Cheeseburger Gothic

Akbar's Eleven Pull off the DeathStar Heist

Posted June 28, 2015 into Movies by John Birmingham

It shouldn't work, but it totally does.

3 Responses to ‘Akbar's Eleven Pull off the DeathStar Heist’

insomniac would have you know...

Posted June 28, 2015
I know there was probably some editing involved but it would be so sweet if the audio was laid straight on top of the video and it fit perfectly.

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GhostSwirv ducks in to say...

Posted June 28, 2015

Goddammit! I knew Chewbacca was always voiced by Casey Affleck

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[blackops] mumbles...

Posted June 29, 2015
God damn, that's nice.

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Predator: Dark Ages

Posted May 31, 2015 into Movies by John Birmingham

This fan made film of Arnie's dreadlocked nemesis mooching around the early middle ages is totally worth pouring yourself a couple of adult beverages and throwing on to your nearest big screen.

It's a remarkable achievement, and the quality is sustained over most of the half hour's running length. I've dropped the trailer in below but you can watch the whole thing on the youtoobz here.

31 Responses to ‘Predator: Dark Ages’

NBlob puts forth...

Posted May 31, 2015
Nice drone shot @ 4:30, unfortunate wobbly-cam choice @ 7:41.
At a bigger scale, interesting how professional amateur efforts are becoming. I sometimes have a hack @ Fan Fic, I have no illusion about the quality, or lack thereof of it. But since tools of a professional level have become consumer it has re-defined what a pro needs to bring to the party.Back in the day, consumers took stills on horrible little 110 format film, while pros shot on 6x41/2 or 6x6 format, easily 5 times the image quality. Uncle Barry shot 16mm cine, while pro's shot on Betacam SP, or at least SVHS - double or more the quality.
First ProSumer Word Processing- allowed Mums to Paginate & justify like Pros. Killing print shops most lucrative jobs- wedding invites.Now high-school kids can shoot 4k on DSLRs, can cut on Adobe and export via the UTubes to the world a capacity, till recently only in the hands of moguls.I'm not saying if it's a good or bad thing, just interesting.
Must be similar to when GreyBread watched Ig & Ug master fire.

NBlob has opinions thus...

Posted May 31, 2015
Was better when it had paragraph breaks.

John Birmingham is gonna tell you...

Posted June 1, 2015
It still reads fine. I'm constantly amazed at the quality of fan made media. That Predator short looks better than a lot of professional efforts, at least at the made for TV level.It'd put most SyFy titles to shame.

Rob would have you know...

Posted June 1, 2015


Back in the day when Nirvana had only one album. I used to work at a TV company. The place had 7 employees and used contractors for all the big productions. The plant in the building was worth about a Million dollars for the editing suite alone, notwithstanding the $50K to $70K for a broadcast camera by itelf. Tapped on to that was day rates of $450 for dollies and cranes. and $1000 per day for lighting trucks. Fast forward to 2014 I worked on 3 short films shot on a Red dragon in 4K. The camera is probably about $20,000 and theres some extras for lenses. We used a tiny slider for tracking shots worth 350 on ebay for a good one. The lighting needed was basically and bank of fluros and some small LED light panels. Because the cameras are so light sensitive you don't need the lighting required for 35 mm film and braodcast video. I could also buy a stedi cam rig for $400 if pushed (my toy one cost $60)

I used to beg, borrow and steal to make movies back in the 90s, especially music videos , but the issue was you just couldnt edit the footage easily.Now I can shoot on my HD Samsung (cost $130) edit on my pc (cost $700) all in HD and broadcast in on youtube. The quality is way higher than anything I did in the 90s and all it takes now is some organisation and creativity. Just don't expect to get paid.

John Birmingham would have you know...

Posted June 1, 2015
Oh yeah, pay. I forgot.

Darth Greybeard reckons...

