Cheeseburger Gothic

Emergence. The Dave's first spoiler thread

Posted January 1, 2015 into Books by John Birmingham

The time has come to throw open the sluice gates on Spoiler Dam. If you haven’t finished Emergence I’d advise you to stay the Hell away from the next couple of blog entries.

It’s been a week since The Dave arrived amongst us and the most pleasing thing for me has been the number of readers who’ve finished the book in just a couple of sittings. A few even ploughed through it all in one go on Christmas Day.

I didn’t set out to write a page turner this time. Seriously, I didn’t. What I wanted with this series was to write a fantasy book that I’d like to read. I’ve left behind my infamously ignorant dislike of any stories with magic in them, or at least I hope I have. I still mostly read SF or non fiction to relax, but Steve Stirling and later Peter V Brett have given me to understand that a little slice and dice action with a smattering of magic can be enormous fun. Peter F Hamilton seems to have gone the full mash up in his later Commonwealth novels.

With Dave I wanted to play in that field but also do a few other things. A couple of years ago I tried to interest my publishers in an updated ‘Flashman’ style character. I failed. But that failure sent me back to my note pad in effort to understand why and to come up with a character who could embody all of the best worst elements of George McDonald Fraser’s anti-hero, without falling afoul of what some call modern political correctness, but which I think of as merely being modern manners.

Dave is my Flashman.

He is also, as I said in the acknowledgments an attempt to reframe one of the greatest frustrations I have with both SF and fantasy - the idea of the unslayable monster. Dr Who, especially in the Lethbridge-Stewart era, exemplified this. You had UNIT, a specially designed special forces outfit, tasked with fighting aliens and monsters. They had all of the killing power then available to an advanced industrial civilisation. And not once do I recall them even scratching one of the big bads.

Not good enough, Doctor. Simply not good enough. This whole thing reached an apotheosis for me with Reign of Fire. I went into that film expecting to enjoy two hours of dragons being torn apart by heat seeking missiles. I left gravely disappointed.

Dave is my answer to this.

And finally, Dave is the book I should have written when I first decided to write thrillers. It’s funny. Deliberately, calculatedly funny. It’s been a pleasure to see how much people have enjoyed laughing their way through this book. The next two instalments are even funnier.

I started out as a comic writer, at least in books. It’s what I was first known for, and to a lot of people it’s what I should have stuck to. But that way lies stagnation and boredom. I had to take the business of thrillers seriously, before I could relax enough to start being funny again. I also needed to find the right voice tell that sort of story.

Dave has that voice. And there are a few more coming to join him.

123 Responses to ‘Emergence. The Dave's first spoiler thread’

insomniac swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 1, 2015
It becomes a page turner. For me it started slow, even with Dave killing Urgon on the rig. Even the lols were spaced apart. At about the halfway mark it started as accelerating in action and lols. I read the last half in one sitting. I like the parallels between Dave and the Thresh. The sole survivor aspect, the font of knowledge regarding the opposition, and the leading the pack but not leading thing, being pushed to the front albeit reluctantly. Using the language of the blog, blunty, popular culture brings a plain englishness simplicity and beauty to the writing as well. It is so hard to pull off but you have done it and done it well. I thoroughly enjoyed the book and wish the next wasn't so far off. ThanksI also found a couple of typos if you are interested. I believe the candy stripper should be a candy striper, and a Fangr is missing an r on p227.

John Birmingham puts forth...

Posted January 1, 2015
I am so glad you picked up on the similarities between Dave and the thresh. I actually didn't until I'd written half the book, but when I did, that link revealed itself as a whole subtext that could underpin the series. It becomes very important in the later books, the next of which you'll be able to read at the end of Feb.

Darth Greybeard asserts...

Posted January 1, 2015
Oh damn. Knowing Dave I thought she really was a candy stripper.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 1, 2015
I have a fever. And the only prescription is more thresh.

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Mayhem puts forth...

Posted January 1, 2015
Confession time! I wasn't sure I'd enjoy this book, and to start with I didn't. I tend to visualise what I'm reading, and frankly, I don't enjoy blood and gore.
However, unlike some, I persevered! I was intrigued when Dave woke up in the hospital with nary a scratch. I was hooked when it became obvious that he had been physically and psychically altered by his encounter with, and defeat of Urgon.
I also wanted to know what happened to Dave's crew mates. Good to know that Vince and J2 and others made it out. I'm hoping that their roles will be expanded in the forthcoming sequels?! Of Dave's new posse, I'm only hating on Compton at the moment, so hopefully he'll be sliced right through the neckbeard.
Then there's Lucille! What an awesome name, though I'll admit to a brief vision of Ricky Ricardo bouncing around singing "Loooossssiieee I'm hoooommme". Feel free to blame that on the lateness of the hour, and my medication. Nonetheless I have decided that my new Robomaid will be named Lucille! (You have to name them, it's in the instructions). Back on topic, there's obviously a lot more to Lucille than meets the eye. I'm sure that we'll learn more about her in time??!!?
If I had a complaint, just a teensy niggle, it's that I hate when writers use tongue twister names. Htoth, for example. How exactly DO you pronounce that. OTOH, that's the only one that really annoyed me, hopefully, there won't be too much more of that in the sequels.
Overall, once I got past my initial squeamishness, I found the story a lot of fun. I like Dave, warts and all. Even a hero needs a bit of hookers and blow to wind after a hard day battling the Horde.

Darth Greybeard puts forth...

Posted January 1, 2015
Try sneezing it. "h'TOTH!" (bless you)

John Birmingham has opinions thus...

Posted January 1, 2015
Yep, the Beard got it

John Birmingham ducks in to say...

Posted January 1, 2015
And hate on Compton all you like. I have something special planned for him. You will literally never guess.You're right about Lucille, too. There is a lot more to her than meets the eye.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mumbles...

Posted January 1, 2015
I'm hoping Compton gets eaten by the Low Queen.

Blarkon mumbles...

Posted January 1, 2015
So she's an autobot?

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan ducks in to say...

Posted January 1, 2015
Are you referring to the Low Queen or to Lucille?

Mayhem is gonna tell you...

Posted January 1, 2015
Goody! I may literally never guess what's going to happen to Compton, but could he maybe Die with a Felafel in his hand? Horribly?

tqft is gonna tell you...

Posted January 2, 2015
I am hoping Compton holds out on necessary info so dave slices him to suck all the knowledge out

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan reckons...

Posted January 1, 2015
I detested the comedy, as a person of my dignity and bearing must admit. It distracted me from the implicit sex and the explicit violence. I primarily read this thing in airport lounges, car rental queues and courtrooms waiting for my case to be called. Every time I laughed out loud involuntarily it resulted in social - and, when in court, professional - embarrassment. One judge in LA asked me if I wanted to "share the joke with everyone." I said no.

Notwithstanding my personal distaste for Mr. Birmingham's attempts to be "funny" I do have some favorite lines, including but not limited to:

“Damnedest thing I’ve ever seen,” he said again and again. “And I grew up in Baltimore.”

“It was a Hunn. Some sort of soldier beast or demon or something. Orc’s close enough, I guess, if you really want to get sued by the Tolkien estate.”

“He knew the difference between appropriate and inappropriate boners.”

“Secondary source material yields answers with ease to those who are functionally literate.”

“Listen to Professor Compton, would you? He’s a professor and he has a neck beard. You don’t so he wins this round." [This is the one that almost got me cited for contempt of court.]

“Be very quiet. Hunting wabbits. I know. I’m on it.”

“She smirked, all ham and wry.”

“His problem is he never gets laid, Dave thought.”

“Hello, Hooper. I see you’re still hanging around like a fart in a telephone booth.”

“She had her autism to make her a little scary.”

“Better to just take off and nuke them from orbit,” Dave said.
“Only way to be sure.” Igor grinned.

“Monster first. Hotties later.”

“Yeah. Be cool. Super Dave’s got this.”

“Talons screeched on tiles as the creature scrabbled for purchase.” [A fucking piece of poetry.]

“He was just a casual chocolate-lovin’ mother- fucker, was all.”

"Cock-punching an enormous monster penis was among the most unpleasant things he’d ever had to do in his life.:

“Dave roared his own shkriaa as the great wedge of American steel sliced through the BattleMaster’s armor, hide, sinew, and bone, bisecting him diagonally from shoulder to hip in a geyser of blood and horror.” [More poetry.]

And my favorite –

“Maybe a lawyer would be better.”

I have a personal observation: the most important character in the whole book is someone we didn't see even once - Annie's douche bag lawyer, Vietch. It was Dave's hatred for this guy that pushed him over the top, providing him with the mojo Dave needed to charge at and kill Urgon. If not for Vietch, Dave would have been killed and eaten.

insomniac would have you know...

Posted January 1, 2015
In attempts to talk to my ex about the kids, I understand the pent up rage Dave experiences. You know how people joke about not being able to hang up a cordless phone; phone meet edge of coffee table is an effective method, often resulting in the purchase of a new phone.

John Birmingham mumbles...

Posted January 1, 2015
Hahaha. I forgot some of those.

she_jedi asserts...

Posted January 1, 2015
"...where the broken seat spring speared into his butt like the shrimp fork of an angry little vengeance demon."
That was my first laugh out loud really loudly moment. I also loved "penile biohazard".

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan asserts...

Posted January 2, 2015
I can't remember the first time I laughed out loud. I started highlighting stuff that jumped out after quite a few pages fairly late in the book.

Actually, my favorite laughs were realizing that the "red-roofed stone temple" was a McDonald's and the "ruined village" was a construction site. I've never read such strong POV. Most authors give hints that allow the reader to know what the non human characters encountering human works and culture are looking at. Not this time, and it was great. Really powerful demon POV. Every time the demons were present in the book.

pitpat ducks in to say...

Posted January 2, 2015
' He knew that the way he knew that burgers needed beer'

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan ducks in to say...

Posted January 2, 2015
Yes!!!! I remember that one but couldn't find it.

Although, I don't know if I can place my lips on a bottle of Old Persuader any time soon...

Brother PorkChop swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 2, 2015
Couldn't help but trot out the Old Persuader, eh?I read purely for pleasure, and there was plenty in this, thank you. It was one of those reads that I read only at that time with very little retained so I am actually looking forward to a re-read over the next 3 weeks sometime.I look forward to learning more about the monsters as well - I guess you can often do more with them than the humans.

Murphy mumbles...

Posted January 2, 2015
Ole Persuader is a character in his own right!
Respects,
Murph
On the Outer Marches

Mayhem ducks in to say...

Posted January 2, 2015
As is the Blubber Eel.

Duchess Jo would have you know...

Posted January 2, 2015
That was my first lol too she_jedi, and I believe the first Whedonism of the book.

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Blarkon has opinions thus...

Posted January 1, 2015
The humor has always been there. When I picked up WoC, one of the things that kept me reading was that there was a humor behind it that was sorely lacking in SF/Technothrillers - which always took themselves so *seriously*.
The experiment with the politically incorrect hero will be an interesting one. My feeling is that the "gatekeepers" of SF/F today are more concerned with a work's progressive credentials than they are with plot, characterization, and style - and that they will attack the work based upon the character's attitudes (rather than the authors).
(There was an interesting study that I saw referenced that showed that even when an audience sees that someone in an experiment is asked to argue a viewpoint that they personally disagree with, the majority of the audience ascribes that viewpoint to the person. Which may explain why authors are believed to have the same opinions of their characters)
Of course as you're aiming at a mainstream market, you may neatly sidestep all the confected rage suggesting that a flawed fictional character represents the subconscious predilections of the author.

John Birmingham puts forth...

Posted January 1, 2015
Yeah, we've discussed this. Murph will probably side with you, but I don't expect it to be a big deal. I don't move in those circles and these books are meant to be sold at Walmart. Interestingly, the publishers were alive to the issue. There was an entire character arc I had to remove from Emergence because it revealed Dave to be a casual racist. Guilty about it, and defensive, but still a congenital bigot beneath all of his 'modern manners', such as they are.It was, in draft, a hugely important element of the tension between Dave and Heath. The publishers accepted that. Acknowledged it. And still asked me to take it out, because of the reasons you cite.They were my US pubs. The Australians cared less about that than they did Dave's homophobia. They dialled that back too, although it is still there and becomes a crucial element of book 2. The problem with having a 'perfect' unflawed hero is that he or she has nowhere to grow.

Blarkon would have you know...

Posted January 1, 2015
Hope it isn't an issue as you don't deserve the crap.
As someone recently said, social media has acceleratedthe "death of context" - where as snippet is posted and outrage expressed with few going back to the source to understand the context of the snippet.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 1, 2015
I would have welcomed Dave as a casual racist. So many Americans are and don't realize it. It would have added another flaw to an already delightfully flawed character. Dave is appealing because he is flawed, because he is human. And it would have made for some interesting introspection with the potential for change as the story evolved.

John Birmingham ducks in to say...

Posted January 1, 2015
My point, 'zactly. But the editors, probably wisely, took Orin's instead.

Mayhem would have you know...

Posted January 1, 2015
What PNB said.

damian reckons...

Posted January 1, 2015
The introspection and transformation thing - I reckon it's there anyway. But yeah, totally. The cool thing is having the characters' flaws draw out the readers', and then their growth provides an avenue for the reader to grow too, not directly confrontational and that is the way people do seem to work on being better people. Not that this sort of book should be didactic as such, it's just an interesting side effect of good humour and anti-heroes.

Murphy_of_Missouri would have you know...

Posted January 1, 2015
It won't matter that the references were removed. Someone will infer them where they do not textually exist anyway.
And if the novels end up at Wal-Mart, as some of the Stross novels have, then you have won. They'll sell. Trust me.
As for the Tempest in a Teacup, Anxiety Annie Brigades, the less one invests in them, the better.
Respects,
Murph
On the Outer Marches

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damian reckons...

Posted January 1, 2015
Return to a comic voice - very welcome. There are already too many serious things in the world.

