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Game of Thrones Raven On Recap S6E7: The Broken Man

Posted June 7, 2016 into Raven On by girlclumsy

Beloved Throners! I’m so happy, I don’t even know where to begin.

What a spankingly delicious episode of Game of Thrones. I just adored every minute of it. Even now my cheeks are flushed with pleasure, my teeth are sparkling like they’ve just been through a minty fresh car wash, and I just want to run into the wild, spin in circles and sing like Maria Von Trapp on nitrous oxide.

This may have been somewhat inspired by the hillside setting for the Hillsong Church, headed by none other than Ian ‘Al Swearengen’ McShane himself, finally turning up as a reformed fighter turned pastor in a rare pre-credit sequence.

Not since The Pillars of the Earth have I been so chuffed to see Ian McShane hanging around a cathedral construction site.

It was too bad it all ended so soon, as I was looking forward to having those baby blue peepers around for a while. But then, he had a role to play, and that role was to let a certain doggy off the leash.

Damn all of you who said The Hound wasn’t dead. He was left for dead. He looked pretty dead. I was CERTAIN he was going to be dead. But then I also thought Ned Stark was going to find a way off that chopping block right up to the point where his head was snicked off so we all know how much my opinion’s worth.

We’ll get back to our remix of the Baha Men’s 2000 classic shortly, because it was just one glorious strawberry on the cream pie that was this episode.

Kate Middleton and roses! Olenna slagging off Cersei! Jon and Sansa’s Magical Mystery Tour! Captain Darling! Yara the Power Lesbian! The Kingslayer V The Blackfish! Bronn! F***ing Bronn, people!

Yes, it was an episode in which all of our broken and beleagured heroes slowly started putting themselves back together - or open themselves up to a bit more damage.

S6E7: The Broken Man

Let’s deal first with that reveal of The Hound of the Axe-O-Skills. The pre-credit sequence showed hearty country folk doing the Westeros equivalent of an Amish barn-raising: building a new sept. It was like the start of a Disney movie, with apple-cheeked kiddies playing with daisies, and women probably named Daisy chopping up apples.

As groups of men strode past hoisting wood on their shoulders, we noticed one man powering along solo, a mighty log on his back, not even vaguely troubled by its weight.

Eventually he drops it, looks up, and turns, to show first the burnt side of his head, then his face.

Woof!

It turns out The Hound, as opposed to dying where Brienne left him after their fierce battle at the end of season four, was picked up by Ian McShane, who thought he was dead until he coughed.

Somehow Sandor Clegane survived, which Ian McShane has interpreted to mean the gods still have plans for him.

He’s a refreshing sort of preacher, this one, as unlike the High Sparrow he doesn’t pretend to know all the answers. He even suggests the Seven - whose pointed star he wears around his neck - may not be the “right” god/s. Such blasphemy does not offend Clegane, someone who spits on the concept of religion. However Ian McShane is not demanding penitence, or naked shame walks, or converting others. He just wants to spread the good in the world. And for someone with so much hate in them (he even credits it for keeping him alive), that’s a bit of an eye-opener.

"Don't you see? It's all tits and dragons."

Sadly all this positivity (and did you notice the musical score under that pre-credit sequence was the Game of Thrones theme in a major key? So. Freaky.) could not last. Not even for more than one episode, dagnabbit.

For the Brotherhood Without Banners came a-calling, and despite the Hound’s warnings, Ian McShane did not take any precautions to protect his flock, even offering to break bread with them.

You have to wonder what would have happened had Clegane been there when the raiding party arrived, as opposed to being off chopping firewood like a man possessed. He probably could have taken out a fair few of them, but eventually he would be cut down. Instead, he has to look upon the corpses of the men, women and children - simple, unarmed folk - and know their deaths must be paid for. As he stood staring into the bulging eyes of the dead septon, his purpose in life all of a sudden became clear - justice. Or if not justice, revenge.

In the Game of Thrones world, being broken ain't necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes that break gives you the ability to do things others can't, or won't.

With no Brienne in sight, Tormund has finally started speaking with comprehensible words again, as opposed to casting goo-goo eyes in the direction of the warrior from Tarth and seductively gumming a meat tray.

He’s totes backing Jon Snow in as the Lord of the Man Bun appeals to the Wildlings to join their fight against the BOO HISS BOLTONS. The Wildlings are worried they’ll be wiped out, meaning no more Free Folk. Well, says Tormund, Jon Snow died for us, so he’s basically Jesus, and if we don’t reciprocate, maybe we should be the last Free Folk. Oh, (ginger) snap.

"This is all a metophor for Brexit, isn't it?"

Stampy signals his approval with a grunt and a walk-off, and the other red-headed Wildling shakes Jon’s hand. It’s a deal, and with that Jon, Sansa and Ser Davos are off on a whistlestop tour to recruit more warriors to their cause.

Roll up, roll up!

Their first stop was Bear Island, where the revelation of Lady Mormont as a teeny wee girlie was quite possibly the best visual gag ever seen in Game of Thrones.

Jon, Sansa and Davos all looked suitably embarrassed to be seeking an audience with a One Directioner, but Lady Mormont quickly put their prejudices to rest by going 100 per cent Hermione Granger on their collective ass.

“My mother wasn’t a great beauty, or any other kind of beauty,” she snaps, rejecting Sansa’s proffered compliment that she would grow up a looker. “She was a great warrior though. She died fighting for your brother Robb.”

Aaaaaaawwwwwwkward.

Jon doesn’t fair much better when he tries bigging up her uncle, the late Jeor, Commander of the Night’s Watch.

“I think we’ve had enough small talk. Why are you here?”

My beloveds, I just fell in love - in a totally age-appropriate way, may I add - with Hermione Granger. Such sass. Such authority! I am more than *ahem* times her age and can only dream of such badassery. She makes Hillary Clinton look like Sleeping f***ing Beauty. Say No to the Bernie Bros: Lady Mormont for President!

Accio Shut the The Hell Up

Hermione Granger was in no mood to truck with idiots wanting her to sacrifice the good people of Bear Island to some foolish squabble between noble houses. It took Davos Seaworth, once again showing why he’s King of the Kids, to bring her around.

The Onion Knight cited his own recent conversion to the way of the warrior, and summed up by saying that Jeor Mormont and Jon Snow knew the truth: that the only war that mattered was between the living and dead. “And make no mistake, my lady, the dead are coming.” OoooOOOOoooh, drop mic, DJ OK.

Once Davos convinced Lady Mormont that recapturing Winterfell was the only way to ensure a united North, which was the only way to stand a chance against the White Walkers, Jon asked how many fighting men they could expect from the noble Bear Island.

There was a pause as the punchline came looming up towards us like a drunken grizzly, the word PUNCHLINE shorn into its shaggy coat, and a half-eaten Salmon Rushdie pun dangling from its mouth. But that didn’t stop the confident reply of “62” producing such gut laughter in me, I’ll be drinking Yakult for days to replenish.

Still, they fared better with 62 Fighting Bears (good name for a gay club, by the way) than they did on their next stop: Deepwood Motte, the home of the Glovers.

My foster kittens were rather startled when about two seconds after Lord Glover appeared onscreen I started yelling “Darling! Captain Darling! Look, it’s Captain Darling!” like a mad woman. Yes, it appears Tim McInnerny, aka Lord Percy from Blackadder II and Captain Darling from Blackadder Goes Forth is the latest familiar face from the British acting fraternity to strap on a leather jerkin and step into Game of Thrones.

If I can just have an aside - I know Fawlty Towers is technically flawless and I know Yes Minister is the sharpest satire ever, but Blackadder still has my heart as the best British sitcom of all time. Sure, it has an unfairly maligned first season, and sure, it ticks all my particular history buttons. But with characters like Queenie and the baby-eating Bishop of Bath and Wells, and Prince George and his Enormous Trousers, and General Sir Anthony Cecil Hogmanay Melchett KCB and Lord Flashheart and lines like “I have a cunning plan” and “Great Boo’s Up” and “I trust you didn’t forget to remove the crumpet” - come on, people. It’s gold.

Anyway back to Lord Glover. He’s a bit of a sourpuss grumpy face, which is probably attributable to the fact that his house sigil is a fist emoji. It’s possible he’s going for the Hunter S. Thompson gonzo journalism feel, but it looks more like they’re saying “Cross us, and we’ll fist you!” which is too sexually adventurous to be completely intimidating.

I mean really, a glove? For Glover? Given the Direwolf of Stark and the Flayed Man of Bolton, it really is an unimaginative effort.

Even a fistbump would at have a bit more street cred.

Sansa tries to pull the old “You pledged your honour to the Starks, bitch, now whaddup?” to get him to come onboard their Anti-Bolton Crusading Coalition (ABCC) but Glover isn’t having it. He’s seen his stronghold captured by salty Ironborn, his family tortured and his brother slain on the altar of Robb Stark, and he’s had enough. All in all, Glover’s refusal basically boils down to the phrase “I’m getting too old for this shit,” which is pleasantly ironic indeed.

Back at camp, Sansa is so unimpressed with the motley crew they’ve assembled you’d think she’d be happier with the actual Mötley Crüe. At least Tommy Lee could have made some interesting home videos.

She wants to keep pressing the flesh with one-time Stark bannermen, but Jon is adamant that they attack Winterfell before they lose momentum. Of course, he then has to stop their conversation to go help Davos break up a fight between some random soldier jocks, because the testosterone is running rampant in the cold weather. Yes, don’t stop that momentum whatever you do, Jon.

"Gotta go, sis. Some gym dudebros are fighting over the squat machine again."

The Magical Mystery Tour concludes with Sansa penning a message to someone, with the camera helpfully obscuring the “To” part of the note. But all we have to do is listen to that musical underscore - yep, it’s the Petyr Baelish theme. Earlier, Sansa had responded to Lady Mormont’s rebuke that she was a Lannister or a Bolton by saying she did what she had to do to survive. Now, despite her best intentions, she’s having to do it again. Careful Sansa. You have been healing and fighting so well. I would hate to see Littlefinger slip between your cracks. Oh wow, I meant that line to sound ominous and foreboding, but I’ve just creeped myself out.

There was a touching scene in wherever the hell it was the Greyjoys were this week (Lys? Volantis?). Many touchings, in fact, as it was revealed that Yara is a Power Lesbian, aka Dyke From Pyke. I felt somewhat conflicted as I cheered on her heavy petting of a prostitute. I mean, I love that she’s a take-charge babe, but she could have been a tad more respectful. Lead by example Yara. But then I suppose Theon was always quite the aggressor with the ladies, so maybe it’s just genetic.

Not that Theon’s feeling the party vibe much, which prompts Yara to send her bit of rumpy-pumpy away for a moment so she can have a Moment with her baby bro. Yara wants to get away from their marauding Uncle Euron as fast as possible, strike a deal with Daenarys first, then scurry back to retake the Iron Islands. She needs the real Theon, not the broken Reek, to be by her side to make sure justice is served. When Theon flinches, she changes the name of the game. Revenge, not justice.

Spurred on by Yara’s drinking game, Theon skulls his ale until finally he meets her gaze steadily for the first time since they reunited. There’s an amazing transformation in Theon’s face, and Yara seals this renewed connection with a sisterly kiss on the forehead. Then she cheerily announces she’s off to “f**k the tits off that one”. Stay classy, Ironborn.

"Barkeep, make mine a Screaming Orgasm."

In King’s Landing, the High Sparrow is getting rather personal with Kate Middleton, who apparently isn’t doing enough by learning the Book of the Mother off by heart - she should be actively trying to become a mother herself. Yes, the High Sparrow chastises her for her chasteness, which she explains by saying her conversion has knocked her for sex. I mean, six.

In praising her, Big Bird warns that her grandmother Olenna, the Queen of Thorns, ought to follow her lead to live a more noble life, as she’s an out and out sinner. Margaery seeks to bestow some of this wisdom to her Gran at a subsequent meeting, which Margaery’s unsmiling jailer Septa monitors like a teacher at a school dance full of 14-year-olds.

Finally, in pleading with Olenna to go home to Highgarden, Margaery finally confirms what we’ve all suspected/known as plain as day - that she’s in the middle of the most intense method acting preparation since Daniel Day Lewis in Lincoln. Wore those stove pipe hats everywhere, he did. Even got himself shot at the theatre for realism. Also because he was seeing a production of Cats at the time and BOOM take that Cats you jumped-up excuse for a show.

Anyway, it was a joy to see that little spark in Margaery’s eyes as she buried a scrap of paper into Olenna’s lap. Outside the room, the Queen of Thorns unwrapped it to reveal a rose, growing strong, as always. Margaery is the reed, ever bending, never broken. Like grandmother, like granddaughter.

As Olenna makes plans to get away before the “shoeless zealot” can throw her in Black Cell, Cersei makes another attempt to butter her up, apologising for unleashing the Faith Militant on them all, and pleading that they work together.

"Oh hell no."

Olenna’s speech in reply is a searing, savage takedown of Cersei that would have left a weaker person on the floor in a gibbering mess. I know I was, and it wasn’t even aimed at me. It’s something of a tribute to Cersei’s ego that she can hear slings like “I wonder if you’re the worst person I’ve ever met… the truly vile do stand out through the years” and “You’ve lost Cersei… it’s the only joy I can find in all this misery” and not collapse in a heap. Still, Olenna seems intent on leaving Cersei to fight it out alone. Except Cersei, as we know, has The Mountain. Now there’s a Humpty Dumpty success story.

All hail the return of Bronn! Everybody’s favourite everything is back, as quippy as ever, as just as comfortable in his bromance with Jaime as he was with Tyrion way back when. Geez, imagine if those three ever team up again. I don’t think the fan fiction writers could handle it. And by fan fiction writers, I mean me. Yes, that’s right, my soaring self-published opus Sexy Game of Thrones Characters Have Sexy Times While You Watch will be out soon for 89 cents a download.

As a newly minted knight, it’s Bronn’s duty to accompany Jaime and 8000 Lannister men to the Riverlands to retake Riverrun from Brynden Tully. The former sellsword is not super impressed by this turn of events, particularly since Jaime tries to wheel out the old “A Lannister always pays his debts” excuse for why he can’t yet have his fancy house and posh bride.

"Don't f***ing say it."

On arrival, they discover the Freys carrying out the most disappointing siege since Steven Seagal circa 1995 (On a train? Why, Steven, why?)

Not even the threat of killing Edmure Tully moves the Blackfish. He doesn’t really care about Edmure anyway, and besides, the Freys are all bluff.

Jaime, however, is more serious. He takes charge of the blockade and organises a parly with the Blackfish, which occurs in splendid fashion on the very drawbridge protecting the castle.

Brynden is ferociously calm, a study in carefully calculated risks and the wariness engendered by a lifetime of fighting entitled morons. “We’ve got supplies to last two years… do you?” he growls at Jaime, who can’t understand why his opponent agreed to a discussion when he had no intention of surrendering. “Sieges are dull,” is the Blackfish’s droll reply. “I wanted to get the measure of you… and I’m disappointed.” It must be all very frustrating for Jaime, whose name and reputation used to mean a damn thing around here. Now he’s just a toy soldier, performing dumbshow.

Unless he decides to get the trebuchets out next week. Then it could get interesting.

I remain conflicted about how the Riverrun stand-off should end. I’m certainly pro-Blackfish and would hate to see the Freys back in charge, but it would also be nice to see Jaime have some kind of win here. Or at the very least, for him not to be punished too much for not taking the fortress back.

Over in Braavos, a happy Arya Stark, freshly reunited with both name and Needle, is looking for a way to get back home.

She happens upon a Westerosi sailor and throws him a few heavy bags of coins to ship out at dawn and have a cabin at the ready for her. Everything is coming up Stark House.

Meanwhile, all we’re doing is searching the faces in the crowd and wondering which one will be the Waif, game face on, ready to stabby stabby. It turns out to be the fragile old lady, because of course it is. Arya cops a nasty few stabs to the abdomen, before thankfully fighting back and hurling herself off the bridge. Seeing enough blood in the water to lure Jaws out of retirement, the Waif is happy with a job done. But Arya emerges, gasping, conveniently near some steps onto the bank.

Dripping with blood and shivering with cold, she walks through the streets, past market stall holders and shoppers, with everyone staring but nobody helping. What is to become of her? Her stab wounds looked pretty serious - we know she is tougher than a rhinoceros hide attempting to sing “Roar” by Katy Perry at karaoke, but still, she’s not immortal. OR IS SHE? No really, that’s not a joke, I’m genuinely interested in whether her induction into the Faceless Men gave her any sort of Wolverine-style healing factor.

Yay! Best Moments

Clearly Hermione Granger crushing all before her was platinum slay.

Zing! Best Lines

Jaime: Get word to the Blackfish. I want a parly.
Bronn: A parly or a fight?
Jaime: He’s an old man.
Bronn: You’ve got one hand. My money’s on the old boy.

Eww, gross

Everything about the Freys is just skin-crawlingly gross. It’s like the whole family’s money goes on supporting Walder Frey’s disgusting tribe of offspring that they all wear hand-me-down clothes and roll in mud for a bath. When Jaime turned up at their siege HQ - aka a bog field on the banks of the Trident - I couldn’t have cheered more when he slapped the Freys in charge down, both figuratively and literally. Get some deodorant and braces, you skeevy bastards.

Boo, sucks

No Tyrion two weeks running? Surely there is some sort of law against an absence of Tyrion for that long? Also no Daenarys and dragons, no Sam and Gilly, no Bran and Benjen? Also - does anyone remember Dorne? There was a power shift there early on this season, but we’ve not heard much of it since. Oh well. Onwards, to next week!

Thank you so much for joining me again this week. I can't wait to read your comments and thoughts, either here on the 'Burger, or via my Facebook page: www.facebook.com/nataliesthrone

The Patreon campaign that I've been running this season has just been the most amazing thing to see. If you like the recaps and wish to become a patron, you can sign up and pledge the suggested $1 per recap. Here's the link: www.patreon.com/girlclumsy. We're getting dangerously close to doing a live recap in full GoT costume; and I've also put up a ridiculous stretch goal that you can check out.

Valar Morghulis!

65 Responses to ‘Game of Thrones Raven On Recap S6E7: The Broken Man’

Sambit mutters...

Posted June 7, 2016
I think I saw Gendry in about two shots when we see Arya walking back after being stabbed. The boy in the background, does it seem like it's Gendry? What do you think? http://imgur.com/a/sF7lo

BillBixby219 has opinions thus...

Posted June 7, 2016
as much as i want to see him again, i don't believe this is Robert's bastard

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted June 7, 2016
I will have to forensically analyse the footage tonight!

Respond to this thread

Mrs Darling would have you know...

Posted June 7, 2016
Yay! I'm so glad I'm not the only one delighted to see Tim McInnerny. And thank you for writing exactly how I feel about the majesty of Blackadder, and the many delicious quotes that followed the rest of the recap thereafter. It made my night.

To finally see Ian McShane and then have him die in the same episode. What a waste of Ian McShane! More Captain Darling, more Ian McShane and Lyanna Mormont as a main character please!

With the reintroduction of the Brotherhood without Banners, I'm wondering if this is a sly way to introduce Lady Stoneheart (or Gendry again finally). I know they mentioned her story wasn't going to be in it, but they also mentioned that Jon Snow was dead.

xServer has opinions thus...

Posted June 7, 2016
Well, technically Jon Snow was dead so it wasn't really a lie (although I think that they also said that he wasn't coming back so that WAS a lie).

I also hope this means we get Lady Stoneheart. It was such a big thing, I can't believe they would cut it out completely.

Ken Father of Dire Wolves would have you know...

Posted June 7, 2016
Black Adder rules. That is all.

girlclumsy asserts...

Posted June 7, 2016
Truth.

Respond to this thread

Andrea ducks in to say...

Posted June 7, 2016
I screamed "It's Percy!", myself.

All we need now is Tony Robinson somewhere.

Hahahahahaha would have you know...

Posted June 7, 2016
Yes!

SweatyJester mumbles...

Posted June 7, 2016
As a Frey!

"I have a cunning plan..."

girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 7, 2016
My response was probably more accurately a garbled mix of Percy-Darling-Percy-Percy-look-at-you-Darling. :)

flöki snöw ducks in to say...

Posted June 7, 2016
We need General Melchett to turn up at the siege, bahhh....

Ken Father of Dire Wolves is gonna tell you...

Posted June 7, 2016
I'll be on the lookout for Tony Robinson, probably in a mud filled market place collecting rat shit and spit to roast up for his cappuccino stall.

Respond to this thread

xServer reckons...

Posted June 7, 2016
First, I can't believe Arya wasn't on-guard enough to catch the old lady saying "a girl..." at her. I knew immediately that it was the damn Waif. But no, she just lets herself get stabbed over and over. Arg!

If she dies I will burn this mothah DOWN!

Ah-hem, I mean, I will be very disappointed.

I was hoping for more than a one-episode appearance by Ian McShane but what we got was wonderful so I guess I'll take it. Whatever it takes to get the Hound back in play...

I have no mixed feeling about Jaimie's endeavor: I hope he fails. Badly. I loathe the Freys and with Brienne on her way to Riverrun you know it's going to come to Brienne v Jaimie and if he cuts down Brienne then I AM GOING TO BURN THIS MOTHAH DOWN!!

Erm, excuse me, I mean: I will be very, very disappointed.

Holding out hope that Lady Stoneheart is in the offing. Holding out more hope that Tormienne is something that happens in the wake of the defeat of the Boo-Hiss Boltons.

What a great season. I can't believe how fast it's going!

Barnesm puts forth...

Posted June 7, 2016
I wonder if they have swapped the character of Lady Stoneheart to Arya after her near fatal wounding and falling into the water.

xServer ducks in to say...

Posted June 7, 2016
I think we're getting the true Lady Stoneheart. I know, the showrunners (and GRR Martin) have said no but I don't believe them. All signs are pointing towards her appearance. Even the Brotherhood are showing up again, and with a new, take-no-prisoners approach to things.

girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted June 7, 2016
I know the basic theory of Lady Stoneheart, but I haven't got to that point in the books yet, so it's all very mysterious. :)

Respond to this thread

Trevor Pyle mumbles...

Posted June 7, 2016
That. Was not. Arya.









It was Jaquen.

1: Hair parted in the center
2: Bags full of money being tossed around.
3:"Arya's" confident air when dealing with the captain
4: walking around, confidently, when she knew she was on the run
5: Arya is left handed. "Arya" wasn't
6: NO NEEDLE

Jaquen is testing the waif. The waif failed.
A man still owes Arya Stark a life.

This was not Arya, but Arya will avenge that death.

xServer would have you know...

Posted June 7, 2016
...I didn't get that AT ALL....what a fascinating hypothesis. Can Arya's face be used by someone else? She hasn't died or had it removed (don't they have to physically remove it to add it to the vault?)

I'm not sure I buy this theory but it will be very interesting to watch next week to find out!

Trevor Pyle reckons...

Posted June 7, 2016
Arya saw her own face on the corpse right before she was blinded. So I'm assuming that Jaquen has some sort of super powers.

xServer asserts...

Posted June 7, 2016
Hmm, yes, I had forgotten that. And Jaquen was the Waif and then himself in that scene too. So...wow. It's possible. And if there is no true Jaquen then he cannot really die. Because he is no one. (I think the Waif can die, though, as she seems to hold too tightly to her disapproval to ever release her self in a true way). Like I said, I will be interested to see next week's episode!

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted June 7, 2016
OK, freaky, what a theory!

So Jaqen went out disguised as Arya - but why book passage home? Just to convince the Waif, whom he knew was following him, that it was Arya and she should go stabby-stabby?

There seem to be a few people now suggesting that Arya wasn't Arya. And maybe Arya was wearing the Waif's face. TOO MANY FACES.

she_jedi is gonna tell you...

Posted June 7, 2016
OMFG. I spent that whole scene watching Arya strolling around Braavos like a suicidal idiot wondering where the hell Needle was. NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE. If this comes to pass mind = totally blown.

MB's 2 cents asserts...

Posted June 7, 2016
It was Arya in control the whole time, doing an Elvis and faking her own death to get the faceless men to step off her blue suede shoes. She knew they would be coming no matter where she went.

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted June 7, 2016
So she was both herself AND the old woman? I'm confused.

Ken Father of Dire Wolves is gonna tell you...

Posted June 7, 2016
Ooooh, amazing and tantalising theory. Jaqen did say Arya has many talents.

MB's 2 cents is gonna tell you...

Posted June 7, 2016
No I reckon there's no secret faces (except the waif's which we saw), and no Jaqen involved. Just Arya channelling Mission Impossible with a stock standert fake death bridge fall. She knew she was going to get hit, and she worked to control the circumstances of when and where it happened.
For bonus points I'm going with she used fake blood from the Mummers, and she never intended to get on that ship.

Respond to this thread

Barnesm has opinions thus...

Posted June 7, 2016
Another wonderful recap, the only drawback is that it's so satisfying and full it leaves little for us readers to respond with other than to ask for permission to shout BRAVO in an annoyingly loud volume.

BRAVO.

Ever since you discovered that in episode one Petyr Baelish's theme played while they looked over the body of Jon Arryn you have been keeping an ear on it.

girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted June 7, 2016
I have to credit that Game of Thrones trivia night for really alerting me to Baelish's theme. I knew some of the grander themes, well, but I'd never paid attention to Baelish's before.

And it's not that I was listening out for it - it's more that as I was recapping I thought "I wonder if...." and double checked and yep, it was there. I guess it's just raised my Littlefinger awareness. :)

Respond to this thread

Véronique of House Stark has opinions thus...

Posted June 7, 2016
Dear Mother of Kittens, I am in awe! Your recapping prowess just continues to grow. I had no idea Petyr Baelish had a theme! I will clearly have to listen more carefully. That and the major key GoT theme. I am a musician and I'm not paying close enough attention!

So much goodness, so much scariness. Who couldn't love the young Lady Lyanna Mormont? Disabused Sansa of her sexism, she did. According to IMDB, that was the actress's first screen role. Great start! Also, Hermione Granger. Brilliant! Love how the silver-tongued Ser Davos saved the day again, even though it netted them only 62 bear warriors.

So lovely to see Bronn again. And hear him, of course, since he always gets the best lines, such as that now that he is a knight and not a sellsword he no longer gets paid. Ye gods, I hate Freys. They're so stupid that they would probably be easy to get rid of if there weren't so many of them. But now that the Late Walder Frey has reappeared, perhaps it's time to refer to him as Filch? In keeping with the Harry Potter theme?

Okay, it was kind of good to see the Hound again too. Very Rasputin-like of him to survive the ass-whuppin' that Brienne gave him. The body count continues to rise, but some people are hard to kill. Like Arya, hopefully. But please, please, for the love of kittens and dragons, please do NOT have Lady Stoneheart return. Bad enough that the Brotherhood Without Banners is back. They're not supposed to be bad guys!

So many Arya theories, so few episodes left. I did wonder about the absence of Needle though. Hidden again? Or is something askew on treadle? In that world, I never believe anything!

Soooooo glad that Kate Middleton is not, in fact, a Moonie. But Big Bird telling her that she should lie back and think of Highgarden -- bleah! If he's so astute, he should know that the king is in fact a cute but horribly inbred Lannister bastard with no claim to the throne, so that line should not continue.

girlclumsy reckons...

Posted June 7, 2016
"Lie back and think of Highgarden" - OK, totes gold, I wish I had thought of that one!

And yes, the music is something I've become a bit more attuned to this season. Turns out it gives out loads of clues!

Lady EFL ducks in to say...

Posted June 7, 2016
Am I wrong or hasn't Bronn been a knight since season 2? Isn't he 'Sir Bronn of the Blackwater' for everything he did during Stannis' attack on Kingslanding?

girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted June 7, 2016
Yeah, but I think he's still waiting on the perks. :)

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PM mumbles...

Posted June 7, 2016
Am I alone in thinking that Cersei is placing far too much confidence in her plan to have the zombified Mountain win the trial by combat? She gets a little shit-eating grin on her face every time the plan is mentioned and the Gods (or actually the show's writers/producers) rarely allow that level of hubris to go unpunished. I think Big Bird has a rude shock awaiting for her.

BornBad mutters...

