Cheeseburger Gothic

Did I mention we're referencing the classics this week?

Posted January 16, 2014 into Blunty by John Birmingham

Remember the Cane Toad episode of Blunty?

This one is better.

14 Responses to ‘Did I mention we're referencing the classics this week?’

Rob asserts...

Posted January 16, 2014

That brings back memories of living in Brisbane. The morning noise of crows and parrots. Those crazy looking Ibis poking through your lawn. My cat rounding up cane toads and circling them until they were either petrified in fear or bored senseless by the OCD feline.

Drving home in the rain and feeling the pop of exploding toads and looking in the rear view and seeing toads akimbo.

I miss Brisbane sometimes.

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Anthony mumbles...

Posted January 16, 2014

Growing up in Brisbane and not being from a golfing family we'd use cricket stumps as spears.

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Blarkon ducks in to say...

Posted January 16, 2014

I found the JasJam in the shed the other day. If you'd left yours in the BBQ, the cane toad would have said "fuck this, I'm off to another house".

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Halwes asserts...

Posted January 16, 2014

My first bad experience with cane toads was in Cairns in 1977. I was fangin a 500 single motorbike up towards the lower end of Barron River, the road was damp but not raining and I had run a few toads over. I didn't put two and two together that all that toad juice may make the tyres a bit slippery. I came around a bend at speed and there was a cane train line across the bend which I crossed with a good left lean on the bike. As soon as I hit the train rails the bike slid to the other side of the road and I only just managed to stay on the bitumen. It all happened very quickly but if there had been an oncoming car it would have been curtains. When we got to Barron River caravan park and had medicated ourselves I checked the bike and the tyres were still very slippery with blood and toad juice. Needless to say that, from that day on, I have hit every train line line crossing with the bike at exactly 90 degrees and I never ran over another toad.

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Therbs swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 16, 2014

*click*

PETA Mcderp to Blunty. Last call for PETA McDerp.

*click*

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Barnesm swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 16, 2014

"Remember the Cane Toad episode of Blunty"....

no not really

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Naut swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 16, 2014

A distant QLD relative (probably by marriage) once told me a story of toad revenge.

He caught one, placed it on the driveway and doused it with petrol, then ignited it with a match. The toad promptly hopped into the bushes alongside the driveway setting them alight, which eventually resulted in the garage burning down.

Queenslander: 1

Toad: 45,000

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Bangar has opinions thus...

Posted January 16, 2014

Hi there Naut check you're twitter account OK.

Naut ducks in to say...

Posted January 17, 2014

Is it still spamming?

I have changed the password 3 times.

Bangar swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 17, 2014

Just fired off another one I'm afraid.

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Dino not to be confused with is gonna tell you...

Posted January 16, 2014

Thanks JB,

I hope the SMH publish my comment.

Otherwise I am gonna come here and 'make a mess'.

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Rhino mumbles...

Posted January 17, 2014

Wow ... that was, along with the comments, chock full o' aussie goodness.

Whatsa' Jasjam?

With the apparent overabundance of fecund toads running the streets there I fear that you will misread the signs of the immenent apocolypse.

Aussie 1, "I reckon 'at (garble garble garble) cane toads (garble garble) apoxalips, mate."

Aussie 2, "Oi, (garble garble) nah, just cane toads, oi. Get me cricket swabnargle, oi."

Satan, "2 more for the slow cooker, oi."

(Everyone knows that Satan is from Oz).

Therbs mumbles...

Posted January 17, 2014

That's right Rhino, he is. Saw him at the cricket the other night. He didn't get his round of beers in and stuck a knife in a kid's beach ball. A right cockhead.

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Brother PorkChop asserts...

Posted January 22, 2014

Ah yes, a misspent youth in Rockvegas with cane toads galore. Used them all - golf clubs, cricket bats and hockey sticks. Shot them out of cannons, blew them off the SMR range with an SLR, set them on fire in front of oncoming traffic and tied nuts to their legs and hurled them up onto people we didn't like hot tin roofs. Those were the days....

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When you absolutely, positively have to file Blunty

Posted January 14, 2014 into Blunty by John Birmingham

... but you're on book deadline. You reach for the classics.

13 Responses to ‘When you absolutely, positively have to file Blunty’

damian swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 14, 2014

Awesome.

I'm moderately suprised at the small turnout from Derpy McDerp-Derp (I suppose most of them only bother to look if Piers or Bolty are involved these days), and impressed with the number of folks taking those few to task. Good show.

It's a bit frustrating that we achieved a substantial working consensus among folks who would have any idea what they are talking about on this issue maybe 20 years ago yet require the USA to supply up with traction. There really is just one single coherent way forward on ethical, harm-minimisation, economic, environmental, social-justice and "not funding stupidly huge and reality-distorting police surveillance and enforcement regimes for no good reason" grounds. If one needed no other reason to loathe the Howard government, one of its first acts, the pre-emptive nixing of the ACT heroin trial (which would almost certainly have saved lives) is sufficient.

I suppose if this was going anywhere, it was something like: "Drugs don't kill people. Tories kill people". But even I would admit it's seems like a bit of a stretch, catchy as it might be...

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Barnesm puts forth...

Posted January 14, 2014

""not funding stupidly huge and reality-distorting police surveillance and enforcement regimes for no good reason" after all we now have the 'war on terror' to provide that excuse now.

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Halwes reckons...