Posted June 3, 2015
NBlob's unjustified aspersions on my age aside, it's a constant joy and wonder to me how fast technology advances. Yeah, I know it has its downsides too but I love it. At the risk of when-I-were-a-ladding, you really had to grow up with wood stoves, back yard dunnies, ice boxes and upright phones with the earpiece on a cord to REALLY appreciate what we've got. When I ask my phone for the opening hours of some business it gives me a silly grin. And the other day I saw a Kickstarter for a modular phone case that added temp, humidity, sound level, barometric pressure etc sensors to your iPhone/Samsung. Tricorders! Now if you'll excuse me, I have some flint to knapp.

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Rhino is gonna tell you...

Posted June 1, 2015
Awesome.
Are chicks who look like elves and use bows a troop now? Also, the obligatory Moor with Crusaders? I bet one of them saved his life and now he must repay the debt.

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NBlob is gonna tell you...

Posted June 1, 2015

insomniac reckons...

Posted June 1, 2015
Do you have any lynx as proof of your assertion?

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 1, 2015
I'd be lion if I said I did.

insomniac ducks in to say...

Posted June 1, 2015
I left myself wide open for that one. It servals me right.

Anthony is gonna tell you...

Posted June 1, 2015
Your comments are becoming increasingly irrelephant and you need to get otter here...

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 2, 2015
I don't want to be accused of being a pussy, but I feel that this competition is restricted to feline varietals, invalidating your deviation into the Lutrinae family of aquatic mammals.

Rhino has opinions thus...

Posted June 2, 2015
Do you have any Lynx to back-up your assertions?

Rhino would have you know...

Posted June 2, 2015
Oh noes. I did punnus redundance. Shame on me.

Rhino swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 2, 2015
I feel like I cheetah'd myself.

Rhino mumbles...

Posted June 2, 2015
Oh, God, did it again.
Can a brother get a delete button?

insomniac puts forth...

Posted June 2, 2015
The Rhino appears to be a copycat

Darth Greybeard reckons...

Posted June 3, 2015
I note that Rhino offended twice. The leopard does not change his spots.

w from brisbane is gonna tell you...

Posted June 3, 2015
Meow Greybeard! You don't pussyfoot around.

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Chaz is gonna tell you...

Posted June 1, 2015

Cool,

but the idea of the female (and Moor) with Crusaders pretty mixed up.

pi ducks in to say...

Posted June 1, 2015
Pfft. Happened in Robin Hood.

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Aaron puts forth...

Posted June 1, 2015
I happened to watch this last night. Very impressive. Have always thought it would be cool to have predator in low tech times.
Actually the predator serves as a model for what a battle hunn might looks like if they embraced tech developement?

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Murphy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 1, 2015
Why, why, why do they always split up?

FormerlyKnownAsSimon asserts...

Posted June 1, 2015
human evolutionary tactic. There is a gene that makes us decide to do it. Called Pbt103 or more commonly referred to as the Robert Frost gene. The ones that split up and get nobbled don't get to pass on their genes. Means that as time progresses instinctively humans make the right choice on which way to go when faced with a choice of surviving or being skinned/eaten/axe murdered/turned into mince meat.

Murphy would have you know...

Posted June 2, 2015
I thought it might actually be called, "The Darwin Award Gene," or, "The Dudley Dumbass Brigade Gene."

Splitting up is ALWAYS a bad idea.

Fanning out is bad too, especially if you are wearing a red shirt.

Chaz has opinions thus...

Posted June 2, 2015

NEVER split the party.

Basic RPG error

Darth Greybeard has opinions thus...

Posted June 3, 2015
Except in Ghostbusters: "We better split up - we can do more damage that way."

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she_jedi swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted June 1, 2015
Wow that was really good! I enjoyed that immensely.

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007 mini binge

Posted April 7, 2015 into Movies by John Birmingham

One of the joys of having a Stan subscription is their full collection of James Bond films. From Dr No to Skyfall. My all time fave Bond is probably still Casino Royale because you gotta love a rebooted origin story. It was one of the first things I watched on Stan. (I think Breaking Bad might have been the first).

