Cheeseburger Gothic

A truly horrifying writing app

Posted January 29, 2016 into Writing by John Birmingham

I can't believe I'm going to buy this thing and actually try use it. Flowstate. A writing app. First, I already have more than enough writing apps on my desktop and other iDevices to keep a basement full of monkeys cranking out War and Peace sequels for a year. Second, this thing is... frightening.

It's designed to promote 'focus' and focus is good, right? But it doesn't just depend on a full screen environment; it deltes what you've written if you stop writing for mre than five seconds.

Five fucking seconds!

I stopped for about half a minute in that second par just to ponder an awkward piece of phrasing. I'd have lost the lot. Bad enough after a couple of lines. Can you imagine the howls if you actually did crank out the words for half an hour and then lost them all?

((Shudder)).

Anyway. The whole thing is so crackbrained I can't help myself. I have to give it a try. I'm including a link to the app store so that I can at least get a couple of bucks back via my own associate payment. I don't recommend anyone else try this at home.

21 Responses to ‘A truly horrifying writing app’

Murphy_of_Missouri ducks in to say...

Posted January 29, 2016
No, I think Kung Fury is what we needed.

Respond to this comment

Lulu would have you know...

Posted January 29, 2016
Five seconds??? To quote Truman Capote, "That's not writing, that's typing."

MuttsInc reckons...

Posted February 23, 2016
if you read between the lines (that'll be humorous in a tic) you'll observe the rationale for an instructional (re)exploration of methamphetamine and a user-friendly sequel to the classic, this being - 'On The Road, (Part Two) If I Stop I'll Lose It'

Respond to this thread

insomniac swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 29, 2016
Are you going to go for the 30 minute option?

John Birmingham ducks in to say...

Posted January 29, 2016
Gah! You made me lose everything!

insomniac asserts...

Posted January 29, 2016
I'm all for trivial solutions, so perhaps holding down a little used key like slash or a number while you are thinking would be a solution to losing everything. When your time is up, do a search and replace on that keystroke.

Dave W is gonna tell you...

Posted January 29, 2016
Tired-one, that sounds like a true public servant work-around.

Respond to this thread

Stephen reckons...

Posted January 29, 2016
Have you ever tried Write or Die? writeordie.com
Sounds like a similar idea, but not quite as likely to lose your work (though there is a Kamikazi mode).

Respond to this comment

HAVOCK21 has opinions thus...

Posted January 29, 2016
yeah...well something tells me that this might not be good for me, the computer or the fkn software maker!!

Respond to this comment

GhostSwirv mutters...

Posted January 30, 2016

Double GAAAHHH!!!
Using that freakin' app its taken me three days to type this response!

Respond to this comment

Babes mutters...

Posted February 2, 2016
I think I'll hold out for the app that has a cute little person pop up every time you write another hundred words that says varying iterations of, "That was brilliant!/I am in awe of your remarkable talent!/the masses will be clamoring to read this!/etc." ;-)

John Birmingham asserts...

Posted February 2, 2016
Yeah, that I'd pay fifteen bucks for.

Respond to this thread

jennicki asserts...

Posted February 3, 2016
I am trying so hard to write a novel, JB. But I seem to have developed ADD around the same time smartphone and Netflix appeared on the horizon.
Surely just a coinky-dink.

John Birmingham asserts...

Posted February 3, 2016
Shirley.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mumbles...

Posted February 3, 2016
I wrote a novel, Jenni. No one liked it. But I don't care what they think. In my heart I know I write good.

damian reckons...

Posted February 3, 2016
I've recently learned that you need to use a coffee cup to weigh a smartphone down when you put it in a sink full of water.

Respond to this thread

jennicki puts forth...

Posted February 3, 2016
I get the shakes when I'm too far from my smartphone.
I would read your novel, PNB. Fo sho.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mutters...

Posted February 4, 2016
Great. Just great. Another person who hasn't read Sex Slaves of the Congo by Jason Dante (my pen name)....

I am getting very tired of my continuing lack of literary celebrity.

GhostSwirv swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted February 4, 2016

Was that you?

I thought you were Jarryd Diamonte who penned the semi-autobiography Sex Slaves of the Mongrels?

insomniac ducks in to say...

Posted February 4, 2016
OMG PNB! That was you? I loved that book! I thought the scene between Lumumba and Dikembe was especially poignant. And that escapee lass with her alcoholic dog was genius.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mutters...

Posted February 4, 2016
I am told that it has been said that Lumumba and Dikembe are an edgy postmodern Troilus and Criseyde. I have no idea what that means, but I am taking it as a compliment.

