Cheeseburger Gothic

"Seattle's most experienced sexual predator"

Posted February 19, 2015 into Books by John Birmingham

Annabel Crabb and Leigh Sales go to the movies. To Fifty Shades of Grey.

They giggle over bondage and dusters. Immensely more enjoyable than seeing it yourself. Mr Frellman might need a glass of water.

And The Dave gets a lovely cameo.

39 Responses to ‘"Seattle's most experienced sexual predator"’

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted February 19, 2015
I know it may seem inappropriate to observe, but an experienced sexual predator is probably preferable to an inexperienced one. Sort of like the difference between organized and disorganized crime.

NBlob ducks in to say...

Posted February 19, 2015

Eh?

Please explain?

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan reckons...

Posted February 19, 2015
I suppose it is bad enough without a lot of fumbling about. I would imagine that mistakes made due to lack of experience would only increase the badness of the experience.

Shifty Tourist would have you know...

Posted February 20, 2015

I suppose it depends which part of being a predator he is inexperienced at.

For instance, an antelope would probably much rather be stalked by an inexperienced leopard... if the inexperience is in the stalking... better chance of getting away. But if the inexperience is the what happens after the stalking, then I can see the good professor's point. There may be a point where an inexperienced leopard is messing up the jugular ripping point, when the antelope may wish the leopard is a bit more efficient about it.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan asserts...

Posted February 20, 2015
I had this long response discussing the differences between an actual predator in the wild and a human sexual predator vis-a-vis their respective prey but I've decided not to post it because this is getting sort of creepy.

Academic discussion and analysis have their limits.

Shifty Tourist is gonna tell you...

Posted February 20, 2015

Probably right... also too easy for such discussion, even delivered with tongue in cheek (maybe even especially when so treated), to become a bit too "trigger-y" for individuals with unfortunate real life experience.

Respond to this thread

NBlob is gonna tell you...

Posted February 19, 2015
Must be uncomfortable having all that smoke blown up your fundamental. Pity AC didn't finish the quote.

John Birmingham swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted February 19, 2015
It's warms and it tickles only a little.

Respond to this thread

Sudragon has opinions thus...

Posted February 19, 2015
QOTD : "Total Man Book..."

Respond to this comment

GhostSwirv has opinions thus...

Posted February 19, 2015


I didn't know you were from Seattle?

I thought you were a pom and like from Birmingham?


Respond to this comment

Abe Frellman asserts...

Posted February 19, 2015
I went for a nice Japanese single malt instead of water. (Actually there may have been a couple of drops of water in there to release the aromatics.)

Respond to this comment

Therbs reckons...

Posted February 20, 2015
I think I even heard a snort in amongst the giggling.

JG ducks in to say...

Posted February 20, 2015
Definitely a few snortsthere, Therbs.

Respond to this thread

Halwes has opinions thus...

Posted February 20, 2015

Good luck with that storm east coasters. That's a bigger one than I've seen in a fair while down there I think. Predicted to go through Monto at Cat 2. I predict a lot of tall trees on the ground if that happens.

NBlob has opinions thus...

Posted February 20, 2015
Halwes. @ Sunny Coast, an hour north of Bris. We've been enjoying the fruits of a sweet trough most of the day, 130mm+ in 24 hours. Best of all is the soil is now saturated & the creeks full, so when Ex Marcia turns up it'll all be on top. + the low pressure lensing. Oh and for extra bonus points a king tide. We've done our token sandbagging, removed the aircon units. From here on its in the lap of the dogs.

Halwes has opinions thus...

Posted February 21, 2015

Hope you got through OK. I love the sunnie coast. Just had an excellent break and one of the best parties ever at Mooloolaba. Hope you've still got some beach left. You've heard this I know but Why is a cyclone like a woman? They both start out with a little blow and then end up taking the whole bloody house.

NBlob reckons...

Posted February 21, 2015

No shit. I'm currently squatting @ Mllba while a troika of Architect, Engineer & Council butt-rape my budget.

I can cope with SWMBO's cyclonic fury, it's PNB's big sad brown eyes when I show him a pile of Scaff, tin & blocks, rather than inunct him with cooling coast breezes, expansive views & obscene quality seafood.

Respond to this thread

Halwes reckons...

Posted February 20, 2015

I loved Emergence but I'm going to be mightily pissed if Dave doesn't finally get to scoff a barrel of coke and party with a willing woman or two and his super powers. Dave

DarrenBloomfield ducks in to say...

