Cheeseburger Gothic

Beta Readers are on

Posted October 9, 2015 into The Dave by John Birmingham

Back in August I asked who'd be interested in having an early read of the two Hooper ebooks.

The following peeps said yes: NBlob, Insomniac, Brother Porkchop, Damien, JBToo, AuntyLoo, Sparty (or rather Mrs Sparty), Rhino, Ghostswirv, Sibeen and Chris B.

Apols to anyone I missed.

I think I'll use a password protected file at GoogleDocs as the simplest option.

If you're still interested email me at jbismymasternow AT gmail dot com. I'll add you to the collab list and email you back with instructions.

24 Responses to ‘Beta Readers are on’

FormerlyKnownAsSimon is gonna tell you...

Posted October 9, 2015
i did put my hand up and got missed! But lucky I did. Shite has hit the fan here in Simonville and spare time has just been thrown out the window. I'll be content to get my hands on the finished product.

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ChrisB is gonna tell you...

Posted October 9, 2015
Sweet! Cannot wait! Gracias JB!

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JBtoo mutters...

Posted October 9, 2015
So sorry, brown stuff has hit fan here too. Next time for sure.

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NBlob puts forth...

Posted October 9, 2015
Brown & Fan free.

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sibeen mumbles...

Posted October 11, 2015
WooHoo :)
Where the fuck is Havoc?
I want to gloat.

HAVOCK21 is gonna tell you...

Posted October 12, 2015
I'm off building somfin useless.....playing engineer!.....BASTARD!

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Rhino has opinions thus...

Posted October 11, 2015
Oh, H s going to hate this.

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GhostSwirv asserts...

Posted October 11, 2015

What, huh ... which button did I push?

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HAVOCK21 reckons...

Posted October 12, 2015
Nope and yes. Nope to the e/mail addy ya muppet, but yes to do a read. I'm writing....of sorts and reading like a mthr fkr at the mo so would be very happy to participate.
Good afternoon Mr Birmingham Sir. It's with great pride and pleasure that I submit to you my heartfelt request for participatory privileges in your forthcoming juggernaut of literary brilliance.
I should perhaps take this momentary chance to remind the good Sir that his standing, whilst being somewhat magnificent at present is surly to be elevated to on high with the tomes release to the general populous, it's there for my never ending wish that I be allowed to be part of this epic adventure, partaken by such gothic giants as the Rhino and further imbued with anarchy and deftness of action by the joining of patrons such as my good self.
in short, should the not le me in, the HAVOCK WILL CAP YOU SKINNY LATTE RIDDEN FKN ARSE!
Your comrade in arms

Major Havock!

Therbs swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 14, 2015
That's a bit late isn't it Hav? Should have been paying attention instead of fart arseing around capping fkn muppets.

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Brother PorkChop mumbles...

Posted October 13, 2015
Ready and waiting, impatiently.

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Sparty reckons...

Posted October 14, 2015
Me and Mrs Sparty are in - waiting to unload a dollop of proof edit on the Dave. Cheeseburger doesn't seem to accept any updates from iphones!

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DarrenBloomfield is gonna tell you...

Posted October 14, 2015
I did too. Seems to have not stuck. I'll try again

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HAVOCK21 mutters...

Posted October 14, 2015
Therbs: Here's an Extract of what I have been fkn about with recently...AND keeping the fkn planet safe opf course.This might take up some space

It was just a pity the F35 was not such a success, 100m
meters down from the drone revetments was the main beasts of RAAF Curtin, 2
full squadrons of JSF F-35 attack planes were able to be housed here, today
there was just 7, that’s all of the units single full squadron the was mission
serviceable at present, the rest were bent, or called unserviceable, but if you
were a crew chief, they were tits up useless.

Flight Line RAAF

Strolling down the flight line surveying the aircraft was
Master Crew Chief David Sphinx, not an overly tall man, but at 120 kilos with
his 6 ft. height he was not to be trifled with, what many might call a front
rower in rugby terms. Scanning the line The Master Chief shook his head, Jesus” he thought, <o:p></o:p>

“ If only the brass
had listened to the technicians early, we wouldn’t be in this fkn mess” <o:p></o:p>

What the chief was
referring to was the Joint Strike Fighter and is subsequent issues, the largest
of which was wholesale cancellation of orders, post a very brief but brutal
encounter with some borrowed flankers at REDFLAG exercises in Nevada. The
scuttlebutt initially coming out was simply that the Flanker aggressors had
scored some kills against the F35’s, both the STOL and VTOL versions, but the
release of gun tape footage and audio onto the net from various aircraft
involved broke the issue wide open. The F35
was a pig in anything but BVR engagements.<o:p></o:p>

Congress went nuts, the coalition of partners purchasing the
F35 went just as nuts and the shares for
Lockheed Martin building the F35 went down quicker than Bill Clintons “ we did not have sexual relations friend”
, whilst the emails demanding answers
and a increasing numbers of cancellations started piling up in e/mail IN boxes.
Whilst this was taking place senior commanders inside the Pentagon and across
the globe in the partner countries were scrambling to find out just exactly
what took place.<o:p></o:p>

