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Game of Thrones Raven On Recap S6E5: The Door

Posted May 24, 2016 into Raven On by girlclumsy

Hello. I am writing this recap from a foetal position on the floor.

The tiles are cold. I would like a pillow to put under my head, but there is no point. I would take little comfort from its softness. What is the point of softness anyway, in such a cruel world? It is but a brief distraction from the unrelenting pain, horror and loss that torments us daily. It is like kindness, empathy and warmth - merely an illusion.

I have cried, wailed, and beaten my breast (which made me cry again, because oww). I have no emotion left. I am an empty tank, a discarded shell, a half-chewed cheesy crust of what was once a living, breathing, feeling person. Also, I am covered in cat hair.

Oh, Hodor.

They killed him. They took him away for a season, they brought him back, and now they’ve killed him.

I feel sick just thinking about it. That may be the episode, or it may be the fried chicken regret I piggishly scarfed down for dinner. Either way, the end result is the same: several hours of rocking back and forth, retching, and muttering “Why? Why?! WHY?!?!”

Of course, it was bittersweet, it was brilliant, it was heroic, it was everything you would want Hodor to have in a valiant final stand. It gave us everything we wanted to know, and imbued those simple words “Hold the door” with a meaning that will echo through Throner fandom forever more. But still, it took Hodor from us, something we had never, never wanted to see.

I need something to bring me back. Something to pinch some rouge back into my cheeks, something to light a candle in me, that by the Gods’ grace, I trust shall never be put out. Or at least not put out until I’ve finished this recap and can retreat to my darkened bedroom to soak my doona with tears.

WHOOP THERE IT IS.

OK, fine. The sight of Tormund ogling Brienne once more (Horseback Edition) is enough of a drink to give this weak and feeble recappespondent some vulvic fortitude.

Of course, I’m not the only one girding my loins for a pounding, as this episode was all about icy cold reality. The Indian summer of last week gave way to the brutal truth of sacrifice, subjection, struggle, spookiness... and amateur dramatics.

So for Gods’ sake, let us sit upon the ground, and tell sad stories of the death of kings. And more importantly, the death of giants.

Season 6, Episode 5: “The Door”

Let us start with something sweet, something pure, something radiant and lovely.

Daenarys Targaryen, the Unburnt and Unburnter, realising that no matter how much she tried to hate him, she just couldn’t rid herself of Ser Jorah Mormont.

She’d banished him twice, he returned twice and he saved her life (a few more times than twice, truth be told). But her initial attempts at a hardass attitude crumbled into the dust of Vaes Dothrak when Ser Jorah revealed his stony forearm.

In an instant, the Mother of Dragons, the Breaker of Chains, the badass avenging warrior goddess who strolled naked from the flames vanished. In her stead was the cowed younger sister and the teenaged virgin bride that Dany was when she first met Ser Jorah. Since her wedding day, he had been the one constant in her life. Even when she sent him away, she had never considered the prospect of him actually dying.

"Why can't I quit you?"

Jorah’s simple confession of love touched me in so many special places. “Tyrion was right. I love you… I’ll always love you. Goodbye Khaleesi.” Ugh, that was so perfect, it belongs in a BBC Jane Austen adaptation. If I was Daenarys, I would have commanded him to go jump in a lake immediately. She’s more practical than me though, and insists he ride off, find the cure for greyscale, and come back to her in time for her big assault on Westeros. You’d think maybe she could have helped in some way, given her power and all, but whatevs. Run free, Jorah!

Of course, we happen to know a cure for greyscale exists, because Shireen Baratheon survived the disease, albeit with some disfigurement. Jorah will need to seek careful treatment, and who better than the Maesters in Old Town to dish out the remedy? This means - oh yes - we could potentially see Ser Jorah Mormont meet Sam Tarly.

It would be a wonderful connection. Sam could break the news of his father Jeor’s death beyond the wall, and Jon Snow’s possession of his family sword Longclaw. And remember Jeor’s dying words to Sam? That he find his son and forgive him of his crimes. The two get to talking, Sam hooks Jorah up with Jon, Sansa and co, Jorah would be more than willing to make up for his past indiscretions by helping out the Starks, conveniently hooking them up with the incoming Targaryen army… oooooh, I sense a mutually satisfying swipe right on the way, people.

Meanwhile in Meereen, Tyrion & co are evaluating the city’s uneasy peace in the wake of their deal with the slave masters. Varys is quite happy with progress, but Tyrion knows deeper change is required to truly calm the masses.

Enter Salma Hayek, another smoking hot priestess and ambassador for the Lord of Light, aka Red God, aka R’hllor. She wears similar clothes to Kate Bush, and indeed, sports the same necklace. Can we then assume under her luscious black locks and Instagram-worthy eyebrows there lurks a more realistic and gravity-affected version?

Brows on fleek, girl.

Kinvara, for that is apparently her name, agrees to Tyrion’s request to send her priests out to preach Daenarys’ glory. Hearts and minds, people, hearts and minds. Salma Hayek is happy to do this, for Dany is the One Who Was Promised, which is an interesting turn of phrase given Kate Bush’s conviction that Jon Snow is in fact the Prince That Was Promised.

Such a label raises the ire of Varys, who’s not particularly gung-ho for religion and heroes heralded in legend. He raises the slightly inconvenient legacy of Stannis Baratheon, who was the Red God’s Number One Guy… right up until the point he wasn’t.

“I suppose it’s hard for a fanatic to admit a mistake,” he purrs at her. “Isn’t that the whole point of being a fanatic? You’re always right.” Man, I really hope Americans thinking of voting Trump saw that bit.

Tyrion tries gallantly to smooth things over, but Salma Hayek is not fazed. Rather, she pulls the pin on a couple of truth bombs and explodes them right in Varys’ increasingly freaked out visage. “Knowledge has made you powerful, but there’s still so much you don’t know.”

