Cheeseburger Gothic

NEMESIS: a Dave Vs the Monsters Story, by Don Goodrum

Posted February 21 into The Dave by John Birmingham

I've had a few submissions for the collected fantholoy later this year. (Yes, I just invented that word and I like it). Nemesis, by Don Goodrum runs to to more than five thousand words. This is just a taster from the opening pars.

Hero’s Log: Tuesday 2:24am CST

I stand watch over my city. Watching as the night chokes the tiny metropolis in thick dark folds like a blanket or a shroud. Watching as the light from the city fights its way upward like a drowning man fighting the current of a river. Watching as a gibbous moon casts a baleful eye across the stage below, waiting for the show to begin.
Watching. And the city watches back.
I am the Crimson Avatar. Defender of the Weak and Protector of the City of Pensacola, Florida, I patrol these mean streets, stopping crime; turning back evil; making the world-

“Hey, Doug-?”
-making the world a better place. Safer, cleaner-
“Seriously Doug, are you in there? Are you awake?”
And unfortunately, I don’t work alone.
I turned and looked at the person standing next to me on the roof of the Saenger Theatre, overlooking Palafox Avenue. Shorter and slighter than my own chiseled physique, he wore a yellow tunic with red piping and red pants tucked into matching red boots. Top it all off with a red domino mask and his own mop of curly red hair, he looked much like a combination between the original Kid Flash from the comics and the current leather-clad one on TV. A fact I’ve pointed out to him more than once.
“Cameron,” I said in a long-suffering voice. “Wildfyre. Haven’t I asked you at least a million times not to interrupt me when I’m making log entries? And you know the rule; we don’t call one another by our real names when we’re in costume. You’re putting our loved ones at risk.”
“What loved ones? What risk? When was the last time we did anything other than stand up on this rooftop like a couple of morons in their skintight suits telling lies to one another?”
“We stopped that mugger a few weeks ago,” I said, lamely. “And we work in the soup kitchen every Wednesday.”
“That mugger was a panhandler begging for loose change,” Wildfyre snapped. “And dishing up bowls of chicken noodle is not my idea of fighting crime.”
“We just need to be vigilant.” I said, trying to convince myself. “Sooner or later, our time will come. What we need is a purpose, a calling. What we need is a Nemesis.”
“A nemesis? You mean like Lex Luthor or the Joker?” Wildfyre got some kind of alert on his phone and pulled it out of his utility belt to look at it. “We can barely hold our own against a down on his luck alkie with brain rot and you want to go looking for a super villain? Give me a fuckin’ break, Doug.”
“I will not warn you again about the profanity,” I said sternly in a voice that sounded eerily like my mother. “And please do not refer to me by my secret identity.”
I waited impatiently for a response while he focused on his phone. “Wildfyre?”
He had least had the decency to look chagrined as he said, “Sorry Doug-uh, I mean, Avatar,” but it didn’t last. Brandishing his phone in my face, he said, “But have you seen what’s going on in New Orleans? It’s amazing!”
“You know what I think is amazing, Wildfyre? That you’re spending your time watching YouTube videos when you’re supposed to be keeping an eye on this city and its citizens.”
“But you gotta see this Doug,” he pleaded, sticking the phone right into my face. “There are monsters in New Orleans, man. Fuckin’ monsters!”
“Hey! Language, dude,” I barked, snatching the phone from his hand. “I told you, we don’t use that kind of language when we’re in – costume.” By this point my eyes had finally focused on the video in front of me. It was shot somewhere in the French Quarter, apparently; Bourbon Street or somewhere close to it, given the number of Mardi Gras beads everyone was wearing. But verifying the location wasn’t really on my mind just then; I was too busy looking at the hideous Lizard-Man centered in the frame. Standing at least seven or eight feet high, the creature wore what looked like leather armor and chain mail and carried a huge sword he was currently using as a street sweeper to clear the area around him. Fuck.
Hey, I didn’t say I don’t curse. I just don’t curse in costume. Out loud.
“You see, Doug?” it’s those same things they were talking about yesterday from that oil rig. Only this time there’s more of ‘em and there’s pictures!”

...

13 Responses to ‘NEMESIS: a Dave Vs the Monsters Story, by Don Goodrum’

insomniac is gonna tell you...

Posted February 21
It is an interesting opening. I'd read more.
I was wondering about story length. Doesn't make me worry so much about 3K and rising.
I also thought the next set was Disappearance or AOT. Is there another Dave too?

John Birmingham is gonna tell you...

Posted February 21
Any one of the series will do. If I get enough for three books, great, if not, I'll just bundle them together.

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Bondiboy66 mutters...

Posted February 21
LIKE

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Bondiboy66 asserts...

Posted February 21
LIKE

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DaveC swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted February 21
Big ups. Like.

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WarDog reckons...

