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Raven On Game of Thrones Recap: S6E3 "Oathbreaker"

Posted May 10, 2016 into Raven On by girlclumsy

Spoilers! Only read on if you've seen Game of Thrones S6E3.

Four words.

JON SNOW’S BUTTOCK CREVICE.

Hoooooh, boy. All hail the supremacy of the televisual medium.

George R.R. Martin is a fine writer, but not even a bastard hybrid child of Wordsworth and Sir Mix-a-Lot could conjure up verse that would adequately describe the magnificence of those sweet cheeks.

No, it was best left to the camera to really hug the smooth, toned curves, the surprisingly-tanned-for-such-a-cold-climate surfaces, and that deep, beckoning central line of intrigue.

The curvature, the musculature…. Dang, by any nomenclature that was a fine posterior.

The shot may have been less than a second long, but that’s why we have the pause button, people. Don’t tell me you didn’t rent Basic Instinct on VHS and try to jog shuttle the leg-crossing bit.

#Junkmound out. #Buttockcrevice in.

Oh wait. Wait. I’m being sexist again. I’m sorry, hetero fellas. Clearly the matriarchy is at it again. But you know me, I’m an equal opportunity ogler, and you’ve had lady bumps all up in your grill since this show began. I believe this is my first set of buttocks since Bangin’ Robb Stark back in Season 3.

I had to search "Robb Stark naked" to find this image. I very much advise
against doing that. People are into some messed up stuff.

Now if a narrative structure that starts with some fine booty and ends with a metaphorical mic drop is good enough for every Beyonce video clip ever, it’s good enough for Game of Thrones. What I loved even more about this episode (if possible) was how all the stuff between those two things was amazing too.

It started out with a lot of promise, and kept that going throughout. The line between succeeding and failing became blurred, and you couldn’t quite tell whether breaking or keeping a promise was the right thing to do.

Season 6, Episode 3: “Oathbreaker”

Ahhh, Jon Snow. I finally understand why the Dothraki’s favourite term of endearment is “moon of my life”.

The poor fellow was rather traumatised by his return to the realm of the living (well, mostly), and it probably didn’t help to wake up to Davos’ face staring at him intently. I almost asked aloud “Why hasn’t he popped a blankie over Jon to keep him warm?” until I realised what I was saying and slapped myself quiet again.

Eventually Davos realised Jon was naked and trembling and proffered his own furry robe for comfort (wa-hay) just as Melisandre entered. The Red Woman looked remarkably restrained for someone who not only just resurrected the dead, but was also the first woman to top the UK pop charts with a self-penned song.

“What do you remember?” probed Davos. Not even a “Hey buddy, you’re back, good to see you,” or “This is totally like those horror movies where you think they’re dead, but then they come back all like RARRRR and you almost pee your pants.”

Jon’s famous last word - “Olly” - here becomes almost his first word back. Jon’s face as he remembered his steward’s betrayal was so sad. Fair enough, Jon probably expected Ser Alliser Trump to shiv him one day, but for Olly to stick a knife in your heart… well, that really sticks a knife in your heart.

Unfortunately Jon can’t help out Melisandre with her request to know what was beyond death. “Nothing,” Jon replied, thrilling Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens’ ghost. But Melisandre is still convinced that someone has to be The Prince That Was Promised, so visions or no, that might as well be Jon.

Davos, for his part, is far more pragmatic. “It’s completely f***ing mad,” he says, before telling Jon it’s best not to look for answers, but rather get on with job of kicking ass and blowing bubblegum. Davos is such a good Dad in this moment, telling Jon it’s OK to fail, which is something I wish my Year 12 maths teacher Mr McNaught (not even kidding) had told me. Well boo sucks to him because I failed maths and look at me now - surrounded by cats and an unhealthy collection of barely-used makeup. I have MADE something of myself, and I didn’t even need algabranometry.

Jon is welcomed back with a mixture of terror and batshit terror by most of his fellow Brothers, but it’s not all happy fun times at Rancho Castle Black. Justice must be meted out, which means Ser Alliser Trump, two random conspirators, and Olly, must suffer the consequences of their stabby, stabby actions.

“Do you have any last words?” Jon asks. Ser Alliser has had no change of heart, no moment of regret - he is satisfied with what he did and would do it again. Every step of the way, he regarded killing Lord Snow as the only way to fulfil his oath to the Night’s Watch. I guess you’ve got to respect that level of self-awareness and determination.

For his part, Olly said nothing. Well, his eyes spoke bitter words, but his tongue remained silent.

I half expected Jon to grant clemency to his youngest attacker, given that he has been a soft touch in the past (and hopefully, in my future). But the internet had spoken, and no amount of Reddit hate pages could rival an actual, terrible punishment. Jon was brought up too well to avoid that.

