Cheeseburger Gothic

My new job

Posted April 8, 2014 into Blunty by John Birmingham

If it's good enough to Campbell Newman...

At Blunty.

84 Responses to ‘My new job’

beeso would have you know...

Posted April 8, 2014

is itjust me or was that column a bit .......short.

dweeze swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted April 8, 2014

The Fairfax businessmen obviously didn't cough up enough $$$ when JB shook themdown.

NBlob mumbles...

Posted April 8, 2014

@ Beeso.

Yeah I felt a missing paragragh or two. Like a massive disturbance in the force, like a million voices crying out who were then cut off short. But, you know, without the force, nor the voices.

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan asserts...

Posted April 8, 2014

Keep your old job, JB. But I continue to recommend that you diversify.

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Rob reckons...

Posted April 8, 2014

your new job sounds like a wonderful plan. I would also be liking to get some of the filthy lucre available to men over 40 who wear suits.

Although I seem to still have hair.That might mean I can't hang with Campbell.

NBlob swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted April 8, 2014

JB doesn't have That problem.

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Bunyip would have you know...

Posted April 8, 2014

I can see an opportunity for code monkeys, with an app where you can record which suits have been shaken down, things to not mention during the wallet lifting etc.

Just trying to help.

Brother PorkChop reckons...

Posted April 8, 2014

Perhaps take it a step further and have the app recognise, query and check off against THE LIST all smart phones in close proximity so that you can actively target the lifting of aforementioned wallets.

Lulu is gonna tell you...

Posted April 8, 2014

Or just hack into their accounts, using bank details they've probably entered on the smartphones - don't even need to touch their wallets directly.

Dino not to be confused with mutters...

Posted April 8, 2014

Just do an Auction.

Dino not to be confused with is gonna tell you...

Posted April 8, 2014

Having sooooo many showers lately.

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JG swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted April 8, 2014

Good luck shaking the lucky money tree, John. You might wrangle a few extra thou' of moolah if you courtesy or give a doggy-like display of affection at your next show up. Don't forget to wash your hands before shaking the paws of your followers.

I'm glad you are devoting your time to a worthy cause in your new job. Your very presence - let alone your wise words of harsh correction, frivolity, wisdom, experience, and wit - deserve at least $10,000 per pop up for such a fine specimen as yourself.

No need for cap in hand, sir. Take what is dutifully owed you. Accept the dosh, and more.

Our most high Mr Rabbit of Oz must make you a Knight of the Royal Carrot. May the Primya of Queensland, Mr Know-it-all Yes Newman, shine his bright domed head your way.

Respectfully anon, head bowed in humility, etc, etc, etc...

Joanna G aka JG aka yakka yakka.

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Halwes has opinions thus...

Posted April 8, 2014

You're thinking too small. No one can get rich just poking around the edges. No. You have to become a vital cog in a very corrupt machine to do that. Think Joh and paper bags full of money. You don't think that a measly $5k got you anything in those days do you? Join the machine where hookers, liquor licenses, roads getting built in front of your pub and dams being constructed up the road from your recently aquired farm are part of the job description. You'd get elected no worries. Just tell queenslanders that you are Joh's illegitimate love child and they'll gladly suckle you on their corrupt bosums.

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Dino not to be confused with puts forth...

Posted April 8, 2014

Gurdels Theorem?

U know maths is incomplte and stuff.

Or for da learned prime drivatives and stuff.

But the way I see it is shallow verse deep.

Extension of some earlier work.

Yeah an da office and da computer '97 level 43(?)

Dino not to be confused with mutters...

Posted April 8, 2014

Just lokked up Copper Poisening.

Cause, you know, injections and shit.

palm Island QLD. Algacide?

NFW!

No effen wonder.

Fucks yo brain mate.

Dino not to be confused with swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted April 8, 2014

Anyhoo who authrised the copper release inta da envirament of Palm Island?

What did dey want?

The Land? cause dey knew what would happen. maybe dey needed to toughen up the Police force a little. Send them to Palm Island the most dangerous place on Earth(for a while).

How is it now? Did the use chelates to remedy the problem?

You know Mossad hacked my computer this morning/last night.

Don't know why?

Joke-

"What's worse a Greek Jew or an Egyptian Jew?"

Doesn't mattr JOh runs queensland dats all you need to know mt dutchy.

Dino not to be confused with would have you know...

Posted April 8, 2014

Dame?

Yep preety sure a dame.

Onya Joh for PM!

Dino not to be confused with is gonna tell you...

Posted April 8, 2014

Nah just a 'Lady'.

No Dame for da missus.

