the rest of the time. Their masthead is a joke.

Lulu has opinions thus...

Posted March 18, 2014

The website and the dead-tree versions can be very different, and the website has an inclination towards clickbait which would shame a downmarket tabloid. It's a matter of resources. Someone has to put money into reporting, coverage etc, and that affects the international arena as well. For example, I don't want to just read opinion pieces on why Russia is being a baddie/goodie in Ukraine. I want reportage on what's happening, context, historical perspective etc. That needs resourcing, whether Fairfax is putting reporters on the ground, or buying articles/material from other news organisations who have reporters there.

Luke Sleeman puts forth...

Posted March 19, 2014

" For example, I don't want to just read opinion pieces on why Russia is being a baddie/goodie in Ukraine. I want reportage on what's happening, context, historical perspective etc."

Owww, you should read the Interpreter, blog of the Lowy institute for international policy

http://www.lowyinterpreter.org/

Lots of good stuff in there!

John Birmingham is gonna tell you...

Posted March 19, 2014

Yeah, I link to them occasionally

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Carmen asserts...

Posted March 18, 2014

Not one bit.

I long ago stopped taking notice of what msm says.

Even ABC is now a total joke in the news and current affairs sort of programes. I no longer bother with them. They have become a mouthpiece for the LIEBERALS. They stymie anyone not sympathetic to them.

Have not bought a newspaper for at least 30 years. Full of rubbish and adds.

Social media and personal observation are my sources now.

Although the net is slow as a wet week most times. Malcolm Turnbull you will stand to be condemned and ridiculed long into the future.

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w from brisbane mumbles...

Posted March 18, 2014

One thing I have noticed is that the MSM is always wrong. I spent decades in the federal public service. Every time I read MSM coverage on the hows and whys of policy and legislation that I knew well, the MSM was wrong. It was a lot wrong.

I would consider myself a bit of a leftie. The main people I would discuss public affairs with would be other lefties. On the policies and policy histories I knew a lot about, I have never come across people more wrong than my fellow lefties. Their cherished and unshakeable convictions about government policy history, successes and failures, what works and doesn't, was mostly absolute rubbish.
I don't doubt the right is much the same.

I have a friend who is very senior in State government. Yep, I can assure you that the common and MSM understandings of what is really going on are dazzling incorrect.

This makes me think that I am probably wildly incorrect about virtually everything too, except a few narrow items that I am only a little incorrect about.

So, I think it is important to remember that, whatever you are reading, it's wrong.

Conspiracy Cat puts forth...

Posted March 18, 2014

And often, deliberately wrong - especially when there is an agenda to push.

Bill would have you know...

Posted March 19, 2014

Sorry about the previous post - I'll try again.

What you describe is the Gell-Mann Amnesia effect: http://pic.twitter.com/BkJNOCoHIJ

John Birmingham has opinions thus...

Posted March 19, 2014

Sorted

w from brisbane reckons...

Posted March 19, 2014

Bill, The Gell-Mann amnesia effect, that's excellent.

Of course, we have relied on the MSM to have the time, skills and professionalism to be less wrong than the ignorant opinionated blowhard sitting next to you on the bus. Which is who you are listening to in 99% of blog/twitter comment. That is probably still the case, though the gap seems to be deliberately narrowing. Still, I don't like to imagine a cultural life without the ABC (particularly Radio National), the BBC and their ilk.

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Therbs mutters...

Posted March 18, 2014

I'd miss Blunty. Maybe a couple of other things but no, I don't miss it. The ABC website is useful for major headlines but most of them you get from a quick look at Twitter.

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Surtac is gonna tell you...

Posted March 18, 2014

No I won't miss the MSM. I already ignore it. We're down to one newspaper here at Chateau Dysfunction, and that one is for the chop when the current sub expires. Also, I don't watch tv and refuse to listen to commercial radio.

I get my news from my twitter feed and my Old Reader blogroll feeds, both of which host a range of of ideological positions so that I'm not just self-reinforcing my own preferences by ignoring other opinions. It's not reducing my overall levels of cynicism though.

Btw, you do realise that 'cynic' is just a shorthand way of saying 'experienced ICT professional' don't you?