There’s a reason why hangings in movies are generally done in a long shot, or with cutaways at the gruesome moment. But this show doesn’t shy away from showing the bulging eyes, the blue skin and the crumpled necks, even when it’s a young boy like Olly. Hanging truly is a terrible way to die, and makes you wonder how funsters back in the day considered a dance-on-air the high point of their week. I suppose they didn’t have Game of Thrones, because their whole lives were probably like Game of Thrones, so needs must when the devil drives.

Dolorous Ed suggests to a brooding Jon that the bodies should be burned. Jon responds by shucking off his big Lord Commander cape, handing it to Ed and telling him Castle Black is his now.

Back to his form-fitting leathers, he declares “My watch is ended”, and stalks off into the tunnel, never looking back, leaving former comrades agog behind him, as cool a mic dropper as Obama at the Foreign Correspondents’ Dinner.

Ye Gods, if anything, I think death has made Jon Snow even sexier. I’d reani-mate him over and over again.

Book readers, you must be going nuts right about now with that whole kickass Tower of Joy sequence! I’m sure most TV watchers have heard of the R+L = J theory by now - it’s easier to find on the internet than sideboob photo galleries. But if you’ve managed to keep yourself pure then I won’t spill the beans - although I may have you scrubbed and sent to my room so I can pollute your innocence (let’s just say my karaoke version of Africa by Toto is next level).

As I’m sure you worked out, the Three-Eyed Raven (aka “Exposition Man”) has taken Bran on an awesome mind meld back to a key moment in Westeros history - the fight at the Tower of Joy. This is when Ned and his gang managed to cut down two highly skilled Kingsguard, including the famed Ser Arthur Dayne, who are there to protect some...thing.

The Sword of the Morning turned out to be Swords of the Morning, as Ser Arthur whipped out a truly impressive pair, as well as two battle swords. “Now it begins,” he tells the Ned Gang. “No,” replies Ned, already showing signs of Sean Bean’s war weariness, “Now it ends.”

(Also, I loved the way they kept the Young Ned’s hair in the same half-up ponytail arrangement as Sean Bean would sport years later/earlier, just so you knew it was him.)

The six-versus-two fight sequence was astonishing well choreographed. Ser Arthur Dayne - who, by the way, had a very nice Clive Owen meets Daniel Craig thing going on - shone everyone up, and it was wonderful to see just how much he deserved his reputation as the best swordsman Ned had ever seen.

It was at once a beautiful and a scrappy fight, with both sides battling to fulfil a promise: the Kingsguard to obey their oath to Rhaegar Targyren; Ned and his men to rescue Lyanna.

Eventually the battleground whittles down to just Stark V Dayne. Bran observes to the Three-Eyed Raven that Ser Arthur was much better than his father, and you can see him starting to wonder how on earth he walked away alive. The answer is - dishonourably. Howland Reed, knocked out of the fight early on, was not dead, and took advantage of a pause to shove his dagger into the back of Dayne’s neck. Ned picked up the Sword of the Morning and finished the job.

It was the kill of two desperate men, losing their honour in the moment for a necessary victory. You can just picture Ned, so devoted to doing the Right Thing, wearing that victory like a hair shirt for the rest of his life. But fulfilling his promise was worth the personal sacrifice.

Hey Ned, tip from me to you. Always be honourable in the future,
to the point of being unbearably honourable. I promise it'll all work out for you.

Enemies vanquished, Ned set off to investigate the Tower itself, from where a faint scream could be heard. The TER wants Bran to leave, but the young Stark is eager to know what mystery the Tower contains. He calls out after Ned, and his father briefly turns around, as if it he had heard the future scream of his as-yet-unconceived second son.

Before he can follow any further, the TER brings him back to the Treehouse Meth Den, and explains again that Bran cannot progress as fast as he wants. He reveals he’s been waiting in the tree for a thousand years, waiting specifically for Bran. But he vows Bran won’t end up like him; as long as he learns “everything” first. And you know what that means - more flashbacks!

Danerys isn’t just having a flashback to a former life, she’s living it. The Mother of Dragons is trying desperately to hold onto her status in a world that doesn’t care about her many other achievements and goals. As far as the Dosh Khaleen - the widows of former Khals - are concerned, she is either one of them, or she’ll be done away with in whatever form the great Khals want.

What’s a supple young Queen to do? I can’t imagine Dany settling down for a life of raw-heart eating and chanting, not when she’s pledged her life to regaining her inheritance. Let’s hope she brings down Drogon-fire upon them all. I’m sure he’d enjoy a bit of horsing around.

Over in Meereen, a hot and bothered Varys is probing a local woman named Valla for information regarding the Sons of the Harpie rebellion. He manages to sweet talk her into providing him with information by offering her and her young son money and safe passage to Pentos and a new life. Varys never threatens the child; oh no, he lets the woman do that herself with her imagination. He just offers the goods. You really can catch a lot more flies with honey.

