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All aboard for the Crazy Town express

Posted July 5, 2016 into Blunty by John Birmingham

"Gerry Harvey's reported statement that this country needs a dictator is the sort of thing a world-class bozo would say. It's also the sort of thing your average mouth-breathing idiot down the pub would say before he was halfway into his first schooner, but the huge numbers of mouth-breathing idiots who'd agree with Harvey doesn't make his idea right. Just dangerous."

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11 Responses to ‘All aboard for the Crazy Town express’

KreepyKrawly ducks in to say...

Posted July 5, 2016
One thing for sure, It's going to be an interesting next 12 months...

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insomniac mutters...

Posted July 5, 2016
I agree that no one votes for instability. I cringed when I heard that too.

Of course, if Labor form minority government then Pauline is out of the picture, as presumably you'd get Labor + Greens + 1 or 2 independents to pass a bill. Mucho stability then, especially compared with the LNP having to negotiate with Pauline on everything.

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jason is gonna tell you...

Posted July 5, 2016
Whilst I disagree with the views of many of the parties who appear to have a seat in our new parliament I don't think we can just dismiss them as loonies (event though they are). Seems our nation is made up of a diversity of opinion with an equal right to be heard (even though I disagree with everything they say). Maybe the entrenched views we so oppose are more prevalent in society than we like to imagine (there are way more nut jobs out there than I hoped). I see this as a chance to expose these crazies to the blow torch of logic and debate their ideas (if we cant out argue these mouth breathing numpties with our book learning we are in trouble).

Sadly a democracy represents all the people (even the foolish and racist) and a good government needs to deal with them and still drag the country into the future.

Halwes puts forth...

Posted July 5, 2016
I think it may be that people are so disillusioned with the major parties and their manipulative, self serving agendas that they've registered a protest vote specifically designed to screw them. Our lives are full of uncertainty and instability so why shouldn't theirs be.? The problem with Hanson is that some of what she says is true. Islam doesn't seem to like us very much which is fair enough because many of us don't like it. I lived in North Africa for 6 months and witnessed first hand how they treat women. We can't ignore the teachings and interpretations of the Koran just the same as we can't do it with some of the zany interpretations of the bible. And then, if we challenge them, we are called racist and likely to get some sort of payback. Crony capitalism is also alive and well which further disenfranchises the working class. I don't welcome Hanson back at all but, as I live and work in working class areas, I am hearing more and more people that agree with her. The mob that I speak to can't be simply classed as foolish and racist because they aren't. They are intelligent tradespeople and others who want nothing more than to feed their families in safety and get jobs for their kids. They refuse to like people that think that their Aussie daughters are no better than dogs and that's how it should be. Labor didn't do well at all. Most of their seats were gained with preferences from the minor parties. The way they are patting themselves on the back at the moment is bordering on delusional in my opinion. Or, more likely, they know that it's bullshit and we are just being subjected to more spin. I consider myself to be left of Labor, I love our multicultural society and think that organised religion is dangerous bullshit. Plenty don't agree with me which is why it is important that I consider their opinions and don't just write them off as foolish and racist. Further polarisation of our country isn't going to help our children.

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Aaron asserts...

Posted July 5, 2016
If only those breathers voting for the nit jobs actually voted based on a simple appraisal of what they were voting on. They were probably protest voting, the whole nation was just with varying degrees of intelligence. And so it goes

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pitpat is gonna tell you...

Posted July 5, 2016
I saw it as a vote for the centre and stability. The problem is that the centre vote is spilt by the Lib and Lab camps. Policy wise and economically there is bugger all difference, idealogically there maybe a chasm, but FFS build a bridge and get over it.
Otherwise it is a bunch of social justice stuff - all worthy in the eyes of the proponents- that at the end of the days only concerns pretty small percentages in any meaningful sense but can be used as the crutch for special interest parties that have been gifted an opportunity to gain an upper seat house due to the DD and an arcane quota system.

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FormerlyKnownAsSimon reckons...

Posted July 5, 2016
I've always said that dictators are good for solving short term problems (whether for good or bad). The issue is getting rid of them once their job is done. I hear a water canon over in London is going cheap. Maybe we could rent try buy it?

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NBlob swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted July 5, 2016
I tend to agree with the "protest vote" "a pox on both your houses" hypothesis, but.

There is So much at stake.

The profligate pork promises to the X benches will be preposterous.
Real reform pretty much only occurs when Party Z has sufficient political capital that they can afford to take a hit or two.

I doubt anything of note on the ten biggest issues will be done before the next fed election, be it next year or 2019.

Halwes swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted July 5, 2016
I think the Libs are going to get a majority and will continue to send our jobs to China, just like Labor did, and feather the already plush beds of the multinationals. I believe that Shorten knows that the Libs are headed for a majority as well which makes his posturing all the more galling to me.