Posted February 20, 2015
If at some point Dave doesn't revert to type, that, in some respects, would be the least believable aspect of his remarkable story.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted February 20, 2015
It is my hope that Dave reforms and accepts Jesus Christ as his own personal savior.

Halwes puts forth...

Posted February 20, 2015

He can do both.

Halwes mumbles...

Posted February 20, 2015
A coked up fundamentalist sex maniac is old hat though now days

Anthony puts forth...

Posted February 20, 2015
It would, however, get him his own TV show.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan puts forth...

Posted February 20, 2015
It is my hope that Dave reforms, accepts Jesus Christ as his own personal savior, and gets his own TV show. Perhaps a chat show.

NBlob puts forth...

Posted February 20, 2015
Dave hosts a panel of Gresh, Silveen & Special Guest Hunn battle masters. Each episode they discuss difficult social situations. For comic relief the Hunn periodically bellow "Smash their skulls and gorge on the essence within." Hysterical when "Conflicted of Tampa" is talking about her unbearable attraction to her hot Step-Mother in law to-be.Like agony aunt meets a Tarantino film.

damian mumbles...

Posted February 21, 2015
The second one comes out of embargo soon, I notice...

Halwes swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted February 21, 2015

I don't see any coke, monster tackle or women in this scenario NBlob. Please try harder.

NBlob is gonna tell you...

Posted February 21, 2015

Ever been in the "Green Room"?

Coke, dwarves, M&M's with no red ones.

Whatever you want baby, what ever gets you *there*.

Sorry JB, this is on "real" television, not literature shows.

Worse are the riders at literature festivals. Ethical breads, heirloom celery & wine. Not good wine.

Halwes ducks in to say...

Posted February 21, 2015

Karmichael should be able to fix everyone up. I was in the green room at Macca's Australia All Over once. No coke or dwarves but the grilled Koala was awesome.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mumbles...

Posted February 21, 2015
Reliable sources tell me that Koala tastes terrible. Something to do with their diet.

damian ducks in to say...

Posted February 21, 2015
S'posed to be like a cross between mutton, menthol cigarettes and drain cleaner.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mumbles...

Posted February 22, 2015
So you are recommending to pair it with a white wine, not a red?

damian mumbles...

Posted February 22, 2015
Yes, a "witty" chablis served from a damp cardboard box

Respond to this thread

Shifty Tourist mumbles...

Posted February 20, 2015
See, there I was really hoping for a "it was all just a dream" ending. People LOVE those.

Shifty Tourist mutters...

Posted February 20, 2015
oops, meant to be a response to Halwes... seems I failed at internet today.

Respond to this thread

JG has opinions thus...

Posted February 20, 2015
Won't bother to see the movie 50 Shades of Grey and didn't read the book, but loved this infectious podcast. Must listen to a few more by Sales & Crabb. Couldn't help laughing along with them. Hysterical.

Abe Frellman reckons...

Posted February 20, 2015
Yes, I, for one, am looking forward to the Submarine Sale, Leaseback and Public Private Partnership Securitisation podcast edition where we find out that the Australian National Audit Office has been sucked into renting office space in a bunch of old miniature Japanese subs found just off Palm Beach.

Respond to this thread

Blarkon mutters...

Posted February 20, 2015
Favorite comment about 50 Shades was the article in Vox that it was a female laziness fantasy - http://www.vox.com/2015/2/17/8051291/fifty-shades-of-grey

Respond to this comment

Respond to '"Seattle's most experienced sexual predator"'

The Age is my new favourite

Posted February 16, 2015 into Books by John Birmingham

A dip o' the propellor beanie to Anthony for spotting this nice wrap of the Hooper series. I missed it:

"Dave was great fun to write," says Birmingham. "I let all of my own worst aspects boil up to the surface like poisoned warts and then I popped them all over the page.

34 Responses to ‘The Age is my new favourite’

BigWillieStyle would have you know...

Posted February 16, 2015

I read that review in the SMH on the weekend. Are the first two books both out now? I'm planning to clear out the moths from my wallet and buy "Emergence" this weekend.

BTW, I read "Felafel" on the weekend. Really liked it. Do you still have the fridge badge in your possession?

John Birmingham has opinions thus...

Posted February 16, 2015
Resistance is due out first of march, but that means physical copies in store a week before, if you can find an amenable bookseller.

BigWillieStyle ducks in to say...

Posted February 16, 2015

My bookseller is heaps amenable.

