Cheeseburger Gothic

Damn you, Ruddbot. Damn you all to hell

Posted November 14, 2013 into Blunty by John Birmingham

It was a slow news day, yesterday. Emphasis on the word 'day'. I did something I rarely do and emailed my editor at Brisbane Times to query a few topics for today's blog. And I did something I often do, throwing the question out to Twitter. A surprising number of people there wanted me to write about cheese. Not sure what's up with that.

In the end I went with a topic I've had on the back burner for a couple of weeks, people's reluctance to part with even a couple of dollars for a decent app. I was inspired by the surprising (or perhaps that should be unsurprising) level of whingeing I saw on Twitter when Fantastical and Tweetbot relaunched their apps for iOS 7. Complete redesigns, beautifully done. And all of these nuff nuffs squealing like stuck pigs at the terrible terrible price of it all.

Two or three bucks as I recall. I bought both of them.

Anyway, there's really not that much to say on the topic, which meant that the language I used became a lot more florid and violent. Sometimes when you got almost nothing to say, it inspires you to say is in the most colorful fashion possible.

I reread the piece before filing and was reasonably happy with it.

Next thing I know, just before heading off to bed (without my iPad) I saw that Rudd had resigned, or retired or whatever they call it when you leave your seat in Parliament a week after you got there. The thought immediately struck me that that's what I should have blogged about, but screw him. I'd already filed.

Anyway, long story short, they backed the truck load of money up to my front door this morning and so there will be another Blunty today which I will link to a bit later when it comes through subbing. I hope they sub bit. I had to smash that thing out and about twenty-five minutes.

10 Responses to ‘Damn you, Ruddbot. Damn you all to hell’

Matthew mumbles...

Posted November 14, 2013

25 minutes? How long can it take to write 500 words of HA HA HA HA HA?

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DNABeast mumbles...

Posted November 14, 2013

I upgraded to Tweetbot 3 but I still don't use it. 3.1 fixed most of my problems with it but I still can't tweet from a list and that's something that I do all the damn time.

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Rob ducks in to say...

Posted November 14, 2013

thank fuck Rudd went. Prime example of everything wrong with the public service and vanity politics. I'm sure he will be ok what with being able to spend his wifes money on butlers and so forth. You have probably written enough about ole' ruddy , he doesn't need anymore of your time.

paying for apps? well I finally paid for a star wars angry burds game. I thought it would get rid of the advertising. It didn't. Just slightly less of them. I would have paid for viber but its free. I did find an album I haven't been able to get, on google music and it was cheaper than Itunes. So that was a good find.

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Quokka has opinions thus...

Posted November 14, 2013

Dang. I just lost a bet with Morgana, I thought for sure (she's got Clive) she'd beat me to a bi-election.

We're in Griffith & I was quite convinced KRudd had burrowed in like a tick & would not pull out till the beast was dead and done.

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Blarkon has opinions thus...

Posted November 14, 2013

Truckload of cash? A new retina iPad mini won't even cost you a Barina glovebox.

Anthony ducks in to say...

Posted November 14, 2013

JB's actually paid in one cent coins - and the truck is a very small one...

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Therbs would have you know...

Posted November 14, 2013

Oh geez, there's gonna be the Ruddites v The Gillardistas again. Its like the Rocky series without the entertainment.

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JBtoo ducks in to say...

Posted November 14, 2013

I love cheese

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AllyOops puts forth...

Posted November 15, 2013

Your ruddbot piece is on smh mobile home page so I didn't even need the link up loaded.

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Len mumbles...

Posted November 15, 2013

I feel sorry for you - 'It was a slow news day, yesterday'. My, my, every day, there is an overflowing fountain of juicy subjects that flows from that city next to the lake, Toronto. We now call it the 'Ford Follies', and they have repeat performances several times a day.

Why, just today, Ford turned to reporters and snarled that a city councillor who accused him of wanting to eat her, er, um, private parts was lying and that he gets enough to eat at home, thank you very much! And then he turned away and left the building. And returned in the afternoon to apologize to Torontonians (with his wife at his side) about his vulgarity.

I think you need to move to Canada for a while. You'd have a ball, methinks.

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Respond to 'Damn you, Ruddbot. Damn you all to hell'

That hardly took any time at all

Posted November 12, 2013 into Blunty by John Birmingham

S'funny. I was driving Anna into school this morning, talking with her about writing. Specifically about writing opinion columns. She said her homeroom teacher had enjoyed the bit about the spy 'scandal' I did in the Herald on the weekend. I said he would probably enjoy today's Blunty about Scott Morrison then.

This led on to a discussion about satire and the unavoidable consequence of writing it – that you will be fundamentally misunderstood. I told her that it was a laydown certainty I'd get a comment at some point today complaining about the horrible bigotry of this column. It wouldn't matter that 99% of people reading it got the joke, that it was skewering, not promoting stupidity and racism. It wouldn't matter that 99% of Indonesians reading it in their second or third language would get the joke, having no trouble at all with the concept of ironic distance.

Inevitably, some well-intentioned nuff nuff would take offense. It happened so much quicker than I had imagined.

It took only seven comments.

It's no wonder the Indonesians aren't cooperating with us! After reading this venomous rubbish, the author belongs to the percentage of racists in Australia giving us a bad reputation. This article is full of stupid cricketing references and unnecessary racism, observe:

"full to pussy’s bow with little brown people."

Yes I 'get' the whole comic personality aspect, but geez, wheres the moderation?!