Posted February 21
You're missing a 'g'. 'fanholoy' -> 'fanthology'.

Do I get the job as your editor now?

John Birmingham mumbles...

Posted February 21
Why would autocorrect do that to a poor fellow?

insomniac mumbles...

Posted February 21
If you Google "fantholoy" it comes up with 4 hits ... and you have three of them, so yes you have just invented a new word.

she_jedi mumbles...

Posted February 21
Outstanding. It's a great word

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NBlob ducks in to say...

Posted February 21
Nice.

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Dave W mumbles...

Posted February 22
V. good.

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w from brisbane mutters...

Posted February 23
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C5UXIkvVUAAU9lK?format=jpg&name=large

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Ceramic would have you know...

Posted February 27
Cool. Very cool.
Speaking of fan stories, JB, are you able to update my text with what I sent you. I'd really appreciate it.

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Butte Crack open for business

Posted January 6 into The Dave by John Birmingham

The retail copy popped up on Amazon overnight. I'm not going wide with this one. Not expecting to see much in the way of sales activity either, since there's a big warning at the front of the book that it can be had for free at the bookclub.

But, if anyone is inclined to drop a review on it, that will help with discoverability.

It's right here.

Or cut and paste this bad boy: http://amzn.to/2j9wUMx

If it should sell a few copies I'll try separate the specific amount from the rest of my operations and maybe see about getting some Amazon vouchers for the contribs. Don't count those Bezos bucks yet, though.

79 Responses to ‘Butte Crack open for business’

nick would have you know...

Posted January 6
about half way thru at the moment , props to all the contributors , favorite so far is the dog chapter !

Rob is gonna tell you...

Posted January 9
I thought the dog chapter was tops. He needs to be Dave's super dog. https://youtu.be/MDVLiuto5Ec

Ceramic would have you know...

Posted January 10
Yep, the dog was pretty cool. Fire-breathing was a nice touch.

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Peter Bradley is gonna tell you...

Posted January 6
Count those Bezos bucks?!?!?!!? Are you kidding me. I am so chuffed to have been included. I felt sure my story would not make the cut. Thanks for the opportuity JB! That is all! Thanks!

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jason puts forth...

Posted January 6
With reference to Bezos bucks; I am happy to forgo any largess on this occasion. Please contribute my share to the JB Hovercraft restoration fund. I hear the gold plating is starting to tarnish.

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insomniac is gonna tell you...

Posted January 6
but ... but I already quit my job

Rob has opinions thus...

Posted January 6
Oh me too.

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jl swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 6
Reading through the book in addition to writing like mad (up to about 70k words on latest), fun, good stuff. Congrats to all the contributors!

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Rhino is gonna tell you...

Posted January 6
Review done. Boylan beat me to it this time.

A sincere thanks, JB, for taking time to put this together. It really means a lot.

Of course, rereading my entry, I'm cringing. Can I get a do-over?

jason mutters...

Posted January 6
I don't think a do over is required. I thought your entry was most excellent.

Rhino reckons...

Posted January 6
Thank you, kind sirs. That is much appreciated.

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Spanner swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 6
Mutter mutter, something about Greybeard, terrible vengeance, mutter, I've been slandered, mutter.

NBlob ducks in to say...

Posted January 7
My suggestion would be to make the entrance to the buffet via bollards set 1m apart. That'll stuff him.

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Sparty2 puts forth...

Posted January 6
Everything I've read in John Birmingham's Butte Cracke so far has been excellent (loved the Millwall story), really chuffed to be in.
(sorry just watched Deadpool and started speaking like him...)

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Morrrie would have you know...

Posted January 6
JB you are cunning. Grinding out the good works to keep us hooked! Being a minion has some perks.

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ShaneAlpha ducks in to say...

Posted January 7
So Butte Crack is currently #132 on Kindle fantasy anthologies.

Which, I presume, is kind of like being in the top 10 for poetry, "Dude! you're in the top 10 for poetry books?" "Yeah, Mum bought a copy."

ShaneAlpha swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 7
Only 33 more places to go and we can push https://www.amazon.com/Five-Magic-Spindles-Collection-Sleeping-ebook/dp/B01GIJBMRG/ref=zg_bs_158577011_100?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=M9EPV2CT1WDWYR3HT639

out of #100

jason puts forth...

Posted January 8
We are now 55 with a bullet ( bullet may be fictitious). At what point are we allowed to affix the "best selling author" tag to our business cards?

jason is gonna tell you...

Posted January 8
21st position as I type. I would seriously love to have a #1 best seller. Sure there will be an asterisk at the end of the sentence but I can liquid paper that out at a later date.

ShaneAlpha is gonna tell you...

Posted January 8
Ok, need to clarify here.

Currently #99 on amazon.com and #26 on amazon.com.au in the fantasy/collections and anthologies.