I still need to know. The fridge badge that was nicked in Melbourne in "Felafel" - is it still with you?

John Birmingham ducks in to say...

Posted February 16, 2015
It is not. Much of my former life seems to have gone missing shortly after I became married.

Sudragon is gonna tell you...

Posted February 16, 2015
Is UQ having a scavenger hunt for O-week? give them a picture and make it a high scoring item then let the feral first years loose!

Respond to this thread

tarl mutters...

Posted February 16, 2015
Are any of the Dave books out in the rest of the world? Or are they still Oz-only?
You should persuade your publishers that a coordinated release benefits everyone - by delaying the international release, you lose the benefit of your blog's publicity as well as being unable to share any positive press.

John Birmingham is gonna tell you...

Posted February 16, 2015
Oh, Tarl, if only I could take you to my meetings. The release was supposed to be coordinated, but my local publishers just could not resist the siren's lure of Christmas sales.Next time. I promise.US release starts April.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mumbles...

Posted February 16, 2015
I am tired of your lies. That's all you know - secrets and lies!

NBlob mumbles...

Posted February 17, 2015
Others might call that Fiction.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mutters...

Posted February 17, 2015
Touche, you little bastard.

Respond to this thread

Jon reckons...

Posted February 16, 2015
I finally got off my arse and bought emergence Birmo, loving it , I hope my contribution to a new hovercraft helps.

John Birmingham mumbles...

Posted February 16, 2015
It all helps, mate.

Respond to this thread

GhostSwirv ducks in to say...

Posted February 16, 2015


I just want you to know JB that I used up the last of my free Age articles for this month to read once agin 'bout your Daveness - I trust that counts for something in this Sky Lord-forsaken realm.

GhostSwirv over and out- by sheer coinkydink a Subway meal awaits, although the Collins special sauce is a bit oily.

John Birmingham puts forth...

Posted February 16, 2015
It counts, but if you go in thru Brisbanetimes there is no paywall.

Respond to this thread

JG ducks in to say...

Posted February 16, 2015
Nice write up. Have pre ordered a hard copy of Resistance.

John Birmingham has opinions thus...

Posted February 16, 2015
Now you are my new favourite.

JG mutters...

Posted February 17, 2015
Your new favourite? I could have one of two reactions to that, JB:
1. You say that to everyone, hussy, or,
2. Gosh! Golly gosh! Does this mean I need a better 'tag' other than 'JG' (here we go again)? You know I didn't get anywhere with such Olde Worlde beauties as 'Blue Tongue', 'Red Roo', the standard 'Joanna G', and other assorted names that I can't remember. Everyone else has found their name in the search of the Holy Birminghomme nom de nom.
My cynical side tends to opt for option 1 at being your latest favourite (although that has doubtless changed by now).
I do, however, recognise your reputation as Sky Lord 1 among Birminghamity in the stroposphere of Birminghamoverse, JB.
Joanna
P.S. GhostSwirv is not my father, despite my postgrad studies in writing, editing, and publishing. I do not work in a bookshop (more's the shame).

Halwes reckons...

Posted February 17, 2015

Does anyone really know who their father is?

Halwes puts forth...

Posted February 17, 2015

Did you get a chance to have a look at Nona and Me? <A href="http://www.clareatkins.com.au">www.clareatkins.com.au</A>

JG is gonna tell you...

Posted February 17, 2015
Have it with me, Halwes. Only 67 pages of Leviathan (and the bibliographic notes) to go, and then I'll be straight on to Nona and Me. Must finish both before Resistance comes at me. I'm a one-book-at-a-time kinda woman. Shit. Only two weeks to go. Whip me. Reading is like running - I love them both, but I have to force myself out of inertia at times.

Halwes mutters...

Posted February 17, 2015

Like I said, it is aimed at teenagers but the story is real enough. Living in Arnhem land, I thought I was immune to sorry business and ceremony. I've been to more ceremony than I can remember but to see it written down so accurately really brought some of the sad scenes back very strongly. Also the descriptions of whitefellas in town mirror my own youth. Surprising how not much changes in 40 years. I got lucky when I was a kid becasue my parents never taught me racism. I got adopted by a Yolngu family when I was very young and got a lot of flack at school and work because I would always put an alternate view to the accepted, hateful, ill informed norm. We are getting a cyclone here. Probably this week sometime although I've never seen a tracking map that's been accurate yet. I'm hoping it's small and no one gets hurt but, if it blows the roof off my house, I can get the insurance money and build a new one!

JG reckons...

