Cheeseburger Gothic

A five grand fine for kids' parties in the park

Posted September 16, 2014 into Blunty by John Birmingham

Nice one Quirky.

At the Instrument.

28 Responses to ‘A five grand fine for kids' parties in the park’

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan reckons...

Posted September 16, 2014
Oh, that is so fucked up for more reasons than I can articulate.

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Jon has opinions thus...

Posted September 16, 2014
This makes me want to stab someone. Sometimes I hate this fucking nanny state lamb hating, kransky bashing fucking police state we live in. Due to a lack of any bill of rights i'm sure the greeks will just keep cooking anyway. If I get a chance ill drive up there and join the chorus of " Fuck you Copper!"
Long time lurker, first rant.

John Birmingham is gonna tell you...

Posted September 16, 2014
Nice way to de-lurk, Jono.

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Darth Greybeard has opinions thus...

Posted September 16, 2014
To paraphrase, It's all about ROOLS. Some people hate them (anarchist bastards), some love them (fascist bastards) and most of us will tolerate a few for a quiet life (lazy bastards). Sadly, if you live in Brisbane, you've got rule lovers at local, state and federal level. It fascinates me that Conservatives here and in the US are always boasting about cutting red tape and reducing regulation, while in reality they are gagging to regulate every aspect of our lives. Unchecked we'd be back to sumptuary laws governing what we can wear and eat (eg voucher systems). Terrorism scares enable control over movement and communication and excuse total violation of privacy. False alarms re voter fraud excuse new rules to disenfranchise the poor. They want to know what we say, think and buy and regulate us to the "everything that is not compulsory is forbidden" level - as do many religious cults.

The only red tape that gets cut is the kind that protects basic rights, employment conditions, health or aged care.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mumbles...

Posted September 16, 2014
Close, but not quite. They don't enjoy regulation. They hate it. But they hate something more than regulation - i.e., They really, really hate people enjoying themselves in any way. They hate good food, enjoyable sex, public displays of affection and laughter that isn't derisive.

"If any form of pleasure is exhibited
Report to me and it will be prohibited.
I'll put my foot down, so shall it be -
This is the Land of the Free..."

damian mumbles...

Posted September 16, 2014
No, tories like regulation a lot. The thing they hate more than anything else is freedom enjoyed by people they look down on. The thing that you and I call freedom is a hateful thing to them, while what they call freedom is a very abstract thing that is largely meaningless in the world we live in.

I've seen tories close up while they have been getting stuck into some good regulation that applies to people of whom they disapprove. They adore it. It's like air to them.

They really, really don't like regulations that apply to them. But that's very different.

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Halwes puts forth...

Posted September 16, 2014

You mob want to try living in the intervened Northern Territory. It has been truly ruined by federal intervention. You can't even have a beer anymore without 4 coppers having a good look at you and chucking you out of the pub if you dare to even laugh. One funny thing happened last Saturday which was aussie rules grand final day. The cops were in the club and everyone had their eyes down, didn't make eye contact and didn't talk or laugh. When we judged the cops were out the door the whole joint erupted into the team song complete with, dancing, didgeridoo and the great voice of the singer for East Journey, Rrawun Maymuru. It was an outstanding Territory moment. We've got the rabbit staying up the road but he wont meet any of us reprobates. You should see the army of spin doctors designed to keep the great unwashed from telling him what they think of him. He's even got the real army here with him and is getting his meals flown 1000 km's by the air force because I don't think they trust anyone around here not to poison the bastard. He must be smarter than he looks.

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Sudragon swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted September 16, 2014
Time for flashmobs.

Bunyip has opinions thus...

Posted September 16, 2014
Flash garlicky lamb mobs.

Geez, I wish I lived in a more Northern clime. Only for the lamb, you understand. Oh, and civil disobedience with catering.