Respond to this thread

Respond to 'A truly horrifying writing app'

I thought I invented the word 'bloodpot'

Posted January 22, 2016 into Writing by John Birmingham

But apparently I owe some licensing fees to Woody Guthrie, who first used the term when writing about Donald Trump's racist old man, who used to be his landlord.


I suppose Old Man Trump knows

Just how much Racial Hate he stirred up

In the bloodpot of human hearts

When he drawed That color line

Here at his Eighteen hundred family project ....

The whole, strange story is at Quartz.

10 Responses to ‘I thought I invented the word 'bloodpot'’

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan reckons...

Posted January 22, 2016
Welcome to the party, pal. Imagine my personal chagrin when I learned the term "nimrod" used in a pejorative sense did not originate with me.

Nocturnalist is gonna tell you...

Posted January 22, 2016
I ran into "nimrod" as an insult in Calvin & Hobbes and couldn't get my head around it. Where was the negative in being compared to a mighty hunter of legend and one of the X-Mens' cooler enemies?

Lulu puts forth...

Posted January 22, 2016
Reports on the British parliamentary debate about whether to deny Donald Trump entry to the UK reminded me of great British insults like 'wazzock' & 'twazzock'.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan asserts...

Posted January 22, 2016
"“I used it when I was a kid,” says Harding. “It was fairly common in the north, in Lancashire and Yorkshire.” According to Harding, it takes its name from the habit of medieval kings to “take a crap on a shovel”. The royal turd would be “wazzed” out of the window and the wazzock was the tool for performing this operation."

JBto swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 22, 2016
I love this so much

Respond to this thread

Therbs has opinions thus...

Posted January 22, 2016

I thought up the word "wankgull" but it never caught on.


Respond to this comment

DarrenBloomfield ducks in to say...

Posted January 22, 2016
I can't understand why "Captain's Call" (Itself ripped off from Julia's 2013 Captain's Pick of Nova Perris surely?) beat out "Buttecracke" for Macquarie dictionary's word of the year. Robbed.

John Birmingham swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 22, 2016
I blame Vargas Llosa.

Respond to this thread

DarrenBloomfield ducks in to say...

Posted January 22, 2016
whenever I hear you invoke Senor Llosa, I always picture you calling out "Llosa!" in that McBain-style pose, crying out "Mendoza" <img class="irc_mi" style="margin-top: 49px;" src="http://i.imgur.com/M7835Ax.jpg" width="540" height="514">

Respond to this comment

DarrenBloomfield has opinions thus...

Posted January 22, 2016
damn, that didn't work.

Respond to this comment

Respond to 'I thought I invented the word 'bloodpot''

"It wasn't much of a race riot."

Posted January 21, 2016 into Writing by John Birmingham

Late last year I spent a couple of days rolling up and down the freeway between my quiet, vanilla flavoured hilltop suburb, and The Wood, aka Woodridge, which is more of a Hilltop Hoods suburb. Indeed I was hanging out with a couple of rappers Mad Mike and Junior Finau, subjects of an SBS doco going to air on 26 Jan.

I don't do a lot of this kind of work these days, mostly because I can't escape the gravity well of Planet Parenthood. Even the few days I spent in the Wood were a challenge to fit in with everyone else's end of term schedule.

Still, I'm very glad to have had the opportunity. Columns and blogs they come and go, but this sort of work can resonate for a long time. It was a rare privlege to meet the artists too. Something else I don't do as much of these days.

Junior’s parents were forever reminding him of the sacrifices they had made to get the family to Australia, of the opportunities and future that awaited him now he was here. He repaid them early, with a 10-day suspension from school for fighting in the car park. He explains that he was protecting his cousin and his rep. Yes. He understands it was dumb.

During the interview to talk his way back into school, he told the deputy principal he was going to be school captain. Everyone laughed at him, but he turned that back on them in his final year, when he was duly elected to the position.

He heard the same laughter a few years later in court, during those wild years, when he was explaining to judge why he should go free after he’d been pursued through the city by helicopters and police dogs.

He’d gone to Southbank looking for a fight. Some homies had told him some other homies, who’d done this thing, that disrespected the other thing, they were in the city, in the tourist and entertainment precinct. Payback time. Junior was up for that, but the cops had his number. And they had helicopters and dogs. Junior’s backup was missing in action. He laughs it off, now that he can.

“People be like, ‘yeah, you a legend, bro, I got your back, I got your back for life, bro’. And I’m looking around thinking, ‘well, where the fuck are you now?’.

Read it all here. (And admire the beautiful html work!)

11 Responses to ‘"It wasn't much of a race riot."’

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan would have you know...

Posted January 21, 2016
The html work is actually fairly impressive.