Posted February 18, 2015
Glad you enjoyed the book, H. I couldn't get in to it (read less than half, quickly) but then again, I don't like YA fiction. The characters seem like 13-14 year olds (rather than 15-16 year olds). Nevertheless, the author writes well, although I don't like so much dialogue in a book, although she writes dualogue well. Also setting, character, conflict. She captures the angst of youth well. Realistic, as you said (although I'd have placed the kids as being younger). Anyway, thanks for the suggestion. Got the general drift and the tensions between cultures. Just don't enjoy reading YA fiction. A good book for younger audiences.

Halwes has opinions thus...

Posted February 19, 2015

It was mainly the suicide and funeral scenes that grabbed me with their realism. And at the end the white boy really dumps on that girl in a way that I could picture as very realistic. I've finished Emergence, which was good fun, and am halfway through another called The Good Earth. It's good but sad.

JG asserts...

Posted February 19, 2015
Great realism. Have finished Leviathan. Fabulous. John should get an honorary doctorate for it. Loved Emergence. Can't wait for Resistance to come out. Good luck with the cyclone. Should hit (or miss) Brisbane soon enough. All prepared.Joanna

Halwes puts forth...

Posted February 19, 2015
And good luck with your cyclone too. Ours is bashing up Galiwinku right now with cat 4. No fun for them but 100 miles from us.

John Birmingham asserts...

Posted February 20, 2015
Jeez mate, even a hundred miles is a bit close for Cat 4.

Halwes mutters...

Posted February 20, 2015
Everything good here, most are cyclone coded buildings here now and all we got was a heap of gusty wind and rain anyway. No sustained cyclone wind howl to terrify everyone. The power didn't even go off. Galiwinku and Ramingining got smashed but are pretty much to code there too and no reports of injury so far. I went for a surf on the storm surge high tide this morning and it was sensational. A rare event because all the lizards will be up the creeks scowling at the cold, windy weather and trying to get warm ! Good luck with your storm Queenslanders.

Respond to this thread

GhostSwirv would have you know...

Posted February 17, 2015

I'll have you know JB that I sired a child with the express view of nurturing her love of reading and the handling of books.

Guided her secondary education towards the pursuit of excellence in English and English Literature.

Advised her to enrol in a university course specialising in Creative Writing and further studies in Publishing and Editing.

Encouraged her to take up part-time employment in a reputable chain of booksellers to supplement the cost of her studies with the overarching purpose of having her now in a position of accessibility and responsibility.

Just to be able to pre-order a copy of 'Resistance' ... I truly hope you realise the sacrifices that the 10,000 make to stay in your good graces.

GhostSwirv over and out to continue manipulating intergenerational change for the sake of Birminghamity.

John Birmingham swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted February 17, 2015
You have pleased your Lord.

Respond to this thread

GhostSwirv mutters...

Posted February 17, 2015


Are you the SKY LORD?
(Said with Thresh-like trepidation and dreadful fear)

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan puts forth...

Posted February 17, 2015
Well, he is "a" Sky Lord.

Respond to this thread

Drew in the Scray would have you know...

Posted February 18, 2015
I read that review in The Age and immediately grabbed Emergence from Google Play and devoured it over the weekend - been ages since I fell into a book - Ascendance this weekend for sure

Respond to this comment

Drew in the Scray puts forth...

Posted February 18, 2015
Woops mean Resistance on the 24 feb - can;t wait

John Birmingham has opinions thus...

Posted February 18, 2015
You are my new favourite. Did I mention that?

Respond to this thread

Respond to 'The Age is my new favourite'

He's baaaack

Posted February 3, 2015 into Books by John Birmingham

Choppered in today. Looking gnarly and not a little hungover.

38 Responses to ‘He's baaaack’

Blarkon mumbles...

Posted February 3, 2015
Dibs.

Respond to this comment

pedrogb would have you know...

Posted February 3, 2015
I have it preordered on KindleI can't waitBring it on!

Respond to this comment

spoke mumbles...

Posted February 3, 2015
How do you pick different covers for the different regions? US like axes and we dont? More 'splodey or less 'splodey on some covers? It's all a mystery...

Respond to this comment

Abe Frellman reckons...

Posted February 3, 2015
Trade you some snags for one?

Respond to this comment

JG asserts...

Posted February 3, 2015
Woohoo! Love it! What a magnificent cover. Gorgeous. Hope you'll sign it--and Leviathan--for me, once Resistance hits the Brisbane bookshops.
Trekking nicely through your incredible Leviathan. Halfway through, and hope to finish it by the end of next week.
Joanna

Halwes would have you know...

