Cheeseburger Gothic

G20: Come for the theatre, stay for the body cavity search

Posted November 11, 2014 into Blunty by John Birmingham

At Blunty:

It's adorable that Lord Quirky is so worried about the city turning into a ghost town this week that he's releasing a thousand free car spaces and begging punters to penetrate the puckered Ring of Steel. After all, it would be terribly embarrassing were some G20 delegate from Mexico or China to think they've landed in some pissant backwater; although given the number of neobrutalist dictators jetting in over the next few days, the massive and overwhelming security presence on the increasingly empty streets may well feel just like home.

"Oh look, Vladimir, sonic cannons! How thoughtful of Abbott the convict barbarian."

44 Responses to ‘G20: Come for the theatre, stay for the body cavity search’

Quokka reckons...

Posted November 11, 2014
Somehow I don't think Quirky was prepared for the kind of protest that the locals have organised. Which is to stick one finger in the air, close up shop, and go home.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan puts forth...

Posted November 11, 2014
As Eric Cartman says: "Screw you guys; I'm going home."

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w from brisbane reckons...

Posted November 11, 2014
Authorities have been keen to reassure Brisbane residents that they shouldn't worry about the snipers on the building tops, after all, "it's time for Brisbane to shine".

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan is gonna tell you...

Posted November 11, 2014
It's funny because it isn't happening to me.

Chaz is gonna tell you...

Posted November 11, 2014
G8 coming soon to Boylanville, Ca

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan would have you know...

Posted November 11, 2014
Not funny, Chaz. Not funny.

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Surtac asserts...

Posted November 11, 2014

So are you Brisneylanders going to get the F/A-18s flying racetrack patterns overhead all night, the way we did here in Canberra when we had US presidents in town?

I was very dirty on those b*stards disturbing my sleep like that.


Quokka mutters...

Posted November 11, 2014
Surtac: Helicopters.
Lots of.
It's been horrible around south bank & west end for weeks.

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Bondiboy66 mutters...

Posted November 11, 2014
What exactly ARE fighter jets going to be good for in a situation like this? Dropping humanitarian aid like in Iraq? Even shooting down some possible terrorist controlled aircraft means the target is going to crash somewhere in the city...

Darth Greybeard has opinions thus...

Posted November 11, 2014
Ah yes, but somewhere else in the city. Tough luck proles.

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Murphy has opinions thus...

Posted November 11, 2014
Why don't you guys use your military aircraft to do flyovers of sporting events after the anthem concludes? That is what we do here.

Just sayin'.

Respects,
Murph
On the Outer Marches

Halwes asserts...

Posted November 11, 2014
The worst thing about US flyovers is that they usually happen after the Iraqi, Afghanis etc have sung their national anthems.

damian reckons...

Posted November 11, 2014
We used to do F/A-18s with their afterburners on for riverfire. Think the price of fuel stopped that eventually (they still flyover but).

National anthems at sporting events are relatively new, maybe 80sish. Though to be fair I'm thinking of local level stuff that took till then to die out here, maybe it did so earlier there. Still, think it's more about meat pies and tomato sauce than about sheep stealing and suicide (or, reluctantly, about advancing and being girt and stuff).

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Quokka ducks in to say...

Posted November 11, 2014
I cannot for the life of me figure out WTF the police chopper finds so very interesting that every day it needs to do laps of our 'hood. I think they must be so fucking bored they are taking photos of interesting renovations for their Block style home improvement ideas.
'Oooh Tracey would you look at that pool!'
Unless of course one of them has binoculars trained on our back yards, searching for bongoes, ukeleles and the odd straggly leafed pot plant, so they can come back for some ukelele busting fun when the G20 ceases to deliver.

Murphy is gonna tell you...

Posted November 12, 2014
Maybe it is because I live in the flight path of the Downtown Kansas City Airport but what are you guys going on about? We hear helicopters and planes all the time.

Insofar as police helicopters go, there is only one for the entire metro and the various jurisdictions share it. We see more Blackhawks, Chinooks, and the ever so often Apache from the Missouri Army National Guard than anything else.

Respects,
Murph
On the Outer Marches

Halwes asserts...