Commenter
for_shamed
Location
brisbane
Date and time
November 12, 2013, 8:09AM

Well played, nuff nuff. Well played.

21 Responses to ‘That hardly took any time at all’

Lulu swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted November 12, 2013

I had to google the 'pussy's bow' reference. Apparently UrbanDictionary isn't the best definition to use.

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Dave W reckons...

Posted November 12, 2013

I can't understand that somebody stumbled across the blog, had never heard of you, didn't read any other cooments, didn't check the back-catalogue and felt that it was okay to write that comment.

People never cease to amaze me.

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damian is gonna tell you...

Posted November 12, 2013

Stupid cricketing references and unnecessary racism... two well respected tautologies with their own deep history of rich interplay. Bravo.

By way of follow up to Greybeard, I see some fine delegates to Warsaw doing the job we ought to be doing.

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Murphy is gonna tell you...

Posted November 12, 2013

Stateside you'd be lucky if half the population got it once you explained the basics of local politics to them. Once you did explain it, fairly well half of the Americans reading it for the first time would be outraged.

Same folks who exist in Fail Fandom in American Science Fiction. They are an exasperating, exhausting lot.

Respects,

Murph

On the Outer Marches

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan ducks in to say...

Posted November 12, 2013

"....satire and the unavoidable consequence of writing it – that you will be fundamentally misunderstood."

Happens all of the time. The ones who don't get the joke don't matter. It is the ones that end up agreeing with my indefensible comic positions that creep me out.

Therbs mutters...

Posted November 12, 2013

You are sooo right Paul. Couldn't agree more.

Brother PorkChop ducks in to say...

Posted November 12, 2013

What?? You mean you were joking?

Surely not about Sex Slaves of the Congo? I was sooooo looking forward to getting into it.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted November 12, 2013

My buring desire to publish Sex Slaves of the Congo is the only thing I am serious about.

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Quokka mutters...

Posted November 12, 2013

When I heard that Scott wasn't taking calls from the media I assumed he'd read your column, decided he couldn't put it any clear than that, and had headed off to play golf and have a few glasses of porter.

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Therbs mutters...

Posted November 12, 2013

Gettin' some people who are right scared of brown and yellow people over there JB. Brings out the jackbooters every time.

insomniac would have you know...

Posted November 12, 2013

“Ay, ay, ay! No es bueno!”

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she_jedi ducks in to say...

Posted November 12, 2013

What cracks me up is that the nuff nuffs always make a point of stating how they "get" that it's satire, but still take offence at it anyway. You just can't win JB.

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Therbs mumbles...

Posted November 12, 2013

I like the guy talking about the aids we give to 'Indon'. I shouldn't respond, but did. Managed to put in a shout out to Japanese whalers as well. Yep, a bit of a lull at work.

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Dino not to be confused with puts forth...

Posted November 12, 2013

Yeah but JB what if it was a comment from an Indonesian?

Didja think about that!

Anthony mumbles...

Posted November 12, 2013

Not literate enough for that...

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NBlob is gonna tell you...

Posted November 13, 2013

There is a little garden spot near my house where several of the local dads gather on a Friday night after putting their kids to bed for a beer, chat & the occasional jazz cigarette. Like a free range BYO beer garden. A nice little community thing I liked, for a while. The more mono-browed & IQ challenged started taking over, but that's ok, agreeing with me is not mandatory. It started losing its appeal when the mouthbreathers started expounding on the views they'd picked up from Messers Laws & Jones that morning. (Paul, like Limbough, but less classy.)

One evening I had a gut full and started doing the extreme line, just to point out how ridiculous they were. This may or may not have been a consequence of a sh!tty day at work and a drink or two to many, but that is not important right now.

One halfwit said "reffo boats would stop if we sank a couple, what do we have a navy for?" I countered that we should "rape their children & force their women into slavery first." He thought while I was a bit OTT, the idea had merit.

I haven't been back.

damian swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted November 13, 2013

Yeah this. I think it's why I end up doing less of the sort of community building stuff I keep banging on about being important.

On a related subject, should I invite the methheads in numbers 7, 21 and 33 to the community meeting about the neighbourhood watch group we're starting because of them? It seems unsettlingly like the correct answer is yes, but I think I don't have to invite them to join the steering committee.

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AllyOops mumbles...

Posted November 13, 2013

Reminds me of the time at a lunch when I responded to the deterrent argument with a suggestion that if people were really serious about deterring the boats they'd shoot a few...

I still think half the table missed my point

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan ducks in to say...

Posted November 13, 2013

Yes, but it was an excellent point. It would have horrified you, however, if anyone agreed.

As I mentioned above, that has happened to me. For example, in the 1980's I proposed that, as a the solution to the US illegal immigration problem from Mexico, the US should allow the Boarder Patrol to shoot at will, but to make sure that all boarder guards were severely myopic. I argued that, although the odds of them hitting anyone were extremely low, the fact that live ammunition was being fired would deter illegal immigration.

It was a satirical joke poking fun at extreme solutions being proposed. But not a very clear joke. Many of those around me agreed that it was a great idea.

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BigWillieStyle would have you know...

Posted November 13, 2013

Satire, eh? I like satire. My favourite recent example is the Australian electorate - most of them awake and in control of their faculties - voting in Tony Abbott as Prime Minister! Gold! Ever since Sept 7, I've been waiting for the Chaser to emerge from behind a bush laughing and slapping each other on the back for a gag well executed.

Waiting, I tell you. Any day now......

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Naut reckons...

