Cheeseburger Gothic

Half cat

Posted May 7, 2013 into Awesome by John Birmingham

It would be wrong for halfcat to be lost to the relentless churn of Twitter, where I first find him, or her. Looks like a him, forever foreshortened by Google Streetview.

Halfcat. How could you do this Google? How?

33 Responses to ‘Half cat’

insomniac mumbles...

Posted May 7, 2013

Poor cat. Forever destined to chase ra and mi, drink mi, and avoid vicious do.

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damian puts forth...

Posted May 7, 2013

Hmm

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w from brisbane swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 7, 2013

He certainly has the look of someone on the way to make a complaint.

John Birmingham mumbles...

Posted May 7, 2013

Ha. That made me larf

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Barnesm is gonna tell you...

Posted May 7, 2013

Frak, you meant HELL Cat, Kill it, kill it with FIRE..

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DrYobbo mutters...

Posted May 8, 2013

A mate of Eric the Half-A-Bee?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Y5Toq3Ws4w

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DrYobbo has opinions thus...

Posted May 8, 2013

Also, Monster v2.0 (nearly 4 yrs) is now fascinated by HalfCat and thinks it's just about the most brilliant thing ever. Will clearly grow up to be a demented genetic engineer creating failimals for lolz. Just with MOAR ARSES

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BigWillieStyle ducks in to say...

Posted May 8, 2013

Do we know where this image was taken? Halfcat looks a bit like a stylised 'nK'....is this what North Korea is up to? Their nuclear weapons tend to cough and splutter and fall into the ocean, maybe Kim-Junk-Whatever has got his science-a-tists working on an army of mutant cats instead.

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Quokka has opinions thus...

Posted May 8, 2013

JB, Brisbane Times has changed it's format so that now when I look for 'blogs' I can't find any. Which is a pain as I like to read yours and city kat's when I wake up at some obscene hour of the morning.

Searches of the BT website of your name & blunty throw up all manner of random crap. Which means that now, if I want to find your blog, I've got to go hunting through your twitter feed in the hopes that you've remembered to tweet a link.

Not good.

Speaking for all the other luddites who wander in here, I cannot be the only one having this problem.

Is there a short-cut to get to your BT blog and can you get your poor beleaguered tech nerds to post a link to it here, like we had at the old site.

Darth Greybeard puts forth...

Posted May 8, 2013

You could bookmark the Gothic and use the latest links back to Blunty from here?

Also, like Doc's Monster V2.0, I love half-cat. He looks so cool, just steppin' down the street. I want one.

w from brisbane is gonna tell you...

Posted May 8, 2013

When I said BT, I really meant BI.

John Birmingham has opinions thus...

Posted May 8, 2013

Quokka, I can't do anything about the new layout at Fairfax. It's across the entire network, and you're not the first person to complain about it. Send them an angry tweet. It helps.

As for a permanent link, I'll swap out the BT ad link for a BI one later.

DrYobbo puts forth...

Posted May 8, 2013

Yeah, half-cat be STRUTTIN. Owning the footpath. Giving precisely half of no fucks that it has no back legs and theoretically has not evolved to be bipedal.

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Quokka mutters...

Posted May 8, 2013

Bookmarked. Thanks, guys.

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Spanner swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 8, 2013

The bastards cut off Halfcat's ears.

Lulu mutters...

Posted May 8, 2013

No, you just can't see them - halfcat is fullyangry so the ears are laid back absolutely flat.

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Brother PorkChop swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 8, 2013

Looks like a grumpy little fucker.

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Quokka would have you know...

Posted May 8, 2013

I want to know what half cat was in pursuit of down the street. Whatever it was, I'll bet there's not much left of it. Not on google street view, at least.

Spanner ducks in to say...

Posted May 8, 2013

Whatever it was, and I use the past tense deliberately, I bet it was sorry it crossed Halfcat.

Q: are your sure this isn’t one of yours?

Quokka is gonna tell you...

Posted May 8, 2013

I'm not sure of anything any more.

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BigWillieStyle puts forth...

Posted May 8, 2013

Looks like Blofeld's lap cat. Clearly, it had half its legs incinerated when Bond tipped Blofeld's wheelchair into the smokestack in For Your Eyes Only, and has been trying to track down Bond ever since. I bet Roger Moore is shifting uneasily in his chaise lounge as we speak.