Casino Royale still looks good, and Skyfall remains the most sucessful of all the Bonds, but I was plesantly suprised on rewatching Quantum of Solace how much I enjoyed it. Solace has some real problems, mostly attributable to the writer's strike which affected production. You can see the producers defaulting to what they know. Stupidly over-the-top stunts, forershortened narrative arcs, wild jumps over sudden plotholes, character sketching rather than development.

And yet... I enjoyed it a lot more than expected.

If you replaced the silly gymnastic fight on the scaffolding at the start of the film (after the attempt on M's life), and substituted a short, brutal but realistic fight, possibly with M's life held immediately in the balance, you'd go a long way towards getting Solace off to a much better start. A few other cuts and tweaks here and there, all to advance the story and flesh out the characters of the supporting players, and you'd have a film that could hold its head high next to its modern siblings.

(Example, when Bond hires the plane and explains the guy will sell them out, you need to see they were in the air for an hour or so before the Bolivian airforce – all two aircraft, the Aermacchi turboprop and the helicopter – attacked them.)

The Quantum/Spectre story arc is a great one. The final scene in Solace, where Bond tracks the Spectre agent who lured Vespa into a honey trap, was every bit as good as the black and white prologue to Casino Royale. It felt like the producers remembered they were making a spy drama, not a special effects and stunt driven action film.

I'll probably watch all three again before Spectre comes out at the end of the year.

17 Responses to ‘007 mini binge’

Bondiboy66 swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted April 7, 2015
Still haven't seen Solace and Skyfall....when Ch 7 was showing a weekly Bond flick recently, young Thomas and I watched them religiously - he definitely developed a taste for the classics, and shared my taste for Sean Connery Bond over the others. Have yet to show him the Daniel Craig ones though...

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Chaz would have you know...

Posted April 7, 2015

Didn't really enjoy QofS when I saw it at the cinemaxthingy. CR still had a real hold on my imagination I suppose.

But watching it as part of a Bond fest of all three Craig movies made me appreciate it more.

Intend to watch all three again before I go to watch Spectre.

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HAVOCK21 has opinions thus...

Posted April 7, 2015
it really does explain f kn lot about you lot about what you lot have not watched but fkn should have watched.

ITS FKN WICKED to der 10 plus. I really loved the bit where he tosses him a tin of oil in the middle of fkn bum fk nowhere! and ffsakes.....DONT GET MESTARTED ON VESPA!....HAWT....DAM HAWT.

death. blood chaos and fkn destruction and whats not to like about driving a front end loader halfway across a construction site and into the concrete fkn slab!

The plan chase nd shoot'em up was bruce willis esq n really shitted me, the producers should have had the knees fkn cut off and the writters heads should be fkn mounted somewhere for that...poxy as!

But the lst three have been seriously fkn good

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damian mutters...

Posted April 7, 2015
Got 6 months free Netflix with new phone. Currently watching a thing about taking the master sommelier exam.

John Birmingham is gonna tell you...

Posted April 8, 2015
Why must you mock us?

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Murphy_of_Missouri mutters...

Posted April 8, 2015
I keep forgetting that there have been three Daniel Craig/James Bond movies and not two.
Quantum of Solace, I am sure, is why.
Respects,
Murph
On the Outer Marches

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beeso reckons...

Posted April 8, 2015
Bourne ruined Bond for me.

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GhostSwirv swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted April 8, 2015

After the triumphant arrival of Daniel Craig as Bond, James Bond in Casino Royale I too was at first underwhelmed by the subsequent offering of QoS.

But further binge viewings of Bond, courtesy of a b'day gift of the Blu-Ray 50 year Anniversary Box Set has, like you JB, made me reconsider QoS in a more favourable light.