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Halwes swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 18, 2014

I read the SMH, Helen Razer's Bad Hostess ( because I like my world view to be challenged ) and CG but these usually reinforce what I already know or believe anyway. This is useful for me in the adverserial society that we now live in. Two party preferred is usually about 50 - 50 so half of us don't agree with what the other half are saying. If either side gives any ground in the argument then two party preferred swings to 51 - 49 and someone loses. As for the ABC ( which I love), they are shit scared of the Libs so they suck up to them big time. They have no reason to be scared of Labor and crucify them at every opportunity.

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Conspiracy Cat mutters...

Posted March 18, 2014

I'd miss MSM. How would we know what to be outraged about at the water cooler otherwise?

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Stephen mutters...

Posted March 18, 2014

Putting on my grumpy old man hat - "and the spelling and grammar were better in my day as well".

"compromise the various desks" - lovely freudian slip there :)

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S.M. Stirling puts forth...

Posted March 19, 2014

Generally speaking, elections in a democracy indicate the balance of opinions in the population quite closely.

This is often hard to admit, because most people hang out with those who agree with them and hence tend to overestimate their numbers. The Internet has exaggerated this tendency, but it's always been there.

There's an old joke here in the US about a lady from the Upper West Side in New York who exclaimed that she couldn't believe Reagan got elected honestly -- nobody -she- knew had voted for him.

Getting out in the street with some friends and waving signs doesn't increase your numbers or significance either; it just sooths instinctual needs for Mass Tribal Dancing.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 19, 2014

I understand and accept the view that much of the political process boils down to an expression of the instinctive need for mass tribal dancing. I just wish the accompanying music was better.

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Blarkon puts forth...

Posted March 19, 2014

When we stopped paying for professional journalists, we stopped getting professional journalism.

Lulu ducks in to say...

Posted March 19, 2014

True, that.

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Respond to 'Will you miss us when we're gone?'

Your last beer on earth

Posted March 13, 2014 into Blunty by John Birmingham

41 Responses to ‘Your last beer on earth’

pi would have you know...

Posted March 13, 2014

Gotta be said... I do love a Grolsch

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan puts forth...

Posted March 13, 2014

It isn't so bad with a squeeze of fresh lime.

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DNABeast is gonna tell you...

Posted March 13, 2014

I have a medical reaction to XXXX Gold. Like my body is rejecting it.

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Murphy mutters...

Posted March 13, 2014

Bulleitt 10 year Bourbon.

If you are going to check out, go uptown for it.

Respects,

Murph

On the Outer Marches

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insomniac mumbles...

Posted March 13, 2014

I recently bought a bottle of wine up in the Hunter after going to see Bruce, called Vin de Vie by Audrey Wilkinson. It's delicious but the name brings up a Catch-22 situation.

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Rhino mumbles...

Posted March 13, 2014

Bombay Sapphire martini. Dry. Twist.

damian swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 13, 2014

I say Mr Rhino I find your argument persuasive and would like to subscribe to your pamphlet.

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JBtoo puts forth...

Posted March 13, 2014

Something Belgian - maybe a Hoegarden in summer, a Duvel in winter.

Last beer on Mars could be a different matter entirely.

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w from brisbane puts forth...

Posted March 13, 2014

XXXX Gold is for people who really like beer. People for whom 12 stubbies a day is really just a starting point. Cost and survivability become very important. In this situation, XXXX Gold is an excellent drop.

For people who don't really like beer, that is people who might just have a few beers a few times a week, then you can have your Ye Olde Belgian Atomic Wedgie Ale. It doesn't really matter what you drink.

Rob puts forth...

Posted March 14, 2014

I always associate certain drinks with good times , so everytime I drink a xxxx I think of going to a nice cheap aussie pub on the gold coast and buying a nice meal and drinking xxxx in the heat with my kids. So when I'm back in Tas in the thick of winter and the food is expensive and the people are mean. XXXX is for me.

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Mayhem's Mum would have you know...

Posted March 13, 2014

One is fond of a shandy now and again. My Lord and Master Greybeard (Keeper of the torch, Tamer of Rats, Grand High Priest of Fine Beverages) thoughtfully leaves me the occasional six pack of XXXX Gold in his wheelie bin whenever his worshippers bring it to his home as a tribute.