Posted February 4, 2015
Leviathan is a great read isn't it? I visited Sydney, which is where I was born, recently and it made me look at the place with new eyes especially the mass grave site at Wynyard and walking up George St.

JG mumbles...

Posted February 4, 2015
It sure is a terrific read, Halwes. Fascinating and intricately researched. Just wonderful. I lived in Sydney for a while back in the late 80s. Nice to see my great-great-great-great-great grandfather (First Fleeter, Henry Kable) mentioned a few times in the book.

Halwes swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted February 5, 2015

That is great when you can connect to your heritage like that. I loved that there are things in Leviathan that we'd never have known about if they hadn't been so researched. A lot of the history that I already knew was left out so as to accommodate inconvenient facts that had been whitewashed away. You don't get an account of NSW history like Leviathan from school learning. Not where I went to school anyway.

JG asserts...

Posted February 6, 2015
Spot on. The detail of research in Leviathan is mind boggling. No wonder it's an award-winning tome. I studied a course in Australian history as part of a major in history at the ANU (and several Indigenous Australian courses at the ANU as part of an anthropology major), and I am still learning an incredible amount about Australian history from Leviathan. I'm really glad we've got this important work of history from JB. Only hope it is promoted on schools and universities. It's fascinating and immensely readable.
What an extraordinary writer you are, John.

w from brisbane reckons...

Posted February 6, 2015
I seem to remember reading an interview with someone from the State Library of NSW. He started talking about Leviathan and the amazing amount of time JB spent at the library researching the book. JB was a fixture, he said. Seemingly, always there until late. Then you would arrive in the morning and there would be JB giving you a cheery greeting. The library guy said, he took him probably too long to twig that JB was actually sleeping in the library. Maybe JB could confirm or deny.

Halwes mumbles...

Posted February 6, 2015

Can I push a book to you JG? Nona and Me by Clare Atkens. It's fiction however the characters and situations are based on real events. It's aimed at teenagers I think, I was touched by the reality of it though, and it gives a very real picture of life in Arnhem Land. A character in the book, Mrs Reid, is based on a good mate who strives every day to assist kids in a difficult learning environment. And the redneck characters are real enough too.

JG would have you know...

Posted February 7, 2015
Ta, Halwes. I'll check it out next time I'm at the library.

Respond to this thread

Vovchara has opinions thus...

Posted February 4, 2015
still waiting for the first part :'(

Respond to this comment

Rhino has opinions thus...

Posted February 4, 2015
Time to activate unavailable book underground railroad* connection.
*Seppo specific historical reference.

Murphy ducks in to say...

Posted February 4, 2015
Through Wayne Manor, right?

Respond to this thread

Peter Bradley asserts...

Posted February 4, 2015
Same extra royalty from Booktopia?

Respond to this comment

Brother PorkChop mumbles...

Posted February 4, 2015
Yes, saw he had a copy last night. I waited in the dark for JB to come by so I could mug him and scarper with an early copy, but he must have taken a different path. Bugger....

Respond to this comment

Therbs asserts...

Posted February 4, 2015
March 1 release, which is a Sunday. Shipping retail copies from Oz would give a March 4 arrival for international destinations.

Murphy puts forth...

Posted February 4, 2015
We are go!

Rhino puts forth...

Posted February 5, 2015
Allllll Aboardddddddd!!!!

Respond to this thread

Bondiboy66 puts forth...

Posted February 4, 2015
One please! I'll have to hide it from my son (aged 9 by the way - I'm all about responsible parenting, me) who immediately wanted to know when the next book comes out when he finished Emergence, and will I buy it the moment it comes out so he can read it! I shall be reading it first, its my money after all!

Brother PorkChop mutters...

Posted February 4, 2015
So BB66 how did you explain cockpunching?

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan would have you know...

Posted February 4, 2015
I've met the lad. I suspect he could suss it for himself.

Therbs reckons...

Posted February 4, 2015
Bondi lads learn that stuff in kindergarten.

Bondiboy66 mutters...

Posted February 5, 2015
Considering he had just finished American Sniper before this I reckon he had it sorted. Funnily enough Therbs, some kids at his school were doing that cockpunching thing - we explained that one NEVER does this (and to either tell a teacher or react accordingly)

Respond to this thread

Brother PorkChop asserts...