In LA "the Wood" refers to Englewood (South Central LA). NBlob and SWMBO have been through part of it on our way to the Watts Towers. I was impressed by how well they controlled their fear.

John Birmingham mumbles...

Posted January 21, 2016
He's been jabbering about it ever since.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan would have you know...

Posted January 21, 2016
I said I was impressed with how he controlled his fear then. Afterwards? No comment.

NBlob has opinions thus...

Posted January 21, 2016
Well, you did have a handgun of a calibre you could fit a squirrel down the barrel. And you plied us with liquor and fine nomables. After you left I was stuck hanging with those peaceniks in Pasadena who don't own A Single Gun!

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 22, 2016
I didn't tell you, but I also had a Louis Vuitton hand grenade. I love LA.

Respond to this thread

AuntyLou reckons...

Posted January 21, 2016
That is just beautiful. I worked for a solicitor in Woodridge in '81. It was a tough place then, and I mostly saw people on some of their worst days, but I met some real characters that I remember to this day. It looks much more multicultural now but the sense of place still remains. I (scrawny 19 y.o. female ) was only really scared twice - once when some yoof tried to set fire to the office by blocking the only entrance/exit with flaming junk mail. The other when I was catching the train alone after working pretty late and the local knife wielders were the only others in the compartment. They gobbed off a bit but I think they were on their way to a decent fight so I was ok. But most folk were just regular people. Like your Mad Mike said "It's all the struggle. " Quite the piece. Kudos

Respond to this comment

Rhino mutters...

Posted January 22, 2016
In ones and twos people are delightful.
In mobs and tribes they should be exterminated.
Great piece. Sorta' like a Boyz in Da Hood Lite. LOL.
I have a great idea for a new Scared Straight program ... you ship your hood rats lite to Atlanta, Detroit or LA for a month and we'll send them back as model citizens. Or master criminals. Damn, unintended consequences.I need to think this cunning plan through.

Respond to this comment

Squid reckons...

Posted January 22, 2016
Thanks, that was a great piece JB.

Respond to this comment

she_jedi would have you know...

Posted January 22, 2016
That was really great, thanks JB

Respond to this comment

Guru Bob has opinions thus...

Posted January 23, 2016
Great article...

Respond to this comment

NBlob mutters...

Posted January 30, 2016
Nice one JB, it's been sitting in my 'to read' tab for a week. It's damned hard to find a new story in among the multigenerational misery.

Respond to this comment

Respond to '"It wasn't much of a race riot."'

Manuscript away. Cairo approaches Beta

Posted January 18, 2016 into Writing by John Birmingham

This morning I punched the send button on a side project which blew out to become a major commitment over the last couple of months. As these things do. I had a commission from one of the academic publishing houses to gather up all the blog posts I’d done on writing advice and turn them into a book.

It was something I’d been planning to do as a self published project – a proof of concept for the idea of doing my own, shorter titles that didn’t fit in with my main trade publishing game. But New South Publishing heard about my blog-to-book idea and waved a cheque under my nose.

What was I to do?

What was I to dooooo…

So I took it on, set myself a stupid deadline, and ended up working on it over Christmas/New Year. The rewriting took longer than I’d hoped and there was more original content to write up than I’d planned. Same old, same old. One day I will learn not to work over Christmas. Anyway, this morning at about 7.45am I finished nipping and tucking the formatted draft in Word and sent it away.

It felt, as always, like heaving the deadweight of an elephant carcass off my chest. I celebrated with a cherry danish and an extra large coffee. I may have a drink this evening.

I can now swing into the work I wanted to be doing in January. Getting my mailing list up and finishing the draft of Stalin’s Hammer: Cairo. I have a few more chapters to write before I drop it into Beta. Lets call it another week.

Anybody who wants in on the Cairo Beta read can email me at jbismymasternow at gmail dot com.

The Beta will be done on Google docs again, and from last time I understand it works a lot better if you guys login with a gmail address.

32 Responses to ‘Manuscript away. Cairo approaches Beta’

Murphy_of_Missouri has opinions thus...

Posted January 18, 2016
Def up for beta on Cairo.

AuntyLou is gonna tell you...

Posted January 18, 2016
Moi aussi s'il vous plaît

HAVOCK21 puts forth...

Posted January 18, 2016
AffirmativeRodgerYepOKAY
Im inFK YES
....me tooooo!

Respond to this thread

DarrenBloomfield reckons...

Posted January 18, 2016
"I may have a drink this evening"

Very droll Minister, very droll

Respond to this comment

she_jedi would have you know...

Posted January 18, 2016
*hand up* Me! ME! Pick me for Cairo beta! :)

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan ducks in to say...