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Berto swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 1, 2015
Yes Compton/Harold ( from neighbours ) does deserve a kick in the nuts but without him starting a war we wouldn't get another two books.I can't say I have really warmed to any characters yet as I did with the Rhino or Jules but I do like the Thresh he is Gollum like in his sneaky self serving ways.

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Surtac would have you know...

Posted January 1, 2015
So if Dave is your Flashman, John, who's your McAuslan? :)

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Therbs puts forth...

Posted January 1, 2015
I agreed with Compton getting the gunships to chop up the horde. They were never gonna go back and tell their bitch queen what happened without her sending more of those damn hangover gorillas back into our world.The thresh is gonna come up with all sorts of sneaky shenanigans. I can see it becoming the demons' Time Magazine "Monster of The Year", the talk of the bloodpots.Lucille, Dave's circuit to demon lore, massive hunger and monster size boners. What a gal.And dragons. Fkn firebreathing oversized flying lizards. Interesting to see if any F35's go up against them. My one criticism is that this book seemed too short.That's it, time to go and get rid of my own NYE hangover gorillas.

John Birmingham puts forth...

Posted January 1, 2015
It is shorter than the previous books,by about one whole Felafel. Partly that's about Amazon's algorithms. Partly about the franchise character format. With Dave as the only (human) PoV you just don't get the multiple story arcs that fatten up the previous series. That's both a good and bad thing. I found the first 12 months on this series really hard work because as often and as desperately as I begged the publishers to let me to the supporting cast in PoV, they said no. These are Dave's books.It meant I had a lot of trouble understanding the other characters. It wasn't writing them so I wasn't getting inside their heads. It was a particular issue with Emmeline. In the end I had to redo some chapters in their voices, and write other unpublished chapters from their PoV just to find wtf they were thinking. As an upside, all that work means ebooks! None of them from Dave's perspective.

Abe Frellman ducks in to say...

Posted January 1, 2015
As I was reading your response to Therbs, JB, I thought, 'Surely that would lend itself to ebooks from the perspectives of each of the Scooby Gang?'
Huzzah!

Therbs has opinions thus...

Posted January 1, 2015
I originally thought about waiting a few months and getting all three at once but,well, screw that. Interesting about the cuts and writing the extra POV's. E-books ftw.Also I reckon it seemed short because it flows well which means quicker reading.

Darth Greybeard is gonna tell you...

Posted January 2, 2015
The monsters are almost the most interesting characters to me. They've been penned up down there (and how big is "down there"?) for about 10,000 years yet there are hints that some of them may remember the surface, not just through inherited or race memory but in person. Despite their vaguely gorilla/baboonish appearance, their internal organs and eye-stalks etc argue something utterly different from and perhaps unrelated to any other earth life. And all that pales before their society. So many nerd questions...
  • There are no (obviously) female ur Hunn though from the junk-punching (snicker) they display sexual dimorphism. How do they reproduce? A bee-like queen producing eggs for Fangr, Hunn, Threshrend etc? That would produce an almost all-male society (boring) which, if they had human attributes, might explain the hunting/fighting obsessions.
  • They seem to have a pretty rigid code of honour, samuri style. That, as in medieval Japan, might act to stabilise a feudal type society, along with long lifespans and the two-edged sword of race memory.
  • And what are their lifespans? How about technology? They have some metallurgy but is that it? Do they ride those dragons? Do they have written language or is that unnecessary in a culture with psychic communication, even between different castes. Such questions, so nerd.
And Therbs, while I see that Compton's attack was necessary as a plot device, I disagree that he should have done it in practical terms. Given what we know about the Daemons, they might very well have stuck to the bargain and pulled back permanently. Bushido and all. But now we're oathbreakers, enemies without honour to be defeated, degustated and defecated in that order.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 2, 2015
All good questions, good points. I, Boylan, approve.

But you left out possibly the most important question: what the fuck is a "Sky Lord" and do we really want to know? I am damned curious, but, deep down, I hope we never find out. Like the cause for "the Wave" in the After America series, it can and possibly should be a means to an end that creates a mystery that will never be solved.

Because it cannot be solved to anyone's satisfaction. The mystery is powerful and endless. The answer would be inescapably trite, a inevitable denouement.

Unless it isn't. Maybe John can pull it off. If he goes that way, I sure hope it isn't super powerful alien protectors of Mankind.

Unless it is Zenu. That would be fairly funny.

pitpat mutters...

Posted January 2, 2015
And what about when the sun comes up ?

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan asserts...

Posted January 2, 2015
Then the monsters fry. My guess it is ultra violet sensitivity.

Brother PorkChop is gonna tell you...

Posted January 2, 2015
Perhaps the mysterious Skylords caused the WAVE? I wouldn't put it past John to hint at a link.

Darth Greybeard mutters...

Posted January 2, 2015
Clearly anyone who does not know who "Sky Lord" is has missed the recent Guardians of the Galaxy movie.
Groot vs the Daemons?

Therbs reckons...

Posted January 2, 2015
Skylords are from a time travelling aircraft carrier.

tqft is gonna tell you...

Posted January 2, 2015
SkyLords was going to be my question.
I have an idea though. Given that the physics of planets doesn't really allow for the Thresh to be below. Some transdimensional shenanigans needs to be happening. That makes it amenable to magic (Thresh) and tech (humans).

pi swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 2, 2015
I gotta admit, I was thiking about it from Compton's point of view at the end. Why have a truce? Why not try and kick their ass?

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Duchess Jo is gonna tell you...

Posted January 1, 2015
I loved it. Devoured it in two sittings, and that's not something I do much these days. Loved the mix of humour, action, personality, and a paucity of detailed description that nimbly avoided clashing with my imagination.
I have a thing to say though. It took me a while to find words for it. I'm anticipation blowback, but I'll plough ahead whatever and if you don't like it you can take it out on whatever alien life form makes itself available.
I'm female, and that's probably not your target audience. Fine - I'm used to that - can't please everyone - etc. But my enjoyment was hampered by necessarily identifying with the female characters. They got to say a few clever things, get unwittingly (perhaps) close to a superhuman boner and then not have any fun with it, muck about with iPads, and throw a punch (woot!). So my reading experience was the kind of fun you get watching other people have a great adventure, while you sit there feeling kind of clever (Jargon Lady - lol) with an unrequited lady boner. Sigh.
Thanks though - it really is a fab book : )

John Birmingham puts forth...

Posted January 1, 2015
Nah, I get that. Two things. Think of Emergence as Part 1. There is another female character coming at the end of Part 2 who so dominates and constrains Dave that most of the copy edit in Part 3 involved making her less awesome.There's also an important Emmeline arc in book 2 that starts to frame Dave's women problem are something a little more serious than just being a douche bag.

John Birmingham swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 1, 2015
Oh, and that female character is getting her own ebook.

she_jedi reckons...

Posted January 1, 2015
I agree somewhat with the Duchess; same issue, being a female reader my perspective is slightly different to the target audience. I skew toward more "masculine" style entertainment in my movies and books, so I'm used to having only one or two female characters in a sea of testosterone to relate to, and when those female characters begin to kick arse it's all the more enjoyable for their scarcity, however much I want them to be in the majority.
I think the difference for me, having followed the gestation of Dave so closely on the blog, is reading it in the knowledge that this was part 1 of the trilogy, and its role is to set the scene, create the conflict, and introduce the main players. So I accepted the constraints this placed on the first book and appreciated it for the role it has to play in order to bring us parts 2 & 3. If Emmeline didn't get more page time and more opportunities to unleash that epic intellect of hers in the next one I would have been disappointed but you've reassured me. Also I would have been deeply shocked if you had gone full boys club in this one, after Caitlin, Jules and the smorgasbord of strong female officers in Axis of Time.
One of the things i enjoyed the most in the Axis of Time trilogy was the contrast between the 21st century women and the 1940s men, and the shock, outrage and fear that this produced on either side. It really showed how far we've come in the last 50 years, even if sometimes it feels we've not come far enough.
Anyway, getting back to the Dave, I enjoyed the evolution of my affection for Dave. It went from mild pity and repulsion at the beginning, where he really demonstrates how deeply flawed and self destructive he is, to fully cheering the dawning of his new self awareness and the emerging potential of his redemption. I found myself hoping his kids end up with a functional father they can be proud of. You captured that guilt, defiance, and self contempt of a failed parent really well, but didn't smack us in the face with it every time we needed to be reminded that Dave is a douche, but just had it threaded gently throughout the story. This enabled me to simultaneously agree that Dave was a douche, cheer him on his evolution, and hope for Emmeline's sake she gets to go full academic on his superman boner at some stage.
That's some feat of balancing different elements of story and character, and really really clever writing. I really loved this book. I shotgunned it in two days because I had work commitments, but now I'm re-reading it in the analogue version more slowly so I can appreciate it properly this time. I can't wait for the next one. I'm so grateful that I only have to wait a couple of months for the next installment, and not a year+ the way publishing schedules usually seem to work.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan reckons...

Posted January 1, 2015
I know, I know - your screen name is indicative, but I thought you were a bloke (with a strong feminine side).

John Birmingham has opinions thus...

Posted January 1, 2015
They way it's working at the moment in book 2 Dave thinks his super hero embiggening is going to free him from all the women who wouldn't Let Dave Be Dave. By the end of the series... Not so much. Can't really explain without getting into big spoilers, but Murph will confirm that Dave gets a schoolin'

she_jedi would have you know...

Posted January 1, 2015
All right, I'm looking forward to Dave getting a schoolin'!

Professor Boylan, I'm strangely tickled that you thought I was a bloke with a strong feminine side :)

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan asserts...

Posted January 1, 2015
I'm glad you are delighted. It makes me feel very out of touch.

Murphy ducks in to say...

Posted January 2, 2015
Dave receives a fair bit of compulsory, unwanted education and not just from strong women.
It tends be very much akin to water upon a rock with The Dave.
Respects,MurphOn the Outer Marches

pedrogb has opinions thus...

Posted January 2, 2015
Ok, so a couple of places back JB mentions Dave being embiggened. JB, is there, by any chance, any cromulate performances in the 2nd coming of Dave? Cause that would make my year.And I read Emergence twice before end of Christmas Day,(cause I have one of those jobs, picture Homer at his control panel, 7 hours work on Christmas eve and a few Xmas day meant I got lots of reading done and my favourite new expression is "cockchafer"I was laughing out loud at the panel, the person inside the chamber was questioning "what was going on out there?"Can't wait for No.2

John Birmingham has opinions thus...

Posted January 2, 2015
You will just have to wait, Pedro. But not for long.

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morrie mumbles...

Posted January 1, 2015
Was great. Went thru it in three days, even with relos from the east and kid wrangling. Really liked the context issue that came up - the seals had trained but not for this context.

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NBlob would have you know...

Posted January 1, 2015
I greatly enjoyed it. More than anything else I've read with *Magical Themes* in a decade or more. Prof Boylan nailed some but not all of my favourite lines. The return to Birmo Laffs is very welcome. Must be hard not to cut a line on the 4th or 5th read when all the laughs have worn off.
More to come but my 1st offering.

NBlob ducks in to say...

Posted January 1, 2015
Take 5Required excessive tweaking, as cut & posterised from Ifondle notepad. If this don't work imagunna freak.

NBlob mumbles...

Posted January 1, 2015
Fk this.The Wah you just made the list.

NBlob mutters...

Posted January 1, 2015
Negative ghost rider, I am crisped up like a sourdough crouton. The Arsehat Armada are out in force.I'm trying to post, but for some reason the Gate Ghoul is bouncing me. Either by consuming my layout or rejecting it all together.Let's try again.

NBlob is gonna tell you...

Posted January 1, 2015
Nope.Is there a maximum number of *return* in a post? I'm trying to post lyrics. It ain't happening.

John Birmingham swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 1, 2015
Are you pasting from Word? That won't work.

NBlob swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 1, 2015
Nope, note pad on fondle slab

Darth Greybeard mutters...

Posted January 2, 2015
Something odd has happened with returns not producing line breaks. You can force a line break by inserting br between < and > at the end. (I can't just type
because that's what it does.)

she_jedi ducks in to say...

Posted January 2, 2015
Yes! That's why my neatly formatted post on the female perspective ended up as one long rant and not carefully considered paragraphs. Although I've discovered if you enter twice it'll add a single line break. Go figure.

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Abe Frellman swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 1, 2015
Really enjoyed it, especially the clever use of voice. (Just magick.)
I did have a question about the minions, but the good thing with iBooks is that you can run a search and it turns out that you'd already answered it when the minion eaten by the Thresh was introduced.
(ie: Minion do indeed seem to be subordinate to the same queen as the rest of them.)

Abe Frellman has opinions thus...

Posted January 1, 2015
PS Yay for us... Nobody has mentioned the 'lady boner'.

Abe Frellman would have you know...

Posted January 1, 2015
D'oh!

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan ducks in to say...

Posted January 1, 2015
I didn't mention the 'lady boner" because there is no such thing. It is a cruel and mean spirited myth.

insomniac mumbles...

Posted January 1, 2015
That's what someone who hasn't been on the end of one would say.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan ducks in to say...

Posted January 1, 2015
Thank you so much for making me feel sexually inadequate/inexperienced.

insomniac is gonna tell you...

Posted January 1, 2015
No problemo

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan reckons...

Posted January 2, 2015
I asked my wife about that "lady boner" thing.

What are you, sick or something??

insomniac ducks in to say...

Posted January 2, 2015
That is an interesting response. She may just be answering your needs as a man.
Whenever I go to the doctor, ie I'm sick, and my wife asks what the doctor said, I always respond with, "He said we have to make love vigorously every day". She cares not for the opinion of medical men, but it seems your wife might.

Brother PorkChop asserts...

Posted January 2, 2015
I worked with one particularly crude but very funny female who referred to it as a "wide on.".

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan asserts...