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Adam swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 8, 2013

Half a cat is better than none.

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JG puts forth...

Posted May 8, 2013

Poor puss. Just wrong. Wrong on so many levels.

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w from brisbane puts forth...

Posted May 9, 2013

Who's to say the second photo is not the sham?
Concocted by THEM, to hide the truth.

John Birmingham is gonna tell you...

Posted May 9, 2013

Don't listen to him. The Wah is one of those people who likes to press fairies flat between the pages of thick books.

DrYobbo is gonna tell you...

Posted May 9, 2013

And to think we rigged that bogus @RealScientists haiku comp just so he could win free stuff. For shame sir

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Respond to 'Half cat'

The most interesting site for men, ever

Posted March 26, 2013 into Awesome by John Birmingham

Sandwiches, hot chicks with tatts, fart gags, what's not to love. It's Pinterest for men. Literally. Manteresting.com.

I will never write another word, having found this now.

It has design tips for the manly home. Both large:

And small:

With cute kids pics, just like Pinterest.

There's useful team building advice:

Survival tips.

And even a sort of existential philosophy.

25 Responses to ‘The most interesting site for men, ever’

Suspended for 15 minutes TC ducks in to say...

Posted March 26, 2013

Holy shitbags, which dickhead thought it would be good for the world's productivity to create that website? Seriously? How the fuck am I ever going to get any work done now?

It's just as well I'm off sick at the moment... maybe I can get through all the interesting stuff before I'm well enough to go back to work...? Or maybe I'll only be well enough once I've gotten through all the interesting stuff...

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Therbs is gonna tell you...

Posted March 26, 2013

Thank you JB. Thank. You.

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insomniac would have you know...

Posted March 26, 2013

popeye = havock??

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Jacques Stahl would have you know...

Posted March 26, 2013

Suspended, you have nailed it first up.

I will never have spare time again......

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pitpat has opinions thus...

Posted March 26, 2013

What a dangerous site for mankind. Screw work and the family, this is what I should devote my life to.

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Brother PorkChop mumbles...

Posted March 26, 2013

Well, that was 90 minutes well spent. Had to leave some for the afternoon session too.

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NBlob asserts...

Posted March 26, 2013

Thank you veryfreakinmuch.

90 minutes of my day off I won't get back.

d'you want to come and mow my lawn for me now?

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Surtac would have you know...

Posted March 26, 2013

Oh frak. It's not blocked here at work. B*gger.

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Brother PorkChop reckons...

Posted March 26, 2013

A bit lame but the Dutch Oven temperature thing is awesome!! Explains the last disaster. Have now printed that out, translated to celsius and voila, ready to have another crack.

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Bondiboy66 swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 26, 2013

Not blocked at my work either...goodbye productivity!!

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Barnesm is gonna tell you...

Posted March 26, 2013

Hey did you know they are showing the first 15 minutes of SciFi's new series Defiance ?

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Ramesh puts forth...

Posted March 26, 2013

"I will...etc"

Promise?

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Spanner is gonna tell you...

Posted March 26, 2013

I'm confused first JB gives us the comment thread at today's Blunty and then he gives us this wonder of wonders. Does he hate us or love us? The horror derp juxtaposed against this miricle of teh internets has left me totally disorientated.

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Nocturnalist mutters...

Posted March 26, 2013

The zombie apocalypse survival team doesn't include Ash? Pfeh.

Barnesm is gonna tell you...

Posted March 26, 2013

Damn wrong if you ask me.

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Rhino swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 26, 2013

FKN AWSM

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Murphy mutters...

Posted March 26, 2013

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pqo98GnvxTk

I wonder what James May would make of this site?

Respects,

Murph

On the Outer Marches

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HAVOCK21 reckons...

Posted March 26, 2013

YIPPE KI YAY MOTHER FKRS!>......FKN BANZAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAVOCK21 asserts...

Posted March 26, 2013

BOOKMARKED. IM IN FKN HEAVEN!

Bunyip mumbles...

Posted March 26, 2013

Havock, did you see the MP# image?

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HAVOCK21 would have you know...

Posted March 26, 2013

NATALIE PORTMAN should noyt be allowed out LIKE FKN THAT!.. I am soooo fkn hating this fkn working for a living!

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TC would have you know...

Posted March 26, 2013

Goddamn it, just lost another 30 minutes to the void. Family Guy started, I noticed the Manteresting page was still open... Family Guy is about to end. I love the Rick Grimes picture... two men walked into a bar...