Posted January 18, 2016
Put your hand down. No beta for you.

she_jedi swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 18, 2016
Ppfftt! Spoilsport. Besides, you're not my real dad, I'm not listening to you :P

NBlob mumbles...

Posted January 19, 2016
Real is such a subjective, pejorative term. I refer to think of him as heritage, organic and artisanal.

Respond to this thread

Brother PorkChop swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 18, 2016
Beta me please. Nothing I enjoy more than a good whpiping.

Respond to this comment

NBlob swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 18, 2016
Honestly I gave up last time, so much faffing. It was like some hellish labyrinth of faff, with vague inticements cooing in my shell pink as if from sirens with Statham like hair dos and RM boots. "It'll be worth it" the voices said "Exclusive Birmo Splodey, just for you" so I struggled on, climbing mesas of faff without supplemental oxygen nor Sherpa. I'd reach what appeared to be the apex of faff, only to discover another one piercing the scudding clouds. Eventually I realised I had a house to build and could entertain myself poking Wrinkly with a jabby stick. Sure it lacked the style of hand-wrought artisanal Splodey, but sometimes one must compromise. I shall see where I left that gmail account of mine.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan reckons...

Posted January 19, 2016
Mesas of Faff, a new novel of mystery and intrigue by Jason Dante*

"It's terrific!" Dean Koontz

"I, as myself, was compelled to continue reading by candlelight long into the night as I lay in my bed ensconced in good English flannel turning page after page while a storm raged in the countryside and creatures of the barnyard and forest huddled together for companionship and warmth but no funny business because it was too cold for funny business of any ilk or variety of plant or animal or insect no matter how compelling the eldritch primal drive to cry out away into the night with pleasure and pain that engrosses the primitive mind and soul." Edward George Earle Lytton Bulwer-Lytton

"He's a fraud!" H. L. Mencken

* The pen name of Paul Nicholas Boylan

insomniac puts forth...

Posted January 19, 2016
"The book was totally engrousing. It's two bums up from me." Cindy-Lou

Dave W puts forth...

Posted January 19, 2016
Cindy-Lou pressed the release button on the car hoist, allowing the two vagrants who had threatened her with the busted remains of a bottle of thunderbird and a shopping trolley filled with what appeared to be three disassembled shopping trolleys. As the hobos shambled into night, she looked around the K-Mart Auto and Tyre centre and wondered how she had ever gotten to the point of thinking she could be a wage slave. It had been seemed simple at first, a matter of just making enough money for rent and make-up but, after 3 shifts as a night-manager, she was sure that the offer from the owners of that Indian casino to 'dance' was way more legit.

dweeze swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 19, 2016
"Bum sniffing awesome. 4 Woofs."
Trixie

Therbs asserts...

Posted January 19, 2016

"Glub glub. Glub glub."

- Clive Cussler

DarrenBloomfield reckons...

Posted January 19, 2016
As a provider of some of that faff, in the form of highly entertaining annotations*, let me apologise to you, and to anyone else, I may have offended**

*unhelpful drivel** you see what I did there?

Lulu asserts...

Posted January 19, 2016
"only to discover another one piercing the scudding clouds"

Can faff really pierce anything, even clouds? I thought it was, by definition, ineffectual?

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan would have you know...

Posted January 19, 2016
Faffing is a human abomination that pierces anything and everything. Humans are the only animal that faffs, or feels compelled to.

(Sincere apologies to the Spirit of Samuel Clemens.)

Respond to this thread

Rhino would have you know...

Posted January 19, 2016
I'm in, again.

Respond to this comment

Gutz has opinions thus...

Posted January 20, 2016
And yet Adil languishes in the forests, not knowing who to report to or what his fate holds for him. Gutz preaching for the redshirts.....

Respond to this comment

Guru Bob asserts...

Posted January 23, 2016
Book sounds like a great idea...

Respond to this comment

Guy is gonna tell you...

Posted January 26, 2016
I'm very pleased to hear that there's going to be a second installment of Stalin's Hammer. It's been a while...

John Birmingham would have you know...

Posted January 26, 2016
Yes it has, guy. For reasons beyond my control. And now, for reasons within my control, that second instalment will be free.

Respond to this thread

Guy asserts...

Posted January 27, 2016
Well that's a mighty generous gesture to your loyal fans and admirers, kind sir. I'm really looking forward to it.

I do hope you'll continue the series after Cairo, even if we have to stump up our hard-earned florins to read them? With all due respect to your other work, the Axis of Time was, to me at least, the most satisfying and entertaining of all of them.

One suggestion - could we have a map? The situation in Europe particularly sounded particularly interesting. I would like to know exactly which parts of Italy, France and Greece were occupied by the Soviets? The situation in Asia was even less clear, so it would be cool to have a map to refer to.