Posted January 14, 2014

About 30 years ago I was at a Labor Party function and Tom Uren, he must have been 70 then and he's still going strong, was in attendance. I was bitching about having to live behind barbed wire and deadlocks to stop getting ripped off by junkies and Tom put the argument, very well indeed, for decriminalisation of all drugs and a heroin maintenance scheme. I said" Fuck that. Why should I pay for their dope as well as my own?" but the answer was that the arse would fall out of the black market and there would be less recruitment to the hard core drugs that make people want to bash grandmothers for money. It was a pretty pissy night, god, can old Tom drink, but I filed the info away and started to see the wisdom in it over time. The only problem I've ever had with pot is cops. Big nasty ones that think that they have a god given right to bash you for smoking a scoob. And I got bashed a couple of times real good. This in turn made me distrust all cops, never in a million years help them with their enquiries and become really good at breaking the law. It's funny. Once you break one the rest come easy.

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Brian ducks in to say...

Posted January 14, 2014

I've really liked the idea of legalizing dope when the seriously spunky leader of the NSW Young Libs put it forward on the Drum. They were talking about raising 5 billion in revenue from the idea.

So friends . . .if you want to seriously piss off a conservative, always make that fact known . . .and actively support the Young Libs. Stand back and watch their heads implode.

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Murphy has opinions thus...

Posted January 14, 2014

Not a consumer myself nor ever likely to be (not judging those who are so please don't judge me) but I lament the fact that in the Bumfuckistan State of Missouri (pronounced misery) we are definitely not a part of the twenty states engaging in later day validation of the Jeffersonian principle of nullification.

Too bad. Maybe with the tax money they could hire another janitor to help scrape the boogers off the bathroom walls where I teach at.

Respects,

Murph

On the Outer Marches

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Anthony would have you know...

Posted January 14, 2014

Queensland alrady has enough legalised dope(s) - it's called the State Government.

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ShaneAlpha ducks in to say...

Posted January 14, 2014

Too bad a decision like that would take courage. That's not something I have any hope of finding in Queenslands current parliment. Unless it's hiding right at the bottom of the giant twisty coil of stupid; small, alone, hugging itself and weeping.

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Dino not to be confused with would have you know...

Posted January 14, 2014

Will they make it illegal to grow Dope like Tobacco?(Or Alcohol for that matter)

IP Law and Nylon. Doesn't the powerful Military/Industrial Complex own the Meeja now?

Any way I am for industrial/ environmental use of Cannibas.

You wanna get stoned that's up to you

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Dino not to be confused with mumbles...

Posted January 14, 2014

Will they make it illegal to grow Dope like Tobacco?(Or Alcohol for that matter)

IP Law and Nylon. Doesn't the powerful Military/Industrial Complex own the Meeja now?

Any way I am for industrial/ environmental use of Cannibas.

You wanna get stoned that's up to you

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JBtoo mutters...

Posted January 14, 2014

Never hurts to return to the classics; nicely done sir.
It's very hot here - please send snow.

pitpat mutters...

Posted January 14, 2014

Will bag some up today. Not sure it will survive customs though. Good stuff , white fluffy and apparently still legal in France.

insomniac is gonna tell you...

Posted January 14, 2014

I have some ice if that's your thing

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AKM. puts forth...

Posted January 16, 2014

Pot? Legalize it. But first.....Gov needs to work out a safe level of what you can have in your system when operating machinery or driving a car. Educate folks what that level is, and how long it takes to leave the system when you overindulge.

Seen more than a few stoned folks put cars into trees down my neck of the woods. Straight decrim of weed will kill a fair few folks on our roads if we don't.

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I could a buy new MacBook Pro for this!

Posted December 19, 2013 into Blunty by John Birmingham

Honest to fucking god. Four grand a year on store bought coffees? I'm fucked.

At Blunty.

12 Responses to ‘I could a buy new MacBook Pro for this!’

Blarkon is gonna tell you...

Posted December 19, 2013

I was thinking of your habbit in terms of product at the Apple store. I think if you switch to instant at home now, you're entitled to get the new dustbin Mac when it becomes available.

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Therbs puts forth...

Posted December 19, 2013

Notice the Treeman has resurfaced. "Bongingham". 'nuff said.

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Miss Maudy mumbles...

Posted December 19, 2013

You make me feel SO. MUCH. BETTER. I am a mere $1,000 a year coffee wastrel, not including the little something somethings to go along with a stray grand of coffee, or the breakfast coffee constructed carefully at home each day. Oops.

PS. Every single one is in fact a latte. Skinny. No sugar.

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Rob has opinions thus...

Posted December 19, 2013

Yeah... thats me too. total waste of money. I don't even like it that much. I just drink coffee to get out my box. Dammit I'm just going back to beer and vodka. I may be more interesting that way.

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Stuart mumbles...

Posted December 19, 2013

From 2-3 cups a day I gave up weekday coffees earlier this year. This was after reading an article explaining the biologicial mechanisim of caffine. I was surprise to learn that it only takes 7-10 days for your brain to lose it's caffine habituation, so I thought I'd give it a try. I was exceedingly grumpy for the first 4 days but susequent to that I found I didn't feel particularly different to how I was when drinking coffee, so I've stayed off it. I still have the occasional weekend cup.

Mind you I am a complete coffee philistine, take it with sugar and milk. I always regard the GF's disgusted assertion that 'they burnt the grounds' with bemusement as I can't taste the difference.

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan ducks in to say...

Posted December 19, 2013

It is a legitimate use of disposable income. Good coffee is worth the price demanded. If we could make it as good at home we would.

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Murphy is gonna tell you...

Posted December 19, 2013

As I tweeted on twit-tah, you could cut your coffee consumption like a boss by dilutting it with 50% bourbon, perhaps Bulleit though I suppose if you are desperate to save money you could have some swill imported from Weston, Missouri where McCormick's has been at it since before the Late Unpleasantness Between the States.