Like 'Lady of the Night'

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Dino not to be confused with asserts...

Posted April 8, 2014

Captain,

The smartcells are a defensive sheild technology developed in the nineties.

Polarisation can be adjusted.

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Dino not to be confused with reckons...

Posted April 8, 2014

Well there you have it Gents. A scientific arguement that cannot be refuted-

http://www.sunshinecoastdaily.com.au/news/the-opinions-still-flo/2069190/

Shalom

Dino not to be confused with asserts...

Posted April 8, 2014

Seeya Clive.

You're on your own as far as this Goyim is concerned.

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Dino not to be confused with mumbles...

Posted April 8, 2014

OMG someone I know is 'late'.

Again.

When will they have the female condom ready?

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Dino not to be confused with has opinions thus...

Posted April 8, 2014

Cause the last time I stuck my dick in a cunt this truck driver asked me to find his keys so we could both drive out in the truck.

JG has opinions thus...

Posted April 8, 2014

Settle down, Dino. I find this offensive. Can only assume you're drunk too much beer.

JG

Dino not to be confused with mutters...

Posted April 8, 2014

Fair enough JG,

I find it amazing that people are more offended with language than violence.

Which would you prefer?

Look up white phosphouros in Gaza.

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Dino not to be confused with puts forth...

Posted April 8, 2014

Cause the last time I stuck my dick in a cunt this truck driver asked me to find his keys so we could both drive out in the truck.

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Dino not to be confused with has opinions thus...

Posted April 8, 2014

Hello Clementine.

everyone wants waht you want.

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Dino not to be confused with reckons...

Posted April 8, 2014

Silence is Golden Clem.

"Oh my Darlin', Oh my Darlin', oh my daaaaaarlin Clemintine...."

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Dino not to be confused with reckons...

Posted April 8, 2014

Silence is Golden Clem.

"Oh my Darlin', Oh my Darlin', oh my daaaaaarlin Clemintine...."

Dino not to be confused with reckons...

Posted April 8, 2014

Captain,

Systems are being restored.

Klingons are seeking engagement.

Permission to fire...

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Dino not to be confused with asserts...

Posted April 8, 2014

Captain,

Have you read 'Henry Ford and the Jews'?

There is a problem with verification of the authenticity of Clem.

She cares about American Values at teenage level more than Palestine.

Torpedoes away..

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Dino not to be confused with reckons...

Posted April 8, 2014

Captain she rights under a siudenim.

Her name is FALSE Captain.

When will she write about Palestine.

The truck driver has found his keys and will be exiting the vaginal chasm shortly.

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Dino not to be confused with mumbles...

Posted April 8, 2014

You know what I hate Captain?

Jews pretending to be German or from Quebec.

Quit my job this week cause of the chutzpah.

Lying Fucks.

When will the Embassies open?

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Dino not to be confused with reckons...

Posted April 8, 2014

Captain,

Remember Julia Gillards response to Josh Frydenbergs questions?

'Stupid and wrong' Captain.

Where is Josh from?

JG go to Brookings with a paypacket and STFU.

You are brain dead and don't know it.

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pi has opinions thus...

Posted April 8, 2014

Someone needs to take a bex and have a wee lie down.

Dino not to be confused with has opinions thus...

Posted April 8, 2014

So I get the Job right?

Tellin' the truth at fairfucks?

Dino not to be confused with mumbles...

Posted April 8, 2014

Always Independent.

Like a whore bent over.

Dino not to be confused with mutters...

Posted April 8, 2014

OMG Daily Life is open to comment!

Like any fucker would try.

FK off Clem.

FK off to ISrael.

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sibeen reckons...

Posted April 9, 2014

Jaysus, JB, I'm not one who would normally call for moderation. I really do believe that all voices should be heard without fear or favour; but once, just this once, please, for the love of gawd, bring out your smiting hammer and use the fucking thing.

Barnesm puts forth...

Posted April 9, 2014

Indeed. Its not an issue of censorship or unfair discrimination. When a spambot generates annoying posts, or comments its blocked. When a human beings posts are even less informantive or relevant then blocking these posts would seem justified.

Its sort of an alternative universe Turing test. When you can not tell the diffence between a spambot and a human being when they are only communicating through text on a screen.

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Halwes would have you know...

Posted April 9, 2014

I don't think that it needs moderating at all. If you read it without judgement there are some real pearls in there. The point about language being more offensive to some than violence is well made. While everyone in this country is focused on a few idiots punching on at the cross we continue to be involved in military adventures where children are killed on a daily basis. Weird priorities if you ask me.

BigWillieStyle mumbles...

