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And all shall kneel before the Mighty Volvo

Posted October 10, 2013 into Blunty by John Birmingham

"Die screaming, worthless Holden nerds. Kneel before your betters, lowly Ford losers."

The Mountain shall be ours. For we are Volvo and we are Legion.

At Blunty.

26 Responses to ‘And all shall kneel before the Mighty Volvo’

Rob reckons...

Posted October 10, 2013

Down in Tasmania.

Where the indolent roam and 50% of the population can't figure out what indolent means, let alone use it in a sentence or for that matter be able to construct a sentence.

The Volvo has been replaced by the Subraru auslander or outback. The WRX is only used by show off boys or people pretending to be rich. The subaru is the new volvo. The new volvo is far too flashy for your Katmandu vest wearing green voter. Instead the denizens of the public service drive something blue and kinda sporty with great utiily.

Not me.

I drive a Jeep. A big black fuck off Jeep.

Rob ducks in to say...

Posted October 10, 2013

and looking at all the typos in that last para. I should really wear my correct glasses when trying to be clever.

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pitpat is gonna tell you...

Posted October 10, 2013

My dad used to drive a Volvo.

Brother PorkChop reckons...

Posted October 10, 2013

Mine had 2. The second one did over 195KMH although he wasn't driving at that particular time. The first one was a nasty shitbox.

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insomniac swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 10, 2013

I once owned a Volvo. I had to sit idling until things had warmed up enough to allow the gearbox to work. I have never owned a Ford or Holden.

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Bunyip swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 10, 2013

I used to drive a Volvo. I also used to wear a wig and fake moustache. Just saying...

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FormerlyKnownAsSimon puts forth...

Posted October 10, 2013

Bathurst could use some responsibly infuriating Volvo drivers at the moment. Full of wankers thinking they are the incarnation of Brocky and insult the locals with "fuck off you country driver" with a horn blare or two. Although truth be told the way the locals have come out of the wood work to sell anything under the sun to the punters is rather embarrassing. The major inconvenience of the races is that i can't get a park out the front of where i want to go! I may even have to walk one block!

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w from brisbane has opinions thus...

Posted October 10, 2013

When I was in Sydney earlier this year, I had a trip in a Volvo.
It was very roomy, but I thought the ride could have been smoother.
Though the trip did involve a lot of stop/start.

But, all in all, it was a nice journey. Thank you, Sydney Buses.

Lulu is gonna tell you...

Posted October 10, 2013

"Thank you, Sydney Buses"

There's a phrase which isn't heard often.

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HAVOCK21 mumbles...

Posted October 10, 2013

I hear ya get Stockings, moccie's and a nappy with them when ya buy one....NEVER driven one. Been in one!

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Quokka asserts...

Posted October 10, 2013

My (ex) BIL lived on acreage in the hills near Mullum and drove 1. a boxy volvo 2. a tractor.

One day he decided to drive the tractor without the benefits of shoes, despite the warning on the dash 'Always wear shoes when operating the tractor.'

He tried to hit the brakes as he was rolling backwards down the hill (towards the volvo) but OW! OW! OW! it turns out those warning signs about the need for footwear in tractors are there for a reason.

The tractor smacked into the volvo and dealt it a blow that would have finished a lesser vehicle, and, my sister not being someone to waste her hard-earned money on panel beaters, refused to get it fixed, so from that point onwards the volvo shuffled through life with a vicious looking tractor bite carved out of it's arse.

John Birmingham has opinions thus...

Posted October 10, 2013

And the tractor did not survive.

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Brother PorkChop swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 10, 2013

There was a novel that had Volvo bashing in it. One of the van Lustbader books?

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Therbs swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 10, 2013

I saw a Volvo once. *shudders*

Bunyip ducks in to say...

Posted October 10, 2013

Quaff brown lemonade until pain desists.

Therbs mumbles...

Posted October 10, 2013

Did that last night, then pain this morning.