Posted January 2, 2015
Oh! A Wide On. Why didn't someone say so sooner?

Now I feel socially awkward.

pi ducks in to say...

Posted January 2, 2015
Jeez... get with the program. I've known that one for 25 years.

Respond to this thread

Anthony swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 1, 2015

I didn't think of Lucille in term of Lucille Ball (although she does have a very red head when Dave gets through).

I immediately thought of BB King's guitar and the Little Richard song "Lucille, why can't you be true?" and I'm always suspicious of magic weapons. E.g. Terry Pratchett's King or Michael Moorecock's Stormbringer (although all Stormbringer really wanted to retire as a ploughshare).



Anthony swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 1, 2015
That's the sword "Krang" not "King" - I blame this damned possessed evil tablet!

Surtac is gonna tell you...

Posted January 1, 2015
"although all Stormbringer really wanted to retire as a ploughshare"
Have to disagree. Iirc Stormbringer and Mournblade wanted to kill ( and eat the souls of) everybody.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan has opinions thus...

Posted January 2, 2015
You immediately thought of BB King because Dave did, too.

“B.B. King named all of his guitars Lucille. I’m thinking of naming this baby here. Lucille would work.”

Chaz puts forth...

Posted January 2, 2015
Stormbringer has one purpose to bring as much evil into the world, hence its little speech when Elric dies.

Respond to this thread

NBlob asserts...

Posted January 1, 2015
I was a little confused by the hierarchy of the Thrall.Where does the Threshend fit in?
Also in the Boss Battle, do Apache have door gunners? Or doors?

Murphy ducks in to say...

Posted January 2, 2015
There is no reason for the word, "Apache," to appear anywhere in Book One. The aircraft that should be there are Seahawks, Osprey, Cobras, and if memory serves they were trying to get A-10s up.
If it is there, it shouldn't be. It isn't in any of the documents I have and I would have flagged it immediately.
And to answer your question, no, Apaches do not have door gunners.

By way of possible explanation, Dave works very hard to remain militantly ignorant of matters military. He may, as some often do, call something by the wrong name. Without a finished copy at hand (in some ways, I am just as much in the dark as others) it is hard to say.
My fear is that someone other than John and I may have flipped a word for some reason. I hope that isn't what happened.

Respects,MurphOn the Outer Marches

Chaz asserts...

Posted January 2, 2015

That's what I liked about the bookas a lot is form daves POV it is his perception so the techbabble is low.

Now obvious mistakes I could see. :))


NBlob is gonna tell you...

Posted January 2, 2015

My mistake, Cobras not Apache.

Should teach me for nit-picking without the source material in front of me.

P315

"Three cobras were working the kill zone now. Miniguns, rockets, and door gunners were churning up the field."

I read it as WOG not Dave's Mil-ignorant perspective.

Murphy mumbles...

Posted January 2, 2015
Well, the sentence holds up. The Cobras probably aren't the only thing working over the field. Though that follow on sentence should say as much.
Lot happier that it is a minor edit rather than a major mistake.
Respects,
Murph
On the Outer Marches

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WT Gator would have you know...

Posted January 2, 2015
Warning: Spoilers!
Phrasing is very important to me when I read. There were several phrases in the book that made me mentally clap my hands on glee. "Elegant sufficiency" was one of them. My mother taught us not to say that we were stuffed after dinner but that we had "elegant sufficiency of enoughness". She was a funny woman. This is a funny book.
I picked this up expecting a thriller. The first chapter almost made me throw it away, it was so testosterone laden. I mentioned that in Twitter. I'm so happy I persisted. As soon as the monsters appeared, I just became a grinning, drooling fangoil. And so I remain.
Loved the final chapter. You shot the fucking dragon. How fucking cool was that. Die, Drakon, die. Yeahhhhh. Very satisfying.

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coota reckons...

Posted January 2, 2015
Loved it. Finished it in two days while watching the cricket and kid wrangling, love Christmas in Sydney.
I'm not going to write a lengthy review, suffice to say, I enjoyed the lols, really enjoyed the single pov, grew to like Dave and keen to see what happens to Allen (Daves super soldier wing man perhaps). Well done JB on another page turner!
PS Harry Flashman is one of life's great anti heroes and my favourite character of all time.

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Chaz asserts...

Posted January 2, 2015
I just want to know when you're going to change that publicity photo as its a bit old now.......

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NBlob asserts...

Posted January 2, 2015

Take 6. Copied in from MS Notepad.

As I tried to say Above, Prof Boylan* picked some of the Cracker 1 liners, But not the one that stuck in my head. Below is what resulted from many tedious hours @ work + Birmo's brain worm.

* How easily I can see him in the cheap seats at the back of the courtroom, furrowed brow & highlighter pen, occasionally bursting out in inappropriate laughter. "A humorous deposition counsellor?" "No your worship, a cock-punch."


Hello nausea, my old friend
I’ve come to ride with you again.
Like a fool I was grinning
'Till the room started spinning
And the liquor that I planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of excess

And with luck I staggered home
Apart from regret all alone
‘Spite the halo of a streetlamp
It was harder than BootCamp.
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a coppers light
That split the night
And showed my stream of excess

And in the naked light I saw
I'z pissing on a church wall
I legged it without even speaking
I cleared a fence that was badly listing
My button fly was open to the world
I didn't care
The head-long run of excess.

“Fools” laughed I, I made it home
Stained, bleeding & no phone.
I made tea and switched on the TV
I watched Rage for a while see
But the world started spinning like a unpleasant ride.
I headed for the toilet

Now to the porcelain I pray
I wish the room it wouldn't sway
My gorge it is totally rising
Bile, beer and a kebab surging
Peristalsis is 'supposed to be one way
Avoid getting any on the walls
And hands or floor halls
And whispered please for mercy”

© 1964 Words John Birmingham & NBlob, Music by Paul Simon

NBlob is gonna tell you...

Posted January 2, 2015

Well FMD.

It appears to have worked.


tqft asserts...

Posted January 2, 2015
The helicopter nausea read like first hand experience - Murph?

Murphy puts forth...

Posted January 2, 2015
Hah! Sadly, I never got to ride in a helicopter when I was in the Army. In fact, I did not get a ride in one until Christmas 2013 when my Mom got us a flying tour of KC as her present to us.
About the only thing I noticed about the experience is that the wind likes to shove against them as opposed to airplanes which slice through.

Also, I didn't get hangovers until my mid-thirties and even now, rarely.

Maybe JB had such an experience . . .

Respects,
Murph
On the Outer Marches

John Birmingham reckons...

Posted January 2, 2015
Indeed.

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pi has opinions thus...

Posted January 2, 2015
I read the last half of the book after getting home from an all day new years day concert at the sidney myer music bowl by Above and Beyond. How's that for dedication.

Gripping page turner? I'm thinking... yes.

John Birmingham puts forth...

Posted January 2, 2015
The rest of you are dropped. Pi is my new favourite

she_jedi has opinions thus...

Posted January 2, 2015
Yes but did Pi stay up to 1am reading it for a second time?? I think not :P

John Birmingham ducks in to say...

Posted January 2, 2015
Pi is dropped. She-Jedi is my new favourite.

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pi reckons...

Posted January 2, 2015
Fair enough really.

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she_jedi asserts...

Posted January 2, 2015
Something that occurred to me while thinking about the choose your own adventure with The Dave thread above, is that I'd forgotten to mention a really nice scientific touch you put into the book. When the minion was chowing down on a nice chubby gangbanger, it was marveling at the sweetness of the man meat because it's race memory was really sure our Paleolithic and Neanderthal ancestors were a lot stringier and chewier. I also loved how this time around we were marbled with lovely lovely gluttony coma inducing fat. Almost as if we'd evolved in Wagyu humans.

Which made me wonder if that was the reason Neanderthals got sexy with our early human ancestors? Because they were getting eaten by monsters and had to band together for survival of the species?

Greg, Dan, what are your thoughts? Oh! And I nominate an SE2KB / The Dave crossover episode to discuss this!

Darth Greybeard puts forth...

Posted January 2, 2015
Wait! That's, that's genius! Comedy timing, physically...well not so impressive but he could work on that. A lot. The Wah should absolutely play Dave. I think it was the Wagyu human idea that did it. Tasty marbled Greg...

John Birmingham mutters...

Posted January 2, 2015
This is bizarre. The column I filed yesterday made a joke about bankers being human wagyu.

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Sparty2 asserts...

Posted January 2, 2015
great voice. And the real return of humour really welcome. To be honest it was the humour in the first half of the first axis of time that Mrs end think it was more than another "dumb techno thriller' ( which it wasn't anyway!). I think it will read really well as one complete volume once dave completes his character journey. Oh an I know it might get be a Dave incomplete knowledge POV issue but tick in chopper rather than collective?

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sibeen has opinions thus...

Posted January 3, 2015
I searched high and low for a Juneau moment in this book, just for bragging rights, but, alas I couldn't find one. Well edited. I think there was only one sentence in the book that seemed to jar with me.


Now I may be talking through my arse here, but I feel there should be quite a few kudos hurled Murph's way. In JB's previous tomes, where the military was involved it always read to me as 'wrong'. Not the tech, not the explosions but the interaction between military personnel. The way the ranks treated each other always felt stilted. I did 9 years wearing a funny green uniform for a living, albeit a very long time ago and the way the military characters connect with each other reads truer.

Murphy_of_Missouri ducks in to say...

Posted January 3, 2015
Hmm, I remember reading Weapons of Choice and feeling that one of John's great strengths is that he did get the interaction right with the military. The problems generally tended to be technical.
Ask me to sort out Australian Army Regiments sometime and see what kind of luck I'd have with it without the help of someone like Havock or others.
In this trilogy I think Readers will notice a decided deemphasis on what I generally refer to as, "milporn details." I think that is a good thing.
Oh, we worked VERY HARD to make sure we got the State Capitals right this time. :)
Respects,
Murph
On the Outer Marches

sibeen mumbles...

Posted January 3, 2015


The problems generally tended to be technical.

And they're ones that I'd never get involved with. I left the Oz Army at the end of '87 and have had nothing to do with the military ever since. I'd know as much as your average civvy wallah about Mil tech as your next goombah. So wouldn't even attempt that.

What the fuck was the Apache / Cobra brouhaha about above?

:)

NBlob is gonna tell you...

Posted January 4, 2015

That'd be me.

One of the things I love about Birmo / Murph works is; they are like sinking into a bath - a full immersion. That was one of 3 (from memory) sentences that jarred, like a cake of soap in the small of your back, that made me go back & read the paragraph again.

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GhostSwirv ducks in to say...

Posted January 3, 2015

I'm a little late to this party, having just returned from the sun-kissed wilds of Apollo Bay, nestled amidst the Otways with the Great Southern Ocean as a backdrop ... but by Odin's beard and Thor's hammer JB you have hit a Thresh right out of the ballpark with this tome.
I loved every bloody morsel of Dave's transformation from an 'Everyman Dirtbag' into something new, someone his kids could finally look up to, and not just because he was leaping from one Sliveen rooftop encounter to the next, but because Dave was getting the job done under the very worst of circumstances with the most likely concoction of a strong sense of disbelief and personal outrage imaginable.
JB, for me you set the tenor on page 17, line 24 - when Vince tells Dave that the monsters on the rig are eating people.
Not Greenpeace, then, Hooper thought. Vegetarian softcocks, the lot of them.
Pure unadulterated Birmingham-infused anti-PC Texas Tea ... I love it!
Like many co-respondents I read Emergence in two sittings, it was a gift for Xmas, but family protocol dictated I couldn't open it till Boxing Day morning - even getting on the badside of my beloved cos I was too busy rooting for Dave and not getting ready for the Boxing Day Bash with my rellies.
You know the usual, not showered, not shaved, not dressed or oh yeah, not even knowing the actual address of the party - but I did know that Dave had lovingly named Marty's maul 'Lucille' after BB King's guitars - more than anyone else at the Boxing Day gig knew.
I was smug in my Daveness, ... sadly or maybe lucky for some I did not receive any wood-splitting implements from the Kris Kringle exchange.
I'm about to sink my teeth into a second reach around and slowly devour Dave to grok more of his sparkling personality and to figure out how best I'd like Compton to kark it ... may be trying to negotiate a deal with the Low Queen, like Burke woulda tried in Aliens if only another Alien hadn't bitten his corporate head off first.
But more importantly whether, when, how Emmeline and Dave get it on, Barry White I trust, cos they seriously deserve to.
Finally before I relaunch myself back into BirminghamLand I'd like to say JB that its great you've resurrected and reimagined the whole oft-feared, DNA seared Teutonic Terror in the form of the Hunn ur Horde.
By linking the history of the UnderRealms to human mythology of Ancient Forestry Plantations you've tapped into a powerful vein of dark story-telling, its gonna be a real hard wait for late February for TheDaveToo.
GhostSwirv over and out and still bloody marvelling over Emergence.

John Birmingham mumbles...

Posted January 3, 2015
Ghosty, this is one of the nicest write ups I've read. Very personal and all the more touching for it. Thanks.

GhostSwirv asserts...

Posted January 4, 2015

Tanks JB - you've really hit on a great character in Dave and his battles with the Horde - looking forward now to seeing how Emmeline further develops and their Close Encounters.
GhostSwirv over and out - too much Danger 5 last night, not enough sleep.


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Ceramic is gonna tell you...

Posted January 4, 2015
Hey JB, I liked Emergence #1, it had more humour than I thought it would.
Re: Emmeline (the questions you asked originally in the post) I think other females could think she’s rude for not engaging in constant small talk at work, and after meetings. But why would she talk about latest hair styles when there is a frikken monster’s biology to explore! She’d need times to recharge after talking to others, which could be interpreted as not being a game-player.
Apart from assuming Dave and Emmeline will get together, I have no idea what their relationship will be like. Looking forward to seeing what you've created.
It would be interesting to see if she responds to his lust with being overwhelmed /frightened by the intensity of his gaze? I’ve heard a few women with Aspergers say this. I wonder if she therefore sets up boundaries for their physical relationship like ‘ask each step of the way’. Nice work JB :)

John Birmingham ducks in to say...