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damian has opinions thus...

Posted March 26, 2013

Trying to work out if that's an especially manly, or just an especially impractical way to cook bacon

Bunyip swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 26, 2013

I so want to try that out, but.

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Brian has opinions thus...

Posted March 27, 2013

Bookmarked.

Now where's that FCKN Easter Bunny!

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Respond to 'The most interesting site for men, ever'

Man up, Self.

Posted May 23, 2012 into Awesome by John Birmingham

There's a title ripe for the misreading.

This is Will Self.

So allow me to elucidate. Will Self needs to man up. The British author and columnist has had a little wobbly because he's going bald. As Hunter S. Thompson, a god called Havock and your correspondent can all attest, this is the best thing for it. Well, Thompson could attest to that. If he hadn't topped himself. But that wasn't because of his magnificent, rock hard, gleaming dome. That motherfucker was something to live for.

But not for Mr. Self.

(Note how the strange-looking punctuation of that name looks, so... strange. As if it implies a staccato spitting out of 'Mister' and surname by someone so traumatized by the retreat of his hairline that I have completely lost the point of why I started down this long and winding sentence. Fuck. Yeah. 'Keith' his barber, and coincidentally the name of my gardener, which seems hardly coincidental at all now I look at it, had once trimmed the locks of David Bowie 'at the spiky peak of his success'. Self delivered 'self into "his expert hands because I had at last, with almost preternatural stoicism, faced up to the fact that my hair was thinning at the temples."

My old number four down the barber’s wasn’t hiding this enough – but Keith’s genius allowed him to seamlessly elide “balding” with “short hair”. He also said reassuring things to me (or at least I thought he did), of the form: “There’s no need to worry, you may recede at the sides, but you’ll be dead before it goes on top . . .” And yet there it was, in the mirror, right on the very apex of my skull, like some sinister new fontanel, opening to herald my birth-into-death, a patch of bare scalp at least two inches across!

Pfft. Two inches across? You're not trying hard enough, sir! You can do balder than that.

And this is what Will Self could look like with a face facts hair cut.

I wouldn't offer Will Self this gratuitous, unwanted and sure to be unread advice, except I went to the barber this morning, as I do every two weeks now, for a buzzcut with the comb set to zero. The effect produced is one of a knobbled cannonball with a slight dusting of concrete.

But as I sat, watching my salt and pepper stubble collect on the barber's apron, I thought for the first time in many years, damn, it's good to have no hair. Because I would look like one, old grey-haired motherfucker if I did.

Instead, I got me a fine, sexy head like a bullet speckled with iron filings.

104 Responses to ‘Man up, Self.’

JG asserts...

Posted July 19, 2012
Bald is sexy, JB.

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Murphy puts forth...

Posted July 19, 2012
Yeah, better to do without the fuzzy stuff.

Respects,

Murph

On the Outer Marches

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embilbie would have you know...

Posted July 19, 2012
You have the RIGHT ATTITUDE, and so does Grant Morrison: http://goo.gl/qx9Oj

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melbo mumbles...

Posted July 19, 2012
JB it is the only way - my brother does this too (having been sparse around the front there since his late 20s).

It totally rocks if only for the saving you can make on shampoo and all that styling crap.

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luke would have you know...

Posted July 19, 2012
it's all in the comma placement.

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Aprill Allen puts forth...

Posted July 19, 2012
Lol. Love those descriptions of your head. Sounds like How to be a Man needs a Book 2.

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BruceGaryNigelson reckons...

Posted July 19, 2012
I have beautiful hair at age 42. Why the hate?

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begee mumbles...

Posted July 19, 2012
I've got hair, but prefer the missus to run the old Wahl over it every couple of weeks on the zero setting.

If I were to start balding, I doubt I'd notice....or care.

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John Birmingham swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted July 19, 2012
That'll change, BruceGaryNigelson, by which I mean PeterFuckingPan.

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BruceGaryNigelson would have you know...

Posted July 19, 2012
meh!!!! (runs hands through thick beautiful hair, turns and minces manfully away).

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damian mumbles...

Posted July 19, 2012
BGN: it's like this... shorter men require more testosterone to man up. This cooks the hair follicles as well as the brain. My great-grandfather, who was 6'5, had a full head of snow white hair when he went to meet Martin Luther at age 86. His sons, both a bit shorter, had pronounced widows peaks! This includes my rockabilly great uncle, whose coif was otherwise pretty impressive.