John Birmingham mutters...

Posted January 27, 2016
There'll be at least two more Hammers after Cairo, Guy. You'll be crossing my pals with silver for them. But if they do well I'll restart the whole series with a full length novel.

Respond to this thread

Peter Macleod asserts...

Posted January 27, 2016
I can't wait. Axis of time was probably my favourite trilogy, Stalins Hammer Rome was equally good. Please bring it on and then another episode or many.Thanks for a great read.

John Birmingham asserts...

Posted January 27, 2016
You're welcome, Pete. I'm very much looking forward to rebooting it all.

Respond to this thread

Guy puts forth...

Posted January 28, 2016
Two more Hammers after Cairo? Excellent news - and better still a potential full-length novel to come after that! Much to look forward to methinks.

BTW - which cities will feature after Cairo?

John Birmingham reckons...

Posted January 28, 2016
Definitely Paris and maybe Bonn.

Respond to this thread

Guy is gonna tell you...

Posted January 28, 2016
Paris would be a good one - the City of Light stripped of all it's artwork by the Nazis, which was probably destroyed by the Germans before the end in an act of spite (a hint of this in the Monuments Men). Also constant tension with the Soviet occupied SW France/Monaco - the NKVD on the French Riviera and in Monte Carlo! A badly weakened France, with a significant Communist element within their body politic, seething with resentment at having to rely on the English-speaking world for their protection.

Respond to this comment

Guy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 28, 2016
I should have said Soviet occupied South East France and Monaco, of course.

Respond to this comment

Respond to 'Manuscript away. Cairo approaches Beta'

Bookfunnel: for an author stiffy you could crack fleas on

Posted January 8, 2016 into Writing by John Birmingham

Orin often tells me there’s more money to be made selling services and products to writers than there is in writing. Probably true; most of the fortunes on the goldfield aren’t made in the mud. They’re trousered by Al Swearingen at the saloon and whorehouse.

Still, a really nice saloon can be a thing of beauty.

Hence I’m giddily excited by the launch of Bookfunnel.com. I’ve been waiting on these guys for months and confess to some nervousness that they wouldn’t get their shit together before I did. What are they? A delivery service for writers. If you have a free book, a time-traveling zombie stomping alternate history lets say, and you want to offer it to yo’ peeps in return for their subscription to an email list, Bookfunnel simplifies the whole process. Massively.

Before today, when it came time to give away Here Be Monsters, I was looking at having to host multiple copies of the file in multiple formats somewhere online. I’d send subscribers a link for their freebie. They’d download it and then side load it to whatever device they preferred for their electronical reading. Inevitably, invariably, with enough people downloading it, dozens, maybe hundreds would have issues with the file transfer. And they’d be emailing me about it.

Not anymore.

I’ve road tested Bookfunnel. It seems to work exactly as advertised. I give you the link, you hit it up, you get the book in the right format on your device or desktop.

It won’t excite you, but I have an author stiffy you could crack fleas on.

12 Responses to ‘Bookfunnel: for an author stiffy you could crack fleas on’

WarDog reckons...

Posted January 8, 2016

Got to admit to a man crush on Al.

Sharp and eloquent, yet hard as nails, tough as ye old boot leather and with rat cunning leaking out of every orifice.

Barnesm swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 8, 2016
As do we all Wardog. Whenever me or mine feel hard done by the indifferent world I imagine Al looking down and uttering these sympathetic words. "Pain or damage don't end the world, or despair or fucking beatings. The world ends when you're dead. Until then you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man and give some back".

Respond to this thread

Rhino puts forth...

Posted January 9, 2016
Read today that there is going to be a Deadwood movie.

Abe Frellman reckons...

Posted January 9, 2016
Please let it be true.

GhostSwirv has opinions thus...

Posted January 9, 2016
Have just recently awoken from an all-night Justified binge, drawing to the end of Raylan and Boyd's tortured tango and am now ready to dip my toes into a Deadwood miasma.

I have always been a fan of the McShane school of acting menace and am looking forward to many latenight trysts with his stache.

Barnesm reckons...

Posted January 9, 2016
"Open the fucking peaches!"

GhostSwirv swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 10, 2016

I love peaches ... I'm so looking forward to finding out what Barnesm is swirling about.

Respond to this thread

Abe Frellman puts forth...