Posted November 13, 2013

If it doesn't start "knock, knock" how is anyone supposed to know you were being funny and clever?

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When you can't decide which bog to write

Posted November 7, 2013 into Blunty by John Birmingham

You write both, and let the internet decide.

At Blunty.

6 Responses to ‘When you can't decide which bog to write’

Quokka swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted November 7, 2013

Either there is an 'L' missing in 'bog' or you forgot to add 'in' at the end of that sentence.

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John Birmingham asserts...

Posted November 7, 2013

Meh, It's a feature not a fault.

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w from brisbane ducks in to say...

Posted November 7, 2013

I was having a beer in the street bar underneath the Central Railway Station in the Brisbane CBD. It is on Ann Street, probably the street that carries the most traffic thru the city. It gets a bit gridlocked at 5pm in the afternoon.

The door opens on one of the traffic becalmed cars. The business suited dad quietly exits his vehicle and gets his 3 year old daughter from the children's car seat in the back seat. He takes off her undies and helps her to part her legs in the standing position and the little darling has an obviously much needed wee wee in the middle in the street. He calmly puts the child back into her car seat and returns to the driver's position to await traffic movement.

Great moment in parenthood. Respect!

Dino not to be confused with has opinions thus...

Posted November 7, 2013
  • Bangkok eat your heart out

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Conspiracy Cat reckons...

Posted November 7, 2013

Huh. I wanted to share an anecdote about one of the Boss's more memorable* outdoor urination adventures, but he threatened to cut off my blogging fingers. Piker.

(*I say 'memorable', but only to witnesses. On the night in question, he himself had consumed far too much alcomohol to even remember pants.)

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mumbles...

Posted November 8, 2013

Please share anyway, and just don't tell him.

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Respond to 'When you can't decide which bog to write'

Wait. What? You mean strange men on the internet make threats?

Posted November 5, 2013 into Blunty by John Birmingham

No way!

At Blunty.

15 Responses to ‘Wait. What? You mean strange men on the internet make threats?’

Quokka is gonna tell you...

Posted November 5, 2013

Waiting for the delicious moment when the Feds report 'Sir, we found female DNA on the threat' and they all shit themselves wondering whose aggrieved lady friend is about to get a lucrative movie deal with A Current Affair.

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Two Glass Taste ducks in to say...

Posted November 5, 2013

My question is to you JB,

What were you doing in those exhalted halls of power?

You say you were there to "take notes", but I put it to you that you are the power behind the throne and are cynically manipulating this so called government to provide satire fodder for you and others of your journalistic ilk.

What say you Machiavelli ?

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Anthony ducks in to say...

Posted November 5, 2013

~~Pure gold JB - were you a fly on the wall in the meeting with "legitimate motorcycle groups" last week? Although I'm told the biscuits were locked away before they arrived.


After all, too much sugar would have made those Vietnam Vets MC members and the geriatric Ulyssians too agressive and they'd have needed a SWAT team to handle them. Mind you, with the BMW club members there the biscuits would have gone quickly since the (unofficial) motto of the BMW motorcycle club here in Victoria is "we ride to eat".

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insomniac reckons...

Posted November 5, 2013

and just what is the biscuit of choice so that we too can dream the dream of becoming the Premier (Fuckwit) of Queensland?

Quokka would have you know...

Posted November 5, 2013

I think there's an entire topic thread that could be devoted to that thought, alone.

w from brisbane ducks in to say...

Posted November 5, 2013

The choice of biscuit depends on the circumstances.
For example, the idea that Queensland needs more casinos occurred to the Premier while he was munching on a packet of Monte Carlos.
But, when in a situation of high danger, like yesterday and that chilling internet something, the Premier always reaches for the calming reassurance of a nice box of Tiny Teddys.

damian mutters...

Posted November 5, 2013

I think it is called the Rammed Enema

Anthony mumbles...

Posted November 6, 2013

Given Newman's military background I would expect there'd be very soggy Sao biscuits in the cabinet room...

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pitpat mumbles...

Posted November 5, 2013

Tim Tam for mine. Brown, elongate and floats initially making it hard to flush once finshed sucking on it. Also difficult to polish.

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Brother PorkChop reckons...

Posted November 5, 2013

I am thinking Milk Arrowroot with a flunky under instruction to decorate and sprinkle with 100s and 1000s made into $ signs.

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Quokka reckons...

Posted November 5, 2013

I would think they'd need a few crates of digestives to soak up the champers after whatever they charged the public for their Melbourne Cup Luncheon & to help clear the shit off their liver after the Anonymous protests in the parklands today.

Later they'll need wagon wheels to hitch their ponies to for the Tar & Feathering of all those people in scary opera masks that need to be run out of town so Sheriff Canned Ooh can sleep easy tonight.

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ShaneAlpha mumbles...

Posted November 5, 2013

I'm puzzled as to why everyone is against these laws.

When I become Dict.. I mean Premier, I assure you that these laws will only be applied to viscious gangs of criminals with a long history of evading justice.

The first two groups added to the list will be

The Liberal National Party

The Australian Labour Party

Locked up at my pleasure for a bout of "re-education."

Premier Newman, I salute you sir!

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Lulu mutters...

Posted November 6, 2013

I thought Clive ate all the biscuits?

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Quokka mutters...

Posted November 6, 2013

He ate all the furniture. Its just as well KRudd wasn't there or he'd have eaten through the floor.

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Respond to 'Wait. What? You mean strange men on the internet make threats?'