And nowhere on U.K or Japan

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan puts forth...

Posted January 8
I said I'm on it. But don't push me. I've got enough aggravation.

jason is gonna tell you...

Posted January 10
Well bugger me we are now at #12. Keep working your magic Prof.

jason has opinions thus...

Posted January 11
Just broke into the top ten best sellers*







insomniac ducks in to say...

Posted January 11
How does that other crap get to be number 1? I'd like to know how it stacks up against our magnificence except I don't think it's worth the 99c to find out.

ShaneAlpha has opinions thus...

Posted February 3
Aaanndd. the Boylan magic has worked.

Butte Crack is now #1 in Collections and Anthologies on Amazon.com.au

https://www.amazon.com.au/gp/bestsellers/digital-text/2537821051/ref=pd_zg_hrsr_kinc_1_5_last/354-7670961-4949565

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Therbs mutters...

Posted January 8
Just finished reading the collective effort. Some good storifying in there.

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John Birmingham swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 8
The thing I'm most enjoying about this is the feeling that we're somehow getting away with serious fraud.

Therbs puts forth...

Posted January 9
Ern O'Malley and Helen Dimedenko showed us the way.

Peter Bradley would have you know...

Posted January 9
Maybe "not so serious" fraud. Is there a category called flippant fraud?

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan would have you know...

Posted January 10
In California there is an infarction called "perceptive fraud" that has the following elements: (1) the perpetrators believe they may have defrauded a third party; but (2) this belief is based on low self-esteem engendering the feeling they didn't deserve success that wasn't earned meritoriously.

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Surtac reckons...

Posted January 9
I've just been grinning like a loon all weekend at being described as a 'minty-fresh published writer'.

I'm sure I'll get over it at some point. Eventually. :)

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Peter Bradley reckons...

Posted January 9
So do we need to refer to you as "His Holiness" now?

Therbs is gonna tell you...

Posted January 9
That's a fart joke, innit Paul? Something about gloriously passing wind?

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 9
Therbs - exactly.

Peter - "His Holiness?" Heavens, no.

Call me "Sir."

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Dave W swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 9
Fantastic work, it was great to read all those contributions and marvel at just how much talent there is here.

In terms of multiple first-person narratives, I was reminded very much of World War Z, and I thought it was very much equal to or beyond that standard.

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DarrenBloomfield swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 9
(Butte) cracking read! Well done to all concerned.

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Ceramic is gonna tell you...

Posted January 9
It was fantastic to be included!
The ones sticking in my memory are the one with the grandfather, the monster trucks, the mens vacation and the (two?) Hong Kong ones.
Great to be in your company guys :-)

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Ceramic reckons...

Posted January 9
And Boylan, your story was fantastic as well!

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Ceramic reckons...

Posted January 10
Congrats to you all.
I really liked the Kurdaitcha Man. That grandpa was kickass.
Boylan, your truck story made me smile with satisfaction. Nice to have some resolution, no matter how offbeat.
Stuck in my mind still are the stories of the monster truck rally and the man-vacation.
Nice to read your stories :)

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jl ducks in to say...

Posted January 11
Hey everyone, finally had a chance to read the entire book (I just finished writing my latest, the final book in the Paul Thompson series, "Immolation"). I left my review on Amazon. Some really excellent stuff in there. Congratulations, all authors!

Therbs ducks in to say...

Posted January 11
Looking forward to that one. When should it be out?

jl puts forth...

Posted January 11
Hey Therbs, thanks for your review. I appreciate it. Been looking for an opportunity to say so for a while.

I'm in the beta/refining phase now, the book is on track to be released in June.

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Pete mumbles...

Posted January 11
I'd just like to let you all know that I have resisted reading ebooks for years. Always preferred ink on paper, for a whole bunch of reasons (not the least of which was spending a coupla decades in the print industry breathing deeply of the isopropyl alcohol laden atmosphere every single day). Finally relented to read this bad boy. Now I'm a convert. Thoroughly enjoyed Every. Single. Story.

Give yourselves a pat on the back. JB give yourself two.

NBlob mumbles...

Posted January 14
+1
Ludditism has its drawbacks

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan puts forth...

Posted January 14
Yeah, but the social life of a Luddite is spectacular. They had that going for them.

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Peter Assfalg would have you know...

Posted January 12
Morning John,
Just started The Demons of Butte Creek County - not by way of criticism, but by way of observation - Sheriff Robertson would have a tough time locating a safety catch on a Glock pistol let alone releasing it - safety is in the trigger only. Equally, muscle memory from training would make a rookie mistake very unlikely, especially from someone who graduated 3rd in their class! Just sayin.

Peter

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DaveC is gonna tell you...

Posted January 12
Just dropped my review. Respect people's. Bad-ass tales brilliantly told. Im'a gunna wade through my responsibilities, crack open the keyboard, and endeavour to join your illustrious company. On ya JB, for sharing tides in the hovercraft!