Tall, bald men, however, are not to be trifled with...

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Displayb333 has opinions thus...

Posted July 19, 2012
Have heaps of hair. So does my sire, in his 70s now. Genetic mutations? It is not like our seed is ineffective.

But I choose to lose it, in the manner described above. Tony of Kawana Shoppingworld buzzes, clips and razors my pate into a gleaming and respectable housing for my ruined brain.

And today was, indeed, a magnificent day for a haircut.

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NBlob reckons...

Posted July 19, 2012
Right there with you BGN. I do believe at 42 my hair may be actually thickening and just to piss my work colleagues off a full, rich, consistant brown. The only less than fully brown hair on my head may or may not be found, to my unutterable shame, in my *shudder, twitch* sub-moustache area. It would seem I may, in due time, turn into my nemesis.

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NBlob puts forth...

Posted July 19, 2012
@Lol, are you mad sir? Or perhaps professionally warmer than I.

Beanies reach peak performance when forming a top layer over a thick understory of natural fibre. Also if you voluntarily razor your pate, you provide cover for baldys and insulate them from the mocking they deserve.

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John Birmingham reckons...

Posted July 19, 2012
@Lol knows the score, Lord Bob of the womanly upper lip.

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Orin is gonna tell you...

Posted July 19, 2012
If I didn't shave my head, I'd look like Krusty the FKN Clown. Now I just look like Orin the FKN Clown.

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Big Bad Al is gonna tell you...

Posted July 19, 2012
My Grandfather had a great shock of white hair when he died. My Father was noticeably bald at a youngish age and almost totally bald when he died. I have more hair than I know what to do with. I have great pleasure in telling my youngest son, a debonair lady's man about town or so he thinks, (aged 29) that baldness skips a generation and he will be bald before he is 40 like his Grandfather. The cries of anguish from him are a delight to my ears.

Mayhap you should let your hair, or what's left of it grow into a Bill Bailey style.

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NBlob is gonna tell you...

Posted July 19, 2012
That profile pic @ Hughsey's Reality Bites Festival doesn't say, "cannon ball with a dusting of cement" to me more "battered state school shut-put," perhaps dropped on the concrete more times than optimum.

Tell me, o modern day Telly Savalas, how are those chily south-westerlys working out for you.

.

NBob, also peeling spud.

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Dino not to be confused with reckons...

Posted July 19, 2012
Nbob,

There was a satire about Kojack I think in a MAD magazine where he was asked about his costume for a fancy dress.

He said he was gonna paint his head blue and go in a big cardboard box, as a roll on deodorent... I m laghing too much

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John Birmingham swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted July 19, 2012
Pfft. Photoshop Nob. They had to ugly me up so the other writers wouldn't be intimidated.

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Timmo is gonna tell you...

Posted July 19, 2012
"Tall, bald men, however, are not to be trifled with…"

Strangely, Damian I agree with this sentiment 100% - though I've not yet done the JB-style zero on the clippers - I usually stick to about a 2.

As a Frightfully Sweaty Man, I am far too afeared of the horrible sensation of sweat running down my bald scalp unimpeded to my ears or the base of my neck. At least with a light cover of hair I can impede it's progress.

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Timmo mutters...

Posted July 19, 2012
And, of course the fear that there will be a dreadfully mis-shapen head under there :)

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Timmo swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted July 19, 2012
"If I didn’t shave my head, I’d look like Krusty the FKN Clown."

Know the feeling Orin, it's those thoughts exactly that tell me it's time for a cut...

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John Birmingham would have you know...

Posted July 19, 2012
Timmo, chicks dig knobby skulls running with honest sweat.

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Bondiboy66 would have you know...

Posted July 19, 2012
I know well the delights of a No.1. Thanks to my HUGE levels of testosterone. It's good to be so manly.

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Lobes would have you know...

Posted July 19, 2012
Is this where we come to brag about how thick our hair is?

Ok then, yeah super thick, and it grows really fast too..

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Brian is gonna tell you...

Posted July 19, 2012
The League of Bald Headed Men.

Now that could be an intersting burger get together.

Sadly I'm over the height, age and hair limit.

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damian is gonna tell you...