Posted November 12, 2014

Those coppers are over your house because CBG has obviously been catagorised as a subversive organisation. It's the same at my house. Oh wait a minute that's still the intervention. Anyway don't we all feel so much safer knowing there are cops in the sky with sub machine guns trained on the backs of our necks?

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ShaneAlpha puts forth...

Posted November 11, 2014
If it is all so sweetness and light why did they move Supernova con to after the G20? Something to do with cavity searching 30 000 cos playing geeks perhaps? And we all know that their personal hygiene can be a bit spotty? Or maybe it's not a good look gunning down teenagers with cardboard weapons....sometimes.

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damian mutters...

Posted November 11, 2014
There was one of those big white fibreglass watchouse-on-a-truck things parked up on Greg Tce this arvo when I was driving home, with a few officers hanging around next to it, clearly bored to numbness. No idea what they were expecting. A couple had Movember mos.

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TheWah would have you know...

Posted November 11, 2014
Huzzah for security theatre. Some of the most exciting theatre we will get in this city this year - and for only 400 million dollars.


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MickH reckons...

Posted November 12, 2014
Coming late to this.
But its ridiculous here. The police presence is just, well, over the top.
I walk past the Mecure hotel of a morning and there were around 20 cops sitting around there inside the barricade, at 6.20 am looked bored stupid.
Our Aboriginal friends decided to get in on the act and had a march on Monday down Adeliade st. From the viewpoint of our 5th floor I reckon there were around 70 protesters. Walking on either side of them, in single file were 90, yes 90 police!! (i counted them). They marched again yesterday and the police presence was a little more realistic with 10 or so officers but still.

Can someone tell me what the point of all this is, except to rip millions of dollars out of the local commercial activity as people flee the circus? The top leaders are only here for a day too, after all the hype and circumstance, does anything actually get accomplished?

Oh, and there already stories of how there is no cop presence in our suburbs. Brace for a big weekend of crime guys while the cops parade through our streets looking like the para military they wish to be.
(I'm already seeing 140K plus speeds on the freeways)

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Quokka asserts...

Posted November 12, 2014
one for each protester, Mick, there were a few old aunties and uncles with disabilities in the bus at the back of the march.
You never know how dangerous someone with emphysema could be.

MickH ducks in to say...

Posted November 12, 2014
Especially the ones with the oxy tanks

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MickH asserts...

Posted November 12, 2014
I had a talk to the coffee guy in our building this morning about how the week has been so far. He said "Bloody terrible", he has had to lay off staff and has lost a lot of business because of people staying away due to the G20. He said that all of the small businesses in the CBD were really feeling the pinch.

Someone tell me again how this is great for Brisbane?

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Quokka ducks in to say...

Posted November 12, 2014
When I made much the same reports about West End traders having the same grumbles, the Bloke grunted 'Blame KRudd. This was all his idea.'

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Quokka swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted November 13, 2014
http://www.abc.net.au/science/articles/2008/02/13/2161764.htm

Well Murph here's the shocker but apparently living under the flight path raises people's blood pressure, reduces their life expectancy &, before it kills them, in the lead up they get very, very cranky.

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Chaz would have you know...

Posted November 13, 2014
We're getting emails from firms in brisbane CBD saying they're closing during G20 shindig.

MickH swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted November 13, 2014
Most of us are working from home today Chaz.

Halwes puts forth...

Posted November 13, 2014

I went to Brisbane once but it was closed. Apologies to whoever I ripped this off from but, really, what's it got going for it anyway.? It's flamin hot with no sea breeze most of the time, there is a big brown drain running through it that floods like the end of the world, north enough for cyclones, not far enough north that you don't get bone chillingly cold winters, the worlds most right wing, corrupt politicians and too many southern blow ins trying to shape the joint in their own image. Name one good thing in Brisbane apart from the little remaining architecture, the Breakfast Creek hotel, Bent Books, the fantastic art gallery and museum, the last remnants of a pub scene, Lang Park, Eagle Farm and Albion Park trots.?

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan reckons...

Posted November 13, 2014
Halwes, I've been everywhere from Beruit to Belfast to Boston. I love cities. And I love Brisbane for a thousand reasons and cannot wait to return.

