I am sorry. I have listened to the PM and Australia and have made the call to dramatically cut back eating the souls of the innocent from Friday night.
I love eating human souls and that is all I want to do.
I have tried to compete with monsters and demons from far away lands who have taken over the consumption of immortal souls in Australia, and also with the TAB, who have some experience in this area.
I'd like to share a few facts about my business, JBwilleatyoursoul.com.
My online business is still young and striving to grow and so I have needed to hunt extensively for victims. This is the reality of being privately owned, proudly Australian - employing around 100 Australian henchmen - trying to take on some very big foreign players in an intensively competitive market.
Because I stand up as the Souleater, and do not present as a faceless incorporation of pure evil, I also have, somehow, become the public face of the entire Australian demon realm.
If people have an issue with evil, it seems to become an issue with me personally and I have to cop it on the chin.
It is worthwhile however, to put a few things in perspective.
For starters, even though openly stalking victims has been allowed since 2008, I understand the consumption of souls and the weeping and wailing of the Doomed has not risen since 2007. What has changed is that fewer souls have been fed into the dire-fanged, fiery open maw of the TAB and so ravenous dementers and souleaters such as I have grown fatter.
This is just healthy competition. Unnatural selection, if you will.
In Australia, the demonic consumption of human souls is but a small fraction of the total quantum of evil and JBwilleatyoursoul.com eats around only five per cent of all humanity in this our accursed land.
My competitors include offshore giants such as Cthulhu.com and TheShamblerfromtheStars.net as well as local giants such as the TAB, who enjoy a monopoly on eating the flayed, crispy skin of their victims and virgin sacrifice.
I am taking on the big boys!
As I said earlier, my passion is eating souls.
I would love to be still eating your souls but the world has moved on and punters want to be able to go through life without me eating them. Or their souls.
I have listened.