Posted February 4, 2015
I guess so. Mine was advised by a group of my mates recently to "Go Ugly, Go Early and Avoid the Rush". he came back 47 minutes later to tell the drunken morons that he understood it. Given that I am sure he will understand cockpunching and likely try it out on his brother for shits n giggles.

Respond to this comment

BigWillieStyle asserts...

Posted February 4, 2015
Utterly off-topic, but the muscular Scandinavian fellow who plays The Mountain on "GoT" just broke a 1000-year-old record at the World's Strongest Viking Competition. Managed to walk a few steps carrying a log that weighed 650 kilograms. Six! Hundred! And! Fifty! Fucking! Kilograms!

When Toned Abs found out, he apparently called the bloke a big girl's blouse and challenged him to an arm wrestle.

Respond to this comment

Surtac asserts...

Posted February 5, 2015
Off topic too.

So Birmo, you were part of the group that chose 'mansplain' as 2014 word of the year?

Why the frak wasn't it 'splosion'? Very disappointed here. :(


damian mutters...

Posted February 5, 2015
To be fair, 'splosion isn't really that new. And mansplain is a pretty good word, one that was sorely needed

w from brisbane swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted February 5, 2015
On this topic, I heard Susan Butler (Editor of the Macquarie Dictionary) being interviewed by Richard Aedy on Radio National's The Media Report today. Butler asked Aedy whether he was familiar with the word manspain. Aedy replied, 'Yes, my wife explained it to me'.

w from brisbane is gonna tell you...

Posted February 5, 2015
*mansp

w from brisbane puts forth...

Posted February 5, 2015
*mansplain. I'm having a few problem with my Ipad/Burger interactions

Respond to this thread

NBlob mumbles...

Posted February 6, 2015
Well you see W, there's this thing called the Internet. It's not an actual real thing, like say a car, its more a virtual thing, an agreement. Anyway that agreement depends on a series of protocols...

Respond to this comment

Rhino mutters...

Posted February 7, 2015
A play on an old joke...
The Rhino and The BattleMaster.
The Horde paused to regroup before making a final push past the hastily thrown together barricade that separated them from their afternoon meal of man hearts and blood.
Before the Horde could charge, the door opened and out walked a large, middle aged man wearing a kilt and carrying a glass of clear liquid on ice with limes
"They sent out the fattest of them thinking that it will sate our appetites. This is but an appetizer."
The kilted man slurs, "I am The Rhino and I challenge the BattleMaster. When I win, you will leave and make war no more."
The Battle Master pushes his way through the throng and points his bloody ax at The Rhino. "I see no weapon puny one. You are a piss poor Champion."
Wobbling a bit, and taking a deep slug of his drink, the Rhino replies, "My weapon is this. I can take you to the heights of joy and to the deepest pit of despair. Come close and prepare to feel joy."
Slowly, the BattleMaster approached. The Rhino beckoned him to bend down so that he could whisper in his ear. Whatever the Rhino said must've been surprising because the the BattleMaster gasped and then started laughing so hard that he couldn't catch his breathe. Doubled over with laughter, tears streaming from his eyes, the BattleMaster choked out, "Human, you were half right, you did deliver me to the heights of joy with that jest. I will gladly kill you quickly in appreciation."
The BattleMaster raised his ax to deliver the killing blow.
"WAIT" screamed The Rhino. "Now stand back and bear witness to your despair." With that he downs the remainder of his drink, throws the glass to the pavement, reaches down and lifts his kilt..
The BattleMaster looks, the battle ax dropping from his now unfeeling hand and clattering to the ground. Tears once again streaming from his eyes, but this time it is not tears of laughter but tears from the deepest, darkest pit of despair any Hunn has ever felt.
"You win, Champion. We will make no more war upon the humans."
The Rhino went back to the door and told the others to come out. "It's safe now, they're gone."
The crowd surrounded The Rhino. "We watched the whole thing. What did you tell him that made him laugh?"
"I told him that I was hung like 2 Hunn."
"And to make him cry?"
"I showed him."

Respond to this comment

Fluffy mumbles...

Posted February 27, 2015
Reading Resistance now. Dude, I fucking love these books. Funnier than the possibility of George Bush Junior getting re-elected. Oh, wait. Never mind that. The books are funny. I'm glad I gave up television years ago, so I can read obsessively and discover cool authors and fun stories. Between that and the hookers and blow, I have all the entertainment I need.

John Birmingham swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted February 27, 2015
Now Fluffy is my new favourite.

Respond to this thread

GhostSwirv has opinions thus...