Posted June 7, 2016
An intriguing theory I have heard is that in a trial by combat, the High Sparrow could call King Tommen to be his champion. Where would that leave Cersei then, with Zombie Mountain vs dear son Tommen? Get Zombie to lose, thus proving her guilty, or have Zombie win, and have her last remaining child killed to prove her innocence! That could see Cersei stumble into a spiral of insanity very quickly.

Joffrey's Heimlich Manouevre ducks in to say...

Posted June 7, 2016
Oooh, I like that one. To see that I'd even sacrifice CleganeBowl (Big Bird uses the Hound as his champion in trial by combat, against Cersei's Zombie Mountain).
And I was really looking forward to CleganeBowl.

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flöki snöw swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 7, 2016
A marvelous recap MoK. All well and good Jaime giving the Freys a bollocking, last time he led an army he got beaten, captured and lost a hand, i don't think he'll fair much better against the Blackfish to be honest. And the hound, oww, owwww, owwwww.

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girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted June 7, 2016
Oh yeah, as Stu always points out in the podcasts, Cersei cannot help but make terrible mistake after terrible mistake.

With the Hound now returned, could he in fact be ready to take on his zombified older bro?

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wendyemily puts forth...

Posted June 7, 2016
Is it just me or can anyone else not wait to see Big Bird get skewered? I really, really hate religious fanatics even in my fantasy TV shows. As much as I loath Cersei and the Lannisters in general (not Tyrion, of course, never the Imp) I am so sick of the Nut Jobs running the asylum.
I want someone to kick their collective asses. Seeing Kate Middleton finally show she is still the same under the docile façade has made me think that she may indeed have a "cunning plan". We can hope. Or will we have to wait for the Mother of Dragons and her Dothraki followers to kick some Big Bird ass? Time will tell.

Interesting to see how many more warriors Jon and Sansa can get on their side before they attack Winterfell but not happy that she is sending for Littlefinger. Guess Sansa sees no alternative than to deal with the Devil.

An interesting ep and I am left wondering about Arya's fate but she will survive. They wouldn't bring her all this way in her journey just to kill her off now. Would they? Actually, I think that Miss Fisher, who she saved from poisoning will find her and nurse her back to health. And she will take her into the Acting Troupe which will then find it's way back to Westeros. A perfect way for Arya to get home and a good way to be hidden in plain sight! So how's that for a theory?

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted June 7, 2016
That is a GREAT theory, and I for one would love to see more of the Mummers!

wendyemily reckons...

Posted June 7, 2016
Yes. Those Mummers are great. I do love me some Amateur Theatre. Remember those days well. The after parties at least!

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Sousy Wench puts forth...

Posted June 7, 2016
As much as I have longed for CleganeBowl TM for longer than I'd like to admit, someone here brought up the idea of Tommen as the other champion last week and I just can't get the idea out of my head. I know it's unlikely (though the more I think about the easier it is to see it working), but the idea of Cersei getting hers in such a way... Her moment of long planned for triumph becoming
certain Hobsonian defeat, is intoxicating. Maybe, they should just film booth? Make it a choose your own adventure trial... Hmmm.

Kate mutters...

Posted June 7, 2016
Ah, yes. That could well be a plot twist. After all, Tommen is still alive and the witch told Cersei that all three of her children would wear crowns of gold and then die. So Tommen is the remaining living child, wears a crown of gold and ... I guess, the clock is ticking...

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted June 7, 2016
No! Not poor Tommen. He's such a nice boy. Such a squeaky voice.

flöki snöw puts forth...

Posted June 7, 2016
“Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall.” Valar Morghulis Tommen

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Springfield Fats would have you know...

Posted June 7, 2016
Good to see House Glover realising that Stark = death and disaster, most sensible decision I've seen a leader on that show make in a long time.

I guess we find out next week how Arya's plot armor saves her from what would be a slow and agonising death for a good proportion of the world today, let along someone in medieval times. I'm assuming the acting troupe comes back into it somehow to help her seeing as she has no other allies there.

Unless they go for the stupidest plot twist of all time and have it be Jaqen instead...

I loved the scenes with the hound, they could have had the villages wearing red shirts, but interested to where he goes from here. I could handle seeing him put on a tactical turtleneck, shout RAAAAMPAGE!!! and get some murder on.

And I think the Queen of Thorns should have a scene where she tears strips off someone every week in a spin off.

girlclumsy asserts...

Posted June 7, 2016
I would watch that TV show. Lady Olenna Hates...

Also the Glover decision may have been sensible, but it wasn't very romantic. Also, the Starks seem to have been good for it for hundreds of years. They're just having a few bad years, as Yara would say. :)

Springfield Fats reckons...

Posted June 7, 2016
True, but they might be in the process of changing their banner from 'raised fist' to 'raised fist with middle finger resplendent'...

girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 7, 2016
Well at least that would be more intimidating!

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Sunny reckons...

Posted June 7, 2016
I KNEW it was Percy, I KNEW it!!!
I was yelling to DH "It's Percy, is that Percy, it's Percy right???" to his blank face. So I'm so glad you've confirmed it.

Percy.
The only thing better than this would be Rowan himself coming in to fill some awesome role.

SZF has opinions thus...

Posted June 8, 2016
I got so caught up yelling, "Swedgen! Hang-dai!" when I saw Ian McShane that I missed recognizing Percy/Darling when he appeared.

Shame! [ring]

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Bondiboy66 puts forth...

Posted June 7, 2016
Blimey - Al Swearengen comes in for one episode and gets knocked off before he has a chance to call someone a cocksucker! Poor form GoT!

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted June 7, 2016

And he didn't get to feed ANYONE to the pigs...

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girlclumsy mutters...

Posted June 7, 2016
I wonder if he could, or if he would be too recognisable! We know of course he can play villainy well, but could it work....?

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Ken Father of Dire Wolves mutters...

Posted June 7, 2016
Wonderous words yet again oh Mother of Kittens. There is much to ponder for another week. A definite highlight was the astute beyond her years Lady Mormont. I thought she was kicking the medieval Hit Girl vibe with her Sass and confidence. As for Petyr Balisch slipping between Sansa's cracks I think that's always been one of Littlefingers objectives. I just hope the Stark wolf bears it's fangs. And finally good old Stampy, a giant in stature if not in word usage, but his few words are reliable and true.

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Moko reckons...

Posted June 7, 2016
Jaime should have shoved a 8" metal tooth pick up through Blackfishies jaw bone and gone digging while he had the chance. Was expecting. Hysterical as always Nat. Love your work.

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coz swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 7, 2016
I had to look up where the Brotherhood Without Banners came from (thank goodness for Raven On..) and don't you think slaying a bunch of peasants for a few spuds seems a bit of a departure from their raison d'etat? All we know was there was a horse around... and it'd be typical GoT "made u think" for it to be someone completely different.

Buggered if I know who else though of course.

Sousy Wench reckons...

Posted June 7, 2016

I'm pretty sure it's one of those "utopian in theory" vs "nasty in reality" issues with the BWB, a band of merry men they are not. That said, there is another outlaw group in the books (confusingly named Brave Companions aka
Bloody Mummers - there are also way more actual mummers in the books, hence the confusion) who are a whole other level of nasty, I think they may have combined the two on GoT. Their are only so many roving bands of arseholes the human mind can take.

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Barren Spinster would have you know...

Posted June 7, 2016
There are only three episodes left and they haven't finished the Tower of Joy story. If they don't finish that story and I don't get to see who Ned finds in that tower I am considering declaring war on David, Dan and George auuggh auuggh. I need to know. I need to know in 2016. I'm sure we all agreed that the 21st century was the century of instant gratification? As Blackboard would tell Squiggle: Hurry Up

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Sir Deanos puts forth...

Posted June 7, 2016
All those crew ... all those actors ... WHY DON'T THEY JUST SHOOT 20 DAMN EPISODES AT ONCE ! ?

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@johnnykaras has opinions thus...

Posted June 7, 2016
Great post girlclumsy.

By the way, I have a theory regarding the Arya Stark storyline.

I believe that Jaqen H'ghar may owe Arya one more life. At Harrenhal, he killed The Tickler and Ser Amory Lorch for her. She then named Jaqen to blackmail him so he would facilitate her escape from Harrenhal. After he agreed, It must be assumed that she un-named him meaning that he still owes her one more life.

I don't know how this will play out in the show (if it is used as a plot point at all), but in my mind Arya still has a wildcard to play.

Cheers J

girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted June 9, 2016
This is QUITE clever.

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Barren Spinster reckons...

Posted June 8, 2016
The waif was told not to let Arya suffer, the waif hasn't done what she was told.....

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Sambit is gonna tell you...

Posted June 9, 2016
The contents of the letter that Sansa wrote to Littlefinger, check it here!! http://wikiofthrones.com/1706/someone-figured-out-sansa-starks-letter-latest-episode/

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Swaggering Bravo swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 10, 2016
Yara the amateur psychologist: "If you are broken then go kill yourself". Cheers.

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Respond to 'Game of Thrones Raven On Recap S6E7: The Broken Man'

Game of Thrones Raven On Recap S6E6: Blood of My Blood

Posted May 31, 2016 into Raven On by girlclumsy

Sam Tarly is dead. Long live Sam Tarly: SEX GOD.

Yes, with Jon Snow absent from our screens this week (and what the hell was that about), the significant dribble from my rampaging libido had to be directed elsewhere. And where better than at Sam Tarly, Defender of Everything Good, Noble and Just and Stick-It-Upperer to Shit Dads Everywhere.

Sure, he has no visible six-pack, delectable curly hair or brooding gaze that just says “Be mine, Natalie”. But he does have decency, loyalty, kindness, a sweet smile and a family straight out of a fricking Jane Austen novel, and that brings us to the crux of this week’s episode.

What is more important - the family you are born into, or the one you choose? Is blood the thickest of bonds, or can it be more powerful to form and inspire your own original clan?

Season 6, Episode 6: Blood of My Blood

Harsher critics might use the adjective “slow”, but we can probably all agree this episode was certainly the most “measured” of the year so far.

However I quite enjoyed having some breathing space after the pace and thrill of the first half of the season. The luxury of time to sink into long, languid scenes was comforting, and it’s always nice not to finish an episode in a maelstrom of tears (Oh, Hodor).

Besides, the first few moments of Majestic Meera Reed dragging Bran’s sled through the snow his sled as best she could allowed the greenseer a beguiling cauldron of flashbacks the likes of which we haven’t seen since Harry Potter planted face first into the Pensieve.

There was Bran’s own fall from the tower at Winterfell, his mother’s death, his father’s death, his brother Robb’s death, the White Walkers, wildfire in King’s Landing, his father at the Tower of Joy and even shots of the Mad King Aerys II himself. “Burn them all,” we hear the old man demanding, before Jaime Lannister can be seen approaching the throne to create the nickname that would follow him forever.

Another teeny tidbit I managed to freeze frame was the shot of two hands, one bloody, one definitely female. Could this be an indication of what happened in the Tower of Joy - aka, that Ned Stark found his sister giving birth in a “bed of blood”, where she subsequently died? Am I now ready to join a Game of Thrones online forum and argue with people about fan theory minutiae?

The point is, Bran is too busy tripping to realise the danger he and Meera are in: namely, wights.

Her energy expended, all Meera can do is huddle close to Bran and whisper “I’m sorry”. It was as touching a sisterly moment as you’ll ever see anywhere, and if anything ever happens to Meera Reed, I’ll upend something. Of course I said that about Hodor and I’m now writing this recap on an op-shop typewriter with missing keys, so it’s getting to be a very e pensive threat.

Here is where we have to stop and pay tribute to a certain Russian scribe named Anton Chekhov, who ensured that a gun placed deliberately on show in the first season would now, five seasons later, finally be fired.

Yes, it was the long-awaited return of Benjen Stark, First Ranger of the Night’s Watch and Current World Title Holder for Most Alive Stark Sibling of That Generation.

Masked and on horseback, Uncle Benjen appeared just in time to Flame On and put a half dozen or so wights to the torch with a fiery mace. He threw Bran and Meera on his steed, and all of a sudden, they were safe.

Of course he only showed his face later, in relative safety. It had to be that way, of course, you couldn’t just burn a reveal like that in a frenzied fight scene. But boy, has that face changed. Pock-marked and sunken in parts, it has felt the touch of Winter.

"I swear it has not felt the touch of herpes."

Benjen explains that he was stabbed by a White Walker and left to die while out ranging, but was saved by the Children of the Forest. It turns out their neat trick of slicing your heart in two with obsidian to turn you into a White Walker works just as well as a cure-all for zombie-ism. I feel like this is an Important Piece of Information that we should probably remember, and makes me doubly cranky that Meera didn’t take one of those damned spears with her when she left the Meth Den.

Benjen also seems to have been on good terms with the Three-Eyed Raven, as he’s more up to speed with what having those powers mean than Bran is. “I can’t control it,” Bran mourns. “You’ll must learn to control it… before the Nights’ King comes,” Benjen replies, just as mournfully. Bran has finally been reunited with a family member, but will Uncle Benjen live long enough to help Bran see his destiny through? Or is he destined to be another sacrifice to ensure Bran’s safety, like Osha and Jojen and (gulp) Hodor? And what is it about Bran’s powers that makes him so vital to need such blood spilled for him?

Lord Randyll Tarly threatened to spill his own son’s blood simply because he didn’t like him. Samwell was not brave enough, not active enough, hell, just not man enough to inherit the fine estate of Horn Hill. And so he was sent to The Wall, in the hope it might make a man of him - or at the very least, get him out of the way so his younger brother Dickon could inherit the title.

Sam’s sad tale of paternal betrayal resonated so deeply when we first learned of it. If there is one thing that’s supposed to be true in this world - in any world - it’s that parents will always protect their children. And so it’s natural that he be incredibly nervous returning to the lush green estate of Horn Hill, a place he never imagined returning to alone, least of all with a girlfriend and baby.

Gilly, for her part, is happy to go along with the story that baby Sam is big Sam’s, in order for his father to take them in. Lord Randyll doesn’t like Wildlings, which is about as surprising as discovering Donald Trump doesn’t like *insert whatever* here.

On arrival, we realise what a high faluting, fancy-pants existence Sam lived before his exile to the Night’s Watch. Horn Hill is a genuine pleasure palace, with stately architecture, manicured lawns, huge expanses of balcony and ornate four poster beds.

With Sam Tarly’s mother and sister being amazingly sweet, kind and generous, welcoming both Gilly and the baby with open arms, it made me wonder - how exactly did a place as NICE as this survive in Westeros?

Randyll Tarly’s legendary toughness is probably most of the answer. He is an abhorrent man, merciless to Sam at the world’s most awkward family dinner. Yet with his relative tenderness towards his wife and daughter, it’s perhaps somewhat understandable (if not excusable) why he was so dismissive and mean to Sam.

It’s fear.

How could a boy like Sam, intelligent and thoughtful, sure, but not physically intimidating or skilled in combat, look after his house and his legacy? How could he preserve it? By contrast, the younger son Dickon is not very bright. but he can probably lift heavy things, and he can certainly bring down a deer at 70 paces.

Nevertheless, Randyll is a bigot, and that should be inexcusable. But as Gilly points out a bit later, it’s maddening that bad things happen to good people in this world, and the bad people can just get away with it. Even when their family disapproves, as Sam’s mother and sister so clearly did in this dinnertime scene.

Lord Tarly pegs Gilly as a wildling, which is anathema to him. Gilly launches a spirited defence of Sam as the killer of Thenns and White Walkers. Sam’s posture just sinks further and further down, browbeaten out of eating by his father’s repeated jibes about his weight and appetite, and how he’ll never carry the family Valyrian steel sword, Heartsbane.

Finally it’s Sam’s mother who loses it, rounding on Lord Tarly and telling him he’s a disgrace. Nice work, sister. Lord Tarly says while Sam is away learning to be a maester, Gilly can stay on in the kitchens, as a favour to his wife, and baby Sam will be educated. This is the only deal he will make - and it requires Sam to leave Horn Hill at first light, never to return.

Later, Sam bids Gilly a sweet farewell, saying she’ll be safe there, and he had to do it, and other platitudes. He leaves, but no sooner had he gone and Gilly start tucking in baby Sam, he was back.

“We belong together, all of us,” he says, more forcefully than he’s quite possibly ever spoken before. Despite Gilly’s confusion, he insists on them leaving straight away, and that’s for one very good reason - he’s going to steal his Dad’s sword.

“Actually, it’s my family’s sword,” he points out. But what if Lord Tarly comes for it, asks Gilly. “He can bloody well try.”

Oh YES, Sam Tarly, you gorgeous man you.

Do you even lift, bro?

Sam has chosen to distance himself from a family that is half amazing and half unbearable. In those situations I guess not even the light can outshine the darkness. What he does have is his own family, a new family, with no shared genes, history or culture. He has bonded himself to Gilly, and she to him, in the knowledge that they know everything that counts about the other. It may be harder trying to navigate Old Town with a girlfriend and baby, but damnit, they should be together, and together they shall be. And given Sam knows what's coming (his brother even questioned the existence of White Walkers), it makes far more sense for Heartsbane to be with him, not sitting uselessly above a fireplace.

In King’s Landing, Kate Middleton appears to have finally drunk the High Sparrow’s Kool Aid. Granted permission to see his wife for the first time since her imprisonment, Tommen finds not the gracious free spirit he married, but a demure penitent. Margaery has thought long and hard about her sins, and is perfectly happy to atone for them in whatever way necessary.

And that turns out to be a corker.

Ahead of Margaery’s scheduled Walk of Atonement, Jaime Lannister’s grand plan to fix the Sparrow infestation rolls into action. Kate Middleton’s father, Mace Tyrell, awkwardly leads his armed forces up to the Sept of Baelor, delivering a truly cringe-worthy speech about restoring sanity and blah blah blah. Jaime’s face as he indulges Mace’s numptiness is delightful.

Even Lady Olenna is in on the action, carried to the front steps by sedan chair. Never one to miss a good fistfight, the Queen of Thorns. She probably brought a cheese platter along with her to munch on during the punch on.

Unfortunately, it’s to no avail.

Jaime tells the High Sparrow that every one of his followers will die unless they back the f*** down and let Margaery and Slow Lorus go. The Big Bird isn’t stressed. His followers would all happily die for the cause - even Lancel Lannister, on guard with what looks like a car steering wheel lock.

"Oh shoot, was I supposed to leave this ON the car?
I hope nobody steals my Cortina."

There’s a weak tension in the air, mostly because Mace Tyrell is impossible to take seriously in his ridiculously over-plumed helm. It’s broken when the High Sparrow plays his trump card: Margaery doesn’t have to do a nudie run through Fleabottom because she has already atoned for her sins by bringing her husband, King Tommen, into the fold.

The doors of the Sept open, and out strides Tommen, his Kingsguard now sporting the seven-pointed star on their armour (talk about a speedy makeover). Jaime is stunned, Olenna is pissed, and poor Mace doesn’t know what the hell is happening (“He’s beaten us, idiot” is the essence of Olenna’s explanation).

Never more has Tommen resembled the Squeaky-Voiced Teenager from The Simpsons than when delivering his address about the twin pillars of the Faith and the Crown. If it wasn’t for the fact that Margaery was standing right there, I could imagine him saying “If I had a girlfriend, she’d kill me.”

"Do you like her appearance, Your Grace?
We've been colouring her hair so it looks like yours."

Of course the obvious question is whether their conversion is truly sincere. One can believe Tommen falling in line to please Margaery, whom he genuinely seems to adore. But Margaery had been so adamant about resisting just a couple of episodes back. Is this self-preservation, or perhaps preservation of the family she loves so dearly - Slow Lorus still in a cell and her grandmother right there in front of her?

As a side note, the music that swells as the crowd hails their king and queen is the Baratheon theme, not the Lannister theme. The indication is that Tommen is breaking away from the power of his mother and uncle/father to establish his own genuine powerbase. Certainly that seems to be the case when he subsequently strips Jaime of his role in charge of the Kingsguard and packs him off to Riverrun to help take back the castle.

Jaime of course would prefer to give Bronn a fat sack of cash and go Sparrow-hunting inside the Sept. But Cersei of course won’t have that. Jaime is better off at the head of an army, the kind of thing their old man liked him doing, showing what Lannisters do to their enemies, rather than lollygagging around the Red Keep. Besides, nothing is worth the risk of losing Jaime again, which is very possible should he go up against the Faith Militant.

It’s been a long time since we’ve seen Jaime and Cersei get, um, in the family way, but they do so here with gusto. More gusto than we really need to see, to be honest. Come on guys, you’re brother and sister. I know you think it’s romantic, this twincestuous “together always” stuff, but your interpretation of the phrase “close family” is really a bit too much. I suppose then blood is not the only bodily fluid that binds them.

Ewww, I just grossed myself out.

Speaking of gross, we finally see the return of BOOOOOO Walder Frey. It was his offspring that lost said Riverrun castle to Brynden the Blackfish, who was finally confirmed as not only getting away at the Red Wedding, but avoiding a Frey hunting party afterwards. Hooray! Petyr Baelish was telling Sansa the truth about that last week. Of course, with Walder seeking reinforcements from King’s Landing to retake Riverrun, and Brienne on her way there to let the Blackfish know about Sansa, Jon & Co, we could be about to see Brienne and Jaime meet once more. Could this be - gasp - a LOVE TRIANGLE? Jaime, Brienne, Tormund. Oh, the fan fiction. It writes itself.

Back to Walder Frey. His two disappointing sons try to get out of taking the blame for losing Riverrun, but Frey is having none of it. He may be old, skeevy, terrifying to his latest young victim/wife and in all likelihood suffering from piles, but he is still the Lord of the Riverlands, damnit, and you darn kids are going to clean up your mess like I told you.

But because he’s a good Dad, he’s going to help them out. He gives them a bargaining chip, in the dishevelled form of Edmure Tully, seen here for the first time since the Red Wedding. Hooray! He lived too. Sure, he’s a bit of a pratt, but he’s still hopefully more Catelyn and Blackfish Tully in nature, as opposed to Crazy Crazy Lysa. Can’t wait to see how he tries to rebuild family ties.

Over in Braavos, Arya Stark - aka “No One” - is back for more at the Travelling Mummers’ Murder and Boobies Show. Once again, there was more terrific onstage work from the likes of Richard E. Grant, giving Tywin Lannister the respectul death scene he deserved - with extra farting for the benefit of the cheap seats.

And gosh I loved his post-show rant about how “That audience was shit!”. Oh, beloved Throners, how often I have been in the same position, stomping down to the dressing room bitching about weirdly unresponsive crowds. This whole behind-the-scenes with jobbing actors storyline is just ticking all of my giggleboxes.

Lady Crane - aka Miss Fisher from Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries - is still the best talent in the troupe, as Arya explains to the woman herself in a tender scene a few moments after Arya poisons Lady Crane’s wine. But she does think her speech as Cersei after King Joffrey’s death could do with some edits. She wouldn’t be sad about it, Arya says. She’d be angry.

Lady Crane is quite bemused by this guttersnipe girl who keeps sneaking into their show for free (mind you, she could hardly pay. It would undermine her identity as “No One”). She sees something of herself in Arya, and starts sizing her up as a potential player. Arya, freaking out that she’s gotten too close to her intended victim, runs off, leaving Lady Crane to bring up the idea of script edits with Richard E. Grant. He, of course, is not amused.

"You have no right to an opinion."
-spoken by every director in the theatre, ever.

Eventually, as Lady Crane starts to sip her wine, Arya returns to push it out of her hands, shattering it on the floor. “Be careful of her,” she warns Lady Crane, pointing out the imitation Sansa. “She wants you dead.”

Arya went all the way to Braavos to try to find a new family by burying everything left of her own. But the values instilled in her by her family - honesty, integrity, protecting the weak, are too strong even for the rigorous training of the Faceless Men.

She returns to the rocks outside the House of Black and White to find Needle, her family, the extension of her sword arm, still there where she left it. Alone now, she seeks refuge in some sort of basement room, quietly blowing out the candle and going to sleep clutching her sword.

“A shame,” is Jaqen H’ghar’s response when the Waif tells him smugly of Arya’s failure. “The girl has many gifts.” But he gives the Waif the go ahead to dispose of Arya, as long as she doesn’t let her suffer. Arya knows she’s on a list now, and as someone dedicated to making lists of people who should be dead, knows they won’t be kidding about.

Finally to Daenarys Stormborn, resplendent on a white horse at the head of her newest, mightiest army yet. Maario tells her she’ll need at least 1000 ships to carry everyone across to Westeros to retake the Iron Throne, and that nobody has that number of ships (no mention here of the Greyjoys’ access to nautical transport).

“No one… yet,” says Dany, as always a few steps ahead of everybody else. There’s a sudden breeze and low whispering around the valley through which they’re riding, and Dany instructs everyone to stay behind while she rides towards the sound.

Eventually the rumble is revealed as Drogon, massive, mighty, and somehow carrying Daenarys on her back. Despite a lack of Marshall speakers, Dany is still able to be heard over the raw breathing and snorting of the dragon, the beating of its wings and the wind, and she delivers a sermon from the mount so powerful it would have Moses asking for oratory tips.

She will not appoint three bloodriders as every Khal has done before her. Oh no, she chooses every last one of them, personalising her fight as their own. As she asks them to suffer for her, to ride across the black poisoned water and to fight the Iron Men (sadly not Iron Man - dragon V robot, now that would be awesome), she treats them not only as her army, but her family. These people have no Targaryen links at all, and yet they are more her relatives than the Mad King or even Viserys ever was. Viserys was obsessed with house purity, with his “Blood of the Dragon”. Dany couldn’t care less. Why have blood, when you can have undying loyalty?

Yay! Best Moments

Sam Tarly gets it hands down. Heartsbane? More like HEARTSBAE.

Zing! Best Lines

With no sign of Tyrion this episode, it’s a bit harder to pick out a zinger. I’d pip for Jaime’s petulant description of his new mission: “I’m being sent to deal with the Blackfish. Apparently Walder Frey can’t handle it on his own because he’s 400 years old.”

Eww, gross

Did Benjen really skin a rabbit then squeeze the gizzards out of its butt into a cup, then feed Bran said cup? It sure looked that way. I get that a rolling Stark gathers no moss and they need to eat, but still. Also, Benjen looked like Elzar the Neptunian chef from Futurama, knocking it up a notch with his spice weasel. Bam!

Boo, sucks

I just don’t get how you can have Game of Thrones with no Jon Snow. I mean, did you ever see Murder, She Wrote without Jessica Fletcher? Sure, they’re slightly different genres, but they measure up in terms of body count.

The lack of action around The Wall also meant no Tormund lust for Brienne, which will disappoint so many fans for whom this taste of relationship destiny is like sweet nectar of the sugar gods.

Thank you so much for joining me again this week. I can't wait to read your comments and thoughts, either here on the 'Burger, or via my Facebook page: www.facebook.com/nataliesthrone

Another reminder that I'm running a Patreon campaign this season. If you like the recaps and wish to become a patron, you can sign up and pledge the suggested $1 per recap. Here's the link: www.patreon.com/girlclumsy.

Valar Morghulis!

38 Responses to ‘Game of Thrones Raven On Recap S6E6: Blood of My Blood’

Rebec mutters...

Posted May 31, 2016
I think Benjen cut the rabbit's head off and squeezed the blood out it's neck arteries. I think that's kind of standard practice for people who hunt their own food and use the whole animal.

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Véronique Stark asserts...

Posted May 31, 2016
Woo hoo for Uncle Benjen! Gather all remaining living (more or less) Starks! Except Catelyn (don't read the books), and she's a Tully anyway.

I completely agree that Sam is awesome, even if he doesn't make my loins quiver. But I hope he learns how to use that sword. Dad's goon squad is going to be right behind him. I think Gilly is awesome too. She's not getting enough credit!

Having seen my prediction about Arya borne out (that was an easy one, I know), my new prediction is that Queen Margaery is playing a long game. If we get a scene between her and Lady Olenna, that's what we'll learn. They need to rescue Slow Loras before the sparrow skewering can begin. Poor Tommen. He's been kind of appealing, but he sure didn't get the brains in the family.

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Creativejim asserts...

Posted May 31, 2016
Ok now that BOOHISS Walder Frey has rejoined the *ahem* fray should we start a book on who will give him his well-deserved errr desserts?