Hard rubbish pick up day

Posted October 29, 2013 into Blunty by John Birmingham

My idea of Christmas.

At Blunty.

25 Responses to ‘Hard rubbish pick up day’

JBtoo swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 29, 2013

No hard rubbish collection by our stingy council. Goodies do appear on the nature strip from time to time though. Picked up a Mamasan chair (sans cushion) that is just lovely for reading in the sunshine under the pergola, now it has a new cushion sewn by Mum.

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insomniac would have you know...

Posted October 29, 2013

It's when your stuff turns up at the local 'antique' shop you know hard rubbish has value.

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BigWillieStyle mumbles...

Posted October 29, 2013

Why was Blunty posted so late today?

John Birmingham mutters...

Posted October 30, 2013

All three producers I send copy to were out for various reasons. Very frustrating.

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BigWillieStyle mumbles...

Posted October 30, 2013

Ah. Out scavenging for hard rubbish pickings, yeah?

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AllyOops mutters...

Posted October 30, 2013

I love hard rubbish hunting but there is a special pride near swagger when your offerings are quickly snaffled up. Our chests puffed up when the rusted out BBQ was home in under an hour. Yep took it straight away.

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damian has opinions thus...

Posted October 30, 2013

If all rubbish has some currency (cf Pratchett <i>The Truth</i>), then hard rubbish is hard currency.

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damian swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 30, 2013

BTW (minor thread hijack) people here might be interested in the image of this suit, shown at BoingBoing but I'm sure traceable to sources. Mostly on account of the wrist-mounted device...

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w from brisbane has opinions thus...

Posted October 30, 2013

Yes, 4 categories :-
Hard
Semi-soft
Soft
Runny.

Dave W swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 30, 2013

Sure, but you have to nurse the semi until it becomes either hard or soft rubbish.

BigWillieStyle puts forth...

Posted October 30, 2013

@ PNB

No way. I think you'll find anybody depositing soft rubbish for collection out front of their house will be deported immediately. If it doesn't have the capacity to injure in some way, it ain't ready for Hard Rubbish Day. Couches with deadly, rusted springs ready to pounce at any moment. Whitegoods with corners sharp enough to take an eye out. Cupboards with drawers that come flying out, smack you in the head and render you unconscious.

Lulu mutters...

Posted October 30, 2013

@ PNB & BWS - old mattresses could count as 'soft' rubbish. And they also meet the 'capacity to injure' requirement (springs, infestations etc).

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Anthony has opinions thus...

Posted October 30, 2013

What would a wine box full of Mills & Boon novels count as? Definitely rubbish but what sort - hard, soft or possibly even flaccid? A neighbour of mine once put his wife's collection of M&B out in the hard rubbish. The domestic aftermath could be heard for blocks.

insomniac puts forth...

Posted October 30, 2013

Did it disappear within minutes or did it just sit there, sad and lonely, possibly/probably not even rumaged through?

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan has opinions thus...

Posted October 30, 2013

There are so many things to say about the phrase "flacid rubbish" but I am to much of a a gentleman to go there.

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Brother PorkChop mutters...

Posted October 30, 2013

Flaccid? Dead set flaccid. One of my favourite words, up there with pendulous, moist, dippoldism and clithridiate.

w from brisbane has opinions thus...

Posted October 30, 2013

Scurryfunge is another fine word.

Darth Greybeard is gonna tell you...

Posted October 30, 2013

Feculant, fetid, glabrous, scrofulous - so many beautiful words.

NBlob mumbles...

Posted October 31, 2013

I nominate defenestration, both as a beautiful word and a solution to our current Greybeard infestation.

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Brother PorkChop ducks in to say...

Posted October 31, 2013

Ah yes, fetid, so apt for the definition.

Scurryfunge, ye olde English word used by ye olde obsessive complusives.

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan asserts...

Posted October 31, 2013

"Defunct" is the best word in the English language. It invites creativity:

"Yeah, I am defunct presently. But not long ago I was totally funct, and I expect to be refunct very soon, God willing."

damian has opinions thus...

Posted October 31, 2013

I've always likes "render", because it has so many possible meanings. And when used with a direct object, but a possibly accidentally ommitted indirect object or adverb, it just sounds menacing as hell.

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damian reckons...

Posted October 31, 2013

Gah - "liked".

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w from brisbane mutters...

Posted October 31, 2013

I like saying 'beer can'.
Because it sounds just like a Jamaican saying 'bacon'.

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Respond to 'Hard rubbish pick up day'

Newman's punt

Posted October 15, 2013 into Blunty by John Birmingham

The whole War on Bikies thing is starting to shit me. I suspect there's a lot of theatre of the absurd going on here. Especially when considered in the context of what the Qld government is doing with casino licenses.

Hence, Blunty.

44 Responses to ‘Newman's punt’

Squig Jones would have you know...