Given that it was being made in the midst of a writer's strike and that EON didn't have the rights to utilise SPECTRE or Blofeld and so had to turn QUANTUM into the ultra-secret bad guys its a pleasant surprise that more of it works than not.

When I first watched QoS I didn't like the Opera sequence but on subsequent viewing I find its one of the best parts of the film for me - operatic extras mowed down by faceless govt. apparachicks while their Hidden Masters watched from the crowded bleaches is almost too clever for a Bond tale.

I agree also JB that the early flight and fight sequnce needed more M in it to heighten the tension and raise the stakes. I never liked the fact the producers decided to discard the Gun Barrel opening and go straight to a rather benign Helicopter over water tracking shot to begin the story.

In another blogosphere, before I was aware of the waft of the Cheeseburghergothic, I wrote a little early fanfic of how I would have opened QoS - it goes something like this ...

MGM Lion roars

FADE to BLACK

Gun Barrel Sequence with Daniel Craig

He SHOOTS, SCREEN BLEEDS RED

SMASH CUT TO:

INT: FRONT SEAT ALPHA ROMEO - DAY

GUNMAN'S WHITE SHIRT blooms RED.

CUT TO:

EXT: SHATTERED WINDSCREEN ASTON MARTIN - DAY

BOND's gun thrust through the shattered glass, unblinking as he empties the clip into the windscreen of the ALFA.

The ASTON MARTIN nose to nose with ALPHA ROMEO races backwards down the lake shore road then spins about and dashes into a TUNNELL.


John Birmingham mumbles...

Posted April 8, 2015
Nice

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Barnesm swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted April 8, 2015
As a science fan calling a film the Quantum of Solace had me at Quantum. I pondered by the use of Quantum, did it refer to a significant change in the state of solace or the compassion or comfort provided in a time of distress? Did it mean quantum in a sense of the smallest amount possible? surely the writers would have chosen"'the Planck's Constant of Solace". Solace - that word conveys so much, compassion but it is compassion in a time of crisis and overwhelming loss. Is the title a reflection that in the face of such overwhelming loss no matter how much care or concern we offer it is effectively nothing, no matter how great.
This would truly be a fundamental difference in the state of concern, indeed a 'quantum of solace'. My only regret is that the world portrayed did seem to be despaired enough to justify the title.

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GhostSwirv would have you know...

Posted April 8, 2015

Quantum of Solace is one of five short Bond stories written by Fleming, published under the collective title of For Your Eyes Only, released a year after Goldfinger.

The other three are Risico, about a Russian spy-ring in New York, The Hildebrand Rarity - about a fish, and From a View To A Kill - motorcycle assassins.

Skyfall is a film title that doesn't appear in any of Fleming's texts - although to be fair neither does GoldenEye, but that is the name of his estate in Jamaica where he wrote his novels.

That just leaves Risico and Hildebrand as the last surviving Bond titles - hard to see how either of them could be used in a Bond adventure.

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NBlob reckons...

Posted April 9, 2015

Pfft. Bond.

Nothin' to see here. Apart from Halle Berry & the tall blonde cellist.

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Surtac swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted April 9, 2015
I have to agree with JB. QoS doesn't work well as a standalone film, but as a bridge between CR and Skyfall I think it works fine. I've watched that trilogy a couple times recently and I'm sure I'll do so again before Spectre arrives.

So it goes.

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pto is gonna tell you...

Posted April 9, 2015
For me it's always been the other way around. I liked Casino Royale but still can't quite understand the hype around it. It seems like that poker game takes up half the movie. I liked Skyfall as well but there just are way too many plot holes that are peppered over with action sequences. But QoS I loved right away and still do. Yes it does have problems, but it's by far my favourite of the three Craig movies and I can't even really explain why.

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Ixion28 ducks in to say...