It turns out Salma Hayek knows a little too much about Varys’ eunuching, including the fact that a mysterious voice cried out to him just at the moment his rough-chopped meat and two veg were thrown unseasoned onto an Essos barbeque by a Masterchef contestant disqualifed for sauce-ery.

"Dafuq?"

Speaking of junk, huzzah, we finally saw some! Over in Braavos, we were treated to the sight of a young actor’s warty wang. OK, so it wasn’t the best reward for all our careful attention, but still at least they’ve thrown us a few scraps (just not in the Varys way, please).

The young actor in question was playing King Joffrey in A Most Scandalous Tale of The Kings of Westeros (With Nudity and Lust). Can we all please stand and applaud for RICHARD E. GRANT in the role of Fake King Robert? Richard E. Grant, people! Not only Withnail in the classic drunken tale Withnail & I, not only The Great Intelligence from Doctor Who, but most importantly of all, the manager of the Spice Girls in Spice World: The Movie! I am sure you all agree in the fundamental brilliance of that movie. Roger Moore stroking a rabbit! Meatloaf as the bus driver! Posh Spice doing the obstacle course in a camouflage mini-dress and heels!

Not for the first time, I’m getting sidetracked by the Spice Girls (hello, 1997). Both the wang and the subplot about the local theatre company were longer than I expected them to be, but I still adored it. Mostly because I have been in local theatre productions of a strikingly similar nature. I had my cleavage groped in a Terry Pratchett adaptation (admittedly they were roped in under a metal breastplate at the time); and I’ve worn my fair share of novelty wigs. Ahh, the theatre. You guys really need to get out and take more of it in. It’s brilliant. Particularly the rhyming couplets, of which there were many splendid examples here.

"I need something that rhymes with 'art'. Think, people, think!"

Arya is watching because her orders from the Faceless Men are that she is to kill Miss Fisher from Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries, who’s left 1920s detective work to pursue a career imitating Cersei Lannister for the cheap seats. It’s all funny enough watching her hated enemy Joffrey cry into his mother’s arms, but seeing their interpretation of her father Ned as a buffoonish caricature must’ve hurt. And I can’t even remember if Arya knew about Sansa’s marriage to Tyrion - if not, that must have been something of a gut punch.

Arya sees Miss Fisher backstage, and seems to doubt why she should kill an ostensibly nice woman. Certainly it can’t be because of her acting skills; she’s the best one there and that poor Sansa impersonator knows it. But Jaqen H’ghar insists - if she wants to serve the Many Faced God, then she musn’t ask questions. Break free, Arya, go on! Break free and return as Arya Stark, fiercer than ever!

A significant portion of this episode was turned over to the Greyjoy storyline, which I actually found myself rather enjoying. Who would have thought that a bit of extra time in their crazy salty world might actually pay off with some genuinely interesting plot momentum?

It’s “Pick the New King” Day on Pyke, a game Yara is hoping to upset by becoming the first Queen in the history of the Ironborn. After initial scepticism, Theon’s soulful support helps turn the tide of opinion in Yara’s favour, and her name is hailed by all.

And then Uncle Euron turns up.

This batshit-crazy but admittedly forthright and gutsy fellow runs in opposition to his niece, on a platform of “I’m going to marry Daenarys Targaryen and with her army and our ships we’ll take the Seven Kingdoms”. Sensible Policies for a Better Westeros.

He doesn’t try to deny Yara’s accusation that he murdered her father Balon; indeed if anything it ticks another box for the grizzled MRAs of the Iron Islands. Euron paid the Iron Price, you see. Being sensible and having achievable goals is no match to having paid the Iron Price for the kingdom. So at the end of the day it’s Yara and Sustainable Change zero, and the Euron Insanity Ticket a chorus of ayes.

Euron’s watery coronation, in which he was plunged into the sea until he blacked out and began to drown (“What is dead may never die” makes a lot more sense now), was almost comedic, especially that long pause while he lay seemingly done for on the shore. Sadly he spluttered himself back to life, thus proving his worthiness for the bony/sticky crown they thrust on him.

"Barry, you're going to have to give him mouth-to-mouth. No, it is NOT gay."

Meanwhile Yara and Theon had done the sensible thing and high-tailed it out of Pyke on the best ships of the fleet. No big deal for Euron, he simply commanded all his men to cut down every tree and build him 1000 ships. Sure, bro. I mean, the Iron Islands have never struck me as a particularly fertile, foresty place, but I’m sure you know best.

Let’s head to Castle Black, where Sansa, Jon and the gang are in tactical mode with the big Game of Thrones board game out on the table ahead of a battle for Winterfell.

Ser Davos is worried about their numbers, and whether the great houses of the North will follow them. Sansa is confident; after all, she’s a Stark, and even though Jon isn’t, he’s as much a Stark as Ramsay is a Bolton (a comparison which didn’t seem to impress Jon, and fair enough really).

Also, Sansa’s holding onto a key piece of information, one she received from Petyr Baelish in Molestown (more on that scene below). Her uncle, Brynden Tully, has retaken Riverrun, which means there is a big potential army there ready to support her. The Onion Knight is thrilled by that prospect, and they all break for lunch and a final change of clothes before heading due south.

Sansa orders Brienne to Riverrun and recruit the Blackfish’s help, which she is reluctant to do. She doesn’t trust Davos and Melisandre, and it is a bit of a reality check moment for us. Oh yeah, they really did change allegiances quickly. She’s got a point. But we know Davos is awesome, and Melisandre just seems happy to fall into line. But then there’s “that wildling with the beard…” Oh yes, she’s been noticing him noticing her, big time. Tormienne is still on, people.

Of course, Brienne does point out that Sansa didn't exactly tell the truth when it came to where she got the Tully information from. Does she really trust Jon? I think it's more that Sansa doesn't want Baelish's help, but we'll see in coming weeks.