Posted October 15, 2013

Dear “Baby Joh”

Yes you can drag us, all of us in QLD back in time to the eighties but eventually the 21st century will come knocking on your door. Please by all means follow the instructions of your dark lord and master and destroy the social fabric in another three communities. I have worked in a casino as an electrician and I have watched the destruction occur. Every two weeks the old age pensioners would flood in and “hit the pokies”. That *cough BULLSHIT! Entertainment precinct or whatever weasel word name you want to use was finally making enough money to pay my wages. Through the transparent ceiling of the gaming floor I watched the wait staff walking around with trays of free nibblies and big jugs of free iced cordial. The staff behind the food counter were secretly instructed to not charge anything for the cheapest items available. Everything possible was done to keep them at the machines. OK fair enough that's just business, But then while watching from above feeling exactly like a vulture I saw a pattern. Every so often the machine attendants would have difficulty removing someone from in front of a machine and they would call security and a completely broken person, head down, shoulders slumped, probably crying would be helped out of the gaming floor through a side door so that they never went passed the front desk. Security would put them in a completely free taxi and send them home. It was the only job in the whole hotel that every single security guard hated doing. Once I realised that the wages that I was having a lot of fun spending on anything else except gambling was almost 100 percent gained by being a parasite on society I had to leave that evil place. I wasn't a machine attendant or a manager I didnt even work on the gaming floor. All I did was keep the lights on and the air condition on. I made a contribution though and once I realised that 99 percent of my wages was misery money I had to leave. No choice.

John Birmingham has opinions thus...

Posted October 15, 2013

Thanks for this comment. It was sobering.

Squig Jones has opinions thus...

Posted October 15, 2013

The funniest part of all is that OMCG's would have been a total wet dream for security because most were exmilitary and when it is a case of honest clean battle where the enemy identifies himself by wearing a uniform weeeelllllll who knows what might happen. Jeeeeeezzzzzzz the poor buggers in Afghanistan don't get that privilage. I tell ya John its a sad state of affairs when fighting guys on bikes at home is a cleaner fight than going to war for freedom is. No fucking fun in the army anymore.

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Halwes puts forth...

Posted October 15, 2013

Gees John Can you please ensure your home security and life insurance are paid up.? I'd rather shit the bikies off than go up against the nasty, organised criminals in the casino industry and the guvmint. The WOB is another example of the police state that Australia is rapidly becoming. Try living in a remote community in the NT and tell me I'm wrong although, bless their substance abusing little hearts, the blackfellas have figured out how to circumvent the system admirably and it's only stupid whitefellas that ever get busted for anything. We've got cops at airports, roadblocks, laws that allow them to smash your door down if they smell a scoob or even imagine that they do. This is all in response to some rabid murdoch press that the great unwashed devour as truth.

The problem with poker machines is that they are a tax on dumb people that don't understand the odds. These are the people that can least afford to lose. A poker machine will take 12 cents in the dollar off you no matter what. It is a mathematical impossibility that you can play poker machines long term and win. It is a computer designed to take your money off you and the govmint runs on the revenue. Why support a manufacturing industry when you can pay for your pollie perks much more easily by ripping off poor people. What's the bet Clive gets a casino licence?

John Birmingham puts forth...

Posted October 15, 2013

The thing I've never understood about the appeal of casino gambling, or any gambling, is that the odds have tobe stacked in favor of the house. Otherwise there would be no gambling. Why would you play a game when the odds are rigged to ensure you always, eventually, lose.

Lulu has opinions thus...

Posted October 15, 2013

"when the odds are rigged to ensure you always, eventually, lose."

When I was doing statistics in first year, roulette was used an example and it was shown how/why in the long run, the house will always win. I think everyone believes they're the special little snowflake which will win.

Darth Greybeard mumbles...

Posted October 15, 2013

I used to teach that very thing and you're right. They can do the maths and get the right answer but the brain shuts down when the big win calls. I showed my son the only legal way to guarantee winning at roulette. He doesn't gamble but he tried it twice at a casino with friends. Both times they quietly 'suggested' he leave the table. Only losers are welcome.

John Birmingham swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 15, 2013

Hmm? We must have a chat.

Dino not to be confused with asserts...

Posted October 15, 2013

Appeal Of Casinos?

My girlfriend won a trip to Cairns back in 2003 or 4.

Real fancy hotel.Best I have ever been to. Beautiful.

We got dressed up to go to Cairns Casino. We were both first timers.

Casino Virgins.

Suit and tie for me a she looked hot as hell.

I was 'James Bond' way before Casino Royale came out again.

I figured I would show the Lady a good time and blow 50, no I'm gonna blow a whole 100 dollars and live the high life. Bond, James Bond.

We entered the Casino and my world quantum shifted.

What a Fucking Dive!

We looked at each other and gave my 'tonne' away to the sorry fucks who worked there.

I cleaned the soles of my shoes after leaving.

w from brisbane would have you know...

Posted October 15, 2013

To the question, Why would you do it?
Why would you overeat?
Why would you ever have more than 2 or 3 standard measures of alcohol in a day?
The pokies I know a fair bit about due to having friends you have a problem. But to see them sit in front and put the first 20 bucks in. The physical relaxation that immediately occurs.
The "Ahhhh' moment of peace and the world slipping away. You can see why they like it. The visual display, the interaction, the pleasurable pattern recognition even if it is not a winner: it is immersive, encouraging, collaborative.
All that psychologist designed computer voodoo.

And you do win, How many times have I heard.
"I won $750 on Tuesday. I couldn't lose."
"I took $600 out of that machine last night".
Of course, it only indicates the scale of their losses in a rigged bet. But they forget the losses.
'Could I borrow 50 bucks until next payday?"

damian mutters...

Posted October 15, 2013

Sounds like the basis of a sequel to Tassie Babes...

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w from brisbane ducks in to say...

Posted October 15, 2013

I've had contact with senior National law enforcement officials over the years and when the organised crime topic is discussed, I have never heard bikies mentioned.

Needless to say, unlike bike groups, the most effective major organised crime groups do not go around helpfully wearing an "I'm a crook" jacket.

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Therbs is gonna tell you...