It is not so common an occurence of late. One has difficulty extricating oneself from the cardboard tea chest one currently calls home to examine the wheelie bin contents. My Lord and Master is not only discerning with beverages, he also purchases only the best quality packing tape.

Darth Greybeard mutters...

Posted March 14, 2014

Fear not my grey and grisly guest, soon you'll be unpacked into a new and commodious dungeon in beautiful suburban Ringworm. To celebrate we'll give you the edible beeswax candles and a six-pack of VB. Won't that be nice? Mayhem sent you a cake but all the grass died within a 2m radius of the box and the postie is still in the ICU so we gave it to the local Kindy instead.

w from brisbane swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 14, 2014

How apposite. The home of the Pride of Ringwood. The famous (infamous) hops that give Australian beer their taste. Used it just about all our quaffing beers, except XXXX. XXXX preferring Golden Cluster hops.

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Bangar is gonna tell you...

Posted March 13, 2014

Last beer would have to be a Cooper's of the Vintage variety.

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dweeze would have you know...

Posted March 13, 2014

Seeing as how the slitheries are only out in summer, mine would be a lightly chilled Duvel or maybe a long neck of Weihanstephaner Hefeweissbier. Failing that, one of my local mates (Strathbogie Brewing) has started producing a rather quaffable wheat beer.

If I somehow got bit in winter, the finest last drop would have to be long neck of La Maudite - I've not drunk better.

You know, all this talk of snakeypoos will proably bring one in to my face today. Ony 14 sightings near the house this summer and it has been some weeks since I heard the hiss.

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Brother PorkChop ducks in to say...

Posted March 13, 2014

Beery Stuff - Kilkenny

Wine - 04 Picardy Pinot

Spirit - Angostura 1824 Rum

or an icy Loch Castle licor manzana verde

or Agavero El Original Licor de Tequila

or preferably one of each please, just before I go.

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Barnesm would have you know...

Posted March 13, 2014

Daryl would say peach schnapps should neither be your first or your last alcoholic drink.

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Jerie swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 13, 2014

Just a plain, simple Heineken...

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w from brisbane reckons...

Posted March 13, 2014

Two people I know had last beer incidences.
One of my mates, in hospital dying of emphysema. A very entertaining man and an inveterate barfly. He was brought in to hospital and was on his last few days. Another friend was visiting him and it became obvious that Graham didn't realise that he was soon to die. My friend went out to the nurse's station and asked what is going on, Graham doesn't realise he's not coming out of here alive. A nurse said, Right!, went to Graham and laid out the reality very bluntly.
Graham said, "Well. I guess I had better have a beer then." I think my friend got him a VB. Graham had lived in Queensland for 35 years but always considered himself a Victorian. He died within the week.

Another bloke, my father-in-law, was dying of Leukemia. He expressed a wish to his wife that he wanted a beer and he thought he wanted a stout. Neither he and his wife were big beer drinkers but his wife came to me for assistance. I bought them a tallie of Guinness. His wife and he shared the Guinness by his bed. She said it was great. He was dead within 3 days.

In both cases, I don't think it was the beer that killed them.

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damian mutters...

Posted March 13, 2014

Testing... grrr... spit

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damian has opinions thus...

Posted March 13, 2014

What I had tried to say, which wasn't nohting, I wouldn't try to post nothing, was that I would like to refer to this without comment. Not that I can't comment about it, but if I did it wouldn't make it any better.

NBlob has opinions thus...

Posted March 14, 2014

Testify Comrade D

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sibeen reckons...

Posted March 13, 2014

Let's face facts, If you're about to fly off the perch in the next 30 minutes or so then the best beer is the bloody nearest. Now, saying that, i wouldn't have a xxxx in my fridge for love or money, so I'd be reaching for what is guaranteed to be in there, a lovely Abbotsford Invalid Stout.

Of course my wine fridge is also next to the beer fridge, and at the bottom of that I have a few bottles of Wild Duck Creek '96 Duck Muck. Just the thing when you know you've only got 30 minutes or so to go.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mutters...

Posted March 14, 2014

"Let's face facts, If you're about to fly off the perch in the next 30 minutes or so then the best beer is the bloody nearest."

Cannot, cannot, cannot argue with that.

Bangar reckons...