The information is not much of a scoop - the wealthy slave owners in Astapor, Yunkai and Volantis are shelling out the dough to fund the rebellion in Meereen. I could have told Varys that, and I am pretty dim when it comes to observation, as evidenced by the fact I am generally a good two days behind where I should be when it comes to replacing the foster kittens’ litter (seriously, cats, how can such small things produce such a deadly output?)

After unsuccessfully trying to draw Missandei and Grey Worm into conversation, Tyrion says he wants to try that approach instead with the slave owners. Varys offers to send off his “little birds” - the ones he can always trust.

The revelation that Varys’ little birds turned out to be actual children, coupled with his pledge to not harm Valla’s son, make a fair bit of sense. Mutilated as a boy, it’s understandable he would treat children with respect and kindness. Sure, he’ll utilise them to get information, but he won’t harm them. He’ll just give them sweets. There’s nothing wrong with that, is there?

Meanwhile, ex-maester and Dr Frankenstein cosplay champion Qyburn is in charge of the birdhouse, and Cersei wants all the flocking gossip about enemy movements and razzing on her nudie walk of shame. Girl, you can’t make yo’self listen to all those bad vibes. You’ll go crazy. More crazy. Oh, OK, whatever floats your boat.

Cersei and Jaime are still getting around everywhere with the freakish Zombie Mountain, who is causing quite a ruckus with the Small Council. Maester Pycelle is caught out in a classic “He’s behind me, isn’t he?” moment as the twincesters and their beast glide silently into the council chamber while Pycelle blethers on about irregularities and monstrosities and unsanctioned experiments like an old fart.

And when he’s caught out - there is an audible, actual old fart that sounds out. Understandable, if not particularly classy.

Tell you what though, how AMAZING was it to see the superlative Lady Olenna back in the fold, talking business, doling out quips and basically sassing Cersei no end. If there’s one thing the Queen of Thorns is obsessed with - apart from cheese - it’s the safety of her granddaughter Margaery. She did organise to murder Joffrey to protect her, after all.

"Bitch, please."

Cersei and Jaime insist on joining the meeting, intent on seeing justice for Myrcella and working out a plan of attack after the Sand Snakes’ revolt in Dorne. But the distaste Hand of the King Ser Kevan Lannister has for his niece and nephew precludes him from listening or even staying in the room. He storms out, with Olenna, her son Mace Tyrell and Pycelle in tow.

I still have trouble working out exactly what the High Sparrow’s plan is. Tommen goes in to see him all fired up, demanding he leave Cersei alone and not subject her to a formal trial for her sins, but winds up sitting down next to the Big Bird and taking some kindly counsel about the role the gods play on earth, and the qualities they funnel through mere mortals.

Tommen, devoid of any real father figure, is susceptible to this not because he’s easily swayed by religion but because he’s genuinely interested in doing a good job as king. And the High Sparrow seems to want him to fulfil his potential. Now Big Bird is a fanatic, but there’s something about his all-too-showy-do-gooder-ness that just irks me, and makes me think there’s something else under the surface. How can a truly good-hearted religious person sanction humiliation and torture? Answer that *insert appropriate reference here*.

Can somebody please cut together Arya’s scenes with Eye of the Tiger? ‘Cause that was a training sequence that needed montage music if ever I saw one. Back in the House of Black and White but still blind, she is put through her paces by the Waif and Jaqen H’ghar, learning to master hand/no eye co-ordination while confessing everything she knows and remembers about her life as Arya Stark.

Any incorrect information was dealt with by a sharp thwack of birch, such as Arya describing Jon as first a brother, before clarifying he was a half-brother. Eventually, the smouldering Jaqen led her to one of the pools in the Great Hall, and bade her drink from it. “If a girl is truly no one, she should have no fear,” he tells her. Arya drinks, and lo! She is healed. “Who are you?” Jaqen asks. “No one,” she replies. She’s fulfilled her potential. Her training seems complete.

And now, let us head north to Winterfell, where Lord Smalljon Umber may just have become be my favourite new love/hate character. Initially, it was all love, given the refreshing no-bullshit attitude he displayed to Ramsay, including the deliberate and unapologetic sprinkling of c-bombs used to describe Roose Bolton.

"See you next Tuesday."

Lord Umber is quite happy to fight Wildlings, but with 1500 of them now south of The Wall and the possibility that Jon Snow could lead them to Winterfell has prompted him to make deals.

The best part about Lord Umber is that he was entirely unfazed by Ramsay. Lord Karstark, already pledged to Ramsay, still seems a bit skittish around him. But Smalljon clearly inherited stone cajones from his father, who we remember as the guy who had two fingers bitten off by a direwolf when he threatened Robb Stark, and whose reaction was “Fair cop, where’s the booze?”