Jon Snow? Blackfish? Sansa? Or following on a grand OPT tradition maybe one of his sons?

"Girl clumsy sends her regards"-style...

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vitas swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 31, 2016
Tommen is what happens when you make Butters from South Park king

I think we shouldn't just pass over the fact that Sam took a Valyrian steel sword, considering we know who they can kill.

And now all our main characters have their enemies set for the next four episodes

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Andrea mutters...

Posted May 31, 2016
Perhaps Jaime had a crewcut back then as well, but grew it out all floppy once his sister became queen?

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Seakla swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 31, 2016
A niggling point of detail: Lady Crane was drinking rum, not wine.

From the previous episode:

"A girl will poison the rum. Lady Crane is the only one who drinks it."

Véronique Stark reckons...

Posted May 31, 2016
Curious that her beverage is rum. I wonder where they grow sugar cane in Essos!

vitas ducks in to say...

Posted May 31, 2016
Essos has Bundy

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Barnesm mutters...

Posted May 31, 2016
Now hold on Sam Tarley: SEX GOD how soon they forget -
Podrick Payne who we haven't seen for a couple of episodes.

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Barnesm is gonna tell you...

Posted May 31, 2016
The scene with Cersi and Jamie serving to remind everyone its okay to love your siblings just done looove your siblings.

Mehhh has opinions thus...

Posted June 2, 2016
Actually I think this was a severe misstep. Jamie has developed there is no chance him and his sister would ever have been together again. I love the tv adaptation but this is a fail.

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Brother PorkChop puts forth...

Posted May 31, 2016
Lady Crane is a rum pig, not a wine drinker. Fine lady that and bet she loves a game of footy or whatever the Westeros equivalent is, perhaps NedHead rugby.

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SZF ducks in to say...

Posted May 31, 2016
The detail-nerd in me thought it looked like Benjen was smiting away with a kusarigama (weighted chain attached to a sickle). Which, holy shit, makes him a genuine ninja!

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Sunny has opinions thus...

Posted May 31, 2016
I have the morose feeling that this is Jaqen's exit from the program (or close to).
[sniff]
I do like Jaqen.

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Ken Father of Dire Wolves puts forth...

Posted May 31, 2016
A respite from the action and horror of last week. A chance to recover and mourne. So it's pretty clear this is the eye of the cyclone and shits going to get real very soon. It's early June 1944. Valerian steel is returning to or being claimed by those who know how to use it. The Starks are gathering. Queen Margaery is executing a cunning plan, she is Lady Olenna's daughter after all and she has just outplayed the player. And at the end Daenerys invokes more loyalty and blood passion than Mel Gibson as William Wallace, with added Drogon. I can't wait for the dragon skin overcast as Rhaegal and Viserion rejoin their mother and brother. Oh yes I see much blood, limb severing and barbecue coming soon, and the building momentum of a glacial wall of horror moving down from the north.

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Ms. Naughty ducks in to say...

Posted May 31, 2016
Did anyone else get choked up when the recap sequence faded to black and we heard "Hodor..." Damn you, stupid recap sequence.
Thank you for reminding me that Bronn exists. Where is he this season? I miss him.
And does anyone else think that Drogon is damned unreliable and only ever turns up when the plot deems it necessary? It's worse than the eagles in Lord of the Rings (who could have saved us all a lot of effort by simply flying Frodo to Mount Doom at the beginning). But I will say I'm looking forward to Tyrion flying one of the dragons - I'm totally on board with the idea that he's a closet Targaryen
Also 100 million points for your typewriter joke.

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Sousy Wench would have you know...

Posted May 31, 2016
I think Edmure Tully is a bit closer to Lysa than Catelyn or Blackfish, because, typecasting... That said, I don't think he's going to live very long, because, that face.

Also, count me excessively surprised that Littlefinger was telling the truth about the Blackfish, I thought for sure it was an elaborate setup.

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flöki snöw mutters...

Posted May 31, 2016
Dickon Tarly of Horn Hill, eh eh eh.

Mother of nothing swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 31, 2016
Exactly: *snerk*

Hold da Door asserts...

Posted May 31, 2016
Randy, Dickon Tarly of Horn Hill forsoothe!

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RET has opinions thus...

Posted May 31, 2016
Speaking of Chekhov...

Perhaps it's been nose-on-face obvious to everyone else, but I had a revelation near the end of this episode. Khal Drogo told Dany tenderly that her unborn child would be "the stallion that mounts the world". Watching her deliver that coach's half-time motivational astride her dragon, I suddenly realised: the stallion is Drogon.

girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 31, 2016
HO. LEE. SHEET.

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Stormy6 asserts...

Posted May 31, 2016
I may have missed something earlier but when Arya first met her many faced mentor H'ghar, he was locked in a cage with a few other bods.
Given his unusual talents, which include conveniently disposing of people on request, why did it need Arya's intervention to set him free?

Sam Tardy has opinions thus...

Posted May 31, 2016
exactly! this seems to be a glaring oversight I reckon! was thinking this today

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Rum Rum Rum would have you know...

Posted May 31, 2016
When Arya blew out the candle, I thought she was planning to fight in the dark (she knows how) not go to sleep.
With Benjen and Blackfish back, I am hoping to see Gendry row past soon.

Brendan mutters...

Posted June 1, 2016
Arya has known J longer than that I reckon. I bet he was her dancing instructor way back in season 1

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Stormy6 ducks in to say...

Posted May 31, 2016
I may have missed something earlier but when Arya first met her many faced mentor H'ghar, he was locked in a cage with a few other bods.
Given his unusual talents, which include conveniently disposing of people on request, why did it need Arya's intervention to set him free?

she_jedi mutters...

Posted May 31, 2016
Yeah it makes you wonder how long a game Jaqen has been playing to recruit Arya to the Many Faced God's service. Which also makes me wonder whether the inevitable showdown between the Waif and Arya will be Arya's final Test(tm) before becoming a proper faceless man.

flöki snöw mumbles...

Posted June 1, 2016
Arya may have a card up her sleeve to avoid the faceless death squad, she stills owes the red god a name, seeing as when she unnamed Jaqen in return for helping her escape harrenhal. by my reckoning that leaves a third name to be offed.... Woe unto the waif?

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ReadYouIWill puts forth...

Posted May 31, 2016
Zinger: Cersei: "I have the Mountain."
That is all.

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kate is gonna tell you...

Posted May 31, 2016
I must admit to being a bit puzzled by Margery's sudden and complete conversion. Really hope it is part of a plan of hers... one thing that makes me doubt is that if it was, then wouldn't her grandmother know. i.e. signal to her somehow.

The other thing that jarred a little was the complete acceptance of the Fleabottom mob of the arrival of the Rose troops, the cancellation of the Walk and the King's speech. All happened quickly, Jamie and the Rose royals had trouble keeping up with the changes but the mad mob just figuratively shrugged their shoulders and went "ok, alrighty then, nothing to see then, move on"

Ps Natalie, I am traveling through regional NSW, and in Guyra, there is Mother of Ducks lagoon. :)

Ashley Moore has opinions thus...

Posted May 31, 2016
I surprised that Nat interpreted Margery's conversion the same way you did.
When I watched that scene I read it as another one of her little pleasant seeming manipulative speeches, specifically for the people listening from the other side of the prison door. I never imagined it was sincere at all.

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Bluey mutters...

Posted May 31, 2016
Sorry to be that guy but they did have murder she wrote without jessica and it sucked. Proves your point though i guess. Love the recaps. Typewriter joke was gold.

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kate ducks in to say...

Posted May 31, 2016
Not zingers in the way that Varys and Tyrion can deliver them... but I did like Gilly's "that's not any better being a nervous mute" and sam's line after being threatened with death from his father " a person doesn't feel very welcome at that point" ... It was a really nice little piece of dialogue between those two in the carriage ride...

ReadYouIWill has opinions thus...

Posted June 6, 2016
Yes, that was the funniest and sweetest scene!

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Lady EFL has opinions thus...

Posted May 31, 2016
Did Jamie and Cersei get their sibling snog on? Oh man - HBO Asia are such enormous prudes! They cut out pieces of the show that I never realize are missing until I watch it from another source and then think to myself "I don't remember that bit!" Sam - awesome! Benjen - YAY! Walder Frey - BOO HISS! Margaery - totally playing everyone. Tommen - clueless and whipped. Sam's mum and sis - aaawwww! Sam's dad - total d**k. Gilly - brass balls! Arya - ditch the faceless men, go back to Westeros and finish your list with all your new killin' skills (*cough Walder Frey *cough).

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breaker of chain smoking would have you know...

Posted May 31, 2016
Couldn't the High Sparrow done a load of washing before going out in front of all those people? His filthy sack/dress looks terrible!

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Mick J has opinions thus...

Posted June 1, 2016
I felt cheated this week. I was SO HOPING to see Kate Middleton's birthday suit.

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Respond to 'Game of Thrones Raven On Recap S6E6: Blood of My Blood'

Game of Thrones Raven On Recap S6E5: The Door

Posted May 24, 2016 into Raven On by girlclumsy

Hello. I am writing this recap from a foetal position on the floor.

The tiles are cold. I would like a pillow to put under my head, but there is no point. I would take little comfort from its softness. What is the point of softness anyway, in such a cruel world? It is but a brief distraction from the unrelenting pain, horror and loss that torments us daily. It is like kindness, empathy and warmth - merely an illusion.

I have cried, wailed, and beaten my breast (which made me cry again, because oww). I have no emotion left. I am an empty tank, a discarded shell, a half-chewed cheesy crust of what was once a living, breathing, feeling person. Also, I am covered in cat hair.

Oh, Hodor.

They killed him. They took him away for a season, they brought him back, and now they’ve killed him.

I feel sick just thinking about it. That may be the episode, or it may be the fried chicken regret I piggishly scarfed down for dinner. Either way, the end result is the same: several hours of rocking back and forth, retching, and muttering “Why? Why?! WHY?!?!”

Of course, it was bittersweet, it was brilliant, it was heroic, it was everything you would want Hodor to have in a valiant final stand. It gave us everything we wanted to know, and imbued those simple words “Hold the door” with a meaning that will echo through Throner fandom forever more. But still, it took Hodor from us, something we had never, never wanted to see.

I need something to bring me back. Something to pinch some rouge back into my cheeks, something to light a candle in me, that by the Gods’ grace, I trust shall never be put out. Or at least not put out until I’ve finished this recap and can retreat to my darkened bedroom to soak my doona with tears.

WHOOP THERE IT IS.

OK, fine. The sight of Tormund ogling Brienne once more (Horseback Edition) is enough of a drink to give this weak and feeble recappespondent some vulvic fortitude.

Of course, I’m not the only one girding my loins for a pounding, as this episode was all about icy cold reality. The Indian summer of last week gave way to the brutal truth of sacrifice, subjection, struggle, spookiness... and amateur dramatics.

So for Gods’ sake, let us sit upon the ground, and tell sad stories of the death of kings. And more importantly, the death of giants.

Season 6, Episode 5: “The Door”

Let us start with something sweet, something pure, something radiant and lovely.

Daenarys Targaryen, the Unburnt and Unburnter, realising that no matter how much she tried to hate him, she just couldn’t rid herself of Ser Jorah Mormont.

She’d banished him twice, he returned twice and he saved her life (a few more times than twice, truth be told). But her initial attempts at a hardass attitude crumbled into the dust of Vaes Dothrak when Ser Jorah revealed his stony forearm.

In an instant, the Mother of Dragons, the Breaker of Chains, the badass avenging warrior goddess who strolled naked from the flames vanished. In her stead was the cowed younger sister and the teenaged virgin bride that Dany was when she first met Ser Jorah. Since her wedding day, he had been the one constant in her life. Even when she sent him away, she had never considered the prospect of him actually dying.

"Why can't I quit you?"

Jorah’s simple confession of love touched me in so many special places. “Tyrion was right. I love you… I’ll always love you. Goodbye Khaleesi.” Ugh, that was so perfect, it belongs in a BBC Jane Austen adaptation. If I was Daenarys, I would have commanded him to go jump in a lake immediately. She’s more practical than me though, and insists he ride off, find the cure for greyscale, and come back to her in time for her big assault on Westeros. You’d think maybe she could have helped in some way, given her power and all, but whatevs. Run free, Jorah!

Of course, we happen to know a cure for greyscale exists, because Shireen Baratheon survived the disease, albeit with some disfigurement. Jorah will need to seek careful treatment, and who better than the Maesters in Old Town to dish out the remedy? This means - oh yes - we could potentially see Ser Jorah Mormont meet Sam Tarly.

It would be a wonderful connection. Sam could break the news of his father Jeor’s death beyond the wall, and Jon Snow’s possession of his family sword Longclaw. And remember Jeor’s dying words to Sam? That he find his son and forgive him of his crimes. The two get to talking, Sam hooks Jorah up with Jon, Sansa and co, Jorah would be more than willing to make up for his past indiscretions by helping out the Starks, conveniently hooking them up with the incoming Targaryen army… oooooh, I sense a mutually satisfying swipe right on the way, people.

Meanwhile in Meereen, Tyrion & co are evaluating the city’s uneasy peace in the wake of their deal with the slave masters. Varys is quite happy with progress, but Tyrion knows deeper change is required to truly calm the masses.

Enter Salma Hayek, another smoking hot priestess and ambassador for the Lord of Light, aka Red God, aka R’hllor. She wears similar clothes to Kate Bush, and indeed, sports the same necklace. Can we then assume under her luscious black locks and Instagram-worthy eyebrows there lurks a more realistic and gravity-affected version?

Brows on fleek, girl.

Kinvara, for that is apparently her name, agrees to Tyrion’s request to send her priests out to preach Daenarys’ glory. Hearts and minds, people, hearts and minds. Salma Hayek is happy to do this, for Dany is the One Who Was Promised, which is an interesting turn of phrase given Kate Bush’s conviction that Jon Snow is in fact the Prince That Was Promised.

Such a label raises the ire of Varys, who’s not particularly gung-ho for religion and heroes heralded in legend. He raises the slightly inconvenient legacy of Stannis Baratheon, who was the Red God’s Number One Guy… right up until the point he wasn’t.

“I suppose it’s hard for a fanatic to admit a mistake,” he purrs at her. “Isn’t that the whole point of being a fanatic? You’re always right.” Man, I really hope Americans thinking of voting Trump saw that bit.

Tyrion tries gallantly to smooth things over, but Salma Hayek is not fazed. Rather, she pulls the pin on a couple of truth bombs and explodes them right in Varys’ increasingly freaked out visage. “Knowledge has made you powerful, but there’s still so much you don’t know.”

It turns out Salma Hayek knows a little too much about Varys’ eunuching, including the fact that a mysterious voice cried out to him just at the moment his rough-chopped meat and two veg were thrown unseasoned onto an Essos barbeque by a Masterchef contestant disqualifed for sauce-ery.

"Dafuq?"

Speaking of junk, huzzah, we finally saw some! Over in Braavos, we were treated to the sight of a young actor’s warty wang. OK, so it wasn’t the best reward for all our careful attention, but still at least they’ve thrown us a few scraps (just not in the Varys way, please).

The young actor in question was playing King Joffrey in A Most Scandalous Tale of The Kings of Westeros (With Nudity and Lust). Can we all please stand and applaud for RICHARD E. GRANT in the role of Fake King Robert? Richard E. Grant, people! Not only Withnail in the classic drunken tale Withnail & I, not only The Great Intelligence from Doctor Who, but most importantly of all, the manager of the Spice Girls in Spice World: The Movie! I am sure you all agree in the fundamental brilliance of that movie. Roger Moore stroking a rabbit! Meatloaf as the bus driver! Posh Spice doing the obstacle course in a camouflage mini-dress and heels!

Not for the first time, I’m getting sidetracked by the Spice Girls (hello, 1997). Both the wang and the subplot about the local theatre company were longer than I expected them to be, but I still adored it. Mostly because I have been in local theatre productions of a strikingly similar nature. I had my cleavage groped in a Terry Pratchett adaptation (admittedly they were roped in under a metal breastplate at the time); and I’ve worn my fair share of novelty wigs. Ahh, the theatre. You guys really need to get out and take more of it in. It’s brilliant. Particularly the rhyming couplets, of which there were many splendid examples here.

"I need something that rhymes with 'art'. Think, people, think!"

Arya is watching because her orders from the Faceless Men are that she is to kill Miss Fisher from Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries, who’s left 1920s detective work to pursue a career imitating Cersei Lannister for the cheap seats. It’s all funny enough watching her hated enemy Joffrey cry into his mother’s arms, but seeing their interpretation of her father Ned as a buffoonish caricature must’ve hurt. And I can’t even remember if Arya knew about Sansa’s marriage to Tyrion - if not, that must have been something of a gut punch.

Arya sees Miss Fisher backstage, and seems to doubt why she should kill an ostensibly nice woman. Certainly it can’t be because of her acting skills; she’s the best one there and that poor Sansa impersonator knows it. But Jaqen H’ghar insists - if she wants to serve the Many Faced God, then she musn’t ask questions. Break free, Arya, go on! Break free and return as Arya Stark, fiercer than ever!

A significant portion of this episode was turned over to the Greyjoy storyline, which I actually found myself rather enjoying. Who would have thought that a bit of extra time in their crazy salty world might actually pay off with some genuinely interesting plot momentum?

It’s “Pick the New King” Day on Pyke, a game Yara is hoping to upset by becoming the first Queen in the history of the Ironborn. After initial scepticism, Theon’s soulful support helps turn the tide of opinion in Yara’s favour, and her name is hailed by all.

And then Uncle Euron turns up.

This batshit-crazy but admittedly forthright and gutsy fellow runs in opposition to his niece, on a platform of “I’m going to marry Daenarys Targaryen and with her army and our ships we’ll take the Seven Kingdoms”. Sensible Policies for a Better Westeros.

He doesn’t try to deny Yara’s accusation that he murdered her father Balon; indeed if anything it ticks another box for the grizzled MRAs of the Iron Islands. Euron paid the Iron Price, you see. Being sensible and having achievable goals is no match to having paid the Iron Price for the kingdom. So at the end of the day it’s Yara and Sustainable Change zero, and the Euron Insanity Ticket a chorus of ayes.

Euron’s watery coronation, in which he was plunged into the sea until he blacked out and began to drown (“What is dead may never die” makes a lot more sense now), was almost comedic, especially that long pause while he lay seemingly done for on the shore. Sadly he spluttered himself back to life, thus proving his worthiness for the bony/sticky crown they thrust on him.

"Barry, you're going to have to give him mouth-to-mouth. No, it is NOT gay."

Meanwhile Yara and Theon had done the sensible thing and high-tailed it out of Pyke on the best ships of the fleet. No big deal for Euron, he simply commanded all his men to cut down every tree and build him 1000 ships. Sure, bro. I mean, the Iron Islands have never struck me as a particularly fertile, foresty place, but I’m sure you know best.

Let’s head to Castle Black, where Sansa, Jon and the gang are in tactical mode with the big Game of Thrones board game out on the table ahead of a battle for Winterfell.

Ser Davos is worried about their numbers, and whether the great houses of the North will follow them. Sansa is confident; after all, she’s a Stark, and even though Jon isn’t, he’s as much a Stark as Ramsay is a Bolton (a comparison which didn’t seem to impress Jon, and fair enough really).

Also, Sansa’s holding onto a key piece of information, one she received from Petyr Baelish in Molestown (more on that scene below). Her uncle, Brynden Tully, has retaken Riverrun, which means there is a big potential army there ready to support her. The Onion Knight is thrilled by that prospect, and they all break for lunch and a final change of clothes before heading due south.

Sansa orders Brienne to Riverrun and recruit the Blackfish’s help, which she is reluctant to do. She doesn’t trust Davos and Melisandre, and it is a bit of a reality check moment for us. Oh yeah, they really did change allegiances quickly. She’s got a point. But we know Davos is awesome, and Melisandre just seems happy to fall into line. But then there’s “that wildling with the beard…” Oh yes, she’s been noticing him noticing her, big time. Tormienne is still on, people.

Of course, Brienne does point out that Sansa didn't exactly tell the truth when it came to where she got the Tully information from. Does she really trust Jon? I think it's more that Sansa doesn't want Baelish's help, but we'll see in coming weeks.

Finally, in an act of sisterly love that may just be a first for Sansa, she presents Jon Snow with a new riding habit, one with the direwolf of Winterfell stitched into the straps, to match her own. Jon’s completely genuine “Thank you Sansa” may have left me swooning a bit. And the sight of him mounting a horse… let’s just say I was giving him a look rather similar to the one Tormund threw Brienne’s way.

"Have you noticed my wildling staring at your bodyguard?"

Now. Let’s head beyond The Wall.

First, there was a short scene earlier in the episode that just happened to drop the pretty massive bombshell that it was actually the Children of the Forest who created the White Walkers in the first place! Stupid barky bastards, what were they thinking? Oh boo hoo, invading colonialists are wiping us out and taking our land, we’d better try to resist…. Oh. Oh wait. Ummm. Awkward.

Bran is getting more and more impatient with his astral travels up in the Magical Meth Den. He wants to see more of the past, but the Three-Eyed Raven is really killing his buzz. So he does what any foolish teenage boy does and measures his own dose. Pffft. This was never going to end well, and of course it does not, as Bran wargs out into a field of zombie wights, overseen by the Nights’ King and a few other badass White Walker top brass.

Overly curious for a guy with legs that only move when he’s tripping balls, he of course gets man-handled by a White Walker, who leaves his physical mark on Bran’s forearm. “He knows where you are,” the Raven intones sadly. It’s all over bar the shouting now. And boy, isn’t there shouting.

After being ordered to pack up and get Bran the hell out, Meera valiantly discusses her immediate plans (breakfast, a gal after my own heart), but gets suspicious when Bran’s breathing becomes rather chilly. Racing to the front of the Meth Den, she’s confronted with the sight of the same warg army Bran saw in his dream. They’ve all just rocked on down to destroy everything.

"Damn it feels good to be a gangster."

Bran is still in the dream world, of course, seeing his father Ned as a boy, being packed off tho the Eyrie. I think the final words we hear Ned Stark’s father tell him as he departs for the Eerie “If you must fight, win,” are important. A mantra for future Bran, perhaps? I also think the Raven’s message that it is time for Bran to “become me” is interesting. Does this mean the Three-Eyed Raven IS Bran? That Bran exists in some sort of time loop, forever looking out for his young self to tutor in how to save the Seven Kingdoms? Is this like a Battlestar Galactica thing? All this has happened before, all this will happen again?

Back in the cave, all hell has broken loose. The Children of the Forest managed to stave off the wights with a circle of fire, but the White Walkers just breeze through that like it ain’t no thing. Meera manages to successfully dispatch of them with an obsidian spear, but is too busy trying to wake Bran and get Hodor moving to grab it.

The Nights’ King stabs the Three-Eyed Raven through the heart, and in the dreamscape he atomises into black nothingness and disappears.

Eventually Bran, in his dream state, gets the message that he must enlist Hodor’s help. Hodor is overtaken, and manages to start dragging Bran’s sled towards another exit.

Poor Summer, Bran’s faithful direwolf, is the next casualty, torn to shreds while defending his master. Oh, you silly puppy dog! Don’t you know you should have followed your master! Go with your master! Bad dog. Oh, I can’t say that. Brave dog. Good dog.

As a terrifying pack of swarming wights, who’ve gotten in through the top of the cave, race their way on all sides of the tunnel towards them, one of the remaining Children of the Forest ushers Meera, Hodor and Bran ahead, and lets herself be taken. She primes one of her energy balls and releases it just as she is subsumed, knocking out a good few dozen in the process.

But it’s not enough, and the wights just keep on coming.

At this point, the dreamscape and the real world merge into a truly epic tragedy. Bran, still controlling Hodor by Warg powers, sees the young Hodor in his vision. Hodor and Meera manage to get the door to the outside open and bundle Bran’s sled through it.

Older Hodor then hears Meera shouting “Hold the door!” and through Bran, younger Hodor hears it too. He starts to fit, yelling “Hold the door… hold the door… hold the door…. Hold door… hol door…. Ho dooor…. Hodor.”

It was the most heartbreaking realisation I think I’ve ever had in the six series of watching this show. Finally, Hodor’s simpleness and limited speech are explained, and it is as satisfying as it is devastating.

As the wights pushed against the door, tearing at Hodor’s face and flesh, and as the big giant pushed back with all his strength, I wept. My tears both mourned and celebrated him, this faithful friend, who never questioned, never argued, and was always there.

Hodor.

Hodor’s death - and life - are possibly the most meaningful of the series so far. Some may say his very existence was some sort of cosmic joke, a cruel twist of fate. But if this world is an ouroborus, Hodor just closed the loop. He didn’t die; he just fulfilled his destiny. And how many Game of Thrones characters can say that?

Yay! Best Moments

Sansa’s interrogation of Petyr Baelish was spell-binding, fearsome, righteous, regal and intoxicating in its satisfaction for viewers. For those who stopped watching the show after last season’s controversial rape sequence, I urge you to seek out this particular scene. It’s an irony that without that horrific scene, this one would not have been as powerful. That’s art for you, I guess.

Sansa’s takedown of Baelish’s pathetic excuses and apologies was masterful. “What do you think he did to me?” she asks, again and again. For the first time ever, the usually unflappable Littlefinger is completely and utterly flapped. But Sansa - beautiful, strong, unyielding - Sansa doesn’t relent.

“I can still feel it… I can still feel what he did in my body standing here right now.” I have never been the victim of sexual assault and don’t presume to speak for those who have, but that sentiment certainly hit me in the gut like a lightning bolt of truth.

With Brienne at her side, it was another hells yeah moment, and may just be the best scene of the season so far.

Zing! Best Lines

Brienne’s description of Jon Snow is perfect in every way: “He seems trustworthy. A bit brooding, perhaps. I suppose that’s understandable, considering.” YES BRIENNE, IT IS. IT IS UNDERSTANDABLE.

Eww, gross

Euron on being told his niece and nephew had scarpered: “Let’s go and murder them.” Way too much kinky pleasure in the way he phrased it.

Boo, sucks

Clearly Hodor’s death is the boo, sucks to end all boo, sucks, but special mention to Bran for being an upstart jerk and summoning White Walker doom on them all BEFORE WE GOT TO SEE WHAT WAS IN THE GOD DAMN TOWER OF JOY.

Thank you so much for joining me again this week - and for grieving with me. I can't wait to read your comments and thoughts, either here on the 'Burger, or via my Facebook page: www.facebook.com/nataliesthrone

Another reminder that I'm running a Patreon campaign this season. If you like the recaps and wish to become a patron, you can sign up and pledge the suggested $1 per recap. Here's the link: www.patreon.com/girlclumsy.

Valar Morghulis... and Hodor.

Valar Morghulis! And of course.... Hodor.

99 Responses to ‘Game of Thrones Raven On Recap S6E5: The Door’

Chacharas is gonna tell you...

Posted May 24, 2016
Just discovered your recaps, and must say they are of the finest
quality.
Extra points for "So for Gods’ sake, let us sit upon the ground, and tell sad stories of the death of kings."

girlclumsy asserts...

Posted May 24, 2016
I feel like throwing in the odd Shakespeare allows me to get away with most of the rubbish I write. ;)

Respond to this thread

Sousy Wench mumbles...

Posted May 24, 2016
Not going to discuss Hodor, it's too much, I just, no.

In my internet quest for some kind of meaning or mere distraction, I stumbled upon some complainy folk, specifically whiney in regards to Selma Hayak. (I did not engage, I'm mostly a lurker when not here.) See in the books she was priest with a penis and now she's not. The outrage. Also discussed was that she was probably a hag underneath that bodacious vampire stripper facade... But, I can't help but think that if a person in GRRiMm world were trans, born in the wrong gendered body, a magic full body makeover necklace might be an asset. In conclusion, after subjecting myself to forum horrors in order to distract myself from actual horrors (the Walking Dead Westeros, sobbing and cat scratches on my face), I suggest an entirely unprovable theory that Kinvara is trans (and possibly a sorcerer, just how are those magic necklaces made anyway? Fire and a young mans symbol of power.... Though that takes it back to a dark place - maybe scratch that part - I'm too tired to be a decent judge of how offensive that bit is right now).

So, I've shared, I'm off to attempt to conquer my insomnia for the evening.