Posted January 4, 2015
Thank you, Ceramic. I like your ideas about Emmeline's relations within OSTP and that's something I want to draw out in the ebooks where we finally see some points of view besides Dave's. I'll make a note of your note.

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Bunyip puts forth...

Posted January 5, 2015
Read it, and then lent it to a genre fiend of mine. 48hrs later (which is impressive, given her 5 yo twins) got an SMS from her:
"Finished The Dave. He's fun."

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JG puts forth...

Posted January 5, 2015
Happy new year, JB and Burgers! Just finished Emergence. A fabulous book, JB. Congratulations! I was enthralled and immersed throughout, and loved your writing, characters, twists, humour, pace, space/time/realm warps, cultural clashes, dialogue, worlds built... everything about the book. A thoroughly entertaining and enjoyable read. A marvellous feat of escapist adventure cum sci fi and fantasy. An intoxicating mix. Just... rave and fan love. I look forward to the next two books in the series.
Tempting to think Ur Dave could be your ultimate super alter ego, JB. A great antihero made badass superhero.
Still to read comments above and last post/threads re Emergence. Later.
Congrats again, JB. I had a lot of fun reading this. Fabulous.
Joanna (changed back from 'Red' to my initials JG).

John Birmingham has opinions thus...

Posted January 5, 2015
Thanks JG, but probably best we don't mention how closely the worst aspects of Dave might be found in a certain writer not a million miles removed from this thread.

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Sparty has opinions thus...

Posted January 5, 2015
fan fic competition please!

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Respond to 'Emergence. The Dave's first spoiler thread'

While you wait for Spoiled Dave

Posted December 29, 2014 into Books by John Birmingham

There's a few bargains to be had over at the Booktopia annual sale. 95% reductions on some good shit (Len Deighton, Ian Flemming etc).

Yes, I get a cut of this too.

As soon as Greybeard and Prof Boylan have caught up, we'll begin.

45 Responses to ‘While you wait for Spoiled Dave’

Murphy_of_Missouri is gonna tell you...

Posted December 29, 2014
Definitely should take a casting call for a Hollywood movie. I'm thinking Boylan could play Boylan.
Respects,MurphOn the Outer Marches

John Birmingham ducks in to say...

Posted December 29, 2014
I did wonder if we could do a cat call without spoilers.

Murphy_of_Missouri would have you know...

Posted December 29, 2014
Given the nature of the cover art I think we can probably at the very least take casting for The Dave.
Respects,MurphOn the Outer Marches

Therbs would have you know...

Posted December 29, 2014
The Brit cover art lent itself to Jason Statham as Dave but the accent would be an issue. Peter Jackson in a cameo as a dead monster.

damian would have you know...

Posted December 29, 2014
Deffers Bryan Cranston is a shoo-in.
If he's too old, then the guy from Modern Family. (*googles*) Ty Burrell.

damian reckons...

Posted December 30, 2014
Dude, hell yes!

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 30, 2014
J2 = Kyra Sedgwick

Murphy_of_Missouri puts forth...

Posted December 30, 2014
Can Owen do restrained, laid back?
Respects,MurphOn the Outer Marches

John Birmingham would have you know...

Posted December 30, 2014
Yeah. Owen Wilson.

WarDog mumbles...

Posted December 30, 2014
?? I thought it was autobiographical.You can play yourself JB.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 31, 2014
Prof. Ashbury = Emily Blunt
Vietch = Christian Bale

Darth Greybeard mumbles...

Posted December 31, 2014
Dave = Sam Worthington
Swindt = Dolph Lundgren (too old?)
Prof Ashbury = Anna Torv (Olivia Dunham in Fringe)
Scaroth = Ron Perlman

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Halwes puts forth...

Posted December 29, 2014

I'm still ploughing through Leviathan again. Man that book should be required reading for all NSW schools. They never taught history like that when I was at school in the 60's.

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Murphy_of_Missouri puts forth...

Posted December 29, 2014
I have Leviathan on my shelf. Sadly, I suspect I would need a more in depth reading of general Australian History in order to comprehend it. Someday I'll get to that.
Respects,MurphOn the Outer Marches

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan ducks in to say...

Posted December 29, 2014
You don't need any historical background to read Leviathan.

Murphy_of_Missouri would have you know...

Posted December 29, 2014
Context never hurts.

damian mumbles...

Posted December 29, 2014
Some of the primary material is pretty cool, but I think Birmo did a decent rendering of some choice passages.
I think Bligh is still controversial - the majority still seem to want to condemn him, while a handful of passionate supporters still make his case. I'm sort of in the middle, though that would make many see me as a closet Bligh fancier. My view is that anyone capable of the first-of-a-kind technical feats he managed to pull off, not to mention the leadership involved in that 3200nm open boat navigation after the mutiny, make him a significant historical figure and worth the odd favorable look. I guess he comes under the "not a people person" category though.

Halwes mutters...

Posted December 30, 2014
I've been reading Leviathan a bit like a textbook this time as opposed to reading it in a couple of days previously. The behaviour of the settlers prior to the first elections, pretty violent and sad, is something that I'd never heard about. I'd also never heard about settlers paying aborigines in grog to fight to the death in the streets. I'd have ago at this book Murph just because so many of the stories would have universal appeal. It's not written like a history book. As a Sydney slum child myself, I can picture the scenes and geography fairly well but I've read American history and can imagine the way the land lies pretty well. Our history has been airbrushed big time. As a child I did wonder where all the aborigines were. There were no aborigines in any school textbook that I had. One, of many , outstanding quotes comes from Governor Denison on page 313 "What a state would you be in if you were to throw political power into the hands of such an ignorant and vicious population as existed in New South Wales?" Nothing much has changed there in 200 years!

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Abe Frellman mumbles...

Posted December 29, 2014
Ready to rock and roll. Great read. Have a question about minions when the time comes. Otherwise, holding fire.
Murf: American history is more interesting than Australian, IMHO, so I wouldn't be in too much of a hurry.
And in a totally non spoilerish way I'd vote for Joaquin Phoenix for The Dave, Gary Dourdan for Heath, Patrick Wilson for the Californian SEAL dude, Emily Blunt for Emma and David Ogden Stiers for Compton.
PS I enjoyed this book even more than the last trilogy. Thanks JB.

Dave W ducks in to say...

Posted December 29, 2014
Dave for Dave. Just saying.

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Barnesm swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 29, 2014
Clicked on the link above and it says Safrai can't find the server, so I am sorry but I can't check out the booktopia sales.

Darth Greybeard reckons...

Posted December 29, 2014
Ditto. I just get "This web page is not available." Also chewing up the Dave, despite 6 hour family lunch.

Lulu swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 30, 2014
I'm getting the same message. I've wasted silly time browsing through their sales listing, but I'll hold off on ordering anything in case this link is fixed tomorrow & I can give JB his cut.

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NBlob asserts...

Posted December 30, 2014
I'm heading bush with work, so will not be able to participate as fully & freely as I'd like until I return.I'm chock full 'o questions & comments, or something.A cracker JB. I dug it like a particularly diggy thing.

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Darth Greybeard is gonna tell you...

Posted December 30, 2014
Someone stayed up until stupid o'clock to finish it and I hear he's not sorry and he'll do it again.

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Darth Greybeard is gonna tell you...

Posted December 30, 2014
You just need a place to hide (and 36 hours)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9PdrpVXCL7I#t=37

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan puts forth...

Posted December 30, 2014
I'm in a hotel in Downtown Los Angeles. A fine place to hide, and read.

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Madmaximus mumbles...

Posted December 30, 2014

Hi JB. Been lurking here for a year or so and have ordered me some Dave as well as a rather affordable copy of Leviathan.


John Birmingham puts forth...

Posted December 30, 2014
And this is why you're my new favorite.

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tqft swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 30, 2014
I could play the pre-effect Dave pretty well. Dodgy knee and all.

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Halwes swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 30, 2014
Emergence dispatched from Pulp Fiction in Brisbane yesterday. They were very helpful and took credit card over the phone which is becoming rarer and rarer due to fraud. It gets harder to live remotely because of this.

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Sparty reckons...

Posted December 31, 2014
….Well I now feel like Dave and his energy bars - I need another one NOW! No spoilers but I feel some Axis of Time / Dave slash fic coming….

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Mayhem puts forth...

Posted December 31, 2014
I'm ready! I have questions!!! I also posted a review on Amazon.

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Darth Greybeard reckons...

Posted December 31, 2014
Hey that Peter Bowes review was a hoot. 'I bought it, I didn't read it, I didn't even notice what person it was written in or guess what kind of story it was but some of you guys were mean to me so yah boo sucks, One Star!!!!!' I guess it's part of the now familiar Amazon custom of giving one star reviews to other authors.

Therbs swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 31, 2014
Who the Fark is this Bowes cockmole anyway?

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mutters...

Posted December 31, 2014
Okay, I'm done. I don't have questions, but I do have a collection of favorite lines, and a favorite character - the Thresh.

Guru Bob ducks in to say...

Posted January 1, 2015
Aren't thresh something from a John Ringo book?

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mumbles...

Posted January 1, 2015
You are possibly confusing the Thresh with the Dreen. But even if you are not, it is a well-accepted truism that imitation is the sincerest form of copying.

I love this Thresh bloke. Bottom of the heap, but smart and fast, rising up, breaking through class boundaries. I hope we see him/her/it again.

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insomniac is gonna tell you...

Posted December 31, 2014
Also done.Now to finishing ploughing through the serial serial just so ms insomniac has someone to talk to about it, you know - happy wife, etc etc.

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Guru Bob is gonna tell you...

Posted January 1, 2015
Got a copy at Readings in Carlton and ploughed through it very quickly...

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Respond to 'While you wait for Spoiled Dave'

Shall we open the spoiler threads tomorrow?

Posted December 27, 2014 into Books by John Birmingham

Or should we wait for Greybeard? In his dotage, he has fallen somewhat behind.

55 Responses to ‘Shall we open the spoiler threads tomorrow?’

GhostSwirv would have you know...

Posted December 27, 2014

I say wait for Greybeard - Merry Christmas JB and to one and all, both above and below and those souls somewhat trapped between.
Been off-site due to interminable failure of portal connectivity - but have spent the past 30 hours consuming lashings of Boxing Day Family pork, turkey, Red Back & Bulleit bourbon between blood spattered Xmas-gift morsels of TheDave, ploughing dutifully through until I encountered the sad end of Emergence, strangely satiated.
But Christmas cheer seems empty now ...
GhostSwirv over and out - perhaps if I started re-reading very slowly I can stretch the daze until Resistance in March?

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Therbs would have you know...

Posted December 27, 2014
Maybe during the lunch break at the cricket tomorrow. GB is rugged up in the southern cold, dreaming fitfully of hobbits feasting on baked hams, mulberry pie and mead.

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Spanner puts forth...

Posted December 27, 2014
*shouts: Yeah let's wait for Greybread!
*whispers: and wait for me cause Mr14 hasn't finished yet.



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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan asserts...

Posted December 27, 2014
How will Greybeard ever better himself if his weaknesses are constantly coddled, if he is saved from the consequences of his failings?

Darth Greybeard puts forth...

Posted December 27, 2014
Social Darwinist!

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan is gonna tell you...

Posted December 28, 2014
Quite the opposite, at least in part. I, of course, revere Charles Darwin as a demigod (what sentient human does not?), but I really don't like people much, and so can accurately be characterized as antisocial.

NBlob has opinions thus...

Posted December 28, 2014
So more of an antisocial Darwinist.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan puts forth...

Posted December 28, 2014
That's a good way of putting it, yes.

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Darth Greybeard is gonna tell you...

Posted December 27, 2014
Don't (cough) wait for me chaps*. Just (groan) go on without me. Tell the Colonel, well, tell him I've always loved him....
(*of all genders)That's kind but I'm easy. No great effort to avoid spoilers for a few days and I'm actually thinking of picking up another copy tomorrow. As a gift for a nephew you understand. And as a responsible uncle, I'll have to read it first, eh?

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w from brisbane reckons...

Posted December 27, 2014
Spoilers! Surely not yet. Emergence is not even available internationally, is it? I actually intend to wait until Dave 3 comes out before I start reading Dave 1. I prefer to read the whole story in one go.
But, spoil away.(Spoil - To impair or destroy the value or quality of; ruin.)But I reckon you should wait until the whole story is told and available internationally.
It doesn't worry me that much personally. I am good at turning my eyes from spoilers, but I firmly am in the anti-spoiler camp. I want to be surprised. I want the author to be telling me the story, not some blabby bloke on the internet.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mutters...

Posted December 27, 2014
" I actually intend to wait until Dave 3 comes out before I start reading Dave 1."

What are you, sick or something?

GhostSwirv asserts...

Posted December 27, 2014

... 'I want the author to be telling me the story, not some blabby bloke on the internet.' ...
Surely you've read the stuff the JB puts out online?

w from brisbane ducks in to say...

Posted December 27, 2014
Sick? That's what I'm trying to avoid. I just don't have your guts. The night after night, little eyes peering over the bedspread, clutching on to teddy, worrying about what is going to happen to Dave. Unlike you guys, I just can't live that life anymore. Oh no, I'm going to wait.

NBlob has opinions thus...

Posted December 27, 2014
#TheDave

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WarDog has opinions thus...

Posted December 27, 2014
Steady on. I just over my Boxing Day hangover.

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insomniac puts forth...

Posted December 27, 2014
I am hoping to receive my copy, cruelly posted at 6.30pm on Christmas Eve, on Monday, but due to family commitments will be unable to read more than a teaser, so either spoil away or distract ms insomniac for a time.