Posted February 28, 2015

I take possession of my very own copy of Resistance on Tuesday, courtesy of my own careful forward planning regarding the employment placement of an offspring.

If it can match the excitement and sheer brilliance of the latest fan fiction tomes them I think we're in for a ripping good read and a splodey night in.

GhostSwirv over and out

Respond to this comment

Respond to 'He's baaaack'

Nice review in the SMH

Posted January 24, 2015 into Books by John Birmingham

By Cameron Woodhead, no less. Who normally likes his books impenetrably thinky.

14 Responses to ‘Nice review in the SMH’

pete mutters...

Posted January 24, 2015
Woodhead. Forgive me, a random thought.

Respond to this comment

damian asserts...

Posted January 24, 2015
Nice one. If you'd held a gun on me last month and forced me to write a review, this is pretty close to what I might have written.

NBlob has opinions thus...

Posted January 24, 2015
"Not original enough?"JB look away & waterproof your pockets.I've read maybe 150 history books. Never found one vaguely like Leviathon. Not in theme, structure nor narrative. I almost gave it up around P30 as it was So out of the ordinary.
I've read N articles on foreign policy, never one with the tanto-like cut through of Appeasing Djakarta.
HDWAFIHH describes grunge & slacker culture >10 years before Mud Honey. I still don't know of another text that acknowledges the important role of brown couches on late 20th century western civilisation.TBF, not so much.
WoC is for me a story about societal change while greed & self interest are the Fuel of any era, leavened with xtra choice 'Splodey. I've read the 1st battle a dozen or more times.
And who bought The Rhino to a world so desperately in need of one?
Pfft. Original?

damian has opinions thus...

Posted January 25, 2015
Meh, I skipped that first sentence -- was halfway through a bottle of wine on top of 6 bright belgians and some cider when reading this last night. Agree with Bob's remarks per originality, pushing the boundaries of form (or genre) and all that.
Guess I was distracted by the Vogon reference: many of the younger crowd now are familiar with HHGTTG (rather than merely Harry Potter) so they come across as knowledgeable.

NBlob reckons...

Posted January 25, 2015

I often suspect this blog would blow over .05 on a Friday or Saturday night.

How do the USAnians do it, walk the line, touch your nose, recite the alphabet backwards?

Rhino would have you know...

Posted January 27, 2015
NBob ... we do it with panache. That's how.

NBlob would have you know...

Posted January 27, 2015
I wouldn't expect it to be otherwise.

Respond to this thread

Murphy is gonna tell you...

Posted January 25, 2015
Love the Vogon reference.

Now we just need a certain as yet unnamed Hunn to recite poetry while engaged in battle with The Dave.
Respects,
Murph
On the Outer Marches

Respond to this comment

Halwes has opinions thus...

Posted January 25, 2015
Just got back from Sydney and my copy from Pulp Fiction was here waiting. I've devoured a couple of chapters and am loving it. Saw the book with a prominent display in Dymocks George St and at Mascot Airport prominently on the top shelf. Hope you are moving a few. Sydney is fucked. I visited quite a few old friends and all of them had some kind of ice horror story that had affected their kids or their kids friends. Man that stuff is bad. One beautiful little girl that I last saw 20 years ago when she was 8 was completely fucked on it and will never work again. All she wants to do is score and it's pretty cheap too which I suppose is the main attraction. You can't find pot easily but everyone wants to sell you fucken ice. I think we are in trouble and that's from an old anti prohibitionist like myself. What did we expect though.? We became so good at prohibiting the recreational drugs that our highly intelligent and resourcesful kids just went at made their own.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan asserts...

Posted January 25, 2015
I presume that "ice" is meth.

How horrible, mate. I am so very sorry to hear that it is doing to you what it did and is doing to us.

Halwes ducks in to say...

Posted January 25, 2015
Yes I think it's the same poison. One mate spoke for two hours about what it had done to his beautiful family and it was a true horror story. He'd worked so hard to get those kids housed and educated and thought he was on the home straight to get them into work, relationships etc when his family was completely torn apart. I think I'll stay in the bush.

NBlob has opinions thus...

Posted January 25, 2015

What people seem to fail to grasp is; Ice / Meth was crafted, designed, engineered. As much as a BMW or a novel. It wasn't just laying around. Some Fcker actually invented it. Then the recipe spread through the western world.

But if you think meth is bad (destroying people, families, communities) you aint seen nothing yet.