Posted October 15, 2013

Associated with the casinos are the loan sharks, drug dealers and their enforcers. Nah, nothing wrong with either. Just hide them all behind some potted palms, dark suits and a buffet.

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Lulu mutters...

Posted October 15, 2013

I misread that as "War on Bikes", and I thought JB was going for some clickbait by mentioning cyclists. Because that seems to work for The Age online - cyclists or real estate.

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Darth Greybeard would have you know...

Posted October 15, 2013

I think mine was canned by the lawyers. And I tried to be so careful. Basically though, who owns the Casinos? Where is all this cash going? Locally or OS? And do the companies who run the casinos provide perfectly legal donations to the LNP?

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Therbs mumbles...

Posted October 15, 2013

GB - think Packer winning the licence for the second casino at Darling Harbour. Now he's gonna be consulted by Newman. Nothing wrong with that if you're the 'Son Of Goanna'. Not only do you get a licence to print money but you get asked by a cletus Premier how it should be done and most likely cop some consultancy fees on top of another licence or two. Corruption on a grand scale?

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Blarkon mutters...

Posted October 15, 2013

Can't have Bris-Vegas without lots of Casinos.

Trowzers reckons...

Posted October 15, 2013

Newman doesn't seem to realise that 'Bris-vegas' is a parody name.

Apparently we're 'bleak' without more casinos!

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Dino not to be confused with has opinions thus...

Posted October 15, 2013

JB,

Does the QLD Government stil play the overnight money market with the Public Purse?

They used to years ago. I knew someone.

Highly Illegal.

How much money did they lose?

Rob mumbles...

Posted October 16, 2013

They did in Tassie. they were funding major infrastructure projects with the profits, the councils were doing a similar thing. Then the GFC (get fucked capitalism) hit and suddenly they couldn't build the new Hobart hospital. Then the Councils sued the advisors who helped them lose ratepayers money.

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

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Dino not to be confused with puts forth...

Posted October 15, 2013

I am commenting here cause the SHM/BT site has gone apeshit and want me to part with a whole dollar for a one month subscription.

I spend more on toilet paper and frankly my opinion isn't worth a whole dollar.

You've got it all wrong JB.

The QLD'rs have done a deal with the Bikies cause the Bikies can't launder their money.

So each little chapter will have their turf and Casino.

"Gotta keep the separated"

Not only that, the cash money from drugs and whores and hits can now be taxed.

Win WIn.

John Birmingham would have you know...

Posted October 16, 2013

Dino, if you go in thru BT you won't get that message.

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OutOfCheese has opinions thus...

Posted October 15, 2013

VLAD. The legislation spells VLAD. VLAD. For f-ks sake. Can someone let these infantile muppets know that they are supposed to at least act like they're pretending to be adults while governing, rather that playing idiotic acronym games?

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Spanner swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 15, 2013

My irony-meter went off the scale when I noticed the advert by el-goog at the top of the Blunty

"ADS BY GOOGLE

THE GAME IS ON

www.tabtouch.com.au

We're Upping the Game! Back your team with TABtouch"



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NBlob puts forth...

Posted October 15, 2013

To sell anything one convince the buyer of a value proposition. "This X will do Y for you, which is totes worth the low low price." So as a salesman one frames the sell in the most favourable light.

The LNP couldn't reasonably make an argument that they'd provide more schools or services, so they pitched their sale mostly around intangibles, immeasurables & externalities.

In time for the coming elections the ALP will have to put a value proposition that will convince Joe Sixpack & Wendy Home-Maker to shift their votes back.

I'm not hopefull. I believe that under every coalition government the % of employees who are shifted across to contractor status, part time or casual basis increases. When people live without security, they tend to vote for less generous conditions for those who most need the support.

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Legless asserts...

Posted October 15, 2013

Everyone's talking about the casinos and gambling but is anyone giving a thought for the bikies? More specifically, the new laws that allow them to "get tough" on bikies?

No bail. For any offence. Drop a piece of litter in the street
and you're banged up, without bail until court. Contest the charge? Then it's back to nick with you until the case is heard.

Police have extra power to stop any group of bikers (including law-abiding recreational riders) at any time, for no reason.

Star-chambers for bikies. Don't answer a question then it's off to the nick with you. And no. You can't have bail.

A special prison just for bikies. Confined to your cell, 23 hours a day. No gym. No TV. No privileges.

I can see that the prison is an excellent idea. Lets put all the bikies from all the different gangs - most of who hate - each other in the same prison, at the same time. I mean - what could *possibly* go wrong.

I'm no defender of criminal bikies - you catch them doing something wrong - haul them before the courts, convict them and send them to prison. It's called the law. But this bunch of new and shiny laws that specifically target bikies makes me want to vomit.

Once the police have these powers they'll never give them up. And once they have these powers they'll be extended to other groups that prove to be a nuisance. It might be G8 protestors, it might be farmers protesting about fracking, it might be the homeless and eventually, it might be you.

I hate to be so cliched but if ever a verse was apt then it's now....

First they came …


Cheers

John Birmingham would have you know...

Posted October 15, 2013

I got ten bucks of Abe's says the law gets struck down at the first constitutional challenge.

SZF mutters...

Posted October 16, 2013

Exactly JB - the anti-bikie non-association laws are simply to show us what big swinging dicks our politicians have re: crime.

As one copper mate said to me recently, "Talk about bullshit. It's MUCH easier to get them for real stuff, like manslaughter, assault or possession with intent".