Dave W asserts...

Posted December 28, 2014
That's such an interesting and important topic that it will practically write itself.

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JG asserts...

Posted December 27, 2014
I shall avert my eyes and avoid any spoiler threads. Still to start reading Emergence what with Christmas and all. Might start lazily tomorrow.

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NBlob mutters...

Posted December 27, 2014
1. The correct spelling is GreyBread, an ancient & proud lineage, with many a bastard & grey sheep. Ahem.2. Wait for him? What madness is this? I ache for a troika, snow & pursuing wolves to throw him to.

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she_jedi asserts...

Posted December 27, 2014
Oh yes please can we start the spoiler discussions? I have to write a 1000 word source analysis on what funerary art and architecture reveal about Roman social issues for Uni by 5pm Monday and I'll need something with which to procrastinate :)

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Quokka asserts...

Posted December 28, 2014
Since GB has relocated to the cake & cheese district of southern climes he is now more appropriately known as GreyBroad.Since his dotage involves doting on the Grand Evil while her mother visits Ikea I propose that you show no mercy & tread him under foot.

Anthony mutters...

Posted December 29, 2014
As the Grateful Dead once sang "Every silver lining has a touch of grey"

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Darth Greybeard mutters...

Posted December 28, 2014
You know, the only people who are nice to me on this blog are the ones I haven't met yet. I guess I've just been really unlucky and met the wrong ones, eh? Yeah. That must be it.

Therbs asserts...

Posted December 28, 2014
Erm, is that just on this blog GB or elsewhere?

Darth Greybeard mutters...

Posted December 28, 2014
Oh that's right, bring my family into it.

NBlob reckons...

Posted December 28, 2014

correlation / causation? It *Could* be an coincidence. As my Momma always told me; there is a direct ,mathematical relationship between the number of trams that cross the Grey St Bridge & the number of gallons of water that flows under it.

A: It shows how old my Mum is, Brisbane hasn't had trams, on the Grey St bridge or otherwise, for 40 years.

B: Just because it has a mathematical link, doesn't mean one causes the other.

damian has opinions thus...

Posted December 28, 2014
Finding patterns is something our brains seem to be optimised to do, and meaning is the thing we bring to our perceptions, a side effect of the need to string a narrative from rather imperfect snapshot state samples that seems to be the way our consciousness functions. So the temptation to ascribe meaning to patterns is deeply ingrained.
That's one way of looking at it. You get almost the exact same result if the subject only has association rather than a concept of cause and effect, and from outside you can't tell if the latter is even in play. There's a good argument that most people don't even get cause and effect, but ascribe to it stuff that only works for them by association.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan would have you know...

Posted December 28, 2014
"Finding patterns is something our brains seem to be optimised to do"

Speak for yourself. My brain doesn't seek patterns: it seeks jokes. Preferably funny jokes.

NBlob mutters...

Posted December 29, 2014
Paul, your definition of Funny redefines idiosyncratic.
Damian. Heard a anti-pokies campaigner one time talking about exactly that. He suggested that a deep & ancient part of a "players" brain is trapped in pattern seeking. Was it those lights then that jingle before the payout or was it this jingle then the other lights. Fascinating stuff.I've tried to explain misplaced assumptions of causality to dozens of friends. Many of whom have un-friended me shortly after. The best tool is Lisa Simpson's magic rock that keeps away tigers. "You don't see any tigers around do you?"

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GhostSwirv reckons...

Posted December 28, 2014

Remember GB I like Redback, Bulleit and Shiraz - not necessarily in that order or combination.
GhostSwirv over and out to change my network settings - wish me luck

Darth Greybeard mumbles...

Posted December 28, 2014
And poor GhostSwirv was never seen or heard from again. Can we send out a search party?

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Jon puts forth...

Posted December 28, 2014
Can i buy all 3 parts? if not ill wait it out. Didnt like your english cover by the way probably cause it had a pale useless englishman on it. chat later

John Birmingham ducks in to say...

Posted December 28, 2014
You'll have to wait until April to buy all three at once.

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MickH is gonna tell you...

Posted December 28, 2014
Well I'm just finishing up the book but I'm off on a 2 week cruise tomorrow (Voyager of the seas, Fiji & NZ) :)
So I can't ask a couple of questions I have until I get back. Internetz cost on board the ship cost the GDP of Jamaica, so I have to wait. And the boss..er..Mrs has said she will cut me a new one if I go anywhere near anything webbed, (I think that includes ducks but I'm not sure)
Damn

Bangar mutters...

Posted December 28, 2014
Enjoy your trip Mick,if you go to Suva ... well it's a cruise you've all ready paid for your food eat on board.

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Anthony has opinions thus...

Posted December 28, 2014

I got the Kindle version on pre-order and read it in almost one sitting... I want more! I want to know all the answers to all the questions I have.


I also got the new Matthew Reilly (with a slew of other books) for Christmas. Interesting comparison.


Matthew Reilly has lots of splodey bits - and dragons and heat-seeking missiles. Possibly even more splodey bits than JB. But nowhere near as good. Fun and entertaining but not a patch on Dave. Reilly tells a good story - JB immerses you in it.


Just an aside - I wonder if the next Starwars could feature a Dave Maul character?

I will say that I expect the NT Times to rate it well above Emergence - it's got saltwater crocodiles in it and Dav doesn't. And everyone knows that the NT Times is saltie besotted.

John Birmingham asserts...

Posted December 28, 2014
Matthew is accelerando. I am basso profundo.

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damian puts forth...

Posted December 29, 2014
Finished the Dave yesterday, so getting all spoilerific would be fine by me. Of course, this means I've gone back to reading Mike Carlton's book about the HMAS Sydney and the Emden, a thread about that would work for me too (history books come pre-spoiled I guess).

NBlob asserts...

Posted December 29, 2014
Don't tell me, my money is on Muller; experience+ 10 X 4.1" guns with Zeiss optics & well managed fire control, 2 torp tubes, a top speed of 23+ knots Versus 8X6" guns, 2 torp tubes + change and English optics & a fire control system the equivalent of "Wot Ho chaps, have at the Hun."

NBlob would have you know...

Posted December 29, 2014
Goddamn I love the interwebs.http://ww1blog.osborneink.com/?p=3692

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MickH asserts...

Posted December 29, 2014
My Grandfather was a stoker on the Australia during the battle Damian. I used to love listening to his stories as a kid

Anthony is gonna tell you...

Posted December 29, 2014

By a strange coincidence I was talking about the Emden with my brother-in-law the other day. His grandfather was on the Sydney for the battle and went on to be wounded at Gallipolli - he was one of the sailors rowing the troops ashore.

He then went on to serve on the Australia.

NBlob has opinions thus...

Posted December 29, 2014
Massive FanBoi of Dan Carlin Podcasts. http://www.dancarlin.com/ Thinky & 'splodey, with BBQ'd sacred cows & a sharp kick to the preconceptions.He released a massive multiple episode WW1 show, with a most excellent segment on the battle of Jutland. If you have a boring commute It is Teh Shizzle.

damian has opinions thus...

Posted December 29, 2014
I'm still waiting for Ep V of Blueprint for Armageddon. I'm drumming my fingertips on the dashboard and still waiting.
Not that I mind, mind :)
Which one had battle of Jutland? I listened to them in a binge a few months back... after your recommendation as I recall.

damian mutters...

Posted December 29, 2014
Have I mentioned wanting Eskine Childers for bookclub?

NBlob ducks in to say...

Posted December 29, 2014
The one full fat, full cream naval battle. Where in the German fleet had its T crossed twice. I was particularly taken with his take on how fast State of the Art became redundant, and how the opportunity cost of using/ not using such high priced platforms may have helped push the Central Powers towards war. <div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">IE You've spent a bazillion marks / pounds building these mighty platforms, the pride of the fleet and they have a shelf life like yogurt 5years after launch they are superseded, 10 years after launching they can barely keep up, 15 an archaic death trap. Any amortisation of value would say "declare war the day sea trials are complete."<div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">As battle fleets were transitioning from coal to oil, huge improvements in gunnery- both hardware & process and fleet air assets were making this a particularly fast evolving context may exaggerate this trend, but if anyone made it back after engaging a ME 110 in a Halifax, they'd tell the same story. If they made it home.<div style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); ">
From memory in Russia Vs Japan, engagement @ 8 miles <2% shots fired hit. 20 years later at Jutland; engagement @ 18 miles >10% shells fired hit.

damian asserts...

Posted December 29, 2014
Oh, familiar with the battle. Just don't remember which episode of Blueprint for Armageddon had it. I was drinking beer and wallowing in Liege, Ardennes, Somme, etc (minor bypass to Gallipoli).
Noting that Carlin, like Carlton, doesn't forgo the odd opportunity to put the boot into Churchill.

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Darth Greybeard is gonna tell you...

Posted December 29, 2014
Book is here! Bye now.

NBlob has opinions thus...

Posted December 29, 2014
Large print edition one presumes.

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Moko ducks in to say...

Posted December 29, 2014
Audio book?

John Birmingham ducks in to say...

Posted December 29, 2014
Contract signed. Probably in production.

Moko swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 30, 2014
Outstanding

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GhostSwirv swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 29, 2014

Hey Darth Greybeard I'm back ... Darth are you there, Grey - don't leave me hanging man, not with this Horde!
Audio book - voice of TheDave - did anyone spring to mind JB when you were conceiving Earth's champion or is it always your own voice you hear when battling demonic Orcs, Greenpeace and divorce lawyer types?

GhostSwirv over and out

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Chaz swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 30, 2014

Just amazed that Emergence has actually made it out here.

lucky the office is very very quiet!

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Bunyip asserts...

Posted December 30, 2014
Managed to make it to Chapter 17 before RL and Planet Parenthood intruded.
The questions... oh, the questions...

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Respond to 'Shall we open the spoiler threads tomorrow?'

The Dave has landed.

Posted December 23, 2014 into Books by John Birmingham

I got a tweet from Sparty who seems to have secured the first legitimately (sort of) purchased copy via the Beast of Bezos and little VPN trickery.

I expect the physical roll out to be much slower, given the season.i

91 Responses to ‘The Dave has landed. ’

NBlob is gonna tell you...

Posted December 23, 2014
Sparty Wins.
Orin & Murph disqualified.

Murphy_of_Missouri swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 23, 2014
Damn.

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Spanner reckons...

Posted December 23, 2014
I just called a local bookshop in Byron Bay chasing a second copy (Mr14 is getting the first) of Emergence as a Christmas present for my dad. Girl gets on computer and can't find it. Girl asks me if this "John Birmigham" person is a self published author as they don't stock books by self published authors. I nearly snorted my coffee onto my keyboard.

Spanner mumbles...

Posted December 23, 2014
In other news Hippies are stupid.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mutters...

Posted December 23, 2014
Dude, your uptight judgmental vibes are major uncool, man. Major uncool.

pitpat has opinions thus...

Posted December 23, 2014
The smart hippies moved out or sold out 20 years ago.

NBlob ducks in to say...

Posted December 23, 2014

Darwinian.


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Bangar ducks in to say...

Posted December 23, 2014
It's available at Amazon Australia, but my device doesn't show up so I can't get it. Unless I start changing things around, guess I'm waiting for the hard copy to arrive.

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JG mutters...

Posted December 23, 2014
Thanks for signing my copy at Avid Reader this morning, JB. Was going to get it after Christmas, then decided to get it early. It will give me something to read over Christmas at the Gold Coast.Cheers,JG

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pitpat puts forth...

Posted December 23, 2014
Where the f is my rented copy then. It almost enough to drive me back to paper. Waiting Bezos still waiting.

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Therbs asserts...

Posted December 23, 2014
Dymock's Bondi Junction are gonna ring me when they have it on the shelves later today so's I can get it after work. Amazing what a polite voice can do. Bondi Boy - there ya have it. I think Dymocks is more the Adelaide St end of Westfield.

insomniac mumbles...

Posted December 23, 2014
As I have already ordered from Boomerang, I might go down to Dymocks in the city just to fondle a copy.

Therbs mutters...

Posted December 23, 2014
Walked past George St store at lunch, popped in, not yet on shelves.

FormerlyKnownAsSimon mumbles...

Posted December 23, 2014
In the meantime, insomniac has been arrested for lewd behaviour to books. One witness, Beryl from Doonside in town to buy her granddaughter a peppa pig doll, describes the scene as disturbing "he (i think he was a he i didn't have my glasses on) was muttering about not being able to find a Birmingham book. Then he started stroking the spine of that new Flanagan one. He was saying fast, then slow, then fast fast fast."
The new released book section will never be the same again.

Bondiboy66 mutters...

Posted December 31, 2014
Thanks for the heads up Therbs...Dymocks have absorbed a fair bit of coin from me! I'm late to this...haven't being paying attention to the burger whilst on holidays.

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MickH asserts...

Posted December 23, 2014
That'll learn meTurn'd up at the Avid only to find it sold out.Zipped over to Pulp Fiction but they don't have their stock yet.LOL sent the dude into a bit of a tizzy 'cause he didn't know JB was coming :)Bought it and I'll pick it up later

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Bernie is gonna tell you...

Posted December 23, 2014
I'm already up to chapter 9, and so far it's a good read, so good in fact that last night I couldn't put it down, until the tablet fell out of my hands, sleepy.

NBlob swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 23, 2014
And Bernie skirts ever so closely to the "They all turn into vampires in the bar" protocol.

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she_jedi swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 23, 2014
JB confirmed he signed my two copies at Avid this morning, cue fangirl *squeeee* of joy. And then Mr Cook came to the rescue and told me my ebook pre-order on iTunes was ready for download, which I promptly did on every iDevice I own. I don't like my chances of getting any actual work done at work today with explodey goodness sitting on my phone just centimetres away. The torment.

John Birmingham mumbles...

Posted December 23, 2014
*whispers*
Read the booooook, jedi. You know you want tooooo.

she_jedi is gonna tell you...