Finally, in an act of sisterly love that may just be a first for Sansa, she presents Jon Snow with a new riding habit, one with the direwolf of Winterfell stitched into the straps, to match her own. Jon’s completely genuine “Thank you Sansa” may have left me swooning a bit. And the sight of him mounting a horse… let’s just say I was giving him a look rather similar to the one Tormund threw Brienne’s way.

"Have you noticed my wildling staring at your bodyguard?"

Now. Let’s head beyond The Wall.

First, there was a short scene earlier in the episode that just happened to drop the pretty massive bombshell that it was actually the Children of the Forest who created the White Walkers in the first place! Stupid barky bastards, what were they thinking? Oh boo hoo, invading colonialists are wiping us out and taking our land, we’d better try to resist…. Oh. Oh wait. Ummm. Awkward.

Bran is getting more and more impatient with his astral travels up in the Magical Meth Den. He wants to see more of the past, but the Three-Eyed Raven is really killing his buzz. So he does what any foolish teenage boy does and measures his own dose. Pffft. This was never going to end well, and of course it does not, as Bran wargs out into a field of zombie wights, overseen by the Nights’ King and a few other badass White Walker top brass.

Overly curious for a guy with legs that only move when he’s tripping balls, he of course gets man-handled by a White Walker, who leaves his physical mark on Bran’s forearm. “He knows where you are,” the Raven intones sadly. It’s all over bar the shouting now. And boy, isn’t there shouting.

After being ordered to pack up and get Bran the hell out, Meera valiantly discusses her immediate plans (breakfast, a gal after my own heart), but gets suspicious when Bran’s breathing becomes rather chilly. Racing to the front of the Meth Den, she’s confronted with the sight of the same warg army Bran saw in his dream. They’ve all just rocked on down to destroy everything.

"Damn it feels good to be a gangster."

Bran is still in the dream world, of course, seeing his father Ned as a boy, being packed off tho the Eyrie. I think the final words we hear Ned Stark’s father tell him as he departs for the Eerie “If you must fight, win,” are important. A mantra for future Bran, perhaps? I also think the Raven’s message that it is time for Bran to “become me” is interesting. Does this mean the Three-Eyed Raven IS Bran? That Bran exists in some sort of time loop, forever looking out for his young self to tutor in how to save the Seven Kingdoms? Is this like a Battlestar Galactica thing? All this has happened before, all this will happen again?

Back in the cave, all hell has broken loose. The Children of the Forest managed to stave off the wights with a circle of fire, but the White Walkers just breeze through that like it ain’t no thing. Meera manages to successfully dispatch of them with an obsidian spear, but is too busy trying to wake Bran and get Hodor moving to grab it.

The Nights’ King stabs the Three-Eyed Raven through the heart, and in the dreamscape he atomises into black nothingness and disappears.

Eventually Bran, in his dream state, gets the message that he must enlist Hodor’s help. Hodor is overtaken, and manages to start dragging Bran’s sled towards another exit.

Poor Summer, Bran’s faithful direwolf, is the next casualty, torn to shreds while defending his master. Oh, you silly puppy dog! Don’t you know you should have followed your master! Go with your master! Bad dog. Oh, I can’t say that. Brave dog. Good dog.

As a terrifying pack of swarming wights, who’ve gotten in through the top of the cave, race their way on all sides of the tunnel towards them, one of the remaining Children of the Forest ushers Meera, Hodor and Bran ahead, and lets herself be taken. She primes one of her energy balls and releases it just as she is subsumed, knocking out a good few dozen in the process.

But it’s not enough, and the wights just keep on coming.

At this point, the dreamscape and the real world merge into a truly epic tragedy. Bran, still controlling Hodor by Warg powers, sees the young Hodor in his vision. Hodor and Meera manage to get the door to the outside open and bundle Bran’s sled through it.

Older Hodor then hears Meera shouting “Hold the door!” and through Bran, younger Hodor hears it too. He starts to fit, yelling “Hold the door… hold the door… hold the door…. Hold door… hol door…. Ho dooor…. Hodor.”

It was the most heartbreaking realisation I think I’ve ever had in the six series of watching this show. Finally, Hodor’s simpleness and limited speech are explained, and it is as satisfying as it is devastating.

As the wights pushed against the door, tearing at Hodor’s face and flesh, and as the big giant pushed back with all his strength, I wept. My tears both mourned and celebrated him, this faithful friend, who never questioned, never argued, and was always there.

Hodor.

Hodor’s death - and life - are possibly the most meaningful of the series so far. Some may say his very existence was some sort of cosmic joke, a cruel twist of fate. But if this world is an ouroborus, Hodor just closed the loop. He didn’t die; he just fulfilled his destiny. And how many Game of Thrones characters can say that?

Yay! Best Moments

Sansa’s interrogation of Petyr Baelish was spell-binding, fearsome, righteous, regal and intoxicating in its satisfaction for viewers. For those who stopped watching the show after last season’s controversial rape sequence, I urge you to seek out this particular scene. It’s an irony that without that horrific scene, this one would not have been as powerful. That’s art for you, I guess.

Sansa’s takedown of Baelish’s pathetic excuses and apologies was masterful. “What do you think he did to me?” she asks, again and again. For the first time ever, the usually unflappable Littlefinger is completely and utterly flapped. But Sansa - beautiful, strong, unyielding - Sansa doesn’t relent.

“I can still feel it… I can still feel what he did in my body standing here right now.” I have never been the victim of sexual assault and don’t presume to speak for those who have, but that sentiment certainly hit me in the gut like a lightning bolt of truth.

With Brienne at her side, it was another hells yeah moment, and may just be the best scene of the season so far.