Respects,

Murph

On the Outer Marches

Bangar is gonna tell you...

Posted December 19, 2013

Murph I know a cheaper source ;)

Dino not to be confused with ducks in to say...

Posted December 19, 2013

Fuck yeah,

Drink it Black like a Nonna with a little Rakija(Grappa you Philistines).

Save the Cows at the same time.

I think pulling nipples for a drink is wrong.

Even if it's a fkn Cow!

Dino not to be confused with is gonna tell you...

Posted December 19, 2013

Oh and what Havock said about long life milk is true!

Best shit I'va EVA had.

Murphy is gonna tell you...

Posted December 25, 2013

Bangar, that is cheating if you make your own.

Fine drop, I might add.

Respects,

Murph

On the Outer Marches

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pedrogb is gonna tell you...

Posted December 19, 2013

Meh! $4k....So what, Coffee is important! If you can't make it yourself........

As a wise man once said "who are you to deny yourself"

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Chinese Moonshot

Posted December 17, 2013 into Blunty by John Birmingham

Glass of water for Mr Havock!

Because China going to the moon is one of the best things happening on this cockamamie planet right now.

At Blunty.

27 Responses to ‘Chinese Moonshot’

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w from brisbane ducks in to say...

Posted December 17, 2013

The Chinese Govt is very active everywhere.
At the end of the most sketchy path in every remote place you will some Chinese people doing stuff.
I was only watching a surf travel clip the other week. A foolhardy surfer dude filming himself, on a surf hunt, broken down in his 4 wheel drive, in the Angolan desert.
"I think I am in trouble" he said, "I have been here for hours and the car won't start. The only people who have driven past are Chinese and they don't seem to stop."

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Lobes asserts...

Posted December 17, 2013

Kind of on topic this report by citibank predicting a decline in chinese demand for coal.

"The limit to coal use appears to be how much pollution the Chinese population is willing to tolerate"

http://www.resilience.org/stories/2013-09-12/peak-coal-in-china#

pitpat ducks in to say...

Posted December 17, 2013

Maybe, although putting scrubbers on the stacks might also be an idea. I think -although probably wrong- that it wasn't until the US introduced the clean air act that visual polltuion was significantly reduced. Arguably emmision controls on vehicles, smelters and heavy manufacturing might also improve the situation. The obituary for King coal has been written before but he still rules the grid.

Lobes reckons...

Posted December 17, 2013

King Coal doesnt have the political power in China that he does in Australia and elsewhere. I have no doubt it will continue to play a major part in the Chinese economy but if competitors like gas and renewables really take off the Chinese will have no problems at all just walking away from massive coal projects. Thats not going to happen in Australia the billionaires would never allow it.

Theres a bit of a trend developing here though. If the Chinese can even semi-successfully transfer to a low-carbon economy it gives them massive, massive soft power. They currently lead in space exploration, have made big leaps in environmentalism and have a 30 year record of improving human rights. Maybe in eons to come they will talk of how the Chinese saved the global climate and the SInoPax that followed.

John Birmingham puts forth...

Posted December 17, 2013

I almost wrote about this today. The was an HIGH-larious peice on site yesterday about the those dastardly Chinese not buying and burning enough of our coal anymore. Green pinko bastards.

pitpat ducks in to say...

Posted December 17, 2013

Yep Lobes, the energy mix is changing and hopefully for the better. In Chinas case it will probably be led by nuclear -initially conventional then probably Thorium. As far as I can tell apart from Hydro the rest of the renewables are window dressing

The other big change that I see is from the US with development/exploitation of their natural gas resources which in all likelyhood they will be exporting to China (once they feel comfortable enough) and putting a big question mark over the economic viabiltiy of coal seam extraction in Eastern Aus.

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pitpat asserts...

Posted December 17, 2013

Good show chaps, nothing like a space race to pick up the spirits. Yep and I agree the sooner we are off this rock the safer we will be- species wise- individually we are all dead from the day we are born.

JG asserts...

Posted December 17, 2013

I reckon people will be living on other planets in 200 to 300 years times, pitpat.

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Brother PorkChop mumbles...

Posted December 17, 2013

I remember way back when it was proposed that Straya build a shuttle out of a fibro housing commission house powered by 4 purple Valiant Chargers, manfully driven by a quartet of young Italian fellas. Maybe a last huzzah for the Holden factory in 2016 - 4 revved up Commodores?

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JG swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 17, 2013

... only 40 years late to the moon party. And did China plant a few random footprints on the moon? Hmm? Well? I don't think so. Still, all the best to them. I'm sure China and India will soon be world domineering superpowers, if they aren't already, now that the US and Australia (hoho) are free falling.

Mind you, the US is doing well on the space research/exploration front. I liked the US's cool high sky dive this year (or was it last year?). You know... where the astronaut jumped down from space? I think that was the US's gig. Now, it's off to Mars (international project). And, who can forget the Major Tom rendition by that super astronaut. Not into specifics right now: couldn't be arsed Googling the details. The UK's Richard Branson is onto a mega stunt too: planning space tourism, etc.

Carry on, China. May all moon monkeys shine. When it comes to space research and travel, I guess international boundaries sort of blur because it's a hugh undertaking and, really, a global success story, regardless of which nation carries out the work. A huge investment.

P.S. I remember watching the live TV broadcast of mankind's first landing on the moon when I was six. One small step...

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Surtac has opinions thus...

Posted December 17, 2013

Must admit I'm very pleased to see humanity still aiming to get off this fragile rock.