What had happened? A small number of SU-35S Flankers had been acquired to perform
the adversary roles and the US pilots trained in their use. It was suspected
that the units had come from Malaysia but it was not confirmed. They were gen 4.5
units , with Thrust vectoring, multimode radar and stealth enhancements and they had achieved a 2 to 1 kill ratio
against the F35 in nearly all aspects of the flight envelope, except for BVR
engagements when the F35 was clean or stealthy with NO external missiles……….
and it went downhill from there.<o:p></o:p>

The chief stopped at the second row of shelters, these like
the ones housing the F35’s were not designed just to keep bombs off the
aircraft and contain a miss hap to one parking revetment, they also had IR and
Visual overhead cover, plus they kept the boiling Western Australian sun of the airframes. But
these hangars were twice as big as they ones beside them, sitting inside the
shadowed hangers was a large procession of dark slightly familiar airframes for
the casual observer. The actual number here was 24, but Australian now fielded
4 full squadrons of the them, they were classified as F111’s and these were the
newest ‘S’ model or ‘super pig’.<o:p></o:p>

thought the
chief as he strode up to the First F111S- <o:p></o:p>

he said ,as he slowly
and graceful swept his hand across the modified nose cone of the aircraft.<o:p></o:p>

Someone called out from behind him as he heard boots running up from the other
side of the aircraft. <o:p></o:p>

As David spun around to the front of the aircraft and watched
as first the boots and then flight suit appeared between the ground and the
airframe, then, as the now puffing aviator appeared from around the nose he was
not surprised the squadrons Chief pilot, Lt Colonel Rodger Rhino Ross, puffing
somewhat as he filled out the…..neat fitting flight suit stopped doubled over.
Rhino’s hand was waving kind of wildly at the Chief and he figured he knew what
he wanted whilst he was sucking in great lungful’s of air.<o:p></o:p>

It took about 20 seconds, but Rhino righted himself, now
composed but with kind of puffy flushed red cheeks he spoke with the chief.<o:p></o:p>

“Chief, we have an
alert warning from Holt, they want a Kestrel ASAP for the Lombok straight and
also a status on all other birds here at the base, which I would gather
includes piloted aircraft as well! And…. The CO has issued a full base Alert”<o:p></o:p>

The Chief had watched all the Adgies and aircraft mechanics
disperse and start swarming over the drones, he’d not given much thought to the
bases piloted aircraft up until this point. Reaching down for his radio he
called back to base ops.<o:p></o:p>

“ Base Op’s this is
Spanner 1, is the duty officer present , over” releasing the hand piece the
chief looked at Rhino.<o:p></o:p>

“ well Rhino, get ya
fkn arse in the Cockpit man….Jesus, where is your Nav?” he asked, just as
he heard the Huawei Assault Vehicle tyres squeak to a halt at the front of the
aircraft and the Pigs Navigator, Major Carley Simone bailed out of the backseat
before the Huawei shot across to the next aircraft shelter disgorging its next
set of aircrew.<o:p></o:p>

The F111 S or Super Pig was a direct result of the F35’s
technical and capability failures and it
had come at a cost. Whilst the RAAF decided to reduce its total order of
F35’s, deciding that they would try and utilise the Lightening as a fighter
only and pair it with less capable aircraft, it still left the RAAF short. The
legacy Hornets had long since been retired and the Super Hornets were being
left to do most of the work, the resultant airframe hours skyrocketing and
placing some tough decisions on the RAAF.<o:p></o:p>

Unfortunately the issues with the F35 were not just
Australian, it was the whole consortium who bought into the F35 debacle that
were now trying to secure other aircraft as fast as possible to fill the
capability gap and extend other airframes life, and this….very quickly created
an aircraft shortfall with plane prices shooting through the roof almost

The RAAF internally starting looking at options and what
force mixes they could use, one Commander suggested they dust off the F111
upgrade program and see if they could secure birds from the bone yard in the
US, after all the Commander said, we have the technical expertise here, Qantas
can support the units and we look at securing back the staff / support
personnel. The Pig will cut back on Hornet time and if we do the full upgrade
we will secure some very unique additional benefits.<o:p></o:p>

The Brass were not convinced, but the PM got wind of it and
requested a full briefing from the RAAF and its proposer, bending a lot of
senior noses out of shape in the process. The briefing had been interesting, at
the end of the session the PM it was said, had stood up and looked straight at
the Chief of the Defence force and said
Make it happen”
no buts, no histrionics, just get it done, and so the RAAF
and the DSTO embarked on what all said was the most bizarre , tax payer funded
money wasting exercise that the ADF had ever partaken in…… but they were wrong
or so the chief thought.<o:p></o:p>

The chief continued his walk around the aircraft’s topping
here and there to more closely inspect it, wings, leading edge slats, landing
gear and final now having checked all the normal operational equipment he was
ready for the weapons check, looking up at the cockpit the chief could see both
the Pilot and Nav were in their seat. <o:p></o:p>

“Ready for weapons
check Rhino, confirm Radar and pods are in standby please “ the chief called.<o:p></o:p>