Stellar recapesponance as always. *salutes and trudges off in the general direction of bed*

Sousy Wench mutters...

Posted May 24, 2016
Yeah, I've decided that's offensive, I just clocked an entirely fictional stranger - if Selma decides to come out about her past as a man or a child mangling sorcerer - that's got to be her own choice. My bad.

Sam mutters...

Posted May 24, 2016
Can't be the same person. Varys had the sourcerer delivered in a crate in an earlier season when he was telling Tyrion about how he was cut

Sousy Wench swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 24, 2016
Yes, thank you. You have freed me from my dark imaginings.

Respond to this thread

David Ball puts forth...

Posted May 24, 2016
Natalie, I had a startling thought while watching last night. If Jon Snow is really Neds sisters son, does it open up a Jon/Sansa union. He does like a redhead.
Classic romance. She treats him like dirt, realizes his qualities and bam. All she needs is to see him without a shirt. Over.
Vale Hodor, but will he turn into an ice zombie now. And if he does, who will stop him?

Sousy Wench ducks in to say...

Posted May 24, 2016
Re: Hodor. Tormand and Brienne Giantsbane?

girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted May 24, 2016

Jon Snow and Sansa?!?!? NOOOOOOOO.

Even if they're not siblings, they're still first cousins. GROSSSSSS.

Let them have their sibling fondness and don't read anything more into it. I COMMAND IT.

I sincerely hope Hodor was ripped apart enough to not be able to come back as a wight.

sadim reckons...

Posted May 24, 2016
First cousins = gross?

For this lot, that's quite a distant relationship, when you consider the Targaryans, and the Lannisters, and Craster and his Daughter-wives ...

girlclumsy asserts...

Posted May 24, 2016
STILL GROSS.

J + S = PURE SIBLING LOVE, THAT IS ALL.

seekanny the obvious states..... would have you know...

Posted May 24, 2016
and what about the six-fingered psychopath offspring?? re the Twincesters? = boo hiss Joffrey?

Respond to this thread

Barnesm asserts...

Posted May 24, 2016
"chopped meat and two veg were thrown unseasoned onto an Essos barbeque by a Masterchef contestant disqualifed for sauce-ery". Ladies and Gentlemen we have a weiner!

but the highlight for me Bryden The Blackfish Tully is back after being last heard escaping with his armed men from the Red Wedding. YAY.

girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 24, 2016
Heh. Weiner. Snigger.

sadim would have you know...

Posted May 24, 2016
Ah, we only have Littlefinger's word that the Blackfish is back in the game ...

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted May 24, 2016
OMG YOU'RE RIGHT. BASTARD COULD BE PLAYING US.

Respond to this thread

Stephen reckons...

Posted May 24, 2016
Ah yes, Kinvara's instagram-worthy....um, eyebrows. Yes, eyebrows...I'm sure that was it.

Ken Father of Dire Wolves is gonna tell you...

Posted May 24, 2016
Yes, I'm sure it was the eyebrows, totally mesmerising they were. I'm certainly not thinking of her running with those eyebrows.

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted May 24, 2016
Salma Hayek had it ALL going on.

Respond to this thread

PK is gonna tell you...

Posted May 24, 2016
Yeah we knew something really bad was coming after the Sansa/Jon joyous reunion. You can picture GRRM chuckling to himself as he set us up for that one.

girlclumsy reckons...

Posted May 24, 2016
But was it Georgie Porgie? Or was it Benioff and Weiss? WHO IS RESPONSIBLE?!?!

Lady EFL asserts...

Posted May 24, 2016
I read somewhere that B and W said in 'Inside Game of Thrones' that it was GRRM (the world's most prolific serial killer) who is to blame

girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted May 24, 2016
Makes sense.

Respond to this thread

Rhino mutters...

Posted May 24, 2016
If Bran has the mark of the Night King on his forearm, what is to stop them from tracking them across the ice? Not as if that girl has the same upper body strength as Hodor ... how fast is she going to be able to drag him anyway?

girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 24, 2016
These are all excellent points. Let's hope they're just a bit distracted.

kate asserts...

Posted May 24, 2016
Ah yes, Meera may not have the same strength as Hodor (bless him, I cry buckets) but it is amazing what adrenalin does to a person and boy, would she have adrenalin shooting through her veins.... plus she would be sliding the sled mostly on ice which would make it easier than through dirt and rocks...

ps it is a tv show that has dragons, white walkers, wights, children of the forest and a 1,000 year old 3 eyed raven... a person has to suspend disbelief and some credibility in reality when watching it...

Steve asserts...

Posted May 26, 2016
I have it on good authority (imdb.com) that Uncle Benjen arrives to help Meera and Bran.

Respond to this thread

Rob the Merciless has opinions thus...

Posted May 24, 2016
And it was brilliant.

All the flim flammery and slackness of recent seasons cut away, twas a return to the essence of Thrones.

And it was magnificent.

In truth Hodor was never a great character, just a lumbering simpleton. But his death, his destiny fulfilled, tied it all together so superbly with more pathos than Shakespeare (and Ned MacBeth).

Now have Tormund become a Walker or Zombie and fight Brienne to the death.

You know you want it.

Ken Father of Dire Wolves swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 24, 2016
Like a Klingonesque mating scene, to the death.

girlclumsy reckons...

Posted May 24, 2016
No, I want them to live happily ever after fighting bad guys and having big badass babies.

Respond to this thread

vitas ducks in to say...

Posted May 24, 2016
Some dong action for the ladies.

That Sansa scene though, holy shot, that has to be the most powerful in the whole show. As a dude I can't fathom what some women have gone through, but geez,,,

I hope Ayra stays a Stark. It seems she can't fully commit to Mr Miyagi's Jedi School. She just wants some Badlands action, but without the discipline.

vitas is gonna tell you...

Posted May 24, 2016
Also saw this (in an inferior recap) elsewhere:


Novelist Michael Ventrella told a story on his personal blog in April 2014 about meeting George R. R. Martin at a convention in the fall of 2013 and sharing a not-very-funny joke about being an elevator operator as a fallback career. According to Ventrella, the conversation continued with this exchange:

Ventrella: I was thinking about your comment about wanting to be an elevator operator. It's clear to me now that "Hodor" is short for "Hold the door."

Martin: (laughing) You don't know how close to the truth you are

girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 24, 2016
MIND. BLOWN.

Mother of nothing swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 25, 2016
" A bit of dong action for the ladies" There is so much like of insight in that statement I'm really not quite sure where to start. One simply does not expect to see A dangly pair of testicles and foreskin in medical detail displayed for quite some time on one's TV screen. I was so stunned I had to rewind it and just make sure that I actually saw what I thought I saw, and not -for example- a dead chicken's neck. It's certainly wasn't a pleasant sight, and not one that I would suffer from not having seen again. Men's bits simply aren't attractive. No need to keep equity with women's bits thanks anyway GoT.

Mother of nothing. reckons...

Posted May 25, 2016
Bugger, reading below that will teach me for writing before I read the whole thread

vitas mutters...

Posted May 25, 2016
Yeh, tounge was planted firmly in cheek

Respond to this thread

Ms. Naughty swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 24, 2016
Poor Hodor. The idea of his entire life being an eternal loop, that his destiny was always to die like that... And perhaps more horrifying, did he spend his entire life knowing about the moment of his death?

I must admit, I'm almost a bit disappointed that this is how Hodor's story turned out. I was hoping that Bran could restore his speech, that he would be able to tell us something about the past, that he would have one great secret to tell us all. Instead, we have simple bravery and a desire to help. Which should be enough, I know.

Also interesting: this theory from 3 years ago that was half right about "hold the door"
http://winryrockbells.tumblr.com/post/45875388824/i-have-a-theory-on-aegon-theres-a-boy-claimed

And that scene with Sansa and Littlefinger. Wow. So beautifully done.

One more thing: After all the clamouring for more full-frontal male nudity, they give us a closeup of a penis accompanied by talk of warts. How nice of them. I've seen people say this is the writers giving us "equal opportunity nudity." Bollocks. In contrast, the flashes of boobs this episode were still shot in an ogling way. Why can't we just have some decent, female-gaze-oriented male nudity? Jon Snow's bum glimpse was glorious but one crack does not a summer make.

kate puts forth...

Posted May 24, 2016
Ms Naughty, the problem with male nudity is that it is hard (pun intended) to make it look attractive on film. Buttocks yes but the front, not so much. When flaccid, just look limp sausage and accompanied by swollen plum like objects... when erect, looks red and veiny. Michelangelo made it work but he used artistic licence and it was carved in marble so no popping blood vessels. I am all for equal opportunity but it is hard to get the right angles.

Ms. Naughty asserts...

Posted May 24, 2016
I've spent the last five years filming male and female nudity and, rest assured, a penis can look perfectly lovely on film, flaccid or erect. The problem isn't how it looks, it's with people's attitudes to penises and male bodies. Society tells us that only women's bodies are worth looking at and I know it's just not true. Thus, my call for a bit more female-gaze-type ogling opportunities. The other problem is censorship which won't allow an erect penis to be shown because that makes it porn. And then there's the whole issue of getting your actor to HAVE an erect penis when shooting, which is tricky in any situation. But still, I'm totally up for seeing Daario starkers at any opportunity.

girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted May 24, 2016
Interesting thread. Ms Naughty, I feel you should send me some of your intelligent films featuring male nudity. I can examine them critically for you.

In terms of wangs on screen - my theory as a director for the stage has been the following:

Female genitals are seen as POWERFUL (giver of life etc) or TERRIFYING (mysterious, entrapment etc).

Male genitals are seen as STRONG (testosterone, power, dominance) or HILARIOUS (they look funny, it hurts when you whack them and that is sensational).

Somewhere in the difference between those two is why female nudity is more tolerated than male. Also because traditionally it's been blokes in charge, of course. :)

Second-rate thespian puts forth...

Posted May 26, 2016
Well ladies, you wanted some male nudity. You got it, warts and all!

Kharl Drogo's other wife mumbles...

Posted May 27, 2016
Didn't we see Hodor's wang in season2??

Joffrey's Heimlich Manouevre mutters...

Posted May 30, 2016
Indeed we did, and very impressive it was too.

Respond to this thread

Ken Father of Dire Wolves mutters...

Posted May 24, 2016
A magnificent and heart felt recap. The love, the duty, the selfish stupidity for which we all pay, Grand sacrifices amongst the indifferent brutality. You've encapsulated it all. How you managed to emerge from the pit of despairany caring being now finds themselves to present your observations is astound.


All my life I've generally been a very polite person, always saying please and thank you, giving up my seat for the ELDERLY, pregnant mothers and physically impaied. But now I must of needs appear rude and uncaring, no longer on leaving or entering will I be able to Hold The Door. Such an act would reduce me to an almost comatose tightly curled puddle of tears wracked by anguished sobs. Of course that presumes I'm able to emerge from my bed where I lie wracked by anguished sobs in a tightly curled puddle of tears clinging to my own dire wolf Freyja, descendent of my Skadi the goddess of winter. .............Oh Winter! you magnificent brave and selfless beast. You're watch has ended. May you retire to soft fluffy snowfields of snow bunnies, log fires, mulled wine and log fires.


girlclumsy mutters...

Posted May 24, 2016
Yep. No more mercy shown to the elderly or pregnant mothers. My mental state can't handle it. ;)

Stephen asserts...

Posted May 24, 2016
You have to admire the self-restraint of writing that separates a set-up and pay-off with five-and-a-half seasons of intervening story. Even more admirable, that Hodor's mumbled 'hodors' were something of a running joke was a genius piece of misdirection that invested the final revelation with so much epic tragedy. GOT's best (and saddest) moment for me.

Respond to this thread

Emma would have you know...

Posted May 24, 2016
Brilliant recap as always. That Sansa/Baelish scene - calling him out on selling her for some power grab left me in awe. Makes you wonder how many girls he's handed over to sadists over the years.

But how did Baelish get to Molestown so fast? It took Tyrion and Bronn almost a season to travel into the Vale. And two seasons or so for Arya, Brienne, Jaime, etc, to move around Westoros but now people pop up all over the place within a day or two. Have they found a teleporter in a cupboard somewhere?

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted May 24, 2016
Yep, more convenient pacing issues. But we just have to overlook them. :)

she_jedi ducks in to say...

Posted May 24, 2016
it could be implausibly argued that Baelish had the advantages of being on horseback, not needing to hide from a bunch of scary people wanting to kill him, and having the resources to travel overnight if he needed to, whereas everyone else was on foot, on the run, and foraging for food when they made their journeys. But yeah, pacing issues :)

Mike is gonna tell you...

Posted May 24, 2016
To be fair, several of the last few episodes continued straight after each other, where as in Mereen this week they state "two weeks of peace"

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted May 24, 2016
Well spotted, Eagle Ears Mike!

Respond to this thread

wendyemily ducks in to say...

Posted May 24, 2016
Tragedy, thy name is Game of Thrones! Poor Hodor, a simple but brave man, dying to save his master from his own stupidity. Bran should never have taken a bite of the Apple that caused the Zombie horde to find them. But of course, teenagers! What can you say? They always know best, until they don't. So very sad.

As for the rest of the ep, I loved Dany saying goodbye to Ser Jorah. It was a romantic moment and we know we will see him back, all cured and ready to stand by her side once again.

And what can I say about Sansa and her take down of the evil Petyr?
I must admit to being somewhat disappointed that she didn't let Brienne slice his sleazy, scheming head off! Now that would have been payback. I don't trust him and hope Sansa is very wary of anything he says. I am not happy about Brienne leaving her as I have a sick feeling in my stomach that she may not come back.
After all in the books.....

Still I do think this is the best season ever and it's all bringing it all together for an epic battle for Winterfell. The good guys had better win this time!

And as always, Nat, I would give you my dire wolf fur cape (if I had one) for your excellent recap.

girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted May 24, 2016
Nawww, thank you Emily. :)

kate ducks in to say...

Posted May 24, 2016
Gosh, what a 180 for Sophie Turner, the actress who plays Sansa... in the first few seasons, she got hate mail from fans who didn't like her character as she was a rose coloured glasses spoilt girl who idolised Joffrey.

Now she is really showing her great acting skills and I am saw all the previous haters are well and truly on her side...

Respond to this thread

Halwes asserts...

Posted May 24, 2016
Where's NBlob? Have the conservatives placed him in a secure facility for the duration of the election campaign ( read waterboarding and sensory deprivation) for his own good of course just in case he decides to get onto an old boat and fuck off somewhere.

Respond to this comment

Blue would have you know...

Posted May 24, 2016
I'm disappointed with the Kings Moot. The introduction of Euron was weak. Very weak. In the books it was far more grand and spectacular, with a meatier back story, a whole posse of interesting henchmen, and a mighty horn said to control dragons (which is more convincing than just "I'll go marry the mother of dragons"). I was looking forward to this scene but the show let me down.

(Note re horns: the horn of Joramun is still to be found - I predict the white walkers have it and will use it to bring down the wall)

Also - wights climbing along the walls and ceiling as fast as others can run on the ground? WTF? They've previously been stopped by a simple wooden barricade, so where does this sudden gravity-defying agility come from? I hated it with the orcs/goblins in LOTR's Moria, and I hate it just as much in GoT. Rubbish like this ruins an episode for me.

Those gripes aside, Sansa's confrontation with Baelish was cool; just a shame she still succumbs immediately to his manipulation. And the Hodor incident was very cool.

Bran - he and Meera will obviously need some immediate help to survive. Even if they get a head start on the Others, Meera dragging the stretcher through the snow is not exactly a hard trail to follow (not to mention Bran's white walker brand). I'm guessing Coldhands or Benjen Stark will make an appearance to save the day.

Finally, I concur with the ladies - a warty wang is not much compensation for all the glorious boobs that us guys get to enjoy. And the theatre actress playing Sansa put on a very nice display that even warranted a brief replay in my household.

Respond to this comment

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted May 24, 2016
The screen cap function definitely got a workout on my computer. That may have been what caused it to freeze halfway through my recap, come to think of it.

I enjoyed the King's Moot probably because I *haven't* read the book. And the Meth Den Destructo-thon didn't bug me because I was so invested in Bran, Meera and Hodor getting the hell out of there.

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Springfield Fats mumbles...

Posted May 24, 2016
Nice recap. You touched on my clear take away from this episode, do not, under any circumstances, get involved with the Stark family. Their baffling and continuing stupidity has killed tens of thousands and curses all those around them from the highest born to the simplest.

I have renamed them the Ebola family and I'm cheering for anyone in Westros who is struggling to erase this curse upon the land.

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girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted May 24, 2016
Boooooo. The Starks are awesome. The Ascendancy is ON! :P

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Lady EFL has opinions thus...

Posted May 24, 2016
HODOR ..... NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

How many times can this show we love tear our hearts out and stomp them into the ground before we shatter into a thousand pieces like a white walker with a dragonglass blade through it's chest? At least his death had some meaning which cannot be said for so many other beloved characters we have lost over the years.

Am loving the new strong Sansa (suck it Baelish!) even if she did have to wade through a river of horror, torment and BOO HISS Ramsay nastiness to get this point.

Lady EFL puts forth...

Posted May 24, 2016
*sigh* its not it's. Grammar part of brain not functioning right now due to extreme distress and sobbing

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted May 24, 2016
Believe me, I spend about six/seven hours writing the recap, then another hour fixing all of my mistakes. :)

Lady EFL mutters...

Posted May 24, 2016
Your recaps are my therapy Nat. There really should be GOT trauma support groups set up everywhere ....

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted May 24, 2016
Hence this comment thread and my Facebook page! :)

Lady EFL mumbles...

Posted May 24, 2016
Indeed ;-)

Respond to this thread

Ned's dead baby, Ned's dead mutters...

Posted May 24, 2016
Did anyone else wonder if the reason Sansa can still feel what me old mate Ramsay did to her......... is because she's knocked up?

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted May 24, 2016
I CANNOT EVEN BEAR TO CONTEMPLATE THIS.

Springfield Fats mumbles...

Posted May 24, 2016
I think that was heavily implied both by the way they said it and the very pregnant pause of the camera on her afterwards.

Lady EFL ducks in to say...

Posted May 24, 2016
Oh dear God PLEASE NO! Give Sansa a break for heaven's sake!

Ned's dead baby, Ned's dead swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 24, 2016
Yeah, I'm imagining a future scene re-enacting alien but with a mini Ramsay

girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 24, 2016
LA LA LA LA NOT LISTENING NOT LISTENING LA LA LA LA

Respond to this thread

she_jedi has opinions thus...

Posted May 24, 2016
A perfectly lovely man held the door for me as I came in to work today; I must have looked traumatised, because he looked rather startled as I thanked him. People say it's just a TV show, BUT IT HAS REAL WORLD FEELS GODDAMMIT!

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted May 24, 2016
HBO, Martin.... none of them consider the very real impacts big decisions like this have. It's like the butterfly flapping its wings...

Respond to this thread

Matt mutters...

Posted May 24, 2016
The White Walkers share an origin story with cane toads.

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted May 24, 2016
TRUTH.

Respond to this thread

Véronique de la Neige would have you know...

Posted May 24, 2016
Another brilliant recap of a brilliant episode! Absolutely loved the Sansa and Littlefinger scene. #teamsansa! (BTW, my prediction is Jon and Daenerys, per R+L=J.) I'm a little disturbed about the spanning of vast distances myself. How far is it from Castle Black to Riverrun? A couple thousand leagues? I also predict that Arya will "fail" her ninja course, retrieve Needle, and get back to sticking real enemies with the pointy end. The Stark reunion has begun. Will it also include Nymeria? We're running out of wolves!

BTW, the "bony/sticky crown" is the Driftwood Crown. Not really much of a crown, but the Ironmen don't go in for frou frou. I did like the kingsmoot scene, but Euron is more annoying than most Ironmen.

My beloved and I went out to dinner and toasted Hodor. He will live forever in our hearts! Maybe in flashbacks too.

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girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted May 24, 2016
But if R+L = J, that makes Daenarys Jon's aunt. Like, GROSS. No way.

Jon shall have no other girlfriend but Ygritte. Or maybe me. Yes, definitely me.

Nice touch having a celebrating dinner for Hodor. I expect cocktails to be named after him.

Véronique de la Neige swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 26, 2016
But Jon and Daenerys together would be so Targaryen!

Respond to this thread

mandos asserts...

Posted May 24, 2016
As Euron orders the weaving of sails and the cutting of trees for a 1000 ships my thought is...does he know there is less than 2 seasons left in this story - who does he think he is!!

RET puts forth...

Posted May 24, 2016
Did anyone else think "Easter Island" at that point?

Beth McKinlay ducks in to say...

Posted May 24, 2016
Yes!! That was exactly what sprang to my mind!!!

Respond to this thread

TL reckons...

Posted May 24, 2016
"Vulvic fortitude" is definitely the most apt phrase I've heard in a long time.
I doff my cap...

girlclumsy reckons...

Posted May 25, 2016

Thank you, TL! That one seems to have been bypassed. I made myself laugh with that one. :)

I May Be Some Time mutters...

Posted May 26, 2016
"Vulvic fortitude" deserves to be raised into the general lexicon - included in the Macquarie Dictionary next year!

With your permission I intend to use it at every opportunity!

And combined with 'girding my loins' and 'pounding' ... anyhoo...

Don't know what the equivalent of "growing a pair" should be...

Respond to this thread

SZF ducks in to say...

Posted May 24, 2016
I'm guessing Theon and Yara will head off to Mereen, conveniently replacing Daenerys' fleet that was crisped a couple of eps ago.

Unfortunately, if the Greyjoy siblings get into her good graces it'll probably mean no future scene where Euron tries to woo her with his, "Check out me cock, luv!", schtick. Daenarys just LOVES guys who take that approach (Master Kraznys, every Khal not named Drogo, etc)...

girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 25, 2016
Oooh, the prospect of Yara and Dany hooking up has me GAGA....

Respond to this thread

struds puts forth...

Posted May 24, 2016
Oh Hodor! So noble.

We didn't *actually* see him die, so I wonder if he will prevail in some form (hopefully not white!)

The whole paradox of his condition being a result (?) of Bran's warging has left me reeling in the most unflattering Inception-y way.

Tormund's lusty side eye to Brienne was a definite highlight.

Keep up the great work Nat!

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flöki snöw mutters...

Posted May 24, 2016
Tormund ogling Brienne once more...........he's such a smouldering romantic, how long till he asks Bri if she wants to see his giants bane or does he romance her with his tale of fooking a bear,

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krangsquared mutters...

Posted May 25, 2016
As I watched that Dany and Jora scene, I was wishing for an edit where as Jora says "I'll always love you." ... and then... that DRUM HIT... WHITNEY HOUSTON KICKS IN

(googles).. ah, turns out someone's already used it earlier! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmM4QRsT_YE#t=27s

But still, dear Interwebs, I want my S06E05 Dany/Jora scene WHITNEY HOUSTON EDIT. I want that Pleeaaaase!

girlclumsy reckons...

Posted May 25, 2016
That clip is great!

But yes, hurry up internet, we must have more!

she_jedi mumbles...

Posted May 26, 2016
There's a fantastic mashup of Tormienne!

https://youtu.be/iAsg7jbNlMA

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GOT Addicted ducks in to say...

Posted May 25, 2016
Is it possible the Night's King, branded Bran, and purposefully let him escape, so that they would go to the other side of the wall, and thus render the magic that keeps them on winters side useless. No need for a horn, just use a silly little boy to bring the wall down. The tragedy of the stark family, is that the more they try to make things right, the more they hinder the light. Wouldn't it be ironic that Bran was the cause of the Mad King as well. Warging where he shouldn't be when he shouldn't be.

The most poignant scene for me was Jorah, being sent to cure his blight. The look on Jorah's face as his beloved Khaleesi, acknowledges her feelings and opens her heart towards him. He will find the cure! The love of a woman can drive a man mad, or inspire him to ever greater heights.

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Maddoug puts forth...

Posted May 25, 2016
Two words.....



Zombie Direwolf.

girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted May 25, 2016
NOPE NOPE NOPE

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George reckons...

Posted May 25, 2016
So the White Walkers are the "Cane Toads" of Westeros.
Does this mean Greyscale is the "Khaleesi Virus"?

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M'lady is gonna tell you...

Posted May 25, 2016
as always. Tried reading others because I needed further post-episode therapy but they were all inferior. One thing I wasn't sure about is the Jeor / Jorah / Sam thingy you mentioned. Is that something that happened in the books only? Because in the show I thought Tyrion already told Jorah about his father's death? Am sure it can no doubt be worked into the story in any event but wasn't sure if id missed something somewhere along the way? Have I? HAVE I?!? Help!

she_jedi puts forth...

Posted May 26, 2016
Nope you are totally right, Tyrion has already broken the news to Jorah. I suspect Nat was too traumatised to remember that clearly, but you are NOT going insane :)

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George has opinions thus...

Posted May 25, 2016
So that means the White walkers are the "Cane Toads" of Westeros, thanks to the Children of the Forest. I wonder if Greyscale is some sort of "Khaleesi Virus"

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Jim Kellam reckons...

Posted May 27, 2016
I like the way you slipped in "ourobouros" myself.

Watched this episode tonight in a pizza place in Buenos Aires (that's been around since 1932 - the pizza place not BA) on my iPad with headphones on while eating a half tuna, onion & olive and half chicken & artichoke pizza while pandemonium reigned around me. The place is more popular than a Baelish brothel before a beheading.

Ideally would have watched it on Easter Island a few days ago but the weather was shit there and apparently when the weather there is shit, so is the internet.

Internet Morghulis indeed.

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Respond to 'Game of Thrones Raven On Recap S6E5: The Door'

Game of Thrones Raven On Recap: S6E4 Book of the Stranger

Posted May 17, 2016 into Raven On by girlclumsy

BOW. DOWN. BITCHES.

Bow down to Daenarys Stormborn, the Unburnt, the Unburnable, the Asbestos Khaleesi, Retarder of Flames, Destroyer of Douchekhals and Extreme Renovator of Rustic Bungalows.

May your triumphant reign last a thousand years. Or at least another three or four series. The Mother of Kittens doesn’t want this to end.

Oh, my beloved Throners, how impossibly glorious was it to see the rightful Queen of Everything standing naked, pure as fire itself, in front of tens of thousands of massed humble Dothraki?

Given the dearth of miracles around Meereen since Drogon rode in like a Rescue Ranger circa ‘89 to drag Dany out of the fighting pits, I just figured the winged critter would come to her aid once again, a la Tailspin circa ‘90. I mean, they are friends through life through thick and thin.

But I was foolish to think the Disney cartoons of my youth held the answers to potential cliffhangers in Game of Thrones. Sure, Ducktales had nudity (Uncle Scrooge was rich enough to afford pants but crazy enough to not wear them) but I don’t recall Huey, Dewey and Louie burning down the giant money vault just to prove a point.

But before we can end with fire, we must begin with snow - and we have a family reunion to attend. It’s a fitting start because the whole show had a Peaches & Herb slow jam going on. Whether it was the Starks at The Wall, the Tyrells in the Black Cells, the Masters and their money, Dany and her mojo, the viewers and Littlefinger or Littlefinger and a basic sense of f***ing decency - we are reunited, and it feels so good.

Except for the part where BOO HISS Ramsay Bolton murdered Osha and by gum I am going to slit him so many new orifices he’ll be able to hire himself out as a colander.

Season 6, Episode 4: Book of the Stranger

Could the longed-for embrace between two long-separated Starks (bastardry aside) have been any sweeter?

Didn’t you just want to clasp that moment as tightly as Jon and Sansa clasped each other in the parade ground at Castle Black?

Oh, how glad we were to see two of our favourites together again, each made infinitely stronger by the sight of the other. Both broken by violence in their own ways, nevertheless, the Stark spark started a-sizzling as soon as they supped soup and threw some of that sweet sibling sentiment at each other. Mostly via lines like “I was awful to you,” and “Yes. Yes, you were. But I was an emo.”