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DaveC would have you know...

Posted January 12
Rides on the hovercraft, damn you again spell chucker!

DaveC has opinions thus...

Posted January 12
I shouldn't complain about auto-correct. You've gotta love all the fangtastic technology (except for that overly effective CSI shit, am I right?).

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Peter puts forth...

Posted January 12
John,

Why is Ann Coulter any scarier than Hillary Clinton or Gloria Steinem? Why do negative references to conservative figures feature so heavily in your books? Whilst everyone has an opinion, some balance may be nice.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 12
HAHAHAHAHHHAHHAHAH!!!! I love it!

John Birmingham mutters...

Posted January 12
Peter, do you really imagine two New York gay guys are gonna find Hillary scarier than Coulter?

Murphy_of_Missouri asserts...

Posted January 16
That Milo guy might.

Peter mutters...

Posted January 17
I don't think I'm alone in finding Hillary scary! I suspect the New Yorkers would be scared of this behaviour and attitude!

View of Secret Service Agents:
BILL & HILLARY CLINTON: Presidency was one giant party. Not trustworthy — he was nice because he wanted everyone to like him, but to him life is just one big game and party. Everyone knows of his sexuality. She is another phony. Her personality would change the instant cameras were near. She hated with open disdain the military and Secret Service. She was another one who felt people are there to serve her. She always tried to keep tabs on Bill Clinton.
View "Clinton Cash" at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LYRUOd_QoM

The mystery of Hillary Clinton, milk-carton missing on election night, appears solved.
A Tuesday of catharsis for Donald Trump voters turned into an evening of rage for Hillary Clinton. The Democratic presidential nominee, anticipating the postelection reaction of many of her supporters, began shouting profanities, banging tables, and turning objects not nailed down into projectiles.

“Sources have told The American Spectator that on Tuesday night, after Hillary realized she had lost, she went into a rage,” R. Emmett Tyrrell reports. “Secret Service officers told at least one source that she began yelling, screaming obscenities, and pounding furniture. She picked up objects and threw them at attendants and staff. She was in an uncontrollable rage.”

The appearance of campaign chairman John Podesta at Manhattan’s Javitz Center, and the dematerialization of his heretofore ubiquitous charge, perplexed in the first hours of Wednesday.

“They’re still counting votes, and every vote should count,” Podesta declared to a sad and stunned hall. “Several states are too close to call, so we’re not going to have anything more to say tonight.”

As Podesta recalcitrantly refused to recognize reality early Wednesday morning, Hillary Clinton called Donald Trump to offer congratulations. The juxtaposition of the campaign chairman publicly vowing to fight around the time the candidate privately conceded the election left observers scratching their heads.

Tyrrell’s reporting indicates that Mrs. Clinton’s mental state made it impossible for her to address her supporters on election night as custom requests. So, instead, Podesta gave a rah-rah speech on a boo-hoo night to cover for the absence of the first woman president, her fireworks, and her victory speech shout-outs to the mothers of the Black Lives Matter martyrs.

“She is not done yet,” Podesta claimed. Tyrrell’s reporting indicates that, indeed, Clinton remained far from done.

“Her aides could not allow her to come out in public,” he writes. “It would take her hours to calm down. So Podesta went out and gave his aimless speech. I wish we could report on Bill’s whereabouts but we cannot.”

Bill appeared the following day at Hillary’s belated concession speech wearing a purple tie but, thankfully, no purple marks about his face, suggesting experience dictated avoidance the previous evening.

“People say they’re amazed Bill’s marriage survived,” Tyrrell noted to Breitbart. “I’m amazed Bill survived his marriage.”

Tyrrell’s reporting remains a thorn in the side of the Clintons more than two decades after the American Spectator published its Troopergate stories detailing Bill Clinton’s escapades as told by his Arkansas security detail, stories that first referenced Paula Jones and pushed the president on the road to impeachment. Nearly 19 years after Hillary Clinton imagined a “vast, right-wing conspiracy” out to get her husband, the cabal’s charter member again relies on the accounts of the Clintons’ long-suffering security to unmask the public faces worn by the power couple now out of power.

“In the ’90s, we published several pieces that documented her throwing lamps and books,” Tyrrell tells Breitbart. “This happened pretty often. She has such a foul mouth that the Arkansas state troopers learned a thing or two from her. She has a foul mouth and a good throwing arm.”

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mumbles...

Posted January 17
Nothing published by or affiliated with Breitbart is credible. Same is now true for Huff Post, and for the same reasons.

Peter would have you know...