Posted July 16, 2015
The rather extreme negative reaction to QoS still seems bizarre to me. The film's biggest crime, I think, was that it wasn't as good as "Casino Royale", which was easily the best Bond film since "On Her Majesty's Secret Service", and maybe since "Goldfinger." But the constant disrespect the movie receives is way out of proportion to it's flaws. The biggest problem the film has for me is that it isn't really it's own movie, but a sort of not-entirely-necessary epilogue to "Casino Royale." It begins ten minutes after the end of CR, and it ends without any resolution of most of the plot threads, which are still continuing into the upcoming "SPECTRE". And it's true that the action scenes are a little too much in a by-the-book "chaos cinema" style. But it's still better than everything Roger Moore ever did.

John Birmingham asserts...

Posted July 16, 2015
I think you nailed it with the epilogue thing. It felt unnecessary.

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Furious 7 Vs Fury Road

Posted April 1, 2015 into Movies by John Birmingham

It's weird innit, that the SF end of world fantasy of Mad Max looks somehow more realistic than the ostenisbly 'real world' narrative of Furious 7.

Whereas this shit is just unbelievable.

16 Responses to ‘Furious 7 Vs Fury Road’

Rob has opinions thus...

Posted April 1, 2015

Mad Max looks like a sequel to the Cars that Ate Paris. Which is totally fkn awesome.

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Bondiboy66 would have you know...

Posted April 1, 2015
I've seen exactly zero Fast and Furious movies to date...this is unlikely to change anytime soon. Mad Max though - can hardly wait!

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Rhino mumbles...

Posted April 1, 2015
Mad Max!!!

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nick would have you know...

Posted April 1, 2015
1 film has lord humongous or his suitably large nutter relation.1 film has a chase involving a large truck with drums and a lunatic playing lead guitar complete with flamethrower.
the other has a few set piece stunts....
mad max all the way

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Murphy puts forth...

Posted April 1, 2015
THE FILM of Commo Platoon, HHB 1-5 Field Artillery, aka "Hamilton's Own," was none other than The Road Warrior. We watched that VHS tape, lifted from Blockbuster (come find us now, fuckers) for our five month deployment.

"Is that how you want to live your life, Max? One day, blurrin' into anothah?"

You could sum up that war with that line.

Totally looking forward to the new Max almost as much as the next Avengers.
Respects,
Murph
On the Outer Marches of, "One day, blurrin' into anothah."

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pi reckons...

Posted April 1, 2015
I love how toecutter is the same actor as the one in the original road warrior movie.

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HAVOCK21 mumbles...

Posted April 1, 2015
screw mad max. STRATHAM...aka..FKN HAVOCK and the rest of Furyious!.....FKN ROCK!

Peter in the bleaches is gonna tell you...

Posted April 1, 2015
Havock, Mad Max = 7, F&F = 1 (at this point), To misquote: 2 movies enter, 1 movie leaves. As always Max Rockatansky leaves

HAVOCK21 reckons...

Posted April 2, 2015
OI!

Thats a fkn VERY VERY FKN QUESTIONABLE FKN 7 I Might fkn add!

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Chaz is gonna tell you...

Posted April 2, 2015
so, so looking forward to Fury Road

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GhostSwirv mumbles...

Posted April 2, 2015

Just in case we needed any reminder of the plot lines for FnF The Verge provides the ultimate spoilers.
http://youtu.be/fiTSOpAlI60

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w from brisbane would have you know...

Posted April 2, 2015
Fury Road looks a lot more '3. Beyond Thunderdome' than '2. Road Warrior', which, for me, is not a very good thing.

HAVOCK21 mutters...

Posted April 3, 2015
yeah....dare I say it. Its been fkn HOLLYWOODISED to the fkn wazooooo!

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Sudragon mumbles...

Posted April 2, 2015
Potential gimmick for movies such as MM:FR and F&F:7.... seatbelts on the cinema seats?

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Drew-mo has opinions thus...

Posted April 2, 2015

<falsetto>
"I see a little Interceptor and a Max;
scaramouche, scaramouche, let me be a fanboy now......

NBlob asserts...

