Cheeseburger Gothic

I smashed this avo toast think piece. Smashed it good

Posted October 18 into Blunty by John Birmingham

It was this, or West Papua. I went with the option all the playground was talking about. Even Murph, although he's mostly talking about what an abomination avocado toast really is.

Too late, Murph. The invasion of your food culture has begun.

There is no such thing as twenty-two dollar avocado toast. But maybe there should be. Ridonculous demographer Humbert Blowave may simply have been meeting his clickbait KPIs when he set the dumpster on fire over the weekend, claiming that kids these days should be driving trucks for their country and negatively gearing their second McMansion instead of galavanting about the boulevards combing truffled avo toast from their hipster beards – but his was the hot take we desperately needed.

At Blunty.

16 Responses to ‘I smashed this avo toast think piece. Smashed it good’

insomniac mutters...

Posted October 18
It needs an identifying name if it wants to take the mantle from spag bol, otherwise no chance. Smavoto? Smav?

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Murphy_of_Missouri mutters...

Posted October 18
Avocado is a blight upon the eye, and a plague upon the palate. The green, slime like texture is cold on the tongue, which at least has the benefit of not feeling like someone has dropped a turd directly into one's mouth. It looks like vomit on bread, and I would call it shit on a shingle if that title had not already been claimed by a far more worthy dish.


As with the tulip bubble, I predict the avocado con ruined toast bubble will pop long before the blight of it ruins the food scene here in the Giant Gerbil Cage of the Midwestern Wastes.

jl mumbles...

Posted October 18
I dunno, maybe avocado toast with Ranch dressing would be okay.

Murphy_of_Missouri swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted October 19
The best way to eat ranch is to throw it in the trash and get something else instead.

jl is gonna tell you...

Posted October 19
Sacrilege! Ranch goes with everything!

Murphy_of_Missouri puts forth...

Posted October 20
No. Pretty sure it goes with nothing.

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JBtoo asserts...

Posted October 18
Yay Blunty's back!
Although, I'm with Murph - avocado is an abomination, especially when smashed. Haloumi though is another matter entirely.

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ronS asserts...

Posted October 18
Sydneysiders are being taken for a ride. In Newcastle I had two eggs, smoked salmon and smashed avocado on Turkish for $8.50 a month ago. It was a breakfast special but you don't need to be ripped off.

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Rhino mumbles...

Posted October 19
Why is this even a thing?

The only thing that belongs on toast are fried eggs, over medium, and bacon.

Is there estrogen in the water down there or something?

Murphy_of_Missouri ducks in to say...

Posted October 19
Rhino, you've got it wrong. There is water in their estrogen, just a little bit of it.

damian would have you know...

Posted October 19
Fried eggs over easy, while fine things in their own right, are an unsuitable texture for toast and a poor medium for the requisite fresh-ground pepper. Poached in apple cider vinegar with tarragon, or soft-boiled and sliced is the ticket (at least as a stop-gap when avocados are out of season). The toast should be a hard but airy ciabatta. The egg (or avocado) can be topped with a fresh salsa of 2:1 chopped tomato and onion, thinned with a little balsamic vinegar. Basil, mint or coriander (that's cilantro for the philistines) could be used as a garnish or chopped in salsa or avocado. Crispy bacon could be included, but if you're going to do that there's not much point in not also doing fried tomatoes, sausages, steak, potatoes fried in mushroom and garlic, barbecued field mushrooms and of course then you need a plate full of thick-sliced toasted white bread, muesli with fruit and custard, a pot of coffee and a pitcher of orange juice. Some would include baked beans too - but there's just no accounting for some people. Vegemite toast to finish off and you're set up for the day just nicely. Most people should be able to last almost till lunchtime.

Murphy_of_Missouri mutters...

Posted October 20
Fuck me, I thought I was food snob. Where is Boylan when you need him?

insomniac reckons...

Posted October 20
The real question is what the perfect vegemite toast is. While I prefer a lighter toast than ms insomniac, it always needs to be warm when buttering, and it has to be butter, before spreading a thick slather of vegemite, not right to the edge because you need somewhere to get a handhold of this delicious breakfast of champions.

Murphy_of_Missouri is gonna tell you...

Posted October 20
Vegemite comes from the ass end of dead dropbears, right?

insomniac would have you know...

Posted October 20
Well yes, but only after mixing it with vaseline

damian has opinions thus...

Posted October 20
"Sorry mate, you're not getting lube"

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