Zing! Best Lines

Brienne’s description of Jon Snow is perfect in every way: “He seems trustworthy. A bit brooding, perhaps. I suppose that’s understandable, considering.” YES BRIENNE, IT IS. IT IS UNDERSTANDABLE.

Eww, gross

Euron on being told his niece and nephew had scarpered: “Let’s go and murder them.” Way too much kinky pleasure in the way he phrased it.

Boo, sucks

Clearly Hodor’s death is the boo, sucks to end all boo, sucks, but special mention to Bran for being an upstart jerk and summoning White Walker doom on them all BEFORE WE GOT TO SEE WHAT WAS IN THE GOD DAMN TOWER OF JOY.

Thank you so much for joining me again this week - and for grieving with me. I can't wait to read your comments and thoughts, either here on the 'Burger, or via my Facebook page: www.facebook.com/nataliesthrone

Another reminder that I'm running a Patreon campaign this season. If you like the recaps and wish to become a patron, you can sign up and pledge the suggested $1 per recap. Here's the link: www.patreon.com/girlclumsy.

Valar Morghulis... and Hodor.

Valar Morghulis! And of course.... Hodor.

99 Responses to ‘Game of Thrones Raven On Recap S6E5: The Door’

Chacharas mumbles...

Posted May 24, 2016
Just discovered your recaps, and must say they are of the finest
quality.
Extra points for "So for Gods’ sake, let us sit upon the ground, and tell sad stories of the death of kings."

girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted May 24, 2016
I feel like throwing in the odd Shakespeare allows me to get away with most of the rubbish I write. ;)

Respond to this thread

Sousy Wench puts forth...

Posted May 24, 2016
Not going to discuss Hodor, it's too much, I just, no.

In my internet quest for some kind of meaning or mere distraction, I stumbled upon some complainy folk, specifically whiney in regards to Selma Hayak. (I did not engage, I'm mostly a lurker when not here.) See in the books she was priest with a penis and now she's not. The outrage. Also discussed was that she was probably a hag underneath that bodacious vampire stripper facade... But, I can't help but think that if a person in GRRiMm world were trans, born in the wrong gendered body, a magic full body makeover necklace might be an asset. In conclusion, after subjecting myself to forum horrors in order to distract myself from actual horrors (the Walking Dead Westeros, sobbing and cat scratches on my face), I suggest an entirely unprovable theory that Kinvara is trans (and possibly a sorcerer, just how are those magic necklaces made anyway? Fire and a young mans symbol of power.... Though that takes it back to a dark place - maybe scratch that part - I'm too tired to be a decent judge of how offensive that bit is right now).

So, I've shared, I'm off to attempt to conquer my insomnia for the evening.

Stellar recapesponance as always. *salutes and trudges off in the general direction of bed*

Sousy Wench mutters...

Posted May 24, 2016
Yeah, I've decided that's offensive, I just clocked an entirely fictional stranger - if Selma decides to come out about her past as a man or a child mangling sorcerer - that's got to be her own choice. My bad.

Sam would have you know...

Posted May 24, 2016
Can't be the same person. Varys had the sourcerer delivered in a crate in an earlier season when he was telling Tyrion about how he was cut

Sousy Wench would have you know...

Posted May 24, 2016
Yes, thank you. You have freed me from my dark imaginings.

Respond to this thread

David Ball asserts...

Posted May 24, 2016
Natalie, I had a startling thought while watching last night. If Jon Snow is really Neds sisters son, does it open up a Jon/Sansa union. He does like a redhead.
Classic romance. She treats him like dirt, realizes his qualities and bam. All she needs is to see him without a shirt. Over.
Vale Hodor, but will he turn into an ice zombie now. And if he does, who will stop him?

Sousy Wench ducks in to say...

Posted May 24, 2016
Re: Hodor. Tormand and Brienne Giantsbane?

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted May 24, 2016

Jon Snow and Sansa?!?!? NOOOOOOOO.

Even if they're not siblings, they're still first cousins. GROSSSSSS.

Let them have their sibling fondness and don't read anything more into it. I COMMAND IT.

I sincerely hope Hodor was ripped apart enough to not be able to come back as a wight.

sadim ducks in to say...

Posted May 24, 2016
First cousins = gross?

For this lot, that's quite a distant relationship, when you consider the Targaryans, and the Lannisters, and Craster and his Daughter-wives ...

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted May 24, 2016
STILL GROSS.

J + S = PURE SIBLING LOVE, THAT IS ALL.

seekanny the obvious states..... mumbles...

Posted May 24, 2016
and what about the six-fingered psychopath offspring?? re the Twincesters? = boo hiss Joffrey?

Respond to this thread

Barnesm swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 24, 2016
"chopped meat and two veg were thrown unseasoned onto an Essos barbeque by a Masterchef contestant disqualifed for sauce-ery". Ladies and Gentlemen we have a weiner!

but the highlight for me Bryden The Blackfish Tully is back after being last heard escaping with his armed men from the Red Wedding. YAY.

girlclumsy mutters...

Posted May 24, 2016
Heh. Weiner. Snigger.

sadim mumbles...

Posted May 24, 2016
Ah, we only have Littlefinger's word that the Blackfish is back in the game ...

girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted May 24, 2016
OMG YOU'RE RIGHT. BASTARD COULD BE PLAYING US.

Respond to this thread

Stephen puts forth...

Posted May 24, 2016
Ah yes, Kinvara's instagram-worthy....um, eyebrows. Yes, eyebrows...I'm sure that was it.

Ken Father of Dire Wolves would have you know...

Posted May 24, 2016
Yes, I'm sure it was the eyebrows, totally mesmerising they were. I'm certainly not thinking of her running with those eyebrows.

girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted May 24, 2016
Salma Hayek had it ALL going on.

Respond to this thread

PK ducks in to say...