He figured that the pair were still busy getting their own
collective shit sorted out, but not to bust protocol and commence the weapons
stations checks the chief allowed himself another look back over his plane as
he thought of it, mentally remembering just how hard it was to get this bird
into service and what radical changes had been made to the base G model pig to
bring her up to this… of the slipperiest aircraft available that could
deliver some serious load of steel on target. And that was the end game wasn’t

From where he was now standing at the front left side of the
aircraft, nearly all the significant mods were visible, although she had
received serious internal upgrades, the performance enhancing ones could be
seen by the trained eye, all over the airframe…and even that was partly new as

The F111’s was a super cruising low level penetrator now
with the RCS of a large bird, capable of carrying 12 AMRAAMS, or a similar number of SSM’s, she
was lengthened, had thrust vectoring nozzles with composite Kevlar / carbon
fibre wings, larger fuel tanks, upgrades electronics now all fully digitised,
link 17, AESA radar with full TFR, FLIR and IRSTS and helmet mounted queuing. In
all, she could do everything the JSF could and couldn’t, plus do it farther
away and faster. <o:p></o:p>

Private Residence.
Cable Beach Western Australia<o:p></o:p>

It had been a while, but the he knew the signs from past experience
and as far as Mat could see at the moment, all the stars were starting to
Align. For most married couples, especially the men and more so with kids there
are certain key signs that are left in the house jungle for those in the know.<o:p></o:p>

Take for example, the simple fact that the kids are staying
over at their friends house tonight, to most, that’s just regular event, but when matched with it being
Friday night, the house is clean, the other half has been out during the day at
the beauty salon and you are pretty sure that you can smell a new perfume. In
isolation, they count for a little, but as a whole they point to a possibility
that’s more possible than not, at least that’s what’s climbing through the head
at warp speed.<o:p></o:p>

But!..... like all signs left in the jungle you can easily
be miss read, lead astray and generally go charging off into the sunset only to
find your path blocked by the grizzly bear off all enemy simply because you
have miss interpreted the signs….. And that spells doom for all.<o:p></o:p>

So being a veteran, Joel new that more Intel was required so
rather casually he wandered into the bathroom and checked…YES! Sure enough the
razor had been out in the last 12 hours. That’s a good sign “he though as well.
He figured that it really was not that hard now, one last sure sign would be
somewhere and as soon as he walked through the bedroom door, having now shut
down the whole house, turned off all lights secured all doors and windows, put
out the rubbish and unstacked the dishwasher all whilst walking on egg shells….did
I mention cooking dinner as well?<o:p></o:p>

He looked up to see her, there standing upright at the dresser was his wife, clad in silk
shorts…the frilly type and a lovely red camisole to go with it …..”YES” Joel
did a little internal fist pump as he quickly made his way to the bathroom to
brush his teeth, the battlefield now survey, target located and ready to rock! <o:p></o:p>

“ There really is a
god’ he thought to himself as he opened the cabinet door for the
toothpaste” Humming Will I am, ‘ Tonight’s
gunna be a good night, tonight’s gunna be a good good night”
….hmmmmm hmm.<o:p></o:p>

With that, Joel spun, turned off the light to the en-suite
and walked over to the bed his wife was already in waiting for him, as she
gently snored….sound asleep.<o:p></o:p>

Lombok Straight,
Indonesian Archipelago SSK TANGO 2 ( Black leopard)<o:p></o:p>

It had taken 20 minutes to transit the Lombok straight at 10
knots against the 3 knot current. All whilst at periscope depth.The Black Leopard
and its crew, now safely back under the waves and descending out of sight,
allowed her Captain to relax ….. just a Little.<o:p></o:p>

<span style="font-size:11.0pt;line-height:
minor-latin;mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;
let’s make our depth 400 ft, reduce speed to 6 knots and rig for silent, and
then we will take a peek at what’s about”
<span style="font-size:11.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
EN-US;mso-bidi-language:AR-SA"> Said the Captain as he sat in the Black
leopards Command chair. The Black

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Therbs mutters...

Posted October 14, 2015
You picking fights with the Indos again Hav? Gonna splat some Kopassus? I know, they're gonna do some cross border shenanigans in PNG.

HAVOCK21 swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 14, 2015
And why are you not working?

Therbs is gonna tell you...

Posted October 14, 2015
I am. Fkn multitasking. And being short and to the point with contractors who ask stupid fkn questions.

HAVOCK21 mumbles...

Posted October 14, 2015

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HAVOCK21 ducks in to say...

Posted October 14, 2015
nope. we are being invaded by mauritians this time around.

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AuntyLou is gonna tell you...

Posted October 15, 2015
I sent an email Oh Lord & Master...did I miss the instructions? Or am I just being impatient?

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NBlob has opinions thus...

Posted October 15, 2015
I don't want to sound impatient, but ?

John Birmingham puts forth...

Posted October 15, 2015
Did you not get your invite?

NBlob is gonna tell you...

Posted October 15, 2015
Ah. Excellent.

AuntyLou is gonna tell you...

Posted October 16, 2015
Well now I am just sad...

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