Posted April 3, 2015


Firestorm & fighting


Very very frightening Meee

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Action movie problems

Posted February 12, 2015 into Movies by John Birmingham

This analysis of what's wring with modern action movies is also a brilliant primer on how to write SPLODEY novels. I've bookmarked it and watched it twice already. Runs just over twenty minutes so you'll need to pour yourself a drink to enjoy it properly.

17 Responses to ‘Action movie problems’

insomniac reckons...

Posted February 12, 2015
I guess it helps you "squeeze" the most out of one's writing

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TheWah would have you know...

Posted February 12, 2015
District 9 is a great action/sci-fi because it follows these points

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MickH ducks in to say...

Posted February 12, 2015
Wow! that was really good. I can see why you are taking notes.Who is the Stuckmann guy anyway? He really knows his stuff

John Birmingham mutters...

Posted February 12, 2015
Yeah, it's good, innit. I could spin a whole writing class up out of this video.

Bunyip asserts...

Posted February 12, 2015
What Mick said. A tasty portion of thinky. Ta muchly.

Blarkon is gonna tell you...

Posted February 15, 2015
Don't spin up a writing class. Write a short ebook on it. Put a farking splodey cover on it. Make buckets of cash. Buy a second gold plated hovercraft.
We all know that books about writing books sell like a bastard because, as one burger once delicately suggested, there are more bastards wanting to write books than there are bastards wanting to read them.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mutters...

Posted February 15, 2015
"there are more bastards wanting to write books than there are bastards wanting to read them."

Who was the cynical jackanape who said that?

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mutters...

Posted February 13, 2015
It proves me with a whole new appreciation for Water World.

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Darth Greybeard ducks in to say...

Posted February 13, 2015
So good I watched his Horror Movie piece too. Much of what he said made me think of Joseph Campbell's Hero with a Thousand Faces and the nature of the hero and the hero's journey. Michael Scott Rohan put a classic hero "Alf" in his Winter of the World trilogy. The whole 'start as a poor and despised orphan' bit but with some interesting, even unique twists which I won't mention for those who haven't read his stuff. You couldn't film it but it ticks all the boxes for an action movie.
Also thought Stuckmann was spot on with why Indiana Jones 4 was so crappy, even though he didn't mention Shia LaBeouf.

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Barnesm asserts...

Posted February 13, 2015
I loved how the cadence of his speech match some of the sequences of the films he was highlighting, example his description of the fluidity of the final fight sequence in the subway of The Matrix .

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GhostSwirv mutters...

Posted February 13, 2015

Great find JB, Stuckmann is spot on with his analysis, interesting how he left out any mention of 'Bayhem', a director who has been criticised for his wild editing and incoherent action sequences.

What's also interesting is the way he references JB on his Hero List er James Bond I mean - Daniel Craig as Bond, bloodied, defenceless and vulnerable. No mention of Connery or Moore's characterisations, although early Sean Bond had him injured and pushing through pain to get the job done.

With Rog you never really thought he was getting a hair outta place.

One of the key strengths with Indiana Jones is that he gets hurt in the pursuit of his goal, we see and share his pain, unlike some Bond episodes whereby we're watching from afar.

A few years back the interwebs was atingle with a release of Transcripts of story conversations between George Lucas, Steven Spielberg and Lawrence Kasdan about the writing of Raiders, if you haven't read I highly recommend a sqizz.
Click here to download a PDF of the transcript.

I'm definitely inflicting Stuckmann's clip on my classes, the considered, thoughtful approach to his analysis makes for a refreshing change from the usual 'ShakeyCamness' of the Internet as a whole.

GhostSwirv over and out to prepare for the last lesson of the week, I wonder what Stuckmann has to say about Shakespeare?

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan ducks in to say...

Posted February 14, 2015
Based on a comment this guy made about John Wick I rented it and am watching it. I'm really enjoying it - and it seems to follow Stuckman's formula for a decent action film.