I'm reminded of Jerry Pournelle's observation of some years ago: "I always knew I'd see the first man on the moon in my lifetime, but I never imagined I'd also see the last one."

Maybe he won't be disappointed after all.

Halwes swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 17, 2013

You wont be so happy when they start mining it!

SZF would have you know...

Posted December 18, 2013

Mine the shite out the bastard I say - our 4 billion year wait for revenge on his planet-killer parent Theia starts now!

Or...just get that sweet, sweet He3 for our to-be-built sweet fusion plants.

I'm good with either.

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Lobes puts forth...

Posted December 17, 2013

The Skydive from Space was by an Austrian athlete sponsored by an Austrian soft drink company. Major Tom aka David Bowie is British and the live version from ISS was performed by a Canadian astronaut.

Fascinating how you all think they're from the USA. Its not a stretch to see a potential future where China owns your mind the same way the USA does now.

Murphy mutters...

Posted December 17, 2013

They already do for many Americans.

It is called Wal-Mart.

Respects,

Murph

On the Outer Marches

JG asserts...

Posted December 17, 2013

Excellent, Lobes. Thanks for setting the record straight. :)

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Therbs would have you know...

Posted December 17, 2013

They already own mine. Tsingtao beer. End of.

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camel lot would have you know...

Posted December 17, 2013

Don't know what's better, space commies or space nazis:

http://youtu.be/Py_IndUbcxc

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Brother PorkChop would have you know...

Posted December 17, 2013

Not sure how to get from Chinese folk on the moon to this but what the hell...

http://www.gizmodo.com.au/2013/12/pouring-hot-aluminum-into-an-ant-hill-reveals-its-secret-hidden-beauty/

Dick swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 18, 2013

Don't care how you got there, maybe mining? But what a great use for all my empty beer cans!

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ShaneAlpha swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 17, 2013

What's better then Communism you ask?

SPACE COMMUNISM!

Because, like, space.

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Dino not to be confused with ducks in to say...

Posted December 17, 2013

w,

I'll buy it if I get the chickybabe doing interpretive dancing (in an American accent).

I have a weakness for 'art'.

w from brisbane swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 17, 2013

Dino.
You hear the inherent call to seek, push, improve and transcend. You, like mankind, are aspirational. You look to the road untravelled. Like Acura, you are guided by the necessities of the human spirit on its great journey. To strive, to seek, to find and not to yield. You are an inspiration to the whole planet as we spin through this infinite universe.
But, as regards your request. No.

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libber8 reckons...

Posted December 18, 2013

Someone should tell the Chinese about this

http://www.haynes.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?catalogId=10001&storeId=10001&productId=58053&langId=-1

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A second Blunty just for Murph

Posted December 12, 2013 into Blunty by John Birmingham

16 Responses to ‘A second Blunty just for Murph’

she_jedi mumbles...

Posted December 12, 2013

Two Bluntys in one day! It's almost as if Christmas was around the corner

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zeniph ducks in to say...

Posted December 12, 2013

I like your leadin line on The Age homepage:

"Coalition approaches governing with the witless hysteria of amateur night in a bordello."

didnt seem to make the cut at SMH. Assume its a JB line and not a sub getting into the JB groove?

quality article

John Birmingham mutters...

Posted December 12, 2013

Thx Zeniph. The subs on site make those choices.

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w from brisbane has opinions thus...

Posted December 12, 2013

JB, that was very well put.
The Alan Moir cartoon with it is similarly spot on. The drawing of Abbott in the second panel is particularly droll.

Pity the poor workers. Plenty of the workers affected will have worked for decades for Holden and related companies and now find themseleves unemployed with useless skills.

Hopefully, the Abbott Govt will improve with age. Most new governments seem to be hapless early. Some go on to be quite good.

It's a problem with the increasingly polarised, adversarial and rancorous political debate. Tit for tat, insult and counter insult. It becomes like a bad marriage. Sense goes out the window as everything becomes a battlezone.

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Chaz reckons...

Posted December 12, 2013

"amateur night in a chechen bordello"- yep those were good times.....

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Matthew asserts...

Posted December 12, 2013

I'm not so sure about the mining industry subsidies dwarfing that of the car industry.

http://www.theguardian.com/business/grogonomics/2013/dec/12/holdens-fate-draws-attention-to-government-assistance

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Brian swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 12, 2013

Oh, John . . .this has stirred up more angst than the ABC column.

Well, worse comes to worst . . .we get to blame Murph. (always a good move, I've found)

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pitpat is gonna tell you...

Posted December 12, 2013

In my small pond of the mining indusrty we are currently going through our third extinction level event in the last 20 odd years 'Ive been in it. I empathise with the workers, it sucks to see options dwindle to washing dishes three nights a week on a good week.

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Dino not to be confused with swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 12, 2013

Nice JB,

I left a beer inspired comment at the SMH.

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damian mumbles...

Posted December 12, 2013

I think part of it is the Tories just aren't that into manufacturing in general and Holden in particular. It's part of the narrative about how unfair it is we celebrate "Labor" successes like Holden, and less so conservative successes, like... um... Merino sheep. We celebrate the Hawke-Keating reforms, but don't seem to care that Costello managed not to cause a recession (in the middle of the biggest boom in our history). We celebrate Curtin for (traitorously) pulling our troops back from the Middle East and not Menzies for refusing to stop iron exports to Japan. This is all because History departments, like the ABC, are chockers with lefty scumbags who failed to obtain a real job, in mining or the financial sector.

The tories really are not that into being Australian. They see Australianess in general as an embarrassment and while the number

damian puts forth...