Posted January 17
Paul,

That seems a little judgemental! It seems the liberal left is full of love, acceptance and tolerance until you disagree with them and then you become a gun toting, racist, denier, homophobe and antithesis of political correctness - that highly deluded and mistaken theory championed by the popular press and left wing chardonnay sipping intelligencia and associated bleeding hearts in society who believe that it is actually possible to pick up a steaming turd from the clean end!

Therbs puts forth...

Posted January 17
Chardonnay sipping? Pfft. So 90's. Try pinot grigio or an artisanal pear cider. Keep up with the times.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan asserts...

Posted January 17
I only drink distilled water, or rainwater, and only pure-grain alcohol.

Lulu ducks in to say...

Posted January 17
Peter, if the 'left' has a lot to learn about 'love, acceptance and tolerance' (particularly in the face of disagreement), perhaps you could point us to some role models on the 'right' side of politics.

Dave W mutters...

Posted January 17
Credibility is objective, not judgemental. Check the sources, then check the sources' sources. Why assume that some people sip chardonnay- where are the references for that?

Personally, I prefer an organic barbera or temperanillo, but hey, live and let live, right?

jason swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 17
This has seriously strayed from the trivialities and foolishness that I am used to. On the bright side I will now be able to make semi intelligent commentary when next surrounded by people who have actual knowledge of things rather than opinion based facts like I normally use.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan asserts...

Posted January 17
I regret the comment that invited Alt-right discussion. Won't happen again.

Pete is gonna tell you...

Posted January 17
I'm just looking forward to seeing the awfully long wall Donald Trump promised to build. Because when the revolution starts, an awfully long wall is always useful to have around ...

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foreverwar asserts...

Posted January 13
Excellent book - well done to all contributors/editors/reviewers.

First review on bezos.co.uk just gone up.

Come on, fellow Brits, let's make Australia great again...

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she_jedi puts forth...

Posted January 16
Finally finished it; there was some amazing writing in there, congratulations to everyone who contributed, I loved all the stories.

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unpossible asserts...

Posted February 6
Hi JB - i havent commented in years. Remember when that crazy lady bailed you up in Hurstville, NSW on that book signing?

Anyway loved Butte Crack, inspired me to write my own story if theres any follow up. I'll keep an eye out for casting calls. Thanks for fan support!

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jason swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted February 10
Well folks, I have been keeping an eye on it and Butte Crack is still in the top ten* on Amazon Aust after (with my bad math) 6 weeks of release. Made it as far as #2 as far as I could tell.
Perennial best seller.

John Birmingham puts forth...

Posted February 10
This is somewhat amazing

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Bleeps001 would have you know...

Posted February 14
It looks like the issue at Butte Creak is much bigger than we thought. It is going to become Butte River is things go pear shape.
http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-02-14/california-crews-rush-to-relieve-dam-before-new-storms-hit/8268374

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jason would have you know...

Posted February 27
And the periodical check in on the greatest fan fiction anthology ever shows:
Amazon Bestsellers Rank:
#4 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Science Fiction & Fantasy > Fantasy > Collections & Anthologies
#47 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Science Fiction & Fantasy > Fantasy > Urban

Holding on to that top ten spot.

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jason mutters...

Posted March 27
Well after languishing in the 40s and 50s for a while the Demons of Butte Crack has rocketed back into the charts at #2*.

Go figure?

insomniac asserts...

Posted March 27
This may be too sensitive to answer, so please forgive me, but what magnitude of sales are we talking here?

John Birmingham swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 27
Probably about 10-15 a day. I swapped it's categories a while ago, which gave it a bit more visibility.

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Butte Crack comes alive!

Posted January 5 into The Dave by John Birmingham

I just hit send on the mailout and created a dozen or so new minty-fresh published writers. Huzzah.

From the Introduction:

My first book tanked. At first anyway. And then it went on to sell hundreds of thousands of copies, and to be adapted for the stage and the big screen. He Died With A Felafel In His Hand was first published in 1996. The internet was a thing by then, but not much of a thing. Book publishing was still an old world business, yet to be disrupted by Amazon, the torrentz and the Great Recession. I sometimes wonder what might have happened to that book if it was released now.
Nothing good, I suspect.
I was lucky to be published by a small, independent house. Michael Duffy, the publisher, literally bet his own house on the business. A couple of months after release, with only a handful of copies sold, it must have looked like a bad bet. Happily, it did eventually pay off.
A couple of readers picked it up here and there. They told a couple more. Word spread slowly, and then quickly. After about six months it was suddenly an overnight sensation.
I’ve always remembered that. I wrote that book, but the readers made it. All writers live and die by their readers, but not all of them remember that. I try. This book is me, remembering. Over the years I’ve always been open to my readers playing in the story-worlds I make up. I created those worlds because I wanted to see what happened in them. For me, reading a story in my own imagined space, but one which I didn’t write, is a special sort of revelation. I love it.
So, I’m an unusual writer who actively encourages fan fiction. Or ‘reader fiction’, as I prefer to think of it. I’ve read some cracking stories set in all of my fictional universes. It was only this year, dipping my toe into indie publishing, that was I able do something more than just post these pieces as an entry on my blog.
The book you hold now is the first of many more to come, I hope. In that way, it’s a rough draft for the future. I’d like to do more, and I’d like to get better at doing them. If you’d like to try your hand at spending a little time in the worlds of Prince Harry, The Dave or Caitlin Monroe, feel free. If you’d just like to read more stories set after the Transition, the Wave or the Emergence, that’s cool too. So would I.
The stories that follow have been written by some of my blog regulars. I’ve edited lightly, but it’s not a highly polished commercial release. It’s just for fun. And for members of my bookclub, it’s a little gift to say thanks for your time and attention.
I hope you enjoy these stories.
If you’d like to write your own, let me know.