Posted May 24, 2016
Yeah we knew something really bad was coming after the Sansa/Jon joyous reunion. You can picture GRRM chuckling to himself as he set us up for that one.

girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted May 24, 2016
But was it Georgie Porgie? Or was it Benioff and Weiss? WHO IS RESPONSIBLE?!?!

Lady EFL is gonna tell you...

Posted May 24, 2016
I read somewhere that B and W said in 'Inside Game of Thrones' that it was GRRM (the world's most prolific serial killer) who is to blame

girlclumsy reckons...

Posted May 24, 2016
Makes sense.

Respond to this thread

Rhino would have you know...

Posted May 24, 2016
If Bran has the mark of the Night King on his forearm, what is to stop them from tracking them across the ice? Not as if that girl has the same upper body strength as Hodor ... how fast is she going to be able to drag him anyway?

girlclumsy reckons...

Posted May 24, 2016
These are all excellent points. Let's hope they're just a bit distracted.

kate has opinions thus...

Posted May 24, 2016
Ah yes, Meera may not have the same strength as Hodor (bless him, I cry buckets) but it is amazing what adrenalin does to a person and boy, would she have adrenalin shooting through her veins.... plus she would be sliding the sled mostly on ice which would make it easier than through dirt and rocks...

ps it is a tv show that has dragons, white walkers, wights, children of the forest and a 1,000 year old 3 eyed raven... a person has to suspend disbelief and some credibility in reality when watching it...

Steve ducks in to say...

Posted May 26, 2016
I have it on good authority (imdb.com) that Uncle Benjen arrives to help Meera and Bran.

Respond to this thread

Rob the Merciless mutters...

Posted May 24, 2016
And it was brilliant.

All the flim flammery and slackness of recent seasons cut away, twas a return to the essence of Thrones.

And it was magnificent.

In truth Hodor was never a great character, just a lumbering simpleton. But his death, his destiny fulfilled, tied it all together so superbly with more pathos than Shakespeare (and Ned MacBeth).

Now have Tormund become a Walker or Zombie and fight Brienne to the death.

You know you want it.

Ken Father of Dire Wolves would have you know...

Posted May 24, 2016
Like a Klingonesque mating scene, to the death.

girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted May 24, 2016
No, I want them to live happily ever after fighting bad guys and having big badass babies.

Respond to this thread

vitas is gonna tell you...

Posted May 24, 2016
Some dong action for the ladies.

That Sansa scene though, holy shot, that has to be the most powerful in the whole show. As a dude I can't fathom what some women have gone through, but geez,,,

I hope Ayra stays a Stark. It seems she can't fully commit to Mr Miyagi's Jedi School. She just wants some Badlands action, but without the discipline.

vitas asserts...

Posted May 24, 2016
Also saw this (in an inferior recap) elsewhere:


Novelist Michael Ventrella told a story on his personal blog in April 2014 about meeting George R. R. Martin at a convention in the fall of 2013 and sharing a not-very-funny joke about being an elevator operator as a fallback career. According to Ventrella, the conversation continued with this exchange:

Ventrella: I was thinking about your comment about wanting to be an elevator operator. It's clear to me now that "Hodor" is short for "Hold the door."

Martin: (laughing) You don't know how close to the truth you are

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted May 24, 2016
MIND. BLOWN.

Mother of nothing has opinions thus...

Posted May 25, 2016
" A bit of dong action for the ladies" There is so much like of insight in that statement I'm really not quite sure where to start. One simply does not expect to see A dangly pair of testicles and foreskin in medical detail displayed for quite some time on one's TV screen. I was so stunned I had to rewind it and just make sure that I actually saw what I thought I saw, and not -for example- a dead chicken's neck. It's certainly wasn't a pleasant sight, and not one that I would suffer from not having seen again. Men's bits simply aren't attractive. No need to keep equity with women's bits thanks anyway GoT.

Mother of nothing. is gonna tell you...

Posted May 25, 2016
Bugger, reading below that will teach me for writing before I read the whole thread

vitas ducks in to say...

Posted May 25, 2016
Yeh, tounge was planted firmly in cheek

Respond to this thread

Ms. Naughty is gonna tell you...

Posted May 24, 2016
Poor Hodor. The idea of his entire life being an eternal loop, that his destiny was always to die like that... And perhaps more horrifying, did he spend his entire life knowing about the moment of his death?

I must admit, I'm almost a bit disappointed that this is how Hodor's story turned out. I was hoping that Bran could restore his speech, that he would be able to tell us something about the past, that he would have one great secret to tell us all. Instead, we have simple bravery and a desire to help. Which should be enough, I know.

Also interesting: this theory from 3 years ago that was half right about "hold the door"
http://winryrockbells.tumblr.com/post/45875388824/i-have-a-theory-on-aegon-theres-a-boy-claimed

And that scene with Sansa and Littlefinger. Wow. So beautifully done.

One more thing: After all the clamouring for more full-frontal male nudity, they give us a closeup of a penis accompanied by talk of warts. How nice of them. I've seen people say this is the writers giving us "equal opportunity nudity." Bollocks. In contrast, the flashes of boobs this episode were still shot in an ogling way. Why can't we just have some decent, female-gaze-oriented male nudity? Jon Snow's bum glimpse was glorious but one crack does not a summer make.

kate ducks in to say...

Posted May 24, 2016
Ms Naughty, the problem with male nudity is that it is hard (pun intended) to make it look attractive on film. Buttocks yes but the front, not so much. When flaccid, just look limp sausage and accompanied by swollen plum like objects... when erect, looks red and veiny. Michelangelo made it work but he used artistic licence and it was carved in marble so no popping blood vessels. I am all for equal opportunity but it is hard to get the right angles.

Ms. Naughty mumbles...