Posted December 12, 2013

(gah, silly trackpad...)
...while those who think we should just be British are now outnumbered by those who think we should just be American, I'm not sure where I was going with that and apologies for the double post (please delete as applicable).

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damian puts forth...

Posted December 12, 2013

I think part of it is the Tories just aren't that into manufacturing in general and Holden in particular. It's part of the narrative about how unfair it is we celebrate "Labor" successes like Holden, and less so conservative successes, like... um... Merino sheep. We celebrate the Hawke-Keating reforms, but don't seem to care that Costello managed not to cause a recession (in the middle of the biggest boom in our history). We celebrate Curtin for (traitorously) pulling our troops back from the Middle East and not Menzies for refusing to stop iron exports to Japan. This is all because History departments, like the ABC, are chockers with lefty scumbags who failed to obtain a real job, in mining or the financial sector.

The tories really are not that into being Australian. They see Australianess in general as an embarrassment and while the number

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BigWillieStyle mutters...

Posted December 13, 2013

Way off topic. I think it's a real bummer that Richie Benaud won't be making his comeback in Perth today. Mitchell Johnson has 222 Test wickets, so this Test will be Richie's last chance to say, "Mitchell Johnson has choo hundred and chwenty choo Test wickets. That's choo choo choo."

Shame.

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Murphy ducks in to say...

Posted December 13, 2013

Any chance a niche manufacturer will step into the gap?

I suppose KC is lucky that we still have two auto plants in operation, the third being shuddered long time ago. Then again, you have to promise your first three children to the Devil and give up your liver in order to get a job there.

Respects,

Murph

On the Outer Marches

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Andrew Elder puts forth...

Posted December 13, 2013

You were going so well until that third-last paragraph. It is not "becoming apparent". It was ever so.

Imagine a big dog chasing a small car with nervous drivers. The drivers even swapped over, and swapped back, they were that rattled. That's what politics was like before the last election.

Now, the dog has turfed the drivers and has taken over the wheel and the pedals, while the previous drivers have fled. The dog, we were assured, would magically become less doggy because the driver's seat confers some sort of magic upon all who place their bottoms there. That's what politics is like now.

It's obvious that those who were talking up the dog as a superior driver to those prior were hopin' and wishin' rather than engaging in well-considered analysis. The press gallery weren't paying attention. They were wrong en masse, and they remain so.

The idea that they were all taken by surprise is, to be fair, bullshit. Nobody who was paying attention should be surprised at this mob, setting the bar low and then doing the limbo under it. Make no excuses for such bums, Birmingham. They - you - shoulda warned us.

Jayanthi's Atomic Cat mumbles...

Posted January 9, 2014

If you trawl back through the Burger (and Blunty), Andrew, I think you'll find there was plenty of warning and plenty of pre-election outcome angst about.

As with Holden's...it's been coming for years and years and years (speaking as an Adelaidian). Big impacts here not just on those directly employed by Holden's, but also supporting/affiliated businesses.

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Attack of the NeoFascist Buttmonkeys

Posted December 12, 2013 into Blunty by John Birmingham

Gangfucking the ABC.

At Blunty.

47 Responses to ‘Attack of the NeoFascist Buttmonkeys’

Anthony ducks in to say...

Posted December 12, 2013

I once sat opposite Cory Bernardi at a dinner (not politically related) where he was speaking. He started out seeming articulate and with a modicum of charm. Half an hour in it was apparent to all and sundry that he was a total nutjob. What was interesting was that the guy who invited him (a serious right winger himself) felt the need to apologise afterwards because he didn't know what a total loser he'd invited.

He's certainly got it in for the ABC and is Murdoch's number one fanboi. He spent time telling people how the only decent newspapers in the country were the News Limited ones because the dreadful lefties of Fairfax and the ABC refused to give a voice to the better journalists in the country - specifically Piers Ackerman and Andrew Bolt!

The only politician I've dealt with who is worse is the current Queensland Police Minister - who is a simpering idiot completely under the thumb of his department. I've dealt wth a lot of pollies over the years from both sides and, whether you agree with their views or not, they all possess a modicum of intelligence. But these two... Mind you I've not yet met your Attorney general, Vlad the conveyencer - those that have all tell me that he makes Bernardi seem like Nelson Mandela and JFK rolled into one.

John Birmingham swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 12, 2013

Ha. Vlad the Conveyencer. So stealing that.

Monster Yuppy is gonna tell you...

Posted December 12, 2013

"Vlad the Conveyencer".

Also stealing it.

damian swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 12, 2013

That is definitly stealable!

Respond to this thread

NBlob asserts...

Posted December 12, 2013

Anyone seen H since o

Holden announced its strategic counter-advance?

I fear he may be in Victorian era Mourning. Switching from white flannel to black bombazine & crepe as & when.

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Murphy mumbles...

Posted December 12, 2013

Nothing about the demsie of Holden in Australia?

Hmm.

Respects,

Murph

On the Outer Marches

John Birmingham would have you know...

Posted December 12, 2013

I've got one written for Tuesday, but it might go up at the SMH today

Bunyip reckons...

Posted December 12, 2013

Holden's demise is akin to hearing that Uncle Fred has passed away; sort of expected.

Wanting to destroy the ABC is more like advocating for child marriage laws, on the grounds of increasing the birth rate and productivity.

JG mumbles...

Posted December 12, 2013

It's a real tragedy about Holden. It's part of Australian culture, a national icon, as is the ABC. All the best television is on ABC and SBS.

Sheesh. What is happening to Australia? I hope we have a few Australian companies and institutions left in ten years time.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan would have you know...