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yankeedog swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted September 16, 2014
I don't have a problem with a big group having to get a permit to use a shelter (barbecue area, whatever). Makes sense. The city should get to charge a nominal fee-$300 seems excessive, though. And $5k fines are way out of line, unless that big party is leaving a mess for the park workers to clean up. Sounds like your governments are picking the time-honored tradition of 'revenue stream generators' from places like, oh, Chicago.

If the groups aren't leaving a big mess, or harassing others, leave them alone. They aren't hurting anything, and there's worse aromas than garlicky lamb.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted September 16, 2014
Oh dear. There are few aromas better than garlicky lamb.

Chaz mumbles...

Posted September 16, 2014
Roast beef and roast pork

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mutters...

Posted September 16, 2014
Okay. Those are a few.

Got to admit, I loves me some roast pig meat.

damian ducks in to say...

Posted September 16, 2014
Slowly bubbling chicken curry, with freshly ground spices...

Though I share the love of pork, beef, lamb and garlic.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan would have you know...

Posted September 17, 2014
Okay, so we'll add bubbling chicken curry, with freshly ground spices to the list.

You bastards. You cannot tolerate a seppo of Irish extraction with Greek pretensions to take a little pseudo-ethnic pride in garlicy lamb. With a little fresh oregano. But just a little. And no mint, for God's sake. That is just so goyish.

Lulu has opinions thus...

Posted September 17, 2014
The Polish Deli at the Queen Vic Market in Melbourne. I can't get more specific than that - all I know is that I stand in front of their stall and it smells absolutely WONDERFUL. I've never been able to identify if it's a specific cured/smoked pork product which I can smell, or the combination of all of them.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mutters...

Posted September 17, 2014
It is well known that the Polish themselves smell marvelous - which explains their success in the open market.

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w from brisbane is gonna tell you...

Posted September 16, 2014
Incredibly annoying. It comes down to freedom of association. There are a superfluity of laws to deal with public behaviour in parks:
drinking in an unlicenced area, littering, noise etc etc.

Why add a numbers cap? Probably some well-connected snob imperiously complaining that large groups deny him the picturesque park vista that was in the brochure.

JBtoo asserts...

Posted September 16, 2014
bacon

and all of the above

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan puts forth...

Posted September 17, 2014
I believe bacon is a subset of roast pig meat.

MordWa is gonna tell you...

Posted September 20, 2014
"Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal."

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Chaz has opinions thus...

Posted September 16, 2014

Surprised they haven't used the 'elf 'n safety angle along with needing a 'party plan' and emergency wardens in case little johnny scabs his knee.

I suspect the origins of this regulation gone mad comes from some jobsworth who wanted to see how much it costs to maintain the parks considering all this 'excess' usage


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Lulu ducks in to say...

Posted September 16, 2014
$5K fine is excessive, but if you're having a large event, $300 fee doesn't sound unreasonable - depending on how much of a mess you leave behind. It might be better if the fee could act as a deposit, returnable (partially or entirely) if you clean up after yourself.

Dino not to be confused with is gonna tell you...

Posted September 16, 2014
Yes Lulu,
Last time I was in Brisbane*(1992?) the Greek thing was noticable.
The Actuarys will do the Maths and work out the cost.
Personally, I hate individuals who look down their noses.
I see them nearly everyday.
They are spread out and won't go to Gatherings.
They don't go to Gatherings.
They hate confrontation.
They hate being challenged by community.
This is why community gatherings are important.
Peop-le are challenged.
Otherwise we will have a bueracracy.
An illiterate burocracy.
Cultural Illiterarates.
Brain Dead office workers who have never spoken to a stranger.

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damian mutters...

Posted September 16, 2014
It's another "here we Joh again" on the quiet, dumbed down so much they think we won't notice. Your protest or other public gathering of 50 people or more will be a fine of $5k each, so a nice little minimum take of $250k if our friendly peace officials really decide to play.

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NBlob would have you know...