Posted May 24, 2016
I've spent the last five years filming male and female nudity and, rest assured, a penis can look perfectly lovely on film, flaccid or erect. The problem isn't how it looks, it's with people's attitudes to penises and male bodies. Society tells us that only women's bodies are worth looking at and I know it's just not true. Thus, my call for a bit more female-gaze-type ogling opportunities. The other problem is censorship which won't allow an erect penis to be shown because that makes it porn. And then there's the whole issue of getting your actor to HAVE an erect penis when shooting, which is tricky in any situation. But still, I'm totally up for seeing Daario starkers at any opportunity.

girlclumsy asserts...

Posted May 24, 2016
Interesting thread. Ms Naughty, I feel you should send me some of your intelligent films featuring male nudity. I can examine them critically for you.

In terms of wangs on screen - my theory as a director for the stage has been the following:

Female genitals are seen as POWERFUL (giver of life etc) or TERRIFYING (mysterious, entrapment etc).

Male genitals are seen as STRONG (testosterone, power, dominance) or HILARIOUS (they look funny, it hurts when you whack them and that is sensational).

Somewhere in the difference between those two is why female nudity is more tolerated than male. Also because traditionally it's been blokes in charge, of course. :)

Second-rate thespian mumbles...

Posted May 26, 2016
Well ladies, you wanted some male nudity. You got it, warts and all!

Kharl Drogo's other wife ducks in to say...

Posted May 27, 2016
Didn't we see Hodor's wang in season2??

Joffrey's Heimlich Manouevre mutters...

Posted May 30, 2016
Indeed we did, and very impressive it was too.

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Ken Father of Dire Wolves mumbles...

Posted May 24, 2016
A magnificent and heart felt recap. The love, the duty, the selfish stupidity for which we all pay, Grand sacrifices amongst the indifferent brutality. You've encapsulated it all. How you managed to emerge from the pit of despairany caring being now finds themselves to present your observations is astound.


All my life I've generally been a very polite person, always saying please and thank you, giving up my seat for the ELDERLY, pregnant mothers and physically impaied. But now I must of needs appear rude and uncaring, no longer on leaving or entering will I be able to Hold The Door. Such an act would reduce me to an almost comatose tightly curled puddle of tears wracked by anguished sobs. Of course that presumes I'm able to emerge from my bed where I lie wracked by anguished sobs in a tightly curled puddle of tears clinging to my own dire wolf Freyja, descendent of my Skadi the goddess of winter. .............Oh Winter! you magnificent brave and selfless beast. You're watch has ended. May you retire to soft fluffy snowfields of snow bunnies, log fires, mulled wine and log fires.


girlclumsy asserts...

Posted May 24, 2016
Yep. No more mercy shown to the elderly or pregnant mothers. My mental state can't handle it. ;)

Stephen has opinions thus...

Posted May 24, 2016
You have to admire the self-restraint of writing that separates a set-up and pay-off with five-and-a-half seasons of intervening story. Even more admirable, that Hodor's mumbled 'hodors' were something of a running joke was a genius piece of misdirection that invested the final revelation with so much epic tragedy. GOT's best (and saddest) moment for me.

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Emma asserts...

Posted May 24, 2016
Brilliant recap as always. That Sansa/Baelish scene - calling him out on selling her for some power grab left me in awe. Makes you wonder how many girls he's handed over to sadists over the years.

But how did Baelish get to Molestown so fast? It took Tyrion and Bronn almost a season to travel into the Vale. And two seasons or so for Arya, Brienne, Jaime, etc, to move around Westoros but now people pop up all over the place within a day or two. Have they found a teleporter in a cupboard somewhere?

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted May 24, 2016
Yep, more convenient pacing issues. But we just have to overlook them. :)

she_jedi is gonna tell you...

Posted May 24, 2016
it could be implausibly argued that Baelish had the advantages of being on horseback, not needing to hide from a bunch of scary people wanting to kill him, and having the resources to travel overnight if he needed to, whereas everyone else was on foot, on the run, and foraging for food when they made their journeys. But yeah, pacing issues :)

Mike mutters...

Posted May 24, 2016
To be fair, several of the last few episodes continued straight after each other, where as in Mereen this week they state "two weeks of peace"

girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 24, 2016
Well spotted, Eagle Ears Mike!

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wendyemily mumbles...

Posted May 24, 2016
Tragedy, thy name is Game of Thrones! Poor Hodor, a simple but brave man, dying to save his master from his own stupidity. Bran should never have taken a bite of the Apple that caused the Zombie horde to find them. But of course, teenagers! What can you say? They always know best, until they don't. So very sad.

As for the rest of the ep, I loved Dany saying goodbye to Ser Jorah. It was a romantic moment and we know we will see him back, all cured and ready to stand by her side once again.

And what can I say about Sansa and her take down of the evil Petyr?
I must admit to being somewhat disappointed that she didn't let Brienne slice his sleazy, scheming head off! Now that would have been payback. I don't trust him and hope Sansa is very wary of anything he says. I am not happy about Brienne leaving her as I have a sick feeling in my stomach that she may not come back.
After all in the books.....

Still I do think this is the best season ever and it's all bringing it all together for an epic battle for Winterfell. The good guys had better win this time!

And as always, Nat, I would give you my dire wolf fur cape (if I had one) for your excellent recap.

girlclumsy reckons...

Posted May 24, 2016
Nawww, thank you Emily. :)

kate reckons...

Posted May 24, 2016
Gosh, what a 180 for Sophie Turner, the actress who plays Sansa... in the first few seasons, she got hate mail from fans who didn't like her character as she was a rose coloured glasses spoilt girl who idolised Joffrey.

Now she is really showing her great acting skills and I am saw all the previous haters are well and truly on her side...

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Halwes asserts...

Posted May 24, 2016
Where's NBlob? Have the conservatives placed him in a secure facility for the duration of the election campaign ( read waterboarding and sensory deprivation) for his own good of course just in case he decides to get onto an old boat and fuck off somewhere.

