Cheeseburger Gothic

The cage, he assured a mortified human race, “was never used and we have no plans for usage”

Posted May 15 by John Birmingham

Did a quick bit for my brother's site about an Amazon patent for 'caged workers'.

Robots will probably kill us all one day — but first, they’ll put us in cages. A truly forward-thinking entrepreneur would get in on this exciting opportunity to grab the first-mover advantage in the cutting edge field of robot slave/worker drone relationships … and a truly forward-thinking entrepreneur did.

Jeff Bezos, come on down!

In 2016, one of the sentient organ banks from Amazon’s terrifying legal division filed a patent application to secure the intriguing idea of caging warehouse workers in the Beast of Bezos’s fulfillment centres. Not because they might run away when they realised what sort of gig they’d signed on for, but because killer robots on the warehouse floor might hyper-efficiently package them up and despatch them in a small cardboard box, overnight, anywhere in the continental US.

Resistance is futile.

which50.com

4 Responses to ‘The cage, he assured a mortified human race, “was never used and we have no plans for usage”’

insomniac reckons...

Posted May 15
Having a patent is a negative right, so Amazon don't specifically have a right to use this technology, but they can prevent others from developing it, so they're the good guys, right? Right?

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jl has opinions thus...

Posted May 15
Holy. Sh*t.

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Naut has opinions thus...

Posted May 15
I have worked at some places that should consider launching a patent dispute

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Therbs reckons...

Posted May 15
The cage looks like a chicken wire dunny construction with a mechanical claw for arse wiping. Its the kind of thing a thirst maddened bushie with a near-death grin would put together after reading a compilation of Barnaby Joyce tweets.
Everyone knows mechanical claws are only good at shit picking, not wiping. That's why the design was rejected.

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