15 Responses to ‘Butte Crack comes alive!’

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan would have you know...

Posted January 5
Well fuck. Is it too late to correct one typo. My fault if no, but if yes:

Page 62 of the draft I have: "These were college kids." Change to
"These were not college kids."

But other than that, you made me look good, mate.

If you are up to it we all gotta do more of this.

John Birmingham has opinions thus...

Posted January 5
Mate, you will be the death of me. I tells ya.

John Birmingham is gonna tell you...

Posted January 5
Sorted.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan is gonna tell you...

Posted January 5
I promise to make it up to you, in grand style.

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Therbs swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 5
Good timing, I till have a few days off so I can leisurely read the output of the Burger Collective. Had a quick look at mine and cringed a tad. Have a better one worked up but its at least double the word limit.
Love the concept, great stuff JB.

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Bernie mumbles...

Posted January 5
I bought a copy of Felafel back in 96, and when I got to the section about the hallway golf I had flashbacks, I used to be a motorcycle courier in Sydney back in the day and I'm sure I attended a few parties in that house.
I've been a fan ever since.

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foreverwar has opinions thus...

Posted January 6
thank you, kind sir.

In the spirit of Pay It Forward, I've bought a copy of Felafel for my son to read on his flight back to Oz (he was over there from the UK for a year, came home for Christmas, and flies back to Melbourne (well, Albury/Wodonga, actually, but he lands in Melbourne) at the end of January for a couple of years.

Keep up the good, nay, great work, JB

John Birmingham asserts...

Posted January 6
Cheers guvnor. Hope Felafel doesn't put your kid off the outside world.

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jason has opinions thus...

Posted January 6
And it's a big thanks from me for making me feel like a real writer. Sad about the couple of stories that didn't make the cut but amazing to see my stuff in a genuine publication.

Gotta say I loved reading everyone's contribution.

John thanks for letting us play in your world for a little while.

John Birmingham reckons...

Posted January 6
Jason, the only reason I had to cut a couple of yours was it looked weird that HALF THE STORIES IN THE BOOK WERE WRITTEN BY ONE GUY.

There'll be more books for them to go in.

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jason ducks in to say...

Posted January 6
No problems John. Figured that might be the case.

The down side is i promised myself I would get a tattoo as soon as I had any sort of publication. Looks like I am off to the needle shop pretty soon.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan puts forth...

Posted January 6
How about a large American flag waving in the just and free breeze? That's the tattoo I would choose if not for the instruction in Leviticus mandating death for all who defile their bodies with a tattoo. If not for that I would have a picture of Old Glory on my chest right now.

insomniac mumbles...

Posted January 6
I would like to make two points.
1. My wife is not that old, and
2. Why would you have a tattoo of her on your chest?

Rob mutters...

Posted January 6
maybe get an old persuader tattooed on you, Not me though I stick to pin up girls, fish and Picasso.

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jason mutters...

Posted January 6
Predictably I am looking at a typewriter on my forearm. Symbolic and aspirational. Also Old Glory would be inappropriate as (based on this thread) it represents another man,s wife or a country that I don't happen to live in.

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Respond to 'Butte Crack comes alive!'

Grab an advance copy of Butte Crack

Posted January 4 into The Dave by John Birmingham

I haven't settled on the final copy yet, but this is pretty close. I'd like to,send it out tomorrow. If you have a story in there, give it the once over for any howling errors that might have crept in.

Copy available here.

Or just cut and paste this link:

http://dl.bookfunnel.com/xvn69bofer

It took a lot longer than I'd hoped because of formatting issues. Looking at you, Sparty. I also disinterred a bunch of fan fic from the blog which I was tempted to run, but didn't. Maybe a second volume.

I'd like to do more of these in future, now that I know what's involved.

Anyway, if the contributors have changes, let me know below.

17 Responses to ‘Grab an advance copy of Butte Crack’

Sparty2 mutters...

Posted January 4
Bows head in shame.
Spotted some mistakes (mine ) I'll send on asap.