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Halwes would have you know...

Posted July 6, 2016
What do you reckon are the 10 biggest issues?

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Therbs has opinions thus...

Posted July 6, 2016
Definitely an "Up yours!" sentiment. Hanson took the old PUP votes which shows that what you need to do is simply challenge the "out-of-touch" status quo, talk about "Real Straya" and say you want Straya for Strayans whether it be farms, corner shops, schools or churches. Hanson does it by hooking into Islam and Asians, because what on earth do Muslims and Asians have to do with Real Straya? Also, some people like angry red heads.

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First we kill the reef, then we kill ourselves

Posted May 31, 2016 into Blunty by John Birmingham

The Great Barrier Reef is almost certainly doomed. But that's OK, because our own doom is only probable, not certain. It will die before we do. It will die because of us. But we are such a resourceful, inventive, endlessly self-seeking species that we might yet survive the catastrophe we have visited upon the planet. Maybe in domes.

Yes, huge city-sized domes with a Soylent Green stall on every corner. That would be cool.

At Blunty.

10 Responses to ‘First we kill the reef, then we kill ourselves’

jl reckons...

Posted May 31, 2016
It's a damn, crying shame.

"Soylent Green is people". Will we be reduced to that?

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Blarkon reckons...

Posted May 31, 2016
Need Splodey Eco-Warrior-Fiction. Saving the planet, one splosion at a time.

Of course the Space Lizard books come first because Space Lizards. But eventually Splodey Eco-Warrior-Fiction. Something like Havock finally deciding to go Green in the splodeyest way possible.

Halwes ducks in to say...

Posted June 1, 2016
Have you read "The Monkey Wrench Gang".? One of my all time favourites. Explosions, sex, drugs. How can you go wrong?

damian ducks in to say...

Posted June 2, 2016
Think the right time for splodey eco-warrior fiction was the 90s. I mean we probably had it but everyone labelled it as extremist. Sure it doesn't seem that way now but looking back, some of the individuals weren't as likable as you might wish either. Bit late now - for every Paul Watson there are 10 dentists shooting lions. Guess that doesn't mean we can't turn it around, especially targeting the young adult market (readers, that is, not lions).

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Bondiboy66 reckons...

Posted May 31, 2016
Best the family and I visit again before its gone....

Therbs mutters...

Posted May 31, 2016
Better be quick.

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Therbs is gonna tell you...

Posted May 31, 2016
Bleat all you like about white coral and other irrelevant organisms passing on.
The future is Domes! Tax-loopholed, ultra secure, home domes.
Get in quick, Free debentures for my dome construction company are sitting on the table outside the entrance. Don't hurt yourselves in the rush.

Nocturnalist mumbles...

Posted May 31, 2016
Ben Elton did a novel about this, where every first-world household had an environmentally self-contained "Claustrosphere" in the back yard.

JBtoo has opinions thus...

Posted May 31, 2016
And then there's Clade, by James Bradley

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damian ducks in to say...

Posted June 2, 2016
I especially liked the bit about the oompah band.

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West End Growing Pains

Posted April 12, 2016 into Blunty by beeso

Governments in QLD have the architectural responsibility from changing Brisbane from a big version of Gympie to a modern working city. Sometimes they get it wrong.

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3 Responses to ‘West End Growing Pains’

NBlob ducks in to say...

Posted April 12, 2016

"Let all men know how empty and worthless is the power of kings {& moral outrage} for there is none of that name but god {and property developers}, whom heaven and earth and sea obey. King Knut 995-1035

There are examples of the densification of population that work well for all affected, the shop-keep gets more customers, the transport infrastructure works betterer and residents get somewhere pleasant & appropriate to live with space for art & community & play and and and. However this requires considerable involvement (see $) by planning authorities; community engagement, collaborative design, greenspacing and creativity aint free you know. Far cheaper & easier to throw it to the developers and trust The Market to sort it out.

Unfortunately The Market is driven by ROI, not liveability.

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Des mumbles...

Posted April 12, 2016
As a southsider, it occurred to me only the other day that there are two refuges left for the fringe dwellers of my era (and i include myself in that category), namely West End, and the humble but earthy Stones Corner, which perhaps of all the inner city hubs, is least affected by the anonymous modern makeovers which have rendered places like Balmoral and New Farm so stultifyingly dull. I note though that this last bastion is about to be overwhelmed by the tide, with a number of high rise apartment complexes going up between there and the Wooloongabba five ways. Brisbane has become one of the most atomised and disconnected places i have experienced, and i live close to the 'thick' of things. it will only get worse.

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Des has opinions thus...

Posted April 12, 2016
the shortsightedness of town planning has its living embodiment in the large but young fig tree outside the Stones Corner pub. locals of a certain age will remember it replaced a rather hideous hourglass fountain, built in the early seventies...on the site of a large old fig tree, which and stood there since the 19th century.