So he’s entirely comfortable in refusing all the trappings of status that Ramsay now seeks to enjoy as Lord Bolton. “F*** kneeling, and f*** oaths,” he states matter-of-factly, before bringing out a “present” that he sees as far better evidence of his pledge to fight together.

Of course we knew in our gut who those figures were: Osha and Rickon, absent for more than a season now but bound to eventually rejoin the Great Westerosi Chessboard.

Ramsay is not convinced Rickon is real, and so Lord Umber produced further proof: the dismembered head of Shaggy Dog, Rickon’s direwolf and protector.

THEY KILLED SHAGGY DOG. THEY MUST PAY.

Honestly, that’s three direwolves out of six down now, with Nymeria still running around in the wild somewhere. I feel so sorry for Rickon - left without parents so young, Shaggy Dog seemed sometimes to be his substitute everything.

The disgraceful sight of a beautiful creature brought low of course brought nothing but joy to Ramsay. “Welcome home, Lord Stark,” he beamed, so creepily you’d think he was the cab driver I had the other day who offered me a personalised in-home oil massage service, preferably on a yoga mat on the floor, for just $35 or free if I didn’t like it (I actually think the guy was above board, but I did feel like he needed to rethink his pitch).

Osha had promised to keep the littlest Stark safe; but what is safety in this world of upside downs? How was she to know about Ramsay’s ascendance and the new Lord Umber’s more fluid interpretation of loyalty? Rickon’s greatest advantage had been the general assumption he was dead - will any promise he had as an able-bodied heir be able to be fulfilled, or simply snuffed out?

Yay! Best Moments

Jon’s reunions with Tormund and Dolorous Ed were so endearing I just wanted to rush in and give them all a big group hug. Of course, I settled for grabbing a foster kitten instead and was rewarded with a scratch to the arm. Longclaw, indeed.

The way Ed questioned whether Jon was actually Jon because he cracked a funny was enough to make you all gooey inside, but Tormund took the resurrection cake with his wry snap that Jon couldn’t be a god because “I saw your pecker. What kind of god would have a pecker that small?”

Which is disappointing in its own way, but still, it is very chilly up north and Jon was naked on a table, so with a nice fire and some oysters there’s hope for us yet.

Zing! Best Lines

It was purely a filler scene, but gosh Tyrion’s attempt to breathe some liveliness into Missandei and Grey Worm was a delight to watch. Grey Worm thought patrol reports passed muster for conversation, and Missandei hinted at a very dark past when Tyrion suggested games. Oh, and neither of them drink, so the poor little Lannister was left high and dry indeed.

Tyrion: “A wise man once said the true history of the world is a history of great conversations in elegant rooms.”
Missandei: “Who said this?
Tyrion: “Me, just now.”

Ewww, gross

Sam Tarly’s vomit. Because of course, if Sam Tarly is at sea, he is going to vomit. Gilly clearly had no problems, despite a fairly limited history of family beach holidays. I loved her fieriness when Sam confessed that he was not taking her with him to Old Town, and that instead she would stay with his mother and sister, who were nice people, unlike his arsehole father. But I also loved that she accepted his explanation that he gave her slightly misleading information only to keep her safe. Anyone else in Game of Thrones, and yeah, I’d tell her to give them a piece of her mind. But we all know Sam not only cannot lie, but he is devoted to Gilly and her baby, and she knows it. So they’ll keep their promises to each other.

My only concern is that the last time Sam tried to keep Gilly safe, she ended up in a brothel that got raided by wildlings and only just escaped being murdered. So let’s hope Sam has utter confidence in his family and they don’t all turn out to be dead, or insane, or just really keen to mess his shit up.

Boo, hiss

THEY KILLED SHAGGY DOG. THEY WILL PAY.


Thank you so much for joining me again this week. I can't wait to read your comments and thoughts, either here on the 'Burger, or via my Facebook page: www.facebook.com/nataliesthrone

Another reminder that I'm running a Patreon campaign this season. If you like the recaps and wish to become a patron, you can sign up and pledge the suggested $1 per recap. Here's the link: www.patreon.com/girlclumsy.

Valar Morghulis!

63 Responses to ‘Raven On Game of Thrones Recap: S6E3 "Oathbreaker"’

Sousy Wench puts forth...

Posted May 10, 2016

I admit there was much in the way of squealing, swearing and shouting at my house tonight - my cat really doesn't seem to appreciate this strange new call and response tv experience. Her loss.

Tower of joy, so close... Then, poof. Though brans apparent ability to interact with dead folks could also be interesting?

Poor Rickon, he's pretty much screwed... Though he could be the the means of getting Jon to march on Winterfell. Sucks to be Sansa, again... Unless she and Jon hilariously bump into each other on their wacky travels.