MUST focus on work (and not goofing off to read this ) -the entire book looks really good - really pleased to see it up!

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan reckons...

Posted January 5
Loving it. The world of "the Dave" expanding outward.

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sparty2 is gonna tell you...

Posted January 5
Great story Boylan- this constant reader enjoyed it

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mumbles...

Posted January 5
Thank you. I had significant help.

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jason is gonna tell you...

Posted January 5
Looks like my afternoon suddenly became booked out.

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Jevon Kasitch ducks in to say...

Posted January 5
Not sure if they count as typos, but in your own story you use British-isms to describe the car parts 'tyre' 'bonnet' 'boot'. For story set in the US with US characters they seem a touch jarring. My apologies if this was intended.

John Birmingham is gonna tell you...

Posted January 5
No, it's not. What are the US terms? Wheel, hood and trunk?

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Jevon Kasitch ducks in to say...

Posted January 5
Tyre = Tire if you just mean the rubber part. Wheel for general coverage of the Rubber and metal rim together.

Bonnet = Hood

Boot = Trunk

John Birmingham would have you know...

Posted January 5
Cheers.

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insomniac would have you know...

Posted January 5
I've got a double "enough" in my story somewhere.

Given I dashed these off basically as a first draft I now see the great value in a second rewrite and editing. Thanks for adding a few deft touches to my story.

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Surtac mutters...

Posted January 5
Ok, just checked my contribution. It's a little different in some places to what I submitted but not substantially so and I think I can understand why the editorial changes were made (happy to discuss John if you have a spare five minutes sometime).

I note the Firefly reference came out, but the Neal Asher one is still there. :)

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mutters...

Posted January 5
Serious fun, dudes and mates. I am honored to be included in such a talented crowd.

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan puts forth...

Posted January 5
John, I caught only a couple of typos. Do I identify them here or via email?

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Rob is gonna tell you...

Posted January 5
awesome. I knew the ending wouldn't stand as originally written. Otherwise the continuity of the Dave would be wrecked.

There is a typo. "lotto panel damage' should be 'lots of panel damage? '

That story was bought to by the Tasmanian Government, sponsors of wannabe artists pretending to work (but really writing short stories and dicking around on the internet)

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Ceramic mutters...

Posted January 5
Oh bugger, I missed this post. Aah, I had already said I couldn't work on fiction just then didn't I.
Never mind. I like what you did there - setting the context of the seminar.
It was really nice to see my name in print ????
Thanks for the opportunity JB.
????

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ShaneAlpha swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted January 5
JB's magic blue pencil excised some utter crap from one of mine (thank god.) Ended better and also removed a whopper of a mistake that I didn't pick up on until I read the published version today.

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Fanfic author details needed

Posted December 21 into The Dave by John Birmingham

I'm just pulling together the fanfic ebook. Some of the submissions don't have names or titles on them. I'm happy to think up titles, but really, I can't wing it with names.

If you submitted a chapter, let me know with a proposed title and whatever name you want credited.

26 Responses to ‘Fanfic author details needed’

Brother PorkChop mumbles...

Posted December 21
If its in, then the title could be Gozilla Eat Your Heart Out
with my CBG tag or Simon AKH. Whatever suits really.

John Birmingham swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 21
That's the one set in Japan?

Brother PorkChop is gonna tell you...

Posted December 21
Yes

Brother PorkChop mumbles...

Posted December 21
Godzilla maybe? Missed the 'd'!

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insomniac mutters...

Posted December 21
Can't remember if there was a title. Let's go with 'insomniac' but it has to be lowercase.

John Birmingham mumbles...

Posted December 21
And which story?

insomniac mutters...

Posted December 21
I was greedy and submitted two of you recall. The one with two guys in a room and the one driving in a car.

John Birmingham puts forth...

Posted December 21
Oddly enough there was two 'car' stories, but I remember Boylan's referenced Stephen King's 'Christine'.

insomniac mumbles...

Posted December 21
Now I feel like I should have tried harder. If you look very abstractly you might see a reference to Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

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jason asserts...

Posted December 21
It goes a little something like this...

Loch Ness monster story is 7th Guardian
Soccer hooligans story is F Troop
Paranoid guy is Inner demons
Indigenous one is Kurdachai Man
Suicide bomber one is The Fedayeen
Terrorist running away is White Caves
Attack on the church is The Church
Truck driver is Revenge
Militia one is Fightback.

As far as names go. Jason Cox works for me.

John Birmingham is gonna tell you...

Posted December 21
Hahaha. I had no trouble remembering yours. You're half the fucking book!

Brother PorkChop ducks in to say...

Posted December 21
I hope the soccer hooligans are the Millwall lads. Especially after their actions during the last London/UK riots.

jason is gonna tell you...

Posted December 21
You are 100% correct. The Milwall lads carry the day.