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Nine Fingered Freak swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 15, 2013

I read the “intent” of the laws in Bunties hosting paper and what made me pause is, if its good for the bikies, why not everyone else? You know, I have no sympathy for bikies now that the authorities are coming down hard for breaches in the current weapons (particularly in connection to the recent shootings) and drug laws (and anything else they can drag up). But the suite of laws they have cooked up leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Shall we extend and apply these laws to Unions because someone got roughed up at a building site? What about to a right wing party because a few ministers got busted attending a wedding on the public purse?

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Quokka ducks in to say...

Posted October 16, 2013

A while ago I saw a study that showed that in homes where gambling is a problem, there's also likely to be a problem with domestic violence. The people running the study didn't expect this and they wanted DV support adds to be featured alongside the support services for problematic gambling.

I think the thing that pisses me off about the LNP gubbermint the most is the utter disregard that they have for research. They will implement draconian measures that are known to be expensive and useless and they'll cast out any constructive steps that research has indicated can improve a problem, just because being punitive and heavy handed feels good and they really don't give a shit if it actually makes matters worse. Scapegoating rather than problem solving is something that makes sense in their mean-spirited little hearts and the obvious aside to that is that when they're scapegoating one group, it takes the attention off all the sneaky shit they're doing out of the spotlight. The media get completely suckered by it, so I was really glad to see your article, JB, while the fools at ABC radio 612 were jibber-jabbering on talk-back radio about Bikies.

As you guys know, my spouse builds hospitals for a living. He said that the figures show we are only on track to supply 1/3 (if that) of the hospital beds that will be required in SEQ by 2020. Never mind the services that are needed to attend that, that's just stacking space.

Why that isn't headline news and a bunch of thugs in leather jackets are, I honestly have No Freaking Idea. The gold coast is already a tricky demographic with the number of people struggling to make ends meet. Add casinos to that, you'll get an increase in domestic violence, and the results of that usually end up with more kids who are considered 'at risk' and who will engage in the kinds of behaviours that results with them landing in jail for drug use/petty crimes. Jails are expensive to run, so unless Candoo is going to fund the jails with money from the casinos...argh. I need to stop there or my head will explode.

damian reckons...

Posted October 16, 2013

See this post is why I want to be able to direct-link to comments here. Nicely said Q, all of it.

The scary thing is I sort of know the answer to the last bit: QLD has had some semi-experimental US-style privatised prisons. Sure it's an accounting fiction that they could make the state money rather than cost it, but you can bet it will be a very popular fiction in coming years. Then we'll get the invetiable nexus of corruption between sentencing judges and prison operators.

Incidentally, I tried to make this comment (the first paragraph anyway) a number of times during the day today, but for whatever reason this site here, burger not blunty, hasn't played nice with Chrome on Android or IOS7, for me at least.

NBlob has opinions thus...

Posted October 17, 2013

+1 Aunty Q.

This is where "Bread & Circuses" & the Theatre of Government gets really nasty.

More black-suited SpecOps Cops less social interventions. More truncheon, less compassion.

Marginalise, ostracise, criminalise.

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Futrend.tv%2Fv%2F9-out-of-10-americans-are-completely-wrong-about-this-mind-blowing-fact%2F&h=IAQF4PFWk&enc=AZN4crzaHusFnpeen3ZzeIBzdHyDNwLkN564Hjsbm9O4Kim38o1cetrpP5NwDYknAA0QZnmtwLDKuRTtfFRjRmF_wQsLDMwiZ01NbQ8BMEOg6CnDatiLNEc-6wmCImEkOleWrAB0-fgJhdH9Gaa3X5pY&s=1

Then you just need a nice gerrymander to bed it all down.

Also the gulf in Lived Experience between LNP silver-spooners like Blieje and the Depression Bay or Inala welfare dependants yawns wiedr than the grand canyon. Those born to even modest priveledge can't imagine the grinding horror of entrenched multigenerational poverty.

Dino not to be confused with mutters...

Posted October 17, 2013

Private Prisons in US?

What happens if you don't find enough criminals?

Penalty clauses.

Check out the population jump 2003/4!

http://www.globalresearch.ca/the-prison-industrial-complex-locked-up-in-america/5353924

What happened in 2003/4?

I have tried to research the US Government Sites but the "shutdown" includes the Justice system websites.

damian would have you know...

Posted October 17, 2013

"Those born to even modest priveledge can't imagine the grinding horror of entrenched multigenerational poverty."

Well said, too.

damian swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 17, 2013

Wow, Dino, those figures are extraordinary. And yeah, what happened in 2003/4?

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Rob would have you know...

Posted October 16, 2013

I think what they (governments) should be targeting is organised crime in general. Governments do this any way. What with proceeds of crimes law, unexplained wealth laws which take into account cash industries like drug dealing, tattoo shops, tax evasion, insider trading. The problem with proposed 'bikie laws' is that they look retrospective and biased ( so its not one law for all) . If the governments were clever and not knee jerk reacting, media whores then we might get some really good laws that allows the majority of people in Australia (both rich and poor) to just get on with their lives without feeling that some people can get away with anything because of their status (criminal or otherwise). However backroom deals with billionaire casino operators to make more shit house casinos doesn't exactly engender confidence that governments can actually pull this off.

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Surtac ducks in to say...

Posted October 17, 2013

The twitterverse was going a bit feral about this legislation yesterday arvo.

Apparently the draft law refers to not just bikies, but to any congregation of 3 or more people that the police don't like the look of. Can anyone else remember what Geheimstatspolizei means?