Umber. Seriously, what a fucker. *shakes fist at the sky*

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted May 10, 2016

As I say, I currently love/hate Smalljon Umber. Let's see which way he goes...

My cats were also somewhat startled by my buttock reverie as well. Given how much they love to shove their own buttocks in my face, I couldn't really expect much respect.

Sam Clifford has opinions thus...

Posted May 10, 2016
I have a small amount of hope that the Umbers are somehow secretly plotting something and that having Rickon there and accepted by Ramsay Bolton as legit is part of a scheme to show the North that there are still Starks and that if anyone's going to be knelt to it's going to be awkward teenager Rickon Stark, not someone who's willing to murder his traitorous father only to deepen the betrayal of the Starks by his house.

Respond to this thread

xServer asserts...

Posted May 10, 2016
I have heard it posited that the reason Umber wouldn't kneel or take oaths is because he's about to double-cross Ramsay and bringing in Osha and Rickon was the only way to get some "cred" without having to lie/break an oath. Oh, and also heard posited that the head didn't really belong to ShaggyDog.

I'm not convinced but...a girl can hope, right?

Great episode. They are really keeping things moving.

And if I was Danny I would just light the whole place on fire and see what happens next. We all know SHE'D be ok...

girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted May 10, 2016
OMG this is a brilliant theory. I HOPE it is true. By thunder, that would be marvellous. Particularly if it wasn't really Shaggy Dog. :)

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Véronique ducks in to say...

Posted May 10, 2016
This was a rippin' episode, no doubt about it! Nice that we got past the setup of the first couple of episodes into the meat of the plot for this season. Yep, Jon Snow's Playgirl pose was pretty magnifico. Love how Kate Bush went straight to, "oh, BTW, you're the Messiah, no pressure, eh?" I imagine Ser Davos's rather more practical approach felt better to Jon. "My watch is ended," loved that line! There's one advantage to having been dead.

I'm annoyed that Dr. Frankenstein figured out Varys's network. Guess Varys is going to need better bribes.

Did you notice that the Jon Snow's last act as Lord Commander was very similar to the first execution we saw Ned perform?

girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted May 10, 2016
Certainly synchronicity there. The man who passes the sentence must swing the sword, and all that.

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GordonG mumbles...

Posted May 10, 2016
General feeling around our place was that Gilly's son had been replaced by Prince George. Wonder if that will end well!

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted May 10, 2016
Ha! Yeah I can see that. Very cherubic.

Respond to this thread

Rhino reckons...

Posted May 10, 2016
Yeah, the mic drop and exit was cool and all ... Buuuuuut.

2 minutes later:

Jon Snows comes back through the tunnel.

'Ummmm, yeah, didn't quite think that through. Can I borrow a coat? Seems that I just doffed my warm c;oak in a bit of a hissy. And a horse? Oh, and some mutton might be nice. Don't know why I'm craving that. Oh, and I need to get my dog bowl. And my dog. Oh, and you Wildings, do you want to give me a hand with this whole avenging my fami;y thing? An army of battle tested maniacs might come in handy after all. And can someone send a raven to Old Town and let Sam know that I was dead, and back, and all that? Oh, and Ser Davos and Melisandre, you wanna come too? That who;e raising the dead thing might be handy to have around.

Yep, that about sums it up. What say I just go back in my office and do a little orderly succession plan cause leaving the Night's Watch in chaos with the White Walkers and Winter coming might not be the best thing? Especially since I just hanged the only person remotely qualified to train and lead you.

Yep.

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted May 10, 2016
Let him have his moment, Rhino. Let him have his moment. :)

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vitas has opinions thus...

Posted May 10, 2016
Don't be upset over Jon's small pecker. As he showed in the cave with Ygritte, he has other skills.

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted May 10, 2016
SO. TRUE.

Gosh I wish I'd thought of this line to use in my recap. I bow down. :)

Sunny is gonna tell you...

Posted May 10, 2016
Rest easy Natalie. From my experience, small pecker down does not mean small pecker up, if you get my drift.
Especially when down includes being in freezing temperatures, and also dead (ok ok that bit is not actually based on experience).
Unless he and Tormund are a WHOLE lot closer than they've shown on the show, I would say that the comment has no bearing on the size of the flaming sword when in use... ;)

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PK is gonna tell you...

Posted May 10, 2016
Seriously hoping the Umbers (and maybe Karstarks) have got a double-cross in the works (why else keep Osha alive?) because there's a brilliant fan theory doing the rounds called The Grand Northern Conspiracy that falls apart if the Stark's vassal lords change their allegiances.

girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted May 10, 2016
Is this similar to the comment above? I'm totally onboard if this is the plan... I'm so tempted to go and read up on that theory but I really try not to pre-empt too many things!