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MickH reckons...

Posted December 21
John,
feel free to use my Q7S classic

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MickH asserts...

Posted December 21
Do you still have it?

John Birmingham ducks in to say...

Posted December 21
I probably have a very old version, but we should definitely talk about this separately, now that I've decided to take a fuck you approach with this IP. Email me, would you?

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ShaneAlpha reckons...

Posted December 21
A Place of Angels pts 1, 2 & 3,
An Early Tale,
Dying of Embarrassment
State of Origin
Put them all under my name: Shane Stapleton

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she_jedi ducks in to say...

Posted December 21
Is it too late to submit something?

John Birmingham reckons...

Posted December 22
I'm sending it out tomorrow!

she_jedi mutters...

Posted December 22
Oops, nevermind! :)

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Sparty2 mumbles...

Posted December 22
mine was
"The Home Front"
the "Extract from shooting script of the BBC 13 part documentary series “The Earth at War”, narrated by Sir Kenneth Brannagh.
Credit either

Sparty (perferably)

or Mark Williams

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Surtac is gonna tell you...

Posted December 22
Mine was the one about monsters in Parliament House in Canberra.

Yes, I know. Irony , right.

As for a name, Surtac or Sten Duncan will work for me. If you need a real-life name, ping me at surtac at gmail dot com or dm me at twitter as @OriginalSurtac.

Curious as to whether I made the cut.

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Surtac asserts...

Posted December 22
Oh yeah, title. I'm not good at titles. Whatever you reckon works.

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Therbs swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted December 22
I did one, I think titled "A Different Day". Was a bit shite so prolly no need to bother about it.

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Rob mumbles...

Posted December 22
I can't remember what mine was,

Maybe Hobart Land of Lumpy White People? Oh I digress, Hobart is a kick ass town .

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NBlob is gonna tell you...

Posted December 24
DangNabbit! Stupid dumb work. I was away, then a dog ate my homework and I hadn't been feeling very well. I guess if I made the cut, we'll roll with Harry vs the Dragon. NBob.

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A likeable review of the highly unlikeable Dave

Posted August 4, 2016 into The Dave by John Birmingham

I missed this nice Canadian review for The Dave at The National Post. By Mr Matt Gurney:

If Tom Clancy’s oeuvre was blended with J.R.R. Tolkien’s, the result would look a lot like this year’s Dave vs. The Monsters trilogy. Australian novelist John Birmingham specializes in offbeat, highly realistic depictions of how we would react — economically, socially, politically and militarily — to utterly bonkers events. You have to swallow the initial doozy he’ll throw at you — but it’s all frighteningly plausible from there.

In this trilogy, the highly unlikeable Dave Hooper finds himself at the point where two worlds collide. The first world is ours, Earth, circa 2015 — an oil rig off the Gulf Coast, specifically. The second is a demonic underworld of orcs, brutes, and dragons, who cherish ancient fables of when they freely roamed the world of above, feasting on succulent human flesh.

Once the barrier separating the worlds — hinted to have been established eons ago by merciful aliens — begins to collapse, it’s suddenly a full-on war of annihilation between legions of monsters and our modern military machines. A legion of orcs may not fare well against a wing of B-52s, but how long will the society that keeps those jets flying hold out when bumps in the night truly are monsters?

Bonkers, I know. But if you make it 30 pages into the first book, you won’t be able to stop until the end of the third. And you’ll be craving more.

8 Responses to ‘A likeable review of the highly unlikeable Dave’

DaveC is gonna tell you...

Posted August 4, 2016
Fucking A, eh.

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jl is gonna tell you...

Posted August 5, 2016
I totally agree. Dave is literary meth, awesome stuff. Still kicking myself that I held out on reading it for a while. I made up for my mistake by selling everyone I know on the series.

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DarrenBloomfield swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted August 5, 2016
"Australian novelist John Birmingham specializes in offbeat, highly realistic depictions of how we would react — economically, socially, politically and militarily — to utterly bonkers events."

That is on point.

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peteb reckons...

Posted August 8, 2016
..... should I give it another shot?

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Rhino is gonna tell you...

Posted August 9, 2016
Where the hell was that review when we needed it?

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GhostSwirv mutters...

Posted August 10, 2016


Hey JB - just googled Matt Gurney and it seems it's your Canadian Pen Name?

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Roger Lee swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted August 19, 2016
I just finished reading The Dave Trilogy, and it was great! As unlikeable as Dave is, Threshy and the Monsters are much less agreeable overall. I really want to see the Russian kick Dave's ass though...

When are we getting more Dave badness?

John Birmingham asserts...

Posted August 19, 2016
Thanks, Roger. There will be more Dave. And Threshy and Guyuk. But if you're looking for Karin, you could do no worse than this bad boy.
http://amzn.to/2bmz9sw

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