Posted December 12, 2013

Look to America for the answer to your question, Joanna.

Andrew mutters...

Posted December 13, 2013

What happen. We let the lefties take power for 6 years. Same as the lefties have taken power in the rest of the world, how is that working out?

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insomniac has opinions thus...

Posted December 12, 2013

the rage the coalition experienced over gonski will be nothing compared to the potential rage over touching the abc

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Shifty Tourist mutters...

Posted December 12, 2013

This whole ABC is biased thing really ticks me off. I tend to think that its because most of the d-bags trashing the ABC are perched malevonently on the very tip of the right-wing, so in order to find the middle they have to look a long way in a lefterly direction.

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spoke noise is gonna tell you...

Posted December 12, 2013

Also Toned Abs wants the ABC gone as they actually ask questions and do journalism. Can't be doing that...

Guru Bob would have you know...

Posted December 15, 2013

Bah humbug. I used to want to throw bricks at the television every time Leigh Sales interviewed anyone from either side back in the Gillard days, she gave the Tories so many free passes and just trotted out their slogans word for word whenever she interviewed anyone from the ALP, I was sure she was aiming for a gig in a Ministerial office in the Abbott government. Then when they leaked ABC salary info it was clear even Abbott couldn't afford her services...

how can these tools claim that the ABC is biased when they have so obviously benefitted from their coverage?

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Brian has opinions thus...

Posted December 12, 2013

The Holden thing will be a goody. I did think the announcement would be tied to the the new CEO. Interesting that few linked the closure of a European GM plant due in 2016 as well. I twigged Holden was gone days ago on that announcement.

The Holden CEO Aust was interwiewd on ABC Melbourne this morning . . .bluntly, the high Aussie dollar due to the mining boom is the direct cause of the death of manufacturing in Australia. He also thinks we haven't seen the worst of it yet.

In context. The US has about the same number of car factories as in 1950, it's just that half of the these factories are foreign owned using half the workers the old ones did.

As to the ABC . . . .thats a trip wire for me. For those interested look at the articles on the website and the respondents . . . .pretty lively stuff, all in all. Even informative.

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Blake puts forth...

Posted December 12, 2013

The problem with the rightys claiming 'its all so biased...my tax dollars shouldn't pay for this bias waaa waaaa waaaa' is that we get tied up defending the lack of bias and miss the real issue. Its a stupid arguement, jb touched on it it in the article...there will always be the perception of bias from anyone who doesn't like the content.

News stories on boat people and immigrants that don't sensationalise the issue are inherently left leaning we'll never avoid that perception.

But thats not the issue - there's hundreds of hours of childrens programming and drama that will never have bias but thats not it either.

The issue is that in a country which sways barely more than 20% each way, we are entitled to provide services to the 30-70% left leaners.

The right can keep their top tier tax breaks, their free markets, they can even sell the odd asset if they write good service contracts for the new owner.

The rest of us need a tv service that doesn't pummel my 19month old with ads for the latest collectable toy game system, that asks the hard questions without worrying if that will offend the advertisers, that is immune to market bullying and buyouts.

If the right want to winge, theres plently of Jerry Springer on murdochs foxtel to yell at - just block the abc and be happy that there is just another lefty service you can't use like all those pesky disabled payouts, child care subsidiesand public shool funding... Wait I think toned abs is working on 'equality' in that sector too

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FormerlyKnownAsSimon puts forth...

Posted December 12, 2013

Just a simple note to say - that was a good one today. Thanks for writing it.

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HAVOCK21 ducks in to say...

Posted December 12, 2013

UM does anybody really CARE about the ABC...or for that fkn matter..actualy fkn watch it??????

Brother PorkChop puts forth...

Posted December 12, 2013

Yes, they show Dr Who. And on ABC 2 and 3, lots of kids programming just to keep the little one occupied when not drawing on everything.

John Birmingham mumbles...

Posted December 12, 2013

Across the course of a week it's watched, listened to or accessed online by more than 90% of the population. Indivdiual shows might not rate as highly as The Bachelor, but the requirement that the ABC serve everyone means they end up serving... well... everyone.

Brian would have you know...

Posted December 12, 2013

Well . . .dont you watch it to see JB on the Bookclub?

Or for new cupcake recipes? The doings of the CWA on Landline?

damian has opinions thus...

Posted December 12, 2013

The ABC is something that grown ups watch (and listen to or read) Havsy. It's okay if you don't understand, you don't have to.

Darth Greybeard mutters...

Posted December 14, 2013

When I watch live TV it's 80% ABC, 20% SBS or, you know, some kind of made up statistic roughly like that. On the rare occasions someone must watch commercial TV either the ads drive me out or the crappy standards of the "serious" shows. It's not perfect but it's a hell of a lot better than anything else we have.

Guru Bob swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 15, 2013

Also my other pet bugbear is that ABC regional radio is the lifeblood, backbone and brain matter of all those towns and cities outside the Sydney, Melbourne, Canberra triangle... That never seems to click with the mouth breathing critics!

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Moi from NQ swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 12, 2013

Murdoch is a fool. Shareholders need to punish this man, but cannot because News Corp doesnt appear to be a normal public company. Name any other company that supports the CEO when he destroys the brand value?

JB as you know printed media is dead, journalism is dead. All we have left is news reporting and the most cost effective and reliable media for the punters for that is the internet.

So we are left with Murdoch who thinks people will pay for his "news", and the ABC who offers it for free. We know who will win that battle. Personally I use reddit for my news these days over the ABC, as the "crowd" approach highlights anything contentious and all the "press release" crap is so downvoted it doesnt appear on my feed. Its like having monkeys trawling through the media weeding out the news stories that might be of interest. The ABC being impartial; doesn't highlight that the latest government statement is meaningless drivel as effectively as reddit, they instead publish it without interference.