Better yet, Reeves is actually doing an unexpectedly good job acting. Very few terrible choices so far.

Based on what I've seen thus far, I recommend this film.

w from brisbane would have you know...

Posted February 14, 2015
PNB, this is a dumb question, but when you say you rented the movie, did you actually go to a bricks and mortar store and rent the DVD? Just about all our DVD stores in Brisbane have closed down and, as I don't torrent, I am puzzled how people view a specific movie that they might want to watch. How do the Burgers do it?

Barnesm asserts...

Posted February 14, 2015
I either download from Foxtel or posted in the mail using Quickflic. Though they also provide on demand to your computer. Currently working through Neon Genesis Evangelion watching the episodes on Friday night with my son. So if you take up Quickflic I'd appreciae you not adding to your que until we finish watching it

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan would have you know...

Posted February 15, 2015
W:

Okay, you got me - I make it all up. Like Brian Williams. I am desperate for approval. I've been fabricating stuff here for years, but no one has called me on my bullshit. Except that one time when I summarized Gone With the Wind as a touching movie about a boy who suffered a childhood kiting mishap that haunted him for the rest of his life, spurring him on to become a billionaire but also leaving him with the unquenchable desire to sexually abuse 21 year old college seniors who write for the student newspaper, possibly because the protagonist, Rhett, blamed the loss of his kite on his mother, Scarlett, who, at the time of Rhett's kiting mishap, was a 21 year old college senior who wrote for the University of Alabama student newspaper. However, both Barnesm and Nblob were quick to point out that Gone With the Wind was about the American civil war.

But that was the only time I got caught in my web of lies. Until now.

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Madmaximus is gonna tell you...

Posted February 14, 2015
Thanks JB, this fellow just articulated so well everything I love about a good action movie. I like that he singled out Cruise who despite his crazy personal life remains a very committed action movie star. Edge of Tomorrow was one of the best movies of last year, and reminds me I need to get around to seeing Oblivion.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan has opinions thus...

Posted February 15, 2015
Cruise's personal life is a wreck, but he is a good actor who makes good movies. I liked Oblivion very much and loved Edge of Tomorrow - both of which follow Stuckmann's recommendations. And the nightclub scene in Collateral was one of the best things I've ever seen in any action film.

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Kirk vs Vader. I want to see this film NOW

Posted February 8, 2015 into Movies by John Birmingham

Best Star Wars Star Trek mash up ever, by Alex Luthor.

22 Responses to ‘Kirk vs Vader. I want to see this film NOW’

Blarkon asserts...

Posted February 8, 2015
The only person who defeated Vader was his kid - and that was most likely because Vader was a little bit conflicted about the whole thing.
(One could kinda argue that Anakin was beaten a few times before he became a Jedi - but even then he wiped the floor with Count Dooku)
Remember when Han Solo took on Vader in cloud city? Han Solo could totally take Kirk.

John Birmingham mumbles...

Posted February 8, 2015
Yeah right. After he thaws out of the oversized ice cube where Jabba stored him for cocktail hour.

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insomniac asserts...

Posted February 8, 2015
Only the Shat could defeat Vader. That new kid, whatever his name is, has no chance.

WA n'ker swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted February 8, 2015
Would james t shatner have enough time to defeat vader? He would be flat out porking leia and the rest of the rebel female population!

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GhostSwirv would have you know...

Posted February 8, 2015

I would pay big bucks to see Kirk go after Vader in 3D, 4D, even 5DD - but in the meantime, how about a little Turnball vs Abbott as re-imagined by Kirk vs Gorn.

http://youtu.be/4SK0cUNMnMM

GhostSwirv over and out to buy more terabits to record #libspill

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Murphy would have you know...

Posted February 8, 2015
"Be Anakin again!" Kirk implored. "Be the Change the Empire can believe in!"

damian reckons...

Posted February 8, 2015
I endorse this comment and would like to subscribe to your pamphlet.

Murphy puts forth...