Muddy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 10, 2016
He did not say Jon had a small pecker. He implied Jon was not a God because if he was a God , he would have given himself a much larger one.
If he can please a Wildling Ranga, he is certainly endowed, human size.

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted May 10, 2016
Ahhh, excellent reasoning. It's good to know people think so seriously about peckers.

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Murphy_of_Missouri asserts...

Posted May 10, 2016
Heh, she said, he-heh, butt.

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Ken puts forth...

Posted May 10, 2016
What can I say that hasn't been said. Excellent episode and equally as excellent recap. As I was watching yesterday the thought crossed my mind, 'I hope Natalie is sitting on a towel', you're words at the start only reinforced that stray thought.

A small request if I may, please don't recommend NOT to Google things. Surely you know it's a challenge that must be met. I had to Google 'naked women of Game of Thrones to recover.

Off to hunt down a Valerian blade to protect my own little Dire wolf. As you said THEY KILLED SHAGGY DOG. THEY WILL PAY.

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted May 10, 2016
So much revenge coming their way...

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Observer would have you know...

Posted May 10, 2016
Did anyone find the scene of a mature Qyburn doling out sweets to children in return for favours a little creepy in a grooming sort of way?

she_jedi reckons...

Posted May 10, 2016
Yes! I said to my cat when he started doling out sweets that "this isn't going to end well." Of course I didn't give him enough credit to co-opt Varys' little birds for his own purposes, I just figured he'd poison them all for fodder for his experiments.

girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted May 10, 2016
Yeah, I tried to hint at that in my recap - it mustn't have come across very well. :)

Rhino mumbles...

Posted May 12, 2016
Of course they are still under Varys' control ... what better way to get inside info (or insert bad intel) on what is going on in King's Landing than to let Qyburn think that he has subverted the Little Birds.

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Mother of nothing ducks in to say...

Posted May 10, 2016
Great recap as always, however i think you missed the best line. I just LOL'd loudly (also disturbing my cat) at:

Lady Olenna: ...I do appreciate these things can get a bit confusing for your family

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted May 10, 2016
She got a photo because she was so awesome. :)

But yes, she is Sass Queen.

Richard Gadsden reckons...

Posted May 10, 2016
Before this all ends, I want one scene with her and Tyrion sassing each other. Just one.

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she_jedi puts forth...

Posted May 10, 2016
Poor Jon; his hurt indignation about what happened was priceless. "I did what I thought was right... and I was MURDERED for it!" Loved Tormin's pecker joke though, he's a treasure.

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted May 10, 2016
And then he totally took his bat and ball and went home. :)

she_jedi asserts...

Posted May 10, 2016
I can't really blame him though; having done the right thing and been MURDERED for it, he's got no incentive to hang around, lead the Watch, try to do the right thing and wait for his men to get stabby on him again if they disagree with him. I'd be totally taking my bat and ball and going home under those circumstances!

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted May 10, 2016
I'd gladly take Jon's bat and balls.

...
...
...

I'll get me coat.

Rhino reckons...

Posted May 12, 2016
Poor Wah.

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Beth McKinlay reckons...

Posted May 10, 2016
I dunno, I feel like the show is pandering to the fans now. A lot of these scenes are just giving people what they want. Is it because they no longer have a book to follow? What happened to the unexpected disappointments and near misses and pointless arbitrary violence? Apart from the scenes at Castle Black, the appeal of which rested mainly on Jon's manly crevice, the rest was so predictable and tedious I could have had more fun doing the ironing. But Natalie, I do love a recap that uses the expression "needs must when the devil drives" – top marks for that.

girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted May 10, 2016
I imagine they have GRRM's blessing in what they're setting up and doing. Sure, his novels won't match it exactly, but they wouldn't have brought Jon back without GRRM's approval that he was going to do it anyway? After all, GRRM has to eventually give the book readers payoff too.

We're only three eps in, so I'm sure there will be more topsy-turvy moments.

Personally I found the murder of Roose last week quite a shock, and as for pointless arbitrary violence, surely the Zombie crunching the stand-up geezer's head in the wall last week counted for that?!?!

:)

Bondiboy66 asserts...

Posted May 10, 2016
Arbitrary violence? Well the swordfight at the Tower of Joy was pretty bloody good I thought.

Arya reciting her rather reduced list made me think of mine: The Sparrow, Ramsay Bolton, Ser Alister was there, The Waif....

vitas is gonna tell you...

Posted May 10, 2016
GRRM has mapped out to the show runners how the show must go, just in case he dies before the end.

GRRM, Benioff and Weiss are the only 3 people who know where we are going

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted May 10, 2016
Oh to be a fly on the wall...

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Muddy mutters...