Posted September 16, 2014
Couple of quick points.
1 Council officers do not have the authority to Require your name & address. They can inquire all they like, but can't compel you to identify yourself like State Gov officers (ahem) can. It may be an offence to give false & misleading info so just politely decline.
2 I strongly encourage anyone who received such a ticket to invite the council to prove it in court. I'd love to see them establish (beyond a reasonable doubt remember) A; Who was responsible for the shindig, B; the >50 people were all attending That shindig, not another coincidentally located in close proximity & C; the accused did not take Reasonable Steps to limit attendees to 49, remember the onus of proof is on them, not you.
3 I'd urge you to have some pity for the poor shmuck in the uniform, it's a job, a crappy underpaid job, but a job.

Barnesm would have you know...

Posted September 17, 2014

Good points and well made. Just a minor quibble I think the offences would be a civil one, though I might be mistaken "beyond a reasonable doubt" is the standard to prove in crimial matters for civil offences I think its on balance of probablities.

Though my knowledge of such thing is purely based on what our legal services unit tell me verbally during debriefs of prosecutions and they never provide such advice in writing so it tends to be a moving target. Seems to be whatever suits their arguement and denies yours has been my experience.

But I certaily agree challange since given the poor resourcing and understaffed nature of government the poor sod told to enforce the rule is likely to have been provided little training, support or even bee shown how to take notes to rely on in court.

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"Call Mister Morrison to the stand..."

Posted September 9, 2014 into Blunty by John Birmingham

The Queensland Coroner will investigate the death of an asylum seeker.

At Blunty.

8 Responses to ‘"Call Mister Morrison to the stand..."’

BigWillieStyle puts forth...

Posted September 9, 2014

In February 2008, newly elected MP Scott Morrison made his maiden speech in Parliament, in which he stated his admiration for Desmond Tutu and William Wilberforce. He also made a passionate declaration that Australia should provide more aid to Africa.

As time went by, and his party lurched further to the right under the leadership of Toned Abs, the Morrison of February 2008 morphed into the snarling, arrogant, inhumane ideologue we know and love today. JB, I very much doubt Morrison is about to receive a lesson in humility. If called before the Coroner, he will deny, obfuscate, blame the ALP, obfuscate some more, possibly make reference to Team Australia, get shouty, deny again, fail to recall certain conversations, then receive tummy rubs from Alan Jones and the Murdochracy.

These people are beyond redemption.

John Birmingham mutters...

Posted September 9, 2014
Sigh. Yeah. I know. But you gotta give people some hope.

damian mutters...

Posted September 9, 2014
Morrison was a year or two ahead of me at high school, so around 5 years after Bedes. Have speculated with others on the merits of luring with a faux reunion, getting him blind drunk and leaving him naked in Martin Place with a roll of $100 notes in his arse. But frankly that sort of thing is bollocks when proper legal sanctions are available as may be the case if the coroner is allowed to go further without political interference. Not a thing to be especially hopeful about with the present state govt either I suppose.

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Surtac puts forth...

Posted September 9, 2014


What Big Willie said.

These sleazebags will find a way to slither out from under any form of accepting responsibility or accountability for their actions or inactions.

And in other news a connection from Credlin to ICAC. Well, there's a surprise. Not.

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Dave W mumbles...

Posted September 9, 2014
I love the derpy people who say that someone cuts their own foot, it's their own problem. Bah. So what that they were in custody and therefore are reliant on someone else providing medical attention. Damn I get depressed at how the world must be black and white because Derpy McDerp says it must be.

BigWillieStyle swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted September 9, 2014
Just been reading the communtz over at Blunty. Plenty of Derpy McDerps with something to say, and quite a few Fuckwit McDipshits as well. Basically, "Hey, Ruddgillard personally drowned 1,000 people at sea, so this death doesn't even count and anyway the guy was here illegally and I'm an insular redneck who's never left my own suburb let alone the country" seems to cover 98% of the thoughts being expressed. Only with bad grammar and lamentable punctuation thrown in. Fuck! When did this country become so bloody nasty?