Posted April 9, 2014

"If you read it without judgement there are some real pearls in there."

Yeah, the bit about Jews pretending to be from Quebec, and all that d*ck/c*nt talk was brilliant.

Halwes puts forth...

Posted April 9, 2014

I think that you are judging it by your own standards but I'm saying that your standards, or mine for that matter, may not be the same as someone elses standards. This doesn't make someone elses standards, or yours or mine, irrelevant it just means that they are different. I think that is what CBG is about. People don't always agree and vehemently argue their point sometimes, but to call for censorship on the basis of language or discussion points seems over the top. If we challenge things that we find offensive with logic instead of calling for censorship then we are able to anticipate and deal with the future so much better. Censorship of ideas simply pushes them underground into secret societies. Except child exploitation etc. That needs to be exposed and severley punished. Most other ideas, no matter how offensive, can be challenged effectively with logic and reason. As fo Dino maybe being pissed then most of the true artists, musicians and thinkers have been affected at some time by substances.

Barnesm mutters...

Posted April 9, 2014

"there are some real pearls in there" yeah but the signal to noise ratio is significantly low, approaching zero.

Lulu reckons...

Posted April 9, 2014

"If we challenge things that we find offensive with logic instead of calling for censorship"

In this case, I think using logic would be like nailing jelly to a tree. And about as effective.

Barnesm mumbles...

Posted April 9, 2014

What if you freeze the jelly around the nail, using a liquid nitrogen spray, would that work?

Halwes mutters...

Posted April 9, 2014

"Like nailing jelly to a tree" Gold !

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Bunyip swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted April 9, 2014

I normally don't have standards, so I've been forced to borrow some from the minions. And I must say, the code bunnies have to do a bit of work on the Dinobot. Sometimes output quality and quantity parameters are of use.

Not that I actually have any myself. And no, I'm not letting any of you lot near my code.

John Birmingham swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted April 9, 2014

I normally swing the ban hammer only on posts which are personally and unacceptably abusive. I judge the limits of acceptability.

I have no fucking idea what Dino's on about a lot of the time. But it requires no great effort on my part not to read his comments.

I think I understand that he has some issue with Clem Bastow and that his truck driver comment is a form of performance art designed to find the edges of that issue. I think.

Bunyip mumbles...

Posted April 9, 2014

Fair 'nuff.

Dino not to be confused with reckons...

Posted April 9, 2014

That makes 2 uf us JB.

No problem with Clem Bastow.

Don't know her.

Too many selfies on her blog IMHO though.

Performance art?

No.

Saw Whitney Houston sing on the tele in late '72(?).

Banach and Superstition and SSB.

Dealing with multivariate stuff.

And Israel sucks shit.

Don't start me on History of Nippon.

They made an error.

They hate being told that.

JG mutters...

Posted April 9, 2014

'JG go to Brookings with a paypacket and STFU.

You are brain dead and don't know it.'

Then I take it you do not take this comment to be 'personally and unacceptably abusive' towards me, JB.

Go figure. It's your blog.

JG

Dino not to be confused with puts forth...

Posted April 9, 2014

Any fuckwit, lying fuckwit, can commence legal action forthwith.

But they won't.

Dino not to be confused with has opinions thus...

Posted April 9, 2014

Captain,

There is a cockroach.

It is eating shit and wanting attention.

JG has opinions thus...

Posted April 9, 2014

Now if that is not personally abusive, I don't know what isn't, JB.

Either way, you are right, John. It is easy enough to ignore such pathetic comments and not read attention-seeking trivia from spambots such as Dino.

Dino not to be confused with is gonna tell you...

Posted April 9, 2014

OMG raise my pay to 400 000 daollars ayera!

Sucking Brookings dicks is expensive.

I knoew I am stupisd!

But what about equality?

Dino not to be confused with would have you know...

Posted April 9, 2014

Thighs and no brains.

Ass that has it's own Gravitational feild.

Makes up for the lakc of cerebral content.

Seen better pigs.

Smart ones I would talk to bfore this shirt.

Dino not to be confused with has opinions thus...

Posted April 9, 2014

Captain,

The insecticde please...

Dino not to be confused with is gonna tell you...

Posted April 9, 2014

JG,

If you are not Julia Gillard than don't worry.

None of my comments are directed at you.

Dino not to be confused with ducks in to say...

Posted April 9, 2014

JG,

If you are not Julia Gillard than don't worry.

None of my comments are directed at you.

Dino not to be confused with asserts...

Posted April 9, 2014

But if you are please return the telegraph pole that is up your ass.

And I expect payment for your pleasure.