Posted July 19, 2012
Yeah well. The world isn't ready for the terrifying housing that surrounds my awesome bulging brain. Thankfully the worst I have to face is a little thinning of the temples in my late 90s. Sucks to be other people.

"...chicks dig knobby skulls running with honest sweat". Pshaw. Next you'll be endorsing the wearing of flesh-coloured, turtleneck pullovers. And changing one's name to "Johnson" or "Richard".

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Moko would have you know...

Posted July 19, 2012
I bought my second set of clippers 8 years ago. So far, I've spent maybe ... $80 on "haircuts" in the last 20 years. Clippers FTW. Rocking the Numba Zero.

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NBlob mumbles...

Posted July 19, 2012
Am not Overly impressed with the iPad's autocorrect of my user name.

But what can you expect from a device designed by yet another baldy.

Jealousy, that's all it is jealousy.

Brazillion brain boxes ain't nothing to admire, only to endure.

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Naut would have you know...

Posted July 19, 2012
Lobes, I think we are meant to say how horrible it is to have soft, luxurious locks that beautiful women want to run their hands through (and in Action Lobes case, they probably do). It is truly terrible.

It must be wonderful to be bald and live with the evidence of decline towards death.

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Roddy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted July 19, 2012

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JG swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted July 19, 2012
Roddy says what? All this talk of bald men, particularly bald writers, has got me hot and horny. Need you on the catwalk, JB. I'm too sexy for my hair.

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Roddy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted July 19, 2012
Roddy says, "damn,forgetting that angle brackets are used in HTML markup".

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HAVOCK would have you know...

Posted July 19, 2012
I have forgotten what shampoo actually is! its fkn wicked when ya sexy as..and mistaken for Bruce Willis por the FKN GOD ALMIGHTY HAVOCK!.

NO HAIR or f a and clipped..YEAH BABY!..it rocks!

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Roddy puts forth...

Posted July 19, 2012
Clippers? Go the Mach3 for that confident smooth pate, I say.

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JG swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted July 19, 2012
Oh, HAVOCK! HAVOk! Shampoo on bald domes!!! FKN talk filthy, baby! give me ya bald spotz! Oh YEAH!!!! Oooohhhhh!&'&&!!!!

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Mayhem's Mum asserts...

Posted July 19, 2012
My own thick, glorious golden tresses grow full and free. How disconcerting it is that said tresses spring forth from one's shins rather than from one's scalp. Oh, if only my Lord and Master Greybeard (Keeper of the Torch, Tamer of Rats, Wearer of the Beard) would lend me his Ladyshave. Alas, he thinks I cannot be trusted with sharp implements, despite my explaining the incident with the breadknife and the midgets truly was an accident. It is so unfair.

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simonbedak mumbles...

Posted July 19, 2012
At Parramatta you can get a buzzcut for $7. In Granville, $5.50. Chicks, $6. I dig getting my head shaved with a cut-throat, but the clamminess for the next day and a bit is indescribable.

Bald fucken rocks.

And you pull hot chicks.

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HAVOCK would have you know...

Posted July 19, 2012
And what caps it right off!, I walk into a hair dressers and get served STRAIGHT AWAY!....no Booking!

HEY

Bede's of sweat!

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simonbedak mumbles...

Posted July 19, 2012
The trick is to say "Hello, bruzzer.." when you take a seat

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John Birmingham ducks in to say...

Posted July 19, 2012
Yeah, I pity those hairy motherfuckers with their nit infested dreadlocks.

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Brother PorkChop ducks in to say...

Posted July 19, 2012
I feel completely left out being overburdened with hair. Costs me a small fortune in cuts every 5 weeks. Summer is unbearable but it is rather nice in winter. Testosterone? Phooey! I will take the fur anytime.

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HAVOCK puts forth...

Posted July 19, 2012
ONLY a very very elite group are deemed to have the CERTAIN QUALITY required to be both IN the EXPENDABLES and in the FRONT of the cockpit!

its called BALD, VERY FKN RUGGED GOOD LOOKS!

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Brother PorkChop reckons...

Posted July 19, 2012
There's a man with a bald head and a wooden leg who gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain the problem.

A few days later he receives a parcel with a note.

"Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted hand-kerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate."

The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week passes and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

"Dear Sir, please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg, and with your bald head, you will really look the part."

Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head and he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint. The next day he receives a small parcel and a note which reads:

"Dear Sir, please find enclosed a bottle of molasses. Pour the molasses over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your butt and go as a caramel apple!"

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Bunyip is gonna tell you...

Posted July 19, 2012
I've had two hair cuts since I was 17. Either let it grow till the word "...HIPPY!!" is beginning to sound accurate, or shaved down to a 1 or a 2. For the last 10 years it been the later. Rather like my spiky short steel wool.

Is Will Self's middle name Richard?

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Brian has opinions thus...

Posted July 19, 2012
Dome chromes. I'm fkn blinded by all the glow of self satisfaction reflected from your pates. Last Fkn thing a man wants to do is have to peer down on mottled scalps.

Next time I see all youse all have me buffer and wax set - then we'll about getting a shine up.

Gotta admit, Orin does have a decent skull for the look.

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HAVOCK mutters...

Posted July 19, 2012
yeah..but its like those good looking wenches that then SPEAK! from manchester or somfin...GAAAWD..the horror!

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Dino not to be confused with swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted July 19, 2012
simonbedak,

Yeah I love a good shave but I get upset when they take say 10cm of me head , I look in the mirror and think, cool, look out cjikybabes here I come and at a table I wonder why they talk to me funny. W hen I get home I find one or two hairs, 10cm long, comin' out of my fkn ear! Yep ear! How can ya miss that !

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Brother PorkChop would have you know...

Posted July 19, 2012
Even worse than chrome domes? MudGuards.

Gimme head with hair

Long beautiful hair

Shining, gleaming,

Streaming, flaxen, waxen....

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John Birmingham is gonna tell you...

Posted July 19, 2012
Google images: 'sexy bald' . I dare you. If you can handle the AWSm of so many good lookin badASS motherfuckers.

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Brother PorkChop ducks in to say...

Posted July 19, 2012
I partied with a bald babe once. She was most AWSm. Vin Diesel pulls bald off I guess, as did yul brynner. I will stick with the completely natural rug for now but if it starts going, I will be sharpening the clippers.

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Dino not to be confused with is gonna tell you...

Posted July 19, 2012
picard is sexy.

That would be cool.

Muscles be nice as well.

I can gets me some mussels, bit a white wine and parsley mmmmm

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Dino not to be confused with mutters...

Posted July 19, 2012
Theres fkn chikkybabes JOIhn YUOU made me

look aggainn!!!!

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John Birmingham has opinions thus...

Posted July 19, 2012
Dino made me LOL

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Matthew K mumbles...

Posted July 19, 2012
We are Poms! We whinge. It's what we do.

Now go away Australia or we shall whinge at you some more.

This. Is. England!

Innit.

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Bunyip reckons...

Posted July 19, 2012
Dino, testify brother, testify.

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JG mutters...

Posted July 19, 2012
Yeah, yeah. Do it, Dino. Go Brazilian. Bald, both ends. Joanna la kinky stalker.

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Lobes asserts...

Posted July 19, 2012
60 comments in and nobody's mentioned Jason Statham yet.

This isn't your typical bald guys conversation.

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Mayhem puts forth...

Posted July 19, 2012
I was bald for a while. I wore it well :-)

Now I look like a woolly black sheep.

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HAVOCK asserts...

Posted July 20, 2012
LOBES...didn't have to, Good enough to get in the front cockpit of plan..in EXPENDABLES..it really does go without saying!

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Paul Nicholas Boylan asserts...

Posted July 20, 2012
You round-headed "modern human" types just love to yap about how great your bald heads look. Fuck you. Fuck you and your round heads. My bald head reveals an occipital crest and my apparent Neanderthal heritage, subjecting me to serious social and employment discrimination. And it frightens children. That hurts most of all.

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Matthew K mumbles...

Posted July 20, 2012
I also feel your pain PNB, as I have a skull better left covered.

It is the undiscussed issue around what JB once called "face facts haircuts". What if one looks like a neo nazi version of the missing link with a shaved head?

They see me shambling they hatin". The only dignified response is too screech and fling poo.

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Paul Nicholas Boylan asserts...

Posted July 20, 2012
Ah yes, the tried and true screeching and flinging poo response. I know it well.

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Matthew K reckons...

Posted July 20, 2012
It's served our family well ever since we came down from the trees. Last week it was.

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NBlob ducks in to say...