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Lulu asserts...

Posted September 9, 2014
Cannot stand the man.

Unfortunately it's his name (I think?) at the bottom of my citizenship certificate. If I didn't actually need the document, I would 'accidentally' singe that part of it on the gas stove.

insomniac ducks in to say...

Posted September 9, 2014
That is a most excellent reason for me not taking out my citizenship in the near term.

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STRONG CHOICES WRITE MIGHTY SEX COLUMN.

Posted August 19, 2014 into Blunty by John Birmingham

Late yesterday arvo I was faced with one of those conundrums which arise in this gig. Whether to write a serious column or a stupid one.

And then I realised, why choose.

LET MR STRONG CHOICES DO BOTH.

Blunty:

Dear Mr Strong Choices

My husband and I have always enjoyed a healthy sex life, but recently he’s been terribly worried by the indefensible $500-a-day service charge which seems purpose designed to destroy the solar power industry in Queensland. He says he stills loves me but the physical side of our relationship has been ruined by your strange and inexplicable hostility to renewable energy.

Why, Mr Strong Choices? Why? Solar power is hot, powerful, strong and long-lasting. Why have you denied me this pleasure?

Advertisement

Yours,

MY, New Farm

STRONG CHOICES HULK SMASH HUSBAND’S FLACCID WILLY ON HEAVY IRON ANVIL. SEE HOW HUSBAND LIKE THAT WHEN WILLY DOCTORS ALL SACKED FROM HOSPITALS BECAUSE STRONG CHOICES HULK SMASHED THEM TOO. GAH!!!

14 Responses to ‘STRONG CHOICES WRITE MIGHTY SEX COLUMN. ’

Dave W mumbles...

Posted August 19, 2014
This strong choices character is truly the gift that keeps on giving. You Queenslander's are so lucky.

Bunyip mumbles...

Posted August 19, 2014
Yup. We only have.... umm...

Oh, yeah, Dennis the "No Worries" vet.

Zzzzzzzz....

Lulu would have you know...

Posted August 19, 2014
Bunyip, you forgot Geoff Shaw. OTOH, still a bit zzzzzz ...

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pi puts forth...

Posted August 19, 2014
Seriously though... does it actually even remotely look like these guys are going to get voted out? How many seats would they need to lose? Eleventy gazillion?


MickH mutters...

Posted August 19, 2014
Well in the last by-election they had a swing against them of over 18%
So yeah, probably, hope so. Whats more possible however is the prospect of Can-Do losing his seat

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Josh has opinions thus...

Posted August 19, 2014

I didn't live here in Qld (and was too young) during the Jo days. Is this what we're going back to ? Because if so, my home state is looking much better.

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Dino not to be confused with is gonna tell you...

Posted August 19, 2014
Captain,
It appears my comments are too risque for the 'Burger'.
Chious...

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Dino not to be confused with mutters...

Posted August 19, 2014
What do they call those flabby triceps?

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Dino not to be confused with ducks in to say...

Posted August 19, 2014
Torpedo away...

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Dino not to be confused with reckons...

Posted August 19, 2014
1975,
Whitlam gone cause of the GG Kerr.
WTF happened there?
When will Cosgrove have the balls to do 'somthing'?

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Dino not to be confused with has opinions thus...

Posted August 19, 2014
Captain,
I will be taking two personnel from the Ship.
Disembarking.
Job to do.
Hand to Hand.
I expect all of us will return.

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I hate gardens and gardening

Posted August 12, 2014 into Blunty by John Birmingham

They are hateful. But might soon tasty.

At Blunty.

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Give me back my $170

Posted July 29, 2014 into Blunty by John Birmingham

Global warming a scam? Excellent. Can I have my money back then, Mr Treasurer?

At Blunty.

Or, a personal fave, genuine complaints from the CIA cafeteria.