Posted January 9, 2016
"And they'd be emailing me about it." It could be worse - they could turn up on your doorstep and expect to be watered, fed and f&cked for a few dollars.
I lived for a while in Australia's version of Deadwood, albeit a long time after the gold had 'pinched out'. The attitude of some of the publicans was similar to old Al's though - 'How do I part the punters from their cash quickly and with the minimum of personal interaction on my part?'
Such is the drawback of the high volume, low value (per transaction) business model. And the opportunity for something like Bookfunnel.
Would publishers see Bookfunnel as a disruptor cutting their lunch by facilitating the new, 'disinter-mediated' publishing model, or a provider of technology they can themselves harness to drive efficiency gains?


Respond to this comment

Frivolous reckons...

Posted January 9, 2016
Author stiffies can be very attractive.

GhostSwirv swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 9, 2016

Now I grasp the true reason that JB prefers to 'work' at a standing desk!

Oh and Bookfunnel sounds ace ... looking forward to using its facility.

Respond to this thread

jason asserts...

Posted January 11, 2016
Haven't seen Deadwood (insert abuse here) but I just checked out bookfunnel and it looks awesome.

Respond to this comment

NBlob puts forth...

Posted January 28, 2016
With barely 3 clicks I have some sweet sweet Birmo action safely within my fondle slab. Faff free.
Your munificence is without compare.
Now if you'll excuse me I have some period drama / zed to be getting my thinking gear around.
Makes me wonder if perhaps I should have persevered a touch more last time.

Respond to this comment

Respond to 'Bookfunnel: for an author stiffy you could crack fleas on'

Book schedule update. Fanfic, self published, trade published

Posted January 7, 2016 into Writing by John Birmingham

Rhino asks in the thread below about the status of our fanfic project. All of the entries have been edited by me, but I want to write an extra 10,000 words of my own, mostly so that people who pick up the book cold aren't left wondering what the hell is going on.

I still don’t have a title for the project. Chronicles of the Monster Wars seems a bit portentous. Any suggestions will be gratefully stolen.

I have a heavy writing and publishing schedule until August. Three Stalin’s Hammer e-books to finish that series and set up a potential long form novel in the Axis of Time story world. Production and artwork for the two Hooper e-books which some of you have read in Beta. A full-length Dave novel, Stronghold, picking up the story after the end of Ascendance, and a new trade published trilogy, a space opera beginning with The Cruel Stars, which I will finish drafting by August, not at all coincidentally when Stronghold comes out.

This means the first opportunity I'll have to work on the fanfic project will be in July. Writing my section won’t take long, but I also want to get all of those other self published books out into the market to see what kind of return, if any, I can get from them. It costs about $1500 to self publish an e-book to industry standard. If I've made a killing on the other books, I’m happy to spend that much on the fanfic too. If not I’ll still bring it out, but I’ll be looking to save costs on the production.

I’m looking forward to all the work I have on this year, both trade and self published. It’s going to be hell busy and as always there are no guarantees I won’t come a cropper. But the fanfic is looking good. There are some great stories in there, good enough for a trade published anthology. It will come out. Probably in September and it will look like the real deal.

55 Responses to ‘Book schedule update. Fanfic, self published, trade published’

Murphy_of_Missouri mumbles...

Posted January 7, 2016
Busy times.

Respond to this comment

Dave W puts forth...

Posted January 7, 2016
I'd say, let us know if there is anything we can do to help, but... you know... this isn't shifting some bookshelves and a fridge... I doubt you need the assistance of a full time public servant.

insomniac mumbles...

Posted January 7, 2016
Perhaps take the hovercraft for a spin, you know, for maintenance purposes only, or keep the bunnies occupied.

Dave W puts forth...

Posted January 7, 2016
Well, yeah, obviously I'm qualified for those kinds of tasks.

Respond to this thread

Rob mumbles...

Posted January 7, 2016

'Chronicles of the Monster Wars seems a bit portentous'

is 'Journal of the Whills' taken?

Disaster Tweets from the End of the World.

Attack of the Monster clone wars

Cripes, that's an ugly galah. (Aussie version)

Fight Back. Or how I learned to stop worrying and punch a Monster in the balls.


Respond to this comment

Nocturnalist asserts...

Posted January 7, 2016

Dave's Mates vs the Monsters.
Old Monster's War.
The Odd Angry Orc.
Light of Other Daves.
The Axe-Maniac Daves Fiasco.
Monsterments Men.

NBlob reckons...

Posted January 7, 2016
+1 The odd angry Orc

Respond to this thread

Rhino asserts...

Posted January 7, 2016
This is kind of a long title but what the hell:
The Seppos Did All Right in that Whole Monster Kerfluffle Cause Of that Pesky Second Amendment. Everyone Else, Not So Much. I'd Add Suck It Hippies If You All of You Weren't Already Orc Shit.
Like I said, a little long.

NBlob puts forth...