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That time I smoked cones with a blue koala

Posted April 4, 2016 into Blunty by John Birmingham

Sometimes, you just gotta go early to catch the news.

“Dude, seriously, let me pack that cone. You got no thumbs.”

Borobi squinted at me through the thick haze of weed smoke.

“Don’t patronise me, JB,” he muttered. “I’m special now, bro. You gotta show some respect.”

But he was already three buckets into the wind and it took him a long time time to say this, what with all the coughing and wheezing getting distracted by his breakfast beer.

He necked the last half of the beer in one long pull, belched enormously, and fell back against the front of the brown couch. Traffic roared past outside our flat at Nobby’s but Rob’ didn’t hear it. He just lay there on the floor contentedly drumming his fat, greasy paws on the matted and filthy blue fur of his grossly distended belly.

At Blunty.

9 Responses to ‘That time I smoked cones with a blue koala’

Quokka reckons...

Posted April 4, 2016
A shame they didn't choose the mountain possum on 'roids.

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Dave W ducks in to say...

Posted April 4, 2016
See, this is what happens when you don't crowd-source your mascot or its name.

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pitpat ducks in to say...

Posted April 4, 2016
And people say we don't do classy.At least it isn't subtle.

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pitpat asserts...

Posted April 4, 2016
And people say we don't do classy.At least it isn't subtle.Maybe seen as a bit of a liability once his addictions become more widely known, even less so once his lack of sexual health is revealed.

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JG mutters...

Posted April 4, 2016
Well I'm shocked, Borobi. You looked so light, fit, and fresh faced on the news tonight. It's a pity I missed you dropping in at Burleigh Heads as I was swimming at that very spot yesterday, and running past there this afternoon. I like your big ears and bright blue look, and I can't believe you're a sloth. No, I won't believe JB. You are too nimble and fast moving, Borobi. I can't believe you are a slothful koala unless I see it for myself. Joanna



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Adam Denny ducks in to say...

Posted April 4, 2016
Them Bucket Minions huddle in the shadowing backstreets behind San Francisco tenement buildings, the only thing that pisses them off when some out of the towner reckons there's some cos playing girl trapped inside the fur. That golden medical marijuana card clutched between their jaws just begging to be stolen, so you as well can get ripped enough to reckon maybe The Phantom Menace wasn't so bad after all. Only those jaws come down, and the snort of surrounding giggles is loud enough to block the sound of tourist screaming. Then the Bucket Minions pass the Bong Trooper Helmet, for your pain to melllow while they find recompense in your wallet. Next thing you know your back on Market Street, them minions be gone.

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Bondiboy66 ducks in to say...

Posted April 5, 2016
What the fuck is it about Big Games like the Olympics/Commonwealth Games that they have to have one or more positively ridiculous mascots? Often looking like the product of a big night on the piss and charlie from some second rate ad firm's art department...what, they think they are going to flog off more merchandise with the daft mascot included (possibly making enough to pay off the overpriced ad co.s art department)?

Oh, and I dunno whats up with the BT comments thing...but it don't work for me.

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GhostSwirv swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted April 5, 2016
So the Navy had to winch Robbo into position for the presser cos he was toooooo maggoted to move off the couch under his own steam - I just wanna know how you got home JB, an UBER hovercraft or did you simply wait till Robbo was airlifted to safety before dropping the clutch and driving your self-drive couch home to the burbs?

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dweeze asserts...

Posted April 5, 2016
Bring back "Fatso, the fat arsed wombat".

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He's not the messiah. He's a bricklayer

Posted March 29, 2016 into Blunty by John Birmingham

With half a billion dollars. Or not:

Maybe the pile of unpaid bills on the kitchen bench isn't getting any smaller. Maybe you only half-fill the petrol tank to save on burning fuel driving the weight of a full tank around. Maybe, like me, you have on occasion resorted to shamelessly feeding yourself from the free samples at the supermarket on a Saturday morning.

But by god, if Lucky Phil can pull this off, so can we. And unlike the real crooks, who are all listed on the stock exchange, we won't hide our well-gotten gains in some shady offshore account. We'll put it on the keycard, openly, honestly. All 600 million dollars of it.

Because, you know, wow.

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8 Responses to ‘He's not the messiah. He's a bricklayer’

NBlob asserts...

Posted March 29, 2016
For 600 million dollars I'm willing to give hard, honest work a go."
Coughbullshitcough


John Birmingham mumbles...

Posted March 29, 2016
I said six hundred million. Not five hundred million.

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Dave W mumbles...

Posted March 29, 2016
Maybe the account was in Zambian Kwacha. We were squillionaires for a couple of days when we visited, although K8000 for a fanta took some of the edge off it.

Lulu would have you know...