2. Condiments are serious business

“Please put back the individual packets of ketchup, mustard & mayonnaise. The large pump boxes of these items are not convenient to use, causing frustration & are not liked by many people.”

The above quote is merely a brief excerpt from a long and deeply impassioned rant praising the superiority of individual packets and detailing the brutal struggle of using the pumps. This poor employee even had to go through the strenuous effort of putting down his food and drink just to be able to obtain his condiment of choice. Clearly the CIA must act immediately to end this humanitarian crisis.

10 Responses to ‘Give me back my $170’

Lulu asserts...

Posted July 29, 2014
Your problem is likely that 2014 isn't an election year in Qld. It is in Vic, so my last water bill included a $100 bribe from the state govt's "fairer water bills initiative" (or some such). It seems to be $100 per household, regardless of size, so as a single person living in an apartment, that $100 is enough to cover approx 8 months of water.

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pi mutters...

Posted July 29, 2014
Some serious butt-hurt goin on in the comments of blunty.

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Anthony puts forth...

Posted July 29, 2014

the CIA Cafeteria complaints really stunned, shocked and amazed me...


The CIA employs vegans???

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan reckons...

Posted July 29, 2014
I adore large pump boxes.

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan asserts...

Posted July 29, 2014
In all fairness, even the small ones are good. What matters, really, is the combination of the two.

insomniac would have you know...

Posted July 29, 2014
medium?

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w from brisbane mumbles...

Posted July 29, 2014
I have an unhappy history with condiment sachets.
Both in getting them open and also in avoiding wearing the contents.

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Anthony reckons...

Posted July 29, 2014

At the risk of sounding Dinoish and paranoid, I'm not sure I'd trust the sachets. If they got them mixed up they might explode and blow your hand off.


Dino not to be confused with is gonna tell you...

Posted July 29, 2014
Anthony,
'and paranoid' is a tautology.
The only wetwork I ever did was in a cafeteria.
Knocked a glass of water over.
It was so embarrassing.
Locating the invisible.

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Dino not to be confused with ducks in to say...

Posted July 29, 2014
I need the cash JB.
Seriously.
As for the 150 I owe ya I'll pay ya when the Qld Gov'mint does.
Or before.
Probably before.
I am good for it.
Just wait a little longer...

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I will be forever grateful to Mr Strong Choices

Posted July 22, 2014 into Blunty by John Birmingham

When you're on deadline, without time to waste on blogging, he always come through.

At Blunty.

22 Responses to ‘I will be forever grateful to Mr Strong Choices’

BigWillieStyle mutters...

Posted July 22, 2014

Off topic. I bought a hardback copy of "Leviathan" from my local library yesterday. Fifty cents, it was. In the discarded pile out the front.

Are you entitled to a royalty?

insomniac reckons...

Posted July 22, 2014
Not sure about the royalty, but surely JB is entitled to some dignity

w from brisbane reckons...

Posted July 22, 2014
Checking on the online catalogue, the Brisbane library service still retains 7 copies of Leviathan, plus an electronic copy.
Which is an amazing accolade to JB's writing. Because obviously, it couldn't be the subject matter.

Rob would have you know...

Posted July 23, 2014


My beautiful top condition second hand copy of Leviathan arrived yesterday from jolly ole England. It cost one whole penny and 4 pound postage. be great if JB comes down to Hobart sometime soon,it will be my shout to make up for the lack of royalties.

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pitpat reckons...

Posted July 22, 2014
Ah Newman, the gift that keeps on giving

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Therbs swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted July 22, 2014
Queensland - A Game of Cletuses

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Quokka mutters...

Posted July 22, 2014
Therbs - Game of Drones, more like it.
I heard Canned Ooh on 612 yesterday muttering about mending fences or some such with the judiciary. I assume he'll use razor wire.

damian mumbles...

Posted July 22, 2014
Game of Thongs. Because there are so many places to which one should not go, and this lights the way with blazing neon.