The profound revolutions in neuroscience & the global dissemination of that information, the amazing developments in synthetic chemistry, + Non-state unregulated actors with nefarious porpoises and access to the knowledge and capacity are combining into a perfect storm of drugs of abuse.

Word I hear is that India, Bangkok & southern China are experiencing ODs, narcotic induced psychoses, and related behaviours like they've never seen before. Some of the Rape Culture in India can be attributed to this.

I know no better way to enslave someone than to get them addicted to a drug of abuse. Intelect, upbringing, moral rectitude nothing makes one immune from addiction. Information can help break down taboos & encourage users to seek help, but no-one ever gave up anything because of a brochure explaining the potential harm.

Now it would seem some Non State actors are deliberately setting out to develop the Next Big Thing.

Dangerous days ahead.

Halwes, until reading & listening about the above, I was as anti-prohibition as yourself. Now I'm just scared.

I strongly doubt poor old Guv-O-Saurus can respond in anything even approximating an effective way.

Respond to this thread

Halwes mumbles...

Posted January 25, 2015
I'm glad I'm not bringing up teenagers anymore. I've seen seasoned pot smokers on the floor crying for their mother after smoking that Kronic shit so I'm sure your comments about synthetics are very well informed. This, as you point out, is pretty scary. I do think though that, if we didn't have such a harsh prohibition on pot, then people may still be just smoking that instead of the synthetic crap. I know there are people that say pot causes mental illness but it doesn't seem to do the damage that the synthetics do. The only problem I ever had with pot when I was a fun loving teenager was cops.

Respond to this comment

Guru Bob has opinions thus...

Posted January 27, 2015
That review was in The Age down here as well...

Respond to this comment

Respond to 'Nice review in the SMH'

Without Warning is book of the week at Googleplay

Posted January 22, 2015 into Books by John Birmingham

Not to be outdone by iBooks, el Goog is giving away the end of the world for only $4.99

Megadeath and good times for less than the price of a cheeseburger.

Serving 'em up here.

3 Responses to ‘Without Warning is book of the week at Googleplay’

Rhino asserts...

Posted January 22, 2015
Time to engage another generation of Rhino fans ... And some love for that gaggle of secondary, supporting characters as well.

Respond to this comment

Murphy has opinions thus...

Posted January 22, 2015
Totally!

Respond to this comment

Bangar is gonna tell you...

Posted January 22, 2015
How does that price affect the bottom line? Considering that printing the book is the cheaper part of it's price who is losing out?

Respond to this comment

Respond to 'Without Warning is book of the week at Googleplay'

It's not often I share space with Tim Blair, but

Posted January 14, 2015 into Books by John Birmingham

... The Dave did muscle his way into the Tele, today. I await my invite to drinks in the Columnists Executive Lounge.

8 Responses to ‘It's not often I share space with Tim Blair, but’

pitpat asserts...

Posted January 14, 2015

That is fantastic. I have been waiting for the lit crit view where the book is called a misandrist diatribe with a responding article calling it a misogynists diary. With this piece I guess the wait is over, the Tele will surely explore the complex sub-text and the post modern paradigm shift that signals humanities existential angst in the perennial battle of the other that is so eloquently expressed in Emergence.

And if not I hope there is a noticeable increase in sales.

Respond to this comment

WarDog puts forth...

Posted January 14, 2015
Congrats John :-)But where the fuck is the next one already ..

Respond to this comment

Bunyip would have you know...

Posted January 14, 2015
Drinks were made, but they disappeared after a mysterious figure in a ashen coloured robe wandered through the lounge. The glasses now all contain what appears to be traces of rodent droppings, and the mostly empty bottles now smell, frankly, of rats piss.

Respond to this comment

Rhino mumbles...

Posted January 14, 2015
OK ... looking for this on The Telegraphs site and zip, zilch, nada. 14,438 articles in the last weeks about JK Rowling and Harry Potter ... but no #TheDave. WTF?

John Birmingham mutters...

Posted January 14, 2015
Hmm must be premium content.

Respond to this thread

Rhino puts forth...

Posted January 14, 2015
Welll .. that's fucked twice tonight with no dinner. No wonder I'm feeling a stogie coming on.

Dick mumbles...

Posted January 14, 2015
Lucky bastard

Respond to this thread

peter in the bleaches swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 15, 2015
I also tried to find it online at King Ruperts Sydney version of the truth and accurate reporting and could not find it. Any chance of a link?

Respond to this comment

Respond to 'It's not often I share space with Tim Blair, but'