Posted May 10, 2016
Hello Natalie, I fear for you. Is this show going to end with Jon Snow atop a dragon riding along with Danerys and Tyrion on the other two, raining fire down on Kings Landing.
The image of Jon astride a dragon will be too much fantasy even for you. Be careful.

girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 10, 2016
I'm swooning already!

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TL has opinions thus...

Posted May 10, 2016
I wondered why there was no Raven On recaps in the Brisbane Times. Their loss.

So glad to discover them here. We shall not see their like again!

Have now pledged my filthy lucre on that patreon thingy.
So no writer's block now, you hear?
Leave that to GRRM (boom!)
:-)

girlclumsy reckons...

Posted May 10, 2016
Nawww, bless you, TL! I do believe Fairfax are still recapping though, so do feel free to check it out too. :)

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wendy reckons...

Posted May 10, 2016
Ah Yes. The sight of Jon Snow's naked back side is a thing of beauty to behold! But I do also think that he didn't quite think it through when he strode off into the night, no cloak, no horse, no sword etc. But methinks the Wildings will follow him and all will soon be provided. He is now their God even if he isn't. He saved them, he came back from dead so of course they will worship him and follow him anywhere. Lets hope he runs smack into Sansa & Brienne straight away so they can all plan their revenge & retake Winterfell and rescue Rickon from the evil Bolton. We all can't wait to see that sucker get his just desserts!

All in all a pretty good ep! And as usual Nat, your recaps make it all that much sweeter!

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Barnesm puts forth...

Posted May 10, 2016
Excellent recapping as ever I particularly liked the line 'was how all the stuff between those two things was amazing too' when your were discussing Rob's butt cheeks.

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted May 10, 2016

Wow, another sexy pun that I didn't even realise I'd made. I'm like a savant for this stuff.

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Kate is gonna tell you...

Posted May 10, 2016
Episode 2 and 3 have made me much happier than episode 1... the plot is moving much more quickly and more divergent plots they are as well. It also seems to be moving much more quickly than the series before. I think this is because they do not have to fear overtaking the books. The segue ways also seem less clunky as well.

Tower of Joy: very ironic name. Don't think we will see scenes of more joy from that tower.

I adore Diana Rigg and wish Queen of Thrones was in the show more. She has the best lines ever and she knows how to deliver them with maximum effect! Such a great actress and such a great character.

Finally, so glad that Jon does not seem to have side effects (yet?) of coming back from the dead. Unlike the fellow in the cave (forgotten his name) Jon doesn't seem to have lost part of himself. He is probably the only truly honourable person left in GOT. Although maybe before he was dead, he would never have considered hanging Olly, so maybe he did lost some of himself...

I know I said finally just above but just had one more thought... 3 episodes down and only six more to go.... and then ... months and months of waiting... oh dear, it always seems like a lifetime between series....

she_jedi reckons...

Posted May 10, 2016
I think Berrick losing part of himself stemmed more from the number of times he was brought back. I think the first time you come back you're mostly yourself, but after repeated resurrections bits of your soul might drop off. Bit like a photocopy of a photocopy of a photocopy... the quality goes down each time you get further from the original

girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted May 10, 2016
Well, let's hope Jon isn't killed off again. We don't need him becoming Ridge from The Bold and the Beautiful!

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flöki snöw mumbles...

Posted May 10, 2016
'tis a cunning plan the North has in play, handing over Rickon but why give him Osha too? Unless...... Ramsay is in need of a new concubine and we know Osha isn't afraid to go full on "Cleopatra" seductress to stick someone with a shiv.

'nice recaps by the way'

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girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 10, 2016
Oh man, I would be a happy chappy if Osha shivs Ramsay!

mandos has opinions thus...

Posted May 10, 2016
Oh yes concurr on said shivving...would be splendid!

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Nahaz asserts...

Posted May 10, 2016
Hi Natalie

Where do you think we're going with Dany's storyline? Do you think she will want to claim the iron throne sooner than later or will she want to wipe out world slavery first?

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Katy has opinions thus...

Posted May 10, 2016
Fab recap as always! Feeling a bit better after reading recap and comments, honestly i was bit traumatised by seeing Osha, Rickon and his poor direwolf delivered to that psycho Ramsay, almost felt as though i couldn't bear to watch rest of the series if only to see more people brutalised or used for pet food. Have hope now that something cool may be on the cards and Ramsay may become the pet food instead.

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Lorn has opinions thus...

Posted May 10, 2016
"not even a bastard hybrid child of Wordsworth and Sir Mix-a-Lot could conjure up verse that would adequately describe the magnificence of those sweet cheeks" ...he he he love it!

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BrunswickMum has opinions thus...