Posted December 23, 2014
*Hands over ears* STOP IT JOHN! It's tempting enough without the Master of Explosions whispering at me :)

insomniac would have you know...

Posted December 23, 2014
Those are the woids you're looking for ...

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Miss Maudy is gonna tell you...

Posted December 23, 2014
My local Dymocks is holding one for me to collect on my way home tonight. Quietly excite for the splode-y action.

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sibeen swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 23, 2014
Bloody Collins in Moonee Ponds didn't have a copy and reckon it isn't released until January. Bastards.

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Therbs is gonna tell you...

Posted December 23, 2014
Dymocks in Bondi Junction has a diminishing stack. Book goes well with Young Henry's Ale. Pub is a minute away from the book shop.

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Surtac asserts...

Posted December 23, 2014
My e-copy dropped onto the kindle this arvo. Eldest Daughter has been trying to get me a paper copy for Xmas but has been told by every bookseller in Woden (ACT) that it's not due until next month.
Lazy bastards.

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pedrogb would have you know...

Posted December 23, 2014

But but, I'm already finished.....

What am I supposed to do now?

Thoroughly enjoyed JB Thanks

NBlob is gonna tell you...

Posted December 23, 2014

Shut. Up.

That's what you are supposed to do.

Just. Hold. Your. Fire.

Wait like a good little Uncloaking Lurker.

You are very welcome to ask all the questions you like, spoileriffic and otherwise in just a few days when JB opens up a spoilery thread.

Dropping spoilers in here may be met with actual physical harm.

MickH puts forth...

Posted December 23, 2014
"wait like a good little Uncloaking Lurker"
ROFLMAO Love It!
Sounds like a cross between Star Trek & Criminal Minds!

John Birmingham has opinions thus...

Posted December 23, 2014
Gold star for Pedro. The rest of you are in disgrace until you finish. Pedro can have one of the shiny new sequels in February because Pedro is my new favourite.

Bernie would have you know...

Posted December 24, 2014
I'm up to 78% done, and I promise I'll never spoil - hate spoilers with a passion and I've been known to berninate them severly over on OCAU.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan would have you know...

Posted December 24, 2014
Well I am going to spoil. I just have to share that, at the end, "Rosebud" turns out to be his beloved childhood sled.

I didn't see that coming.

insomniac has opinions thus...

Posted December 24, 2014
At least we have both the sweet anticipation of waiting for the book, and the excitement of reading it to come. You early finishers got nothing left.

NBlob ducks in to say...

Posted December 26, 2014
Tching.
Bring on the spoiler thread.

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Murphy_of_Missouri asserts...

Posted December 23, 2014
Yeah, hold off on the spoilers, folks. I've only used my hammer of loving correction twice. I'd kinda like to keep it that way.
Thanks.
Respects,MurphOn the Outer Marches

MickH mumbles...

Posted December 23, 2014
There's so many dudes brandishing hammers in this place its starting to look like a blacksmiths convention! :)

Darth Greybeard is gonna tell you...

Posted December 23, 2014
No it doesn't. I've been to a few Blacksmiths conventions and got the t-shirts. This is more like a club for people who've been banned from all the other clubs. In some cases for brandishing clubs, in other cases for having a few up their sleeves. Then there's NBlob who may be what the English meant by "eminently clubbable". Or not.

Murphy_of_Missouri has opinions thus...

Posted December 24, 2014
The Dave's Splitting Maul requires an entourage of Sledge wielding champions.
The Dave Abides.
Respects,
Murph
On the Outer Marches

Therbs swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 24, 2014
Hammers, clubs, splitting mauls. Someone's been peeking into the storage locker controlled by the Sergeant at Arms of the Bounders Club.

Murphy_of_Missouri swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 24, 2014
Ice picks and chainsaws, you missed those.

Bangar swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 24, 2014
At least they haven't made it to the back of locker, that's were all the good stuff is!

Murphy asserts...

Posted December 25, 2014
Well, it would take weeks to get to the back of the locker, Bangar. That is, if they knew the rituals for gaining access.
Respects,MurphOn the Outer Marches

Bangar mumbles...

Posted December 25, 2014
I knew I had a good reason for not tidying that locker up!

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Spanner is gonna tell you...

Posted December 24, 2014
Zero copies found in the wild on the North Coast of NSW. This makes Spanner sad.
Ordered a copy from Boomerang. So JB gets an extra cut and I have to wait.
If I've got to wait then so do you lot of gurning spoiler blabbing pilchard heads. No spoilers or bam down comes the Hammer.

Spanner is gonna tell you...

Posted December 24, 2014
My bad Booktopia gives me free delivery but no extra cut for JB. So yay me.

Spanner has opinions thus...

Posted December 24, 2014
So I get 2 hours into the drive from the Far North Coast of NSW to Port Macquarie and my local bookstore calls and says a copy of Emergence has arrived. Shit. Drive another 3 hours to Port Mac and go to the bookshop there...NO COPIES OF EMERGENCE.
Give up and order a copy for Dad from Boomerang. Print order details and place under tree.
Realise I've failed to put in promo code for free postage.
Not one of Spanner's better days. Not at all.

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Bernie would have you know...

Posted December 24, 2014
I'm done, excellent read, can't wait for the next installment.

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Mayhem swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 24, 2014
(One of) my Christmas present(s) to myself. I am plague-ridden, so perfect excuse to just sit and read it in one sitting. AFTER I finish the plum pudding, the gift wrapping the house cleaning, the shopping... *sigh*

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pitpat reckons...

Posted December 24, 2014

I retract my previous slur on the Beast of Bezos, and am now happily ensconced in a world of splodiness. I will not be rushed or harried into finishing.

I will enjoy it like a single malt savouring the various descriptions of bodily harm and contemplate the subtle nuance of a plot which seeks to reconcile this worldly existence with the spiritual awakening and redemption of a single man.

Not sure if I can give it to my 11 year old boy though, what with cocooned country upbringing.

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Darth Greybeard would have you know...

Posted December 24, 2014
Melbourne burgers still waiting, qbd Eastland have stacks. Also they lied when they said not until Jan 1st. I resisted the temptation to buy one to read now.

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tqft mutters...

Posted December 24, 2014
I had my copy personally inscribed.
Still haven't got the bit where Staff Sergeant Fryderyk Milosz shows up. I assume when the Europeans get involved. If you try to tell me he doesn't, why yes there will be explosions.

Spanner mutters...

Posted December 24, 2014
Yeah wot tqft said...there better be some Milosz. There just fkn better.

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Therbs mutters...

Posted December 24, 2014
Merry Christmas Burgerers!

Lulu reckons...

Posted December 24, 2014
And happy festivus!

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damian is gonna tell you...

Posted December 24, 2014
It turned up on my Kindle last night, as was promised back when I pre-ordered. I haven't had a chance to really get stuck in yet, been scurrying about doing this and that. Probably will tonight.

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Murphy_of_Missouri reckons...

Posted December 24, 2014
A suggestion?
Those that have read and liked should pop over to someplace like Goodreads and/or other such sites, maybe post an honest review.
Spread the word.

MickH asserts...

Posted December 24, 2014
Actually Murph, I think its time for JB to fire up on of his infamous "spoiler" threads

sibeen mumbles...

Posted December 24, 2014
Yep, I reckon so, Mick.

Finished it off this afternoon, and can't wait for my scathing wit to be unleashed upon a thread.

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Gavin is gonna tell you...

Posted December 24, 2014
Haven't read all the replies. Just bought a signed copy from Pulp Fiction book store in Brissy. Can't wait to get my hot little hands on it.

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Bangar mumbles...

Posted December 24, 2014
Please excuse me I have my signed copy in hand, I may be away from the keyboard for a short while. (bathtub bourbon indeed)

Spanner puts forth...

Posted December 24, 2014
Shut up shut up shut up.
I have a copy. Well Mr14 has his..ours...my copy under the tree.
Is it wrong of me to unwrap it...and read a bit...and put it back under the tree?

sibeen mumbles...

Posted December 24, 2014
Yes, Spanner, that would be very, very naughty of you.

Mind, if you wrap it exactly the same way no one would know.

Bangar asserts...

Posted December 24, 2014
More wrapping paper to Spanner STAT!

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ShaneAlpha asserts...

Posted December 24, 2014
I'm resisting the temptation to read my ITuney electronical version as I have asked for a signed dead tree version for Christmas.
If Santa doesn't come through I'm siccin Havok on the fat bastard.

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pi reckons...

Posted December 24, 2014
On the kindle. on the ipad.

Thanks JB. Great Chrissy prezzy.

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she_jedi puts forth...

Posted December 24, 2014
Got home today to find one of my cats lying on my bed with a shifty look on her face and a possessive paw draped across my iPad. This lead to a heated discussion on whether or not she'd been reading The Dave while I was at work. After threatening to withhold her Fancy Feast Royale with Virgin Flaked Tuna Christmas dinner from her she broke and admitted, yes she had been reading The Dave in my absence, and had finished it 5 mins before I got home. We're at detente with a mutual agreement of no spoilers until I've caught up. Cats cannot be trusted with one's finest splodey literature. I feel so betrayed.

Spanner mutters...

Posted December 24, 2014
Never ever trust a Kitteh. Especially my kitteh. Or Q's Kitteh's. Or that kitteh down the street...

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan is gonna tell you...

Posted December 25, 2014
Kittens think of murder every day.

Murphy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 25, 2014
Elves as well according to David Sedaris.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan is gonna tell you...

Posted December 25, 2014
I heard that Santa and his union busting goons killed a bloke.

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tqft is gonna tell you...

Posted December 24, 2014
Finished.Might have to get an ebook version. Not sure I want amazon though.
Wife asked why I was reading that one when I have other (hundreds) of great books unread. Answer? blah blah blah, felt like it? been waiting?

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Surtac asserts...

Posted December 25, 2014
Just finished it. Absolute bloody marvelous cracker of a story.
Want the next one now.

John Birmingham ducks in to say...

Posted December 25, 2014
Out late Feb. But first you need to write me an 88 star review on Amazon/Goodreads

she_jedi has opinions thus...

Posted December 25, 2014
I posted one on iTunes but it doesn't seem to have taken yet. iTunes has a release date of 1 Jan, despite delivering it to my iDevices on 23rd Dec. Go figure. But to Amazon I go like a good minion :)

Bernie would have you know...

Posted December 26, 2014
Only been home from work for 40 minutes, I'll do it after I wake up later on today, promise.

John Birmingham asserts...

Posted December 26, 2014
You are both my new favourite

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Therbs would have you know...

Posted December 26, 2014
Haven't finished it yet but one thing I've noticed is the edit seems really tight and smooth. The book just flows.

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Peteb mutters...

Posted December 26, 2014
No need to solicite a review from me ... I'll post it on Amazon, later ..

John Birmingham puts forth...

Posted December 26, 2014
I'm sure you'll read the text closely and it will be the very acme of truthiness.

Respond to this thread

Surtac ducks in to say...

Posted December 26, 2014
My Amazon review is up now. It's short and non-spoilery.

If you want a full and proper review John, let me know.

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Therbs asserts...

Posted December 26, 2014
Dave vs Hangover Gorillas review now up on Amazon. Hangover gorillas? For those unfamiliar with my fave term of post booze suffering here's an explanation.What happens is that after you've been out on the sauce you are visited in your sleep by gorillas and their various hench-apes. They take all your money, piss in your mouth, rip your shirt, blow smoke all through your clothes, beat you up, strew clothes everywhere, throw up and not clean the mess and leave flecks of blood in strange places. You wake up with a killer headache, your mouth feels like gorilla piss, you have no money and you're bedroom's a disaster. You gauge the ferocity of your drinking by saying something like, "Man, that was a killer night. I must have been visited by at least a dozen gorillas and a troop of baboons."

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Surtac ducks in to say...

Posted December 27, 2014
Feck it. I will write a full and proper review.

The theme and approach came to me overnight last night -- and the more I think about it, the more it fits the book and where I think you're going with this, John.

I prolly can't get to it tomorrow - SWMBO is having conniptions about a 3 cubic metre skip we need to fill before Monday - but soon afterwards. Not sure where I'll post it - depends on what i end up writing. Mebbe here, mebbe in a spoiler thread, mebbe somewhere else completely. We'll see.

John Birmingham asserts...

Posted December 28, 2014
Throw it on Goodreads or Amazon if you're signed up. I'm curious about where you think I'm going with Dave. That's one of the discussion threads I want open.

Therbs is gonna tell you...

Posted December 28, 2014
Got mine up on both.

Surtac ducks in to say...

Posted December 30, 2014
Finally found paper copies at Woden ACT this arvo, so John gets a second royalty to flick into the Hovercraft upgrade fund.
I've started a re-read for purposes of drafting my review..

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Bunyip would have you know...

Posted December 30, 2014
w00t! Ran the coffers dry pre Xmas, what with presents for the kids et al, and *cough* consumerables *cough*.
Just twigged that the book voucher that the mother of my kids gave me = Dave, the Part 1.

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tqft is gonna tell you...

Posted December 30, 2014
short review up on goodreads

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John Birmingham would have you know...

Posted December 31, 2014
You are all my new favorites

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Ted Chadd swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 2, 2015
Soooo happy... Couldn't fool Google Play, don't care to "Kindle" but Kobo... I was happy to convince Kobo I was Australian and not the scheming Canuck that I am...
Surprisingly when required to supply and address they happily accepted JB's as my own fictional one!
Off to enjoy Dave in the frigid north!

John Birmingham asserts...

Posted January 2, 2015
Officer Chadderton everyone. You'll be meeting him in book 3.

Respond to this thread

Respond to 'The Dave has landed. '

Emergence is book of the Week at Boomerang, which means free delivery!

Posted December 22, 2014 into Books by John Birmingham

If you want all your heavy drinking, buffet destroying, monster smashing SPLODEY Dave action delivered free o' charge in the traditional dead tree format, this would be the week to head over to Boomerang books.