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Legless mutters...

Posted July 22, 2014
Just heard that Mr Strong Choices is going to redouble his efforts in Queensland.

You poor, poor bastards......

Sharky asserts...

Posted July 22, 2014
Hi Legless
OT, but can u check your PM at the SP?

Cheers

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MickH is gonna tell you...

Posted July 22, 2014
I admit it.
I voted for Newman (but Labor won my seat)
I was over Bligh and her dysfunctional gang.
I wanted to give Can-do a go, you know, just to see how he'd go.
Holy shit!
I didn't expect:
The arrogance!
The bullying!
The attack on our Medical system!
The attack on our Judiciary system!
The fascism!!
The 'over-the-top' approach to dealing with bike gangs!
Pink jumpsuits? OMG! grow up!!

And don't get me started on the Federal fuckwits and NO I didn't vote for Abbott.
I Hate Abbot on many levels, I have for some time. When he became Prime Minister it was a case of Homer's 'Noooooooooooo' for me.

I'm seriously concerned with the turn Australian politics has taken towards the extreme right. Are these guys that out of touch with the average Aussie? Christ! its like we have aliens governing us. Certainly not Australians. or the typical Australian that I know.

I am so concerned that I am thinking of giving up my swinging voter status and joining the Labor party. (its only 5 bucks!)

We have to get this country back on track so many of us have to give up our Australian apathy and do something about it.

insomniac has opinions thus...

Posted July 22, 2014
Ms insomniac turned to the labor party last year. I would too but I don't get to vote

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tqft reckons...

Posted July 22, 2014
Gonna be tougher from 1 August when new standards from the Australian press Council apply.
While I am sure you could take their wet lettucing if you cross the line, Fairfax lawyers may not be so forgiving

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Anthony swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted July 22, 2014

New LNP slogan:


Making it even more Queensland!!!

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ShaneAlpha would have you know...

Posted July 22, 2014
HULK MAKE STRONG CHOICES!
PEOPLE NOT LIKE STRONG CHOICES!
HULK SAD.
PEOPLE STUPID.

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ShaneAlpha mutters...

Posted July 22, 2014
Birmo for PM!

(because, hey, in an alternate reality he's King)

A Bunny in every lap and a gold plated hovercraft in every garage!

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ShaneAlpha mutters...

Posted July 22, 2014
I'm starting to miss being stalked by Strong Choices on Twitter.
It was like going to High School with the bastard all over again.

There was Strong Choices, hanging out behind the bike shed, having a smoke.
There was Strong Choices, demanding lunch money with menaces.
And there, proudly, stood Strong Choices, king of wedgies, dead arms and swirlies.

God I hated that prick.

MickH mutters...

Posted July 23, 2014
Did you go to school with Can-Do?

ShaneAlpha puts forth...

Posted July 23, 2014
No. Was trying to humorously point out that , to me, the Strong Choices campaign made me fell like I was in high school, a target for a bully. Particularly the way it Twitter stalked you.

I have, however, met the man once at a public event. Like any other similar situation, it's courtesy all round because there's no point being a dick.

It's like meeting Birmo, you don't want to come across as a twat.

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BigWillieStyle mumbles...

Posted July 23, 2014
Bill O'Chee presents the other side of the story in today's Brisbane Times. Newman strong, Labor weak, Newman possibly greatest man ever born, Labor rack up debt for the fun of it, that sort of thing. Sheesh.

Now if you'll pardon me, I'm off to the penis enlargement people. It's the only way I can land my dream girl, Jacqui Lambie.

Darth Greybeard puts forth...

Posted July 23, 2014
Tough (strong?) choice there BWS. She also likes 'em rich so don't pay too much for the apinnadicktomy.

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Quokka mumbles...

Posted July 23, 2014
Let's not forget the superquarry they plan to foist upon the community at Tallebudgera. 300m from the nearest residence, in the middle of a wildlife habitat.

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