Posted March 15, 2014

So what you're saying is keep good beer on hand at all times!

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Babes mutters...

Posted March 14, 2014

I'd go with La Chouffe, I think.

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Trashman reckons...

Posted March 14, 2014

For those of us who don't drink and live in Gods Own Country (Scotland, if you had to ask!) - a cold Irn Bru right out of the fridge.

w from brisbane asserts...

Posted March 14, 2014

Dear Trashman

Can you describe the flavour of Irn-Blu?

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mutters...

Posted March 14, 2014

Reminiscent of oat cakes, with haggis notes and a black fruit finish.

w from brisbane asserts...

Posted March 14, 2014

Someone said it tastes like sweet jam, with some seaweed.

Lulu has opinions thus...

Posted March 14, 2014

Deep-fried Mars Bar, with a salt-and-vinegar crisps finish.

NBlob puts forth...

Posted March 14, 2014

With due respect to one of the greatest nations of engineers & thinkers, Irn Bru tastes like arse. Clyde-side navvies arse.

And while I'm at it Chips (hot deep-fried potato to avoid the crips / chips argument) should not be cooked in bulk & sit in a warmer for an hour. Chips should make noise when you eat them. A fair fraction should shatter when you bite down. These saggy, flacid, pasty abominations, as I was served in Edinborough, Must Stop.

Trashman mutters...

Posted March 16, 2014

Philistines, the lot of you!

Chips that shatter are overdone by definition. They should also be covered in salt and chip chop sauce. (Brown sauce diluted with vinegar). If you're feeling sophisticated, covered in grated cheese as well. That's got to cover most of the food groups surely?

Irn Bru is hard to describe - sweet but has a bite in the aftertaste. I've heard it described as tasting like bubble gum but I don't agree. Best cold out the fridge. According to a recent interview even Scarlett Johansson likes it!

It outsells Coca Cola in Scotland and, I believe, Russia, strangely enough. It goes well with vodka (called a Girder), which might explain that.

Also, it's the only hangover cure I've heard of!

All in all (as you may have heard) we like to eat healthily in Scotland...

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Brother PorkChop mutters...

Posted March 14, 2014

Or creaming soda.... but sweeter.

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Rob would have you know...

Posted March 14, 2014

I would have to go a xxxx or a VB. I was introduced to Aussie beers when living in New Zealand by an Aussie TV producer. I think it was the only reason he made commercials was for the slab of beer at 4 pm. Anywho moved to Australia and I just kinda stuck with those. So yeah I would ask for a VB over a boutique beer or one with a nice packet.

My name is Rob and I like Aussie mass produced beer.

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Darth Greybeard would have you know...

Posted March 14, 2014

I'd probably go for a Beamish Stout which, along with Murphy's, I prefer to Guinness. That's if it had to be a beer. Otherwise any good single malt would be the thing. There are so many and I love them polyamorously.

Also, on the only occasions I've been bitten by a venomous snake I was at work and there was NO BEER. After the bandaging I had to make do with a coffee and a panadol. Made up for it when I got home though.

sibeen would have you know...

Posted March 14, 2014

BEAMISH...OMG.

I tried one down in the south of Ireland one time. Thought I must, as I was in the country and all that. Once finished the barman looked at me and enquired whether I'd like another.

"Not in this lifetime" was my snooty reply. Gad, it was ghastly.

A murphy's on the other hand - that's mothers milk.

NBlob would have you know...

Posted March 15, 2014

Strong mental image of a viper hacking-up hair ball style, "I'll never get that taste out of my mouth."

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Bangar reckons...

Posted March 14, 2014

Have you tried Sheaf Stout?

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Anthony reckons...

Posted March 14, 2014

I'd have one of the last half-dozen Nogne o 100% Peated I have in my fridge. Especially if I don't have time for a whisky as well. It has the taste of Ardberg whisky and one is usually enough. It's a rather interesting norwegian beer at 8%. And what other beer has "Almost Undrinkable" stamped across the label,

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damian reckons...

Posted March 15, 2014

On relfection I think if you can only have one, you still want some fortification for the journey ahead, which means I'm going for Carlsberg Elephant or Weihenstephaner Vitus, though Beamish or Kilkenny by pint sounds reasonable as well (and the bonus of being a decent meal).

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