Emergence is Book o' the Week there with free domestic shipping when you use the promo code 'thedave' at checkout.

On this topic, I've thought of a way US Burgers could get the book early without paying stupid shipping rates. If a couple of you want to team to together and order a bunch of books to be sent to one address, the receiver could then forward them on via the much cheaper US postal system. Feel free to organise that below, or email me if interested. I could work with a local bookseller to expedite.

To encourage squealy excitment, here is the UK cover mock up. I love it with an unnatural physical love.

54 Responses to ‘Emergence is book of the Week at Boomerang, which means free delivery!’

Sudragon mumbles...

Posted December 22, 2014
I think I'll axe for a copy of this for my birthday.

John Birmingham mutters...

Posted December 22, 2014
I see what you did there.

Respond to this thread

DNABeast puts forth...

Posted December 22, 2014
That's the sort of cover that appeals to he Shawn of the Dead crowd.

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mutters...

Posted December 22, 2014
For some reason I pictured Dave as being taller.

insomniac mutters...

Posted December 22, 2014
Not shorter, follicly challenged, with a prominent sagittal crest?

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mutters...

Posted December 22, 2014
Heavens no. That's how I picture his attorney.

Nocturnalist reckons...

Posted December 22, 2014
I pictured him older, by quite a bit. Just going by what I've read on here, my mental Dave was shaping up to look a lot like a middle-aged Chopper Read.

Respond to this thread

Murphy_of_Missouri reckons...

Posted December 22, 2014
I think they did a pretty good job with the Hunn and I love the 1 pound Cracker Barrel special chocolate bar they found for Dave.
Respects,MurphOn the Outer Marches

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan is gonna tell you...

Posted December 22, 2014
Are you sure that Cracker Barrel chocolate? I really want to know, because I want some.

Murphy_of_Missouri mutters...

Posted December 22, 2014
I suspect it is actually Hershey's.
Next time you visit KC, we'll take you by for a look.
Respects,MurphOn the Outer Marches

MickH mutters...

Posted December 22, 2014
Nah! You're both wrong! Its a slab of Cadburys Carmelo,. Extra Large!

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan ducks in to say...

Posted December 22, 2014
On second thought, it clearly IS a Cadbury bar, extra large. Which makes sense considering this is the UK cover. The square cells could indicate anything from milk chocolate to rum 'n' raisin. But not Carmelo, which has a distinctively different cell shape.

MickH asserts...

Posted December 22, 2014
You're right, but now I thinks its a bar of SNACK, you know, the one with all the different flavours

she_jedi mumbles...

Posted December 22, 2014
Can't be Snack, each of the "squares" of a Snack are different shapes so you can work out what flavour they are, and the ones in the pic are all uniform.

pitpat mumbles...

Posted December 23, 2014
I have a mental picture of Dave as a dark chocolate sort of guy. Possibly with almonds but I might be projecting. Needs detailed reading to confirm.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan puts forth...

Posted December 23, 2014
The British cover Dave is gnawing on a big block of Cadbury milk chocolate. The American Dave doesn't have time for chocolate.

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FormerlyKnownAsSimon swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 22, 2014
is there an embargo period on spoilers here at the burger? (for those that might not be too quick on the uptake for a copy)

NBlob has opinions thus...

Posted December 22, 2014

In the past JB has opened a specific spoilerific thread.

I will unhesitatingly smash spoilers anywhere but the spoiler thread, with my ban hammer.

Without hesitation.

Without mercy.

SPARTA!

Known as "They turn into vampires in the bar" protocol.

Spanner mutters...

Posted December 22, 2014
*Taps Ban Hammer gently on bar, tips cowboy hat back with Ban Hammer and adopts western drawl.
Ahem...nope that just won't do round here. See we don't take kindly to folks blabbing spoilers. Spoilers is going to get hammered right quickly and then we will take you out into the desert and instead of staking you out an an ant nest we are going to tie you up and have Greybeard tell you long and boring stories from his youth. You think real carful like about that. Long and boring stories. Yup that's how much we don't like spoilers round here partner.

FormerlyKnownAsSimon would have you know...

Posted December 22, 2014
Sounds good. Still not sure if i'm getting this for christmas or bday in early jan (if i don't, i will pour scorn on the family and go out and get it myself. I did drop enough hints such as "get me this")

Murphy_of_Missouri reckons...

Posted December 22, 2014
I have spoiler material AND the ban hammer at my disposal.
Oddly enough, I do not feel any need to employ either of them.
Respects,MurphOn the Outer Marches

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Therbs asserts...

Posted December 22, 2014
Generally Birmo waits for a while before allowing in threads with spoilers. I reckon if anyone came in tomorrow afternoon with such things the ban hammer would quickly be swung.

NBlob has opinions thus...

Posted December 22, 2014

Ditto, ibid & op cit.


Darth Greybeard is gonna tell you...

Posted December 22, 2014
Oh dear, he's babbling again. Someone must have left the Stoli out.

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Therbs has opinions thus...

Posted December 22, 2014
Will any Sydney bookshops have it on the shelves on 23/12?

John Birmingham ducks in to say...

Posted December 22, 2014
I'd ring, Therbs. Some will. Some won't.

John Birmingham asserts...

Posted December 22, 2014
I'd go Boomerang or Booktopia if you can't find it in the real.

Therbs ducks in to say...

Posted December 22, 2014

Cheers. I'll be hassling the poor buggers tomorrow. Boomerang option if the stores are hiding until 1 January.

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she_jedi would have you know...

Posted December 22, 2014
That's a great cover but I think I like the US version better. Why do we just get an oil rig for our cover? Why can't we have a Dave cover for Aus? Enquiring minds and all that :)

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Blarkon puts forth...

Posted December 22, 2014
I imagined the the axe to be a lot bigger.

Darth Greybeard would have you know...

Posted December 22, 2014
Yes. And with a fire-axe style hook.

John Birmingham swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 22, 2014
In the text, it's a splitting maul. Part axe, part sledge hammer. I have asked for the change.

Blarkon would have you know...

Posted December 22, 2014
Yep, what he's carrying now doesn't look like it would cleave a charging Orc bastard.

Bangar reckons...

Posted December 22, 2014
Well his carry is just that, he's not ready to swing it and his opposing hand is occupied. Yes you can swing it one handed but accuracy will suffer and don't talk about recovery well do and for some time because Dave will need it. Yes you can use a short grip ala short swording (tad easier as you're not gripping a sharp blade) but still it is a two handed technique. Dave eat your chocolate quick you'll need the hand and the energy ;)

NBlob is gonna tell you...

Posted December 22, 2014
Wouldn't a Splitting Maul be a lumber, timber felling kinda device?

Defender90 puts forth...

Posted December 23, 2014
Coincidentally I've just come in out of the gale from using a maul. But. Why would an oil rig have a wood splitting axe like that on board? Or is that a spoiler?

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mutters...

Posted December 23, 2014
If an oil rig worker wants to relax during his spare time chopping wood, what's it to you?

John Birmingham mutters...

Posted December 23, 2014
There is indeed no reason to find a splitting maul on an oil rig. You'll have pay full retail and read the text closely to discover why it's there.

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Therbs asserts...

Posted December 22, 2014
With Boomerang Books you get a $5 credit if you're a first timer with them. That makes it $18.99 including postage. Expect it to take 3-5 business days to be delivered by Oz Post, depending where you are.

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sibeen reckons...

Posted December 22, 2014
FUCK FUCK FUCK

Realistically one of my great hopes for this book was not the prose, the explosions, the sex, nor the monsters; it was purely in the joy that the ambulance chaser from bunmfuck, California wouldn't get to read it until I've had months of gloating.

This really does take the shine off things, and I'm vastly disappointed in you, John .

NBlob reckons...

Posted December 22, 2014
A little harsh Sibeen. Davis can be nice, at certain times of the year.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan ducks in to say...

Posted December 23, 2014
Actually, there is a Bumfuck, California, named after Alfred Bumfuck, a wealthy cattle rancher and philanthropist.


MickH ducks in to say...

Posted December 23, 2014
Are you related Paul?

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 23, 2014
The Bumfuck framily is rural California royalty. You can't swingt a dead cat in Butte County without hitting a Bumfuck. I'm just a poor country lawyer from a less exalted blood line.

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TexasTeaserPony reckons...

Posted December 23, 2014
Am I the only one who thinks Dave looks like one of Boylan's cousins, the one whose parents were related before they got married?

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 23, 2014
In all honesty, that does look a bit like Cousin Timmy.

Respond to this thread

Darth Greybeard mumbles...

Posted December 23, 2014
Look, I know this seems to be 'pick on Paul' week but that ambulance chaser crack is a bit harsh. Paul is a modern and successful 21st century businessman. Thanks to his GPS trackers in their wheel arches and the rapid response ShysterCopter™, chasing ambulances is a thing of the past.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 23, 2014
You forget my ultra cool Shystermobile.

I'm working on the Systercave.

Darth Greybeard has opinions thus...

Posted December 23, 2014
I liked ShysterCopter because it sounds like something vaguely rude in German. It suits you.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan has opinions thus...

Posted December 23, 2014

"Sie sind eine Shystercopter, sie inkompetenten anwalt wer verfolgungsjagden krankenwagen!"

Something like that?

w from brisbane would have you know...

Posted December 23, 2014
Those Germans. Some people think they lack a sense of humour. So untrue, you just have to be attuned to its quietly gleeful mordancy.
The first google photo image that comes up for Anwalt (lawyer) is this one.http://ra-joshat.de/img/nico-joshat-ihr-anwalt.png

NBlob reckons...

Posted December 23, 2014

That. Guy? or many like him?

The trenches of litigation are strewn with corpses, rent and fuming of young lawyers who thought they had a hot line to The Truth. Paul is more of your grizzled NCO type, dishevelled & hard bitten who by keeping his head down, powder dry and pure dumb luck has survived engagement after engagement. He has seen the beast consume righteous and evil alike, grind the cream of youth into a paste of fear and waste.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan ducks in to say...

Posted December 24, 2014
You're my new favorite.

Respond to this thread

Respond to 'Emergence is book of the Week at Boomerang, which means free delivery!'

Emergence pre order links

Posted December 18, 2014 into Books by John Birmingham

The eagle-eyed among you will have noticed a banner ad pop up for Emergence. That link (and this) will take you to Booktopia, where I get an extra 7.5% royalty for any business I send to them. This addresses some of my issues with running Amazon ads, as Booktopia are an Australian operation. Plus an extra 7.5% will finally let me get that third gold plated hovercraft I need.

Booktopia are an ebook retailer, (my bad earlier, I said they weren't) but they don't have a deal with Pan Macmillan, so for anyone looking for Kindle copies, you'll want to get on the end of this link.

That'll take you to the US kindle store, where a lot of you have accounts, but if you've programmed the nav computers for the somewhat hapless Aussie store on your electronical book reader, it should offer to redirect you. If it doesn't redirect, DONT USE THAT LINK - you'll be left waiting until April with the likes of Boylan and McKinney.

For anybody who wants to get hyperlocal in their support, Pages and Pages in North Sydney have teamed up with Boomerang Books and you can support one of the best bookstores in Sydney by hitting this link up.

78 Responses to ‘Emergence pre order links’

Barnesm mumbles...

Posted December 18, 2014

Already pre-ordered my e-book for the December 23 release.

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MickH has opinions thus...

Posted December 18, 2014
How about pulp fiction in the city?

John Birmingham puts forth...

Posted December 18, 2014
I'll be signing their stock as soon as it comes in. If you want a personally inscribed copy, just let 'em know.

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Abe Frellman mutters...

Posted December 18, 2014
Are your friends at Paperchain getting any, JB?

John Birmingham mutters...

Posted December 18, 2014
all good book shoppes, Abe.

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beeso reckons...

Posted December 18, 2014
iBooks?

John Birmingham would have you know...

Posted December 18, 2014
Yep.

beeso asserts...

Posted December 19, 2014
sweet

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Kmo swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 18, 2014
That'd be my holiday reading sorted then. Awsm!

John Birmingham is gonna tell you...

Posted December 18, 2014
Kmo is my new favourite.

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Sparty swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 18, 2014
strange on the amazon us store it still says "April 28, 2015." for the kindle version///

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Sparty is gonna tell you...

Posted December 18, 2014
Ah Amazon Australia did you really think it would be so easy to stop me.... Strokes chin.
Annoyingly it means I'm going to have to read the ebook on my phone rather than Kindle but atleast I'll have a "Monster xmas".

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Sparty would have you know...

Posted December 18, 2014
That oil-rig cover is good.
Sorry if i could avoid Amazon I would....

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Rhino mutters...

Posted December 19, 2014
Will this be HC or paperback? Amazon US has a price of $7.99 US. Booktopia has a price of $25.50 AUS. Is that really the price of paperbacks there?
Booktopia doesn't ship to the US of By God A. Does anyone know if any of the sellers on the preferred list do so?

Murphy_of_Missouri swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 19, 2014
The paperback in Australia is a thicker, larger book more along the lines of a hardcover minus, well, the hardcover.
Respects,MurphOn the Outer Marches

Lulu reckons...

Posted December 19, 2014
Rhino, that very often is the price of paperbacks here - I paid $30 for the new Naomi Klein book,

John Birmingham mutters...

Posted December 19, 2014
Yeah, Rhino, here's a dilemma for you. Follow the Sparty Protocol and get it early via Kindle, but at the vastly inflated Australian price, thereby supporting antipodean universal health care, union power etc.Or wait and pay a pittance to Amazon in the US.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan reckons...

Posted December 19, 2014
Damn you for using my impatience to seduce me into supporting - if not becoming part of - the antipodean experiment in godless socialism.

NBlob is gonna tell you...

Posted December 19, 2014
Join usBe one of us

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 20, 2014
Well, if you put it that way, I'm in.