Sansa’s self-awareness is one of the reasons I adore her and why I will never understand those who are not #teamsansa. Do you have, like, no soul? Do babies cry around you? Do kittens flinch from your touch? It’s also interesting to note that it’s Sansa, not Jon, who is the more resolute about achieving justice for their family. Mind you, she wasn’t stabbed six times then brought back to life, a fact which is somewhat glossed over in this episode. A surprise return trip from Deathsville is probably enough to make a life of dreary serfdom seem like paradise. It makes sense - he pledged his life to the watch, the watch took it, all’s fair in love and murder. Jon’s been so traumatised his whole hairdo has changed.

As an aside, I’m not entirely sold on Jon’s new slicked-back demi-bun look. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate it, but that’s because Jon Snow could sport a David Beckham mid 2000s era faux-hawk and still work it like a nine to five job. But please Jon Snowzel, Jon Snowzel, let down your hair! It really makes it easier for me to climb up your tower, if you get my drift.

So Jon is not fussed on hanging around Castle Black, but with Sansa back in the picture, finds his family ties are still tight. However, it takes the impending threat of Ramsay Bolton to force him into the fray.

Let’s cut away from The Wall for a moment to deal with the latest BOO HISS BOLTON transgression.

I don’t know why I thought Osha would make it out alive of that one. Perhaps because she’s always been so resourceful, so badass, so mad eyes crazy. More likely because she’d only just come back into the show and I would have liked at least a few more episodes featuring her.

I’m never comfortable when Ramsay is in a scene with any kind of weapon, particularly a knife. We all know how fond he is of slicing things; the way he took to that Granny Smith was almost haptic in the way it made the hairs on the back of your everything stand up.

And yet when the camera followed Osha’s eyes to the dagger lying prostrate on the table, I wanted to believe. I craved the idea of Ramsay being brought low by Bran and Rickon’s protector. It was misdirection, of course. Ramsay had no intention of letting Osha out of the room alive. He just had to lure her into a having sense of control. Once he was confident she knew nothing more, bang. “Theon told me about you,” he basically says, before shoving a second dagger into her throat.

Then, as Osha bled out on the floor, Ramsay nonchalantly wiped his weapon and resumed slicing his apple. How cold? ICE. COLD.

Back at Castle Black, Ser Davos has discovered Melisandre will follow Jon, follow Jon wherever he may go. It’s a fait accompli - he is the Prince That Was Promised. Of course, this leaves the awkward situation of having to explain that Stannis wasn’t the said PTWP, and prompts Davos’ better-late-than-never question “Um, what happened to Shireen?”

At this point Brienne strides up to lay the smack down - when even the Onion Knight tries to play down the black magic that killed Renly Baratheon as “in the past”, she states calmly and simply that she doesn’t forgive or forget. She also lets it be known quite clearly that she executed Stannis for his crimes, before turning on her heel and striding back off again.

Brienne is magnificent, and we’re not the only ones who’ve noticed. From the moment he sees her, Tormund Giantsbane is smitten, and I cannot believe I never even thought about the prospect of those two meeting. OF COURSE Tormund’s interest - and beard - would be piqued by this marvellous warrior woman. The Wildlings are remarkable progressive when it comes to gender roles - your ability to fight, forage and, well, the other f-word, are regarded highly no matter what bits you’re sporting.

So it was quite delicious to watch Brienne, suddenly all genteel at the dinner table, be taken aback at the sight of Tormund making very suggestive eyes at her, and gumming his mutton in a way that would make even Nigella blush. And to think my mother scolded me just for putting my elbows on the table.

"I taught Jon Snow everything he knows."

I was too old to truly get onboard the Harry Potter obsession that most 20-somethings have these days, but I believe the internet-appropriate term for wanting this romance to blossom is called “shipping”. We will check back in each week now to see how “Brimund”, aka “Tormienne” is getting along.

Of course Osha doesn’t rate a mention in his almost cartoonishly over-the-top letter Ramsay Bolton sends to the Lord Commander at Castle Black. But Rickon does. And it’s the revelation that her youngest brother is not only alive, but in mortal danger, that spurs Sansa’s pleas to Jon to ride south and fight for Winterfell.

After conferring with Tormund, who manages to peel his salivating gaze away from Brienne to calculate his wildling numbers at 2000, Jon agrees, with a heavy heart, that it is the only way.

But take heart, Winterfellians! Help is on the way, in the beguiling form of one Petyr Baelish.

Yes, after a slow start to Season 6, Littlefinger dons the gloves for a typically calculating and sleazy entrance.

“Defender of the Vale!” he cheers flamboyantly at Robin Arryn, the kid who hasn’t let a lack of breastmilk stop him from growing up to be a right tit.

Uncy Pete’s bought him a fancy bird, which basically means he’ll do whatever Uncy Pete says, no matter what his guardian Lord Royce has to say about it.

And that’s good, because it turns out Lord Blumpff (sorry, that’s just what every line he delivers sounds like in my head) dobbed Littlefinger in to Ramsay Bolton, leading to Sansa’s captivity at Winterfell. This doesn’t totally fly with me - because I HATE you Littlefinger - but you’ve got to admit his diplomatic skills remain as sharp as ever. One word to Robin and Lord Blumpff would be taking the high road through the Moon Door. And ain’t nobody want that.

Now, ladies, this one has been puzzling me for a while, but I finally pinged as to who Lord Royce actually was. You remember the 1995 Pride and Prejudice? Of course you do, this isn’t the dark ages, and you’re a woman of taste and refinement who enjoys watching Colin Firth dripping wet (and feel free just to put down the recap and have a little moment to yourselves). Remember Mr Hurst? Mr Bingley’s drunken brother-in-law who just sleeps, plays cards and says things like “Damn silly waste of an evening!” That is totally Lord Royce/Blumpff. And it makes sense, they’re basically the same character - full of bluster but ultimately cowardly.

Blumpff, Blumpff, Blumpff

Littlefinger uses his somehow mystifying popularity with Robin (I suppose you can deal with a creepy uncle if he stays away most of the time and bribes you with cool shit) to get the Knights of the Vale to saddle up and head north for the Wall, where he’s convinced Sansa will have gone to rendezvous with Jon.

Which means we are likely to see an EPIC battle with scrappy wildlings and highly-toned knights teaming up to shove steel so far up Ramsay Bolton’s backside he be able to grate cheese with his nose. At least, if we don’t see that, I will be very angry. But at least Baelish has shown himself to have something of a moral cause here - helping Sansa. Although I'm sure it will turn out to have some creeptacular element because it's Baelish and he cannot help himself.

Another case of siblings reunited was Theon and Yara over in Pyke. Given how up and down the Iron Islands plots have been, I found this scene incredibly powerful and moving. There was Yara, assuming her late father’s position in front of the fire, not planning to show Theon any mercy. After all, she had risked so much by attempting to save him, the brother she didn’t know but her brother nonetheless. Theon, still finding his voice again after hideous sustained torture, doesn’t help by crying. For Yara, this is intolerable - the salt of the Ironborn must be retained within them, not left to leak from their eyes. But when Theon states his desire to help his sister take the throne, the pair seem to find a rough peace. As he learned with Sansa, Theon may find redemption by putting someone other than himself first. Will they triumph? And what of crazy uncle Euron Greyjoy? Will he be back to challenge?

Over in King’s Landing, Queen Margaery is brought before the High Sparrow for another tete-a-tete, this time with the longest discussion about shoes since SJP in SATC.

It turns out Big Bird was quite the cobbler in his day, pumping out swanky pumps for the high born. Margaery, well versed by now in the holy verses, asked him what caused his conversion. A feast, he answers, a right royal knees up with good food and hot chicks and a final course of unrelenting self-actualisation.

It’s a familiar story. From Jesus’ 40 days/40 nights in the desert, to Siddhartha leaving his comfortable life to search for enlightenment, hell, even George Orwell ditching his comfortable middle class existence to live as a tramp while writing Down and Out in Paris and London all revelatory journeys tend to follow the same rule - that one can only be humble when one has humbled oneself.

But the message doesn’t seem to work on Margaery as well as the High Sparrow might like. Finally allowed to see her brother, she is resolved to not let them win, to not let the Faith Militant cast them as villains.

But poor Slow Lorus. He really does look like an endangered creature. Always more into style than substance, the time inside has broken him. He cannot think of playing long games; he just wants the pain to stop. Margaery is left in a conundrum; save her brother but lose her pride, or let the Slow Lorus chips fall where they may?

Of course, that decision may not be hers to make, after the extraordinary meeting that made peace between the warring Lannisters and Olenna Tyrell. Small Council, Assemble!

Initially Ser Kevan and the Queen of Thorns tell Cersei and Jaime to rack off, but Cersei has New. Information. She’s discovered from Tommen that the High Sparrow intends Kate Middleton to take her own Walk of Shame, the longest one since her wedding in Westminster Abbey - BOOYAH take that Duchess of Cambridge, you overly hair-styled too-skinny royal. My life is fine, I don’t need yours at all. Shut up.

Point is, Olenna is not the kind of Grandma who is going to take that shit lightly. This is a woman who bumped off Joffrey because she didn’t want his greasy, psychotic mitts on her grand-daughter. She immediately agrees to the twincesters’ plan to bring her army into the city to take on the Faith Militant.

I’d like to think that my own Gran, the affectionately nicknamed Queen Pat, would go into bat for my honour and dignity in a similar way. But then this is the woman who “accidentally” ordered hotel room pornography when I took her to New York a couple of years ago. I don’t know if she can stand on points of dignity.

Ser Kevan Lannister is also recruited to Cersei’s cause by the prospect of maybe releasing his doo-lally son Lancel from the grip of the loony nutjobs. All he has to do is stand his own troops down. So the stage is set for some hardcore battling in the streets next week. Which Olenna is totes fine with. “People are going to die no matter what we do,” she says. “Better them than us.” Which I’m pretty sure has been the catch cry behind every war ever.

There are mixed reactions in Meereen to Tyrion’s plan to woo the slave masters. Missandei and Grey Worm are appalled by his proposal to allow Astapor, Yunkai and Volantis seven years to abolish slavery, in return for compensation and their pledge to end the Sons of the Harpy rebellion. The pair were slaves, and don’t think Tyrion truly understands who he’s dealing with.

But the Lannister lion spent a few days as a slave a while back, and is pretty confident he’s got this.

"At least, I hope I've got this."

More importantly, they’ve got to try something, as sitting back and letting Meereen implode and burn is fast becoming impractical.

There’s a sweet moment when Tyrion, confronted by angry freed slaves, has Missandei and Grey Worm back him up. They don’t trust the slavers, but they do seem to trust Tyrion - at least for the time being. The Imp’s plan better start paying off or he might find their loyalty severely tested.

Road buddies Jorah and Daario “Maario” Noharis have hit Vaes Dothrak, where a dozen or so Dothraki hoardes have gathered for a big meet-up. It’s like Comic Con for dudes who like wearing leather. So it’s like Comic Con.

Maario keeps giving Jorah crap about being an old man, even though the dude is clearly hardcore. One can only assume Maario is a little insecure, and is trying to niggle at Jorah to make himself feel better. DUDE. You’ve got buttocks that would carve marble and crush walnuts AT THE SAME TIME. Multi-purpose buttocks. You have no need to snark. Plus, you don’t have greyscale. Maario’s discovery of this seemed to give him some much-needed empathy for his fellow warrior.

It’s Jorah who has the background information about Dothraki culture that will actually help them get to Daenarys. They cannot take weapons into Vaes Dothrak, not even Maario’s customised dagger with the naked-lady handle. Not that he listens of course; when the pair are pinged by a couple of Dothraki in the village streets, Maario saves a weary Jorah from strangulation by stabbing his attacker through the heart from behind. And Jorah responds by pointing out any sign of weapon wounds would alert other Dothraki. Cue Maario using a large rock to smash seven types of shit out of the dead dude’s head. Thanks for no close-up on that one, HBO.

Meanwhile Dany has been waiting for her judgement day with the Dosh Khaleen. She’s even made a new friend, a sweet young Khaleesi who was beaten as a child bride by her Khal until he did her a big favour and died. The pair go to “make water” together (chicks man, always going to the bathroom in pairs), and are surprised by Maario and Jorah.

Of course, their plan had merely been to grab Dany and GTFO, but the Mother of Dragons knows that dog won’t hunt at this carnival. So she comes up with a plan, and recruits the young Khaleesi to be in on it.

And boy oh boy, it was a beauty. As plans go, the combined powers of Professor Moriarty, MacGuyver and Baldrick could not improve upon it.

Dany enters the temple to be judged by the assembled Great Khals on whether she is fit to join the Dosh Khaleen. Her calm and composure unsettle the Khals from the beginning; here is no weeping widow, but an upstart who actually has an opinion on what should happen to her.

Dany stuns the room by reminding them of what the great Khal Drogo promised her, then finding them poor imitations, only concerned with fighting and raping.

“You are small men. None of you are fit to lead the Dothraki. But I am. So I will.”

At this stage of viewing the excitement was beginning to build in me. Obviously we knew Dany would get herself free at some point, but we assumed Drogon would be involved, or at the very least, Jorah and Maario in some capacity. And while the latter two cut the throats of the women guarding the temple, the denouement was all Dany. What could she be up to?

Called out as the insignificant thugs they were, Khal Moro stood up in protest to tell Dany her future was merely a serious of violence sexual assaults then death. Like anybody discombobulated and unsettled in the fact of a supreme calmness, he resorted to name calling, dropping the c-bomb and asking if she really thought they would serve her.

“You are not going to serve. You’re going to die.”

And BAM! With that, Dany pushed over a flaming brazier, sending licks of flame towards the douchekhals. The wooden temple stood no chance either, quickly consumed as Dany pushed over another brazier, then another.

Vaes Dothrak was elimated as a Eurovision host nation after its arena was declared hazardous.

Her face remained serene throughout, focused but unhurried. Danaerys the Unburnt had no fear of fire, she could take her time meting out justice.

As the temple was consumed, the rest of the hordes came running. Eventually, from the door, emerged Daenarys, skyclad, beautiful, a motherf***ing BOSS.

It was an incredibly empowering moment and immediately made me want to go out and fight crime, until I remembered my She-Ra outfit is a bit too flimsy for effective roundhouse kicks to the face.

Of course, faced with such raw power, the Dothraki but could do nothing but fall to their knees. Jorah too, which was to be expected, but also Maario, who wore the same expression of wonder that Jorah had back when Dany birthed her dragons in the flame.

I just want to walk around like this every day. Every day.

And there it is. Dany, stuck for ages in a political quagmire in Meereen, is back to doing what she does best - inspiring the hell out of people. Sure, she has mystical fireproofing, but that would be nothing without her resolve, her determination, her self-assuredness and her attitude. She is the Mother of Dragons, and she has rediscovered her purpose. Westeros, look out.

Yay! Best Moment.

Daenerys, clearly, but also this:

Zing! Best Lines

Khal Moro, on his dead Dothraki brother: “ Aggo belonged to my Khalasar. He served me well. His head got smashed in by a rock. F*** Aggo.”

Eww, gross

Maario’s enthusiastic pummelling of a Doth-dude’s face in with a rock was...pulpy.

Boo, Sucks

Another clean sweep to BOO HISS Ramsay Bolton. I know, I know, he’s a “good” bad guy in that we “love” to hate him, but seriously, I want nothing but sunshine, fairies and fricking unicorns for Sansa and Jon from here on in. Bolton. Must. Go.

Thank you so much for joining me again this week. I can't wait to read your comments and thoughts, either here on the 'Burger, or via my Facebook page:www.facebook.com/nataliesthrone

Another reminder that I'm running a Patreon campaign this season. If you like the recaps and wish to become a patron, you can sign up and pledge the suggested $1 per recap. Here's the link: www.patreon.com/girlclumsy.

Valar Morghulis!

74 Responses to ‘Game of Thrones Raven On Recap: S6E4 Book of the Stranger’

xServer has opinions thus...

Posted May 17, 2016
Such a good episode! I loved that Sansa didn't miss Jon at the Wall (was half expecting another 'ships in the night' sort of thing). I hated seeing Osha killed. I loved Danny getting hers. I said it when she was first brought there: she needed to just burn their shit down. And she did. It was glorious.

But my favorite was someone FINALLY noticing how kick-ass Brienne is. She and Tormund need to get it on, then kill a bunch of Boltons, then get it on some more. They'd both LOVE IT!

Thanks for the recap, Nat. Douchekal is fantastic and so very fitting. ;-)

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted May 17, 2016
Hashtag Douchekhal. #douchekhal

Yes, so much glory to Dany. Just ADORED the whole sequence. So well played - it seems obvious in hindsight now, but it held me absolutely brilliantly in tense anticipation.

And Brienne and Tormund, that was just icing on the cake... the very SEXY cake...

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xServer reckons...

Posted May 17, 2016
Oh and one other thing: I believe that Baelish always planned on turning Sansa over to the Boltons, they were not captured they went there on purpose, so him throwing accusations at Lord Royce and nearly getting him killed is just another example of him playing his deep game and messing with good (although stuffy) people.

I really hope that he and Ramsay die together. And take Robin Arryn with them. What a waste of breath they all are!

Ame would have you know...

Posted May 17, 2016
That was the opinion on our couch too, that Dodgy Pete was just making that up so he could manipulate Royce.

girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted May 17, 2016
Yeah, it did have the whiff of Stink Littlefinger all over it. I guess Lord Royce looked shifty, so maybe he had something to hide anyway? I suppose at the very least he was trying to keep from being chucked out the Moon Door.

Lady EFL mumbles...

Posted May 17, 2016
Littlefinger is a great big lying liar. I went back and did some research in Season 5 and they were not intercepted by Bolton's men like he said. He totally handed Sansa to The Boltons and boo hiss Ramsay on a silver platter, even convincing her that it was a good idea! He's digging his claws further into Robin (who makes me want to simultaneously vomit and slap him senseless) for his own nefarious purposes and to suit his own endgame. We will have to wait and see ultimately what that is ....

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Rhino swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 17, 2016
Great recap, again.

I'd like to see #DoucheKhals trend on Twitter.

I'm delighted that Emelia Clarke ignored her non-nudity clause for the sake of dramatic effect. I wept tears of joy.

I will say the same thing about Brienne as I did about the 6'4" Hungarian girl I met at that party so many years ago, "Boys, hand me my pitons, I'm going to climb Everest".

Respectfully,
Rhino
Patriarchy Spokesman.

girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 17, 2016
Thanks for checking in, Patriarchy. I hope you enjoyed seeing yourself BURNED LIKE WAY-OH by the Mother of Dragons. :)

Also, do we have a read on whether they were genuine boobs, or stunt boobs, or CGI boobs?

xServer reckons...

Posted May 17, 2016
Those were true Khaleesi boobs. Amelia has talked about how proud she was to do the scene herself. She was definitely no one's toy there!

Stormy asserts...

Posted May 17, 2016
Have conducted an areola scan from season one to last night and can confirm a complete lack of CGI.

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Rhino asserts...

Posted May 17, 2016
Also, the scene where Daario bends his knee to Dany ... sort of what I did the very first time that I saw my wife get really, really angry.

girlclumsy asserts...

Posted May 17, 2016
Probably an appropriate measure. I'm sure she was angry for a reason.

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Bloody hell Arya has opinions thus...

Posted May 17, 2016
We notice that No-one was not to be seen.
No Worms of Grey for the seat of Mereen.
Khal barons made toast in Doth Halloween.
Atoning Tyrells may yet have their Queen.

girlclumsy asserts...

Posted May 17, 2016
Is this a haiku? This is a haiku.

Bloody hell Arya swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 20, 2016
Perhaps it fell out that way.
I was angling at haisparo ;-)

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Marcellus Of Dorne puts forth...

Posted May 17, 2016
Who didn't tear up in those first few minutes when someones eyes were layed upon another???

girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted May 17, 2016
Inhuman monsters, that's who!

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PK asserts...

Posted May 17, 2016
Been waiting 53 episodes for that reunion.

KK is gonna tell you...

Posted May 17, 2016
In all the years wanting a Stark reunion I never listed after that particular Stark reunion, which somehow made it even more satisfying. I screamed at the TV when the gates opened, had all th goosebumps and then topped it off by tearing up hard. WELLED RIGHT ON UP!

girlclumsy asserts...

Posted May 17, 2016
So much Welling I could have played Superman in Smallville.

Respond to this thread

Eliza Bennett-Stark is gonna tell you...

Posted May 17, 2016
Doh! Of course that's who Lord Royce was in a previous life. Good work mother of kittens.

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted May 17, 2016
Loving the name, btw. :)

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Peter Snow mutters...

Posted May 17, 2016
Nat, I have loved / laughed / cried at your prose for many a season. But today's zinger is the pinnacle. The asbestos Khaleesi. Pure, unadulterated genius. BRAVO.

girlclumsy asserts...

Posted May 17, 2016
Aww, aren't you sweet. :)

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Ms. Naughty would have you know...

Posted May 17, 2016
You'll also remember Lord Royce as the bloke who calls Carrie a "damned fine filly" in Four Weddings and a Funeral. He also says this: "I was at school with his brother Bufty. Tremendous bloke. He was head of my house. Buggered me senseless, of course. Still, it taught me about life."
So, naturally every time we see Lord Royce we say "Buggered me senseless, of course."

girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted May 17, 2016
YES! I knew he had another semi-famous role. Good old British public school system, eh?

Respond to this thread

Ms. Naughty asserts...

Posted May 17, 2016
Also, I loved Dolorous Ed's expression after he notices Tormund and Brienne... it just topped off that moment perfectly.

And I really hope they kill Big Bird soon. That's twice we've had to sit through self righteous sermons from the old git. I desperately want the Ghost of Christopher Hitchens to appear and smite him with reason and logic so I don't have to sit through another earnest parable. At least Margaery is playing the long game with him.

DarrenBloomfield puts forth...

Posted May 17, 2016
That for me was the highlight of the episode. There's been one oddball moment like that in every episode this season thus far. Gold.

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted May 17, 2016
Yeah, poor Edd. He had great moments this episode and I basically ignored him.

Respond to this thread

Matt W swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 17, 2016
The reason for Jon Snows different hair style is Kate Bush cut a lot of it off to throw in the fire when she brought him back to life

girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted May 17, 2016
That IS true.

But surely then it would be HARDER to tie back, not easier?

I'm confused by this satorial puzzle.

she_jedi mumbles...

Posted May 17, 2016
I think he's raiding the Watch's stash of hair gel to slick his hair back so it behaves itself :)

Matt W has opinions thus...

Posted May 17, 2016
You'd have to go back to the scene when she is cutting his hair (I know you have probably watched it 1000 times!) and see where she cut...maybe she cut the sides so he now has a mullet!

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vitas asserts...

Posted May 17, 2016
Hooray, (CGI) boobies

Erik swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 17, 2016
They are real and they are spectacular.

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Beth McKinlay mutters...

Posted May 17, 2016
All is forgiven. Loved that episode so much. And so many good lines in your recap I don't even know where to start. Nat, you're on fire!!

girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted May 17, 2016
Thanks Beth! I wish I was on fire like Dany, unlike being actually on fire, which is stupid and hurts.

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Swaggering Bravo asserts...

Posted May 17, 2016
Fun to see Missandei don a warlike garb for audience with the slaver patriarchy; a Xena warrior princess top and some equal opportunity trousers.

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted May 17, 2016
YES! I absolutely coveted Missandei's outfit in this episode, but couldn't find a way to discuss it in the recap without going on a massive tangent.

It was phenomenal, she looked phenomenal, she is phemonenomenal. I can't spell.

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Ser Col of the Bluest Mountains mumbles...

Posted May 17, 2016
I think this was perhaps one of the juiciest episodes ever. I would regard myself as a book nerd. Was sometimes disappointed when the show diverted or completely ignored some plot lines. But I have to say, this series has been the best one so far, simply because I do not KNOW what is going to happen, although I can make some educated guesses. Jon Snow and Sansa will travel together with Brienne, Tormund, Melissandre and Davros. Brienne has set up the tension for that journey well. Dany now has an army of 100,000 Dothraki, and 10,000 Unsullied and Second Sons, and three fricken dragons (she has to go back to Mereen to free the other two now). Formidable. Jon coming from the North with what will be a bigger army when Baelish joins him and Dany coming from the East with her horde will strangle the living shit out of the Lannisters and Tyrells and anyone else. Can't wait...

girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted May 17, 2016
NOW YOU UNDERSTAND WHY WE HATED YOU, SER COL...

But it's OK, we're all friends now. :)

Ser Col of the Bluest Mountains is gonna tell you...

Posted May 19, 2016
How very Lannister of you....

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Will puts forth...

Posted May 17, 2016
#RamsayIsTheNewJoffery

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted May 17, 2016
#Totes

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she_jedi is gonna tell you...

Posted May 17, 2016
I clapped and cheered when the gates opened and we saw Brienne and Sansa, and of course cried when the Starks hugged. But the look on Tormund's face when he first sees Brienne is simply priceless. I began 'shipping them instantly.


I think also Sansa's determination to go lay some whupass on the Boltons and take Winterfell back stems from the horror that Ramsey has Rickon, and she knows what he's likely to do to him. She doesn't want Ramsey cutting bits off her little brother and turning him into another Reek.


I also really expected Drogon to come smite the Dothraki and get his mum back, so it was super intensely satisfying to watch Dany do her own smiting. The looks on the Douchekhals' faces when she asked them if they'd wondered what she thought was also priceless.


I have to say I think this season is my favourite so far, I think because as Ser Col said, as a book reader I now have no idea what's coming, and it's not tied down to the strictest elements of the book plots anymore. So liberating!

And as always your recaps are just the best, so look forward to reading them :)

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted May 17, 2016
Thanks as always, She Jedi.

Also, what does one actually *do* when one is "shipping" something?

she_jedi swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 17, 2016
I believe, and I'm not an expert, that when one 'ships a couple of characters, one devoutly hopes that the shippees get sexy together, and look for evidence that this is on the cards, like reading far too much into Tormen's googly eyes over lamb chop in this episode. Tormen's definitely smitten, but time will tell if Brienne develops reciprocal smitteness.



Another element of 'shipping that I've come across is that if the authors/creators don't come to the party on the particular hookup you desire, then the only answer is to do it yourself via fan fiction. I've read some truly eye opening fan fic with Assassin's Creed characters that made me look at some of the games in a whole new way :P

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wendyemily would have you know...

Posted May 17, 2016
My favourite ep this season. Hell, my fav so far, ever! From seeing Jon & Sansa together at last, to that final scene when Dany strode from the fire full of sass and in all her naked glory. She now has the Dothraki army to follow her anywhere, plus the Unsullied & her Dragons, well I would think she is pretty well unbeatable. The Starks in the North and Dany in the South will rule the world!!! Well, the GoT world at any rate!

As a reader of the books, I am glad that Martin has not finished the story. The series writers are doing a much better job and he should just give up now!

And, Nat your recaps are getting better and better. My hat off to you, Mother of Kittens!!

girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 17, 2016
Aw, thank you so much! I agree, it was one of my favourite episodes of all time as well.

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Dean puts forth...

Posted May 17, 2016
Is it just me or is Robin Arryn not the spitting image of a younger Kylo Ren from the most recent Star Wars ?

Sousy Wench puts forth...

Posted May 17, 2016
I admit I did not notice the resemblance, they do seem to have a lot in common though.

On a side note, I am supremely disappointed in the internets today after searching the interweb for a Robin Arryn/ Brave Sir Robin mash-up and finding none... An injustice to be sure.

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Dropbear is gonna tell you...

Posted May 17, 2016
I think the Dany scene was a bit overblown and we've seen it all before.

But hey, when life gives you lemons, it also drops YET ANOTHER army in your lap for doing nothing.

Sansa and John S was very nice.

I am still not entirely sure whose side Baelish and the Vale is going to be on. wait and see I guess

Lady EFL ducks in to say...

Posted May 17, 2016
As awesome and inspiring and flat-out bitchin' as our dear flame-retardant Khaleesi is, I'm getting to the point where I sometimes want to yell at the TV "Stop faffing about in the buff half a world away and GO. TO. WESTEROS. WHERE ALL THE OTHER STORYLINES ARE!" Just sometimes ....

Patrick mumbles...

Posted May 19, 2016
I think Baelish will be on the whichever side that looks like winning.

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Véronique puts forth...

Posted May 17, 2016
I am #teamsansa. I grew up in the North, and although I would much rather hit a resort in Dorne or the Summer Isles these days, I still have a soft spot for winter people. So House Stark FTW!