Never since the Whore of Babylon has there been a transparent blight on Humanity.

Say hello to your Dad.

He is sooooo proud of you my little lesbian cocksucker liar.

Everyone loves you.

Dino not to be confused with ducks in to say...

Posted April 9, 2014

Wanna up the ante?

Halwes is gonna tell you...

Posted April 9, 2014

Hi Red, Why do you even care enough to be offended about this? I'm truly interested. It's only words on a screen written by a half intelligent, angry person ( who makes some good points about Israeli atrocities in Palestine) who you'll never meet or interact with on any level apart from this. My workplace is far more offensive than this on a daily basis. I'm truly offended by institutionalised violence like state sanctioned war, terrorism and police brutality but words can't hurt me at all. I'm old now but some of the verbal crap and put downs I copped off elders when I was a kid hurt me a lot at the time. Today I thank them for it. I can cop anything off anybody and not care at all. I hope you aren't taking it too seriously. The world is full of people like this and the best way to handle it is to laugh it off and forget about it. Censorship, like prohibition, is dangerous. Best Wishes

Dino not to be confused with is gonna tell you...

Posted April 9, 2014

Nah didn't think so.

OMG there is a rock I can put up my ass!

Watch me bleed.

Please everyone watch me bleed!

Sisters help me.......

JG is gonna tell you...

Posted April 9, 2014

I take this as your attempt at an apology, Dino. I accept your apology.

I am a JG redhead - as is Julia Gillard - but I am not the former prime minister, much as I admire her.

My sense of humour is intact. No harm done. You guys are a rough lot.

JG: Joanna, not Julia.

Dino not to be confused with mutters...

Posted April 9, 2014

Thanks Captain,

I will use my shoe from now on.

Halwes mutters...

Posted April 9, 2014

You prick Dino! How dare you criticise Julia? She will go down in history as the best PM this country has ever had.

JG reckons...

Posted April 9, 2014

You're right, Halwes.

I've always been over sensitive and take life far too seriously for my own good.

Timely advice, kind sir.

Life's too short to hold grudges and/or care too much about what others think and say. I'd love to have been born with a thick skin - or to learn to not give a schmick.

All's good that ends well. I should laugh more. :) ;) :'D oh dear. That's not right. I worry and worry.

hahaha... there. That's a start.

Dino not to be confused with has opinions thus...

Posted April 9, 2014

I wasn't criticising her.

She be dead if I did.

Dino not to be confused with mumbles...

Posted April 9, 2014

pERSONALLY aBUSIVE?

hOW jb?

lOOK ABOVE.

jULIA IS EATING SHIT AND SAYING IT TATSES NICE.

yEAH i BELIEVE HER.

tHANKFULLY SHE IS EDUMACATED.

i WOULD FOLLOW HER INTO HELL AND THEN PUSH HER IN.

tOO LATE BEEN DONE ALREADY.

Dino not to be confused with asserts...

Posted April 9, 2014

Captain,

Will take out the minions.

2 weeks max.

Watch em run...

Dino not to be confused with is gonna tell you...

Posted April 9, 2014

Minions dealt with Captain.

Engaging warp drive.

OMG

Warp Drive.

Where is my walking stick?

Dino not to be confused with would have you know...

Posted April 9, 2014

Labor Party?

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA

Prostitutes known globally.

Wan't the pictures JB?

Dino not to be confused with mutters...

Posted April 9, 2014

Poor JG,

She will summon the 'courage' to 'do the right thing' eventually.

In the mean time I have dysentry and the pigs that used to eat my expulsions are overwhelmed.

Seeking a Labor Leader...

Dino not to be confused with swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted April 9, 2014

Cancelling Kevin Barret Lvl 43 'Shmuck' tomorrow.

Mission Accoplished.

Dino not to be confused with ducks in to say...

Posted April 9, 2014

Shut down the system again I did.

he he he

Dino not to be confused with would have you know...

Posted April 9, 2014

Shut down the system again I did.

he he he

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Mayhem's Mum is gonna tell you...

Posted April 9, 2014

One is of the opinion that society in general has no standards at all. If it did, Paris Hilton wouldn't be able to demand $250K for showing up at a party and Ronald Reagan wouldn't be paid $350K for giving a fifteen minute speech. Mr Campbell Newman could learn a great deal from our American Brethren and Sistren.

Barnesm would have you know...

Posted April 9, 2014

But to see a debate between Paris Hilton and Ronald Reagan moderated by Sephen Cobert now you are talking.

insomniac has opinions thus...

Posted April 9, 2014

Even though Ronnie is dead, I think Paris would still have some difficulty

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