Now if Murdoch stopped publishing absoulte crap as news, he might have stood a chance against the ABC. If there was journalism in that feed we may have paid. The old fool doesn't understand the market.

The shrinking market that will remain ("the intellectuals") have a few choices left. We can pay for News ltd

I basically don't watch TV anymore. But when I do, I always check to see ABC comedy as they have produced gold over a long period of time.

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Surtac would have you know...

Posted December 12, 2013

Good column today John. Fully agree about the perception of bias.

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Quokka is gonna tell you...

Posted December 12, 2013

I am one of these old fuddy duddies that listens to the ABC radio during the day. In the house, in the car, and via podcast. I also watch ABC TV & any station on TV that is not the ABC is required to be on mute, or on inaudible volume in some other room than that which I am in. Otherwise I shriek and threaten violence.

I have spent a lot of time at the horsepiddle in the last 6 months visiting a friend & every time I'm in there I'm tempted to take a bushmaster to the widescreen TV.

Today when I was waiting for my friend to arrive back in the ward from a speech herapy session, I was subjected to 20 minutes of pole dancing on Ellen.

If we had a gubbermint with ethical standards and some sort of brain, they'd allow us Aunty Fans to tar and feather the mainstream media like we've always wanted to and count on it, cops & robbers melodrama and that shit in summer bay would be the first to be dipped in bitumen & rolled in goose feathers & then hunted out of town.

NBlob would have you know...

Posted December 12, 2013

+1

@ a minimum 4 hrs/ day ABC radio (90% RN, thurs AM Dr Karl on JJJ, spots of ABC Local when RN is doing Lamo poetry)

Plus many many hours of podcasty goodness. Main reason I'm so behind it Soartacast is that I still have hundreds of Convesations with R. Fidler to get through.

ABC TV most nights for an hour or more.

Ash swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 13, 2013

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I too pretty much only watch or listen to the ABC. Occasional Sky News channel as well. I'm an LNP voter currently, I did though vote for Hawke and Keating. I read The Oz, SMH and numerous other blogs of both sides. It's punishing at times listening to the ABC bias, given they ostensibly should be non-partisan. The opinionated love ins that pass as guest debates/discussions are monoculture stuff. All agreeing with each other about a pet ABC progressive topic or the latest issue, why bother? It is very hard not to come to the conclusion that the ABC has a leftist culture and bias. Having programs like Insiders, Q&A consistently with a majority of left leaning guests coupled with leftist presemters is a giveaway. The ironically named one hour a week RN program Counterpoint has the only conservative host I can find within the ABC. Amanda Vanstone could hardly be thought of as being ready for a 2GB gig, so just perhaps the ABC could seek out a few other centre right presenters if they are at all serious about addressing things.........just a thought.

I fear because the bias has become so blatant in recent years, whereby criticism of the ALP comes only from a further left (read Green) perspective, that the LNP party room will become so strident that the funding cuts will be dramatic. The ABC won't make cuts to cheap to produce shows like current affairs TV and Radio shows, it'll come out of drama.

The Spiegelman announcement of a BBC journo audit of "perceived" bias sounds dubious. She's been at the ABC a year already and presumably has attempted to implement some action on the subject. Spiegelman also revealed that in June the board sent out a reminder of sort to staff about bias. All I can say is I haven't notice any change. The obvious easiest starting point would have been to mix up the weighting of guests obvious political leanings. But no the ABC producers are so hell bent on driving home the progressive message, conservative bashing and ridicule, they can't bring themselves to suffer more conservatives. The dynamics of the shows is just how they like it.

The latest spying publication and showing of the Brisbane home of Newman's highly respected ex military officer, appointed to implement bikie control, have been monumental examples of leftist bias and a case of shooting themselves in the foot. In their predictable desire to swing hands with the leftist Guardian newspaper and partake in some West bashing, the ABC has given the hater's within the coalition huge ammunition. Turnbull has been forced to face the bias reality and concede the bias needs addressing. Otherwise he'll be defending when the ABC budget is savagely axed. Unfortunately it's obvious the knee jerk response of announcing the BBC journo bias audit will only be a white washing sham, it will without doubt say nothing much is wrong. Just a modicum of balance is all that is required. The ABC cannot even bring itself to employ one centre right presenter of any east coast mainstrean TV or radio program. Really it is a sick joke and if the Bernadi's in the LNP force the budget axe to fall heavily the ABC staff, board and supporters like Mr Birmingham will only have themselves to blame.

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Chaz has opinions thus...

Posted December 12, 2013

What i love is the rabid right saying 'ABC is full of commies" & Diedre and Dave Spart saying "why is OUR ABC allowing Tories on 'insiders' or 'Q&A'?"

the ABC like Aunty is one of the most neutral media outlets in the world, and one of the best. And I'd like to keep it that way.

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damian mumbles...

Posted December 12, 2013

The perception of bias in relatively neutral media is itself a kind of cognitive bias. There's even a name for it... Hostile Media effect.

Basically the correct editorial policy is "offend everyone". And that policy will look like it is biased against your own pettifogging views in direct proportion to their extreme ness. Because truth IS biased against extremes in either direction.

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tqft swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 12, 2013

I wonder if Murdoch has realised who his most formidable enemy will be if they try and sell off the ABC. Tone perhaps knows, but Rupe doesn't really care about him except as means nto an end.