Halwes puts forth...

Posted November 13, 2014
I've been to Bombay, Moscow and Calcutta and I rather go to Calcutta!!

Halwes mumbles...

Posted November 13, 2014
That last bit was bullshit

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Lulu has opinions thus...

Posted November 13, 2014
I've been to Bamberg, Breslau, Breclav, Bratislava, and Budapest but not Brisbane.

Halwes is gonna tell you...

Posted November 13, 2014
What about Quilpie, Windorah or Coonabarabran?

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan puts forth...

Posted November 13, 2014
I had big fun in Bamberg.

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Halwes mumbles...

Posted November 13, 2014

Peppiminarti, Utopia, Numbulwar, Alyangula, Gapuwiyak is about my range nowdays

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan asserts...

Posted November 13, 2014
I wonder why Mullumbimby never makes anyone's list anymore.

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Anthony swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted November 13, 2014

A poem I learnt at school (in Brisbane of course)


On the Queensland railway lines,
There are stations where one dines,
Private individuals
Also run refreshment stalls

Chorus
Bogan-Tungan, Rollingstone,
Mungar, Murgon, Marathon(e),
Garthanungra, Pinkenba,
Wanko, Yaamba; ha, ha, ha!

Males and females, high and dry
Hang around at Durikai;
Boora-Mugga, Djarawong,
Giligulgul, Wonglepong.

Pies and coffees, baths and showers,
Are supplied at Charters Towers;
At Mackay the rule prevails
Of restricting showers to males.

Iron rations come in handy,
On the way to Dirranbandi,
Passengers have died of hunger,
During halts at Garatdunga.

Lets us toast before we part,
Those who travel stout at heart,
Drunk or sober rain or shine,
On the Queensland railway lines.

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Darth Greybeard mutters...

Posted November 13, 2014
We lived in the same house in Brisbane for over 30 years, then moved to Melbourne. There are a few places I miss in Brisbane but there are pleasant places anywhere. What we really miss is the people. Certain Burgers, ex-colleagues, a few family, the Degenerate Diners with our over the top themed meals, food and wine based outings and general ribald fun. At 60+ you don't just drop easily into a new city and into a new group of friends. Luckily we both have family here and more fun-loving ones than most in Brisbane. (Vote Tex in Albert Park). Newspaper confected rivalries between this city and that make me tired. I could even go back to Ipswich and be happy - if the right people were there.

Paul_Nicholas_Boylan is gonna tell you...

Posted November 14, 2014
It is always the people that make a place.

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Paul_Nicholas_Boylan mutters...

Posted November 14, 2014
But you could land in worst places than Melbourne.

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Therbs mumbles...

Posted November 14, 2014

Brisbane will get over it. Sydney's seen this sort of thing where some CBD cafes and shops are screwed for a week or so, then they come back. Its not only Qld police, they've imported interstate and Kiwi cops as well. They do love a big police force in Queensland.



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w from brisbane mutters...

Posted November 14, 2014
I think Brisbane is already over it. Not that it was really a biggie, just a bit tiresome with all the hoo-ha. But hey, we get a public holiday, they can do it every month if they like.

I think that the powers-that-be expected that the locals would feel some excitement and pride about the G20. But, people seem pretty underwhelmed. Meh, seems to be the feeling. The most powerful politicians on the planet just don't seem to have much celebrity cachet. Those are the people who are in the articles we don't click on. It's not as if any of them are Taylor Swift or anything.

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NBlob ducks in to say...

Posted November 15, 2014
Meh.
This kind of meeting is the lube which prevents national interests rubbing against each other from catching fire.
It's unfortunate that the good burghers of Brisneyland get to feel used & to lay on the wet spot.
A friend of a friend is putting little origami boats on traffic bollards all 'round G20, protesting the treatment of refugees. I thought it lovely, gentle & pointless.

TheWah mumbles...

Posted November 15, 2014
I saw three people doing this on thursday night on Story Bridge. A woman and two men. Dropping off origami boats full of rocks every 3 metres or so on the footpath. The whole bridge was covered. I had no idea what it meant and felt sorry for the cleaners who would have to clean up all those little rocks and paper boats.

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