Posted July 20, 2012
As I nodded off last night with my bonce naturally kept warm by my thick luxurious mop, I pitied those who, cursed by baldness, would either have to wear a nightcap, or suffer the indignity of Warnie and Greg Mathew's strand-by-strand debaldification.

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Brian puts forth...

Posted July 20, 2012
Nbob

Indeed. What's cute with these Xmas ornaments are the egg warmers they don for winter.

Me . . .I whips me hat off, run the digits thru me locks to show the communters that I'm cooling off. Damme I get evil glares . . . I blame brain freeze 'cause of their poor insulation.

I wnder at night how big the 'wee willy' night cap market is.

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MickH swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted July 20, 2012
I'd rather go grey than bald!

..

It's not workn but

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Mat D reckons...

Posted July 20, 2012
JB I am the same, no comb clipper cut. Suits me well, makes one look bad ass, especially with my beard. Missus loves it!

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Paul Nicholas Boylan reckons...

Posted July 20, 2012
TMI, Matt D. TMI.

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HAVOCK21 mumbles...

Posted July 20, 2012
Paul..look on the bright side, if you are EVER launched outta anything , your evolutionary head being pointy makes you more aerodynamic!

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Paul Nicholas Boylan ducks in to say...

Posted July 20, 2012
Yeah. At least I have that going for me.

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insomniac is gonna tell you...

Posted July 20, 2012
the only poo i fling is the shampoo for sudsing up my luxurious locks

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Sekret Sekret ducks in to say...

Posted July 20, 2012
What's that you all said? *brushing my leonine mane from eyes so I can see*

Female first world problems.

But I am attracted to men with little hair . Or a lot of hair. But not newsreader hair. So you're all Terribly Attractive no matter.

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Paul Nicholas Boylan is gonna tell you...

Posted July 20, 2012
How about an bald, aging bloke with an obvious occipital crest?

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Sekret Sekret asserts...

Posted July 20, 2012
..was going to add that I've met some of you and purrrrr to bald heads and mannish locks :)) ha ha ha.

PNB, you write like an attractive person.

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insomniac mutters...

Posted July 20, 2012
those of us with generic avatars are bald men (either that or it's an afro)

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Paul Nicholas Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted July 20, 2012
"PNB, you write like an attractive person."

There are those here who have met me, and they can tell you the impression I make here isn't matched in the real world. My painfully noticeable occipital crest gets in the way of first impressions. And the bushy connecting eyebrows. And the disfiguring facial scar. And that thing I do with my sinuses.

But I tend to be a marvelous social host, and that often makes up for, well, everything else.

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ConspiracyCat puts forth...

Posted July 20, 2012
Oh, I'm not sure about that, Paul. The Boss did instruct me not to sit next to you, just in case I succumbed to your manly charms.

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Timmo puts forth...

Posted July 20, 2012
"Google images: ‘sexy bald’ . I dare you. If you can handle the AWSm of so many good lookin badASS motherfuckers."

Hmmm, sounds like a search best not done at work...

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BruceGaryNigelson ducks in to say...

Posted July 20, 2012
Looks like the more follically challenged herein spend a hell of a lot of more time preening/primping their solar panel then us more hursuitly blessed brothers.

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Dusty1 reckons...

Posted July 20, 2012
I have hair, but when it starts to go, it's going. And I'll look like a French film producer.

Bon.

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Sekret Sekret mumbles...

Posted July 20, 2012
PNB, don't do that thing you do with your sinuses. Aside from that, be flattered because I'm here to say there are several bogan Australian women with your name all over them. The luck of the Greek Irish.

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damian asserts...

Posted July 20, 2012
I do like that this turned into possibly the fastest comment-magnet here for a while.

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Bunyip mumbles...

Posted July 20, 2012
Am feeling that my avatar here is vaguely appropriate.

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Dino not to be confused with puts forth...

Posted July 20, 2012
Joanna la kinky stalker,

You ever done weldin' ?

Cauterising ?

If so give $60. No make that 30, I only did 'alf.

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JG is gonna tell you...

Posted July 20, 2012
Dino - No idea what you're talking about. I cannot weld or cauterise, but hope you have finished waxing your masterpiece. Trust the reflected light from your dome will heat your toolshed and that you find a woman versed in jack hammering soon.

Joanna, golden locks of hair intact.

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Dino not to be confused with mumbles...

Posted July 21, 2012
Did my sack a few years ago.

That only counts as half the way I see it.