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Blue has opinions thus...

Posted May 24, 2016
I'm disappointed with the Kings Moot. The introduction of Euron was weak. Very weak. In the books it was far more grand and spectacular, with a meatier back story, a whole posse of interesting henchmen, and a mighty horn said to control dragons (which is more convincing than just "I'll go marry the mother of dragons"). I was looking forward to this scene but the show let me down.

(Note re horns: the horn of Joramun is still to be found - I predict the white walkers have it and will use it to bring down the wall)

Also - wights climbing along the walls and ceiling as fast as others can run on the ground? WTF? They've previously been stopped by a simple wooden barricade, so where does this sudden gravity-defying agility come from? I hated it with the orcs/goblins in LOTR's Moria, and I hate it just as much in GoT. Rubbish like this ruins an episode for me.

Those gripes aside, Sansa's confrontation with Baelish was cool; just a shame she still succumbs immediately to his manipulation. And the Hodor incident was very cool.

Bran - he and Meera will obviously need some immediate help to survive. Even if they get a head start on the Others, Meera dragging the stretcher through the snow is not exactly a hard trail to follow (not to mention Bran's white walker brand). I'm guessing Coldhands or Benjen Stark will make an appearance to save the day.

Finally, I concur with the ladies - a warty wang is not much compensation for all the glorious boobs that us guys get to enjoy. And the theatre actress playing Sansa put on a very nice display that even warranted a brief replay in my household.

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girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted May 24, 2016
The screen cap function definitely got a workout on my computer. That may have been what caused it to freeze halfway through my recap, come to think of it.

I enjoyed the King's Moot probably because I *haven't* read the book. And the Meth Den Destructo-thon didn't bug me because I was so invested in Bran, Meera and Hodor getting the hell out of there.

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Springfield Fats would have you know...

Posted May 24, 2016
Nice recap. You touched on my clear take away from this episode, do not, under any circumstances, get involved with the Stark family. Their baffling and continuing stupidity has killed tens of thousands and curses all those around them from the highest born to the simplest.

I have renamed them the Ebola family and I'm cheering for anyone in Westros who is struggling to erase this curse upon the land.

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girlclumsy puts forth...

Posted May 24, 2016
Boooooo. The Starks are awesome. The Ascendancy is ON! :P

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Lady EFL is gonna tell you...

Posted May 24, 2016
HODOR ..... NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

How many times can this show we love tear our hearts out and stomp them into the ground before we shatter into a thousand pieces like a white walker with a dragonglass blade through it's chest? At least his death had some meaning which cannot be said for so many other beloved characters we have lost over the years.

Am loving the new strong Sansa (suck it Baelish!) even if she did have to wade through a river of horror, torment and BOO HISS Ramsay nastiness to get this point.

Lady EFL swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 24, 2016
*sigh* its not it's. Grammar part of brain not functioning right now due to extreme distress and sobbing

girlclumsy has opinions thus...

Posted May 24, 2016
Believe me, I spend about six/seven hours writing the recap, then another hour fixing all of my mistakes. :)

Lady EFL ducks in to say...

Posted May 24, 2016
Your recaps are my therapy Nat. There really should be GOT trauma support groups set up everywhere ....

girlclumsy reckons...

Posted May 24, 2016
Hence this comment thread and my Facebook page! :)

Lady EFL ducks in to say...

Posted May 24, 2016
Indeed ;-)

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Ned's dead baby, Ned's dead asserts...

Posted May 24, 2016
Did anyone else wonder if the reason Sansa can still feel what me old mate Ramsay did to her......... is because she's knocked up?

girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted May 24, 2016
I CANNOT EVEN BEAR TO CONTEMPLATE THIS.

Springfield Fats asserts...

Posted May 24, 2016
I think that was heavily implied both by the way they said it and the very pregnant pause of the camera on her afterwards.

Lady EFL has opinions thus...

Posted May 24, 2016
Oh dear God PLEASE NO! Give Sansa a break for heaven's sake!

Ned's dead baby, Ned's dead reckons...

Posted May 24, 2016
Yeah, I'm imagining a future scene re-enacting alien but with a mini Ramsay

girlclumsy mumbles...

Posted May 24, 2016
LA LA LA LA NOT LISTENING NOT LISTENING LA LA LA LA

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she_jedi asserts...

Posted May 24, 2016
A perfectly lovely man held the door for me as I came in to work today; I must have looked traumatised, because he looked rather startled as I thanked him. People say it's just a TV show, BUT IT HAS REAL WORLD FEELS GODDAMMIT!

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted May 24, 2016
HBO, Martin.... none of them consider the very real impacts big decisions like this have. It's like the butterfly flapping its wings...

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Matt has opinions thus...

Posted May 24, 2016
The White Walkers share an origin story with cane toads.

girlclumsy is gonna tell you...

Posted May 24, 2016
TRUTH.

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Véronique de la Neige ducks in to say...

Posted May 24, 2016
Another brilliant recap of a brilliant episode! Absolutely loved the Sansa and Littlefinger scene. #teamsansa! (BTW, my prediction is Jon and Daenerys, per R+L=J.) I'm a little disturbed about the spanning of vast distances myself. How far is it from Castle Black to Riverrun? A couple thousand leagues? I also predict that Arya will "fail" her ninja course, retrieve Needle, and get back to sticking real enemies with the pointy end. The Stark reunion has begun. Will it also include Nymeria? We're running out of wolves!

BTW, the "bony/sticky crown" is the Driftwood Crown. Not really much of a crown, but the Ironmen don't go in for frou frou. I did like the kingsmoot scene, but Euron is more annoying than most Ironmen.

My beloved and I went out to dinner and toasted Hodor. He will live forever in our hearts! Maybe in flashbacks too.