Go on Tone make it an election issue I dare you. I would only need one thing from the ABC to win. Big Ted. Vote for me or Big Ted gets sold to the highest bidder. I think I could stand against Tone is his own electorate and win if I had Big Ted to carry around.

Also my point at Blunty - who would buy the ABC? Think Bezos would like to add a multimedia & news stable to his empire? Not sure he votes or would be amenable to the LNP (he might be). Because if we exclude foreigners from bidding it comes down to very few people/companies who would have the cash to buy it. Essentially a gift.

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Robert mutters...

Posted December 13, 2013

neo-fascist buttmonkeys?

It is very balatant that the ABC, like Fairfax and yourself, are pushing to make the Coalition appear unelectable. You don't percieve it as bias because you agree with it.

A fascist is someone who believes in a totalitarian government, like socialism, with enequality accepted as natural where socialism insists on equality.

Now the ABC gives its 'stars' four to five times the pay of the average Australian because of their market value, but they are not payed by advertising revenue. There is no need to do it. It is very unnecessary inequality. It is fascist.

John Birmingham mutters...

Posted December 13, 2013

Hahahahaha. So many haha.

Brian puts forth...

Posted December 14, 2013

Wish someone would spill Bolts salary details . . . Oh wait . . .that might involve really expensive court cases. . . .and being sued, and questions in Parliament and false pious outrage.

Dear me . . .the Emperor has no clothes.

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NBlob would have you know...

Posted December 13, 2013

Buttmonkeys on the starboard quarter.

300 meters. Closing.

Standby for close quarters engagement. Specialist Nix & team to your stations.

Unsafe claymores

Hold till you see the speckle-flecks, & darting eyes.

hold

hold

damian puts forth...

Posted December 13, 2013

Ayep, days shoe rizz.

What do buttmonkeys eat? We could give them treats and train them to do acrobatics and stuff...

Dino not to be confused with asserts...

Posted December 13, 2013

Give them a 10 o'clock slot on channel 10 Sundays?

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Carmen Lawrence asserts...

Posted December 14, 2013

You are apiece of shit please go live in Cuba.

Brian reckons...

Posted December 14, 2013

China . . .thats the place to live. Surrounded by real old fashioned conservatives. You know . . .the place where all our cars will be made. Where our two speed economy comes from. The place that seems to be mostly missing from MSM. The place that buttfucked Rupert those many years ago.

Really . . .if its one thing I can't stand and that's faux conservatives.

And yes . . .I have and will be visiting again.

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Reticle ducks in to say...

Posted December 14, 2013

There is no need for the ABC anymore.

Before commecial media had achieved widespread societal and market penetration there was a need. That need no longer exists. Nothing the ABC and SBS produces is not available through other means.

Sell them - save over a $1 Billion a year in expenditure and unlock the asset value.

Just as with the Climate Commission - if people value it then they will pay for it.

Brian reckons...

Posted December 14, 2013

Ohhhh, please.

This is my conservative agenda. Scrap paid maternity leave . . .good for business. If you don't like that, then put in a means test. I think the well off won't feel the pain . . .theyre supposedly grown ups.

Follow the young Libs in NSW who want to legalize and tax soft drugs. Worth billions they say, we can then downsize our prisons, and repurpose our police forces to go after the really bad shit. Marijuana has only been illegal for 50 years or so . . . We can then have a shot at getting our budget in shape.

Grattan institute recommendations. A well respected right wing think tank. Raise the retirement age. Tax the family home . . . .now that's what a REAL conservative government would do.

Private schools . . .cut the funding. If people value it, they will pay for it.

( walks away . . Mumbling. .'fkn pretend conservatives give me the shits. . . .no ticker, no plan, can't make the hard decisions')

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PeterF57 mutters...

Posted December 14, 2013

You're an unmitigated pig and a fucking coward Birmingham. And your little bumbuddies who actually believe this shit you write are fucking retarded.

You liken conservatives to gang rapists, and your little conga line (I'll thank another retarded animal and fuckstick extraordinaire, Latham, for this comment) of suckholes just parrot your shit.

Unbefuckinglievable!!!! Grow the fuck up, please. Learn to admit you are wrong, and not just have that part deleted, either on your say so, which I doubt, more likely Fairfax actually realised that what you spewed forth was not just wrong, it was vile. Kudos to them at least, but their retraction in deleting the gang rapists bit was just self preservation.

Again, you are a fucking pig and a fucking coward.

Dino not to be confused with puts forth...

Posted December 14, 2013

Captain I am detecting a weak signal from the F57 Quadrant.

The Computer says it is hostile but of an underdeveloped syntax and chance of Advanced Intelligence is less than 65%.

Brian would have you know...

Posted December 14, 2013

Dino, I reluctantly have to agree with your assessment. I really tried to find some merit in this gentlemans post, even going sofar as to parse it grammatically. I think this is what the Right Honorable Tony Abbott, meant when he said 'a government of adults', and this gentleman demonstrates what he was measuring himself against.

It has given me pause to reflect on party advisors of either ilk, and their monumental stuff ups and idiotic tweets. Julia's advisor. Tony's advisor stupidly tweeting thoughtless comparisons between porn stars and foreign ministers, Julia's advisor tweeting an indigenous rally where to find Mr Abbott one day. Hmm . . .there does seem to be some commonality in language and inanity between those tweets and this post.

Either that, or his mum didn't give enough hugs when he was little.

John Birmingham puts forth...

Posted December 14, 2013

Fairfax asked me to take it down. I did. But only to keep them happy. I'll happily stand by it as an appropriate metaphor.

On the subject of cowardice, I don't suppose we'll be getting your real name any time soon, will we, tough guy?

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