Posted May 10, 2016
"George R.R. Martin is a fine writer, but not even a bastard hybrid child of Wordsworth and Sir Mix-a-Lot could conjure up verse that would adequately describe the magnificence of those sweet cheeks." Possibly my favourite all-time paragraph that you have written!

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Procrastinati asserts...

Posted May 10, 2016
Brilliant recap yet again MoK. Too many highlights to highlight!

I found that I felt what I later determined to be 'visceral dissatisfaction' with elements of this ep. This is not a bad thing. For me it highlights the difference between GoT (and other excellent series that have sprung forth over time) and the usual pap foisted upon us. As an example, visceral satisfaction occurs when Voldemort is turned into a billion shards of carbon. A better (or worse) example is Bruce Willis executing any number of bad guys in any number of Die Hard movies. Justice has been served and we all (should) feel the better for it.

Viscerally, dissatisfaction existed for me with the hanging scene. Justice has been served, but I don't feel better for it. Hence (within the context of being a fictional fantasy) it enhances the reality created. Specifically, Olly could be, should be, but isn't redeemed. His lifeless, lolling head screams nihilism to Jon. A young man has made mistakes and receives the ultimate penalty. Without wanting to trivialise reality by making comparisons with fiction, it called to mind Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran. There are other incidents with GoT that have brought forth my 'visceral dissatisfaction', but this episode has brought it to the front of my mind.

Others have already pointed out that Jon's watch had already ended with his death. The question is - through death and resurrection, has Jon changed? I'm not looking to make the obvious comparison here. Rather, I look to the evidence I see on the screen. Did the previously straight backed Jon look stooped and weary? If the answer is yes, does this hold any inference regarding his pre-death moral strength? Has this also been sapped? I look forward to finding out. Of course, may his butt remain forever strong!

Procrastinati is gonna tell you...

Posted May 12, 2016
Oh, and how did you slip "algabranometry" past the spellchecker. Do you think Kate Bush has a spell-checker?

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Mike Brady mumbles...

Posted May 10, 2016
Great recap, but this season I find myself wondering; what's the point if characters can be healed after death? What's the final fight gonna come down to? Jon Snow vs Ser Gregorstein, with Melisandre and Maester Qyburn casting resurrection spells as fast as they can, like some kind of Japanese RPG? This show is becoming ludicrous. Which is good! I hope they run with it and go completely batshit. My ideal final scene? The entire show is revealed to be just a dream Bran had after knocking himself out for a couple of hours, when he actually fell all by himself, while climbing that tower in the first episode.

Game of Thrones is simply the dream of an imaginative young lad on the verge of puberty, who gets maybe a little too big a kick from pulling the wings off flies, has the standard oedipal desire to kill his father, is scared of zombies and still believes in princesses and dragons, and has burgeoning incestual tendencies towards his sister. Like most adolescent boys really.

Sorry, I forgot the spoiler alert. Durp.

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Richard Gadsden swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 10, 2016
Hum, Tyrion has released the other dragons now. I expect they will head off to find Drogon and then all three will arrive at Vaes Dothrak together, at which point all the Khals decide that discretion is the better part of valour and bend the knee to Dany - and she heads off, in command of a united Khalasar of all the Dothraki, all three dragons on two, for Meereen.

Well, a man can hope.

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Jackie would have you know...

Posted May 11, 2016
Hi Nat, I love reading your recaps. So much so that I have pledged on Patreon for your recaps. Also, makeup junkies unite!

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Tank has opinions thus...

Posted May 12, 2016
Hold on. Hold on. Junk mound. Buttock crevice. I'm pleased for you and all the hetero girls and gay boys out there. But what about the rest of us? What about the gratuitous girl bits and boobs that have been so much part of the GOT experience. Nothing since Kate's bush at the end of Ep 1. You can see (or rather can't see) where it was supposed to be in the script. Darn that clause in the Mother of Dragon's contract.

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PM asserts...

Posted May 12, 2016
Arya's great conflict is between retaining loyalty to her Stark clan identity/resposibilities vs truely subsuming her self into the anonimity of the assassin cult she has joined. Is it possible that her greatest challege might come in a situation where her cult masters send her out to assasinate a member of the Stark cohort?

Also, while I'm idly speculating: I suspect we might see more of that nice wildling lady who got killed by the blue-eyed snow zombies while everyone was rushing for the boats (she hesitated in the midst of battle because she was a mother and couldn't bring herself to fight zombie kiddies).

If (as others have speculated) the final battle will be between 'The South' and 'The North' (represented by a unified super-group that includes Starks, Wildlings AND snow-zombies) maybe that nice wildling mother who is now a zombie could be a key link in the alliance?

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JotJelly puts forth...

Posted May 13, 2016
>He calls out after Ned, and his father briefly turns around, as if it he had heard the future scream of his as-yet-unconceived second son.

Don't you mean third son? ;)

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