Cheeseburger Gothic

A slobber of mots

Posted March 13, 2018 into Blunty by John Birmingham

Brisbane has been struggling through a crime wave. Even better it's a foreign crime wave. Even betterer again, the foreigners are Irish and they've mostly been scamming food and drink, and stuffing too many potatoes in the toilet.

I decided this was definitely a topic for The Instrument. Unfortunately the sensivity protocols at Fairfax didnt allow me to go competely to town. I had to change the phrase a 'slobber of skankapotamusses' to a 'slobber of mots', which is more cullturally appropropriate, and actually scans a lot smoother.

For too long now, or since January anyway, bar and cafe owners have lived in constant fear of brassy Irish scrubbers rolling into their establishments at all hours of the afternoon and demanding free drinks and sandwiches to make up for all the drinks and sandwiches they ate yesterday that were full of broken glass to hear them tell of it.

This same slobber of mots have routinely stuffed dozens of tubes of Pringles into the oversized nappy bags on their robbery prams while honest Brisbane shopkeepers have been distracted by the shenanigans of their tiny feckin snot-nosed barrow-wights.

The rest is at Blunty.

6 Responses to ‘A slobber of mots’

jl puts forth...

Posted March 13, 2018
This gave me a great chance to polish up on past Blunties. Thanks, JB!

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Therbs swirls their brandy and claims...

Posted March 13, 2018
Irish griftopuss pikey types skiving off Queenslanders and trying to turn toilets into potato factories?
A disturbing story no Australian can afford to miss.

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Nocturnalist mutters...

Posted March 13, 2018
Anyone else have a certain Jane's Addiction song start up in their head when they read that second para?

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Bondiboy66 would have you know...

Posted March 13, 2018
"Barrow wights' as children - very accurate!

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Leftarc mutters...

Posted March 13, 2018
Surprised its a crime wave in the first place.
Imagine if it was a group of Sudanese youth as opposed to white women with ankle biters as accessories and accomplices.

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Brother PorkChop mutters...

Posted March 16, 2018
Ned Kelly clearly took offense at your finely wrought article JB. I am so going to town with my mate Sinead with this. A brief story about Sinead Margerite Neville. Blonde, Irish and lots of fun. Married an Aussie and decided to become a citizen. At the ceremony in North Lakes/Caboolture, they read her name out as (phonetically) Sinnyad Magreetie Nevillay - the reason was that pretty much the rest of the new citizens were of Indian and Sri Lankan descent and thought she was as well.

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