Posted March 29, 2016
The closest I've had to your kwacha experience was in Hungary in 2010, when the exchange rate was about 200 forint to A$1.00. First time I drew money from an ATM was in Budapest, & I got a 10,000 HUF note.

insomniac puts forth...

Posted March 29, 2016
And I thought paying $28 for coke in Hong Kong was bad.

LikeABus mumbles...

Posted March 29, 2016
$28 for coke. Bargain! I paid $300 for half a gram over the weekend.

Dave W would have you know...

Posted March 30, 2016
Mrs W went to the ATM, got scared at the zeros and withdrew about K50,000. Which was enough to pay for a snack and drink. Sent her back to the ATM.

Halwes swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 31, 2016
300 BUCKS? Haven't you heard. The synthetic stuff is the go now. $ 25 They see god and the devil simultaneously and get fully funded accommodation for a lifetime. Thank god for prohibition. No more reefer madness. It's safe now because it's synthetic.

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Carob Nazis

Posted March 22, 2016 into Blunty by beeso

Do you want the carob nazis to end civilisation? Well, do you?

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13 Responses to ‘Carob Nazis’

Lulu asserts...

Posted March 22, 2016
I have a question for the Queenslanders. If rabbits are a prohibited / pest species in your great state, who brings the kids their chocolate eggs? The Easter Guinea Pig?

NBlob would have you know...

Posted March 22, 2016
Cassowary

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FormerlyKnownAsSimon swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 22, 2016
to avoid accusations of invalid arguments due to godwins law can we update the reference using alliteration: Carob Caliphate?

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insomniac has opinions thus...

Posted March 22, 2016
I usually send my kids chocolate eggs, except now there is a third generation, and only just starting to eat, so I bought a boxed egg with a hard plastic shell, removed the egg from its wrapper and substituted chocolate custard baby food in its place prior to sending it off across the country. My daughter is obviously waiting for Easter to open the egg for the little one as she hasn't mentioned it yet, and ms insomniac only just asked me what happened to the chocolate egg itself. I of course pleaded ignorance and refused to answer her wild and spurious accusations.
Also, I once was given a hard candy egg, sometime in the 70s. It was not a happy day.

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DarrenBloomfield mutters...

Posted March 22, 2016
My 5 yo does not like chocolate*. I try. I give him eggs every Easter. He embraces them enthusiastically... but inevitably they get thrown out after a week of sitting, nibbled at best, unwrapped at worst, beside his bed.

At least now he has a little brother that will eat them for him this year.

*I have failed as a parent, haven't I?

insomniac reckons...

Posted March 22, 2016
Some kids are just born that way, so no failure as yet. Consider the following:
My 15 yo does not like girls. I try. I give him girls every Easter.
He embraces them enthusiastically... but inevitably they get thrown out
after a week of sitting, nibbled at best, unwrapped at worst, beside his
bed.
That would be failure as a parent, or possibly legendary.

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ShaneAlpha mumbles...

Posted March 22, 2016
Eldest nephew and niece have asked for their chocolate eggs to be donated to the poor, the sanctimonious little shits. Can't buy extra for the younger nephews as other sister doles them out to them like she's working for the DSS under Toned Abs. So, fuck 'em, I think I'll just ask myself, what would Dave do?

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dweeze mumbles...

Posted March 22, 2016
It is made from the dirt that the source of real chocolate, the cacao tree, is grown in. Much the same as decaf coffee is made from the dirt under the coffee plant.

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Rob puts forth...

Posted March 22, 2016
Back when I was a Catholic child,( you know when your parents are staunch Catholics and you are made one too, even though you prefer that your parents were Jedi) I used to love Easter and Christmas the midnight mass, the good Friday stuff, Passover , the Easter bunny leaving bunny fluff, paw prints and carrot leavings left around the house. And the chocolate, a fat suburban kids dream. But then I became an atheist and for some reason the chocolate doesn't taste as sweet without the catholic guilt associated with the pain of a man being nailed to a tree for being different. or a hippy, I forget.

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Ghostswirv is gonna tell you...

Posted March 22, 2016
I think Lano and Woodley represented the true spirit of the Easter Bunny best - I'd post the link but I always stuff it up.

Check it out on YouTube but make sure you have a mouthful of chocolate first - just to better enjoy the delight and joy on the faces of the children.

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JG reckons...

Posted March 22, 2016
Real chocolate for me. I confess to having started eating Easter eggs a week ago. Once again, I bought them too early and gave into temptation.
I wish companies wouldn't wreck colourful Easter eggs with their logos printed all over the foil. I'm sure Easter eggs of old used to have gorgeous patterned foil without brand selling over entire egg wrappers.

FormerlyKnownAsSimon is gonna tell you...

Posted March 23, 2016
A week ago? I'm sure i was eating them a week after christmas

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