Posted January 7, 2016
Snrrk

Respond to this thread

Rhino mutters...

Posted January 7, 2016
Thanks for the update Birmo.
You know, if you needed an assistant to the First Seppo Assistant to go through all of this stuff, we are cheap to rent.

Respond to this comment

DarrenBloomfield has opinions thus...

Posted January 7, 2016
He Died With a Fangr in His Hand.
More seriously, you could beta the fanfic in the crowdsourced edit like you did with the e books. Or is the editing done, its just your bit and production?

John Birmingham mutters...

Posted January 7, 2016
I will definitely put the fanfic to beta, but not until I've written my bit.

Respond to this thread

pitpat reckons...

Posted January 7, 2016
WTF just came out of my dunny (toilet) - a beginners guide

Respond to this comment

KreepyKrawly swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 7, 2016

Cheeseburger monsters: Short stories from the non-Daves...


*Runs and hides*

Respond to this comment

Therbs is gonna tell you...

Posted January 7, 2016

That's a whole of publishing to be done. Coincidentally Dymocks Booklovers ask for votes of fave books at this time of year. I noticed that Dave didn't feature and Felafel doesn't get a nod either in this year's list. Then I found a section where you can nominate your own. And next year there'll be more to nominate.

Monstoryiosa.

Respond to this comment

pi asserts...

Posted January 7, 2016
The monster war anthology

John Birmingham reckons...

Posted January 7, 2016
I approve

Respond to this thread

pi swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 7, 2016
Volume 1, of course.

Respond to this comment

Peter in the bleachers puts forth...

Posted January 7, 2016
A new full length novel in the Axis of Time series, I just let out a small squeak of excitement. Busy times ahead.

Respond to this comment

Maddoug reckons...

Posted January 7, 2016
"The Antipodiean Hobbits Fiasco"

Respond to this comment

she_jedi asserts...

Posted January 8, 2016
Despatches from the Monster War?

Respond to this comment

FormerlyKnownAsSimon is gonna tell you...

Posted January 8, 2016
What about "Monster Manual"? You might have some copyright issues with the D&D crowd though.

Nocturnalist reckons...

Posted January 8, 2016
I seem to recall you can't actually copyright titles.

insomniac swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 8, 2016
Yep, although you may wish to look out for a relevant trademark.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mutters...

Posted January 8, 2016
It is a little more complicated than that. If something has "secondary meaning" then it is protectable even if it isn't copyrighted and/or trademarked.

For example, Star Wars is a title that isn't subject to copyright. But - at least until recently - when someone says "Star Wars" they think "George Lucas." That is what "secondary meaning" means. The consumer associates a product or image with a particular person or company.

Let's say the image of Mickey Mouse goes into public domain. It is so closely connected to the Disney Corporation in the consumer's mind that, when someone sees it on a t-shirt, the consumer presumes the seller has Disney's permission to use the image. If there is "consumer confusion" over who or what owns something, then the vendor potentially is going to get sued.

For a very long time the Estate of Arthur Conan Doyle completely and ruthlessly controlled the use of Sherlock Holmes because of "secondary meaning" even though Doyle's works went into the public domain long ago. That changed only recently when a federal judge in Illinois ruled Sherlock Holmes is totally in the public domain and anyone can use it without permission from (and without paying) anyone.

My favorite case deals with "reverse confusion" where Goodyear, an international automobile tire company intentionally stole the name "Big Foot" - a tire sold by a teeny, tiny tire tire company called Big-O. Goodyear advertised the Big Foot during the Super Bowl and made it famous. When Big-O sued, Goodyear's attorneys reasoned that, because Big-O was so small and Goodyear so large, consumers would think that Big-O was selling Goodyear tires, and not visa-versa (aka "reverse confusion").

The court didn't buy it, awarded Big-O billions, and Big-O used the award to open up tire stores all over the US.

Great story, eh?

Nocturnalist puts forth...

Posted January 8, 2016

That is a good story, Paul, and thanks for the brief on the "secondary meaning" stuff - it does make sense.

I wonder if it will cause any trouble for the folks who started working on a collection of new James Bond stories once the character fell out of copyright in Canada?

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mumbles...

Posted January 8, 2016
Maybe. Maybe not. Depends on their specific facts. First, its Canada (the "secondary meaning" stuff I mentioned is the US federal law take on common law "passing off" (see Rob's comment, above) and it may or may not play in Canada. But The Internet and "fan fic" are altering "fair use" concepts considerably when it comes to character use - even those still in copyright.

DarrenBloomfield swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 8, 2016
the link above rocks, if only because it contains "contumelious". That word should get used more. The Dave is often contumelious. The prick.

Rob mutters...