I'll see if I can find a link to the legislation screen grab I saw yesterday.

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Brother PorkChop mumbles...

Posted October 17, 2013

So is it tables, pokies or gambling in general that everyone considers destructive for our society? What about wagering on say the nags or the dishlickers, say through a Paddy Power Australian subsidiary. Does anyone consider Lotto or Scratchies gambling?

w from brisbane has opinions thus...

Posted October 17, 2013

Yep, they are all gambling.
Pokies are probably the worst because they are engineered so precisely to destroy the vulnerable.

I heard a bloke who had a TAB franchise (off-course betting shop) talking on the radio recently. He had to get out of the business after 18 months. He couldn't morally stand it. Watching people come in and lose their whole pay over a couple of hours. Then watching them walk out ashen-faced. He couldn't imagine what they and their families were going to live on for the next 2 weeks.
As the franchisee, he knew he was morally complicit in destroying families. Probably doing more damage to children than child porn.
Of course, the government is up to its eyeballs in these rackets, so it is OK.

'

Brother PorkChop has opinions thus...

Posted October 17, 2013

OK, I tend to agree. What is the solution to this and where does taking some responsibility for your own actions come into it? I am not saying that it is solely the individuals responsibilty but surely in this as in just general crime, the individual has to take some responsibilty. Why do the punters not take advantage of the self limit or self exclusion option? Clearly I do not understand this particular addiction, if it is an addiction, say similar to heroin. I gamble occasionally and I have a mildly addictive personality as evidenced by computer gaming and the definite thrill I get sitting at a casino table or trackside betting. BUT I have never handed over more than I can "afford".

It is an interesting topic, especially for me in my line of work.

w from brisbane asserts...

Posted October 17, 2013

I don't mind the occasional bet myself and have had some great days at the races. Happily, the pokies have no allure to me and I find casinos to be sad places.

The whole personal responsibility thing versus regulation is a hard one. A lot of us do have a problem with gambling and the impact is catastrophic. The big destroyers are pokies and off-track betting shops. While people should be able to gamble, we should err on the side of not making it too easy. It wasn't that long ago you had to go to a race track to back a horse.
I think pokies are just evil and should be banned. Or in a slightly more realistic option, should be restricted to casinos and not be in everybody's local watering hole.
Unfortunately, the government (which is you and me) has been maximising betting turnover by increasing ease of access. Like going to your dieting fat friend's house and sniggering while you leave a big bag of sugar donuts on the table. A friend wouldn't do that and neither should the government (which is us).

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Anthony puts forth...

Posted October 18, 2013

Many years ago in his pre political career days a prominent Queenland politician (now deceased) used to run an SP bookmaking bsiness. (This was well before Joh)He'd rotate between a group of mates places so as to have a different phone every week to make him hard to track. He could have paid protection to the Commissioner but resented it.

One of the mates was my uncle and we'd see him quite often there. I remember him pointing out that gambling was a mugs game and that the house always won. I also remember him refusing to take bets from peole who he knew couldn't afford it. I remember him telling someone that "You've lost enough this week, your kids need to eat mate". That's what I would define as resonsible gambling.

On the subject of "bikies" - here's some interesting quotes against the bikie laws...

From Hansard:

http://www.parliament.qld.gov.au/documents/hansard/2009/2009_11_25_WEEKLY.pdf

"The fact that there have been so many arrests indicates that existing laws are sufficient without the need to enact laws aimed directly at bikie gangs. We do not need to enact laws aimed directly at bikie gangs or other groups, but we do need to give more resources, more funding and more support to our police officers." (Page 3621)

"While I agree that people need to be protected from organised crime, there must also be the protection of personal liberties such as the freedom of association. The Premier and the Minister for Police, Corrective Services and Emergency Services have stated that people who do the right thing have nothing to fear. I will repeat that: people who do the right thing have nothing to fear. I say to the people of Queensland that, with this government, they do have something to fear. This bill encroaches on their personal freedoms and liberties. A government that tries to remove these freedoms and liberties is a government that is to be feared." (Page 3621)

"This bill is an attack on the right of freedom of association. While it is currently intended for motorcycle gangs, once again this bill does not mention the term ‘bikie’ or ‘motorcycle gangs’, and this piece of legislation could be used against any group that may fall into disfavour regardless of the purpose of their gathering." (Page 3621)

<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]-->
<!--[endif]-->All spoken by the current Queensland Attorney General 4 years ago when Labor tried to introduce it's own (Much less nasty) laws...

Hypocrisy is rampant.

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Dave the Brave mutters...

Posted October 18, 2013

On a lighter note I'd like to see Hi Vis vests comulsory for all motorcyclists. Can you imagine the impact on the OMG and their colours? Oh how we'd laugh.

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NBlob would have you know...

Posted October 18, 2013

I think a detail often missed is:

It's not like Crystal Meth or Pokies just dropped from a tree fully formed. The have been crafted over years of experimentation, by people who most-assuredly know thier sh!t, to be as Addictive as possible.

This is not conspiracy theory, it is economics 101. The Client of the pokie machine manufacturer is is the venue manager whose #1 proirity is revenue, not the punter. The longer the mug punter sits at the machine, mesmerised by flashy flashy lights (and specific frequencies) lulled by jangly jingles (crafted again to be as enticing as possible) fooled by $1 Minimum Bets and tricked by side-boob flashes on the graphix the better.

If they go home to a dark house & hungry family with a maxi-pack of shame, what the hell, at least the money is now in the Venue's metaphorical trouser pocket As Per Plan.

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