My spouse wears the sigil of House Targaryen. Seriously, she does. My wolf is an inner wolf.

Love your recap, as always!

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flöki snöw reckons...

Posted May 17, 2016
My Osha, my Osha why you bastards did you have to do that to my wildling girl?.......Anyways why is Littlefinger is suddenly "trustworthy" i wouldn't trust him as far as Theon can now pee, on the day of battle i'd pop his todger between to floury baps and sit him beside a thenn just to ensure his loyalty is more than fleeting.
(apologies to lord melchett)

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted May 17, 2016
BAPS.

How have I not used the word BAPS in a recap yet. A shocking oversight that must be corrected.

And don't worry, I don't necessarily TRUST Littlefinger, but at least by getting the forces of the Vale in action he seems to be driving towards something.

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Mother of nothing is gonna tell you...

Posted May 17, 2016
Tormond and Brienne. OK: I'm getting old and I need to do my regular Tuesday night re-watch tonight. Did Tormond look all gooey when Brienne first rode through the gates? I don't recall. But the eye-laden interchange over what in the Night's Watch passes for dinner - that was, without doubt, the best thing I have seen in all six seasons. No really. Not only Tormond and Brienne's eye contact, but also Dolorous' reaction. Priceless. Best acting without words ever.

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted May 17, 2016
Dolorous was fantastic this episode, and I ignored him. What a COW.

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Ser Devon is gonna tell you...

Posted May 17, 2016
Outstanding recap Nat. What a great episode.. catching up with littlefinger, who i actually quite like, i mean he is a bit of a twat, but no BOO HISS BOLTON. The hug was the most touching scene since brienne pledged her service to Sansa. Mereen was slightly less annoying this episode, and if dani can get back there and sort it out next week i'll be back on board. Looking forward to some armies forming, and hopefully a bit of no name next week (Note: i dont watch the preview, i consider that a spoiler), and eagerly awaitng your next recap.

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Di would have you know...

Posted May 17, 2016
Hey Brienne.... if it wasn't for the fact you looked incredibly confused, I'd be all "Keep your mitts off Mr Giantsbane, hussie".

Tormund is MIIIINE.

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girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted May 17, 2016
FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

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Ken Father of Dire Wolves mutters...

Posted May 17, 2016
Daenerys emerging from the #douchekhal misogyny pit cloaked in purifying flame, does it get any better? Surely an image to stand with Ripley's "Get away from her you bitch", Buffy axe clearing a nest of daemons in the episode Anne or River Tam standing spattered with the blood of reavers and Alliance soldiers in a room of their corpses, axes in hand and backlit by light from outside a blasted wall. Oh I think I need some alone time.


Tyrion again showing he sports balls bigger than a Dothraki stallion, and Slow Lorus showing his have regenerated. All the retaliatory scheming in Kings Landing with Cersei showing nobody but her brother fucks with the Queen mother. The heat building in Castle Black. Oh there will be blood, buckets nay great rivers of blood. And so much more.

she_jedi has opinions thus...

Posted May 17, 2016
"#Douchekal misogyny pit" - simply inspired!

ReadYouIWill reckons...

Posted May 17, 2016
Ahhh, Alien, Buffy and Firefly references all in the one comment. A fan after my own heart. I'd even go a little old school and reference Geena Davis in Long Kiss Goodnight... "Die screaming" anyone?

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Lorn is gonna tell you...

Posted May 17, 2016
Easily my favourite amongst so many great lines
"It's like Comic Con for dudes who like wearing leather. So it’s like Comic Con."

Barnesm mumbles...

Posted May 18, 2016
yeah that was GOLD.

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Stormy asserts...

Posted May 17, 2016
BOO HISS Ramsay is intriguing. Not just because of what he does. Every other role has a dichotomy of character. Ramsay simply portrays evil. Where does this go? He hasn't expressed any interest in ruling Westeros, or the world. What is his end game? Is sadism merely enough?

Stormy ducks in to say...

Posted May 17, 2016
btw - cheesburgergothic's comments don't allow paragraphs when posted, making everything seem like stream on consciousness claptrap. I've chosen to respond to myself as a form of grammar. Kill me if you must...

Stormy would have you know...

Posted May 17, 2016
MoK - consider your recap duly complimented. Exemplary, as always.

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Blue mutters...

Posted May 18, 2016
As much as I love GoT, the past seasons have been outstanding in part due to their ability to surprise the viewer/reader. The unpredictability of the plot was a big drawcard. Does anyone else feel that it is now becoming a bit predictable?

We all knew Jon would be resurrected.
We all knew he would use a wildling army to retake Winterfell.
We all knew Danaerys would take charge of the Dothraki and use them to defeat her enemies in Mereen (ok, we thought Drogon would play a part, but the base premise is still holding true).
If R+L=J then none of us will be surprised.
If the church has found and saved a certain person who will be used as the church's "attack dog" against Gregor in Cersei's trial, it will be freaking awesome, but not surprising.

I'm still enjoying GoT, but I'm craving some unpredictable game-changing events like the earlier books/seasons had.

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Patrick has opinions thus...

Posted May 19, 2016
Ahh Shippers .. takes me back to the the early days of Shippers on alt.tv.x-files. Natalie was probably just a wee recappespondent and doesn't remember the desperadoes projecting their relationship desires onto Mulder and Scully.

Ser Devon mumbles...

Posted May 19, 2016
My entry into shipping was Lost, and the amazing banners we, i mean they, used to update weekly for their signitures in the Lost Forums.

(jack+kate all the way)

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Respond to 'Game of Thrones Raven On Recap: S6E4 Book of the Stranger'

Raven On Game of Thrones Recap: S6E3 "Oathbreaker"

Posted May 10, 2016 into Raven On by girlclumsy

Spoilers! Only read on if you've seen Game of Thrones S6E3.

Four words.

JON SNOW’S BUTTOCK CREVICE.

Hoooooh, boy. All hail the supremacy of the televisual medium.

George R.R. Martin is a fine writer, but not even a bastard hybrid child of Wordsworth and Sir Mix-a-Lot could conjure up verse that would adequately describe the magnificence of those sweet cheeks.

No, it was best left to the camera to really hug the smooth, toned curves, the surprisingly-tanned-for-such-a-cold-climate surfaces, and that deep, beckoning central line of intrigue.

The curvature, the musculature…. Dang, by any nomenclature that was a fine posterior.

The shot may have been less than a second long, but that’s why we have the pause button, people. Don’t tell me you didn’t rent Basic Instinct on VHS and try to jog shuttle the leg-crossing bit.

#Junkmound out. #Buttockcrevice in.

Oh wait. Wait. I’m being sexist again. I’m sorry, hetero fellas. Clearly the matriarchy is at it again. But you know me, I’m an equal opportunity ogler, and you’ve had lady bumps all up in your grill since this show began. I believe this is my first set of buttocks since Bangin’ Robb Stark back in Season 3.

I had to search "Robb Stark naked" to find this image. I very much advise
against doing that. People are into some messed up stuff.

Now if a narrative structure that starts with some fine booty and ends with a metaphorical mic drop is good enough for every Beyonce video clip ever, it’s good enough for Game of Thrones. What I loved even more about this episode (if possible) was how all the stuff between those two things was amazing too.

It started out with a lot of promise, and kept that going throughout. The line between succeeding and failing became blurred, and you couldn’t quite tell whether breaking or keeping a promise was the right thing to do.

Season 6, Episode 3: “Oathbreaker”

Ahhh, Jon Snow. I finally understand why the Dothraki’s favourite term of endearment is “moon of my life”.

The poor fellow was rather traumatised by his return to the realm of the living (well, mostly), and it probably didn’t help to wake up to Davos’ face staring at him intently. I almost asked aloud “Why hasn’t he popped a blankie over Jon to keep him warm?” until I realised what I was saying and slapped myself quiet again.

Eventually Davos realised Jon was naked and trembling and proffered his own furry robe for comfort (wa-hay) just as Melisandre entered. The Red Woman looked remarkably restrained for someone who not only just resurrected the dead, but was also the first woman to top the UK pop charts with a self-penned song.

“What do you remember?” probed Davos. Not even a “Hey buddy, you’re back, good to see you,” or “This is totally like those horror movies where you think they’re dead, but then they come back all like RARRRR and you almost pee your pants.”

Jon’s famous last word - “Olly” - here becomes almost his first word back. Jon’s face as he remembered his steward’s betrayal was so sad. Fair enough, Jon probably expected Ser Alliser Trump to shiv him one day, but for Olly to stick a knife in your heart… well, that really sticks a knife in your heart.

Unfortunately Jon can’t help out Melisandre with her request to know what was beyond death. “Nothing,” Jon replied, thrilling Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens’ ghost. But Melisandre is still convinced that someone has to be The Prince That Was Promised, so visions or no, that might as well be Jon.

Davos, for his part, is far more pragmatic. “It’s completely f***ing mad,” he says, before telling Jon it’s best not to look for answers, but rather get on with job of kicking ass and blowing bubblegum. Davos is such a good Dad in this moment, telling Jon it’s OK to fail, which is something I wish my Year 12 maths teacher Mr McNaught (not even kidding) had told me. Well boo sucks to him because I failed maths and look at me now - surrounded by cats and an unhealthy collection of barely-used makeup. I have MADE something of myself, and I didn’t even need algabranometry.

Jon is welcomed back with a mixture of terror and batshit terror by most of his fellow Brothers, but it’s not all happy fun times at Rancho Castle Black. Justice must be meted out, which means Ser Alliser Trump, two random conspirators, and Olly, must suffer the consequences of their stabby, stabby actions.

“Do you have any last words?” Jon asks. Ser Alliser has had no change of heart, no moment of regret - he is satisfied with what he did and would do it again. Every step of the way, he regarded killing Lord Snow as the only way to fulfil his oath to the Night’s Watch. I guess you’ve got to respect that level of self-awareness and determination.

For his part, Olly said nothing. Well, his eyes spoke bitter words, but his tongue remained silent.

I half expected Jon to grant clemency to his youngest attacker, given that he has been a soft touch in the past (and hopefully, in my future). But the internet had spoken, and no amount of Reddit hate pages could rival an actual, terrible punishment. Jon was brought up too well to avoid that.

There’s a reason why hangings in movies are generally done in a long shot, or with cutaways at the gruesome moment. But this show doesn’t shy away from showing the bulging eyes, the blue skin and the crumpled necks, even when it’s a young boy like Olly. Hanging truly is a terrible way to die, and makes you wonder how funsters back in the day considered a dance-on-air the high point of their week. I suppose they didn’t have Game of Thrones, because their whole lives were probably like Game of Thrones, so needs must when the devil drives.

Dolorous Ed suggests to a brooding Jon that the bodies should be burned. Jon responds by shucking off his big Lord Commander cape, handing it to Ed and telling him Castle Black is his now.

Back to his form-fitting leathers, he declares “My watch is ended”, and stalks off into the tunnel, never looking back, leaving former comrades agog behind him, as cool a mic dropper as Obama at the Foreign Correspondents’ Dinner.

Ye Gods, if anything, I think death has made Jon Snow even sexier. I’d reani-mate him over and over again.

Book readers, you must be going nuts right about now with that whole kickass Tower of Joy sequence! I’m sure most TV watchers have heard of the R+L = J theory by now - it’s easier to find on the internet than sideboob photo galleries. But if you’ve managed to keep yourself pure then I won’t spill the beans - although I may have you scrubbed and sent to my room so I can pollute your innocence (let’s just say my karaoke version of Africa by Toto is next level).

As I’m sure you worked out, the Three-Eyed Raven (aka “Exposition Man”) has taken Bran on an awesome mind meld back to a key moment in Westeros history - the fight at the Tower of Joy. This is when Ned and his gang managed to cut down two highly skilled Kingsguard, including the famed Ser Arthur Dayne, who are there to protect some...thing.

The Sword of the Morning turned out to be Swords of the Morning, as Ser Arthur whipped out a truly impressive pair, as well as two battle swords. “Now it begins,” he tells the Ned Gang. “No,” replies Ned, already showing signs of Sean Bean’s war weariness, “Now it ends.”

(Also, I loved the way they kept the Young Ned’s hair in the same half-up ponytail arrangement as Sean Bean would sport years later/earlier, just so you knew it was him.)

The six-versus-two fight sequence was astonishing well choreographed. Ser Arthur Dayne - who, by the way, had a very nice Clive Owen meets Daniel Craig thing going on - shone everyone up, and it was wonderful to see just how much he deserved his reputation as the best swordsman Ned had ever seen.

It was at once a beautiful and a scrappy fight, with both sides battling to fulfil a promise: the Kingsguard to obey their oath to Rhaegar Targyren; Ned and his men to rescue Lyanna.

Eventually the battleground whittles down to just Stark V Dayne. Bran observes to the Three-Eyed Raven that Ser Arthur was much better than his father, and you can see him starting to wonder how on earth he walked away alive. The answer is - dishonourably. Howland Reed, knocked out of the fight early on, was not dead, and took advantage of a pause to shove his dagger into the back of Dayne’s neck. Ned picked up the Sword of the Morning and finished the job.

It was the kill of two desperate men, losing their honour in the moment for a necessary victory. You can just picture Ned, so devoted to doing the Right Thing, wearing that victory like a hair shirt for the rest of his life. But fulfilling his promise was worth the personal sacrifice.

Hey Ned, tip from me to you. Always be honourable in the future,
to the point of being unbearably honourable. I promise it'll all work out for you.

Enemies vanquished, Ned set off to investigate the Tower itself, from where a faint scream could be heard. The TER wants Bran to leave, but the young Stark is eager to know what mystery the Tower contains. He calls out after Ned, and his father briefly turns around, as if it he had heard the future scream of his as-yet-unconceived second son.

Before he can follow any further, the TER brings him back to the Treehouse Meth Den, and explains again that Bran cannot progress as fast as he wants. He reveals he’s been waiting in the tree for a thousand years, waiting specifically for Bran. But he vows Bran won’t end up like him; as long as he learns “everything” first. And you know what that means - more flashbacks!

Danerys isn’t just having a flashback to a former life, she’s living it. The Mother of Dragons is trying desperately to hold onto her status in a world that doesn’t care about her many other achievements and goals. As far as the Dosh Khaleen - the widows of former Khals - are concerned, she is either one of them, or she’ll be done away with in whatever form the great Khals want.

What’s a supple young Queen to do? I can’t imagine Dany settling down for a life of raw-heart eating and chanting, not when she’s pledged her life to regaining her inheritance. Let’s hope she brings down Drogon-fire upon them all. I’m sure he’d enjoy a bit of horsing around.

Over in Meereen, a hot and bothered Varys is probing a local woman named Valla for information regarding the Sons of the Harpie rebellion. He manages to sweet talk her into providing him with information by offering her and her young son money and safe passage to Pentos and a new life. Varys never threatens the child; oh no, he lets the woman do that herself with her imagination. He just offers the goods. You really can catch a lot more flies with honey.

The information is not much of a scoop - the wealthy slave owners in Astapor, Yunkai and Volantis are shelling out the dough to fund the rebellion in Meereen. I could have told Varys that, and I am pretty dim when it comes to observation, as evidenced by the fact I am generally a good two days behind where I should be when it comes to replacing the foster kittens’ litter (seriously, cats, how can such small things produce such a deadly output?)

After unsuccessfully trying to draw Missandei and Grey Worm into conversation, Tyrion says he wants to try that approach instead with the slave owners. Varys offers to send off his “little birds” - the ones he can always trust.

The revelation that Varys’ little birds turned out to be actual children, coupled with his pledge to not harm Valla’s son, make a fair bit of sense. Mutilated as a boy, it’s understandable he would treat children with respect and kindness. Sure, he’ll utilise them to get information, but he won’t harm them. He’ll just give them sweets. There’s nothing wrong with that, is there?

Meanwhile, ex-maester and Dr Frankenstein cosplay champion Qyburn is in charge of the birdhouse, and Cersei wants all the flocking gossip about enemy movements and razzing on her nudie walk of shame. Girl, you can’t make yo’self listen to all those bad vibes. You’ll go crazy. More crazy. Oh, OK, whatever floats your boat.

Cersei and Jaime are still getting around everywhere with the freakish Zombie Mountain, who is causing quite a ruckus with the Small Council. Maester Pycelle is caught out in a classic “He’s behind me, isn’t he?” moment as the twincesters and their beast glide silently into the council chamber while Pycelle blethers on about irregularities and monstrosities and unsanctioned experiments like an old fart.

And when he’s caught out - there is an audible, actual old fart that sounds out. Understandable, if not particularly classy.

Tell you what though, how AMAZING was it to see the superlative Lady Olenna back in the fold, talking business, doling out quips and basically sassing Cersei no end. If there’s one thing the Queen of Thorns is obsessed with - apart from cheese - it’s the safety of her granddaughter Margaery. She did organise to murder Joffrey to protect her, after all.

"Bitch, please."

Cersei and Jaime insist on joining the meeting, intent on seeing justice for Myrcella and working out a plan of attack after the Sand Snakes’ revolt in Dorne. But the distaste Hand of the King Ser Kevan Lannister has for his niece and nephew precludes him from listening or even staying in the room. He storms out, with Olenna, her son Mace Tyrell and Pycelle in tow.

I still have trouble working out exactly what the High Sparrow’s plan is. Tommen goes in to see him all fired up, demanding he leave Cersei alone and not subject her to a formal trial for her sins, but winds up sitting down next to the Big Bird and taking some kindly counsel about the role the gods play on earth, and the qualities they funnel through mere mortals.

Tommen, devoid of any real father figure, is susceptible to this not because he’s easily swayed by religion but because he’s genuinely interested in doing a good job as king. And the High Sparrow seems to want him to fulfil his potential. Now Big Bird is a fanatic, but there’s something about his all-too-showy-do-gooder-ness that just irks me, and makes me think there’s something else under the surface. How can a truly good-hearted religious person sanction humiliation and torture? Answer that *insert appropriate reference here*.

Can somebody please cut together Arya’s scenes with Eye of the Tiger? ‘Cause that was a training sequence that needed montage music if ever I saw one. Back in the House of Black and White but still blind, she is put through her paces by the Waif and Jaqen H’ghar, learning to master hand/no eye co-ordination while confessing everything she knows and remembers about her life as Arya Stark.

Any incorrect information was dealt with by a sharp thwack of birch, such as Arya describing Jon as first a brother, before clarifying he was a half-brother. Eventually, the smouldering Jaqen led her to one of the pools in the Great Hall, and bade her drink from it. “If a girl is truly no one, she should have no fear,” he tells her. Arya drinks, and lo! She is healed. “Who are you?” Jaqen asks. “No one,” she replies. She’s fulfilled her potential. Her training seems complete.

And now, let us head north to Winterfell, where Lord Smalljon Umber may just have become be my favourite new love/hate character. Initially, it was all love, given the refreshing no-bullshit attitude he displayed to Ramsay, including the deliberate and unapologetic sprinkling of c-bombs used to describe Roose Bolton.

"See you next Tuesday."

Lord Umber is quite happy to fight Wildlings, but with 1500 of them now south of The Wall and the possibility that Jon Snow could lead them to Winterfell has prompted him to make deals.

The best part about Lord Umber is that he was entirely unfazed by Ramsay. Lord Karstark, already pledged to Ramsay, still seems a bit skittish around him. But Smalljon clearly inherited stone cajones from his father, who we remember as the guy who had two fingers bitten off by a direwolf when he threatened Robb Stark, and whose reaction was “Fair cop, where’s the booze?”

So he’s entirely comfortable in refusing all the trappings of status that Ramsay now seeks to enjoy as Lord Bolton. “F*** kneeling, and f*** oaths,” he states matter-of-factly, before bringing out a “present” that he sees as far better evidence of his pledge to fight together.

Of course we knew in our gut who those figures were: Osha and Rickon, absent for more than a season now but bound to eventually rejoin the Great Westerosi Chessboard.

Ramsay is not convinced Rickon is real, and so Lord Umber produced further proof: the dismembered head of Shaggy Dog, Rickon’s direwolf and protector.

THEY KILLED SHAGGY DOG. THEY MUST PAY.

Honestly, that’s three direwolves out of six down now, with Nymeria still running around in the wild somewhere. I feel so sorry for Rickon - left without parents so young, Shaggy Dog seemed sometimes to be his substitute everything.

The disgraceful sight of a beautiful creature brought low of course brought nothing but joy to Ramsay. “Welcome home, Lord Stark,” he beamed, so creepily you’d think he was the cab driver I had the other day who offered me a personalised in-home oil massage service, preferably on a yoga mat on the floor, for just $35 or free if I didn’t like it (I actually think the guy was above board, but I did feel like he needed to rethink his pitch).

Osha had promised to keep the littlest Stark safe; but what is safety in this world of upside downs? How was she to know about Ramsay’s ascendance and the new Lord Umber’s more fluid interpretation of loyalty? Rickon’s greatest advantage had been the general assumption he was dead - will any promise he had as an able-bodied heir be able to be fulfilled, or simply snuffed out?

Yay! Best Moments

Jon’s reunions with Tormund and Dolorous Ed were so endearing I just wanted to rush in and give them all a big group hug. Of course, I settled for grabbing a foster kitten instead and was rewarded with a scratch to the arm. Longclaw, indeed.

The way Ed questioned whether Jon was actually Jon because he cracked a funny was enough to make you all gooey inside, but Tormund took the resurrection cake with his wry snap that Jon couldn’t be a god because “I saw your pecker. What kind of god would have a pecker that small?”

Which is disappointing in its own way, but still, it is very chilly up north and Jon was naked on a table, so with a nice fire and some oysters there’s hope for us yet.

Zing! Best Lines

It was purely a filler scene, but gosh Tyrion’s attempt to breathe some liveliness into Missandei and Grey Worm was a delight to watch. Grey Worm thought patrol reports passed muster for conversation, and Missandei hinted at a very dark past when Tyrion suggested games. Oh, and neither of them drink, so the poor little Lannister was left high and dry indeed.

Tyrion: “A wise man once said the true history of the world is a history of great conversations in elegant rooms.”
Missandei: “Who said this?
Tyrion: “Me, just now.”

Ewww, gross

Sam Tarly’s vomit. Because of course, if Sam Tarly is at sea, he is going to vomit. Gilly clearly had no problems, despite a fairly limited history of family beach holidays. I loved her fieriness when Sam confessed that he was not taking her with him to Old Town, and that instead she would stay with his mother and sister, who were nice people, unlike his arsehole father. But I also loved that she accepted his explanation that he gave her slightly misleading information only to keep her safe. Anyone else in Game of Thrones, and yeah, I’d tell her to give them a piece of her mind. But we all know Sam not only cannot lie, but he is devoted to Gilly and her baby, and she knows it. So they’ll keep their promises to each other.

My only concern is that the last time Sam tried to keep Gilly safe, she ended up in a brothel that got raided by wildlings and only just escaped being murdered. So let’s hope Sam has utter confidence in his family and they don’t all turn out to be dead, or insane, or just really keen to mess his shit up.

Boo, hiss

THEY KILLED SHAGGY DOG. THEY WILL PAY.


Thank you so much for joining me again this week. I can't wait to read your comments and thoughts, either here on the 'Burger, or via my Facebook page: www.facebook.com/nataliesthrone

Another reminder that I'm running a Patreon campaign this season. If you like the recaps and wish to become a patron, you can sign up and pledge the suggested $1 per recap. Here's the link: www.patreon.com/girlclumsy.

Valar Morghulis!

63 Responses to ‘Raven On Game of Thrones Recap: S6E3 "Oathbreaker"’

Sousy Wench would have you know...

Posted May 10, 2016

I admit there was much in the way of squealing, swearing and shouting at my house tonight - my cat really doesn't seem to appreciate this strange new call and response tv experience. Her loss.

Tower of joy, so close... Then, poof. Though brans apparent ability to interact with dead folks could also be interesting?

Poor Rickon, he's pretty much screwed... Though he could be the the means of getting Jon to march on Winterfell. Sucks to be Sansa, again... Unless she and Jon hilariously bump into each other on their wacky travels.

Umber. Seriously, what a fucker. *shakes fist at the sky*

girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted May 10, 2016

As I say, I currently love/hate Smalljon Umber. Let's see which way he goes...

My cats were also somewhat startled by my buttock reverie as well. Given how much they love to shove their own buttocks in my face, I couldn't really expect much respect.

Sam Clifford has opinions thus...

Posted May 10, 2016
I have a small amount of hope that the Umbers are somehow secretly plotting something and that having Rickon there and accepted by Ramsay Bolton as legit is part of a scheme to show the North that there are still Starks and that if anyone's going to be knelt to it's going to be awkward teenager Rickon Stark, not someone who's willing to murder his traitorous father only to deepen the betrayal of the Starks by his house.

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xServer puts forth...

Posted May 10, 2016
I have heard it posited that the reason Umber wouldn't kneel or take oaths is because he's about to double-cross Ramsay and bringing in Osha and Rickon was the only way to get some "cred" without having to lie/break an oath. Oh, and also heard posited that the head didn't really belong to ShaggyDog.

I'm not convinced but...a girl can hope, right?

Great episode. They are really keeping things moving.

And if I was Danny I would just light the whole place on fire and see what happens next. We all know SHE'D be ok...

girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted May 10, 2016
OMG this is a brilliant theory. I HOPE it is true. By thunder, that would be marvellous. Particularly if it wasn't really Shaggy Dog. :)

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Véronique is gonna tell you...

Posted May 10, 2016
This was a rippin' episode, no doubt about it! Nice that we got past the setup of the first couple of episodes into the meat of the plot for this season. Yep, Jon Snow's Playgirl pose was pretty magnifico. Love how Kate Bush went straight to, "oh, BTW, you're the Messiah, no pressure, eh?" I imagine Ser Davos's rather more practical approach felt better to Jon. "My watch is ended," loved that line! There's one advantage to having been dead.

I'm annoyed that Dr. Frankenstein figured out Varys's network. Guess Varys is going to need better bribes.

Did you notice that the Jon Snow's last act as Lord Commander was very similar to the first execution we saw Ned perform?

girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted May 10, 2016
Certainly synchronicity there. The man who passes the sentence must swing the sword, and all that.

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GordonG mutters...

Posted May 10, 2016
General feeling around our place was that Gilly's son had been replaced by Prince George. Wonder if that will end well!

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted May 10, 2016
Ha! Yeah I can see that. Very cherubic.

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Rhino would have you know...

Posted May 10, 2016
Yeah, the mic drop and exit was cool and all ... Buuuuuut.

2 minutes later:

Jon Snows comes back through the tunnel.

'Ummmm, yeah, didn't quite think that through. Can I borrow a coat? Seems that I just doffed my warm c;oak in a bit of a hissy. And a horse? Oh, and some mutton might be nice. Don't know why I'm craving that. Oh, and I need to get my dog bowl. And my dog. Oh, and you Wildings, do you want to give me a hand with this whole avenging my fami;y thing? An army of battle tested maniacs might come in handy after all. And can someone send a raven to Old Town and let Sam know that I was dead, and back, and all that? Oh, and Ser Davos and Melisandre, you wanna come too? That who;e raising the dead thing might be handy to have around.

Yep, that about sums it up. What say I just go back in my office and do a little orderly succession plan cause leaving the Night's Watch in chaos with the White Walkers and Winter coming might not be the best thing? Especially since I just hanged the only person remotely qualified to train and lead you.

Yep.

girlclumsy asserts...

Posted May 10, 2016
Let him have his moment, Rhino. Let him have his moment. :)

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vitas puts forth...

Posted May 10, 2016
Don't be upset over Jon's small pecker. As he showed in the cave with Ygritte, he has other skills.

girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 10, 2016
SO. TRUE.

Gosh I wish I'd thought of this line to use in my recap. I bow down. :)

Sunny asserts...

Posted May 10, 2016
Rest easy Natalie. From my experience, small pecker down does not mean small pecker up, if you get my drift.
Especially when down includes being in freezing temperatures, and also dead (ok ok that bit is not actually based on experience).
Unless he and Tormund are a WHOLE lot closer than they've shown on the show, I would say that the comment has no bearing on the size of the flaming sword when in use... ;)

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PK would have you know...