Posted January 8, 2016

its a perfectly cromunlent word

Rhino ducks in to say...

Posted January 12, 2016
Anyone that read this thread now owes Professor Boylan legal fees. Every time you reply it just adds to his billing for time. Expect invoices.
I did not read it. I scan the Professor's responses and know, from painful financial experience, that if they are longer than a sentence or two (or, gods forbid, a paragraph) it is more than likely legal opinion, and therefore billable to the recipients.

Respond to this thread

Peter Bradley mumbles...

Posted January 8, 2016
Tales from the Malevolent

Respond to this comment

FormerlyKnownAsSimon ducks in to say...

Posted January 8, 2016
Yeah i thought Monster Manual might be pushing it. Great thread though.
How about "Tales From the UnderRealm" (even though technically some of the stories occur above and it does sound hauntingly familiar to Tales from the Crypt . . . man i can't catch a break. I'll come up with an original idea one day)

Respond to this comment

Dylwah reckons...

Posted January 8, 2016
Fangr(ing) round the Backstreets.
?

Respond to this comment

pedrogb is gonna tell you...

Posted January 8, 2016
Glimpses of Hell -A chronicle of the monster warsVisions of Hell - A chronicle of the monster wars

Respond to this comment

Barnesm reckons...

Posted January 8, 2016

Dave vs The Evil Dead

that's just a poor segue to ask has everyone finished watching Season one yet of Ash vs The Evil Dead. Best fun I have had in a while, (not as much fun as reading the Dave series of course).

Barnesm asserts...

Posted January 8, 2016
Ash vs the Army of Darkness?

Respond to this thread

Barnesm is gonna tell you...

Posted January 8, 2016
I mean DAVE vs the Army of Darkness

Nocturnalist asserts...

Posted January 8, 2016
The Dark vs the Army of Daveness.

Respond to this thread

matt mutters...

Posted January 8, 2016
did you say a space opera trilogy sounds intriguing. i'd love to know more\

Respond to this comment

Matt Hamilton reckons...

Posted January 8, 2016
How about "Renditions"?

Respond to this comment

w from brisbane swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 8, 2016
I know one thing about JB's upcoming space opera. 'The Cruel Stars' is a ripper of a title!

Respond to this comment

Dirk has opinions thus...

Posted January 8, 2016
If you need another sounding board for the Axis: I'm in. Just throw a post in here :)

Respond to this comment

ShaneAlpha has opinions thus...

Posted January 8, 2016
I've got to go with
COCKPUNCH!
(Where's JB's Nobel you cowering wimps.)

Respond to this comment

GhostSwirv swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 9, 2016

I love 'Chronicles' and 'Despatches' is pretty good too, but how 'bout

World War Zee Dave.

Rise of the UnderRealm ... A History of Unrecorded Battles.

Monsters to the left of me Monsters to right, here I am stuck in the middle with TheDave.

The Monster Wars Anthology








Respond to this comment

Brother PorkChop mumbles...

Posted January 11, 2016
Monsters and Men - A Victims PerspectiveWorld War MA Monsters Guide to Eating Seppos and Not Getting Bunged Up.

Respond to this comment

Rhino swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 12, 2016
To Serve Man

Respond to this comment

Therbs swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 12, 2016
The Cattle Chronicles

Respond to this comment

Brother PorkChop puts forth...

Posted January 12, 2016
On a side note, any advice for what to do if anything in Lincoln, Nebraska? Aside from road trip to Kansas for BBQ. I look like having 4+ weeks there for work but will need to fill some weekends and it is not somewhere I've visited before. Any advice would be much appreciated!!

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 13, 2016
My Grandfather once told me "son, no matter your lot in life, it could only be worse in Lincoln."

Turns out he was wrong. Lincoln is actually a fairly nice place and possibly the most cosmopolitan city in Nebraska. State capitols in the US tend to be that way.

Take a look at:
http://journalstar.com/gallery/features/hip-places-to-eat-and-be-seen-in-lincoln/collection_625a22df-6eb3-5a19-8dd8-ef050de56558.html#0

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan ducks in to say...

Posted January 13, 2016
Hey, BPC, email me at pnboylan@gmail.com.

Respond to this thread

ChrisB would have you know...

Posted January 21, 2016
This is totally awesome to here. Good for you JB.

Respond to this comment

ChrisB reckons...

Posted January 21, 2016
good lord....*hear, not here. Too much keyboard time.

Respond to this comment

Don Bagert ducks in to say...

Posted February 1, 2016
Glad to hear that you have found the, er, time to get back to the Axis of Time universe!

Respond to this comment

Respond to 'Book schedule update. Fanfic, self published, trade published'