Posted February 9, 2015
For the affordable price of just 19.95 (American), you can do just that.

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Blarkon swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted February 8, 2015
The "Batman Versus Vader" video is a bit better https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nj23dwWHukY

Murphy would have you know...

Posted February 9, 2015
I didn't like the ending. It felt staged.

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MickH would have you know...

Posted February 8, 2015
Batman with a light saber? wow!

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MickH mutters...

Posted February 9, 2015
Hmm on closer inspection, I'd offer up this scenario:No1: 'Captain! These strange vessels are attacking us! They have only lasers and no shields!'Capt: 'Hmm, No1, transport a photon torpedo onto their bridge'

:)

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Blarkon is gonna tell you...

Posted February 9, 2015
Ships in Star Wars had shields. They were called deflectors. Did you not play X-Wing? Do you not remember some of Han's dialog in Empire? Do you not remember the big arse shield generators that look like D20 that sit on the top of a Star Destroyer?

Murphy has opinions thus...

Posted February 9, 2015
Kirk, "Scotty, give me phasers on those shield generators."
Spock, "Curious, Captain. Why place them in such a location rather than within the hull?"
"Firing phasers," Scott tapped the console.
"Shields are down, Captain," Spock said.

"Mr. Scott?"

"Aye, sir?"

"Torpedoes beamed straight onto their bridge," Kirk said, rubbing his face to keep the smirk from being too obvious.
Scotty did grin. "Aye, sir!"

Blarkon mutters...

Posted February 9, 2015
Suspect it would be more like when the Enterprise-D fired phasers at the Borg and didn't do shit.
Or when 39 Federation starships were quickly gutted by a single Borg cube at Wolf 359
Now if it was Alastair Reynold's Inhibitors versus Kirk or Vader - that would be kinda interesting.

MickH puts forth...

Posted February 9, 2015
Blarkon. Mate. Just face it mate. Star trek, given their transporters, would kick the Empires arse. Every.Single.Time.
Shields or no shields.
And yes I have played those games

Blarkon is gonna tell you...

Posted February 9, 2015
Although "Enterprise versus Star Destroyer" is the ultimate pointless Sci-Fi argument - it's very interesting that in all of TOS/TNG/DS9 & VOY there was no example of a photon torpedo being beamed onto an enemy ship during a battle.

Neither was there an example of engines beamed out of ships rather than phasers being used in an "ensign, target their engines and disable them" approach.

When having these silly arguments, one must abide by by the internal logic of the source narrative. For example, the Federation doesn't use cloaking devices (except in one very specific set of circumstances - even though they are in a cold war with the Romulans - even though they've had them since TOS). I'm not saying that the source narrative makes sense - but one has to abide by the rules otherwise you have everyone chucking red matter singularity torpedoes because that's something that could be extrapolated from the Star Trek reboot.

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Sparty reckons...

Posted February 9, 2015
well Kirk v Vader- is not USS Enterprise V IDS Executer - its the two of them on a planet. - I could talk about Spock mind melding with Kirk to neutralise Vader's Force Will, Scotty using a Tricorder to block the light sabre ignition sequence, Bones hacking Vader's Cybernetic implants- it means nothing once the Shat gets his shirt torn and reveals his manly chest - beat that Vader, as Jimbo drop kicks his ass......

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Sparty mumbles...

Posted February 9, 2015
The real question is could Leia resist giving Kirk the location of the rebel base after is has taught her of a little (PAUSE) earth emotion (PAUSE) we (PASUE) call (PAUSE) luuuuuv...

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Vovchara swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted February 10, 2015
ha, here it is:http://unitysaga.com/
not Kirk, but Data vs. Vader :D and Picard vs. Imperator

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Nocturnalist mutters...

Posted February 10, 2015
"I find your lack of faith disturbing."

"Faith... is illogical."

Vovchara has opinions thus...

Posted February 11, 2015
your logic is nothing compared to the might of The Force

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