No instructions either.

Thrown in the deep end, so to say.

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JG ducks in to say...

Posted July 21, 2012
No man up self for you then, old relic dinosaur. My crack's fine. No dents in the mine.

PNB - when is your pointy head blasting this way? Give me the heads up cos everyone's pollutin' my clear vision here, what with their foul language and allusions to men up self. Also, not sure how many enemies remain in limbo on the custard line.

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Dino not to be confused with ducks in to say...

Posted July 21, 2012
Blue tongue,

I stil want my 30 bucks.

Kinda soon would be better than later

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JG is gonna tell you...

Posted July 21, 2012
Fuck off, Dino, mangy beggar. Nice try.

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JG has opinions thus...

Posted July 21, 2012
I owe you nothing, you fucked-up weirdo, Dino. If anything, you owe me $240 for wasting my time, reading your crap about your dud waxing job. Go suck a lollipop. Too many fucking cupcake-eating nutters on this site, Birmo. Hose them down for me, will you? Dino's got me shitzu mad now. Growl.

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Dino not to be confused with has opinions thus...

Posted July 21, 2012
BT fkn W,

I left the braclets in the draw because I figure it was only fair yuo no,

Blankets are for babies.

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JG reckons...

Posted July 21, 2012
Dino - got it. I shall retreat from the front line. You need to stop inhaling that heavy shit. I like spitting the odd dummy. Don't you judge me, Linus.

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Dino not to be confused with ducks in to say...

Posted July 21, 2012
Got me in the eye.

Good shootin' Tex.

See ya next time !

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Des mutters...

Posted July 22, 2012
wow, Look Who's Stalking...i just voyeuristically read the comments today, and i have to say this Burger scene is getting pretty x-rated, with some really hot sexed up stuff from BT being almost scandalous in its lusty homage to my friend the Burgermeister. i love this raw gear. particularly reading it... at a safe distance. keep it up BT. you must be quite a character. i shall follow your stalking with interest!

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JG puts forth...

Posted July 22, 2012
I'm no stalker, Des. Just a silly incident last November where I behaved like an idiot. If I am accused of being a stalker, then everyone here is. Hopefully they'll stop hating on me one day and ask me to another Burger do. It's like being Cinderella, not that I'm complaining. I feel like JB is my protector. Sorry about my lewd comments. I get a bit carried away. Yes, I must tone it down, even though you like my dirty talk. Is Des your real name? I won't tell. ;)

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Des would have you know...

Posted July 23, 2012
Well Blue Tongue, Des is my real name. i had no idea of the back-story behind the 'stalker' reference you had made. it certainly seems there is a murky cesspool of emotions and passions here at the burger that i hadn't quite fathomed. perhaps this is the dark side of the new social media scene. people are isolated, unhappy, or feeling unloved.... anyhow, because of my penchant for seeing OTHER PEOPLE acting out their fantasies online, i shall maintain a watching brief on this situation you have alluded to. i love the smell of boiling bunnies in the morning..

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JG mumbles...

Posted July 23, 2012
Lol.'OMG. Boiled bunny is just wrong, wrong I tell you! I was born in the Year of the Rabbit, y'know. Also a Gemini, so I'm doubly hopping mad.

Thought you might be Des. Bet you got a mention in 'Felafel', eh?

Yes, definitely a weird and dark side to social media. Many games, politicking, power plays, cliques, etc. Anyway, I just don't care as much now. It is what it is. Also lots of fun. Many brilliant minds and writers here. Can be intimidating, but I love the Burger 'community' and the sense of humour and outrageous comments here is fantastic.

Anyway, better hop to it. Hopefully I shall remain one live bunny on Burger... ah, not a bunny Burger for eating.

:<

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Des asserts...

Posted July 23, 2012
Sure BT. i suppose i must declare that i am also a gem rabbit. so i'll give you the benefit of the doubt.... as to "Felafel", John did kindly acknowledge me at the front, but i don't think i am THE Des who pops up in the book itself.. i hope not, anyway.

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JG swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted July 30, 2012
Hey Des. Back to my real name. BT was a tedious tag. May come up with another. Or not.

JB - you make your speckled head of iron filings sound like a chook yard. So I guess you're the cock in charge. Not a cockhead though. If your noggin's like a bullet, then I can only assume you are James Bond incognito, JB. Never thought JB was a rooster. Well, speckle me bald.

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