Rhino swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 22, 2014
Oh, that's not a dilemma at all. I'm one of those cis-male, patriarchal, white privileged, upper end of the income distribution curve Seppos ... I'll be buying the more expensive copy for the cache of it all. I'll just have to take some of the twenties I light my cigars with (while contemplating how to keep the masses down) and transfer that into Aussie money. Oh, wait, I won't have to soil my fingers, I've got a guy to do that for me.
I just can't quit you sons of convicts. You had me at antipodean.

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w from brisbane is gonna tell you...

Posted December 19, 2014
Is there going to be a three book omnibus edition?Asking for a friend.

John Birmingham swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 19, 2014
Not planned at this stage. Probably not ever in print.

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Surtac mumbles...

Posted December 19, 2014

Pre-ordered the e-version via the Big River. Hoping to see paper copies in the wild earlier, mebbe this weekend here in darkest CBR.

Very much looking forward to it.


John Birmingham is gonna tell you...

Posted December 19, 2014
I know of a few places already have their stock in, but not on display.

Darth Greybeard reckons...

Posted December 19, 2014
Tried all the local places and they're saying 1st Jan. Bummer.

Abe Frellman asserts...

Posted December 19, 2014
Surtac, if you find one, could you sing out pls?

Surtac mumbles...

Posted December 20, 2014
Will do.

Surtac would have you know...

Posted December 21, 2014
Abe, no paper copies anywhere at Woden this (Sunday) morning.

Otoh, I did find a dvd copy of P-51 Dragon Fighter so that will have to serve as a surrogate for now.

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Therbs asserts...

Posted December 19, 2014

I'm just going to have a few beers at lunch after work on Chrissie Eve then go and hassle the stressed out Dymocks staff.


"Gimme that fkn monsters book wot Birmo wrote farken. Its got a bloke called Dave in it. Giss it now."
In fact I might do it this arvo. And again tomorrow, etc.

John Birmingham reckons...

Posted December 19, 2014
Hahahahahaha

Bondiboy66 swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 19, 2014
And I shall be behind you, tapping you on the shoulder saying 'Hurry up fuckyaz, I wanna buy a book! Fucken!'

Respond to this thread

Peter Bradley reckons...

Posted December 19, 2014
Sir you have your extra 7.5% from me. Don't spend it all at once!

John Birmingham puts forth...

Posted December 19, 2014
You are also my new favorite

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Darth Greybeard is gonna tell you...

Posted December 19, 2014
Look I know this is totally OT but it's Xmas and I think I know the weaknesses of the average burger.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9J7GpVQCfms
And yeah I know it's probably an over-egged fizzer but I really want one.

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Barnesm mumbles...

Posted December 19, 2014

As much as I'd like so see more $$$$ going to the author, I am just not buying any more 3D books for reading, they just take up too much space and weight. My shelves are full at home with the acculated libraries of two lifelong readers and having had to pack up and move for the third time in five years enough is enough.

So I am sorry but I am buying the e-book by default through amazon since I want it soonest. Though if you want to tell me how many $s you won't get through this action I am happy to provide compensation - perhaps some cooler Melbourne weather being sent up Brisbane way.

Respond to this comment

balri puts forth...

Posted December 19, 2014
I live in Brisbane. Where is the best place to go to ensure I get a copy before Christmas?

Barnesm mumbles...

Posted December 19, 2014
Go around to Birmos place.

Lulu is gonna tell you...

Posted December 19, 2014
Didn't he order extra-bitey Dobermanns to deal with just such a possibility?

John Birmingham mumbles...

Posted December 19, 2014
Hey Blair, I'll having breakfast and signing christmas copies at Avid Reader on 23 dec and Riverbend Books, again for breakfast, on the 24th. I'll also get into Pulp Fiction as soon as Ron tells me he has copies for me to sign.

MickH reckons...

Posted December 19, 2014
hey JB! what time at these bookstores mate, I will try and make one of them

Respond to this thread

Bobette ducks in to say...

Posted December 19, 2014
Hi Birmo,I am La Bobette, Lord Bob of Nowhere's only progeny. I am desperate to get a signed copy of Emergence for my fathers christmas present, will you be hosting any book signing events in Brisbane in the near future where I can purchase a signed copy? Cheers.

John Birmingham has opinions thus...

Posted December 19, 2014
Ms B, please see the thread just above.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan ducks in to say...

Posted December 19, 2014
You do realize, Bobbette, that your father frequents this disreputable place so is likely to know what you are getting him for Christmas, yes?

Darth Greybeard swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 19, 2014
What a nice beard you have "Ms Bobette". If you were really the progeny of the infamous Lord Bob, you would probably be too busy slipping arsenic into his 200 litre Stoli barrel to find him a Xmas present.

NBlob reckons...

Posted December 19, 2014
Arigato

NBlob ducks in to say...

Posted December 19, 2014
To tired to fight gremlins.
Thankyou Birmo
Abe & Prof Boylan, satisfaction trumpssurprise, this I am prescriptive RE presents, presenting a Very short list of options, all of which are guaranfknteed to please.Greybeard, you will address My Daughter with great respect, or find yourself forever in fear of all RNs.

Darth Greybeard is gonna tell you...

Posted December 20, 2014
Too late. I already fear them and doubly so for one who is your offspring.

Respond to this thread

Abe Frellman reckons...

Posted December 19, 2014
Ssshhh don't spoil the surprise.

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Petebowes asserts...

Posted December 19, 2014
You have a Tara Moss problem here with your fans here Birmingham ... I'll pass this saga, ok?

John Birmingham is gonna tell you...

Posted December 19, 2014
A what?

MickH reckons...

Posted December 19, 2014
I very much doubt whether you have ever read any of Johns books. You arn't a failed writer are you? I think you are!

Abe Frellman ducks in to say...

Posted December 20, 2014
'Failed' is a bit strong, but he might benefit from the Pomidoro method, so that killing a single character with a knife doesn't take the same amount of time as it takes a bald man in a Rissole Club to read a Tara Moss novel.
Yes, at the risk of sounding like a NAB advertisement, more tomatoes, less treacle, I think.
See, that's what is called 'constructive criticism'.

Respond to this thread

Petebowes ducks in to say...

Posted December 19, 2014
Ok. I wrote a blogpost once about watching a guy speed read through one of her books in the Ballina RSL, the guy was on an amphetamine read looking for something about every twenty pages, then he'd slow down and enjoy ... then, boom boom, off again, who knows what he was looking for. Tara Moss found the post, got pissed off, jammed it on her FB page and about two hundred thousand of her fanfrocks came down on my site - both sexes. Tara Moss cannot abide anything negative about her work. She has an army of blind readers.Nice to talk to you Birmingham.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan puts forth...

Posted December 20, 2014
I wish I had an army of blind readers. It would make writing far less stressful.

Respond to this thread

MickH puts forth...

Posted December 19, 2014
Oh Hi PeteB. It depends entirely on how you present your negativity. Saying that my writing belongs on the toilet wall is an example to me, anyhow, of not how to do it.
If you present a reasoned response as to why you dislike Johns work, you may get a better response. But fans being fans, anywhere, will probably resist it.
You arn't the bastard who called Johns wife a very naughty word are you? Because if you are you have lost all credibility on this blog and will never be taken seriously. But if you arn't, then feel free to be a troll, you won't be the first and most of the burgers love to dish it to a troll.

NBlob is gonna tell you...

Posted December 19, 2014
Here Trolly Trolly Trolly Troll, We've got a nice blog for you to smear with your own runny turds.I hope you won't be too offended when we say it isn't as nice as the Mona Lisa. What's that? It's about your insight not the form? Well when one starts off with arsehattery rather than a preposition it's not entirely surprising.

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Peterbowes mutters...

Posted December 20, 2014
let her rip boys

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MickH is gonna tell you...

Posted December 20, 2014
BINGO!
Found it! After a bit of googling and cross checking I found your blog Peterbowes. So lets open up the street both ways shall we? www.petebowes.com.
A bit of a surfer dude are we?

MickH mumbles...

Posted December 20, 2014
It also appears our mate Pete is a writer at the red gate and is a Bondi boy. Do you know JB from his Bondi days? I wonder

Peterbowes is gonna tell you...

Posted December 20, 2014
No Mick, The first book of Birmingham's' I read was Dopeland, a daughter gave it to me with a few buds inside, that was in the day he wasn't so straight .. he changed, I never did.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan is gonna tell you...

Posted December 20, 2014
Tell us more about your daughter. She sounds way cool. And you sound like a cool parent who probably got high with his daughter. Did your wife know? Or were you divorced and just trying to be the "cool dad" to place yourself in sharp relief to your comparatively disciplinarian ex wife - all in an attempt to alienate your daughter's affection for her mother? Or maybe your daughter gave you that book with dope in it to shock you, to offend you, because you were the disciplinarian and your ex wife was the "cool" parent. But I bet it didn't work. I bet you called your daughter's bluff and rolled a fat one, shocking your daughter with your coolness, coolness she didn't suspect you had until that moment - a formative moment that made you the person we see today, trolling in a better writer's blog. And all because of the Devil Weed. Yep, that's right: dope ruins lives. It ruined yours, clearly, and yours is a cautionary tale that should be told to fathers with the warning that, if your daughter gives you a book with buds in it, put it down and walk away. Just walk away.

NBlob mutters...

Posted December 20, 2014
I think there's something in that for all of us.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan is gonna tell you...

Posted December 21, 2014
One would hope.

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Darth Greybeard has opinions thus...

Posted December 20, 2014
If you want a signed copy and you're not in Brisbane and don't like waiting anyway, here's wot I done. The lovely people at Avid Reader (avidreader.com.au) have said that if I order one, they'll present it to JB at the breakfast signing on the 23rd, then post it down. It's not the cheapest way to get it but since the local places don't get it until the 1st anyway, it's probably just as quick.

Bangar reckons...

Posted December 21, 2014
Yep mine ordered with a request for JB to inscribe.

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Peteb has opinions thus...

Posted December 20, 2014
Maybe you blokes should give it away, now you're beginning to sound like priests, aren't you nblob ... quit while you're behind.

MickH asserts...

Posted December 20, 2014
So you go for NBlob who says 10 words relating to Paul's comment. Really Pete? Is that all you have to offer? Lift you game pal. Yawn!

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Peteb mumbles...

Posted December 20, 2014
Mick, mate ... I have 4 of Birmingham's bricks in the shelf, read them all, good stuff, plus Dopeland - so that makes me an equal amongst you blokes, you like his stuff, I like his stuff - I'm just the bloke who walks into the pub and stirs the locals - you know who I am, you've got my blog picked, been to LinkedIn, how does that make a bloke a troll? ... but you still can't handle a pisstake, everyone arches up and does a Tara Moss, maybe y'all are Queenslanders.Loosen the fuck up, please.

damian mutters...

Posted December 20, 2014
The thing you're doing here, Pete, is making yourself difficult to understand. Almost everything you say requires some sort of work to make sense of it. That's not a very effective communication style. Basically you need to work out what the special meanings that your constrained context applies to things actually work out to be for someone who doesn't care about that context. Otherwise you're simply incomprehensible, and not for reasons that say anything good about you.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mutters...

Posted December 21, 2014
You are not my equal, Pete, even if you claim to "own" and to have "read" five of Mr. Birmingham's "books." Perhaps you've done this only for the prestige doing so endows. Familiarity with John's work provides a certain je ne sais quio among the world's intelligentsia. But I claim such familiarity because owning Birmo's books also impresses chicks - at least the ones that read - and those are the ones that count. And, in the final analysis, it is much less expensive than traditional romantic enticements such as expensive food, alcohol and the occasional suggestive video.

Rhino puts forth...

Posted December 22, 2014
Tara Moss. I think that I saw her dance once. I could be mistaken. It was during a peyote and mescal fueled binge in the high desert in the mid-90's.
Then again, an apparition of a balding, middle-aged greek attorney also appeared and said that they were my spirit guide and that I was to eat an apple or invest in apple or some such thing ... and gibberish words like the interwebz and google and such.
Luckily, I consigned those visions to a bad trip and locked them in a dark corner of my subconscious. I mean, who would take a balding, middle-aged, greek attorney seriously as a spirit guide. I thought my spirit guide would be a rhino, or, at the very least, an eagle. Can't tell you how disappointed I was at the time.
I was a fool.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 22, 2014
I thought your spirit guide was a balding, middle-aged greek attorney who had a way with the ladies. That last part is an essential aspect of the spirit guide you described.

And be happy for the spirit guide you have: mine is a pencil. Ticonderoga. No. 2. And always in need of sharpening.

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MickH mumbles...

Posted December 20, 2014
Ok Pete, here is how it is, many of us have been regulars on this blog for years, over 7 years for a lot of us. It gets a bit clicky sometimes but we are like a motor cycle gang, we have a habit of defending our own, particularly when someone attacks JB. We have had issues in the past, and now some of us have the power to delete posts we think are inappropriate, this goes against JB's basic principles but he has learned that sometimes you just have to swing the hammer. Be happy that you haven't been totally blasted and that shows we aren't above criticism, just expect, like I've been giving you, stick if you have a go at one of us. its human nature mate. Just like in a pub, you're in danger of getting king hit. Coming on to the burger as a shit stirrer has its dangers

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Pete reckons...

Posted December 20, 2014
That's exactly how I understand it Mick, the best pubs are the hardest pubs, I've worked plenty of them ... and Damien, that's how I write, just like I talk.

MickH asserts...

Posted December 20, 2014
Then why do you expect me to back off? :)

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Pete puts forth...

Posted December 20, 2014
.... I'm off son, be back later.

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Therbs is gonna tell you...

Posted December 22, 2014
Yeah son. Ooh...ooh! I've read some Birmo books as well! And I once had beers with Prof Boylan at the Rats and another time at the Bergs! I'm way fkn cool, ay.

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