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girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted May 24, 2016
But if R+L = J, that makes Daenarys Jon's aunt. Like, GROSS. No way.

Jon shall have no other girlfriend but Ygritte. Or maybe me. Yes, definitely me.

Nice touch having a celebrating dinner for Hodor. I expect cocktails to be named after him.

Véronique de la Neige ducks in to say...

Posted May 26, 2016
But Jon and Daenerys together would be so Targaryen!

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mandos swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 24, 2016
As Euron orders the weaving of sails and the cutting of trees for a 1000 ships my thought is...does he know there is less than 2 seasons left in this story - who does he think he is!!

RET puts forth...

Posted May 24, 2016
Did anyone else think "Easter Island" at that point?

Beth McKinlay swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 24, 2016
Yes!! That was exactly what sprang to my mind!!!

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TL swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 24, 2016
"Vulvic fortitude" is definitely the most apt phrase I've heard in a long time.
I doff my cap...

girlclumsy ducks in to say...

Posted May 25, 2016

Thank you, TL! That one seems to have been bypassed. I made myself laugh with that one. :)

I May Be Some Time swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 26, 2016
"Vulvic fortitude" deserves to be raised into the general lexicon - included in the Macquarie Dictionary next year!

With your permission I intend to use it at every opportunity!

And combined with 'girding my loins' and 'pounding' ... anyhoo...

Don't know what the equivalent of "growing a pair" should be...

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SZF swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 24, 2016
I'm guessing Theon and Yara will head off to Mereen, conveniently replacing Daenerys' fleet that was crisped a couple of eps ago.

Unfortunately, if the Greyjoy siblings get into her good graces it'll probably mean no future scene where Euron tries to woo her with his, "Check out me cock, luv!", schtick. Daenarys just LOVES guys who take that approach (Master Kraznys, every Khal not named Drogo, etc)...

girlclumsy would have you know...

Posted May 25, 2016
Oooh, the prospect of Yara and Dany hooking up has me GAGA....

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struds has opinions thus...

Posted May 24, 2016
Oh Hodor! So noble.

We didn't *actually* see him die, so I wonder if he will prevail in some form (hopefully not white!)

The whole paradox of his condition being a result (?) of Bran's warging has left me reeling in the most unflattering Inception-y way.

Tormund's lusty side eye to Brienne was a definite highlight.

Keep up the great work Nat!

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flöki snöw has opinions thus...

Posted May 24, 2016
Tormund ogling Brienne once more...........he's such a smouldering romantic, how long till he asks Bri if she wants to see his giants bane or does he romance her with his tale of fooking a bear,

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krangsquared is gonna tell you...

Posted May 25, 2016
As I watched that Dany and Jora scene, I was wishing for an edit where as Jora says "I'll always love you." ... and then... that DRUM HIT... WHITNEY HOUSTON KICKS IN

(googles).. ah, turns out someone's already used it earlier! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmM4QRsT_YE#t=27s

But still, dear Interwebs, I want my S06E05 Dany/Jora scene WHITNEY HOUSTON EDIT. I want that Pleeaaaase!

girlclumsy asserts...

Posted May 25, 2016
That clip is great!

But yes, hurry up internet, we must have more!

she_jedi mumbles...

Posted May 26, 2016
There's a fantastic mashup of Tormienne!

https://youtu.be/iAsg7jbNlMA

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GOT Addicted is gonna tell you...

Posted May 25, 2016
Is it possible the Night's King, branded Bran, and purposefully let him escape, so that they would go to the other side of the wall, and thus render the magic that keeps them on winters side useless. No need for a horn, just use a silly little boy to bring the wall down. The tragedy of the stark family, is that the more they try to make things right, the more they hinder the light. Wouldn't it be ironic that Bran was the cause of the Mad King as well. Warging where he shouldn't be when he shouldn't be.

The most poignant scene for me was Jorah, being sent to cure his blight. The look on Jorah's face as his beloved Khaleesi, acknowledges her feelings and opens her heart towards him. He will find the cure! The love of a woman can drive a man mad, or inspire him to ever greater heights.

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Maddoug reckons...

Posted May 25, 2016
Two words.....



Zombie Direwolf.

girlclumsy swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted May 25, 2016
NOPE NOPE NOPE

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George is gonna tell you...

Posted May 25, 2016
So the White Walkers are the "Cane Toads" of Westeros.
Does this mean Greyscale is the "Khaleesi Virus"?

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M'lady is gonna tell you...

Posted May 25, 2016
as always. Tried reading others because I needed further post-episode therapy but they were all inferior. One thing I wasn't sure about is the Jeor / Jorah / Sam thingy you mentioned. Is that something that happened in the books only? Because in the show I thought Tyrion already told Jorah about his father's death? Am sure it can no doubt be worked into the story in any event but wasn't sure if id missed something somewhere along the way? Have I? HAVE I?!? Help!

she_jedi asserts...

Posted May 26, 2016
Nope you are totally right, Tyrion has already broken the news to Jorah. I suspect Nat was too traumatised to remember that clearly, but you are NOT going insane :)

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George asserts...

Posted May 25, 2016
So that means the White walkers are the "Cane Toads" of Westeros, thanks to the Children of the Forest. I wonder if Greyscale is some sort of "Khaleesi Virus"

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Jim Kellam would have you know...

Posted May 27, 2016
I like the way you slipped in "ourobouros" myself.

Watched this episode tonight in a pizza place in Buenos Aires (that's been around since 1932 - the pizza place not BA) on my iPad with headphones on while eating a half tuna, onion & olive and half chicken & artichoke pizza while pandemonium reigned around me. The place is more popular than a Baelish brothel before a beheading.

Ideally would have watched it on Easter Island a few days ago but the weather was shit there and apparently when the weather there is shit, so is the internet.

Internet Morghulis indeed.

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