Bunyip is gonna tell you...

Posted October 10, 2013

Let me guess; you stopped taking the medication? There's your problem.

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Gutz ducks in to say...

Posted October 10, 2013

Ahhh the good ole Swedish Tracktor Ovlov...i cannot talk however, my grand father of Finnish descent thought the Lada was the best thing since rollmops.... But he did suffer a brain injury in WW2, so we did cut him quite a bit of slack.

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Dino not to be confused with swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 10, 2013

Vulvas?

I love Vulvas!

Oh lucky is the man inside a Vulva driving it home.

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ShaneAlpha has opinions thus...

Posted October 10, 2013

I had no idea that they made flat cap helmets.

And I assume that the mighty Volvo sensably driven around Mt Panorama will have the obligatory Bowls Hats on the back shelf, tastefully seperated by a nodding dog.

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MickH mutters...

Posted October 10, 2013

Q: What's the difference between a Volvo and the principal's office?

A: It's less embarrassing if your friends see you leaving the principal's office.

Q: Why do they put sidewalks beside most streets and highways?

A: So Volvo owners have a safe place to walk home.

Q: What's the difference between a Volvo and a Porcupine?

A: When it comes to a Volvo, the prick is on the inside.

Q: Why do they fit ABS braking systems to the latest Volvos?

A: So the driver can stop quicker to pick up the fallen off parts.

Q: How do you make a Volvo go faster downhill?

A: Turn off the engine.

Q: What is the difference between a Volvo and a shopping trolley?

A: A shopping trolley is much easier to push.

Q: Why are the latest Volvos so aerodynamically designed?

A: It improves the Chevy towe truck's fuel consumption.

Q: What is the aim of a Volvo project car?

A: An attempt to keep their car running.

Q: What is the difference between a Volvo and a tampon?

A: A tampon comes with it's own tow rope.

Q: Why are Volvo dealers giving away a dog with each Volvo sold?

A: So the owner has a companion to walk home with.

Q: How do you double the value of a Volvo Icon?

A: Full the tank with petrol.

Q: What did the Toyota say to the Volvo?

A: Would you like a tow home?

Q: What do you call a Volvo at the top of a Hill?

A: A Miracle.

Q: What do you call two Volvos at the top of a hill?

A: A mirage.

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damian puts forth...

Posted October 10, 2013

The weird thing about the 200 series Volvos was the placement of the coil, a really stupidly long way from the (in those days still mechanical) distributor. In practice this meant that if your 245DL suffered chronic electrical corrosion due to the weird tinkerings* of a mad hungarian previous owner/bequeather/FIL, you could guarantee that the RACQ, RACV and NRMA van would not carry a long enough replacement coil lead.

Oh and 245DLs had tail-gunner seats, usually stowed under the floor in the cargo area. Removing these yielded a brilliant extra compartment, which we used for roof racks and the very large number of tools required to keep the thing running. If I said that you haven't lived till you've changed the water pump on a 70s Volvo, I'd most likely be lying.

Yeah I reckon Toyotas are pretty good for Australian cars. Holden seems to be nothing but lightly modified Opels these days, which I'm sure are fine for Europe; and Ford is... well the less said about Ford the better. Did someone really say Jeep? Sorry, laughing too hard to respond meaningfully.

*He had/has some bizarre theories about advancing the timing, which he has implemented on all his cars that I have been aware of. He insists it boosts performance while improving fuel economy, but what it actually does is make the car stall while idling, even when the idle is set high.

Rob mutters...

Posted October 11, 2013

my jeep is fabulous. what with its v6 mercedes engine and all round blackness.

damian would have you know...

Posted October 12, 2013

But... it's still a Jeep, and therefore hilarious. Sorry dude, just the way it is. A Jeep... snicker.

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Coriolisdave swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 12, 2013

Rob, you may find this illuminating

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Rob swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 13, 2013

it looks good in my car hole

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