Posted May 10, 2016
Seriously hoping the Umbers (and maybe Karstarks) have got a double-cross in the works (why else keep Osha alive?) because there's a brilliant fan theory doing the rounds called The Grand Northern Conspiracy that falls apart if the Stark's vassal lords change their allegiances.

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted May 10, 2016
Is this similar to the comment above? I'm totally onboard if this is the plan... I'm so tempted to go and read up on that theory but I really try not to pre-empt too many things!

Muddy is gonna tell you...

Posted May 10, 2016
He did not say Jon had a small pecker. He implied Jon was not a God because if he was a God , he would have given himself a much larger one.
If he can please a Wildling Ranga, he is certainly endowed, human size.

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted May 10, 2016
Ahhh, excellent reasoning. It's good to know people think so seriously about peckers.

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Murphy_of_Missouri puts forth...

Posted May 10, 2016
Heh, she said, he-heh, butt.

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Ken mumbles...

Posted May 10, 2016
What can I say that hasn't been said. Excellent episode and equally as excellent recap. As I was watching yesterday the thought crossed my mind, 'I hope Natalie is sitting on a towel', you're words at the start only reinforced that stray thought.

A small request if I may, please don't recommend NOT to Google things. Surely you know it's a challenge that must be met. I had to Google 'naked women of Game of Thrones to recover.

Off to hunt down a Valerian blade to protect my own little Dire wolf. As you said THEY KILLED SHAGGY DOG. THEY WILL PAY.

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted May 10, 2016
So much revenge coming their way...

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Observer asserts...

Posted May 10, 2016
Did anyone find the scene of a mature Qyburn doling out sweets to children in return for favours a little creepy in a grooming sort of way?

she_jedi puts forth...

Posted May 10, 2016
Yes! I said to my cat when he started doling out sweets that "this isn't going to end well." Of course I didn't give him enough credit to co-opt Varys' little birds for his own purposes, I just figured he'd poison them all for fodder for his experiments.

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted May 10, 2016
Yeah, I tried to hint at that in my recap - it mustn't have come across very well. :)

Rhino is gonna tell you...

Posted May 12, 2016
Of course they are still under Varys' control ... what better way to get inside info (or insert bad intel) on what is going on in King's Landing than to let Qyburn think that he has subverted the Little Birds.

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Mother of nothing mumbles...

Posted May 10, 2016
Great recap as always, however i think you missed the best line. I just LOL'd loudly (also disturbing my cat) at:

Lady Olenna: ...I do appreciate these things can get a bit confusing for your family

girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 10, 2016
She got a photo because she was so awesome. :)

But yes, she is Sass Queen.

Richard Gadsden puts forth...

Posted May 10, 2016
Before this all ends, I want one scene with her and Tyrion sassing each other. Just one.

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she_jedi has opinions thus...

Posted May 10, 2016
Poor Jon; his hurt indignation about what happened was priceless. "I did what I thought was right... and I was MURDERED for it!" Loved Tormin's pecker joke though, he's a treasure.

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted May 10, 2016
And then he totally took his bat and ball and went home. :)

she_jedi ducks in to say...

Posted May 10, 2016
I can't really blame him though; having done the right thing and been MURDERED for it, he's got no incentive to hang around, lead the Watch, try to do the right thing and wait for his men to get stabby on him again if they disagree with him. I'd be totally taking my bat and ball and going home under those circumstances!

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted May 10, 2016
I'd gladly take Jon's bat and balls.

...
...
...

I'll get me coat.

Rhino asserts...

Posted May 12, 2016
Poor Wah.

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Beth McKinlay mutters...

Posted May 10, 2016
I dunno, I feel like the show is pandering to the fans now. A lot of these scenes are just giving people what they want. Is it because they no longer have a book to follow? What happened to the unexpected disappointments and near misses and pointless arbitrary violence? Apart from the scenes at Castle Black, the appeal of which rested mainly on Jon's manly crevice, the rest was so predictable and tedious I could have had more fun doing the ironing. But Natalie, I do love a recap that uses the expression "needs must when the devil drives" – top marks for that.

girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted May 10, 2016
I imagine they have GRRM's blessing in what they're setting up and doing. Sure, his novels won't match it exactly, but they wouldn't have brought Jon back without GRRM's approval that he was going to do it anyway? After all, GRRM has to eventually give the book readers payoff too.

We're only three eps in, so I'm sure there will be more topsy-turvy moments.

Personally I found the murder of Roose last week quite a shock, and as for pointless arbitrary violence, surely the Zombie crunching the stand-up geezer's head in the wall last week counted for that?!?!

:)

Bondiboy66 mumbles...

Posted May 10, 2016
Arbitrary violence? Well the swordfight at the Tower of Joy was pretty bloody good I thought.

Arya reciting her rather reduced list made me think of mine: The Sparrow, Ramsay Bolton, Ser Alister was there, The Waif....

vitas swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 10, 2016
GRRM has mapped out to the show runners how the show must go, just in case he dies before the end.

GRRM, Benioff and Weiss are the only 3 people who know where we are going

girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 10, 2016
Oh to be a fly on the wall...

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Muddy has opinions thus...

Posted May 10, 2016
Hello Natalie, I fear for you. Is this show going to end with Jon Snow atop a dragon riding along with Danerys and Tyrion on the other two, raining fire down on Kings Landing.
The image of Jon astride a dragon will be too much fantasy even for you. Be careful.

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted May 10, 2016
I'm swooning already!

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TL has opinions thus...

Posted May 10, 2016
I wondered why there was no Raven On recaps in the Brisbane Times. Their loss.

So glad to discover them here. We shall not see their like again!

Have now pledged my filthy lucre on that patreon thingy.
So no writer's block now, you hear?
Leave that to GRRM (boom!)
:-)

girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 10, 2016
Nawww, bless you, TL! I do believe Fairfax are still recapping though, so do feel free to check it out too. :)

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wendy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 10, 2016
Ah Yes. The sight of Jon Snow's naked back side is a thing of beauty to behold! But I do also think that he didn't quite think it through when he strode off into the night, no cloak, no horse, no sword etc. But methinks the Wildings will follow him and all will soon be provided. He is now their God even if he isn't. He saved them, he came back from dead so of course they will worship him and follow him anywhere. Lets hope he runs smack into Sansa & Brienne straight away so they can all plan their revenge & retake Winterfell and rescue Rickon from the evil Bolton. We all can't wait to see that sucker get his just desserts!

All in all a pretty good ep! And as usual Nat, your recaps make it all that much sweeter!

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Barnesm has opinions thus...

Posted May 10, 2016
Excellent recapping as ever I particularly liked the line 'was how all the stuff between those two things was amazing too' when your were discussing Rob's butt cheeks.

girlclumsy asserts...

Posted May 10, 2016

Wow, another sexy pun that I didn't even realise I'd made. I'm like a savant for this stuff.

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Kate has opinions thus...

Posted May 10, 2016
Episode 2 and 3 have made me much happier than episode 1... the plot is moving much more quickly and more divergent plots they are as well. It also seems to be moving much more quickly than the series before. I think this is because they do not have to fear overtaking the books. The segue ways also seem less clunky as well.

Tower of Joy: very ironic name. Don't think we will see scenes of more joy from that tower.

I adore Diana Rigg and wish Queen of Thrones was in the show more. She has the best lines ever and she knows how to deliver them with maximum effect! Such a great actress and such a great character.

Finally, so glad that Jon does not seem to have side effects (yet?) of coming back from the dead. Unlike the fellow in the cave (forgotten his name) Jon doesn't seem to have lost part of himself. He is probably the only truly honourable person left in GOT. Although maybe before he was dead, he would never have considered hanging Olly, so maybe he did lost some of himself...

I know I said finally just above but just had one more thought... 3 episodes down and only six more to go.... and then ... months and months of waiting... oh dear, it always seems like a lifetime between series....

she_jedi mumbles...

Posted May 10, 2016
I think Berrick losing part of himself stemmed more from the number of times he was brought back. I think the first time you come back you're mostly yourself, but after repeated resurrections bits of your soul might drop off. Bit like a photocopy of a photocopy of a photocopy... the quality goes down each time you get further from the original

girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted May 10, 2016
Well, let's hope Jon isn't killed off again. We don't need him becoming Ridge from The Bold and the Beautiful!

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flöki snöw puts forth...

Posted May 10, 2016
'tis a cunning plan the North has in play, handing over Rickon but why give him Osha too? Unless...... Ramsay is in need of a new concubine and we know Osha isn't afraid to go full on "Cleopatra" seductress to stick someone with a shiv.

'nice recaps by the way'

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girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted May 10, 2016
Oh man, I would be a happy chappy if Osha shivs Ramsay!

mandos swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 10, 2016
Oh yes concurr on said shivving...would be splendid!

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Nahaz swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 10, 2016
Hi Natalie

Where do you think we're going with Dany's storyline? Do you think she will want to claim the iron throne sooner than later or will she want to wipe out world slavery first?

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Katy has opinions thus...

Posted May 10, 2016
Fab recap as always! Feeling a bit better after reading recap and comments, honestly i was bit traumatised by seeing Osha, Rickon and his poor direwolf delivered to that psycho Ramsay, almost felt as though i couldn't bear to watch rest of the series if only to see more people brutalised or used for pet food. Have hope now that something cool may be on the cards and Ramsay may become the pet food instead.

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Lorn mumbles...

Posted May 10, 2016
"not even a bastard hybrid child of Wordsworth and Sir Mix-a-Lot could conjure up verse that would adequately describe the magnificence of those sweet cheeks" ...he he he love it!

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BrunswickMum mutters...

Posted May 10, 2016
"George R.R. Martin is a fine writer, but not even a bastard hybrid child of Wordsworth and Sir Mix-a-Lot could conjure up verse that would adequately describe the magnificence of those sweet cheeks." Possibly my favourite all-time paragraph that you have written!

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Stormy mumbles...

Posted May 10, 2016
Brilliant recap yet again MoK. Too many highlights to highlight!

I found that I felt what I later determined to be 'visceral dissatisfaction' with elements of this ep. This is not a bad thing. For me it highlights the difference between GoT (and other excellent series that have sprung forth over time) and the usual pap foisted upon us. As an example, visceral satisfaction occurs when Voldemort is turned into a billion shards of carbon. A better (or worse) example is Bruce Willis executing any number of bad guys in any number of Die Hard movies. Justice has been served and we all (should) feel the better for it.

Viscerally, dissatisfaction existed for me with the hanging scene. Justice has been served, but I don't feel better for it. Hence (within the context of being a fictional fantasy) it enhances the reality created. Specifically, Olly could be, should be, but isn't redeemed. His lifeless, lolling head screams nihilism to Jon. A young man has made mistakes and receives the ultimate penalty. Without wanting to trivialise reality by making comparisons with fiction, it called to mind Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran. There are other incidents with GoT that have brought forth my 'visceral dissatisfaction', but this episode has brought it to the front of my mind.

Others have already pointed out that Jon's watch had already ended with his death. The question is - through death and resurrection, has Jon changed? I'm not looking to make the obvious comparison here. Rather, I look to the evidence I see on the screen. Did the previously straight backed Jon look stooped and weary? If the answer is yes, does this hold any inference regarding his pre-death moral strength? Has this also been sapped? I look forward to finding out. Of course, may his butt remain forever strong!

Stormy ducks in to say...

Posted May 12, 2016
Oh, and how did you slip "algabranometry" past the spellchecker. Do you think Kate Bush has a spell-checker?

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Mike Brady mutters...

Posted May 10, 2016
Great recap, but this season I find myself wondering; what's the point if characters can be healed after death? What's the final fight gonna come down to? Jon Snow vs Ser Gregorstein, with Melisandre and Maester Qyburn casting resurrection spells as fast as they can, like some kind of Japanese RPG? This show is becoming ludicrous. Which is good! I hope they run with it and go completely batshit. My ideal final scene? The entire show is revealed to be just a dream Bran had after knocking himself out for a couple of hours, when he actually fell all by himself, while climbing that tower in the first episode.

Game of Thrones is simply the dream of an imaginative young lad on the verge of puberty, who gets maybe a little too big a kick from pulling the wings off flies, has the standard oedipal desire to kill his father, is scared of zombies and still believes in princesses and dragons, and has burgeoning incestual tendencies towards his sister. Like most adolescent boys really.

Sorry, I forgot the spoiler alert. Durp.

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Richard Gadsden ducks in to say...

Posted May 10, 2016
Hum, Tyrion has released the other dragons now. I expect they will head off to find Drogon and then all three will arrive at Vaes Dothrak together, at which point all the Khals decide that discretion is the better part of valour and bend the knee to Dany - and she heads off, in command of a united Khalasar of all the Dothraki, all three dragons on two, for Meereen.

Well, a man can hope.

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Jackie is gonna tell you...

Posted May 11, 2016
Hi Nat, I love reading your recaps. So much so that I have pledged on Patreon for your recaps. Also, makeup junkies unite!

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Tank mumbles...

Posted May 12, 2016
Hold on. Hold on. Junk mound. Buttock crevice. I'm pleased for you and all the hetero girls and gay boys out there. But what about the rest of us? What about the gratuitous girl bits and boobs that have been so much part of the GOT experience. Nothing since Kate's bush at the end of Ep 1. You can see (or rather can't see) where it was supposed to be in the script. Darn that clause in the Mother of Dragon's contract.

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PM puts forth...

Posted May 12, 2016
Arya's great conflict is between retaining loyalty to her Stark clan identity/resposibilities vs truely subsuming her self into the anonimity of the assassin cult she has joined. Is it possible that her greatest challege might come in a situation where her cult masters send her out to assasinate a member of the Stark cohort?

Also, while I'm idly speculating: I suspect we might see more of that nice wildling lady who got killed by the blue-eyed snow zombies while everyone was rushing for the boats (she hesitated in the midst of battle because she was a mother and couldn't bring herself to fight zombie kiddies).

If (as others have speculated) the final battle will be between 'The South' and 'The North' (represented by a unified super-group that includes Starks, Wildlings AND snow-zombies) maybe that nice wildling mother who is now a zombie could be a key link in the alliance?

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JotJelly asserts...

Posted May 13, 2016
>He calls out after Ned, and his father briefly turns around, as if it he had heard the future scream of his as-yet-unconceived second son.

Don't you mean third son? ;)

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Respond to 'Raven On Game of Thrones Recap: S6E3 "Oathbreaker"'

Raven On S6E2: Home

Posted May 2, 2016 into Raven On by girlclumsy

SPOILER WARNING!

Only read on if you’ve seen Game of Thrones Season Six, Episode Two.

Seriously, I mean it here, because some S*** WENT DOWN, people.

Oh my beloveds! He’s alive. HE’S ALIVE!

I’m not a religious woman, but I defy Christianity to offer a narrative as joyous and fulfilling as a beloved man of questionable parentage rising from the dead.

Jon Snow has returned to me. I mean, us. You know, the Game of Thrones viewing audience. The world and all of its sensible, Jon Snow-worshipping types. But mostly me, the Beyonce to his Jay-Z (unlike that Ygritte with the good hair).

This episode was shocking and dastardly in so many ways - most of them to do with BOOO HISSS Ramsay Bolton - yet we got the happy ending we so desperately craved, an ab-tastic sequence which somehow made all the horror seem kind of okay. Of course, Jon himself looked rather shocked by it, but hey, I too would be confused if I woke up near-naked with just my foster kittens for company. ‘Cause that never happens normally. No. Never.

And Melisandre, dear, wonderful, craggy Melisandre - all is forgiven. Yes, you encouraged Stannis to burn his own daughter at the stake (something Ser Davos conveniently hasn’t seemed to have realised yet). But damnit, you’ve shown vulnerability, self-doubt and crackingly good resurrection skills. You’re OK again in my book.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. The title for this episode really set up the through-line of the interweaving stories this week. For whether it was finding it, missing it, returning to it or attempting to set one up - so many of our characters were seeking the true meaning of “home”.

Also there were a lot of big dudes smashing the shit out of other dudes. And Ramsay Bolton being an utter, utter, utter, utter smegging utter utter bastard. It’s all enough to make a recappespondent swoon and have to remove her bra for medical reasons. Join me please, as I release the tension in my bosoms and shove the twin nipples of plot and character development right in your face.

Season 6, Episode 2: Home

I think the key takeaway from our long-awaited catch-up with Bran in that meth den far north of the Wall is HOLY CRAP HODOR COULD SPEAK?!

Sure, discovering that Bran’s Warg Powers not only allow him to commune with animals but mentally time-travel (a sort of interior Tardis) was a big revelation too, but gods-be-damned if it wasn’t something else to wonder what happened to that shy, gentle stable boy to turn him into a shy, gentle, stable boy who only says “Hodor”?

Of course, Hodor wasn’t telling. Well, he may have been, but despite Bran’s best “Whatchu talkin’ ‘bout, Willis?”, only “Hodor” was forthcoming.

That mind-blowing development was revealed to us in a mind-blowing mystical encounter featuring the Three-Eyed Raven, a sort of kindly Walter White figure who can dial in your blue sky visions with up to 99 per cent purity.

I am the one who knocks, Bran.

Transported to a Winterfell of many years past, the second-youngest Stark watched, on all two legs, as his father Ned and uncle Benjen practised their sword-fighting.

We even saw the much-discussed Lyanna Stark ride in on a white steed, dark hair flowing, all sass and sisterly love, attempting to rope young Hodor in to be Benjen’s sparring partner when Ned goes off to learn from Jon Arryn at the Eyrie.

Now here’s something. I always figured Lyanna was Ned’s younger sister, but it looked from the immersive flashback like she was a fair bit older. This may be important, it may just be an observation - certainly Nan (not “Old” just yet) didn’t much take age into account when chewing them all out for being silly buggers.

All we know for sure is that according to Bran, “They were all so happy”. “So were you, once,” replies the triple-peepered-corvus. Yep, for those first 45 minutes of season one, episode one, Bran sure was a chipper kid.

Of course, he’s not allowed to linger at this warm, familial scene, because according to Walter White Raven, if you continue to scuba without air in your tank, you drown. Bran of course wasn’t drowning, he was home. But as Homer Simpson taught us, you cannot just run away from your problems and start a new life under the sea.

Bran’s protector Meera is getting jacked off at how very boring her life has become. I imagine hanging outside while all your friends are tripping balls gets dull pretty quickly. But the intense fairy woman/Child of the Forest insists she is much needed. Bran may be home in the meth den right now, but someday soon he’s going to have to move on. And that’s when he’ll need an awesome fighting chick by his side.

Speaking of awesome fighting chicks, in the forest north of Winterfell, the much more relaxed Brienne gives Sansa an update about seeing Arya with the Hound a whole season ago. “She looked good,” came the summary, “although she wasn’t dressed like a lady.”

Sansa’s smile and retort (“No, she wouldn’t be”) were so sweet. Given this was the first confirmation Sansa has had in years that her sister is in fact alive, I wish they’d talked about it a little more. Certainly Sansa had nothing to say about her time at Winterfell, only that she wished she’d gone with Brienne the first time she’d offer to protect her. “It was a difficult choice,” Brienne responds, giving Sansa an out. I mean, yes, it was, but also, you were travelling with Petyr Baelish at the time, Sansa! Sure he saved your life at the Purple Wedding but come on, you had to be suss by the way he looked at you and (probably) smelled your hair.

Sansa is very forgiving of Theon, whose is well into his Redemption of Reek journey. The Greyjoy heir doesn’t want forgiveness of course - taking the black and joining the Night’s Watch won’t wash away the sins he committed against the Starks. He needs to make things right, and to do that, he has to go back to where it all began - the Iron Islands.

Over in Pyke, King Balon really is losing the plot. His daughter Yara - possibly the most sensible character in the series - raises the thorny issue of their strongholds on the mainland being recaptured by their original tenants, but Balon doesn’t want to hear it. “Stop disobeying my orders!” he rants, getting more boring by the second.

In the end he winds up crossing a rope bridge between two of his castles turrets, being buffeted by ferocious winds. You’d think the Iron Islanders might be used to that kind of weather and develop better bridges - or maybe trial squat, all-in-one buildings - but they’re salt people, and any opportunity to practice flailing about in a storm would no doubt be considered character building. After all, you can’t make a mistake twice if your limbs are broken on the rocks below.

At this point, Balon is bailed up by a mysterious stranger who turns out to be his brother, Euron Greyjoy. It was a bit odd to introduce Euron this way, as I couldn’t get a good look at his face, and the rain made it a bit hard to understand what they were saying. But the gist seemed to be that Euron is an insane megalomaniac who doesn’t just worship the Drowned God, believes he is the Drowned God. Oh joy, another David Koresh type. As if the Iron Islanders weren't already Waco enough.

Eventually Balon attempted to grab Euron, but instead was tossed off the rope bridge like so many horny masochists.

The death of Balon was not a total surprise, and not a total loss really. We only saw him rarely, he was just a bit of a mad old coot, and even though the introduction of his long-lost brother was a bit convenient and quick, this Euron fellow may still prove a more useful character.

Sure, Theon will get home to find his daddy gone, but he can still make amends with Yara. In fact, he may be able to help her, as it seems the Iron Islanders are a tad against a woman ruler, even if it was clear that Balon considered her his heir. Hey dudes, perhaps if you’d let a freaking woman rule you before now, you might have replaced raping and pillaging with more sensible policies such as sustainable aqua-culture and a tourism industry. Go get ‘em, Yara.

Please, tell me again how I am not qualifed to run this dump.

Let’s talk BOOOOO HISSSSSS Ramsay Bolton.

I imagine there may be some outcry over THAT scene. You know, the one where Lady Walda and her newborn baby were ripped apart by Ramsay’s bloodthirsty hunting dogs? Not on camera, of course, they left that to the imagination and the foley artist. But still, it was pretty brutal, and I can understand how it may upset some people.

However - surely as soon as the news of Lady Walda giving birth to a boy was pronounced, we knew they were both dead? When Ramsay stuck a knife in his father’s gut, just a moment after being told he would always be his first born, we knew Roose’s direct line would be snuffed out. When Ramsay asked to hold the baby, we all thought he was about to dash its brains out right there on the cobblestones.

So maybe the dogs were a bit much, but then, everything about Ramsay is a bit much. HE CUT A GUY’S KNOB OFF, PEOPLE.

Also, Game of Thrones has form on baby-maiming - remember the first episode of season two, when the City Watch in King’s Landing slaughtered all of King Robert’s bastards, including a newborn in the brothel?

Personally, I thought the Walda’s pride in her baby, her heartbreaking realisation of what was happening and her last-ditch plea for their lives were amazingly portrayed. In those moments Walda had real humanity and character, as opposed to the fairly one-dimensional role she had played in previous scenes.

If anything, it was Roose’s death that surprised me - and, I must say, moved me. Given Roose’s ability to curb Ramsay’s worst excesses, I guess part of me hoped he would come more to the fore, realise what a mistake he’d made with this psychotic hangnail of a son, and put a stop to it.

“If you act like a mad dog you will be treated like a mad dog,” the elder Bolton reasoned when Ramsay declared he wanted to march on Castle Black and kill Jon Snow, another bastard but nevertheless a potential Stark claimant to Winterfell.

From Ramsay’s perspective of course, he is setting up his home, his legacy, and hopefully with a returned Sansa, his dynasty. Sure, he’s also a nutbag who likes to kill, but there is some sense of wanting to achieve driving him. And while he is utterly without remorse or mercy, he is not without smarts. Rather than own up to his father’s murder, he orders it to be announced as a poisoning.

If he wasn’t before, he definitely is now the absolute worst character ever on Game of Thrones.

Let’s head to King’s Landing, where a skeevy Cockney geezer is regaling a crowd of barflies about that time he got his wang out and wiggled it at Queen Cersei. Sigh. There’s always one, isn’t there? So proud of it, and feels such a need to brag. Discretion is the better part of valour, gentlemen. And that doesn’t mean give it the nickname “Discretion” either, even if that is a very good nickname for it.

When this jester is later happened upon answering the call of nature by the Zombie Mountain, he manages a few errant tinkles on his colossal armour before the Mountain delivers the best review in the history of comedy - a sharp backwards shove into a brick wall.

Now, beloved Throners, my initial reaction to this violent meeting of brick and brain matter was a loud “WHOA!” followed quickly by a dissolve into giggles. For who amongst us has not wanted to throw a heckle this good? I implore you, Zombie Mountain, critique on! Can you take on *name of Australian comedian deleted for legal reasons* next?

Sadly Zombie Mountain has to leave his contributions to the Westeros entertainment industry for another day, as he is to accompany Cersei to Myrcella’s funeral. Unfortunately for the mourning Queen, the Lannister guards would not allow Cersei to leave the Red Keep, on King Tommen’s orders. There were about 15 guards and only one Zombie Mountain, and yet it was hilarious watching them all twitch at the slightest movement on the Zom’s part. He sure is one big half-dead intimidating murderer.

Inside the Sept of Baelor, Jaime presses his son/nephew (sophew?) Tommen on why he wouldn’t let Cersei attend. It turns out the High Sparrow told the young king that his mother would be refused entry, on pain of imprisonment, due to all that incest and sin and stuff. He also confesses that he feels guilty for not being able to save her and his wife Margaery from the nasty indulgences of the Faith Militant and the High Sparrow. The throne is his, but what has he done to deserve it? What kind of King can’t keep order in his own house?

Jaime of course is insistent Cersei will never be locked up while he’s around, and entreats Tommen to go and see her - a call that becomes more urgent after the Big Bird himself shows up. He explains that the reason for those creepy eye stones placed on every corpse in Westeros is to not fear death, and to embrace the life after.

A stand-off between Jaime and Big Bird soon arises, but the preacher has a secret weapon - poor, nameless, blindly faithful foot soldiers! You might kill me, he tells Jaime, and that’s fine, I deserve it. But religion, as it turns out, is like the Hydra - you cut off one head and three more obedient sheeple pop up in its place. Hail Hydra!

Meanwhile Tommen goes to apologise to his Mommie Dearest, who incidentally is looking rather modern with her chic pixie cut. She gives him the cold shoulder to begin with, literally turning her back on him and acting all distant and hurt. I dunno, maybe she is distant and hurt. But she is Cersei, and so it’s far more likely that she was just waiting for the inevitable grovelling apology. When it comes, she is invigorated. Hearing Tommen say lines like “I should have pulled the Sept down on the High Sparrow’s head before I let them do that to you” must have been a proud moment - that’s top notch Lannister vengeance speak right there. When he asks for her help in being strong, she embraces him. “Always,” she mutters, wrapping up her last remaining baby in her warm embrace. Tommen is home; but moreover, Cersei is home.

Home is looking a lot less secure for the gang of ne’er-do-wells in charge of Meereen. The rebellion against Daenarys is almost complete, with the Slavers taking back the cities of Astapor and Yunkai. Their fleet is now interesting ash patterns on the surface of the harbour, Dany herself has vanished, and her dragons are not eating. All in all, they live in Interesting Times.

Tyrion - He Who Drinks and Knows Things - decides to go on a little bunker reconnaissance mission to hashtag free the dragons. The look on Varys’ face as Tyrion took his brave first steps into the cellar was priceless. He may have been scared for Tyrion; he also may have been taking pity on Tyrion’s man curls.

Dragons, as it turns out, are perhaps more flame-y than cats, but both are difficult to wrangle. Tyrion manages to stave off fiery doom by regaling the draggies with a story about how he’d always wanted a pet dragon, and once entreated his father to get him a small one, just like him.

The bitterness in Tyrion’s voice as he told of how Tywin broke the news that the last dragon died a century before was just beautifully played.

Having gained some trust, Tyrion manages to slip the fastener free from the neck lock holding one of the dragons in chains. That prompts the other one to hint, hey, over here! Let me loose too! Which is something I COMPLETELY empathise with, given that you can’t pet one foster kitten without the others all clambering up and demanding their share. Honestly, life covered in kittens is hard people. It’s HARD.

So the dragons are unchained, but they’re not quite free yet. The door to their underground chamber seemed a tad small, so can we expect to see them blasting their way to the open air like Arnold Schwarzenegger blasted through bad guys in Commando? And by attempting to make their home a little more safe, has Tyrion inadvertently invited more destruction?

