Cheeseburger Gothic

War on the possums

Posted March 5 by John Birmingham

It never ends. But I have opened, or rather closed, a new front. Hired a carpenter to come in last week and close up the two holes the little bastards have been using to get in under the rear of the house.

Fingers crossed, we haven't had any more furry intruders since.

I so wish it was legal to discharge shotguns in the house.

13 Responses to ‘War on the possums’

jason swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 6
What bizarre world do you live in where it is illegal to defend your house from possums using whatever weaponry is necessary.

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Bondiboy66 asserts...

Posted March 6
I have just read about Dragons Breath shotgun ammo - they'd do the job, but you may burn your house down.

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Leftarc puts forth...

Posted March 6
Tasers.

Or just take off and nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

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insomniac would have you know...

Posted March 6
What you're going to have to do is introduce a predator species into your house, and a minute or two of googling indicates you will need at least one of eagles/hawks, foxes/dingoes, pythons, and for some reason, quolls. What could possibly go wrong?

Dave W puts forth...

Posted March 6
Once the pythons get out of control you'll need to introduce mongoose.

From there it's an escalation that only ends with ceding the territory to the colony of honey badgers

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Murphy_of_Missouri asserts...

Posted March 8
I'd come and shoot the fuckers with my Remington semi-auto shotgun, or my Smith and Wesson M&P15, but, well, the Viper is still in the shop, and folks frown on bringing such things on planes, or to your country.

Sorry, mate.

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Lulu mutters...

Posted March 9
What you need is a cat like the one my old housemate had, many years ago. He (cat, not housemate) could occasionally leave pieces of possum (or mouse, or rat) lying around, like surprise treats.

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Ceramic mumbles...

Posted March 12
A can of bug spray and a lighter did it for one bloke up north haha. I mean cockaroaches are worse than possums. In a can survive the end of the world kind of way.

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HAVOCK21 mutters...

Posted March 12
I'll lend ya me 7mm rem magnum. At 50 yards its gunna be doing about 2800 feet per second and will tickle the fkr with 3000 foot pounds per square inch of fkn dont come back. Its really going to send him into orbit, make a cap of his carcass and atomise him rather swiftly.

Now having said that, there is every....possibility you might take the roof of, deafen ya neighbours and have some visitors in blue!

Bangar ducks in to say...

Posted March 17
Sounds like a perfect round it'll kill, skin, gut and bury the buggers ;)

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Brother PorkChop is gonna tell you...

Posted March 16
I have a family of 3 possums living in the roller door of my shed which is fine but whenever I feel the need, I go out and run it up and down a few times just to piss them off. Mainly because they frighten the shit out of me at night time when they stalk me while shutting the chickens away.

NBlob puts forth...

Posted March 27
BPC raises an interesting question; can one take a full measure of satisfaction from tormenting those which lack the mental acuity to grasp that it is actually You f*cking with them, not just a capricious deity or life's general suckage. I like to tear the wings off March flies, I justify this by believing they can re-animate from the most viscous thong-based smotage (shower sandle for USAnians, jandle for kiwis) but I digress. In reality I de-wing the vicious little f*ckers because I revel in their agony, how they become the opposite of nominative determinism. Walk you little assholes.

Bangar ducks in to say...

Posted April 1
I'll save you some time NB you only need to take one wing for your trophy wall to make them March walks

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