Arya appears to have finally gotten her groove back in Braavos. Despite another pitiful fighting attempt against The Waif (whom, by the way, it seems has no fans at all. Poor Waif. Have a sandwich), she is met by none other than Jaqen H’ghar, who seems to run her through a final test of whether she’s still clinging to her identity.

If a girl says her name he will feed her, let her inside the temple, restore her sight. Arya replies “A girl has no name” every time, seemingly confirming her willingness to renounce everything about her Stark life. But can it be for good? With Needle still hidden in rocks outside the House of Black and White, can she ever truly be at home in her new home?

As an aside, was it just me, or did Jaqen H’ghar have a little something sexy going on there? I used to think he was a massive creep, but wow, times have changed, even if that little Ginger Spice-style blond highlight hasn’t. He’s kind of mysterious and interesting. I’m also a cliche.

And so, with the rest of the episode neatly wrapped up, let us tie the bow. Let us talk all things Castle Black, and how the most successful career resurrection since Robert Downey Jr got off the smack and into the metal suit went down.

Jon Snow’s faithful friends, including the mighty and wonderful Ser Davos, vowed to fight the traitorous Night’s Watchmen who have them holed up at crossbow-point. As Ser Alliser Trump commands the door to Jon’s room be axed open, the Onion Knight and friends wait, swords drawn, to meet their doom. Did you notice Ghost’s growl at this point? It was the most chilling, other-wordly sound.

But just as the final axe blows landed, a door break of a different kind happened outside. With the heavy boom sounds, I got excited. It could only mean one thing - the HULK! I mean, the GIANT!

As our main man Tormund Giantsbane and the wildlings poured in like I would pour chocolate syrup over Jon Snow’s abs, some of the Black Brothers started dropping their weapons in defeat. When Giant Man responded to an arrow in the shoulder by grabbing the shooter and smashing him into the stone wall, the rest followed.

Seriously though, did you see that bit where the giant smashed that dude into the wall? Oh man, so good.

So in killing Jon Snow to stop the Wildlings from taking over Castle Black, Ser Alliser ended up guaranteeing it. However it wasn’t apparent if he truly appreciated that Valeryian irony, folded over and over. Now he gets to enjoy it from the comfort of a cell - along with Olly, who was very satisfyingly shut down when he attempted to go all stabby-stabby. Take THAT, you horrible metaphor for corrupted childhood.

Jon, of course, was dead through all of this, and Melisandre was busy moping in front of a fire, game face back on.

It was Ser Davos who approached her with the simple question - does the Lord Commander absolutely positively HAVE to be dead? Surely Kate Bush has some spooky dance/priestess powers that would bring him back? Maybe an acapella rendition of Wuthering Heights? “Jon Snow, it’s me, Meli, now come home, you’re so co-oh-oh-old”?

Mutter, mutter, grumble, grumble, went the Red Woman. It’s not possible, it may have happened somewhere else but shouldn’t have, everything she saw was a lie, she’s shit, blah blah blah. Honestly she sounds like someone I know - wait, me! When I’m having a bad day, I totally get into Melisandramatic moods. She probably just needs some fresh cream sponge cake and kitten time.

Anyway, Davos in this moment gets his Oprah on, telling Kate Bush “F*** the gods! I’m asking the woman who showed me miracles exist,” which is not quite “You get a car!” but enough to convince Melisandre to give it a red hot go.

And so we are treated to the sight of Jon Snow, stripped to naked except for modesty slip of muslin, his “junk mound” (a phrase tweeted at me after today’s episode and one that I would now like to enshrine in recap lore) spectacularly visible.

Can you spot the junk mound? #junkmound

Under the watchful eye of Davos, Dolorous Edd (who acquitted himself marvellously in shutting down Ser Alliser’s stunt), Tormund and others, Melisandre washes his wounds, cuts off strands of his hair, then lays her palms on his chest and utters what we assume are holy words of the god R’hllor, or perhaps catchy new lyrics she’s working on.

She repeats the phrase a number of times, even drops in a desperate “please”, but with no effect. Gradually all of Jon’s friends leave the room, no doubt getting the funeral pyre reading for a bonfire and marshmell-Snow roast.

Eventually Davos is the last one remaining, but even he seems to give up.

You know who didn’t give up. ME.

And yeah, also Ghost.

I loved that Ghost stirred first. I desperately wanted it to happen that way, and I was so delighted when his red eyes opened and the hair on the back of his neck shifted.

We then cut to that face, that beautiful face, and watched as the eyes flung open. BAM! And he inhaled. GASP! And I fainted. THUMP! And then teared up. SOB!

Of course, this opens up a bunch of new questions. But for now, let us just celebrate.

He’s home, everyone. Jon Snow is home.

Yay! Best Moments

Clearly the very final few seconds in which Ghost stirred, then Jon Snow breathed his first.

But that literal comedy smackdown by the Zombie Mountain was pure genius.

Zing! Best Lines

“I’m here to help. Don’t eat the help.” Tyrion to the dragons.

“If I ever have another idea like that, punch me in the face.” Tyrion to Varys after leaving the dragons’ lair.

Eww, gross

Ramsay obviously takes this one again, but I also want to send a big I’M VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU to the Karstarks and other northern lords who have abandoned the Starks and hooked up with the Flayed Men. OK, fine, Robb Stark cut off your Dad’s head but COME ON. Surely Ramsay Bolton is a sub-optimal option?

Boo, sucks

No Daenarys this week, but that’s probably understandable given her Vaes Dothrak storyline has the hallmarks of one that might need to be stretched out a tad.

There’s still no Littlefinger, but more importantly, where is Sam Tarly? I need to make sure he’s OK. For reasons that are entirely plot-related and not just because I may have a secret crush on him.

Thank you so much for joining me again this week. I can't wait to read your comments and thoughts, either here on the 'Burger, or via my Facebook page: www.facebook.com/nataliesthrone

Another reminder that I'm running a Patreon campaign this season. If you like the recaps and wish to become a patron, you can sign up and pledge the suggested $1 per recap. Here's the link: www.patreon.com/girlclumsy.

Valar Morghulis (except, in this case it seems, for Jon Snow!)

90 Responses to ‘Raven On S6E2: Home’

ReadYouIWill mutters...

Posted May 2, 2016
Yep. What you said. Plus I won a bet with myself that the word abtastic would feature, so yay me. And have to agree with your best lines, cause although i thought last weeks zinger was a valid choice, I'm still chortling over "she thinks you want to eat her baby". Which seems somehow very wrong after today's ep (you knowvwhat I mean).

girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted May 2, 2016
Congrats on winning the bet, although, to be fair, the odds were fairly good. :)

wendyemily reckons...

Posted May 3, 2016
Nat, last night after our beloved woke up (and by the Gods I cheered!) I just couldn't wait to read your recap. And I wanted to talk to someone who could understand but currently living alone (without kittens or Dragons! Sob!) I had no one to laugh & cry with. Even my children weren't answering their phone. Probably busy watching GoT! But oh, the joy, the profound joy! He lives! And all my bad feelings towards the Red Priestess have now vanished. She rocks!
And I just have to say I loved the rest of the ep too. Tyrion and the dragon scene was priceless and our little friend has the best lines in the show. Ever.
And as for Bolton, boo, hiss, we are waiting for our Beloved to take his vengeance and Winterfell back for all the horrible things Ramsay has done. We shall wait in anticipation.

Another brilliant Ravenon Recap and another brilliant episode!

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vitas would have you know...

Posted May 2, 2016
Oh Littlefinger, isn't he going to be pissed when he finds out his key to the North has done the Harold Holt. Add to that his promise to Cersei to return her.

And how shitty is it that the guy that betrayed and murdered the Starks was the "good" Bolton.

I had this feeling watching it today that we may see a Stark vs Stark vs Snow death-match at sometime, with Sansa on the sidelines screeching how they are ruining everything

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted May 2, 2016
I just feel like Sansa isn't a sidelines gal anymore...

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Bondiboy66 swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 2, 2016
Tyrion really does get all the best lines!

girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted May 2, 2016
So true.

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patrick would have you know...

Posted May 2, 2016
Patreon recap: $1
Being slapped in the face by the twin nipples of plot and character development: priceless

Best recaps in the world .. with the best bosoms.

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted May 2, 2016
We're motorboating our way to recap glory!

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Dylan ducks in to say...

Posted May 2, 2016
You are literally the best. I was reading the current smh recap this arvo and was just like "eh what is this?" , it's not nearly as entertaining as Raven On!

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted May 2, 2016
I haven't read it fully yet, but I noticed they have a different person to last week. I'll be interested to see if they share it around; will be fun to see different people's opinions!

Louby would have you know...

Posted May 9, 2016
Ep 1: Karl Quinn
Ep 2: Lenny Ann Low
Ep 3: ???

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Véronique has opinions thus...

Posted May 2, 2016
Only NOW you are starting to crush on Jaqen H’ghar? Those eyes have held me since his first appearance, whacking Aria's prayer list. And voice. And face.

(Since I'm older, I've been crushing on Ser Davos for a long time too. Jon Snow is clearly overbooked already.)

Thanks for another essential recap!

she_jedi ducks in to say...

Posted May 2, 2016
Oh hells yes! I'm with you on Jaqen H'ghar, since season 2. *High five*

girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 2, 2016
Yeah, I totally pinged him as "Creepy Rapey Guy" for the second season, which was the first one I recapped.

Only now am I starting to see his charms.

And I totally get Ser Davos too - honour is very attractive!

sunny is gonna tell you...

Posted May 3, 2016
IKR? Where have you BEEN Natalie! From the first appearance of Jaqen I was hoping for more - I was so pleased when Arya landed there...

Mother of nothing reckons...

Posted May 3, 2016
Ser Davos, the "older" woman's Snow. I've always fancied a bit of onion myself

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she_jedi would have you know...

Posted May 2, 2016
Oh man, I couldn't help it when I heard the thumping on the gates of Castle Black and they burst open to reveal Stampy the Giant. That's the second episode in which I've clapped and cheered. This is becoming a habit.

Fantastic recap Nat, thank you so much yet again. I told a Thrones obsessed friend at work today about your recaps and your podcast, and also told him if he didn't love both we could no longer be friends. No pressure or anything.

Does anyone else think JSnow warged into Ghost, and Ghost's waking up was the Snow making it back into his own body again? Or is that just my crazy fan theory?

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted May 2, 2016
STAMPY! I cannot believe I forgot the nickname I gave him. Next time!

I did wonder about the warging concept - maybe that's why the direwolf wouldn't leave the body, because he knew he might get back in there.

Gingernuts reckons...

Posted May 3, 2016
You should keep a list, Nat. I have done for the past two seasons of your recaps.

And it sits proudly next to my list of GoT nicknames from Funny Or Die's "Gay of Thrones" video recaps, which are the second-best recaps found anywhere.

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Mark is gonna tell you...

Posted May 2, 2016
I enjoy your recaps almost as much as the show... (well OK perhaps not that much) but you're good, and passionate about your plot (read abs!). You rock.

girlclumsy reckons...

Posted May 2, 2016
Awww, thanks Mark. :)

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Bob mumbles...

Posted May 2, 2016
Hi Natalie, is there any way people can pay for your reviews without having to register? I think you'd get more that way if there was a guest option.

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted May 3, 2016
I don't know, to be honest. However I've had a few people ask if they could contribute via PayPal, so perhaps I could investigate that as an option.

But honestly, it is totally optional, I just want to repeat that!

Geezer points out ducks in to say...

Posted May 5, 2016
What a fake comment. Not a genuine enquiry, just a reminder from the author to put money in her begging bowl.

Geezer points out would have you know...

Posted May 5, 2016
What a fake comment. Not a genuine enquiry, just a reminder from the author to put money in her begging bowl.

Respond to this thread

Mick is gonna tell you...

Posted May 2, 2016
Did you notice how John Snow came back ...... dressed for Mardi Gras. Makes you wonder what he was up to in the after life.

girlclumsy asserts...

Posted May 3, 2016
I feel there wasn't really enough body glitter for Mardi Gras, but that's just me...

Respond to this thread

Rhino swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 2, 2016
You had me at twin nipples.

Speaking of which, I believe someone (Stu) should organize (Stu) a bracket style (Stu) smack down to crown the Best Breasts of GoT.

It will reaffirm the power of the patriarchy. We will sip whisky, smoke cigars and eats candied pig's flesh as we discuss the various attributes of the contestants. Each round, as it were, will be a fierce competition.

Now, if you'll excuse me, it appears that I need to attend to my #junkmound

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girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted May 3, 2016
Look, I will only be a party to such competitive lollygagging when there is equal opportunity. So the show needs more male full frontal. Then we can compare apples with apples, as it were.

#junkmound

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Rhino mumbles...

Posted May 3, 2016
Will send under the kilt pics later per your request.

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Rhino mutters...

Posted May 3, 2016
OK, here's an off-color question, since junkmound is now a thing, in GoT, if a woman's riding pants are tight and ride up, does is it fair to say that she is displaying dragon-toe?

Tones is gonna tell you...

Posted May 3, 2016
Ka-ching..."Dragon Toe"!!! Brilliant, thanks Rhino

Mother of nothing puts forth...

Posted May 4, 2016
Excellent. *snorts*

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Tarryn puts forth...

Posted May 3, 2016
Yes, Sam Tarly needs more love! I've been crushing on him for the longest time.
I'm exciting to finally see Yara and Bran again. Maybe this is the year for forgotten plotlines to finally recommence. Is perhaps a tired Gendry rowing to shore slated for the near future?

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EFL mumbles...

Posted May 3, 2016
My Queen - I despaired when I found your throne at the Fairfax Keep usurped by another less worthy monarch. I pledged to search every corner of the internet until I could lay my sword at your feet. Now it with great rejoicing that I have found you. Hail Natalie, First of her Name, Queen of the Recaps, Mother of Kittens and Rightful Heir to the Throne : I offer my service. I will shield your back and keep your council and give my life for yours (or your kittens) if need be. I swear it by the Old Gods and the New.
PS - I just read last week's recap and agree with you totally about Dothraki-Python. Hilarious especially because "Nobody expects the Dothraki Inquisition!"
PPS - Isn't BOO HISS Ramsay a completely nasty piece of work! He needs the uppiest of comeuppances at some point in the near future. Maybe squealing like the cowardly man-child we know him to be as either a dragon or the White Walker King eat his face off.
PPSS - Adore your recaps and have looked everywhere for Season 2 but they are harder to find than the Stark children. Any clues as to where I might look?

she_jedi puts forth...

Posted May 3, 2016
"Nobody expects the Dothraki Inquisition!" Pure gold sir/madam/gender neutral equivalent, pure gold!

Lady EFL reckons...

Posted May 3, 2016
Thanks she_jedi! I've always wanted to use that but never found exactly the right time or place. And sorry - name should have been as above but my kitten decided to stomp across the keyboard and hit enter before I could fix it ....

she_jedi swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 3, 2016
It's always kittens! Just as well the adorable little monsters can get away with murder :)

Respond to this thread

Rob asserts...

Posted May 3, 2016
For those who missed it.

All the other absurdities ended with this:

Man: Can we have a chat?
Priestess: Sure, waddup?
Man: I don't believe in your God, but could you, um, like, you know, bring this dude back from the dead?
Priestess: Hey! What? Um, I don't do that sort of thing. Plus, my God has forsaken me so I give up on everything religous.
Man: But I've seen you do other weird shit
Priestess: OK, you've convinced me, let's give it a crack, never done it myself, I have no idea but somehow I know the ritual so why not!?
Man: Sweet
Priestess: I'll just sponge bath these abs...
Priestess: Hummanna hummanna resurrectus emo-ness self-pity-us my faith is weak and the night is time for sleeping
Priestess: Bugger, I give up
Man: Bugger

Benny Hill troupe leave

Body: I think I'll open my eyes now...

Pathetic. The only way it could get any worse is if it turns out his dad was really the carpenter...

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted May 3, 2016
This is the same Rob from Facebook, isn't it? It's been a tough 24 hours for you, buddy. You need a kitten. :)

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PK has opinions thus...

Posted May 3, 2016
Another great cap. Brilliant to see Balon Greyjoy perish. We've been waiting for that third shoe to drop since Melisandre's leech BBQ in season 3.

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted May 3, 2016
Oh yeah! I forgot about the leeches!

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M'Lady mumbles...

Posted May 3, 2016
Brilliant as always mother of kittens. Seems that by you breaking free from your shackles and moving to cheeseburger gothic has gifted us with longer more awesome recaps. Can you remind us (me because I've forgotten everything) whether Ser Davos knows that Shireen is dead? From memory he does but not how she died / who was responsible etc?

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted May 3, 2016
To be fair, I was always long-winded. But there's been so much happening so far! It takes a while to talk about!

girlclumsy reckons...

Posted May 3, 2016
As for Davos - I don't think he knows that Shireen was burned, but you'd have to suspect that given Stannis is dead and his arm blown to hell, and the fact she hasn't come back means he's holding out little hope for Shireen.

Mother of nothing has opinions thus...

Posted May 4, 2016
He does know she's dead I'm sure, but he doesn't know how and what Melisdandre had to do with it AFAIK. For me the red lady has not and will never be redeemed after that. I'll be interested to see if she has gets any divine retribution for that despicable act other than a fit of pique and saggy tits. I hope so.

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Sparty2 mutters...

Posted May 3, 2016
Well Spock sorry Snow was dead a long time but fortunately he had transferred his Katra to McCoy sorry Ghost so he didn't come back all wrong like Khal Drogo.
Tense ep with standout scene including Tyrions Dragon wrangling but a reference to "empire" earked me. Does the term exist in westerosi- has an empire ever existed?

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Barnesm ducks in to say...

Posted May 3, 2016
Well this season seems to have picked up the pacing, I heard a rumor that there is to be only 10 episodes after this season to conclude the story.

I would have though Roose Boulton would have been expecting treachery from Ramsey. I half hoped they would have simultaneously killed each other, though its good news for the North since Ramsey while as driven for power as Roose is no strategist. Being stark raving mad will do that to you.

Where can I get my 'I drink and I know things' T-Shirt?

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted May 3, 2016
OMG I need to make that t-shirt. DAN. DAN. DAN. (He doesn't read this, he's avoiding spoilers as he hasn't seen the episodes yet).

she_jedi mutters...

Posted May 3, 2016
I will throw money at you for a shirt if you do a print run! Dan's done this for SE2KB, I'm sure it's not hard :)

Lady EFL puts forth...

Posted May 3, 2016
Oh man ... I want one too. So very much.

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T. MANNING mumbles...

Posted May 3, 2016
Can a girl un-know that phrase now " junk mound" - I am haunted.

girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted May 3, 2016
The junk mound is now forever in your mind's eye....

#junkmound

Louby asserts...

Posted May 9, 2016
Dragon toe. So much better than camel.

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mandois swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 3, 2016
Yes Roose is gawn - now for that piece of work Walder Frey - or did I miss his death somewhere??

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted May 3, 2016
Yes, I've been having a bit of discussion on Twitter with some peeps about how Walder Frey will respond to his daughter and grandson's murder.

While yes, he is prone to getting snarky about snubs (cough Red Wedding), I am leaning towards thinking he won't care as much. After all, he wanted to marry children off because "they pile up". A dead one won't be too much bother.

The loss of the grandson is more likely to have an impact. But then if Ramsay's army is strong enough to route the Twins' defences, then Frey may have to just stew in his own decrepid juices for a while.

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jmound ducks in to say...

Posted May 3, 2016
Would that Australian comedian happen to be Jim Jefferies? He's the worst!!!! Boooo Hissss Jim Joffre.

girlclumsy asserts...

Posted May 3, 2016
Oh, I have a list, jmound. Love the name, by the way. #junkmound

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flöki snöw ducks in to say...

Posted May 3, 2016
I do love a bodice ripping recap and now for Ollie to get his well earned comeuppance and to quote our favourite dwarf "spikes, heads, walls".

she_jedi mutters...

Posted May 3, 2016
I couldn't help but jeer and say awful things to Olly as he was dragged away to his cell. Very much in the #StuHatesOlly camp if one is up to date with the recap podcast :)

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Adrian McKinty is gonna tell you...

Posted May 3, 2016
ok so this is my guess for the arc of S6 now what we all thought was going to happen has happened:

Ramsay and allies v Snow and allies will be the big battle that always happens in ep 9. In the scenes from next week Ramsay's men have captured someone. We're supposed to think it's Theon but I bet it's Rickon. Little Rickon will be flayed. Ramsay will be killed in the big battle.

Dany will cool her heels in Essos and wait until S7.

Cersei will get her revenge on the Dornians and religious nuts.

er, that's about it, really.

S7 will see the Night's King move his army over the wall and set up the apocalyptic battle with Dany and her dragons which I guess is how S8 will end...

girlclumsy asserts...

Posted May 3, 2016
That is comprehensive!

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kraimiam reckons...

Posted May 3, 2016
"Join me please, as I release the tension in my bosoms and shove the twin nipples of plot and character development right in your face."

Ba ha ha - I just spat coffee all over my keyboard. I love your recaps.

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Dee would have you know...

Posted May 3, 2016
My favourite line went to Roose. 'I didn't suppose Sansa took them all on by herself.' When talking about Ramsays men being taken out.

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted May 3, 2016
Yeah, that was pretty ace. I'm going to miss Roose's put downs, he was sharp as.

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zorm puts forth...

Posted May 3, 2016
I thought Roose Bolton missed a classic chance at a farewell line. Having him spit out "You bastard!" at Ramsay in his death throes would have been perfect.

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Dave swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 3, 2016
great recaps, a must not miss.

Was it my imagination or did J.Snow's Junkmound rise when the red witch was playing with his abs?

You might need to have another look ( or 2 or 3 )

Theon will finally rid us of Ramsey.

Did you see the re show and post shows last week? Even the actor who plays Ramsey was booed by the crew we had watching, the poor guy will never be able to act in a rom- com.

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted May 3, 2016
Hmmm, I don't recall seeing that, but as a dedicated recappespondent, I shall go back and watch the scene over and over and over and over until I do.

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Sousy wench mumbles...

Posted May 3, 2016
Whilst I was happy to finally catch up with Bran, ecstatic to see the return of Jon, and was all round fairly pleased that those plot threads are starting to pull together after 5 seasons of meandering off in the wild, it was the sight of Hodor that had me running around the house crying Hodor, Hodor?, HODOR!! To the consternation of my very confused cat.

girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted May 3, 2016
Stupid cats. They don't understand the simple joy of Hodor.

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Dean has opinions thus...

Posted May 3, 2016
Well well well ... I see Fairfax have a new (female) GOT recapperette who tries to take a sassy/sexy/funny view on the recap ! Now WHERE on earth did they get that idea ? http://www.theage.com.au/entertainment/tv-and-radio/game-of-thrones-season-six-episode-two-recap-finally-the-truth-about-jon-snow-20160502-gojuwj.html

she_jedi asserts...

Posted May 3, 2016
The worst part is that she didn't manage to be sassy, sexy or funny! The new recappaspondents don't seem to understand that a good recap isn't simply a recitation of what happened - we know what happened, we watched the episode. We want analysis, and someone's take on what happened. And we want borderline inappropriate jokes about Jon Snow's abs and all the other value adds that Nat chucks in. Hence her recaps being the bloody gold standard in recapping in this country. Not that I'm biased or anything.

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Slim Jim swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 3, 2016
I always figured Roose’s knack for keeping Ramsay in line was that smooth baritone voice of his.

He was my favourite character in the series; chiefly because everything he said sounded cool as f*ck.

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Allen puts forth...

Posted May 3, 2016
Just finished comparing the Age recap with the Nat cap and you win hands down..."release the tension in my bosoms and shove the twin nipples of plot and character development"... indeed... pure gold
By the way, this from someone who does not watch GoT

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Di would have you know...

Posted May 3, 2016
Finally, we get an admission - the main man of GOT is Tormund Giantsbane. Mmmmmmm

I was expecting Jon to come back but not that way. I was kinda expecting him to walk out of his funeral pyre aka Dany.

And yes, how is Sam going. And right after Sam, can we have a quick check up on Gendry? Just a quick one. We haven't seen him for 2 seasons, after all.

Barnesm swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 3, 2016
but if Jon Snow walked out of his funeral pyre then would that confirm his Targaryen heritage. They probably want to keep that under their hats a bit longer.

Now Tyrion's turn with the dragons makes me wonder if Tywin hated him because he wasn't a Lanister.

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Mother of Whippets asserts...

Posted May 3, 2016
I'm not sure what I miss most during the off season ... the show itself or your recaps. “Jon Snow, it’s me, Meli, now come home, you’re so co-oh-oh-old” has had me smiling all day :)

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Lorn asserts...

Posted May 3, 2016
You rock. That is all.

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The Spinster would have you know...

Posted May 3, 2016
Jon's junkmound and Nat's twin peaks belong together, like islands in the stream (or underground mountain cave rockpool). I immediately thought about Natalie's reaction when they cut to Jon in the loincloth and I knew this recap was going to be genius.

Were we supposed to recognise the blonde teenage boy and the knight in the helmet in the preview for next episode? Was is Catlyn's brother who had the very eventful wedding in the helmet?

The Spinster is gonna tell you...

Posted May 3, 2016
I just realised that Bran is standing watching it, it's a flashback to the tower of joy. Holy shitballs. I bet it's an effing cliffhanger into episode 4 or 5. I cannot even wait a week. Torture. Proper Ramsey Bolton style torture.

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Stormy is gonna tell you...

Posted May 3, 2016
Being the MoK, I trust you part with the occasional patreonal shekel on kitty litter. I pondered this as Tyrion cautiously entered the dungeon. GoT has rarely avoided the scatological (Cersei's walk and Tywin's death whilst seeking ablution come to mind). Given that Rhaegal and Viserion's hunger strike only began when Daenerys departed Meereen, that they have been downstairs for some length of time and that they are pure carnivores, it occurred to me that there would have been such a "theon" of dragon doo-doo as to knock an imp onto his back. Tyrion didn't even offer a furtive sniff! Further, whilst I am uncertain of the gender assignation of Viserion & Rhaegal, they've been holed up in close proximity with little to occupy them. They appear mature enough - might there be a clutch of eggs hidden away somewhere?

Recap on MoK. As has been noted previously, you reign supreme!

Mother of nothing reckons...

Posted May 4, 2016
Dragon scat. Never crossed my mind, but now permanently etched therein. I simply love throners.

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girlclumsy reckons...

Posted May 4, 2016
Holy crap - literally! I never even thought about the dragon poop issue.

Major discussion point for next week's recap, I think. Where's the poop?

Unless maybe, being all flame-y, their stomachs and guts simply smoke the waste away. Maybe there is no waste - OR it's all just wind-related. But still, you'd expect a stench then.

Rhino mumbles...

Posted May 5, 2016
Nah, they keep their nests clean and burn the poo.

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Drogon The Kitten asserts...

Posted May 4, 2016
Mhysaaaa..... A million thanks again for pooting forth with the Raspberry Ripples and layin' yet another "Genus Edition" of Raven On us, your adoring floof balls. I was diggin' the most on the exchange between Yara and Uncle Aeron in the nut numbing waters of the iron graveyard, did he say "Mook" ? Anyway, with the eminent return of Theon The Lesser and Uncle Euron The Cra Cra lurking creepily on the inter-turret, there's gunna be some serious fish slappin' going down in tuna town baby !
My money's on Yara, she's an iron balled boss ready to reap some Pyke on the lowly pretenders, Go Yara !!!

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OE reckons...

Posted May 4, 2016
I profess to be the bluntest instrument of all time.
Nat's intro mentioning Christianty and questionable parentage is one-of-the best. This blog is worth supporting.

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OE reckons...

Posted May 4, 2016
I profess to be the bluntest instrument of all time.
Nat's intro mentioning Christianty and questionable parentage is one-of-the best. This blog is worth supporting.

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River Duke has opinions thus...

Posted May 5, 2016
Three cheers for Kayboosh the the magic milf.

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Missed you... asserts...

Posted May 6, 2016
I just assumed you vanished until a work colleague pointed me over here for this season's recaps. Excellent as always!!!!!!!!

BEST LINES: do NOT agree with the 'punch me in the face' line. Tyrion backs himself, he would not have even said this. Actually he missed an opportunity to have another crack at varys with "well that took balls, lucky I was here huh?"

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